As a gay man turning 50, if I could offer my 20-year old self one piece of advice, it would be this: Stay true to your self, trust your instincts and navigate this life ONLY doing what is comfortable and what you’re ready to do. Ignore peer pressure. NEVER compare yourself to another. Integrity and grace will become increasingly important as you age. Never compromise your word or your worth. And again, your instinct will never betray you.
Blake Henderson I wish a lot of people would listen to your advice instead of bulldozing through life with not a care for responsible wholesome behaviour, does not mean not having a fulfilling sex life just have a bit of respect .
Can I ask on a serious note, what would you say to me? I have failed to stay true to myself for the majority of my teens and twenties, I have ignored my instincts and gut feeling, I have done plenty of stuff that I was not comfortable with which has left a shitload of heavy baggage and trauma. I have caved in to peer pressure. I compare myself to others daily. I am too scared to speak up in the moment. When you say never compromise on your worth… my worth is a negative number at this point. All I am at this point is a ran through burden. Everything you said is fine and dandy if you had me live like that since I was 5 years old but at this point it just feels hypocritical and almost a joke to expect the world to respect me when I’ve never respected myself and obviously garnered so little respect in the past.
@@eo6637 I have a lifetime’s trail of bad decisions that I made and I too accepted others’ value & worth they placed on me. Here’s the thing: I realized that I am the only one who gets to decide my worth and value. Wear those bad choices you made in your past like a war medal. Find the humor in what you were doing when decisions were made and be a story teller and share it with friends. Laugh at your younger self. By sharing your history, people see how you’ve grown past the days of bad choices. Lastly, toxic people’s opinions have zero value and their words are just noise. Let them talk and judge all they want. Hell, ask them if they need you to support whatever it is they say about you. The point is, you get to renew your approach on life every single day that greets you. Your past doesn’t define you. It affords you good material for humor.
Sadly I am a gay man who was never into sex really at all unless I had complete trust with the other person. I lead a very lonely life through my teens, 20's and 30's I have no regrets about not wanting sex, not doing drugs and not doing things I never wanted to do just to "fit in" with the cool crowd. I may have been alone, single most of my life but i was true to myself.
@@mrparts As a practicing homosexual im here to assure you the promiscuity is NOT exaggerated. I went to college in Tampa then moved to Orlando then NYC, along with all the hookup sites, gays were having sex all the time, almost anywhere. I was considered a prude bcuz I wasnt hooking up every day and I had a lot of sex, I thought it was a lot. Its still prevalent today. Therres a hookup site for every kink and they are being used well....
I feel the same as Morgan. On one hand, I feel I’m missing out because I don’t sleep around, but on the other hand, I know that I only want to have sex when I’m in a relationship or have a good connection with someone.
Loved this episode. Recently have been feeling really uncomfortable within the gay community. I actually feel like I can be more myself around my groups of straight friends. I value authenticity, kindness, compassion, emotional awareness and communication, my experience has been telling me this is everything the "scene" or gay community isn't. I lost myself for a number of years but have more recently come to realise my value and worth and I'm no longer lowering my standards to "fit in". I say be true to who you are and don't lower your standards for anyone.
I agree on everything and especially not lowering your standards for anyone. Even though I'm in a same sex relationship, most of my friends are also not gay. It wasn't planned that way but I like to really know who I'm friends with and if there's no emotional connection, authenticity and shared personal growth, there's nothing. Someone can say all the right things but if their handshake is off or if I feel they are cold emotionally, then even a friendship is off the table. I am very athletic, intensely into fitness usually ending up at the gym after work, the outdoors and more recently martial arts and on a personal growth binge. I just haven't met many people who are gay that I have that in common with. Musically into rock, metal, rap, trance and techno, I've never been able to get into the gay club music scene. I didn't even meet my partner at a gay club, was at an electronic music festival instead but we were friends for months before it evolved into a relationship. I just don't feel like part of the gay scene or even welcome in it and really gave up on it long ago.
As a gay university prof, I see the pressures students can be under, or feel under, as Morgan has expressed in his letter. Keegan and Joel's advice is good; know your own boundaries and parameters, understand your own values, and how you derive your own sense of self-respect. Sure there are lots of people who 'splurge' at university, but there's also a lot of vocal bravado too; be true to your sense of self as well as to your values and beliefs and you can't go too far wrong.
I so agree with you guys. FOMO is real, but it often can be false and misleading. Even though it may take a little longer to find someone who shares your values, there ARE people out there like that. Patience is better than compromising who you are. 🙌🙌🙌 Oh, and Joel, I love your shirt! 🥰
I came out many years ago, during the seventies, and the line always was "but we're free to do whatever we want now, so go for it", and if you felt differently it meant that you were suffering from internalized homophobia . I tried to date people, but there were people who just wanted to take you to the restroom to do It, etc. I always just walked away from that. I knew that I couldn't enjoy sex with someone unless I knew that they really cared about me. Now I am with a man who took a very different road in his life, but cared for me enough to leave that behind. We waited quite a while before we did anything more than kissing, and now, 44 years later, we are still together, and married. If someone cares about you enough, they will wait until you are both ready, and if they won't wait, then say goodbye. Just say no if the time is not right and the right time will come to you. BTW, you guys are incredible, To be so compassionate, caring and wise is a wonderful thing to see. Thanks guys, for all that you do,
Yes i agree with you in not enjoying sex without feelings. I think very few people know that once you've experienced sex on that level along with feelings , you learn what passion is. And for me, putting that passion into sex just intensifies everything that you feel, making sex without that passion overated for me now.
I disagree with your choices back then. I never heard that said, and I did what I felt right about. I had zero peer pressure, nor did I feel that the gay culture then required me to do something. Do I think gays can be more promiscuous? Well, if it's two men, that can make sense, because often men don't need to equate love with sex. Everyone should do what feels right to them
As a young good looking guy I told the guys I dated I was looking for a relationship. We would go on mulitple dates and when I finally felt comfortable with having sex we would and many times it was really great, but then after, nothing always ghosted. The next time I ran into them they pretended not to know me. It was heartbreaking 💔
I'm sorry for your sad experiences. There's also the other side of the medal. I was, even at a young age, never a good looking guy. I experienced the superficiality of guys looking for sex as rejection, ignorance and exclusion. Going out, when I (finally) got someone to talk with me, I got dumped as soon as someone better looking came. Although I'd hate the heartbreak you describe, too, I wish I had at least the short-term attention, affection and the experience…
Morgan - This is your decision to make - DO NOT be pressured by your peers or the gay community at large...you will know when it's the right time for you. The right person will respect you for it - I know I would. Good luck my friend.
Thanks Keegan and Joel for taking out the time to answer that letter. Morgan is young and vulnerable but he knows what he doesn’t like and his letter speaks to so many. This is a great podcast and you’re doing a wonderful job with it. Thank you for being you guys❤❤❤❤
hey keegan and joel. i’m morgan from the email. thank you so much for this. it’s genuinely lovely that you took the time to respond via a video. after reading the comments, it seems i’m not alone in feeling the way that i do. this has been reassuring, and your advice is really helpful.❤
You are not alone Morgan, I wish I met someone like you in real life, I'm 28 years now I'm gay and I'm still virgin, never had a relationship, even if I want to they gay guy awlays want sex, I'm actually not really super sexual, I can't have sex with random people let alone if we just met once or two, I need to know the person, I need to know that this person really love me and care for me then I can have sex with that person, and you know what even though I'm 28 & virgin I never had a feeling of being miss out, I'm still waiting for my prince charming 😂😂😂
Hi Morgan, Dean here from NZ, thght I'd share my experience, as a 20yr old arriving into our capital, Wellington in '84. After coming out to myself I treaded through the scene looking for "him", after falling into the same situations as you may appear to be in I decided to work in the gay scene. I started working in a Health Club for men (behind the counter, which could be torture grr) then moved on to bars and then gay bars/clubs. Meet a lot of great people and no pressure to be hooking up (you have the working excuse), although I did obviously, {bends to pull halo back up off floor} lol. Kia Kaha (stay strong) to yourself. keegan and joel nice work, thank you.
There are lots of us around, you are certainly not alone feeling like that! It will work out in the end for you I am sure. If it helps, I thought it never would work for me and I would have to just change to fit in, but I held true to myself and luckily I have been with my husband for nearly 15 years now :)
I compromised when I was I was younger, and it's that compromise that I regret. I am now 51 and refuse to do it any longer. Thank you, guys, for all the videos. I have shared them with my friends who are gay because I feel your content could be helpful to them. I am straight and feel like you have helped me ❤
Point of View, for Morgan. I'm in my mid sixties and still experience the hot years. Don't rush into what you don't feel comfortable with, experiences stop when you die.
Take it from a 52-year-old. I was picked on growing up with some people telling me how I was ugly, so I compromised by having unprotected sex when they didn't want to use a condom and as of last May will have had HIV for 27 years. I'm pretty healthy other than needing to lose some weight, but that's more a not wanting to give up unhealthy foods I like. I didn't listen to my inner voice and hear people all the time talk about if I could go back what I would change and yes, I made mistakes, but wouldn't change a thing because everything I went through was a learning experience that makes me who I am and I am comfortable with who I am now. I heard now people are saying if you take HIV meds and have an undetectable viral load you can have unprotected sex and not get HIV, but for me, even on the meds had it drilled in me to always use protection no matter what because safe sex isn't safe, it's safer which means there is a chance of giving something to someone else and I never want to mess up someone else's life for my convenience. No matter the choices you make, you will always be changing your views throughout your life, because things I excepted back in my 20s are now stupid and 20 years from now my views will have changed again. Do what's right for you because you have to live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life.
THANK YOU for thinking of others! I hear so many people say it doesn't matter if they give someone an STI since "all you have to do is get a shot." No, it's much much more than that. Much appreciation for your perspective.
Undetectable viral load means that you CANNOT infect anyone with HIV. It's not "people are saying," it's a medical fact. In an attempt to prevent the spread of STIs, let's not spread anxiety and paranoia either. But I admit, your behavior is admirable, and I wish there were more people like you.
