Narcissists are "reframing experts." They can, in an instant, reframe the whole situation to where you are at fault, they are victims, and you are falling down on your responsibility to them. They are character slayers. They can go right for the jugular vein and imply you are lacking in morals, lacking in duty, misplacing your priorities, are selfish, cold, uncaring and maybe even mentally ill. I've had it all thrown at me. And no matter how much you do for them, it only amps up the intensity of their trying to make you feel obligated. It is really fascinating to behold, if you can step out of the way of taking ANY of it personally.
Kinda like how we were told that a certain medicine was only for horses, that it didn't work, doctors weren't allowed to prescribe it, pharmacies wouldn't fill a prescription, people were cancelled for endorsing it.... and now it was merely a "recommendation" not to take this medication. If I use the actual name of the med, YT will likely delete my comment. Apparently, government, media, corporations, and the medical establishment have conspired to gaslight us. Not a theory, but a fact.
they cannot relate to any reality or “truth” that diminishes their ego. It’s a bit like the propaganda you read in the papers - there’s very little objective truth there. It’s all “Enemy bad. Our country perfect.”
Before I researched NPD, my narcissist's utter conviction that their truth was the only possible reality led me to the analogy "If they owned a shoe store they would only sell shoes in their size".
They even gaslight themselves and believe their own lies because they can't accept any flaws so when they do something bad they believe the false narrative they tell people to confuse them or justify their behavior
Exactly right the difficult thing is everyone around you has to believe it and because they're probably so stonewalled they won't never believe it. Narcissism and the skill of gaslighting has been accepted in my former family for decades.
My much younger narcissistic colleague began many sentences to me with the words "Don't you remember..." I reported that behaviour and it stopped. Thankyou to an employer who eventually listened and saw what was happening.
Christine That's exactly right and I can't believe that I even cared for a minute about what the last highly narcissistic ex, or many others, said or thought about me, due to their own toxic behaviour! They're really good at ACTING confident, not to mention holier than thou, though. Well, I do understand the reasons for my behaviour, but wish I'd been able to see more clearly when I was younger. I thought that certain people were all better than me and had never done anything wrong in their lives since they judge others harshly for making mistakes etc, until I found out that they certainly weren't, or aren't, innocent. ❤
Anna Bella That's for sure and it seems like I don't know anyone who has genuine empathy and compassion in real life now, except for some shop assistants and others, who aren't going to be close friends. 🙁
ANOTHER way they gaslight you is when you bring up a plan that they had that you were counting on, or something they promised, or a shared expectation, they claim to know nothing about that now, and act like you just imagined it, and ANGRILY declare something else is on the agenda, perhaps even the exact opposite!
I was constantly doubting myself after all the love bombing stopped. It should have been a big clue when he said that he just got comfortable. Now I interpret it as , he could stop pretending.
That is due to malignant jealousy and having to keep you down to bring themselves up ! They will try to CONTROL you and the situation at hand ! Some will do almost anything to make that happen (illegal or legal)....
The strangest one I experienced was when my ex told me I had bad ankles. It was indeed he that had bad ankles and had multiple injuries over the years, while I have never in my life had issues with my ankles. Mind boggling behavior! 🤯
My ex used to tell me MY childhood memories. But they were things that I had never told him because they NEVER happened. 😬👀 Hes either... A. Completely batshit crazy Or. B. He was remembering his backup supplies memories and wanting to chat about them with the wrong woman. Either way... I'm glad I escaped THAT Twilight Zone! Cheers. Christi 🇨🇦
They don’t want their victims to get in one word. They want their victim to hear what they have to say and get loud to try to drown out any response from their victim. A 100% ME attitude
Horrible horrible people. I've been told I was overreacting and too sensitive at the very time when this lunatic was smearing me and trashing my reputation after I had spoken my truth. I've gone no contact at last. My name is mud which is hard to take. Hoping to recover and move on someday.
I thought my cousin was my close friend until I started to go to therapy for a covert work narc. Now I can’t stop seeing all the snide remarks, put downs in public, obvious boredom if the conversation doesn’t focus on her. I am a foil for her outrageous behavior, yet she will call me “not normal” at the drop of a hat. I am pulling away because I am so wary of the next negative comment. “Only kidding”! “I know How you are” . Well, I know who I am and getting better every day. Thanks, Team Healthy!
I've notice when your isolated, they will try to convince you the behavior is normal, they will tell you something so ridiculous, and you know inside its wrong, but they try to convince you of their reality, my cousins have always been like sisters,I really would hope they wouldn't get involved in doing something like that, I love my family so much, even though through my fault I haven't shown it, "not being around them like I should, and the use of family against you seems to be a trick for these people because it hurts so much
My cousin lives 2000 miles away and called for 15 years acting sweet. I thought we were friends. Suddenly she began to be mean and I figured out that she'd been faking nice to keep me taking her phone calls, which are her narcissistic supply. Discovered she'd been back stabbing me and calling my mother to report my doings (nothing exciting) though she knew I was estranged from my mother. Now I don't talk to her at all and still can't believe she tricked me for years--isn't that lying?She's supposed to be a Christian--gets awards for never missing church! What a fake.
I hear you. My wife calls me “weird” if I ever hold her accountable for her behaviour. If we argue about each others behaviour she can make anything she likes up and be as hurtful as she can but I’m not allowed to mention anything she’s done before “you just need to get over that!” Mention any of her narc family habits or say anything negative about her. Basically I have to sit there and take a beating because she’s not comfortable receiving any criticism. That’s her view…
It’s hard to see the truth in narcissist, especially when it’s someone important to you. You have to grieve and then let go of that person you thought they were. My oldest sibling is that person for me. I literally just mourn her and then I let go and put my energy into something or someone more important. Her time is over for me, and it’s better to realize that the gig is up than to continue allowing them to consume my time and oxygen. It still , literally sucks.
And amazingly others, in my case, so no one hears you when you try to say " that's not true", or that's not the whole truth". My dad infiltrates my relationships to smear and control, who goes out of their way to do that?
I used to think the narcissist knew right from wrong and knew when they were lying. I never considered they were gaslighting themselves first to believe whatever version of reality they are pushing.. This explains how they present to flying monkeys, appearing earnest and concerned.
@@kingbee9778 IDK, my dad, in reference to my lying ex, said something to the effect that he knew what he was doing. Maybe my ex didnt, maybe he gaslite himself, but I think my dad knows exactly what he's doing. He is vengeful, envious, black hearted.
While eating breakfast out a few days ago , I admired a little girl's beautiful red hair and told the young mother so . I mentioned to her that I used to wish that I had red hair when I was younger - just a pleasant social exchange . As I turned back to my husband he tells me that ' you don't want red hair - you'd get too much attention and you don't like that'. I told him I can like red hair as much as I want and he repeated what he had just said before I realized this is another gaslight from a controlling insecure narcissist who just became jealous of an interaction and a couple of pleasantries exchanged between me and a stranger in a restaurant . He literally can't and doesn't see any need to get a grip on this behaviour despite the number of times I've pointed out his lying and gaslighting . Makes me feel sick .
It's amazing how much diversionary tactics they will use and then attempt to swing situations around to their own controlling, narcissistic point of view.
Wow! "Gaslightng" is word of the year! This must mean that communities like ours are continuing to raise awareness about narcissists and their manipulation tactics. 👍🏻🙂
Agreed! I didn't know that, but I'm thankful. Narcs will always be among us unfortunately, but channels like these are skyrocketing in popularity, and I couldn't be happier. More people everywhere are seeing these narcs for what they are, sharing their stories and helping others, including those who may be in the earlier stages of a narc relationship in which case info like this could really help a lot or even save them. Huge win for the 'good guys'! If it keeps going, more people will be educated and will avoid these relationships before they start, and that's only good for humanity.
Sadly it has way more to do with one side of the political spectrum and it's now 'in your face and doesn't care' obsession with lying about everything it's doing to take everyone's rights and freedoms away at every level.
Sadly I also see teens using Narcissist and Gaslighting instead of simpler terms that apply to the situation. So the terms are losing power. Someone says No and the woke teens declare them a Narcissist. Sad.
Thank you for helping keep my feet on thr ground. I could lose myself at times, but now that I understand what is going on I refuse to succumb. Stronger mentally now, because of you, I can see a future. I stand for truth, respect and dignity thanks to you.
Finally reached my gaslighting breaking point. My husband of 23 years told me TO MY FACE that I agreed to send his 37- year-old, entitled daughter $3,000.00! Never in a million years. I am looking for a job back in my home town, and will be divorcing and moving ASAP!! Thanks for all the great videos! Great Community!
I was so happy a few years ago to find the term for what I knew was happening. I've always lived in the same town as my aging mother. I've always talked to her every 2-3 days and go see her at least every week. She spent most holidays at my house. I've been there in the emergency room, the doctor's office, in her financial advisor's office. I've driven her on a lot of vacations. And those are just the big things. I've helped her in so, so many small ways too - computer/printer/internet fixes, cleaned gutters, cut down trees, slept at her house after medical procedures, gone on walks, taken her to dinner, cared for her though the pandemic, etc.... My only sibling (sister) lives 7 hours away and has always visited my mom 2-3 times a year. A couple years ago, during an argument with my sister, she told me that she has done more for our mom than I have. I couldn't believe that she would try to push that crazy reality onto me! Absolutely certifiably nuts, but not an uncommon type of comment from her. That was the beginning of my realization that she had a serious personality problem, not just an annoying way of being. She could not in any way acknowledge what I've done for our mom. She regularly and seriously minimizes my assistance for our mom. My sister is 62 and will never change - she never has. Gray rock and low, low contact and completely disregarding her opinions of me are my strategy forever going forward. Sad though for her. But necessary for me. I'm a wonderful son to my aging mother. I don't need her to see that for it to be true.
