DRUMP: "ANTI-JOKES"

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  • Опубликовано: 23 дек 2024

Комментарии • 3,3 тыс.

  • @GrimRe4per86
    @GrimRe4per86 8 лет назад +1825

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse incapable of understanding human speech promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

    • @pibba8210
      @pibba8210 8 лет назад +7

      which were stolen from antijoke.com

    • @osles3917
      @osles3917 7 лет назад +16

      mystic soliloquy yes, so stolen. Someone call the internet police for utilizing the internet.

    • @randomname7918
      @randomname7918 6 лет назад +1

      I liked filthy frank's version more

    • @mmmmmm6998
      @mmmmmm6998 5 лет назад

      666th like babeyyyy

    • @kidyomu89
      @kidyomu89 5 лет назад +4

      A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?", The horse responds "My wife left me."

  • @Tarzan118
    @Tarzan118 8 лет назад +2135

    What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.

  • @eviltoad746
    @eviltoad746 8 лет назад +2081

    I spent all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me

  • @victoriawallace1584
    @victoriawallace1584 9 лет назад +697

    A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks "why the long face?" And the horse replies- "my wife is dying of a terminal illness"

    • @canthandlethislol
      @canthandlethislol 9 лет назад +3

      👏

    • @victoriaviola9102
      @victoriaviola9102 8 лет назад +2

      I laughed too hard at that wtf! 😅

    • @robbydepaolo3961
      @robbydepaolo3961 8 лет назад

      I don't get it

    • @seamusfee2409
      @seamusfee2409 8 лет назад

      xD

    • @blarg2429
      @blarg2429 8 лет назад +15

      +Robby DePaolo Horses have longer faces than humans do. I think the idea is that we're supposed to think that that fact is part of the joke, but then it turns out to just be the idiom referring to sadness.

  • @sjoerdbrouwer9822
    @sjoerdbrouwer9822 8 лет назад +749

    He orders a drink... a time traveller walks into a bar.

  • @JF098
    @JF098 8 лет назад +1780

    How do you kill an introvert?
    You starve him to death by putting a stranger in his kitchen

    • @silverfang8386
      @silverfang8386 8 лет назад +121

      Not gonna lie that'd probably work with me.

    • @whamer100
      @whamer100 8 лет назад +12

      +Silver Fang Me too, tbh

    • @WaferNegresco
      @WaferNegresco 8 лет назад +6

      Silver Fang
      exactly

    • @jasonsoliva6678
      @jasonsoliva6678 7 лет назад +41

      Was hiding from my relatives before reading this...

    • @Thebes342
      @Thebes342 7 лет назад +4

      That's how I wanna go.

  • @TheMayorofSpace
    @TheMayorofSpace 9 лет назад +601

    what fucking teacher asks you to make a joke and then gets mad when you tell a joke that makes the whole class laugh?

    • @evanyoung31198
      @evanyoung31198 9 лет назад +39

      Irish teachers of course. I should know. Some of them are the laziest people ever. My homework when I was four was to learn the our father prayer.

    • @trickey2333
      @trickey2333 9 лет назад +7

      Evan Young Okay, Evan, we'll just leave you with your prejudices.

    • @ted5610
      @ted5610 9 лет назад +65

      KleptoWafflez I'm assuming Evan is in fact irish.

    • @evanyoung31198
      @evanyoung31198 9 лет назад +36

      Ted South yes I am.

    • @KyleCorbeau
      @KyleCorbeau 9 лет назад +40

      The Mayor of Space The kind of teacher that wanted you to fail or see that it wasn't that easy to write comedy, even when it really was *that* easy.

  • @ForgottenSon_
    @ForgottenSon_ 8 лет назад +938

    I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places
    he told me "Don't go to those places anymore"

    • @sadlobster1
      @sadlobster1 5 лет назад +12

      That's a good one

    • @jamillatorres7226
      @jamillatorres7226 3 года назад +1

      @@just_a_strange_traveler
      *proceeds to break spine in school*

    • @3shot03
      @3shot03 Год назад

      Classic

  • @readyfreddiebear
    @readyfreddiebear 8 лет назад +1195

    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
    Gloves!!
    ...just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet

    • @mrflyingcow8874
      @mrflyingcow8874 8 лет назад +5

      just kiddin, he hasn`t jet opened it

    • @iiamatsuii
      @iiamatsuii 8 лет назад +11

      Elizabeth Jensen THATS FUCKED UP 😂😂😂😂

    • @davecrupel2817
      @davecrupel2817 7 лет назад

      Hahahaha

    • @typacsk
      @typacsk 7 лет назад +6

      You know the rule, Timmy: No hands, no cookies!

    • @PsychoDiesel48
      @PsychoDiesel48 6 лет назад +2

      Noo . . . . . Omfg XD THATS TERRIBLE!! XD

  • @theultragamer7100
    @theultragamer7100 9 лет назад +727

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini?
    For the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

  • @kaimon23
    @kaimon23 9 лет назад +602

    My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

    • @Gore171459
      @Gore171459 9 лет назад +3

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭

    • @TomAce89
      @TomAce89 9 лет назад +2

      Lmao on the floor

    • @InvaderTool
      @InvaderTool 9 лет назад +2

      +Some Stupid Ginger
      OOOOOOOH!!!!

    • @henrygutierrez3243
      @henrygutierrez3243 8 лет назад +8

      +Some Stupid Ginger My day just keeps getting better XD

    • @Shvme
      @Shvme 8 лет назад +1

      oh fuck. i love this.

  • @TheDurk
    @TheDurk 8 лет назад +2140

    An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard , and a German man arrive early to a small concert. they sit in the front row and chat. The setup director is on the stage, and he asks the four men if they can see him alright.
    "yes"
    "oui"
    "si"
    "ja"

  • @colbywright6443
    @colbywright6443 8 лет назад +185

    If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
    If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic.

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 6 лет назад +11

      my friend said Onions were the only vegetable that could make you cry...
      I threw a coconut at his head.

    • @esmooth919
      @esmooth919 6 лет назад +1

      @@Theredtail95 that's a fruit!

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 6 лет назад +2

      @@esmooth919 ok. Let me try something else.
      He said Onion was the only food that would make you cry...
      So, I dumped hot soup down his pants.