You show empathy and accountability. You know how rare is to find that in the so-called community? Enough for me feeling joy from your comment and knowing that I'm not weird or a prude for acting like a grown-up man. Cheers and Buenaventuranza for you my lad!
I feel like I agree with this. I consider myself as more on the asexual spectrum. In the past, when I was younger, I was more sexual but never considered myself overly as I have only had 3 relationships. My husband and I have now been married for 23 years. I love him, but sex is no longer a issue. We show our love in other ways. I think it would be interesting to see what people think of sex in the “Golden” years. Wonderful video! If you ever wanted a pod cast guest I would be interested as well.
You guys hit the nail on the head. Set boundaries and use them as you see fit. Be upfront in a non confrontational way and let the cards fall as they may. Ultimately Morgan, you have to decide where you land in the vast spectrum that is the gay community - because we are quite diverse. Even at my age, I'm still navigating my way around... best of luck man!
Morgan's question is so well worded and relatable. And from my research, it's way more common than most people think. Even those who seem to be pressuring to be more sexually active, it's very often cuz they are following the same cultural expectations, rather than their own authentic intuition. And as you guys said, that self abandonment doesn't serve you in the long run at all, on many levels. (I can confirm from personal experience, the struggle in future relationship issues, the lack of self trust and confidence, the mental and physical health issues, just not worth giving in in the hope of not missing out on something good with someone but moving too fast) And I love the answer too, very well stated and thorough. The reframe at the end was a perfect sum up take away. I'm gonna borrow it.
Great advise guys! FOMO can lead many into compromising their values and desires. My advice is to make your deal breakers very clear up front and don't ever allow peer pressure to convince you to act against your better judgment. Happy Pride! ❤🏳️🌈❤
Wow i totally see myself in the way that Morgan sees himself. this was very relatable to me & i'm now 33. It's nice to know that i (& others like me) are not so much of an outsider to the gay community than what the majority would have us believe. There's not a damn thing wrong with having decent standards. You guys got yourself a new subscriber!
You are more like my husband we have been 32 years together And also monogamous together. We use to live in L.A. no drug's After both of our parents have passed we also were out too both of them we travel alot in fact were be in London August and 1 day in Paris. Meeting friends from Amsterdam in Soho ❤. I am Japanese/American my husband is white American. Fyi see ya you guys are great keep it up!!!! 😊
Like your response to Morgan. I was well out on the scene and yet I was selective about who I slept with. Friends couldn't understand why I would not sleep with someone who was wealthy and asked me. Always do what in your heart feels right for you. Any doubts about a guy then skip them.
I'm so very glad that the younger generation has a couple like you guys that they can come to to ask questions about the gay lifestyle. When I came out back in 1984, I didn't have anything like that, so it was sink or swim. So, thank you for being there for people. You're doing a great job. 💞
I felt the same when i first came out, i was 20 i believe. I was just looking for a boyfriend on grindr and tinder but eventually i was 7 years alone, maybe had 5 hookups with guy's i knew before. As you said: in your 20's, you're in your hot years. So at that time i was depressed because i wanted to have a normal boyfriend without lowering myself to just sex. At one point i was thinking to myself: maybe you're looking for something that doesn't exist, throw your youthfull years away for what? Being depressed for who? In the next years i was lowering my standards, giving up my idea of finding a boyfriend, for a year straight i did some hookups and trio's, just to compensate my thoughts and feel desired again i guess. Later when i was going to a gay party, i felt like people thought i was a ho because people were saying that they slept with me to their friends, just another gay guy who was hooking around with everyone. It felt bad because i didn't pull through whith my standards. i could'nt reverse it anymore. So i quit going to gay parties for a while and i was focusing again on friends, myself and sometimes tinder. Now i have a boyfriend (found on tinder) and eventually it worked out. Do what you want to do, but never lie to yourself. I knew what i was doing and for what but it are actions you can't take back so think before you do. You're allowed to make mistakes and you will bounce back if you can see and accept them.
This means so much. I’m about to go to college, but as a gay teen there’s always been scenarios/friendships/relationships I dodged because I knew the risks and what they entailed. There was that constant feeling of missing out, and that I wasn’t doing enough even if inside I was at peace. I’ve always followed my heart, instincts, and intuition; and they’ve gotten me to every dream or wish I’ve had. But as I’m about to go to college, that same feeling of fomo is kicking in. Like I’m no longer fun because I’m not comfortable doing certain things, that I need to mature. I want to take risks, but on my own path and at my own pace. This was a nice reassurance and I’m so happy for you- a stranger on the internet
Totally understand the concern. I think this same issue occurs in the straight community, as well. I think it comes down to context. At university/college, there aren't a lot of venues to meet people (at least that the average uni student can afford). So you're just in the general "dating" pool and you can encounter all types in that general pool. As you get older, you tend to frequent places that have more of the vibe you're looking for. Maybe there is a particular bar that has a more mellow vibe and where the patrons are more like you. Or maybe it is a gay sports league, where you can get to know people before you even go on a first date. Or maybe it is even a gay-friendly church. In other words, as you get a little older, you will discover the venues where you can meet like-minded people and where you can avoid the types of behavior that you'd rather not be around. So just realize that it won't always be like this.
The only dimension I would like to add to the discussion is asexual tendencies influencing a person's primary sexuality. Specifically, demisexuality (attraction happens after an emotional connection forms) and/or sapiosexuality (attraction is based on intellectual connection). I am gay, but have both demi- and sapiosexual influences. My heart and head have to be attracted to a guy before I feel any sexual attraction. It took me several decades to figure out and articulate how the influences interacted within me. Well-meaning friends called me picky. Others said I was waiting for an ideal that didn't exist or my standards were too high. The worst thing I did was compare myself to others in relationships. I felt a self-induced pressure to be with someone, which led me to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I got out of it and have healed from it. Morgan, here is my little piece of advice: It seems like you have a greater understanding of yourself than your peers. Don't compare your relationships and/or sex life with others. Be honest and open about your wants and needs. If it is the right person, they will understand. And, there is nothing wrong with you.
Love this new approach!!! I think it’s a refreshing and deepens the connection to your audiences. Thank you for your time and continued commitment to be a sounding board for our rainbow communities.
Outstanding advice to Morgan and all others who aspire to be HHH. 🏳🌈💯 "Standards high, boundaries strong." Your voices are so needed by the community Joel and Keegan❣ Bravo👏Looking forward to seeing you both soon👍🏼
Thank you for talking about yet another part of the gay community. I am a sexual assault survivor and sex is not easy for me. My partner and I make it work. Surprisingly I found a man who also does not find sex an important thing. I like a man for who they are. I also feel it is a oversexed community. Even before the age of the internet gay men found areas such as rest stops to meet up for fast sex. A relationship is so much more than sex.
Please be careful with the advice about using not wanting to have sex as having the “power” in a relationship. I do agree with setting and sticking to your boundaries. It becomes problematic when you use sex, including withholding sex, to control or manipulate others. I am in a 30+ year relationship, and one of our challenges to this day is the uneven power dynamic we set up when we first started dating. Most guys will respect your limits and boundaries, but they must be expressed. Think of it this way; you are negotiating consent. This is normal and necessary for a healthy sex life. Just keep in mind that most people will respond by backing off and allowing you to control the timing. This means you will need to communicate when and what you are comfortable with. In other words, you are going to have to make the first move.
Of course!! Like we said, it’s not a game and it shouldn’t ever be used as a weapon. We mean that this person should view their “otherness” as a strength and something powerful!
I disagree with you, you understand it wrong, not having sex as power is apply in situation like when u just met this person once or two then he ask to have sex, you have the power to say no, but then when u are in relationship and u trust him and u feel comfortable with this person and u trust him then u can move on to the sex part and i think Morgan is that type of person
I wish I'd known when I was young that there was a whole ACE spectrum that I could consider as I tried to navigate intimacy and relationship. Watching vlogs by ACE peple of all persuasions has really helped me define and shape my boundaries. AND even better, I have realised that I am far from alone. Morgan, you are in no manner weird or unusual - you're a valid and welcome member of a very rich tapestry of queerness.
Loved this session and look forward to more like it. Sometime in the Gay World it is all about being fabulous, young and sexual - but many times someone just wants to talk with someone like them and share their journey to where they are today, Love following you guys. Sending love and appreciation from Canada!
I wonder if someone is like me. I'm not interested in having casual sex, I'm not that obsessed with sex as the rest of the community. Also, I'm not obsessed with dick sizes. I'm more interested in finding a good and fun guy to spend time. I want to be in love with a man, not a dick, I feel like the rest of the gay community only talks about sex and dicks and I like going to the gym, so my appearance does sell them the idea that I just want sex. It's so hard to date without that vibe that all they want is sex. Plus, talking to a "friend" when I told him that I wasn't interested in casual hook ups, he simply told me that I should talk to a psychologist about that. That I'm weird and etc.
Great advice guys and can I say Morgan as a 52 year old (old) 😊 man I find it really refreshing that u have and know your boundaries there's nothing wrong with taking your time and experiencing intimacy when your ready you might even find you will regret less in life when u get older my advice would be u be u and there will definitely be some1 out there with the same values as u I'm sure and if they want a relationship with u they will realise your worth waiting for but most of all be happy
Great advise! I came out in the late 1960s and it took me a long time to decide what my boundaries were, not only what I was willing to do but what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do and wasn't willing to do. It took about 10 years; perhaps I was a slow learner! When I was 30 I finally felt I had 'grown up' and was somewhat in control of my life. Today I am in my 70s and I find that I am still learning boundaries, learning about my self, making changes, and continuing to grow. It's a on-going, lifelong process.
Guys. Brilliant as ever. Thank You. Sound advice! Hopefully Morgan found that helpful. Love the new format. Front room! Brilliant! Being decades older and not having had to " navigate" the ( so called) gay environment... Culture, lifestyles etc . Even now all I want is an average bloke for a long-term , trusting, respectful, truthful, understanding and " every day" and as mundane and average as possible!. It's all that matters. PS. You are both looking incredible! Relaxed and happy... I rest my case! 👍👍. Thank You. The channel is fantastic!
