get in loser, we're entering our villain eras 😈 | Khadija Mbowe
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2024
- THE ROAD TO 1000 PATRONS!!
*Patreon*
/ khadijambowe
Marigold Music Program:
/ marigoldmusicprogram
********Khadija’s Socials************
Instagram Twitter Tiktok
@khadija.mbowe
*MERCH*
letsflawnt.com/
/ letsflawnt
*Patreon*
/ khadijambowe
*Podcast*
theleftovermillennials.buzzsp...
Send things here if ya want
PO Box
48042 BP Bernard
Montreal, QC H2V4S8
![BETA SQUAD vs AMP FOOTBALL MATCH [OFFICIAL STREAM]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ChEmvP52p0U/mqdefault.jpg)
You can’t vote for me here: vote.blackacademy.ca
Up to 100 times a day! it would mean a lot, thanks y'all
Khadija 💕
Got all 100 of mine in ❤
Not pinned 😭
all 100 votes today and ill set a reminder for mult-days! this is well deserved and because of you i have very much, changed my mind
U deserve this, I voted 🫶
100 votes from me ❤
I saw something on Twitter that said that “Your anger is the part of you that knows that your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well and with kindness. Your anger is the part of you that loves you.”
So yeah…
This. I am white but I have felt this ever since I was a child
Your anger is trying to protect you.
Which is also why lower class white guys are often so angry. Because their expectation of what it means to be loved and accepted is not being met... of course it is an unrealistic expectation, and they've been sold a lie, but they didn't know that.
Yes! I was always labeled as “crazy” by my family when in reality I was just not putting up with the constant abuse! If my abuser wouldn’t stop screaming at me or getting in my face, I’d just start screaming bloody murder until they left me alone lmao. Works like a charm in the right scenario. My anger has fueled me so many times when I needed an escape plan. I’ve walked many miles on an old highway in the middle of the night out of spite, fueled by anger, just to get away from someone that didn’t deserve to have me around! You couldn’t shut me up if I felt that I or someone else was being treated awful. Never put up with BS!!!! There’s something I heard that could be used incorrectly but it’s a saying I live by, “teach others how to treat you.” You have to stand up for what’s right when you can!
In one of my sociology lectures, we were talking about anger, and the prof said her anger as a white cis woman is usually treated as a joke and a source of humor/entertainment, men would describe her rage as cute. But when Black women express anger, it's often seen as dangerous and a threat, and she pointed to how the type of body you live in really determines how expressions of feminine rage are recieved.
And with men, they are passionate and righteous.... *eye roll* So disgusting.
It's probably a reminate in white folks from slavery days as they had riots every 2 weeks if the woman got angry then the riots kicked off who knows.
That's the kinda self-reflection and critical cultural analyses we be needing! Kudos to that professor!
Interesting perspective on that. As a dude (queer dude, white dude, maybe non binary but most people would clock me as "dude", since we're doing the cultural analysis game here.), it feels hard being bisexual and an ally and trying to figure out my place in this world as the culture slowly shifts to embrace new, progressive, emotionally mature and open men, but I have a lot of frustrated feelings I fight with about how men in society are viewed as dangerous and threatening by default, and feeling pissed off but knowing the spectrum for men goes white male range is seen as dangerous and threatening, and non white male rage is seen as very dangerous and threatening. I def sympathize with having angry feelings but no place to let them out and constantly feeling like I have to check myself to be "good", as if my anger isn't okay or valid and I can't express it in any way.
@@gregvs.theworld451 considering the vast majority of men are killers, rapist, and many profess that if they didn't have the bible and or laws they'd kill & rape till they can't no more & we have studies that show men are attracted to the voice of a 10 year old girl so pedo is also their professed stance on things this is why we see more men openly want under 16 - 10 year olds as they feel more comfy saying so it's why the lolita chick in anime is popular you can oogle a child who is suppose to be 10,000 years old it's ok! We saw this in times past when they would marry 5 - 10 years olds off to older men. So yeah there is a reason both historical and current why men are viewed as violent since ancient times laws were written by men, for men, to men, to control males.
Men can express anger in more ways then violence they can do so with speaking, identifying what exactly is the root of the anger, checking out & healing their childhood anger, journaling, mediation since the yogi was made for men to cultivate their natural anger it you can channel your rage or anger into purpose & persue that and hobbies depending on the expense & activity level may be another way to healthfully do this you can also go into hobbies like martial arts, wresting, to release the anger it's that men like to pretend they have no outlets but to sock women in the face with bricks or kill folks but they have options they've just gated off alot of them as womanly & that ain't so it's universal.
As a South Asian woman, my culture is heavily focused on the "docile" "perfect woman". So I remember everytime I'd get mad at my dad (who is a massive misogynist) he'd always yell at me for getting angry - see the irony? Like there was something wrong with me or I was crazy for getting angry. My mum and aunties would tell me that silence is powerful. Over the years I've learnt how to be so faultless that when I did get angry I would be perfectly justified in my anger. I hate that I've basically taught myself to be the perfect victim. Why can't women get angry without being judged? How can we always uphold the standard of being perfect? For me it is so exhausting because I have to always psychoanalyse myself and give benefit of the doubt after benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I just want to be truly pissed AS A HUMAN, but I always feel a sense of guilt when I do so and hold myself back. It is sad that I've essentially mastered being strategic about my rage. Some see it as mature though, but idk.
Thank you for this ❤
Holy shit you're so right....I never thought of it like that but that's exactly what it is....
And this BS still intensifies: a lot of men from USA/canada wants to date asians now due to theri view of asian women.... You're still forced to marry, and be docile, and play those gender roles to the end.....
THAT'S what they want.
MGTOW are coming for you asians, please don't let them win. They're liars.
Instead of choosing women here that have a job, are strong and caring etc: they choose to cry about women 'using them' and 'staying home' : but THEN CHOOSES to get women taht are forced into those same gender roles THESE MEN cry about that 'women do'......
I saw it everywhere. MGTOW. One of my friend's is getting married to an asian as we speak: we exactly know why.
I get it, I grew up in a South Asian household, and my father told me a speech about how a man yelling abusive words or even hitting us is just a man being a man, and we have to get used to it and live with it...... 😢
Idk as a man I too get judged by friends and family for getting angry i understood is because getting angry at things or petty things is actually not a good thing. Like now a days women and girl smoke and drink to "smash the patriarchy" which is sad cuz one of my friends died because of smoking and we boys actually hide our bad habits from family. My indian girl classmates were surprised that our parents don't let us travel at night too and constantly phone is if we get a little late too.
