@James L…..Indeed! From having my own words used against me, to not ‘remembering’ things the same way as they do, to being told that ‘I’m the narcissist’, to being made to apologize for stuff that I’m not even told specifically what it is that I’m apologizing for….and on and on….I just don’t want to talk anymore. That way, if I don’t talk, I (hopefully) can’t have my words twisted and used against me….I (hopefully) won’t be accused of remembering things wrong….I (hopefully) won’t be called the narcissist anymore, as I won’t talk and be accused of ‘making it all about me’…..and I (hopefully) won’t have to keep apologizing for vague ‘wrongs’ that I don’t even know what they are. I’m seriously considering breaking off ties with this person forever….which would also then mean, never having anything to do with my grandchildren that I’ve never seen either. But if being raked over the coals in this fashion constantly, is the only way to have my grandchildren in my life….no thanks! Being mentally/emotionally beaten all of the time, is not worth it! I don’t like that the grandchildren are being used in this way! That in order to be in their life, I have to subject myself to continual bull$#it abuse! It’s just simply not worth it! I NEED peace and sanity in my life….I will NOT be harangued, in order to be a grandmother! I NEVER did that to my parents or in-laws….and the one son that I used to get along best with, is going to do that to me, because he is with a ‘welfare mama’?! Oh, hell no! She has already divorced one man, and kicked another father of another child of hers, to the curb….so I’m guessing that my son has to listen to her b.s. and tap dance to her tune, or he could lose the two children he had with her….the same way that the other fathers did! If he doesn’t keep her happy by abusing me, then she could just say, “NEXT!” She has a history pattern, after all. As long as she gets welfare, she don’t care who she’s with! And she can make all of the threats that she wants, in order to get her way! She doesn’t even know me, we never met in person. But she keeps starting fights over the phone, accusing me of being like her mother….when that’s not even the case! She’s told me of things that she claims her mother has done….and then attributes those things to me, without any basis in fact! DELUSIONAL! Yeah, I can’t keep playing that sick game. I’ll just have to cut ties. Sad as it is. I’m not liking the abuse at all! Every phone call ends up with more accusations, more of telling me what is wrong with me, just more personal attacks, that leave me feeling confused, drained, and unable to think clearly for several days after! Yup! I must be the narcissist! Good grief! Gaslighting myself now!
James, there won't be anything left of you to enjoy your grandkids, if you stay. Your sanity and well being is deteriorating under this weight of abuse. For the past year I have been emotionally and physically separating myself from the narc in my own life, so when gone, I will NEVER come back. EvER!!!
@@gracebe235 One must get out of the toxic environment in order to heal. And the more you heal, the easier it becomes to identify toxic behaviors as they are happening, and the more intolerable those toxic behaviors will become to even be around.
Again, Danish, you have perfectly encapsulated how the narcissist takes a victim's voice away. The self-doubt and insecurity is extremely paralyzing and makes healing that much more difficult.
My ex narcissist husband tried all the five tactics that you mentioned in this episode. I was in a state of utter confusion and distress for the first few years. However, I realized that something is actually wrong with him and not me. I had no idea about Narcissistic Personality Disorder at that time. But I knew he is an evil man and he did everything intentionally to suppress me and to push me to a state of utter helplessness. But I could not think of separation because I knew very well that he would use my little son as a pawn and I did not want to cause any distress to the child. So, I developed a very thick skin to protect myself from getting hurt. This made him all the more desperate. And eventually I moved out when my son became eighteen year old.
Oh its no exaggeration at all. When you are born into this, you have no idea this is not normal. I kept my eyes closed until my mom died when I was 55 years old. Then my dad became sloppy and his mask slipped one too many times and then one day you can no longer unsee what you see. You finally stand up for yourself and OMG the devil comes out! I protected myself by not admitting to myself that my dad loved no one. Not me, not my sister, not my mom, not my husband, not my kids, while we all loved him unconditionally...with his MAJOR FLAWS AND ALL. He punished me so that I will never fight with anyone again, I will not try to correct or help anyone. I will not say a word to defend myself. I want to stay home and have peace in my home with my husband and cat. IT destroys your whole self and family. I pray for all of us who go through this awfulness.
I discovered it was not normal at some point in my childhood. I would see the way some of my friends were treated by their parents, complete opposite. But I still had no idea what it was, I had never heard the words "trauma" or "narcissism" until a few years ago. And actually I thought at first that it can't be trauma because she didn't beat me up, but learned a lot from these types of channels on youtube.
I agree with everything you said Danish. This is what narcisists do to kill your voice and then destroy the rest of you. Narcisistic abuse is the worst kind of abuse that can happen to a person and those you have survived it know it is true. Thank you for your great work.
Maybe the states need to revamp their CPS systems since 85,000 children went missing from their custody. Where'd they go? It was supposed to protect those children not make them victims of the elites who use adrenalized children's blood as a drug.
Yes! And OH THE HEART PAIN of giving your ALL, but they will not/ cannot receive it, NO MATTER how hard you try! Then...worse yet turn around and falsely accuse you as a parent/ mother, and get your own husband/ family against you as retaliation. But...THANK GOD!, He knows it all. They are very miserable souls in NEED of JESUS in their heart. 🤚🙏!
I never knew about this until recently. I hope the sound of freedom movie brings this to the surface . 2 kids from Russia , adopted before age 3 . Acting out early SA.
