comparison sucks. here's why it can't be self-helped away.
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 22 авг 2024
- 👉🏾 get a FREE ebook when you sign up for my muse-letter: ayandastood.su...
🚀 Work with me 1:1 on creativity and/OR visibility to unlock your next level: ayandastood.co...
📖 Buy my ebook of creative catalysts for a JUICY supply of creative inspo: ayandastood.co...
🧘🏾♀️ Buy my creative meditations album to move from fear to flow: ayandastood.co...
“comparison is the thief of joy” they say, a quote originally from Former US President Theodore Roosevelt (random!). but what does the idea that we just "shouldn't" compare ourselves to each other ignore, and in turn, normalize? find out in this soul session.
Time stamps:
(02:46): Shame & comparison
(03:49): Individualism
(06:28): Crisis Response (Bayo Akomolafe)
(09:08): The Myth of Normal (Gabor Mate)
(14:25): Atomization & Authenticity (Byung Chul-Hun)
(22:06): Collective path
(25:11): Social structures
(26:42): Comparison as a cultural cold
(33:36): Reimagine social systems
(34:40): Essay: Comparison as Symptom (Me)
(34:54): Thank you for being here
Sources Mentioned:
Podcast: Jung and the World Podcast: One to One with Bayo Akomolafe ( • One to One with Bayo A... )
Book: The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Maté (bookshop.org/p...)
RUclips: Dr. Gabor Maté: The Myth of Normal & The Power of Connection | Wholehearted ( • Dr. Gabor Maté: The My... )
Book: The Disappearance of Rituals: A Topology of the Present by Byung-Chul Han Writing: Bayo Akomolafe (www.bayoakomol...) Podcast: Philosophize This: Episode #189 ... Everything that connects us is slowly disappearing. - Byung Chul Han pt. 2 ( • Episode #189 ... Every... )
Essay: Comparison as Symptom by me on my Substack (ayandastood.su...)
ADVICE COLUMN:
☎️ seeking advice and want to PHONE IN with a question? submit a voicemail here: www.speakpipe....
📩 OR WRITE IN an advice question anonymously here: otvw5bi958a.ty...
JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
my muse-letter: www.ayandastood.substack.com please join me here! TikTok: @ayandastood ( / ayandastood )
IG: @ayandastood ( / ayandastood )
Website: www.ayandastood.com
CREATIVE RESOURCES:
✨ Work with me 1:1: ayandastood.co...
✨ Buy my ebook of creative catalysts: ayandastood.co...
✨ Buy my creative meditations album: ayandastood.co...
I don’t see authenticity and connection as mutually exclusive. I see being my most authentic self as fully expressing what God wants to express through me, with the specific gifts I was created with. And the purpose of this expression is not to uplift myself, but to be in service to others. There’s no true connection without true authenticity, not shallow authenticity that is devoid of deep emotional and spiritual self-awareness.
I thought of something similar while listening .
When I hear the term “live authentically” and true to your individuality I think of it as being guided by your heart . Doing/creating the things that light you up will brings joy to others like a ripple effect . Watching someone deeply enmeshed in their art and making something beautiful sparks up something in my heart as well which then makes me want to act on that desire . That seems like a form of interconnectedness to me that supports the collective.
Or being on your own path leads you to others on a similar path , that’s a way of coming together .
I agree!
The more authentic we are the more we actually create TRULY connected communities that are mutually appreciative and beneficial.
Authenticity and having different roles in community can co-exist. We are expansive, capable of being many things all at once. My
role as a daughter, mother, business owner, wife, etc…may all look different yet be completely authentic to who I AM. Furthermore, they do not have to fit within “societal constructs”. The issue is when we violate our personal conscious and true self in order to fit other’s expectations. As we become our authentic self we attract community which appreciates and thrives within our authenticity.
some paradigms have definitely been shifted here today thank you
I was so so skeptical to watch this because I've been feeling some envy and I've been comparing myself and it was causing me so much pain. I guess when I saw this, the title and the thumbnail I was afraid that this would feel not only as thought it invalidates the pain I've been feeling but it would also not give me a way to cope with and alleviate the pain of comparison. But boy was I wrong. I am so grateful for you for expanding my perspective and mind on this topic. Your words are so wise and so nourishing to the soul. Thank you for sharing
Same. It has some profound ideas 😊
The cultural flu has blown my mind and freed of so much, thank you Ayanda
That's great, the way authenticity is being weaponised against us while narcissism is the opposite, community thrives on trust and cooperation. Nice video
I think being authentic is being able to wear different hats for different situations, that's why they say you are the spirit with the body...meaning you are collective consciousness and collective consciousness means being authentic to your true self
I love this. I've been an activist for 20 years. I'm healing from some troubling things that happened in my journey and other things in my life. So many spiritual discussions ignore or even criticize the communal nature of existence. The individualist nature of many of the spiritual circles almost downplays the decisions made by institutions and individuals to hurt others. I even saw some "teachers" who downplayed the suffering of homelessness, poverty, and the deep injustices in the Congo and Palestine.
