Watching things like this can inspire you to write. It's always good to get inspiration from wherever you can. And no one should beat themselves up for watching a ten minute absolutely inspiring video. I also highly recommend reading Walter Tevis, his prose is so gorgeous and compelling (he also wrote The Man Who Fell To Earth, which was the basis for the insane Bowie film from the 70s)
Have been going through your videos, and I can safely say you're one of the best writing teachers on RUclips. You present info so clearly and succinctly, and know your stuff so well. Thank you for everything you do!
I actually just finished writing a tense, explosive scene today where the MC foils a robbery attempt. He picked up on small cues the robbers (disguised as railyard workers ) differentiated themselves from the real workers, eye contact, shifting feet, tensing white knuckles until the MC sees the bulge of the revolver in a coat pocket. I liked it, but of course it needs further polishing to make it as intense as possible, but it was a good start. Haven't seen the show or read the book but with skill (and a few choice words) a good writer can make even the "dullest" of games or situations into something incredible. Thank you, Diane, and of course (tugging at the emotion strings) whatever you do, keep writing. Inspiring, as always.
You're gonna have to rethink the bulge of the revolver. Yardmen don't wear tight enough clothing to betray a gun short of a long-arm, much less whether that gun is a revolver or an automatic; hell, gangsters carried Tommy-guns hidden. Rail yards aren't so uncommon that you can't just skip over to take a personal boo.
@@clintcarpentier2424 sure they wear clothing tight enough to see a bulge in their clothing today and in the 1920s when my story is set. Obviously it's not spandex or some other body-hugging material, but you could definitely see SOMETHING heavy in a short coat pocket. You'd have to read the story to see what I mean. Also, gangsters hid Tommy guns beneath their coats, not stuffed into their pockets. You could definitely see those
@@perymachado6374 Granted, it's your story, you can tell it how you want. My stepfather worked for CNrail for 20 years, so that description twigged me. Writing sci-fi, I know the feeling of trying to gather accurate info about things I don't know. store.cinemaguild.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/madeontherails3.jpg
@@clintcarpentier2424 I get it, I would be ticked off as well if there was a glaring mistake that the author did nothing to address or mention it in an afterwards, and as it is a historical novel research and getting the details right is certainly very important. I needed the hero to foil the robbery and I remembered a situation I found myself in where I noticed something in someone's pocket (no a revolver, granted, but something of similar size) and thought it would be a good way to add tension and tip the hero off that something wasn't right.
@@perymachado6374 Yardmen will all have lanterns at night. A lack of "yard talk" could twig the detective. This is yacking about which car numbers go to which yard sections, which engine needs to be loaded for morning, etc. Something else to think about though, is the 1920's had a rail worker strike. It's news to me, but it's something that could twig the detective. "Are these blokes planning to sabotage the rails?" Stuff'n'such.
The next suspenseful scene I write will be the one at the climax of the story. All the secrets the book has been building will finally be revealed and the antagonists too. This is when a lot of earth-shattering revelations come to life, so I'm very excited to write it!
Tense: the second chapter was a flick of the pen away. It was coming... soon. A coffee break. A shower. Stop at the post office. Tuesday. Saturday. Pick up some groceries...it’s coming. Clean out the car, make room for beach stuff. Oh, I can feel it. Washes hair. Picks at the garden. Rearrange the garage. Get the snow tires. Santa’s bringing a second chapter... soon.
It feels that whenever I try to create tension my characters just end up arguing. But there is more depth than that to creating a tense scene, as you have clearly shown. I just wish I could create it more convincingly, naturally.
I think a good way to create tension is to create a sort of push and pull, like a game of tug of war that no one can call just yet. Give your character a minor win, then a setback, then a win, then a major setback, then a major win or another major setback, depending on whether you want to the MC to be the loser or the winner. That push and pull will keep the readers wondering who will come out on top. I hope this makes sense.
Your narration is as delightful as your subject matter as always. Every time I hear that intro and outro I feel at peace and your voice always carries encouragement and understanding that makes me feel comfortable and capable. Watching your videos are an act of meditation. Thank you for putting out such quality content as always.
It borders on revenge to have a story about Bobby Fisher played by a woman. "Much has been written about Beth Harmon - the fictional chess talent played so superbly by Anya Taylor-Joy - being a role model for budding female chess players. Yet ironically her character was largely based on a man who once dismissively suggested he could give any woman “knight odds” - or a piece headstart - and still beat her every time."
I was gonna write another scene with tension target subversion. But your lesson made me rethink it. There's no need to go for this and similar tricks all the time. Regular tension is valuable too and (most importantly) probably less irritating to the reader to deal with. * Just in case, what I mean by target subversion (random example): 1. character is scared 2. depiction of some slightly unsettling people following (implying that they are the danger) 3. character does some seemingly irrational things 4. depiction of surrounding as if the situation is just about to go down 5. depiction of the actual thing that scared the character, that was there all along. Like many other such tricks, it works only when there is still left some significant concealed information about the character. And it can be used only for so long. So you either expose all the secrets and left with no satisfying tools to complete the narrative, or you have to introduce some vague mysticism. At least that's how I feel. Really, thanks to your video, I've come to these conclusions. I mean it creates an atmosphere of a friendly seminar and kickstarts your " students' " thoughts
This video just gave me enlightment of becoming a writer. A month ago, I was talking with my writers club about how to create conflict without conversation (words exchange), and this series was flawless example of it. So, I wrote this ending scene which exactly like this video describes it. Thank you.
Every video I've seen from you fills me with so much inspiration to write. They have made planning my story so much more exciting because I have all of these new perspectives to think about when I plot my work.
I just recorded an MP3 of this lesson and added it to my Automobile University collection of Writing Courses by Diane "Quotidian" Callahan, Ellen Brock, Jerry Jenkins, C S Lewis, Hemingway, and others. 16 commute hours per week, and I get this great content whenever I need it!
I just started watching the queens gambit recently and I love it. I need to hurry up and watch the last episode so I can watch this! I love your videos so I definitely will come back and watch this once I finish it. You make my favorite writing videos.
Now I want to read The Queen’s Gambit even though I already know the outcome. The tension in narrative form seems delicious. Great video! I love the new opening!
This is a great example to use, because the reader doesn't have to care about chess, or actually even know how to play chess, for there to be tension. The tension comes from the reader's investment in the character, and how the chess game is affecting the character.