Yes! My cousin Windy D. Publically suported me ( at one funeral, ONCE)! and never stopped bragging about her GOOD DEED- meanwhile 65 years if her snubbing- ridiculing me and Using my roomas a Gas Station Toilet. sad.
Compromising scares the narcissist too; After spending over 40 years with a narcissist before getting away, I realized that it's their way, or no way at all. My Ex even used to try to turn others against me, saying I was mentally disturbed. I wish I'd known about narcisissm 50 years ago, because I always knew he was different from the majority, I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Yes, 50 years too late for me. My husband to be gave me books on psychology early on. Looking back that was odd! Later on he sent me to a psychiatrist. He lied, cheated and had a difficult working life. I left after 7 years and he was subject of a fraud court case. His constant buying habits left him virtually pennyless and he died in France in a tumbledown cottage surrounded by his artefacts.
Any compromise on the narcs part is always a manipulation. They will feign compliance temporarily to get you to do the same, afterwards they ration theirs back down until you're the only one still honoring the agreement. Just another gaslighting technique to drive you crazy & create more high conflict fuel.
Word of the year, according to Merriam-Webster. I saw this reported a couple days ago, and it gave me a chill, honestly. They gaslight themselves into believing things that aren't true, so gaslighting others is just a natural progression to try to convince us of the same untruths. The bonus for them is that it puts us off balance, giving them an edge in arguments. From their perspective, they are just trying to help us understand what they (and ONLY they) believe to be the truth. I was going to add something sarcastic, but I just can't. Conjure your own.
I dont know if this is being civil. And for some reason I must have been flaged for not being so before. I guess thats why my comment doesnt show up. But my comment is: But that means they are insane!... .
After calling out the narc saying he was gaslighting me, I got this response, no joke: "You're over-stretching the meaning and context of gaslighting to defend yourself and essentially gaslight me." There is no reasoning with them. Thankfully they have been in the past for 7 months now with no contact.
I’ve noticed a lot of ppl who use gaslighting don’t really know the real meaning of the word and the damage it does. I have heard ppl use gaslighting just because someone has a different point of view or remember something differently.
Anger as a diversionary tactic. YES!!! So much anger and controlling behavior for decades. And the projecting of their behavior and thoughts onto us. Hard to believe I stayed so long.
I have 3rd degree burns from being gaslit by my mom. Once, when I told my mom that she was controlling, she raged back at me with: YOU JUST CHOOSE TO SEE IT THAT WAY!!! She was also a score keeper constantly reminding me of everything she's ever done for me. Thanks Dr C for your insight 👍
Same for me! My mother (the covert) is 90 now and I'm 63 and OMG, she has only gotten worse over the years along with my sister (the overt) since my daddy passed in 2008. I was fortunate enough to cut all ties with them and don't care what they say about me anymore. They almost crushed me and would have if I had not gone NO CONTACT! Being a mom of 4 wonderful souls, it's unfathomable to me to EVER hurt one of my dear children! My other 3 siblings have very little contact with either of them too. They spend all their time together gaslighting EVERY BODY! 🙏🌈💞
She would probably claim she earned everything with her own hands which is an indictment for all the bad things she caused, but she won't acknowledge earning the negative things she caused.
@@StarOfBethlehem707 Your comment really resonates with me. I'm considering the pros and cons of going no contact with my highly abusive mother and really don't think I have a choice. She will completely destroy me if I continue a relationship with her. So I feel like it has to be done.
@@rebeccajohnson7864 my mom is a covert narcissist. I never knew the self she presents is a false self. Everybody is jealous of her and working her with witchcraft. A pathological liar, to my face. Steals my money then blames it on other people knowing she took it. So disgusting and crazy!
Yes! Unbelievable glaring omissions and lies. Just enough of your truth to make you incredible. Poof, there goes your life and livelihood, family and friends! And I got away!
My narcissist constantly reframed me by telling ME what I was thinking, assigning horrible, self-serving motives to things I did with love. They couldn't and wouldn't accept that my way of life was generous and gracious.
They gaslight us because they like to see us react in a negative emotional way. Now a positive emotional way would be where you're appreciative of what they had to say or do. I'm never appreciative about what they have to say (most of the time I learned that it was what they did as well as said that angered me, so I was experiencing vocal gas lighting as well as gas lighting that involved actions like taking paperwork out of your private property) usually they anger me. Y'all notice it's pretty common when you get trolled online that's exactly the same thing. They are not out to make your day better.
@R C This is gaslighting on steroids!!! They're worse than fleas in your ear. They're too dumb to realise that if they spent more time helping rather than hindering, they would receive higher acclaim. Even then they'd be looking for 'the catch'.
If one gaslighting line does not work then the narc will switch to the next line and see if you will fall for that. The narc wants you to believe something so they can get away with doing something. The sad part for me is when the narc can get others to believe them and it has a negative impact on my life. The only thing to do is go no contact. It's not easy at first but it's worth it in the long run.
@manderson7173 The indoctrination centers. That's all they are. "We don't want a nation of thinkers" "We want a nation of workers" Rockefeller (The man who set up "education")
I didn’t know the word narcissist meant when I was in high school which was 41 years ago. I learned what it was later in life. Now that I found out what narcissist meant, I saw a few classmates that were narcissists.
They’re toddlers in adult bodies who think everyone else should take all the bitching and moaning they do about anything that doesn’t go EXACTLY as they want seriously. When you have/had REAL problems, the NPD person can’t be seen as anything but weak. And when they do inevitably experience actual hardship and pain, they fall apart immediately. Best just to stay away from them. Otherwise, they’ll pull you down with them. Nope.
Gaslighting was the first piece of the puzzle for me. That and weaponised incompetence. Really started me to open my eyes to the abuse. He did all of those tactics!
@@user-uh5tb9er4o definitely! Especially when they exhibit high levels of competence at work, but can't manage the washing machine! It's an abuse tactic to get us to say "forget it, I'll do it"
Your videos give me strength. I’ve been in a marriage with a narcissist for 13 years. I’ve tried to get out 3 times already but each time he gets everyone on his side, cuts my access to our finances, and makes me feel like a horrible human being for “leaving him as though he is disposable”. It’s been so hard. Im in therapy, trying to get strong so I can leave. I finally found the strength to get my own apartment and physically separate myself from him-so, that’s been a huge step for me. People truly don’t understand how difficult these people are and how difficult they make your life when you try to leave their mental torture. Thank you again, for all your knowledge and insight. Every video makes me stronger and keeps me equipped.
I’m going through this with my wife of 10+ years she also has bpd and is going through therapy but has gone though 3 of them convincing them she is ok I know for a fact she has vary strong narcissistic trates as well ...They can be vary powerful creatures be careful take care of yourself
Be safe, first and foremost. Get rid of any digital footprints as well. Check your car for tracking devices. Make SURE your phone's location device is OFF.
Stick to what your gut says. Also a good idea is to ask your local police if there is a victims advocate group that can help you with shelter, food, ect. They will help you. I know that might sound scary to do, it was for me but it was so helpful! Sometimes they will have volunteer lawyers too there. And his friends are siding with him cause narcs are the best Wolves in sheeps clothing, but sooner or later they will see the true colors. I wish you the best, enjoy your freedom!
Razlyn, I know it sounds strange, but I set up an 'Escape Fund' in secret. I know it sounds sneeky but I did this. I'm not talking serious theft but out of any money I did get I put 50p or a £1 to one side. My mum had had a separate account for me in her name. I've heard of people asking a close friend. That way I felt that I was doing something small and positive for me and my 2 young children. He was always 'getting help' and 'reading books'. After 10yrs I managed to started divorce proceedings on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I had legal aid until the house was sold which we received the lions share. The 'Escape Fund' was used to buy a boiler for the new house 😁 Where there's a will there's a way❣ I'm in UK but I'm sure there's advice you can get. Good luck 🤞🌹
Unraveling a whole family system build on an alternative reality is really hard. I slowly start to consciously notice that my family is build on absolute denial what has happened and whats going on in the family system, how broken it is. Me being their outlet has nothing to do with who I really am. It is a mere expression of their incapability to cope with the heavy burden placed alone on me to carry for them. I'm the brave one, I'm the strong one to make it out of the shadows of this alternative reality. I'm not broken, I'm not shameful for telling and acting on my true feelings and perceptions, but they need me to be the broken one. Otherwise their reality can't further exist. It's really sad to see that they choose this life of misery over vulnerability and honesty.
I feel very blessed having this opportunity to be educated by you in regards to this baffling toxic behaviour. It was so horrible not knowing the depth of craftiness with lying deceit, breaking the law purposely and destroying people lives . This is what this person was. Thank God for people like you. I am feeling so much better. This education has given me a new perspective to life.!. I have reached a stage in my life where I don’t feel responsible for him and moving on with my life. This is a huge burden lifted of my life. Makes me so much aware for the future. Terrible experience to succumb to in my life. God bless
When you ask about something, they come back at you slightly irritated with: "I already told you about that." You don't remember when they told you, but if this little "dance" happens often enough, it makes you begin to doubt your reality. If you catch on though, you realize they are just outright lying!
