Dear Dr. Smith, I really appreciate your academic breakdown of what can be so esoteric and confusing. I really enjoy your approach to spiritualism. I'm grateful for your knowledge, and all the hard work you put into these videos. You are the Alan Watts of the 21st century, but with far better credentials. You are our Terence Mckenna, but without the induced baggage. You're our 106 miles to Chicago, with a full tank of gas--it might be dark out, and we might be wearing sunglasses, but with your help we can collectively say: hit it!
This talk came up in my feed in a timely way this morning... mindfulness practice, focusing on breath, calmed regret that came over me (from a reminder of something in the past); I went quickly from calm into compassion for all involved (including myself). Maybe because it wasnt fresh and life has taken its course and Ive grown more skilllful, mindfulness helped..... hearing this talk was the solution I needed to hear in the moment to not go further into my rabbit hole of regret.... I did a mindfulness medition, upon Dougs teaching. Thanks, Doug, for helping me to see regret from a different, holistic, perspective.❤ Im glad this video showed up, one year after it was first posted
What if we have regrets not so much because we acted wrong but because we did not "pursue our dreams" and instead got caught up in survival mode? what if we feel like we did not live the life we wanted and we're now much older than would have been ideal to pursue our aspirations?
Every day is a new day, and even if you had done what you wanted in the past, all of your doing it would be in the past now anyway. So look to the present moment and make it the best you can, right now. 🙏
I wonder if there is a difference between regret from unethical action towards others and regret from inaction directed towards self? The regret arising from things you wanted to achieve/attain, but didn't primarily due to inaction. The sense of lost time/opportunities. How to deal with it? How to overcome, in practice? Any specific mediation practice that can help here?
In either case the regret should be a spur to get you to do better right now. If there is something you failed to do before, surely there is something you can do right now to at least begin to make up for it. Time is never really lost if one realizes there is always the present moment in which to move forward. That said, the meditation practice I'd suggest is simple mindfulness. Perhaps, mindfulness of pleasant and unpleasant feelings: in particular, the unpleasant feeling of regret if that is arising for you.
Good afternoon my great teacher. This class is very important, you have helped me to clear my mind on this topic. I'm doing my best practicing your teachings in order to improve my life. Lots of hugs. Evangelina Cortes.
Thanku sir! ❤❤❤ I'm feeling really glad, having watched this vedio and I want you to know that since I've started practicing buddhism, It seems that I've overcome some of my bad habits that were unwholesome such as 'not moving forward but keep sticking to remorse'. This vedio has worked out to concrete my decision of not regreting anymore but live joyful life following the path suggested by buddha. Thanku so much Sir.❤❤❤
You mentioned that the Buddha said that we can help ameliorate regret by using calming or concentration meditation, and that this idea contradicts the idea that one must first eliminate regret before we can do concentration meditation well. I think I know the solution to this conflict. When I feel a regret during concentration meditation, I try to observe it without identifying with it. It helps to observe the feeling in the body rather than the actual regret. Invariably, the regret will return multiple times, but each time its stay is weaker and shorter in duration. Eventually the regret does not return. It is like extinguishing a BBQ fire. The first squirt of water does not do the job, but each squirt gets the fire closer to extingquishment. Thus, there is no chicken and egg dilemna. We can use concentration meditation to eliminate regret without having reached gahanna.
Great topic. Thanks. The past is irreversible. To use a saying from another tradition, "Let the dead bury the dead." But we can direct the future, otherwise there would be no path, as I think the Buddha said or alluded to somewhere in the canon. Of course, having my particular difficulty with regret, for me it is often easier said than done.
Lead your life free of regret. Awaken your true buddha self and also make effort to transform or even making one step at a time toward less regret. Also, get guidance and support. You are not alone. Thank you for another great reminder.
Hi Doug, i really enjoyed your vids! Can you talk the topic about laziness in budhist perspective? I watched your video about 5 hindrances and there's talk about slothfulness, tiredness, and sleepiness, are they applied only in meditation process? How about slothfulness and laziness on daily life?
What about uneasy feelings, such as regrets, come out, but have happened a long time ago or you don't know the origin exactly. It happens to me sometimes during or after a meditation session (zazen/shikantaza). Thanks. Gassho.
Yes I think those are normal. Watch them arise and pass! Acknowledge them, see how they feel and what other thoughts they bring up while they're around.
