Jeebus, these parents are blatantly ridiculous in their whining comments. “You’re choosing a date of your mother!” ‘No. Mom’s choosing yoga over my wedding day. She’s throwing away her daughter for yoga. Grow up, Dad.’
@@smsff7 Also when they get asked why their parents aren't there, explain that the parents felt the yoga retreat was more important, it won't look good for them. And since all this information about the retreat excuse is coming from the father, I wonder if mom will throw him under that bus and blame him for this?
Many marriages do not survive the death of a child but OP's father choose that life. He knowingly married a woman he knew had a child with a terminal illness. He's the one who wanted to play hero to this woman and her child and decided that his relationship with OP was worth the "extra love". Well this is the cost of his "sacrifice" no relationship with OP, his wife or any future grandchildren. No empathy for that man because he purposely put himself into this position.
The dad in the first story isn't a hero. He has a savior complex. His first wife had long term medical conditions. His second wife had a son with them. He likes being seen as the hero. Giving attention to someone who isn't going to die (his kid) isn't going to get him praise. It's just parenting. But if he looks after a kid that isn't even his, who is going to die and makes financial sacrifices for him then he gets to look like a hero. If he marries a woman who is sick he is seen as the paragon of love.
This was my thought too! He likes to be seen as someone who sacrifices for the good of the sick ones, but can’t see that he’s neglecting his own son’s needs.
S2: Son needs a wonderful place to live because HIS courses were so demanding, whereas hers, funded by scholarships were -- nothing? Hope Ahole OP picked the right golden child, because I wouldn't blame daughter for going low or no contact. Maybe someone from the US can answer this question, which keeps coming up on reddit: is claiming a fund is for education for tax purposes, and then not spending it on education fraud?
Tough question until it is touched. There's nothing to say you can't touch it at 30, 40 or 50 years of age. It WOULD be taxable if used for something else. But as of this story it hasn't been used.
Story 2 (the withholding the kids fund): It might be difficult getting a job in the arts… that’s understandable, however it’s still a degree which means she still went to college. The brother did not go for grad school either and he still got the fund and got a pretty pampered school life. While yes I can agree that a college fund is technically the grandparents money being given to the kids they should have left it with the same rule of no money if no grad school is done regardless of the career of choice. Right now it really just looks like they prefer the brother over the sister and nothing will change the parents mind.
Can you imagine the fights the daughter would have had to get her arts degree if she hadn’t received her scholarships? There is no way in hell her parents would have given her any money to cover her college expenses. And it’s ridiculous that the parents wanted to hold the money hostage for graduate school instead of helping with regular college expenses…oh wait the helped the favorite child. If I was the daughter, I would go back for a higher degree just to spite mommy dearest!
College funf story- "Hey, we're stealing our daughter's college fund money, showing blatant favoritism against her,, we have two phds between us, and we need to go on Reddit to solve the mystery of why she's having less to do with us"
Story 4) Bro, i do not for a single second believe that's a "yoga retreat"! Who the Hell picks a yoga retreat over their kids wedding? _Especially_ when the kid offers to pay the cost to reschedule? Nah, that's a swinger retreat or something 🤣
Story 5 Please forget your selfish parents and you are not the selfish one , congratulations and have a wonderful wedding and ignore your selfish parents,and remember you don't need to allow them access to your babies because you are busy and you should suggest they go on a yoga retreat have they always been selfish self absorbed individual s
Story 2: yta just because she never went to Grad school? She had to work n live in unsafe location before n managed to complete what she went for while because ur son going for Engineering he gets to have place so he can study n do what he needs to complete his? She had a college fun n u basically never mentioned it to her bet they using it help brother
How dare you not change your wedding date? It’s your mothers freaking yoga retreat, that so trumps your wedding and its your old moms yoga retreat, just change the date and be a good daughter
Story Two: YTA, and it's amazing how OP can't see that he's punishing his daughter for choosing a career in the arts. He talks about her place in a "not so nice" neighborhood -- yet he and his wife gave money to the son to get a place in a nice neighborhood simply because he decided to go into engineering. I hope that daughter becomes a HUGE DEAL in music and tells them that they aren't getting a penny from her!
The only reason their the aholes is for not giving the money from the grandparents, it wasn't their money to guard. As far as their logic, it's what I told my kids. Difference is I told them before they started looking and deciding what to go into. I said I'd pay for any job with a good ROI and anything else they better get scholarships/grants for cause I won't waste my money on it.
Honestly I think the daughter might have the right to sue her parents for stealing her money. They have definitely deserved the no contact that is coming
NTA. She chose a "degree" that they still have to support her on. That defeats the whole purpose of the "degree". We're not supporting you anymore so get a job while you earn a useless degree that doesn't help feed and clothe you. Choose something that earns and we'll help you more.
Yep, parents are punishing her because she chose a degree they disapproved of. I find it suspicious that the grandparents set up college funds for both kids and the parents held onto the money and decided themselves how it was to be used. Who are these parents to say it can only be used for graduate school instead of providing for regular college courses. The studious daughter worked her butt off in high school and received scholarships to cover her courses, but she gets penalized for her hard work, while the brother slacks off and is rewarded with his college housing (which sounds like it was off campus instead of in a dorm) paid for from said college account. Can we guess which child was a favorite? These parents have just caused a huge rift in their family because of their skewed views! Sounds like the grandparents are still alive, so maybe the daughter should have a talk with them about how her parents kept her college fund from her 🤷🏼♀️
Story #2, I can't believe the parents punished their daughter because they didn't like her career choice by withholding her college fund, what horrible parents.
They are TAH in this. It was her college fund and they withheld it from her when in college forcing her to stay in a less safe apartment. I hope she cuts contact with OP on this, he sucks.
I agree I mean, if I knew I had a college fun. My choices could’ve been very different. She could’ve chosen to continue school knowing she wouldn’t go deeper into debt horrible parents they obviously have a favorite
Ah take as old as time in the first story, gotta love how bad parents are not only bad but also the biggest hypocrites on earth. Like, yeah sure I neglected and and never helped you. But now you’re supposed to help me because I’m the one who gave birth to you and I’m your parent just because. Now all the sudden the father wants to be a loving father to the son he shunned, no thank you.
All the parents her. Raging hypocrites. The “You’re old enough to have learned compassion” is the guy with zero compassion for his kid. The “Blended family is inclusive” is excluding her kids to be “inclusive “. And the “You’re choosing a date over Mom” folks are choosing yoga over their daughter. 🤦🏻♀️
Story 2: YTA. I hope daughter reaches out to grandparents. It was not OP's right to decide when and if Daughter gets the COLLEGE FUND. Children do not have to follow in parents' footsteps. Daughter had to struggle because of the major she chose. Wow! Any withdrawal fees should be paid by OP. Lordt!!!!!
sadly the grandparents are basically "hands off" in this situation. they even knew about the graduate school rule and the fact that the parents gave their son his share too. what's worse is Op is taking being ripped to shreds to heart, but his wife isn't budging
Story 2: YTA and the wife TOO, they both didn't let the daughter GET HER MONEY so she could do as she pleases while she was studying, letting her pay herself for her thing etc (it's good BUT THEY HELPED THEIR SON BUT NOT HER????)
They favor the son, he’s in a STEM field, and has good prospects with his degree track. Music while clearly the daughter’s passion is nothing more than a waste of time to the husband and wife hence why they let her struggle while their golden goose gets pampered in luxury.
