I feel like I’ve never belonged in this world. Everyone is so mean to each other. Everyone is so sure they are right about everything and everyone else is wrong. 99% of jobs are soulless and pointless. 99% of my daily tasks are boring and repetitive. I’m perpetually exhausted.
@@theasmith1323 I had a challenging career when I ran a business and it took a toll on my health. I would like to find a job with meaning and purpose that makes a difference in the world.
My parents and sister constantly shamed and humiliated me for my sensitivity, even beat me. They really looked down on me with contempt and let me know it through their unkind words and cruelty. 2.5 years ago I went complete no contact. It’s the best decision I’ve made, just wish I had done it 40 years ago. I don’t miss them. In fact the thought of ever hearing the sound of their voices again is terrifying. I am slowly returning to me. I love my sensitivity. I use it to find little wild birds who need help and nurse them back to good health.
Just want to support your thoughts ... not standing for it, whilst opposite to many protestations to maintain family relationships, is definitely the answer for some. Just don't leave it till you're exhausted or break is my advice to others considering leaving for their safety or equanimity.
I was just talking with both my siblings about this, how toxic our parents are. It's u fortunate because we love them, and the fact that they're toxic means that they are in pain, so as they're son I'm not happy to see them be like that. But throughout my life I've found out that those people (anyone who's negative in general) can be out greatest masters in life. Just as a suggestion, try contacting them once in a while, as a way to challenge yourself into learning that they are in pain, and that's why precisely they're the way they are. If you can feel genuine compassion to them when they're mean to you, that means you're on the right path. Of course if it gets physical the best option is to leave, I'm just talking when it's about mean words or attitudes.
"Manifest your awareness, and teach it to those that are ready to listen at whatever level. And don't be attached to the outcome." Dr. Gabor Maté. THANK YOU, DOCTOR!!!!!!
Like the person here who told a poster "toughen up, buttercup.". And nobody corrected that. Nobody stood up for the person being crudely attacked. We also have to look at our lack of real support for sensitive people!
No, being TOO sensitive is definitely a weakness. A lot of people need to learn how to not be so sensitive about everything. Our ancestors all faced real danger on a constant basis, the internet is a playground for bullies to terrorise you. If you are depressed or vulnerable you will just be a target on here.
@@jasonh.8754 Who died and left you judge of how people are supposed to be? It's not about whether it's right or wrong or good or bad. It. Just. Is. Ignorant people who've been told all their lives by insensitive people that sensitivity is wrong show that ignorance every time they judge others. People who are interested in learning and make the effort learned years ago that the research shows that 20% to 30% of the population is highly sensitive, that it isn't a matter of choice and that, furthermore, it serves an evolutionary function. Research shows that in the animal kingdom there are also highly sensitive individuals. The reason is that sensitivity is necessary to point out things to watch for that can cause problems for the rest of the population. It's necessary and it's not a matter of choice for those who are born highly sensitive. Throughout history there have been societies that understand this, respect the sensitive ones for their gift and live better because of it. There have been kings and rulers who had sensitive advisors because they understood this. I have friends of another culture who have always understood this and respect the sensitivity of the ones who are the advisors, and they aren't so judgemental and are much happier people. So one can reasonably conclude that the problem is people who are blind followers, judge others and tell others what to be, and ignorantly follow others right off a cliff because they refuse to understand that some people have a clearer vision of what's ahead.
Yes! When I understood and accepted that I’m highly introverted and sensitive, and that it’s not a disorder or disease. It’s just difficult when the culture/society puts aggressive extroverts on a pedestal as the ideal.
When my son was dying from a neuroblastoma, my now ex took off skiing for several weekends. This was embraced by the medical community as 'healthy.' Me wanting to do the palliative care - he had special needs, was 'difficult' - was seen as a bit, pathological. That I didn't want to go off for holidays while he suffered, that I preferred, no, needed, like air, to be able to be there to savour every moment, every little interaction, and, in case his pain spiked, b/c I alone could administer the morphine needed to get control over his agony, often a dose greater than the doctors at Hospice had prescribed, was seen as unhealthy. I didn't care. I knew what I needed. I knew what he needed. We needed time, and time was limited. We needed each other. And time was limited. I needed to love him as much as I could, because he was dying, an excruciating, protracted death, and the ONE thing I could do was see he died knowing he was deeply, deeply, loved. And the one thing I could give him was the promise, the joy for me, of being there, so he was not alone. Even the people at Hospice had to distance themselves from this raw, flayed suffering. But you know what? Fuck 'em. Fuck them all and their quiet, murmured disapproval and their wounded, stunted judgement. And bless them. Bless them for showing up and doing their best in spite of the fear it engendered, to bear witness to that naked, raw, suffering and try, in spite of the wounds that drove them to that compassion, to be present to whatever degree they could manage. To support me to the best of their vulner-ability, so I could do my, final, sacred, job as his mom.
I think that how people see social roles in certain societies plays a fundamental role in how people are treated and judged based on gender. Too frequently women are expected to sacrifice for the family while men and husbands are valued for their detachment as if that detachment guarantees health and productivity outside their family environment and it isn't necessarily the right thing. I wonder if this is the case here. To me you were the only one who thought and did the ''right thing'', the only thing that showed not only compassion and love, but also a sort of bravery that we lack so often in modern society. And we fail too often to value people for it, value women more for this particular resilience in front of tremendous hardship and pain.
This is what I would do for my child. Your ex is inhumane and those who applauded his actions every bit as bad. I regret not being religious as the idea of hell and damnation for those who lack compassion to such an extent would comfort me. 😑
Taom, I honour you and your endeavours as I have worked in the Oncology Department of the Children's Hospital in Sydney and seen suffering as your son experienced. Your devotion to you son, raw, loving, practical and uncompromising will be with you as a part of you for the rest of your days, even as a memory and I believe it helped him a great deal to leave this life as serenly as possible in the circumstances. I do believe he is somewhere, either resting or coming back to continue his journey as another life but same soul. A book was written recently, The Space between the Stars by a journalist who lost her sister; perhaps you might like to locate & read it. As for your husband, I feel sure he is suffering at a deep level ... unfortunately unable to be supportive to your son and unable to be with the pain at the time. When you go against the tide you need a lot of strength; go well beautiful lady.
From the age of 11 I became addicted to self- harm and suicide attempts. I stopped that at the age of 35 and took up gambling for the next 20 years. It took 3 - 5 years to give that addiction. I used journalling, affirmations and contact and help from my guardian angel. I have to remain in the present so that I remain aware that I am not looking outwards for love and acceptance, instead I look inwards for that love and acceptance. You are so right. You have to do the work everyday or it drifts away.
The care of the individuals sure is, in relation to their relationship with death, struggling over their anguish, precisely because they're temporal and they have to confront it.
NWO has no place for empathy. Many of us are being "gangstalked" nowadays, and called delusional is we bother to be silly enough to talk about it and try to get support.
I don't just feel but know for a fact is that the greatest warriors and fighters in our times and past are always the people that are the most sensitive ,compassionate and empathetic. Its hidden behind bravery because that is the cause for bravery. You fight for your loved ones and for the people around you.
It is daily work to stay conscious. I'm very intuitive and highly sensitive to sensory processing and how I experience the outside world in general. Unplugging, spending time in nature, introspection, pilates, painting and disciplined self awareness help me maintain a higher deeper version of my Self. It's all continued work, and having high levels of compassion for self and others help too. Especially with addictions. Hold the space, and have patience you can only do so much in a day, rest is vital aswell . Gabor you are wonderful. And I can relate to you alot. Thankyou for your wisdom.
Meditation and quieting the mind is a great way to learn focus and stop going subconsciously into disassociation. By finding out what you actually are, you can override the hardware.
Keep up the good work. Totally understand what you are talking about Have been doing a very deep, body based psychorapy for many years. Trying to remove and change childhood blocks, trauma and imprints. Which resulted in compulsive, obessive and addictive behaviour and lack of feeling. Very difficult but you can regain the simple joy and deep heart love and feelings you felt as a child. You are a brave man Dr Mate All the best
I am very sensitive, but liked to be the way I AM because I like to be different even if makes me feel alone at times. I see how the world is around me and always preferred to be myself because I did not like what I saw around me. My faith and my being stubborn helped me be liked by my friends because aI became the "listener" of the group and got along with everyone and be present to the moment when they needed to talk and open up and needed to feel understood. Thank God the fantasy in my "always dreaming mind" helped me survive the difficulties of my earlier years and found a way to go on and live my days the best way I could. Reading romance books and creating love stories inhead that helped me dream at night and would them in the morning. Angela Italy
@Alex Du Bois that last part put a smile on my face, I do the exact same thing and I'd always have to hide my tears when watching films with my family (English). Honestly pretty much everything you said has been very similar to my own experiences. Was always one foot in a few different groups, and I never liked the group dynamics, rarely got anything out of it. I always felt much more at ease being one on one and connecting with them, that always felt the best, when there's a group I'd just keep quiet although that is more-so a personal issue than an issue with groups. I do really desperately crave having those sorts of strong connections with people though, it is really hard when people are so important, yet its so hard to actually build those bonds with them, especially ones where you feel understood and accepted.
