Why INFPs Are Hard On Themselves
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- Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2024
- Are you hard on yourself as an INFP? The INFP Hero is Introverted Feeling. The INFP Enemy is Extroverted Thinking. Learn about how this dynamic can sometimes manifest in you as an INFP through self-bullying. Learn how you can break this negative thought spiral.
#INFP #introvertedfeeling #extrovertedthinking
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So YT just decided this video is too controversial for advertisements. If you support this message and my work, consider donating: www.patreon.com/erikthor ❤️
Check the news as YT and Google have finally been subject to antitrust by the DOJ.
The algorithm is avoiding all negativity...You helped me a lot there, if I had the money I'd support you on patreon...
I ruined my potential because of this. I am not dead yet, however
You can get past that and revive that potential-all it takes is work, and self-compassion.
FI to the extreme can be destructive, because anything that’s inconsistent bugs you. Anything that’s beautiful revives you. It’s hard to step out of yourself when you live in the skin of an extreme feeler
I think the main problem with INFPs' relationships is that INFP's tend to attract people who are quite disagreeable and critical, because we are so lax and non-judgmental with other people. And then, when those very disagreeable (perhaps even narcissistic) people don't reflect our level of empathy, and in fact are overly critical towards us, it makes us crazy. It makes us think, "if only I could try harder to please others, then this highly critical and un-empathetic person in my life would show me the level of love and encouragement that I would like." INFP relationship problems are more an issue with not being careful in choosing what kinds of people to surround ourselves with. We will make ourselves sick trying to get our relationships right, and I think most INFP's get extremely discouraged because we ATTRACT unsympathetic people into our lives--people who need our 'services'. The reality is that we need to have harsher standards for other people, NOT for ourselves.
I read a comment from another video saying that we're actually judgemental but idk...
INFP and just had an ugly breakup with an INFJ. Had I known about MBTI before the relationship, never would have entered it. Great insight!
You are damn right! I have a narcissistic father and he almost destroyed me. I believe love triumph all, that is my value, but when i look at reality in a hard way it is a wake up call....if they can't change it is not our fault, we have our own needs.
@Bill Birkett my guy here’s a genius
@@JoseRRodriguez Not necessarily, assertive INFPs have their relationship problems too, I think they are just so excited to create with their Ne that they don't get too bothered by the takers they invite. I think they are less reflective and, later in life, might end up with a different kind of crisis, whereas INFP - t s are much more likely to have a quarter life crisis that becomes a dark night of the soul. I don't think turbulent INFPs can really emulate their assertive counterparts very well, because rough childhoods have made them much more intrinsically neurotic. I think INFP t s have to rough it out until it gets better in most cases. But a good step is to acknowledge that we have the right to our own standards and we need to learn to genuinely love ourselves.
i hated myself so much until i cut parts of myself from me completely and now i can't feel almost anything and now i feel guilty because some people trying to connect with me and i know it's impossible.
It is documented that abuse victims are known to do this to themselves as a coping mechanism which is no surprise given society these days.
That's very interesting. I do have a theory that all IxFPs have experienced trauma and have retracted into themselves.
Yeah, I certainly have
Infp here raised by a VERY UNHEALTHY Estj and Intp…..yeah just imagine. And both were two different kind of extreme narcissists.
uuuuuugh then what's real and what's fake?! 😬 if we're so good at understanding people & emotions... then how are we wrong 90%? .. *brain explodes*
Agreed! I thought I was so in tune with other people's feelings, thoughts and intentions but I turned out to be wrong.... there have been instances where I was so confident but I was proven wrong and people have ridiculed me for it. I cringe thinking about it and ashamed; essentially self-bullying takes form like that I guess ahhhh whyy
LJGLJYTKDJHGJGJLKNJHLGTDHTHYJGH I FOUND MY PEOPLE
I (ENFJ) experienced exactly what you described, once I accidentaly frowned at an INFP and he built this story in his head (my frown had nothing to do with him) as a result he got very closed off, avoided me, I watched him spiral in self-doubt and seemed unsure how to resolve the perceived conflict. I'm quite in tune with his emotions and how it affects his behavior, even though we barely ever talk, he does not have to articulate it. My Fe pushed my shy ass to get it right with him.
Uhh pretty sure he has other problems too aside from your perceived frown, especially since you barely talk with him anyway.