I'm 17, and living with a narcissistic mother. I'm the scape goat of my home due to disabilities and disorders. She treats me like hell. She gaslights me 24/7. All the time. Like for example, when I was younger I went through a lot of physical abuse by people who said they could "cure my disabilities". It went on for years and my mother never listened when I would cry about what was happening. Now she says I obviously remember nothing, I was there for 3 months and they took me out immediately when I cried, even though I remember her dragging me there crying, l remember her TELLING me that I was there for 3 years. I've also had her scream at me for talking about things she was speaking on, and then when I try to tell her that it's hypocritical, she's like "well it's your fault this happened" this being her screaming at me, even when I do literally nothing Or she will scream her fav phrase "YOUR ATTACKING ME". Can't even cry or like say anything. Another example, she signed me up for weight watchers with her, now so she's been eating the healthy food she knows is for me, I tell her not to eat it cause she has her own, but she does it anyways, then she will try to make me eat fatty food. When we went to way us, she got on the weight, lost 3 pounds then screamed "I lost weight wooooo". Then she giggled, smugly smiled at me and ushered me on the weight. I felt sick. I got revenge though, well kinda, I brought food up to my room and ate it when she wasn't around. I lost 5 pounds, after we got weighed (this was last week) she didn't speak to me the rest of the day, when only glared.
At the bitter end of my 23 yr marriage to a covert narc, we both accused each other of changing up, like we were strangers. Well four years after he basically financially abandoned my child, and I plus our , 18, and 20 yr old sons. It occurred to me, he was always a lier, a consummate manipulator, and a chaos creator. I immediately quit listening to his lies, shut down his manipulations, and stopped dancing to his chaotic beat. He was honest about one thing, it was me that changed!
It's an interesting aspect to narcissistic relationships, particularly romantic ones. Narcissists have an idealized version of their significant other in the beginning love bombing stage. When someone steps out of this illusion they've created the narcissist feels betrayed and thinks the person either lied to them or changed. It's universal with all narcissists. They literally live in a fantasy world and expect everyone to be in lock step with their false reality.
Hi Amanda. I missed this one. Listening to it now. But really nice to see everyone's names on the chat replay. While I was with my ex I was sooo naiive about gaighting. I just spent the entire time being puzzled as to her responses and reactions. It's so amazing to gain some understanding. I don't feel crazy anymore. Good to see you here. Hope you are well and looking forward to England tomorrow ⚽
@@sturobertson6791 It was an extremely good one today. But, don't worry we can't all always be at the live chat and that is what the replay is for. I listen to it again anyway coz it goes so quick! I experienced gaslighting not just from any ex's but from family and even ex friends. Knowledge is empowerment 👍 Yes, I look forward to ALL the football ⚽️ I'm proper footy nutty lol 🤣 Of course it would be a huge bonus if England do well. Prayers for Pele 🙏 who's not well. You take care 🙂
@@SurvivingNarcissism Absolutely Dr.C. You have to be three steps ahead at all times. Personally I don't want to play their games! I hope you also are feeling better 🙏
I was with my sons one day and I’d completed a job in a certain way. My narc wife went off on her fault laying belittling way. The next day I did it her way and got the same result. My sons laughed and thought it was nuts. I patiently explained that it wasn’t that I did the job the right or the wrong way, but that i did it without asking her permission first.
Brilliant!! Excellent way to show your children how impossible it is if they think they’ll ever get approval or acknowledgement for their efforts. Her response literally would’ve been the same if a anyone else including a robot did the work. No one “gets it right.” 🙄 Kids need to see that this is their parent’s issue and has nothing to do with them doing the work “correctly” …it’s way too easy for kids to absorb this and carry it with them into all aspects of their lives. It wears down their self esteem and is insidious. We need to help them see the truth and depersonalize situations like this so they can distance themselves and thrive. Thank you!
I messed up yesterday. I tried telling my mother’s friend the extent of my mother’s abusiveness. She said, I'm praying for you and your mother and it's both of you, in fact she said your mother says you you do the same to her. I broke and was triggered. I feel it was my fault when I decided to move back with my mother knowing we always never got along. She promised to change and let's do life together since I became disabled. I feel stuck sometimes and stupid for believing her gaslighting towards me. I'm still in the process of radical acceptance of her. I just learned what was really happening with my mother after 52 yrs old. It's hard but true. Thank you to this community, CR at my church, and a few people who makes me feel safe to share and do not believe my mother. 😔🙏🏽
I’ve had that said to me also by my mothers acquaintances. They didn’t even know me. It’s so frustrating and unfair. She didn’t show that side of her to them. I hear you 🥹♥️
Don't vocalize to Moms supporters. Find your own unrelated supports to talk about the deep stuff to. Or this "flying monkey" mentality will smack u over and over.
I felt the same way. I moved back home in my mid 40's and believing all my mother's lies about how I could heal and get some rest...How things would be better for me...blah blah blah! It was all a lie! She made my life hell for 5 yrs! We all want to believe that our mothers love us...that no mother could intentionally hurt her child & be so cruel. We want to believe that we will get our mothers love...we want normal mothers we see on TV. You're not a fool...you are just normal and couldn't imagine someone little long a Mother be so evil. I felt helpless and stuck to, but I just kept praying...I didn't even know that much about Narcissistism and when I figured it out I was 49 yrs old. I have read countless stories like yours and mine...never knowing our mothers were Narcissists. It hurts...but you're not alone. Keep a journal of all the things your mother says to you and about every situation & events...also write down your thoughts and feelings...do it on your smartphone or something where she can't find it. Do self positive talk out loud in front of a mirror & don't let her hear you. I got this advice from Dr. Ramani. If you're a believer then learn Romains 8:28 & repent it to yourself even if it's just in your head. When my mother died and I went through her stuff & found out what she really thought of me I was heartbroken. It's been over a yr and it's getting better and easier to come to terms with it all...just keep practicing Radical Acceptance...it works. Trust me if I hadn't found Dr. C I wouldn't be here. You will and can get through this and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this. Like Dr. C says, "It has nothing to do with us, it them projecting their stuff on to us." I am rooting for you. Hugs!❤️
@@mday3821 Wow, your life mirrors mine. Thank you for all the insight you've passed to me and encouragement. I really needed to see your post. You're so right, never thought the same woman who got my brother and I away from our abusive dad to her abusiveness towards us and will throw that in my face and tell me I should be grateful. It hurts but I'm determined to heal through my Lord and Savior. Your mom didn't like you to be your authentic self and neither does my mom. How did you feel when your mom passed away? Praying for both our healing journey, in Jesus name! 🙏🏽💖
There are other arenas for gaslighting, where you could argue we have institutional narcissism. Look up medical gaslighting. Also look at politics. The power structures out there largely on the concept of denying the reality of the experience of any and all victims of cruelty.
Bait you in conversations is their natural progression to gaslighting you. They'll be devoid of all empathy for what you're telling them, goading you into overexplaining, then hang up the phone on you. Then say to you when you call back (because they've made you feel so bad) that "they cant deal with' confrontational' people". When this happened to me last year for the first time with this particular person, I spent the rest of the day going over the conversation in my head wondering what I'd done wrong. I'd literally said I felt sad for my son because he loves a subject and couldnt take his paper exams last year re covid and then the autumn series because of his age. I wasn't feeling entitled for him. I knew it was no-one's fault. I was just understandably disappointed for him because he'd worked so hard. When i said this the narcissist hung up on me. Months later this same person executed an extremely vindictive smear campaign. The signs were there from that very first gaslighting conversation, that they could do something like that, but I'd not long gone no contact with my parent and didn't know what I know now. Horrid personalities.
My friend would bait me over text. He would lie and gaslighting and get me defending myself and then he would say I just want to argue and back away like he was the better man. Then, if I said anything after that it was proof that I just want to argue and he was the easy going cool guy that had to deal with this. He would start it, lie about me, get me to defend myself and then blame me for defending myself. They are just awful.
Was briefly friends with a girl who I presume is high on the NPD spectrum because the stuff she was saying was just too bizarre to accept as healthy. "You have to trust me. What other choice do you have?" "I just had sex, but it wasn't really sex", "If we agreed to date I would go on a date with this person and I wouldn't think it's a problem for my relationship with you". This girl was trying to groom me for a non mono relationship with her based on "honest communication" as she put it herself. And I would be listening to her statements and thinking... What sort of relationship dynamic would that turn out to be if she decides what is a problem and not a problem for a relationship by herself, excluding the thoughts, needs and feelings of the the others she goes on dates with? What sort of honest communication can there be when she defines what sex is on what she decides it to be at the moment based on some subjective feeling rather than on what objectively happens? So yeah. Not all of them lie. Some of them simply twist the meanings of words so that they appear as non malignant truth tellers.
You are absolutely my favorite instructor on narcissism on RUclips. Wish this information had been available 30 years ago, but at least we have it now!
I've watched other RUclips video series (many looking at narcissism from a biblical perspective) and keep referring those seeking additional help to Dr. Carter. These free videos, which many of us need right now because of financial ruin, are lifesaving. This man is worth his weight in gold.
Actually, present-day politics and how one side of it is willing to lie about everything they are doing to take our rights and freedoms away by any means necessary is where it came from.
Yes and if you bring up the word gaslighting with them, they play stupid and act like they don’t know what the word means. They know damn well what it is.
Just to add, gaslighting means getting into a new twilight surrounding, lose your memories, lose your friends, lose your warm hands, lose your sanity, lose your eyes, lose your time, lose your energy, triangulations, passive aggressiveness, lose your sense of safety and security and so on for maybe a couple of years, who cares? (even none of my friends asked me what happened to you? even asking are you crazy? b*** s***!!). I had this amazing amazing amazing golden experience (!!!) about 18 years ago and I should have run 15 km a day to get some of my memories back, but one question remains for me, I was gaslighted by a DSED or RAD patient (disinhibited social engagement disorder or reactive attachment disorder) and I recovered from this lightening (f***ing twilight) but I could not find one answer, a DSED patient who could not even talk properly by itself and 24h should beg on the streets for somebody's attention to fulfill its empty heart and brain which is lost its primary caregiver care could gaslight somebody? and what is the relation between a DSED patient who was betrayed 3 times by her close friends (by me, I am an eagle and I have done it before!) who even could not talk and narcissism? and why the word end is not defined for this psycho? I have lots of experiences in my life (in any term, even one engagement 19 years ago for a year!) and we have the word termination or end or empathy but why this psycho animal could not understand the word bye? and how it could make a connection with somebody who betrayed it 3 times by its close friends? I believe in the word psycho but what is this one? it could not be called even psycho!!!! a silent serial killer and confessed to me that I hanged some people with these techniques, I am sorry but if your personal dog even feels that you are not interested in her anymore, at least show respect!!! what is that??? OMG! by the way, thanks for your videos and brilliant recommendations. a DSED patient and narcissism?
