I’m stuck in the middle or at the bottom of them with all their scapegoating, gaslighting, projection and ultimatums/threats. My sister, dad and mom. Now that my mom passed it’s them two and they’re volatile and keep upping the ante and they don’t de-escalate. Hide behind their anger, can’t critical think or debate or listen to my side of the story for more than a few seconds. I can’t defend myself in arguments and accusations.
I'm so sorry to hear this. These dynamics are terrible. The best way to handle these kinds of dynamics is to try to step as far away from it as you can. Don't get sucked in, if at all, possible.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you, and my sister is the type who likes to call the cops and threaten to. Has done so twice in the last 3 months. My mom too but didn’t go through with it. It was her threat and tactic to gain control and enact revenge on me for “pissing them off” not listening. Nowadays my dad is repeating my sisters talking points. They’re a group of malnutritioned quick tempered folks who are at war with me because I’m different and the youngest of 3 and my sister who’s the oldest is a 30+year meth addict. We have the inmates running the asylum in my family. Now that I live with my parents again, and can’t escape it. Not as easy to not engage or hear their slandering and plots to punish me for things they think I’ve done and doing and plan to do.
The Vibes when you walk in the room are very Strong. I've spoke to a couple of them and was ignored totally. Eye rolling and nose up in the AIR always. I'm glad I walked away from My husband's family they always arguing with each other and Competing is their main Thing. I've managed to erase them IN MY HEAD being INLAWS
This is sooo good. Thank you. Im the oldest of 5. I got sick with autoimmune disorders and have CPTSD. The family orojection orocess, is crazy naking. I was in constant state of survival mode. Soo hard growing up with disordered , unhealed family . Too much abuse. As i come out of denial , im really saddened and angry. You dont learn healthy love, reflection, love or trust.andbdefinetlyb, not love. Its very dark. It almost destroyed my sence of love and trust towards myself. Relationships with my siblings with all rhis abuse , gas lighting, smear campains and lies, has created no healthy boundaries or relationships. So nany disorders and addictions in my family . Very sad , theres only one sister that may be able to connect with myself and reconcile . Ive been enstranged for a very long time. Im scalegoated that im overly sensitive. Please share rhe role of scaoegoat, and truth seeker and teller. We get beat up pretty bad cause we know its so wrong. Its crazy growing up like this. It created mental and physical illnesses.
❤❤❤ thank y0u❤❤❤ I had a terrible day... I made the mistake of sharing something that happened to me with my relative... they spent an hour arguing that what happened to me couldn't be what happened to me... I should have given in, but I didn't. This person i confided in is my paid caregiver and they invalidated my entire experience. SHE WASN'T THERE FOR the event, but is supposed to be.😢 and never is. Anyway , I needed this reality check today, so thank you.
Your videos are very validating. I've been curious about chaotic personalities being my family is pretty bad. Got much worse when my malignant bro married a covert narc. My brother seems normal but he's been a sadistic horror to me. It's my mom and his game. Thanks for bringing up the emotional cut off. My bro has always been that overweight bully that uses menace and intimidation constantly. A mix of explosive rage, big smiles, and bug out eyes. Purposeful intimidation. After assaults and nonstop menace, I said I'd get police involved if he thought about taking his menace to assault. It's been a passive aggressive emotional cutoff and he has my nephews as his poker chips. Personally I'm tired of the victim blaming for trying to maintain my relationships. But these is too much and my dad warned me that my mother would always say he'd accept all the abuse to him and his son from his first marriage because "he loves his kids and would never leave." Thanks for the term "high express emotion." I never heard it and it fits. I would describe my family outburst like a big wind got in their boat sails and they'd just whoosh into a frantic, manic, or highly charged confrontation. I've been reading about emotionally immature parents but the term high express emotion is totally the people I deal with. They are easily bumped into a fury and they have everyone around them programmed to jump. I've been reading polyvagal theory and it seems my body and nervous system never had a chance around these types. And they're prodding and poking is never ending with them.
This is exactly how both my mom and dad is....i somehow managed to move out..but i still depend on them...and i am being gangstalked by my own birthgivers...i do need help..but i have none to trust
OMGGG!!!! This is how I grew up! youngest of three, and the only girl. My dad was oblivious, and off doing his own thing, never home. I lived a double life up until I was 18, and then, left home.
Thank you for your content. I’m having some very real thoughts about my life and realizing that I have been a victim of gang stalking for years. I was finally able to break free when I left the state where my family was and relocated. I made no new friends and kept to myself for two years.
I don't think I will even admit ever struggling to anyone else anymore because if I go to the hospital again my mom said I am not coming back home if it is for mental health. I feel at times it isn't even worth telling my parents how I feel. What can I do?