Anger as a Latina is one of the most important yet awful things we can do, we are labeled as feisty, firefy, or loud, no mam we are Just sick and tired of our society, and a lot of the times when that anger comes out so many people *coughs* men *coughs* see it as sexy or sexual is Just sick. Watching your videos is so funny cause interseccionality is a thing, i'm mixed but grew up in a white household but the issues are the same, we live in hell.
Truly, in hell lord.
I hear you!! Black women/AFABs get that too. My ex got turned on by me pulling a hatchet on a guy, and I couldn't hug him after that. I'm never proud of myself when I get that mad, and I don't want anyone who would support me doing that.
I will tell you why its sexy.
Have you ever dated sombody who holds everything in to such a degree that they destroy their life, twist themselves into pretzels to please everyone and then in private tell you that their life sucks and the world is awful and blah blah blah?
Helpless women who act like damsels or stay quiet are annoying, flaky and impossible. If we see rage and anger, we see that you have and experience full emotion and when the need comes, you will scream and made your needs known.
Your rage is sexy because your an adult and not a helpless child.
@@spoonikle Tbh, as a Latina, it's more so of how men view Latinas generally than our rage being 'sexy' (that being the assumption of our looks/bodies juxtaposing the 'feisty' attitude). And besides that, I personally don't think rage should be described as 'sexy', especially towards Latinas. Its as human as if you cry or smile, it's a human emotion. Rage is also a thing for all ages too, not just for adults. Kids and especially teens can have rage and that would be valid too, even the helpless ones because their emotions may be all they have left to regulate.
@@Lovefortea448Exactly. And labelling female rage as sexy is dismissing the emotion and its purpose entirely, twisting it to cater to a man’s needs instead of being viewed as a form of self expression that is necessary to survive.
honestly, rage is the most feminine thing you can experience imo
god as my witness this is gone get tatted on my b o d y
Feelings and emotions aren't gendered though, or they shouldn't be
love this so much
@@MissReneeMichelledelete that 🙄
There's a lesbian attracted to women as masculine
Rihanna's B**ch better have my money is the perfect black female rage anthem. She made that song for her accountant after mismanaging her finances.
👏👏👏
😂 o didn't know that. Did she steal money from her?
DAMNIT I FORGOT TO ADD THAT
@@KhadijaMbowe cookie Lyon pulling off a table cloth taking all the food on the floor.
She actually wrote the song?
this hit so hard, I’m a Filipino-Australian disabled woman about to be evicted by my landlord simply for challenging my rent increase. I am so distraught but most of all ANGRY. That I have been a great tenant for 5 years and in his words “his favourite tenant and such a good girl” 🤮 but when I stop playing along with his shit I am literally displaced in a housing crisis for not being a good girl anymore!!! He knows how sick I am and that I’m in hospital every year for months at a time, he knows there is no housing supply right now yet he needs to punish me for challenging a rent increase!!!!! The homeless public services that have been “helping” me all gaslight me and get so uncomfortable and try to talk me out of my red hot rage for what is being done to me by this man that has so much power over me!!! Making a disabled woman homeless in a cost of living and housing crisis is a-okay!! the real problem is being angry about it! Now that’s just gross
Gosh that really sucks. I also live in Oz and rental property crisis is at its highest... so gross!
@@zyxxyzify thank you for saying that. It is a very painful time for me, I might have to go back to hospital. people around me think I’m crazy for being angry at my landlord, I think it would be more “crazy” if I wasn’t angry and just smiled through being made homeless for no reason. I don’t even express me anger towards him, I just talk about my situation in a heated manner but that makes people uncomfortable - nobody validates my pain and it makes it hurt more 😞
....t h i s... so F typical. Like we have to lay down and take it: we're carzy.
if we don,t: we're still crazy.....
@@atesah❤❤❤I'm writing this comment mostly for me, because your comment has inspired me to feel justified in my anger about a similar situation. Thank you.
It makes people uncomfortable because they either don't know how to accept you as you are or they don't know how to accept themselves, their own anger... gaslighting both you & themselves. They are the ones to be pitied because they aren't free, they don't get it.
Ps. I am so so sorry for what your landlord is doing to you! There's no excuse... I hope you find safety and wellness SOON💜🌺
The landlord is a fucked up person to do that to you. He also sounds predatory with that good girl thing :( @@atesah I wish we had more ethical ways to deal with these landlords.... unfortunately the way capitalism works 🙃🙃🙃🙃
Ugh yes, the "black women are going to save us" thing is one of the worst things I think someone can say to me. I am so tired. I have a family who, up until recently, relied on me to be the one to save everyone. I don't feel like I can save anyone else, I'm barely hanging on myself. Thanks, as always, for an interesting and thoughtful video.
THAT INTRO! Had me slow walking around my apartment like I'm in a movie intro. Aint never felt so seen. "It was a problem, but now it's about to be an issue" >>> ATE THE HOUSE DOWN, HOUSTON I"M DECEASED! *snap, snap, snap*
Not a crumb left
Seriously!!!!
Anybody know the music that is played in the background? Or where the clip from 1:33 is from?
@@eneif37 thé clip is from demons by doja cat. I am looking for the song too!
@@eneif37 Crazy by Doechii. Phenomenal artist and performer
"You can be apart of an oppressed group and still be apart of someone else's oppression." is such a simple concept that is incredibly difficult for so many communities to understand. This is probably why "oppression olympics" is such an issue because people subconsciously think their marginalized identities excuse them from growth or advocacy for other people. The two communities that I see this problem the most are the queer community and the autistic community. Being queer/trans does not automatically mean you are not oppressing other queer/trans people. Likewise, being autistic does not absolve someone of their bigoted views or excuse the centering of white autistic people in every conversation.
Intersectionality is a hard concept for people to wrap their head around for some reason
ugh as a daughter who was parentified it’s so hard to navigate life as a young adult when you feel like a parent to both ur siblings and ur parents. I’m SE asian, and it’s just like the black or Latino communities. It’s so frustrating and there’s no room for error ever.