@@mikeyxyz6706 I’m gonna summarize it because it’s two edits and I’m not on my desktop to copy them over at the moment. Op said he and his wife accepted their judgment and he reached out to his daughter to ask her what she wanted them to do with the money. She responded with basically a “do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore” type of paragraph. Op could tell that she didn’t really mean that and was hurt, but wife is insisting on doing exactly that. Then in the second edit, op reveals the real problem. Wife and daughter have had a strained relationship for years with wife always disapproving of daughter’s choices. And while op was suggested to withdraw the same amount for daughter to make things fair, wife still wants to keep it out of daughter’s hands. The way op described the grandparents stance on this was that “they are not mentally aware enough to participate in the discussion”, but they knew about the grad school stipulation, and about op and wife withdrawing money for the son, and they’re letting it be op and wife’s decision on everything. Whatever is unused will go to taking care of the grandparents
Story about the money, you are playing favouritism. 👏👏👏 Well done on losing your daughter. That money was sat aside for education reasons. It's amazing she hadn't deleted or block your numbers. Because if was me, I would block your number.
Story 1: The dad is such an absolute simp. He sidelined his own son to be with some other woman and to -pay up- care for her terminally ill son. And of course, after her son passes away, that woman has no further use for the simp dad and divorces him. Simp Daddy sold out his son and is now left with nothing, which is exactly what he deserves.
I'm sure the golden child will get them a new one with a nice stem degree. At the same time, I'm pretty sure mommy just lost her only chance to be mother of the bride while daddy lost the whole walk the daughter down the aisle gig.
Story 2: YTA in the absolute worst way. I would literally never speak to OP ever again. They purposely didn't give her the money while in school because of thier personal disapproval. The money isn't OPs. He's a damn thief.
@@Harvest133 you are not very bright huh? It is a harder field to break through but nevertheless it is her choice if you finance one child it is only fair to finance the other one as well. And btw the story says the daughter got a job in her field so the degree isn't useless.
@@johnnorth6506 no that would be equal but it wouldn't be fair. Fair and equal are not equivalent. Is it fair to find a useless luxury degree while the other got a viable, and frankly, harder degree? Maybe, maybe not. I say no.
@@Harvest133 I doubt that her grandparents were looking for a "return on investment" from either child's degree. That would have been more appropriate to a bank, and is usually obtained by charging interest. It's usually the parents who would be in a position to benefit from their children's earnings.
Story 2...Both children went to college, only the son got a college fund even though one existed for the daughter and it wasn't even the dad's money, it was the grandparents!! He's 100% an ahole, and he gets extra ahole point for even needing to ASK.
Story 2 This is why if you set up money for a child you make sure they are given to the child and the child knows the money exists. Relying on the parents only allows them to steal the money
Even better. Let mom waste the money throwing the party, tell the extended family so they could do something on brother’s birthday, and then go to extended family and leave mom to look stupid.
Story 3 : NTA, classic case of a parent thinking that maturity/being responsible means you mindlessly agreeing with them and sacrificing everything to accommodate their selfish wants.
OP needs to contact their brother’s and theirs grandparents (their deceased father’s) and let them know what’s going on. OP’s brother should be able to create the guest list for his 14th birthday. The birthday has nothing to do with the stepdad and his kids. What the mom is doing will result in a strained relationship with the OP and the brother.
imho it's quite simple really ... the mom did not want to throw a birthday party for her son's sake, SHE wanted a fancy party/get together with her current family and used the birthday as an "excuse". That's why she does not give a sh** about her son's wishes regarding the guest list.
@@sx5r the kids would probably rather like to live with their dad’s parents. I wonder if the kids from the mom’s first marriage are being neglected in other ways.
Story 1: OP - you live in a place called "Last Resort". It's a wonderful place where people go when they've burnt every bridge they crossed. In fact, you can recognise the last resort by the smell of burning timber. The strange thing is that the smoke-stained people who visit it will never admit it's called that and say that they actually want to be there - in fact, many will try to convince you that they're doing YOU a favour.
Or the son is the golden child and because he is blissfully average, mommy and daddy decide to passively punish their excellent daughter who not only got onto a top school but also had what sounds like a full/almost full scholarship. So she gets to work her hands to the bone and live in a crammed apartment, but the prince gets his own very expensive place. I hope OP gets sued and forced to return those money to their rightful owner, his daughter (because I suspect that they never told her about the fund so that they could use her part on their boy) and she goes NC with them. And if I were the drandparents, I'd be disinheriting a daughter or a son and their spouse very soon, let them handle their son's luxurious apartment from their own earnings.
@@annak8755 there is an update, Op asked her what to do with the money and she said whatever, that she didn't care anymore, he still wanted to split it fair, but wife is still doubling down, don't misunderstand me, OP is still a horrible parent, but it seems that he a least had a little change of heart, although too little too late, the damage is done, and wife and daughter actually always had a strained relationship as said by OP, the reason you can guess, always criticizing daughter choices
@@joaolima7131 I would find it hard to forgive him letting her struggle all those years. The grandparents could have let her know, but it seems they didn't "interfere".
Story 1 - Dad was disappointed that OP already knew about his wife and stepson because he was hoping to use that for sympathy points. "I had hoped you had grown to have more empathy." It's funny how empathy only matters when the Dad needs money.
S3: she's not throwing a party for her s9n's birthday. She's using her son's birthday to throw a party for herself. As she said " they have nothing to do with her anymore. " Key word : HER.
I caught that too if I was the birthday boy I would refuse to participate when the cake comes I would say it's mom's cake, mom's party etc etc, or better yet at 14 just take off on a bus to grandma's house the morning of the party
i thought the same, i think having the new family members is something they can reach an agreement on. But she wants to pick and choose who is "family" and who is not, thats simply not fair.
Story 2: Really hope the YTA's make OP realize how much he messed up. I would not be surprised if she decides to cut her parents out of her life, especially after they first never told her about it, yet allowed their son to use it, and then now does not want to give her the money that was put aside for her education, but they 'forgot' to tell her about and never provided anything for.
From the updates, this poor girl already has given up on these insanely poor excuses for parents. And the OP lacks some serious introspection based on the updates. It made me really sad for her that she was forced to realize that she can't trust or rely on her parents. The same ones who set her brother up for success but set her up to fail. Poor girl.
The college fund story. I don’t understand how someone with a PhD can read what they wrote themselves and not realize what a huge jerk they are. Obviously they did not approve of the daughters choice in majors and withheld her money under the thin veneer of saving it for her masters (spoiler alert: if her masters was in art she was not going to get it). Golden Child, I’m sorry I mean the son, chooses a stem field that meets parents approval so he gets all the support he needs. At the end of the day it’s not about the money. The blatant favoritism, unfair treatment, deception, gaslighting…..if I was the daughter I’m not sure I would continue a relationship with them. What would be the point?
And from what I've read in the comments here about the post, he's now trying to say oh, it's the wife and they've never gotten along. He's sits back and lets his wife get away with this behavior, then he's just as guilty. Maybe even more because he knows it's wrong.
At worst they tell her, "You know you are picking a major that's not in high demand. If that's what you want to do and makes you happy, go for it, but we are worried about the monetary aspects of that concerns us". These chuckleheads look down their noses at a college degree, it has to be a PHD college degree.
