Does Modern Therapy Not Understand Men’s Suffering & Suicide?

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  • Опубликовано: 14 дек 2024

Комментарии • 114

  • @johnsendim
    @johnsendim Год назад +35

    This is why I developed my clinical practice towards helping men. Being a man and a male therapist we need the right support. I would be happy to talk to you about developing training for therapists to support men seeking therapy!

    • @rootcanal7188
      @rootcanal7188 Год назад +5

      @john, Thank you. Feminism has completely coopted the mental health profession

    • @JohnBaptist702
      @JohnBaptist702 Год назад

      What is your email address? I would love to work with you.

    • @AdamWEST-yu2os
      @AdamWEST-yu2os Месяц назад

      The system is against us. Women have weaponised the whole system against us. And yet they are the ones who are oppressed.

  • @sebastianpokorny
    @sebastianpokorny 3 месяца назад +15

    The problem is us men KNOWING (not feeling) that no one cares about our existence or our achievements, so there’s no incentive to stay alive or work harder. If someone tries to care, they “care” through treating us like we’re women that need emotional validation instead of practical advice on how to be proactive again in a way that’s appreciated and also how to seek meaningful relationships in a world where women have contempt or unrealistic expectations for men.
    Masculinity is dying because it is punished severely and deemed as “toxic masculinity” as well as female privilege, male oppression, and the distinction between male and female not being recognized and fixed.

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +3

      from what i see usually the woman is concidered the victim, the prey.
      "all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others"

    • @CyberPunkBadGuy
      @CyberPunkBadGuy Месяц назад

      @@eduardostapenko6808 women, the perpetuall victim but also strong and independent.
      choose whatever role fits her whichever most benefit her in the moment.
      tossed away indivdualism to praise all women and demonize all men then wonder why there is a male crisis, all this did was break the already suffering men and give the already privledged women excess and ego strokes.
      working as intended. but the consequence will be reaped which is overlooked.

    • @enexe6229
      @enexe6229 12 дней назад +1

      @@eduardostapenko6808 then you should stop seeing women through rose colored eyes. so you're basically saying that men are disposable compared to women.

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 12 дней назад +1

      @@enexe6229 well, currently that is how i do feel about it.

  • @markmathis5677
    @markmathis5677 Год назад +14

    I have thought more about suicide lately. I just feel a sense of loneliness. It seems like no one really either cares or understands. I definitely am in need of professional help for sure

    • @ManTalks
      @ManTalks  Год назад +5

      Have you reached out to anyone or found any avenues of support? Would be happy to help however I can as i've worked with a lot of men who have found themselves in this place.

  • @sneedle252
    @sneedle252 5 месяцев назад +4

    The most valuable moment for me in therapy was realising that the therapist was actively detrimental and the only person I could rely on was me. Huge surge in agency.

  • @CerUz100
    @CerUz100 Год назад +6

    Thanks for what you do Connor I almost teared up while watching this video I've been there and I see the mirrors everywhere thanks for giving a voice of importance to the real problem behind man's life this content is so wholesome and exactly what men are looking for out there, you are doing a great job, as a main issue I found out is that there are no father or good figures to look up to have some guidance and at some point I want to study Psicology just for the sake of giving man what they need in life to have a good life and to have direction to solve their issues, much love Sergio.

  • @TK-ny5ib
    @TK-ny5ib Год назад +13

    You are absolutely correct about the fact that it is almost utterly impossible for a woman therapist/counselor to truly understand what a man is going through....She might be able to help him access his feelings but most men need a male mentor/s or trusted male friend/s to help him sort out those feelings and come up with a plan, purpose and direction....In a world where many men are raised by single women this is absolutely critical!

    • @stoneylonesome4062
      @stoneylonesome4062 Год назад +1

      Female solutions will never work for male problems. Baby Boomer/Generation-X solutions will never work for Generation-Y/Generation-Z Problems. Gay solutions will never work for straight problems.

    • @blissfullyinsane8718
      @blissfullyinsane8718 3 месяца назад

      So where are all these male role models when there’s so many single mothers?