Sis, I feel you
as a fellow seasian, i'm so glad i'm not alone, because i have no idea how this can be better said. though i am no daughter and still going through trying to be independent, this 2nd life still factors into the many ways i act
Ever!!! I feel you Sis. Frfr
There is room. Create it for yourself. Put down the cape of responsibility for all those others. Your resources are for you and your healing. Do not empty your cup for anyone. Focus on that. The others will be fine.
Amen... same for me as Indian household eldest daughter
The fact that it took me YEARS to unlearn that me being angry at the people who traumatized me wasn’t a bad thing and didn’t mean I was “just as bad as” them…
Also this is the first video I’ve seen that focuses on black feminine rage which is cool 👍🏻👍🏽👍🏿👍🏼👍🏾
every time feminine rage is shown, whether irl or in media, it’s a catharsis that makes me wanna break something and cry at the same time. scream until my voice is hoarse and my eyes hurting from tears. all the trauma i’ve experienced from men and pick-mes since i was a child all coming together at once and can’t be put into words. however, i am a white woman (i am queer but), i know that i will never be on the same level as bipoc women, especially black women, and will never be able to understand the exhaustion. however, i empathize and rage alongside with you through and through. black women need to be heard!
As a black person I will say that trauma is trauma and it really doesn't matter what position or level from any ethnicity. Your problems shouldn't be less validated just because someone else has it worse. Society is fucked up period and an end she be put down in all aspects.
@@krystalizedmagic4894 i think both can be true at the same time, validating oneself but also still being conscious as an ally. am i coming off as having a white savior complex? my b if i’m coming off that way
Maybe you should also date mexican men. You know to help the struggl3.
You are correct, you won't LOOOLL but yeah I get you, there's just things in life you won't have added or won't have to experience and therefore, your rage will be expressed etc differently. The thought process is not identity etc.
@@cecizillaindeed 2 things at the same timeeeee!
As a Sith, I approve of the feminine rage, and the black one, and the black feminine rage. Just rage in general actually. All for that rage getting things done.
My dark side brethren!
Finally. Someone who recognizes that the sith weren't bad for expressing emotion
Sith gang
The Force shall free me.
Not centering myself, but also my single white mom with the adultification of certain aspects like free babysitting my brother while still being emotionally and socially sheltered. Love that. Be an adult when I need you to be; be the child bc you are and bc I said so-parents.
Agreed. I could relate to that feeling of being parentified and simultaneously infantilized. As an adult looking back, trying to unpack and heal…man that sh*t is hard to untangle
Get away from anyone who refuses to treat you like an adult who understands reality.
Just run.
@@Pensnmusic definitely have. I feel like an orphan with no family due to that decision, but that’s infinitely better than the other option.
when parents respond to the very much justified anger of their (adult) child with "I'll treat you like an adult when you act like one!"
This.
I told a psychologist I hated being so angry and was told “Anger is your barometer…don’t break the barometer” by ignoring or punishing yourself for having anger. Thank you for practicing showing your anger and teaching us the power of it. And thank you for teaching me about your experience, and for providing some painful reminders that my personal deconstruction needs to continue.
Im not going to name any names, but as a cishet bw I unsubscribed from a lot of black female commentary channels bc the transphobia is so bad. i literally do not and have not ever cared about being called a “cis” woman bc it’s a technical term, but they act like it’s a slur. it’s embarrassing. You can’t say you’re “pro black woman” if queer/ trans black women (and femmes) aren’t included in your activism.
*edit:* ok i’ll name names: chrissie, cynthia g, real talk with yanie, queen chioma, thee mademoiselle
It’s almost as if oppressed people can’t wait to become oppressors. It’s freakin sad 😔
exactly since what society deems as feminine doesn't even include woc anyway, so why are we trying to uphold these standards that don't benefit any of us in the long run 😔
please name names 🤭
Same. I’m a cis woman. I’m a cis Black woman. 🤷🏾♀️
@@talltreeyeti Chrissie
I would also like to add that if you're black, AFAB, queer *AND* disabled there will be a tumble of things going on.
I've noticed that the minute the disability comes in to question, people want to start infantilizing that rage and reducing it to nothing since as a disabled person you are "nothing" in the eyes of the certain systems and society.
For me I'm all of these (AFAB, queer, black +disabled) and I've also noticed that in the black community, the section of disabilities isn't really taken to account (but honestly it never is in any community) I see this with the queer community too even tho disabled peeps are indeed most likely to be 💅
Disabled people are just NEVER in the conversation of intersectionality or ANY conversation to be at that (even in the conversations about disabilities we're not included in 😔)
Edit: Also fatness is part of that intersectionality :)
I'm so glad to see this comment. I became aware recently that I and other autistic folks of color have to mask extra hard in public. When none of my coping skills worked one day, I melted down in front of the store and got threatened by management with having cops called. All because grocery shopping was just that tough that day.
I'm also queer AFAB black and disabled, I often have to pull the "I'm mentally ill not stupid" whenever I'm interacting with police, doctors, nurses, hell even my own family because people think I can't make decisions for myself because of my bipolar when no I'm suffering from abuse not from lack of intelligence. They treat me like a child I'm a grown ass person like STOP
Agreed. I am also queer and disabled.
I thought fatness was part of the intersections?
@@HighAsHeckPriestessI'm so sorry. It's really unfortunate how neutotypicals have created rules that everyone must follow, even when they can't. The lack of understanding has to be so hard...
@Whyohwhymybrain exactly. The abuse and stress is the issue, which creates issues that the body compensates for.
The stigma is huge and real.
As a Black trans woman, being who I am tends to get disrespected by strangers, relatives, and even my trans “sisters” at times (I put sisters in air quotes because some trans girls can be cruel to other girls who are also trans, it’s sad to see). Some of us have the desire to be passible, and it's not just in our looks or how we present ourselves to the world, but it’s also in how we carry ourselves. Being passible doesn't just give girls like me a confidence boost, it also opens a gateway to maneuver through life more easily while also not getting clocked as much. Mind you, every trans person gets clocked by someone who doesn’t know how to mind their business. Hypothetically, if I carry myself and express certain emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness in a very manly or masculine way, other trans girls wouldn’t take me, my transness, and my womanhood seriously, and I would get even more disrespect from cisgender people. That is why I express my emotions in a reasonable way for others to understand, or I would be portrayed as an “angry female impersonator”. Tho this is my perspective on the topic, there may be other women/femmes of trans experience who can relate to this as well.
