That was actually perfect, you have the hook at the beginning, and the content is very original. I loved it. I loved mostly the fact the music stopped only to pick up again faster as the person tripped. Literally perfect.
Ooo ok I will say that the ending there was really good (even though I liked the whole thing all the way through), I honestly love the narration here (as well as the last video I watched of yours)!
I give it a C, although admittedly I have no idea if this is referencing something or not. To me, it is an entirely original work. In horror, your Holy Trinity is hopelessness, tragedy, and primal terror, and they exclusively work in tandem. The movies Hush and It Comes At Night are excellent examples of these concepts. It's not always the big moments, but the addition of all those little ones that _just barely_ fail or reveal your scare that makes something horrifying. Having the protagonist look over their shoulder, catch a glimpse (that, more importantly, doesn't disrupt the flow of the video so heavily) of the Big Bad, and then stumble on the root of a tree as a result of their looking back, prompting the "darkness-gazing" moment would be far more effective. You want your audience to question whether they even saw it or not, and you don't want to give them time to breathe before they have to pay attention again. Also, a png of a rabbit thing isn't exactly scary, so only showing it for a second or perhaps having it barely-visible would be far more preferable than it just floating around on-screen when it shows up. The first is self-explanatory in its ways of execution and the second can just be done by upping the transparency. What vibe are you going for with this? Are you going for "darkness shouldn't gaze back at you, that is confusing and therefore scary" or are you going for "me and the void gaze at each other, and this is intellectual and poetic"? Without proper context, this just seems like some teenager repeating a phrase they thought was cool and throwing a video together for it. Additionally, your style of writing here is _extremely_ repetitive. "I was running, but I didn't know why I was running" re-states something it shouldn't. We all know you're running, you don't need to say it twice. This style calls for short sentences: "I was running." [ominous tone] "But I didn't know why." Giving each stanza time to breathe is a great step in the right direction, but trust me, we won't forget what was said in the 4 or so seconds between each one. Say what's required once and never again, and only use "I'm making it intentionally repetitive for poeticism" extremely lightly, or it seems like a poorly made decision. You're giving the audience too much time to think; overwhelm us, make us work for understanding! I'm a big fan of the vibe, but it just wasn't executed well enough to leave a lasting impression.
Honestly yeah to state first, this was an idea that I wanted to do randomly. Kinda similar to the style of my last video (granted this one was not for an assignment and the other was) But I wanted to use my character that I’ve been trying to tell his “story” and stuff. This one was just like a random one off thing that I would imagine them to be in during their story. Yeah I honestly did realize the running part a few days after I posted it and I was like “wait did I just repeat myself? Lmao” it was a funny thing, but I was like oh well. Ultimately I do this for fun, while also trying to get better at having specific tone or vibe of it. But I also really didn’t think about what type of horror I’m going for. Kinda just doing it you know? It is kinda just me doing the art and the audio stuff along with the voices. I do get and understand what ur criticisms are and they are helpful! So thank you!
@@Hi_ImAwkward Fair enough. There aren't many better feelings than that sudden inspiration you get for a random project sometimes. The mistakes you made give you a plethora of opportunities for improvement, so I'm certainly looking forward to your future videos. Best of luck :)
![IRIS - Dimetrix [FANMADE LYRIC VIDEO]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/y5_8DLvM16M/mqdefault.jpg)
![IRIS - Dimetrix [FANMADE LYRIC VIDEO]](/img/tr.png)
I’m glad you guys are enjoying a story about my character Tammy!
There’s much more to learn about him in other videos and hopefully another one soon!
Well done.
Thank you!
Didnt expect you to be here!
That was actually perfect, you have the hook at the beginning, and the content is very original. I loved it. I loved mostly the fact the music stopped only to pick up again faster as the person tripped. Literally perfect.
Ooo ok I will say that the ending there was really good (even though I liked the whole thing all the way through), I honestly love the narration here (as well as the last video I watched of yours)!
Thank you!!
This is well done. Gonna share this around, see if I can get it some algorithm action.
I give it a C, although admittedly I have no idea if this is referencing something or not. To me, it is an entirely original work.
In horror, your Holy Trinity is hopelessness, tragedy, and primal terror, and they exclusively work in tandem. The movies Hush and It Comes At Night are excellent examples of these concepts. It's not always the big moments, but the addition of all those little ones that _just barely_ fail or reveal your scare that makes something horrifying. Having the protagonist look over their shoulder, catch a glimpse (that, more importantly, doesn't disrupt the flow of the video so heavily) of the Big Bad, and then stumble on the root of a tree as a result of their looking back, prompting the "darkness-gazing" moment would be far more effective. You want your audience to question whether they even saw it or not, and you don't want to give them time to breathe before they have to pay attention again.
Also, a png of a rabbit thing isn't exactly scary, so only showing it for a second or perhaps having it barely-visible would be far more preferable than it just floating around on-screen when it shows up. The first is self-explanatory in its ways of execution and the second can just be done by upping the transparency.
What vibe are you going for with this? Are you going for "darkness shouldn't gaze back at you, that is confusing and therefore scary" or are you going for "me and the void gaze at each other, and this is intellectual and poetic"? Without proper context, this just seems like some teenager repeating a phrase they thought was cool and throwing a video together for it.
Additionally, your style of writing here is _extremely_ repetitive.
"I was running, but I didn't know why I was running" re-states something it shouldn't. We all know you're running, you don't need to say it twice. This style calls for short sentences:
"I was running."
[ominous tone] "But I didn't know why."
Giving each stanza time to breathe is a great step in the right direction, but trust me, we won't forget what was said in the 4 or so seconds between each one. Say what's required once and never again, and only use "I'm making it intentionally repetitive for poeticism" extremely lightly, or it seems like a poorly made decision. You're giving the audience too much time to think; overwhelm us, make us work for understanding! I'm a big fan of the vibe, but it just wasn't executed well enough to leave a lasting impression.
Honestly yeah to state first, this was an idea that I wanted to do randomly. Kinda similar to the style of my last video (granted this one was not for an assignment and the other was)
But I wanted to use my character that I’ve been trying to tell his “story” and stuff. This one was just like a random one off thing that I would imagine them to be in during their story.
Yeah I honestly did realize the running part a few days after I posted it and I was like “wait did I just repeat myself? Lmao”
it was a funny thing, but I was like oh well.
Ultimately I do this for fun, while also trying to get better at having specific tone or vibe of it.
But I also really didn’t think about what type of horror I’m going for. Kinda just doing it you know? It is kinda just me doing the art and the audio stuff along with the voices.
I do get and understand what ur criticisms are and they are helpful! So thank you!
@@Hi_ImAwkward Fair enough. There aren't many better feelings than that sudden inspiration you get for a random project sometimes. The mistakes you made give you a plethora of opportunities for improvement, so I'm certainly looking forward to your future videos. Best of luck :)
thank you so much! and yeah I will def take these notes and keep them in mind!
i love this, man! subscribed 100%
Art
Awesome stuff
❤
Oooo spooky 👻 🤩✨👌🏻
hehehehehe
Its big chungus