Dr. Cloud's book, Integrity, was life-changing for me. It was a real guide and map to acquire integrity. It's not something that an individual automatically has, but CAN be learned at any age. A transformative book!!
LOVE Dr. Cloud! When he says that he's not helping his daughter... oh YES HE IS! He's helping her build resilience, he's helping her with adjusting into the real world, he's helping her to adult! The other person who called Dr. Cloud harsh probably did not recognize the long term help Dr. Cloud is providing to his daughter.
I am so glad that I have my Savior, whom I can trust completely, in all things and all relationships, and the whole council of God in His word to live by.
Forgiveness is only deserved when the offender truly, wholeheartedly repents. Read your Bible. You have no obligation to just forgive. It is actually detrimental to the offender's spiritual growth.
(45:00) "Forgiveness is about the past. Trust is about the future." This is nothing short of prophetic for my life at the moment, within the context of some dramas I'm going through. Interesting discussion. Thanks for your (collective) efforts.
Hallelujah! I just loved the last comments to invite a pattern check-in, involving trust. However, I am concerned that there aren't very many patterns besides being overly trusting of people and too revealing of my personal life. And most of the time, that went very well in my relationships.... Until further down the road, I realized that I excel in trustworthiness and my relationships were always a crap shoot. Perhaps hastiness was the culprit!
I've so needed this! I can't even begin to fully explain. However it seems I've never understood how I should trust someone because I wasn't taught in my childhood. It was always paired with manipulation or just doing because of obedience. So even though I know Gd has always been with me I haven't known what it is to properly trust (and therefore maintain healthy boundaries). I'd just try to do the work of my job's contract per protocol. In marriage it's been about doing Gd's will, but I haven't really learned to even have a proper relationship with myself because the needs of others has been more important then mine. Of course I mattered somehow but I haven't understand when I sacrifice for the well being of another vs taking care of myself. I've always chased after love thinking love is the answer. It is. But it looks like love cannot be present without the trust being there first in a healthy relationship?. I'm on my second time listening to this video already in today's morning. I want to remember this information so I can verbalize it and remember it in my daily walk in Christ. 💘. Thank you for this video!
32:37 really hit home on an issue I was convicted on and have repented from. Dr.Cloud's advice to deal with conflict by truly hearing the other person and asking questions helps so much for dealing with a very difficult sibling.
Trust. My life went down the curb with trusting people. When i was a baby, toddler i had a perfect working 'gut feeling' and basically almost never trusted anyone, based on my gut feeling. After growing up, i was SOCIALIZED to 'fit in' in society. Big mistake! Socialization is the biggest mistake we ever made. It is a lie. We are all strangers to eachother and we did not grow up together since babyhood, so everyone is behaving as an apex predator, not as a friend, or potential friend. My experience... Most want to use you, without any intention to be a genuine friend. People who say > trust me... RUN AS FAR AND FAST AS YOU CAN.
@@maricamaas2326 I think he DID TRUST PEOPLE, otherwise he would of NOT BEING BETRAYED by one? Or more? I do not trust The Lord, who put all humans in a mess, because HE was the CREATOR of EVERYTHING and i do not TRUST ANYMORE HUMANS, because THE LORD made HUMANS who are not TRUSTWORTHY. I am done to trust. But i still make mistakes in trusting people and then...i could slap my face again...
I wish my boys could go outside for hours unsupervised and explore, create, but in today’s world it is not safe without a doubt. It’s not what it used to be where neighbors would watch out for each others children, mothers (parent) were home! Neighborhoods (communities) back in the day, watched out for most children. If women were respected more back in the day we wouldn’t have women working and away from there homes and children, were most women want to be, in the home. They have to prove there value to society. I can say this because I am a women. Our society as a foundation is so imbalanced in regards to family values, ethics and morals etc…Love your show! 😊
I agree. I am 66 and grew up in a small town, where the neighbor children could play together outside, and visit their friends. It was as you say, most mothers worked as stay at home mothers. THAT is a noble and necessary--VITAL--profession, and it should be respected by everyone. The truism/cliche 'the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world ' comes to mind. . . My point is the absolute necessity of mentally healthy parenting in the family of origin. With the omnipresence, generally, of technology today, specifically cell phones and computers, parenting, even with an adequately judicious effort and commitment, presents intrusive challenges which did not exist before. Add on to that a sped -up world, and both parents working outside the home, Very often, addictions to screens, and living in an urban environment and a society that is too often based on consumerism that tries to create desires by appealing to people's fears, and no wonder so many people do not live from the heart and with wisdom.
We all need to look out for each other's children and everyone needs community. We are in a state of transition that's not comfortable but we won't get there by going back. There should be one stay at home parent at home in each family and we should all be linking together to raise our children but that parent should be the one most willing, the one most dedicated to the children not necessarily the mother. Fathers deserve to participate in the day to day raising of babies and children and mothers should be able to support their families financially with meaningful work. And all of us need to redefine what our material needs are, separate from our wants in order to restore the small town community bonds we grew up with.