    • @CyanSkyAnfall
      @CyanSkyAnfall 5 лет назад +1

      I know it doesn’t make sense(and I’m sure I’m not the first to make this joke) but I came up with “if life gives you melons, make demon ale”

    • @esmooth919
      @esmooth919 5 лет назад

      @@Theredtail95 there's also the jalapeno

  • @ltshep713
    @ltshep713 9 лет назад +742

    If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
    499.
    What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into the fridge?
    Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
    What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into the fridge?
    Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
    The lion king is having a birthday party, all the animals but 1 arrive. Who's missing?
    The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
    Sally wants to go to the party but she has to cross a crocodile infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, why?
    Because all of the crocodiles are at the party.
    Sally dies anyway, why?
    She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

    • @sirloin5951
      @sirloin5951 9 лет назад +5

      +CaptSteelskin I've seen this before in a meme comic.

    • @kiro9291
      @kiro9291 9 лет назад +2

      +CaptSteelskin genius

    • @MadameTeqi
      @MadameTeqi 9 лет назад +10

      Legitimate question: is this the joke that coined the phrase "brick joke"?

    • @MadameTeqi
      @MadameTeqi 9 лет назад +3

      Holy fuck, I learned from a RUclips comment. What has the world come to? (seriously thank you for pointing me in the right direction)
      And if anyone wants to know what I was talking about specifically, I found a link on my own: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrickJoke
      The more you know! *ding*

    • @jiimjaam
      @jiimjaam 8 лет назад +2

      tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrickJoke

  • @RainbowEssence-c3w
    @RainbowEssence-c3w 8 лет назад +351

    Two chemists walk into a bar, one says, "I'll have H20. The other says, "I'll have H20 too." The second chemist dies.

    • @RainbowEssence-c3w
      @RainbowEssence-c3w 8 лет назад +1

      Jarod Wilfred I see what you did there... lol

    • @PsychoDiesel48
      @PsychoDiesel48 6 лет назад +3

      I love jokes like that

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 6 лет назад +11

      The bartender says, "You could just order water. I get that you're Chemists and all, but calling common things by their chemical names just makes you sound like a Jackass. Get out of my bar and don't come back."

    • @pepperjack641
      @pepperjack641 4 года назад +19

      Both chemists survive because who the fuck has hydrogen peroxide on tap.

    • @SavageEpicness-fw2ue
      @SavageEpicness-fw2ue 4 года назад +3

      @@pepperjack641 universal truth.

  • @pseudogamer6685
    @pseudogamer6685 8 лет назад +1392

    Why was six afraid of seven?
    It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

    • @cucckles
      @cucckles 8 лет назад +133

      6 was afraid of 7 because 7 was a registered six offender

    • @tunabeans
      @tunabeans 8 лет назад +2

      +Whitney Cavanaugh XD

    • @laurablekkenhorst4302
      @laurablekkenhorst4302 8 лет назад +11

      Because 7 8 9

    • @roomtemp_soup
      @roomtemp_soup 8 лет назад +30

      Because seven is a registered six offender

    • @Posiedon151
      @Posiedon151 7 лет назад +2

      i am weirdly reminded of the sentient shade of the color blue from hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

  • @MrStoukaph
    @MrStoukaph 8 лет назад +129

    Two muffins are baking in an oven.
    The first one says to the other "Duuude, I'm so baked right now."
    The second says to the first "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

  • @stealthlock6634
    @stealthlock6634 8 лет назад +261

    What do you call a broken window?
    A pane in the glass

    • @j4de578
      @j4de578 8 лет назад +12

      Stealthlock puns are welcome here

  • @willpoweramv
    @willpoweramv 9 лет назад +496

    Two men who haven't seen each other in years finally reunite.
    The first man tells the second man "Hey dude! Let's hang!"
    The second man says "Totally!"
    They were later found at the gallows.

  • @swiftlymurmurs
    @swiftlymurmurs 9 лет назад +2347

    how many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
    certainly not seven, because the light in my basement's still broken!

    • @BaconIsWatching
      @BaconIsWatching 8 лет назад +69

      +MisterSmiley91 and six other people it would seem

    • @febbledebble
      @febbledebble 8 лет назад +5

      +BaconIsWatching
      37*

    • @gameboygamer6498
      @gameboygamer6498 8 лет назад +3

      +BaconIsWatching 56*

    • @natey105
      @natey105 8 лет назад +3

      582*

    • @aquaexnar3093
      @aquaexnar3093 8 лет назад +24

      Lol, the answer I always had for that one was :
      "As many babies as it took to make a pile high enough to reach the lightbulb."

  • @airsoul355games4
    @airsoul355games4 8 лет назад +113

    Helen Keller walks into a bar, a table, and then a chair.

  • @beau9801
    @beau9801 9 лет назад +400

    What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Cancer

    • @beau9801
      @beau9801 9 лет назад

      Tommy Laukkanen Oh yeah, I heard that one too

    • @JossCard42
      @JossCard42 9 лет назад +32

      Tommy Laukkanen That's not funny. My grandpa died in one of those camps...He fell from a guard tower.

    • @beau9801
      @beau9801 9 лет назад +1

      JossCard42 ...

    • @derpaderpy4931
      @derpaderpy4931 9 лет назад +24

      JossCard42 Strange, my grandpa died in one of those camps too. He was crushed by some fuck who fell from a guard tower.

    • @Cory_
      @Cory_ 9 лет назад +16

      Rainbow Pigeon What's worse than cancer?
      Finding 2 worms in your apple

  • @BeanutPutter01
    @BeanutPutter01 9 лет назад +1358

    Where did Arin go after the bombing?
    Everywhere.

  • @AzurePearl1996
    @AzurePearl1996 8 лет назад +491

    Two dyslexics rob a bank. They shouted "Hands in the air, motherstickers, this is a fuck up!" 😂😂😂

    • @theshoesock6637
      @theshoesock6637 8 лет назад +4

      this is great

    • @danielvinson8017
      @danielvinson8017 8 лет назад +3

      Hana-Umi Productions that was hilarious

    • @AzurePearl1996
      @AzurePearl1996 8 лет назад

      Really? I hope you didn't get in too much trouble by the teacher.