Hi Doug, thank you so much for all your videos, I find them to be reliable and informational which is rare to come across in this day. I especially enjoyed this video as I was able to relate my own problems to it. A topic I’d Iike to hear your insights on is about laziness and addiction. I find the two to be interrelated and feed into each other. Ive seen your other video about learning vs doing Buddhism, but with these hinderances of laziness and addiction its tough to make rightful decisions even if one understands concepts and consequences... How would you advice people to break out of this state, and I guess any state that’s hard to break out of that would hinder our will of “doing” Buddhism. Apologize if this is confusing (it only makes sense in my head haha) but thank you so much for reading it. I appreciate everything your doing, keep up the hard work and I look forward to your videos all the time. 🙏
You're very welcome chiyi ko, thanks for watching! I will have a video out eventually on laziness, I'm not sure if it quite gets at the issues you mention but when it does come out take a look and let me know. 🙂
Thank you dear Doug yes this video was very much helpful specially your advice for me who I am beginner in Buddhismus, I am grateful and over luckily that I found your channel,
This video came up on my feed thanks to RUclips algorithms I guess? But is very relevant because regret is a major issue for me. I get that we can have regrets about past unethical actions and being aware of these is a good thing so we can change the behavior in the future. But I was wondering what about regrets about things done for the “ right reasons” ? Trying to do “ the right thing” at the time to make someone else happy or for someone else’s benefit? Having good intentions at the time but leading to our own disadvantage later on. Also trusting someone’s advice only to lose out later. I think you may have touched on these ? I would be interested in what early Buddhism has to say about it... I hope this makes sense. Many thanks 🙏🏻
Well I think early Buddhism focuses on our purity of intention. If with a pure intention we did something that turned out badly, and if we couldn't reasonably have foreseen that, then we should practice letting it go. Clinging to success is also a problem, not everything we do will be successful.
This video was extremely helpful! Thank you! I really needed this. One thing that came to mind when you were talking about people who may have not been so nice in the past was the Buddha's attitude towards Devadatta. It is true that the Buddha did not seek revenge, but some things the Buddha said doesn't seem to line much with his own teachings such as saying Devadatta didn't have a horse hair of good in him, that he should be vomited like a spittle, and only saying bad things about Devadatta when he was brought up. I'd like to know more about why the Buddha would say these things, and could this mean there are people who are never destined to change their evil ways? Thank you again.
Thanks Shannan. As for the Buddha's opinion of Devadatta, Devadatta wanted to take over the saṅgha for himself. I think the Buddha must have been very concerned about that and want to say in no uncertain terms that he was not in favor of Devadatta as leader. (Also it seems Devadatta tried several times to have the Buddha killed).
After making a resolution to be firm on the path set, one often falls off. What are some of the practices one should incorporate in our daily life to be on the right path (and hence roil in remorse and regret ?) What are some habits one should start the morning with ?
Regrets are not just unethical actions. This is so wrong. Most of people's regrets are from the things that they did but were just neutral and those actions produced bad results in hindsight. Like missing someone's phone call before they killed themselves, going to a worse college than they could've gone to, just following society's standards (which are not necessarily unethical). But the regrets that are most painful would be the things that we could've done, but didn't. Those are some of the most painful regrets. I'm a bit disappointed that Buddha had such a one dimensional view on regrets.
Thanks for the comment Flyer Man, you make a good point. I think in this case the Buddha would consider the case differently than that of regretting unethical action. Regrets such as the ones you mention would be considered something like mental proliferation. I have a video that relates more to that kind of thinking: ruclips.net/video/cUOMhvKrks8/видео.html
About 12-years ago my son and I were talking about gods and the lack of evidence for all gods. My son told me, "dad you're an atheist". Two weeks go by and there's a knock at the front door. I answer it and it's an old fella holding a copy of "The Watchtower". He asks me if Id like the magazine and I told him, "no thanks I'm an atheist". He clutched his heart and stumbled backward -- and came to a rest inches from the top of some nasty concrete steps. I was much relieved when he did not fall -- and I made a note to myself to *_never_* tell a Jehova's Witness that I'm an atheist.
Ha! I grew up with Jehovah's Witness parents. Mom still tries to get me to be one and My dad told me I was atheist when I was in my 20s then basically stop trying.
What do you do once you've made a lot of mistakes and lost all of your hopes and dreams and now you pray for death but even that is not coming. Please help
Hella Bella if you find yourself in that kind of mind state I think you really should consider getting professional help of one kind or another. There are things that can be done to help, but only someone closer to you than I will have the right answers. Be well. 🙏
My son always said...I have no REGERTS dad. I always said...I'm getting a DNA test to see if your my son. I rarely have any regrets. I probably should have more...but I don't. My thoughts...everything I do...has lead me to were I am now. In reality...I am Mindful of my thoughts and actions. I am aware of my Path. If nothing else...I say to myself...I'm not doing that again. With the Buddhist concepts of Love...Kindness...Love...and Compassion...those are great pillars to any Path...Any Way.🙏📿🙏📿🙏📿🙏📿If you can't Win...Learn.