I’ve just recently found him and he described my life…I’ve always been maligned for being sensitive and after 25 years of deepening my awareness and at 60 years old I’m there. Not because I’ve arrived anywhere, but decades of work have accumulated into calm and personal peace, which is on going. But I no longer flail and wretch over all the pain and abuse that I went through in childhood. He is SO right that it takes SO many different things, they all matter and help. When I see him (though I’m not at all accomplished like him) it’s like hearing my own story. I had eating disorders, ADD, did association, chronic fatigue, cancer etc. Never give up on self love and acceptance. I love that he describes sobriety as the goal…in a few places in the Bible it says that we should be “sober minded” and to have a “sane” estimate of ourselves. So, self honesty. It’s sad an remarkable that people are so unaware of themselves, which is what has been pushed on all humans, in society. We may mourn for those in slavery or a caste system, but we are all in one, unless we sober up. I liked his point of being the change and it reminded me of this article www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201411/how-to-live-happy-life/ Thank you so much for this wonderful interview
Question at 12:16 What to do to stay inoculated from these new forms of addiction?? This question resonates with me. In my industry, constant social media posting is rewarded. I just can't do it. It's too distracting and distressing and in many ways destructive to my mental well-being. Thank you for asking this question and thank you Dr Gabor for addressing it.🙏🏽
I knew I was different when at the age of 6 years old I saw Pocahontas and was saddened. This world has always been too dark and harsh for me. I've never felt like I belonged and this was magnified by my dysfunctional upbringing. Being alone with nature or animals is so much easier for me.
So true! I was diagnosed with autism and am now healing with ayahuasca as well as training to help heal others. Especially other people on the spectrum.
Yes, this is such an important question and answer! Companies do market research to hook us into buying their products, even if they are not good for us.
He also mentions religion. One (of many) reason why I left the church is because it is an organized business model with the (seemingly) sole purpose/goal of recruiting people to volunteer for their programs (food drive; choir; community outreach; Sunday school teachers; etc) - tapping into your genuine need for fellowship and using that need to fill their commitments. A bait and switch in the cruelest sense, and it is incredibly difficult to leave because you want, desperately, to believe these people really love and care for you. And, the bible actually says they SHOULD! So, you have truth to back up your understanding but lack the evidence in your experience. Bar none, the deepest pain I have ever experienced was at the hands of Christians. The abuse I suffered as a child doesn't even come close to the betrayal and hurt I experienced in the church, and it pains me greatly to have to admit this.
I can appreciate what he said about sensitive people. I’ve had to learn to mask my sensitivity. It’s empowering to know that I would have been a shaman/healer in the traditional societies. Just as I cannot change my brown eyes, I cannot change my nature. I can heal from the trauma caused by a cruel society.
I am with you here. I ended up becoming a nurse. Nurses are not allowed to be sick or have needs. I was once asked what my needs were and I honestly did not know. I still barely know. My value is in helping others. And yes, I had to retire as I now have a rare auto-immune disease that almost killed me.
@@patriciamichaels4393 I too have an auto immune disease. I also almost because a nurse. I am not sure how much of our caring nature has affected our health but I certainly think there could be a connection somewhere.
I am in Awe of your compassion and empathy of this important situation that alot maybe experiancing, also the realness and how relative your work is, Its fresh and articulate in such a manner of understanding. I study Psychollogy and counselling with mental health and have to say I would love to study your work in my lectures. Sending pure love and light
nah you are passionate about his talks because it is a positive habit. there are no addictions that are less harmful than others. all are same we still suffer with what we cannot get rid of. to some they just want to not procrastinate an endless cycle of years to some they dont want to be dependent on alcohol to some they dont want to die from self destructive behaviour all stuck on something that we wish we never had. some suicide because they cannot handle the pain and think they have no choice its not voluntarily its compulsive to act on to shut off so they want relief from that experience be it as small as not being able to cope with exams. so we cannot compare which is less harmful. shutting down from pressure of exams drugs dying from overworking all the things we find temporary pleasure from pain but makes us slaves to death and misery. we just cant control ourselves to function normally and we think its all a great problem nonetheless whoever has which all are equally harmful because it eats away our time on earth and to each one its harmful and equally taxing. it's subjective but equally possible to develop aversion to tasks due to childhood trauma. an alcoholic could sympathize with a person who is lazy and so on. you can feel love and understanding for that person and feel you are going through the same thing. you are self aware of it's toll on the quality of your life and see that it could be much much better. So you see the similarity. but i get it its a play on words so i guess you are addicted to his talks and some are less harmful than others. although you have to internalize it do the homework meditate on it. oops sorry for saying that.
Me and my ex girlfriend were both highly sensitive. We had troubles but the good times were beautiful. And I created a lot of beautiful art at that time that will last in memory.
@Alexandar so do you want to live with regret throughout your life that you didn't contact her. Ultimately it doesn't matter if she gets angry at you or not. Even if you contact her and get rejected you can tell yourself that you tried. It will give you peace.
This society is a nightmare. Just when I think it couldn’t possibly get worse, it always does of course. The people awake enough to fight it are fought by others who are oppressed too but still blind. What an unnecessary tragedy for everyone. The answers are there but I suppose at the end of it ideology prevails over truth, and our planet will pay the price along with all its beautiful life.
One of the real horrors is when you get targeted by these psychopaths at the top, and they wreck your life, and then everyone around you gaslights you while you're being destroyed. It's surreal. Seems like not many realise this sort of stuff goes on. What a hell hole of a world.
@@projectbirdfeederman5491 these subjects are good for us to research and understand and with understanding and continual awareness we can begin to 'see it coming' and step aside and let it pass by.
@@harima36 not when those at the top are using torture technology on you, then we get gradually destroyed. Just a matter of time. Wonder how many are getting attacked by it nowadays, maybe the whole population to varying extents. There's no frequency police (of course, convenient lol) so we will likely never find out.
Advice to 'How to Academy Mindset' : when you hide face and voice of the attendee posing a question, it would be easier to understand if you type the question on the screen.
the reformed alcoholic part that the family still shuns due to it's a reminder of their own suffering that they cant face yet..... this video gave me more understanding and compassion for my suffering family members.... I love Dr Gabor! lol I'm not a religious man but have to say thank God for the words that come out his mouth. he is like a dentist that goes right to that nerve and u better be ready for truth.
That part of early sobriety was hard to handle. Being shamed for stopping. Being labelled. Seen more as a failed drinker than as a person who has found the desperate courage to address addiction. That was really awful. This is the first time I've heard it described. It took a lot of energy to navigate through that shame, that was being put onto me by certain family members who had no interest in facing their own shit, or who felt threatened or judged by the fact that I had decided to face mine. I despised being labelled like that. And having to take on a stigmatic label as a consequence of doing the right thing. Yeah man, 20 years on and that shit still smarts.
@@paulduffy4585 happy to hear about your sobriety... That's still a work in progress for me, but improving. Hahaha the family problem whistleblower you where a lolol... Same over here. I had to walk away from my family. I love em and not mad at them any more. I respect why you say it still stings bro. Look at it this way.... You are the warrior that's changing your family's lineage!!!! You're helping all the past relatives heal that have died, through your actions today and you're helping possible future generation of your family lineage by doing what you did. So I say nice job bro! If you don't .... Try getting into meditation and even basic Buddhism. It will help that sting wash away. Okay, getting off my soapbox 🤙🙏🤘
@@robertwilson822 thank you Robert. You got me emotional there, talking about breaking the chain. My little brother actually got sober too, and is thriving. As am I. Doing things I never dreamed possible, like raising children, in a peaceful place, with a beautiful woman. I actually did a few ten day Vipasanna courses before my first boy was born. Mind-blowing stuff. Wish I had done it 20 years ago. The amount of pain that can be shed in such a concentrated time is just incredible. And even though I don't practice I do still feel that inner space still there in me and always available. Anyway, best of luck to you man. There are great gifts hidden in these afflictions of ours. I trust you will find your way out and enjoy them for the rest of your life.
I agree, the sensitivity u transmit and deep, smoothing voice, kind of take u easy to looking at yourself and the world with sensitivity and honesty I really think we have to do a lot of self reflections of ourselves in order to learn and transmit good stuff to the next generations. Better people better future.
@Marleen yes, agree....and we urgently need guides like Dr Mate who have the sensitivity AND lived experience. This and his great insightfulness is what gives him such empathy with others.
Thank you Gabor Maté., Your insights provide the catalyst to my personal healing, yet leaves me wondering 'can an entire dysfunctional society be healed'? Some years ago this specific page in ethnobotanist Wade Davis' book "Shadows in the Sun" caught my attention (I hope posting it here for others to consider is not frowned upon, although it does align with Dr Maté's answer to one person's question): "The agrarian transformation and the advent of sedentary village life, which led in turn to the first organized religious hierarchies, generally meant the end of shamanic traditions. As agriculture overthrew the hunt, so the priest displaced the shaman. With religious leaders serving as mere functionaries of established religious theologies, the shaman's poetry was turned into prose. For unlike the priest, who is a socially inducted and initiated member of a recognized religious organization,, the shaman is one who, as a consequence of a completely personal psychological crisis, has gained a certain power of his or her own. Whereas the priest is concerned with integrating the individual into a firmly ordered and well-established social context, the shaman seeks the release of his or her own wild genius, wherever that may lead. Almost invariably, an overwhelming mental crisis is part of the vocational summons. Indeed, for the seeker of shamanic wisdom, it is a fine line between mystical initiation and psychological breakdown. Yet, though this crisis may resemble a mental breakdown, it cannot be dismissed as one. For it is not the pathological but a normal event for the gifted mind in these societies, the realization and intuition of a level of spiritual depth that gives the World a sacred character. By following the solitary vision, the shaman breaks not with the other traditions of his tribe but with the comparatively trivial attitude toward the spirit realm that seems to satisfy the majority. In seeking this most difficult path, the shaman becomes a master of death and resurrection, of health and well-being. Before attempting to understand how extraordinary healing abilities manifest themselves in certain small indigenous societies, we must first recognize that a chasm exists between the spiritual world of the shaman and our own secular tradition . . . ."
