Really excited to hear your thoughts on both! The second one especially. The majority of the comments are so angry!! Perhaps if she had phrased it better, people would be more understanding. I don’t think the word ‘benefit’ went down very well. Hope you had a lovely week and thank you for sticking with me! 💛 If you missed the last AITA… Hid my Daughter's Autism Diagnosis for YEARS | r/AITA ruclips.net/video/hqzpiGhJGVo/видео.html And if you want to watch some lovely (and also maybe gross?) Actually Autistic TikToks: ruclips.net/video/I_usLViKHUo/видео.html
Okay, here's my take; 1. I agree that OP was not the asshole & that bully was probably unaccustomed to being caught & held accountable for her bad behavior 2. I'm gonna get a little devisive here with the ADHD girl cause so often people see THAT a thing might be wrong without understanding WHY a thing might be wrong. I feel, as always, this is a failure of our education in teaching us proper critical thinking skills. Imho, it's not that the girl wanted to access the special accommodations as much as it was that that particular accommodation existed in the first place. (This is on the theme park; it exists & that's the policy maker's prerogative.) As an AuDHD myself, I am all for special accommodations where the task being undertaken has a higher socially mandatory expectation, i.e., is difficult if not impossible to opt out of. People have to work, pay taxes, pay bills, learn skills, visit the doctors office, etc. These things really aren't optional & having accommodations to make them easier to access has the potential to make things easier for everyone, not just disabled people. I'm talking about systemic problems that are making it exponentially difficult for society to function with any kind of cohesion or stability. I do not think this extends to waiting in line for a ride at a theme park; an entirely optional activity where everyone knows what to expect. Now, that's not to say these types of accommodations *shouldn't* exist, but I don't think they should apply to those of us who are able bodied & have a reasonable ability to self regulate. I know this is gonna be a hot take, but for those of us who are capable of presenting in a by & large "relatable" way to allistc people, we shouldn't be seeing ourselves as in-capable, or rather, *more deserving* of good things than our NT counterparts. It does & will breed nothing but resentment & contempt. And to me, it is more infantalising & dis-abalist than any individual trying to invalidate me. I do in Most cases feel it is & should be up to the individual as to what kinds of accommodations they need, when & where they are wanting & capable of doing so. But I also feel it is incumbent upon the individual to weigh the circumstance & importance of the accommodations they seek, as well as be kept in check by their peers when their expectations are or have the potential to be damaging to those around them. Most of us have great potential for empathy, often because we receive so little of it ourselves. And I don't know this girls situation, but I didn't get the impression she was considering how cutting in front of everyone, if she had the ability to wait in line, would make those other park-goers feel. Idk, it's a real grey area... However, I do wish her parents had posited their opinions better. I very much feel that most of us ND's are quite reasonable, but we do need better explanations than, "that doesn't apply to you," & "that's just the way things are"... we really need to put more emphasis on critical thought. Also she is still very young & I can't say I wouldn't have wanted to take advantage of such accommodations had I been in her shoes, soooo Again, grey
This sort of attitude towards people with disabilities not being allowed accommodations is part of why I might never know conclusively if I'm ASD or schizoid personality disorder. Aka, the autism that's been so tarred by serial killers that it's not allowed to be called autism. (Not entirely joking there, ScPD is basically just autism with hypo-sensitivity to your need for attachment and often activated by abuse and neglect)
I agree with pretty much all you said. In the second case, the parents say she should not use the "line cutting". But it's very hard for parents to understand the extent of the condition & it's very hard to convey everything you perceive as an ADHDer. Especially as everything will seem completely normal to you, At that young age, even with a diagnosis, you will be relatively clueless, i imagine. I did get a little tingle when you said, a couple of times, "what is the point of getting a diagnosis, if not to get accommodations?" I think that's probably true in her case & quite a few others. But for a lot of adults, they would just be seeking self-knowledge & understanding. They've probably fallen into careers/lifestyles which don't cause burnout, meltdowns & shutdowns. Hopefully & probably, after painful trail & error. I think it's still okay for those people to get a diagnosis & i think you probably think that too.
Schools are worst now when was at high school teachers let students attack people with that's metal campus and now the same school now 10 years or SO later let males students S,A female students in and out of school, the school are aware even had a meet with them to do with them attacking me and my assistance dog and they said there students can do what they like, school even stop thr police being involed by saying they will deal with it internally
When I hear "the type of ADHD" that the parent's are talking about, I imagine they mean 'the type where other people know that we have a disabled child'.
Yeah, I was immediately reminded of how much my ex was protesting when I got our son a pair of crutches. He became an ex because I could see that the boy needed a wheelchair, and the ex would have thrown a tantrum if we had still been in his house when we got the chair. Good riddance!
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 It's horrible when people refuse others accomodations, especially family members. As a person who needs crutches and will pobably need a wheelchair in the future but has neiother because of my family and shitty doctors it means a lot to see a parent recognise their child's struggles and put in an effort to support them.
YES you put it so clearly. It's ridiculous that this othering was lost on the responders, especially the one making the point about how women already have a rough time getting diagnosed. Like yes, it is difficult that our struggles are ignored due to not fitting the stereotype of the disability. Now how in the next breath, did they ignore the "wrong kind of ADHD" notion from the OP's parents that plays into exactly this issue, and insist that actually if we have to work extra hard for our equal recognition, we should appeal to the lacking awareness of ADHD representation, and make sure not to visibly use accomodations too much? Like no, we work through the stereotyping for our right to access accomodations that help us. OP using the line option for people with ADHD isn't going to oversaturate the privilege, it's going to use it for what's intended. OP isn't just one of a huge mass of people with masked ADHD just waiting to take advantage, even if everyone in town with ADHD showed up on the same day to use it, the line will still be shorter than the standard line, and serve its purpose.
I'm an AuDHDer who loves amusement park rides. Also the comments on the second AITA post feel to me like people projecting their own internalized ableism onto OP. I can't speak for others but if I had to guess based on my experience with internalized ableism, I sometimes feel like I'm asking for too much when requesting accommodations. As part of that I can feel frustrated when someone I PERCEIVE as not needing them (but like how would I even know what their needs are?) asks for accommodations. Also being a people pleaser I sometimes project that onto others. I'll think, "Well, I have forgone accommodations to keep the allistics happy, so why should THEY get to ask for accommodations?"
This is something that I struggle with. I went through a medical battle in my infancy and now experience a fair deal of medical issues regularly. When anyone complains about health issues I immediately start minimizing their suffering in my head. I attack them viciously. I don't let those feelings out because I know they're wrong and I hate having them. People hurt and just because their pain isn't worse or their suffering isn't greater than someone else's doesn't mean it's invalid. For me the desire I have for others to suffer is rooted in feeling alone for so long. Because I don't want to be alone part of me wants others to suffer as I have so that I won't be alone and so that I can have mutually beneficial relationships instead of just being the mature level headed and temperate voice in people's heads. I don't want to be a saint, I don't want to be admired, I don't want to be an inspiration. I had to be strong, so that's all I know now. I'm tired of being strong, but I can't be weak, so it's either strong or dead. I acknowledge that these feelings are unkind and I don't want others to go through pain just because I had to, but it'd be nice if I didn't have to be around happy people so much. I have a lot of issues, sorry if I started rambling. Just give people the benefit of the doubt or try to see beyond their words. We're all in pain and suffering in some way, even if it doesn't appear so.
@@Anonymous-zk7yk Thank you for sharing your perspective-I relate to this very heavily, and it's been extra hard to accept that over time. If it helps, how I see it, it takes a certain (read: healthy) amount of "weakness" (read: vulnerability in openness/transparency) to be able to admit that. Sure, it takes some strength, but that's definitely not the entire equation there.
@@TheCloverAffiliate12 Sorry, I just realized the part about being strong wasn't clear at all. I failed to word properly. I had to be strong because of everything I've gone through (medical issues, abuse, etc.). I smashed myself into pieces in order to make others more comfortable around me and hide everything I was going through because I knew it was too much for others to handle.
Gosh I hope the OP of the amusement park post sees this and feels validated and supported. I felt so bad for them and can only imagine how the RSD is hitting them after that. Their parents should be ashamed.
Yeah I was just thinking this. When people post reaction videos to subreddits, do they also reply on the subreddit with a link to their video? Especially in a case like this where there is potentially life advice that could benefit the OP.
@@vanessarl8I hope op ended up seeing this vid. I couldn’t believe the amount of people saying they were TA and needed to stand in the reg line. (Esp when you’re still waiting in line. The accommodation just means you don’t have to *stand* there)
@@WaffleSalad Totally! And yeah I hope so too bc she didn't reply, but hopefully at least she saw the message! Either way I think op noticed other ppl supporting and will be ok I'm sure :)
I don't know if this amusement park is the same, but my experience is that we were given a buzzer and still had to wait our turn, just not in the line, so it was easier to manage. Perhaps this would change the parents minds, but also the OP should take every accommodation available to them because life is hard and making I easier is good.
