In my native language, we have a saying that roughly translates, "Every sorrow that does not speak (as in, is not allowed to) will go to your heart and eventually will make it break." :-\
Your reply is a beautiful statement, full of truth. Also, that voice you mentioned, that voice is the guiding force behind all of our actions whether we know it or not. We have to foster and cultivate that voice. We have to grow it into a voice of discipline, and following that logic to it's natural end, a moral voice is the goal. This ensures that that when we need that voice, we know with confidence that our voice will be heard. Take care.
This resonated with me big time. I used to repress my emotions until I realized how it seeped out in nasty ways. I still repress my emotions sometimes and this video was very helpful.
The Life Formula Yeah, this was like a video he created just for me. It’s already helping me, and it’s only been a couple hours. Wrote down things like he said, cried hard for a couple moments, then went outside (not in California!) and set them on fire. Watching those words brown, then shrivel up and seeing that ashes fly away this windy day... It was like burning the weight off of my chest I didn’t even know I was living with.
There are certain emotions that will kill your drive; frustration and confusion. You can change these to a positive force. Frustration means you are on the verge of a breakthrough. Confusion can mean you are about to learn something. Expect the breakthrough and expect to learn.
I don't think frustration is an emotion tbh more so a thought that manifests into static. Emotions are more so things that you sense with your heart that your brain can identify.
@@TanvirAhmed24 That sounds like emotional constipation usually self induced. A mix of anger, and simply being unsatisfied with the present. *See emotions aren't something that you can think up, it's comes from the body*, whereas things such as "frustration, confusion, outcome dependence" comes from thinking too much
Very much so. My mom always taught me to not use the word hate, even though 90% of the time I really meant it. So I ended up resenting both her and the thing I hated, because she wouldn't let me express myself and not being allowed to hate something makes me hate the object more.
It honestly depends on the way you express them not that they are criticised. People need to learn how to express them but we are not taught so we use what we feel is right(I made this mistake and so do alot of people)
Yeah. I repressed my emotions so hard that I felt like a sociopath. That's when I realized repression isn't a sustainable strategy. It's good for short-term, but you got to process through it eventually
@ agreed. The dominance I speak of is the dominance of personal expression and winning social proof. When you express yourself, there will be people who don't approve. Also, if you don't take care of your body, finances, career, or volunteerism (contribution to the community), people are more inclined to not take you seriously. Being able to express myself is taking a massive effort to work against the rejection in my life. As well as gaining habits that increase the proof of my self acceptance like: a more fit body, having a job, having a group of friends to hang out with, and working on a career that best expresses my goals in life.
COC: The classic example is the person who gets yelled at by the boss they don't say anything Me: Ok ok I can understand this so far COC: Then they come home and kick the dog ME: Its probably just an extreme exa- COC: This is what we all do Me: Wait what
Yeah. I caught that. Wait, what? But took him to mean that we all take it out elsewhere on someone or something holding less power over our lives - like a partner, friend, child, cashier, another driver. I don't think he meant literally kicking the dog or hurting a child. I'm just going to assume that anyway. My dogs hear me scream in frustration toward the computer screen several times a week. Something I gotta work on since it sends one of them to the other room. The other one doesn't care - knows I'm wacky. I need to start journaling.
This video hit me so deeply, i've been feeling flat for so long now, and I realize it's because i hold back my emotions due to fear of repercussions, just like we were taught to be "proper". I'm 21 and I have an extremely hard time enjoying myself, especially around friends. I have isolated myself and only keep up menial relationships with those around me. I hope i can learn this honesty with myself and others, thank you for the info.
I've been struggling with this for literally my entire life- for so long that I didnt even know it was wrong. I was planning to get a therapist this January because I knew something was wrong but didnt know what. You've hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you and God bless you.
Serendipitously, I needed to hear this. I grew up suppressing my emotions as a survival tactic against my abuser. But now in my later adult life, I need to rewire everything, because those survival tactics no longer serve me. Thank you for your sincerity.
I relate to this. I usually supress my emotions and everything is backfiring to my mental health. You don't know how happy I am to stumble upon this. Feels good to find something I can relate too
Omg, this has hit home in a big way! Being in a relationship where I couldn't figure out why I was feeling numbed out by a partner who suppresses emotions. I was shamed for being authentic, but yet I was dying inside with an overwhelming feeling of "Something isn't right here, why do I want to run from this person?" It was suffocating, and I thought I was a terrible person for feeling this perpetual angst. This video gave me the ability to breathe again! I am amazed. I thought I would never get free, but I did. I'll never go back to being emotionally suffocated.
This is too weird. I found out today that I've been ignoring my feelings again (has happened before, caused me to burn out big time). I just found your channel last week because I'm trying to improve my horrible presentation skills for my channel. And now this video is the first one to pop up today just when I needed it the most. Thank you, for making this video and putting it out there. I can't tell you how much I needed this.
First of all Merry Christmas to all. Great video, I kind of touched on this in a video I did on anger. I totally agree, what you described is a form of repression rather than expressing your emotions. Doing this can be toxic for your mental and emotional health and I think the exercise you and Ben did was great (assuming it remained as safe place that didn't actively hurt the relationship). Showed once again why you're one of the best channels on RUclips
@TheClassic Gents Thanks for getting in touch, I wasn't aware of your channel so really appreciate it as I like what you do :) In terms of collab, if you have some ideas in mind please feel free to email me (you can get my email from my profile) and we can see what would work well
You are so real and honest in your videos, it really makes me smile. As I noticed you’re always learning, that’s cool you’re getting better and you know that there are a lot things in this world you don’t know about
This is something that I have been practicing this last year... especially the second half of the year. After watching your video about being honest with yourself, I finally allowed myself to think about memories that keep coming up, and really process those memories and emotions that I had repressed for so long. I asked myself a lot of questions and learned so much about myself and where I want to be. It's been a breakthrough year and i'm looking forward to continuing on learning to live more honestly and authentically!
I appreciate your honesty, to make yourself vulnerable just to help other people. The moment I realized I was suppressing those negative emotions was a deep one. First youre tough, youre strong you can handle all that people throw at you. Then people think its okay to treat you bad because you never let them know what bothers you. Time passes and you experience a loss of control over yourself, youre easy to trigger and your suppressed emotions explodes like a volcano. From this state, without adressing and working on your feelings, it only gets worse. The absolute most basic step to get over this is to be brutally honest to yourself. Accept the fact you have this vicious, narrow-minded thoughts and emotions. You are a human being, it is absolutely okay to have these. Everyone has these to a certain degree. Get to know them. Take your time to fully understand where they truly have their roots. You need to adress the problem first before you are able to work in it.
amazing video, thanks Charlie! you are truly blessed to have a friend like Ben who you can be so honest with. this video helped me a lot, I've been learning that ignoring the "shadow self" is a recipe for it to come out when you really don't want it to, so giving myself space to experience negative emotions honestly has helped me feel a lot more in control of my emotions on the day to day, even when they're negative.
Hey I know this is almost a year old, but just want you to know you're really making a difference with these videos man. My dad and I have been going through a rough patch in our relationship and this gave me a lot to think about and a way to go about fixing things
One thing that has really helped with this is understanding that every person is operating from their own perception of reality. So whenever you get into a negative state that you do not want to, this realisation really helps as it makes you more empathetic towards the person rather than reacting to it. But its a constant practice and definitely takes you to be aware of it all times, I would recommend you try it as well ! :)
One of the messages I keep hearing from your channel is to be genuine and I think this video really hits the core of that messages. Thank you for highlighting what's happening on an emotional level and providing ways to address this with the people in my life.
