I have to say my husband was single for 25 yrs after his 1st marriage then he met me. loll At first thought he was too good to be true😂 But, nope he was really what he professed to be. Couldn't ask for a better husband. We built a house 4 yrs ago & it's paid for due to financial stability. We've been together 13 years married 10 & he's a great parnter.😊
@@irinaivanovic9792single just means he was never married. He could very well have been dating. Whatever the case, he never committed "til death do we part" to those women.
Best video by far!!! Especially #3! "If he can't manage his emotions, he's going to be very unstable and end up becoming abusive and then blame you for it." Ladies PLEASE keep these type of men away from your children! And do not have a child with someone like this!
I've never physically gotten violent or abusive when I got upset. I usually just get frustrated or concerned, but then again, I didn't have any mental issues to begin with...Is there psychological evidence to support that men become abusers if they become angry? I see that get thrown around often online.
You are so right! We have a 7 year old and met almost 13 years ago. I have A LOT of regrets and really wished I had listened to that inner voice. Working on a plan to have as least contact as possible with him. I just want him away from me. He's been a thorn in my side for years and I can see who he truly is. My feelings have always been dismissed and disregarded, except during the love bombing phase. I'm so sorry I didn't have self love before. I am working on healing and dealing with my own trauma. I realize it was all about winning with him after a certain point. I wanted to show him how strong I was and that he couldn't come back...and he worked hard to break those walls down, only for me to have to yet again build them back up!! Sick!!
@inspiredbydior: I'm so sorry to hear that. What a terrible existence to feel like you're always walking on eggshells. I've been there when I was very young. Thank God I had the strength to leave 4 months in. That was all I could take. Moved out of state for this man. But I have always had a very low tolerance for B.S. He is just taking advantage of your kindness. Just pray for God's protection and for him to remove this man from your life. I know it's much harder when you have a child though. I hope you have a strong support system. I sure didn't. But I do know this much, if you pray hard enough for God to help and guide you, he will. He will also help you tap into your inner strength and do what you need to do what's best for you and your child. God is good!
@Danny328DT : Not all people with a temper become abusive. I myself have a terrible temper but I have never put my hands on a child or an animal. Stephan did not say they all become abusive. He said if a man cannot handle their emotions they have the potential to eventually become abusive but I think he meant emotionally abusive. But a physically abusive person always starts out being verbally abusive and it escalates from there. I think he was saying these people shouldn't be in a relationship if they cannot control their emotions and I agree because the emotional maturity isn't there. You sound like you have alot of self-reflection and you acknowledge you can be hot-headed but you know how to check yourself before it gets out of hand. Not all men do. The abusive types lash out, intimidate, bully and just expect the woman to accept the behavior.
One thing about passive aggressiveness: Beware girls, sarcasm seems funny and confident at the surface, but it‘s actually a very low and arrogant way of thinking. We often feel attracted to the funny guys, but sarcasm looks very dark behind the fascade. often times there is a bitter, resentful, spoiled, entitled, delusional brat, who likes to enjoy life at the expense of others
@@irinaivanovic9792it is. We’re not talking about funniness here, we’re talking about passive aggression. Passive aggression is often disguised as sarcasm. You’ll notice it when you see such people. I had female friends like this too
#9 deserves the spot lol. This will stick in our minds, thank you. 🙏🏽 So many women say: “ oh least he’s coming home to me” Men in a relationship seeking any form of attention from other females is an insecure man- like Stephen said, feeding their egos to hide a problem they are not willing to face. We don’t talk about this red flag enough, so thank you for addressing it Stephen.
I agree one hundred percent. And addiction is a huge issue in relationships. Personality and character is fixed. Behaviors can be modified. Cheating Triangulations In Sick Relationships - Dr Sam Vaknin podcast Never Forgive Infidelity Cheating Dr Sam Vaknin podcast Why Are Relationships Are So Hard? Why You Choose Who You Choose with Guest Dr Stan Tatkin podcast ♥️ How Your Childhood Trauma Effects Your Love Choices - Jonathon Aslay podcast ♥️ We Are Attracted To The Familiar by Coach Craig Kenneth - Imago Why Smart Men Fail At Dating And Relationships David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project podcast Why Men Avoid Counselling - Jonathon Aslay podcast
My boyfriend is the last 4/9. He's not a cheater, but he's got female friends with huge snapchat streaks. He literally says he "likes the presence of other women." He's against the idea of therapy. Hes passive aggressive asfff. He doesn't like criticism in any way. He is always negative about men, work, women, family, ect. It's sad and I'm drained even if he's not saying anything. Im not allowed to have opinions so I'm just silent. Ive gained 70 lbs messing with this man. I'm slowly moving away from him. Thank God we don't live together.
The WAY I sprang my ankle running to CLICK on this video! 💯 😂... for real! YOU BETTER TELL THE TRUTH! I've been praying for guidance on this very subject... so grateful for confirmation.
@MeetStephanSpeaks hi there! This was amazing & actually edification for what my Father (Elohim/God) has been telling & showing me for a min. I love how He uses others (in this case you) to cross our paths to confirm His Way is the Right Way.
😂😂😂 i laughed at the blaah blah blah.. i just love Stephan's wisdom and honesty. You really are helping us to UPGRADE our mindsets and opening our eyes to identify a True Man of God with integrity
I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy who had to have everything his way and would ghost me when he didn't get it. When i tried to talk to him he would leave the room. He was never wrong and he was very passive aggressive. Typical narcissist.
Love that you stress masculine and not alpha. In my experience a lot of alpha men are very immature. They can’t take correction, controlling and emotionally unavailable.