Stay strong.
yeah, its a fucking crapshoot
This is STRONG. As a Disabled white cis woman, the anger conversation is important especially when your discussing intersectionality. Disabled also means you are expected to be even tempered, grateful, calm and thankful for any care and assistance. I am loud about my physical care needs, especially when it goes badly, when I'm abuse or neglected. I look people in the eyes, which is far too often seen as intimidating or challenging and disabled people aren't SUPPOSED to be LIKE THAT, we're expected to be sweet and demure. I experience gaslighting, micro/macro aggressions as a disabled woman. When I speak up for myself and others I often experience MORE abuse. I'm not ALLOWED to get angry or upset about what is done to me. And being disabled means I physically can't fight back and the intimidation against disabled people is systemic. I have been threatened. I have lost care for daring to criticize bad care. So, I would also like to ask if, while you do prep for vids, have you come across any stats or info about disability and blackness?
yes ty so much for this comment.. you worded this in a way im too pessimistic to i think♥️♥️♥️
YES! The ways in which we (disabled and chronically ill - even without any other intersections!) ppl are expected to maintain a “sunny attitude” - like we’re deeply grateful just to be allowed to exist - regardless of how we are treated and/or ignored. From now on when I get pushback about anger and frustration I may just hand out a card with the link to this vid ❤❤ Thank you for this comment and thank you Ms Mbowe ❤❤❤
I F hate we have to type 'CIS' : we're real women.
The End.
@@FocusedFighter777 get off the fake, transphobic shit
I second this, I have an unseen disability, I have family members with significant visible disability (blind + wheelchair bound) and I also have a son with an unseen disability (autism and nonverbal). And let me tell ya! Anger is probably my least used emotion. Despite being met with every ism and judgment that exists. We r mad. But we also have to be humble and grateful and kind when people do the bare minimum to make our lives liveable. It’s wild.
“wHy ARE thEY sooo PALE?!” - Me reacting to Vampire Content in the Early 2010s.
I was one of those Black woman who believed that I didn’t have any feelings. I’m turning 23 in a week and I just now started to embrace that I do and the reason why I suppressed them was due to family trauma and random encounters I had in my life.
You’re right, we are entitled to feel all emotions, especially anger and if others don’t understand that, then that’s on them!
As a growing young black woman your channel is key to my development 💅🏾
Still watching but I wanted to comment on why this video was VERY needed for me this particular week in my life.
In the past week, I was groped by one of my neighbors. It took me a while to realize that I not only felt violated, but I was angry. Angry that someone I have seen regularly and have had multiple pleasant interactions with for the past couple of years decided that THIS week, would be the week that he would say “f my boundaries” and do something gross.
Only for two days later, I was doxxed by someone who was fired for making advances at me in their workplace.
So you know what I did with my anger?
I’ve cussed out three different people for various reasons and I feel no ways about it. I’ve explicitly told people that I am not doing okay and people have ignored me and thought about themselves. So instead of ignoring my feelings and my mental health so other people can be happy, I said F THAT and put me first. And I feel good.
omg you just spoke to my rageful heart!!!!!! time and time again i feel and experience the same!!!! im not ok!! yet here yo r in my face ignoring me!!!!! f that
Hope you're doing well and hope you😢 get the peace you need.
You deserve every chance you get to rightfully express your anger and pain towards those that cause it. I'm so sorry you had to deal with TWO instances of people harming you and violating your boundaries and wish for you to have the safety you deserve.
And you should feel good! Fuck anybody trying to silence you and your anger.
Wow. I don't really have any good words other than what an absolutely fucked up week
Anger is honestly so important to let yourself feel
Feel yes,but the videos she used were people being controlled by there anger and being toxic about it
@@keith7167 feel and voice, yes. It's only 'toxic' if they are actively harming others who are truly innocent
@@Ri57490 doing wrong to ppl who have hurt you fix nothing, you just replace them as the angry person who goes around getting even,I'm not saying don't defend yourself, but revenge or getting even is the most toxic you can be
@@keith7167 okay?
@dreameva1400 it's not okay which was the point I'm making, anger is a tricky thing, you might think your feeling better by doing something about it or feeling it, but in reality your just burning yourself out
This really needed to be said. The tone policing, the expectation of grace in the face of having been harmed just adds fuel to the fire. How do they expect anyone to become less angry after gaslighting and invalidation? Anger needs to be expressed not locked away to fester.
Angela Bassett walking away from a burning car in Waiting to Exhale will forever be iconic, but I hate how no one EVER shows or talks about Janet Jackson's breaking glass scene in Why did I Get Married Too because her performance was so cathartic. Petty and irrelevant, I know, but still had to get off my chest
I feel rage as a feminine trans man. I still go through misogyny and all the erasure. I find myself hating my emotions like fear and getting angry instead to not feel vulnerable.
definitely this.
Yes! Me too, brother, me too 💙
im also a fem trans man 🤝🤝🤝sending you the BIGGEST handshake of solidarity. im pretty small and short all round too which makes people treat me that much less seriously, but makes my anger bigger by the same amount LOL
@@cervidae3291 big mood I'm small and I have baby face so I look younger
Apologies for intruding, I am a cis female who happens to be 6'2"
I have been told my entire life to make myself small. I have been told I am too tall at work. I have been told to sit when speaking so I don't "intimidate" others. I have been told to speak softly. By my boss. I have been told I am too large. Too scary. Too much.
My whole life I've never been good enough.
And I am enraged.
6:11 You put it so beautifully. Along with the paradox of adult-child, I realised how it was strange how I got along and understood adults more easily than I did people my own age. Idk sometimes I think I’m precocious and sometimes I think I was insufferable.
As a 15 year old white girl you're channel teaches me so much
Same except 19 and black loll love her 💞💞💞
This comment made me so happy! 23 and Khadija has taught me a lot, opened my mind to great literature and new ideas
same with me except i’m non-binary (and femme too, so some of the stuff they talk abt resonates with me 😢)
❤❤
For the astrology girlies, I'm an Aries, and I spent most of my childhood/adolescence thinking I didn't really fit the temperamental or angry side of that sign, but then once I got into college (and out of my childhood home) I realized I could get angry about ANYTHING, and I actually LOVED it. Huge proponent of feeling feminine rage (while not letting it cause harm to others)
Rina sawayama encapsulated this felling perfectly in her song “stfu” which is the song she used to call out matty healy lol. I love her sm 💗💗
Apple & Peach 😭
Also this video is so good on the idea of feminine rage as well as any other emotion. Generational trauma through ethnic or racial backgrounds, its a lot. I was the first person in my family to go to therapy since my great-grandfather. If its about really about breaking the cycle for future generations, its about asking for help, getting help, and working on your self-improvement before you can care for others.