What the hell is wrong with OP and his wife, all this years they hide their daughter college fund that was prepared by her grandparents, not OP. The daughter spend years study with low money and sharing her house while her brother enjoy his college while living a luxury life. I can already see how shock for her being deceive by her own parents.
@@anggamaulana3498 that's cause either brother is either the Golden child or more likely op really didn't like the fact their daughter went into non stem studies
@@Yume10605 It's both. He lets her live in a "not so nice" neighborhood; yet gave his son money to get a place in a nice neighborhood. Nothing to do with educational needs, but because son is the golden child and future ATM.
"At your age you should have more compassion" "yeah well if i had a dad who showed me any i might understand it better, but my dad only taught me how to care about my own wants and needs by pushing me away for his"
1. I like when the hypocrite words thrown back at them lol 2. All I heard is bs reason to take the money set up for her. And YES, it was HER money, smh...
Story one. After they treat you like you are less than nothing people who find themselves with nothing are surprised you are not excited when they are ready to take from you. Instead of apologies, contrition, accountability you will be met with entitlement, anger, resentment and greed. People, the sooner you learn to identify these creatures and cut them out of your life the happier you will be. Blood accounts for little. Your friend, coworker, neighbor, in law, who does not share blood with you, doesn’t look like you, can be your real family.
Last story: NTA. God forbid a family member would die during this scheduled yoga retreat. Would they miss it then. Wedding’s are just as important as funerals. Rent stand in parent’s and see how they like that.
I actually thought it was going to be the other words that he threw back at dad - "You're old enough to understand that life isn't always easy or fun and that a rougher life can build character."
Story 2: I hope that this is fake. I don’t understand how some people can sleep so peacefully knowing that they stole money from their own children. That money did not belong to parents; it was a gift from the grandparents to their grandchildren. OP, I’m not surprised that your daughter cut off you and your wife. I wouldn’t want to associate with thieves neither.
Story 1 - Hard NTA. Your dad married a woman who has a sick kid who later died. And she left him? I'd tell dear old dad, "Why should I give a damn when you didn't give one to me?"
Yoga retreat. I think this is less about the retreat than about the parents' determination to wield power over OP. They (or at least the father) seem to be outraged that OP will not bend to their wills.
Story 2: yes you ATA, but I think it's important to distinguish here, who is the executor of the funds? Because it sounds like it's you but you also alluded to the grandparents still being alive. So, if the grandparents that set up the funds are still alive (and of sound mind), ask them to weigh in but make sure they have ALL the info including the fact brother has received his share despite not yet having anymore college experience than your daughter at this point. What do you mean you would have to pay a penalty?? That's ridiculous. Is the money in a CD or something?? Has it fully matured? (I assume yes if it was designated for college. If you are the executor of this money you need to give it to daughter... atleast the same amount you gave your son IMO. You can stipulate she should use some of it to pay any school bills she man have or invest more into whatever her medium of art choice is or maybe take an extra art class but the truth is, that's not YOUR money either but you are using it to manipulate your son and punish your daughter for not doing what you want them to do. You're so damned lucky you have good kids that actually pursued higher education. They aren't addicts with a bunch of kids you have to take care of. Just because your daughter isn't your brand of successful does not mean she's not successful. My grandparents did the same for all of my siblings and I. All of us went and completed college except my brother and I. My mom (the executor) just handed us the funds to cash it whenever. They are in the form of bonds. IDK what my little brother did but I'm sitting on mine in case of an emergency. . You kind of alluded that your daughter's school (that she did in fact get) may have been cheaper because she got scholarships. What kind of a message are you trying to send her because it doesn't look so good where I'm standing.
I'm thinking the grandparents likely set up a 529 plan. In a 529, the money is tax-deferred/federal tax free, and usually higher earning due to it being put in the market instead of just a savings plan or a CD. If the money isn't used for education purposes, the tax-free money is now taxable, which is what OP is referring to. Honestly, OP did his daughter dirty because if the account beneficiary (his daughter) receives a tax-free scholarship, no fee or penalty is incurred in withdrawing the funds, and his daughter had apparently gotten _lots_ of scholarships, so she could've received that money outright. That said, taxes are only paid for on the earnings, not the contributions.
So their golden child got his fund because he's a STEM student but daughter and her liberal arts/music school doesn't get squat and they wonder why she's low contact 🤷♀️🤦♂️ OP and his wife are hypocrites.
@@NotAFanOfHandles So what happens to the money? They look at it? Bringing up the taxes, solves nothing. "You don't get, nobody gets it. It will sit there forever, because of the taxes". 2022 was a great year for inflation. A few more years of that and maybe the college money will be a down payment on a loaf of bread.
The parents in Story 4 just don’t want to go to OP’s wedding. The “yoga retreat” is just an excuse to get out of going to the wedding, and they expected OP to blow up and look like an asshole and thus take the heat off them. If people were to ask why they weren’t there, they could use OP’s “unreasonable response” as an excuse. OP instead offered to fund a separate trip _out of her own pocket_ and now the parents look like assholes. Now _they_ can’t vilify OP if people ask why they weren’t at the wedding. OP is NTA, and I think she should be super-petty and have two empty seats right at the front to bring attention to the fact that her parents weren’t there.
I'd put a black bowtie on dad's mat and some flowers on mom's and have the photographer take a photo. I'd frame one to hang on my wall and post one on social media. Maybe add a caption like, "just couldn't miss a day of downward-facing-dog."
Wife has the hots for the gorgeous yoga instructor. A beautiful blonde in her 20s? The mom is Bi and it's her yearly chance to blow off steam without ramifications. Probably hot yoga.
It doesn't seem fair to her because it isn't fair to her you gave your son the money so he didn't struggle her you let her live in a place where she could have got killed by crime and anything else you just didn't care. Also it's nice to point out that the money's not yours either it would have been nice if she could have asked her grandparents about it instead of living in a place where you said it wasn't very safe. Maybe your kids would have wanted to do something else had they known they had the money maybe when they picked what they wanted to do they were thinking of y'all and paying for college. But I'm sure that she will get over the fact that you love your son more and you think that his career is going to receive monies and hers not so much. You've ruined any trust your daughter has for you.
1st - I can’t wrap my head around how the dad spent money looking for his son only after finding himself alone and thinks OP owes him and should help pay for father’s car. Father should have just used the money to pay for his car. What did he expect would happen after driving out his minor aged son due to neglect? I do think some of those posted comments were wrong about the wife divorcing OP’s dad since she no longer needed him after her son died. Many marriages can’t survive the death of a child. It is very probable their marriage fell to this. 2nd - so the parents stole their daughter’s college fund, which was specifically set up to pay for her college. They basically forced her to live in a bad part of town, commute long distances with her instrument, where she had to share with roommates with no comfortable space to work, denying her everything they gave their son, and it wasn’t even their money. All of this because they didn’t like the daughter’s choice of study. Daughter should get in contact with grandparents and let them know her parents broke their trust by not only keeping the grandparents money but not even telling her it existed. I’m betting the parents were waiting for grandparents to die and get the money for themselves.
I would walk out of the parry and go to celebrate my birthday with my paternal family. Mom is attempting to erase the kid's dead father so she can live the "Brady Bunch" fantasy.