@@lovejumanji5 I will pray for you, as I well understand! Lean upon the Lord for wisdom/ strength/guidance, as that is the only way I ever even made it. A good book to read is what someone gave to me...title is, " When love is not enough. " Yes, one has to go through it to believe these "well behaved" children wld even act like that behind closed doors. They know just how to trick ppl n pit them against you. Therapist told us they can't except it that their birthparents rejected them, so they take it out on the one who shows them the most love, of which is most often the mother. 🙏
Thank you Danish. I didn't know that I was a victim of narcissistic abuse until the last few years. My mother is a narcissist. My first husband was a violent narcissist and currently dealing with a covert parasitic narcissist. 56 years of hell on earth. Thank you and others for this understanding. I've always thought it was ME who was the problem. I've wondered why everyone else has a loving mother and mine hates my guts and creates situations where I will be hurt. My daughter is the scapegoat next generation and they did the same things to her as to me. She took custody if my children (no DCFS/CPS involvement ever) and had my granddaughters stolen from my daughter AND my son. So I will never have any interactions with my granddaughters. It's heartbreaking. She destroyed me by sending my daughter when she was 15 to Kentucky. I wasn't allowed to know where she was until she turned 21 and we found each other on social media. My mother is the most evil person I have ever met and she taught 4th grade for 35 years. My greatest desire is to meet and hug my 3 stolen granddaughters. Anyu (adopted name Matilda), Katerina and Macy. The adoptive families might want to know about the genetic predisposition for certain conditions and diseases. Might want to know the health of the biological family. I'm just very concerned that they are part of the missing children from the foster care system. It's easy to just tell the bio family that they've been adopted and send them God only knows where. I hope everyone has a blessed Mother's Day and remember the mother's and grandmother's whose arms are forever empty because of a narcissist.
@@kalkhan816 what do you mean? I have to wait until they are adults before I can look for them. Adoption records are sealed until the child turns 18. I have gone "no contact" with the narcissistic parental unit for several years. All I can do is give it to God. But I will never stop looking for my granddaughters.
And Always Saying You Don't Remember That That That Happened And Saying You Don't Trust danish ur amazing when it comes to narcs you always bang on about describing our Experiences they always remind us about past mistakes they always make us question about ourselves that we are not capable of talking about anything!!! They always trigger us constantly and then when we explode they take Advantage of That.. And don't forget Danish They Also Smear Campaign Even To Our Own Family Against Us...!!!!
Tears in my eyes as you are perfectly wording the hell that has been my 30 year marriage, spot on 💯🎯 I wish I knew about covert narcs before the internet days too. I just figured it out in the past year bc I didn't know how to explain it!!! I have been a clueless idiot and I hope this younger generation knows all the signs of these monsters bc I've shut down, I'm isolated, health is terrible. Get out as soon as you can...if you are able to do so!!!! 🙏
My mother once gave me psychological abuse and when I didn't speak to her for a week she sent me a "Get Well" card in postal mail that essentially said "I hope God heals you." When I told her that she was the cause, her response was, "I believe you, but I don't remember any of it." Feigning ignorance is how she avoids accountability. When I told a mutual family member, mother had already groomed them into thinking I was just having a depressive episode and she didn't know why but no one needs to worry because I would soon get through it.
Thank you!!! You have been very helpful and kind to share and help!!!! I have a narcissistic mother and husband!!! My whole life has been crazy and I’m currently struggling with breaking free from husband but have finally cut mother out!!!! So husband has tripled his gas lighting and etc 😢 but you give me hope that I can break free and find my true self again!!!! 🙏🏻 Blessings to you!!! ❤
It's truly happening to me as I'm listening He says I'm dead as a dodo! Bedmouthing to his family & friends saying I'm very unreasonable 😢 At the same he refuses to buy groceries but wants delicious foods!
Excellent summary of narcissistic abuse 👏 This is the first time I visited this site, after watching it I hit like and subscribed. I feel more validated and understood because of this man's excellent narration, so, thank you Mr. Bashir!!!
My husband has done all of these things to me. For a while I gave up wishing for anything or looking to the future for anything good. My world lost its color- I saw black, white and grey. Now he is disabled and I feel guilty about wanting to leave him.
Creating doubt and confusion.. I just went through this the other night with my dad. He was trying to convince me that the moon landing was fake. When I pushed back and said he was wrong, he started calling me dumb and saying that I'll listen to anything.
My narc hubby never remember anything we did together. Everytime I'll ask if he remembers something happened for example in our holidays, he always have the same answer, I don't know what you're talking about....in the beginning I'll insist, recalling him some events....but no results...he'll invalidate my feelings saying i'm influenced by my friends. He told me one day all my friends were divorced and were jalous, that it was not safe to still seeing them... strange thing is that, he's best friend he's in his 5th marriage....I thought I was going to be crazy....he would say awful things and then pretend I was the one who said it....so I decided to record him...I started recording every conversation we had.....and that saved my life. That's how I understood that I was right, he was always denying things he would have said, putting down my friends, trying to twist my reality....I started searching on the internet....and here i'm. Still with him, I don't know what to do....we have kids....I wake up every day with the same question, should I stay or should I go....I think I'm ok as I decided to see him like someone who has a mental disorder....I think I observe him now.... trying to absorb nothing of his negativity.
just found your channel, I like your approach, starting to work through your back catalogue .. this is my biggest issue, missed a big chance to talk to Barrister turned Justice a night ago cause I couldn't vocalise my thoughts despite knowing him from prior trial.
Voice means what? It is the expressions of one's thoughts and feelings. If your voice is being killed, your heart and brain will also be killed.What do you say???
Yes one of the things that my ex would say is don't worry why are you picking a fight I've got it under control when I brought up the credit card balance. He of course did not and I came to realize we needed to go into debt consolidation and eventually bankruptcy.
I do not initiate conversation I just answer questions. I do not share anything that I am doing. I have been blamed for things that broke because they were old.
