Q+A: "I'm feeling resentful towards my family's stuff" + Inherited Items How To
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- How can I encourage the value of decluttering without it pushing my kids in the opposite direction? Is it even possible to stop the constant flow of things from coming into our homes?
Listen in as Dawn answers real questions from listeners!
Want to record a decluttering question? You can do so here: sayhi.chat/MinimalMom
Find Candace at Simply this Life here: / @fancythatwithcandice
IN THIS EPISODE:
- equipment sometimes fixes problems - but sometimes it doesn’t!
- how to encourage your family to declutter without causing resentment or leading to more attachment to things (minute 6:25)
- how to stop the influx of constant things entering your home
- where to start when working through others/inherited belongings
LINKS MENTIONED:
Dyson Cordless Vacuum: amzn.to/3TeEyIe
Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton: amzn.to/3I3zOQJ
Matt’s podcast with Dawn: • Keep the Memories, LOS...
Welcome to The Official Minimal Mom Podcast channel. If you'd like to hear previous episodes, you can find them on all podcasting apps including Apple Podcasts, Spotify and iTunes.
Thank you so much for listening and could I ask a favor? Would you mind subscribing? It helps RUclips recommend this podcast to more friends. Thank you! Dawn
ABOUT THE MINIMAL MOM:
Hi, I'm Dawn, if we haven't met before, I'm married to Tom and we have four kids ages 8-13. We live outside of the Twin Cities in MN and have called ourselves minimalists for 8 years now. We got rid of 85% of our stuff and don't miss ANY OF IT!
If you'd like to see more instructional videos about minimalism and decluttering, be sure to check out my other channel @theminimalmom
Dawn, can I just say that I’m already a simplified living person because of you and so grateful for it (coming from a family of 5 with a small home- and we’re all so close and enjoy quality time together) but I enjoy your content because you are just the best person on RUclips that I can just smile when I listen to you speak on the why you do what you do. 😊 keep doing what you do!! Let God be at the center of it all in your heart as you continue!
Wow, thank you so much Claudia, that means more than you know!
Amen!!! Well said Claudia!!
My last removals man said that he makes most of his income moving people’s stuff from the old loft/attic/cellar to the new one, still all packed up and unopened from the previous move. I now don’t put anything in the loft. If I can’t make room for it in the house, it goes.
I accept gifts graciously, put them into a box, and when the box is full, it gets donated. Yes, involve your kids in their own decluttering decisions. Even ask them to carry (their) box to the donation drop off. It makes them feel good. Thnx Dawn.
School is where our big problem comes from. We kept gifts simple until preschool, but now our kids have this massive expectation for every holiday because school builds them up. I don't celebrate Christmas, but my kids have gone insane about Santa- because of school. And then this weekend they were incredibly disappointed because the Lephrecaun didn't bring them anything. When did St. Patrick's day become a gift giving holiday?! But school set it up by talking about "Lephrechaun day" for weeks, and all the other kids got gifts. I dread easter (another holiday I don't celebrate), which used to be a few candy eggs and has now turned into second christmas and school builds it up so much I can't NOT participate because my kids will already be the ones with the smallest easter baskets, so no easter baskets will make them feel miserable.
I agree that this has grown out of control !! I encourage parents to have a conversation with other parents in the classroom. If you have a consensus on a problem, discuss it with the teacher. If necessary, continue up the chain of command to the principal and then to the school board. We tend to complain without making the teacher aware of our concerns. But, addressing the problem often results in actual change. Good luck in your endeavors!!
If I could have dinner with anyone in the world, it would be you Dawn!!!
Wow, thank you Shannon, I'd love to have dinner with you, too!
@@MinimalMomPodcast 🥰
I love that we share the same faith! In Proverbs 18:22 it says, The tongue can bring life or death.
Thank you for using this platform, your words to bring life every single day Dawn!!! @@MinimalMomPodcast
Oh man, I've listened to you long enough that just the sound of your voice makes me jump up and donate...SOMETHING! (The flyladies voice makes me jump up and CLEAN something) 😂😂😊
I love Candice from Simply This Life!
I used to tell my kids to clean up or I would do it for them. I could throw away whatever I wanted if they left it in a mess. They'd go out of town on a Dad trip and if they left it in the mess, I had to make the decisions. I only threw away one bit of homework in about 15 years, and it was a cheap paper plate folded in half with beans stapled inside it and colored. She made a new one in about 6 minutes and never thought I was bluffing again.
I do the same thing!! It's therapeutic for me, lol!
Dawn- Balanced and compassionate...great content!❤🤟❤
Perfectly said!
Your videos are SO good!!
I shared this...and then I started watching the video!!
You are SO good at what you do!!!
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Thank you so much Rhonda, that means more than you know!!!
