If my ex was an avoidant,here's my understanding: They want all the benefits of being in a relationship but don't want to pay the price if being in a relation. They think all relationships have expiration date so they don't invest emotionally and are always ready to jump out. They keep the relationship in secret while thinking that someone better will eventually appear. When the partner feds up and starts to confront them with their behaviour, they feel like their needs aren't being met and end the relationship.
I needed this today , thanks Craig.....I finally got smart and blocked someone not treating me right...it hurts bad, but you cant make someone care about you :(
I think what makes these situations so hard to read are the mixed messages. The bad treatment is often mixed in with good, and then it becomes a bag of confusion if you’re on the receiving end. You really cannot see things clearly
Yep. I didn't believe in my intuitions but it got to the point where I could not avoid the red flags. I even had dreams with nothing but his expression. I ended up finding out that he was cheating. My instincts just led me to all the answers I was looking for. I left that relationship. No regrets. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He doesn't deserve me anymore.
I’m in the same boat. I need to leave this relationship but its so hard coz I still love and cares so much for him after 9years together. I wish I could be strong like you
This video was great. My boyfriend just broke, up with me last week. He said he did not love me and he had been feeling this way for a year. We have been on 2 dates this whole year. I first begged and pleaded and but have now gone no contact . I feel I have been his back up plan for months and he kept me around until someone he wanted to date became available.. He did admit he tried to blow me off but I did not get the hints. He still slept with me the whole time. Everyday I am feeling like I don't want him anymore after watching these videos.
Watching these videos really opened my eyes that my ex may have been more than just extremely anxious and really fits most of the bill for BDP. I feel terrible for her, her constant anxiety and squeezing really pushed me away. I didn’t leave, I was trying to take a step back, reassess where I was and to be honest just take a breather and collect myself back together. And she left. I tried my damnedest to support her and her mental health issues. Celebrate her victories and achievements, support her when she felt insecure, talk out indecisions, listen and support her during failures. It was never enough. I was so emotionally and mentally drained by the time it actually ended. It’s truly heartbreaking as I really did love her. I wasn’t ready to leave and wasn’t planning to. It’s heartbreaking when the person you really love doesn’t allow you to love them, doesn’t believe they deserve love from you and slowly pushes you to your breaking point and you don’t know what to do anymore or how to handle it anymore. I’m so heartbroken over it all. I didn’t chase her, I couldn’t bring myself to. She needs help and I’m not sure she even knows it.
The more time spent in NC the more I am beginning to notice that I was not the problem in my last relationship. I was certainly treated unfairly and she was not being honest to me. It hurts knowing you put your heart and soul into a relationship when your partner only had ulterior motives to soothe thier own insecurities
@@itsbritneybby I'm much better now. I know she regrets leaving me, but she started her own family out the blue and has to live with it. She tired pulling me down with her. Let your ex fall into the grave they dug and move on to someone else who's actions follow their words
What if the ex always just reaches out to ask about the cats and says if I need help they‘re always here for me..?? It sounds like the cats were more important than me....
The phone upside down thing isn't necessarily a bad sign, it depends on context. I leave my phone face up all the time around any SO except when I go on a dinner date, then I set it on silent and put it face down because I don't want anything to distract from our date.
Hello coach Craig! I made the decision to split up with my girlfriend because I found out she was talking to a guy and then she deleted the conversation. I expect that after some time to look for me and ask us to get together but I do not know anything about her for 2 weeks(no contact)My relationship lasted 2years . I am from România and i don't speak very good english. Take you for all !
I'm glad you made it funny Craig lol!! Made my head hurt when he said "I don't know" if he's dating her lol. I'm glad to know im not the only one that thinks it was dumb.
Can you do a video about dating others? Getting into another relationship while your ex jumped into it way too soon. I plan to email you soon, hopefully you could highlight my issue.