Being gay is not a "lifestyle", that phrase was coined by ignorant, extreme homophobes. LGBTQ people have the same lifestyle as straight people, but we have a different sexual orientation. The phrase was intended to demean and debase.
Joel & Keegan, I love this format!! This is a good addition. The advice you gave to Morgan was really great. Keegan, I loved the jumping out of an airplane scenario, to point out, not doing what you really don't feel you want to do. I know you guys say you're not professionals but you have experience, and have some great insights. Joel and who would ever want to sue you sweet guys, for trying to help your fellow home's. 😊❤ Again, I really enjoyed and appreciated this video. It was so relaxed, informative, and inviting!! Love you guys!! ❤ Your helping to make us all Happy Healthy Homos. 😊 🌈
Hi Guys, jumping out of an airplane is awesome: for Morgan, I am attracted to personality rather than appearance so I always get to know people before sleeping with them, I turned 50 recently and have no regrets about what this has meant.
Agree 💯 I didn’t come out until I was 33 (and was still a “virgin”) and wasn’t comfortable with any of that. Your timeline is your timeline as long as you’re being realistic. I was waiting for “Prince Charming” so my standards were impossibly high and I did miss out in that regard. Be you.
Eventually your FOMO will turn into JOMO (Joy of Missing Out!) You will never be too old to sleep around in the gay community, so it’s not a finite option. Live your life how you feel is right at the time, and don’t worry if that changes or doesn’t. As long as you are happy all is good. When I was younger I was not into sleeping around at all. I don’t regret that either now I am older.
@@lonewolf5969 am not on social media bar here am afraid. I used to be on Facebook but took a break for a month about eight years ago, and realised how much nicer life got when I wasn’t on social media anymore. So I just never went back and haven’t regretted a single thing :)
My experience after my partner of 19 years died was quite disappointing. Most men my age only wanted a hookup. The ones wanting the relationship lifestyle were in one. I am not a prude nor anti sex, but I totally believe you should only do what you're comfortable with.
I'm 32, been celibate for 8 years. It's not a choice I'm proud of but I'm simply done sleeping around. It just stopped appealing to me and I still can't put my finger on why. It has nothing to do with libido or any particular ehtical stance.
@@jamesshatt5206 I have been single my whole life. Never been on so much as a date. I missed out on so much and to be honest starting in my 30's just seems more daunting than it is worth.
That's true guys! Know your boundaries & self worth. You have to follow your instinct If you feel something is uncomfortable, let them know so that you can protect yourself. Thanks
..I thought that only me was like this! Exactly Me, am sort of feeling asexual most of the time, as my feelings for someone are beyond more important that having an active sexuality. ..Ain’t truly know how to expose this, really
Im 42 and felt the same way. I did very little in my 20s and 30s. As an older guy now i do feel that i missed out a bit. Your only young once and have a body that looks good and 'works' correctly. If i had to do life again id prob choose the same path that i did. I have my partner who i met at 36 and im happy. Its your life and the only person that can really answer that is you. If your not into sleeping around my 2 cents is to listen to that voice. Just because your gay doesnt mean you have to live that lifestyle even though many young people think you do.
Accept and appreciate your uniqueness. You are you, Morgan. If you force yourself to follow the crowd, that's when you are going to have regrets. You will not miss out on what you are NOT yearning for. In the end, you will be happier for accepting who you are having fewer regrets. Peace🎉
Don’t jump into bed with someone if you don’t want to, but you might find that there aren’t as many second dates as you’d like if you don’t. Or maybe you’re more interesting than I am, and won’t have that problem. You know yourself and what you value: don’t compromise on what’s important to you.
Great video guys. Your advice is right now. A person should not do anything until they are ready for it. The gay culture should not force anyone into that position..
This is totally me. I just tell people I am asexual now. Don't have gay friends, since I don't feel I fit in. Getting older and sometimes feels like I am missing out.
>Every gay man feels like this everyday. The pressure is coming from trying to fit in the gay community. Then who are those people who make fitting in so hard?
0:02 Great advice guys! I agree with everything you both contributed to the conversation. IMHO there’s one more thing Morgan should be aware of; I didn’t hear mentioned, was "that you're not alone", other people feel the same way, gay & straight, you’re not the only person not wanting to jump into sex without a connection, you maybe Demisexuality and that’s alright there! When you're young and just discovering your sexuality; especially in college/university where everybody's going at it like bunnies, and you just don’t feel like you fit into all that, it alright, follow Joel & Keegan’s advice you’ll be great, don’t be afraid to express your thoughts, feelings, expectations, and interpretations and when you connect with the right person you’ll be much happier for it! Sorry if it’s long winded, I could have said much more 😂 Anyway, this is just my opinion I could be wrong.
Morgan if you read this: you’re not alone! I’m 32 and quit the over-sexualised hookup scene years ago. Yes ,I feel like I am missing out a bit by not having sex while I am this young but like these guys said, I am not really bc I know how empty I’d feel after jumping in bed with a random stranger just get ‘rocks off’. Stay true to yourself, your body is your temple, honour that and keep that for someone special.
Really happy to hear your homology. That was well done. Looking back from 60+ I see how I could have played the various hook-up/date scenarios differently. Wish I had you two back then to give me some ideas and support.
I am one that I look at the heart of someone and how they come across to others. It is not about sex at all, I think it is about the person their heart and feelings is so much more important I feel like, that is what I look for someone that is down to earth, how they treat you and if there is a connection with that person. People always think about sex and that is all. Sex is a part of a relationship but there is so much more to a relationship for me.
Definitely relate having a lot of walls up from the get to finding someone willing to go at my pace. I’m not someone who just wants to jump bed right away but also don’t want to rush into a relationship right away either
I was outed in 1980 by a colleague who had seen me visiting a gay bar. As an industrial plumber I thought that my problems were just beginning. However the colleagues spite didn't work and after a few weeks of comments and remarks the fact that I was gay just became accepted, even by my employers. Strange that it happened that way, especially in 1980 but I think that being tall, fit and perceived as potentially 'handy' helped. I am 70 now and long retired but I never had any more problems. Building sites, along with the humor and good natured piss taking around everyone were the best places to be for me. Thanks for your vid guys, and I hope it helps others, well done, Love to all from Gran Canaria. xxxx
I think an added issue gay men have is the fact that many might want sex to be very exclusive with a long-term partner, but sexual compatibility might still be important to them (especially if they are strictly top or bottom). So there's an incentive for that to be clarified early (even in a Tinder bio for example) even though sex isn't their primary goal. But that sets up the expectation of sex nonetheless. It's tough.
I am sorry for your loss!! I can relate, I lost my partner, to altzheimers dementia, after 47 years together. Its been almost a year and a half now, and I am still struggling to find my way. 😢 Just know that you are not alone!! Wish you the best!! ❤ Hugs 🫂
A fantastic video - great advice! Be true to yourself, and (although it is easily said) don't do something if you feel pressured into it. Doing something because you think everyone else does it, or you might be looked down upon if you don't, is never a good motive for doing it. You will never regret *not* doing something, that you don't feel comfortable doing. I loved the "jumping out of a plane" analogy in this video!! Additionally, if you *are* "less sexually motivated" generally, anyway... then please don't feel you are alone... there are many guys who feel the same as you... and although "the scene" might look like is full of shaggers... some of them might actually be less sexually motivated than they appear... but they feel pressurised into it, because they are told "That's what it means to be gay". I went on a first "date" with someone, and when they pinned me to the floor in their flat, and tried to forcibly perform a sex act on me, and unsurprisingly, I didn't respond with any enthusiasm, or become aroused... I was told that I wasn't really gay!! I wouldn't mind, but I had already said that I was only expecting a coffee and maybe a couple of biscuits, and a good chat to get to know him better. He had other ideas, clearly! It was quite scary, and needless to say I never saw him, or even communicated with him again. I was always a "square peg" to a "star-shaped hole". I never fitted-in with the perception of what it meant to be gay - and I was never going to fit it. As a young man, that used to bother me, and it used to worry me - I was destined to be lonely. But, I eventually realised that it is actually *OK* not to fit in, and I am happier that I was always me, instead of trying to be something that I wasn't, just to get acceptance. I have recently celebrated 22 happy years in my relationship (married for 17 years) with a "like-minded" guy - after a couple of previous relationships with guys who weren't on the same wavelength. We are all individuals... be the gay that you want to be, and never allow yourself to feel "less" because you aren't the same as someone else!
Excellent advice for anyone, gay or straight. You should never feel pressured into sex, and it is always OK to set your boundaries and stick with them. Eventually, the right person will come along who honors and respects your values and boundaries.
I can relate to Morgan. I'm 41 but I remember feeling like this all the time in my 20s particularly. All I would tell that person now, or anyone in that situation, is to trust your instincts and really look after yourself. Doing things you don't want to do, over and over again, particularly around sex and boundaries, will only hurt you.
I have learned that much of my desire is just touch. Sometimes, a date has been giving each other massages (with or without clothes -- you choose). It's also a way to get to know someone so that when you do end up in sex, it will be less scary.
Seeking Friendship first is an easy way to work into a relationship that could eventually lead to sex. The most important thing in any realtionship to to be Friends First. Relationships based on just sex will only last until the next preety guy comes along.
If your behaviour is outside the norm of your peers, it is perfectly healthy to briefly question your own behaviour without changing a thing... just don't feel bad for not conforming. With regards to the potential "regret" component, my advice would be to take a deeper look at your particular behaviour. Approach the question of "why" in your mind, out aloud and with your peers. What series of events, emotions, experiences, good or bad are associated with this mode of operation? If you can't identify anything illogical or irrational that you may need to deal with, it is unlikely you will have regrets... or at the very least, you tried your best with what you understood about yourself at the time, allowing your older self to be a little more forgiving. Copy and paste this to everything in your life.
I love what was mentioned about remaining exclusive to allow ourselves to restrict or allow sexual intercourse. It is extremely powerful and it’s our god given right to our own body. I’ve followed these rules since I started being sexual when I came out.
Just found your channel, you two are so lovely and your advice is great. As a Mum trying to learn about all aspects of life, it's interesting to see this because a lot of the info out there is very sexualised, nothing against that, just interesting to learn that not all young people like to jump right into sex.