Well, a few days ago I stumbled upon your chanel and I am really, really glad I did. Now I am watching every single one of your videos. It's just so unique and helpful! Whatever you do, keep posting videos! After watching just 4 of your videos I am a way better writer, you are easy to understand and your videos are always full of super duper advice. You are amazing!😊👌😘
Whazzzzup. My amazing new opening animation was created by the talented Vitor A. Dupont! www.behance.net/vitordupont You can read a text version of this video on Medium: quotidianwriter.medium.com/building-tension-in-a-scene-the-queens-gambit-by-walter-tevis-9345bf803192 My behind-the-scenes notes for this video are posted on my Ko-fi blog: ko-fi.com/post/Behind-the-Scenes-Building-Tension-in-a-Scene-K3K23XWN3
Would you use this opening animation for later videos? I kinda love the previous one better, or I am not used to the new opening because the former are your trademarks, in my opinion. Just saying :)
Do you narrate audiobooks? Just by judging how you narrate examples that you don't have an audio-file for, I'm quite taken by the inflections you provide. Without watching the video, I can tell the difference between your narration, and when you're speaking for a character, especially when there are male and female characters dialoguing. Not that I'm anywhere near ready for it, but I would love to have you narrate my books. I thought about Merphy Napier, and checked out the examples she gives on her website; I don't wanna cast shade on her, but she's rather monotone. I don't bother with audiobooks in general, mainly because of the monotone of the voice actors I've been privy too, thanks mostly to booktubers such as yourself, and I've been rather appalled by the quality of narrators which booktubers have claimed to be good; the guy who narrated Harry Potter for example, is horrifying. Judging by your website, you already have a lot on your plate. However, a guy can dream. If you don't narrate, and I break a smash hit, you may well find one day, a dirty old man groveling at your feet. Please don't kick him.
Love your new opening. I like how you use motion graphics to illustrate the points you are making. It makes the focus on your words stronger. I am trying to apply your techniques to speech writing. Keep up the great work!
The interesting thing to me, about Tevis' writing, is how there is so much 'tell' in it, and the vast number of filter words. It's an excellent example of how something written decades ago can be a compelling story, while also being a poster-child of how we shouldn't write today.
I really liked the writing, it was simple and straight to the point. I think the takeaway here is that telling is an important writing tool just as showing is. Telling could really bring out your writing and highlight those showing parts. If used correctly, it could do wonders for your story.
Thank you for this video! I am learning so much from you! I am writing ✍ tension into a scene where a Neolithic archer 🏹 is introduced into the story. I have the other men in the scene tensing their shoulders and motioning their fingers as if they were drawing their bows with him. After learning from you, I know I need to slow down even more and give more detail. Thank you!
“The Queen’s Gambit” novel is a brilliant example that if the story it’s great enough you forgive any other flaws the book may have. Tavis’s novel is chockful of tell-don’t show. Pretty much every page is littered with lines like “Suddenly she realized she was terrified” or “Now she was angry” or “It made her feel sad” after Tavis had already established the atmosphere of the scene. Rookie mistakes which makes me wonder what his editor was doing this whole time. BUT the story is so mesmerizing and exciting, a true page turner with amazing dialogue that those “tells” doesn’t really matter that much.
Nice just started to scribble some lines for the first time and came here to rewatch some of your previous amazing videos to get more ideas and theres a new one. I'll have to postpone it actually because now I want to watch this series and dont want to spoil it. But I'm leaving a comment to keep the yt algorithm well fed and to tell you that your videos inspire me to create stuff so yeah cool! Thanks
This is great. This is how I am going to do fight scenes. It doesn't matter, arguments, bar fights to Braxi's Flaming Sword. I'll have to buy the book. The actors did a wonderful job conveying those emotions, but nothing is as powerful as reading them. Thank you for this!!
Hi, can u make a video on how to spot typos and mistakes quickly ? And how to make sentences more captivating? I'm 14 year old and have started writting my second novel, all your videos are really helpful. Thanks a lot Diane! You've really made my writing better. Also, Love from India.
Great video! Although I am not writing a book or short story, I am currently writing a poker short film that involves a protagonist and antagonist going head to head in a two-player poker game. I am hoping to direct it if I ever get the budget I need to make it. I want the final few hands to be very tense and I’m hoping I will achieve that and I hope even people that don’t know how to play poker will be able to enjoy it and feel the tension as well. Maybe I should be rewatching the chess games in Queen’s Gambit and taking notes!
Though your subject is building tension and you have chosen only those moments where the tension is billed, but in a novel each paragraph can’t be full of tension. What I feel that the curiosity of knowing the unknown world by the reader makes the novel readable and important aspect of page Turner.
Next up for me is a sequence three chapters into my novel, where the female leader of the "swarm" meets the mayor of their small town for dinner on her farm, with both characters interested in gaining something from working with the other, while their political views greatly differ. She & the swarm learn about great changes that are about to come, & it's the source of conflicts within the swarm.
I need to write a suspensful scene at the beginning of my comics, avoiding a long lecture-like exposition of the fictive world and making people understand that the characters live in a constant tension. But for that, it is really important for me to make the people care for those characters they just met. I hope it goes well.
Thank you so much for your many great features’ on writing.👏👏👏This is a whole new territorium for me. But something I am seek knowledge about is forshadowing, what is it exactly. 🧐Maybe you can recommend a book on this topic? Lovely Regards from Denmark.😊
I've reached this point in my work hahaha! It's a family scene where the one brother outs the other against his will. I'm struggling to portray it but this kind of helped
The next suspenseful thing that I will write for my story would be the final scene. It's the moment where finally everything is over and done for but the protagonist can't seem to find where they are. The stroke of panic struck fear in my protagonist's psyche, and everything around him start to blur. Will they meet? or will he find him under a white cloth with their hand dangling from the side of a stretcher?
Agreed! I try to avoid that repetition when possible, but I think it works in moderation or as part of a larger style choice that's intended to create a particular effect.
Thank you so much for your many great features around writing.👏👏👏 This is a whole new territory for me. But something I seek knowledge about is forshadowing, what is it exactly🧐? Maybe you can recommend a book on this topic. Lovely Regards from Denmark 😀
Hej! I truly appreciate your kind words! Reedsy has a great article about foreshadowing, along with helpful examples, so I recommend reading that to start. Keep writing! :) blog.reedsy.com/what-is-foreshadowing/
Do you have a video explaining how early exposition of the character is done in such way as to be interesting and tense? In other words, in this video, you comment on how the character’s backstory adds to the current tension and release dynamic, but how does one lay down backstory while retaining interest, tension/release, while all the while moving forward continually.
Backstory is only important if it serves the current story. Does the character need backstory? I have a genetically engineered MC who is a professional student, and has degrees in several fields, but no "real" job in any of them; she lives in an academy, and is the queen bee of her creche. That one sentence I gave you a phenomenal amount of information about her, without telling you really anything. I'm a pantser, so backstory doesn't come to me until the story is about half done, at which point I have a good "feel" for who the character is. Even if something comes about in the story, you don't always need backstory to explain it. The character above is well versed in several forms of dance, she breaks into dance twice in the story, but it's not important to the story, so I don't feel the need to explain that her school made dance mandatory in lieu of physical education. What is important information is alluded to several times during the story, something she needs, but has little opportunity during her journey, and is actually kinda clueless as to how to obtain it. She does explain it later on in a conversation while still trying to ignore it in favor of fretting over more important plot problems, like how to get her life back. Anyhow, here's her videos... ruclips.net/video/hrkY3WrJ_v8/видео.html ruclips.net/video/CwJGon94Sx4/видео.html ruclips.net/video/qctv-WTtTUk/видео.html
My Key Scenes that need more tension 1) the "rape" that does not occur, 2) Mama shoots Dad in the face, 3) The murder that morphs into a heart attack, and 4) "Free At last!" scene when my Protag hands over Freedom Papers to his two slaves.