Story 1: NTA. OP’s dad really screwed up big time and now doesn’t want to face the consequences. Story 2: I actually went to look at the comments and further details. The wife is spearheading this and she and daughter don’t have the best relationship. What makes this worse is that the children don’t have a good relationship either. And while Op is open of doing the right thing, wife is the hardheaded one. Story 3: NTA and petty mode needs to activate. Lie to mom and say she should throw the party and invite whoever she wants. Then tell the extended family exactly what she’s doing and get them to have a gathering on the same day. Then plan a “special trip” for the brother to throw mom off and go to the extended family. Go on social media and post about being with REAL FAMILY WHO DOESNT KEEP YOU FROM YOUR LOVED ONES. Story 4: BE PETTY. Keep the date, and let everyone know at the wedding that your parents could’ve been here for a special moment, but shown you that real family will be there or at least try to be.
Considering the axe forgets, I doubt OPs dad remembers all the insensitive stuff he said to OP when he was a kid. Throwing his words back at him isn't as effective when his dad probably doesn't remember saying them.
Story 4: have your wedding if parents don't show then get to cardboard cutouts of random characters put a sign mom and dad on the cardboard cutouts, take pictures with them etc.
Story 1: NTA, well well well if it isn't the repercussions of my own actions lol, hope it was worth loosing his only family for a peice of ass that, abandoned him as quickly as he abandoned his daughter, hilarious karma 🤣, hope you live your best life op.
Last story: Choosing the wedding date is important and between the BRIDE and GROOM. No one else! OP needs to lay down the ultimatum either they accept her offer of moving the yoga retreat or they say goodbye for good to their daughter. I absolutely hate people that try to dictate the date/choices of the wedding of another couple. Sadly I had a situation like this when I was going to marry my husband. We had chosen February 1st as it was the date we met, but his brother and then-girlfriend demanded we move our wedding date to accommodate them. I told husband that BIL and future SIL were being major AHs because you just do not ask that of the couple getting married. So at first we flat-out refused to budge on the matter. Sadly later that year MIL was told her cancer was terminal and treatments were not working. So we moved the date so she could be there. This is one of the only reasons a couple should have to move their wedding date. While it was rushed and not on February 1st, it was beautiful regardless and MIL being there was what mattered most. As for BIL and SIL, more than once both have angered me and I have held my tongue, but as I told my husband the ONLY reason our wedding date was moved was for MIL, and if they thought we moved it for them I would be more than happy to set the record straight and burst their entitled little bubbles. So unless OP is in the situation I and my husband found ourselves in OP should not move that date for ANY other reason.
YTA so just because your daughter chose to study art, you wouldn't let her use HER college fund yet When your son goes to college it's okay. favoritism much. Make it right and give your daughter the money that you should have given her.
What about your dad’s age? He said by your age you should’ve grown some compassion… Where was his compassion for you??? Good for you for standing up for yourself and denying him is bull crap. I just hope you stick to it.
Define is legally that kids money and you guys stole it legally she can get a lawyer and probably sue you for damage and if any of that money is touched or used up you can probably face criminal charges or jail time I will advise her to get a lawyer
Last story: OP needs to notify the entire family that her parents will not be attending as they think yoga is more important. Then stand back and watch the fun.
Burn it down, because the parents certainly would. "We won't go". Ok. It becomes a public relations campaign. He(or she) who spreads the word first and effectively usually wins.
In the heat of the moment and when clouded with rose tinted glasses, people don't notice the red flag of "this person is leaving their spouse/kids to tend to me and my family, they might abandon mine for another pretty face"
Story 1: yes a harder life builds character but op had it hard enough with a dead mom and a single dad. Dude just wants to put himself in situations to look like a good guy
“Honey plz move your wedding date so that it doesn’t coincide with my Yoga Retreat week. Yes I know it’s yoga but I shouldn’t prioritize my daughter’s wedding over my wellness, it would throw my Ora off balance.” If it was a non-refundable vacation I understand but there are make up dates
![DDG & G Herbo - Nosey [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I9Ra0Zc2NlQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Story 2: 4:12
Story 3: 7:42
Story 4: 12:31
Jeebus, these parents are blatantly ridiculous in their whining comments. “You’re choosing a date of your mother!” ‘No. Mom’s choosing yoga over my wedding day. She’s throwing away her daughter for yoga. Grow up, Dad.’
OP should go NC with their parents if they skip the wedding because of something stupid like Yoga.
@@smsff7 Also when they get asked why their parents aren't there, explain that the parents felt the yoga retreat was more important, it won't look good for them. And since all this information about the retreat excuse is coming from the father, I wonder if mom will throw him under that bus and blame him for this?
Story 1 nta extra love for who? Because op didn't get anything. I love it when people throw their words back in their face.
Break out the World's Smallest Violin for OP'S dumbass daddy!! 🤣😂🤣😂
Many marriages do not survive the death of a child but OP's father choose that life. He knowingly married a woman he knew had a child with a terminal illness. He's the one who wanted to play hero to this woman and her child and decided that his relationship with OP was worth the "extra love". Well this is the cost of his "sacrifice" no relationship with OP, his wife or any future grandchildren. No empathy for that man because he purposely put himself into this position.
Yeah, but daddy dearest was getting laid occasionally, so that was worth throwing away your only child like yesterday's trash.
The dad in the first story isn't a hero. He has a savior complex. His first wife had long term medical conditions. His second wife had a son with them. He likes being seen as the hero. Giving attention to someone who isn't going to die (his kid) isn't going to get him praise. It's just parenting. But if he looks after a kid that isn't even his, who is going to die and makes financial sacrifices for him then he gets to look like a hero. If he marries a woman who is sick he is seen as the paragon of love.
I didn't even think of that.
This was my thought too! He likes to be seen as someone who sacrifices for the good of the sick ones, but can’t see that he’s neglecting his own son’s needs.
Good points!
I think his daughter should sue em for her money and then once she has the money cut them off and their prince charming son..
I never even thought of that
GOOD THINKING
S2: Son needs a wonderful place to live because HIS courses were so demanding, whereas hers, funded by scholarships were -- nothing? Hope Ahole OP picked the right golden child, because I wouldn't blame daughter for going low or no contact. Maybe someone from the US can answer this question, which keeps coming up on reddit: is claiming a fund is for education for tax purposes, and then not spending it on education fraud?
Tough question until it is touched. There's nothing to say you can't touch it at 30, 40 or 50 years of age. It WOULD be taxable if used for something else. But as of this story it hasn't been used.
Story 2 (the withholding the kids fund): It might be difficult getting a job in the arts… that’s understandable, however it’s still a degree which means she still went to college.
The brother did not go for grad school either and he still got the fund and got a pretty pampered school life. While yes I can agree that a college fund is technically the grandparents money being given to the kids they should have left it with the same rule of no money if no grad school is done regardless of the career of choice. Right now it really just looks like they prefer the brother over the sister and nothing will change the parents mind.
Can you imagine the fights the daughter would have had to get her arts degree if she hadn’t received her scholarships? There is no way in hell her parents would have given her any money to cover her college expenses. And it’s ridiculous that the parents wanted to hold the money hostage for graduate school instead of helping with regular college expenses…oh wait the helped the favorite child. If I was the daughter, I would go back for a higher degree just to spite mommy dearest!
College funf story-
"Hey, we're stealing our daughter's college fund money, showing blatant favoritism against her,, we have two phds between us, and we need to go on Reddit to solve the mystery of why she's having less to do with us"
The parents are trash in its final form! I hope Daughter never speaks to these crooks again!
My grandfather used to call it book smarts versus functional intelligence.