Yes!!!!! These are one of the best advice I absolutely agree with! I feel like these advice makes you more human. I’ll give radical honesty a good read
Thank you for this. I started crying during the video, thinking of all the times I rationalized my way through anger and hurt. This really changed how I view emotional intelligence
Thank you for this! I also have been focusing on the control aspect. Although I've been aware for a while that actually experiencing all my emotions is important, I always tend to try to shut off the ones that I feel are negative or not appropriate. I almost never feel anger, and when I do, I basically always direct it at myself, because I don't want to direct it people that I care about or strangers that I can make excuses for their behavior. I have ended up being emotionally numb most of the time, which felt like a victory of control, but keeps me from feeling much of anything, even the "good" emotions, and keeps the "negative" emotions compounding in the background.
I can relate to your comment. I recently realized that a lot of my self-esteem issues come from me trying to redirect the (justified) anger that I feel for others onto myself so I don't burst out. It's important that we acknowledge that our feelings are legitimate 💜
I love this community--I really do. It's 2.2 million people all looking to better themselves. You're a really intelligent guy, Charlie, and you should be proud of what you guys have created here. You're helping a lot of people.
It's so beautiful to be honest with your emotions and share it with someone who you really care of. That's what I call integrity and that's what I call a true leader.
Thank you so much for this. For many years, I repressed an unGodly amount of anger, and, like you, I just thought I didn't get angry. Then, like a tidal wave, it all came rushing out. I didn't know why or how to put it back in the box. I felt like there was this monster inside that I wasn't strong enough to fight, even though I did use all of my strength to control myself. That was a few years ago and I have been doing a lot of self care to heal, to control my anger, and to find a better way to be in the world, but I still didn't understand why it happened that way until your video. This is huge for me! Thank you again.
If you become truly aware of your emotions you can control them. Being aware of your emotions isn't just labeling them as sad or happy. It's experiencing it as it is without words because in reality, in truth these labels do not exist, only in our mind. We get an unpleasant experience and we call it anger or sadness. We get a pleasant experience and we call it happiness. These emotions do not know or care what they are called, they just exist and will continue existing until you truly become aware of them. The same way in nature trees do not know or care that they are called trees, they just are. When you realize this you can experience things at their purest forms, labels prevent awareness.
I just love it, that you include timestamps for your videos and write down your points there. So that I can quickly read what you are going to talk about. Keep up the good work!
Man, this made me cry. I'm trying to be whole but I can't quite yet deal with it socially, I feel like I'd burn every relationship I have. Too much control, too much holding back, too much trying to be kind and gentle and generous, and somewhere along the way I forgot how to be honest, how to be real, how to be entirely me - so I feel like nobody knows me, and that they wouldn't like me otherwise. It's very validating to hear you say these things, thank you for sharing this insight.
The problem with that exercise though is that no matter what you say to explain it, it can poison your relationship as you essentially venting your frustration into the other person. Unless you're the most trusted best of buddies, the other person will pretty much judge you by it, no matter how you trying to explain it, especially if its vicious or hypocritical.
xxlCortez Arguably, being passive aggressive towards them for years also poisons a relationship. It’s still better to be honest and open, and to give room for both of your emotions to breathe.
I agree with not venting all this "toxic" emotions with everyone you come across but it might be a good idea to do it with really close relationships, always adding a personal analysis of how their personality is. Close and long term relationships are based on understanding, trust, respect and, as a personal opinion, the ability of not being possessive about the other person's time or feelings.
I love the way there is no editing in his videos. It really shows that he knows the topics he talks about inside and out. It's very refreshing to know that what he's preaching is credible (which is hard to find now-a-days)
I like that you're always adapting your knowledge and trying new methods when the old ones are obsolete but it's annoying to hear so many conflicting methods from so many different self-improvement books/guides.
Different things work for different people. Try everything out and see for yourself what sticks, helps you feel better, or seems most natural to you. Most likely, you're going to end up mixing and matching all sorts of different advice. Good luck on your journey!
ConspiracyJuice The hardest part is trusting yourself to filter out the bad knowledge or less effective forms. Watch many sources, compare and contrast, and find the common lines they all agree upon. Then it’s up to your ability to extrapolate and figure out what’s nest for you.
Those who attempt to control their emotions, end up being controlled by them... something i have also seemed to forget... thank you, i really appreciate your work... happy hollidays!
Just want to say that I'm appreciating this channel so much - as a 22 year old still at the beginning of everything and trying to figure myself out this channel just has been so nice to watch. Thank you guys!
@@Mii.2.0 No, that just perpetuates the cycle, you must ERASE your bully, not become one yourself. Eradicate any trace of their will too cause you harm. Break them
As Jordan Peterson, Alan Watts and Tony Robbins said... "There are no wrong feeling, it's all natural, and it happend for one reason, but it up to you use it at your favor", that's what make us humans after all.
I loved this video so much! I've come across this concept of being "authentic" a while ago and didn't realize that hiding my emotions was my "silent backstabber". There are times when I should but do not get angry at all and vice versa. So still working on finding the balance. I'm a very emotional creature and cry too easily. Used to be ashamed of it but learned to accept me for who I am and be strong about it. Cutting out people who make you feel wrong for how you feel helps as well. Educating and learning about yourself is an exciting journey.
Love this. You should watch the anime "Berserk", because it beautiful illustrates this and many other psychological functions in an intense and complex way.
I am wondering the same. First, I believe we need more context on the situation. WHY is someone not willing to sit in a safe space and be honest? The answer to that by itself may make you even question if you want to continue the relationship. I'm considering that we could do the exercise discussed in the video by ourselves. Outwardly expressing our feelings and resentment we have towards the other person in empty space. I don't think it would be as healing as it would be with the other person present but it could be an alternative
Bingo! Thank you for not advising people to sugar coat one s emotions.we ve been for years listening to self help gurus who don t go deep enough and whose strategies to deal with emotions is to in fact control and supress them, as if it was possible.they are there to be seen, listened, felt.5 star video🙏😊👍
Thanks for breaking the stigma bro. A lot of good people are now gonna realise that there's no shame in showing that you feel emotion. Thanks again. Also, thumbs up for that personal growth.
So sad we only find these people behind screens.I only have such conversation with myself inside my head..when bring little of my inside out I am told to be too serious
+Charisma on Command While I'm not discounting the usefulness of those suggestions and exercises, I think most of that would be nullified with developing good communication skills and empathy towards others (even those you believe are in the wrong and why they feel the way they do, knowing you'd likely feel the same way). I don't ever get angry, mostly because the vast majority of situations anger is born out of ignorance. Ignorance of why people feel the way they do and coming to assumptions about another person's intent and feelings. Applying Occam's Razor to your belief system can eliminate most of that ignorance by adopting an inquisitive mindset, rather than a judgmental one. Occam's Razor boiled down is essentially the idea that makes the fewest assumptions tends to be the correct one. In other words, avoid coming to assumptions, remain agnostic, until you have clear, objective evidence in which there is no possible other reasonable explanation. Especially avoid making assumptions of a person's motives or intent and instead ask questions. Too often people assume ill motives or intent not considering other likely possibilities when their emotions get the best of them. And anger completely shuts down the prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for solving problems, when you NEED to solve them the most). It doesn't bother me when people (even friends) are judgmental towards me, because I understand how easy it is to come to assumptions based on very little information. I've been judgmental too, often. That's why being able to effectively articulate why exactly you do the things you do or are the way you are can easily create a shared understanding in situations like that. In the particular situation in the video, often people will make judgments based on the way friends communicate with each other. People often don't communicate the positives in a relationship and often emphasize when things go wrong, which easily leads to judgments from friends and family that a particular relationship is bad for you. Which doesn't just apply to relationships, when people talk about anything, like your job for example. When someone has little information on something, if you ask the right questions, you can get people to realize how little they actually know about something or if you're the one who knows little, can cause you to reevaluate your viewpoint. In either situation, it creates a shared understanding. Anger is too often just frustration with your inability to communicate effectively and efficiently in a situation to get your viewpoint across.
this is nice but it requires rational thought to create a measured response. Most people's emotions are going to jump in before the rational mind has time to put things in perspective. I think the guist of this video is saying you need to explore ugly thoughts so that you can have the chance to deal with them properly. Are you really sure you never have ugly thoughts, ever? (you dont have to rationally agree with your ugly thoughts btw)
I'm lucky in a way that I was always very fluid with my emotions. When I was stressed, I would shriek. When I was angry, I would let you know. When I was happy, I would light up the room. This skill came about subconsciously to me and I am so grateful for it especially after watching this video. My mom always used to repress her emotions and I could somehow always feel the negativity seeping out of her at random times. Especially after I would do something wrong, she wouldn't get angry. Instead, she got really quiet and slowly leaked out her anger. I am going to send this video to her!