Great video and analysis! 🙌 Tbh I was never invested in Beth. Yes, the series showed how she grew up in an orphanage and "struggled" to get adopted, but to me it seems she was happy enough with her chess sessions with that man / reading about chess. She also get discriminated by others in college, which made me pity her, sure, yet I didn't get invested for her well being. I think the reason is because she didn't show much emotions that personally I could relate with? Does anyone feel the same?
I can definitely understand why you wouldn't be able to connect with Beth! To me, her emotional deadness was realistic, given her parents' absence from her life, and she's always trying to stifle her feelings with pills and alcohol. However, realism doesn't automatically equal the audience feeling empathy rather than sympathy for her. I'm drawn to characters who experience the world differently than I do, but I know that other readers/viewers need more similarity, which is okay, too! :)
@@QuotidianWriter 'empathy rather than sympathy' you phrased it pefectly :) Indeed, I get your point. Thank you sharing your perspective! And great work ~~
Hi Diane. A question, if I may, about the paragraph read at 3:01. Could you please give your opinion (a video perhaps?) about words used to start a sentence? In this particular paragraph, the author uses "she" 5 x in a row. What are the rules and/or conventions on this? I was taught, rightly or wrongly, to avoid this at all costs... Love your channel, love your voice - always learning something new. Thank you very much. :)
I noticed that repetition as well, and I would've flagged it as an editor! However, Tevis tends to be direct in his writing, and this book was published in 1983, so the style preferences have changed over time in publishing. Writers would be lambasted for writing description-heavy prose like Tolkien, too, these days!
1 - Build the character for it's death. A meaningful death requires reader give-a-damn. How important is this character to the MC? How important is this character to the plot? Is the character given a POV? If the character scores low on these questions, their death is just a statistic. 2 - Brevity, less-is-more. If you can keep the death scene to a few paragraphs is ideal. Dragging a death scene out for more than a page will leave the reader thinking "Fucking die already!" even if it's the MC. 3 - If it's a crappy drawn out death, such as Lord Nelson's real life death, cut between POV's. The battle of Trafalgar was still going on as Nelson was dying; the world did not stop, for him to die 4 - Of course, if you wanna make an epic death scene, you have two choices. Make the death an inconvenience to the one dying; this might seem obvious, but at how you could cook up a scene where the death is just... what's happening. Or you can make the death part of the plan... ruclips.net/video/oah0NSaBGgc/видео.html
I loved the movie. I must get the book. My constant tension is whether or not I will complete my novels. Will I fail at the game? Will I fail as a writer?
I was completely enraptured by The Queen's Gambit. What a disappointment it was to learn that it was fictional. Women with character flaws who prevail against the odds are my favorite protagonists.
Tense scene from a remake fairy tale I'm working on: Down, down in the basement, only silence. Hannah turned the corner at the bottom step, before landing in a dank and humid room. The air was so wet in there, you couldn’t light a match. And her nose stung from the stench of yeast and indoor toadstools. By squinting, then relaxing her eyes, she could make out a workout bench in the corner, the shiniest thing in the basement. Next she saw a water heater, but not hung up nor operating, just lying on its side, a puddle of still water around it like the blood of a murder victim. And in the middle, there was something that gave Hannah such fright she had to cover her mouth to not gasp too loud. In a king-sized wooden bed, no legs, no backrest, just the frame and mattress, creaking softly, there appeared a beast breathing hard and heavy. Hannah could not but tiptoe forward, a hum in her breast, between the the thumping of her heart so loud it drowned out the sound of her swallowing her own spit, as she approached. It wheezed, it slept. And it was massive, limbs splayed out towards the corners of the bed, almost covering it all. There was room only enough for a tiny body, one as tiny as Hannah’s, she thought, as she came to the edge of the bed, and leaned close over the thing. It wasn’t a thing, or a beast, but a man. Ash blond hair. Hands the size of her head. And lips more full than hers. How good he smelled, compared to the basement. Not foul, not musty, but quite heady, fragrant, like clean sweat after a long workout. Did Hannah draw her chest closer, to get a closer look at his? Did Hannah flare her nostrils, forgetting the smell of the basement as she examined the man? Did Hannah near his face, she could feel his heat, half asleep? Eyes shot open, blue as steel, and penetrating. His teeth fanged, white as paper, and sharp. Hannah should have jumped backed and screamed. But didn't, as the man's broad chest full of hair muffled her cry, and massive arms trapped her, brought Hannah to bed.
@@isratnishita5336 You are making me realize this is very much a Beauty and the Beast moment! In the story Hannah came to this mansion with her brother. He's going through his own charged encounter, and so more Hansel and Gretel. But thank you for your kind words:)
Yes. It is what is the dream of every writer, to be able to write like someone who will so grab the reader that he or she is unable to put the book down, Sir Henry Rider haggard suffered criticism but his books have been made into screenplays several times. The winner is a heroine in the above, which introduces the need for emotion, and also of the soul, though the latter is not so literal. Yes, I liked it but would like it extrapolated- more examples.
The tension here is great, but I gotta say the climax was pretty unsatisfying in my opinion. It resolves everything and does it in a prosy way, but not specifically in a clever way. Not my cup of tea, but there's a lot to learn here.
What tension can be generated when the outcome is certain? The protagonist is likely to win, but when I see a female protagonist in a Hollywood or mainstream publisher's offering, any uncertainty is instantly erased. That she wins is certain. If she lost, the Hollywood or NY publisher wouldn never have accepted it. Are people so dim they become emotionally invested in a drama without the drama of uncertainty, or worse, are they so feeble minded, they don't know the ending? VB
I think the tension can come from the reader _wanting_ the character to win, regardless of what they know of the odds. It's just like in other genres, such as mystery/crime, romance, and children's fantasy, where the reader is seeking that expected resolution. It's more about the anticipation of that triumph and _how_ the win happens. That's why sports movies and sports in general are so popular. I mean, watching the Yankees play is sort of lacking in tension, since they win so often, but people love to see them win anyway. What struck me about _The Queen's Gambit_ was how much I just wanted to see Beth kick everyone's ass at chess, because when someone possesses a certain level of skill, it's fun to witness them sweep the floor with their opponents, like watching Ken Jennings dominate _Jeopardy_ or Tom Brady win yet another Super Bowl.
The Last Samurai - they all died. 300 - they all died. Pearl Harbor - the americans lost. Midway - the americans won. Elizabeth the Golden Age - the spanish armada was decimated by weather. Independence Day - the americans won.
Uuuhh; I'm doing like, uuuhh..three: yeah; like,.. three completely different stories with completely different context...but I don't wanna bore you..I'm still trying to figure out word perfect for windows 10...(raises back of hand to forehead in classic dramatic style)."oh the aggravation"😤...😂😂😂so dramatic, huh?😂😂😂😂
A quick search confirmed my suspicion. Bobby Fisher was the greatest chess player to ever live and it would have been justified to see him at least once honored in literature or TV. This story is about Bobby Fisher, not Beth. But his eccentric and outspoken personality made him persona non grata with the unforgiving US establishment. Sad.