That is awful. Hope you can get away. Make a plan. They can affect your mental health. Call a Domestic Violence group in your area and Social Services at your hospital. They may be able to help you.
I want to thank you for these priceless videos. I am binge watching even while driving for Uber. I am seeking healing. I also want to be accountable and become more self aware. I am the type of person who when I observe things in others that I don’t like, when I see it in myself I want to change. I don’t want to be the person that feels like this is who I am and take me as I am.
You're welcome!!☺ I'm so glad these conversations are helpful. And I love that you are trying to better yourself and push yourself into the future with knowledge! That's powerful! Praying you find healing on this journey.
You have no idea what a blessing you are to me!! Your information is more helpful to us than you will ever know. It definitely helps all of us on our healing journey’s!!
It's so hard to deal with people like this. You really have to keep yourself "in check" when dealing with them -- giving them absolutely no reason to fire at you.
Your great example at 18:35 is a perfect example what I had went through as a young child with my family. Little did they know, just how detrimental their cruelty, and a degree of in-house bullying, had played a 'huge role' on how I dealt with many relationships in my personal and professional life. Almost like instead of getting help themselves for their own insecurities and other mental health issues, they rather project than take accountability. It's very damning for one's psyche. As always, thank you Tamara for her great insight on topics that hits close to home.
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. No one wants to be put in this position because you can often feel like you are losing on every side. It's hard to figure out sometimes who is at fault here. But I'm very glad you found this helpful.
I am grateful for your persistence with pushing the "don't engage" approach, Tamara. It's underestimated and frowned upon by many as weak BUT it's most effective for energy conservation and peace preservation. In my experience, it has to be a conscious consistent practice or those two end results are not likely to come about.
Thank you for this! I couldn't agree more. It's actually a power-stance that says "I have the control because you are not able to move me, intimidate me, or push me to respond." My mom is really good at this. She pauses and then "meditates" on the wise next move. It's powerful.
Hello kimmarie here. From .Paul, Minnesota. I'm 62 and now learning to reverse being reactive myself. Can you share reactive abuse please. I'm trying to forgive myself. But I'm not the abuser. It's so hard.
After dealing with the nonsense in my family I trust no one. I don’t even trust my kids. I find myself fading into the background to avoid conflict even when I know I have been wronged. I also struggle not wanting to do the same thing to others that have been done to me. Unfortunately I wasn’t strong enough to keep my children protected from the craziness in my family. So my children were abused by my family as well. My mom abused and manipulated my children while I tried to work. My sister abused my children calling them bastards and bitches. My family is so screwed up my sister took my daughter to court trying to get an order of protection after making up a whole bunch of lies. Fortunately the judge could see through my sisters crazy lies. I have recently gone no contact with my family. I have the sense that I will have to do it with my children as well. I believe these are generational curses. I prefer to remove myself from situations. This way no one can loop me in or blame me for anything.
I overcame that dosorder . It was triggered by anxiety and i also picked my skin. Was able to heal from tha t. I never knew it was caused from abuse. Atbthevtimebo didvthis it helpedvme self regulate.
That is SUCH a good question. The short answer is developing self-awarness (through therapy, journaling, meditation, eductional seminars, support groups, religious affiliation, etc), build knowledge on how parents can influence their children with their own emotions (I offer some resources in the description box), and try out new things until you see it change the way you think, feel, and react.
I'm sorry to hear this. We can label abusers anything and it be right or wrong. The bigger issue here is thaat they are abusers and any abuser needs help.
The solution to all our problems can be liberal migration,just think of a scifi lifestyle.Where we can live in mobile space homes,or mobile settlement.With wich we can migrate elsewhere,when life with difficult people becomes unbearable.And i'm not talking about this as methaphore,but as actual thing.I just hope,that someone can make this project into reality.
RUclips will make the LIVE chatbox available to you to see within the next 12 hours! Stay tuned. That's always the best part 😀
I walked away 3 yrs ago. My husband walked away 2yrs ago. So we are doing very well Thank you for your Videos ❤️
I’m stuck in the middle or at the bottom of them with all their scapegoating, gaslighting, projection and ultimatums/threats. My sister, dad and mom. Now that my mom passed it’s them two and they’re volatile and keep upping the ante and they don’t de-escalate. Hide behind their anger, can’t critical think or debate or listen to my side of the story for more than a few seconds. I can’t defend myself in arguments and accusations.