Every video is so spot on…..I can never get an answer to a direct question, etc etc etc. My husband is such a convincing pathological liar that everyone believes and adores him. (As did I). At times, I feel sorry for the life he lives.
Mine too. Everyone thinks she is so great that they would never believe the crap I put up with in private. Her whole demeanor would change when we left a party and the criticisms would start, the invalidations, etc.... Even my mother can't completely believe with the crap I put up with. Such a fake public personality.
We swim in a sea of narcissism in the present era and reality distortion for narcissistic agendas is pervasive. Those of us who have grappled with narcissists on an individual level and have gained perspective are able to see the societal distortions which are being deployed, sometimes on a global scale. I'm grateful for that - I can appreciate the years of pain inflicted because I have insights which allow me to hold onto reality in the face of gaslighting on a gigantic scale.
Once I wised up about gaslighting, I found it very disturbing at the number of people out there that use this tactic. There's no going back when you become a member of Team Healthy.
@@choosepeacetoday it is very disturbing how prevalent gaslighting is as a tactic, especially so when it is deployed by people who consider themselves healthy in their psyches and interactions. I remember the dismissal from such people when it was pointed out that their style of communication was unacceptable. More gaslighting.
Hi, I was in a toxic same sex relationship with a narcissist for 25 years. Three years ago I finished that relationship, it was extremely difficult but I got through it and feel much better. I have been helped by your videos, at time it felt like you had been watching us because of your observations. I just want to thank you.
Thank you for replying, I didn't expect it. I didn't know that I was living with a narcissist until I was in hospital for a different problem. The hospital arranged for a couple of sessions with a psychologist. When he was talking to me he asked lots of questions about my ex-partner, something no one ever asked about before. After talking to the psychologist, he suggested that I was living with a narcissus. It was such a profound moment; everything just fell into place. Looking back over my relationship now is very painful and can't believe how I just handed over control. I felt stupid but I am trying to be kinder to myself. I do see a psychologist and having been working hard to understand how I was affected. One of the biggest revelations was how something that is psychological/emotional can manifest into a physical problem. I have developed a heart condition that requires surgery. I have been told that this problem was most likely caused by stress. regards, Clifford
I’m surrounded by narcissists & these videos help me retain my sanity, especially as I work to get out from under their control/shadow. Thank you for these videos, Dr. C! 💟⭐️
I’m the girl who had her nose broken in August 2022 by her ex. I believe Gaslighting is essential in hurting the survivor. The gaslighting can be simple things or grandiose things. I hate it when people throw around this term. My ex was stealing money from me and my family and he did this by obtaining account numbers. He bought clothing. When I would see him in new clothes, he would state those clothes came from his apartment when I took him in, in 2018. He would also tell me he wasn’t drinking, when he was outwardly drunk and I would see cans lying around his area. He would claim the cans were old, and I was being silly. They use diversion when you call them on their lies, so it’s pointless to argue. They literally alter your sense of reality and world. It never gets any better. I can relate to the person who commented above me. I was told that I was going insane and may have to be institutionalized and the truth was, I was going insane. The insanity had nothing to do with me. He was keeping me on edge, frightened and altering my normal world. We place a lot of respect on their thoughts and opinions. It would be great if you could do a video about people who see the survivor and Narc in public, and blame the survivor. I’m currently dealing with this situation. There are people who have been with the Narc for years 14:40 and even someone like the clerk believes the survivor did something wrong, when the survivor just chose to leave the situation. These narcissists can win people over and convince the public and others, that the survivor was in the wrong.
I avoid very toxic people like that. I think that others should do the same. The reality will cone around and normalize them in time when an if they mature.
Before I knew what the term gaslighting meant, I used to just think that my now ex-narcissist would talk in confusing ways to leave me feeling disoriented and befuddled. I HATED how he made me feel and how he would leave me unsure how to respond. Once I learned the term gaslighting, it hit me that THAT'S what he'd been doing all those years. It was actually nice to have a real term to use to describe it. Once during one of his tirades, I told him "Stop trying to gaslight me." (Obviously that tactic wasn't going to work, but I was exhausted). His reply was "Gaslighting is a myth. It doesn't exist." He literally tried to gaslight me into thinking gaslighting wasn't real.
Jesus lol these creatures are crazy..Smart but crazy keep your head high trust your gut I’ve started to actually feel physically pain because of the tension in my marriage of 10 years it’s starting to break me down you gotta take care of yourself
Tried to reunite with someone close to me, but when someone insists on playing the victim, it's hopeless. They live in some crazy reality to suit their own view of the world.
So painfully true, Dr C. Downright scary how easily they lie to themselves. You are right, even when you catch them red-handed, in a day or so they have already created an alternate reality version of the true events-a waste of energy trying to get them to see truth.
15 years ago I saw a great therapist. My son had just been born and difficulties with his father became our topic, mostly. This therapist asked if I knew what narcissism was. I didn't, although it fit the behaviours the boy's father acted-out. Since then, I have ruminated, accumulating months of hours, about what happened. I saw a different counselor after about 5 or six years. I asked them, "do you know about gaslighting?". They had not. I have climbed into the research about gaslighting for 10yrs. The struggle is a real knot of thoughts, realities/tactics/falseness. Where I am now is in the driver's seat. Son is 15.5, and raised to know my loving arms. We're through and thriving now. The generation up next has awareness, and will still experience the narcissists. By shining a bright light on the topic there will be more words coming to describe npd. #1. Gaslighting✅️
Narcissists are "reframing experts." They can, in an instant, reframe the whole situation to where you are at fault, they are victims, and you are falling down on your responsibility to them. They are character slayers. They can go right for the jugular vein and imply you are lacking in morals, lacking in duty, misplacing your priorities, are selfish, cold, uncaring and maybe even mentally ill. I've had it all thrown at me. And no matter how much you do for them, it only amps up the intensity of their trying to make you feel obligated. It is really fascinating to behold, if you can step out of the way of taking ANY of it personally.
Kinda like how we were told that a certain medicine was only for horses, that it didn't work, doctors weren't allowed to prescribe it, pharmacies wouldn't fill a prescription, people were cancelled for endorsing it.... and now it was merely a "recommendation" not to take this medication. If I use the actual name of the med, YT will likely delete my comment. Apparently, government, media, corporations, and the medical establishment have conspired to gaslight us. Not a theory, but a fact.
Yes !!!
Exactly.
This is it. 💣
“It is fascinating”…. You just put it into perfect words.
This says it all! I have heard all of these statements myself. So glad to be part of this healing community!! 💕
Right on. You need clarity to find it fascinating, but fascinating it is… thank you.
The positioning for superiority is infuriating
Just make sure you don't accept the inferior role!!
My abuser accuses me of doing everything he is doing to me. And call me a clown. He owns his own circus
"...own his own circus..." 🤹♂️ 🤡🎪 😅good one! 😂 Complete with crazy-go-round 🎡
So funny
They cannot relate to Reality.
Ooh. I like that angle. It goes deeper.
100%
they cannot relate to any reality or “truth” that diminishes their ego. It’s a bit like the propaganda you read in the papers - there’s very little objective truth there. It’s all “Enemy bad. Our country perfect.”
I like to stay solidly grounded in reality.
They live in twilight zone.
Before I researched NPD, my narcissist's utter conviction that their truth was the only possible reality led me to the analogy "If they owned a shoe store they would only sell shoes in their size".
That made me chuckle.
That is the best metaphor I've heard. Love it.
That's funny!
Brilliant.
Wow! clever!!
They even gaslight themselves and believe their own lies because they can't accept any flaws so when they do something bad they believe the false narrative they tell people to confuse them or justify their behavior
Because their power trip will fall apart when you trust your observations.
Exactly right the difficult thing is everyone around you has to believe it and because they're probably so stonewalled they won't never believe it. Narcissism and the skill of gaslighting has been accepted in my former family for decades.
Yes ! They may try to recruit flying monkeys to try to get you to buy into their "altered reality"....
My much younger narcissistic colleague began many sentences to me with the words "Don't you remember..."
I reported that behaviour and it stopped.
Thankyou to an employer who eventually listened and saw what was happening.
When you finally say to yourself..”who even cares what they say”.. you are free.
Yep!
Christine That's exactly right and I can't believe that I even cared for a minute about what the last highly narcissistic ex, or many others, said or thought about me, due to their own toxic behaviour! They're really good at ACTING confident, not to mention holier than thou, though.
Well, I do understand the reasons for my behaviour, but wish I'd been able to see more clearly when I was younger.
I thought that certain people were all better than me and had never done anything wrong in their lives since they judge others harshly for making mistakes etc, until I found out that they certainly weren't, or aren't, innocent. ❤
Yes
Absolutely. Who cares what they think, say or do. I focus on my own life and truth.
They have nothing better to do than "gaslighting" others.
So many narcissist everywhere!
Anna Bella That's for sure and it seems like I don't know anyone who has genuine empathy and compassion in real life now, except for some shop assistants and others, who aren't going to be close friends. 🙁
@@cyndigooch1162
Don’t give up hope, there are good people like me out there who want to be your friend.