2:16 Is it just me or is the writing here just poor? Every sentence starting 'She' this or 'She' that, plus such lazy adverbs. Then at 3:44 the repetition of 'offering' seems like something an editor would have underscored in red! 'He was offering her a draw. Borgov never offered draws. But he was offering her one'. I'm genuinely confused because I really find this prose so amateurish and honestly can see parts where my own writing has been slammed for similar errors.
I noticed that repetition as well, and I would've flagged it as an editor! However, Tevis tends to be direct in his writing, and this book was published in 1983, so the style preferences have changed over time in publishing. Writers would be lambasted for writing description-heavy prose like Tolkien, too, these days! Writing quality is always subjective, and what we deem "poor" writing is often based on our modern tastes and whatever is in vogue within teaching circles. Nowadays, for example, we tend to flag filter verbs and adverbs, but in older and acclaimed novels, those weren't much of a concern.
Ok; ok, that's not nice I'm sorry...ok let me try to get the feel for one finger typing just a sec...ok..ready? It was with close whisper and clenched fist full of wool and polyester. Amira held vincent's coat collar tightly pulling him closer " Hold me close my love for now you must let me go" Vincent seemingly unaware of the gravity stood in shocked disbelief in an attempt to shrug away Amira's attempt at grave seriousness "Vincent....I remember the rain".--(end transition)
I knew that at least one person would say this! 😂 I actually love her measured narration. But I'm biased because I'm listening to her narrate _A Memory Called Empire_ right now, and her voice is well suited for the cold, futuristic setting.
The most obvious dichotomy of the book - the constant tension between her looks and her intellect wasn’t translated well for the series. A supermodel plays the role, not a protagonist who gets obsessed with chess because of her poor looks. In which universe is this a ‚beat-for-beat-adaptation‘? To cling on solely to the chess dimension or the political field as central fields of tension dodges addressing this conflict as clearly as saying about Severus Snape that he should just repudiate his skills with potions and dark magic and his sorting into Slytherin, and he surely would have conquered Lily’s heart. Withholding his greasy hair, crooked nose, shabby clothes, while downplaying James Potter’s athleticism, hic rich upbringing, pampered childhood, and of course, his much better looks.
Personally, I love that Beth is presented as fashion-obsessed because it subverts the trope of "women who are not conventionally attractive must be skilled at something in order to have value in society." Beth grows into her body and confidence; it's that emphasis on her femininity that deepens her characterization to me, since most people imagine a nerdy social outcast when thinking of chess players (a stereotype that none of the chess players in this show, regardless of gender, fulfill). If you read the book, you'll find that most of the scenes and dialogue are lifted directly from the text, and many reviewers have noted that aspect (although there were a number of key character changes, of course).
@@QuotidianWriter The trope you are describing is a conditional clause, that is not that easy subvertable. If you do not have many friends because potential candidates don't get over some of your visual discrepancies - yes, teens are sometimes that simple -, you automatically rely on intellectual power, whether you like it or not. It's not about "value in society", but about transforming the negativity you receive as an additional layer of reflective thinking. If somebody mocks you because of your appearance, you get a free training lesson for inventing callbacks; getting wittier every time. Let's not turn yourself into a pretzel to embezzle sentences like "“You are the ugliest white girl ever. Your nose is ugly and your face is ugly and your skin is like sandpaper. You white trash cracker bitch”. It serves a dedicated function, and when you INvert - not SUBvert - a trope by casting the contrary, a beat-for-beat adaptation is not feasible any longer. It makes the flaw of this decision all the more obvious. Netflix-Beth has nothing to lose, doesn't need to rely on her skills in chess, when, at every given moment, she could also get a side-job as a runway model. Her femininity has nothing to do with that. Anya Taylor-Joy may sound like Book-Beth, but her acting (or other 'character changes') can't downplay the lack of urgency the book emotes.
The video has some good points, but without examples from more than one story, it is tricky to figure out exactly how to apply the teachings to more than that one scenario that is written in the book you use. You may want to use more than one single book as an example of the point you are trying to make.
I can't deal with pictures of donuts, food and unrelated images. Just my opinion but I don't really feel that food images belong in a video about writing. It's very distracting for those of us with ADHD or eating disorders. Please, consider NOT adding food photos unless you're discussing actual food.
Funny - I noticed the weird icing colors on the donuts! Record Diane's lessons as MP3 (I use the Audacity program) and listen to the audio only. I have all her RUclips instruction, and love it!
@@cjpreach Yeah, this is a great channel. I've liked lots of these videos. ADHD is a tricky thing to manage sometimes. Things can break my train of thought and the info just doesn't sink in. I wish that didn't happen but it's just something I deal with. Just thought I'd mention it, in case anyone else has this issue.
@@cjpreach Yeah, it's not just writing videos. When documentaries throw in unrelated pics. Makes me feel like I'm watching "Sesame Street" or something and my brain just doesn't want to absorb the information. 😂😂😂😂 Over-editing and jumpy editing is also a huge problem with some RUclips videos and even some TV shows and documentaries.
I need to write, but this is more important.
So true
Watching things like this can inspire you to write. It's always good to get inspiration from wherever you can. And no one should beat themselves up for watching a ten minute absolutely inspiring video. I also highly recommend reading Walter Tevis, his prose is so gorgeous and compelling (he also wrote The Man Who Fell To Earth, which was the basis for the insane Bowie film from the 70s)
hahaha same
👍💯
Learning to write > actually writing something
You are a hidden gem in the RUclips algorithm.
Have been going through your videos, and I can safely say you're one of the best writing teachers on RUclips. You present info so clearly and succinctly, and know your stuff so well. Thank you for everything you do!
Brandon said it well.
I actually just finished writing a tense, explosive scene today where the MC foils a robbery attempt. He picked up on small cues the robbers (disguised as railyard workers ) differentiated themselves from the real workers, eye contact, shifting feet, tensing white knuckles until the MC sees the bulge of the revolver in a coat pocket. I liked it, but of course it needs further polishing to make it as intense as possible, but it was a good start. Haven't seen the show or read the book but with skill (and a few choice words) a good writer can make even the "dullest" of games or situations into something incredible. Thank you, Diane, and of course (tugging at the emotion strings) whatever you do, keep writing. Inspiring, as always.
You're gonna have to rethink the bulge of the revolver. Yardmen don't wear tight enough clothing to betray a gun short of a long-arm, much less whether that gun is a revolver or an automatic; hell, gangsters carried Tommy-guns hidden.
Rail yards aren't so uncommon that you can't just skip over to take a personal boo.