    • @cannon9009
      @cannon9009 8 лет назад +13

      Hana-Umi Productions
      Funny thing is, it was actually a fuckup. OH THE IRONY.

    • @idkidk7087
      @idkidk7087 7 лет назад +2

      Hana-Umi Productions but dyslexics mix up letters not words...

  • @joedav67
    @joedav67 8 лет назад +256

    What do you get when you mix strawberries and bananas?
    A healthy smoothie.

    • @MasterKcoop
      @MasterKcoop 8 лет назад +6

      +Some Guy actual answer: to grab his family from the grocery store and properly bury their remains.

    • @MasterKcoop
      @MasterKcoop 8 лет назад +1

      +Paithen ... ._.

    • @mikepolizzi958
      @mikepolizzi958 8 лет назад +1

      technically this isnt even a joke. unfunny in multiple ways

    • @TheCactuar124
      @TheCactuar124 7 лет назад +1

      Mike Polizzi That's why it's called an anti-joke, dumbass.

  • @KatyaKnightwolf
    @KatyaKnightwolf 8 лет назад +148

    What birds always stick together? Vel-crows
    What do you call a gigantic bear in the rain? A Drizzly-bear

    • @jarodwilfrid8505
      @jarodwilfrid8505 8 лет назад +3

      These jokes are going to the birds...

    • @Wrestling824
      @Wrestling824 8 лет назад +3

      +Jarod Wilfred I don't think I can BEAR these puns 😏

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 2 года назад

      What do you call a bear with no teeth?
      A gummy bear!

  • @SoffiCitrus
    @SoffiCitrus 8 лет назад +1515

    What's blue and lies on the floor?
    A baby playing with a plasic bag.

  • @DagamerPC
    @DagamerPC 8 лет назад +389

    Why did Tim drop his Ice Cream?
    He didn't. There was no ice cream.
    He has schizophrenia.

    • @madam-mint
      @madam-mint 8 лет назад

      There is no spoon, apparently, as well. (I have no clue what that's actually from. It just seemed relevant.)

    • @sol-sollemsun273
      @sol-sollemsun273 8 лет назад

      +Rach Frisella ....matrix

    • @eyewai
      @eyewai 7 лет назад

      Bepis
      Ambulance

    • @cheddarcedar
      @cheddarcedar 5 лет назад

      Why did Tim drop his ice cream?
      He preferred Curry.

  • @54firewall
    @54firewall 9 лет назад +102

    A baby seal walks into a club.... .... ..... .... I'll just go.

    • @beau9801
      @beau9801 9 лет назад +7

      Oh...My God

    • @DUSTRUCT0
      @DUSTRUCT0 9 лет назад

      I don't get it. :(
      Such sad.

    • @nicholaspoland99
      @nicholaspoland99 9 лет назад

      Dustin Brown A club as in a weapon

    • @marcoazoz4963
      @marcoazoz4963 9 лет назад

      Holy shit. Down for Ice Climbers?

    • @beau9801
      @beau9801 9 лет назад

      Marco Azoz Fuck yeah!

  • @StoutShako
    @StoutShako 8 лет назад +126

    Why did little Amy fall off the swingset?
    Because she had no arms.
    Why did nobody hear little Amy call for help?
    Because she had no friends.
    Knock knock!
    Who's there?
    Not little Amy!

    • @liaminator4950
      @liaminator4950 8 лет назад

      What about Arin?

    • @StoutShako
      @StoutShako 8 лет назад

      Liaminator haha i forgot that was the name of his wife too. Ok. Modifying the joke just a little bit.

    • @StoutShako
      @StoutShako 8 лет назад

      There. Now it can be seen as a Sonic reference lmao

    • @pascables
      @pascables 8 лет назад +6

      Stout Shako
      okay so this is a long one, and It's a bit offensive (sorta)
      daughter: dad why did you name
      daisy?
      dad: because a daisy fell on you head as a baby
      daughter 2: dad why did you name me rose?
      dad: because a rose fell on your head as a baby.
      son with brain damage: hey dad
      dad: oh hey Brick

    • @discipleofshaun5252
      @discipleofshaun5252 7 лет назад

      Ark Salem Nice theft there...

  • @AimeeRose1997
    @AimeeRose1997 8 лет назад +111

    It's Wolverine's birthday, but what he doesn't know is that there are 3 other mutants at the school whose birthdays are on the same day as his, so when he goes downstairs in the morning and sees the 3 mutants opening their presents, he asks "What the hell's going on here?", to which the professor responds with:
    "You're not the only one with gifts Logan."

  • @NurseValentineSG
    @NurseValentineSG 9 лет назад +115

    What's funnier than 10 children in 1 trash bin?
    1 child in 10.

    • @FLAFRefuelled
      @FLAFRefuelled 9 лет назад +1

      Source of dat profile pic plz

    • @lolwutman
      @lolwutman 9 лет назад +1

      Character is from "Skullgirls" a fighting game on Steam, idk the source

    • @Evilevie11
      @Evilevie11 9 лет назад +1

      Nurse Valentine YES!

    • @GranRodrigo8
      @GranRodrigo8 9 лет назад

      Nurse Valentine 25

    • @chockydoe
      @chockydoe 9 лет назад +1

      What's funnier the that?
      10 trash bins in one child

  • @robbobb4050
    @robbobb4050 5 лет назад +49

    Two muffins are in an oven, one looks at the other and says:
    “Boy, it sure is hot in here!”
    The other muffin goes:
    “Wow a talking muffin!”

  • @JackDuripper
    @JackDuripper 9 лет назад +1677

    What's worse than a dead baby?
    Dumpster full of dead babies
    What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies?
    One is still alive at the bottom
    What's worse than that?
    He had to eat his way out
    What's worse than that?
    He came back for seconds

    • @dariendude17
      @dariendude17 9 лет назад +27

      Jack Duripper God damn dude!

    • @darqfalls849
      @darqfalls849 9 лет назад +126

      Jack Duripper What's worse than that?
      This story gave you an erection

    • @definitelyhacked4000
      @definitelyhacked4000 9 лет назад +21

      Darqfalls my penis cannot get erect.

    • @jblza9672
      @jblza9672 9 лет назад +13

      Nick Piening
      Well now I know what's worse than the other scenarios.