ANOTHER way they gaslight you is when you bring up a plan that they had that you were counting on, or something they promised, or a shared expectation, they claim to know nothing about that now, and act like you just imagined it, and ANGRILY declare something else is on the agenda, perhaps even the exact opposite!
I know this one so well. I have learned to expect only lies and nonsense from them.
They have to keep you confused and doubting yourself, so that they can stay in control and always have the upper hand.
💯💯
I was constantly doubting myself after all the love bombing stopped. It should have been a big clue when he said that he just got comfortable.
Now I interpret it as , he could stop pretending.
100% accurate!
That is due to malignant jealousy and having to keep you down to bring themselves up ! They will try to CONTROL you and the situation at hand ! Some will do almost anything to make that happen (illegal or legal)....
The strangest one I experienced was when my ex told me I had bad ankles. It was indeed he that had bad ankles and had multiple injuries over the years, while I have never in my life had issues with my ankles. Mind boggling behavior! 🤯
My ex used to tell me MY childhood memories.
But they were things that I had never told him because they NEVER happened.
😬👀
Hes either...
A.
Completely batshit crazy
Or.
B.
He was remembering his backup supplies memories and wanting to chat about them with the wrong woman.
Either way...
I'm glad I escaped THAT Twilight Zone!
Cheers.
Christi 🇨🇦
They don’t want their victims to get in one word. They want their victim to hear what they have to say and get loud to try to drown out any response from their victim. A 100% ME attitude
I am familiar with that. Label it: SILENCING. SILENCING IS ABUSE.
Why don't bullies go after other bullies? Because they are cowards, they only go after people they know they can push around.
Horrible horrible people. I've been told I was overreacting and too sensitive at the very time when this lunatic was smearing me and trashing my reputation after I had spoken my truth. I've gone no contact at last. My name is mud which is hard to take. Hoping to recover and move on someday.
I thought my cousin was my close friend until I started to go to therapy for a covert work narc. Now I can’t stop seeing all the snide remarks, put downs in public, obvious boredom if the conversation doesn’t focus on her. I am a foil for her outrageous behavior, yet she will call me “not normal” at the drop of a hat. I am pulling away because I am so wary of the next negative comment. “Only kidding”! “I know How you are” . Well, I know who I am and getting better every day. Thanks, Team Healthy!
I've notice when your isolated, they will try to convince you the behavior is normal, they will tell you something so ridiculous, and you know inside its wrong, but they try to convince you of their reality, my cousins have always been like sisters,I really would hope they wouldn't get involved in doing something like that, I love my family so much, even though through my fault I haven't shown it, "not being around them like I should, and the use of family against you seems to be a trick for these people because it hurts so much
My cousin lives 2000 miles away and called for 15 years acting sweet. I thought we were friends. Suddenly she began to be mean and I figured out that she'd been faking nice to keep me taking her phone calls, which are her narcissistic supply. Discovered she'd been back stabbing me and calling my mother to report my doings (nothing exciting) though she knew I was estranged from my mother. Now I don't talk to her at all and still can't believe she tricked me for years--isn't that lying?She's supposed to be a Christian--gets awards for never missing church! What a fake.
I hear you. My wife calls me “weird” if I ever hold her accountable for her behaviour. If we argue about each others behaviour she can make anything she likes up and be as hurtful as she can but I’m not allowed to mention anything she’s done before “you just need to get over that!” Mention any of her narc family habits or say anything negative about her. Basically I have to sit there and take a beating because she’s not comfortable receiving any criticism. That’s her view…
Narcissist are just big fat fakers. Period!
It’s hard to see the truth in narcissist, especially when it’s someone important to you. You have to grieve and then let go of that person you thought they were. My oldest sibling is that person for me. I literally just mourn her and then I let go and put my energy into something or someone more important. Her time is over for me, and it’s better to realize that the gig is up than to continue allowing them to consume my time and oxygen. It still , literally sucks.
How do you know a narcissist is gaslighting?
Their mouth is moving. 😀
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
they gaslight themselves constantly and w/o end ~ then they gaslight you to frame their non-reality
Bingo!
I love how you put this.
And amazingly others, in my case, so no one hears you when you try to say " that's not true", or that's not the whole truth". My dad infiltrates my relationships to smear and control, who goes out of their way to do that?
I used to think the narcissist knew right from wrong and knew when they were lying. I never considered they were gaslighting themselves first to believe whatever version of reality they are pushing.. This explains how they present to flying monkeys, appearing earnest and concerned.
@@kingbee9778 IDK, my dad, in reference to my lying ex, said something to the effect that he knew what he was doing. Maybe my ex didnt, maybe he gaslite himself, but I think my dad knows exactly what he's doing. He is vengeful, envious, black hearted.
"Lame excuses" nailed it, thanks, Dr. C. Gus looks relaxed!😀
It's always about debt shifting, be it shame, blame, or general scapegoating.
Gus is remarkably awake for this one!
I don't give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't believe they lack empathy. I think they're just sadistic people.
Agree ❤
While eating breakfast out a few days ago , I admired a little girl's beautiful red hair and told the young mother so . I mentioned to her that I used to wish that I had red hair when I was younger - just a pleasant social exchange . As I turned back to my husband he tells me that ' you don't want red hair - you'd get too much attention and you don't like that'. I told him I can like red hair as much as I want and he repeated what he had just said before I realized this is another gaslight from a controlling insecure narcissist who just became jealous of an interaction and a couple of pleasantries exchanged between me and a stranger in a restaurant . He literally can't and doesn't see any need to get a grip on this behaviour despite the number of times I've pointed out his lying and gaslighting . Makes me feel sick .
It's amazing how much diversionary tactics they will use and then attempt to swing situations around to their own controlling, narcissistic point of view.
Wow! "Gaslightng" is word of the year! This must mean that communities like ours are continuing to raise awareness about narcissists and their manipulation tactics. 👍🏻🙂
Or I look at it as the world is filling up with narcissists more now! Ekkkkk 🥺😖
Agreed! I didn't know that, but I'm thankful. Narcs will always be among us unfortunately, but channels like these are skyrocketing in popularity, and I couldn't be happier. More people everywhere are seeing these narcs for what they are, sharing their stories and helping others, including those who may be in the earlier stages of a narc relationship in which case info like this could really help a lot or even save them. Huge win for the 'good guys'! If it keeps going, more people will be educated and will avoid these relationships before they start, and that's only good for humanity.
Sadly it has way more to do with one side of the political spectrum and it's now 'in your face and doesn't care' obsession with lying about everything it's doing to take everyone's rights and freedoms away at every level.
Sadly I also see teens using Narcissist and Gaslighting instead of simpler terms that apply to the situation. So the terms are losing power. Someone says No and the woke teens declare them a Narcissist. Sad.
Or more people are being abused by Narcissists!
Thank you for helping keep my feet on thr ground. I could lose myself at times, but now that I understand what is going on I refuse to succumb. Stronger mentally now, because of you, I can see a future. I stand for truth, respect and dignity thanks to you.
Finally reached my gaslighting breaking point. My husband of 23 years told me TO MY FACE that I agreed to send his 37- year-old, entitled daughter $3,000.00! Never in a million years. I am looking for a job back in my home town, and will be divorcing and moving ASAP!! Thanks for all the great videos! Great Community!
😮
God's Speed 🙏❤️
I am so glad that people all over the world are waking up to what is plaguing our communities. Thank God for that. Thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
I was so happy a few years ago to find the term for what I knew was happening. I've always lived in the same town as my aging mother. I've always talked to her every 2-3 days and go see her at least every week. She spent most holidays at my house. I've been there in the emergency room, the doctor's office, in her financial advisor's office. I've driven her on a lot of vacations. And those are just the big things. I've helped her in so, so many small ways too - computer/printer/internet fixes, cleaned gutters, cut down trees, slept at her house after medical procedures, gone on walks, taken her to dinner, cared for her though the pandemic, etc.... My only sibling (sister) lives 7 hours away and has always visited my mom 2-3 times a year. A couple years ago, during an argument with my sister, she told me that she has done more for our mom than I have. I couldn't believe that she would try to push that crazy reality onto me! Absolutely certifiably nuts, but not an uncommon type of comment from her. That was the beginning of my realization that she had a serious personality problem, not just an annoying way of being. She could not in any way acknowledge what I've done for our mom. She regularly and seriously minimizes my assistance for our mom. My sister is 62 and will never change - she never has. Gray rock and low, low contact and completely disregarding her opinions of me are my strategy forever going forward. Sad though for her. But necessary for me. I'm a wonderful son to my aging mother. I don't need her to see that for it to be true.
Yes! My cousin Windy D. Publically suported me ( at one funeral, ONCE)! and never stopped bragging about her GOOD DEED- meanwhile 65 years if her snubbing- ridiculing me and Using my roomas a Gas Station Toilet. sad.
Compromising scares the narcissist too; After spending over 40 years with a narcissist before getting away, I realized that it's their way, or no way at all. My Ex even used to try to turn others against me, saying I was mentally disturbed. I wish I'd known about narcisissm 50 years ago, because I always knew he was different from the majority, I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Yes, 50 years too late for me. My husband to be gave me books on psychology early on. Looking back that was odd! Later on he sent me to a psychiatrist. He lied, cheated and had a difficult working life. I left after 7 years and he was subject of a fraud court case. His constant buying habits left him virtually pennyless and he died in France in a tumbledown cottage surrounded by his artefacts.
Any compromise on the narcs part is always a manipulation. They will feign compliance temporarily to get you to do the same, afterwards they ration theirs back down until you're the only one still honoring the agreement. Just another gaslighting technique to drive you crazy & create more high conflict fuel.