@@clintcarpentier2424 sure they wear clothing tight enough to see a bulge in their clothing today and in the 1920s when my story is set. Obviously it's not spandex or some other body-hugging material, but you could definitely see SOMETHING heavy in a short coat pocket. You'd have to read the story to see what I mean. Also, gangsters hid Tommy guns beneath their coats, not stuffed into their pockets. You could definitely see those
@@perymachado6374
Granted, it's your story, you can tell it how you want. My stepfather worked for CNrail for 20 years, so that description twigged me. Writing sci-fi, I know the feeling of trying to gather accurate info about things I don't know.
store.cinemaguild.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/madeontherails3.jpg
@@clintcarpentier2424 I get it, I would be ticked off as well if there was a glaring mistake that the author did nothing to address or mention it in an afterwards, and as it is a historical novel research and getting the details right is certainly very important. I needed the hero to foil the robbery and I remembered a situation I found myself in where I noticed something in someone's pocket (no a revolver, granted, but something of similar size) and thought it would be a good way to add tension and tip the hero off that something wasn't right.
@@perymachado6374
Yardmen will all have lanterns at night.
A lack of "yard talk" could twig the detective. This is yacking about which car numbers go to which yard sections, which engine needs to be loaded for morning, etc.
Something else to think about though, is the 1920's had a rail worker strike. It's news to me, but it's something that could twig the detective. "Are these blokes planning to sabotage the rails?" Stuff'n'such.
The next suspenseful scene I write will be the one at the climax of the story. All the secrets the book has been building will finally be revealed and the antagonists too. This is when a lot of earth-shattering revelations come to life, so I'm very excited to write it!
Tense: the second chapter was a flick of the pen away. It was coming... soon. A coffee break. A shower. Stop at the post office. Tuesday. Saturday. Pick up some groceries...it’s coming. Clean out the car, make room for beach stuff. Oh, I can feel it. Washes hair. Picks at the garden. Rearrange the garage. Get the snow tires. Santa’s bringing a second chapter... soon.
It feels that whenever I try to create tension my characters just end up arguing. But there is more depth than that to creating a tense scene, as you have clearly shown. I just wish I could create it more convincingly, naturally.
I think a good way to create tension is to create a sort of push and pull, like a game of tug of war that no one can call just yet. Give your character a minor win, then a setback, then a win, then a major setback, then a major win or another major setback, depending on whether you want to the MC to be the loser or the winner. That push and pull will keep the readers wondering who will come out on top. I hope this makes sense.
Torn between sharing this with everyone I know, or keeping this treasure for myself.
Your narration is as delightful as your subject matter as always. Every time I hear that intro and outro I feel at peace and your voice always carries encouragement and understanding that makes me feel comfortable and capable. Watching your videos are an act of meditation. Thank you for putting out such quality content as always.
It borders on revenge to have a story about Bobby Fisher played by a woman. "Much has been written about Beth Harmon - the fictional chess talent played so superbly by Anya Taylor-Joy - being a role model for budding female chess players. Yet ironically her character was largely based on a man who once dismissively suggested he could give any woman “knight odds” - or a piece headstart - and still beat her every time."
Great observation!
I was gonna write another scene with tension target subversion.
But your lesson made me rethink it. There's no need to go for this and similar tricks all the time. Regular tension is valuable too and (most importantly) probably less irritating to the reader to deal with.
* Just in case, what I mean by target subversion (random example):
1. character is scared
2. depiction of some slightly unsettling people following (implying that they are the danger)
3. character does some seemingly irrational things
4. depiction of surrounding as if the situation is just about to go down
5. depiction of the actual thing that scared the character, that was there all along.
Like many other such tricks, it works only when there is still left some significant concealed information about the character. And it can be used only for so long. So you either expose all the secrets and left with no satisfying tools to complete the narrative, or you have to introduce some vague mysticism. At least that's how I feel.
Really, thanks to your video, I've come to these conclusions. I mean it creates an atmosphere of a friendly seminar and kickstarts your " students' " thoughts
This video just gave me enlightment of becoming a writer. A month ago, I was talking with my writers club about how to create conflict without conversation (words exchange), and this series was flawless example of it. So, I wrote this ending scene which exactly like this video describes it. Thank you.
Every video I've seen from you fills me with so much inspiration to write. They have made planning my story so much more exciting because I have all of these new perspectives to think about when I plot my work.
I just recorded an MP3 of this lesson and added it to my Automobile University collection of Writing Courses by Diane "Quotidian" Callahan, Ellen Brock, Jerry Jenkins, C S Lewis, Hemingway, and others. 16 commute hours per week, and I get this great content whenever I need it!
OMG SAMEEE we have the same playlist!! ♡♡♡ yesss incredible content ♡♡♡ Let us keep writing till the end!!
I just started watching the queens gambit recently and I love it. I need to hurry up and watch the last episode so I can watch this! I love your videos so I definitely will come back and watch this once I finish it. You make my favorite writing videos.
thank you for this - you do a much better job of explaining what tension DOES than I've heard elsewhere.
also now I want donuts.
I honestly get excited every time you drop a new video! You have such a good eye for composition.
Love this case study! So glad you posted it
I love your channel. Your advice is always so crucial & nuance. Love the fact that you explain with examples and suggest readings too.
Love from India
This is exactly what I needed! Your videos are the best thing ever! 💜
Now I want to read The Queen’s Gambit even though I already know the outcome. The tension in narrative form seems delicious. Great video! I love the new opening!
This is a great example to use, because the reader doesn't have to care about chess, or actually even know how to play chess, for there to be tension. The tension comes from the reader's investment in the character, and how the chess game is affecting the character.
Well, a few days ago I stumbled upon your chanel and I am really, really glad I did. Now I am watching every single one of your videos. It's just so unique and helpful!
Whatever you do, keep posting videos!
After watching just 4 of your videos I am a way better writer, you are easy to understand and your videos are always full of super duper advice. You are amazing!😊👌😘
Thank you so much for your kind words! Keep writing. :)
Great explanation. Such a fundamental lesson for anyone who writes (or who want to write well.) 😆
Whazzzzup. My amazing new opening animation was created by the talented Vitor A. Dupont! www.behance.net/vitordupont
You can read a text version of this video on Medium: quotidianwriter.medium.com/building-tension-in-a-scene-the-queens-gambit-by-walter-tevis-9345bf803192
My behind-the-scenes notes for this video are posted on my Ko-fi blog: ko-fi.com/post/Behind-the-Scenes-Building-Tension-in-a-Scene-K3K23XWN3
Would you use this opening animation for later videos? I kinda love the previous one better, or I am not used to the new opening because the former are your trademarks, in my opinion. Just saying :)
Do you narrate audiobooks?
Just by judging how you narrate examples that you don't have an audio-file for, I'm quite taken by the inflections you provide. Without watching the video, I can tell the difference between your narration, and when you're speaking for a character, especially when there are male and female characters dialoguing.
Not that I'm anywhere near ready for it, but I would love to have you narrate my books. I thought about Merphy Napier, and checked out the examples she gives on her website; I don't wanna cast shade on her, but she's rather monotone. I don't bother with audiobooks in general, mainly because of the monotone of the voice actors I've been privy too, thanks mostly to booktubers such as yourself, and I've been rather appalled by the quality of narrators which booktubers have claimed to be good; the guy who narrated Harry Potter for example, is horrifying.
Judging by your website, you already have a lot on your plate. However, a guy can dream. If you don't narrate, and I break a smash hit, you may well find one day, a dirty old man groveling at your feet. Please don't kick him.