Civilization thrives on coping mechanisms, not on healing. It just keeps shifting problems (defined as such by humans) while making things worse, compensating with new coping strategies. Today, because of the increasing speed of technological and ideological development, entire generations live in different worlds and are threatened to be ripped apart. This sounds bad but it does create awareness. It exposes the undeniable interdependence between not just humans, but between humans and all other existence. The fear of losing this connection is what drives modern civilization, but most of us are still looking outwards for more coping strategies instead of looking inwards, where we'll find this connection will always be there, along with courage, strength and happiness.
I learned how to live through AA. The steps guided me to healing and understanding of myself and others. I realized I can't give what I don't have. AA filled up my empty, damaged soul with love, patience, and tolerance, which I now can go out and help others. I stay close to my fellowship, pray, meditate, yoga, and help others to keep what has been given to me. I am healing. It's so amazing.
developing skills as an empath and there are many types of empathys mental emotional analytical etc..just as an artist takes classes to develop their gift.
Watching & listening to ALL he did & takes on my thought was Taking on everyone’s trauma to his degree has to cause trauma & stress & here he is stating much the same.. wow.. one person alone cannot save the world but the world together can save its people 🤲🏼
@FuqYoFeelingsFerrari. It seems that you see Gabor Maté's work as saving people. I believe that you've missed the point that Gabor puts people on their own feet with the responsibility for their own lives, in a compassionate manner. No saving is part of this. It seems that your reasoning is an escapism of your own responsibility of saving yourself from yourself. The name you use is a hint to that.
@@devonseamoor i’m only responsible for what I think and say and not how you take it. He grasps, empathizes and takes on trauma… which isn’t a bad thing… and it’s why he takes breaks and he LITERALLY says it. Counselors. psychiatrist, therapists etc often see other counselors, psychiatrist, therapists etc bc he’s not a robot taking in info he’s a humans beings - he’s not just text book he’s empathizing - you can hear and see it and he’s clear about it. I as an empath was empathizing with him. I didn’t say he takes people into his house and spoon feeds them lol And I still stand by what I’m saying: the fact that there’s so little people like him out there working on this big giant hot mess of a world doing a great job but like it’s said it takes a village to raise a child and I’m talking about this big hot mess of a world that needs an eff ton of work!
"You're so sensitive" a snowflake became such an insult then people wondered why psychopathy is on the rise. Just being ignorant and emotionally unaware is a compliment now?
Thank you for validating my thoughts, feelings and theories from self-study. A person of expertise that says what I believe, and is less conventional. Must be a lucky day for stumbling upon this and Dr. Maté. Also with caution and awareness not to place him on a pedestal. But thank you Guess I have to go to part1, just like me starting at the end.
You were meant to 'inner stand' this at that moment.... part of the journey,... you are spot on... no need to 'go back'.... our consciousness knows and guides us when we are still , willing and able to 'listen within' ... that's what you are doing .... enjoy the walk within , thank you for posting , it helped me to also 'inner stand' what I wrote to you as I used to 'think' that way too . Much love to you and yours xxxx
@@tilly-apearce124 Oh, thank you. That is so kind. This is what I needed right at the moment I received it. Blessed be your 'inner standing', and blessed be you and yours. However I have been back to part1, 2 & 3... and no complaining. We can only connect dots when we look back, "we can either learn from the past or run from it," as a wise monkey once said. :P I sent part 2 & 3 to my sister, hoping it might change things for the better (healthier) between us, for her personally and for me as well. And fingers crossed my mother. My emptiness is partly the recognition I crave, and acknowledgement of my traumatic youth and upbringing for me personally, but also for my sister. While acknowledging the suffering that came before with my parents. Trying to mend broken bonds, and having an healthier contact if possible.
The dissociation is wired in for me. I make it work, sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing because in a way, it allows me to skate through life without becoming too attached.
If you skate through life without becoming too attached you can be protected from being hurt. There was good reason for this as a child but as an adult we also miss out on connection within along with connection to all that is. I have D.I.D with a system of over 200 parts and we are re establishing connection. It is an amazing act of self love to be willing to do the inner work in order to heal our traumatic wounds, to bring these young parts of ourselves home with a sense of compassion, welcoming and acceptance. We miss so much by remaining dissociated.
A big advantage addicts like you and like me have though is that our addictions did not interfere with what we saw, heard, read, sensed or witnessed. Alcohol and many drug addictions do cause people to stay still in time which I think is why many stay immature.
Dr. Gabor Mate has given us much; however, there is more. Gurdjieff and Spinoza’s teaching give us keys how to awaken our mind and learn the power of understanding our trauma, addictions and face the problems that confronts us, then it’s possible to become free.
Thank you for this post, as can so relate, I’ve become a subscriber, Dr. Gabor Mate’ words viewed and hear via you-tube as been a blessing and curse - yet it opens one eyes to the human condition and impact of those years 0-7. 🧡
You are so right. People that comite suïcide, actualy are saying that the world is wrong. Every body is meant to be here. We have to lissen to what they have to say. Love you all
It's why I have thrown in the towel. Nothing that used to help me through is helping and I am not willing to fix me because I am not the problem, the very sick horrific greedy cruel society I am in is the problem and I only see one way to go.
Don't give up! There are many of us who support one another online to live a complete and enjoyable life by understanding our past traumas and refocusing our lives on what gives us purpose. Following Dr Mate and allowing the algorithm to introduce you to other mindfulness strategies will bring you into connection. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest.
@@alisonrichardson6630 thank you 💞💖💕 Doing better my adult son heard something in my voice on the phone and he kept me going till I was okay on my own again ❤️💕❤️
This all is under the assumption that the addictive personality isn’t passed down in a different form. Addiction is addiction regardless of what substance, thing etc. Thank you so much.
@Jo Ann Hachey I think he did say its a multigenerational thing, that the person with the addiction is the 'canary in the coalmine' ie the canary is sensitive, it reacts to the problem while others (the mine workers nearby/our family) do not.
Consider the reciprocity of the communities who have traditional knowledge and protection of the sacred plants/"psychedelics". Be careful not to use them for individual healing and really understand your intentions for wanting to use them, and be careful not to be apart of the western commodification & extraction of them
@@ivanwood6947 ive learned that sacred plants are used to heal communities, not just individuals- used within the right settings and rituals and with the right healers. Here's a video to consider watching. Hope it helps ruclips.net/video/7zmVZEKsnzM/видео.html
I find myself if I am not in my college work studying most of the day, I will watch the same show or movie. I can listen to the same song or classical piece over and over and it does not phase me. I know I began this to protect myself as a child for the alcoholic abuse at home and then with my my abusive ex boyfriends years ago. I have tried to break habit out of pure desire. I still find myself doing it. Same with my eating habit I learned from my mother. Only eating a meal at night and still need to lose 50 pounds. I really would like to get this accomplished by time I graduate military college so I can help them. My trauma therapist thought I would be great helping them after healing and conquering from all the different abuse I have endured since 3 years old. If anyone has any insight I'm here. Thank you.
perhaps simple meditation which can reconnect us with ourselves could be helpful. Just 15 minutes a day at a similar time and then increase time when so inclined.
Good for you! You might not be able to help your folks as often family can't help. Be okay with that and if religious pray for them. You have a wonderful heart!
I'm so happy to learn you are taking care of yourself Doctor Gabor. We've got work to do! Oops....see what I did there 🤣😂😅 Anyway we need you around for a while so LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE 💯
My problem is this, I dug a hole so deep and I have no energy to crawl out. I'm a single mom of three that made the decisions to keep having children with a man that wasn't good for me. I worked and worked and paid people to raise my kids. He refused to help in a healthy way. Just causing problems. I have a family that do dysfunctional that even Dr. Gabor would take a shot to deal with. Now that my kids are older 17, 15 and 11 I'm finding myself wanting to run and never come back bc im so stressed bc of my trauma and triggers. After 19 years of a dysfunctional relationship with their father I went through a 2 year bitter madness . I started dating, a guy and he opened my eyes to the things that were an issue to me. So I sought out treatment and learning alot but it seems like I have no energy or passion to deal with it. I've let my kids basically take over and I feel like I just pay bills and work. I know the biggest problem I make trauma based decisions on everything that gets me in trouble. Please help!!