I like the sound of your voices. I think you guys give very sound advice. I also appreciate how you both love the kids. Keep being real, wonderful and fabulous. 😊😊❤️❤️👍👍⭐️⭐️
I also don't like the idea that because I am gay I am expected to have a relationship based on positions or roles. I am gay but not really sexual based. Just be you. ❤
@@jamesshatt5206 there probably is many like us but still a minority in the community. I used to feel like an outsider in the gay community because of it.
Only just come across your channel and watched a few videos now and I’m so glad I found it. Nice to have a UK couple who have meaningful discussions. I’m similar to Morgan but I’m 31 and I haven’t had sex in a couple years now. It is really getting me down and I’ve been depressed. All my friends around me seem to have regular sex and are promiscuous, so I really feel like a minority within a minority. I wish I could be more promiscuous and have more sex but unless there is a connection and I’m attracted to someone then I just can’t. Unfortunately for me, the last couple of people I have found attractive and had a connection with turned out to be in open relationships which is obviously a no go for me, although I did try to be casual with the first guy but it just ended up in heartbreak for me. Something has got to give but helps to know I’m not alone in feeling like this after reading the comments.
It's helpful. Thanks. And thanks to youtube chos algorithm, I used to see Stepsof2Foreigners' channel, but resently they slow down the pace, so I can see you guys. Anyways, you guys' doing is good, hope your subscribers will contine growing. xx Jeffrey from Taiwan.
I don’t know why y’all think that because you’re not sleeping around with single being, y’all are missing out😐. It’s all about knowing you , what you like , what you think and the grace you want to exude ✨✨🍀
Same! I am in my 20's and I feel like I don't fit in! I tried to download Grindr but it's very difficult, many people want hookups or sex after a few dates and I don't feel comfortable with it, I would like to meet the person first, go slowly, and form a deep meaningful monogamous relationship. At this point, I just accepted that I will be alone :( I stay true to myself and don't go against my values and needs and stand against the pressure!
Omg I have the same views as you, I'm 28 and still virgin, I just can't find a person who has the same views of life like me especially in the gay community
@@jamesshatt5206 Yes, Sadly it is very difficult to... I feel like I'm surrounded by superficiality, perhaps those are just my feelings... I value and cherish family and friends
@@jamesshatt5206 same for you :) I think it's just a matter of time, who knows when and where can meet the other half, I heard many stories of people who did at unexpected places and times 😅
I've really been struggling with this at 43. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I understand the feeling that I'm missing out. Really good question
I know this is for gay men, but I have felt the same way for years. I'm 43 I think I'm Asexual, physically attracted to guys, but have had strong feelings for girls to. Been intimate with one guy that I genuinly liked but during/for two years after I was suicidal.I felt less than/worthless.😢 I dont want to be in a relationship, and if i did sex deffinetly would have know part of it for me.I feel like there is something wrong with me, I dont fit the 'normal' mould.🥺😥
I’ve often found myself nodding along during your conversations, but this episode struck a particular chord. Three actually: 1. Craft and articulate your comfort perimeter-it’s your fortress, not a prison. 2. Whether you saunter, sprint, or stroll, you can pick your own tempo in life. 3. Your worth isn’t a quiz; stop grading yourself with someone else’s answer sheet.
When I first went to bed with a guy, a very famous one and we spent 40 years of being in love, "Gay" didn't exist and was a serious crime. Yes, later, after "A" died, I went through a time of being a real cottage slut and it was fun at the time but I would say now, at over 70, it is best to be homosexual by NOT becoming part to the gay community. I/we never had a problem being a couple in a straight society but if you run around being a screechy little poof, you close the doors on your own possibilities in life. No one wants to employ an over-sibilant little queen. My partner was a man and very recognisable to the public: he had to be a man; so did I, having been a rough little rogue at 16 and then becoming a show-biz executive. Life can't be about having 24/24, mincing fun and squeals!!!
Interesting video, I find this such a challenge trying to date. I just dont feel I want to do anything intimate until I have a proper connection with someone. Being open about this seems to just bring things to a rather abrupt end so I can totally relate to this situation! Difficult one, but good advise guys, I have been able to take something from it!
I guess my question would be, why would you want to be with somebody that would pressure you into doing some thing you’re not ready to do? That is not a foundation for a healthy, long-term relationship. Stay strong, you’re not alone, it might take you a while to find Mr. right but the satisfaction of being equally yoked in a relationship is worth the wait. And by equally yoked, I mean, those people that want to have open relationships are yoked with people that also want to have open relationships. And people that want to be monogamous or yoked with people that want to be monogamous. And people that have a other priorities than immediate gratification be yoked with like-minded people there as well.
I mean it's just lately for some reason, I am seeing a bunch of podcasts and lifestyle puff pieces pop up all done by Porno Bros in short shorts and tank tops. I really am grateful for the fresh air. I wish you all the best with this. And it's really good for the kids, so good looking out.
What does that even mean: "Over sexualized" I am not promiscuous, never slept around, do not plan to begin now (I will be 50 in less than a year). But there is reasons for it, it has a social function and a cultural relevance. Are we really over sexualized or does it just seem like it in cosmopolitain areas and big cities? Are straight people less "sexualized" or "not sexualized"? What role does self loathing and abusive systems play? How were we as gay boys raised? What was our role model for a relationship? What role do drugs play? What role does rejection and a disturbed relationship to our own masculinity (especially often to our fathers) play in it? Can we go a little beyond the surface and afternoon tea conversations?
in my experience as a gay demisexual that gay community in general is very sexual, in ways that make it an uncomfortable place to be and hard to fit into. There is a pervasive expectation amongst may gay men that you should be wanting to jump into be right off the bat. Then if you don't want to have sex on the first or second date that you are not worth even dating. I took me years to get to the point where I don't compromise myself when it comes to sex by having sex when I don't want to because I don't feel sexually attracted (yet) just because the other guy demands sex. My experience has been being treated poorly by other gay men for not wanting sex right away like I am somehow broken. throw in a low sex drive and I've had additional abusive comments made my way. I have litteraly be called "broken" and been told that I am not "a real man" by other gay men.
@@americancarguy It takes lots of self confidence, resilience and self awareness to be who you are. No matter of you are gay or straight! How many straight boys begin drinking because of peer pressure? How many straight women become anorexic because of pressures from peers, society and sometimes even their own families? We should all complain less and read more about people that have changed the world. There is a pattern: - They did not fit in. - They had a clear vision of what and who they wanted to be - They suffered because of it. - They have changed society. Tina Turner, Oscar Wilde, Harry Belafonte, Madonna... Read, read, read! Be the man you want to meet. Even if it means you end up alone. You will be single but a better version of yourself and like what you see in the mirror! Not many people can say that about themselves.
I always thought I was gay, but as time goes by I don't feel like I identify or have much in common with the gay community at all, or the rest of the alphabet for that matter. I suppose I am just a homosexual man who just loves men. When I was younger sometimes I slept with guys that I wasn't really attracted to anymore, They would catch feelings for me and I was scared to hurt their feelings. Don't miss that.
In my experience, my younger self refused to diversify my experiences. I liked guy who looked like, well, you guys. I was a perfect 10 not happy unless I was chasing, or being chased by an 11. I’m 57 now and still look 35 to forty or so I’m told. I regret so much the fact I refused so many wonderful people. With age comes enlightenment to some degree or another. And one begins to see others with the same compassion that one feels for himself. I found those who were Perfect fives were often vastly more talented in the sac and much more tolerable in the morning. Now when I sleep with someone I do so to share myself with someone who wants the same regardless of numeral status. The experience is exponentially better than those of my early youth. People are beautiful underneath all that skin and muscle. Or they aren’t. I don’t bother with those I’m not able to have a meaningful conversation. Beauty no matter the age is a rare jewel. Now I have sooooo much more to offer sexually because over the years I have learned a few things which only comes with experience. I loved your pod cast. Looking forward to the next one.
Honestly, im in my 30s and been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years now. My sex drive died out a while ago and I am in a sexless marriage. I ❤ being in a sexless marriage and wouldn’t have it any other way.
As a gay man turning 50, if I could offer my 20-year old self one piece of advice, it would be this: Stay true to your self, trust your instincts and navigate this life ONLY doing what is comfortable and what you’re ready to do. Ignore peer pressure. NEVER compare yourself to another. Integrity and grace will become increasingly important as you age. Never compromise your word or your worth. And again, your instinct will never betray you.
Blake Henderson I wish a lot of people would listen to your advice instead of bulldozing through life with not a care for responsible wholesome behaviour, does not mean not having a fulfilling sex life just have a bit of respect .
Can I ask on a serious note, what would you say to me? I have failed to stay true to myself for the majority of my teens and twenties, I have ignored my instincts and gut feeling, I have done plenty of stuff that I was not comfortable with which has left a shitload of heavy baggage and trauma. I have caved in to peer pressure. I compare myself to others daily. I am too scared to speak up in the moment. When you say never compromise on your worth… my worth is a negative number at this point. All I am at this point is a ran through burden. Everything you said is fine and dandy if you had me live like that since I was 5 years old but at this point it just feels hypocritical and almost a joke to expect the world to respect me when I’ve never respected myself and obviously garnered so little respect in the past.
@@eo6637 I have a lifetime’s trail of bad decisions that I made and I too accepted others’ value & worth they placed on me. Here’s the thing: I realized that I am the only one who gets to decide my worth and value. Wear those bad choices you made in your past like a war medal. Find the humor in what you were doing when decisions were made and be a story teller and share it with friends. Laugh at your younger self. By sharing your history, people see how you’ve grown past the days of bad choices. Lastly, toxic people’s opinions have zero value and their words are just noise. Let them talk and judge all they want. Hell, ask them if they need you to support whatever it is they say about you. The point is, you get to renew your approach on life every single day that greets you. Your past doesn’t define you. It affords you good material for humor.
If the person you meet doesn't want to respect your feelings .He is not worth your time
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Sadly I am a gay man who was never into sex really at all unless I had complete trust with the other person. I lead a very lonely life through my teens, 20's and 30's I have no regrets about not wanting sex, not doing drugs and not doing things I never wanted to do just to "fit in" with the cool crowd. I may have been alone, single most of my life but i was true to myself.