Tbh their more likely to tell u that something happened that didn't rather than frankly tell u u don't remember stuff. Often times the victims find themselves telling the narc that they (narc) don't remember correctly or they're lying. Most of the times the victim will tell the narc that it's all about only the narcs emotions and not the victims emotions. So this is not a good indication who's the narc. Many times if the narc is taking out their emotions or aggression/ frustration it's normal for the victim to attempt to tell the narc to emotionally self regulate. Or to tell the narc that their feelings may not b valid or from a healthy perspective. There's only the truth. There is no subjective truth unless u r the narc. Generally the victim will tell the narc that the narc has a very active imagination due to how many lies they make up. But it's possible for the narc to say it to the victim too if the narc is attempting to dismiss something true and damning evidence that proves the victim is right about the narc. The narc dismisses the victim by acting like the victim is fighting or nagging (wen speaking calmly) by raising concerns with the narc. Narcs project so they're the ones who r not able to make sound judgement. Plenty of ppl struggle with sound judgement Tho, tbh everyone can help each other make sound judgement and also get better on their own. Narcs usually j dismiss u by acting like your needs r not part of the equation. Victims will also frankly say u don't kno wat you're talking about since narcs lie but I hv heard narcs say it too. It's not a good indication. If a narc is creating confusion it's to avoid being caught breaking a boundary of the victim or in order to dominate the victim into exploitation. If someone is telling u your understanding is flawed it's likely constructive criticism not a narc. If a narc does try to get this across it's rare and it's to obfuscate that they lied. Last point was spot on.
I never fell for his tricks i always had Proofs such as pics, screenshots, call recordings etc. N he never could play his mind games over me cuz i feel lyk i also hv a bit of narcissistic mentality...or maybe i hv understood him so well dat i can always beat his mind games... But his abusive behaviour is a diff level of torture for me. So i had to take some illigal steps against him by which i cud get him in my control... N it's really disappointing n funny at the same time to c him change his colours in no time .. n i love to see him fear me😂 i cried alot..but I'm ready to give up dat mf
One more factor Mr. Danish is that during every argument ,conversation they get enraged and then they yell and roar at the top of their voice saying most illogical things, so you just want to shut up. Narcissism and logic are poles apart.
Absolutely true! I was with my x 23 years. People would LEGIT ask if i was able to speak. Straight face, honest question from them. He never... never ever ever... let me finish a sentence. Not one sentence. I eventually gave up. Struggle super hard with just talking now. Ridiculous 😔
I remember trying to defend myself over his devaluation of me, and even though I had presented facts of his abuse, he kept acting like he didn't understand. So I would keep calmly rephrasing things, thinking how could I be more clear? Finally, he told me that repeating things over and over to someone was a form of psychological manipulation and brainwashing, and that I was doing that to him. 😳 He still refused accountability, and instead made me out to be the bad person. Looking back now, I can see that HE was the one that always repeated untrue phrases about me, daily, weekly, until I actually began to question myself. I would then defend myself only once, and when he pretended not to understand, I became quiet, for fear of being accused of brainwashing him with repetition. It was so sick and twisted. I would think through how to say what I needed to say, in a one time shot at it, for hours or days. I'm so glad I'm free of that demon.
It's incredible how when we find out who these individuals are, that they are all the same and operate out of the same devil's play book. They get better and better at their manipulative tactics it the longer we remain pushed down, our identity hijacked.
The smear campaign is an effective tool. Essentially one is threatened with shunning if a narcissistic person decides they’re annoyed by your being alive or they want to feel dominant and more secure in their power over you. Which is always so this is basically inevitable if you’re at all connected to a narcissist. The family pile on is my fav.
yes, narcissists know in fact exactly what they're doing and they are able to raise the temperature over months or years at just the right rate to keep you from jumping
My mother killed my voice. She always hited me when I dared to speak to her. To whom can man speak, when he can t speak to his mother? She always told me that I was born and ruined her life.
You just described my almost 20 year marriage perfectly. Its a bad spot to be in. Thank you for this video! I wish I could spend hours talking to you. Stay well!
When my husband does evil things to me and I react, he tells me I'm immature and can't face anything. He says I refuse to face the truth and that I should grow up and I should admit that I'm wrong even though he was the one that just mistreated me. I don't even know what to answer to defend myself because he refuses to even listen. I feel lost. Even when others say something insulting to me, he won't defend me. Instead he helps them validate what they said. It's frustrating and heartbreaking. It takes me days to get past this and regain my composure. Then it starts over again at another time. I would love to find a way to become indifferent to his attacks and just let him talk without reacting and therefore keeping my peace. Right now I refuse to talk to him because of what he did to me yesterday and it's just a vicious never ending cycle. I really appreciate your videos because it makes me feel less alone. Thank you.
eversince i found out about NPD and how my mom very much fits the bill, i have become her narcissist and gaining back my voice against her. i dont care if i sound abusive, i want everyone around her to know the abuse and gaslighting she had always been doing. im just speaking my truth. if she is shamed of the truth, then thats not my problem.
I am 30 years into a marriage with a covert narcissist. I long for the person I used to be. I have fought hard to hold fast to my beliefs and self esteem. I have saved his life twice... he will only admit to one time because my brother was there to witness it. He has turned my younger children against me. I am not sure how to reclaim all of my life which I am desperate to regain. He told me yesterday; "You are the stupidest smart person I know".
Spot on! It happened to me, I was pushed so far as to wishing to die! I felt like I was nobody anymore, unloved and forgotten. Being influenced by him and isolated I also pushed away the people who loved me and so my isolation, physical and emotional was complete. I had no access to internet and when I did I was checked on every few minutes. Recently, as in 1 year ago he gave me access to a phone with internet, he made sure I'm not leaving.