@@maxhammer7570 Probably was. I think I heard it from another RUclipsr who makes a lot of videos covering Jung's theories and how they apply to fictional characters in his favourite franchises.
I think what makes you so appealing to listen to is the fact that you always come from a personnal experience where you act wrongly/made mistakes that you now recognise as wrong or exagerrated. I find this humility and generosity very appealing and it makes me want to apply them in my own life :) Sorry for the broken english, not my mother tongue ^^
Charlie, you're the savior of my life. I watched some of your vids and it changed my life forever and for some reason I can only listen to your teachings. Thank you so so much.
I love your take on this. I approach it a little differently by taking into account that the same characteristics can form our greatest strengths or our greatest weaknesses. I'm always trying to find peace and mental coherence. When tragedy strikes at a young age, suppression is automatic and necessary. If you can avoid suppressing emotions later you will be further ahead.
I had that one problem ...when I sensed some disrespectful behavior or attitude toward me from friends....I got really and easily angrier and triggered..(I lose my cool) and I said very means and cruel things to that one who said such things ...that made me somewhat regretful...cuz i hated being disrespected by others by any means...that's why I learned to be silence even when someone throws some insults toward me... I act like I don't hear it....Or I simply I keep staring to him as warning...to withdraw his sayings ..i don't even know if that's right?
Nèô Àrtyum I would recomend just trying to play it cool, and dont take offense. Just throw an insult back at him (jokingly) to show him that you dont care what he thinks. Boys try to test each other all the time, learn to handle it if not you will have a struggle
@@atomisum6445 yeah i need to master the art of reply..but i feel better than i was before...i don t talk to much and use silence more than to burst...and if something i don't like i say it with delightful...
No you have a right to be mad. I stead if blowing up, be assertive. Clear and firm "I'm not gonna tolerate this. Please treat me respectful." Keepubg your cool isn't always good and allows ppl to get away with mistreatment. Communicate. Do not ignore or "play it cool " just bc someone else does it or tells you to.
It depends on what they're saying. When we are angered by someone's insult we are taking it personally because we believe what they're saying. It might have to do with something you're insecure about and that's why it hurts to hear. I take that as a sign for growth. For instance I had a friend who always made fun of the music I listened to because it wasn't the brutal metal we connected through initially. To get over my insecurity of being seen as soft for liking emo and Kpop I learned to just own my interests and accept that what I like doesn't make me any more or less of a man. They're just my preferences. So if someone says something to you try to figure out why it may piss you off compared to an insult that doesn't. Also it's always a viable option to change up social circles if you're around toxic people who actively continue to poke at your insecurities on purpose.
This was me since my childhood. I never get angry, i am so calm and cool. Then i suffer with loads of unreleased anger...and get into depression. Thanks for discussing this topics. It helps.
I don't think i can do this. I feel like my entire being consists of venomous envy and i dont't want to expose the people i actually care about to that level of toxicity.
I felt that way too.. It took some hard work and about 2 years of therapy but the venom loses it's potency over time. Once you boil all the feelings down to the core of the problem(s). Eventually it gets a little easier to talk about things without the toxicity. It's worth a try either way
It was as if some higher power put this in front of me on Christmas Day, because you so nailed where I personally am at the moment, I can’t thank you enough my friend....wow!
~ Hope you had a great Christmas, JD! We actually have a video called "4 Simple Questions To Find Your Passion" that you might find helpful. Feel free to check it out. :-) Also, we have an article called "5 Steps To Find What You Love And Make It Your Career". Here's the link: www.charismaoncommand.com/5-steps-find-love-make-career/
I hate watching your videos, because they always hit way too close to home, and i think we all hate being proven wrong, especially about something that's that core to ourselves, or at least, myself. Your channel is something else, man. Great video as always.
Agree, I wouldn't say I'd get laughed out of the room but it'd definitely be awkward, if even possible. As a theoretical exercise it sounds interesting and I think it can probably work in a romantic relationship or a best friend kind of thing, but doing that with my regular group of friends doesn't really work out in my head at least, I don't even know in what context I could even approach the topic, let alone start the fully fledged exercise.
Im a doctor and at work, they really hammer this into us, especially empathy. We had a whole teaching session on just emotional intelligence with worksheets and all, but was never great at it growing up and it took ages for me to understand it
Man, you are one of a kind, like no blowing smoke at all my friend, but you are one of a kind. I have never seen such level of authenticity on youtube. I m honestly more impressed by your character than your videos Charlie, great job :)
I don't enjoy soup. I don't eat it. If someone wants me to eat soup I weigh up how much I don't want soup verses the overall need for me to eat soup for this other person. If I do have to eat soup, no biggie, I eat soup. Anger is soup. Sometimes you gotta take a sip - say, by putting an edge in your tone, sometimes you need to eat the whole bowl by chewing someone out. Once in your life you may need to send the soup bowl smashing against the wall by going full WAAAAAAGH!! Expect to be arrested for doing this last one. Good luck, buh buy.
Yo Charlie, I have a question. How much time do you take to prepare for these videos? Your presentation skills are outstanding and I notice that there aren't any cuts in the video. So how do you present it so smoothly?
@TheClassic Gents I totally understand you man! Not only do my ideas not flow but, when I present, I also forget the sequence of my ideas mid-presentation. So I have to look at some form of help. I thought to myself that maybe he does have notes--they're behind the camera--but I don't think so because his eyes never wanders away. Throughout the whole video, he keeps eye contact with the camera. So there's no way he could be reading something on the side. Also, it's perfectly doable for him to be familiar with an idea so well that he talks about it for 13 minutes, but I don't think that's the case here. The perfection of how his ideas flow and connect, how they complement each other and how intricate they are makes it nearly impossible for him to just talk so long without taking a break to remember or bring his thoughts together. I know I'm writing a lot, but one more thing. The only solution here, I guess, would be that he makes sure he flawlessly memorizes everything--word for word--before recording, but that also doesn't fit because in this video he said that there was something he thought of this morning. So, assuming that he is telling the truth, how did he intertwine that new idea within this whole presentation (that he had already memorized) so quick and perfectly? Haha we need answers Charlie
@TheClassic Gents what you say makes sense but if he doesn't memorize the script and he only memorizes the bullet points, how is his presentation so smooth? I feel like memorizing like that leaves a lot of space to forget things or it can cause you to stall a bit before remembering your next bullet point. But he did none of that.
i think he has made a video about how to give a presentation without the notes..I'm not 100% certain if I'm right but what he does is make bullet points what he wants to elaborate on then create a sequence in mind like a story from start to finish cos when you are telling a story to someone it is highly unlikely you'll get lost midway if the story appeals to you in some way.. Again I'm not sure cos I watched the video long back but you can check out that one about presentation to have a general idea what he does
This is always what I do, I try to always neutralize every negative feeling that I have with positivity, and then when I'm exhausted, I just explode of all the negativity that I've been through.