As an unhealthy INFP I can relate with that , I'm 29 yo now , and I try to make up for everything .. my hard childhood and my psychological problems , depression and anxiety ..it was so hard ..but I feel I'm changing now ..It took a while but better late than never 🙂✌️
I see it more like a dialogue between the two sides of me that helps me to grow as a person. The criticizing side makes me think of how I act or what I say to others. The more positive side helps me to not take myself so seriously. When I feel mistreated it helps me to see that I often overthink the situation and not everything is about me😀 I often wish that people would be more critical of their inner dialogue. Tnx for your good work.
I didn't really relate to the first part of the video because I don't feel like the world is mean, more so that I am misunderstood or have a tendency to hurt others with my honesty. But the idea of the angel makes me realize I must relate more than I thought. That's like flipping the switch, I can't even really imagine having that positive voice. I tend to just try to do the least harm in life, and when I get to a bad spot I have internalized my mom's voice to lift me up.
I have internalized my mother's voice to break myself down 😣
INFP here ...
"very good!" 👏 💚
Greetings from Germany!
The inner voice is my own mother. Wow. No wonder my life makes no sense. I was gaslight as a kid
I honestly believe you understand infp's better than anyone I have seen on youtube...I need to make it a habit to watch your videos on a regular basis...
Pretty much hit it on the head. An INFP's worst enemy is their self criticism, i deal with it nearly every day
Ahhh. Yes. I’m so guilty of this!
Me too!!
Thanks Erik. Love you man. Appreciate everything you do.
❤️
If I'm trying to be positive i feel like i'm just lying to myself the whole time and then I don't talk to my friends for like 5 months because I feel very guilty to them for lying
Samee
I had set the phone down and came back to my cat Olwen watching you.
cats just like me, i dont know why 😄
I think cats are lead Fi...
@@ErikThor I think it’s your voice- it’s very soothing 🐈
This explains why I always overthink.
Through meditation (just kidding, it was psychedelics) I've helped teach myself to talk kindly to myself, out loud, whenever my mean infp inner voice speaks up. It helps me with self validation, and I get the satisfaction of knowing I'm helping myself through depression
I use this video to talk me out of my perceptions you don’t even know🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
101 Victor mentality is one of those of the infp that should be in the main traits in a infp lists
Interesting. I remember in my childhood I had this memorable thought or feeling, seeing a sort of pattern that people, the world was against me. When I went to play with children outside, there are points when they all gang up on me and condemn as an 'abnormal' and circling around on me ridiculing me. idk what pissed them off about me, whether I was acting quite weird and obnoxious or so into military/soldier stuff. When I came home tell my mom and my nanny about the thing with the children, they didn't seem to believe me and seemed angry or mean to me instead. They are always like this to me, I kind of thought to that effect, and therefore they are all my enemies so I started a policy of being hostile to everyone. I think this culminated when I had a beef with my mom and became even more triggered when she said to me 'The devil is whispering into your ear', I thought then I didn't see a devil nor heard a devil's voice so she meant that I am the devil, I am evil, so that made me more angry and tried to hit her with a stool. My dad intervened, and had me whipped with a belt, I came to truly fear my father. Idk, what happened afterwards, but that was one of the most memorable memories I had of my mom before she passed away in my childhood.
Are you sure you're infp?
erik thor, you saved my life. I'm grateful for your knowledge and teachings. Thank you :)
I find comfort and assurance in your videos as an INFP, besides appreciating so much for the practical advice. 😊
You have such a deep understanding of Infps, you provide a lot of great insights, and they are really helpful.
Wow. I am continually impressed with your wisdom and understanding Erik. Some of the practices you go over in this video I have sort of fallen into or self-discovered to some degree. I wish I would have heard this years ago because I have put myself through some really difficult abuse. No one in the real world has ever been half as cruel as I have been to myself. Sometimes I am really amazed at what a tormentor I have baked inside my thought processes. It has been through balance that I have figured some of it out. If there is a demon in there, there must also be, like you suggest, an Angel with good intent. If I can't remove the hurtful aspects I have to balance them with a voice of understanding.
There really needs to be a process that counteracts those inclinations to self-demean. The problem is that sometimes I fully believe the bad stuff because I assume it is the difficult truth and truth must be painful. Its a masochistic way to think. You are really correctly describing something with the inner dialogue. In my case I was raised religious and even though I am no longer a literal believer I have held onto my own version of prayer or meditation which is very close to the kind of thing you describe. It is not asking for things but rather an exercise in opening up and listening to that subconscious voice you describe in a conversational way. I have to talk things out with myself. In the same way a person sometimes smiles first to cultivate happiness I find I have to speak the words to bring them out. Sometimes its gratitude, sometimes it is grace, sometimes it is just trying to put words to the frustration or the hopes and intentions and speaking it out helps me to sort it out. There is something therapeutic and necessary about it. It calms me down but also ignites the good countering influences that put the negative, harmful thinking into perspective.