Love how reddit has ruined the soul of one insecure girl and many more that probably clicked on the reddit and were like nah i dont wanna pursue a adhd diagnosis, society will just pitchfork you. Truly fuckin amazing
Just seeing how much trouble my (female) ADHD friends have gone through and not even gotten a diagnosis, I’m f-ing not even bothering. Would I even get help? Only if I want to spend the rest of my life depending on controlled substances.
@scathach2815 but even without a diagnosis you'll still be gaslit, maybe even more depending on the situation. It's basically one big "damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't" hell for many of us unfortunately.
@@scathach2815 I got the idea I might have ADHD at age 30. I started persuing a diagnosis. Not necessarily for others to know, but for my own peace of mind. After a year of waiting, I finally got a place at a clinic and got my diagnosis at age 31. That was about 4 month ago. I feel so much more secure about myself. I prefer the stigma of ADHD over the stigma of being lazy and unorganized because of lacking willpower. Still, it's up to you to decide what you prefer. I just wanted to offer a different point of view to this subject.
The discussion about the amusement park was interesting, because technically there isn't even a discussion possible. The company has decided for themselves that people with ADHD can skip line, so they just can. An amusement park is it's own world and not the same as "society" or a country, it's a commercial company. Also, people can't just get a diagnosis "willy nilly", so the amount of people with ADHD/ASD and thus using this fast pass will possibly be limited anyway. I also feel that most people are so unhappy in their own lives (or have leftover childhood traumas), that they can't even grant disabled people a bit of help, how sad. Because they feel or felt miserable in their life, everybody needs to be miserable now...
yeah, and that does progress. You can try to make people's lives better, but if you are 40 and miserable you will just outdo any progress by making your kids suffer as well. How often i hear this sentiment, either explicit or implicitly. My mother uses this argument like "OH DON'T WE ALL HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM" well stfu. This is the best example i can give about how people's expectations are messed up. It literally reads also for adhd. She adhd, case closed. There is no debate. if i could get a penny for every miserable soul i would be a fucking millionaire.
Totally agree. At the end of the day it was a decision the park company made! Other opinions are pointless. I’d say skip the line! If I had a formal diagnosis I would too and feel guilt free.
@@FeyPax Speaking as someone with a rather major physical disability, i say when it comes to special lines? More the merrier. Nothing lonelier than being the only person in a line, so its nice to meet new people there and have someone to talk with while waiting. Doing otherwise would be literal gatekeeping.
@@misha5670 I'm Autistic and lines make my skin crawl. While it's slightly better since covid people will practically stand on my heals refuse to back off and move closer if I try to move away It's all deeply violating feeling. I'd rather hang with you you seem nice.
I completely agree with your take on the amusement park accommodations. Anyone with a diagnosis deserves to consider using the accommodations available. People being open about accepting accommodations will only educate the population about the wide variety of people who have invisible disabilities and can benefit from accommodations. The Reddit commenters are out of control, so aggressive.
Sounds like their parents don't actually believe their child is disabled. I feel like it's too common among neurotypical people to think that ADHD isn't a "real" disability.
Pssh I'd use them if I couldn't wait. I know my threshold for amusement park rides. Anything longer than 1 hour and I start to get uncomfortable IF I don't have something to distract me. At the 2 hour mark I start to lose it. Each person's different.
I was just at a comic con, and I had the ADA pass. The number of possibly mentally disabled and even visibly physically disabled people who were in the normal line because they probably simply didn’t know about the accommodations was sad. My mom, who was with me, like made it her job to tell people about the ADA pass, as well as letting other disabled people without a pass go ahead of us.
The Reddit autism community has its problems too. I am autistic but not disabled and people were telling me I am disabled because I’m autistic. Autism is not inherently a disability, and it’s valid to be disabled and autistic, but not everyone is. Those people acted like they knew me.
@@lumay5940 yeah no i agree. i dont think the reddit autism community is free of criticism. also just curious, what do you feel autism is if not a disability? it is classified as a developmental disability so i'm very curious
I mostly steer clear of r/adhd, but r/adhdwomen is a fairly lovely, welcoming place that disavows r/adhd. They are happy to offer tips and advice, or just a place to scream into the void about finally finding your glasses after three days chilling with your milk in the fridge.
The second AITA post…those responses are just filled with…cruelty. So much venom even from those who replied to someone just asking for info. I wonder if her being a 17 year old girl influenced the harshness of those replies. Seriously enraging.
Bit late to the party, but I normally can feel ok after reading such cruel responses by just reminding myself that many (not all) people suck. But that line “you’re an embarrassment to the adhd community” or whatever? That is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard in a while. I cannot rid myself of that rage 🤬
Also for the amusement park question - I think the OP's parents are terrified of being looked at as having a disabled child by the members of the "normal" queue. Internalized ableism towards their own family! It reminds me of asking for acommodations for my autism at my previous job. The boss denied my request for a meeting about it that I could prepare for, and said she has an autistic relative, and that I don't have "the type of autism" that he does, and therefore I don't need to be making any disability accommodation requests at work. After that I was pressured by the boss essentially to "appear less different" "blend in more" "try to fit in and socialize more" etc and I realized they were embarassed by how I was different from other workers. My job performance was highly valued but this other stuff broke me. I finally buckled under the stress of masking and had a meltdown at work two days in a row and quit of embarassment.
the ableismmmm. It's like if you have ADHD, that's not enough (you don't have autism); if you are autistic OH BUT YOU'RE NOT *THAT* TYPE OF AUTISTIC. IT'S NEVER ENOUGH FOR THOSE PEOPLEEE I wanna punch a pillow😡
I did sit down with one boss and got the “Everyone’s a little ADHD” line. Now I know better. I think they need a pamphlet to go with your diagnosis on “Disabilities and Your Rights” that covers the law. Where I am the law says you are entitled to any reasonable accommodation. This includes a very detailed description and examples in case an employer doesn’t agree what is reasonable. As an example, an employer renovating their office with wheelchair ramps and lifts is reasonable. So asking for a sensory friendly workspace or a wiggle chair shouldn’t require an argument and dragging HR into the mix.
@@coffeegonewrongoh my god i hate when people go "everyones this" or "everyones a little that", it just downplays everything!! because of people who go "oh everyone experiences that and has adhd!" even from my own family it downplayed my struggles AND MY TRAUMAS. its so gross i hate when people do this, idk how to explain it but its kinda like a weird version of erasure ig. idfk its weird and its so harmful to us, esp when were already stigmatized, or when its super hard to get a diagnosis from some people like myself
Wow, even in my Right to be Fired AKA Right to Work state, that's a clear case for discrimination. Ofc, businesses often lean heavily on the fact that workers don't know their rights. And HR exists specifically to cover the asses of the bosses - HR is _not_ your friend!
@@lemonmeat That reminds me of my mother dismissing ADHD as parents letting their kids drink caffeinated sodas. Not sure how she explained away my brother's textbook case of ADHD given we weren't allowed to drink caffeinated sodas. Well no, I know how she handled that - she just point blank denied it and forced his teachers to accommodate him and his excess energy/inability to sit still. Granted, I do think that having him sit at the back of the classroom so he could get up and move around without disturbing or distracting the other students was probably the best solution (and he continued to get straight As). But it was borne out of my mother point blank refusing to believe ADHD was real and being offended at the teacher suggesting that something might be "wrong" with him (my mother's words, not the teacher's).
Most amusement parks that have a "disability friendly queue," don't actually let you skip ahead of other people that got there first. It's more like a quiet spot away from the main line while you wait your turn. Sort of like at a deli or whatever, where you take a number so you don't necessarily have to stand in the line, you go when your number is called. If there were 43 people ahead of you in the line and you check in to the sensory/disability accessible queue, you'll still be number 44, you'll just be number 44 away from the rest of the people. Whereas the fastpass/skip the line passes that you get for a higher fee are far more "entitled," because it's basically, "I'm rich, so I deserve to jump ahead of the line and all you filthy peons have to wait, hahaha!" whereas the disability accessible line is literally just, "I'll wait my turn, just not in the line, surrounded by people, so I don't get sensory overload and I can have something to do while I wait."
I hate this "Oh but you could do it before" thing. Its like they don't get that the reason they could do it before was because they were masking which is exhausting.
And it's an AMUSEMENT park, for Pete's sake! Why should she have to experience so much of it as if it were work that she has to pay to do? So many of the YTA answers reeked of "You freak, you should be thankful that you are let in at all!"
I'd be like, yeah I could do it, but I felt like crud on a stick the whole time. Who wants to be overloaded up to your eyeballs while you're there to have fun.
I get very frustrated to the point of tears when I don't understand something (I'm also autistic) So if someone was making fun of me in class. And I didn't know what was going on. I'd 100% have gotten frustrated. Also, this girl is, what was it.. 14? You don't have proper emotional regulation at that age, even as an alliatic person. Autistic people have an even harder time with emotional regulation. I definitely don't think the girl was in the wrong. I can get mad and upset. And then without even realizing it I've shouted in frustration. And I'm a whole ass adult (28) so if I were only 14.. Like, obviously don't billy back. That's never the right thing to do. But always defend yourself.