Have you tried Hypnotherapy? It is quick effective Also it sounds like your ANS & Central Nervous system is fatigued meditation can help this, Sit comfortable place focus on body Breath/ Breathe deeply through nose if can, breathe in 3 seconds out for 3 seconds start off small few minutes at a time, build up more, Don't worry about this or that if it's right way or wrong way, just keep your focus on body in body focus on the Breath follow your Breath as it goes in through nose down into lungs or belly keep focus on the Breath the air flowing into you through you, This calms the WHOLE nervous system helps you to rewire it the more you do this the more you heal yourself You can also do this is moments of anxiety/overwhelmed standing in a line Just go out of head & into body for a few seconds & focus on your Breath... I did this & it really helped re-balance my nervous system (which runs whole show) re-balance myself as a whole I also used hypnotherapy to release old stored coping mechanisms I had adapted to cope/survive Feeling you Blessings to you 🙌💖
I have found that when I am overwhelmed i can't deal with anything because I have too many fronts i have to work on and i have no energy. When I feel like this i focus on one thing i can do, one small victory, even if I do nothing else i focus on having accomplished that. I also take baby steps: easy things for a short period of time. Also short meditations before going to bed or throughout the day: before work and before coming home from work, take sometime just for yourself even if it's just 2 extra minutes in the shower just to feel the water falling down on your body. In short: Live the now (check Elkhart Tolle or mindfulness), keep going to therapy and work on having some quality time for yourself.
I realize that I'm totally BURNT-OUT!! I ACCEPT MY RESPONSIBILITY. I HAVE GOOD DAYS N BAD DAYS BUT EVERYDAY I LEARN SOMETHING NEW. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS❤
Wow! Thank you How To Academy and Dr Maté for this amazing session. The audience member who was an MD who struggles with constant dissociation really resonated with me. I was so hoping to hear Dr Maté's response, but equally understand it's not something that can be answered in such a short timeframe (and probably requires consideration of the individual's personal circumstances). If there are any resources or information that Dr Maté or How To Academy can share on this, I would be very interested and immensely grateful. It's not exactly a topic that many people have profound insights in. Thank you
Like the questioner said, it’s a response to overwhelm, meaning your mind can’t handle the thought, feeling, or memory that initiated the dissociation. One solution is to make your mind stronger, aka build ego strength (not the way Mate uses the word “ego”, the way that means the part of your brain that’s in charge of oversight of functions). If you’re up for an adventure, psychoanalysis can help you build ego strength if you find a good analyst. I don’t think any other method works as quickly. You can look up self psychology (Kohut) for reference.
Well, I do not Feel doomed. People just don't understand me. I learned to be conscious. Not arguing about what I see, feel, hear. Yes, we do need shamans as an important part of mankind. We have isolated our societies from Nature though we are part of it as all other living creatures. The shamans kept contact with Nature to Help us connect and respect. Making harmony🍀
Shamans? They were necessary in traditional societies. But that doesn't mean those traditional societies were saved by shamans. They were composed of individuals with the same if not even worse mental health problems that we have today. There was never a place where the wolf and the lamb peacefully cohabited together or the lion with the gazelle. Our ancestors lived better lives than we do today in the western societies? I don't think so. Just have a good look at traditional societies that miraculously survived up to day: Papua New Guinea. Its a window into our past.
@@zahariachirica5466 not to make this about politics, but colonialization has destroyed and disturbed those living in nature. poverty and addiction esp alcohol, we see it all over the world. Look at how big pharma steals healing herbs and bottles it for profit. Shamans the bushman in my country are visionary deeply spiritual people with a unique relationship to the plant and animal world. But I guess you wouldn't be able to appreciate this if you're science/tech minded...lions hunt gazelles and take just what they need, they don't exploit or kill just because.
Yep and every body tells sensitive people to have boundaries instead of seeing the hardline boundaries of others trying to be put on to you and how that sensitive people are made to live free flow in their softest softness they dont need to be tough hard or strong/learning how to wield the moxie of softness and learn to manage bounderyl/ess lives/ how to free flow around between beneath and above the hardline world /how to live unentangled with whats not healthy /if you can do that then who's saying you need bounderies/live free flow and boundry/less and make it work for you /then boundaries are for me only if I can not manage my own free flow self/cog-native feeling is not about needing boundaries but about owning your own flow form !
As an hsp person I find it difficult to interact with societies expectations occasionally. Is there any way we can use our oversensitivity to become more productive? Thanks.
@@keivankarem4195 seeing as this video is about sensitive people, I think we can all understand what HSP means, just ignore the troll, he wrote to get a reaction from you.
you gotta understand "the society" you have difficulties to fit in at times, most likely is not a "you problem", but a healthy reaction to a profoundly sick "society" There's more, -stay curious. X
Great opening quip by Dr. Mate, and YOU GO WIFEY. Great zinger. He married himself a hardheaded woman. Long live the truth~tellers. Haha 😄 Really have enjoyed this interview series. The host is excellent
@@emilyjohnson8156 I understand your need to share your experience and to promote these materials. I am not sure In my opinion, people who are struggling with dissociation may not receive the same benefit you have from these compounds.
I am of the opinion that working toward self-realization (through the many modalities with which that can be done) and in achieving some success and understanding of 'WHO WE ARE' in the deeper understanding of that... that addictions begin to fall away. 'Falling away' is a much easier method than 'will power'. Self-realization leads us to love of the SELF. Some modalities that have benefited me are: mushrooms, peyote, SUBUD, meditation, company of realized people, (for instance Nisargadatta as read by Samaneri Jayasara on her channel on youtube has been very useful recently). I listen while awake and when asleep. There are many more modalities of course and part of ones healing may be in setting ones feet on the path and finding ones own way by oneself. With sincere inquiries I would be happy to give more suggestions or direction.
As much as I love Gabor, I feel a sinking sadness every time I listen to him. Am I picking up on his fatigue or sorrow? Anyone with insight, I’d be curious your perspective. Thanks 💜🤍💜
I feel he gets if all so much and his soul is in constantly responding with such compassion and kindness - there's understanding of all our struggles x
I think your being's linked to your temporality, as well as your and society's anguish, and the authenticity of your being, connected to your own temporality.
Watch more of Dr Gabor here: ruclips.net/p/PLFIigLLitqDmBx70a-rY1n035Oz8HumeC
How to be an ATTRACTIVE LEADER who will be taken seriosly like you?Pls help me...🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I feel like I’ve never belonged in this world. Everyone is so mean to each other. Everyone is so sure they are right about everything and everyone else is wrong. 99% of jobs are soulless and pointless. 99% of my daily tasks are boring and repetitive. I’m perpetually exhausted.
Same!!!
Hey Jonathan, I feel the same way. Would you like to switch to a challenging great career?
This is exactly what I feel. Refreshing to see there are others 🎃 open mindedness has been destroyed by empowered ego
@@theasmith1323 I had a challenging career when I ran a business and it took a toll on my health. I would like to find a job with meaning and purpose that makes a difference in the world.
Toughen up Buttercup. It’ll be better for you and better for society. You have talents and skills. Don’t deprive your community of them.
"This society does not honor vulnerability." I agree.
Thanks to hypercapitalism and the biased egocentric society
That literally dont even excist
@@that8858 #somanyreasonsyo
this is a Captain Obvious statement. Animals and microorganisms don't even honor vulnerability.
That can't be proved . Those little bugs might be dam thankful to there HS peers🐞🕊
My parents and sister constantly shamed and humiliated me for my sensitivity, even beat me. They really looked down on me with contempt and let me know it through their unkind words and cruelty.
2.5 years ago I went complete no contact. It’s the best decision I’ve made, just wish I had done it 40 years ago. I don’t miss them. In fact the thought of ever hearing the sound of their voices again is terrifying. I am slowly returning to me. I love my sensitivity. I use it to find little wild birds who need help and nurse them back to good health.
Just want to support your thoughts ... not standing for it, whilst opposite to many protestations to maintain family relationships, is definitely the answer for some. Just don't leave it till you're exhausted or break is my advice to others considering leaving for their safety or equanimity.
❤
Hope you're doing well. Helping little animals is the most sacred thing... ❤️
I love you❤
I was just talking with both my siblings about this, how toxic our parents are. It's u fortunate because we love them, and the fact that they're toxic means that they are in pain, so as they're son I'm not happy to see them be like that.
But throughout my life I've found out that those people (anyone who's negative in general) can be out greatest masters in life.
Just as a suggestion, try contacting them once in a while, as a way to challenge yourself into learning that they are in pain, and that's why precisely they're the way they are.
If you can feel genuine compassion to them when they're mean to you, that means you're on the right path.
Of course if it gets physical the best option is to leave, I'm just talking when it's about mean words or attitudes.
"Manifest your awareness, and teach it to those that are ready to listen at whatever level. And don't be attached to the outcome." Dr. Gabor Maté. THANK YOU, DOCTOR!!!!!!
Huge lesson
then may be one day you high
Our society views sensitivity as a weakness when actually it is a strength and tied to emotional intelligence.
Like the person here who told a poster "toughen up, buttercup.". And nobody corrected that. Nobody stood up for the person being crudely attacked. We also have to look at our lack of real support for sensitive people!
No, being TOO sensitive is definitely a weakness. A lot of people need to learn how to not be so sensitive about everything. Our ancestors all faced real danger on a constant basis, the internet is a playground for bullies to terrorise you. If you are depressed or vulnerable you will just be a target on here.
@@jasonh.8754 Another idiot proud of being totally ignorant. Keep judging and criticizing......it's soooo attractive.
@@auntiebobbolink hi, I'm not ignorant, I see very sensitive people online being abused by violent people all the time. It's so sad to watch.
@@jasonh.8754 Who died and left you judge of how people are supposed to be?
It's not about whether it's right or wrong or good or bad. It. Just. Is. Ignorant people who've been told all their lives by insensitive people that sensitivity is wrong show that ignorance every time they judge others.
People who are interested in learning and make the effort learned years ago that the research shows that 20% to 30% of the population is highly sensitive, that it isn't a matter of choice and that, furthermore, it serves an evolutionary function.