Thanks Erik! It is amazing to me how you know INFP's. Thanks for giving idea's about how to overcome short falls by thinking differently...
Thanks Erik. Really needed to hear this.
I think when Tolkien created the character Gollum he designed it after his own inner demon: The little Fi voice in the back of your head that constantly points out how anyone is mean to you, even if they ask the most ordinary questions...
Sauron - "the big bad" - on the other hand is only a projection, that's why he only appears as an eye.
Someone with a grin: "Nice shoes."
Fi-voice: "They hates how we dresses my precious. They ridicule us!"
INFP: "Mhm, if you think so..."
INFP at home: *puts shoes in the closet forever*
Some say INFP put themselves in the role of the victim - but I believe that's wrong. Actually they are bullies but since they only see themselves they only bully themselves. And unlike people that bully other people nobody is there to say it's enough... so they continue thinking it's perfectly normal.
Now when an INFP says "you don't know what I've been through" they probably are right, for 24/7 throughout their teens they got actually bullied - by themselves.
Very true. Thanks for this point. So fascinating.
I think a lot of INFPs have experienved trauma. I think you do self-contraction into Fi after trauma - I have a theory that some of the most sensitive or maybe all introverted types are developed by experiencing trauma.
I am not sure if I bully myself or just very self-critical. I also have an issue with not having any real self-worth. Not sure if I am an INFP though.
@Cia Araujo Possibly. I get that and INTP on tests and people typing me (and ISFP and ISTP)
It's harrrrdddd😬
Dear Erik!
I've been listening to almost all of your videos here and I cannot but admit that you are just so amazing for being sooo freaking helpful and supportive to me personally as a definitely unhealthy Inf
I feel much better now on when I slowly, but surely reveal all thee brightest and the darkest sides of myself!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I don't "like" to "make up people in my head who are always getting me down". I've grown up surrounded by judgemental kids who bullied me from age 3 to 10, with an ENTJ father who is very demanding and impatient, who makes every mistake I make something that just can't be compensated because what matters is that i failed (in whatever thing i made a mistake on), that i did wrong and i was stupid, that if i wasn't stupid we wouldn't have a problem to deal with, and nothing can minimize or compensate my screwing ups bc they are inacceptable. Still today I struggle with apologizing and knowing what to say bc i have no idea what will make the tiniest mistake better. That's the kind of environment I had.
It's not fantasizing bad outcomes just because, it's all the things that marked us before.
Hello! You've made this video a long time ago, but I watched it today because I was really sad, it made me feel better and made me want to have hope again!
Thank you for that 😘
❤️
This was very enlightening. As someone who has the Te/Fi axis I always seem to have a “bad guy” in my life. Get out of my own head is so hard to do. I try to focus on sensory realities like ESxPs would. Great insight, Erik.
Thank you, you really understand us...😭
Very good advice! I actually figured this out a few years ago, but I can reach my inner wisdom only when I'm writing to it: I might ask it something and then try to write the wisest answer that I can imagine. Often I'm very pleasantly surprised how wise words I'm able to find from within myself! But the voice in my head... so depressing... 😔
never knew why exactly i did this to myself in the first place... thank you for your precise and plausible explanations, truly enlightening!
Thanks Erik! This means a lot to me. I love how you put those complex thoughts into words, and it is REALLY helpful to hear them since I haven’t been able to figure it out how to put them in order and understand myself. I really appreciate what you are doing!
Excellent insight about INFPs!!!!!!
I do that just to laugh or to make someone so close to me laugh when i do something i see stupid or feel like i don’t look good at that moment, it’s more like making fun of myself, never serious, i never do it infront of people I don’t know or i am not close to tho
self deprecatory humor is different and can really just be a sign of self love (we can laugh at ourselves because we like and find ourselves funny, despite our small flaws and shortcomings) we are able to be vulnerable about and admit to weakness with a smile of relief and without stress or anxiety
Wow this is so exactly descriptive of the INFP I'm thinking of, his inner descriptions of himself and the creative relationship of bullying that he has set up to function within. Let's hope I can contribute to a more positive inner voice and some steps towards his goals!
Hit the nail on the head. Nailed it!!!!!
This video spoke to me on so many levels. Thank you Erik
you're welcome!
I couldn't agree with you more
excellent video!! Thank you so much!!
Oh, that's so good...
Love you Erik! 💗❤️
I really needed this rn, thank you Erik.