Honestly, shouting in frustration is incredibly mild compared to the sorts of ways 14-16 year old undiagnosed autistic me dealt with people causing me frustration and I only avoided getting in trouble because I was a good student
@@miglek9613 it's also mild for me... If I'm alone I'll throw (soft) things.. smash my pillows into the floor.. and sometimes other things that aren't.. probably that great.. when I'm very frustrated, or very angry or upset. So yeah, I think a quick shout is literally the least of their problems. Shouting is like.. the warning that it's time to find a quiet spot to calm down. Else it get worse And I definitely wasn't a "good student" as someone who had undiagnosed ASD, ADHD and 3 learning disabilities.. school didn't go well for me
I’m not autistic but I also can’t read tone or body language very well, but I’m so awkward I just smile silently if I don’t understand it 😅 I think it’s cooler if you dont accept bullshit and stand up for yourself
@@TadanoCandy that's the things about Autism though.. we also don't have the best emotional regulation. Not that we don't try. But as a child, when your emotional regulation already isn't fully developed. Then add the fact that it's worse due to asd emotional regulation issues. It's not always a choice. I don't choose to get angry. I don't choose to have intense, extreme bursts of anger. It just happens, because that's how our brains are wired. As we get older we can learn to.. mask it, tamp it down. Wait until we're alone. But, there's only so much a kid can do. It's not about "being cool" it's a full body reaction that happens weather you want it to or not. Even now, when an outburst is... Let's say controllable. My heart rate goes up. I have a watch, and it tracks my heart rate suddenly going up. My muscles contract, in an urge to expel the anger, like it's energy. It can look like "throwing a fit" aka having a meltdown. Or it can look like having a shutdown. It can look like harming yourself. It can be intense self soothing behaviors.
I’m also not a big fan of tone policing people who are responding to bullying. She was mot excessive nor mean she just emotionally reacted to a situation that was stressing her
At first, I asked myself, "Would I utilize an ADHD-specific line if supermarkets offered it?" My immediate response was, "Absolutely not. I can handle the standard process. I don't feel privileged." But then I pondered how frequently I've chosen to shop at pricier, smaller stores instead of supermarkets, merely to avoid the discomfort of queues and the overall shopping experience. I recalled the ease of shopping at 24/7 supermarkets during my nocturnal periods, when I'd do my grocery shopping between 2:00-4:00 am. Even now, while medicated, I have more control over my ADHD and understand that the emotions I experience while waiting in line aren't universal; they don't represent the typical customer's feelings. So, in reality, eight times out of ten, I've found myself subconsciously circumventing these situations. And this happened even without parental influences urging me to do so. Upon reflection, it appears I was managing my discomfort by not putting myself in those situations to begin with. This marks another significant milestone in my journey of self-discovery, underscoring how much there is still to learn and understand about myself. It feels like I've spent my entire life conditioned to identify my emotions and behaviors within certain predefined labels, rarely pausing to question their accuracy or validity. I wonder how many individuals remain undiagnosed because they are even more deeply entrenched in the denial of their internal struggles than I am?
I really miss the stores that were open past midnight. That was my favorite time to shop…so calm, so quiet, so much easier to put some space between me and other people in the store.
I keep bumping into some internalized ableism when I least expect it when AITA are presented & that's why I benefit so much from pausing, processing, and listening to the experiences of others. What a bizarre and complicated thing, this humanity thing is. Hope all reading this are well 🌻
I admit most of my previous experience with AITA was stuff that AskAubry posted on Twitter and was usually pretty sexist and/or someone wanting to know if their romantic partner emotionally manipulating/gaslighting/abusing them was okay. But I'm not on Reddit, so... Well, I'm not on Twitter either anymore. lol
The park story was extremely frustrating the majority of the comments being extremely ableist and proud of it, disabilities are not sickness just because someone is on a wheelchair they're not pitiful we all deserve to be treated as persons that just like everyone else has struggles and that's why is important regulations that can guarantee accomodations because we deserve the same opportunities
Just because a disability isn’t easily visible doesn’t mean it’s not valid and real. Thanks for being so supportive of the girl with ADHD. I can’t believe all the terrible comments she got :( I hope she’s doing okay
Like... sort of an example. I'm legally blind because my optic nerves didn't develop completely. There are some people who think I'm not blind enough because I don't have a cane or a parking pass.
It's not 'expected' The park *offers* it for those who need it. If she feels like she needs it, then she should use it. Doesnt matter if other adhders can wait in line or figured out a way to deal. If she cant, then she has every right to do so BECAUSE THE PARK OFFERED IT. Going to a theme park is a vacation and if a separate line for disabilities helps make disabled peoples day better, why not take advantage if it... Especially there are other lines in life that arent accomidating
I agree. Sometimes you don’t realize how bad an experience really was until you have permission to change it. My partner gave me earplugs for Christmas as permission to wear them when household noise was too much to handle. Now i know it wasn’t my kids exhausting me, just the volume they produce. This lets me enjoy my time more and doesn’t take away from anyone else’s experience.
@@wmdkitty First off: you don't know that. Masking doesn't mean you're totally fine with whatever it is you're masking from/with. Alternatively there could also be a limit to the masking. I'm totally fine waiting a line (depending on noise level) for an hour and a half maybe two hours. Anything passed that and it gets really hard even with the things I have on me to help. It has nothing to do with being impatient. It has everything to do with being overstimmed by that point. Secondly: she never said she *would* use it. She just posed a question to her parents who then blew up over it and then got half the internet mad at her because 'if we can wait, so can you' which is absolutely dumb. Your experience is not hers. Inattentives (which is what she sounds like she is) struggle too. Just because they're not bouncing off the walls, doesn't mean their brains aren't screaming at them. If there's accommodations for ADHD, she has every right to use them simply because she has the *only* thing she needs to use it: a diagnosis.
@@wmdkitty i (autistic) technically don’t NEED headphones or earplugs in public. i could just not wear them, and i’d look fine to everyone else while slowly chipping away at my sanity and my soul and my Act Like A Normal Person battery more than is necessary. i don’t NEED it, i’m just uncomfortable. but i wear the headphones anyway, because i’m not a martyr and i’m allowed to make the world slightly more comfortable for myself when it’s already hostile to my entire person. adhd is a disability. waiting in line for people with adhd can be actually literally painful. this girl is allowed to make accommodations for herself. this is in line with many other accommodations given to people with adhd. she’s completely in the right.
Amusement park: adds accomodation for disabled people Disabled person: “ooh maybe that could help me” Other people: “no that’s not for you, stop being entitled”
the line one upsets me deeply as someone with ADHD.... my whole life, waiting in lines have always set me off and made me really irritable and all around ruin my experience at amusement parks, so if there's an accomodation to make that better? fuck yeah we should have it
No we shouldn't. We aren't special, dude. Lines make me almost homicidal, but I don't deserve to go before someone who's been waiting. I have Add, mdd, and gad. Im 30.
@@maryssalynnemedley8871 ok then don't take the special line if you don't feel that you need to. you just don't get to say what other people with disability can and can't do 🤷🏼
@@itsyaboidenise fair enough, it just does seem as though a lot of people use it at unnecessary times nowadays. Maybe I'm just jaded; so I apologize for being offensive.
@@maryssalynnemedley8871 having a disability or disorder DOES makes us special and companies have it in their interest to want to make their parks more friendly to people with disabilities so families with adhd family members won't be discouraged to go due to it being too hard on the family member with disability and special needs. You having a problem with that is a YOU problem and you're most likely just making your own life so much harder and stressful on yourself and susceptible to BURN OUT by not taking accommodations when they are offered.
"Just ignore them and they'll go away," is standard advice that I got from a lot of adults. Also the worst advice because in the real world it doesn't work. Not if you're their chosen target. No response just means that you'll take it when they pick on you so it's safe for them to keep on doing it until you finally crack and end up being the one in trouble.
Yeah, “don’t let them see that it bothers you and they’ll get bored and go away” or “don’t let it get to you” was what I was always told. My answer was “ How do I not let it get to me?” If I got a reply other than “you just do” I don’t remember what it was, and it certainly wasn’t helpful if I did.
I have EDS and my brother has ADHD. As 90s kids, we never thought we were "disabled enough" for the fast track line at amusement parks, and were made to blame ourselves when we'd melt down later in the day. Now we use the fast track line and have an amazing time! I love going to parks knowing I won't be in serious pain by dinnertime, my brother and I won't melt down on our friends and family, and that I'll be a functional human the next day! OP is right, there's hardly anyone there so we're not 'stealing' seats from anyone else. Other fast-track guests and employees have never made us feel bad or defensive for having the pass. Even the regular queue people very rarely give us dirty looks. Almost like many people in the 2020s realize invisible disabilities are a thing. :-D Also our nearest park has a system where fast-trackers have to wait 45 minutes between rides. This discourages abuse of the pass. We don't get to ride way more than everyone else. These forced breaks between rides also help us pace ourselves and practice self-care throughout the day.