I often like to use the word "worthy" in place of "the right" or "entitled to" or "deserve" e.g. I am worthy of a good life" This implies that there is some amount of responsibility, on my part, to make whatever it is, happen. Was waiting for the "N" buzzword to come up, and it did. Not all ceo's are narcissists. We appreciate and TRUST Dr. Cloud's answer, based upon his professional experience, and having listened to him on New Life Live, and books. He's earned our regard over the years👍👏
Wow, today I just discovered him. How blessed anyone is to have his words if wisdom. I feel like he just shed light on what I have been struggling to find an answer to my whole life. Praise Gd for people who walk secure in Christ and shine their Gd given light in the world. Great saltiness here.
Wow just listening to this for a few minutes brought clarity and understanding about a recent issue i had with someone. . . I walked around a couple days vacillating between condemnation and questioning , so basically the confusion is cleared up with one thing Dr.Cloud pointed out. . . If somebody is being honest and they are trustworthy , questioning them shouldnt be a thing they take as offensive. . . Theyre fine being an open book with you -- transparent and willing to assure you that their motives and intentions are all for your well being. . . Not that accusatory or critical suspicions are at play on my part - but based on some past experiences with an individual - i needed assurance that those issues are resolved and are no longer of concern in regards to a healthy relationship going forward. When the person ducks out and regards questioning as an affront - thats a red flag for sure. But i will keep praying for him. I will never give up on my son. I know God is merciful and powerful.... at the same time i must stay out of Gods way and trust Him to take care of my son while i stand on the promises of God believing and trusting Him with my loved one.
I just bought your audiobook. Thank you for having this interview and sharing it on here. This has been something I am working. I was diagnosed severe depression and also have complex childhood trauma. I am so excited to get started. Thank you again!
This is a huge eye opener for me Dr Cloud. Thank you so much!❤ Fear in our life. "The greater our need the greater our fear is and greater our fear is the more our need" "Sometimes a fear of Abandonment means we'll put up with bad behavior out of the fear of not having"
That’s why we should provide for ourselves and not get demanding like parents need to give us love when we are grown up but train to provide for our inner child
I'm not quite sure we should trust in others nor even ourselves. Americans today resist any form of accountability and thus become loose cannons, dangerous even to themselves!
Trust in The Lord with ALL thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In ALL thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy ways. "Trust others only so far as you can forgive them."
Awesome. Thanks for watching. I’d like to encourage you to check out my latest book, Healing What You Can’t Erase: amzn.to/3VSXaPb. I think it will resonate with you as much as this interview did. Thanks again for watching.
Replay 💯 so far.. i use to Trust everyone and thing and i was targeted by a group of people very bad people and. And now healing from Trauma diagnosed PTSD
So what do you do if you are married to someone you don’t trust emotionally? They are just never present, and when they try to be it’s all out of people-pleasing, not true sincerity? Do you tell them you don’t trust them?
You just keep working on yourself, doing self healing, and your next step will be revealed. Talking to them about their actions won’t to change them. Getting into a good 12 step recovery group will help.
Welcome aboard! So thankful you’re here. I hope the channel helps you! I’d love for you to check out my forthcoming book, too. Get a FREE sneak peek at healingwhatyoucanterase.com. The book will be out March 19. Blessings to you!
My question is that the narcissistic people mirror and can completely scan you for your triggers etc , they suck you in with their faux intimacy, care etc . How does this process work with trust? it seems counterintuitive.
Great question. A big question. Developing discernment and learning to detect and respond to patterns of dysfunction. We see the world as we are, so the healthier we become, well more easily see chaos in relationships.
Amazing how Yah brings an answer when needed. I've been praying for the past couple days for wisdom and this video popped up in my feed. I did not even search this out. I am going to get the book and allow Yah to teach me. I am in a situation that I have something was exposed when I was not looking for it but the person denies and blames me for not trusting them. Thank you!
I definitely have commitment phobia.Have been betrayed too many times.I do not disclose my faults,sexual experience s to anyone who is anything other than a fully trained and registered therapist. Be exceptional cautious around this.There is much creepiness out there in all kinds of organisations. There is no serenity in this
Narcissists are all about themselves. No interest in you or your needs. It's never going to be an equal relationship and everything they find out about you will be used against you. As Dr cloud said, be shrewd. Listen to them and reflect back. Give them nothing about you. Trust is not on the cards and should never be expected in that relationship.
When dealing with a narcissist, should we ever let them know we think they are narcissistic? In other words, that we know the way they operate and we’re not “trusting” their “bull”, but we’re trying to mend the relationship.
The school yard is a waste. All of the most accomplished people in history started work early, were around adults most of the time, and held to high standards. Go. Read. Biographies. The school yard is just a sick place for kids to bang on eachother or practice on eachother the abuse brought on them by abusive families.
You may be right to a point. But Dr. White cloud seems to mean that it is a place to interact with peers and learn social skills, be challenged and grow. The caveat is that children need wise and responsive parents, school personnel and teachers, who can actually listen when problems occur and guide them, when necessary, in the art of problem solving..
It’s great to hear you both !! You are so right I have wounds of abandonment and have learned to compromise confronting in order to have peace and forgiving hoping but again I am facing being able to trust my boyfriend for the series of infidelity lock of commitment seeking a dream maybe looking for a mother figure which is his abandonment since childhood. What do I do ?! ⭐️🙏❤️🙏🕊
He has indicated to you who he is with you. Radically accept that, or not. You will not change him, nor should you seek to. Mutual radical acceptance of Reality is called for! Don't waste time if you are not willing to accept that behavior.