Can I get the lore on apple and peach? Idk what the situation was but I feel like I missed an episode
Great comment. Thank you for this
I was ready to go look for apple and peach untill I read this and got it...😂 I already know the situation😂😂
@@mimijansen3262 I actually was subscribed to apple & Peach until recently. The Lizzo situation became my breaking point. Now I'm not saying Lizzo is not guilty because i dont know, but what they did was gross. They used the law suit to fat shame her and call her ugly and say she was guilty without the court even confirming it. Yet when Andrew Tate was in hot water for getting swatted for ST women they were like "let's wait for the evidence to come out." So I'm sitting there like 🤨.
I will admit I love Lizzo but if she did mistreat her dancers and made an unhealthy work environment among other things I will not defend that. But she should also be able to have the benefit of the doubt.
My own mother does the “you aren’t supposed to feel that way” thing to me a lot. Apparently I am not supposed to feel upset when my brother makes fun of all my insecurities and she laughs with him. I am supposed to laugh at myself with them.
“you’re a child when i say you’re a child, and you’re an adult when i say you’re an adult” SPOKE to me
As a trans woman, you absolutely spoke to a sensation I've experienced and not yet had the words for. Since transitioning, I've found not only strangers, but people who've known me before and after have treated my anger and rage as both a masculine, "Not feminine" quality, AND have belittled and minimized my rage entirely. I remember speaking to my mom early upon coming out and saying "I don't like to say it this way, but I feel like I've stepped down socially, being seen as a woman". And my mom just immediately said "Yeah you have baby. I'm sorry, but it's true." and then went on to explain how any strong feelings will be written off and downplayed for cis women, but probably will be even worse for me, since my AMAB upbringing can be leveraged against me to further delegitimize both my femininity and my feelings simultaneously. So yeah, you spoke for me, in my opinion. And I appreciate seeing someone speak about it.
Your mom spoke the truth. And welcome. We who were AFAB need more human beings who were not AFAB in "our spaces" if only to realize what we have never been able to articulate.
I am not a trans ally because of my innate generosity. I am a trans ally because I am a selfish person and know we need people to communicate the realization of what all women, both cis and trans, put up with.
We need trans women "in women's spaces" so we can see the perspective of someone who says "girl, this is bullshit"
I doubt I'm ever gonna fully escape this as a FtM, especially since I haven't decided how much I'll care to be "full stealth" in the future.
I'm sorry you've been through this, I wish you much strength, safety, and solidarity.
Looking back, it's wild how much I got away with my anger & violence as a kid because I was scrawny, nerdy & normally polite while the girls were policed for just raising their voices.
Racist
Thank you Khadija. The anger I started to feel watching this video is honestly exhilarating. I think it unlocked something in me 😄
Eeeeeeee!!! 😈
Kitty interludes are welcomed and appreciated when processing our angerr
I'm not black but I am a trans woman, so I still ended up nodding in agreement to *_so much of this._* It's to the point I'm beginning to think that Amy Dunne from Gone Girl did nothing wrong (heyhowareyou).
I heard she was killed by her husband... women can't do anything these days!
The main reason why I now understand why people like Amy Dunn, aside from wanting a female protagonist who is a bad person or does bad things, is when I saw a mostly male reaction to a man burning his wife and her lover alive, most people called it justice and I was horrified.
I get her now. She was promised in sickness and in health and she was betrayed. Go get your revenge girl!
It's ok. Cardi B isn't black either but they keep including her, so it's ok.
@@Only1SunnySecular yes she is, troll.
@@batacumba Not a troll, you can look at her parents & the fact that SHE said she is not. 😒
Oof, part of my therapy is learning how to process my anger and rage. Being a dark skinned black girl I was taught to repress all of it and any expression of it just put me in a box. I also developed early and went through adultification, very early sexualization, restrictions.
It’s all quite frustrating and there were so many times anger was the right response.
I believe trans could be the answer for you.
@@OliverNorth9729 I did consider it at some point but not because of everythin I've stated above. I'm actually leaning towards nonbinary. I feel like it's given me the freedom to embrace all of me especially since I can naturally grow a beard and stache.
"Approaching things an emotion scientist, not an emotion judge." This video is amazing and that phrase is so perfect and stellar. Thank you for this.
It’s pretty wild how many men criticize black women regarding their anger. Having lived in this world, I think black women have every right to be angry; hell, I think more should express their anger; but I know many don’t have that luxury.
Khadija this has nothing to do with this video, but everyone's been talking about this new Olivia Rodrigo song called "lacy" (mostly speculating who is she referring to) and I can't stop thinking about one line saying "Bardot reincarnatе" because... *Brigitte Bardot is not dead* ? She is just old and doesn't look like she did in her 20's. I think it could be such an interesting topic to cover, this link between youthness/beauty and women as valuable people in society. Like just because Brigitte isn't young anymore, her soul might as well have left her body and reincarnated as another beautiful young woman, even before Bardot's death.
(or maybe is not that deep and I'm just tripping lol)
I have been thinking about how to talk about how we discard women of a certain age for a while so maybe this is the entry point. Thank you for this
Female rage is something my grandmother suppressed, my mother suppressed and worked hard for me to understand that's the way it is. When I rejected those ideas and socialized expectations I was less than. I was not lady like or worthy. This video really hit home for me. Thank you for your work.
I feel like Khadija is a true modern philosopher. Always amazing shit that makes me rethink my life.
Also, lydia is everything
In regard to the general feminist lens, it’s kinda interesting how rage has gone back and forth between being seeing as masculine and feminine depending on the era. “Stoic,” logical behavior is often considered masculine, but rage is seen as strength so society can’t make up its mind
I've always identified closer with the rage of my mother than anything else and now I understand why
and now I refuse to hold it back, because my rage isn't a violent threat. It is a necessary Reaction & Response
and now I feel better letting it go
So much of this was spot on. Growing up as a afab nonbinary guy I was adultified and forced to take care of all the chores and boys around me. All the feminine things I enjoyed like singing and makeup were sexualized or mocked and it was so exhausting not being able to say anything. Any protest or genuine expression of pain was attacked and was used as fuel for more abuse.