Research shows that in the animal kingdom there are also highly sensitive individuals. The reason is that sensitivity is necessary to point out things to watch for that can cause problems for the rest of the population. It's necessary and it's not a matter of choice for those who are born highly sensitive.
Throughout history there have been societies that understand this, respect the sensitive ones for their gift and live better because of it. There have been kings and rulers who had sensitive advisors because they understood this. I have friends of another culture who have always understood this and respect the sensitivity of the ones who are the advisors, and they aren't so judgemental and are much happier people.
So one can reasonably conclude that the problem is people who are blind followers, judge others and tell others what to be, and ignorantly follow others right off a cliff because they refuse to understand that some people have a clearer vision of what's ahead.
he really hit me with that sensitivity part. Kinda freeing to realise that your sensitivity is part of you and there is nothing wrong with that.
it is a strength. A profound strength
Complete sensitivity is of utmost beauty - Jiddu Krishnamurti
It is your superpower, never forget that.
Yes! When I understood and accepted that I’m highly introverted and sensitive, and that it’s not a disorder or disease. It’s just difficult when the culture/society puts aggressive extroverts on a pedestal as the ideal.
When my son was dying from a neuroblastoma, my now ex took off skiing for several weekends. This was embraced by the medical community as 'healthy.' Me wanting to do the palliative care - he had special needs, was 'difficult' - was seen as a bit, pathological. That I didn't want to go off for holidays while he suffered, that I preferred, no, needed, like air, to be able to be there to savour every moment, every little interaction, and, in case his pain spiked, b/c I alone could administer the morphine needed to get control over his agony, often a dose greater than the doctors at Hospice had prescribed, was seen as unhealthy. I didn't care. I knew what I needed. I knew what he needed. We needed time, and time was limited. We needed each other. And time was limited. I needed to love him as much as I could, because he was dying, an excruciating, protracted death, and the ONE thing I could do was see he died knowing he was deeply, deeply, loved. And the one thing I could give him was the promise, the joy for me, of being there, so he was not alone. Even the people at Hospice had to distance themselves from this raw, flayed suffering. But you know what? Fuck 'em. Fuck them all and their quiet, murmured disapproval and their wounded, stunted judgement. And bless them. Bless them for showing up and doing their best in spite of the fear it engendered, to bear witness to that naked, raw, suffering and try, in spite of the wounds that drove them to that compassion, to be present to whatever degree they could manage. To support me to the best of their vulner-ability, so I could do my, final, sacred, job as his mom.
I think that how people see social roles in certain societies plays a fundamental role in how people are treated and judged based on gender. Too frequently women are expected to sacrifice for the family while men and husbands are valued for their detachment as if that detachment guarantees health and productivity outside their family environment and it isn't necessarily the right thing. I wonder if this is the case here. To me you were the only one who thought and did the ''right thing'', the only thing that showed not only compassion and love, but also a sort of bravery that we lack so often in modern society. And we fail too often to value people for it, value women more for this particular resilience in front of tremendous hardship and pain.
You did the right thing mom!
This is what I would do for my child. Your ex is inhumane and those who applauded his actions every bit as bad. I regret not being religious as the idea of hell and damnation for those who lack compassion to such an extent would comfort me. 😑
Taom, I honour you and your endeavours as I have worked in the Oncology Department of the Children's Hospital in Sydney and seen suffering as your son experienced. Your devotion to you son, raw, loving, practical and uncompromising will be with you as a part of you for the rest of your days, even as a memory and I believe it helped him a great deal to leave this life as serenly as possible in the circumstances.
I do believe he is somewhere, either resting or coming back to continue his journey as another life but same soul.
A book was written recently, The Space between the Stars by a journalist who lost her sister; perhaps you might like to locate & read it.
As for your husband, I feel sure he is suffering at a deep level ... unfortunately unable to be supportive to your son and unable to be with the pain at the time.
When you go against the tide you need a lot of strength; go well beautiful lady.
Your deep love was felt in my heart. Blessings and light to you and the strength of your motherly love that defied all around you. ❣🌹🙏
From the age of 11 I became addicted to self- harm and suicide attempts. I stopped that at the age of 35 and took up gambling for the next 20 years. It took 3 - 5 years to give that addiction. I used journalling, affirmations and contact and help from my guardian angel. I have to remain in the present so that I remain aware that I am not looking outwards for love and acceptance, instead I look inwards for that love and acceptance. You are so right. You have to do the work everyday or it drifts away.
Sending you love ❤️ &peace x
I dont know u but im so proud of u!
Hi sweatheart, i know. I am 41 now and i feel that live has began finally by loving my self. I wish you all the best ♥️
Thank you, each of you, for your support and love. All the best.
write a dream list, in every area of yr life. yr dream list becomes a vision. baby steps to big steps to a new life 🙏
..."I had a deep commitment to transformation and self awareness"... yes! there's no 'sure fire method' for everyone....what a great talk.
I love his heart. His spirit. His work. I love him.
Me too.
Me too NayNay, he is a shine of hope
Gabor Mate gives me inspiration for reforming the rehabilitation of people damaged by our world
such a humble, authentic, grounded soul is gabor mate. thank you 🙏🏻
Love his honesty...... there is no simple answer
It saddens me to see that so many think that being compassionate is a weakness. Being fair and loving does not mean one has no strength or bravery.
The care of the individuals sure is, in relation to their relationship with death, struggling over their anguish, precisely because they're temporal and they have to confront it.
NWO has no place for empathy. Many of us are being "gangstalked" nowadays, and called delusional is we bother to be silly enough to talk about it and try to get support.
I don't just feel but know for a fact is that the greatest warriors and fighters in our times and past are always the people that are the most sensitive ,compassionate and empathetic. Its hidden behind bravery because that is the cause for bravery. You fight for your loved ones and for the people around you.
Ppl confuse it with other things, you can still have other positive elements like integrity and boundaries it doesn't make you a pushover.
18:15 Sobriety is full awareness and being in touch with yourself.
True but altered states of consciousness is powerful as well.
You are so smart and sensitive! Your voice isso soothing and sincere!
Agreed!!
What a dear man. God bless him.
It is daily work to stay conscious. I'm very intuitive and highly sensitive to sensory processing and how I experience the outside world in general. Unplugging, spending time in nature, introspection, pilates, painting and disciplined self awareness help me maintain a higher deeper version of my Self. It's all continued work, and having high levels of compassion for self and others help too. Especially with addictions. Hold the space, and have patience you can only do so much in a day, rest is vital aswell . Gabor you are wonderful. And I can relate to you alot. Thankyou for your wisdom.
Meditation and quieting the mind is a great way to learn focus and stop going subconsciously into disassociation. By finding out what you actually are, you can override the hardware.
🎉
Keep up the good work.
Totally understand what you are talking about
Have been doing a very deep, body based psychorapy for many years.
Trying to remove and change childhood blocks, trauma and imprints.
Which resulted in compulsive, obessive and addictive behaviour and lack of feeling.
Very difficult but you can regain the simple joy and deep heart love and feelings you felt as a child.
You are a brave man Dr Mate
All the best
His voice is so meditative that it calms me.
He can put us in hypnose lol
Got to have lunch with this great man a few years ago, humble guy. So many people looking for answers....look deeper.
Love this comment section. Full of love and compassion. Love it. Thank you all for being kind in a cold world.. 💜
I am very sensitive, but liked to be the way I AM because I like to be different even if makes me feel alone at times. I see how the world is around me and always preferred to be myself because I did not like what I saw around me. My faith and my being stubborn helped me be liked by my friends because aI became the "listener" of the group and got along with everyone and be present to the moment when they needed to talk and open up and needed to feel understood. Thank God the fantasy in my "always dreaming mind" helped me survive the difficulties of my earlier years and found a way to go on and live my days the best way I could. Reading romance books and creating love stories inhead that helped me dream at night and would them in the morning. Angela Italy
Sounds like you are finding yourself and that's the right direction!
@Alex Du Bois that last part put a smile on my face, I do the exact same thing and I'd always have to hide my tears when watching films with my family (English). Honestly pretty much everything you said has been very similar to my own experiences. Was always one foot in a few different groups, and I never liked the group dynamics, rarely got anything out of it. I always felt much more at ease being one on one and connecting with them, that always felt the best, when there's a group I'd just keep quiet although that is more-so a personal issue than an issue with groups. I do really desperately crave having those sorts of strong connections with people though, it is really hard when people are so important, yet its so hard to actually build those bonds with them, especially ones where you feel understood and accepted.
I love this comment thank you ❤
I was listening to this and its giving me chills not gonna lie
Dr Garbo Mate did the work, used his own navigation system, and made his way. He did the work.
Gosh yes..we must do the work..conscience every day
Such a unique individual
Thank you for everything, dr Mate
God bless you
I’ve just recently found him and he described my life…I’ve always been maligned for being sensitive and after 25 years of deepening my awareness and at 60 years old I’m there.
Not because I’ve arrived anywhere, but decades of work have accumulated into calm and personal peace, which is on going. But I no longer flail and wretch over all the pain and abuse that I went through in childhood.
He is SO right that it takes SO many different things, they all matter and help. When I see him (though I’m not at all accomplished like him) it’s like hearing my own story. I had eating disorders, ADD, did association, chronic fatigue, cancer etc. Never give up on self love and acceptance.