I think sometimes gift giving can sometimes come from a deep need to feel loved.
Giving may be their love language too.
I think kids growing up in a simplified home grow up considering that "normal" and a)have the knowledge of how to make that happen if they want to, and b)as long as the simplicity was not obtained through forceful, traumatic circumstances, that even if they dabble in "what if I get a bunch of stuff and keep everything"as part of their transition into adulthood and independence ( sure are worse things to rebel over, lol), they will tend to revert back to the healthy habits and peace of seeing to it that their living space is more like what they grew up with,especially after they see first hand what a stressful hassle it is trying to function in a cluttered home, or keep it clean. I love that Dawn's kids often help, but they also benefit by hearing the reasons why certain habits are important so they understand the process partly because she is often filming. Some parents miss that opportunity by either doing it without the kids or just telling them what to do without explaining why or talking about pros and cons or alternatives. Thanks, Dawn!
Well said!
As a kid, my mom decluttered all the clothes on my bedroom floor. Without my knowledge!
It was all my favorite clothes. She gave it to the local nearly new store, so I saw people wearing my clothes in my neighborhood.
I was traumatized by this! 😅
Now, I am a mother and understand why she did it.
I use this traumatic experience to help families declutter, the right way.
I think it would have been worth trying whether confiscating them for a month or two could have got the message across just as effectively.
You are so kind Dawn. I enjoyed this this evening while I was in the kitchen.
So much value in this episode!! Love this podcast ❤ thank you!
Dawn, I love every podcast and video that you do!! I also love all of Tom's stuff! I know he is BUSY, but please tell him we love and miss him.
Love this Q&A format with the folks reading their own questions! ❤
Totaly agree on the point the the best or most expensive device is the best for the needs I have. I now have the best vacuum-cleaner (don't know the english term, I mean the one which also cleans wet) I could own. I am so happy that I spend so much time into research. It costs me 200€ and saves me tons of time, where the best vaccum-cleaners cost abot 500€ up to 1000€. And this research over most-expensive-item works with everything: which vacation in the best, which car, which house or apartment. Don't trust the marketers. Believe me, I am one of them 😂
Dawn, you're just the best xxx
How delightful to hear the voices of those with questions!!
So fun to hear from Candace! ❤❤❤
I thought that was her as well. She’s so bubbly, I love her channel. Don’t know how she does so much white in her home and keeps it clean. Especially with little ones and a dog. 😊
So great to hear from Randall!
Right?! It's so great to see men represented in what tends to be a woman-focused topic. 💙
There is no formula for how your kids will react in the future as adults. I was not good at decluttering my son's things as he grew up. We have a lot of storage space. His room was cluttered while the rest of the house was not very much. As I have started decluttering, he has not bought into me getting rid of his stuff. (Again, there is space for it in the attic.) He's a young adult, and he's just not ready. He's an only child, and the rules really are different for them. He and his wonderful wife live in an apartment and don't have room. Right now, the relationship is more important than a clean attic. Dawn, your kids may grow up and have your same mindset or may say, "I've had enough! I'm keeping everything because I like everything!" You can't control them in the future even if you parented well in this area.
Love the intro on this!
Christmas should be a time of love and respect, meaning I believe the grandkids can make a list, but when I'm choosing what to buy from the list, it has to be approved by my children and their spouses. Last Christmas my 8 year old granddaughter asked for a tablet. It was too expensive for me and her parents said not to buy it for her. We all had a conversation about it and she was disappointed, but we talked about budgeting and parental approval.
Same thing applies to birthdays.
Highly recommend Don Aslett and his clutter books. Very entertaining and practical at the same time.
This week I've been lamenting that I gave away too many Spring china plates, because I don't have enough for Easter with extended family. Then I realized it is only ONE meal. No one will really care if some are Christmas china plates! And the other 364 days I don't have to deal with the excess. I kept 4 spring plates...2 from my MIL and 2 from my aunt. I'm the only person in my house who likes to use china on an everyday basis.
I’ve never heard of “spring plates “!
@@margaret1336 Just china plates with pretty spring flowers on them 🌷
For “one day” situations sometimes disposable can be an option. There are very nice clear plates that hold up really well -not great for the environment, necessarily, but…in a pinch…they can even be reused.
I'd say there's a good chance that some members of your extended family might have plates with flowers on them that they could bring for the day if you asked them
Love that first question! And Simply This Life 😊 Also, I'm reading Being Mortal, and it mentions something similar to the kids' response of who to have a meal with...people who are more aware of how little time they have left on earth will choose to spend that time with family and friends rather than preferring to meet new or famous people.
I think when my parents go i’ll let my brother and parents siblings take everything, i dont want that heavy energy around me at all, nor reminders of their neglect and abuse.
