Challenges of autistic girls in making friends
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- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2024
- Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro and question
1:35 Motivations for friendship
2:57 Challenges making friends
5:02 Masking
Cook, Ogden, J., & Winstone, N. (2018). Friendship motivations, challenges and the role of masking for girls with autism in contrasting school settings. European Journal of Special Needs Education, 33(3), 302-315. doi.org/10.1080/08856257.2017...
I am SO excited to announce that I've launched a 4+ hour relationship skills course: psychologywithdrana.learnworlds.com/course/the-connection-course
For those of you who like videos such as this one and want more, definitely check it out :)
i don’t think i’m autistic however i relate very much to how hard it is to make and keep friendships.
My therapist told me (before she diagnosed me with autism) that I should say "person with autism" because you wouldn't call someone a "cancer person." But there is a problem here if, for a comparison with autism, your brain immediately goes to cancer! Calling someone a "brown-haired person" instead of "person with brown hair" clearly doesn't sound bad or insulting, but that's because having brown hair isn't perceived negatively. If saying, "autistic person" sounds bad to you, then it is probably because at some level you perceive being autistic as negative. That being said, I don't really care which term people use, as they really just mean the same thing to me, and I use "autistic person" simply because it is easier to say.
It is a disability but theres no shame having any disability
agreed! when people say “person with autism” it makes me feel like im a person that just has a roommate or something.. like no sir, i am autistic and if that sounds odd to you then you have destigmatization to do!
I have never been so early to one of your videos. I am autistic and needed to feel validated in my social struggles this morning 😂
@@mikey3666 why do you ask
@@mikey3666 🤓
girl here ✋ i never thought of myself as autistic until i found videos/articles like these that described autistic girls' experience, and everything described here fits my childhood to a T. i always thought i was just weird, like i missed some memo on how to act like a normal person. as an adult i wonder now if i've masked to the point where i don't even notice i'm doing it anymore -- it's definitely a lot easier for me to move through life as an adult than when i was a kid, but i still feel that vague otherness that makes it hard to interact with others (plus i have some sensory issues that some might associate with autism). anyone else have this experience??
I basically went through all of this, and my therapist told me this summer that I'm autistic. I definitely recommend looking at the diagnostic criteria and some books if you want :)))
I had the same experience and sought diagnosis at 19, I have found that after diagnosis I feel slightly better. However I was hoping for more support or answers but it seems that’s not available in my country.
How about try to get diagnosed, maybe therapy and an official diagnosis will help you more than this video and feeling identified.
It's interesting how neurodivergent people have the ability to create communities of support, I have social anxiety so was driven to make friends with people who were often "othered", and ended up having good long lasting relationships with my high-school friends who were often queer or neurodivergent (even if we wouldn't come to that realisation later on in our life).
I’m an autistic guy, never really had friends since I was about 7. most people just see me as something to laugh at and that’s the only reason they tolerate my presence.
Just so messed up, NTs need to be held accountable for the abuse they caused us
Ugh I hate the NT standards! As an autistic girl myself, I would like to be your friend :)
@@madisonj5136 Agreed!!! I'm so tired of being told to change to fit in when so many NTs don't do anything to accept us as we are.
@@madisonj5136no
Yeah but you know they are the "EMpaTHetic" ones.......
Any twice exceptionals here? I am autistic and I have intellectual giftedness, which masked or attenuated some of my autistic traits. This led me to not be diagnosed until I was 25 years old. It also caused me to have higher expectations towards myself because I was always told that I had such high potential to succeed, yet I struggled so much with the socioaffective aspects of life.
hi
Hearing descriptions of those girls’ experiences was like listening to someone talk about me in school. I had different interests than girls in my classes and disliked what they tended to be into. At various points, a girl would adopt me into her friend group and act as my social bridge-I typically remained close with only her. She also maintained the friendship by initiating socializing. I never really talked about my feelings to my friends but was dealing with various mental illnesses and eventually dropped out of friend groups. In high school, my friends were other “othered” people and teachers bullied me. My friendships were based on interactions at school and semi-weekly pizza & video game hangouts. I craved time alone & a sensory break from school and would walk by myself during lunch periods. I didn’t really know what my peers thought of me and had thought my teachers liked me, until the homophobia-based bullying.
I have never been recognised as different growing up but now in my early twenties looking back, I struggled so much growing up. I had severe social anxiety during school, it affected me physically and mentally. I went from one friendship group to another to not speaking to anyone except two people for the whole of sixth form. I can also relate to a lot of the situations in this video. I also have all the traits of ADHD. I want to know but I don't have money to get diagnosed. To this day I am still a very introverted person who struggles to connect with others. Despite this, I still do my best to step out of my comfort zone from time to time. But I'm not able to mask!