"Time has come, what is wanted is will. If the countries which are Buddhist can develop the will to spread Buddhism the task of spreading Buddhism will not be difficult. They must realize that the duty of a Buddhist is not merely to be a good Buddhist, his duty is to spread Buddhism. They must believe that to spread Buddhism is to serve mankind."-Boddhisattva Ambedkar, Buddhism revivalist and Father of Indian Constitution,
Buddha said that finding a true and loyal friend is the most difficult thing in this world, But I don't know how to find I don't know what qualities make a good friendship I don't know how to choose I don't know who are enemies to me Please help me out with that, I wanna get out of Suffering
@@DougsDharma Doug what is your opinion about no-self concept? I've read many times Buddha never says there is no-self, but I've seen many, almost most Buddhists claiming there's no-self, can you tell me your personal opinion as a person who has a lot of knowledge on early buddhism, what was Buddha really saying or thinking?
Dear Dr. Smith,
I really appreciate your academic breakdown of what can be so esoteric and confusing.
I really enjoy your approach to spiritualism.
I'm grateful for your knowledge, and all the hard work you put into these videos.
You are the Alan Watts of the 21st century, but with far better credentials.
You are our Terence Mckenna, but without the induced baggage.
You're our 106 miles to Chicago, with a full tank of gas--it might be dark out, and we might be wearing sunglasses, but with your help we can collectively say: hit it!
Thanks M K, very kind of you to say. I'm nowhere near the level of those folks but I do what I can! 🙏
This talk came up in my feed in a timely way this morning... mindfulness practice, focusing on breath, calmed regret that came over me (from a reminder of something in the past); I went quickly from calm into compassion for all involved (including myself). Maybe because it wasnt fresh and life has taken its course and Ive grown more skilllful, mindfulness helped..... hearing this talk was the solution I needed to hear in the moment to not go further into my rabbit hole of regret.... I did a mindfulness medition, upon Dougs teaching. Thanks, Doug, for helping me to see regret from a different, holistic, perspective.❤ Im glad this video showed up, one year after it was first posted
So glad it was helpful to you Debra! 🙏
Thank you Doug
this practical videos about the practice are amazing. ; -)
Glad they're helpful! 🙏
What if we have regrets not so much because we acted wrong but because we did not "pursue our dreams" and instead got caught up in survival mode? what if we feel like we did not live the life we wanted and we're now much older than would have been ideal to pursue our aspirations?
Every day is a new day, and even if you had done what you wanted in the past, all of your doing it would be in the past now anyway. So look to the present moment and make it the best you can, right now. 🙏
I wonder if there is a difference between regret from unethical action towards others and regret from inaction directed towards self? The regret arising from things you wanted to achieve/attain, but didn't primarily due to inaction. The sense of lost time/opportunities. How to deal with it? How to overcome, in practice? Any specific mediation practice that can help here?
In either case the regret should be a spur to get you to do better right now. If there is something you failed to do before, surely there is something you can do right now to at least begin to make up for it. Time is never really lost if one realizes there is always the present moment in which to move forward. That said, the meditation practice I'd suggest is simple mindfulness. Perhaps, mindfulness of pleasant and unpleasant feelings: in particular, the unpleasant feeling of regret if that is arising for you.
Thanks for taking out time to reply and your insights. Much appreciated :)
Good afternoon my great teacher. This class is very important, you have helped me to clear my mind on this topic. I'm doing my best practicing your teachings in order to improve my life. Lots of hugs. Evangelina Cortes.
Glad to hear it Evangelina, be well!
Thanku sir! ❤❤❤
I'm feeling really glad, having watched this vedio and I want you to know that since I've started practicing buddhism, It seems that I've overcome some of my bad habits that were unwholesome such as 'not moving forward but keep sticking to remorse'.
This vedio has worked out to concrete my decision of not regreting anymore but live joyful life following the path suggested by buddha.