    • @Ozzy-Mag
      @Ozzy-Mag 3 месяца назад +1

      @@blissfullyinsane8718most single mothers are there because they left their man/husband. It’s a smaller % that are deadbeat runaways

    • @Ozzy-Mag
      @Ozzy-Mag 3 месяца назад

      @@blissfullyinsane8718women that get pregnant to flighty playboys need accountability too because it’s usually quite obvious what kind of character those men have

    • @blissfullyinsane8718
      @blissfullyinsane8718 3 месяца назад

      @@Ozzy-Mag left for good reason because staying would destroy their children

  • @ciprianos4
    @ciprianos4 Год назад +2

    I will tell you my experience... when I was very little, like 3 years old, my mom left me for a short while at my grandmother. At some point I started crying, and because my grandmother did not have control over the situation, she decided to stab me in the back, literally. When my mom came to see how i was doing she saw me bleeding and took me home imediately, never told anyone and I look pretty normal after more then 25 years. Thanks for being here i guess. God bless.

  • @chrisjackson9626
    @chrisjackson9626 4 месяца назад +2

    Great video, I work with teenage lads daily. The thing that we look to uncover during our time together is purpose. Often I see these young men initially after a crisis, so a reason to get up each morning and, as was said in the vid, the offer of clear guidance/direction is vital.

  • @sonicleaves
    @sonicleaves Год назад +8

    I speak from personal experience when I say that "therapists" are always way crazier than their patients. Yes, it's a blanket statement and yes I 💯 stand by that.

  • @mjpage2398
    @mjpage2398 Год назад +11

    I've been looking for REAL help for my son for years. He's 21 now. Still looking.

    • @ManTalks
      @ManTalks  Год назад

      Come out to a mens weekend. Or send him if he's open to it. He will get help. I partner with a man who's been doing developmental psychology for 40+ years and is one of the best clinicains I've ever met.

    • @Beginning-l3s
      @Beginning-l3s 3 месяца назад +1

      Get him a mentor. You'll never find anything in therapy unless your boy has real mental health illnesses. People confuse therapy with mentorship sometimes.

    • @BarnacleBob-fy7bo
      @BarnacleBob-fy7bo 3 месяца назад

      When I just couldn't take it as a young man...I piled in my car and drove across the country to live in my car in the woods and do construction...agency was huge

    • @johncalhoun9335
      @johncalhoun9335 2 месяца назад

      Dont give up on him

  • @Clem62
    @Clem62 Год назад +2

    I've never really been helped in therapy and all the doctors/councillors were men. I didn't recognize an episode or depression because I experienced extreme anger towards myself. There was no sadness. Despair yes. Meditation to control my reaction to my thoughts and I'm lucky that medication works well for me. Find a purpose. Place yourself in a position where you are relied upon. Take pride in that and your self-esteem will soar.

  • @MobiRobz
    @MobiRobz Год назад +2

    Another well laid out episode!

    • @ManTalks
      @ManTalks  Год назад

      Thanks, appreciate that.

  • @toddjohnson271
    @toddjohnson271 Год назад +13

    They understand.....they don't care.

  • @voskresenie-
    @voskresenie- Год назад +1

    You've put so clearly something that has bugged me a lot with therapists I've had, but I always felt like I was just 'wrong' for being bugged by it, and this video was incredibly 'validating' (hah). I've had 3 therapists in my life -- one woman, one very effeminate man, and one slightly effeminate man. The woman and slightly effeminate man I both really like, and I still meet with them both (one is an addiction counselor for my alcoholism -- thankfully been sober for quite a while now -, the other a more general therapist) but I feel like I haven't gotten as much out of it as I should have in that time. Namely, I've come to them with real problems and things I don't like about myself, and I'm always told the solution is, essentially, 'self-love', 'self-care', and ... that's it. Which, to be honest, I probably actively hated myself at the start and held myself to too high of standards (to the point of counterproductivity, a la perfectionism), but after quite a while of working with them, I'd stopped beating myself up for not being perfect, and I wanted to actually make progress on my goals. But both, especially the female counselor, respond like I need to just relax my goals (which really, are perfectly achievable and not that ambitious at all) and spend more time on 'self-care'... I'll talk about how I feel like I just spend all my time outside work sitting around doing nothing productive, and that I lack the consistency to make progress I know I'm capable of making if I could just be consistent. And I'll be told that sometimes I need to give myself a break and just do things I enjoy. But that's the problem, I don't enjoy any of the stuff I waste my time on (mainly doomscrolling and doomclicking on youtube), but I can't seem to get myself to do much of anything else with any consistency. I've thankfully improved a lot on this over the past year or so, but the therapists have been very little help with that - and if I listened to them, I'd just make tiny amounts of progress over years and years, never make more friends, never start dating again, and so on. I'm not unhappy at all right now, even reasonably happy most of the time, and therapy and getting sober has helped a lot with that, but I'm at the point where I want to push myself harder and I feel like I'm being told /not/ to do that and encouraged to keep up with the mediocrity.
    Anyway, this has sort of inspired me to try to look around for other therapists that might be more helpful with this sort of thing.