I put up with so much dehumanizing shit for years until I left home. "Adult" life is hard yeah, but being free of the 24/7 stress has been so liberating.
I'll never go back. Fuck people who judge you for no contact and try to frame you resenting your abusers as a grudge. They're usually just intimidated that you're strong enough to create that boundary and enforce it.
Despite the relative privilege my mother had as a kid, she was the eldest of 8 in a family of second generation immigrants from Lebanon, and I see a lot of this even in her rose tinted descriptions of her upbringing. She was absolutely mom #2, had very little room for her own emotions, and her mother (my grandma) rest her soul, for all her merits absolutely was repressive of my mom's emotional life and frustrations. Part of that was definitely Catholicism, but it's also just the way society views women and girls.
Do all the work, expect no thanks for it (and certainly not any pay), and don't mouth off about it if you're upset.
Congratulations on the nomination and sheesh... that cold open!!!
That intro alone sent shivers down my spine. Khadija, your videos give me life.
this video was perfectly timed for me. I just had an arguement with my mother about the trauma she inflicted on me and my sister growing up and how she is doing the same thing to my little sisters, she told me not only to get over it but that my anger and resentment due to the trauma she both caused and let happen is holding me back and I need to get over it. That enraged me and I am not scared to say that I am indeed angry, resentful and unforgiving and I refuse to let her get off lightly, so I am taking a step back from her, I am going low contact as I refuse to let her words and lack of care affect me any longer, I will keep my ugly emotions and let them flow through me as they push me to improve myself and never, EVER be like her
I feel you so much. Had a similar conversation with my mom recently as well
"Is it because my eyebrows are bleached?" Hahaha I died.
I was a teenager when left eye lit that house up and i tell u i never forget it as a woman
People don’t like to talk about how abusive the relationship was as well. It’s just Lisa was crazy and burnt the house down. SMH
Facts i remember it so vividly. And the first thing my mom said was “she was fed up and this is how she fought back” and it stuck with me till this day
Anger as an emotion is your brain trying to communicate to you that whatever you are experiencing is not alright.
It is an innate survival response, that should be honored because it is truly your brains defense in order to protect you!
great vid!!
This is 0% true. Some people's anger has nothing to do with what not alright and has everything to do with jealousy or insecurity or perceived superiority
@@FencingMessiah there are exceptions to every rule. your point is moot
Except most people that act out of anger don't do it in a positive way and don't do it because they are victims. It's usually oppressors that act out of anger because of a perceived slight. So wouldn't that be the rule rather than the exception
@@FencingMessiah this is obviously a video for the victims
@@aubreyplazasuncle people can be both
Rage is my favourite emotion, and with that I don't mean feeling annoyed or pissed off, I mean raw rage. As a very patient and calm person, when I feel pure rage is sooo good,
it just wakes up the soul and makes you feel like you can turn the tables and change everything. It makes you feel heard and seen. It makes you feel alive.
Anger is good. Beats festering resentment and passive aggressiveness
I remember a guy asking me about female metal/punk singers. I said women have plenty to be pissed about but in a much different/stronger way than men.
I was gaslit by medical professionals after fainting and hitting my head. My mom and I fought for what’s right and I’m glad I have dipped into my anger a little more and let myself express it because it finally got me the help I needed and deserved.
Holding the mic in hand and leaning back is such a powerful look.
I feel so conflicted about using my anger at work as a substitute teacher. Like students test your bounds all the time and do the worst behavior they think they can get away with. I often feel really angry or frustrated, but don't show it. I feel if I let myself be angry, it lets the kids see a human side to me, but I don't want to be angry at the kids because that's how you get in a power struggle with a kid.
On the other hand, I've found righteous anger a useful emotion to bond with other teachers, advocate for students, orienting my teaching toward social justice, and keeping me looking for a more sustaining way to teach (doing someone else's job is too much for my brain!).
In the face of oppression, rage is the sane response, and complacency is insanity. Loved the nuance! Great Vid!
“You can be apart of an oppressed group and still participate in someone else oppression. “👏🏼🤌🏼 THIS!!!
We all need to hear it and be reminded of it sometimes, and that’s okay (as long as we’re willing to grow and learn that is)
Let the anger of the our struggles fuel the collective effort for a better world. We all got our own issues and generational trauma, so those roots run deep.
Rage is something women are definitely either criticized for or something actively belittled by other people calling women emotional or crazy and I love that you talked about this topic. Being enraged can be a completely valid response especially in the times we are living with people trying to take away rights of the LGBT+ community and the racism that happens in America. Some even delude themselves into believing it doesn’t exist because they haven’t had to experience it and the number of times I’ve had to call out my own family is frankly disturbing.
The way you talk about all the responsibilities you had to take on when you were so young is so relatable and enraging. We climb out of childhood into legal adulthood hopeful that, finally, we'll be able to have power and autonomy equal to our responsibility and find out, as women, that is just not the case. We don't even get the brief "luxury" of being taken care of in a way that's appropriate for children. The moment we are physically and mentally able to perform a task, regardless of what it is, it's our responsibility. And if you have brothers, experiencing how differently you're treated as a girl just adds a whole other dimension to it.
Sweet baby Jesus, I felt that 'Latino community'. Adultification and childification both. Almost always coming from men. It depends on what they want you to be for them today. And the gaslighting comes from everybody, including myself. Never stir the waters too much. So frustrating and enraging.
This reminded me of someone I heard saying women are only allowed to feel anger for their children, but never for themselves.
Thank you for your work here. It has made a difference in the way I think and face the reality of myself and the world. I truly thank you.
It's a very vulnerable thing to acknowledge anger. When anger is characterized as a 'lack' in self-control, or a lack in character, it weaponizes our own hurt against us, furthering the harm rather than helping to resolve that which caused the hurt. Loss is a common source of anger too. Sometimes, anger is the expression of that loss. Maybe a loss of self-love, or a more physical loss like losing a loved one. It can be a form of cornered hurt. Anger, like any emotion, is a response to internal, or external influences that have been internalized.
When you can't openly be angry because of how that is perceived as more of a disturbance than the thing that caused the anger, even if it was witnessed (ex. someone committing microaggressions, open disrespect, a traumatic event (like a car wreck), someone taking your bodily autonomy away, slander, etc) it adds to the hurt.