Talk to him.Go for a walk with him.Please communicate And please do not suddenly dump him.This is heartless and cruel.Explain that both of us might get very upset but isn't it true that we care for each other.I have been harshly dumped in the past and I think it's inhumane.
I agree that this guy is not worth your investment since he has proven to you that you are not worth his. Learn to believe what people DO vs. what they SAY. Very rarely do people's actions lie, but their words do all the time! I'd highly recommend going to see a therapist who can help you shore up your past personal issues and see your situation (and his) more objectively. In doing so, it will better equip you to make the right decision moving forward and to heal past wounds so you're not locked into relational destructive patterns. If you wanted to lose weight, but we're struggling, no one would think you were weird for recruiting a trainer, dietician, etc. to assist. Why don't we take the same approach with our mental health and relationships? 🤷🏼♀️
This is really good. However, what do you do when you have a fantastic teenage boy who is fetal alcohol affected with high anxiety and compulsive behaviors with an intense personality, because he wants so badly to impress someone his age and be accepted… but runs up against mean rejection constantly. Except with adults. They’re so impressed by him. He can hardly read and numbers mean nothing to him. But his creativity is out the roof. He’s an amazing musician, no lessons, his pitch is literally perfect. On our farm he’s unbelievable with the equipment. He runs every piece of equipment perfectly, he hears when something is wrong and knows exactly what it is. But he’s lonely for friendship and acceptance from his own age group. But their so mean and rude and hurtful. He’s a fabulous young man. He’s been ours since he was 3 weeks old and he is now 16. He’s so precious but so frustrated. He knows he’s different but longs to fit in.
I feel so bad for your son and I was wondering if you belong to a good church? Young Christian youth are usually a lot more understanding and accepting.
I just prayed for your teenager, that his peers would see and appreciate his unique gifts and talents and would treat him kindly. I pray that despite his difficulties with social interactions, that he would be able to learn the skills to mitigate his intense personality and compulsions that he is able to control through instruction, and for healing for those things he cannot change by his own effort. I pray for healing from the fetal alcohol syndrome and from anxiety. (Both are such difficult things.) I thank God for putting loving parents and adults in his life who accept and encourage him, and that he would find great solace in those as he searches forpeers who can do the same. I pray that his unique talents will find their niche and that he will take joy in positive impact they bring to others. Mostly, I pray that He will see his worth in the eyes of the God who lovingly created him and, despite the damages his birth mother did, will understand that he is still valued and valuable. May God bless you all and bring you strength, peace, joy and favor. 🙏💜
have you heard of biofeedback (neurotherapy)? Check into that. I can imagine just how heartbreaking this is for all of you. And how very much and deeply you love your son and family. Peace be unto you.
Christopher and Dr Cloud mention "the book" that this is based on - ?? Which book are they referring to it is not clear? and he has many books written? the podcast is amazing how wise Dr C is
For me the most liberating truth was to learn that we need not trust people - similar to Jesus, Who did not trust people, because He knew what was in them.
I love Proverbs 2 Discretion to guard me Understanding to protect me. It Only comes from God & his Spirit Warning me & protecting me. I need my 12 Step programme & daily Step 3 & his Direction with my thoughts. Otherwise a highly skilled dark triad person can manipulate themselves into my life. No Is a complete sentence. 🎉
We are supposed to be empty vessels for the Father, in Christ, to fill. The "work" is to keep trusting the Father, in Christ, to complete the good work that HE BEGAN! I suggest a great book called The Deep Things of God by Norman Grubb❤
So called Friends use hidden cameras to record and betray another. I feel so anxious In my suite, as I am convinced there is a hidden camera in my suite. I feel so strongly about being monitored .I have been so burned by authority and friends who have betrayed me, causing me to live with permanent anxiety. I am alone, i love with permanent anxiety.
I've been pondering this as well. I was thinking about passages in the Bible, like when Mary was visited by the angel who told her she would bear the Christ child and when the shepherds saw the sky full of angels and were filled with fear. I think this was a healthy kind of Holy fear. The type that produces humility towards God, a reverence, an awe of who He is, a desire to please God [not fear of punishment but love and gratitude for all He has done], and an broken and contrite heart also often accompanies Holy fear because we all sin and fall short of God's standard of righteous living. If you look at the Bible passages that describe those who had these heavenly encounters and were afraid, God would tell them not to fear because they had found favor with God. I think God comforts the humble ones who fear, respect and honor Him versus how He responds to the proud. The proud ones described in the Bible are often said to, "Have no fear of God before their eyes." In Proverbs, it describes a proud woman, "the adulterous woman eats and wipes her mouth and says, I've done nothing wrong. " And in the new testament it says, "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." If God were to give grace [blessings and favor] to the proud, He would be aiding them in sinful choices. The same sinful choices that harden their hearts and destroy the innocence and purity of their souls [which He loves and died to save]. By resisting the proud, He is actually being very loving because it's His kindness to bring a sinning soul to repentance. Fear of the Lord begins wisdom because with this holy fear, the heart becomes soft tender and open to God's guidance. Our sinful hearts so often want ways that are selfish, self centered and only seeking the pleasure of the moment, not caring that it would have consequences that effect our life and those around us for generations to come. But when their is holy fear, the heart is turned away from the lower nature that is full of ego, pride and selfish desires and instead is full of live towards God. God then is able to mold such a heart and renew the mind so that one will desire the things that God desires, the things that are eternal, the things that are holy, pure and true, loving and serving others. Instead of seeking to satisfy the desires of the pride and ego, now the soul is being filled with godly desires and the fruits of the Holy Spirit described in Galations [love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness, long-suffering and self control].