It did not sit right with me. I'm a humanist, so exposing and breaking these inhumane systems of suffering is still important to me.
I like how you explained envy. I also really appreciated the insight into the ties of communal existence and spirituality. Thank you.
The idea is that by re-discovering an authentic version of yourself you can better support the collective with your individual gifts and passions.
Gabor Mate's work saved my ass from a 15 year long addiction. Also, I just discovered your channel and you are insanely smart & wise and I love the topics you choose to talk about. Thank you, dear sister soul.
I love the way you describe our human(e) nature & the communities our bodies are designed to create & nourish each other in. We are not fully healthy without such collaborative loving Aliveness. When we are healthy, comparison is a healthy encouragement to contribute your best that is celebrated because we pool our Joy and all drink from that same communal well. Bless you for this beautiful message 🙏🏽💐🦋
This is a beautiful discussion with many gems for releasing shame, which is rooted in disconnection. Shame is a symptom of a break in belonging. However, people who are abused do need to individuate and cultivate a stable self-concept so that their self-esteem isn’t unstable and susceptible to others’ opinions. Balance is key. Either extreme of individualism and collectivism can be dangerous. Communitarianism is a philosophy that honors both the individual in the context of community and relationships. 🤍
Periodtttr
A bit late but wow I love this perspective and addition to this necessary conversation! Love and light!
thank you for contributing to my perception of life and community
Affirmation: I will allow myself to feel what I feel and trust myself to do what I can to proceed forward and feel fulfilled ❤
I truly appreciate your perspective sister, I came to this video after being drawn to the video on " the fear of being seen" I agree with their being balance between authenticity and the collective. I truly enjoyed how well put together this video was, I will be watching others
Ayanda, I feel so much love for you. You are truly brilliant. I am so happy for your contribution. Your words and mind have made me feel so understood, I now know I don’t have to carry the burden of the world on my shoulders. To see you flourish is inspiring, so see you commit is inspiring, to see you, is inspiring. You made it, you’ve been there. My hope is that you may open your eyes to what you’ve created and realize, your boat is on a river, no need to paddle anymore. There is enough momentum for you to exhale. There is enough that you’ve done for the passionate waters to take over. Forget and surrender, for the fall is soft and warm. Take the leap, for you will fall into abundance. Trust yourself. Your own nature is this world’s manifestation. I love you and I fight alongside you. :)
I hold and craddle your words with so much concern. Thank you for all you do. Your positive energy is so inspiring, and I only hope more people can embody this outlook. ❤
Brilliant conversational awareness for transformation and love among all, sovereignty and new collective, yes and! Thank you!!
Well said!
I love Gabor Mate - his work on trauma is life changing
Wow - I love you. Randomly came across your video and I have to say, "Powerful."
When I first came across this video i didn’t know what point you where going to end up make, but the point your expressing makes a lot of sense.
Yes we all have our differences, strengths & weakness, and gifted abilities. Yes we have all have our own personalities and ways of thinking. But why are we in such a society that we feel the need to compare. We all share similar struggles so why aren’t we teaming up together, talking to each other more, being there for each more and helping each other? Having such an inflated sense of self can either make you feel like your above everyone else or it can make you feel like no one goes through what you go through when in facts thousands of us go through the exact same things, which show that we aren’t as different as we like to think. We just have different preferences and tastes for things. I personally experience this at times.
I have to constantly remind myself that i’m not special. Not in a self deprecating way but as a way of acknowledging other people’s struggles and knowing that I am not alone.
For years I have followed certain talented creators, often feeling wistfulness, self reproach and shame while comparing my own lack of accomplishment. But a couple years ago many of them started dissolving--becoming addicts, crashing businesses, two even taking their own lives. These are people who looked like they had it all, they looked like they lived in a blessed reality. I've been horrified and saddened to see it, but also sobered from the delusion that they had more, when they were really so alone.