This made me think of an example of something that happened to me at a theme park long before I knew I had autism. It was a long line on a hot day. I hadn't noticed I needed something to drink until we'd been in line for about 1/2 hour. I saw someone selling lemonades to people in the line so I left my friend to hold our place and walked over to try to get one from the vendor. I got the entitled lecture then, he wasn't serving my part of the line and I just needed to wait my turn. I returned to my friend. About 10 minutes later. My ears started ringing. A minute after that my field of vision started narrowing. I asked my friend to lead me out of line and to a bench. By the time we got out of the line I was vomitting and could not see at all. She got me to the bench and my head down just in time to prevent me from fully passing out. I ended up spending pretty much the rest of the day at the park sitting in the shade drinking water. If they offer the accomondations to neuro-divergent people for a reason. People should go ahead and use it. You probably never think of all the ways that you could be disadvantaged or harmed in this situation. My autism probably contributed both to my not realizing I how dehydrated I was and not being able to convince the vendor to let me buy a drink in time to prevent this. I'm really appalled that so many people who themselves are neuro-divergent piled on in telliing this person not to.
"the people who actually deserve" jesus christ, tell me you dont believe your kid has a diagnosis without telling me you dont believe your kid has the diagnosis
I bump into similar attitudes in the ADHD community as well, and I think it really adds to the attitude from society at large that these invisible disabilities aren't real and don't need to be accommodated. I think it can be internalized ableism, blindness to privilege (ie: not understanding that there could be folks with greater levels of struggle/ higher support needs--a lot of times I hear it from people who were diagnosed as children long ago and received treatment/support in developing coping skills early on (like that user who spoke about her parents teaching her to wait) who don't seem to realize that others who went undiagnosed or didn't get the same levels of support might still be working to develop certain skills. I think that unfortunately, a lot of these people would also balk at the idea of work accommodations as well. It's a real bummer.
I would say there is not one ADHD community(not even on one website, because of language differences) and it's mostly people who don't engage that much with the topic, or an ADHD community, that have the most negative additutes and the most internalised ableism. It seems to be mostly a lack of education and contact to different experiences, because there are a lot of people who were diagnosed as a child and who never had to learn about ADHD and found a community because of it, but just see it as what kept them from being accepted as a child. That doesn't keep those people from wanting to share their view and their experiences, but they're usually heavily colored by their neurotypical environment and they don't seem to be aware of this bias.
"that these invisible disabilities arent real and dont need to be accommodated" i think one of the things that fuels this is people who go "everyone has these things you arent adhd!" or "everyone has adhd!!" downplays are real hard struggles and traumas and messy symptoms that affect our lives, so because people downplay adhd as a "oh everyone has this" its pretty gross and just hurts us.
@@lemonmeatexactly! Not everyone has adhd! Neurotypicals can get distracted sometimes but that doesn’t mean everyone had adhd. I think it comes down to a not understanding what adhd is and just seeing it as hyperactive, distracted “little white boys” as Megan put it
There is a group of people who got diagnosed as a kid who are some of the most irritating people. Not all of them, of course, but some of those guys who were privileged enough to have parents who were able to teach them skills treat other people like crap if they don't have their stuff together. Sorry, dude, but some of us didn't even realize we had a freaking disability as kids, and now we gotta try and figure this out on our own. All of those people can bite me.
I'm autistic and very patient about things like lines, traffic, etc. My husband with adhd otoh will often forego things entirely rather than wait in a long line because he finds the wait so intolerable and frustrating. Like you said, only individuals know what they do/don't need.
I will ABSO-LUTE-LY skip a ride because of the line 😂 🧠 '..immediately no. Immediately no.' 😂 I also find rides with less lines/wait or quicker turnover & just hit those multiple times
True it’s different for everyone. That one person said they would give up their place to autistic people but like maybe an ADHDer might need it more than an autistic person
I usually skip the parks all together because the noises are a little difficult like piercing screaming from rollercoasters or even just hearing everyones conversation or sighs is a bit much but when my family would take me when I was younger on the off chance I did want to ride something I would 100% give up on the ride if there were like 10+ people in line
It honestly makes me so angry how many people with ADHD responded to the OP. A) the accommodations listed ADHD specifically. OBVIOUSLY they are then acknowledging that people with ADHD may need this accommodation. B) I’m genuinely sorry- like, in the most sincere way- how entrenched your internalized ableism is. I absolutely feel for you in the messages you’ve been given by society, and I ALSO feel guilty and/or ashamed sometimes when I’ve been offered an accommodation that I genuinely feel like I need! The thing is that you need to be able to recognize that emotion and deal with it in some way other than taking it out on someone who DOES use that accommodation. C) Almost all the people that I’m close to have experience with neurodivergence, mental illness, and/or trauma in some form. It obviously doesn’t always work out like this, but I believe that this is bc the people I’ve encountered with these experiences tend to be incredibly kind, accommodating, and understanding because they KNOW what it’s like to experience difficulty. I will genuinely never understand how someone who has been hurt and understands how bad it feels would wish that on other people. Never mind how that person could directly or indirectly CAUSE that same kind of hurt in return. Completely baffles me….
I've only now started getting passes and tickets for accommodations for autism and using my cane. And that was because I didn't know I needed them. I didn't know this was something meant for my utility. Especially because my allistic family and able bodied family didn't use it. I'm only now truly learning I've been unknowingly disadvantaging myself.
I was going to say something similar. I had a friend who didn’t realise these kinds of accommodations were available and after having them they mentioned how much easier it was to manage the parks. It’s also a case of you can use those accommodations and if you need to go and sit somewhere for half an hour afterwards to calm down then you can without feeling like you should have been in line for the next thing.
Sometimes I wonder if these are new. It actually sad that there are these accommodations, but we may never know they are there? If they are not advertised, how do we access them?
@@fightingfaerie It probably depends on exactly what bothers you when you get tired. One thing to remember is that you'll be putting pressure on your hand and wrist as you lean on the cane - so muscles that aren't used to constant use will get tired faster. Ppl probably think I'm faking cuz I switch which hand I use my cane in somewhat frequently. Ofc the reason for this is because I was born with hip dysplasia and as a result I've developed bad knees (from bad habits while walking, like turning my feet to take pressure off my hips). I also broke one of my ankles 5 years ago and it still aches regularly. I first started using a cane about 10 years ago. The first time, I borrowed my mother's cane while we were at the state fair. I was hurting and limping so bad, she offered it to me without my asking. I was surprised at how much it helped and bought one for myself shortly after. But I'm not actually technically disabled, at least not officially. So as far as accommodations? It depends on whether they require you to provide proof of disability or if they're willing to take your word for it. There's a bus driver in town that always demands to see my partner's Social Security Disability card for the reduced fare whenever he rides the bus. Literally no other bus driver asks. They just mark him down as reduced fare in the counter and keep moving. I still have my student ID, so I ride for free (despite not having attended classes in about 5 years lol).
@@sweetdream242424163Ohh, that's a really good point! Being able to step back and breathe, accounting for that, disabled people really get to see about the same amount of rides as all the other people there, huh? That makes complete sense why the fast pass would be an accomodation
I was in the YTA camp even after the ADHD story but after hearing your perspective I think me and a lot of other people saying “I have ADHD too you can wait it line YTA” might just have hella internalized ableism. Those types of “you’re just looking for special treatment get over yourself” responses we hear from everyone around us all our lives so it’s easy to think maybe you’re actually the one in the wrong and really are just being a “sensitive sally”.
It really warmed my heart to know that your opinion changed. I'm someone who often has one of the saddest/hardest life stories in the room, but I'm always very careful not to judge the suffering of others. Just because they haven't had it as hard, or don't have to suffer like me doesn't mean their struggle isn't real. It may seem small to me, but it's MAJOR to them with their life and experience. It's a mentality like 'I suffered a lot, and I really wish people didn't have to suffer too, even with something small'. Of course, there's absolutely a time where you go "you know, this is part of life and sometimes we have to suck it up", but I hope that your threshold for that has been recalibrated a bit
Well I would argue "I have adhd and have therefore developed coping mechanisms for waiting" bring something to do or find a way to distract yourself. Talk to the person in line ahead of you? Behind you? Learn how to knit? Bring a book? Dude bring a fidget spinner or similar device that's what they're for. (I get it it's a park I don't know what items or bags are allowed). I mean I know lines suck but they're gonna kind of... be there. Humans gotta queue. But still if you can have an accommodation you really should still take it. I think it's actually really cool that the park offers accommodations(I know parks are SUPPOSED to but since when does that matter?), and do wish it was more normalized.