    • @matthewdomagalski3652
      @matthewdomagalski3652 9 лет назад +1

      Jack Duripper Jester814??

  • @cecthekoori7490
    @cecthekoori7490 8 лет назад +248

    ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink.

    • @jarodwilfrid8505
      @jarodwilfrid8505 8 лет назад +14

      And on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear...

    • @jarodwilfrid8505
      @jarodwilfrid8505 8 лет назад +1

      Oh, that's one of my favorite jokes.

    • @ProjjectDelta.
      @ProjjectDelta. 6 лет назад +6

      You said it wrong...its "Ill give you a drink if you tell me a META joke" ...but still good

    • @motivatedindividual2507
      @motivatedindividual2507 6 лет назад +1

      Some Guy But where is The Flash? Oh right, he doesn’t do that anymore

  • @gconklin2012
    @gconklin2012 8 лет назад +897

    Why couldn't the man find his map?
    He lost his map.

    • @redgeoblaze3752
      @redgeoblaze3752 8 лет назад

      he didn't have one

    • @mangomelons
      @mangomelons 8 лет назад

      why?

    • @deefoxwinter853
      @deefoxwinter853 8 лет назад +2

      Gabriella Conklin I thought you were gonna say because Dora stole it ha ha

    • @alexandrite8032
      @alexandrite8032 8 лет назад +2

      Gabriella Conklin

    • @renbies2304
      @renbies2304 6 лет назад

      I actually really didn't expect that and I laughed out loud and startled my cat

  • @GrimRe4per86
    @GrimRe4per86 8 лет назад +376

    There was a girl with no arms or legs sitting on a beach. As a man walked past her she started crying. The man asked "What's the matter dear?". And the girl replied "I've never been hugged before." So the man hugs her and the girl starts crying again. The man asked "What's wrong now?". And the girl replies with "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her but she starts crying yet again. So the man asks "What's the matter now?" The girl replies with "I've never been fucked before." So the man picked her up and threw her in the ocean and said "Well your fucked now!"

    • @jamesmartin6851
      @jamesmartin6851 7 лет назад +27

      you little shit

    • @generic_soda
      @generic_soda 5 лет назад +7

      *xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD*

    • @Thunderdude135
      @Thunderdude135 5 лет назад +11

      now you cant tell if she’s crying under the sea

    • @tenacityxl
      @tenacityxl 5 лет назад +14

      Thunder *Jamaican crab laughter muffled by water*

    • @Ubermensch9240
      @Ubermensch9240 5 лет назад

      That's horrible. Only Kafka would enjoy that.

  • @cloneepisodeiiiwalker3964
    @cloneepisodeiiiwalker3964 9 лет назад +232

    The best part is that voice they do for the Kirby ones.

    • @The_sweetish_chef
      @The_sweetish_chef 9 лет назад +10

      So true. Angry Yiddish grandfather voice is the best for jokes. XD

    • @waterwind2266
      @waterwind2266 9 лет назад

      +Megan S It reminds me if Yeshmin Blechin, the Greg Benson character!

    • @The_sweetish_chef
      @The_sweetish_chef 9 лет назад

      +Samuel Irvin I'm not familiar with them. Who are those guys?

    • @waterwind2266
      @waterwind2266 9 лет назад

      Megan S Just look up Yeshmin Blechin. He's a character created by Greg Benson. He's just an grumpy old Jewish man who sounds a lot like this.

    • @AAFcommander
      @AAFcommander 8 лет назад

      I agree

  • @maya54517
    @maya54517 8 лет назад +40

    Two fish are in a tank. one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"

  • @garychief2338
    @garychief2338 8 лет назад +214

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    John.
    John who?
    John's heart sank, his mothers dementia was getting worse by the day.

    • @garychief2338
      @garychief2338 8 лет назад +14

      shit, someone made this joke already.

    • @GrimRe4per86
      @GrimRe4per86 8 лет назад +12

      Gary Chief
      And his name is John...
      Stamos *full house theme*

  • @EpicJXD
    @EpicJXD 8 лет назад +377

    What's the difference between a moodle and badoodle.
    Skaboodle!

    • @steelbite3605
      @steelbite3605 6 лет назад +7

      EpicJXD from the story about oney telling jokes in class for homework

    • @TheCameraLadyAndTheCameraMan
      @TheCameraLadyAndTheCameraMan 5 лет назад +1

      i cracked up at that joke so many times 😂 it was hilarious 🤣

    • @Ampwich
      @Ampwich 4 года назад

      I don't get that one

  • @xXBEERCULESXx
    @xXBEERCULESXx 8 лет назад +244

    I like my women like I like my coffee...
    Ground up in a bag in the back of my freezer

    • @AetherBoye
      @AetherBoye 8 лет назад +49

      Ultimate Roarior I like my women like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.

    • @CrashfHackergames
      @CrashfHackergames 6 лет назад +1

      That must taste horrible

    • @typacsk
      @typacsk 6 лет назад +8

      I like my women like I like my books.
      Well read and leather bound.

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 6 лет назад +3

      I like my women like I like my coffee...
      With my penis in it.

    • @priyanshugoel3030
      @priyanshugoel3030 5 лет назад +3

      @@Theredtail95 now thats a joke.

  • @DYNEsama
    @DYNEsama 9 лет назад +448

    Why did Jenny fall off the swing?
    Because someone threw a fridge at her

    • @manticore6963
      @manticore6963 9 лет назад +3

      +ShyGuyDY I thought, because she had no arms.

    • @DYNEsama
      @DYNEsama 9 лет назад

      Manti Core We'd say because someone threw a fridge at her at my school lol

    • @TheKing-hi5mk
      @TheKing-hi5mk 9 лет назад +40

      +ShyGuyDY The best joke is this...
      Why did Sally fall off the swing?
      Because she has no arms.
      Knock Knock.
      Who's there?
      Not Sally.

    • @killerslowpoke
      @killerslowpoke 8 лет назад

      Hey what the fuck, I'm Jenny why would you do that

    • @Earthen_Jar_Hands
      @Earthen_Jar_Hands 8 лет назад +2

      Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?
      He got hit by a bus

  • @woodgatejack
    @woodgatejack 8 лет назад +58

    I was in the park, wondering why frisbees look bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.