Being alone is not bad. It’s better than the wrong energies & toxic company. Just stay inspired & connected to God ❤️
I started getting it at the 21 minute mark. I always struggled with who I should be and how that changes at my PWI or at home or on social media. And although I am to be authentic in the sense that I am not playing a role based on how I think people will receive me, but I can learn to accept that my community network in all those spaces are different and don't require ALL of me in each moment (hence, I'm not going to authentically vent to social media on how I feel, or to a classmate, but that might be something I can do and feel out with friends and family)
Thank you for sharing your words, courage and soul !! I accept these flowers ❤ they came in a perfect part of my path
Sending you love from Brasil 🐝🇧🇷💚🌿
Wish we could see you on conversation with bell hooks may she rest in peace. I needed this. ❤❤ thank u 💓
FANTASTIC video.
You did AMAZING with this one. I’ll rewatch this one in time, I can tell it will continue to be relevant in the future.
I resonate with this so deeply! Thank you for sharing! I’ve been contemplating this ideology and never heard someone put it into words until now! Your quotes are much appreciated, I can’t wait to read these books and dive even deeper. I randomly just came across your videos recently and it’s funny how interconnected we all are; as soon as I verbalized the thoughts I’ve been thinking the past few years, is when I started to come across more creators who think just as deeply. This video fills me up and gives more meaning into my life. Thank you again❤️
Thank you for this soul session. It really opened my mind and please keep making these as well 😊✨💛
Phew! This is deep! One to think about ❤❤
Ayanda, your mind is incredible. Thank you for being brave enough to embark on this complicated and insightful journey, for speaking to it and to us, for challenging the norm and making us ✨Think✨ beyond ourselves. Singing “I love you, byeeee!”
Thank you for sharing this. I truly resonate with your words ❤
I’m early in the video so forgive me if this is something you cover. But something you said just reminded me of the concept that the things around us are mirror reflections of things we see in our self. That in a sense is comparison and viewed as beneficial. I share your sentiments around jealousy being an emotion that can allow to pass through us with out shame. Great topic per usual 😊
I was instantly shocked when I read the title, for I struggle with that at the moment and have been pushed to align to a higher definition of myself in relation to others, and this video has helped me with some of the guilt that brings to myself, and its definitively helpful. These are things I cant reallt
y speak with people for they dont have my same beliefs, your videos and community you have built does so much for people like me! ❤ Will check out his podcast for sure
Such a great soul session 💜
Thank you 🫶🏽
Thank you for reaching for my heart❤❤❤
Needed this and it continued to show itself to me..
thank you xxx you are. very beautiful queen xxx your language and research and they way you speak and they language you give us and sharing is wonderful xxx we are all offering ourselves to collective liberation xxxxx collective wellbeing and sharing and love
❤❤❤❤❤ needed to find this channel
Speak on it!!! Your wholistic consciousness is soooo radically inclusive ~ extraordinary weaving of timeless wisdom with your divine knowing ~ I feel your heart and soul when you speak. Deep gratitude🤎.
Yes these flowers help me and thank you foraging them. They are bringing me so much-needed love and understanding
Thank you for sharing this.
Being authentic isn’t about showing up the same every time with everyone. It’s about being truthful about how you think and feel in any given moment with any given person. It is totally possible to be an individual within a community. Only a communist would believe that authenticity and individuality was a bad thing. Gabor maté would never condone the giving away of one’s authenticity or autonomy for the sake of the community. A large body of his work is on why that is destructive. If the world is one community it takes only one mind virus to destroy all. We need our differences and deviation from the norm to prevent dictatorships and to expand and grow - when we are all the same - we stay the same.
Thought provoking, will definitely check out the philosopher, if anything just to determine whether he is a Marxist - which I highly suspect he is.
amazing video, brightnened my day
wowww. this is insightful! 🔥
yes!!! another video ❤ Super excited, thanks for the wisdom
Love your flowers, truly medicinal!