Just as important as discerning what to trust outside of yourself but also establishing and nurturing trust in one self, right?? Do you agree? Of course trust in God first…
He seems to say instead of radiating fire you just get 'ready ready ready ready'. But likewise i don't know what that means ,🤷. I'm not actually sure the interviewer does either!
@@KJ-lb4tjI am guessing he meant that when we hold on to someone who is hurtful our trust muscle becomes paralyzed. Instead of moving on from the hurtful relationship, we are at a stand still like being kept “ready” but never moving.
Move on it’s not your responsibility to shoulders his burden learn to start afar and love him otherwise he will Take you down with him don’t be so desperate, learn to love yourself.
She shouldn't be suffering when her Dad is this rich. What's the point of making kids suffer when you worked very hard to become rich? She can still be strong and can have good career.
Amen. Our greatest trainwrecks in life are trusting certain people when we shouldn't!
What if it’s your family?!
Yes and it's usually family members so sad I trust God Jesus alone in him I trust I don't trust any man
That includes people in churchs.....and some pastors, sadly
@@reflax6009exactly 😢
This why we need to learn the discernment of spirits, which is possible.
Dr. Cloud's book, Integrity, was life-changing for me. It was a real guide and map to acquire integrity. It's not something that an individual automatically has, but CAN be learned at any age. A transformative book!!
Awesome!
Thank you for your review, ma'am. I might look into his book after reading your opinion about it.
@@LisaPFramptonHi, I’m just responding because my name is Lisa L Frampton!
Yes, integrity with self and others is learned and an awesome guide.
LOVE Dr. Cloud! When he says that he's not helping his daughter... oh YES HE IS! He's helping her build resilience, he's helping her with adjusting into the real world, he's helping her to adult!
The other person who called Dr. Cloud harsh probably did not recognize the long term help Dr. Cloud is providing to his daughter.
Glad you enjoyed the show!
I am so glad that I have my Savior, whom I can trust completely, in all things and all relationships, and the whole council of God in His word to live by.
Amen!
I can forgive many many times, that does not mean Im going to trust that person as many times.. not even close!!
THIS! Is the single most important lesson that sets me free from the burden of resentment.
Forgiveness is only deserved when the offender truly, wholeheartedly repents. Read your Bible. You have no obligation to just forgive. It is actually detrimental to the offender's spiritual growth.
Being vulnerable but also cautious is imperative
Agreed. Discernment!
“So many conflicts go away when people feel heard.” Amen! 🙏🏼
Thank you for watching!
(45:00) "Forgiveness is about the past. Trust is about the future."
This is nothing short of prophetic for my life at the moment, within the context of some dramas I'm going through.
Interesting discussion. Thanks for your (collective) efforts.
Thank you!
Once trust is broken, it’s difficult to regain. Forgiveness does not equal trust.
Agreed. I think you’d enjoy my new book, Healing What You Can’t Erase. Here’s a link to Amazon: amzn.to/3VSXaPb
So true.
Hallelujah! I just loved the last comments to invite a pattern check-in, involving trust. However, I am concerned that there aren't very many patterns besides being overly trusting of people and too revealing of my personal life. And most of the time, that went very well in my relationships.... Until further down the road, I realized that I excel in trustworthiness and my relationships were always a crap shoot. Perhaps hastiness was the culprit!
Awesome! Thanks for watching!
This was so good not only because of the guest but the interviewer asked FANTASTIC real world questions! I enjoyed this immensely!
Thank you so much!
I've so needed this! I can't even begin to fully explain. However it seems I've never understood how I should trust someone because I wasn't taught in my childhood. It was always paired with manipulation or just doing because of obedience. So even though I know Gd has always been with me I haven't known what it is to properly trust (and therefore maintain healthy boundaries). I'd just try to do the work of my job's contract per protocol. In marriage it's been about doing Gd's will, but I haven't really learned to even have a proper relationship with myself because the needs of others has been more important then mine. Of course I mattered somehow but I haven't understand when I sacrifice for the well being of another vs taking care of myself. I've always chased after love thinking love is the answer. It is. But it looks like love cannot be present without the trust being there first in a healthy relationship?. I'm on my second time listening to this video already in today's morning. I want to remember this information so I can verbalize it and remember it in my daily walk in Christ. 💘. Thank you for this video!
Integration !
32:37 really hit home on an issue I was convicted on and have repented from. Dr.Cloud's advice to deal with conflict by truly hearing the other person and asking questions helps so much for dealing with a very difficult sibling.