I pushed away my anger and my nervousness for a very long time and now they are coming back like I couldn’t control them anymore :// so thank u for this wonderful advice and making an informative video. It will definitely help me on the long run
Question: my main grievance is that I get emotionally exhausted very quickly to the point where I don't care for much of anything for very long. How do I go about dealing with that and become a more emotionally healthy person?
@ I'm not one to lie to my friends regarding things I don't want to do. I've gotten better at expressing my interests (and lack their of) and I'm lucky enough to have people that accept my reluctance to be social or attentive most days, I'm just looking to better myself personally. I don't care to lie about what I do and don't like that's just a waste of time. I'm looking to be emotionally present when appropriate.
Dear Charlie, I am very happy for you! I have discovered this recently for myself. And I am starting to feel whole because of that. I also see that I am less judgemental with myself. To experience ones most authentic self is truly liberating. Take care on your journey! Thank you for sharing here on RUclips! Love, Nyom
This makes so much sense. All the times I tried to block a bad thought just felt counterintuitive to me. There was no feeling of relief because the thoughts would persist throughout the day. Setting aside time to allow the negativity to flow is uncomfortable, but it does help. You can't have a good without a bad.
No need to wait for the video: Hire a crew of top notch writers and Vince Gilligan to oversee them. Become a gifted writer and comedian yourself, with decades of experience working with similar high level talents. Done.
Thank you so much for this video. You just opened my eyes why I stopped seeing life in bright colours. I have been suppressing many negative emotions for so long...
I think I've been doing this without even knowing. When I was 13, I was sexually harassed by an old man who was staying with our family. All he did was touch my inner left thigh. About 3 years ago, that man died. I was somewhat happy he died, but I was also angry that he died without facing the consequences of his actions. I tired to forgive him. Hoping that will help me heal. As I was trying to forgive him, I kept saying "he only touched you. It's not like he raped you or anything". I tried to say, "he was just attracted to me. I may have been 13, but i had a very womanly shape". "He didn't even think anything of it. If he knew how slapping my thigh would make me feel, he probably wouldn't have done it". "He was even nice to me and the family". I thought I was exaggerating my feelings. No matter how much I try to suppress my feeling and try to convince myself it's irrational. The way I feel is still there. When he touched me, my body reacted the same way anyone would feel if they were touch. The body doesn't know the difference btwn consensual sexual behavior and non-consensual sexual behavior. Having my body react that way even though I didn't want it makes me feel betrayed by my own body. It's the most disgusting feeling ever. I can't describe it. I can't help that even though I'm 22 now, the feeling of needing to pee makes me feel like that. Every time I need to pee, it's like I'm being sexually harassed all over again. The feeling never goes away. I have to realize that I can't force myself to stop feeling violated just because the violation wasn't rape. I was still a 13-year-old girl that got touched in my inner thigh by a 60+ year old man. I want to release myself of the anger I feel towards him, but I can't and I have every right to feel that anger towards him and the adults who knew what happened but didn't do anything about it.
Listen my man, u can still express your emotions you have, just not to that man. I also have a thing that happened in my life and i would feel this intense weigth on my chest when i would think about it, i would also rationalize the feeling away and only until i watched this video i got to express those emotions and just by screaming and letting yourself being angry helps a whole whole lot(for me atleast)
I hate to be that guy, but emotional intelligence is not conclusive, we have huge amounts of difficulty measuring it accurately and its validity is questionable at best, not hating on Charlie, his videos are great and his presentation skills and charisma are some of the best i have ever seen, just the scientific accuracy of the term isn't considered to be too good
@Jddel Ddel Its not that i "don't understand it" its that its not a "form of intelligence", merely a poor combination of already recognised traits and claiming it to be a different construct with no further predictive powers. "a study by Schulte, Ree, Carretta (2004),[69] showed that general intelligence (measured with the Wonderlic Personnel Test), agreeableness (measured by the NEO-PI), as well as gender could reliably be used to predict the measure of EI ability." Its just disingenuous and taking already established ideas, putting a ribbon on it to appeal to people who dislike IQ.
"Repressing emotions will come back to haunt you. They look for justifiable ways to express themselves." Damn. That hit home.
In my native language, we have a saying that roughly translates, "Every sorrow that does not speak (as in, is not allowed to) will go to your heart and eventually will make it break." :-\
@@thekingsdaughter4233 or come out as health issues.
*Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'*
Your reply is a beautiful statement, full of truth. Also, that voice you mentioned, that voice is the guiding force behind all of our actions whether we know it or not. We have to foster and cultivate that voice. We have to grow it into a voice of discipline, and following that logic to it's natural end, a moral voice is the goal. This ensures that that when we need that voice, we know with confidence that our voice will be heard. Take care.
@@enlighteninghumor6526 :)
"No. Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda. 😁
@@WhyteLis21 t
Determination
This resonated with me big time. I used to repress my emotions until I realized how it seeped out in nasty ways. I still repress my emotions sometimes and this video was very helpful.
The Life Formula same me!!!! My bf sent me this link and I am thrown! Wow!
Just play violent video games or be mean in the story modes of video games - it's fun and it expresses evil in a way that can't hurt you!
@@davecullins1606 i guess ill play red dead 2 now lol
@@howdyfrommars9410 Im playing it while im watching this video :D
The Life Formula
Yeah, this was like a video he created just for me. It’s already helping me, and it’s only been a couple hours. Wrote down things like he said, cried hard for a couple moments, then went outside (not in California!) and set them on fire. Watching those words brown, then shrivel up and seeing that ashes fly away this windy day...
It was like burning the weight off of my chest I didn’t even know I was living with.
There are certain emotions that will kill your drive; frustration and confusion. You can change these to a positive force. Frustration means you are on the verge of a breakthrough. Confusion can mean you are about to learn something. Expect the breakthrough and expect to learn.
Tanvir Ahmed oh wow, that’s how I felt today, but thanks to your comment I don’t feel so confused anymore. Thanks.
@@pedropierre9594 I'm glad to hear that.
I don't think frustration is an emotion tbh more so a thought that manifests into static. Emotions are more so things that you sense with your heart that your brain can identify.
@@Bettereveryday003 Frustration is an emotion that occurs in situations where a person is blocked from reaching a desired outcome.
@@TanvirAhmed24 That sounds like emotional constipation usually self induced. A mix of anger, and simply being unsatisfied with the present. *See emotions aren't something that you can think up, it's comes from the body*, whereas things such as "frustration, confusion, outcome dependence" comes from thinking too much
I feel like repression of emotions is respected in this society, and expressions of emotion are criticized.
Very much so. My mom always taught me to not use the word hate, even though 90% of the time I really meant it. So I ended up resenting both her and the thing I hated, because she wouldn't let me express myself and not being allowed to hate something makes me hate the object more.
It honestly depends on the way you express them not that they are criticised.
People need to learn how to express them but we are not taught so we use what we feel is right(I made this mistake and so do alot of people)
Yeah. I repressed my emotions so hard that I felt like a sociopath. That's when I realized repression isn't a sustainable strategy. It's good for short-term, but you got to process through it eventually
@ I have to make "dominance" a target area for growth. Yes
@ agreed. The dominance I speak of is the dominance of personal expression and winning social proof. When you express yourself, there will be people who don't approve. Also, if you don't take care of your body, finances, career, or volunteerism (contribution to the community), people are more inclined to not take you seriously. Being able to express myself is taking a massive effort to work against the rejection in my life. As well as gaining habits that increase the proof of my self acceptance like: a more fit body, having a job, having a group of friends to hang out with, and working on a career that best expresses my goals in life.
@@octane2344 wow, your comment was honest and very well expressed. I see what you mean. Thank you.