@@funlover163 When it comes to theme parks, you're not allowed to have much of anything. If you're in line for a ride, most you'll *probably* have is your phone, if you haven't given it to someone else so that it doesn't accidentally fly off in the ride. Many fidget spinners alert metal detectors and are easy to lose on rides (unless your pockets zip or button), and if your things are with someone else, well, you won't have it. Some rides will have lockers just before the ride so you can shove everything in there just before you get on, but many parks make you store everything before you even queue, so it's a toss-up. Talking to strangers kind of only works for people who are willing to speak to strangers and for strangers who are willing to talk back. Unfortunately, the way theme parks operate make queues hellish because of the distinct Lack of distractions you're allowed to have on you. So the typical coping mechanisms are very limited or are impractical! Especially if you're already hot, tired, agitated, overstimulated and so on - which makes the accommodation much more appealing in that respect. I'm autistic but not ADHD, so I tend to skip lines because I have a very limited battery. If the queue is very long and I'm stuck next to a lot of roaring and bumping and perfumes and screaming for a long time, I usually have to leave before I can even get on. Knowing good coping mechanisms is very helpful! Unfortunately theme-parks are tailor-made to strip 80% of them from you at any given time.
@@funlover163 i mean at least for me the largest issue with lines sis I can “feel” everyones body heat if that makes sense and I can usually hear every little like gulp or sigh which gets frustrating and its just hard to block that out granted I dont go to amusement parks anyway because not being able to block out small sounds is hellish in crowded areas and the screaming on rollercoasters feels piercing but I could see someone not wanting to let that stop them and the accommodations being useful for that im pretty happy being a coat rack/camera man and just bring headphones at amusement parks with friends so i havent had to think much about accommodations
On the second story: maybe it's the people getting mad at someone over something harmless who need to grow up 🤔 for real though the whole "youre not disabled enough" gatekeeping mindset doesnt help anybody, and not using accommodations doesnt make you "tougher" or whatever
Yes, I've noticed that too many people tell others to "grow up" over super trivial things. It certainly wouldn't make a difference to me what disabilities people have or not at the preferential line.
@@juli5945 I mean, when we went to Cedar Point, they would set up booths to put a stamp on the back of ppl's hands that would give them access to the fast lane during a specific time period. As you can probably guess, they ran through the number of ppl allowed to use the fast lane per hour pretty fast (I've no idea what the allowed number was). The couple days we went there, we always ended up with either a 9-10 pm or 10-11 pm stamp on the back of our hands. So not everyone going through the fast lane is disabled to begin with. I think there were also passes ppl could buy for an insane amount of money that would let them use the fast lane as well? I've no idea how much, only that Dad point blank refused to even consider it. Plus, we were at Cedar Point almost 20 years ago, so who knows what the current policies/prices are now. And really, it would only be a "problem" if they were abusing that ability to skip the line by going through it multiple times a day. Even then, I'm not sure it would really be that big of a deal.
@@juli5945yeah, and then they're the ones acting immature over it so they're basically being hypocrites with the audacity to tell others to "grow up" - like, they prioritize "growing up" over insignificant benign traits/accommodations/preferences, but they can't even see that their very attitudes towards those things is what's **actually** immature, not the other person they're immaturely judging. Society is so backwards Istg.
I remember the supposed zero tolerance for bullying at schools. It was a nightmare and a complete lie. It sucks as it has followed me into the workplace. Whenever I try to raise the issue with my manager, Apprentice Team and HR they say I am overreacting due to their ableist beliefs. I am sick of being infantised by everyone. I am desperately trying to find a new job, but I feel so broken that now I have job interviews I don't know if I will be able to cope with them.
Skipping the line at an amusement park doesn't literally mean skipping the queue. you just wait in a different area and go on whenever you "joined" the queue if that makes sense. That's what i've understood from others explaining it
i have just completed 1 year at my current job. I LOVE my job. it suits me perfectly. just over a year ago I was applying for jobs, getting interviews and not getting the jobs. why? because being autistic interviews are difficult. After 2 month I caved and started asking for accomodations for interviews. I had been too proud before and thought "I don't need accomodations, I can figure this out" I had my first accomodated interview and then i got the job. I am so grateful that i asked for accomodations to make the interview accessible to me because i now have a job i love. Ask for accomodations, make your life easier
That shouldn't be an accommodation though. There are apps that let you join a virtual queue and you get to enter at a specified time or when your number is called (one of them used to be called Lineapple). _Everyone_ would benefit from not having to stand in a line doing nothing.
That thing she said about schools saying they have a zero tolerance policy for bullying but then doing nothing is so true. The teachers and kids at my school just completely ignore everything that happens.
I had a violent realization just now about that absolute atrocities public school did to me in early hs years before i was taken out and put into a private school for learning disabilities. I was being bullied in school for being different. This one girl really made a point to degrade me by telling me i was worthless, ugly, etc- i told teachers multiple times but they never intervened. She then made up a story that i told her i had "a list" and was going to bring a gun to school. The teachers pulled me into a room w cops no warning and Told Me that I Made Those Statements. I told them no i didn't and they repeatedly tried to gaslight me into saying i did because my bully said so. The cops took me into the back of their car and took me in for questioning. My parents were not alerted by the school until i was in custody. The police didn't find that i had made any such statements. After that the school said i must spend all hours in study hall and do piles of paperwork instead of being in onthe class. All i knew at the time was my parents were really upset, i didnt understand. They explained to the cops there were also no guns in our house and i had no access to any. After my parents found out all this and that i would be isolated to Study hall as punishment with no interactions with anyone else- they pulled meout of public school. The school filed truancy several times bc my parents didnt take me back. I then remember my parents taking me to court. They were trying very hard to remind me to be still and pay attention. I remember the eyes of the judge, they were surprisingly soft compared to the glare my ex-principle was giving me. Was sent to a detention school bc of the truancy, but the teachers theyre right away recognized "youre not supported to be here". I was always polite and well behaved, which is not the behavior you see at detention schools- kids go there when theyre kick out of school for bad behavior. All around from the judge, my parents, and the detention school teacher they were able to tell that no i was not a threat. I only learned years later my parents got a payout for what that principal did to single me out and punish me.
If standing in the regular line is distressing, a person with ADHD should 100% use the disability line. Every person with ADHD or autism etc may need different things. It is up to the individual to know if they need the accomodation that's definitely true. People are calling her TA because this individual placed herself in the "doesn't need the accomodation" category when she admitted that she can stand in the regular line just fine. Maybe she phrased it badly. It sounded as though her desire to use the disabled line is more about a payment from the universe because of other, unrelated difficulties she's experienced. But even if she doesn't typically need the accomodation, maybe at certain points of the day, like if its too hot, or shes getting hungry, she might need the accomodation, and she can use it for those times? People should have been nicer, cause she's only 14. She can learn to check her motivations against her own ethical beliefs and then decide.
I get what you’re saying but she didn’t say that, she said that her parents said that but she did say “I don’t get why I shouldn’t get to use my diagnosis for things to benefit me when it also brings so many disadvantages” she did word the post weirdly but I think what she meant by that is she has difficulty waiting due to her adhd and she believes the disability line would benefit her
there's so much internalized ableism in people with adhd because our experiences are constantly invalidated by NT folx; I feel like anyone saying that someone shouldn't get accommodations they need to examine their own biases and why they think other people should suffer just because they don't meet some invisible criteria for being "disabled enough"
Argh the responses they had to the ADHD girl are so upsetting. And the 'psychologist' husband has made me furious! It's not about learning coping skills or not. One can learn coping skills and be perfectly resourceful enough to find ways around things, doesn't mean they shouldn't take advantage of accommodations. It's an opportunity for her to not use up a spoon (spoon theory) and so make life a bit easier for someone with ADHD. A lot of those posters saying that she was wrong to want to use the accommodations, seem to have internalised ableist attitudes and are so use to having to 'work hard' and 'make do' and 'power through. Uff that makes me soo mad. I think you are spot on, it's so concerning that now she may feel not able to take up accommodations going forward, when that's what they are there for, and just struggle thinking that's how life is supposed to be :(
When I was at primary school, people would say, “You’re weird!” to me all the time. Looking back, I can see that might have been an attempt at bullying, but my complete obliviousness to social cues - or the fact I just kind of like being weird - made me smile, thank them, and carry on with my day. Their words were water off a duck’s back to me. Almost two decades later I’m still totally undiagnosed, but I understand a lot more about neurodivergence and how differently divergent brains can see the world, and its shone a new light on my own past experiences.
Having ADHD, and having grown up in a family big on amusement parks, I heartily concur that an ADHD friendly accomodation is a good idea. An ADHD friendly line option can save a person spoons that would otherwise limit their use of the park. Lines for rides are unusual both because of how long they can get, and because people are excitedly awaiting an experience. Visiting an amusement park is also exhausting, starting with tension over navigating the parking lot and entrance gates. So at any moment, you can run into parkgoers that are cranky as all get out, especially adults who have been navigating the park with kids. People get hot, tired, and hungry from all the walking, and frustrated over a million little things - from the price of tickets & merch to unexpected rules and ride closures. Under the best of circumstances, navigating a ride queue involves a combination of boredom and concentration. You have to constantly monitor how quickly the libe is moving, and that everyone in your party is keeping up. Even in heavily themed Disney queues where there are interesting details, there won’t be enough to make it an engaging experience. You have to keep an eye on the people behind you so that you don’t accidentally bump into them, and so that they don’t invade your personal space. And if it’s a really cramped line with just chain or rope dividers, you have to avoid bumping into people on either side. As someone with particularly nad proprioception who regularly risks accidentally bumping into people or hitting them woth my bags and whatnot, this aspect of waiting in line is partivularly difficult. Then there are the sensory inputs. You mjght have to deal with smoking/vaping, or people making a lot of noise. And because childrrn often have trouble waiting, you’re likely to see/hear kids hsving melt-downs, or getting in trouble for not standing still and quiet. Parents who are also tired are more likely to handle this poorly, and this can bring up a lot of bad menories as a fidgety former child. I think people are dismissing the difficulties placed in ADHD people’s ways because they’ve learned to cope tbeir way through it, and that they aren’t accounting for the toll this takes on them in so many ways, or that they can’t automatically tell when another ADHD person has less ability to do something than they do.