So obviously guys are sometimes. Honestly I know what I deserve. I always deserve to know where I stand I am within reach (approachable) yet when a guy can't treat me right when I love them. There are always better guys for me than they used to be. If I had fizzled out to them, the other guy would learn better and keep the flame going. Let me find out that they were just into me for the way I look/looked they will be dropped. Like how I know I deserve better than to simply be lusted after but to be loved, for real. I know the new person I choose if they treat me well and with respect. If I trust them well enough to tell them what's in my heart. This one would be the one I keep no matter what. I got to learning how certain relationships work out the thing about it is it may be as surprising as how it is to lose weight. All the common misconceptions may just be what throws a person off. One may think to keep a person around they lean instinctively towards locking them in the house (box) like some sort of damsel in distress. I see that work, but only so long frankly that is the sort of thing people grow out of. I think oh jealousy what a pitiful thing. This is the point where I live and let live. I can have the time of my life. Suddenly someone comes in we can see completely eye to eye as I said I'll love them no matter what. No snooping, because they have my trust. We're always comfortable talking to one another. The relationship is the best I'd ever known. It's something with cheaters the show that comes on I couldn't imagine with half the confrontations I'd seen the person being approachable given the way they are all too ready. Totally spells out a rotten level of communication and then the trust which often you could see is shown shattered at the beginning of nearly every relationship. It does seem to me that the cheaters host is just about the biggest fight instigator I'd ever seen. Even if I had suspected infidelity in my relationship, which more than likely I wouldn't because I am not a suspicious type of person anyway, it would make me look all kinds of bad leaning towards these instigating stranger rather than just talking to each other about it all and not being harsh. Just like how it should be. Jealousy is a pitty it's a pitty especially when your standing is better or has ever been better than the one your jealous of...Love, I imagine love couldn't be this way if you marry for this reason just an age spoiler, it will get old for you eventually because we all grow to mature we grow to think of each other to consider them and their thoughts well. Learning to mature and seek maturity is a major life lesson I was too mature for someone, they just started showing up as too glossed and shallow for me. I thank the God they left behind in their life along with everything else they abandoned too that I never gotten into a relationship with them given the way they did everything they called themselves "loving" even though that had been what I thought I wanted for quite some time. I wouldn't doubt they successfully had wasted my time. To finally discontinue to chase them, I am happier now because in this manner my life has gotten better. I used to live for them they never appreciated me for what I did. In fact they left me hanging with pray for me, like I was going to go on with them in my prayers meaning I would have to think about them enough yes keep them in my mind to ruin all of my own future relationships meaning real solid relationships of my own to pray for someone who I learned cared for me not at all. If you're wondering how it is that I can tell all this. First fact being left hanging as such. I couldn't get by once telling my family that this guy was once a friend of mine only one who ever knew that was my brother. Secondly, the friend requests I've sent so many looking back I think far too many. So his sister, she pops up out of the blue right at AMPM and the Arco station. Just as I was about to treat myself to some goods. I noticed this very young girl I don't know around 20 years old (his sister) already had a baby. I told her I was moving to the state of Arizona quickly she said don't do that when the two of them get to saying things like that it doesn't flatter me anymore, it just confuses me. I mess up by getting to think she couldn't possibly have reason to keep me around. This had Been late last year November 14th to be exact. So this goes on I don't have Facebook, and neither does my brother (but he does and I knew that fact, funny thing is I get facts best when I don't ask them personally) I wanted to know if we were all still friends. I didn't want to ask the question that lingered. The friendship of me and her brother. Yet she said it, yes we are all still friends. Therefore I told her if we were all still friends I could be his friend on Facebook. It flipped the script. I wouldn't do that if I were you. She told me. Because his wife would get jealous. So this was the beginning of 2 new discoveries about the friending I would've never known. 1st he's gotten married (that's good for him) but then there was the second Jealous that's not only crazy that's frankly impossible I am not a factor so I told her I am not a factor she responded with something more bizarre I know that and you know that but does she know that. Again this is where I'm like letting his sister know the first thing I think she should know that. Why wouldn't she know that if it were true. Why am I someone who always knows something before she is if this had really been the one he'd chosen? His sister and I ran into each other not much happened we had given each other a hug like most good friends do and that's pretty much how that went. No news since January I just decided things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Life though seemingly tough may turn around and heal such wounds, or that could be just what it's doing now. I know with the new person I'll get the chance to tell my life story and with this he won't be judgemental.
How about closeted gay or bi men? They will be nice to you and have fun on an outing/date, but then the next day, they'll act as if they don't know you. It's mean. What do you do?
![Megan Thee Stallion - Roc Steady (feat. Flo Milli) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HozPPyqW0dY/mqdefault.jpg)
If my ex was an avoidant,here's my understanding:
They want all the benefits of being in a relationship but don't want to pay the price if being in a relation.
They think all relationships have expiration date so they don't invest emotionally and are always ready to jump out. They keep the relationship in secret while thinking that someone better will eventually appear. When the partner feds up and starts to confront them with their behaviour, they feel like their needs aren't being met and end the relationship.
Base on experience. I totally agree.
Spot on !
I somehow felt the pain of realisation.
Happened with me too...I get you totally
You described my ex!!