In a personal development course, it was noticed that my mind always went blank when being asked questions in front of the class. I realised then it was from my narcissistic abuse being afraid to say the right thing. We made up a technique to snap myself out that worked. I can speak freely now
Exactly. All of these I have experienced..and it's scary and shock at the same time to believe how a person can turn to be such an Evil to his daughter.. I am discredited for the entire life till date, all my accomplishments are accomplishments only to the world outside. I used to wonder why I feel worthless inspite of being good child.. here comes the answers.... It's just 💔 Everything from I feel as an emotional psychological attack towards me.. My only wish is to go away from his control..
Thank U Danish. So informative & on point. I appreciate your videos & just subscribed since you’re so good! You’re knowledgeable & a great communicator!
Frighteningly accurate! I've been in therapy for 9 years and I'm still working through 40+ years of her brainwashing, discrediting and silencing tactics. Unfortunately I'm under her roof, again ( I escaped for 7 years) but working on getting out, permanently! Once I'm out, it's NO contact!
Hold good thoughts for me. I can’t leave yet and at this point, don’t have the confidence to say I ever will be able to… however, I am DETERMINED to start taking back control of my life, one decision at a time, one day at a time, and seeing where it leads me. I have already started in that I am in graduate school online now. He says he is supportive (it means I may get a job that I can support him with- as he is much older than me and has spent his (and my) retirement money on himself and his grown son (bailing him out of trouble- investing in his ‘businesses’ buying both of them luxury cars). However, he interferes with my study time EVERY day. So from now on, I am going to start leaving the house to study at the local library whenever he does this. I WILL obtain my masters degree and a good job OUTSIDE of this house! I don’t know if he will begin to respect me more as I do what I need to- for myself, but I will respect myself again- and that will be nice for a change!
thank you for sharing! That's exactly how I felt! like my voice wouldn't matter. I would love to see a video about how to recover your voice after being in a relationship with a narcissist and thanks again 🙏🏼
I lived with a psicopath narcicist for 11 years, it was the mos horrible experience of my life, I know i'm a survivar. I really thank you for your content. From my heart thank you somuch
Keep wondering how one single person can portray all tactics mentioned in the video and in all the comments. Was lucky enough to see what is happening in the first 2 months, gave another two just to be sure of the diagnosis that he is the worst kind of narcissist. I refused to lose my voice till the end and this led to fighting but i refused to give in to behaviours that were so UNFAIR towards me. The funny thing is that when i m thinking of him i just laugh. Having no respect towards him as a man and i as a human being i m thinking of him and i feel he is so small. These are just thoughts and i m happy of the distance between us. No hate whatsoever. I feel grateful that i proved to myself that no one can distort the image i have for myself
This makes sense. I buy things I don't need because I'm so unhappy and have no control over my own life. All decisions are forced on me and they are such bad decisions.
in my case when last time I debated about politics with my dad I said smt along the lines that we as society got cheated and manipulated 3 times (in recent years) but becouse I m raised as truth seeker and never avoid accepting my own mistakes I told him also that I was also one of those who were manipulated at 2d time of those 3 times. And I also pointed that he was manipulated during 3d of the events I speak about. but my dad would never accept the idea that he could be cheated by politicians becouse he thinks that he is enough wise to avoid their traps, and so he does not speak about 3d of those traps I showed to him. but for sure he pointed to me that I was mistaken at 2d time - and he points to this with glee. Even though if I never pointed to him about those 3 times we were fooled as society he would never think about those events at all as political psy-ops.
I was married in a family of narsassist, those were the worst 3 yrs of my life, thank God for my supportive family. I was so confused as to where I stand .
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Do you know anything about Single Shaming? There's a lot of that in society.
Having no voice is essentially being dead while you are still alive.
@James L…..Indeed! From having my own words used against me, to not ‘remembering’ things the same way as they do, to being told that ‘I’m the narcissist’, to being made to apologize for stuff that I’m not even told specifically what it is that I’m apologizing for….and on and on….I just don’t want to talk anymore.
That way, if I don’t talk, I (hopefully) can’t have my words twisted and used against me….I (hopefully) won’t be accused of remembering things wrong….I (hopefully) won’t be called the narcissist anymore, as I won’t talk and be accused of ‘making it all about me’…..and I (hopefully) won’t have to keep apologizing for vague ‘wrongs’ that I don’t even know what they are.
I’m seriously considering breaking off ties with this person forever….which would also then mean, never having anything to do with my grandchildren that I’ve never seen either.
But if being raked over the coals in this fashion constantly, is the only way to have my grandchildren in my life….no thanks! Being mentally/emotionally beaten all of the time, is not worth it! I don’t like that the grandchildren are being used in this way! That in order to be in their life, I have to subject myself to continual bull$#it abuse!
It’s just simply not worth it!
I NEED peace and sanity in my life….I will NOT be harangued, in order to be a grandmother! I NEVER did that to my parents or in-laws….and the one son that I used to get along best with, is going to do that to me, because he is with a ‘welfare mama’?! Oh, hell no!
She has already divorced one man, and kicked another father of another child of hers, to the curb….so I’m guessing that my son has to listen to her b.s. and tap dance to her tune, or he could lose the two children he had with her….the same way that the other fathers did! If he doesn’t keep her happy by abusing me, then she could just say, “NEXT!” She has a history pattern, after all. As long as she gets welfare, she don’t care who she’s with! And she can make all of the threats that she wants, in order to get her way!
She doesn’t even know me, we never met in person. But she keeps starting fights over the phone, accusing me of being like her mother….when that’s not even the case! She’s told me of things that she claims her mother has done….and then attributes those things to me, without any basis in fact! DELUSIONAL!
Yeah, I can’t keep playing that sick game. I’ll just have to cut ties. Sad as it is. I’m not liking the abuse at all! Every phone call ends up with more accusations, more of telling me what is wrong with me, just more personal attacks, that leave me feeling confused, drained, and unable to think clearly for several days after! Yup! I must be the narcissist! Good grief! Gaslighting myself now!