Aww nice from simply this life
Can you do a video for older folks? I have mineralized a lot, but in my 70’s I want to really get it down.Your just the sweetest❤ 3:30 3:32
What I have found that helps me is: Who am I TODAY? I USED to entertain A LOT! I hosted bridal and baby showers,backyard music festivals for 75 people,etc. My sister and I would do the decor for friends wedding receptions and milestone anniversary parties. I had three,thirty cup coffee urns and used them all.( one for coffee,hot water for tea and one for hot cider)I had a box of thirty glass candle holders when that was still allowed and TONS of twinkle lights,wrapped and tagged.(how long and whether or not they were connecting). So,obviously,it was not my “fantasy self” but now at age 65,tired and physically broken,it has become that. At first I kept it all and would loan it out,but that was almost worse. I’d have to go up in my attic or down to my basement to lug everything to the garage for their pickup and then later put everything away again,the worst being,discovering the NEXT time I wanted to use the candle holders,that they were covered with purple wax that I now had to remove. 😵💫😖🙄 I have since sold 95 percent of that stuff,(“oops,sorry I don’t have it to loan out anymore”) 🤭 and it has been soooooo freeing! I have passed the baton to the forty year olds in my circle and am now THAT person who just offers to bring a plate of box brownies!🙌🏻. Another example is that I used to have EVERYTHING involved in the crafting of at least ten categories. Between poorer eyesight and shakier hands,I have realistically pared it down to two,and if I don’t do those in the next year (too tired) I’ll probably get rid of the last two.(I can’t even begin to describe the relief I felt after selling all that craft stuff!). I LOVE books,but if I’m not going to read them again or refer to them again,why keep those?! Oh,and shoes and boots with ANY kind of heel!😬 I guess it comes down to being realistic about your PAST self and let her rest in peace.😅😂🤣
Easter Baskets! Ack! 16:50
Dawn, I hope you don't mind. .But I wanted to Share this podcast with you. I enjoyed listening ( and I don't have kids!) The author may be someone you would interview! I love your channel. It feels like your a good friend
2024.03.16 Inconvenient Parenting - Melissa Hannigan. Building relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman 😊
Wait?! You said you don’t have pets. What happened to your two dogs? I remember when you got them as puppies. What did I miss? 😮
I believe their dogs stay outside. I hope the dogs are okay!
When I go to the link to record a question, I get a message “UserProjectAccountProblemThe project to be billed is associated with a delinquent billing account.” Weird
Just in case is selfish. Donating is generous.
❤
Keep the memories, lose the stuff - matt paxton
I didn’t know you didn’t have your dogs anymore.
I just have to ask...what model and brand of vacuum do you use? I've seen you vacuuming in some of your videos, and it looks super easy to use and very maneuverable.
It's a Dyson cordless but I don't know which number.
Haters be quiet!!!! My home growing up was peaceful- a place for everything and everything in its place. I was never bored as a child.
What books do you have on the credenza behind you?
I see comfort crisis, dopamine nation, let it go, margin, glucose revolution, and scarcity brain. I can't see the others :)
Dawn. Totally unrelated question to the content of the video this time. I was an English teacher for many years (not a native speaker). I have always been very puzzled by the way you pronounce the word "Always". Is it a very local accent? I have never heard anyone pronounce it like you do. Anyone?
I think it's just a bit of her "Minnesota Nice" accent coming through.
Im crying i don't know how to start 😭
Start with the trash. Literal trash.
Just pick one drawer or surface.
Set a timer for 10-15 minutes.
Dispose of or donate things you haven't used.
Hugs.
Trash broken unusable things.
For dealing with overwhelm, Dana K White is excellent. She has a no mess declutter method. Pick a spot. First step is look for trash
@tracyd2598 thank you for the support
@zabmcauley5647 thanks for the support
I’d love for you to discuss the love language of gifts by Gary Chapman. I was thinking that the German lady’s husband is probably buying things to give because that’s how he expresses love. Perhaps she could encourage him to buy gifts that don’t create clutter rather than telling him to stop giving 🤷♀️🥰
Unwatchable too many adverts ironically
No sound
Try again, sometimes it doesn't work at first. I'm not sure why.
It works for me
@@dianasimplifies thanks, it's working
@@tammyc1812oh great! ❤❤❤
Dawn, don’t you have dogs? But out door dogs?
She said she didn't have pets, but outdoor dogs are still pets. 😢 Maybe they got rid of their dogs(?)
@@patti8617 I think she means she doesn't have indoor pets hence she can't tell you how the vacuum works on pet hair.
A lot of times people on farms with outside animals don't consider them pets
I must admit they have an odd attitude to dogs they don’t treat them as part of the family🙁 but some people are like that
@@jomandy5688 she's said in past videos she would like indoor pets at some point. I think it's a bit much right now with the kids, homeschooling, her business, etc.