Lols. Most Alphas are masculine. Alpha means Power. So what you're saying doesn't actually make sense. Secondly, not all Alphas are controlling or emotionally unavailable. Maybe you should give them a chance because most women don't want a weak man (the other option) which is a Beta.
Stephen, this video is going to be helpful to so many women today. My last relationship was little mix of everything you mentioned in this video. While he seemed like a good guy, went to church and all, this was just used to mask the rest of his shortcomings. Women need to pay close attention to these signs because they can cause more suffering than they could ever imagine.
If someone is truly religious they embody live and practice these values and beliefs with integrity, not merely pay lip service to it or claim to be religious. Which is merely a facade or hipocrisy. . Agree women need to pay close attention to red flags and dealbreakers. How have you healed from past experiences?
Yesss my ex, too! Even was a dedicated Father, but behind that mask was something serious! He went to church, attended ministry classes, but was addicted to porn, a cheater, a liar, just overall fake person overall. Claimed to have all this love for me, but when confronted, threw me away like a piece of trash. Did it over and over and then would come back with an apology that seemed genuine, but then the behaviors kept showing up! Just pathetic!!!
#1 Issue was him not wanting to have serious conversations. Not liking Conflict was his answer. I personally think this is due to being ennlisted 15 yrs of service in the military. Finally, after a few years he is having conversations now & difiently being able to express his feeling as well as listening to mine.
Communication is a huge issue in interpersonal relationships. Good communication skills and relationship skills. Most people have weak emotional maturity and relationship skills. Conflict resolution is a very important skill. Relationships are about emotions. You've got to have deep conversations to know and understand each other. Not surface or superficial chats. Small talk. Personal development: Why Are Relationships Are So Hard? Why You Choose Who You Choose with Dr Stan Tatkin podcast How Your Childhood Trauma Effects Your Love Choices - Jonathon Aslay and Destiny podcast Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project podcast Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Imago Attached by Amir Levine Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman If The Budda Dated by John and Julie Gottman The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma - Dr Gabor Mate The Myth Of Normal by Dr Gabor Mate What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay.
Thank you for posting this video. I was able to evaluate where I am and areas I need to improve so I’m not only a better man for my future wife, but for myself and the people around me. God bless!
Yes I agree I'm all those types of guys he speaks on, and I'm not proud of saying that. These videos are teaching me what not to be anymore. I'm not sure if time permits me to save my marriage but I know I'm striving to be a better man through your videos. Thank you and keep being a vessel for sharing.
Am older than he is, we keep having misunderstandings every single day and it's really draining...I want to just move on from the relationship and heal from this mental stress
Stephan, pls make a video helping women understand subconsciously driven decisions on being with a man who has little income. Especially later in life. How to set clear boundaries around finances etc.
This is an important note to add in. It’s always a red flag. When a man you’re involved with at any level doesn’t want to talk about the relationship gets mad gets angry, feels cornered, with just a calm discussion of the dynamic when your communication is shut down and that’s a pattern. You can’t grow with that person they leave you no choice but to leave them.
You have no idea how much your Wisdom helps me so much. Your Wisdom is so Profound! I am so grateful for your guidance. I hear you and I think you are ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING a woman would want in their life to the point to where it hurts. I look and I hear and I think WHY? cant I have a man like you or like that. Also, understanding their are things in me that attracts this kind and LORD KNOWS some parts in me can be a HOT mess! But you a PERFECT MODEL of Christ, of a healthy relatioship, how a woman should be treated and love because mostly it truly starts from within. People need to SEE, HEAR, and EXPERIENCE both men and women your wisdom, your knowledge, I pray to God that you EXPAND across the nations! I pray that you reach new Heights that you never EXPECTED! Including a new found wife! May God bless you and keep you and Shine His face upon your Countenance and lift you up and keep you in HIs perfect peace!
This whole list is my ex and this gave me everything I need to move on. I'm hesitant to do so, though, because I keep wanting to think he needs more time than we both initially thought to get himself together and work on himself. But like you said, I can still move forward and live my life and if our paths cross later and he's grown up, we might try again.
Wow. This could be my favourite video of yours yet (and there's lots to choose from!) For me, number 9 wasn't a big deal. But numbers 1 to 8 have been huge problems in the past. It amazes me how well you describe the reality of emotional relationships and dynamics. Just wow. By the way, I hope your upcoming tour goes really well. Sending prayers for you and all the participants 🙏
I just occasionally clicked on this video. And alarmingly I have several of these undesirable traits. In fact, I can identify exactly when at what part of my life did these undesirable traits arise. The first step to solving any problem is admitting that you have a problem. Thanks.
That #9 truly hit home bc that's one of our biggest reason I walked away bc he just don't see how hurtful that is to me.Always new friends and the need for attention.He don't see anything wrong with it.
Wow, this one hit hard. I’m with a great guy, but I couldn’t figure out why, in just a few areas, things weren’t clicking. THIS is it. He’s immature. Wish there was something simple that could be said or done to show him the immaturity so he/we could work on it, but one of the biggest hang ups in our relationship is…no serious conversations.😞 Ugh. Such a bummer, but I need something deeper. Tired of 4 years of surface.💔
You might not need to leave. I would try a few sessions of couples therapy. Also remember that we a reflections of each other. Analyze where you are meeting him at the same level but in a different way. You might find that changing yourself one step at a time will help him to change as well.
He has a good job and a car but is living with his mom. He lost his place, only paying 300 a month plus utilities. It was his cousin house. A year and a half later, I bought it and paid cash for it. Now, he is very resentful and jealous. Now, he's living in a house he grew up in, and I'm happy for him. He pays 500 a month plus utilities. His mother owns the house
Can attest to that - experienced it first hand and even raised this problem to my ex maaaany times nicely/non-confrontationally which still ended in the 💩. But was there any change? Na... Emotional punching bag is NOT an ideal relationship. Tell them to sign up for boxing gym membership lol.