I love this.
I think the "promiscuity" of gay men has been greatly exaggerated by the media. Most men, straight or gay, have similar sex drives.
@@mrparts As a practicing homosexual im here to assure you the promiscuity is NOT exaggerated. I went to college in Tampa then moved to Orlando then NYC, along with all the hookup sites, gays were having sex all the time, almost anywhere. I was considered a prude bcuz I wasnt hooking up every day and I had a lot of sex, I thought it was a lot. Its still prevalent today. Therres a hookup site for every kink and they are being used well....
@@src3360 Practicing homosexual? Well, if you haven't mastered it by now...
Wow ur nice
I feel the same as Morgan. On one hand, I feel I’m missing out because I don’t sleep around, but on the other hand, I know that I only want to have sex when I’m in a relationship or have a good connection with someone.
Relate so much to this myself lol
Yes! Me too.
sex is very overrated, in my opinion. Yes, it can feel nice but it can also be traumatizing and there's a lot at risk.
I can’t even get it up right if I’m not properly ready 😅
@@MbartM96 yall can do oral or pop a pill if you like. Whats the big deal ?
Loved this episode. Recently have been feeling really uncomfortable within the gay community. I actually feel like I can be more myself around my groups of straight friends. I value authenticity, kindness, compassion, emotional awareness and communication, my experience has been telling me this is everything the "scene" or gay community isn't. I lost myself for a number of years but have more recently come to realise my value and worth and I'm no longer lowering my standards to "fit in". I say be true to who you are and don't lower your standards for anyone.
I agree on everything and especially not lowering your standards for anyone. Even though I'm in a same sex relationship, most of my friends are also not gay. It wasn't planned that way but I like to really know who I'm friends with and if there's no emotional connection, authenticity and shared personal growth, there's nothing. Someone can say all the right things but if their handshake is off or if I feel they are cold emotionally, then even a friendship is off the table. I am very athletic, intensely into fitness usually ending up at the gym after work, the outdoors and more recently martial arts and on a personal growth binge. I just haven't met many people who are gay that I have that in common with. Musically into rock, metal, rap, trance and techno, I've never been able to get into the gay club music scene. I didn't even meet my partner at a gay club, was at an electronic music festival instead but we were friends for months before it evolved into a relationship. I just don't feel like part of the gay scene or even welcome in it and really gave up on it long ago.
Amen, Chris :)
As a gay university prof, I see the pressures students can be under, or feel under, as Morgan has expressed in his letter. Keegan and Joel's advice is good; know your own boundaries and parameters, understand your own values, and how you derive your own sense of self-respect. Sure there are lots of people who 'splurge' at university, but there's also a lot of vocal bravado too; be true to your sense of self as well as to your values and beliefs and you can't go too far wrong.
I so agree with you guys. FOMO is real, but it often can be false and misleading. Even though it may take a little longer to find someone who shares your values, there ARE people out there like that. Patience is better than compromising who you are. 🙌🙌🙌 Oh, and Joel, I love your shirt! 🥰
Big puma fan?
I came out many years ago, during the seventies, and the line always was "but we're free to do whatever we want now, so go for it", and if you felt differently it meant that you were suffering from internalized homophobia . I tried to date people, but there were people who just wanted to take you to the restroom to do It, etc. I always just walked away from that. I knew that I couldn't enjoy sex with someone unless I knew that they really cared about me. Now I am with a man who took a very different road in his life, but cared for me enough to leave that behind. We waited quite a while before we did anything more than kissing, and now, 44 years later, we are still together, and married. If someone cares about you enough, they will wait until you are both ready, and if they won't wait, then say goodbye.
Just say no if the time is not right and the right time will come to you.
BTW, you guys are incredible, To be so compassionate, caring and wise is a wonderful thing to see. Thanks guys, for all that you do,
This means a lot from a gay teen going to college 🫶🏾
Yes i agree with you in not enjoying sex without feelings. I think very few people know that once you've experienced sex on that level along with feelings , you learn what passion is. And for me, putting that passion into sex just intensifies everything that you feel, making sex without that passion overated for me now.
I disagree with your choices back then. I never heard that said, and I did what I felt right about. I had zero peer pressure, nor did I feel that the gay culture then required me to do something. Do I think gays can be more promiscuous? Well, if it's two men, that can make sense, because often men don't need to equate love with sex. Everyone should do what feels right to them
Straight people drink as much or more than gay people.
As a young good looking guy I told the guys I dated I was looking for a relationship. We would go on mulitple dates and when I finally felt comfortable with having sex we would and many times it was really great, but then after, nothing always ghosted. The next time I ran into them they pretended not to know me. It was heartbreaking 💔
I'm sorry for your sad experiences. There's also the other side of the medal. I was, even at a young age, never a good looking guy. I experienced the superficiality of guys looking for sex as rejection, ignorance and exclusion. Going out, when I (finally) got someone to talk with me, I got dumped as soon as someone better looking came. Although I'd hate the heartbreak you describe, too, I wish I had at least the short-term attention, affection and the experience…
I can relate!
thata insane🥺 I also experienced that
Morgan - This is your decision to make - DO NOT be pressured by your peers or the gay community at large...you will know when it's the right time for you. The right person will respect you for it - I know I would. Good luck my friend.
Thanks Keegan and Joel for taking out the time to answer that letter. Morgan is young and vulnerable but he knows what he doesn’t like and his letter speaks to so many. This is a great podcast and you’re doing a wonderful job with it.
Thank you for being you guys❤❤❤❤
hey keegan and joel. i’m morgan from the email. thank you so much for this. it’s genuinely lovely that you took the time to respond via a video. after reading the comments, it seems i’m not alone in feeling the way that i do. this has been reassuring, and your advice is really helpful.❤
You are definitely not alone.
You are not alone Morgan, I wish I met someone like you in real life, I'm 28 years now I'm gay and I'm still virgin, never had a relationship, even if I want to they gay guy awlays want sex, I'm actually not really super sexual, I can't have sex with random people let alone if we just met once or two, I need to know the person, I need to know that this person really love me and care for me then I can have sex with that person, and you know what even though I'm 28 & virgin I never had a feeling of being miss out, I'm still waiting for my prince charming 😂😂😂
Hi Morgan, Dean here from NZ, thght I'd share my experience, as a 20yr old arriving into our capital, Wellington in '84. After coming out to myself I treaded through the scene looking for "him", after falling into the same situations as you may appear to be in I decided to work in the gay scene. I started working in a Health Club for men (behind the counter, which could be torture grr) then moved on to bars and then gay bars/clubs. Meet a lot of great people and no pressure to be hooking up (you have the working excuse), although I did obviously, {bends to pull halo back up off floor} lol. Kia Kaha (stay strong) to yourself. keegan and joel nice work, thank you.
There are lots of us around, you are certainly not alone feeling like that! It will work out in the end for you I am sure. If it helps, I thought it never would work for me and I would have to just change to fit in, but I held true to myself and luckily I have been with my husband for nearly 15 years now :)
You are not alone! Look up DEMISEXUAL - It might explain a few things to you.
I compromised when I was I was younger, and it's that compromise that I regret. I am now 51 and refuse to do it any longer. Thank you, guys, for all the videos. I have shared them with my friends who are gay because I feel your content could be helpful to them. I am straight and feel like you have helped me ❤
Point of View, for Morgan. I'm in my mid sixties and still experience the hot years. Don't rush into what you don't feel comfortable with, experiences stop when you die.
Take it from a 52-year-old. I was picked on growing up with some people telling me how I was ugly, so I compromised by having unprotected sex when they didn't want to use a condom and as of last May will have had HIV for 27 years. I'm pretty healthy other than needing to lose some weight, but that's more a not wanting to give up unhealthy foods I like. I didn't listen to my inner voice and hear people all the time talk about if I could go back what I would change and yes, I made mistakes, but wouldn't change a thing because everything I went through was a learning experience that makes me who I am and I am comfortable with who I am now. I heard now people are saying if you take HIV meds and have an undetectable viral load you can have unprotected sex and not get HIV, but for me, even on the meds had it drilled in me to always use protection no matter what because safe sex isn't safe, it's safer which means there is a chance of giving something to someone else and I never want to mess up someone else's life for my convenience. No matter the choices you make, you will always be changing your views throughout your life, because things I excepted back in my 20s are now stupid and 20 years from now my views will have changed again. Do what's right for you because you have to live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life.
THANK YOU for thinking of others! I hear so many people say it doesn't matter if they give someone an STI since "all you have to do is get a shot." No, it's much much more than that. Much appreciation for your perspective.
Undetectable viral load means that you CANNOT infect anyone with HIV. It's not "people are saying," it's a medical fact. In an attempt to prevent the spread of STIs, let's not spread anxiety and paranoia either. But I admit, your behavior is admirable, and I wish there were more people like you.
You show empathy and accountability. You know how rare is to find that in the so-called community? Enough for me feeling joy from your comment and knowing that I'm not weird or a prude for acting like a grown-up man. Cheers and Buenaventuranza for you my lad!
I feel like I agree with this. I consider myself as more on the asexual spectrum. In the past, when I was younger, I was more sexual but never considered myself overly as I have only had 3 relationships. My husband and I have now been married for 23 years. I love him, but sex is no longer a issue. We show our love in other ways. I think it would be interesting to see what people think of sex in the “Golden” years. Wonderful video! If you ever wanted a pod cast guest I would be interested as well.
Sex is for the young
You guys hit the nail on the head. Set boundaries and use them as you see fit. Be upfront in a non confrontational way and let the cards fall as they may. Ultimately Morgan, you have to decide where you land in the vast spectrum that is the gay community - because we are quite diverse. Even at my age, I'm still navigating my way around... best of luck man!