As someone who carries the 'eldest daughter' burden in our family, while also having to support my living parent whose anger would be expressed in emotional manipulation or physical violence, it certainly added to my own hurt and anger response. In that way, it almost does feel contagious. It's why expressing anger is something I'm afraid to do myself. I have a fear of expressing anger for concerns of it being used against me (painting me the villain for being outwardly or openly upset), or that in expressing it I will hurt myself or others more, or that others will encourage it for their own benefit.
The purposeful encouragement of anger is not a way to resolve that which caused it, and is a manipulation tactic.
Of course expressing anger shouldn't mean intentionally hurting someone else, but in having hard discussions, feelings will get hurt. It's important going into convos and relationships that you know your sensitivities, if the convo may do more harm than good (such as confronting an abuser alone or without support or without first acknowledging that closure may not come from it), know your boundaries and speak specifically to those to emphasize how something will affect you and prepare for responses that could upset you and hurt you further. Acknowledging that the anger is there is a great first step.
With just those acknowledgments I can attest, anger isn't the issue on it's own. Rage silenced is terrifyingly harmful to our own well-being. And good therapy is a game-changer.
Thanks for the convo on this Khadija. I'm sorry you experienced that belittlement/ emotional judgement from folks. Our societal immediate response to try to control someone else's rage, especially when completely emotionally removed from an upsetting situation, is just terrible. That attempt to exert emotional control over others is an attempt to wrest power from others, and it's an issue that keeps on giving.
You’re killing it with your videos and good luck with the nomination! 🎉
ThNk you!!! And thanks for your support
@@KhadijaMbowe You’re welcome!
Whenever I’m hesitant to feel my anger, I think of a clip from a wildlife documentary where a gazelle successfully escaped its predator. It found a bush to hide behind, then violently shook its body to release the cortisol.
It’s unnatural to disallow ourselves complete cycles of feeling. So feel your feels, however they arise ♥️
I love that!!! “complete cycles of feeling”
Khadija like wow the vulnerability is just so utterly refreshing. When you were pondering about how freeing it was to just speak without editing yourself just hit so hard. Felt like I was literally in the room with you. Just so amazing!!! You ATEEEEEEEE with this one fr fr.
I'm glad the montage you did at the start only consisted of black femmes. Every time I see a complilation of feminine rage it's mainly yt women and one black and one woman. They say feminine rage but its literally only white women lol
I almost fell in the trap, and had to correct myself swiftly
Because the white girl is got to be angry too…that she’s not with his videos about lol
You said 1 of 5 and I almost spat out my teaa, yes me too Khadijah, I’m the eldest + eldest daughter of 5 and the adultification was REAL 😭
Same. Oldest in single mom household.
I am the oldest as well, and for some reason. I was a parent to my younger sibling that having my own kids , is something I don't desire as much .
This video spoke to me at another level. I am an eldest daughter and an African born and raised here and I was neglected and suppressed to the point where I reached the grand old age of 24 only to realise my self-esteem, self-concept was non-existent. Imagine being neglected, abused and suppressed to the point where you don't have a high or low self-esteem, you have none. You internalised the messaging that your wants and needs didn't matter, you didn't matter so even if you got angry, and called out certain things within the family structure, it didn't matter. I had a very very tumultuous upbringing and I had a lot of anger as a teen and now as an adult and it is only now that I am allowing myself to feel the anger and act on it. Not violently, I do not look that good in orange, but I am laying the groundwork to detach and set boundaries with family, family friends, past friends, current friends and even acquaintances to where I will not neglect myself, or forgo my own needs and wants moving forward.
Anyhoo, great video as always Khadija!
Anger is so important for women and especially women of colour. Absolutely it's energy we need to tell us things and drive us to improve our situation and relationships.
Sometimes I wonder if you're in my head doing research on what video to do next. Congrats on being nominated! Where's the link to vote?
In the pinned comment!
Description also
I just added it!
Oh kitty 💜
Seriously, though, anger can be liberating. No emotion is 'bad'- some reactions aren't great, but anger isn't evil. It was a huge revelation to me that almost all of my anxiety is actually subverted rage, rage that has nowhere to go. I try to pour it into my activism now.
I'm sorry is anybody gonna talk about how iconic is this look is. In general Khadija be serving looks for dayzz.❤
I have to take a moment to thank you. So many of these videos have helped me be so much more healthy just by reaffirming the realities I face and feelings I have. I literally think about so often when you said “[you] are non-binary due to not identifying with the idea of a woman that is always white” or something along those lines. I found your channel at a time where I had a hard time connecting with people like me, fellow black people outside of my family. I’ve gone from one white school to the next, grew up in white towns and have had mostly white friends. I don’t fit the mold for anyone in a lot of cases. I’m black, upper middle class, a woman, a demigirl, bisexual, an engineer, a theatre kid, a nerd, a doctor’s daughter, dark skinned, thick hair, skinny, “white sounding”, and just all together an outlier. I’ve always been too white for a lot of black people and too black for white people. And I was very isolated. Then I found your channel and it opened me up to a whole new world. I’ve grown a lot from it and I’m grateful you continue share these realities so honestly and openly. You are appreciated.
I’m only in the intro and I can’t sit still because this montagé has me READY TO GO
Lydia flicking her tail on your face while you are talking is so adorable. She is trying to act nonchalant but needs you to know she is there😸💜
I’ve had to learn and re-learn that anger isn’t inherently a bad thing, it’s how we use it that counts. Thank you for reiterating that for me
Absolutely loved this.
And as a light skinned woman, the fact others don't acknowledge there are privileges and other differences is absurd. There are things I won't experience even though I have and do experience racism not just from other races but being seen as not "black enough", I understand, it's still different though. You don't have to feel shame for it, just acknowledge it. I think the deeper skin toned women that have looked down on me did so because of the way they may have been treated through their lives, not just from strangers but even their own family just for being dark skinned. I'm definitely not going to be able to get all of my thoughts out in this comment but wanted to share, I see you.
And as for anger, yes. Yes, yes & yes. This is one of my favorite videos you've done. I recently had an experience and something just switched in me. After so long being so afraid of being seen as "The angry black woman" it's gone, I'm done, I'm upset and I'm gonna express it, fuck the judgement. Everyone is entitled to express their frustrations, just don't hurt me, or do anything that takes my rights away as a human. I'm just another basic ass human on this planet trying to do the least harm as I can, but imma say some shit if I feel I need to. ✌️
Also, this orange braided bob, stunning, stupidly stunning.