James, there won't be anything left of you to enjoy your grandkids, if you stay. Your sanity and well being is deteriorating under this weight of abuse. For the past year I have been emotionally and physically separating myself from the narc in my own life, so when gone, I will NEVER come back. EvER!!!
Oops! I meant my reply to go to " Dreams of flying. "
@@gracebe235 One must get out of the toxic environment in order to heal. And the more you heal, the easier it becomes to identify toxic behaviors as they are happening, and the more intolerable those toxic behaviors will become to even be around.
@@BlueJean751. James is the original comment . Grace is a covert. The answers are there.
Again, Danish, you have perfectly encapsulated how the narcissist takes a victim's voice away. The self-doubt and insecurity is extremely paralyzing and makes healing that much more difficult.
My ex narcissist husband tried all the five tactics that you mentioned in this episode. I was in a state of utter confusion and distress for the first few years. However, I realized that something is actually wrong with him and not me. I had no idea about Narcissistic Personality Disorder at that time. But I knew he is an evil man and he did everything intentionally to suppress me and to push me to a state of utter helplessness. But I could not think of separation because I knew very well that he would use my little son as a pawn and I did not want to cause any distress to the child. So, I developed a very thick skin to protect myself from getting hurt. This made him all the more desperate. And eventually I moved out when my son became eighteen year old.
Thank you for this. Giving a voice to victims ❤
I concur..!!🤝
Oh its no exaggeration at all. When you are born into this, you have no idea this is not normal. I kept my eyes closed until my mom died when I was 55 years old. Then my dad became sloppy and his mask slipped one too many times and then one day you can no longer unsee what you see. You finally stand up for yourself and OMG the devil comes out! I protected myself by not admitting to myself that my dad loved no one. Not me, not my sister, not my mom, not my husband, not my kids, while we all loved him unconditionally...with his MAJOR FLAWS AND ALL. He punished me so that I will never fight with anyone again, I will not try to correct or help anyone. I will not say a word to defend myself. I want to stay home and have peace in my home with my husband and cat. IT destroys your whole self and family. I pray for all of us who go through this awfulness.
I discovered it was not normal at some point in my childhood. I would see the way some of my friends were treated by their parents, complete opposite. But I still had no idea what it was, I had never heard the words "trauma" or "narcissism" until a few years ago. And actually I thought at first that it can't be trauma because she didn't beat me up, but learned a lot from these types of channels on youtube.
Never doubt yourself!!! If it hurts, it's not 'cause "you're just so sensitive." 😿😿😿
I agree with everything you said Danish. This is what narcisists do to kill your voice and then destroy the rest of you. Narcisistic abuse is the worst kind of abuse that can happen to a person and those you have survived it know it is true. Thank you for your great work.
"Killing me softly with his song.". ..I'm reminded of these words to a song that describes narcissistic abuse.
is the song really about narc abuse? never realized that
It definitely is. Please talk about how sometimes children can grow up to be this way because they have had severe abuse before adoption.
Maybe the states need to revamp their CPS systems since 85,000 children went missing from their custody. Where'd they go? It was supposed to protect those children not make them victims of the elites who use adrenalized children's blood as a drug.
Yes! And OH THE HEART PAIN of giving your ALL, but they will not/ cannot receive it, NO MATTER how hard you try! Then...worse yet turn around and falsely accuse you as a parent/ mother, and get your own husband/ family against you as retaliation.
But...THANK GOD!, He knows it all.
They are very miserable souls in NEED of JESUS in their heart. 🤚🙏!
I never knew about this until recently. I hope the sound of freedom movie brings this to the surface . 2 kids from Russia , adopted before age 3 . Acting out early SA.
@@lovejumanji5 I will pray for you, as I well understand! Lean upon the Lord for wisdom/ strength/guidance, as that is the only way I ever even made it. A good book to read is what someone gave to me...title is, " When love is not enough. " Yes, one has to go through it to believe these "well behaved" children wld even act like that behind closed doors. They know just how to trick ppl n pit them against you. Therapist told us they can't except it that their birthparents rejected them, so they take it out on the one who shows them the most love, of which is most often the mother. 🙏
Thank you Danish. I didn't know that I was a victim of narcissistic abuse until the last few years. My mother is a narcissist. My first husband was a violent narcissist and currently dealing with a covert parasitic narcissist. 56 years of hell on earth. Thank you and others for this understanding. I've always thought it was ME who was the problem. I've wondered why everyone else has a loving mother and mine hates my guts and creates situations where I will be hurt. My daughter is the scapegoat next generation and they did the same things to her as to me. She took custody if my children (no DCFS/CPS involvement ever) and had my granddaughters stolen from my daughter AND my son. So I will never have any interactions with my granddaughters. It's heartbreaking. She destroyed me by sending my daughter when she was 15 to Kentucky. I wasn't allowed to know where she was until she turned 21 and we found each other on social media. My mother is the most evil person I have ever met and she taught 4th grade for 35 years.
My greatest desire is to meet and hug my 3 stolen granddaughters. Anyu (adopted name Matilda), Katerina and Macy. The adoptive families might want to know about the genetic predisposition for certain conditions and diseases. Might want to know the health of the biological family. I'm just very concerned that they are part of the missing children from the foster care system. It's easy to just tell the bio family that they've been adopted and send them God only knows where.
I hope everyone has a blessed Mother's Day and remember the mother's and grandmother's whose arms are forever empty because of a narcissist.
What are you going to do now?
Me too. All I can do is pray for them.
@@kalkhan816 what do you mean? I have to wait until they are adults before I can look for them. Adoption records are sealed until the child turns 18. I have gone "no contact" with the narcissistic parental unit for several years.