Morgan's question is so well worded and relatable. And from my research, it's way more common than most people think. Even those who seem to be pressuring to be more sexually active, it's very often cuz they are following the same cultural expectations, rather than their own authentic intuition. And as you guys said, that self abandonment doesn't serve you in the long run at all, on many levels. (I can confirm from personal experience, the struggle in future relationship issues, the lack of self trust and confidence, the mental and physical health issues, just not worth giving in in the hope of not missing out on something good with someone but moving too fast) And I love the answer too, very well stated and thorough. The reframe at the end was a perfect sum up take away. I'm gonna borrow it.
Great advise guys! FOMO can lead many into compromising their values and desires. My advice is to make your deal breakers very clear up front and don't ever allow peer pressure to convince you to act against your better judgment. Happy Pride! ❤🏳️🌈❤
Great advice to Morgan. Loving your Florida family videos....Keegan, it is nice to see how comfortable your kids are around Joel.
Wow i totally see myself in the way that Morgan sees himself. this was very relatable to me & i'm now 33. It's nice to know that i (& others like me) are not so much of an outsider to the gay community than what the majority would have us believe. There's not a damn thing wrong with having decent standards.
You guys got yourself a new subscriber!
You are more like my husband we have been 32 years together
And also monogamous together. We use to live in L.A. no drug's
After both of our parents have passed we also were out too both of them we travel alot in fact were be in London August and 1 day in Paris. Meeting friends from Amsterdam in Soho
❤. I am Japanese/American my husband is white American.
Fyi see ya you guys are great keep it up!!!! 😊
Like your response to Morgan. I was well out on the scene and yet I was selective about who I slept with. Friends couldn't understand why I would not sleep with someone who was wealthy and asked me. Always do what in your heart feels right for you. Any doubts about a guy then skip them.
I'm so very glad that the younger generation has a couple like you guys that they can come to to ask questions about the gay lifestyle. When I came out back in 1984, I didn't have anything like that, so it was sink or swim. So, thank you for being there for people. You're doing a great job. 💞
I felt the same when i first came out, i was 20 i believe. I was just looking for a boyfriend on grindr and tinder but eventually i was 7 years alone, maybe had 5 hookups with guy's i knew before.
As you said: in your 20's, you're in your hot years. So at that time i was depressed because i wanted to have a normal boyfriend without lowering myself to just sex. At one point i was thinking to myself: maybe you're looking for something that doesn't exist, throw your youthfull years away for what? Being depressed for who?
In the next years i was lowering my standards, giving up my idea of finding a boyfriend, for a year straight i did some hookups and trio's, just to compensate my thoughts and feel desired again i guess.
Later when i was going to a gay party, i felt like people thought i was a ho because people were saying that they slept with me to their friends, just another gay guy who was hooking around with everyone.
It felt bad because i didn't pull through whith my standards. i could'nt reverse it anymore. So i quit going to gay parties for a while and i was focusing again on friends, myself and sometimes tinder. Now i have a boyfriend (found on tinder) and eventually it worked out.
Do what you want to do, but never lie to yourself. I knew what i was doing and for what but it are actions you can't take back so think before you do. You're allowed to make mistakes and you will bounce back if you can see and accept them.
This means so much. I’m about to go to college, but as a gay teen there’s always been scenarios/friendships/relationships I dodged because I knew the risks and what they entailed. There was that constant feeling of missing out, and that I wasn’t doing enough even if inside I was at peace. I’ve always followed my heart, instincts, and intuition; and they’ve gotten me to every dream or wish I’ve had. But as I’m about to go to college, that same feeling of fomo is kicking in. Like I’m no longer fun because I’m not comfortable doing certain things, that I need to mature. I want to take risks, but on my own path and at my own pace. This was a nice reassurance and I’m so happy for you- a stranger on the internet
You met short distance dating?
Oh how old were you now?
Totally understand the concern. I think this same issue occurs in the straight community, as well.
I think it comes down to context. At university/college, there aren't a lot of venues to meet people (at least that the average uni student can afford). So you're just in the general "dating" pool and you can encounter all types in that general pool.
As you get older, you tend to frequent places that have more of the vibe you're looking for. Maybe there is a particular bar that has a more mellow vibe and where the patrons are more like you. Or maybe it is a gay sports league, where you can get to know people before you even go on a first date. Or maybe it is even a gay-friendly church. In other words, as you get a little older, you will discover the venues where you can meet like-minded people and where you can avoid the types of behavior that you'd rather not be around.
So just realize that it won't always be like this.
The only dimension I would like to add to the discussion is asexual tendencies influencing a person's primary sexuality. Specifically, demisexuality (attraction happens after an emotional connection forms) and/or sapiosexuality (attraction is based on intellectual connection).
I am gay, but have both demi- and sapiosexual influences. My heart and head have to be attracted to a guy before I feel any sexual attraction.
It took me several decades to figure out and articulate how the influences interacted within me. Well-meaning friends called me picky. Others said I was waiting for an ideal that didn't exist or my standards were too high. The worst thing I did was compare myself to others in relationships. I felt a self-induced pressure to be with someone, which led me to be in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. I got out of it and have healed from it.
Morgan, here is my little piece of advice: It seems like you have a greater understanding of yourself than your peers. Don't compare your relationships and/or sex life with others. Be honest and open about your wants and needs. If it is the right person, they will understand. And, there is nothing wrong with you.
Love this new approach!!! I think it’s a refreshing and deepens the connection to your audiences. Thank you for your time and continued commitment to be a sounding board for our rainbow communities.
This is such a good and healthy channel. I wish my younger self had something like this, I would’ve felt more human
That title spoke to me! I've always felt that I don't fit in. And I always wanted someone who is more of a companion rather than a sex partner.
Outstanding advice to Morgan and all others who aspire to be HHH. 🏳🌈💯 "Standards high, boundaries strong." Your voices are so needed by the community Joel and Keegan❣ Bravo👏Looking forward to seeing you both soon👍🏼
Absolutely agree with that, Joel's quote is deep and echoes far... "keep the standards high and boundaries strong" 💪🏻
Ikrr❤@@kobusbarnard7372
I really relate to a lot of what Morgan said. I would really like some close gay friends and a chance to feel more open about being gay.
Thank you for talking about yet another part of the gay community. I am a sexual assault survivor and sex is not easy for me. My partner and I make it work. Surprisingly I found a man who also does not find sex an important thing. I like a man for who they are. I also feel it is a oversexed community. Even before the age of the internet gay men found areas such as rest stops to meet up for fast sex. A relationship is so much more than sex.
Please be careful with the advice about using not wanting to have sex as having the “power” in a relationship. I do agree with setting and sticking to your boundaries. It becomes problematic when you use sex, including withholding sex, to control or manipulate others. I am in a 30+ year relationship, and one of our challenges to this day is the uneven power dynamic we set up when we first started dating.
Most guys will respect your limits and boundaries, but they must be expressed. Think of it this way; you are negotiating consent. This is normal and necessary for a healthy sex life. Just keep in mind that most people will respond by backing off and allowing you to control the timing. This means you will need to communicate when and what you are comfortable with. In other words, you are going to have to make the first move.
Of course!! Like we said, it’s not a game and it shouldn’t ever be used as a weapon. We mean that this person should view their “otherness” as a strength and something powerful!
Not the same thing at all, they meant power over your body, not power over other people.
I disagree with you, you understand it wrong, not having sex as power is apply in situation like when u just met this person once or two then he ask to have sex, you have the power to say no, but then when u are in relationship and u trust him and u feel comfortable with this person and u trust him then u can move on to the sex part and i think Morgan is that type of person
Great advice across the board whatever sexuality you subscribe to. You have the power Morgan❤❤❤
Make decisions that suits you best , therefore you are staying true to yourself.
This bite-size one question video format is really fun, maybe you can try to do more of these.
I wish I'd known when I was young that there was a whole ACE spectrum that I could consider as I tried to navigate intimacy and relationship. Watching vlogs by ACE peple of all persuasions has really helped me define and shape my boundaries. AND even better, I have realised that I am far from alone. Morgan, you are in no manner weird or unusual - you're a valid and welcome member of a very rich tapestry of queerness.
Loved this session and look forward to more like it. Sometime in the Gay World it is all about being fabulous, young and sexual - but many times someone just wants to talk with someone like them and share their journey to where they are today, Love following you guys. Sending love and appreciation from Canada!
I wonder if someone is like me. I'm not interested in having casual sex, I'm not that obsessed with sex as the rest of the community. Also, I'm not obsessed with dick sizes. I'm more interested in finding a good and fun guy to spend time. I want to be in love with a man, not a dick, I feel like the rest of the gay community only talks about sex and dicks and I like going to the gym, so my appearance does sell them the idea that I just want sex. It's so hard to date without that vibe that all they want is sex. Plus, talking to a "friend" when I told him that I wasn't interested in casual hook ups, he simply told me that I should talk to a psychologist about that. That I'm weird and etc.
Great advice guys and can I say Morgan as a 52 year old (old) 😊 man I find it really refreshing that u have and know your boundaries there's nothing wrong with taking your time and experiencing intimacy when your ready you might even find you will regret less in life when u get older my advice would be u be u and there will definitely be some1 out there with the same values as u I'm sure and if they want a relationship with u they will realise your worth waiting for but most of all be happy
Great advise! I came out in the late 1960s and it took me a long time to decide what my boundaries were, not only what I was willing to do but what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do and wasn't willing to do. It took about 10 years; perhaps I was a slow learner! When I was 30 I finally felt I had 'grown up' and was somewhat in control of my life. Today I am in my 70s and I find that I am still learning boundaries, learning about my self, making changes, and continuing to grow. It's a on-going, lifelong process.
Guys. Brilliant as ever. Thank You. Sound advice! Hopefully Morgan found that helpful. Love the new format. Front room! Brilliant!
Being decades older and not having had to " navigate" the ( so called) gay environment... Culture, lifestyles etc . Even now all I want is an average bloke for a long-term , trusting, respectful, truthful, understanding and " every day" and as mundane and average as possible!. It's all that matters.
PS. You are both looking incredible! Relaxed and happy... I rest my case! 👍👍. Thank You. The channel is fantastic!
Being gay is not a "lifestyle", that phrase was coined by ignorant, extreme homophobes. LGBTQ people have the same lifestyle as straight people, but we have a different sexual orientation. The phrase was intended to demean and debase.
Whats your age now?