Eddie Allen If you're not supposed to repress, how do you express emotions without seeming like you're overreacting?
Eddie Allen Dat self neglect
/fist bump
Don't kick the dog my fellow viewers. 4:54
But we all do Charlie told us to
"This is offensive towards dogs. Please change your language. We suggest 'don't kick a toddler', but feel free to come up with something else." -PETA
My poor tortoise . . . it was ONLY ONE TIME >:[]
I'm a HORRIBLE ANIMAL >:C *releases emotions*
You came to my house and kicked my dog and now my dog need operation
I really appreciate how honest and open you are. Makes everything that you say so much more relatable. Thank you.
COC: The classic example is the person who gets yelled at by the boss they don't say anything
Me: Ok ok I can understand this so far
COC: Then they come home and kick the dog
ME: Its probably just an extreme exa-
COC: This is what we all do
Me: Wait what
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING LMAO
BABAHAHAHAHAHAH omfg I had the same reaction XD
I kick my dog all the time and I don't even have problems with my boss.
Wait I don't have a dog...
Whose dog have I been kicking all along?
@@RosimInc7 😭
Yeah. I caught that. Wait, what? But took him to mean that we all take it out elsewhere on someone or something holding less power over our lives - like a partner, friend, child, cashier, another driver. I don't think he meant literally kicking the dog or hurting a child. I'm just going to assume that anyway. My dogs hear me scream in frustration toward the computer screen several times a week. Something I gotta work on since it sends one of them to the other room. The other one doesn't care - knows I'm wacky. I need to start journaling.
This video hit me so deeply, i've been feeling flat for so long now, and I realize it's because i hold back my emotions due to fear of repercussions, just like we were taught to be "proper". I'm 21 and I have an extremely hard time enjoying myself, especially around friends. I have isolated myself and only keep up menial relationships with those around me. I hope i can learn this honesty with myself and others, thank you for the info.
I've been struggling with this for literally my entire life- for so long that I didnt even know it was wrong. I was planning to get a therapist this January because I knew something was wrong but didnt know what. You've hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you and God bless you.
This is literally exactly what I'm working on in therapy. Thank you for putting it so concisely.
Charlie is the perfect example of charisma on command! Anyone else agree?
😊
Yeah, it helps the premise of the channel that he's super likeable.
No
Nah its excessive
Yes, he is and so is Mensutra
Serendipitously, I needed to hear this. I grew up suppressing my emotions as a survival tactic against my abuser. But now in my later adult life, I need to rewire everything, because those survival tactics no longer serve me. Thank you for your sincerity.
I relate to this. I usually supress my emotions and everything is backfiring to my mental health. You don't know how happy I am to stumble upon this. Feels good to find something I can relate too
Omg, this has hit home in a big way! Being in a relationship where I couldn't figure out why I was feeling numbed out by a partner who suppresses emotions. I was shamed for being authentic, but yet I was dying inside with an overwhelming feeling of "Something isn't right here, why do I want to run from this person?" It was suffocating, and I thought I was a terrible person for feeling this perpetual angst. This video gave me the ability to breathe again! I am amazed. I thought I would never get free, but I did. I'll never go back to being emotionally suffocated.
This actually made me cry, so informative and relatable. Thank you. This is somethign relatable yet idk if I could have expressed it any better.
This is extremely helpful. We can't bury our emotions we have to get them out somewhere, at least in a journal or let that person know how we felt
This is too weird. I found out today that I've been ignoring my feelings again (has happened before, caused me to burn out big time). I just found your channel last week because I'm trying to improve my horrible presentation skills for my channel. And now this video is the first one to pop up today just when I needed it the most. Thank you, for making this video and putting it out there. I can't tell you how much I needed this.
I have a lot of respect for you for the work you do and the honor you have for going back, admitting your faults, and learning from them.
you are honestly the best psychologist I've seen and I've had experience with many
One of my favorite things is the title of this video. You do a wonderful job of being self aware, being honest, and taking self responsibility.
First of all Merry Christmas to all. Great video, I kind of touched on this in a video I did on anger. I totally agree, what you described is a form of repression rather than expressing your emotions. Doing this can be toxic for your mental and emotional health and I think the exercise you and Ben did was great (assuming it remained as safe place that didn't actively hurt the relationship). Showed once again why you're one of the best channels on RUclips
@TheClassic Gents Thanks for getting in touch, I wasn't aware of your channel so really appreciate it as I like what you do :) In terms of collab, if you have some ideas in mind please feel free to email me (you can get my email from my profile) and we can see what would work well
You are so real and honest in your videos, it really makes me smile. As I noticed you’re always learning, that’s cool you’re getting better and you know that there are a lot things in this world you don’t know about
This is something that I have been practicing this last year... especially the second half of the year. After watching your video about being honest with yourself, I finally allowed myself to think about memories that keep coming up, and really process those memories and emotions that I had repressed for so long. I asked myself a lot of questions and learned so much about myself and where I want to be. It's been a breakthrough year and i'm looking forward to continuing on learning to live more honestly and authentically!
I appreciate your honesty, to make yourself vulnerable just to help other people.
The moment I realized I was suppressing those negative emotions was a deep one.
First youre tough, youre strong you can handle all that people throw at you. Then people think its okay to treat you bad because you never let them know what bothers you.
Time passes and you experience a loss of control over yourself, youre easy to trigger and your suppressed emotions explodes like a volcano.
From this state, without adressing and working on your feelings, it only gets worse.
The absolute most basic step to get over this is to be brutally honest to yourself.
Accept the fact you have this vicious, narrow-minded thoughts and emotions. You are a human being, it is absolutely okay to have these. Everyone has these to a certain degree.
Get to know them. Take your time to fully understand where they truly have their roots.
You need to adress the problem first before you are able to work in it.
Love this so much, my dude. 🙏🏼
"I'm not a hero. I'm a high functioning sociopath!"
The game is afoot, Mrs Hudson!
amazing video, thanks Charlie! you are truly blessed to have a friend like Ben who you can be so honest with. this video helped me a lot, I've been learning that ignoring the "shadow self" is a recipe for it to come out when you really don't want it to, so giving myself space to experience negative emotions honestly has helped me feel a lot more in control of my emotions on the day to day, even when they're negative.
Hey I know this is almost a year old, but just want you to know you're really making a difference with these videos man. My dad and I have been going through a rough patch in our relationship and this gave me a lot to think about and a way to go about fixing things
One thing that has really helped with this is understanding that every person is operating from their own perception of reality. So whenever you get into a negative state that you do not want to, this realisation really helps as it makes you more empathetic towards the person rather than reacting to it. But its a constant practice and definitely takes you to be aware of it all times, I would recommend you try it as well ! :)
One of the messages I keep hearing from your channel is to be genuine and I think this video really hits the core of that messages. Thank you for highlighting what's happening on an emotional level and providing ways to address this with the people in my life.
Yes!!!!! These are one of the best advice I absolutely agree with! I feel like these advice makes you more human. I’ll give radical honesty a good read
Thank you for this. I started crying during the video, thinking of all the times I rationalized my way through anger and hurt. This really changed how I view emotional intelligence
Thanks young old man 😃
I'm quitting smoking and holding my feelings inside 💪
Godspeed! :D
You can quit!
Just commenting so you can read what you wrote and avoid relapsing, if you haven’t already.
Good on you!
How do you mean? Quitting smoking is a bad thing to you or keeping your feelings inside is good?
I learned that shifting your perception about things, and continuously convincing yourself about "all things will work out in the end" works for me.