  • @peterreed9566
    @peterreed9566 Месяц назад +2

    This is never going to change so we'd just better get used to it.

  • @richardmell299
    @richardmell299 2 месяца назад +1

    I've struggled most of my life with my mind over the years its been harder to controling what I say caused psychological damage to people I don't seek forgiveness, I just hope they can move on with their lives.

  • @doreen3763
    @doreen3763 22 дня назад +1

    Rip my son, pending a divorce.. 28.. 2 kids. I tried to help., I didn’t understand depression.

  • @contemplateboxing5634
    @contemplateboxing5634 2 месяца назад +1

    I went through a short stint with therapy after I went from active duty into the reserves. I was in my mid 20s at the time. Around my early to mid 30s, I contacted the veterans crisis line and got connected with some group therapy. I regret actually taking part in that, as that was geared more towards soldiers suffering from PTSD and that was not what I was going through; so there wasn't any help the sessions could offer and the therapist in that session didn't seem very solid (no disrespect intended). Now, at 40, I've seen my wife go in and out of therapy sessions, been through marriage counseling sessions...and I just have no confidence in therapy. But, this was an informative listen and probably explains SOME reasons why I feel the way I do regarding therapy. Suicide is probably on my mind more now, at 40, than ever before. But, I'm coming to accept that the situation is the reality. I'm only speaking for me when I say this; but, maybe, for me, that acceptance is more therapy than what any licensed professional can offer to me. Maybe this just is what is it is. For me, at least.

  • @adamfillman9020
    @adamfillman9020 4 месяца назад +2

    No one can help anyone. We can only help ourselves

    • @Beginning-l3s
      @Beginning-l3s 3 месяца назад

      The problem with therapy for non mentally ill people is the therapist can't tell you how to achieve anything but what they've achieved themselves. I don't need a therapist. I need a mentor.

    • @enexe6229
      @enexe6229 12 дней назад +1

      tell that to women and they will call you a sexist

  • @mattemenheiser6911
    @mattemenheiser6911 Год назад +3

    Great video echoing my experience 100%
    Cog. Talk therapy gets me deeper into my head(which i dont need any help with😊), creating more detailed story or meaning about a feeling or event that is often just my victim shadow. Deeper and deeper into my mind, but never simply feeling what ever it is. And like you said, no directional help. And that reserve to mention suicide with a lic therapist? Do they report it, can the be present and hear me?
    Group mens work, emdr and somatics has shown me to feel and be witnesses and leave the dark corners of my mind.

  • @kshitijmane2301
    @kshitijmane2301 7 месяцев назад +1

    I've been struggling with mental health issues. Been lonely for my whole life, been an only child, parents separated(not officially) and been having suicidal thoughts.

  • @HWYH.
    @HWYH. 8 месяцев назад +2

    Thank you. I feel I'm on the verge of ending it.

    • @78779
      @78779 6 месяцев назад

      Don’t please.
      My son did and the void he has left is indescribable. As his father I’m devastated beyond belief. The pain is harrowing.

    • @HIDHIFDB
      @HIDHIFDB 2 месяца назад

      Sorry for that but there is nothing to keep going life is a nightmare and no mater how much i scream cant wake up

  • @bf3ram
    @bf3ram 5 месяцев назад +6

    The ones I love will be better off without me.