So many of us say the same exact thing.
Word of the year, according to Merriam-Webster. I saw this reported a couple days ago, and it gave me a chill, honestly. They gaslight themselves into believing things that aren't true, so gaslighting others is just a natural progression to try to convince us of the same untruths. The bonus for them is that it puts us off balance, giving them an edge in arguments. From their perspective, they are just trying to help us understand what they (and ONLY they) believe to be the truth.
I was going to add something sarcastic, but I just can't. Conjure your own.
100% spot on, Aaron!
I dont know if this is being civil. And for some reason I must have been flaged for not being so before. I guess thats why my comment doesnt show up. But my comment is: But that means they are insane!... .
Aaron, it's like you have read my notes!
@@SurvivingNarcissism No way. You are THAT good at teaching us. We do listen, you know.
@@Chris-dw7gq "...unless we hop off and let them ride without us and their flying monkeys."
I liked that🙂
After calling out the narc saying he was gaslighting me, I got this response, no joke: "You're over-stretching the meaning and context of gaslighting to defend yourself and essentially gaslight me." There is no reasoning with them. Thankfully they have been in the past for 7 months now with no contact.
I’ve noticed a lot of ppl who use gaslighting don’t really know the real meaning of the word and the damage it does. I have heard ppl use gaslighting just because someone has a different point of view or remember something differently.
They don't answer any questions.
Crazy people narcs are.
Anger as a diversionary tactic. YES!!! So much anger and controlling behavior for decades. And the projecting of their behavior and thoughts onto us. Hard to believe I stayed so long.
The truly evil aspect of these type of people is they are trying to turn you into an "Emotional Zombie"
Very true, they end up making a person emotionally numb,which is not a good thing
I have 3rd degree burns from being gaslit by my mom. Once, when I told my mom that she was controlling, she raged back at me with: YOU JUST CHOOSE TO SEE IT THAT WAY!!! She was also a score keeper constantly reminding me of everything she's ever done for me. Thanks Dr C for your insight 👍
Same for me! My mother (the covert) is 90 now and I'm 63 and OMG, she has only gotten worse over the years along with my sister (the overt) since my daddy passed in 2008. I was fortunate enough to cut all ties with them and don't care what they say about me anymore. They almost crushed me and would have if I had not gone NO CONTACT! Being a mom of 4 wonderful souls, it's unfathomable to me to EVER hurt one of my dear children! My other 3 siblings have very little contact with either of them too. They spend all their time together gaslighting EVERY BODY! 🙏🌈💞
She would probably claim she earned everything with her own hands which is an indictment for all the bad things she caused, but she won't acknowledge earning the negative things she caused.
@@StarOfBethlehem707 Your comment really resonates with me. I'm considering the pros and cons of going no contact with my highly abusive mother and really don't think I have a choice. She will completely destroy me if I continue a relationship with her. So I feel like it has to be done.
@@rebeccajohnson7864 my mom is a covert narcissist. I never knew the self she presents is a false self. Everybody is jealous of her and working her with witchcraft. A pathological liar, to my face. Steals my money then blames it on other people knowing she took it. So disgusting and crazy!
My mother caused me to have terrible burns also. When no one else was around.
Yes! Unbelievable glaring omissions and lies. Just enough of your truth to make you incredible. Poof, there goes your life and livelihood, family and friends! And I got away!
Narcissists knock your pins out from underneath you and then....begin to perform their evil when you're DOWN and can be easily manipulated.
Call them out on gaslighting and reframing and deflecting! Of course, they pretend that they don’t understand the terminology, but they understand it.
My narcissist constantly reframed me by telling ME what I was thinking, assigning horrible, self-serving motives to things I did with love. They couldn't and wouldn't accept that my way of life was generous and gracious.
Narcissists play the blame game as a part of the lie in which they live in.
They gaslight us because they like to see us react in a negative emotional way. Now a positive emotional way would be where you're appreciative of what they had to say or do. I'm never appreciative about what they have to say (most of the time I learned that it was what they did as well as said that angered me, so I was experiencing vocal gas lighting as well as gas lighting that involved actions like taking paperwork out of your private property) usually they anger me. Y'all notice it's pretty common when you get trolled online that's exactly the same thing. They are not out to make your day better.
That is sooo true. If they spent half as much time being less disruptive/abusive the place would run like clockwork.
@R C This is gaslighting on steroids!!! They're worse than fleas in your ear. They're too dumb to realise that if they spent more time helping rather than hindering, they would receive higher acclaim. Even then they'd be looking for 'the catch'.
If one gaslighting line does not work then the narc will switch to the next line and see if you will fall for that. The narc wants you to believe something so they can get away with doing something. The sad part for me is when the narc can get others to believe them and it has a negative impact on my life. The only thing to do is go no contact. It's not easy at first but it's worth it in the long run.
"My judgements about you are undeniably accurate" man this is spot on! What a fool I was to defend myself in a tired circle of words.
You can defend yourself or you can bang your head against a brick wall. Same results!
This should be taught in schools, very great teaching 👏
Only problem with that… Narcissism, especially covert narcissism, is prevalent throughout the culture of schools
@manderson7173 The indoctrination centers.
That's all they are.
"We don't want a nation of thinkers"
"We want a nation of workers"
Rockefeller
(The man who set up "education")
I didn’t know the word narcissist meant when I was in high school which was 41 years ago. I learned what it was later in life. Now that I found out what narcissist meant, I saw a few classmates that were narcissists.
They’re toddlers in adult bodies who think everyone else should take all the bitching and moaning they do about anything that doesn’t go EXACTLY as they want seriously. When you have/had REAL problems, the NPD person can’t be seen as anything but weak. And when they do inevitably experience actual hardship and pain, they fall apart immediately.
Best just to stay away from them. Otherwise, they’ll pull you down with them. Nope.
Gaslighting was the first piece of the puzzle for me. That and weaponised incompetence. Really started me to open my eyes to the abuse. He did all of those tactics!
weaponized incompetence is so frustrating and will freeze you into inaction (it does to me, i get stunned by the confusion of the incompetence claim)
it would be a good topic for a follow up video!
@@user-uh5tb9er4o definitely! Especially when they exhibit high levels of competence at work, but can't manage the washing machine! It's an abuse tactic to get us to say "forget it, I'll do it"
Your videos give me strength. I’ve been in a marriage with a narcissist for 13 years. I’ve tried to get out 3 times already but each time he gets everyone on his side, cuts my access to our finances, and makes me feel like a horrible human being for “leaving him as though he is disposable”. It’s been so hard. Im in therapy, trying to get strong so I can leave. I finally found the strength to get my own apartment and physically separate myself from him-so, that’s been a huge step for me. People truly don’t understand how difficult these people are and how difficult they make your life when you try to leave their mental torture. Thank you again, for all your knowledge and insight. Every video makes me stronger and keeps me equipped.
Very pleased, Razlyn!
I’m going through this with my wife of 10+ years she also has bpd and is going through therapy but has gone though 3 of them convincing them she is ok I know for a fact she has vary strong narcissistic trates as well ...They can be vary powerful creatures be careful take care of yourself
Be safe, first and foremost. Get rid of any digital footprints as well. Check your car for tracking devices. Make SURE your phone's location device is OFF.
Stick to what your gut says. Also a good idea is to ask your local police if there is a victims advocate group that can help you with shelter, food, ect. They will help you. I know that might sound scary to do, it was for me but it was so helpful! Sometimes they will have volunteer lawyers too there. And his friends are siding with him cause narcs are the best Wolves in sheeps clothing, but sooner or later they will see the true colors. I wish you the best, enjoy your freedom!
Razlyn, I know it sounds strange, but I set up an 'Escape Fund' in secret. I know it sounds sneeky but I did this. I'm not talking serious theft but out of any money I did get I put 50p or a £1 to one side. My mum had had a separate account for me in her name. I've heard of people asking a close friend. That way I felt that I was doing something small and positive for me and my 2 young children. He was always 'getting help' and 'reading books'. After 10yrs I managed to started divorce proceedings on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I had legal aid until the house was sold which we received the lions share. The 'Escape Fund' was used to buy a boiler for the new house 😁
Where there's a will there's a way❣
I'm in UK but I'm sure there's advice you can get. Good luck 🤞🌹
Unraveling a whole family system build on an alternative reality is really hard. I slowly start to consciously notice that my family is build on absolute denial what has happened and whats going on in the family system, how broken it is. Me being their outlet has nothing to do with who I really am. It is a mere expression of their incapability to cope with the heavy burden placed alone on me to carry for them. I'm the brave one, I'm the strong one to make it out of the shadows of this alternative reality. I'm not broken, I'm not shameful for telling and acting on my true feelings and perceptions, but they need me to be the broken one. Otherwise their reality can't further exist. It's really sad to see that they choose this life of misery over vulnerability and honesty.
This includes service people and contractors for your home. They do not care about your property and home. Thank you!
I feel very blessed having this opportunity to be educated by you in regards to this baffling toxic behaviour. It was so horrible not knowing the depth of craftiness with lying deceit, breaking the law purposely and destroying people lives . This is what this person was. Thank God for people like you. I am feeling so much better. This education has given me a new perspective to life.!. I have reached a stage in my life where I don’t feel responsible for him and moving on with my life. This is a huge burden lifted of my life. Makes me so much aware for the future. Terrible experience to succumb to in my life. God bless
"Double-down" is another term popular this year. It goes right along with "gaslighting."
When you ask about something, they come back at you slightly irritated with: "I already told you about that." You don't remember when they told you, but if this little "dance" happens often enough, it makes you begin to doubt your reality. If you catch on though, you realize they are just outright lying!