Love your new opening. I like how you use motion graphics to illustrate the points you are making. It makes the focus on your words stronger. I am trying to apply your techniques to speech writing. Keep up the great work!
The interesting thing to me, about Tevis' writing, is how there is so much 'tell' in it, and the vast number of filter words. It's an excellent example of how something written decades ago can be a compelling story, while also being a poster-child of how we shouldn't write today.
I really liked the writing, it was simple and straight to the point. I think the takeaway here is that telling is an important writing tool just as showing is. Telling could really bring out your writing and highlight those showing parts. If used correctly, it could do wonders for your story.
Your videos are both helpful and a delight to watch. Great narration. Great pacing. Great examples. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Daniel!
Thank you so much for sharing your wealth of wisdom ❤
I am now about to watch this video and I am excited. I know it's going to be great. They always are.
Awesome stuff as always.
Great videos! Thanks for all the professional contents! 💖
I have never been this early and I am so hyped!
thank you Diane
I found this so helpful. It's just what I needed to hear at the moment.
Maeve
Hey ....i really love ur lessons..u have moulded me into a better writer and composer...i pray that God blesse u.U r a blessing to many people💗💗
POV: You are calculating the next move on the board instead of actually watching the video. 😂
Thank you for this video! I am learning so much from you!
I am writing ✍ tension into a scene where a Neolithic archer 🏹 is introduced into the story. I have the other men in the scene tensing their shoulders and motioning their fingers as if they were drawing their bows with him.
After learning from you, I know I need to slow down even more and give more detail.
Thank you!
“The Queen’s Gambit” novel is a brilliant example that if the story it’s great enough you forgive any other flaws the book may have. Tavis’s novel is chockful of tell-don’t show. Pretty much every page is littered with lines like “Suddenly she realized she was terrified” or “Now she was angry” or “It made her feel sad” after Tavis had already established the atmosphere of the scene. Rookie mistakes which makes me wonder what his editor was doing this whole time. BUT the story is so mesmerizing and exciting, a true page turner with amazing dialogue that those “tells” doesn’t really matter that much.
Yay a new video!
Nice just started to scribble some lines for the first time and came here to rewatch some of your previous amazing videos to get more ideas and theres a new one. I'll have to postpone it actually because now I want to watch this series and dont want to spoil it.
But I'm leaving a comment to keep the yt algorithm well fed and to tell you that your videos inspire me to create stuff so yeah cool! Thanks
I truly appreciate your comment, haha! I hope you get the chance to watch the series and create more stuff. :)
This is great. This is how I am going to do fight scenes. It doesn't matter, arguments, bar fights to Braxi's Flaming Sword.
I'll have to buy the book. The actors did a wonderful job conveying those emotions, but nothing is as powerful as reading them.
Thank you for this!!
Hi, can u make a video on how to spot typos and mistakes quickly ? And how to make sentences more captivating?
I'm 14 year old and have started writting my second novel, all your videos are really helpful. Thanks a lot Diane! You've really made my writing better.
Also, Love from India.
Great video! Although I am not writing a book or short story, I am currently writing a poker short film that involves a protagonist and antagonist going head to head in a two-player poker game. I am hoping to direct it if I ever get the budget I need to make it. I want the final few hands to be very tense and I’m hoping I will achieve that and I hope even people that don’t know how to play poker will be able to enjoy it and feel the tension as well. Maybe I should be rewatching the chess games in Queen’s Gambit and taking notes!
I watched this show because of this video, and it was amazing, thank you
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, too! :)
Another great video!
Your videos are awesome. Thank you. 😀❤
Though your subject is building tension and you have chosen only those moments where the tension is billed, but in a novel each paragraph can’t be full of tension. What I feel that the curiosity of knowing the unknown world by the reader makes the novel readable and important aspect of page Turner.
Next up for me is a sequence three chapters into my novel, where the female leader of the "swarm" meets the mayor of their small town for dinner on her farm, with both characters interested in gaining something from working with the other, while their political views greatly differ. She & the swarm learn about great changes that are about to come, & it's the source of conflicts within the swarm.
I need to write a suspensful scene at the beginning of my comics, avoiding a long lecture-like exposition of the fictive world and making people understand that the characters live in a constant tension. But for that, it is really important for me to make the people care for those characters they just met. I hope it goes well.
amazing video
Thank you so much for your many great features’ on writing.👏👏👏This is a whole new territorium for me. But something I am seek knowledge about is forshadowing, what is it exactly. 🧐Maybe you can recommend a book on this topic? Lovely Regards from Denmark.😊
i watched the queens gambit its so good
I've reached this point in my work hahaha! It's a family scene where the one brother outs the other against his will. I'm struggling to portray it but this kind of helped
The next suspenseful thing that I will write for my story would be the final scene. It's the moment where finally everything is over and done for but the protagonist can't seem to find where they are. The stroke of panic struck fear in my protagonist's psyche, and everything around him start to blur. Will they meet? or will he find him under a white cloth with their hand dangling from the side of a stretcher?
I always get self conscious about having a paragraph that has sentences beginning with the same word. Even though I see it in novels often
Agreed! I try to avoid that repetition when possible, but I think it works in moderation or as part of a larger style choice that's intended to create a particular effect.
Thank you so much for your many great features around writing.👏👏👏 This is a whole new territory for me. But something I seek knowledge about is forshadowing, what is it exactly🧐? Maybe you can recommend a book on this topic. Lovely Regards from Denmark 😀
Hej! I truly appreciate your kind words! Reedsy has a great article about foreshadowing, along with helpful examples, so I recommend reading that to start. Keep writing! :)
blog.reedsy.com/what-is-foreshadowing/
Yay!
Good content. Enjoyed the twin puppers
Do you have a video explaining how early exposition of the character is done in such way as to be interesting and tense? In other words, in this video, you comment on how the character’s backstory adds to the current tension and release dynamic, but how does one lay down backstory while retaining interest, tension/release, while all the while moving forward continually.
Backstory is only important if it serves the current story. Does the character need backstory? I have a genetically engineered MC who is a professional student, and has degrees in several fields, but no "real" job in any of them; she lives in an academy, and is the queen bee of her creche. That one sentence I gave you a phenomenal amount of information about her, without telling you really anything.
I'm a pantser, so backstory doesn't come to me until the story is about half done, at which point I have a good "feel" for who the character is. Even if something comes about in the story, you don't always need backstory to explain it. The character above is well versed in several forms of dance, she breaks into dance twice in the story, but it's not important to the story, so I don't feel the need to explain that her school made dance mandatory in lieu of physical education.
What is important information is alluded to several times during the story, something she needs, but has little opportunity during her journey, and is actually kinda clueless as to how to obtain it. She does explain it later on in a conversation while still trying to ignore it in favor of fretting over more important plot problems, like how to get her life back.
Anyhow, here's her videos...
ruclips.net/video/hrkY3WrJ_v8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/CwJGon94Sx4/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/qctv-WTtTUk/видео.html
My Key Scenes that need more tension 1) the "rape" that does not occur, 2) Mama shoots Dad in the face, 3) The murder that morphs into a heart attack, and 4) "Free At last!" scene when my Protag hands over Freedom Papers to his two slaves.