  • @whymee123
    @whymee123 8 лет назад +112

    I tried writing with a broken pencil the other day, it was pointless

    • @PyroBirdChris
      @PyroBirdChris 5 лет назад

      Sans get outta here

    • @mattalevine
      @mattalevine Месяц назад

      I stood under the tree, trying to find an apple to pick from its branches. It was fruitless.

  • @lopson8683
    @lopson8683 9 лет назад +408

    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY JOKE

    • @war0f1812
      @war0f1812 9 лет назад

      Yesssss

    • @Cure-Skywalker
      @Cure-Skywalker 9 лет назад +4

      I like your coat...

    • @doggygee8836
      @doggygee8836 9 лет назад +5

      +Takeru Takaishi uh hu, uh hu, uh hu

    • @AAFcommander
      @AAFcommander 8 лет назад +4

      reminds me of arin's Yoda jokes, so hilarious!!!!

  • @kaelang12
    @kaelang12 9 лет назад +73

    The way they say the jokes makes me imagine Grunkle Stan telling them.

    • @kaelang12
      @kaelang12 9 лет назад +13

      kaelang12 And speaking of Grunkle Stan...
      My ex-wife still still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Her aim is getting better!
      ...It's funny because marriage is terrible.

    • @Victoriai-y2m
      @Victoriai-y2m 9 лет назад

      omfg XD

  • @nbtry2334
    @nbtry2334 8 лет назад +145

    Dan after every joke: hahahaha that's the worst

  • @dogboyified
    @dogboyified 9 лет назад +129

    Helen Keller walks into a bar.
    And then a chair.
    And then a wall.

    • @typacsk
      @typacsk 7 лет назад +4

      How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
      They moved all the doorknobs.

  • @irishcookies4233
    @irishcookies4233 8 лет назад +1992

    Oh no the xbox and and play station have been injured!!!
    Here comes the ambulance!!!
    WiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiu

  • @tommylynn8822
    @tommylynn8822 8 лет назад +38

    Why is six afraid of seven?
    Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
    Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

  • @datemasamune2904
    @datemasamune2904 8 лет назад +184

    A man's star sign is cancer. And you'll never guess how he died.
    He was attacked by a giant crab.

    • @gracekat7434
      @gracekat7434 8 лет назад

      I LAUGHED TOO HARD AT THIS MAN

    • @StreetRat53
      @StreetRat53 8 лет назад +3

      bo burnham?

    • @Melissa-sp1vs
      @Melissa-sp1vs 8 лет назад

      +Nurtle Thurtle oh my god yeh !

    • @TalAzulay
      @TalAzulay 8 лет назад

      +Date Masamune In hebrew the word for crab is the same as the word for cancer. go figure.

    • @sylvashtda7681
      @sylvashtda7681 8 лет назад

      +Date Masamune what about, he died from cancer

  • @mastercreeper321
    @mastercreeper321 9 лет назад +126

    I have a joke:
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Chickens don't have cognitive ability to reason.therefore,it was random.

    • @ihateladymacbeth8170
      @ihateladymacbeth8170 9 лет назад +2

      Why didn't the man eat his food.........
      cuz he didn't FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT

    • @holyboiamethin2790
      @holyboiamethin2790 9 лет назад +4

      Why did the pervert cross the road?
      To touch a kid.
      Or
      His dick was stuck in the chicken.

    • @ImCroozy
      @ImCroozy 9 лет назад +1

      What did the little girl with no arms and legs get for Christmas?
      Cancer

    • @ImCroozy
      @ImCroozy 9 лет назад +1

      You know I like my women like my coffee...
      Ground up, in my cupboard.

  • @carleatssand
    @carleatssand 8 лет назад +649

    Why did the boy fall off his bike?
    His mother threw a fridge at him.

    • @skalbagge3131
      @skalbagge3131 8 лет назад +20

      Carl AND SHE SAID THAT HE HAD TO BE COOL

    • @Nelamon
      @Nelamon 8 лет назад +6

      parody of that joke,
      Why did monster kid fall off the swing?
      He had no arms.

    • @turnipkupo7263
      @turnipkupo7263 8 лет назад

      dnt get it

    • @skalbagge3131
      @skalbagge3131 8 лет назад +3

      Aurora Tillotson
      I get it
      Its the monster kid from Undertale, isnt it?

    • @Nelamon
      @Nelamon 8 лет назад +1

      yup...
      sarcastically* how did you know!?
      its metaphorically impossible!
      Even scientist couldn't find that out! *w.d gaster shows up*

  • @Johnwicklover1994
    @Johnwicklover1994 8 лет назад +173

    Mom: what do you wanna be when you grow up?
    Me: I wanna be like Arin from GameGrumps!
    Mom: ...oh no...

  • @Dogetor
    @Dogetor 9 лет назад +15

    "What's the difference between a noodle and a bootle? SKADOOTLE!" I LOST IT LOL

  • @thedatacat6771
    @thedatacat6771 8 лет назад +37

    What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
    Birth Defect
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Crippled

    • @priyanshugoel3030
      @priyanshugoel3030 4 года назад

      Ground beef.

    • @lucasgibbs4050
      @lucasgibbs4050 6 месяцев назад

      What do you actually call a cow with no legs?
      A cow that’s not moo-ving anywhere.

  • @ConradTheLonelyStump
    @ConradTheLonelyStump 9 лет назад +50

    Here's one:
    Two fish are in a tank.
    One turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

  • @dracocrusher
    @dracocrusher 9 лет назад +122

    Greatest Pickup Line Ever:
    Girl, if you were a fish.......
    ... You'd be an attractive fish.

    • @alblood8575
      @alblood8575 9 лет назад

      dracocrusher well it's better than "does this rag smell of cloroform..." and "nice shoes, wana f@ck?" ...2 lines ive actualy heard ppl try 2 use...the dude tat used the cloroform one got nailed in the nuts...it was great...

    • @dracocrusher
      @dracocrusher 9 лет назад

      Al Blood Yeah. I mean, if you're calling them an attractive fish, at least it's quirky and you call them attractive. Just being like "Does this rag smell like cloroform?" is just like "Hey, I wanna r*pe you...." which is just plain creepy. And with "Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?" it almost sounds like they're only into the shoes, lol!
      I just imagine if she says yes, they start getting ready and stuff, she takes off her shoes, and then the guy's immediately like "EWwwww...... Yeah this isn't gonna work." then grabs the shoes and just runs off as fast as he can.