I love that he describes sobriety as the goal…in a few places in the Bible it says that we should be “sober minded” and to have a “sane” estimate of ourselves. So, self honesty. It’s sad an remarkable that people are so unaware of themselves, which is what has been pushed on all humans, in society. We may mourn for those in slavery or a caste system, but we are all in one, unless we sober up.
I liked his point of being the change and it reminded me of this article www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201411/how-to-live-happy-life/
Thank you so much for this wonderful interview
thank you for your insightful/considerate comment
@@harima36 my pleasure. I’m so grateful for these helpful exchanges, they mean so much to me.
Question at 12:16 What to do to stay inoculated from these new forms of addiction?? This question resonates with me. In my industry, constant social media posting is rewarded. I just can't do it. It's too distracting and distressing and in many ways destructive to my mental well-being. Thank you for asking this question and thank you Dr Gabor for addressing it.🙏🏽
“Is there some emptiness inside of me?” Compassionate inquiry is an amazing approach to reclaiming ourselves!
I knew I was different when at the age of 6 years old I saw Pocahontas and was saddened. This world has always been too dark and harsh for me. I've never felt like I belonged and this was magnified by my dysfunctional upbringing. Being alone with nature or animals is so much easier for me.
So true! I was diagnosed with autism and am now healing with ayahuasca as well as training to help heal others. Especially other people on the spectrum.
11:30 This person’s question is merely spot on about our society as a whole.
I wanna thank him for putting it on.
Yes, this is such an important question and answer! Companies do market research to hook us into buying their products, even if they are not good for us.
He also mentions religion. One (of many) reason why I left the church is because it is an organized business model with the (seemingly) sole purpose/goal of recruiting people to volunteer for their programs (food drive; choir; community outreach; Sunday school teachers; etc) - tapping into your genuine need for fellowship and using that need to fill their commitments. A bait and switch in the cruelest sense, and it is incredibly difficult to leave because you want, desperately, to believe these people really love and care for you. And, the bible actually says they SHOULD! So, you have truth to back up your understanding but lack the evidence in your experience.
Bar none, the deepest pain I have ever experienced was at the hands of Christians. The abuse I suffered as a child doesn't even come close to the betrayal and hurt I experienced in the church, and it pains me greatly to have to admit this.
I can appreciate what he said about sensitive people. I’ve had to learn to mask my sensitivity. It’s empowering to know that I would have been a shaman/healer in the traditional societies. Just as I cannot change my brown eyes, I cannot change my nature. I can heal from the trauma caused by a cruel society.
I am with you here. I ended up becoming a nurse. Nurses are not allowed to be sick or have needs. I was once asked what my needs were and I honestly did not know. I still barely know. My value is in helping others. And yes, I had to retire as I now have a rare auto-immune disease that almost killed me.
@@patriciamichaels4393 I too have an auto immune disease. I also almost because a nurse. I am not sure how much of our caring nature has affected our health but I certainly think there could be a connection somewhere.
One of the best talks I've heard. Thank you.
I am in Awe of your compassion and empathy of this important situation that alot maybe experiancing, also the realness and how relative your work is, Its fresh and articulate in such a manner of understanding. I study Psychollogy and counselling with mental health and have to say I would love to study your work in my lectures.
Sending pure love and light
That would be so helpful, so much knowledge and wisom in his words indeed.
I'm addicted to his talks 😃
😀 Yup. Some addictions are much less harmful than others.
Same!!!
nah you are passionate about his talks because it is a positive habit. there are no addictions that are less harmful than others. all are same we still suffer with what we cannot get rid of. to some they just want to not procrastinate an endless cycle of years to some they dont want to be dependent on alcohol to some they dont want to die from self destructive behaviour all stuck on something that we wish we never had.
some suicide because they cannot handle the pain and think they have no choice its not voluntarily its compulsive to act on to shut off so they want relief from that experience be it as small as not being able to cope with exams. so we cannot compare which is less harmful. shutting down from pressure of exams drugs dying from overworking all the things we find temporary pleasure from pain but makes us slaves to death and misery.
we just cant control ourselves to function normally and we think its all a great problem nonetheless whoever has which all are equally harmful because it eats away our time on earth and to each one its harmful and equally taxing. it's subjective but equally possible to develop aversion to tasks due to childhood trauma.
an alcoholic could sympathize with a person who is lazy and so on. you can feel love and understanding for that person and feel you are going through the same thing. you are self aware of it's toll on the quality of your life and see that it could be much much better. So you see the similarity.
but i get it its a play on words so i guess you are addicted to his talks and some are less harmful than others. although you have to internalize it do the homework meditate on it. oops sorry for saying that.
Me and my ex girlfriend were both highly sensitive. We had troubles but the good times were beautiful. And I created a lot of beautiful art at that time that will last in memory.
Get back in contact with her if possible.
@@koustavadhikari8624 I wish. Maybe one day she’ll contact me. I feel like she’d be angered if I reached out at this point.
@Alexandar so do you want to live with regret throughout your life that you didn't contact her. Ultimately it doesn't matter if she gets angry at you or not. Even if you contact her and get rejected you can tell yourself that you tried. It will give you peace.
Wow, isn't that the most important factor, a deep commitment to change
This society is a nightmare. Just when I think it couldn’t possibly get worse, it always does of course. The people awake enough to fight it are fought by others who are oppressed too but still blind. What an unnecessary tragedy for everyone. The answers are there but I suppose at the end of it ideology prevails over truth, and our planet will pay the price along with all its beautiful life.
One of the real horrors is when you get targeted by these psychopaths at the top, and they wreck your life, and then everyone around you gaslights you while you're being destroyed. It's surreal. Seems like not many realise this sort of stuff goes on. What a hell hole of a world.
@@projectbirdfeederman5491 these subjects are good for us to research and understand and with understanding and continual awareness we can begin to 'see it coming' and step aside and let it pass by.
@@harima36 not when those at the top are using torture technology on you, then we get gradually destroyed. Just a matter of time. Wonder how many are getting attacked by it nowadays, maybe the whole population to varying extents. There's no frequency police (of course, convenient lol) so we will likely never find out.
@@projectbirdfeederman5491 I have realized that this world is just that, a hell hole.
@@Dzanarika1 I agree, sadly. Too many shitty, assuming people that don't want to do the work and care for the world around them..
Advice to 'How to Academy Mindset' : when you hide face and voice of the attendee posing a question, it would be easier to understand if you type the question on the screen.
the reformed alcoholic part that the family still shuns due to it's a reminder of their own suffering that they cant face yet..... this video gave me more understanding and compassion for my suffering family members.... I love Dr Gabor! lol I'm not a religious man but have to say thank God for the words that come out his mouth. he is like a dentist that goes right to that nerve and u better be ready for truth.
That part of early sobriety was hard to handle. Being shamed for stopping. Being labelled. Seen more as a failed drinker than as a person who has found the desperate courage to address addiction. That was really awful. This is the first time I've heard it described. It took a lot of energy to navigate through that shame, that was being put onto me by certain family members who had no interest in facing their own shit, or who felt threatened or judged by the fact that I had decided to face mine. I despised being labelled like that. And having to take on a stigmatic label as a consequence of doing the right thing. Yeah man, 20 years on and that shit still smarts.
@@paulduffy4585 happy to hear about your sobriety... That's still a work in progress for me, but improving.
Hahaha the family problem whistleblower you where a lolol... Same over here. I had to walk away from my family. I love em and not mad at them any more. I respect why you say it still stings bro. Look at it this way.... You are the warrior that's changing your family's lineage!!!! You're helping all the past relatives heal that have died, through your actions today and you're helping possible future generation of your family lineage by doing what you did. So I say nice job bro! If you don't .... Try getting into meditation and even basic Buddhism. It will help that sting wash away. Okay, getting off my soapbox 🤙🙏🤘
@@robertwilson822 thank you Robert. You got me emotional there, talking about breaking the chain. My little brother actually got sober too, and is thriving. As am I. Doing things I never dreamed possible, like raising children, in a peaceful place, with a beautiful woman. I actually did a few ten day Vipasanna courses before my first boy was born. Mind-blowing stuff. Wish I had done it 20 years ago. The amount of pain that can be shed in such a concentrated time is just incredible. And even though I don't practice I do still feel that inner space still there in me and always available. Anyway, best of luck to you man. There are great gifts hidden in these afflictions of ours. I trust you will find your way out and enjoy them for the rest of your life.
@@paulduffy4585 awesome ! And thank you! 😊
I agree, the sensitivity u transmit and deep, smoothing voice, kind of take u easy to looking at yourself and the world with sensitivity and honesty
I really think we have to do a lot of self reflections of ourselves in order to learn and transmit good stuff to the next generations.
Better people better future.
@Marleen yes, agree....and we urgently need guides like Dr Mate who have the sensitivity AND lived experience. This and his great insightfulness is what gives him such empathy with others.
Dr Mate You touch my heart..
Sensitve people were the shamans...love this
What a beautiful being, I adore and have pure gratitude for your knowledge and wisdom, compassion and love. Beautiful human being.
Thank you Gabor Maté., Your insights provide the catalyst to my personal healing, yet leaves me wondering 'can an entire dysfunctional society be healed'?