Your title got me to subscribe 👏🏾👏🏾. I know this will be intelligent and thoughtful
I can't pay attention, your hair is too beautiful 😭💖💖
I see your point. But there is another side to this- Isolation is necessary, because usually the collective is highly unconscious, so going along with the group means going along with old unconscious ego behavior patterns that have plagued the collective mind for eons. This is precisely why God isolates those who are meant to be leaders, because only through that still and silent space, the guidance comes through from the divine in order to be communicated and permeated through the collective. The leaders are the vessels for the divine to lead the collective back home to God. If those leaders said “I have to give up this isolation in order to be part of the collective,” the you will be going along with very unconscious ego collective patterns and you will miss your calling. You must be in isolation to receive divine guidance. This collective is ego driven and spiritually bankrupt- it is filled with hierarchy, inequality, abuse, violence, and delusion. If you blindly follow the collective thinking you are going along to get along, you are in the wrong and are doing nothing to help this universe, but instead adding to the pollution. Every evolutionary stage came with certain visionaries and catalysts that imagined something greater for the collective, and that collective followed them. Oftentimes the old ego collective has killed off those divine visionaries that were called to bring about change, because the momentum of ego was just too strong. The collective is just a large energy that follows something- and there is momentum in it. Usually God’s guidance goes against the unconscious collective, so the leader has to turn away from the group in order to follow God’s guidance. Only when the collective has reached a certain level of consciousness and let go of its ego thought patterns and systems, can a true harmonious collective happen. Until then, the visionaries and leaders must maintain a level of isolation from the collective.
This is beautiful ❤️
i really needed this thankyou! namaste 🤝🏽
Earth Healer of the young generation. Powerful! We honour your pure heart.
Beauty 💐
I got one wrong. Really cool test 🙏💖
Blessings to you Ayanda
❤❤Truly i needed this .
Thank you
Honey,
I cant even begin to comprehend what you're going through emotionally and financially.
One thing for sure though is that you're going to be okay
Realize that you don't need anything outside of yourself. Life is about the ups and downs. Enjoy the lows as much as you do the highs. Let me give you a few tips to keep you going. Only God can give you the strength to keep going.
1. Realize that you have everything you need. ( food, shelter, clothing and lots of love from the community you've built throughout the years) It could be worse, you could be homeless, without a phone partner and in a foreign country.
2. No situation in life is permanent. We go through things ( good/bad) to learn some very valuable lessons. so learn from your experiences don't lament, blame or complain.
3. Look at how far you've come and how much further you want to go and realise that its all about the journey and not the destinations. Wake up with intentions of sharing with a heart filled with love and gladness. Positive vibes attract good things.
Sending you lots of love.
I'm rooting for you 💌
This is the first video I don’t agree with you. I think what is wrong is not the idea of individuality but what is missing is HEALTHY SUPPORTIVE communities. Just like narcissism is an extreme that is unhealthy; forcing oneself to fit in any outdated toxic sick community (unfortunately that is what’s common around) is also VERY unhealthy. If you think about it, people only lean on individuality BECAUSE the so called communities they found themselves in were not good for them.
You're such a healer❤
Love this, your videos help me so much
Everything you lifted was on point. What a beautiful lens to peer into the deeper structures in which we are entrenched. The readings and offerings can be applied to so many other instances of intergenerational trauma and manifestations of oppression. Like a mycelial network, we are building communities in subtle and profound ways that are rising up. Thank you for the nourishing and open hearted space that allows this to grow 🌱🫶🏽🫶🏽
love the new set up
COMPARISON AND CONTRAST
I think Authenticity is in fact the point of life and NOT to hone your “acting skills” to serve your different roles. YOUR life is about BEING YOURSELF not playing roles. Otherwise go work in Hollywood!!!!!! At least you’ll make money & become famous from all the character plays.
I dont agree with these. I think is based in a huge missinterpretation about the concept of authenticity. The fact is the more authentic we become with our true selves, the more responsables and caring we become towards our society, environment and communities. But also exist the shadow aspect of this concept when is use it by ulterior motivations. A narcisitic is narcistic because is their own survival mechanism developed during their childhood to get the attention he craved but didnt receive from their environments, no because he "learned" to how become an "authentic narcisist". This dosnt make any sense for me.
Loooove the idea of a soul salon
Starting a new journal entry…
⏳1:27⌛...ONEting about Me' i dønt gET jealoüS of ppl nèVéR, nobody is like Me',
i knöw höw powerful & special eYe`AM,
i just dont like it whëñ ppl Be' jealoüS of Me' oR
gET jealoüS especially whëñ Im loyal...✨
💛🙏🏽
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
RESIDE INSIDE THE SOUL SALON
I love you
🎉🎉🎉😌🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🫶🏻♥️🌠🌠🌠
Why did you stop using proper capitalization? 0:01
I love when you post, i do like the flowers you bring to the space, thank you 🫰🏼💙. We’re bombarded with so much blah blah blah, I’m glad you share your voice, it cuts through the noise, thank you again
𓂀