@@MemristerBoogieDown My mother would say her father (died before I was born) "Too much college".
Story 4)
Bro, i do not for a single second believe that's a "yoga retreat"!
Who the Hell picks a yoga retreat over their kids wedding? _Especially_ when the kid offers to pay the cost to reschedule?
Nah, that's a swinger retreat or something 🤣
Good for you, you gave dear ol dad just what he deserved!
Story 5
Please forget your selfish parents and you are not the selfish one , congratulations and have a wonderful wedding and ignore your selfish parents,and remember you don't need to allow them access to your babies because you are busy and you should suggest they go on a yoga retreat have they always been selfish self absorbed individual s
Story 2: yta just because she never went to Grad school? She had to work n live in unsafe location before n managed to complete what she went for while because ur son going for Engineering he gets to have place so he can study n do what he needs to complete his? She had a college fun n u basically never mentioned it to her bet they using it help brother
How dare you not change your wedding date? It’s your mothers freaking yoga retreat, that so trumps your wedding and its your old moms yoga retreat, just change the date and be a good daughter
And here comes trevor and says,"did anyone say yoga"🤣
Story 2 yta. She did get an education. What a hypocrite.
The one with all the step this and step that was so confusing i had to stop the chores i was doing and restart that one lol
S2, being clever doesn't guarantee intelligence, worked with lecturers for years, can testify to this.🙄
So dad took her money when she could have used it for college
birthday story, mommy is not thinking with her brain, wants to keep stepdad happy and her lower regions happy !
She can throw the party but OP and his brother don't have to be there. If you can celebrate with your Dad's family, do.
Last story… I would have told dad “ just wait til you find out what moms been doing at them retreats”… laugh and then say good luck
Happy Friday Everyone from Tacoma Washington!( Stay Safe and warm )
YOGA RETREAT? That sounds so stupid yoga is not worth a retreat at all
Story 1: I'm I the only person who thinks OP is a bit of an Arse for resenting his step brother for being sick?
He was a kid himself. I don't think he resented a sick child, he resented his father.
LoL 1st story that's Karma at it's finest. Not the boy passing but your dad.
Story Two: YTA, and it's amazing how OP can't see that he's punishing his daughter for choosing a career in the arts. He talks about her place in a "not so nice" neighborhood -- yet he and his wife gave money to the son to get a place in a nice neighborhood simply because he decided to go into engineering. I hope that daughter becomes a HUGE DEAL in music and tells them that they aren't getting a penny from her!
The only reason their the aholes is for not giving the money from the grandparents, it wasn't their money to guard. As far as their logic, it's what I told my kids. Difference is I told them before they started looking and deciding what to go into. I said I'd pay for any job with a good ROI and anything else they better get scholarships/grants for cause I won't waste my money on it.
Honestly I think the daughter might have the right to sue her parents for stealing her money. They have definitely deserved the no contact that is coming
Regardless if she becomes a big deal or not, I hope she cuts them out of her life after pursuing legal options to get what’s due to her.
NTA. She chose a "degree" that they still have to support her on. That defeats the whole purpose of the "degree". We're not supporting you anymore so get a job while you earn a useless degree that doesn't help feed and clothe you. Choose something that earns and we'll help you more.
Yep, parents are punishing her because she chose a degree they disapproved of. I find it suspicious that the grandparents set up college funds for both kids and the parents held onto the money and decided themselves how it was to be used. Who are these parents to say it can only be used for graduate school instead of providing for regular college courses. The studious daughter worked her butt off in high school and received scholarships to cover her courses, but she gets penalized for her hard work, while the brother slacks off and is rewarded with his college housing (which sounds like it was off campus instead of in a dorm) paid for from said college account. Can we guess which child was a favorite? These parents have just caused a huge rift in their family because of their skewed views! Sounds like the grandparents are still alive, so maybe the daughter should have a talk with them about how her parents kept her college fund from her 🤷🏼♀️
So, the dad didn’t bother contacting / looking for his son for some years until the stepson died and the wife left him? Lol
I love ❤ karma.
Story #2, I can't believe the parents punished their daughter because they didn't like her career choice by withholding her college fund, what horrible parents.
They are TAH in this. It was her college fund and they withheld it from her when in college forcing her to stay in a less safe apartment. I hope she cuts contact with OP on this, he sucks.
I agree I mean, if I knew I had a college fun. My choices could’ve been very different. She could’ve chosen to continue school knowing she wouldn’t go deeper into debt horrible parents they obviously have a favorite
Ah take as old as time in the first story, gotta love how bad parents are not only bad but also the biggest hypocrites on earth. Like, yeah sure I neglected and and never helped you. But now you’re supposed to help me because I’m the one who gave birth to you and I’m your parent just because. Now all the sudden the father wants to be a loving father to the son he shunned, no thank you.
All the parents her. Raging hypocrites. The “You’re old enough to have learned compassion” is the guy with zero compassion for his kid. The “Blended family is inclusive” is excluding her kids to be “inclusive “. And the “You’re choosing a date over Mom” folks are choosing yoga over their daughter. 🤦🏻♀️
He wasted his money since he spent them on searching for someone who did not want him their life anymore.
Of course they divorced after the kid's death. She no longer needed an extra caretaker and an ATM to help foot all those medical bills.
Story 2: YTA. I hope daughter reaches out to grandparents. It was not OP's right to decide when and if Daughter gets the COLLEGE FUND. Children do not have to follow in parents' footsteps. Daughter had to struggle because of the major she chose. Wow! Any withdrawal fees should be paid by OP. Lordt!!!!!
sadly the grandparents are basically "hands off" in this situation. they even knew about the graduate school rule and the fact that the parents gave their son his share too. what's worse is Op is taking being ripped to shreds to heart, but his wife isn't budging
@@devegas4910 sounds like mom has secret plans for the daughter’s money!
She didn’t
@@devegas4910 Thanks for the additional info. Daughter deserves better.
@@stirrednotshaken4823Yep, the mine, mine, mine scenario cause the daughter “can’t” use it now.
“You’re old enough to develop compassion!”
Well, you hadn’t by 40whatever.
Story 2 yta I bet they are going to give the daughters college fund to the son when his runs out.
Story 2: YTA and the wife TOO, they both didn't let the daughter GET HER MONEY so she could do as she pleases while she was studying, letting her pay herself for her thing etc (it's good BUT THEY HELPED THEIR SON BUT NOT HER????)
They favor the son, he’s in a STEM field, and has good prospects with his degree track. Music while clearly the daughter’s passion is nothing more than a waste of time to the husband and wife hence why they let her struggle while their golden goose gets pampered in luxury.
OP updated on the thread twice and his lack of awareness was disturbing to say the least.
@@ugojlachapelle what did op comment?
@@mikeyxyz6706 I’m gonna summarize it because it’s two edits and I’m not on my desktop to copy them over at the moment.
Op said he and his wife accepted their judgment and he reached out to his daughter to ask her what she wanted them to do with the money. She responded with basically a “do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore” type of paragraph. Op could tell that she didn’t really mean that and was hurt, but wife is insisting on doing exactly that.
Then in the second edit, op reveals the real problem. Wife and daughter have had a strained relationship for years with wife always disapproving of daughter’s choices. And while op was suggested to withdraw the same amount for daughter to make things fair, wife still wants to keep it out of daughter’s hands.