"... be strong enough to negotiate anything..." Yes, that's a worthy aspiration. Thank you for asking the doctor to unpack the fear/need issue.
You’re welcome!
Excellent question: discernment or suspicion?
God bless Dr. Cloud! Great advice and teaching on this subject! 👍
Glad it was helpful!
Great advice unless someone is lying or being manipulative.
Trust.
My life went down the curb with trusting people.
When i was a baby, toddler i had a perfect working 'gut feeling' and basically almost never trusted anyone, based on my gut feeling.
After growing up, i was SOCIALIZED to 'fit in' in society.
Big mistake!
Socialization is the biggest mistake we ever made.
It is a lie.
We are all strangers to eachother and we did not grow up together since babyhood, so everyone is behaving as an apex predator, not as a friend, or potential friend.
My experience...
Most want to use you, without any intention to be a genuine friend.
People who say > trust me...
RUN AS FAR AND FAST AS YOU CAN.
True, that's why I decided to be stay at home mom with my son.
We are in good company - following Jesus' example: He did not trust people, because He knew what was in them.
@@maricamaas2326
I think he DID TRUST PEOPLE, otherwise he would of NOT BEING BETRAYED by one? Or more?
I do not trust The Lord, who put all humans in a mess, because HE was the CREATOR of EVERYTHING and i do not TRUST ANYMORE HUMANS, because THE LORD made HUMANS who are not TRUSTWORTHY.
I am done to trust.
But i still make mistakes in trusting people and then...i could slap my face again...
Instead hug yourself if it happens 😊 don't be your own enemy@@heide-raquelfuss5580
Jesus knew that Judas would betray him.@@heide-raquelfuss5580
Yes I’m stalking Dr Cloud he is helping the Lord to heal me ! I just want to thank them both!💕💕💕
Dr. Cloud makes it look easy. So much respect for him. A good good human.
Agreed!
I wish my boys could go outside for hours unsupervised and explore, create, but in today’s world it is not safe without a doubt. It’s not what it used to be where neighbors would watch out for each others children, mothers (parent) were home! Neighborhoods (communities) back in the day, watched out for most children. If women were respected more back in the day we wouldn’t have women working and away from there homes and children, were most women want to be, in the home. They have to prove there value to society. I can say this because I am a women. Our society as a foundation is so imbalanced in regards to family values, ethics and morals etc…Love your show! 😊
Well said, Shannon. Very well. 😘♥️
I agree. I am 66 and grew up in a small town, where the neighbor children could play together outside, and visit their friends. It was as you say, most mothers worked as stay at home mothers. THAT is a noble and necessary--VITAL--profession, and it should be respected by everyone. The truism/cliche 'the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world ' comes to mind. . .
My point is the absolute necessity of mentally healthy parenting in the family of origin.
With the omnipresence, generally, of technology today, specifically cell phones and computers, parenting, even with an adequately judicious effort and commitment, presents intrusive challenges which did not exist before.
Add on to that a sped -up world, and both parents working outside the home,
Very often, addictions to screens, and living in an urban environment and a society that is too often based on consumerism that tries to create desires by appealing to people's fears, and no wonder so many people do not live from the heart and with wisdom.
We all need to look out for each other's children and everyone needs community. We are in a state of transition that's not comfortable but we won't get there by going back. There should be one stay at home parent at home in each family and we should all be linking together to raise our children but that parent should be the one most willing, the one most dedicated to the children not necessarily the mother. Fathers deserve to participate in the day to day raising of babies and children and mothers should be able to support their families financially with meaningful work. And all of us need to redefine what our material needs are, separate from our wants in order to restore the small town community bonds we grew up with.
I'm 67. I was able to ride my bike for hours in an urban environment; the only negative consequence was blistering sunburn.
I often like to use the word "worthy" in place of "the right" or "entitled to" or "deserve" e.g. I am worthy of a good life" This implies that there is some amount of responsibility, on my part, to make whatever it is, happen.
Was waiting for the "N" buzzword to come up, and it did. Not all ceo's are narcissists. We appreciate and TRUST Dr. Cloud's answer, based upon his professional experience, and having listened to him on New Life Live, and books. He's earned our regard over the years👍👏
Agreeed!!!!, THANK YOU !!! 😮😮😲👏👏👏
I / we ARE WORTHY of happiness!! By having our OWN thoughts, feelings. Etc. 😃
I absolutely love Dr. Cloud! He is a long long time favorite of mine. Practically "Hero" status in my best estimation.
Same here!
Wow, today I just discovered him. How blessed anyone is to have his words if wisdom. I feel like he just shed light on what I have been struggling to find an answer to my whole life. Praise Gd for people who walk secure in Christ and shine their Gd given light in the world. Great saltiness here.
If you gave a 'hero' look again - you have diminished yourself in some way!
Wow just listening to this for a few minutes brought clarity and understanding about a recent issue i had with someone. . . I walked around a couple days vacillating between condemnation and questioning , so basically the confusion is cleared up with one thing Dr.Cloud pointed out. . . If somebody is being honest and they are trustworthy , questioning them shouldnt be a thing they take as offensive. . . Theyre fine being an open book with you -- transparent and willing to assure you that their motives and intentions are all for your well being. . . Not that accusatory or critical suspicions are at play on my part - but based on some past experiences with an individual - i needed assurance that those issues are resolved and are no longer of concern in regards to a healthy relationship going forward. When the person ducks out and regards questioning as an affront - thats a red flag for sure. But i will keep praying for him. I will never give up on my son. I know God is merciful and powerful.... at the same time i must stay out of Gods way and trust Him to take care of my son while i stand on the promises of God believing and trusting Him with my loved one.