Yep, very interesting, and fits well everything I experienced. Masking, being picked on, not being picked for group stuff. I prefer "autistic girl" than "girl with autism" because it's not something you can get rid off lol, it's like if we would say "girl with black skin" when describing a black girl I think it's weird
Also not to forget that the studies are made on diagnosed girls, so it's actually not completely representative as part of the community is undiagnosed. If you're masking too much to even get a diagnosis, it'll led to even worse consequences cuz then you'll never get any help
I honesty don’t mind being described as “having autism” or “with autism” since I view it as something debilitating to me, even though I have it relatively mild
I used to feel really bad about masking bc I thought I was being fake but in the recent years I started seeing it a bit differently. Although masking delayed my diagnosis, it helped me learn some social skills, and now I usually describe it more like what I imagine an alien would have to do to translate their behaviours into human. Sort of like moving to a place were the culture and language are very different from yours, so it's not really faking but a form of translation.
Great video as always ❤
i love this way of seeing it
It’s a bit different but i have adhd and I would rather be called “a person with adhd” than “an adhd’er” or something. I get that the idea is to have a more positive outlook on neurodivergence but adhd can be incredibly hard to deal with and I can never really forget that I have it so I prefer to think of myself as a person with a thing than a person who is fundamentally and inherently defined by the thing
I am convinced that in autistic but my psychiatrist says he doesn't think so and diagnosed me with ADHD and BPD instead. But when I communicate with other autistic people or watch content related to autism I hear things that match me perfectly like nothing else out there. I experience everything in this video and still continue to get dismissed.
That's plausible. I think I remember seeing in a different video that autistic girls often get misdiagnosed as having BPD
Your psychiatrist is probably uneducated on this topic, better if you check with someone else
@@redpalex I've been thinking of getting a second opinion actually, the clinic that I go to has only one psychiatrist so let's see where I can find another one!
Can I ask why you care about getting a diagnosis in the first place? As far as I understand there's no medication to treat autism so wouldn't a diagnosis be pointless?
@@namename8207 there's ADA accommodations that you can get I'm assuming
Can you cover masking vs mirroring for neurodivergent
i love ur content as a neurodivergent woman studying psych. no pop psychology, good summaries and great explainations that r accessible to everyone. it goes beyond simple pop psychology terms getting thrown around these days on social media whilst distortoing their meaning
I was diagnosed with adhd and can relate to girls with autism. I find it very difficult to communicate & often find myself masking. I find myself minimizing my self in order to be someone else’s “normal.”
I really hope you do more videos like this. I'm guessing you are doing this because it's autism awareness week? Anyway, it helps me figure out myself as I think I might have autism, but cannot afford to get diagnosed. It's interesting and is definitely similar to my experience at school, and I never really understood why I got made fun of so suddenly and so much. The only advice I got told was it was because the boys liked me... by my mom. Please feature this topic more in your future videos :)
I appreciate you keeping this short and sweet, and not fluffing content for length. ❤
Thank you sm for speaking on this Ana 💗
I found this channel a week ago and thought 'Huh this looks like a guide for autistic people" and now this video comes out XD
As a male who has been suggested that I may be autistic by a friend who has been diagnosed with autism herself, I'd say this study/article seems accurate. I was able to understand her because of the mirrors that she held up, which I tried to deny. It really put everything into perspective. Also, everything in this article sounds familiar
All true, thanks.
autistic girl here, thank you for making this video, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me bc I couldn't make friends easily or keep them. Im in high school and it just sucks to not feel wanted or likable by lots of people... anyone else relate?
I had trouble making friends. My mom would tell me to be friends with the other people who didn't have friends and the people who were different. I met some really great people that way.❤
Ah, this video is so validating!
ana your eyes looks so sparkly. i love your eyebrows
Hi Ana, what are your thoughts on ABA therapy? I've seen some comments that parents and other advocates do not approve it.
Autistic person here. I have not been exposed to ABA, I have heard from people who have. ABA punishes autistic people for advocating for their needs, for stimming to process their overwhelm (something necessary for our health, for many of us with sensory processing issues), and for expressing discomfort. It literally advocates for using pain and punishment for non-masking, and teaches people not to listen to their bodies. It teaches them to prioritize the feelings and opinions of allistic (non autistic) people over their own reality, and causes lasting trauma and esteem problems in many autistic people and others.
I'm also curious.
Hi Anna great video. I’m neither autistic nor a girl so I learned a lot. Are you dr.A now?
I don't distinguish between "autustic person" or "person with autism." I use both terms interchangeably.