I have ADHD with severe time blindness. I will wait in ride lines all day. Is the line moving? Yes. Is there dopamine at the end of it? Yes. have I been in line for 2 hours? I dunno, there's gonna be dopamine same with waiting for my food in restaurants.
I was just thinking about this earlier, that people are mean to us ND folk, but the minute we assert ourselves and stand up for ourselves, we are outed to be the bad guy, and are the one who gets punished, while the other people get to walk scot free. I find that very relatable. Happy Sunday, much appreciated.
The line situation was surprising to me. I have ADHD and can relate to it being difficult to stand in line. I do agree that it's good to learn coping mechanisms along the way, but I see no harm in using the pass. Many places do not offer these accommodations with people with ADHD so it's important to learn coping mechanisms, but why not take advantage of an accommodation when you can? It was created for individuals with ADHD, and I feel her parents assumed that because she had innattentive ADHD, it wasn't meant for her. Seeing as that wasn't specified, I think it was awful of them to force that view on her.
I think you assume too much. There is no indication that she has inattentive adhd, or that her parents assumed as such. You try to justify something, but there isn't a justification, not for her parents and for society. Honestly a disgrace.
@@mauritsbol4806 Based on her description of her diagnosis, that is what I inferred. Regardless of what she has, she has a right to take advantage of something that is offered to her. You're right, there is no justification for this because there is nothing that needs to be justified. The choice is there, and it's up to each individual who can use it to decide whether or not they will. Your harsh demeanor tells me that you have issues with people wanting assistance despite not having a visible illness. It is never a disgrace to offer something that can make the lives of others easier. If you don't like it then don't use it 🤷🏿♀️ Life is hard enough as it is, and gatekeeping a mental illness while trying to decide who deserves help and who doesn't based on a SINGLE POST is not the flex you think it is. The only disgrace to this society are those who share your views. It's not that serious, take a breather.
When I was being diagnosed with cancer, I had that objection to ask for further consultations because I felt like my cancer wasn't serious enough to take resources away from sicker patients. This "accommodations" aita story reminded me of that time. Asking for help, adjustments is difficult enough. When they're there, offered, and you feel like using them would be a relief, go for it.
When there is a public discussion about ADHD, there often is a faction of people who either think someone else with ADHD is making them look bad and is "bad representation", or they act like they need to speak for people with ADHD and their diagnosis is some kind of badge of authority. The thing a lot of those people seem have in common, is that they're not part of an ADHD community and aren't educated much beyond their own experience. There is even a weird parallel to transmedicalists, like you only have "real ADHD", if you have an official diagnosis and that self diagnose is almost(to some people not even almost) proof that you can't have ADHD.
I think for the second story I’d like to point out a little detail, she mentions she masks her adhd symptoms in the beginning. I wonder whether she really hasn’t been able to express her actual needs when it comes to something like lines because she has been told to mask those needs, maybe not outright but by her parents reaction possibly unintentionally. I can see myself in a similar boat. It is kind of unusual for someone to know info about a specific parks disability policy unless they probably needed some sort of accommodation. This is just speculation on my part though. I think as neurodivergent people, some of us have internalized ableism that makes it so that we promote masking and accommodating to other people because of our experiences I think we have deep fear of somehow bothering people with just being ourselves.
This is interesting. I live in the US where the amusement parks have disability passes that allow you to go to the first of the line for each ride. Before I identified as a disabled or autistic adult myself, I would volunteer to be the adult chaperone (required) to take my autistic child relative on the rides. The rest of the family children got to join the line with us. I felt gleeful that I'd found a hack to get to the front of the line simply by babysitting because i LOVE rides as much as the kids! Now I've had a diagnosis and gone farther on my own journey of brain injury and autism. I could get one of those disabled tickets for myself now if I wanted to and I won't feel like I've been deceptive or had to find a "real" disabled person to go with.
18:35 this point exactly!!! I’m a 32-year-old woman who was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8, and while it’s important to learn some distress tolerance just like….to be functional in life, people without a given neurodiversity don’t understand that, like, no, it’s not the same as every five-year-old who needs to learn patience. It can be exponentially worse for someone with ADHD, and while coping strategies should absolutely be taught and practiced, forcing someone to just…make up their own way to deal with things without giving them any kind of help with that is more cruel than people seemed to understand at ALL back in the late 90s (when I was diagnosed). I’m sorry that it happened to the person responding here, bc I at least got diagnosed early on and had that advantage, but this was also well before the days of IEPs. There are SO MANY potential negative issues that co-occur with ADHD, and while most of them are at least partially related to brain chemistry & neuropathways, etc, a LOT of them are also caused or heavily influenced by a lack of knowledge, understanding, or accommodations. Anxiety, depression, feelings of failure/low self-esteem, addiction, lower likelihood of attending/completing higher education, potential difficulty maintaining employment, burnout, meltdowns, EDs, longterm relationship difficulties- all of these things are potential risks that come with any neurodivergence that is not recognized and helped appropriately. It makes me so happy to see the services that are offered to people today, which should include things like the coping skills the responder & I mentioned. Then you can practice those skills “in the field” and in semi-controlled situations- for instance, practicing with one line for every two that you skip, or whatever. That is how things should be, not by forcing someone to “just do it” when it may be exponentially harder for them than another. And offering someone carte blanche with accommodations is probably also less helpful, and definitely less helpful in terms of growing and learning to help with what you can. Trust me, I have plenty of anger and frustration the more I learn about ADHD and possible accommodations even now. As a child, I became very tied to the rules, and a big part of that was bc instead of teaching me strategies, I was just told like, “this is going to be harder for you than for most people, but that just means you need to be very careful and try even harder.” Not exactly helpful advice, as I can now see that it’s a bit like telling someone with weak eyesight, “well, other people will always be able to see farther than you, but that just means it’ll be harder for you and you need to try really hard.” And then expecting that person to figure out if squinting helps, or if they need to move closer, or ask to be moved to the front of the class, instead of just telling them that there are glasses and contacts and lasik, and suggesting the aforementioned strategies if they still need help. So yeah, I get angry sometimes, but anger is a secondary emotion. In this case, the anger I feel is coming from a deep sadness that we didn’t know more about ADHD and how to help when I was young- and that’s okay! I can mourn the experiences that were more difficult for me than they needed to be, and be angry that I didn’t have all the options people today have, and still be SO HAPPY to see the progress that the world is making. Just bc we struggled doesn’t mean everyone should have to when we now know better
I am also a girl with adhd and hearing that accommodations can help from someone who doesn’t downplay the disability part feels freeing, thank you for this. I remember that I went to six flags and I straight up had a breakdown because it was too hot and there was too many people in line and it was loud and I keep telling myself I don’t need accommodations but in reality I can benefit from it
That second one, wow! I’m glad that there were at least a few saying NTA, but for a while it felt like all of them were the other (wrong) side. I hope OP finds this video and sees how you approached it from the start.
With the last one, when it comes to suffering and asking for accommodations, it's nobody's call but the individual's to how much suffering they will tolerate. It doesn't matter if someone else suffered more or 'worse', because everyone's experience is different. For those of us who have had it really hard, it's hard to look at someone who hasn't struggled as much get help and have an easier time, but their struggle is just as valid and serious to them. I have a mindset of "I had it bad.... let's see how I can make sure other people don't."
As an adult someone made a sarcastic remark to me. It took me two years of thinking about it to realize it was sarcasm and the speaker meant the opposite of what he said. I wish I'd had a diagnosis as a child. I definitely could have used it.
If you mean the opposite of what you say, it's irony not sarcasm. Sarcasm is like an encrypted message, usually badly encrypted, so the recipient can feel smart for "getting it" and is more likely to agree with the message, because they feel flattered. High level sarcasm is confusing on purpose and you're not supposed to get it, if you don't have the necessary informations to "decrypt" it. Irony could be seen as a lower form of sarcasm, because the encryption is just the negative of a message.
@@pixelmotte Sarcasm often involves saying the opposite of what you mean. Someone who hates broccoli might say "Oh yes, you know how much I *looove* broccoli" or "Mmm, broccoli, *my favorite*" in a sarcastic tone to point out how much they dislike it - these would both be sarcastic but not ironic. Finding out the owner of the world's largest broccoli farm hates broccoli would be ironic - it's the opposite of what one would most likely expect, so it's opposite in a different way.