Great video and analysis! 🙌
Tbh I was never invested in Beth. Yes, the series showed how she grew up in an orphanage and "struggled" to get adopted, but to me it seems she was happy enough with her chess sessions with that man / reading about chess. She also get discriminated by others in college, which made me pity her, sure, yet I didn't get invested for her well being. I think the reason is because she didn't show much emotions that personally I could relate with? Does anyone feel the same?
I can definitely understand why you wouldn't be able to connect with Beth! To me, her emotional deadness was realistic, given her parents' absence from her life, and she's always trying to stifle her feelings with pills and alcohol. However, realism doesn't automatically equal the audience feeling empathy rather than sympathy for her. I'm drawn to characters who experience the world differently than I do, but I know that other readers/viewers need more similarity, which is okay, too! :)
@@QuotidianWriter 'empathy rather than sympathy' you phrased it pefectly :) Indeed, I get your point. Thank you sharing your perspective! And great work ~~
can you make a video about crafting a documentary narrative from research to storytelling/scripting please thanks?
Hi Diane. A question, if I may, about the paragraph read at 3:01. Could you please give your opinion (a video perhaps?) about
words used to start a sentence? In this particular paragraph, the author uses "she" 5 x in a row. What are the rules and/or
conventions on this? I was taught, rightly or wrongly, to avoid this at all costs...
Love your channel, love your voice - always learning something new. Thank you very much. :)
3:05 That's a LOT of repetition of the word "She" at the beginning of the sentences 😅
Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
@@jemajoy8839 Theoretically bad, but some may disagree. Personally it feels extremely repetetive.
I noticed that repetition as well, and I would've flagged it as an editor! However, Tevis tends to be direct in his writing, and this book was published in 1983, so the style preferences have changed over time in publishing. Writers would be lambasted for writing description-heavy prose like Tolkien, too, these days!
My thought too and too many ly adverbs.
I love The Queens Gambit 😍😍🥰
NOICE
There were three adverbs in this small book excerpt
Your videos are always so helpful, thank you!
1 - Build the character for it's death. A meaningful death requires reader give-a-damn. How important is this character to the MC? How important is this character to the plot? Is the character given a POV? If the character scores low on these questions, their death is just a statistic.
2 - Brevity, less-is-more. If you can keep the death scene to a few paragraphs is ideal. Dragging a death scene out for more than a page will leave the reader thinking "Fucking die already!" even if it's the MC.
3 - If it's a crappy drawn out death, such as Lord Nelson's real life death, cut between POV's. The battle of Trafalgar was still going on as Nelson was dying; the world did not stop, for him to die
4 - Of course, if you wanna make an epic death scene, you have two choices. Make the death an inconvenience to the one dying; this might seem obvious, but at how you could cook up a scene where the death is just... what's happening. Or you can make the death part of the plan...
ruclips.net/video/oah0NSaBGgc/видео.html
I loved the movie. I must get the book. My constant tension is whether or not I will complete my novels. Will I fail at the game? Will I fail as a writer?
Ah, the ultimate tension indeed!
When is new video coming?
I was completely enraptured by The Queen's Gambit. What a disappointment it was to learn that it was fictional. Women with character flaws who prevail against the odds are my favorite protagonists.
Why I suddenly have urge to write when I see the donut
Tense scene from a remake fairy tale I'm working on:
Down, down in the basement, only silence. Hannah turned the corner at the bottom step, before landing in a dank and humid room. The air was so wet in there, you couldn’t light a match. And her nose stung from the stench of yeast and indoor toadstools.
By squinting, then relaxing her eyes, she could make out a workout bench in the corner, the shiniest thing in the basement. Next she saw a water heater, but not hung up nor operating, just lying on its side, a puddle of still water around it like the blood of a murder victim. And in the middle, there was something that gave Hannah such fright she had to cover her mouth to not gasp too loud.
In a king-sized wooden bed, no legs, no backrest, just the frame and mattress, creaking softly, there appeared a beast breathing hard and heavy.
Hannah could not but tiptoe forward, a hum in her breast, between the the thumping of her heart so loud it drowned out the sound of her swallowing her own spit, as she approached.
It wheezed, it slept. And it was massive, limbs splayed out towards the corners of the bed, almost covering it all. There was room only enough for a tiny body, one as tiny as Hannah’s, she thought, as she came to the edge of the bed, and leaned close over the thing.
It wasn’t a thing, or a beast, but a man. Ash blond hair. Hands the size of her head. And lips more full than hers.
How good he smelled, compared to the basement. Not foul, not musty, but quite heady, fragrant, like clean sweat after a long workout. Did Hannah draw her chest closer, to get a closer look at his? Did Hannah flare her nostrils, forgetting the smell of the basement as she examined the man? Did Hannah near his face, she could feel his heat, half asleep?
Eyes shot open, blue as steel, and penetrating. His teeth fanged, white as paper, and sharp. Hannah should have jumped backed and screamed. But didn't, as the man's broad chest full of hair muffled her cry, and massive arms trapped her, brought Hannah to bed.
Is it beauty and the beast?I really want to know what happens next.It was a good read.Well done..
@@isratnishita5336 You are making me realize this is very much a Beauty and the Beast moment! In the story Hannah came to this mansion with her brother. He's going through his own charged encounter, and so more Hansel and Gretel. But thank you for your kind words:)
Yes. It is what is the dream of every writer, to be able to write like someone who will so grab the reader that he or she is unable to put the book down,
Sir Henry Rider haggard suffered criticism but his books have been made into screenplays several times.
The winner is a heroine in the above, which introduces the need for emotion, and also of the soul, though the latter is not so literal.
Yes, I liked it but would like it extrapolated- more examples.
👍🏻
The tension here is great, but I gotta say the climax was pretty unsatisfying in my opinion. It resolves everything and does it in a prosy way, but not specifically in a clever way. Not my cup of tea, but there's a lot to learn here.
who the heck disliked this???!!!!
2:50 mark. Five consecutive sentences begin with "She." Not sure I would have done that, though it doesn't seem to be a major problem.
Spoiler warnings? But wonderful video as always
Beginning a paragraph with She and not using the name later?
What tension can be generated when the outcome is certain? The protagonist is likely to win, but when I see a female protagonist in a Hollywood or mainstream publisher's offering, any uncertainty is instantly erased. That she wins is certain. If she lost, the Hollywood or NY publisher wouldn never have accepted it.
Are people so dim they become emotionally invested in a drama without the drama of uncertainty, or worse, are they so feeble minded, they don't know the ending? VB
I think the tension can come from the reader _wanting_ the character to win, regardless of what they know of the odds. It's just like in other genres, such as mystery/crime, romance, and children's fantasy, where the reader is seeking that expected resolution. It's more about the anticipation of that triumph and _how_ the win happens. That's why sports movies and sports in general are so popular. I mean, watching the Yankees play is sort of lacking in tension, since they win so often, but people love to see them win anyway. What struck me about _The Queen's Gambit_ was how much I just wanted to see Beth kick everyone's ass at chess, because when someone possesses a certain level of skill, it's fun to witness them sweep the floor with their opponents, like watching Ken Jennings dominate _Jeopardy_ or Tom Brady win yet another Super Bowl.