    • @alblood8575
      @alblood8575 9 лет назад

      dracocrusher luls! yeah...the saddest part is the that ive ac2aly heard thse 2 used...they didnt succeed but they just sounded so low and dscusting...can deffinatly say those people shouldnt bread...

    • @dracocrusher
      @dracocrusher 9 лет назад

      Al Blood I'd like to say they sound worse when you analyze them, but they sound so bad either way that..... Yeeahhhh....... The heck were those guys thinking?!

    • @alblood8575
      @alblood8575 9 лет назад

      dracocrusher uh...alcohol was involved...public intoxication can b funny sometimes! X,X stoopidity will b the death of us all!!! X3 just gota enjoy the stoopid!!!

  • @treyforest2466
    @treyforest2466 7 лет назад +29

    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
    The horse replies, “I was born into servitude, and when I die my feet will be turned into glue.”
    The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

  • @ethanfritch2654
    @ethanfritch2654 8 лет назад +242

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
    Depends on how hard you throw them.

    • @kiro9291
      @kiro9291 8 лет назад +6

      oh

    • @NOLink8299
      @NOLink8299 8 лет назад +35

      this joke is always a good icebreaker for meeting new people

    • @bingbong7024
      @bingbong7024 8 лет назад +24

      "How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them. Hi, I'm Brianna."

    • @robothunter1035
      @robothunter1035 8 лет назад +5

      Especially those ladies outside of women's health clinics. They love that one.

    • @jamesmartin6851
      @jamesmartin6851 7 лет назад +1

      oh no

  • @snerd8064
    @snerd8064 8 лет назад +45

    what do a brick and a sloth have in common?
    nothing.

    • @Theredtail95
      @Theredtail95 7 месяцев назад

      What’s the difference between a brick and a beach ball?
      I’M ASKING YOU!

  • @Storm-ci2ox
    @Storm-ci2ox 8 лет назад +274

    what do you call a spanish dinosaur? tyrannosaurus mex
    what do you call a dinosaur that doesn't like superman? tyrannosaurus lex
    what do you call a cyborg dinosaur? tyrannosaurus techs
    what do you call a cereal-eating dinosaur? tyrannosaurus chex
    what do you call a dinosaur's curse? a tyrannosaurus hex
    and finally.....
    what does a dinosaur do during mating season?
    tyrannosaurus sex
    i regret nothing

    • @zzz9952
      @zzz9952 8 лет назад +7

      +Gordon Kahan
      What do you call a dinosaur that goes to the gym? Tyrannosaurus pecs.
      What do you call a dinosaur that plays Pokemon? Tyrannosaurus decks.
      What did tyrannosaurus lex steal? Forty (40) tyrannosaurus keks. (And that is terrible.)

    • @Storm-ci2ox
      @Storm-ci2ox 8 лет назад +6

      +Michael Noell what does the dinosaur mating dance include?
      the tyrannosaurus flex

    • @zzz9952
      @zzz9952 8 лет назад +4

      Gordon Kahan What do you get when you let a dinosaur pilot a plane? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

    • @robothunter1035
      @robothunter1035 8 лет назад +5

      What do you call a dinosaur with glasses?
      Tyrannosaurus specs.

    • @robothunter1035
      @robothunter1035 8 лет назад +5

      What do you call my former wife?
      Tyrannosaurus ex!

  • @Richie95Metallica
    @Richie95Metallica 9 лет назад +18

    I love how much Dan believes in the ones he reads
    "What?!"
    "SEAFOOD DISCO!!"

  • @DorkyKirikai
    @DorkyKirikai 9 лет назад +198

    The sea food disco one kills me every time!

    • @GoldFledgEnt
      @GoldFledgEnt 9 лет назад +1

      I don't get it.

    • @DorkyKirikai
      @DorkyKirikai 9 лет назад

      It's a play on words. The sea food and the body part

    • @nicholaspoland99
      @nicholaspoland99 9 лет назад

      he pulled a muscle as in the food muscle

    • @greenstrike0467
      @greenstrike0467 6 лет назад

      they all get me every time but the one that get's me the most is the dam one

    • @dandazed5846
      @dandazed5846 6 лет назад +1

      Kirikai Dubs
      Huh, you must have a seafood allergy then.

  • @FreakDaMIghet
    @FreakDaMIghet 8 лет назад +160

    I'm addicted to prescription glasses. Now 20/20 wants to do a story on my life.

  • @MrGrey321
    @MrGrey321 8 лет назад +46

    The bartender asked "What will you have?
    A time traveler walks into a bar.

    • @zeltoleon
      @zeltoleon 7 лет назад

      He then sees 20 of himself & forgot he time travels here all the time

  • @bartholomewthundercatiii3484
    @bartholomewthundercatiii3484 9 лет назад +26

    You missed the best part of the two fish joke.
    "Dam!"
    "Dumb bass."

  • @LokiSinsALot
    @LokiSinsALot 8 лет назад +210

    What's brown and bad for your dental health
    A baseball bat :}

  • @datemasamune2904
    @datemasamune2904 8 лет назад +102

    A woman and a man were having a conversation.
    Woman: Politicians are terrible! They're all thieves!
    Man: Ma'am, you're being harsh.
    Woman: Why? Are you a politician?
    Man: No, I'm a thief.

  • @xXThePanzerXx
    @xXThePanzerXx 9 лет назад +303

    Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

  • @myaachi5407
    @myaachi5407 8 лет назад +30

    Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
    Because its the only love they'll ever get.

  • @lillieofthevlly
    @lillieofthevlly 9 лет назад +513

    Why did Sally fall off the swing?
    Because Sally has no arms.
    Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Not Sally.

    • @plushmaster3028
      @plushmaster3028 9 лет назад +1

      I love that joke my sister always tells me it and I still laugh

    • @siblilngs101
      @siblilngs101 9 лет назад +15

      Knock knock
      Who's there?
      To
      To who?
      To whom.

    • @TotalBowtie
      @TotalBowtie 9 лет назад +1

      That's one of the three jokes my friend says every time we see each other oh my god

    • @scoutpilgrim5320
      @scoutpilgrim5320 9 лет назад +13

      LogikHawk Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off?
      Everywhere.