Thank you for this! I also have been focusing on the control aspect. Although I've been aware for a while that actually experiencing all my emotions is important, I always tend to try to shut off the ones that I feel are negative or not appropriate. I almost never feel anger, and when I do, I basically always direct it at myself, because I don't want to direct it people that I care about or strangers that I can make excuses for their behavior. I have ended up being emotionally numb most of the time, which felt like a victory of control, but keeps me from feeling much of anything, even the "good" emotions, and keeps the "negative" emotions compounding in the background.
I can relate to your comment. I recently realized that a lot of my self-esteem issues come from me trying to redirect the (justified) anger that I feel for others onto myself so I don't burst out. It's important that we acknowledge that our feelings are legitimate 💜
I know this feeling too. Arguing won';t fix it, so you accept it, with a numb disregard.
I love this community--I really do. It's 2.2 million people all looking to better themselves.
You're a really intelligent guy, Charlie, and you should be proud of what you guys have created here. You're helping a lot of people.
It's so beautiful to be honest with your emotions and share it with someone who you really care of. That's what I call integrity and that's what I call a true leader.
Thank you so much for this. For many years, I repressed an unGodly amount of anger, and, like you, I just thought I didn't get angry. Then, like a tidal wave, it all came rushing out. I didn't know why or how to put it back in the box. I felt like there was this monster inside that I wasn't strong enough to fight, even though I did use all of my strength to control myself. That was a few years ago and I have been doing a lot of self care to heal, to control my anger, and to find a better way to be in the world, but I still didn't understand why it happened that way until your video. This is huge for me! Thank you again.
If you become truly aware of your emotions you can control them. Being aware of your emotions isn't just labeling them as sad or happy. It's experiencing it as it is without words because in reality, in truth these labels do not exist, only in our mind. We get an unpleasant experience and we call it anger or sadness. We get a pleasant experience and we call it happiness. These emotions do not know or care what they are called, they just exist and will continue existing until you truly become aware of them. The same way in nature trees do not know or care that they are called trees, they just are. When you realize this you can experience things at their purest forms, labels prevent awareness.
I just love it, that you include timestamps for your videos and write down your points there. So that I can quickly read what you are going to talk about. Keep up the good work!
I did this EXACT thing and it _destroyed_ a long term relationship.
Man, this made me cry. I'm trying to be whole but I can't quite yet deal with it socially, I feel like I'd burn every relationship I have. Too much control, too much holding back, too much trying to be kind and gentle and generous, and somewhere along the way I forgot how to be honest, how to be real, how to be entirely me - so I feel like nobody knows me, and that they wouldn't like me otherwise. It's very validating to hear you say these things, thank you for sharing this insight.
The problem with that exercise though is that no matter what you say to explain it, it can poison your relationship as you essentially venting your frustration into the other person. Unless you're the most trusted best of buddies, the other person will pretty much judge you by it, no matter how you trying to explain it, especially if its vicious or hypocritical.
xxlCortez Arguably, being passive aggressive towards them for years also poisons a relationship. It’s still better to be honest and open, and to give room for both of your emotions to breathe.
I agree with not venting all this "toxic" emotions with everyone you come across but it might be a good idea to do it with really close relationships, always adding a personal analysis of how their personality is. Close and long term relationships are based on understanding, trust, respect and, as a personal opinion, the ability of not being possessive about the other person's time or feelings.
I love the way there is no editing in his videos. It really shows that he knows the topics he talks about inside and out. It's very refreshing to know that what he's preaching is credible (which is hard to find now-a-days)
I like that you're always adapting your knowledge and trying new methods when the old ones are obsolete but it's annoying to hear so many conflicting methods from so many different self-improvement books/guides.
Different things work for different people. Try everything out and see for yourself what sticks, helps you feel better, or seems most natural to you. Most likely, you're going to end up mixing and matching all sorts of different advice.
Good luck on your journey!
What conflict?
ConspiracyJuice
The hardest part is trusting yourself to filter out the bad knowledge or less effective forms. Watch many sources, compare and contrast, and find the common lines they all agree upon. Then it’s up to your ability to extrapolate and figure out what’s nest for you.
what conflict specifically?
@@aquagrunty101 Yeah that's what I do, all I'm saying is that it's annoying. I take everything I read/watch with a pinch of salt.
Those who attempt to control their emotions, end up being controlled by them... something i have also seemed to forget...
thank you, i really appreciate your work... happy hollidays!
*Being honest and don’t only live by the motto fake it until you make it*
Thank you for this!
Winny out... _for now_ 😉
Just want to say that I'm appreciating this channel so much - as a 22 year old still at the beginning of everything and trying to figure myself out this channel just has been so nice to watch. Thank you guys!
Anger is sometimes good to show when it is against an abusive bully.
With force.
Yeah, If a bully bullies you, bully him back.
@@Mii.2.0 No, that just perpetuates the cycle, you must ERASE your bully, not become one yourself.
Eradicate any trace of their will too cause you harm. Break them
@@thatguyonyoutube2063 Thank you for your wisdom. I didn't know what to think for myself sometimes. :)
@@thatguyonyoutube2063
Got it. Don't bully your bully, kill them
Life does not have a manual, honesty is the best. So is growing.
As Jordan Peterson, Alan Watts and Tony Robbins said... "There are no wrong feeling, it's all natural, and it happend for one reason, but it up to you use it at your favor", that's what make us humans after all.
I loved this video so much! I've come across this concept of being "authentic" a while ago and didn't realize that hiding my emotions was my "silent backstabber". There are times when I should but do not get angry at all and vice versa. So still working on finding the balance. I'm a very emotional creature and cry too easily. Used to be ashamed of it but learned to accept me for who I am and be strong about it. Cutting out people who make you feel wrong for how you feel helps as well. Educating and learning about yourself is an exciting journey.
Love this. You should watch the anime "Berserk", because it beautiful illustrates this and many other psychological functions in an intense and complex way.
I feel like everything in my life life makes sense after this video. This was an amazing watch thank you.
How do you expressively communicate when being honest with others that are not willing to sit down in a safe space?
I am wondering the same. First, I believe we need more context on the situation. WHY is someone not willing to sit in a safe space and be honest? The answer to that by itself may make you even question if you want to continue the relationship.
I'm considering that we could do the exercise discussed in the video by ourselves. Outwardly expressing our feelings and resentment we have towards the other person in empty space. I don't think it would be as healing as it would be with the other person present but it could be an alternative
@@ThoughtProvokingVlogs there is actaully a psychological therapy which does this...seriously, its called chair therapy/ gestalt therapy. It works
@@catherinesinclair7727 Interesting. From reading a one sentence description it sounds similar to Dialectal behavioral therapy (DBT)
Bingo! Thank you for not advising people to sugar coat one s emotions.we ve been for years listening to self help gurus who don t go deep enough and whose strategies to deal with emotions is to in fact control and supress them, as if it was possible.they are there to be seen, listened, felt.5 star video🙏😊👍
Lack of expression/assertiveness leads to passive agressiveness
Thanks for breaking the stigma bro. A lot of good people are now gonna realise that there's no shame in showing that you feel emotion. Thanks again.
Also, thumbs up for that personal growth.
Good video...just wish the people in my life I really need to have that kind of conversation with were actually open to that kind of conversation lol
Choose someone you can really trust and tell that person all the things you are annoyed about
You can go to workshops or something for this.
You gotta make those conversations happen. Most people are too comfortable seeing open and vulnerable conversations happen only on TV.
So sad we only find these people behind screens.I only have such conversation with myself inside my head..when bring little of my inside out I am told to be too serious
Your so honest and caring I don't even know you but I'm proud of you for it.
+Charisma on Command
While I'm not discounting the usefulness of those suggestions and exercises, I think most of that would be nullified with developing good communication skills and empathy towards others (even those you believe are in the wrong and why they feel the way they do, knowing you'd likely feel the same way).
I don't ever get angry, mostly because the vast majority of situations anger is born out of ignorance. Ignorance of why people feel the way they do and coming to assumptions about another person's intent and feelings.