I'm so sorry to hear this. These dynamics are terrible. The best way to handle these kinds of dynamics is to try to step as far away from it as you can. Don't get sucked in, if at all, possible.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you, and my sister is the type who likes to call the cops and threaten to. Has done so twice in the last 3 months. My mom too but didn’t go through with it. It was her threat and tactic to gain control and enact revenge on me for “pissing them off” not listening. Nowadays my dad is repeating my sisters talking points. They’re a group of malnutritioned quick tempered folks who are at war with me because I’m different and the youngest of 3 and my sister who’s the oldest is a 30+year meth addict. We have the inmates running the asylum in my family. Now that I live with my parents again, and can’t escape it. Not as easy to not engage or hear their slandering and plots to punish me for things they think I’ve done and doing and plan to do.
This has been spot on my family. Wow.
The Vibes when you walk in the room are very Strong. I've spoke to a couple of them and was ignored totally. Eye rolling and nose up in the AIR always. I'm glad I walked away from My husband's family they always arguing with each other and Competing is their main Thing. I've managed to erase them IN MY HEAD being INLAWS
This is sooo good. Thank you. Im the oldest of 5. I got sick with autoimmune disorders and have CPTSD. The family orojection orocess, is crazy naking. I was in constant state of survival mode. Soo hard growing up with disordered , unhealed family . Too much abuse. As i come out of denial , im really saddened and angry. You dont learn healthy love, reflection, love or trust.andbdefinetlyb, not love. Its very dark. It almost destroyed my sence of love and trust towards myself. Relationships with my siblings with all rhis abuse , gas lighting, smear campains and lies, has created no healthy boundaries or relationships. So nany disorders and addictions in my family . Very sad , theres only one sister that may be able to connect with myself and reconcile . Ive been enstranged for a very long time. Im scalegoated that im overly sensitive. Please share rhe role of scaoegoat, and truth seeker and teller. We get beat up pretty bad cause we know its so wrong. Its crazy growing up like this. It created mental and physical illnesses.
❤❤❤ thank y0u❤❤❤ I had a terrible day... I made the mistake of sharing something that happened to me with my relative... they spent an hour arguing that what happened to me couldn't be what happened to me... I should have given in, but I didn't. This person i confided in is my paid caregiver and they invalidated my entire experience. SHE WASN'T THERE FOR the event, but is supposed to be.😢 and never is. Anyway , I needed this reality check today, so thank you.
You're welcome! I'm sorry to hear that. Bad days are rough and you just need a break on these days. Praying you recover in heart and mind.
Your videos are very validating. I've been curious about chaotic personalities being my family is pretty bad. Got much worse when my malignant bro married a covert narc. My brother seems normal but he's been a sadistic horror to me. It's my mom and his game. Thanks for bringing up the emotional cut off. My bro has always been that overweight bully that uses menace and intimidation constantly. A mix of explosive rage, big smiles, and bug out eyes. Purposeful intimidation. After assaults and nonstop menace, I said I'd get police involved if he thought about taking his menace to assault. It's been a passive aggressive emotional cutoff and he has my nephews as his poker chips. Personally I'm tired of the victim blaming for trying to maintain my relationships. But these is too much and my dad warned me that my mother would always say he'd accept all the abuse to him and his son from his first marriage because "he loves his kids and would never leave."
Thanks for the term "high express emotion." I never heard it and it fits. I would describe my family outburst like a big wind got in their boat sails and they'd just whoosh into a frantic, manic, or highly charged confrontation. I've been reading about emotionally immature parents but the term high express emotion is totally the people I deal with. They are easily bumped into a fury and they have everyone around them programmed to jump.
I've been reading polyvagal theory and it seems my body and nervous system never had a chance around these types. And they're prodding and poking is never ending with them.
Yep, my Lil bro & I are going to small claims court over a car. Let the games begin!
Oh no. I'm sorry. That's so sad when family have to go this route.
This is exactly how both my mom and dad is....i somehow managed to move out..but i still depend on them...and i am being gangstalked by my own birthgivers...i do need help..but i have none to trust
OMGGG!!!! This is how I grew up! youngest of three, and the only girl. My dad was oblivious, and off doing his own thing, never home. I lived a double life up until I was 18, and then, left home.
Thank you for your content. I’m having some very real thoughts about my life and realizing that I have been a victim of gang stalking for years. I was finally able to break free when I left the state where my family was and relocated. I made no new friends and kept to myself for two years.
I don't think I will even admit ever struggling to anyone else anymore because if I go to the hospital again my mom said I am not coming back home if it is for mental health. I feel at times it isn't even worth telling my parents how I feel. What can I do?
That is awful. Hope you can get away. Make a plan. They can affect your mental health. Call a Domestic Violence group in your area and Social Services at your hospital. They may be able to help you.