The Last Samurai - they all died.
300 - they all died.
Pearl Harbor - the americans lost.
Midway - the americans won.
Elizabeth the Golden Age - the spanish armada was decimated by weather.
Independence Day - the americans won.
Uuuhh; I'm doing like, uuuhh..three: yeah; like,.. three completely different stories with completely different context...but I don't wanna bore you..I'm still trying to figure out word perfect for windows 10...(raises back of hand to forehead in classic dramatic style)."oh the aggravation"😤...😂😂😂so dramatic, huh?😂😂😂😂
Was this story inspired by the life of Bobby Fisher?
A quick search confirmed my suspicion. Bobby Fisher was the greatest chess player to ever live and it would have been justified to see him at least once honored in literature or TV. This story is about Bobby Fisher, not Beth. But his eccentric and outspoken personality made him persona non grata with the unforgiving US establishment. Sad.
@@k_alex Wow I didn't know,! Thanks for the info, I definitly need to dwell more into his life
2:16 Is it just me or is the writing here just poor? Every sentence starting 'She' this or 'She' that, plus such lazy adverbs. Then at 3:44 the repetition of 'offering' seems like something an editor would have underscored in red! 'He was offering her a draw. Borgov never offered draws. But he was offering her one'. I'm genuinely confused because I really find this prose so amateurish and honestly can see parts where my own writing has been slammed for similar errors.
it painted a perfect picture in my opinion! it allowed the continuity of the scene
Idk about the she repetition, but about the offering, I think it makes sense because it's like the narrator voices her thoughts for those 3 sentences.
I noticed that repetition as well, and I would've flagged it as an editor! However, Tevis tends to be direct in his writing, and this book was published in 1983, so the style preferences have changed over time in publishing. Writers would be lambasted for writing description-heavy prose like Tolkien, too, these days! Writing quality is always subjective, and what we deem "poor" writing is often based on our modern tastes and whatever is in vogue within teaching circles. Nowadays, for example, we tend to flag filter verbs and adverbs, but in older and acclaimed novels, those weren't much of a concern.
The narrator from the excerpts sounds kinda stiff
Ok; ok, that's not nice I'm sorry...ok let me try to get the feel for one finger typing just a sec...ok..ready?
It was with close whisper and clenched fist full of wool and polyester. Amira held vincent's coat collar tightly pulling him closer
" Hold me close my love for now you must let me go"
Vincent seemingly unaware of the gravity stood in shocked disbelief in an attempt to shrug away Amira's attempt at grave seriousness
"Vincent....I remember the rain".--(end transition)
boy, i do not like this particular narrator of the book.
it feels like an infomercial to me.
I knew that at least one person would say this! 😂 I actually love her measured narration. But I'm biased because I'm listening to her narrate _A Memory Called Empire_ right now, and her voice is well suited for the cold, futuristic setting.
@@QuotidianWriter 😂😂 yeah, see i could see this style of narration working for a setting like that, ABSOLUTELY.
@@QuotidianWriter lol I was about to say Amy sounds like a bot. 🤣🤣
Pro writing aid would not approve of so many sentences starting with the word SHE in one paragraph 😊
The most obvious dichotomy of the book - the constant tension between her looks and her intellect wasn’t translated well for the series. A supermodel plays the role, not a protagonist who gets obsessed with chess because of her poor looks.
In which universe is this a ‚beat-for-beat-adaptation‘?
To cling on solely to the chess dimension or the political field as central fields of tension dodges addressing this conflict as clearly as saying about Severus Snape that he should just repudiate his skills with potions and dark magic and his sorting into Slytherin, and he surely would have conquered Lily’s heart. Withholding his greasy hair, crooked nose, shabby clothes, while downplaying James Potter’s athleticism, hic rich upbringing, pampered childhood, and of course, his much better looks.
Personally, I love that Beth is presented as fashion-obsessed because it subverts the trope of "women who are not conventionally attractive must be skilled at something in order to have value in society." Beth grows into her body and confidence; it's that emphasis on her femininity that deepens her characterization to me, since most people imagine a nerdy social outcast when thinking of chess players (a stereotype that none of the chess players in this show, regardless of gender, fulfill). If you read the book, you'll find that most of the scenes and dialogue are lifted directly from the text, and many reviewers have noted that aspect (although there were a number of key character changes, of course).
@@QuotidianWriter The trope you are describing is a conditional clause, that is not that easy subvertable.
If you do not have many friends because potential candidates don't get over some of your visual discrepancies - yes, teens are sometimes that simple -, you automatically rely on intellectual power, whether you like it or not. It's not about "value in society", but about transforming the negativity you receive as an additional layer of reflective thinking. If somebody mocks you because of your appearance, you get a free training lesson for inventing callbacks; getting wittier every time.
Let's not turn yourself into a pretzel to embezzle sentences like "“You are the ugliest white girl ever. Your nose is ugly and your face is ugly and your skin is like sandpaper. You white trash cracker bitch”. It serves a dedicated function, and when you INvert - not SUBvert - a trope by casting the contrary, a beat-for-beat adaptation is not feasible any longer. It makes the flaw of this decision all the more obvious.
Netflix-Beth has nothing to lose, doesn't need to rely on her skills in chess, when, at every given moment, she could also get a side-job as a runway model. Her femininity has nothing to do with that. Anya Taylor-Joy may sound like Book-Beth, but her acting (or other 'character changes') can't downplay the lack of urgency the book emotes.
The video has some good points, but without examples from more than one story, it is tricky to figure out exactly how to apply the teachings to more than that one scenario that is written in the book you use.
You may want to use more than one single book as an example of the point you are trying to make.
I can't deal with pictures of donuts, food and unrelated images. Just my opinion but I don't really feel that food images belong in a video about writing. It's very distracting for those of us with ADHD or eating disorders. Please, consider NOT adding food photos unless you're discussing actual food.
Funny - I noticed the weird icing colors on the donuts! Record Diane's lessons as MP3 (I use the Audacity program) and listen to the audio only. I have all her RUclips instruction, and love it!
@@cjpreach Yeah, this is a great channel. I've liked lots of these videos. ADHD is a tricky thing to manage sometimes. Things can break my train of thought and the info just doesn't sink in. I wish that didn't happen but it's just something I deal with. Just thought I'd mention it, in case anyone else has this issue.
@@natnickelton2663 Actually, me, too. Frustrating!
@@cjpreach Yeah, it's not just writing videos. When documentaries throw in unrelated pics. Makes me feel like I'm watching "Sesame Street" or something and my brain just doesn't want to absorb the information. 😂😂😂😂 Over-editing and jumpy editing is also a huge problem with some RUclips videos and even some TV shows and documentaries.
for anyone who plays chess well, that is such a nonsense lol That is not how you play chess.
Gah, Amy Landon is a terrible narrator.
She sounds like some artificial translator voice lol