Applying Occam's Razor to your belief system can eliminate most of that ignorance by adopting an inquisitive mindset, rather than a judgmental one. Occam's Razor boiled down is essentially the idea that makes the fewest assumptions tends to be the correct one. In other words, avoid coming to assumptions, remain agnostic, until you have clear, objective evidence in which there is no possible other reasonable explanation. Especially avoid making assumptions of a person's motives or intent and instead ask questions. Too often people assume ill motives or intent not considering other likely possibilities when their emotions get the best of them. And anger completely shuts down the prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for solving problems, when you NEED to solve them the most).
It doesn't bother me when people (even friends) are judgmental towards me, because I understand how easy it is to come to assumptions based on very little information. I've been judgmental too, often. That's why being able to effectively articulate why exactly you do the things you do or are the way you are can easily create a shared understanding in situations like that. In the particular situation in the video, often people will make judgments based on the way friends communicate with each other. People often don't communicate the positives in a relationship and often emphasize when things go wrong, which easily leads to judgments from friends and family that a particular relationship is bad for you. Which doesn't just apply to relationships, when people talk about anything, like your job for example.
When someone has little information on something, if you ask the right questions, you can get people to realize how little they actually know about something or if you're the one who knows little, can cause you to reevaluate your viewpoint. In either situation, it creates a shared understanding.
Anger is too often just frustration with your inability to communicate effectively and efficiently in a situation to get your viewpoint across.
this is nice but it requires rational thought to create a measured response. Most people's emotions are going to jump in before the rational mind has time to put things in perspective.
I think the guist of this video is saying you need to explore ugly thoughts so that you can have the chance to deal with them properly.
Are you really sure you never have ugly thoughts, ever? (you dont have to rationally agree with your ugly thoughts btw)
I'm lucky in a way that I was always very fluid with my emotions. When I was stressed, I would shriek. When I was angry, I would let you know. When I was happy, I would light up the room. This skill came about subconsciously to me and I am so grateful for it especially after watching this video. My mom always used to repress her emotions and I could somehow always feel the negativity seeping out of her at random times. Especially after I would do something wrong, she wouldn't get angry. Instead, she got really quiet and slowly leaked out her anger. I am going to send this video to her!
"I am not substantial if I do not cast a shadow" heard that somewhere; can't remember where...
That sounds like Jung, i think it was his "shadow" theory.
@@maxhammer7570 Probably was. I think I heard it from another RUclipsr who makes a lot of videos covering Jung's theories and how they apply to fictional characters in his favourite franchises.
I think what makes you so appealing to listen to is the fact that you always come from a personnal experience where you act wrongly/made mistakes that you now recognise as wrong or exagerrated. I find this humility and generosity very appealing and it makes me want to apply them in my own life :) Sorry for the broken english, not my mother tongue ^^
This channel inspired. Me to start my own!! People love my videos now.
Thank you for the inspirstion! Give to recieve! Merry Christmas!
Charlie, you're the savior of my life.
I watched some of your vids and it changed my life forever and for some reason I can only listen to your teachings.
Thank you so so much.
My shadow self is extremely jealous you're this self aware and good-looking and 7 years younger than me lol
😂😂😂
lol, I figured it was a good place to start?
I love your take on this. I approach it a little differently by taking into account that the same characteristics can form our greatest strengths or our greatest weaknesses. I'm always trying to find peace and mental coherence. When tragedy strikes at a young age, suppression is automatic and necessary. If you can avoid suppressing emotions later you will be further ahead.
I had that one problem ...when I sensed some disrespectful behavior or attitude toward me from friends....I got really and easily angrier and triggered..(I lose my cool) and I said very means and cruel things to that one who said such things ...that made me somewhat regretful...cuz i hated being disrespected by others by any means...that's why I learned to be silence even when someone throws some insults toward me... I act like I don't hear it....Or I simply I keep staring to him as warning...to withdraw his sayings ..i don't even know if that's right?
It has to be better than blowing up and making the reaction worse than the action. I'll try the stink eye next time instead of hulking out lol
Nèô Àrtyum I would recomend just trying to play it cool, and dont take offense. Just throw an insult back at him (jokingly) to show him that you dont care what he thinks. Boys try to test each other all the time, learn to handle it if not you will have a struggle
@@atomisum6445 yeah i need to master the art of reply..but i feel better than i was before...i don t talk to much and use silence more than to burst...and if something i don't like i say it with delightful...
No you have a right to be mad. I stead if blowing up, be assertive. Clear and firm "I'm not gonna tolerate this. Please treat me respectful." Keepubg your cool isn't always good and allows ppl to get away with mistreatment. Communicate. Do not ignore or "play it cool " just bc someone else does it or tells you to.
It depends on what they're saying. When we are angered by someone's insult we are taking it personally because we believe what they're saying.
It might have to do with something you're insecure about and that's why it hurts to hear. I take that as a sign for growth.
For instance I had a friend who always made fun of the music I listened to because it wasn't the brutal metal we connected through initially.
To get over my insecurity of being seen as soft for liking emo and Kpop I learned to just own my interests and accept that what I like doesn't make me any more or less of a man. They're just my preferences.
So if someone says something to you try to figure out why it may piss you off compared to an insult that doesn't. Also it's always a viable option to change up social circles if you're around toxic people who actively continue to poke at your insecurities on purpose.
This was me since my childhood. I never get angry, i am so calm and cool. Then i suffer with loads of unreleased anger...and get into depression. Thanks for discussing this topics. It helps.
I don't think i can do this. I feel like my entire being consists of venomous envy and i dont't want to expose the people i actually care about to that level of toxicity.
I feel that and also I'm afraid they would not see me the same way or even run away from me haha
I felt that way too.. It took some hard work and about 2 years of therapy but the venom loses it's potency over time. Once you boil all the feelings down to the core of the problem(s). Eventually it gets a little easier to talk about things without the toxicity. It's worth a try either way
It was as if some higher power put this in front of me on Christmas Day, because you so nailed where I personally am at the moment, I can’t thank you enough my friend....wow!
Hey Charlie Merry Christmas. Would you consider doing a video on choosing the right career? Thanks
~ Hope you had a great Christmas, JD! We actually have a video called "4 Simple Questions To Find Your Passion" that you might find helpful. Feel free to check it out. :-)
Also, we have an article called "5 Steps To Find What You Love And Make It Your Career". Here's the link:
www.charismaoncommand.com/5-steps-find-love-make-career/
Omg
This video is just uploaded in the perfect time
Thank you so much you are the best
Was expecting a Tiege Hanley cameo at the end there
I hate watching your videos, because they always hit way too close to home, and i think we all hate being proven wrong, especially about something that's that core to ourselves, or at least, myself.
Your channel is something else, man. Great video as always.
I would like to see someone try to create this "safe space" practice with MY friends! I would get laughed out the room lol
Agree, I wouldn't say I'd get laughed out of the room but it'd definitely be awkward, if even possible. As a theoretical exercise it sounds interesting and I think it can probably work in a romantic relationship or a best friend kind of thing, but doing that with my regular group of friends doesn't really work out in my head at least, I don't even know in what context I could even approach the topic, let alone start the fully fledged exercise.
Find the community/support system by opening your circle (online, meet-up groups, irl :)
Im a doctor and at work, they really hammer this into us, especially empathy. We had a whole teaching session on just emotional intelligence with worksheets and all, but was never great at it growing up and it took ages for me to understand it
Realy good and intense video
Man, you are one of a kind, like no blowing smoke at all my friend, but you are one of a kind.
I have never seen such level of authenticity on youtube.
I m honestly more impressed by your character than your videos Charlie, great job :)
No way you're 31
Whaaaaat really?!?!