So glad it helped!
this is exactly how I believe kids should be raised! thank you
I just bought your audiobook. Thank you for having this interview and sharing it on here. This has been something I am working. I was diagnosed severe depression and also have complex childhood trauma. I am so excited to get started. Thank you again!
This is a huge eye opener for me Dr Cloud. Thank you so much!❤
Fear in our life. "The greater our need the greater our fear is and greater our fear is the more our need"
"Sometimes a fear of Abandonment means we'll put up with bad behavior out of the fear of not having"
Hi Chris, thank you for this podcast. We need your podcasts, thanks for your labor of Love.
So kind. Thank you!
Wow, this is foundational and to understand this can change everything ! Can't wait to read this book! Thanks!!
I like this Doc. Total common sense knowledge, that we have forgotten to use.
44 years,I'm done 😮😮said I don't deserve respect 1 times to many....
❤🙏
Thank You so Much for Sharing Golden Content 🕊️💙🙏🏼
Thank you for watching!
Thank you, Henry Cloud!
That’s why we should provide for ourselves and not get demanding like parents need to give us love when we are grown up but train to provide for our inner child
Trust in the Lord !! Woo Hoo !! Our trust is the Lord..
I'm not quite sure we should trust in others nor even ourselves. Americans today resist any form of accountability and thus become loose cannons, dangerous even to themselves!
Trust in The Lord with ALL thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In ALL thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy ways.
"Trust others only so far as you can forgive them."
@@joantaylor468 how true were always praying for God to protect us from ourselves, trust in God only
Wow! Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Dr. Cloud!
So glad.
EXcellent insights! THANK YOU so much for sharing!
Thank you!
Thank you, Dr Cloud, for your wisdom. Praise God…wonderful confirmation for me!
Awesome. Thanks for watching. I’d like to encourage you to check out my latest book, Healing What You Can’t Erase: amzn.to/3VSXaPb. I think it will resonate with you as much as this interview did. Thanks again for watching.
Super Value-Packed!
Thank you!
Replay 💯 so far.. i use to Trust everyone and thing and i was targeted by a group of people very bad people and. And now healing from Trauma diagnosed PTSD
Praying for you!
Definitely horrible!!! 😬😾
Yes Amen ...Learn basic skills 👌 ..Discernment judge ment ...Yes
I feel like I’m listening to a CS Lewis book this is so deep and so wise I have to keep pausing to let these nuggets sink in
Incredible. Thank you. I hope you enjoy the channel. I encourage you to check out my new book, “Healing What You Can’t Erase,” here: amzn.to/43m0xl7
I also like to take notes. Helps in sink in.
Great topic !!& conversation!! 😮
This Dr. is extremely Wise!! I've read his books and learned a great deal. Thank you. 🙏🏼
You are very welcome!
So what do you do if you are married to someone you don’t trust emotionally? They are just never present, and when they try to be it’s all out of people-pleasing, not true sincerity? Do you tell them you don’t trust them?
Why would you do that?. You just get on and do it... Don't trust them
Find a way to the truth. What is it you don’t trust?
You just keep working on yourself, doing self healing, and your next step will be revealed. Talking to them about their actions won’t to change them. Getting into a good 12 step recovery group will help.
Thank you so helpful to having temporary custody of my 4 yr old grandchild...Amazing advice for everyone
Praying for you! Thank you for watching!
Wow!!!!!.....thiS interview was so informative and clear ann concise!!! Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Yep!!, we can hear " just trust me " when the person is showing their body language of not doing trust..
😮
Excellent interview and I’m going to buy a few of his books today. I just found your channel and I’m a new subscriber.
Welcome aboard! So thankful you’re here. I hope the channel helps you! I’d love for you to check out my forthcoming book, too. Get a FREE sneak peek at healingwhatyoucanterase.com. The book will be out March 19. Blessings to you!
This was so good! First time hearing Dr. Cloud and first time hearing the interviewer also. Will be following both! Excellent!
Awesome, thank you!
I had or have abandonment issues.
My question is that the narcissistic people mirror and can completely scan you for your triggers etc , they suck you in with their faux intimacy, care etc . How does this process work with trust? it seems counterintuitive.
Great question. A big question. Developing discernment and learning to detect and respond to patterns of dysfunction. We see the world as we are, so the healthier we become, well more easily see chaos in relationships.
🙌🏼
Amazing how Yah brings an answer when needed. I've been praying for the past couple days for wisdom and this video popped up in my feed. I did not even search this out. I am going to get the book and allow Yah to teach me. I am in a situation that I have something was exposed when I was not looking for it but the person denies and blames me for not trusting them. Thank you!
Time well spent today.