Yep, have experienced that, knew they were just lying to get their way.
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
That's one of their favorites!
I'm 17, and living with a narcissistic mother. I'm the scape goat of my home due to disabilities and disorders. She treats me like hell. She gaslights me 24/7. All the time. Like for example, when I was younger I went through a lot of physical abuse by people who said they could "cure my disabilities". It went on for years and my mother never listened when I would cry about what was happening. Now she says I obviously remember nothing, I was there for 3 months and they took me out immediately when I cried, even though I remember her dragging me there crying, l remember her TELLING me that I was there for 3 years. I've also had her scream at me for talking about things she was speaking on, and then when I try to tell her that it's hypocritical, she's like "well it's your fault this happened" this being her screaming at me, even when I do literally nothing Or she will scream her fav phrase "YOUR ATTACKING ME". Can't even cry or like say anything. Another example, she signed me up for weight watchers with her, now so she's been eating the healthy food she knows is for me, I tell her not to eat it cause she has her own, but she does it anyways, then she will try to make me eat fatty food. When we went to way us, she got on the weight, lost 3 pounds then screamed "I lost weight wooooo". Then she giggled, smugly smiled at me and ushered me on the weight. I felt sick. I got revenge though, well kinda, I brought food up to my room and ate it when she wasn't around. I lost 5 pounds, after we got weighed (this was last week) she didn't speak to me the rest of the day, when only glared.
Keep learning! Your search for the better path can become the foundation for real growth. I’m pulling you!
You are precious and a good thinker!!
🙏😔❤️
Scary how closely some in my life act these ways and how often....paid a heavy price with them in my life but no more...so much happier now!
At the bitter end of my 23 yr marriage to a covert narc, we both accused each other of changing up, like we were strangers. Well four years after he basically financially abandoned my child, and I plus our , 18, and 20 yr old sons. It occurred to me, he was always a lier, a consummate manipulator, and a chaos creator. I immediately quit listening to his lies, shut down his manipulations, and stopped dancing to his chaotic beat. He was honest about one thing, it was me that changed!
It's an interesting aspect to narcissistic relationships, particularly romantic ones. Narcissists have an idealized version of their significant other in the beginning love bombing stage. When someone steps out of this illusion they've created the narcissist feels betrayed and thinks the person either lied to them or changed. It's universal with all narcissists. They literally live in a fantasy world and expect everyone to be in lock step with their false reality.
Narcissist gaslighting liar: "You can trust me to tell you the truth!"
I'm sick of my own mother.
Truth , freedom , assertiveness, diversity, nuances, and vulnerability scares the narcissist- hence GASLIGHTING
Also they move the goal posts so that everything is comfortable for them and extremely not nice for you!!!
Hi Amanda. I missed this one. Listening to it now. But really nice to see everyone's names on the chat replay. While I was with my ex I was sooo naiive about gaighting. I just spent the entire time being puzzled as to her responses and reactions. It's so amazing to gain some understanding. I don't feel crazy anymore. Good to see you here. Hope you are well and looking forward to England tomorrow ⚽
@@sturobertson6791 It was an extremely good one today. But, don't worry we can't all always be at the live chat and that is what the replay is for. I listen to it again anyway coz it goes so quick! I experienced gaslighting not just from any ex's but from family and even ex friends. Knowledge is empowerment 👍
Yes, I look forward to ALL the football ⚽️ I'm proper footy nutty lol 🤣 Of course it would be a huge bonus if England do well. Prayers for Pele 🙏 who's not well.
You take care 🙂
It's all part of the pattern, Amanda. Ugh!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Absolutely Dr.C. You have to be three steps ahead at all times. Personally I don't want to play their games!
I hope you also are feeling better 🙏
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? zero, they use gaslighting
I was with my sons one day and I’d completed a job in a certain way. My narc wife went off on her fault laying belittling way. The next day I did it her way and got the same result. My sons laughed and thought it was nuts. I patiently explained that it wasn’t that I did the job the right or the wrong way, but that i did it without asking her permission first.
Brilliant!! Excellent way to show your children how impossible it is if they think they’ll ever get approval or acknowledgement for their efforts.
Her response literally would’ve been the same if a anyone else including a robot did the work. No one “gets it right.” 🙄
Kids need to see that this is their parent’s issue and has nothing to do with them doing the work “correctly” …it’s way too easy for kids to absorb this and carry it with them into all aspects of their lives. It wears down their self esteem and is insidious. We need to help them see the truth and depersonalize situations like this so they can distance themselves and thrive. Thank you!
I messed up yesterday. I tried telling my mother’s friend the extent of my mother’s abusiveness. She said, I'm praying for you and your mother and it's both of you, in fact she said your mother says you you do the same to her. I broke and was triggered. I feel it was my fault when I decided to move back with my mother knowing we always never got along. She promised to change and let's do life together since I became disabled. I feel stuck sometimes and stupid for believing her gaslighting towards me. I'm still in the process of radical acceptance of her. I just learned what was really happening with my mother after 52 yrs old. It's hard but true. Thank you to this community, CR at my church, and a few people who makes me feel safe to share and do not believe my mother. 😔🙏🏽
I’ve had that said to me also by my mothers acquaintances. They didn’t even know me. It’s so frustrating and unfair. She didn’t show that side of her to them. I hear you 🥹♥️
Don't vocalize to Moms supporters. Find your own unrelated supports to talk about the deep stuff to. Or this "flying monkey" mentality will smack u over and over.
@@joywebster2678 I do I have them. That's how I messed up by saying anything at all. Thank you so much. I need to hear this. Praying for you too.
I felt the same way. I moved back home in my mid 40's and believing all my mother's lies about how I could heal and get some rest...How things would be better for me...blah blah blah! It was all a lie! She made my life hell for 5 yrs! We all want to believe that our mothers love us...that no mother could intentionally hurt her child & be so cruel. We want to believe that we will get our mothers love...we want normal mothers we see on TV.
You're not a fool...you are just normal and couldn't imagine someone little long a Mother be so evil.
I felt helpless and stuck to, but I just kept praying...I didn't even know that much about Narcissistism and when I figured it out I was 49 yrs old. I have read countless stories like yours and mine...never knowing our mothers were Narcissists. It hurts...but you're not alone. Keep a journal of all the things your mother says to you and about every situation & events...also write down your thoughts and feelings...do it on your smartphone or something where she can't find it. Do self positive talk out loud in front of a mirror & don't let her hear you. I got this advice from Dr. Ramani. If you're a believer then learn Romains 8:28 & repent it to yourself even if it's just in your head. When my mother died and I went through her stuff & found out what she really thought of me I was heartbroken. It's been over a yr and it's getting better and easier to come to terms with it all...just keep practicing Radical Acceptance...it works. Trust me if I hadn't found Dr. C I wouldn't be here. You will and can get through this and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve this. Like Dr. C says, "It has nothing to do with us, it them projecting their stuff on to us." I am rooting for you. Hugs!❤️
@@mday3821 Wow, your life mirrors mine. Thank you for all the insight you've passed to me and encouragement. I really needed to see your post. You're so right, never thought the same woman who got my brother and I away from our abusive dad to her abusiveness towards us and will throw that in my face and tell me I should be grateful. It hurts but I'm determined to heal through my Lord and Savior. Your mom didn't like you to be your authentic self and neither does my mom. How did you feel when your mom passed away? Praying for both our healing journey, in Jesus name! 🙏🏽💖
There are other arenas for gaslighting, where you could argue we have institutional narcissism. Look up medical gaslighting. Also look at politics. The power structures out there largely on the concept of denying the reality of the experience of any and all victims of cruelty.
Yes my 70 yr old narcissistic husband is the King of Gaslighting 😢
Bait you in conversations is their natural progression to gaslighting you. They'll be devoid of all empathy for what you're telling them, goading you into overexplaining, then hang up the phone on you. Then say to you when you call back (because they've made you feel so bad) that "they cant deal with' confrontational' people". When this happened to me last year for the first time with this particular person, I spent the rest of the day going over the conversation in my head wondering what I'd done wrong. I'd literally said I felt sad for my son because he loves a subject and couldnt take his paper exams last year re covid and then the autumn series because of his age. I wasn't feeling entitled for him. I knew it was no-one's fault. I was just understandably disappointed for him because he'd worked so hard. When i said this the narcissist hung up on me. Months later this same person executed an extremely vindictive smear campaign. The signs were there from that very first gaslighting conversation, that they could do something like that, but I'd not long gone no contact with my parent and didn't know what I know now. Horrid personalities.
My friend would bait me over text. He would lie and gaslighting and get me defending myself and then he would say I just want to argue and back away like he was the better man. Then, if I said anything after that it was proof that I just want to argue and he was the easy going cool guy that had to deal with this. He would start it, lie about me, get me to defend myself and then blame me for defending myself. They are just awful.
@@josereyes1148 it's the same pattern every time but we see it now. Take care
@@janepoppet3843 yea it's easier now that we have knowledge on the subject and can define their behavior. Take care.
This is such a perfect and thorough explanation of the way narcissists behave!!!
Thanks, Moxie!
Was briefly friends with a girl who I presume is high on the NPD spectrum because the stuff she was saying was just too bizarre to accept as healthy. "You have to trust me. What other choice do you have?" "I just had sex, but it wasn't really sex", "If we agreed to date I would go on a date with this person and I wouldn't think it's a problem for my relationship with you". This girl was trying to groom me for a non mono relationship with her based on "honest communication" as she put it herself. And I would be listening to her statements and thinking... What sort of relationship dynamic would that turn out to be if she decides what is a problem and not a problem for a relationship by herself, excluding the thoughts, needs and feelings of the the others she goes on dates with? What sort of honest communication can there be when she defines what sex is on what she decides it to be at the moment based on some subjective feeling rather than on what objectively happens? So yeah. Not all of them lie. Some of them simply twist the meanings of words so that they appear as non malignant truth tellers.