I don't want to support myself cs I'm afraid that I over support myself and become arrogant maybe :') .. I feel that I'm gonna over support myself somehow so keeping myself down makes me feel more natural it's fine to not be good or perfect xD ..
How long have you been walking around in my skin? LOL. This is the best analysis ever.
This so deep and true ❤ thank ypu for your amazing unique work!
It's not that hard to depicher, my negative self-talk is from Te urging me to do Te stuff while I mostly want to do Fi stuff. The thing is, the Te voice got good points, it's just that I don't want to do it XD. It's starts talking harshly when it got _really good points_ but I still don't want to lol. But now I reconcile it by being honest about what I actually _can_ do so that my Te admits good points made by Fi too. Sometimes good ideas are indeed hard to do, sometimes good deadline is not achievable, etc.
this is true... thank you for making this video, eric! i appreciate it a lot and i try to learn how to get better everyday. this is a nice video! ♡
I am considered an INFP and it's just I am not a big fan of positive thinking. Especially when I think of myself. It matters more to me how I feel about myself than how I think of myself and in some ways bullying myself doesn't even feel bad because it's just a thought, I know how I feel about myself after all and in a way feeling shitty is what motivates me to do... whatever, so you are asking how do I get out of that turbulent emotional rollercoster-ride of natural low naturally followed by natural highs that seemingly leads to nowhere? One word and I hate that word: Focus. Now I don't see myself doing these things called to-do-list, but the more I choose to do the things I can feel - that's me - the more I feel content. I can still be very sarcastic though while doing so, especially when I step through the door you are talking about, because of the desilusianment in my believes. I guess listening to a lot of R.E.M or LED Zappelin or Tenacious D, watching Lord of the Rings or witing some fucke dup shit, letting it all out something like that could help in those times, just like doing some martial arts, whtever turns you on, keeping you motivated. Yet I feel like there is nothing more motivating for you to do the things you truely want to do than the overhelming tears of having your believes crushed to the ground, mixed with a healthy dose of existencial cisis and yet there you are and you still want to do whatever just for the hack of it and so you can sleep well at night. In other words one can actually change when truely feeling tired, feeling disapointed of me being me, becaus naturally when tired of me being me you stop doing so and do otherwise instead if one allows that process to unfold and kinda rolls with it. I actually miss those times of existencial crisis, now that I am thinking about it, I was on fire back than. Yeah well one can only hope it'll come back and kick my ass into getting shit done, so I can be "the best version of me" and feel the sensation of waking up, eating, thinking and taking a shower in a different way I guess, maybe have the money to buy better tools for my hobbies or something like that ;)
Another great video addressing crucial info!
I'm scared to even start watching :O
I can't even watch it sksksks
I wish I was ESTJ so I can live in my world of ESTJs ! .😔😔
School and 9-5 job ..etc etc ..
just reinforce your own feelings or your own values
Excellent explanation! Thank you for sharing!
P. S: You have a beautiful voice and intonation, really pleasant to listen to... Plus you're very handsome too 🤭 I hope you don't mind me saying so!
Thanks for the video! This is something I'm constantly working on and this video has really helped me. I really appreciate all the effort put in your channel!
This is so helpful thank you
can relate
Why are we so hard on ourselves ....
Listen, I can't tel ppl who have upset me that they've upset me because they are just gonna say I'm being a pussy. So wtf Iam I supposed to do OTHER than bottle everything up and get as far away from said person as possible.
Stuck in the fi si loop ;_;
Get
U an entp Friend,
Problem solved.
@@عبدالرحمنسليمان.المايسترو tried and failed horribly. Most of the xntps around are self centered. It's always all about them to them
@@adityaarya1056
Awweeww
Sorry for ur experience, those are not matured, actually entps are curious by nature and they are open to any thing for god sake,
And they have Fe which is a powerful tool,
Get u an Entp friend who is matured,trust me it is like mouth to flame
Time for a Fi-Ne spiritual discovery session💡
@@ErikThor hey Erik :), can you create a video related to this ?? That'll be great help.
I body shame myself 24/7 😎
My inner voice hates my guts 😂😢
Thank you, Erik! 🙂 I'm exactly the person you're talking about. 🤦♀️ I do a lot of self bullying as an INFP and the door to where I want to go seems insurmountable to open. I need to work on the techniques you talked about.
send this to sykkuno
Best friend Sykkunie!
💜
But being happy is selfish
Does this mean, am I doomed for life?
No.. meditate. Take care of yourself. Become and be who you are meant to be. And be kind to yourself. :)
👏😭❤
Are u French?
BTW u helped me
This is so helpful thank you