I definitely have commitment phobia.Have been betrayed too many times.I do not disclose my faults,sexual experience s to anyone who is anything other than a fully trained and registered therapist. Be exceptional cautious around this.There is much creepiness out there in all kinds of organisations. There is no serenity in this
Wow amen
.❤
Amen 🙏🏽 so true
Ive done all of this at my own personal expense
How do we discern when dealing with high conflict narcissist personalities? Is trust even possible?
Sorry answer, no
Narcissists are all about themselves. No interest in you or your needs. It's never going to be an equal relationship and everything they find out about you will be used against you. As Dr cloud said, be shrewd. Listen to them and reflect back. Give them nothing about you. Trust is not on the cards and should never be expected in that relationship.
Good question 😢
No, stay away.
When dealing with a narcissist, should we ever let them know we think they are narcissistic? In other words, that we know the way they operate and we’re not “trusting” their “bull”, but we’re trying to mend the relationship.
Wow love this.
So glad!
Thanks 🙏🏽
So very very true.
The school yard is a waste. All of the most accomplished people in history started work early, were around adults most of the time, and held to high standards. Go. Read. Biographies.
The school yard is just a sick place for kids to bang on eachother or practice on eachother the abuse brought on them by abusive families.
You may be right to a point.
But Dr. White cloud seems to mean that it is a place to interact with peers and learn social skills, be challenged and grow.
The caveat is that children need wise and responsive parents, school personnel and teachers, who can actually listen when problems occur and guide them, when necessary, in the art of problem solving..
It’s great to hear you both !! You are so right I have wounds of abandonment and have learned to compromise confronting in order to have peace and forgiving hoping but again I am facing being able to trust my boyfriend for the series of infidelity lock of commitment seeking a dream maybe looking for a mother figure which is his abandonment since childhood. What do I do ?! ⭐️🙏❤️🙏🕊
I would run, not walk, away since you are not already entangled financially.
He has indicated to you who he is with you. Radically accept that, or not. You will not change him, nor should you seek to. Mutual radical acceptance of Reality is called for! Don't waste time if you are not willing to accept that behavior.
Talk to him.Go for a walk with him.Please communicate And please do not suddenly dump him.This is heartless and cruel.Explain that both of us might get very upset but isn't it true that we care for each other.I have been harshly dumped in the past and I think it's inhumane.
Money isn't everything
I agree that this guy is not worth your investment since he has proven to you that you are not worth his. Learn to believe what people DO vs. what they SAY. Very rarely do people's actions lie, but their words do all the time!
I'd highly recommend going to see a therapist who can help you shore up your past personal issues and see your situation (and his) more objectively. In doing so, it will better equip you to make the right decision moving forward and to heal past wounds so you're not locked into relational destructive patterns. If you wanted to lose weight, but we're struggling, no one would think you were weird for recruiting a trainer, dietician, etc. to assist. Why don't we take the same approach with our mental health and relationships? 🤷🏼♀️
Wow!
Thank you!
Stretching Stress is good for us!
Agreed!
This is so good thank you
Thank you too!
This is really good. However, what do you do when you have a fantastic teenage boy who is fetal alcohol affected with high anxiety and compulsive behaviors with an intense personality, because he wants so badly to impress someone his age and be accepted… but runs up against mean rejection constantly. Except with adults. They’re so impressed by him. He can hardly read and numbers mean nothing to him. But his creativity is out the roof. He’s an amazing musician, no lessons, his pitch is literally perfect. On our farm he’s unbelievable with the equipment. He runs every piece of equipment perfectly, he hears when something is wrong and knows exactly what it is. But he’s lonely for friendship and acceptance from his own age group. But their so mean and rude and hurtful. He’s a fabulous young man. He’s been ours since he was 3 weeks old and he is now 16. He’s so precious but so frustrated. He knows he’s different but longs to fit in.
I feel so bad for your son and I was wondering if you belong to a good church? Young Christian youth are usually a lot more understanding and accepting.
I just prayed for your teenager, that his peers would see and appreciate his unique gifts and talents and would treat him kindly. I pray that despite his difficulties with social interactions, that he would be able to learn the skills to mitigate his intense personality and compulsions that he is able to control through instruction, and for healing for those things he cannot change by his own effort. I pray for healing from the fetal alcohol syndrome and from anxiety. (Both are such difficult things.) I thank God for putting loving parents and adults in his life who accept and encourage him, and that he would find great solace in those as he searches forpeers who can do the same. I pray that his unique talents will find their niche and that he will take joy in positive impact they bring to others. Mostly, I pray that He will see his worth in the eyes of the God who lovingly created him and, despite the damages his birth mother did, will understand that he is still valued and valuable. May God bless you all and bring you strength, peace, joy and favor. 🙏💜
I was just wondering if there is someone else around who has difficulties that he could befriend?
have you heard of biofeedback (neurotherapy)? Check into that.
I can imagine just how heartbreaking this is for all of you. And how very much and deeply you love your son and family.
Peace be unto you.
How brilliant that God placed him with you, to love and nurture him. Praying for wisdom and provision for his life and thriving.
In any conversation no matter the age it's much better to have more question (?) marks then explanation ( ! ) marks.
Christopher and Dr Cloud mention "the book" that this is based on - ?? Which book are they referring to it is not clear? and he has many books written? the podcast is amazing how wise Dr C is
Thanks for watching! This is the book: amzn.to/3ZM8m40
I am a steward of my own life.