I want to thank you for these priceless videos. I am binge watching even while driving for Uber. I am seeking healing. I also want to be accountable and become more self aware. I am the type of person who when I observe things in others that I don’t like, when I see it in myself I want to change. I don’t want to be the person that feels like this is who I am and take me as I am.
You're welcome!!☺ I'm so glad these conversations are helpful. And I love that you are trying to better yourself and push yourself into the future with knowledge! That's powerful! Praying you find healing on this journey.
You have no idea what a blessing you are to me!! Your information is more helpful to us than you will ever know. It definitely helps all of us on our healing journey’s!!
❤🙌Thank you! That's so humbling. So glad to hear that.
This is Exactly how My husband's Siblings are. High conflict individuals always Snappy and Attitudes are Very BAD.
It's so hard to deal with people like this. You really have to keep yourself "in check" when dealing with them -- giving them absolutely no reason to fire at you.
Your great example at 18:35 is a perfect example what I had went through as a young child with my family. Little did they know, just how detrimental their cruelty, and a degree of in-house bullying, had played a 'huge role' on how I dealt with many relationships in my personal and professional life. Almost like instead of getting help themselves for their own insecurities and other mental health issues, they rather project than take accountability. It's very damning for one's psyche.
As always, thank you Tamara for her great insight on topics that hits close to home.
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. No one wants to be put in this position because you can often feel like you are losing on every side. It's hard to figure out sometimes who is at fault here.
But I'm very glad you found this helpful.
Always top-notch information from Tamara thank you so much😅🎉❤
You are so welcome! And thank you 😊
I am grateful for your persistence with pushing the "don't engage" approach, Tamara.
It's underestimated and frowned upon by many as weak BUT it's most effective for energy conservation and peace preservation.
In my experience, it has to be a conscious consistent practice or those two end results are not likely to come about.
Thank you for this! I couldn't agree more. It's actually a power-stance that says "I have the control because you are not able to move me, intimidate me, or push me to respond." My mom is really good at this. She pauses and then "meditates" on the wise next move. It's powerful.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Go Mom!!!
🙌😀
Thanks a lot sister, this came at the right time,these therapy sessions are a hard to come by in Africa,Tam, you're really a blessing.
🤗You're welcome and thank you! Thank God for RUclips. It opens door across the world.
How can I help spread your msg in my native language?,we need your help so much, I'm in Rwanda, how can I work with you?
You know you can help some people from being murdered over here.
Hello kimmarie here. From .Paul, Minnesota. I'm 62 and now learning to reverse being reactive myself. Can you share reactive abuse please. I'm trying to forgive myself. But I'm not the abuser. It's so hard.
Can you get away from them?
After dealing with the nonsense in my family I trust no one. I don’t even trust my kids. I find myself fading into the background to avoid conflict even when I know I have been wronged. I also struggle not wanting to do the same thing to others that have been done to me. Unfortunately I wasn’t strong enough to keep my children protected from the craziness in my family. So my children were abused by my family as well. My mom abused and manipulated my children while I tried to work. My sister abused my children calling them bastards and bitches. My family is so screwed up my sister took my daughter to court trying to get an order of protection after making up a whole bunch of lies. Fortunately the judge could see through my sisters crazy lies. I have recently gone no contact with my family. I have the sense that I will have to do it with my children as well. I believe these are generational curses. I prefer to remove myself from situations. This way no one can loop me in or blame me for anything.
I overcame that dosorder . It was triggered by anxiety and i also picked my skin. Was able to heal from tha t. I never knew it was caused from abuse. Atbthevtimebo didvthis it helpedvme self regulate.
How do parents who have HEE change to heal the relationships in the family?
Especially when parent has ASD/CPTSD?
That is SUCH a good question. The short answer is developing self-awarness (through therapy, journaling, meditation, eductional seminars, support groups, religious affiliation, etc), build knowledge on how parents can influence their children with their own emotions (I offer some resources in the description box), and try out new things until you see it change the way you think, feel, and react.
Whats off is its hatred and not love. These abusers are dangerous, b, i barely survived. Are they the cluster B personality disordered?
I'm sorry to hear this. We can label abusers anything and it be right or wrong. The bigger issue here is thaat they are abusers and any abuser needs help.
EQ emotional quotient?
Yes! Thank you. It all makes sense now!🙈
Emotional Intelligence? For EQ
Yes! Thank you. My brain just doesn't get abbreviations. 🙈
I'm new
Welcome! Glad to have you on-board!
The solution to all our problems can be liberal migration,just think of a scifi lifestyle.Where we can live in mobile space homes,or mobile settlement.With wich we can migrate elsewhere,when life with difficult people becomes unbearable.And i'm not talking about this as methaphore,but as actual thing.I just hope,that someone can make this project into reality.
Great live! I definitely needed this one.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you!!