Some years ago this specific page in ethnobotanist Wade Davis' book "Shadows in the Sun" caught my attention (I hope posting it here for others to consider is not frowned upon, although it does align with Dr Maté's answer to one person's question):
"The agrarian transformation and the advent of sedentary village life,
which led in turn to the first organized religious hierarchies,
generally meant the end of shamanic traditions. As agriculture
overthrew the hunt, so the priest displaced the shaman. With religious
leaders serving as mere functionaries of established religious
theologies, the shaman's poetry was turned into prose.
For unlike the priest, who is a socially inducted and initiated member
of a recognized religious organization,, the shaman is one who, as a
consequence of a completely personal psychological crisis, has gained
a certain power of his or her own. Whereas the priest is concerned
with integrating the individual into a firmly ordered and
well-established social context, the shaman seeks the release of his
or her own wild genius, wherever that may lead. Almost invariably, an
overwhelming mental crisis is part of the vocational summons. Indeed,
for the seeker of shamanic wisdom, it is a fine line between mystical
initiation and psychological breakdown.
Yet, though this crisis may resemble a mental breakdown, it cannot be
dismissed as one. For it is not the pathological but a normal event
for the gifted mind in these societies, the realization and intuition
of a level of spiritual depth that gives the World a sacred character.
By following the solitary vision, the shaman breaks not with the other
traditions of his tribe but with the comparatively trivial attitude
toward the spirit realm that seems to satisfy the majority. In seeking
this most difficult path, the shaman becomes a master of death and
resurrection, of health and well-being.
Before attempting to understand how extraordinary healing abilities
manifest themselves in certain small indigenous societies, we must
first recognize that a chasm exists between the spiritual world of the
shaman and our own secular tradition . . . ."
Civilization thrives on coping mechanisms, not on healing. It just keeps shifting problems (defined as such by humans) while making things worse, compensating with new coping strategies. Today, because of the increasing speed of technological and ideological development, entire generations live in different worlds and are threatened to be ripped apart. This sounds bad but it does create awareness. It exposes the undeniable interdependence between not just humans, but between humans and all other existence. The fear of losing this connection is what drives modern civilization, but most of us are still looking outwards for more coping strategies instead of looking inwards, where we'll find this connection will always be there, along with courage, strength and happiness.
I learned how to live through AA. The steps guided me to healing and understanding of myself and others. I realized I can't give what I don't have. AA filled up my empty, damaged soul with love, patience, and tolerance, which I now can go out and help others. I stay close to my fellowship, pray, meditate, yoga, and help others to keep what has been given to me. I am healing. It's so amazing.
Simply put, it’s loving yourself first and foremost. ❤️
developing skills as an empath and there are many types of empathys mental emotional analytical etc..just as an artist takes classes to develop their gift.
Is there some emptiness in me.. let me take on that void. Amazing words of reflection and inspiration, thank you Gabor.
Watching & listening to ALL he did & takes on my thought was Taking on everyone’s trauma to his degree has to cause trauma & stress & here he is stating much the same.. wow.. one person alone cannot save the world but the world together can save its people 🤲🏼
@FuqYoFeelingsFerrari. It seems that you see Gabor Maté's work as saving people. I believe that you've missed the point that Gabor puts people on their own feet with the responsibility for their own lives, in a compassionate manner.
No saving is part of this. It seems that your reasoning is an escapism of your own responsibility of saving yourself from yourself. The name you use is a hint to that.
@@devonseamoor i’m only responsible for what I think and say and not how you take it.
He grasps, empathizes and takes on trauma… which isn’t a bad thing… and it’s why he takes breaks and he LITERALLY says it.
Counselors. psychiatrist, therapists etc often see other counselors, psychiatrist, therapists etc bc he’s not a robot taking in info he’s a humans beings - he’s not just text book he’s empathizing - you can hear and see it and he’s clear about it.
I as an empath was empathizing with him. I didn’t say he takes people into his house and spoon feeds them lol
And I still stand by what I’m saying: the fact that there’s so little people like him out there working on this big giant hot mess of a world doing a great job but like it’s said it takes a village to raise a child and I’m talking about this big hot mess of a world that needs an eff ton of work!
I love how candidly you speak of your "short comings". Lots of people hate feedback.
"You're so sensitive" a snowflake became such an insult then people wondered why psychopathy is on the rise. Just being ignorant and emotionally unaware is a compliment now?
That is an excellent point.
Iam just going to step back before I break anything else. Things are more complicated then first thought
Honestly, my family honors and respects psychopaths more. I wish I was born a brillitantly manipulative psychopayth.
@@LillyNotFlower
no, you don't.
x
it seems so. Look, every society faces its end. It seems ours is just knocking the door. I just wonder what will be next.
A Saint in the making, beautiful human being
Thank you for validating my thoughts, feelings and theories from self-study. A person of expertise that says what I believe, and is less conventional.
Must be a lucky day for stumbling upon this and Dr. Maté. Also with caution and awareness not to place him on a pedestal. But thank you
Guess I have to go to part1, just like me starting at the end.
You were meant to 'inner stand' this at that moment.... part of the journey,... you are spot on... no need to 'go back'.... our consciousness knows and guides us when we are still , willing and able to 'listen within' ... that's what you are doing .... enjoy the walk within , thank you for posting , it helped me to also 'inner stand' what I wrote to you as I used to 'think' that way too . Much love to you and yours xxxx
@@tilly-apearce124 Oh, thank you. That is so kind. This is what I needed right at the moment I received it. Blessed be your 'inner standing', and blessed be you and yours.
However I have been back to part1, 2 & 3... and no complaining. We can only connect dots when we look back, "we can either learn from the past or run from it," as a wise monkey once said. :P
I sent part 2 & 3 to my sister, hoping it might change things for the better (healthier) between us, for her personally and for me as well. And fingers crossed my mother.
My emptiness is partly the recognition I crave, and acknowledgement of my traumatic youth and upbringing for me personally, but also for my sister. While acknowledging the suffering that came before with my parents. Trying to mend broken bonds, and having an healthier contact if possible.
The dissociation is wired in for me. I make it work, sometimes I wonder if it's a good thing because in a way, it allows me to skate through life without becoming too attached.
If you skate through life without becoming too attached you can be protected from being hurt. There was good reason for this as a child but as an adult we also miss out on connection within along with connection to all that is. I have D.I.D with a system of over 200 parts and we are re establishing connection. It is an amazing act of self love to be willing to do the inner work in order to heal our traumatic wounds, to bring these young parts of ourselves home with a sense of compassion, welcoming and acceptance. We miss so much by remaining dissociated.
Brilliant man with a brilliant son 💎💜💎
i cry whenever i hear him !!
Me too! He's so insightful and sensitive..
his Holiness Dr Gabor ! ~`~
Thank you for this wonderful and healing video.
A big advantage addicts like you and like me have though is that our addictions did not interfere with what we saw, heard, read, sensed or witnessed. Alcohol and many drug addictions do cause people to stay still in time which I think is why many stay immature.
That's also an effect of disassociation and confabulation that occurs in NPD and BPD
Dr. Gabor Mate has given us much; however, there is more. Gurdjieff and Spinoza’s teaching give us keys how to awaken our mind and learn the power of understanding our trauma, addictions and face the problems that confronts us, then it’s possible to become free.
Thank you for this post, as can so relate, I’ve become a subscriber, Dr. Gabor Mate’ words viewed and hear via you-tube as been a blessing and curse - yet it opens one eyes to the human condition and impact of those years 0-7. 🧡
You are so right. People that comite suïcide, actualy are saying that the world is wrong. Every body is meant to be here.
We have to lissen to what they have to say.
Love you all
Richard Bach, in his 70's book "Illusions", wrote: We teach best that which we most need to learn.
It's why I have thrown in the towel. Nothing that used to help me through is helping and I am not willing to fix me because I am not the problem, the very sick horrific greedy cruel society I am in is the problem and I only see one way to go.
Don't give up! There are many of us who support one another online to live a complete and enjoyable life by understanding our past traumas and refocusing our lives on what gives us purpose. Following Dr Mate and allowing the algorithm to introduce you to other mindfulness strategies will bring you into connection. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest.
@@alisonrichardson6630 thank you 💞💖💕
Doing better my adult son heard something in my voice on the phone and he kept me going till I was okay on my own again ❤️💕❤️
This all is under the assumption that the addictive personality isn’t passed down in a different form. Addiction is addiction regardless of what substance, thing etc.
Thank you so much.
@Jo Ann Hachey I think he did say its a multigenerational thing, that the person with the addiction is the 'canary in the coalmine' ie the canary is sensitive, it reacts to the problem while others (the mine workers nearby/our family) do not.
@@pipfox7834 Very good.
I just love seeing him
Consider the reciprocity of the communities who have traditional knowledge and protection of the sacred plants/"psychedelics". Be careful not to use them for individual healing and really understand your intentions for wanting to use them, and be careful not to be apart of the western commodification & extraction of them
May I ask as to why not to use them for personal healing? Is it due to the majority of people being unequipped to navigate the experience alone?
@@ivanwood6947 ive learned that sacred plants are used to heal communities, not just individuals- used within the right settings and rituals and with the right healers. Here's a video to consider watching. Hope it helps
ruclips.net/video/7zmVZEKsnzM/видео.html
@@LM01234 Thanks for sharing this video. A very important communication & it makes sense.