At 13:21 how about God's will? The Bible answers many questions on your path. The early Christians were part of "The Way"
The only people who ever said TRUST ME, they were definitely untrustworthy. I will just walk away at that moment.
Integrity❤
Fear seems to dominate
For me the most liberating truth was to learn that we need not trust people - similar to Jesus, Who did not trust people, because He knew what was in them.
I like that out of all those pictures Dr Cloud has leaning against the wall he's chosen only to hang a paper calendar. 😂😂
I love Proverbs 2
Discretion to guard me
Understanding to protect me.
It Only comes from God & his Spirit
Warning me & protecting me.
I need my 12 Step programme & daily
Step 3
& his Direction with my thoughts.
Otherwise a highly skilled dark triad person can manipulate themselves into my life.
No
Is a complete sentence. 🎉
Im 68 dont trust any more. Too much abuse.
We are supposed to be empty vessels for the Father, in Christ, to fill. The "work" is to keep trusting the Father, in Christ, to complete the good work that HE BEGAN! I suggest a great book called The Deep Things of God by Norman Grubb❤
❤❤❤
Michael Easter wrote Comfort Crises
Fabulous book.
So called Friends use hidden cameras to record and betray another. I feel so anxious In my suite, as I am convinced there is a hidden camera in my suite. I feel so strongly about being monitored .I have been so burned by authority and friends who have betrayed me, causing me to live with permanent anxiety. I am alone, i love with permanent anxiety.
There can be certain aspects of trust or not of trust. 🤔
?? I dont understand " so many conflicts go away when we feel hurt?"
What does this mean?
When they are heard, when they are really understood.
Praying you are never confounded.
I trusted someone who I later found out was a narcissist
Trust NO ONE! PERIOD!
So why does the Bible say "Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"?
I've been pondering this as well. I was thinking about passages in the Bible, like when Mary was visited by the angel who told her she would bear the Christ child and when the shepherds saw the sky full of angels and were filled with fear. I think this was a healthy kind of Holy fear. The type that produces humility towards God, a reverence, an awe of who He is, a desire to please God [not fear of punishment but love and gratitude for all He has done], and an broken and contrite heart also often accompanies Holy fear because we all sin and fall short of God's standard of righteous living. If you look at the Bible passages that describe those who had these heavenly encounters and were afraid, God would tell them not to fear because they had found favor with God. I think God comforts the humble ones who fear, respect and honor Him versus how He responds to the proud. The proud ones described in the Bible are often said to, "Have no fear of God before their eyes." In Proverbs, it describes a proud woman, "the adulterous woman eats and wipes her mouth and says, I've done nothing wrong. " And in the new testament it says, "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." If God were to give grace [blessings and favor] to the proud, He would be aiding them in sinful choices. The same sinful choices that harden their hearts and destroy the innocence and purity of their souls [which He loves and died to save]. By resisting the proud, He is actually being very loving because it's His kindness to bring a sinning soul to repentance. Fear of the Lord begins wisdom because with this holy fear, the heart becomes soft tender and open to God's guidance. Our sinful hearts so often want ways that are selfish, self centered and only seeking the pleasure of the moment, not caring that it would have consequences that effect our life and those around us for generations to come. But when their is holy fear, the heart is turned away from the lower nature that is full of ego, pride and selfish desires and instead is full of live towards God. God then is able to mold such a heart and renew the mind so that one will desire the things that God desires, the things that are eternal, the things that are holy, pure and true, loving and serving others. Instead of seeking to satisfy the desires of the pride and ego, now the soul is being filled with godly desires and the fruits of the Holy Spirit described in Galations [love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, meekness, long-suffering and self control].
Research the word "fear" in this verse using the Hebrew word. It is fascinating.
TMVTL = Trust More Valuable Than Love
Just as important as discerning what to trust outside of yourself but also establishing and nurturing trust in one self, right?? Do you agree? Of course trust in God first…
Grewi up hearing in church break the will not the spirit 🤔
8:40 instead of radiating fire you get *inaudible i hate that the interviewer agrees here but i cant understand what dr. Cloud says.
He seems to say instead of radiating fire you just get 'ready ready ready ready'. But likewise i don't know what that means ,🤷. I'm not actually sure the interviewer does either!
@@KJ-lb4tjI am guessing he meant that when we hold on to someone who is hurtful our trust muscle becomes paralyzed. Instead of moving on from the hurtful relationship, we are at a stand still like being kept “ready” but never moving.
❤
Listen 51% of the time. Observe others; do they listen?
Dr Cloud's answers are kinda vague.... The interviewer asked GREAT questions, but wha??..... Plus, he laughs at points, for what?
Isn't Putting the child in a corner,resisting their demand, breaking their will.Téaching them they can't get or do as they will
Move on it’s not your responsibility to shoulders his burden learn to start afar and love him otherwise he will
Take you down with him don’t be so desperate, learn to love yourself.
She shouldn't be suffering when her Dad is this rich. What's the point of making kids suffer when you worked very hard to become rich? She can still be strong and can have good career.
Withness.... witnes?
"Withness." The process of being "with" or in community with others.