Every good man/woman was 1ce immature bt we shouldn't make home there...i know better so i have to accept better to receive better & best. What I'm being constantly reminded of is that my Father's NOW is not always my Right Now. I'm listening in thankFULLness, receiving & meditating on that FACT. Thx Stephan & happy Monday!
@Stephan Speaks, I'm in a few relationship groups for women and I'm always recommending your channel. You have helped me gain so much self-awareness and reflection and I walked away from a 6-year relationship with a hobosexual Narc shortly after finding your channel. Thank you so much for being so honest and deep with us and I appreciate the work that you do. I am in Seattle, WA and I hope and wait for the day you will hold your Speaks here. ❤
I was interacting with a guy for 1 month, he was complaining that he was broke all the time but smoking weed 3 to 4 times a day. He wasn't financially stable & didn't have his priorities together. He needs to get a 2nd job or figure his solutions out.
I just ended a relationship exactly for point 2; he lacked a work life balance. Everything was surrounding his work which resulted to me having to sacrifice quality time and affection that I needed. Every time I communicated that I needed him to be flexible and come through for me, he would get frustrated and say that I’m not being patient enough (mind you, we had been together for 365 days). So, i don’t understand how much time he thought i could keep giving him. I loved him but I also had to accept that this way of leaving will not be sustainable for a health relationship long term. So, this video couldn’t have come at a better time because it made it easy to make that decision to end the relationship.
So strange. Such a beautiful woman deserves quality time and affection. Was he not attracted to you? Any normal man would try to get any moment he can with his woman, any excuse. If he did not, then there was something wrong, some underlying cause.
In the dating situation, everything gets very hard to define, thank you for your information, I think women are more independent in some ways than men. We have learned to stand on our own independently.
I’m would love to see more man humble and have value of himself, cause I was married to my ex for the first month ,I find out he staying with me cause he used me for his convenience, I am still forgiving him and am telling myself one day he will change himself and be a humble person but more worse. thankful to God to take him out from my life and God give me peace 🙏❤️🌞 Thank you for your service
This is good advice - I married a guy who was a money failure. He had a job he could have worked more but chose not to and because of this he was about to go bankrupt. I helped him out of his trouble and we were able to proceed forward. I would definitely be concerned about this now but for some reason it did not bother me at the time. I think this video is very good advice.
Im glad I stayed until the end of the video because #9 described my last relationship Perfectly!! I had to walk away because even after discussing it with him a few times, he still needed those female "friends" around him and he just was too immature to see it bothered me. Or didnt love me enough to even care. But thats another video... lol
Same here. Found out he is chatting random women and his ex while we were together. He even has a tinder account. I doubt he is really into me. 😢 it hurts but I don't want this kind of man.
Wow, I chose this to find out about the man I was dealing with, and I actually learned more about myself. : ) I know I will not stay in this "whatever it is" for much longer . Apparently, after listening to a lot of your advice, I have made every mistake/poor choice known to you, and now to myself. I am about to be 69 years old. I haven't dated for 13 years and I haven't seen this man in over 37 years. I am pretty sure he was expecting the person that I was 37 years ago. The roots go deep. I have come to realize, just because a tree has roots, doesn't mean it is going to bear fruit. Thank you for all the advice you share.
Also, have you every considered audio books? Your voice, tone and delivery I feel helps me to receive the messages you make versus when I’m reading and tryna process myself
I don't know why this got recommended to me twice, but the first one always describes me and Stephan's reaction is definitely how he would feel if I explained it lol. I've always mentioned before that compensating in other areas until I'm financially stable enough to take care of my bills is healthy way to grow. Learning through a relationship is important. Since I'm still young (late 20s), I get told to stay single, but relationships happen any moment's notice. Commitment, goals, love are what I'm putting myself through to ensure the happiness of me and my partner.
Libras will avoid and RUN from having any serious discussion and will NOT be willing to deal with conflict. Beware and don’t waste your time, ladies. I’ve been there and done that. With two of them. Smh
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through🙏
I'm a Libra man and I am emotionally available and transparent may to a fault. I always want to talk about things and want to know what on my partners mind.
I'm also a Libra (woman, ofc.) And it's insane the amount of men that are unable to be empathetic or compassionate. 😢 I love men, but my soul longs for one deeper than me.
Hey Brother - I like your content a lot but just interested in hearing more of your perspective on individual improvements as in recognizing areas where you need to grow and how to go about that individually and within your relationships. I understand that every relationship can’t be fixed but how can you be accountable in recognizing your mishaps, toxic behavior or self sabotaging behavior so you can change and improve. Hope this makes sense.
Silent treatment is ssssuper passive aggressive too... Makes your brain eat its own thoughts while they are being "forcefully silent" with you instead of confronting their issues head on and forging a bridge together.. It seems they ruminate more in their "miserable" perception of you than they put effort into taking accountability and getting shit done.
My experience is he was always murmuring about being always alone after work (we met once a month)because of his job and the distance.I adviced him to take up a sport in the evening or take a walk,read at least.No,it had never happened.He always blamed all the others over what happened or his disgraces.I was so stressed up and I gave up.
I absolutely love this list! Bravo, Stephan! #8 rings true with us, as my partner always listened to my input. Didn’t matter to me if he decided for or against my advice, it was the one thing that made me realize he’s a great leader and partner.
Mindset has a shall Remain paramount to Me . I don't take or stand for less . I don't want someone whom feels like they Need to change themselves simply if I choose someone it is because they know enough . And so Don't have Need to convince anybody otherwise . Me included !