    • @Uknown76
      @Uknown76 5 месяцев назад +2

      No please keep fighting life is worth living don’t waste it please

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +2

      man, same damn mindset.
      can relate.

    • @steve3131
      @steve3131 Месяц назад +2

      Maybe you shouldn't love them, or have them in your life.

    • @themysteriousunknown4269
      @themysteriousunknown4269 Месяц назад +1

      I feel the same way sir😢

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад

      @@themysteriousunknown4269 same.

  • @tomasr64
    @tomasr64 Год назад +4

    yeah, talking with a woman therapist about my sadness does't really help. What helps is someone showing up around the campfire and doing activities. Men need tasks to do with another guy and being asked to participate, invited in and feeling valued. Society doesn't do this very often no more. Unless you buy yourself into a group/tribe. Remember, men need a job.

  • @JoeRiver444
    @JoeRiver444 8 месяцев назад +2

    I'm a gay man and in my experience women or men therapists seemingly don't know how to provide me therapy with the understanding of what gay men (particularly gay middle aged men) deal with in today's world. It seems like they all use a general approach. I shouldn't have to teach a therapist about the gay lifestyle. It's exhausting and concerning.

  • @josepsoler4124
    @josepsoler4124 Год назад +4

    Sadly some therapists and academics actually BLAME men for their "toxic masculinity" that prevents them from seeking psychological help. An inhumane way of blaming the victim. First of all we need more empathy

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +3

      what i vividly remember from school is a concept that a woman is the victim, the prey. male is the agressor, the predator.
      "all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others"

  • @mrg3681
    @mrg3681 Год назад +4

    I’ve had therapy multiple times mostly with women and not to be political but it was just so anti male. Like if anything I felt uncomfortable going to therapy because it was politicized to hate myself for being male.

  • @chaesshorts
    @chaesshorts Год назад +3

    Unless the stats those men who committed suicide suggested they had all had female therapists… there’s a small bias here. Also bc I’m a woman who has been in and out of therapy - it’s not just centered around validation of feelings.. I think it depends on what you share your goals are. I do think men and women are different and thus need different approaches and there’s a lot of shame with men seeking help… rip to those men. I hope we can do better as a society.

  • @jackdeniston59
    @jackdeniston59 Год назад +4

    Talk fails for men.. It is all about do. And recognising the doing.

  • @thomasallen531
    @thomasallen531 Месяц назад +1

    I tried therapy it didn't work, works great for my wife but i feel like everything i said went in one ear with out other just like my regular dr and the chronic back pain i have dealt with for the last 20 years

  • @brokenpixels263
    @brokenpixels263 Месяц назад +1

    It's easy to be alone when you are a man. There are plenty of things I've never told anyone. I can't think of anyone that might actually be able and willing to help me.

  • @nicetomeetme5150
    @nicetomeetme5150 3 месяца назад +3

    As a man who has had a traumatic childhood, been to prison, had my heart broken, disassociated from friends and family of the past. I am doing great in life now, i am married, i make a 6 figure income, beautiful kids, lots of material things. I did it all on my own.
    I spoke about myself first because, I usually really dislike when a coworker or a recent acquaintance starts dumping emotional baggage on me. Its girl problems, ex wife problems, child support problems, their vehicle problems, problems on problems. It always makes me feel negative and i usually just cut them out or avoid them.
    Idk whats wrong with the world. I hope someday society will take its time to start caring for these broken men that live amongst us. I know i am not equipped to be some strangers rock. But all this support we give women, we need to start giving to men.
    I want to 1 day make friends with other men who are equally happy and satisfied with their lives and decisions.

  • @Beginning-l3s
    @Beginning-l3s 3 месяца назад +1

    12:51 This is what Mentors do. They give you direction.