The way op described the grandparents stance on this was that “they are not mentally aware enough to participate in the discussion”, but they knew about the grad school stipulation, and about op and wife withdrawing money for the son, and they’re letting it be op and wife’s decision on everything. Whatever is unused will go to taking care of the grandparents
@@seanhilton765 and so what? They still stole money from her
I guess you would he fine with people stealing your stuff because they think is useless
Story about the money, you are playing favouritism. 👏👏👏 Well done on losing your daughter.
That money was sat aside for education reasons.
It's amazing she hadn't deleted or block your numbers.
Because if was me, I would block your number.
Yeah i hope daughter really, really know how her parents are.
When someone shows who they are for real, believe them.
Story 1: The dad is such an absolute simp. He sidelined his own son to be with some other woman and to -pay up- care for her terminally ill son. And of course, after her son passes away, that woman has no further use for the simp dad and divorces him. Simp Daddy sold out his son and is now left with nothing, which is exactly what he deserves.
The PHDs lost their daughter. Congratulations
Most PHDs that aren’t medical tend to have their head up their butt.
Hope the parents will be able to afford a nice nursing home because their daughter will remember how they treated her FOREVER.
@@AFAskygoddess Well, since they've still got her college fund...
I'm sure the golden child will get them a new one with a nice stem degree. At the same time, I'm pretty sure mommy just lost her only chance to be mother of the bride while daddy lost the whole walk the daughter down the aisle gig.
Havin a degree doesn't mean that you have wisdom, something OP and wife lack
Story 2: YTA in the absolute worst way. I would literally never speak to OP ever again. They purposely didn't give her the money while in school because of thier personal disapproval. The money isn't OPs. He's a damn thief.
1000% This
Why would you fund something as useless as an art degree? A degree that isn't in STEM is a luxury for rich people, and a stupid tax for everyone else.
@@Harvest133 you are not very bright huh? It is a harder field to break through but nevertheless it is her choice if you finance one child it is only fair to finance the other one as well. And btw the story says the daughter got a job in her field so the degree isn't useless.
@@johnnorth6506 no that would be equal but it wouldn't be fair. Fair and equal are not equivalent. Is it fair to find a useless luxury degree while the other got a viable, and frankly, harder degree? Maybe, maybe not. I say no.
@@Harvest133 I doubt that her grandparents were looking for a "return on investment" from either child's degree. That would have been more appropriate to a bank, and is usually obtained by charging interest. It's usually the parents who would be in a position to benefit from their children's earnings.
Story 2...Both children went to college, only the son got a college fund even though one existed for the daughter and it wasn't even the dad's money, it was the grandparents!!
He's 100% an ahole, and he gets extra ahole point for even needing to ASK.
Story 2
This is why if you set up money for a child you make sure they are given to the child and the child knows the money exists. Relying on the parents only allows them to steal the money
Story 3: I would just ask to cancel the party, since it obviously not really for her son.
Even better. Let mom waste the money throwing the party, tell the extended family so they could do something on brother’s birthday, and then go to extended family and leave mom to look stupid.
Story 3 : NTA, classic case of a parent thinking that maturity/being responsible means you mindlessly agreeing with them and sacrificing everything to accommodate their selfish wants.
OP needs to contact their brother’s and theirs grandparents (their deceased father’s) and let them know what’s going on. OP’s brother should be able to create the guest list for his 14th birthday. The birthday has nothing to do with the stepdad and his kids. What the mom is doing will result in a strained relationship with the OP and the brother.
imho it's quite simple really ... the mom did not want to throw a birthday party for her son's sake, SHE wanted a fancy party/get together with her current family and used the birthday as an "excuse".
That's why she does not give a sh** about her son's wishes regarding the guest list.
@@sx5r the kids would probably rather like to live with their dad’s parents. I wonder if the kids from the mom’s first marriage are being neglected in other ways.
Story 1
Dad's obviously in it to bang
stepmom. Stepmom showed she was in it for support for her son
You can just feel all the extra love!
Story 1: OP - you live in a place called "Last Resort". It's a wonderful place where people go when they've burnt every bridge they crossed. In fact, you can recognise the last resort by the smell of burning timber. The strange thing is that the smoke-stained people who visit it will never admit it's called that and say that they actually want to be there - in fact, many will try to convince you that they're doing YOU a favour.
Story 2: Major YTA. Such stupid reasoning, and both parents are either elitists or sexist, take your pick
Hadn't considered the possibility of it being due to sexism. My bets are still on a combination of elitism and stupidity
Or the son is the golden child and because he is blissfully average, mommy and daddy decide to passively punish their excellent daughter who not only got onto a top school but also had what sounds like a full/almost full scholarship. So she gets to work her hands to the bone and live in a crammed apartment, but the prince gets his own very expensive place. I hope OP gets sued and forced to return those money to their rightful owner, his daughter (because I suspect that they never told her about the fund so that they could use her part on their boy) and she goes NC with them. And if I were the drandparents, I'd be disinheriting a daughter or a son and their spouse very soon, let them handle their son's luxurious apartment from their own earnings.
Watch them find out the son drops out in his last semester.
@@annak8755 there is an update, Op asked her what to do with the money and she said whatever, that she didn't care anymore, he still wanted to split it fair, but wife is still doubling down, don't misunderstand me, OP is still a horrible parent, but it seems that he a least had a little change of heart, although too little too late, the damage is done, and wife and daughter actually always had a strained relationship as said by OP, the reason you can guess, always criticizing daughter choices
@@joaolima7131 I would find it hard to forgive him letting her struggle all those years. The grandparents could have let her know, but it seems they didn't "interfere".
Story 1 - Dad was disappointed that OP already knew about his wife and stepson because he was hoping to use that for sympathy points.
"I had hoped you had grown to have more empathy."
It's funny how empathy only matters when the Dad needs money.
And how empathy only applies to dad himself. 🤮
S3: she's not throwing a party for her s9n's birthday. She's using her son's birthday to throw a party for herself.
As she said " they have nothing to do with her anymore. " Key word : HER.
I caught that too if I was the birthday boy I would refuse to participate when the cake comes I would say it's mom's cake, mom's party etc etc, or better yet at 14 just take off on a bus to grandma's house the morning of the party
i thought the same, i think having the new family members is something they can reach an agreement on. But she wants to pick and choose who is "family" and who is not, thats simply not fair.
Story 2: Really hope the YTA's make OP realize how much he messed up. I would not be surprised if she decides to cut her parents out of her life, especially after they first never told her about it, yet allowed their son to use it, and then now does not want to give her the money that was put aside for her education, but they 'forgot' to tell her about and never provided anything for.
From the updates, this poor girl already has given up on these insanely poor excuses for parents. And the OP lacks some serious introspection based on the updates. It made me really sad for her that she was forced to realize that she can't trust or rely on her parents. The same ones who set her brother up for success but set her up to fail. Poor girl.
Story 3 mom is concerned her kids family aren't related to HER? it's not her birthday, it's her sons and he wants HIS family there.
The college fund story. I don’t understand how someone with a PhD can read what they wrote themselves and not realize what a huge jerk they are. Obviously they did not approve of the daughters choice in majors and withheld her money under the thin veneer of saving it for her masters (spoiler alert: if her masters was in art she was not going to get it). Golden Child, I’m sorry I mean the son, chooses a stem field that meets parents approval so he gets all the support he needs. At the end of the day it’s not about the money. The blatant favoritism, unfair treatment, deception, gaslighting…..if I was the daughter I’m not sure I would continue a relationship with them. What would be the point?