I needed this today , thanks Craig.....I finally got smart and blocked someone not treating me right...it hurts bad, but you cant make someone care about you :(
I think what makes these situations so hard to read are the mixed messages. The bad treatment is often mixed in with good, and then it becomes a bag of confusion if you’re on the receiving end. You really cannot see things clearly
Preach brother
Yep. I didn't believe in my intuitions but it got to the point where I could not avoid the red flags. I even had dreams with nothing but his expression. I ended up finding out that he was cheating. My instincts just led me to all the answers I was looking for. I left that relationship. No regrets. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He doesn't deserve me anymore.
I’m in the same boat. I need to leave this relationship but its so hard coz I still love and cares so much for him after 9years together. I wish I could be strong like you
yes my ex was cheating on me and was an avoidant type so I'm trying to figure it all out. I still love him even though he's moved on.
This video was great. My boyfriend just broke, up with me last week. He said he did not love me and he had been feeling this way for a year. We have been on 2 dates this whole year. I first begged and pleaded and but have now gone no contact . I feel I have been his back up plan for months and he kept me around until someone he wanted to date became available.. He did admit he tried to blow me off but I did not get the hints. He still slept with me the whole time. Everyday I am feeling like I don't want him anymore after watching these videos.
That’s terrible I’m so sorry you deserve better
Convenient how he continued to sleep with you, whilst he wasn’t sure about you that last year. I hope you have now found a much more genuine person.
Watching these videos really opened my eyes that my ex may have been more than just extremely anxious and really fits most of the bill for BDP. I feel terrible for her, her constant anxiety and squeezing really pushed me away. I didn’t leave, I was trying to take a step back, reassess where I was and to be honest just take a breather and collect myself back together. And she left. I tried my damnedest to support her and her mental health issues. Celebrate her victories and achievements, support her when she felt insecure, talk out indecisions, listen and support her during failures. It was never enough. I was so emotionally and mentally drained by the time it actually ended. It’s truly heartbreaking as I really did love her. I wasn’t ready to leave and wasn’t planning to. It’s heartbreaking when the person you really love doesn’t allow you to love them, doesn’t believe they deserve love from you and slowly pushes you to your breaking point and you don’t know what to do anymore or how to handle it anymore. I’m so heartbroken over it all. I didn’t chase her, I couldn’t bring myself to. She needs help and I’m not sure she even knows it.
Who would dislike this? This was awesome advice.
There's multivitamins in each & every dislike, they motivate us to be stronger 👍🏾
Dislike gives us strength! 🤪
The more time spent in NC the more I am beginning to notice that I was not the problem in my last relationship. I was certainly treated unfairly and she was not being honest to me. It hurts knowing you put your heart and soul into a relationship when your partner only had ulterior motives to soothe thier own insecurities
Ugh that's like what I'm going thru I got dumped recently how are you now
@@itsbritneybby I'm much better now. I know she regrets leaving me, but she started her own family out the blue and has to live with it. She tired pulling me down with her. Let your ex fall into the grave they dug and move on to someone else who's actions follow their words
What if the ex always just reaches out to ask about the cats and says if I need help they‘re always here for me..?? It sounds like the cats were more important than me....
The phone upside down thing isn't necessarily a bad sign, it depends on context. I leave my phone face up all the time around any SO except when I go on a dinner date, then I set it on silent and put it face down because I don't want anything to distract from our date.
"I don't know if we're dating" = "I 'want' to date her but I don't yet know if she wants to date me"
Hello coach Craig! I made the decision to split up with my girlfriend because I found out she was talking to a guy and then she deleted the conversation. I expect that after some time to look for me and ask us to get together but I do not know anything about her for 2 weeks(no contact)My relationship lasted 2years . I am from România and i don't speak very good english. Take you for all !
Hey Coach, is there any way you can do more videos on "Love Language"? This would give me great a better understanding of my situation.
Your facial expressions!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
;P
agreed!!! i was dying!
He’s hilarious
I'm glad you made it funny Craig lol!! Made my head hurt when he said "I don't know" if he's dating her lol. I'm glad to know im not the only one that thinks it was dumb.
Can you do a video about dating others? Getting into another relationship while your ex jumped into it way too soon. I plan to email you soon, hopefully you could highlight my issue.
Nine months should've made you stronger to tell him where to go by.
A serious reply from a psycotherapist. I'm on therapy same attachment issues.