Joel & Keegan, I love this format!! This is a good addition. The advice you gave to Morgan was really great. Keegan, I loved the jumping out of an airplane scenario, to point out, not doing what you really don't feel you want to do. I know you guys say you're not professionals but you have experience, and have some great insights. Joel and who would ever want to sue you sweet guys, for trying to help your fellow home's. 😊❤ Again, I really enjoyed and appreciated this video. It was so relaxed, informative, and inviting!! Love you guys!! ❤ Your helping to make us all Happy Healthy Homos. 😊 🌈
Hi Guys, jumping out of an airplane is awesome: for Morgan, I am attracted to personality rather than appearance so I always get to know people before sleeping with them, I turned 50 recently and have no regrets about what this has meant.
Agree 💯 I didn’t come out until I was 33 (and was still a “virgin”) and wasn’t comfortable with any of that. Your timeline is your timeline as long as you’re being realistic. I was waiting for “Prince Charming” so my standards were impossibly high and I did miss out in that regard. Be you.
This is the best advice EVER given in a podcast or video of any sort. You two delivered the message BRILLIANTLY.
Eventually your FOMO will turn into JOMO (Joy of Missing Out!)
You will never be too old to sleep around in the gay community, so it’s not a finite option. Live your life how you feel is right at the time, and don’t worry if that changes or doesn’t. As long as you are happy all is good.
When I was younger I was not into sleeping around at all. I don’t regret that either now I am older.
Whats your age now?
I am 50
@@PaladinesAngel do you have iG?
@@lonewolf5969 am not on social media bar here am afraid. I used to be on Facebook but took a break for a month about eight years ago, and realised how much nicer life got when I wasn’t on social media anymore. So I just never went back and haven’t regretted a single thing :)
My experience after my partner of 19 years died was quite disappointing. Most men my age only wanted a hookup. The ones wanting the relationship lifestyle were in one. I am not a prude nor anti sex, but I totally believe you should only do what you're comfortable with.
I'm 32, been celibate for 8 years. It's not a choice I'm proud of but I'm simply done sleeping around. It just stopped appealing to me and I still can't put my finger on why. It has nothing to do with libido or any particular ehtical stance.
For the past 8 years, have u been in a relationship and still celibate with your partner or you just don't do any relationship?
@@jamesshatt5206 I have been single my whole life. Never been on so much as a date. I missed out on so much and to be honest starting in my 30's just seems more daunting than it is worth.
@@johnlondon5516 I'm 28, never had a bf, never had sex still virgin and I don't know why I'm just afraid to do the sex thing
Mr. Porn is always so much easier to live with.
That's true guys! Know your boundaries & self worth.
You have to follow your instinct If you feel something is uncomfortable,
let them know so that you can protect yourself. Thanks
..I thought that only me was like this! Exactly Me, am sort of feeling asexual most of the time, as my feelings for someone are beyond more important that having an active sexuality. ..Ain’t truly know how to expose this, really
Im 42 and felt the same way. I did very little in my 20s and 30s. As an older guy now i do feel that i missed out a bit. Your only young once and have a body that looks good and 'works' correctly. If i had to do life again id prob choose the same path that i did. I have my partner who i met at 36 and im happy. Its your life and the only person that can really answer that is you. If your not into sleeping around my 2 cents is to listen to that voice. Just because your gay doesnt mean you have to live that lifestyle even though many young people think you do.
Accept and appreciate your uniqueness. You are you, Morgan. If you force yourself to follow the crowd, that's when you are going to have regrets. You will not miss out on what you are NOT yearning for. In the end, you will be happier for accepting who you are having fewer regrets. Peace🎉
Don’t jump into bed with someone if you don’t want to, but you might find that there aren’t as many second dates as you’d like if you don’t. Or maybe you’re more interesting than I am, and won’t have that problem. You know yourself and what you value: don’t compromise on what’s important to you.
Great video guys. Your advice is right now. A person should not do anything until they are ready for it. The gay culture should not force anyone into that position..
This is totally me. I just tell people I am asexual now. Don't have gay friends, since I don't feel I fit in. Getting older and sometimes feels like I am missing out.
I can absolutely relate with this. Every gay man feels like this everyday. The pressure is coming from trying to fit in the gay community.
>Every gay man feels like this everyday. The pressure is coming from trying to fit in the gay community.
Then who are those people who make fitting in so hard?
0:02 Great advice guys! I agree with everything you both contributed to the conversation.
IMHO there’s one more thing Morgan should be aware of; I didn’t hear mentioned, was "that you're not alone", other people feel the same way, gay & straight, you’re not the only person not wanting to jump into sex without a connection, you maybe Demisexuality and that’s alright there!
When you're young and just discovering your sexuality; especially in college/university where everybody's going at it like bunnies, and you just don’t feel like you fit into all that, it alright, follow Joel & Keegan’s advice you’ll be great, don’t be afraid to express your thoughts, feelings, expectations, and interpretations and when you connect with the right person you’ll be much happier for it!
Sorry if it’s long winded, I could have said much more 😂
Anyway, this is just my opinion I could be wrong.
Thanks for being so candid! I've thought about if not being attracted to men makes me Ace, and I think it's just I'm not attracted to those men.
Morgan if you read this: you’re not alone! I’m 32 and quit the over-sexualised hookup scene years ago. Yes ,I feel like I am missing out a bit by not having sex while I am this young but like these guys said, I am not really bc I know how empty I’d feel after jumping in bed with a random stranger just get ‘rocks off’. Stay true to yourself, your body is your temple, honour that and keep that for someone special.
Really happy to hear your homology. That was well done. Looking back from 60+ I see how I could have played the various hook-up/date scenarios differently. Wish I had you two back then to give me some ideas and support.
I am one that I look at the heart of someone and how they come across to others. It is not about sex at all, I think it is about the person their heart and feelings is so much more important I feel like, that is what I look for someone that is down to earth, how they treat you and if there is a connection with that person. People always think about sex and that is all. Sex is a part of a relationship but there is so much more to a relationship for me.
Definitely relate having a lot of walls up from the get to finding someone willing to go at my pace. I’m not someone who just wants to jump bed right away but also don’t want to rush into a relationship right away either
Whats your IG justin?
I love what Keegan said about knowing what’s not you and definitely not missing out. It’s exactly what I was thinking when I heard Morgan’s question.
I was outed in 1980 by a colleague who had seen me visiting a gay bar. As an industrial plumber I thought that my problems were just beginning. However the colleagues spite didn't work and after a few weeks of comments and remarks the fact that I was gay just became accepted, even by my employers. Strange that it happened that way, especially in 1980 but I think that being tall, fit and perceived as potentially 'handy' helped. I am 70 now and long retired but I never had any more problems. Building sites, along with the humor and good natured piss taking around everyone were the best places to be for me. Thanks for your vid guys, and I hope it helps others, well done, Love to all from Gran Canaria. xxxx
I think an added issue gay men have is the fact that many might want sex to be very exclusive with a long-term partner, but sexual compatibility might still be important to them (especially if they are strictly top or bottom). So there's an incentive for that to be clarified early (even in a Tinder bio for example) even though sex isn't their primary goal. But that sets up the expectation of sex nonetheless. It's tough.
I love the "advice column" segments! They'll be a nice companion to the podcasts.
hi i just lost my partner husband of 25 years to parkinsons i am devasted by the loss not sure how to move ahead with this grief
I am sorry for your loss!! I can relate, I lost my partner, to altzheimers dementia, after 47 years together. Its been almost a year and a half now, and I am still struggling to find my way. 😢 Just know that you are not alone!! Wish you the best!! ❤ Hugs 🫂
I am so sorry for your loss❤❤
Just always surround yourself with people who’s ready to listen to you. Just cry it all out until you don’t feel the grief anymore.
A fantastic video - great advice!
Be true to yourself, and (although it is easily said) don't do something if you feel pressured into it. Doing something because you think everyone else does it, or you might be looked down upon if you don't, is never a good motive for doing it.
You will never regret *not* doing something, that you don't feel comfortable doing. I loved the "jumping out of a plane" analogy in this video!!
Additionally, if you *are* "less sexually motivated" generally, anyway... then please don't feel you are alone... there are many guys who feel the same as you... and although "the scene" might look like is full of shaggers... some of them might actually be less sexually motivated than they appear... but they feel pressurised into it, because they are told "That's what it means to be gay".
I went on a first "date" with someone, and when they pinned me to the floor in their flat, and tried to forcibly perform a sex act on me, and unsurprisingly, I didn't respond with any enthusiasm, or become aroused... I was told that I wasn't really gay!!
I wouldn't mind, but I had already said that I was only expecting a coffee and maybe a couple of biscuits, and a good chat to get to know him better. He had other ideas, clearly!
It was quite scary, and needless to say I never saw him, or even communicated with him again.
I was always a "square peg" to a "star-shaped hole". I never fitted-in with the perception of what it meant to be gay - and I was never going to fit it.
As a young man, that used to bother me, and it used to worry me - I was destined to be lonely. But, I eventually realised that it is actually *OK* not to fit in, and I am happier that I was always me, instead of trying to be something that I wasn't, just to get acceptance.
I have recently celebrated 22 happy years in my relationship (married for 17 years) with a "like-minded" guy - after a couple of previous relationships with guys who weren't on the same wavelength.
We are all individuals... be the gay that you want to be, and never allow yourself to feel "less" because you aren't the same as someone else!
Excellent advice for anyone, gay or straight. You should never feel pressured into sex, and it is always OK to set your boundaries and stick with them. Eventually, the right person will come along who honors and respects your values and boundaries.
I love the podcast and the comments section so much, so informative and wholesone❤
I can relate to Morgan. I'm 41 but I remember feeling like this all the time in my 20s particularly. All I would tell that person now, or anyone in that situation, is to trust your instincts and really look after yourself. Doing things you don't want to do, over and over again, particularly around sex and boundaries, will only hurt you.
So nice to hear from two men so close to his age. It’s perfectly fine to say no thank you.
I have learned that much of my desire is just touch. Sometimes, a date has been giving each other massages (with or without clothes -- you choose). It's also a way to get to know someone so that when you do end up in sex, it will be less scary.