And from what I've read in the comments here about the post, he's now trying to say oh, it's the wife and they've never gotten along.
He's sits back and lets his wife get away with this behavior, then he's just as guilty. Maybe even more because he knows it's wrong.
@@kenyabrunson4985 that’s a cheap dodge by him. Nothing in his original post indicated he wasn’t 100% on board.
At worst they tell her, "You know you are picking a major that's not in high demand. If that's what you want to do and makes you happy, go for it, but we are worried about the monetary aspects of that concerns us". These chuckleheads look down their noses at a college degree, it has to be a PHD college degree.
Story 2 - the parents are HUGE AH! Hope the daughter cuts ties with them!
But first goes to grandma and grandpa to complaine
What the hell is wrong with OP and his wife, all this years they hide their daughter college fund that was prepared by her grandparents, not OP.
The daughter spend years study with low money and sharing her house while her brother enjoy his college while living a luxury life.
I can already see how shock for her being deceive by her own parents.
@@anggamaulana3498 that's cause either brother is either the Golden child or more likely op really didn't like the fact their daughter went into non stem studies
@@Yume10605 It's both. He lets her live in a "not so nice" neighborhood; yet gave his son money to get a place in a nice neighborhood. Nothing to do with educational needs, but because son is the golden child and future ATM.
@@kenyabrunson4985 yup agree with you
Story 1)
You should'a told him "A rOuGhEr LiFe CaN bUiLd ChArAcTeR" on top of what you said 🤣
NTA OP, screw that guy 😀
"At your age you should have more compassion"
"yeah well if i had a dad who showed me any i might understand it better, but my dad only taught me how to care about my own wants and needs by pushing me away for his"
1. I like when the hypocrite words thrown back at them lol
2. All I heard is bs reason to take the money set up for her. And YES, it was HER money, smh...
Story one. After they treat you like you are less than nothing people who find themselves with nothing are surprised you are not excited when they are ready to take from you. Instead of apologies, contrition, accountability you will be met with entitlement, anger, resentment and greed. People, the sooner you learn to identify these creatures and cut them out of your life the happier you will be. Blood accounts for little. Your friend, coworker, neighbor, in law, who does not share blood with you, doesn’t look like you, can be your real family.
Story 3: WTF? Grandparents are not family, but stepdads ex is?
Last story: NTA. God forbid a family member would die during this scheduled yoga retreat. Would they miss it then. Wedding’s are just as important as funerals. Rent stand in parent’s and see how they like that.
Last story: NTA. Imagine prioritizing a yoga retreat 9 months out instead of your child's wedding.
Bang on the commenter that said he was just a patsy to take care of that womans sick kid.
Yup. He simped hard. She used him until she didn’t need him anymore
I actually thought it was going to be the other words that he threw back at dad - "You're old enough to understand that life isn't always easy or fun and that a rougher life can build character."
Story 2: I hope that this is fake. I don’t understand how some people can sleep so peacefully knowing that they stole money from their own children. That money did not belong to parents; it was a gift from the grandparents to their grandchildren. OP, I’m not surprised that your daughter cut off you and your wife. I wouldn’t want to associate with thieves neither.
It's not a Yoga Retreat 🤣 It's a swing ers Retreat 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yoga story: only proper response to those parents is "aw, well thats too bad. Enjoy your retreat tho"
Yoga retreat 😂😂😂 hahhaha I'm done. That moment when yoga is more important than your children. Damn
🤣
Story 1 - Hard NTA. Your dad married a woman who has a sick kid who later died. And she left him? I'd tell dear old dad, "Why should I give a damn when you didn't give one to me?"
Yoga retreat. I think this is less about the retreat than about the parents' determination to wield power over OP. They (or at least the father) seem to be outraged that OP will not bend to their wills.
Story 2: yes you ATA, but I think it's important to distinguish here, who is the executor of the funds? Because it sounds like it's you but you also alluded to the grandparents still being alive. So, if the grandparents that set up the funds are still alive (and of sound mind), ask them to weigh in but make sure they have ALL the info including the fact brother has received his share despite not yet having anymore college experience than your daughter at this point. What do you mean you would have to pay a penalty?? That's ridiculous. Is the money in a CD or something?? Has it fully matured? (I assume yes if it was designated for college. If you are the executor of this money you need to give it to daughter... atleast the same amount you gave your son IMO. You can stipulate she should use some of it to pay any school bills she man have or invest more into whatever her medium of art choice is or maybe take an extra art class but the truth is, that's not YOUR money either but you are using it to manipulate your son and punish your daughter for not doing what you want them to do. You're so damned lucky you have good kids that actually pursued higher education. They aren't addicts with a bunch of kids you have to take care of. Just because your daughter isn't your brand of successful does not mean she's not successful. My grandparents did the same for all of my siblings and I. All of us went and completed college except my brother and I. My mom (the executor) just handed us the funds to cash it whenever. They are in the form of bonds. IDK what my little brother did but I'm sitting on mine in case of an emergency. . You kind of alluded that your daughter's school (that she did in fact get) may have been cheaper because she got scholarships. What kind of a message are you trying to send her because it doesn't look so good where I'm standing.
YAAAS!! 🙌🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ #Smashthepatriarchy #deathtoallmen
I'm thinking the grandparents likely set up a 529 plan. In a 529, the money is tax-deferred/federal tax free, and usually higher earning due to it being put in the market instead of just a savings plan or a CD. If the money isn't used for education purposes, the tax-free money is now taxable, which is what OP is referring to. Honestly, OP did his daughter dirty because if the account beneficiary (his daughter) receives a tax-free scholarship, no fee or penalty is incurred in withdrawing the funds, and his daughter had apparently gotten _lots_ of scholarships, so she could've received that money outright. That said, taxes are only paid for on the earnings, not the contributions.
So their golden child got his fund because he's a STEM student but daughter and her liberal arts/music school doesn't get squat and they wonder why she's low contact 🤷♀️🤦♂️ OP and his wife are hypocrites.
@@NotAFanOfHandles Thank you -- that's exactly what I wanted to know.
@@NotAFanOfHandles So what happens to the money? They look at it? Bringing up the taxes, solves nothing. "You don't get, nobody gets it. It will sit there forever, because of the taxes". 2022 was a great year for inflation. A few more years of that and maybe the college money will be a down payment on a loaf of bread.
Last story: Help your parents make their decision by disinviting them. Problem solved.
The parents in Story 4 just don’t want to go to OP’s wedding. The “yoga retreat” is just an excuse to get out of going to the wedding, and they expected OP to blow up and look like an asshole and thus take the heat off them. If people were to ask why they weren’t there, they could use OP’s “unreasonable response” as an excuse. OP instead offered to fund a separate trip _out of her own pocket_ and now the parents look like assholes. Now _they_ can’t vilify OP if people ask why they weren’t at the wedding.
OP is NTA, and I think she should be super-petty and have two empty seats right at the front to bring attention to the fact that her parents weren’t there.
I'd be even pettier. I'd have two rolled-up yoga mats in those chairs.
@@josepherhardt164 That’s even better than my idea. 🤣
I'd put a black bowtie on dad's mat and some flowers on mom's and have the photographer take a photo. I'd frame one to hang on my wall and post one on social media. Maybe add a caption like, "just couldn't miss a day of downward-facing-dog."