@@shockthetoast "Sarcasm often involves saying the opposite" = sarcasm often involves irony. That doesn't mean, that irony is sarcasm, just that it can be involved in sarcasm. That's like saying coffe often involves "white liquid", when replying to someone clarifying, that the white liquid is milk, not coffe.
@@pixelmotte I did not mean that sarcasm does not include irony. I was responding to your statement: "If you mean the opposite of what you say, it's irony not sarcasm." In fact, all dictionary definitions I can find include either "irony" or "opposite" in their definition of sarcasm.
@@shockthetoast Sarcasm can contain irony, but it doesn't have to. If irony is part of a sarcastic statement, it's still irony. If you use irony in sarcasm, it's usually an indicator, to point at what you mean. Btw. your examples of sarcasm are flawed. Your first statement is actually irony, not sarcasm, because the person actually hates broccoli, but the second can be sarcasm, because broccoli might not be their least favorite food. Sarcasm would be a statement like "oh why can't I have broccoli everyday, I love it so much", which does involve irony in the second half of the statement. If you cut off the second half, it's just sarcasm without irony.
It's taken me about 3 years to get the courage to ask for a seat on the bus. I'm 54 (but probably look younger?) and have scoliosis of the spine which makes standing uncomfortable but even in spite of that I've been afraid to ask because a) initiating a request, and b) invisible disability.
I think the first OP was so brave to stand up for herself like that. As an autistic person myself, I would be so scared to do or say anything at all if I was in her situation
My sister had to use the disabled queue at a theme park we went to because of a leg injury that had her in a wheelchair. It wasn’t even skipping the line for us, they just gave us a time to return as if we would have waited in the regular queue. We just didn’t have to stand in the line where her wheelchair would have been un-maneuverable
I learned about my diagnosis early in life and was raised to always stand up for myself and defend myself from bullies. I was and still am a "shouty autistic person " 😂
I have ADHD and for the longest time I had it in my head subconsciously that fun is supposed to be overwhelming and bring me to the edge of a meltdown. I was diagnosed early despite being inattentive, I've had medication since I was young, but only ever for school, so I was never actually medicated for any outings and "fun" activities. Turns out taking meds and earplugs make amusement parks a much more positive experience. I still catch myself being disappointed at the scale of something fun when I'm not completely drained by it, but I manage to remind myself that fun isn't supposed to be painful.
It’s crazy because the other lines aren’t even super fast sometimes, like, at Disney for example, they don’t just shuffle you to the front of the line- you still wait the same 130 minutes, but you don’t have to wait *in* line. My dad has a bum knee and this helped our experience at Disney because after 2 hours of just standing his knee was swollen and gross. Disability accommodations are important and you’re allowed to use them.
My dad has a bad knee too and that’s what I remember last time we went(which was years ago) that they just gave us a time to come back and we didn’t have to wait in line and make his knee hurt
Waiting for 130 minutes in a line? I'm surprised anyone is okay with waiting in a line for that long, even neurotypical people. I have ADHD and if I knew I had to wait for over two hours for a single ride... I'd just skip the entire "amusement" park and go do something more active and amusing... Like homework.
a major confusion during my life, people telling me that i need to stand up for myself but then complaining when I did (usually in cases where they thought I was doing something they thought I did wrong on purpose when I wasn't)
the irony in your tutor saying that bs about how "it's just 6 of one and half a dozen of the other," when she could easily have counted to confirm that, no, actually, it's just 1 of one and half a dozen (give or take) of the other. what a horrible comparison and fantastic way for that person to highlight the flaw and unfairness in her own logic
Two things: 1. When those parents said "the kind of ADHD", I think they may have been thinking of one of the three subtypes I've heard used for ADHD: Hyperactive, Inattentive, or Combined. I'm guessing they were talking about strictly Hyperactive, while OP may have been diagnosed with Inattentive. That's my speculation, but that's _NOT_ reflective of my opinion, which leads me to... 2. Alright, Meg, ya got me with the title. Pulled the internalized ableism right out on the floor to be called out. Here I was thinking that this person was going to tell a story of how they skipped the line without asking anyone and got punished for it, thinking they weren't in the wrong. Not only did I not even realize that I was filling in the details of a very harmful stereotype, but I also didn't realize that I was thinking they should "wait in line like everyone else has to". Completely didn't even think about a line for special accommodations that might very well be inclusive of ADHD, much less that the person would've gone out of their way to make sure it was allowed. I've been working on my internalized ableism, but I guess I still have some work to do. So like I saw another comment say, I hope OP sees this video. Moreover, I hope they see this comment apologizing for the judgment they received from internalized ableism-my own included. Like other people have said, not only NTA, but N/A. Literally, the amusement park has chosen to allow that accommodation for you. You have the right to accept. The opinions of others literally don't apply here-and, yes, that includes your parents'-because your choice doesn't involve them.
In the words of my psychologist: “if you have a diagnosis, and the law allows you to, it’s because there’s a reason. You don’t have to feel guilty about using the help you need”
It took me LONG to feel comfortable enough to use the priority line despite having the legal right. I felt guilty from that same line of thought of “my Tourette’s isn’t bad enough for this”. Which meant “I’m not being harshly judged from those around me because my tics tend to be more subtle from the outside, therefore, I don’t need accommodation and it’s unfair of me to use it”. Then one day I realized that wait: waiting in line makes me anxious (I do have adhd btw, and anxiety disorder), being anxious increase my tics, which includes tics that aren’t as noticeable for others (been many times told “I thought you were stretching”) but that causes me intense pain and harm (there’s some that affect my breathing, being a tic with the breathing itself or any other region attached to the respiratory system, I sometimes can “squeeze” (for a lack of better word, maybe “push back”) my own throat, I do neck movements that’s caused me to constantly have neck pain everyday and it worsens significantly when I’m subjected to an experience that increases my tics, i sometimes close my eyes real tight, to the point it hurts… There’s just so many little things people don’t usually notice). It took me way too long to realize that me getting faster through a line isn’t unfair to who can’t because they weren’t hurting themselves like I was, what was unfair was me having to have extreme neck pain from it, and that’s the reason why I do get to use the priority line. Still, I still feel the need to re-explain to some family members again and again why me using those lines isn’t “taking advantage if it”, it’s adapting in a world in which I suffered additionally from anyone else.
Standing up for yourself is good and should not be discouraged. I got bullied as a kid and when I tried to stand up for myself (i.e. hit back -- how subtle do you expect a 10-year-old to be?), I was the one who got into trouble, not the bullies. The result was that I ended up internalizing the message that I was worthless, and it took half a lifetime to unlearn that. All because of a bunch of teachers and parents who couldn't be bothered to take the abuse seriously.
Very late to this video, but my parents actually always told me to 'hit back', because they wisely knew that this is the only thing that bullies understand. Unfortunately, this kind of made things worse for me, because I wasn't the kind of child who could 'hit back' (didn't have an aggressive bone in my body)...but because I didn't want to disappoint my wonderful caring parents, I started pretending that I HAD hit back. So this made me feel even more isolated, because I couldn't tell my parents the truth about not being able to respond 'properly' to all the bullying incidents. My parents eventually removed me for the last 6 months of Primary School anyway, so I was lucky that at least they took it seriously, even though the school didn't.
I found your channel just a couple days ago, and I've been enjoying listening to you talk while I'm doing stuff like playing video games. I'm autistic and ADHD along with other things, and in Norway, where I live, if you're disabled you can get a "companion card" which basically allows you to (some places) bring a companion either for free or cheaper entry, and in certain theme parks, give you fast access pass. I grew up going to a theme park called Tusenfryd, which I believe is the biggest in Norway, once a year most years, and while I've always loved it, it's definitely an overstimulating and tiring experience. We'd always go in the middle of summer when the weather was nice, which means that the park is packed, and it's really hot and I don't deal with the heat very well. I don't have a lot of memories of when I was younger, but if I think back to the theme park without the fast access, most of the memories I do have aren't really happy me doing rides and enjoying myself, it's flooded with me being overstimulated, tired, warm and anxious. A couple of years ago I did get the companion card, and went to the theme park with my cousin as my companion, and it was a completely different experience to what I had been used to. While it was unusual and I felt really awkward using it, it eliminated a lot of the anxiety I had, less time in queues meant more time to chill out and calm down and make sure I don't end up having a meltdown or getting massively overstimulated. It allowed me to take the time I needed to do rides, instead of having to rush to different rides non stop to make sure I could fit in what I wanted to do. It allowed me to actually enjoy the park more than I had previously, because so much of the fear, anxiety, people, uncertainty around wait times, time spent queueing where my body builds up that anxiety and frustration and overwhelm because you can't sit down in a calm spot and wait in silence and peace, was reduced. I also want to mention that the companion card has helped me in a lot of other ways too, allowing me to get out and about and do things I can't do on my own. For example; I love concerts, but I can't attend them on my own. It allows me to bring a trusted person, usually my sister, without it being a massive hit financially for her or me, because we tend to split the cost of the one ticket we have to buy. I can't do things like concerts or museums or events on my own, and it would suck having to miss out on these things that I enjoy if these accommodations weren't a thing.