What about if he’s 44 and still at home with his parents? Haven’t made plans to move out yet, on fb posting pics every other day in designer clothes. Priorities are definitely not in order
I had one of those who was like Velcro sticked to his mommy. I let him go after 6 months when I got the idea he was never going to move away from her. This 48 yo had no job, no plan, no goal in life. And his mum loved it.
I just got a very nasty note in the mail from someone who spent 12 days with me from out of state, I knew it would not work from him confronting me on past relationships I was very honest about. What I should not have done, which I can't change, and I felt he had no right to judge me. I did not judge him on his past relationships he told me about.
Hello Stephan, I’m 22 yo and actively on a journey to relinquish my anger and traumas and be consistent in my faith and trust in god. I wanted to ask, what about when you’re a woman and you messed up. I never cheated nor him but trust was broken by him and I feel as though my inability to let what he did go caused me to act super erratic, aggressive and beside myself. I allowed myself to be consumed with my feelings whether I was wrong or not and my inability to regulate my emotions, belief that he could say something that would take my distress away caused me to become reliant and only work on my issues on the surface. I was disrespectful, belittled him at times and would often tell him how I think he’s feeling versus actually listening to what he’s saying. He said he’s tried of dealing with my outbursts. Do you think that the relationship is redeemable given I take this break up, time and space to develop myself? Or is it a lost cause and I should work on bettering for someone else in the future?
Y’all this guys always ends the video with giving us hope with the guy we had in mind while watching the WHOLE entire video. Right!? I know I’m not the only one who notices this after binge watching him for more than a year… 😅
In my country it's normal for unmarried men to live with their parents, later when they get married and decided to buy/rent their own house then they will leave their parents' house. But they have job, car, etc. So know the background why they still live with their parents is needed ❤ Love your videos, God bless
All you can do is Heal baby and go on your healing journey and work on your detachment and once you get over him he's gonna try to come back but you have to be strong 💪🏼 you got this
He lives w his grandma actually and Im the one he finds the apartment cleans etc. he does give me money but again im the one planning the dates or telling him to clean up after him.. etc etc or telling him how to treat me or not talk to me a certain way i also find myself cussing a lot and getting really mad especially when im w him. Everytime were together theres an argument but i stay and give him chance after chance after chance. Almost 10 years at that. ☹️
Wanted to tell you that you are really helping me see these days Stephen, thank you very much! Also curious, are you single? (Asking for a friend). 😄😘 Love from Assisi, Italy.
❤ Join my SPECIAL coaching program here 👉 www.receivingmyblessings.com - so many women are experiencing AMAZING results!
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I have to say my husband was single for 25 yrs after his 1st marriage then he met me. loll At first thought he was too good to be true😂 But, nope he was really what he professed to be. Couldn't ask for a better husband. We built a house 4 yrs ago & it's paid for due to financial stability. We've been together 13 years married 10 & he's a great parnter.😊
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
But the question is, was he celibate for those 25 years? I strongly doubt it.
@@irinaivanovic9792single just means he was never married. He could very well have been dating. Whatever the case, he never committed "til death do we part" to those women.
Lucky woman!
Bless you and you’re hubby
Best video by far!!! Especially #3! "If he can't manage his emotions, he's going to be very unstable and end up becoming abusive and then blame you for it." Ladies PLEASE keep these type of men away from your children! And do not have a child with someone like this!
I've never physically gotten violent or abusive when I got upset. I usually just get frustrated or concerned, but then again, I didn't have any mental issues to begin with...Is there psychological evidence to support that men become abusers if they become angry? I see that get thrown around often online.
You are so right! We have a 7 year old and met almost 13 years ago. I have A LOT of regrets and really wished I had listened to that inner voice. Working on a plan to have as least contact as possible with him. I just want him away from me. He's been a thorn in my side for years and I can see who he truly is. My feelings have always been dismissed and disregarded, except during the love bombing phase. I'm so sorry I didn't have self love before. I am working on healing and dealing with my own trauma. I realize it was all about winning with him after a certain point. I wanted to show him how strong I was and that he couldn't come back...and he worked hard to break those walls down, only for me to have to yet again build them back up!! Sick!!
@inspiredbydior: I'm so sorry to hear that. What a terrible existence to feel like you're always walking on eggshells. I've been there when I was very young. Thank God I had the strength to leave 4 months in. That was all I could take. Moved out of state for this man. But I have always had a very low tolerance for B.S. He is just taking advantage of your kindness. Just pray for God's protection and for him to remove this man from your life. I know it's much harder when you have a child though. I hope you have a strong support system. I sure didn't. But I do know this much, if you pray hard enough for God to help and guide you, he will. He will also help you tap into your inner strength and do what you need to do what's best for you and your child. God is good!
@Danny328DT : Not all people with a temper become abusive. I myself have a terrible temper but I have never put my hands on a child or an animal. Stephan did not say they all become abusive. He said if a man cannot handle their emotions they have the potential to eventually become abusive but I think he meant emotionally abusive. But a physically abusive person always starts out being verbally abusive and it escalates from there. I think he was saying these people shouldn't be in a relationship if they cannot control their emotions and I agree because the emotional maturity isn't there. You sound like you have alot of self-reflection and you acknowledge you can be hot-headed but you know how to check yourself before it gets out of hand. Not all men do. The abusive types lash out, intimidate, bully and just expect the woman to accept the behavior.
@@Allaboutthe80s Thanks for your input. I have not seen the whole video.