    • @lillieofthevlly
      @lillieofthevlly 9 лет назад +1

      Scout Pilgrim Oh god.

  • @rljeric
    @rljeric 9 лет назад +128

    What do a guitar and a cone have in common?
    Neither one of them can climb a tree.

    • @war0f1812
      @war0f1812 9 лет назад +1

      Ketchup

    • @kirbykinnie3691
      @kirbykinnie3691 9 лет назад +1

      +Littlejohn133 I LIKED THIS WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD'VE

    • @resss9403
      @resss9403 8 лет назад +1

      Well one can.If you're talking about a PINECONE

    • @kiro9291
      @kiro9291 8 лет назад +5

      +Yayai Danish pinecones can't climb trees

  • @ThatIckyGuy
    @ThatIckyGuy 7 лет назад +66

    A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
    "Quiero calcetines" said the man.
    "I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
    "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
    "Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
    "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
    "I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
    "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
    "These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
    "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
    "Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
    "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
    As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!".
    "Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

    • @houdini9739
      @houdini9739 5 лет назад +4

      Dyonus this is amazing and underrated

    • @somebodycooliguess1597
      @somebodycooliguess1597 5 лет назад +3

      The funny part is that he understands exactly what she was offering him every time 🤣

    • @kingdavey90
      @kingdavey90 4 года назад +1

      oh man, that was a lot of work for a S O C K S pun :D

  • @femoman
    @femoman 9 лет назад +95

    Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. After he's finished the bartender asks if he'd like another. He tries to say "I don't think so.", but he only gets as far as "I don't think..." and POOF! He disappears.

    • @femoman
      @femoman 9 лет назад +12

      ***** Descartes was the 'I think, therefore I am' guy.

    • @keretor9457
      @keretor9457 8 лет назад

      +Flyingfox that's the joke

    • @MattDearing
      @MattDearing 8 лет назад

      Love it.

    • @robothunter1035
      @robothunter1035 8 лет назад +1

      +Michael Welsh (Femoman) He says, "No thank you. I have to drive."

  • @ultimateninjaboi
    @ultimateninjaboi 8 лет назад +38

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming and panicking like the passengers in his car

  • @JT-qk9kn
    @JT-qk9kn 8 лет назад +10

    a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?"
    the bartender then realizes the horse isnt real, and slowly succombs into his insanity

  • @ibiotic8907
    @ibiotic8907 8 лет назад +21

    A couple was lieing down in a field gazing at the stars. Quickly, both of them took notice to the fact that only one of the stars in the sky were visible. The couple began to get curious as to why this strange phenomenon was occurring.
    They then went blind blind due to staring at the sun.

  • @soniclovesamygirl
    @soniclovesamygirl 9 лет назад +902

    My ex-wife still misses me!
    BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!

    • @sunflowertrickster9705
      @sunflowertrickster9705 9 лет назад +117

      See, it's funny because marriage is terrible.

    • @scoutpilgrim5320
      @scoutpilgrim5320 9 лет назад +87

      soniclovesamygirl Who are the fastest readers in the world?
      9/11 victims, they went through 85 stories in 10 seconds.
      i'll see myself to the bowels of hell.

    • @grandiosereject5083
      @grandiosereject5083 9 лет назад +37

      GRUNCLE STAN WE HAVE A WINNER

    • @kerry1808
      @kerry1808 9 лет назад +2

      Scout Pilgrim wtf man, you're sick. (Θ︹Θ)ს

    • @scoutpilgrim5320
      @scoutpilgrim5320 9 лет назад +13

      Swagalious Elisha psssh, that's not even my worst.

  • @martyfriedman2672
    @martyfriedman2672 8 лет назад +154

    Why couldn't the Mexican eat a taco?
    He was vegetarian and was offended by the idea of eating meat.

  • @amigohonkanen
    @amigohonkanen 9 лет назад +27

    What do a rabbit and an elephant have in common?
    They both start with "R", the elephants name is Randy.

  • @yamothaisaverynizlady
    @yamothaisaverynizlady 8 лет назад +826

    I don't know these guys, but they made me laugh for hours

    • @Storm-ci2ox
      @Storm-ci2ox 8 лет назад +81

      +Isabel Brewer Their channel is the Game Grumps, and they have entire videos devoted to their stupidity. Those ones are the 'Best Of' Game Grumps

    • @MIGU3L2K
      @MIGU3L2K 8 лет назад +12

      They aren't funny anymore though, so don't waste your time.

    • @gummygoo2
      @gummygoo2 7 лет назад +28

      Isaboble its Danny and Arin aka the gamegrumps, they're in a band together called starbomb and Danny's in a seperate band called ninjasexparty (nsp)
      Hope you keep watching these fabulous funny people and enjoy! :D

    • @childishcowbino1245
      @childishcowbino1245 7 лет назад +3

      I beg to differ

    • @ado_5
      @ado_5 7 лет назад

      RichHobo I agree with him

  • @andrewharvey1777
    @andrewharvey1777 8 лет назад +55

    What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
    GLOVES!
    Just kidding, he still hasn't opened his present

  • @sainsburyschocolatechipcoo5275
    @sainsburyschocolatechipcoo5275 8 лет назад +17

    two racing dog were beside the track boasting about their wins. one says "I've won 25 out of my last 50 races!" the other says "that's nothing, I've won 50 out of my last 75!" at this point, a racehorse pokes his head round and says "well I've won 99 of my last 100, and I only lost that one because I was ill!" the dogs look at eachother, then one says...
    "BLOODY HELL, A TALKING HORSE!!!"

  • @rachaelbrown3656
    @rachaelbrown3656 8 лет назад +280

    France, Germany and England decide to have a competition on which countries cat can swim a certain distance the quickest. To save confusion they each name the cat the first three numbers in their language, Germany named theirs Ein, Zwei, Drei. France named theirs Un, Deux, Trois and England named theirs One, Two, Three. The race begins and the officials go the the finish line to await the swimming cats.
    Ein, Zwei, Drei won the race, One, Two, Three came second, but Un, Deux, Trois never finished, why?
    Because the Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq

  • @SolstaceWinters
    @SolstaceWinters 8 лет назад +279

    Why did the plane crash?
    _Because the pilot was a loaf of bread._

  • @sanboi4246
    @sanboi4246 9 лет назад +196

    What did the fisherman say to the wizard?
    Pick a cod, any cod.