I find myself if I am not in my college work studying most of the day, I will watch the same show or movie. I can listen to the same song or classical piece over and over and it does not phase me. I know I began this to protect myself as a child for the alcoholic abuse at home and then with my my abusive ex boyfriends years ago. I have tried to break habit out of pure desire. I still find myself doing it. Same with my eating habit I learned from my mother. Only eating a meal at night and still need to lose 50 pounds. I really would like to get this accomplished by time I graduate military college so I can help them. My trauma therapist thought I would be great helping them after healing and conquering from all the different abuse I have endured since 3 years old. If anyone has any insight I'm here. Thank you.
perhaps simple meditation which can reconnect us with ourselves could be helpful. Just 15 minutes a day at a similar time and then increase time when so inclined.
Good for you! You might not be able to help your folks as often family can't help. Be okay with that and if religious pray for them. You have a wonderful heart!
Thanks life for human beings la Mr Gabor !
The Myth of Normal arrived yesterday. Looking forward to reading your recent work. Thankyou Gabor.
I'm so happy to learn you are taking care of yourself Doctor Gabor. We've got work to do! Oops....see what I did there 🤣😂😅 Anyway we need you around for a while so LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE 💯
The energy is overwhelming... Lavender, rose scent, perfume helps
My problem is this, I dug a hole so deep and I have no energy to crawl out.
I'm a single mom of three that made the decisions to keep having children with a man that wasn't good for me. I worked and worked and paid people to raise my kids. He refused to help in a healthy way. Just causing problems. I have a family that do dysfunctional that even Dr. Gabor would take a shot to deal with. Now that my kids are older 17, 15 and 11 I'm finding myself wanting to run and never come back bc im so stressed bc of my trauma and triggers. After 19 years of a dysfunctional relationship with their father I went through a 2 year bitter madness .
I started dating, a guy and he opened my eyes to the things that were an issue to me. So I sought out treatment and learning alot but it seems like I have no energy or passion to deal with it. I've let my kids basically take over and I feel like I just pay bills and work.
I know the biggest problem I make trauma based decisions on everything that gets me in trouble.
Please help!!
You are loved, and embraced!
Have you tried Hypnotherapy? It is quick effective
Also it sounds like your ANS & Central Nervous system is fatigued meditation can help this,
Sit comfortable place focus on body Breath/ Breathe deeply through nose if can, breathe in 3 seconds out for 3 seconds start off small few minutes at a time, build up more, Don't worry about this or that if it's right way or wrong way, just keep your focus on body in body focus on the Breath follow your Breath as it goes in through nose down into lungs or belly keep focus on the Breath the air flowing into you through you,
This calms the WHOLE nervous system helps you to rewire it the more you do this the more you heal yourself
You can also do this is moments of anxiety/overwhelmed standing in a line
Just go out of head & into body for a few seconds & focus on your Breath...
I did this & it really helped re-balance my nervous system (which runs whole show) re-balance myself as a whole
I also used hypnotherapy to release old stored coping mechanisms I had adapted to cope/survive
Feeling you Blessings to you 🙌💖
I have found that when I am overwhelmed i can't deal with anything because I have too many fronts i have to work on and i have no energy. When I feel like this i focus on one thing i can do, one small victory, even if I do nothing else i focus on having accomplished that. I also take baby steps: easy things for a short period of time. Also short meditations before going to bed or throughout the day: before work and before coming home from work, take sometime just for yourself even if it's just 2 extra minutes in the shower just to feel the water falling down on your body. In short: Live the now (check Elkhart Tolle or mindfulness), keep going to therapy and work on having some quality time for yourself.
I realize that I'm totally BURNT-OUT!!
I ACCEPT MY RESPONSIBILITY. I HAVE GOOD DAYS N BAD DAYS BUT EVERYDAY I LEARN SOMETHING NEW.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS❤
@@kimberlypalmer947 much Love to you 🙌💖
Love this guy!
Wow! Thank you How To Academy and Dr Maté for this amazing session. The audience member who was an MD who struggles with constant dissociation really resonated with me. I was so hoping to hear Dr Maté's response, but equally understand it's not something that can be answered in such a short timeframe (and probably requires consideration of the individual's personal circumstances). If there are any resources or information that Dr Maté or How To Academy can share on this, I would be very interested and immensely grateful. It's not exactly a topic that many people have profound insights in. Thank you
It's just my personal opinion but I think disassociation occurs when we wander from the SELF
Like the questioner said, it’s a response to overwhelm, meaning your mind can’t handle the thought, feeling, or memory that initiated the dissociation. One solution is to make your mind stronger, aka build ego strength (not the way Mate uses the word “ego”, the way that means the part of your brain that’s in charge of oversight of functions). If you’re up for an adventure, psychoanalysis can help you build ego strength if you find a good analyst. I don’t think any other method works as quickly. You can look up self psychology (Kohut) for reference.
Well, I do not Feel doomed. People just don't understand me. I learned to be conscious. Not arguing about what I see, feel, hear. Yes, we do need shamans as an important part of mankind. We have isolated our societies from Nature though we are part of it as all other living creatures. The shamans kept contact with Nature to Help us connect and respect. Making harmony🍀
Shamans? They were necessary in traditional societies. But that doesn't mean those traditional societies were saved by shamans. They were composed of individuals with the same if not even worse mental health problems that we have today. There was never a place where the wolf and the lamb peacefully cohabited together or the lion with the gazelle. Our ancestors lived better lives than we do today in the western societies? I don't think so. Just have a good look at traditional societies that miraculously survived up to day: Papua New Guinea. Its a window into our past.
@@zahariachirica5466 not to make this about politics, but colonialization has destroyed and disturbed those living in nature. poverty and addiction esp alcohol, we see it all over the world. Look at how big pharma steals healing herbs and bottles it for profit. Shamans the bushman in my country are visionary deeply spiritual people with a unique relationship to the plant and animal world. But I guess you wouldn't be able to appreciate this if you're science/tech minded...lions hunt gazelles and take just what they need, they don't exploit or kill just because.
@@amy2770 You are absolutely right
Thank you from Israel
Love dr Mate 🙏 so grateful for his work ❤️
Fantastic stuff. Thank you.
Question around 12 minute mark was brilliant.
Yep and every body tells sensitive people to have boundaries instead of seeing the hardline boundaries of others trying to be put on to you and how that sensitive people are made to live free flow in their softest softness they dont need to be tough hard or strong/learning how to wield the moxie of softness and learn to manage bounderyl/ess lives/ how to free flow around between beneath and above the hardline world /how to live unentangled with whats not healthy /if you can do that then who's saying you need bounderies/live free flow and boundry/less and make it work for you /then boundaries are for me only if I can not manage my own free flow self/cog-native feeling is not about needing boundaries but about owning your own flow form !
Each of the books I've written have been to myself.. thankyou sir for sharing your beautiful soul and mind.....dxxxxxx
As an hsp person I find it difficult to interact with societies expectations occasionally. Is there any way we can use our oversensitivity to become more productive? Thanks.
I recommend you use full words so everyone can understand your question. That's a good start.
I recommend you deleting your utterly useless answer and never answer me again. Thats a good ending for you. Now get lost
@@keivankarem4195 seeing as this video is about sensitive people, I think we can all understand what HSP means, just ignore the troll, he wrote to get a reaction from you.
Follow China in the 1980s
you gotta understand "the society" you have difficulties to fit in at times, most likely is not a "you problem", but a healthy reaction to a profoundly sick "society"
There's more,
-stay curious.
X
Great opening quip by Dr. Mate, and YOU GO WIFEY. Great zinger. He married himself a hardheaded woman. Long live the truth~tellers. Haha
😄
Really have enjoyed this interview series. The host is excellent
8:25 the question that incites the title
One of my dearest hero's
Thank you so so much! ❤
Many thanks for sharing this 🙏
I ordered from @fran_sbull on Instagram. Honestly they’re the best plug, shrooms, lsd and dmt are available. Delivery is top notch and fast ✨🥰🥰
@@emilyjohnson8156 I understand your need to share your experience and to promote these materials. I am not sure In my opinion, people who are struggling with dissociation may not receive the same benefit you have from these compounds.
Thank you so much for this!
Well balanced and engaging. Thanks guys.
meditation is the answer to a lot of mental, physical and emotional problems
I am of the opinion that working toward self-realization (through the many modalities with which that can be done) and in achieving some success and understanding of 'WHO WE ARE' in the deeper understanding of that... that addictions begin to fall away. 'Falling away' is a much easier method than 'will power'. Self-realization leads us to love of the SELF. Some modalities that have benefited me are: mushrooms, peyote, SUBUD, meditation, company of realized people, (for instance Nisargadatta as read by Samaneri Jayasara on her channel on youtube has been very useful recently). I listen while awake and when asleep. There are many more modalities of course and part of ones healing may be in setting ones feet on the path and finding ones own way by oneself. With sincere inquiries I would be happy to give more suggestions or direction.
As much as I love Gabor, I feel a sinking sadness every time I listen to him. Am I picking up on his fatigue or sorrow? Anyone with insight, I’d be curious your perspective. Thanks 💜🤍💜
Probably. There is stuff still buried in there.
I too love him =)
Feeling you feel his deep pain sorrow & ANGER he is very Angry inside
I feel he gets if all so much and his soul is in constantly responding with such compassion and kindness - there's understanding of all our struggles x
Well naturally he is getting older. He is 77. 🐱
There is an inner sadness within him. I also find an inner anger in Jordan Petersen.
I think your being's linked to your temporality, as well as your and society's anguish, and the authenticity of your being, connected to your own temporality.
one more part?? omg thank you