One thing about passive aggressiveness: Beware girls, sarcasm seems funny and confident at the surface, but it‘s actually a very low and arrogant way of thinking. We often feel attracted to the funny guys, but sarcasm looks very dark behind the fascade. often times there is a bitter, resentful, spoiled, entitled, delusional brat, who likes to enjoy life at the expense of others
It is a huge red flag
That’s completely untrue.
So true!
@@irinaivanovic9792it is. We’re not talking about funniness here, we’re talking about passive aggression. Passive aggression is often disguised as sarcasm. You’ll notice it when you see such people. I had female friends like this too
Facts
Silent treatment should be on list
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
#9 deserves the spot lol. This will stick in our minds, thank you. 🙏🏽 So many women say: “ oh least he’s coming home to me” Men in a relationship seeking any form of attention from other females is an insecure man- like Stephen said, feeding their egos to hide a problem they are not willing to face. We don’t talk about this red flag enough, so thank you for addressing it Stephen.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
I agree one hundred percent. And addiction is a huge issue in relationships. Personality and character is fixed. Behaviors can be modified.
Cheating Triangulations In Sick Relationships - Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
Never Forgive Infidelity Cheating Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
Why Are Relationships Are So Hard?
Why You Choose Who You Choose with Guest Dr Stan Tatkin podcast ♥️
How Your Childhood Trauma Effects Your Love Choices - Jonathon Aslay podcast ♥️
We Are Attracted To The Familiar by Coach Craig Kenneth - Imago
Why Smart Men Fail At Dating And Relationships David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project podcast
Why Men Avoid Counselling - Jonathon Aslay podcast
Lol he told me that i come home to you am i not?
@@FoodieQueenBee You betta come home with your integrity and my respect
Men who do this make me lose attraction and respect and I never see them same anymore no matter how much I try.
My boyfriend is the last 4/9. He's not a cheater, but he's got female friends with huge snapchat streaks. He literally says he "likes the presence of other women." He's against the idea of therapy. Hes passive aggressive asfff. He doesn't like criticism in any way. He is always negative about men, work, women, family, ect. It's sad and I'm drained even if he's not saying anything. Im not allowed to have opinions so I'm just silent.
Ive gained 70 lbs messing with this man. I'm slowly moving away from him. Thank God we don't live together.
Get away from this man! Quick!
😢
Run
The WAY I sprang my ankle running to CLICK on this video! 💯 😂... for real! YOU BETTER TELL THE TRUTH! I've been praying for guidance on this very subject... so grateful for confirmation.
Watch to the end and let me know your thoughts ❤
🤣🤣🤣Girrrll!!
@@MeetStephanSpeaksAbsolutely... will do
@MeetStephanSpeaks hi there! This was amazing & actually edification for what my Father (Elohim/God) has been telling & showing me for a min. I love how He uses others (in this case you) to cross our paths to confirm His Way is the Right Way.
@@daedalprincess😅😅😅 I'M SO GLAD I DID THO. Cause wheew...I needed to hear this (from a spiritual man specifically). Stephan comes thru for sure
😂😂😂 i laughed at the blaah blah blah.. i just love Stephan's wisdom and honesty. You really are helping us to UPGRADE our mindsets and opening our eyes to identify a True Man of God with integrity
I appreciate that ❤ 🙏
Feed my mind not just my body, provide , protect and be patient
I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy who had to have everything his way and would ghost me when he didn't get it. When i tried to talk to him he would leave the room. He was never wrong and he was very passive aggressive. Typical narcissist.
Omg that sounds like my ex fiancée from many years ago. 😡🤮
Love that you stress masculine and not alpha. In my experience a lot of alpha men are very immature. They can’t take correction, controlling and emotionally unavailable.
Lols. Most Alphas are masculine. Alpha means Power. So what you're saying doesn't actually make sense. Secondly, not all Alphas are controlling or emotionally unavailable. Maybe you should give them a chance because most women don't want a weak man (the other option) which is a Beta.
You told no lies 😊
Stephen, this video is going to be helpful to so many women today. My last relationship was little mix of everything you mentioned in this video. While he seemed like a good guy, went to church and all, this was just used to mask the rest of his shortcomings. Women need to pay close attention to these signs because they can cause more suffering than they could ever imagine.
If someone is truly religious they embody live and practice these values and beliefs with integrity, not merely pay lip service to it or claim to be religious. Which is merely a facade or hipocrisy. .
Agree women need to pay close attention to red flags and dealbreakers. How have you healed from past experiences?
Yesss my ex, too! Even was a dedicated Father, but behind that mask was something serious! He went to church, attended ministry classes, but was addicted to porn, a cheater, a liar, just overall fake person overall. Claimed to have all this love for me, but when confronted, threw me away like a piece of trash. Did it over and over and then would come back with an apology that seemed genuine, but then the behaviors kept showing up! Just pathetic!!!
Yes, but u cant pay attention to everything, there always will be a surprise.
#1 Issue was him not wanting to have serious conversations. Not liking Conflict was his answer. I personally think this is due to being ennlisted 15 yrs of service in the military. Finally, after a few years he is having conversations now & difiently being able to express his feeling as well as listening to mine.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
You’d think a veteran would be used to conflict (kinda joking…I’m a veteran myself).
Communication is a huge issue in interpersonal relationships. Good communication skills and relationship skills. Most people have weak emotional maturity and relationship skills. Conflict resolution is a very important skill.
Relationships are about emotions. You've got to have deep conversations to know and understand each other. Not surface or superficial chats. Small talk.
Personal development:
Why Are Relationships Are So Hard?