    • @andrewkful
      @andrewkful 9 лет назад +13

      Took place in Boston.

    • @Sharon_Hocutt
      @Sharon_Hocutt 9 лет назад +1

      sandroalimpoos tincksabatin Would you like a Gorp with that Drump and Grump with ice?

    • @sanboi4246
      @sanboi4246 9 лет назад +1

      Sharon Hocutt Nah i would like some grump choc on that vinaly eis kriim.

    • @Sharon_Hocutt
      @Sharon_Hocutt 9 лет назад

      K. You will get Grep with Drump and Grump with a new Gorp Sundae.

    • @tomr9716
      @tomr9716 9 лет назад

      Oh my god, that joke was on the wrapper of a Penguin chocolate bar I had yesterday. Just replace Fisherman with Penguin

  • @Hawkeye04300
    @Hawkeye04300 9 лет назад +17

    My favourite examples from Anti-Jokes:
    "The WNBA"
    "What has two legs and is red all over?
    Half a cat"
    And of course
    "What's worse than a bee sting?
    Two bee stings.
    What's worse than two bee stings?
    The Holocaust.
    What's worse than the Holocaust?
    Three bee stings."

  • @186product7
    @186product7 8 лет назад +35

    My favorite bad joke is:
    What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a stick of glue?

    • @186product7
      @186product7 8 лет назад +25

      You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

    • @186product7
      @186product7 8 лет назад +10

      ***** This guy gets it

  • @hunterhuang2500
    @hunterhuang2500 8 лет назад +162

    How do you get a baby out of a blender?
    With a straw

  • @mystriolu4407
    @mystriolu4407 10 лет назад +618

    I asked and I received. Thank you!

    • @randomvideogamerdude
      @randomvideogamerdude  10 лет назад +11

      Suggestions are welcome ;)

    • @Grizzlow2
      @Grizzlow2 9 лет назад

      ***** I agree 100%.

    • @patricktrego1453
      @patricktrego1453 9 лет назад

      ***** I also agree, I get it drump sounds like grump, you don't need to tell me every 2 secpnds

    • @Kingofgames664
      @Kingofgames664 9 лет назад +7

      I liked this just to get this comment to 69 likes

    • @mystriolu4407
      @mystriolu4407 9 лет назад

      Just Your Typical Brony A dream come true

  • @regalia8717
    @regalia8717 8 лет назад +53

    What did little Billy get for Christmas this year?
    Polio.

    • @zzz9952
      @zzz9952 8 лет назад +4

      +HiddenTalent77 Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
      Because he got hit by a bus.

    • @semisweetsnail8578
      @semisweetsnail8578 8 лет назад +6

      +Michael Noell Why doesn't billy go to the beach anymore?
      He drowned last year

    • @BluesMoth64
      @BluesMoth64 8 лет назад

      Polio's cured, right?

    • @kingdavey90
      @kingdavey90 4 года назад

      @@BluesMoth64 It's vaccined against. However, not everyone gets vaccines anymore.

    • @kingdavey90
      @kingdavey90 4 года назад

      What did Billy get for New Years Eve?
      A wheelchair!

  • @godzelda123
    @godzelda123 9 лет назад +131

    Did you know that 5/4 people are bad at fractions?

    • @Yizak
      @Yizak 9 лет назад +20

      +Godzelda123 There are 10 types of people:
      Those who understand binary and those who do not.

    • @TheNookOfficial
      @TheNookOfficial 9 лет назад +1

      +Godzelda123 There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.

    • @BeeWaifu
      @BeeWaifu 9 лет назад

      American Ninja Guy
      Wait a minute...

    • @TheNookOfficial
      @TheNookOfficial 9 лет назад

      bladiumdragon Not quite sure which one *I* am! *nervous laugh*

    • @jarethrowe6948
      @jarethrowe6948 9 лет назад

      5/4, wait

  • @CrazyCircles1
    @CrazyCircles1 9 лет назад +19

    What does a cannibal hide in his bathroom?
    Head and Shoulders.

  • @masterklaw4527
    @masterklaw4527 Год назад +3

    Jesus walks into an inn. He hands the innkeeper three nails.
    “Could you put me up for the weekend?”

  • @-ijplus-1223
    @-ijplus-1223 9 лет назад +18

    Two muffins are in an oven. One says, "Good grief, it's hot in here!" The other says, "Good grief, a talking muffin!"

    • @restinpeas1284
      @restinpeas1284 9 лет назад +6

      - IJplus - Then they both scream as they're baked alive.

    • @ultraviolette69
      @ultraviolette69 9 лет назад +1

      Darrark *slow clap*

    • @kimky1957
      @kimky1957 9 лет назад +1

      - IJplus - And They're Seeing Dancing Purple Dragon-Elephant Hybrids Because They're Pretty Baked

  • @playin4power
    @playin4power 9 лет назад +131

    Am I the only one that actually find these hilarious? I love these jokes more than any other. I mean isn't it kind of whats jokes are supposed to be?

    • @CheffBryan
      @CheffBryan 9 лет назад +18

      They're great because you'd expect something zany and off-the-wall, but it turns into something absolutely mundane.

    • @masao7863
      @masao7863 9 лет назад +1

      ***** Is because there are so bad that they are good haha

    • @MuppetMan246
      @MuppetMan246 9 лет назад

      Kosaburo Ijymo Like B-Movies!
      God bless Bruce Campbell!

    • @OnionFairy99
      @OnionFairy99 9 лет назад +5

      ***** Of course not! Anti-Jokes and Dark humor are some of my favorite jokes!!

    • @-snek.
      @-snek. 9 лет назад

      ***** They're hilarious because of Arin and Danny's fucking A-Plus delivery.

  • @carlgustafson6669
    @carlgustafson6669 8 лет назад +21

    This year during hunting season I shot my first turkey... Scared the shit out of everyone at the grocery store.

  • @Farapalap
    @Farapalap 9 лет назад +15

    A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink.
    "Long day?" the bartender asks.
    "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.