🌻💕
Could the experience of being a lighter-skinned POC be kinda similar to being bisexual compared to being gay/lesbian?
I grew up in a evangelical nondenominational church and was told a lot that I shouldn’t be angry about racism, sexism and homophobia. Or the specific racist and sexist experiences I had with other people in my church. I was lied on and expected to be humble. I give people a lot of slack but not being able to express any negative emotion really pissed me off. But people thought my sister and I had issues with stuff because we were opinionated and black, loud, scary. Thank you for this video! I am still trying to get back in touch with my emotions after many years of numbness and depression❤
Man, anger is such a complicated emotion for me especially because I never got to express it like ever growing up (and I still don’t experience often tbh). When I do get really angry (often due to being repeatedly ignored) I go off on people and yet they ignore me more because of “my delivery” and I could have just said it nicely 🫠 when I was the first 100 times and was ignored… anyways, great video! Good luck on the contest~
Oooh I feel that! Same relationship w my family
13:35 My biggest mind fuck right now is that even now that I have finally started asking for help, I am realizing just how little support actually exists in my life. I’m not even eligible for government assistance because I don’t have a kid. Still need help. No idea how to find it.
Omg same here! It causes me to go on a existential spiral and I start to feel hopeless at times but then I realize I can reframe and see how fcking Badass I am for making it this far by myself!
@@copiouscat I really wish I could do that. I’ve been dealing with chronic pain and illness for the last few years and I can’t pay my bills now. I couldn’t make my payments this month and I feel like the clock is just ticking down to homelessness. I’ll never get over my body issues without a home to live in. But my body issues are preventing me from being able to keep my home. I was the strong one who used to be badass. Now I have to fight my own flesh prison and I am losing.
31:32 - I played this part back 3 times. You are totally right. By embracing anger, we're not embracing the "worst part" of ourselves. We're embracing our truest selves, and that terrifies people. Love your video essays, as always!
intro is giving beyoncé screaming “i told you i’m a FUCKING PROBLEM” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Removing the guilt from anger is so necessary like i dont need noone telling me understand that person and how they might feel because im angry at them . I can talk but wont be feeling things for them i got too many feelingish things in my head already .
I just sent this to my bio sisters, and I can say that this video was needed regardless of what anyone says. I am a 38-year-old black woman, and I can relate to being told to "calm down" or being asked, "Why are you so mad?" anytime I expressed something as simple as mild frustration, never mind actual anger. And because of that happening, I eventually would snap over the most minor thing because I was constantly repressing my anger to not "offend" or "bother" anyone. I am at the point where I no longer care about other people's feelings about my lived reality or emotional reactions, and I move through life way less stressed now. Keep doing what you are doing; your opinions and viewpoints are needed and welcome 💙
Hearing the bit about not trying to "calm someone down" when they're angry...is something I need to hear, honestly. Something I will need to listen back to a few times, to be *really* real. Because I'm incredibly guilty of being that person, and I REALLY struggle to understand the perspective of the angry party
That intro was so cathartic. I hold back my frustration and rage on a regular basis but it usually ends up seeping out anyway. Growing up my whole family knew me as the angry one and couldn’t stop themselves from asking at every turn "why are you so angry all the time" even when I was anything but. I’ve never been an angry person, just a person who gets angry but has nowhere to put it. Because I know the consequences of how I’d look to the people I love if I expressed any negativity, I just don’t and I inevitably turn it in on myself. People in my life don’t get to know I’m angry with them and it’s caused a lot of harm. I haven’t talked to my mom in over a year because I can’t do it without a hint of anger that she’ll weaponize against me no matter what. I have a lot of pent up justified anger from decades of her ignoring, denying, and belittling my feelings and needs beyond the most basic (food, clothes, and shelter.) I don’t like being angry, I hate the reminder of how others view me whenever I feel angry even in private, but I love expressing it and the release and relief that follows. But I can’t express it. Not if I want to live a peaceful existence, which is more about survival than being liked these days.
Villain eras have a lot to do with women finally standing up for themselves after being put through misery. I'm here for it.
I feel like them pushing us to deny our anger is a stage in their attempts to dehumanize us.
Because if the got a fraction of the BS we get, they would understand their natural reaction is anger... but for us, they want us to behave as though we should receive that type of treatment and thus can't get angry
As a white man I make it a point to just listen and try and assimilate data on videos such as these. I try not to comment, or ask questions, because I don’t need validation for my quest to try and be a better human being. But your commentary on it being alright to feel, that hit me directly. I have a friend that is going through a really rough time and she gets angry at a lot of things. Including me when I do or say something really stupid, because I don’t know what it is like to live in her body. But I shared this with her as that is a really import message to share. That being angry is ok. Thank you for sharing this. The world is a better place for such open discourse.
Thank you 💓
for deciding to comment this time.
appreciated
French union member here, been protesting for many months now.
Great vid, I'll add to your points :
Anger is what the bourgeoisie forbids you to show.
Anger to them is impossible, it means the order they base their power on is unfair. So they need to make it an individual issue, not a collective one.
We need anger.
Revolutions aren't made with calm talks, but when you discover the same rage in your gut is shared by your neighbour, that you aren't alone in your fight.
Let it out !
Exactly ❤ anger is what drove so many revolutions. If our ancestors weren't angry, and used to make positive change, who knows what our lives would have been like.
I don't have a uterus and I'm a cis woman. I hate that reason that they throw at Trans women
f*** a terf youre a woman. and youre owning it which is more than some people can say
anger has always been a very complicated emotion. being raised by a single latina mother, it was the emotion i saw the most from her, yet the one that was most punished when i did it. i was an adultified child, so between the two of us, i gave the emotional support to her while she provided for food/shelter/etc. ive been trying to find better ways recently to actually let myself be angry and not feel bad about it, and this video came at the perfect time. i dont exactly identify as feminine (its complicated) but i definitely see myself more in feminine anger as opposed to masculine anger. its usually about justice, equality, the weight of the world topping over someones shoulders. i hope this video reaches a lot of people and gives them the first step to letting themselves be angry--and letting themselves embrace themselves.
thank you for your wonderful videos as always
14:00 the generational trauma riff was everything for me. I felt that!! And you gave vocals lol ❤