Why You Choose Who You Choose with Dr Stan Tatkin podcast
How Your Childhood Trauma Effects Your Love Choices - Jonathon Aslay and Destiny podcast
Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project podcast
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Imago
Attached by Amir Levine
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
If The Budda Dated by John and Julie Gottman
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma - Dr Gabor Mate
The Myth Of Normal by Dr Gabor Mate
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay.
Thank you for posting this video. I was able to evaluate where I am and areas I need to improve so I’m not only a better man for my future wife, but for myself and the people around me. God bless!
Yes I agree I'm all those types of guys he speaks on, and I'm not proud of saying that. These videos are teaching me what not to be anymore. I'm not sure if time permits me to save my marriage but I know I'm striving to be a better man through your videos. Thank you and keep being a vessel for sharing.
Am older than he is, we keep having misunderstandings every single day and it's really draining...I want to just move on from the relationship and heal from this mental stress
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through!
Amen 🙏
Girl
Leave 😂
I stg they don’t even be worth the headache
Stephan, pls make a video helping women understand subconsciously driven decisions on being with a man who has little income. Especially later in life. How to set clear boundaries around finances etc.
This is why I remain single and extremely happy.
I agree 💯💯💯💯💯
This is an important note to add in. It’s always a red flag. When a man you’re involved with at any level doesn’t want to talk about the relationship gets mad gets angry, feels cornered, with just a calm discussion of the dynamic when your communication is shut down and that’s a pattern. You can’t grow with that person they leave you no choice but to leave them.
You have no idea how much your Wisdom helps me so much. Your Wisdom is so Profound! I am so grateful for your guidance. I hear you and I think you are ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING a woman would want in their life to the point to where it hurts. I look and I hear and I think WHY? cant I have a man like you or like that. Also, understanding their are things in me that attracts this kind and LORD KNOWS some parts in me can be a HOT mess! But you a PERFECT MODEL of Christ, of a healthy relatioship, how a woman should be treated and love because mostly it truly starts from within. People need to SEE, HEAR, and EXPERIENCE both men and women your wisdom, your knowledge, I pray to God that you EXPAND across the nations! I pray that you reach new Heights that you never EXPECTED! Including a new found wife! May God bless you and keep you and Shine His face upon your Countenance and lift you up and keep you in HIs perfect peace!
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
This whole list is my ex and this gave me everything I need to move on. I'm hesitant to do so, though, because I keep wanting to think he needs more time than we both initially thought to get himself together and work on himself. But like you said, I can still move forward and live my life and if our paths cross later and he's grown up, we might try again.
Wow. This could be my favourite video of yours yet (and there's lots to choose from!) For me, number 9 wasn't a big deal. But numbers 1 to 8 have been huge problems in the past.
It amazes me how well you describe the reality of emotional relationships and dynamics. Just wow.
By the way, I hope your upcoming tour goes really well. Sending prayers for you and all the participants
🙏
I just occasionally clicked on this video. And alarmingly I have several of these undesirable traits. In fact, I can identify exactly when at what part of my life did these undesirable traits arise. The first step to solving any problem is admitting that you have a problem. Thanks.
God will bless you so much for this video. I feel the whole world need to listen to this 💯
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
That #9 truly hit home bc that's one of our biggest reason I walked away bc he just don't see how hurtful that is to me.Always new friends and the need for attention.He don't see anything wrong with it.
Wow, this one hit hard. I’m with a great guy, but I couldn’t figure out why, in just a few areas, things weren’t clicking. THIS is it. He’s immature. Wish there was something simple that could be said or done to show him the immaturity so he/we could work on it, but one of the biggest hang ups in our relationship is…no serious conversations.😞 Ugh. Such a bummer, but I need something deeper. Tired of 4 years of surface.💔
You might not need to leave. I would try a few sessions of couples therapy. Also remember that we a reflections of each other. Analyze where you are meeting him at the same level but in a different way. You might find that changing yourself one step at a time will help him to change as well.
4 years? Hell nah..
Wish I had access to these videos BEFORE I got married. Fourteen years in and ready to go! 😢😢
I need a man not a boy 🙌🏼
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
Amen
Ex boyfriend for a reason!! Too bad I didn’t hear that before wasting 16 months…. I can honestly say I gave it a go. This is great advice!
That's 1st thing I look for in a man if he's employed, has his own place and a car OR 2 out of the 3...
Yeah, I understand you. Unfortunately regular houses are very expensive.
He has a good job and a car but is living with his mom. He lost his place, only paying 300 a month plus utilities. It was his cousin house. A year and a half later, I bought it and paid cash for it. Now, he is very resentful and jealous. Now, he's living in a house he grew up in, and I'm happy for him. He pays 500 a month plus utilities. His mother owns the house
#3 is right
Lot of guys have use women as emotional punching bags
Can attest to that - experienced it first hand and even raised this problem to my ex maaaany times nicely/non-confrontationally which still ended in the 💩. But was there any change? Na... Emotional punching bag is NOT an ideal relationship. Tell them to sign up for boxing gym membership lol.
Every good man/woman was 1ce immature bt we shouldn't make home there...i know better so i have to accept better to receive better & best. What I'm being constantly reminded of is that my Father's NOW is not always my Right Now. I'm listening in thankFULLness, receiving & meditating on that FACT. Thx Stephan & happy Monday!
He would help other women and hold doors for them even when we were together but he never did those things for me.
Ouch. That sounds nasty and intentional. Very toxic.
RUUUUUN
@Stephan Speaks, I'm in a few relationship groups for women and I'm always recommending your channel. You have helped me gain so much self-awareness and reflection and I walked away from a 6-year relationship with a hobosexual Narc shortly after finding your channel. Thank you so much for being so honest and deep with us and I appreciate the work that you do. I am in Seattle, WA and I hope and wait for the day you will hold your Speaks here. ❤
I'm in this situation now. He's hateful and mean. Demonic. Pray for me please even though you don't know me.