Thanku so much Sir.❤❤❤
Excellent Shwetabh Gangwar! So glad to hear. Be well my friend. 🙏
You mentioned that the Buddha said that we can help ameliorate regret by using calming or concentration meditation, and that this idea contradicts the idea that one must first eliminate regret before we can do concentration meditation well. I think I know the solution to this conflict. When I feel a regret during concentration meditation, I try to observe it without identifying with it. It helps to observe the feeling in the body rather than the actual regret. Invariably, the regret will return multiple times, but each time its stay is weaker and shorter in duration. Eventually the regret does not return. It is like extinguishing a BBQ fire. The first squirt of water does not do the job, but each squirt gets the fire closer to extingquishment. Thus, there is no chicken and egg dilemna. We can use concentration meditation to eliminate regret without having reached gahanna.
Sure, great, a gradual path. 🙏
Great topic. Thanks. The past is irreversible. To use a saying from another tradition, "Let the dead bury the dead." But we can direct the future, otherwise there would be no path, as I think the Buddha said or alluded to somewhere in the canon. Of course, having my particular difficulty with regret, for me it is often easier said than done.
Exactly so Michael. 🙏
Lead your life free of regret. Awaken your true buddha self and also make effort to transform or even making one step at a time toward less regret. Also, get guidance and support. You are not alone. Thank you for another great reminder.
You're very welcome Michael, thanks for your thoughts!
Hi Doug, i really enjoyed your vids!
Can you talk the topic about laziness in budhist perspective? I watched your video about 5 hindrances and there's talk about slothfulness, tiredness, and sleepiness, are they applied only in meditation process? How about slothfulness and laziness on daily life?
Thanks for the suggestion irawatydai, I’ll put it on the list! 😀
What about uneasy feelings, such as regrets, come out, but have happened a long time ago or you don't know the origin exactly. It happens to me sometimes during or after a meditation session (zazen/shikantaza). Thanks. Gassho.
Yes I think those are normal. Watch them arise and pass! Acknowledge them, see how they feel and what other thoughts they bring up while they're around.
Hi Doug, thank you so much for all your videos, I find them to be reliable and informational which is rare to come across in this day. I especially enjoyed this video as I was able to relate my own problems to it. A topic I’d Iike to hear your insights on is about laziness and addiction. I find the two to be interrelated and feed into each other. Ive seen your other video about learning vs doing Buddhism, but with these hinderances of laziness and addiction its tough to make rightful decisions even if one understands concepts and consequences... How would you advice people to break out of this state, and I guess any state that’s hard to break out of that would hinder our will of “doing” Buddhism. Apologize if this is confusing (it only makes sense in my head haha) but thank you so much for reading it. I appreciate everything your doing, keep up the hard work and I look forward to your videos all the time. 🙏
You're very welcome chiyi ko, thanks for watching! I will have a video out eventually on laziness, I'm not sure if it quite gets at the issues you mention but when it does come out take a look and let me know. 🙂
Thank you dear Doug yes this video was very much helpful specially your advice for me who I am beginner in Buddhismus, I am grateful and over luckily that I found your channel,
Wonderful! You're very welcome Hengameh! 🙏
This video came up on my feed thanks to RUclips algorithms I guess? But is very relevant because regret is a major issue for me. I get that we can have regrets about past unethical actions and being aware of these is a good thing so we can change the behavior in the future. But I was wondering what about regrets about things done for the “ right reasons” ? Trying to do “ the right thing” at the time to make someone else happy or for someone else’s benefit? Having good intentions at the time but leading to our own disadvantage later on. Also trusting someone’s advice only to lose out later.
I think you may have touched on these ? I would be interested in what early Buddhism has to say about it... I hope this makes sense. Many thanks 🙏🏻
Well I think early Buddhism focuses on our purity of intention. If with a pure intention we did something that turned out badly, and if we couldn't reasonably have foreseen that, then we should practice letting it go. Clinging to success is also a problem, not everything we do will be successful.
Thank you 🙏
You're very welcome Luiza!
This video was extremely helpful! Thank you! I really needed this. One thing that came to mind when you were talking about people who may have not been so nice in the past was the Buddha's attitude towards Devadatta. It is true that the Buddha did not seek revenge, but some things the Buddha said doesn't seem to line much with his own teachings such as saying Devadatta didn't have a horse hair of good in him, that he should be vomited like a spittle, and only saying bad things about Devadatta when he was brought up. I'd like to know more about why the Buddha would say these things, and could this mean there are people who are never destined to change their evil ways? Thank you again.
Thanks Shannan. As for the Buddha's opinion of Devadatta, Devadatta wanted to take over the saṅgha for himself. I think the Buddha must have been very concerned about that and want to say in no uncertain terms that he was not in favor of Devadatta as leader. (Also it seems Devadatta tried several times to have the Buddha killed).
I kind of figured it was to keep the monks from following him. Thank you for your feedback!