Worddddddd
People who are more positive look younger, I feel like this applies to him too.
whaaaaaaaaa
31 is quite young in fact
I don't enjoy soup. I don't eat it. If someone wants me to eat soup I weigh up how much I don't want soup verses the overall need for me to eat soup for this other person. If I do have to eat soup, no biggie, I eat soup.
Anger is soup. Sometimes you gotta take a sip - say, by putting an edge in your tone, sometimes you need to eat the whole bowl by chewing someone out. Once in your life you may need to send the soup bowl smashing against the wall by going full WAAAAAAGH!!
Expect to be arrested for doing this last one. Good luck, buh buy.
This analogy is so bad for me because I violently hate soup lol
This couldn't be an ounce more relatable, just been psycho analysed, diagnosed and given the prescription to fix it. Thank you
Yo Charlie, I have a question. How much time do you take to prepare for these videos? Your presentation skills are outstanding and I notice that there aren't any cuts in the video. So how do you present it so smoothly?
@TheClassic Gents I totally understand you man! Not only do my ideas not flow but, when I present, I also forget the sequence of my ideas mid-presentation. So I have to look at some form of help. I thought to myself that maybe he does have notes--they're behind the camera--but I don't think so because his eyes never wanders away. Throughout the whole video, he keeps eye contact with the camera. So there's no way he could be reading something on the side.
Also, it's perfectly doable for him to be familiar with an idea so well that he talks about it for 13 minutes, but I don't think that's the case here. The perfection of how his ideas flow and connect, how they complement each other and how intricate they are makes it nearly impossible for him to just talk so long without taking a break to remember or bring his thoughts together.
I know I'm writing a lot, but one more thing. The only solution here, I guess, would be that he makes sure he flawlessly memorizes everything--word for word--before recording, but that also doesn't fit because in this video he said that there was something he thought of this morning. So, assuming that he is telling the truth, how did he intertwine that new idea within this whole presentation (that he had already memorized) so quick and perfectly? Haha we need answers Charlie
@TheClassic Gents what you say makes sense but if he doesn't memorize the script and he only memorizes the bullet points, how is his presentation so smooth? I feel like memorizing like that leaves a lot of space to forget things or it can cause you to stall a bit before remembering your next bullet point. But he did none of that.
@TheClassic Gents I also have no clue man haha! @Charlie @Charismaoncommand we need help lol
i think he has made a video about how to give a presentation without the notes..I'm not 100% certain if I'm right but what he does is make bullet points what he wants to elaborate on then create a sequence in mind like a story from start to finish cos when you are telling a story to someone it is highly unlikely you'll get lost midway if the story appeals to you in some way.. Again I'm not sure cos I watched the video long back but you can check out that one about presentation to have a general idea what he does
@@Alex80195 that video does ring a bell tbh. That's a must have skill then
This is always what I do, I try to always neutralize every negative feeling that I have with positivity, and then when I'm exhausted, I just explode of all the negativity that I've been through.
The most helpful skincare routine on the RUclipss lul :P
I pushed away my anger and my nervousness for a very long time and now they are coming back like I couldn’t control them anymore :// so thank u for this wonderful advice and making an informative video. It will definitely help me on the long run
Question: my main grievance is that I get emotionally exhausted very quickly to the point where I don't care for much of anything for very long. How do I go about dealing with that and become a more emotionally healthy person?
SplitSniper7 ya me too
if you're experiencing recurring emotional fatigue, you need a proper recharge. It's often called recovery and it takes time and consistency
Same man, and it kinda affects my social life too
@ I'm not one to lie to my friends regarding things I don't want to do. I've gotten better at expressing my interests (and lack their of) and I'm lucky enough to have people that accept my reluctance to be social or attentive most days, I'm just looking to better myself personally. I don't care to lie about what I do and don't like that's just a waste of time. I'm looking to be emotionally present when appropriate.
@@albatross7327 can you explain this?
Dear Charlie, I am very happy for you! I have discovered this recently for myself. And I am starting to feel whole because of that. I also see that I am less judgemental with myself. To experience ones most authentic self is truly liberating. Take care on your journey! Thank you for sharing here on RUclips! Love, Nyom
Wait 31 years olddddd
I thought you were like 21
Damnnnn
This makes so much sense. All the times I tried to block a bad thought just felt counterintuitive to me. There was no feeling of relief because the thoughts would persist throughout the day. Setting aside time to allow the negativity to flow is uncomfortable, but it does help. You can't have a good without a bad.
Do a video on how to be as witty as Saul Goodman
No need to wait for the video: Hire a crew of top notch writers and Vince Gilligan to oversee them. Become a gifted writer and comedian yourself, with decades of experience working with similar high level talents. Done.
Finding a way to appropriately express emotions in the moment is a very tough challenge indeed. Thanks for the video.
Gaargh, why is it always the sleep that is required!
I hate sleeping.. It's just boring..
Thank you so much for this video. You just opened my eyes why I stopped seeing life in bright colours. I have been suppressing many negative emotions for so long...
I think I've been doing this without even knowing. When I was 13, I was sexually harassed by an old man who was staying with our family. All he did was touch my inner left thigh. About 3 years ago, that man died. I was somewhat happy he died, but I was also angry that he died without facing the consequences of his actions.
I tired to forgive him. Hoping that will help me heal. As I was trying to forgive him, I kept saying "he only touched you. It's not like he raped you or anything". I tried to say, "he was just attracted to me. I may have been 13, but i had a very womanly shape". "He didn't even think anything of it. If he knew how slapping my thigh would make me feel, he probably wouldn't have done it". "He was even nice to me and the family".
I thought I was exaggerating my feelings. No matter how much I try to suppress my feeling and try to convince myself it's irrational. The way I feel is still there. When he touched me, my body reacted the same way anyone would feel if they were touch. The body doesn't know the difference btwn consensual sexual behavior and non-consensual sexual behavior. Having my body react that way even though I didn't want it makes me feel betrayed by my own body. It's the most disgusting feeling ever. I can't describe it. I can't help that even though I'm 22 now, the feeling of needing to pee makes me feel like that. Every time I need to pee, it's like I'm being sexually harassed all over again. The feeling never goes away. I have to realize that I can't force myself to stop feeling violated just because the violation wasn't rape. I was still a 13-year-old girl that got touched in my inner thigh by a 60+ year old man. I want to release myself of the anger I feel towards him, but I can't and I have every right to feel that anger towards him and the adults who knew what happened but didn't do anything about it.
Listen my man, u can still express your emotions you have, just not to that man. I also have a thing that happened in my life and i would feel this intense weigth on my chest when i would think about it, i would also rationalize the feeling away and only until i watched this video i got to express those emotions and just by screaming and letting yourself being angry helps a whole whole lot(for me atleast)
This is exactly what I needed to learn today, I know I'm going to have some trouble putting it into practice, but you know baby steps
Give it a trial, with alot of optimism.
I hate to be that guy, but emotional intelligence is not conclusive, we have huge amounts of difficulty measuring it accurately and its validity is questionable at best, not hating on Charlie, his videos are great and his presentation skills and charisma are some of the best i have ever seen, just the scientific accuracy of the term isn't considered to be too good
@Jddel Ddel Its not that i "don't understand it" its that its not a "form of intelligence", merely a poor combination of already recognised traits and claiming it to be a different construct with no further predictive powers.
"a study by Schulte, Ree, Carretta (2004),[69] showed that general intelligence (measured with the Wonderlic Personnel Test), agreeableness (measured by the NEO-PI), as well as gender could reliably be used to predict the measure of EI ability."
Its just disingenuous and taking already established ideas, putting a ribbon on it to appeal to people who dislike IQ.
I don't think the science matters. I think it's how it applies to your life. If it's something affecting your life, it does matter.