I love how you always include in your advice that we should pray about things 🙏🏾. Thank you for all you do 🙏🏾
I was interacting with a guy for 1 month, he was complaining that he was broke all the time but smoking weed 3 to 4 times a day. He wasn't financially stable & didn't have his priorities together. He needs to get a 2nd job or figure his solutions out.
What you said Man of God 🙏🏽
❤ 🙏
Wow what a great episode for exactly what I’m going through
Glad I could help 🙏
Stephan: “9 signs a man is not mature”
Me: Flips open notepad
I just ended a relationship exactly for point 2; he lacked a work life balance. Everything was surrounding his work which resulted to me having to sacrifice quality time and affection that I needed. Every time I communicated that I needed him to be flexible and come through for me, he would get frustrated and say that I’m not being patient enough (mind you, we had been together for 365 days). So, i don’t understand how much time he thought i could keep giving him. I loved him but I also had to accept that this way of leaving will not be sustainable for a health relationship long term. So, this video couldn’t have come at a better time because it made it easy to make that decision to end the relationship.
So strange. Such a beautiful woman deserves quality time and affection. Was he not attracted to you? Any normal man would try to get any moment he can with his woman, any excuse. If he did not, then there was something wrong, some underlying cause.
In the dating situation, everything gets very hard to define, thank you for your information, I think women are more independent in some ways than men. We have learned to stand on our own independently.
I’m would love to see more man humble and have value of himself, cause I was married to my ex for the first month ,I find out he staying with me cause he used me for his convenience, I am still forgiving him and am telling myself one day he will change himself and be a humble person but more worse. thankful to God to take him out from my life and God give me peace 🙏❤️🌞
Thank you for your service
good video to save yourself from (a lifetime of) misery
This is good advice - I married a guy who was a money failure. He had a job he could have worked more but chose not to and because of this he was about to go bankrupt. I helped him out of his
trouble and we were able to proceed forward. I would definitely be concerned about this now but for some reason it did not bother me at the time. I think this video is very good advice.
Most grown men don’t think they need to clean up after themselves or help fairly on their own household
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Great video. Most men are inadequate in intimate communication.
Im glad I stayed until the end of the video because #9 described my last relationship Perfectly!! I had to walk away because even after discussing it with him a few times, he still needed those female "friends" around him and he just was too immature to see it bothered me. Or didnt love me enough to even care. But thats another video... lol
Same here. Found out he is chatting random women and his ex while we were together. He even has a tinder account. I doubt he is really into me. 😢 it hurts but I don't want this kind of man.
Wow, I chose this to find out about the man I was dealing with, and I actually learned more about myself. : ) I know I will not stay in this "whatever it is" for much longer . Apparently, after listening to a lot of your advice, I have made every mistake/poor choice known to you, and now to myself. I am about to be 69 years old. I haven't dated for 13 years and I haven't seen this man in over 37 years. I am pretty sure he was expecting the person that I was 37 years ago. The roots go deep. I have come to realize, just because a tree has roots, doesn't mean it is going to bear fruit. Thank you for all the advice you share.
Also, have you every considered audio books? Your voice, tone and delivery I feel helps me to receive the messages you make versus when I’m reading and tryna process myself
Thank you for this video, it definitely silenced the "what if's" in my brain.
I don't know why this got recommended to me twice, but the first one always describes me and Stephan's reaction is definitely how he would feel if I explained it lol. I've always mentioned before that compensating in other areas until I'm financially stable enough to take care of my bills is healthy way to grow. Learning through a relationship is important. Since I'm still young (late 20s), I get told to stay single, but relationships happen any moment's notice. Commitment, goals, love are what I'm putting myself through to ensure the happiness of me and my partner.
Interesting video!
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching. I appreciate your feedback!
Libras will avoid and RUN from having any serious discussion and will NOT be willing to deal with conflict. Beware and don’t waste your time, ladies. I’ve been there and done that. With two of them. Smh
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through🙏
I'm a Libra man and I am emotionally available and transparent may to a fault. I always want to talk about things and want to know what on my partners mind.
I'm also a Libra (woman, ofc.) And it's insane the amount of men that are unable to be empathetic or compassionate. 😢 I love men, but my soul longs for one deeper than me.
Hey Brother - I like your content a lot but just interested in hearing more of your perspective on individual improvements as in recognizing areas where you need to grow and how to go about that individually and within your relationships. I understand that every relationship can’t be fixed but how can you be accountable in recognizing your mishaps, toxic behavior or self sabotaging behavior so you can change and improve. Hope this makes sense.
It’s number #4 and #5 for me whew 🤦🏽♀️
You bro I thank you for this I needed a nudge
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
You offer one on one season
Factssss on playing video games
This was good. I wish you would have touched on the silent treatment, but maybe you can do it in another video soon.
Yep, number 1 give away of immature men. Giving me the silent treatment is the number 1 deal breaker for me. As it contains many other problems
@@annea6288Facts!!
Silent treatment is ssssuper passive aggressive too... Makes your brain eat its own thoughts while they are being "forcefully silent" with you instead of confronting their issues head on and forging a bridge together.. It seems they ruminate more in their "miserable" perception of you than they put effort into taking accountability and getting shit done.
He did, under passive aggressive
My experience is he was always murmuring about being always alone after work (we met once a month)because of his job and the distance.I adviced him to take up a sport in the evening or take a walk,read at least.No,it had never happened.He always blamed all the others over what happened or his disgraces.I was so stressed up and I gave up.