After making a resolution to be firm on the path set, one often falls off. What are some of the practices one should incorporate in our daily life to be on the right path (and hence roil in remorse and regret ?) What are some habits one should start the morning with ?
Thanks MrSimp, these are good ideas, I assume you mean you're trying to avoid remorse and regret. I'll put them on the list of videos to make!
Doug's Secular Dharma yes to avoid them 😊 thanks
Regrets are not just unethical actions. This is so wrong. Most of people's regrets are from the things that they did but were just neutral and those actions produced bad results in hindsight. Like missing someone's phone call before they killed themselves, going to a worse college than they could've gone to, just following society's standards (which are not necessarily unethical). But the regrets that are most painful would be the things that we could've done, but didn't. Those are some of the most painful regrets.
I'm a bit disappointed that Buddha had such a one dimensional view on regrets.
Thanks for the comment Flyer Man, you make a good point. I think in this case the Buddha would consider the case differently than that of regretting unethical action. Regrets such as the ones you mention would be considered something like mental proliferation. I have a video that relates more to that kind of thinking: ruclips.net/video/cUOMhvKrks8/видео.html
About 12-years ago my son and I were talking about gods and the lack of evidence for all gods. My son told me, "dad you're an atheist". Two weeks go by and there's a knock at the front door. I answer it and it's an old fella holding a copy of "The Watchtower". He asks me if Id like the magazine and I told him, "no thanks I'm an atheist". He clutched his heart and stumbled backward -- and came to a rest inches from the top of some nasty concrete steps. I was much relieved when he did not fall -- and I made a note to myself to *_never_* tell a Jehova's Witness that I'm an atheist.
😆 Thanks Tide, good advice for us all!
Ha! I grew up with Jehovah's Witness parents. Mom still tries to get me to be one and My dad told me I was atheist when I was in my 20s then basically stop trying.
What do you do once you've made a lot of mistakes and lost all of your hopes and dreams and now you pray for death but even that is not coming. Please help
Hella Bella if you find yourself in that kind of mind state I think you really should consider getting professional help of one kind or another. There are things that can be done to help, but only someone closer to you than I will have the right answers. Be well. 🙏
My son always said...I have no REGERTS dad. I always said...I'm getting a DNA test to see if your my son. I rarely have any regrets. I probably should have more...but I don't. My thoughts...everything I do...has lead me to were I am now. In reality...I am Mindful of my thoughts and actions. I am aware of my Path. If nothing else...I say to myself...I'm not doing that again. With the Buddhist concepts of Love...Kindness...Love...and Compassion...those are great pillars to any Path...Any Way.🙏📿🙏📿🙏📿🙏📿If you can't Win...Learn.
🙏
"Time has come, what is wanted is will. If the countries which are Buddhist can develop the will to spread Buddhism the task of spreading Buddhism will not be difficult. They must realize that the duty of a Buddhist is not merely to be a good Buddhist, his duty is to spread Buddhism. They must believe that to spread Buddhism is to serve mankind."-Boddhisattva Ambedkar, Buddhism revivalist and Father of Indian Constitution,
Thanks for the quote Ambedkar Dhamma.
Its amazing to see my mother language Sinhala and Pali having common words!
Yes, I imagine they'd be loan words but don't know the specifics.
two thumbs up
🙏 Thanks Gabriel.
Regret is eating me up. I’ve missed out on so much.
Well see if there's a way to leave the past behind you. Focus on the present insofar as you're able to. We've all made mistakes ...
Buddha said that finding a true and loyal friend is the most difficult thing in this world,
But I don't know how to find
I don't know what qualities make a good friendship
I don't know how to choose
I don't know who are enemies to me
Please help me out with that,
I wanna get out of Suffering
Getting out of suffering comes from within, not from outside. So start from there.
I don't have any friends (more specifically true friend)
This makes me regret
That’s too bad! But as the Buddha said in the Rhinoceros Sutta, if you can’t find a true friend then go happily alone.
@@DougsDharma
So do you know that
How can I understand a friend, is my true friend?
My biggest hindrance.
Yes, it can become a hindrance for sure. Thanks Mert.🙏
@@DougsDharma Doug what is your opinion about no-self concept? I've read many times Buddha never says there is no-self, but I've seen many, almost most Buddhists claiming there's no-self, can you tell me your personal opinion as a person who has a lot of knowledge on early buddhism, what was Buddha really saying or thinking?
I did a video on that topic awhile back which might help: ruclips.net/video/gSZjKKuvHEQ/видео.html 🙏
sadhu sadhu sadhu
🙏😊