All I can do is give it to God. But I will never stop looking for my granddaughters.
@@michignamymichigan yes, exactly. I'm sorry that you too have experienced this. Sending hugs 🤗
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Keep the thought of the very real possibility your grandchildren are happy and loved.❤
All I experienced and experiencing
And Always Saying You Don't Remember That That That Happened And Saying You Don't Trust danish ur amazing when it comes to narcs you always bang on about describing our Experiences they always remind us about past mistakes they always make us question about ourselves that we are not capable of talking about anything!!! They always trigger us constantly and then when we explode they take Advantage of That.. And don't forget Danish They Also Smear Campaign Even To Our Own Family Against Us...!!!!
Tears in my eyes as you are perfectly wording the hell that has been my 30 year marriage, spot on 💯🎯 I wish I knew about covert narcs before the internet days too. I just figured it out in the past year bc I didn't know how to explain it!!! I have been a clueless idiot and I hope this younger generation knows all the signs of these monsters bc I've shut down, I'm isolated, health is terrible. Get out as soon as you can...if you are able to do so!!!! 🙏
I can see the whole picture now. These recognizable traits in so many people among family members, friends, co-workers, etc... 😡😡😡
This is exactly what ive felt. My voice was suppressed.
My mother once gave me psychological abuse and when I didn't speak to her for a week she sent me a "Get Well" card in postal mail that essentially said "I hope God heals you." When I told her that she was the cause, her response was, "I believe you, but I don't remember any of it." Feigning ignorance is how she avoids accountability. When I told a mutual family member, mother had already groomed them into thinking I was just having a depressive episode and she didn't know why but no one needs to worry because I would soon get through it.
It ruins you. We are strong and know how to heal. Thanks Danish.
Thank you!!! You have been very helpful and kind to share and help!!!! I have a narcissistic mother and husband!!! My whole life has been crazy and I’m currently struggling with breaking free from husband but have finally cut mother out!!!! So husband has tripled his gas lighting and etc 😢 but you give me hope that I can break free and find my true self again!!!! 🙏🏻 Blessings to you!!! ❤
I was accused of having faulty perception.
It's truly happening to me as I'm listening
He says I'm dead as a dodo!
Bedmouthing to his family & friends saying I'm very unreasonable 😢
At the same he refuses to buy groceries but wants delicious foods!
Excellent summary of narcissistic abuse 👏
This is the first time I visited this site, after watching it I hit like and subscribed. I feel more validated and understood because of this man's excellent narration, so, thank you Mr. Bashir!!!
This was my life for years. Left me feeling like I can’t even be a part of society anymore so I stopped trying and isolate.
You are a Godsend!
My husband has done all of these things to me. For a while I gave up wishing for anything or looking to the future for anything good. My world lost its color- I saw black, white and grey. Now he is disabled and I feel guilty about wanting to leave him.
Thank you for this. I have experienced all this.
Spot on yet again! WOW! Thanks for opening my eyes and mind!
Creating doubt and confusion.. I just went through this the other night with my dad. He was trying to convince me that the moon landing was fake. When I pushed back and said he was wrong, he started calling me dumb and saying that I'll listen to anything.
Spot on.
This is al true! Thank you Danish!
My narc hubby never remember anything we did together. Everytime I'll ask if he remembers something happened for example in our holidays, he always have the same answer, I don't know what you're talking about....in the beginning I'll insist, recalling him some events....but no results...he'll invalidate my feelings saying i'm influenced by my friends. He told me one day all my friends were divorced and were jalous, that it was not safe to still seeing them... strange thing is that, he's best friend he's in his 5th marriage....I thought I was going to be crazy....he would say awful things and then pretend I was the one who said it....so I decided to record him...I started recording every conversation we had.....and that saved my life. That's how I understood that I was right, he was always denying things he would have said, putting down my friends, trying to twist my reality....I started searching on the internet....and here i'm. Still with him, I don't know what to do....we have kids....I wake up every day with the same question, should I stay or should I go....I think I'm ok as I decided to see him like someone who has a mental disorder....I think I observe him now.... trying to absorb nothing of his negativity.
just found your channel, I like your approach, starting to work through your back catalogue .. this is my biggest issue, missed a big chance to talk to Barrister turned Justice a night ago cause I couldn't vocalise my thoughts despite knowing him from prior trial.
Voice means what? It is the expressions of one's thoughts and feelings. If your voice is being killed, your heart and brain will also be killed.What do you say???
Yep! You nailed this
0:32 Sorry Danish I will not unsubscribe your channel, it's really having alot of good content!!
😄😄 Thank you
Very very very nice...please keep up you important work!!
Your own needs are replaced by the narcissist's needs. You deem yourself unworthy of kindness.
Yes one of the things that my ex would say is don't worry why are you picking a fight I've got it under control when I brought up the credit card balance. He of course did not and I came to realize we needed to go into debt consolidation and eventually bankruptcy.
I do not initiate conversation I just answer questions. I do not share anything that I am doing. I have been blamed for things that broke because they were old.