Word of the year may be gaslighting . But the antidote word of the year is loving. “ Loving” , for no reason. ♥️
I stand with you, Leila.
You are absolutely my favorite instructor on narcissism on RUclips. Wish this information had been available 30 years ago, but at least we have it now!
Thank you, Anne. #TeamHealthy
I've watched other RUclips video series (many looking at narcissism from a biblical perspective) and keep referring those seeking additional help to Dr. Carter. These free videos, which many of us need right now because of financial ruin, are lifesaving. This man is worth his weight in gold.
😇
I think we can all thank Dr. C for bringing gaslight to the conversation and is the reason it's the word of the year. :)
😇
Actually, present-day politics and how one side of it is willing to lie about everything they are doing to take our rights and freedoms away by any means necessary is where it came from.
Excellent. Excellent. Excellent.
Yes and if you bring up the word gaslighting with them, they play stupid and act like they don’t know what the word means. They know damn well what it is.
It’s a wonder we don’t blow up at work so much gaslighting there. You should do a session on Narcissism behaviors of the workplace 🌹💐.
Just to add, gaslighting means getting into a new twilight surrounding, lose your memories, lose your friends, lose your warm hands, lose your sanity, lose your eyes, lose your time, lose your energy, triangulations, passive aggressiveness, lose your sense of safety and security and so on for maybe a couple of years, who cares? (even none of my friends asked me what happened to you? even asking are you crazy? b*** s***!!). I had this amazing amazing amazing golden experience (!!!) about 18 years ago and I should have run 15 km a day to get some of my memories back, but one question remains for me, I was gaslighted by a DSED or RAD patient (disinhibited social engagement disorder or reactive attachment disorder) and I recovered from this lightening (f***ing twilight) but I could not find one answer, a DSED patient who could not even talk properly by itself and 24h should beg on the streets for somebody's attention to fulfill its empty heart and brain which is lost its primary caregiver care could gaslight somebody? and what is the relation between a DSED patient who was betrayed 3 times by her close friends (by me, I am an eagle and I have done it before!) who even could not talk and narcissism? and why the word end is not defined for this psycho? I have lots of experiences in my life (in any term, even one engagement 19 years ago for a year!) and we have the word termination or end or empathy but why this psycho animal could not understand the word bye? and how it could make a connection with somebody who betrayed it 3 times by its close friends? I believe in the word psycho but what is this one? it could not be called even psycho!!!! a silent serial killer and confessed to me that I hanged some people with these techniques, I am sorry but if your personal dog even feels that you are not interested in her anymore, at least show respect!!! what is that??? OMG! by the way, thanks for your videos and brilliant recommendations. a DSED patient and narcissism?
They have to gaslight, ax they are so often full of nonsense.
Every video is so spot on…..I can never get an answer to a direct question, etc etc etc. My husband is such a convincing pathological liar that everyone believes and adores him. (As did I). At times, I feel sorry for the life he lives.
Mine too. Everyone thinks she is so great that they would never believe the crap I put up with in private. Her whole demeanor would change when we left a party and the criticisms would start, the invalidations, etc.... Even my mother can't completely believe with the crap I put up with. Such a fake public personality.
You just described about 80% of the population, if not more.
As I again face Christmas without my only daughter (kidnapped by a CN), YOU and Gus have been a Godsend. I can't thank you enough 🌹❤️🌹
You are quite welcome. Best wishes to you.
We swim in a sea of narcissism in the present era and reality distortion for narcissistic agendas is pervasive. Those of us who have grappled with narcissists on an individual level and have gained perspective are able to see the societal distortions which are being deployed, sometimes on a global scale. I'm grateful for that - I can appreciate the years of pain inflicted because I have insights which allow me to hold onto reality in the face of gaslighting on a gigantic scale.
Once I wised up about gaslighting, I found it very disturbing at the number of people out there that use this tactic. There's no going back when you become a member of Team Healthy.
@@choosepeacetoday it is very disturbing how prevalent gaslighting is as a tactic, especially so when it is deployed by people who consider themselves healthy in their psyches and interactions. I remember the dismissal from such people when it was pointed out that their style of communication was unacceptable. More gaslighting.
@@dorasneddon774 Yes. Another disturbing thing is when I see the gaslighting and other people see it, but normalize it, or just blow it off. 😩
Hi, I was in a toxic same sex relationship with a narcissist for 25 years. Three years ago I finished that relationship, it was extremely difficult but I got through it and feel much better. I have been helped by your videos, at time it felt like you had been watching us because of your observations. I just want to thank you.
Thank you for replying, I didn't expect it. I didn't know that I was living with a narcissist until I was in hospital for a different problem. The hospital arranged for a couple of sessions with a psychologist. When he was talking to me he asked lots of questions about my ex-partner, something no one ever asked about before. After talking to the psychologist, he suggested that I was living with a narcissus. It was such a profound moment; everything just fell into place. Looking back over my relationship now is very painful and can't believe how I just handed over control. I felt stupid but I am trying to be kinder to myself. I do see a psychologist and having been working hard to understand how I was affected. One of the biggest revelations was how something that is psychological/emotional can manifest into a physical problem. I have developed a heart condition that requires surgery. I have been told that this problem was most likely caused by stress.
regards,
Clifford
I’m surrounded by narcissists & these videos help me retain my sanity, especially as I work to get out from under their control/shadow. Thank you for these videos, Dr. C! 💟⭐️
My brother makes me question and doubt myself and makes me feel like I'm going crazy.
I find that interesting too that Merr. Web dictionary's word is gaslighting. Really good topic today Dr C.
Thanks, Caro!
I’m the girl who had her nose broken in August 2022 by her ex. I believe Gaslighting is essential in hurting the survivor. The gaslighting can be simple things or grandiose things. I hate it when people throw around this term. My ex was stealing money from me and my family and he did this by obtaining account numbers. He bought clothing. When I would see him in new clothes, he would state those clothes came from his apartment when I took him in, in 2018. He would also tell me he wasn’t drinking, when he was outwardly drunk and I would see cans lying around his area. He would claim the cans were old, and I was being silly. They use diversion when you call them on their lies, so it’s pointless to argue. They literally alter your sense of reality and world. It never gets any better. I can relate to the person who commented above me. I was told that I was going insane and may have to be institutionalized and the truth was, I was going insane. The insanity had nothing to do with me. He was keeping me on edge, frightened and altering my normal world. We place a lot of respect on their thoughts and opinions.
It would be great if you could do a video about people who see the survivor and Narc in public, and blame the survivor. I’m currently dealing with this situation. There are people who have been with the Narc for years 14:40 and even someone like the clerk believes the survivor did something wrong, when the survivor just chose to leave the situation. These narcissists can win people over and convince the public and others, that the survivor was in the wrong.
In my experience, an abusive father is a guarantee to be a victim of gaslighting later in adulthood. It's like a curse.😢
I avoid very toxic people like that. I think that others should do the same. The reality will cone around and normalize them in time when an if they mature.
Some of the behaviors you talked about I didn't realize are gaslighting tactics. This has helped me see gaslighting more clearly, thank you!
Yes this helped. Although my parent has passed on I’m still trying to understand her thinking process. Every word helps greatly.
Before I knew what the term gaslighting meant, I used to just think that my now ex-narcissist would talk in confusing ways to leave me feeling disoriented and befuddled. I HATED how he made me feel and how he would leave me unsure how to respond. Once I learned the term gaslighting, it hit me that THAT'S what he'd been doing all those years. It was actually nice to have a real term to use to describe it. Once during one of his tirades, I told him "Stop trying to gaslight me." (Obviously that tactic wasn't going to work, but I was exhausted). His reply was "Gaslighting is a myth. It doesn't exist." He literally tried to gaslight me into thinking gaslighting wasn't real.
Jesus lol these creatures are crazy..Smart but crazy keep your head high trust your gut I’ve started to actually feel physically pain because of the tension in my marriage of 10 years it’s starting to break me down you gotta take care of yourself
Tried to reunite with someone close to me, but when someone insists on playing the victim, it's hopeless. They live in some crazy reality to suit their own view of the world.
So painfully true, Dr C. Downright scary how easily they lie to themselves. You are right, even when you catch them red-handed, in a day or so they have already created an alternate reality version of the true events-a waste of energy trying to get them to see truth.
My sister used to say to me 'it's all in your mind ' and my mother would say 'you imagine things '. Gaslighting.
Absolutely horrible. Gaslighting and abuse!
@@anniebrowning7354 hello Annie how are you
My x always said, nobody thinks like you
@@sandrathomas2893 my mother used to say I was mad and abnormal
It's very hot here in Melbourne, 34 degrees. Summer is here at last.
15 years ago I saw a great therapist. My son had just been born and difficulties with his father became our topic, mostly. This therapist asked if I knew what narcissism was. I didn't, although it fit the behaviours the boy's father acted-out.
Since then, I have ruminated, accumulating months of hours, about what happened.
I saw a different counselor after about 5 or six years.
I asked them, "do you know about gaslighting?".
They had not.
I have climbed into the research about gaslighting for 10yrs. The struggle is a real knot of thoughts, realities/tactics/falseness.
Where I am now is in the driver's seat.
Son is 15.5, and raised to know my loving arms. We're through and thriving now. The generation up next has awareness, and will still experience the narcissists.
By shining a bright light on the topic there will be more words coming to describe npd.
#1. Gaslighting✅️
The blame game, I always have proof, before I speak. And I am still wrong. The devil is in him