So obviously guys are sometimes. Honestly I know what I deserve. I always deserve to know where I stand I am within reach (approachable) yet when a guy can't treat me right when I love them. There are always better guys for me than they used to be. If I had fizzled out to them, the other guy would learn better and keep the flame going. Let me find out that they were just into me for the way I look/looked they will be dropped. Like how I know I deserve better than to simply be lusted after but to be loved, for real. I know the new person I choose if they treat me well and with respect. If I trust them well enough to tell them what's in my heart. This one would be the one I keep no matter what. I got to learning how certain relationships work out the thing about it is it may be as surprising as how it is to lose weight. All the common misconceptions may just be what throws a person off. One may think to keep a person around they lean instinctively towards locking them in the house (box) like some sort of damsel in distress. I see that work, but only so long frankly that is the sort of thing people grow out of. I think oh jealousy what a pitiful thing. This is the point where I live and let live. I can have the time of my life. Suddenly someone comes in we can see completely eye to eye as I said I'll love them no matter what. No snooping, because they have my trust. We're always comfortable talking to one another. The relationship is the best I'd ever known. It's something with cheaters the show that comes on I couldn't imagine with half the confrontations I'd seen the person being approachable given the way they are all too ready. Totally spells out a rotten level of communication and then the trust which often you could see is shown shattered at the beginning of nearly every relationship. It does seem to me that the cheaters host is just about the biggest fight instigator I'd ever seen. Even if I had suspected infidelity in my relationship, which more than likely I wouldn't because I am not a suspicious type of person anyway, it would make me look all kinds of bad leaning towards these instigating stranger rather than just talking to each other about it all and not being harsh. Just like how it should be. Jealousy is a pitty it's a pitty especially when your standing is better or has ever been better than the one your jealous of...Love, I imagine love couldn't be this way if you marry for this reason just an age spoiler, it will get old for you eventually because we all grow to mature we grow to think of each other to consider them and their thoughts well. Learning to mature and seek maturity is a major life lesson I was too mature for someone, they just started showing up as too glossed and shallow for me. I thank the God they left behind in their life along with everything else they abandoned too that I never gotten into a relationship with them given the way they did everything they called themselves "loving" even though that had been what I thought I wanted for quite some time. I wouldn't doubt they successfully had wasted my time. To finally discontinue to chase them, I am happier now because in this manner my life has gotten better. I used to live for them they never appreciated me for what I did. In fact they left me hanging with pray for me, like I was going to go on with them in my prayers meaning I would have to think about them enough yes keep them in my mind to ruin all of my own future relationships meaning real solid relationships of my own to pray for someone who I learned cared for me not at all. If you're wondering how it is that I can tell all this. First fact being left hanging as such. I couldn't get by once telling my family that this guy was once a friend of mine only one who ever knew that was my brother. Secondly, the friend requests I've sent so many looking back I think far too many. So his sister, she pops up out of the blue right at AMPM and the Arco station. Just as I was about to treat myself to some goods. I noticed this very young girl I don't know around 20 years old (his sister) already had a baby. I told her I was moving to the state of Arizona quickly she said don't do that when the two of them get to saying things like that it doesn't flatter me anymore, it just confuses me. I mess up by getting to think she couldn't possibly have reason to keep me around. This had Been late last year November 14th to be exact. So this goes on I don't have Facebook, and neither does my brother (but he does and I knew that fact, funny thing is I get facts best when I don't ask them personally) I wanted to know if we were all still friends. I didn't want to ask the question that lingered. The friendship of me and her brother. Yet she said it, yes we are all still friends. Therefore I told her if we were all still friends I could be his friend on Facebook. It flipped the script. I wouldn't do that if I were you. She told me. Because his wife would get jealous. So this was the beginning of 2 new discoveries about the friending I would've never known. 1st he's gotten married (that's good for him) but then there was the second Jealous that's not only crazy that's frankly impossible I am not a factor so I told her I am not a factor she responded with something more bizarre I know that and you know that but does she know that. Again this is where I'm like letting his sister know the first thing I think she should know that. Why wouldn't she know that if it were true. Why am I someone who always knows something before she is if this had really been the one he'd chosen? His sister and I ran into each other not much happened we had given each other a hug like most good friends do and that's pretty much how that went. No news since January I just decided things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Life though seemingly tough may turn around and heal such wounds, or that could be just what it's doing now. I know with the new person I'll get the chance to tell my life story and with this he won't be judgemental.
Spoken by a 22 year old...
Do you accept insurance for your therapy/coaching sessions?
Craig you cracked me up on this one!!!! Lol
Craig I just can't get enough about when you said " Ask the govener!" Lol omg too funny!
I'm about to call the governor to see what I'm doing with my life...lmao....Coach can you set that up? OMG...😂
How about closeted gay or bi men? They will be nice to you and have fun on an outing/date, but then the next day, they'll act as if they don't know you. It's mean. What do you do?
another outstanding video
I think I'll call the Governor! lol!
Jodi Lynn that was soooo funny! I craked up!
Craig...... you are so funny in this video!!LOL