1.15 - its exacly like this with my dad.
bless your loving heart
Exactly…. I am living ….he is an animal
Tbh their more likely to tell u that something happened that didn't rather than frankly tell u u don't remember stuff. Often times the victims find themselves telling the narc that they (narc) don't remember correctly or they're lying. Most of the times the victim will tell the narc that it's all about only the narcs emotions and not the victims emotions. So this is not a good indication who's the narc. Many times if the narc is taking out their emotions or aggression/ frustration it's normal for the victim to attempt to tell the narc to emotionally self regulate. Or to tell the narc that their feelings may not b valid or from a healthy perspective. There's only the truth. There is no subjective truth unless u r the narc. Generally the victim will tell the narc that the narc has a very active imagination due to how many lies they make up. But it's possible for the narc to say it to the victim too if the narc is attempting to dismiss something true and damning evidence that proves the victim is right about the narc. The narc dismisses the victim by acting like the victim is fighting or nagging (wen speaking calmly) by raising concerns with the narc. Narcs project so they're the ones who r not able to make sound judgement. Plenty of ppl struggle with sound judgement Tho, tbh everyone can help each other make sound judgement and also get better on their own. Narcs usually j dismiss u by acting like your needs r not part of the equation. Victims will also frankly say u don't kno wat you're talking about since narcs lie but I hv heard narcs say it too. It's not a good indication. If a narc is creating confusion it's to avoid being caught breaking a boundary of the victim or in order to dominate the victim into exploitation. If someone is telling u your understanding is flawed it's likely constructive criticism not a narc. If a narc does try to get this across it's rare and it's to obfuscate that they lied. Last point was spot on.
He used to say he was giving me all his love all the time & why wasn’t I happy with that? What was wrong with me?
Ive experienced 5/5 but the narccist didnt kill my voice, i just channeled it througu my music.
Yup they hate facts too. Even with evidence you’re always wrong. Karens
thank you'
I was told I try to communicate too much. As if!
I fell like i died 10 Times but somehow ,im stil alive
How do so many evil people who arent the sharpest tack in.the box, so point on with these calculated methods? Its demon possession.....
3:54 let me time stamp this
I never fell for his tricks i always had Proofs such as pics, screenshots, call recordings etc. N he never could play his mind games over me cuz i feel lyk i also hv a bit of narcissistic mentality...or maybe i hv understood him so well dat i can always beat his mind games... But his abusive behaviour is a diff level of torture for me. So i had to take some illigal steps against him by which i cud get him in my control... N it's really disappointing n funny at the same time to c him change his colours in no time .. n i love to see him fear me😂 i cried alot..but I'm ready to give up dat mf
Does this mean the narcissist's feelings are also valid?
A narcissist's "behaviors" (not feelings) are what the problem is.
💚
Nice 👍
One more factor Mr. Danish is that during every argument ,conversation they get enraged and then they yell and roar at the top of their voice saying most illogical things, so you just want to shut up. Narcissism and logic are poles apart.
Leaves me fearful and crushed.
They yell, but then tell you you're volatile if you raise your voice, once
I have a lot to say about this, but I can't seem to find my voice...
My experience was a covert narc mother. No yelling, no expression of emotion. Only. Silent anger. It was terrible.
They also raise the tone of their voice to silence the victim.
This is so accurate that I am literally like this 😳!
Absolutely true! I was with my x 23 years. People would LEGIT ask if i was able to speak. Straight face, honest question from them. He never... never ever ever... let me finish a sentence. Not one sentence. I eventually gave up. Struggle super hard with just talking now. Ridiculous 😔
Exactly what I experience too. I’ve pretty much just given up talking whenever he’s around.
Got them all. It's ancient history now but some scars remained. Do not play with narcs.
All I can say is thank God for Jesus. He is the only one that can fix this madness.
I remember trying to defend myself over his devaluation of me, and even though I had presented facts of his abuse, he kept acting like he didn't understand. So I would keep calmly rephrasing things, thinking how could I be more clear? Finally, he told me that repeating things over and over to someone was a form of psychological manipulation and brainwashing, and that I was doing that to him. 😳 He still refused accountability, and instead made me out to be the bad person. Looking back now, I can see that HE was the one that always repeated untrue phrases about me, daily, weekly, until I actually began to question myself. I would then defend myself only once, and when he pretended not to understand, I became quiet, for fear of being accused of brainwashing him with repetition. It was so sick and twisted. I would think through how to say what I needed to say, in a one time shot at it, for hours or days. I'm so glad I'm free of that demon.
Exact experience here 🤷♀️🤯
It's incredible how when we find out who these individuals are, that they are all the same and operate out of the same devil's play book. They get better and better at their manipulative tactics it the longer we remain pushed down, our identity hijacked.
Thank you for you videos! Your empathy and knowledge have kept me sane! I’m forever grateful 🙏
Yes, they do. My mom always criticized me and I can't say a word to protect my position.
The smear campaign is an effective tool. Essentially one is threatened with shunning if a narcissistic person decides they’re annoyed by your being alive or they want to feel dominant and more secure in their power over you. Which is always so this is basically inevitable if you’re at all connected to a narcissist. The family pile on is my fav.
Thank you for this validation. I am healing from this abuse that i never seen coming. Its like the tale of the frog in boiling water.
My cat agrees with your cat. 😊😺
yes, narcissists know in fact exactly what they're doing and they are able to raise the temperature over months or years at just the right rate to keep you from jumping
O.m.g. !❤ .. just really, seeing it 😢😮
So true and so helpful. God bless you
It's a waking nightmare. God bless my fellow survivors 💕
All of the above. Thank you, Danish!
My mother killed my voice. She always hited me when I dared to speak to her. To whom can man speak, when he can t speak to his mother?
She always told me that I was born and ruined her life.
What a sad excuse for a mother...
Sounds like mine..
So right on!
How do you get over them once and for all without going crazy? I need it to stop please
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏
Fantastic content 💖💖💖💖💖
You just described my almost 20 year marriage perfectly. Its a bad spot to be in. Thank you for this video! I wish I could spend hours talking to you. Stay well!
When my husband does evil things to me and I react, he tells me I'm immature and can't face anything. He says I refuse to face the truth and that I should grow up and I should admit that I'm wrong even though he was the one that just mistreated me. I don't even know what to answer to defend myself because he refuses to even listen. I feel lost. Even when others say something insulting to me, he won't defend me. Instead he helps them validate what they said. It's frustrating and heartbreaking. It takes me days to get past this and regain my composure. Then it starts over again at another time. I would love to find a way to become indifferent to his attacks and just let him talk without reacting and therefore keeping my peace. Right now I refuse to talk to him because of what he did to me yesterday and it's just a vicious never ending cycle.