I’m autistic and I don’t care about person first language just to add to the conversation
Hello I am writing a long paperwork for University about this topic. But i'm stuck in the writing phase because i dont a enough studies or literature. So my question is do you know some reacher websites, books or anything which could help me, to deep dive into this topic? I would be soooo grateful. ❤️
i have been to therapy before and i had counseling and we had identified that i definitely have sensory issues but my last diagnosis was mdd but im starting to think maybe it is autism because im pretty sure im neurodivergent but i do not know what i should do with that information because i feel like i cannot deeply connect to my peers like others i feel observative compared to my peers im 16
also just a heads up, neurodivergent is not the same as autism and shouldn’t be used interchangeably with autism. there’s been a lot of misinformation going around that neurodivergent means the same thing as autism.
Neurodivergent also includes adhd. Maybe some other stuff as well. I am by no way an expert. Its like saying animal and mammalian is the same. A mammalian is an animal. But not all animals are mammalian. Because there are also birds. Reptiles, fish, marsupials, insects, amphians etc.
Wouldn't neurodivergent be an umbrella term that autism falls under? For example, not every neurodivergent person is autistic but every autistic person/people with autism is neurodivergent? I'm just asking btw
Sounds like you’re behind Charlie because that’s changing
@@giselle_kvm Yeah exactly!
@@madisonj5136 nope , im autistic and far beyond my friend!
Communities, of whatever identifiers, don't have standing in demanding alterations to existing identifying terms. Such expectations create confusion, confrontation, and invites shaming.
❤
can u pls make a vid abt how to be a better partner with BPD in a relationship? if you haven’t already. i have borderline and i am self aware of a lot of the things i do i just don’t know how to fix them. thank u
i’m an autistic trans man so i’m gonna take this video since i grew up presenting as a girl
i prefer "autistic girl" rather than "girl with autism." to help understand: autism is part of who i am (i AM autistic), but anorexia is a disorder that i have (i HAVE anorexia). anorexia is not part of my identity and i have the power to recover from it. autism is not a disorder, it is not something u suffer and should strive to recover from.
what do you think of ABA therapy?
Has the definition of autism expanded? I’m curious. It seems like the criteria is much less than it used to be.
yeah it's been expanded in the latest update to dsm5
@@halguy5745 To include Asperger's Syndrome on the spectrum?
@@m2pozad not sure exactly, I watched a report on it like a year ago. I just know the diagnosis has been expanded in couple different ways
Asperger's used to be separated out as a different dx in dsm4. In dsm5 is all grouped together as autism spectrum disorder. I'm sure it will change again in the next version!
@@dawnhughes9942 it is strange. I am used to it being defined as autism and Asperger’s depending on the severity. Now it seems like everyone is defining themselves as autistic. I’m just trying to figure out what the qualifications are at this point. It seems to me that the diagnosis encompassing more people is doing a disservice to those that (in my mind) are truly autistic.
I am here to learn though.
Can you do a video on ABA?
I'm a guy, but i odddly relate to this a little bit too muct
Autistic people dont need treatment we need accomodations
True
Preach!
I think we need both. I want to learn skills in order to deal with my emotional regulation problems and square thinking. For that I need treatment
@@themiserychick9219 learning skills isn't the same as "treating" autism though it's not a disease
@@juliannar9376 it is a disorder
I don’t have autism so my opinion is moot on that in particular, but I have depression, and I’d much rather be referred to using person-first language. It makes me feel like I’m being seen as a whole person and not just a label.
I thought "I'm too stupid to make friends" was a funny meme passed around on instagram
Personally, I don't care about one or the other in terminology. I still refer to myself as Aspies. Ppl get offended over the silliest of things
I have autism
I have Austim
Hmmmm.. Maybe i should get checked
Do you have Austim
Person language always, not sure whats happened with this change up tbh
I prefer "person with autism" because it's not my defining trait...like you wouldn't say "ADHD person". Saying "autistic person" feels like the person saying it cannot view the person in any other lens besides their disability and I'm more than that
There is a huge problem with people who are just assholes claiming to be autistic and adhd. So much so that I would hesitate to think this research would be anything more than a reflection of that. Masking has nothing to do with autism. Masking has to do with being a manipulative person who is seeking to gain things from others without full disclosure about what exactly you want in return. Not all autistic people mask. Ausitm is not the problem. Autistic people dont have issues making friends. Manipulative people do.
This is so ignorant. There are various reasons why people may mask or have issues making friends. Autistic people are often discriminated against, masking is a defense mechanism to this.
wot
Manipulative people have zero issues making friends with neurotypicals. In fact they often use neurotypicals to bully and attack other people.
An average manipulator is fantastic at making "friends"
@@ZinniaGulden Why would you want to be friends with someone who is discriminating against you? There is no issue there. You do not be friends with them. The problem comes when the person wants to manipulate people who do not like them, into liking them, and has negative feelings when they can not do so.
I'm not talking about vegtables. Im talking about 99% of self diagnosed adhd/autistic people who are fully capable