    • @Beginning-l3s
      @Beginning-l3s 3 месяца назад

      unfortunately if you want the best of the best it's going to cost you

  • @tregrenos8615
    @tregrenos8615 Год назад +1

    I’ve currently been going to therapy for over 5 months now, but today I’d been looking into suicidal help videos to evaluate what I’d been going through. I have to ask, if you’re having active suicidal thoughts because of someone should you bring it up with them or would that be seen as more of a threat than an attempt to work through the issue? I already know the individual thinks I’m nothing more than a troll, though my issues have always been there and they just happened to be the catalyst that set me to seek therapy.

  • @nicolechown2249
    @nicolechown2249 11 месяцев назад +1

    Yes indeed talk more about this. ah i heard a story today. a husband tried 3 times. it is an epidemic in Australia. As they age they become very silent.

  • @clarkbruce_exmuslim
    @clarkbruce_exmuslim Год назад +1

    This, alongside Adam Lane Smith, explains why I've recently been a bit resentful towards Gabor Mate, who I otherwise actually appreciate. He's been criticising Jordan Peterson on very loose grounds, it seems to be personal. Nobody's infallable, but the way Gabor criticises Jordan sure is beneath any professional. I've never heard such thing from any other licensed therapist thus far. This also explain what he's been missing all along besides his criticism; he doesn't understand why so many men are drawn to guys like Jordan. He doesn't seem to understand male depression much better than other therapists, despite imo being much smarter than most actually.

  • @justmadeit2
    @justmadeit2 Месяц назад

    Depression is so scary at it’s worst

  • @incognitoomen7898
    @incognitoomen7898 Месяц назад

    My problem is that I feel like Atlas, I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. The weight of helping my friends and family, and being financially sucessful. Along with the losses I have felt, I don't know if I can carry it anymore.

  • @soulfullthinkings4664
    @soulfullthinkings4664 Год назад

    Excellent!🙌🏼

  • @DerekGotega
    @DerekGotega Год назад +2

    I grew up in a Christian family, at church and in Christian school. We were taught to give testimony on a microphone in front of everyone, talk about your life with others. Strong relationship building and vulnerability. I brought this through my life. I can tell you that I feel a society that hates me, women are cruel, they think they’re so much better than me. Family court looks at me like a criminal. It’s not that I don’t talk about my feelings.

  • @xyzain_1827
    @xyzain_1827 5 месяцев назад +4

    You say this, clean your room, dress properly, etc. , but I don't think it helps? Been doing this for years

    • @TheFracturedfuture
      @TheFracturedfuture 4 месяца назад +3

      All the shit they say helps actually does nothing.

  • @ChrisPatrick8199
    @ChrisPatrick8199 11 месяцев назад +1

    just shared this on facebook

  • @jam.1
    @jam.1 10 дней назад

    I lost my partner this year on September 24. He was 56 years old...😭😭😭 He took his own life 😭😭😭

  • @blacktophemirt8526
    @blacktophemirt8526 9 месяцев назад +5

    women talk so much about sexism,yet they have no idea what its like to go through a divorce as a man.being guilty untill found guilty barely begins to explain it and the mediator was a karen that hates men yet called it her "calling"

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +2

      "all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others"

  • @darylgholson4481
    @darylgholson4481 Год назад +7

    Men don’t feel therapy can help. There’s a stigma around the embarrassment of seeking help in general smh.

    • @thiccactus
      @thiccactus Год назад

      That's because it doesn't work. I've had multiple therapists and none of them have done nothing to help besides trying to shovel pills down my throat. The entire profession is a joke.

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +3

      yeah. can't say goint to therapist made me feel better. i only felt expected to get better. and i felt like a failure that i am.

  • @katc7765
    @katc7765 3 месяца назад

    I believe you mention your father's distress seemed to begin following an accident. I would like to mention that many pharmaceiticals can cause mental anguish. I was poisoned by a single dose of MRI contrast, aka Gadolinium-Based-Contrast-Agent. While it caused horrific physical changes in my body that nearly killed me, the worst was the overwhelming sense of impending doom. For years, I begged God to let me die. Then I was further harmed by more meds to treat my symptoms. It has been 12 years and I am finally beginning to recover, but I had to get off all the pharmaceuticals first.