Though in my 30s, I remember going through this same learning process. You gave the absolute perfect advice. Great role models for young gay men.
Seeking Friendship first is an easy way to work into a relationship that could eventually lead to sex. The most important thing in any realtionship to to be Friends First. Relationships based on just sex will only last until the next preety guy comes along.
If your behaviour is outside the norm of your peers, it is perfectly healthy to briefly question your own behaviour without changing a thing... just don't feel bad for not conforming. With regards to the potential "regret" component, my advice would be to take a deeper look at your particular behaviour. Approach the question of "why" in your mind, out aloud and with your peers. What series of events, emotions, experiences, good or bad are associated with this mode of operation? If you can't identify anything illogical or irrational that you may need to deal with, it is unlikely you will have regrets... or at the very least, you tried your best with what you understood about yourself at the time, allowing your older self to be a little more forgiving. Copy and paste this to everything in your life.
Excellently stated! You guys are great! Just found your channel. Thank you for sharing!
I love what was mentioned about remaining exclusive to allow ourselves to restrict or allow sexual intercourse. It is extremely powerful and it’s our god given right to our own body. I’ve followed these rules since I started being sexual when I came out.
Just found your channel, you two are so lovely and your advice is great. As a Mum trying to learn about all aspects of life, it's interesting to see this because a lot of the info out there is very sexualised, nothing against that, just interesting to learn that not all young people like to jump right into sex.
I like the sound of your voices. I think you guys give very sound advice. I also appreciate how you both love the kids.
Keep being real, wonderful and fabulous.
😊😊❤️❤️👍👍⭐️⭐️
Excellent advice. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
I also don't like the idea that because I am gay I am expected to have a relationship based on positions or roles. I am gay but not really sexual based. Just be you. ❤
It’s so degrading and rips away the complexity of a person. Do you
@@Usthereout I accept the whole person, not parts of a person to fit into a role.
Why aren't there more people like us in the community???
@@jamesshatt5206 there probably is many like us but still a minority in the community. I used to feel like an outsider in the gay community because of it.
U guys deserve only the best of men istg, men like u are rare❤
Only just come across your channel and watched a few videos now and I’m so glad I found it. Nice to have a UK couple who have meaningful discussions. I’m similar to Morgan but I’m 31 and I haven’t had sex in a couple years now. It is really getting me down and I’ve been depressed. All my friends around me seem to have regular sex and are promiscuous, so I really feel like a minority within a minority. I wish I could be more promiscuous and have more sex but unless there is a connection and I’m attracted to someone then I just can’t. Unfortunately for me, the last couple of people I have found attractive and had a connection with turned out to be in open relationships which is obviously a no go for me, although I did try to be casual with the first guy but it just ended up in heartbreak for me. Something has got to give but helps to know I’m not alone in feeling like this after reading the comments.
It's helpful. Thanks.
And thanks to youtube chos algorithm, I used to see Stepsof2Foreigners' channel,
but resently they slow down the pace, so I can see you guys.
Anyways, you guys' doing is good, hope your subscribers will contine growing.
xx Jeffrey from Taiwan.
I don’t know why y’all think that because you’re not sleeping around with single being, y’all are missing out😐.
It’s all about knowing you , what you like , what you think and the grace you want to exude ✨✨🍀
Same! I am in my 20's and I feel like I don't fit in! I tried to download Grindr but it's very difficult, many people want hookups or sex after a few dates and I don't feel comfortable with it, I would like to meet the person first, go slowly, and form a deep meaningful monogamous relationship. At this point, I just accepted that I will be alone :( I stay true to myself and don't go against my values and needs and stand against the pressure!
Omg I have the same views as you, I'm 28 and still virgin, I just can't find a person who has the same views of life like me especially in the gay community
@@jamesshatt5206 Yes, Sadly it is very difficult to... I feel like I'm surrounded by superficiality, perhaps those are just my feelings... I value and cherish family and friends
@@Noah82972 I hope someday we can meet someone that share the same value as us 😁😁
@@jamesshatt5206 same for you :) I think it's just a matter of time, who knows when and where can meet the other half, I heard many stories of people who did at unexpected places and times 😅
Noah and James I really really hope both of u find the love of ur lives and get married to them one day❤❤
I've really been struggling with this at 43. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I understand the feeling that I'm missing out. Really good question
I know this is for gay men, but I have felt the same way for years. I'm 43 I think I'm Asexual, physically attracted to guys, but have had strong feelings for girls to. Been intimate with one guy that I genuinly liked but during/for two years after I was suicidal.I felt less than/worthless.😢
I dont want to be in a relationship, and if i did sex deffinetly would have know part of it for me.I feel like there is something wrong with me, I dont fit the 'normal' mould.🥺😥
I’ve often found myself nodding along during your conversations, but this episode struck a particular chord. Three actually:
1. Craft and articulate your comfort perimeter-it’s your fortress, not a prison.
2. Whether you saunter, sprint, or stroll, you can pick your own tempo in life.
3. Your worth isn’t a quiz; stop grading yourself with someone else’s answer sheet.
I was just asking myself that question today and suddenly this video appears. It helps a lot, thank you guys so much! :)
When I first went to bed with a guy, a very famous one and we spent 40 years of being in love, "Gay" didn't exist and was a serious crime. Yes, later, after "A" died, I went through a time of being a real cottage slut and it was fun at the time but I would say now, at over 70, it is best to be homosexual by NOT becoming part to the gay community. I/we never had a problem being a couple in a straight society but if you run around being a screechy little poof, you close the doors on your own possibilities in life. No one wants to employ an over-sibilant little queen. My partner was a man and very recognisable to the public: he had to be a man; so did I, having been a rough little rogue at 16 and then becoming a show-biz executive. Life can't be about having 24/24, mincing fun and squeals!!!
Interesting video, I find this such a challenge trying to date. I just dont feel I want to do anything intimate until I have a proper connection with someone. Being open about this seems to just bring things to a rather abrupt end so I can totally relate to this situation! Difficult one, but good advise guys, I have been able to take something from it!
I guess my question would be, why would you want to be with somebody that would pressure you into doing some thing you’re not ready to do? That is not a foundation for a healthy, long-term relationship.
Stay strong, you’re not alone, it might take you a while to find Mr. right but the satisfaction of being equally yoked in a relationship is worth the wait.
And by equally yoked, I mean, those people that want to have open relationships are yoked with people that also want to have open relationships. And people that want to be monogamous or yoked with people that want to be monogamous. And people that have a other priorities than immediate gratification be yoked with like-minded people there as well.
Thank you so much for this. I was refreshing and a relief.
I mean it's just lately for some reason, I am seeing a bunch of podcasts and lifestyle puff pieces pop up all done by Porno Bros in short shorts and tank tops. I really am grateful for the fresh air. I wish you all the best with this. And it's really good for the kids, so good looking out.
What does that even mean: "Over sexualized"
I am not promiscuous, never slept around, do not plan to begin now (I will be 50 in less than a year).
But there is reasons for it, it has a social function and a cultural relevance.
Are we really over sexualized
or does it just seem like it in cosmopolitain areas and big cities? Are straight people less "sexualized" or "not sexualized"?
What role does self loathing and abusive systems play?
How were we as gay boys raised? What was our role model for a relationship?
What role do drugs play?
What role does rejection and a disturbed relationship to our own masculinity (especially often to our fathers) play in it?
Can we go a little beyond the surface and afternoon tea conversations?
in my experience as a gay demisexual that gay community in general is very sexual, in ways that make it an uncomfortable place to be and hard to fit into. There is a pervasive expectation amongst may gay men that you should be wanting to jump into be right off the bat. Then if you don't want to have sex on the first or second date that you are not worth even dating. I took me years to get to the point where I don't compromise myself when it comes to sex by having sex when I don't want to because I don't feel sexually attracted (yet) just because the other guy demands sex. My experience has been being treated poorly by other gay men for not wanting sex right away like I am somehow broken. throw in a low sex drive and I've had additional abusive comments made my way. I have litteraly be called "broken" and been told that I am not "a real man" by other gay men.
@@americancarguy
It takes lots of self confidence, resilience and self awareness to be who you are.
No matter of you are gay or straight!
How many straight boys begin drinking because of peer pressure? How many straight women become anorexic because of pressures from peers, society and sometimes even their own families?
We should all complain less and read more about people that have changed the world. There is a pattern:
- They did not fit in. - They had a clear vision of what and who they wanted to be
- They suffered because of it.
- They have changed society.
Tina Turner, Oscar Wilde, Harry Belafonte, Madonna...
Read, read, read!
Be the man you want to meet. Even if it means you end up alone. You will be single but a better version of yourself and like what you see in the mirror!
Not many people can say that about themselves.
I always thought I was gay, but as time goes by I don't feel like I identify or have much in common with the gay community at all, or the rest of the alphabet for that matter. I suppose I am just a homosexual man who just loves men. When I was younger sometimes I slept with guys that I wasn't really attracted to anymore, They would catch feelings for me and I was scared to hurt their feelings. Don't miss that.
In my experience, my younger self refused to diversify my experiences. I liked guy who looked like, well, you guys. I was a perfect 10 not happy unless I was chasing, or being chased by an 11. I’m 57 now and still look 35 to forty or so I’m told. I regret so much the fact I refused so many wonderful people. With age comes enlightenment to some degree or another. And one begins to see others with the same compassion that one feels for himself. I found those who were Perfect fives were often vastly more talented in the sac and much more tolerable in the morning. Now when I sleep with someone I do so to share myself with someone who wants the same regardless of numeral status. The experience is exponentially better than those of my early youth. People are beautiful underneath all that skin and muscle. Or they aren’t. I don’t bother with those I’m not able to have a meaningful conversation. Beauty no matter the age is a rare jewel.
Now I have sooooo much more to offer sexually because over the years I have learned a few things which only comes with experience.
I loved your pod cast. Looking forward to the next one.
Good advice for Morgan. I wish him all the best.
Honestly, im in my 30s and been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years now. My sex drive died out a while ago and I am in a sexless marriage. I ❤ being in a sexless marriage and wouldn’t have it any other way.