I love this content Stephen, its so true❤❤❤
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Your laugh cracks me up all the time 😂
I absolutely love this list! Bravo, Stephan! #8 rings true with us, as my partner always listened to my input. Didn’t matter to me if he decided for or against my advice, it was the one thing that made me realize he’s a great leader and partner.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Well said brother.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Welcome.
Omg my situation with this younger guy that's in prison..😂 this is my sign to quit him now!
🙏 I hope you reach the point of truly doing what is best.
You better start running.
Yes girl!! You need to quit him asap! He's just looking for financial support! Use that money for you and yours!
@@Allaboutthe80s yes! I literally just told him I was at work and keeps calling asking for $50
I would love to hear the other side of this "Signs you are with a immature woman" for men!!
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
All 3 of my long-term relationships had alot of these issues. I think alot of men sure take their time maturing
Great video on the problems.
How about the solutions? (Minding the fact that not every man is the same and requires different approaches)
Awesome Topic.Thank you for the input. Much. Needed to hear. 🙏🏼😊
This is an awesome video. Thanks for sharing it with us, on point.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
Mindset has a shall Remain paramount to Me . I don't take or stand for less . I don't want someone whom feels like they Need to change themselves simply if I choose someone it is because they know enough . And so Don't have Need to convince anybody otherwise . Me included !
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
What about if he’s 44 and still at home with his parents? Haven’t made plans to move out yet, on fb posting pics every other day in designer clothes. Priorities are definitely not in order
Run far and fast
I had one of those who was like Velcro sticked to his mommy. I let him go after 6 months when I got the idea he was never going to move away from her. This 48 yo had no job, no plan, no goal in life. And his mum loved it.
@@seghemomodu3964 I did 🥹🥹😂
My step brother is like this we trying to kick him out now lol
RUN!!!!
I just got a very nasty note in the mail from someone who spent 12 days with me from out of state, I knew it would not work from him confronting me on past relationships I was very honest about. What I should not have done, which I can't change, and I felt he had no right to judge me. I did not judge him on his past relationships he told me about.
Great advice. Thank you!!
Omg..#1 just slapped me in the face😢
Now with this information/realization.. i don’t know what to do next … cry .. end things.. move on ? *sigh*
Shirley Shiukd have followed and listed to Stephan Speaks. You are never to old to learn.
You. Are. The. Best. Thank you 😊 💓
I appreciate that ❤ 🙏
Thank you loved your kind words of wisdom 🙏 ❤
Been waiting for this topic to come up. Thank you
Hope you enjoyed it ❤ 🙏
All facts!
Need to be Responsible and Honest too have his own of everything , ,Working on Building up , Must Be Equipped prepared and Ready
Hello Stephan, I’m 22 yo and actively on a journey to relinquish my anger and traumas and be consistent in my faith and trust in god. I wanted to ask, what about when you’re a woman and you messed up. I never cheated nor him but trust was broken by him and I feel as though my inability to let what he did go caused me to act super erratic, aggressive and beside myself. I allowed myself to be consumed with my feelings whether I was wrong or not and my inability to regulate my emotions, belief that he could say something that would take my distress away caused me to become reliant and only work on my issues on the surface. I was disrespectful, belittled him at times and would often tell him how I think he’s feeling versus actually listening to what he’s saying. He said he’s tried of dealing with my outbursts. Do you think that the relationship is redeemable given I take this break up, time and space to develop myself? Or is it a lost cause and I should work on bettering for someone else in the future?
Beautiful deliverance of this topic!
Awesome information and very helpful. Thank you! 💪🏽💯🙏🏽
Heard the first sentence
No need to go any further 😂😩♥️😂🖤
Y’all this guys always ends the video with giving us hope with the guy we had in mind while watching the WHOLE entire video. Right!? I know I’m not the only one who notices this after binge watching him for more than a year… 😅
Wow. My soon to be ex husband possess all these negative characteristics and that’s why we are heading for a divorce
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
Me too…sigh 😔😔😔
All this is so true❤
Hi Stephan, this info i really helpful thanks much ❤
In my country it's normal for unmarried men to live with their parents, later when they get married and decided to buy/rent their own house then they will leave their parents' house. But they have job, car, etc. So know the background why they still live with their parents is needed ❤ Love your videos, God bless
Exactly! This is so important and sadly many westerners dismiss men AND women who are past a certain age and living with their parents.
You're absolutely right!
Lucy, which country are you from?
🤮🤮🤮 that’s not acceptable in America for a grown man to be living with his parents
He dumped me because he feels like he's not right for me 💔 It really hurts and I don't know what to do.
All you can do is Heal baby and go on your healing journey and work on your detachment and once you get over him he's gonna try to come back but you have to be strong 💪🏼 you got this
Thanks, Stephan you're always on point brother...blessings!💫🔥🌟
THIS VIDEO HITS HOME
#7 really hit home😔
🙏
OMG!Stephan,I learned a big lesson today!✌️👍😀🌹🌈❤️
He lives w his grandma actually and Im the one he finds the apartment cleans etc. he does give me money but again im the one planning the dates or telling him to clean up after him.. etc etc or telling him how to treat me or not talk to me a certain way i also find myself cussing a lot and getting really mad especially when im w him. Everytime were together theres an argument but i stay and give him chance after chance after chance. Almost 10 years at that. ☹️
Thank you for the info
My pleasure ❤️
One of d best video i have watched among your videos. Thanks! More wisdom
Thank you I'm glad to hear that!
There's one now, and he's unwilling to talk about things. I decided to qtn him and he wants to make me feel guilty
Wanted to tell you that you are really helping me see these days Stephen, thank you very much! Also curious, are you single? (Asking for a friend). 😄😘 Love from Assisi, Italy.