  • @MaryAlford-cg3jg
    @MaryAlford-cg3jg Месяц назад

    Had the convo with my people they all think i want sympathy so when i happen they kno why

  • @justinchase1697
    @justinchase1697 2 месяца назад +2

    Laws need to change! Women who cheat and destroy a family they should be held accountable!!! 100%

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +2

      "all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others"
      woman is concidered a victim with no doubt, which is misoginy.

  • @ItsOttis
    @ItsOttis 2 дня назад

    As soneone with a masters degree in psychology, this isnt true. Psychology, espeically the research field, has become a neutured and nihilistic version of what philosophy aims to achieve 5:10

  • @justinchase1697
    @justinchase1697 2 месяца назад

    When you take and break a mans heart take his kids then lose all his assets and the take so much child support that they cant even support them selfs what do you expect!?!?!?

  • @gretashapiro4118
    @gretashapiro4118 Год назад +2

    Particularly White men

  • @LoveLove-ev1cm
    @LoveLove-ev1cm Год назад +9

    What can we do to protect men from suicide ? We need to change society as a whole and go back to God. Men need to fortify themselves and fulfill their purposes of being the protecters, defenders, lovers, providers, and truthers . Mother Earth need men who live this. Never give up even if you feel let down. God loves you, and has your back.

    • @LoveLove-ev1cm
      @LoveLove-ev1cm Год назад +1

      @@user-rb3ow4rl3c no. Only slaves to The Lord God. No man that knows is a slave to earthly matters, neither to his ego. He is honoured slave of God. And everything else surrenders to his greatness of character , morals and ethics.

    • @jrocken20
      @jrocken20 5 месяцев назад

      You can’t

    • @HIDHIFDB
      @HIDHIFDB 2 месяца назад

      Whats the point to even keep going nothing ever improves

    • @LoveLove-ev1cm
      @LoveLove-ev1cm 2 месяца назад

      @@HIDHIFDB I bet you have loads going for you , it’s counting all the blessings how ever small , even your fingers to type , your eyes to see and mind to think, don’t let the failure of thesystem and illusions and deception of our government and education , the tears of brain washing and propaganda make you think you don’t have the power to change or do better to take action . Pick up the Quran it will tell you everything you need to know to have success in this life and the next . You got this ✊🏽

    • @shinobitatsu
      @shinobitatsu Месяц назад

      ​@@LoveLove-ev1cmevery religion is 100% lies.

  • @shemsuhor8763
    @shemsuhor8763 2 месяца назад +1

    all i've heard in 12 minutes is grift and bullshit. I hate my life and htis world and nothing here has helped. lmao

  • @Scorned405
    @Scorned405 4 месяца назад +1

    Not if you’re a real man. Only cowards off themselves. A real man endures.

  • @jackdavids2723
    @jackdavids2723 11 месяцев назад +1

    I hate Jordan Peterson not because the mainstream does, but because he is full of himself and many of his arguments didn't make sense, also now that he has revealed himself to support the genocide that's going on in Gaza, I hate him even more.

  • @sharonberry410
    @sharonberry410 2 месяца назад

    Blaming women again. Wow we are SO powerful even in a patriarchy. Women rule.

    • @steve3131
      @steve3131 Месяц назад +3

      Well, you're legends in your own minds, if nothing else.

    • @sharonberry410
      @sharonberry410 Месяц назад

      @steve3131 We are so superior to men. You all suspect it and fear it. We give birth and have multiple orgasms. Men are a joke in comparison. Cope, little boy.

    • @BloodBornShadowWalker
      @BloodBornShadowWalker Месяц назад +1

      Feminazi id suggest seeking therapy. You might need it

    • @enexe6229
      @enexe6229 11 дней назад +1

      shut up you matriarchal swine

  • @soioioioioioio34
    @soioioioioioio34 8 месяцев назад +5

    I told my friends and family and they don't care

    • @usa1945.
      @usa1945. 4 месяца назад +2

      Hope we can meet someday so I can care 🙏

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +2

      unfortunately society "cares" so much that woman having less income on a smaller job is more important than this.
      "all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others"

    • @eduardostapenko6808
      @eduardostapenko6808 Месяц назад +2

      mine parents did not care enought either. and friends? i have one, he would understand, but i can't just take his time.