You folks are evil, and I love it!
I have a feeling this is just the tip of the toxic iceberg on the parents' side. I hope OP doesn't back down.
And have the groom's father walk her down the aisle.
NEED UPDATES
Story 4 - Gotta wonder what Dad gets up to while Mom is away at the yoga retreat. Same Time Next Year situation?
Wife has the hots for the gorgeous yoga instructor. A beautiful blonde in her 20s? The mom is Bi and it's her yearly chance to blow off steam without ramifications. Probably hot yoga.
It's funny how dad in the first story didn't realize the woman was only with him so she'd have someone else to take care of her sick child.
It doesn't seem fair to her because it isn't fair to her you gave your son the money so he didn't struggle her you let her live in a place where she could have got killed by crime and anything else you just didn't care. Also it's nice to point out that the money's not yours either it would have been nice if she could have asked her grandparents about it instead of living in a place where you said it wasn't very safe. Maybe your kids would have wanted to do something else had they known they had the money maybe when they picked what they wanted to do they were thinking of y'all and paying for college. But I'm sure that she will get over the fact that you love your son more and you think that his career is going to receive monies and hers not so much. You've ruined any trust your daughter has for you.
Story 3 nta the mom is such a hypocrite.she is just setting herself up for going no contact.
Yeah pretty much and the mom is just selfish.
1st - I can’t wrap my head around how the dad spent money looking for his son only after finding himself alone and thinks OP owes him and should help pay for father’s car. Father should have just used the money to pay for his car. What did he expect would happen after driving out his minor aged son due to neglect? I do think some of those posted comments were wrong about the wife divorcing OP’s dad since she no longer needed him after her son died. Many marriages can’t survive the death of a child. It is very probable their marriage fell to this.
2nd - so the parents stole their daughter’s college fund, which was specifically set up to pay for her college. They basically forced her to live in a bad part of town, commute long distances with her instrument, where she had to share with roommates with no comfortable space to work, denying her everything they gave their son, and it wasn’t even their money. All of this because they didn’t like the daughter’s choice of study. Daughter should get in contact with grandparents and let them know her parents broke their trust by not only keeping the grandparents money but not even telling her it existed. I’m betting the parents were waiting for grandparents to die and get the money for themselves.
Story 3: I'd tell mom I don't want a party then.
I would walk out of the parry and go to celebrate my birthday with my paternal family. Mom is attempting to erase the kid's dead father so she can live the "Brady Bunch" fantasy.
Story 1: NTA. OP’s dad really screwed up big time and now doesn’t want to face the consequences.
Story 2: I actually went to look at the comments and further details. The wife is spearheading this and she and daughter don’t have the best relationship. What makes this worse is that the children don’t have a good relationship either. And while Op is open of doing the right thing, wife is the hardheaded one.
Story 3: NTA and petty mode needs to activate. Lie to mom and say she should throw the party and invite whoever she wants. Then tell the extended family exactly what she’s doing and get them to have a gathering on the same day. Then plan a “special trip” for the brother to throw mom off and go to the extended family. Go on social media and post about being with REAL FAMILY WHO DOESNT KEEP YOU FROM YOUR LOVED ONES.
Story 4: BE PETTY. Keep the date, and let everyone know at the wedding that your parents could’ve been here for a special moment, but shown you that real family will be there or at least try to be.
Considering the axe forgets, I doubt OPs dad remembers all the insensitive stuff he said to OP when he was a kid. Throwing his words back at him isn't as effective when his dad probably doesn't remember saying them.
You are the oldest and should be responsible.
"Well, someone has to since you aren't"
He didn't resent the kid for being sick. He resented you forcing him to take care of the sick kid.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...
There are two updates for story 2 where OP recognizes they are the ah
He recognizes that he is the AH, but is doing nothing to fix it. He failed the test his daughter gave him by not giving her the money with no strings.
Story 4: have your wedding if parents don't show then get to cardboard cutouts of random characters put a sign mom and dad on the cardboard cutouts, take pictures with them etc.
#2: YTA. One got college money, one did not.
What part of this is not understood?
Story 1: NTA, well well well if it isn't the repercussions of my own actions lol, hope it was worth loosing his only family for a peice of ass that, abandoned him as quickly as he abandoned his daughter, hilarious karma 🤣, hope you live your best life op.
Last story:
Choosing the wedding date is important and between the BRIDE and GROOM. No one else! OP needs to lay down the ultimatum either they accept her offer of moving the yoga retreat or they say goodbye for good to their daughter. I absolutely hate people that try to dictate the date/choices of the wedding of another couple. Sadly I had a situation like this when I was going to marry my husband. We had chosen February 1st as it was the date we met, but his brother and then-girlfriend demanded we move our wedding date to accommodate them. I told husband that BIL and future SIL were being major AHs because you just do not ask that of the couple getting married. So at first we flat-out refused to budge on the matter. Sadly later that year MIL was told her cancer was terminal and treatments were not working. So we moved the date so she could be there. This is one of the only reasons a couple should have to move their wedding date. While it was rushed and not on February 1st, it was beautiful regardless and MIL being there was what mattered most. As for BIL and SIL, more than once both have angered me and I have held my tongue, but as I told my husband the ONLY reason our wedding date was moved was for MIL, and if they thought we moved it for them I would be more than happy to set the record straight and burst their entitled little bubbles. So unless OP is in the situation I and my husband found ourselves in OP should not move that date for ANY other reason.
Dad already took her college fund it's not there anymore for him to give to her and if there was any left he's probably spending it on the Sun already
there is absolutely no way i can even explain how much of an ah op 2 is
YTA so just because your daughter chose to study art, you wouldn't let her use HER college fund yet When your son goes to college it's okay. favoritism much. Make it right and give your daughter the money that you should have given her.
What about your dad’s age? He said by your age you should’ve grown some compassion… Where was his compassion for you??? Good for you for standing up for yourself and denying him is bull crap. I just hope you stick to it.
"Postpone my wedding for a yoga retreat?
I'm sorry you will miss my wedding."
Wow your mother prioritised a yoga retreat over your wedding that's cold and your better off without them.
Op needs to just plan the wedding and not include the parents. If they choose not to show then it’s on them.
Probably needs help paying medical debt from the step son
1st story He would have never reached out if his wife hadn't left him .
Define is legally that kids money and you guys stole it legally she can get a lawyer and probably sue you for damage and if any of that money is touched or used up you can probably face criminal charges or jail time I will advise her to get a lawyer
Last story: OP needs to notify the entire family that her parents will not be attending as they think yoga is more important. Then stand back and watch the fun.
Burn it down, because the parents certainly would. "We won't go". Ok. It becomes a public relations campaign. He(or she) who spreads the word first and effectively usually wins.
In the heat of the moment and when clouded with rose tinted glasses, people don't notice the red flag of "this person is leaving their spouse/kids to tend to me and my family, they might abandon mine for another pretty face"
2nd story is such an AH, defo picking favourites aswell. It's the daughters money, it was meant for her
Story 1: yes a harder life builds character but op had it hard enough with a dead mom and a single dad. Dude just wants to put himself in situations to look like a good guy
“Honey plz move your wedding date so that it doesn’t coincide with my Yoga Retreat week. Yes I know it’s yoga but I shouldn’t prioritize my daughter’s wedding over my wellness, it would throw my Ora off balance.”
If it was a non-refundable vacation I understand but there are make up dates