I really appreciate your videos because it makes me feel less alone. Thank you.
You're not alone. I pray that God relieves you of this situation soon. Stay strong.
eversince i found out about NPD and how my mom very much fits the bill, i have become her narcissist and gaining back my voice against her. i dont care if i sound abusive, i want everyone around her to know the abuse and gaslighting she had always been doing. im just speaking my truth. if she is shamed of the truth, then thats not my problem.
Exceptional and deep sumary, especially for six and a half minutes. It's chilling to hear and see it presented so truly.
I am 30 years into a marriage with a covert narcissist. I long for the person I used to be. I have fought hard to hold fast to my beliefs and self esteem. I have saved his life twice... he will only admit to one time because my brother was there to witness it. He has turned my younger children against me. I am not sure how to reclaim all of my life which I am desperate to regain. He told me yesterday; "You are the stupidest smart person I know".
Shame a narcissist 24-7
Because they’ll attack you 24-7
You just explained how I felt through my teenage years , my mother did this exactly as you explain. I never knew why I felt like that. Thank you.
Spot on! It happened to me, I was pushed so far as to wishing to die! I felt like I was nobody anymore, unloved and forgotten. Being influenced by him and isolated I also pushed away the people who loved me and so my isolation, physical and emotional was complete. I had no access to internet and when I did I was checked on every few minutes. Recently, as in 1 year ago he gave me access to a phone with internet, he made sure I'm not leaving.
💗💃 A got darn shame.
💯🎯🎯🎯 Spot on. Thank you!
In a personal development course, it was noticed that my mind always went blank when being asked questions in front of the class. I realised then it was from my narcissistic abuse being afraid to say the right thing. We made up a technique to snap myself out that worked. I can speak freely now
What technique is that? We, the abused, need all the help there is to be able to express ourselves again. Please share it if you can. Thank you
1000% spot on ... all signs are accurate
❤
Exactly. All of these I have experienced..and it's scary and shock at the same time to believe how a person can turn to be such an Evil to his daughter.. I am discredited for the entire life till date, all my accomplishments are accomplishments only to the world outside.
I used to wonder why I feel worthless inspite of being good child.. here comes the answers....
It's just 💔
Everything from I feel as an emotional psychological attack towards me..
My only wish is to go away from his control..
Thank U Danish. So informative & on point. I appreciate your videos & just subscribed since you’re so good! You’re knowledgeable & a great communicator!
Frighteningly accurate! I've been in therapy for 9 years and I'm still working through 40+ years of her brainwashing, discrediting and silencing tactics. Unfortunately I'm under her roof, again ( I escaped for 7 years) but working on getting out, permanently! Once I'm out, it's NO contact!
Hold good thoughts for me. I can’t leave yet and at this point, don’t have the confidence to say I ever will be able to… however, I am DETERMINED to start taking back control of my life, one decision at a time, one day at a time, and seeing where it leads me. I have already started in that I am in graduate school online now. He says he is supportive (it means I may get a job that I can support him with- as he is much older than me and has spent his (and my) retirement money on himself and his grown son (bailing him out of trouble- investing in his ‘businesses’ buying both of them luxury cars). However, he interferes with my study time EVERY day. So from now on, I am going to start leaving the house to study at the local library whenever he does this. I WILL obtain my masters degree and a good job OUTSIDE of this house! I don’t know if he will begin to respect me more as I do what I need to- for myself, but I will respect myself again- and that will be nice for a change!
thank you for sharing! That's exactly how I felt! like my voice wouldn't matter. I would love to see a video about how to recover your voice after being in a relationship with a narcissist and thanks again 🙏🏼
Yes, we are angry at them, but we don’t know why. 🤦🏻Thanks for the insight on a narcopath.
I lived with a psicopath narcicist for 11 years, it was the mos horrible experience of my life, I know i'm a survivar. I really thank you for your content. From my heart thank you somuch
Keep wondering how one single person can portray all tactics mentioned in the video and in all the comments. Was lucky enough to see what is happening in the first 2 months, gave another two just to be sure of the diagnosis that he is the worst kind of narcissist. I refused to lose my voice till the end and this led to fighting but i refused to give in to behaviours that were so UNFAIR towards me. The funny thing is that when i m thinking of him i just laugh. Having no respect towards him as a man and i as a human being i m thinking of him and i feel he is so small. These are just thoughts and i m happy of the distance between us. No hate whatsoever. I feel grateful that i proved to myself that no one can distort the image i have for myself
This makes sense. I buy things I don't need because I'm so unhappy and have no control over my own life. All decisions are forced on me and they are such bad decisions.
in my case when last time I debated about politics with my dad I said smt along the lines that we as society got cheated and manipulated 3 times (in recent years) but becouse I m raised as truth seeker and never avoid accepting my own mistakes I told him also that I was also one of those who were manipulated at 2d time of those 3 times. And I also pointed that he was manipulated during 3d of the events I speak about. but my dad would never accept the idea that he could be cheated by politicians becouse he thinks that he is enough wise to avoid their traps, and so he does not speak about 3d of those traps I showed to him. but for sure he pointed to me that I was mistaken at 2d time - and he points to this with glee. Even though if I never pointed to him about those 3 times we were fooled as society he would never think about those events at all as political psy-ops.
That’s twisted, because narcissist’s are the one’s not living in reality.
I was married in a family of narsassist, those were the worst 3 yrs of my life, thank God for my supportive family. I was so confused as to where I stand .
Thank you. 10% Correct. I resonate with them all.
A perfect example is Ursula from the Little Mermaid.