I'm really glad there were some supportive reddit comments near the end, I was starting to get really really angry. Internalized ableism prevented me from accessing accommodations when I was in uni. I ended up dropping out and years later I am still reeling from the consequences of that, still trying to pick myself back up. Imagine where I'd be if I had just sought the support I needed when I needed it. I have experienced these negative attitudes from people in my life as well, which only reinforced my own internalized ableism. Things had to get really really rough for me to see beyond it. No one should be made to feel like they're too inconsequential to accommodate. We should be making the world a more accepting place for everyone and meet people where they're at.
as someone who has been denied accommodations on the basis that i don’t “look disabled” your compassion when talking about the theme park situation made me cry. I dropped out of school because nobody would give me the help I needed and I began to feel like I shouldn’t need help and I simply wasn’t trying enough. I am so grateful to you and the videos you make, i truly feel like I am beginning to heal and be kinder to myself
As someone with adhd in a country where adhd it's not seen as an disability yet, what you said really touched my heart and reaffirmed myself. My therapist tell me I don't have to be ashamed to ask for accomodations or stuff like that, but I always feel guilty like "I'm not that bad to use that". I bought an noise cancelling headphone and it's helping me a lot with my sensory issues, but many people don't understand why I have to use it or say I'm just exaggerating, when I was in school a teacher even said that it was disrespectful and unnecessary. Thank you so much for this video and your words ❤
The disability pass at Disney just allows you to not have to physically wait in line. My cousin is autistic with high needs (unfortunately a reason my symptoms were looked over/dismissed until now) and he was given a disability pass. You can have 2 other people in that pass with you and it is amazing. You can’t wait in another line while waiting for a certain ride but you can walk around, find somewhere less overwhelming, sit down, etc until it is your turn in line. I am not in a rush to go back to Disney (my cousin loved it though), the insane crowds were a big thing for me, but that was really beneficial for us.
Honestly, when you're dealing with a bully, it always feels like there is no right answer. No magic bullet that allows you to get the upper hand. If you call them out or shout at them they just say, "I was just joking! Take a chill pill." and keep laughing at you. If you respond positively and act like you're not picking up on the insult, the think, "Wow. What an idiot. They don't understand I'm making fun of them." and keep laughing at you. If you just ignore them, they keep trying and trying to get a reaction out of you until finally you loose it with them and the KEEP. LAUGHING. AT. YOU.
oh my GOD those negative responses, especially from people with adhd! holy crap that's so awful, especially to be dumping on someone so young. i'm especially frustrated at the one that was like 'you JUST got diagnosed and now you want special treatment' like literally yes??? THAT'S THE POINT. you spend so much of your life with so much being a struggle, the whole point of getting a diagnosis is to make life easier. you should be able to get as many accommodations as you want as soon as you're diagnosed jfc. you made SO many good points here, especially the concern that she's going to internalise this idea (and it's so much worse now it's not just her parents, it's all these people with authoritative adhd experience!) i kind of hope she reacted the way i might've done seeing this if it was something i really wanted to do, i think it would've made me angry and pushed me to do it haha. also just. they're minimising the issue. theme parks are SUCH an overwhelming experience. for me, with diagnosed adhd and self diagnosed autism, i've always really loved them, especially rollercoasters, the adrenaline and sensory experience is next level for me. (i also have a big nostalgia attachment since i was obsessed with theme parks as a child.) but even though i love them, there's a lot about them that's really difficult! the waiting can be unbearable, especially around all those people and noises, but just in general at a theme park there's a lot going on. even if you're really enjoying yourself, that overstimulation can be difficult, especially in public (especially if you're NEWLY DIAGNOSED and used to masking!). you could love everything about the day, maybe waiting isn't even that hard for you, and it still be a very stressful experience overall, and i think regardless it'll exhaust you afterward. so to me it doesn't matter how you go waiting in queues, if accessibility options are available to you, you might as well take them. not only, like you said, to teach yourself that you deserve them (LOVED that!), but just to give yourself a nicer experience overall. we live in a world that makes even the best things hard for us, we should be allowed to do things that make them GOOD. and i will never ever understand the 'i suffered, you should too' or 'it's not that bad because you know how to handle it' mentality. it's SO gross. i cannot imagine, being in my 30s, telling a teenager they should suffer because presumably they've already been suffering. apply that logic to any other situation and you wouldn't say it. it's like they just want to live in a society full of trauma and never improve anything. it's like 'my life is hell so i don't want anyone else to enjoy theirs' but how do you not see that that would just make everyone worse to each other? i've been through hell too and i've never wanted LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO BE WORSE. god.
This 2nd scenario is so interesting. Its something I'm struggling with now, knowing whether to ask for accommodations or not and in what situations. I think because I lived 37 years oblivious to the fact I have autism and survived I feel like I shouldn't suddenly be asking for anything now. But the reality is my anxiety has gradually been getting more severe, my ability to do things has been reducing and actually there's many situations in the past where I would have really benefited from accommodations but struggled on thinking I just had to learn how to cope. This has led to me being in the situation I'm in now. I don't think I'm quite at the stage of asking for specific accommodations yet but my last trip (to London 😱) I chose to wear the sunflower lanyard when travelling and I do believe it really helped.
"Im not stupid, youre just learning" is a phrase going around i think is an applicable one in so many of these situations. Like im not weaponising my diagnosis, you just dont understand what personal experience is
I used to work in a theme park with this kind of accommodation. It doesn’t really work out as ‘skipping the line’ - you still need to wait the full queue time before you can use an accessible entrance again, you just don’t have to do it in the queue. I think they originally came to be mostly for people who are unable to stand for a long time or need easy access to a bathroom, but access needs go much beyond that and the parks are quite rightly evolving with this in mind. The system isn’t perfect, I know some parks are having an issue at the moment where there are more people using the accessible entrance than the main queue which means wait times are long for everyone again. But when everything goes to plan, these accommodations are there for a reason and anyone who needs them should make good use of them.
The second one is so reminicent of why I was so hesitant to ask for a closed caption screen at the theater for the first time. I have lots of good memories of theaters and I love to see movies on the big screen, but they are a sensory nightmare for me. And for the longest time it was just understood that accomodations at theaters were ONLY for the people who are deaf of "physically" hard of hearing.... not people with sensory issues that make sound painful or make it impossible to understand the dialogue under the background sounds. I finally one day asked and they were cool with getting me one. While they were setting it up I was falling over myself explaining why I needed it since I obviously could hear just fine at that point and the employee said kept reassuring me that it was completely valid and that anyone could use one if they wanted or needed. I still felt so guilty, what if they didn't have enough, what if an actual deaf person needed one and I had the last one? But I tell you what, it was the best feeling, sitting in the theater wearing earplugs that softened the loud sounds enough that I could hear them without pain, and having CC for the dialogue. I hadn't been able to enjoy a movie in years. If was after that I decided to try to advocate for more accommodations.
On the line skip one, I don't think I'd personally use that option.. unless I needed to. I think I'd say to wait in line until it's obvious it's a problem for you, and then take the option to use the adhd accommodations. I don't think I'd condemn someone for not doing that, but from what I know about myself, I would end up feeling guilty if I didn't at least try. Maybe that's a personal failing on my part. There probably is something to be said about learning coping mechanisms... Accommodations are good, but unfortunately not always available, and it's probably good to try to learn how to live without them if you can. But also, it's an amusement park, I think it's very wrong to ruin your trip for some sense of boot-strappy independence. I've been on more than enough vacations that ended up being physical and mental torture for me because I didn't have parents that understood or cared, and nobody should have to do that. If you think it's important to learn coping mechanisms, I'd say leave that for when you're not going somewhere to have fun.
People love to pretend ADHD isn't a real disability because it's "not as bad", as in it doesn't often present itself outwardly so it's easy for others to ignore it
I feel the amusement park girl. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASS until I was 40 (I’m now 49). I’ve never had any accomodations made for anything. In my family you get on with it, standards must be maintained even if you’re dying. I’ve only used my diagnosis once and that was recently. I was admitted to hospital with a severe infection and abscess after getting my wisdom tooth out. I’ve never had any real dental work, I don’t even have a filling! So that was huge. I took all the precautions and managed quite well with the difficult extraction. I did it because I didn’t want to go under anaesthetic in a hospital. I didn’t want to be in a hospital. My only other experience had been terrible and I struggled with an overnight stay so much - too hot, too many people, having to share a bathroom when I have issues with ‘needing’ to go endlessly (stress related). So it have it all go to pot and be admitted for who knew how long was seriously distressing. So I told them my diagnosis and insisted that I needed my mum to stay with me. They tolerated it for the most part and outwardly I managed though my blood pressure being through the roof despite my regular meds to control it would say I wasn’t doing great. One night head nurse was horrible and made both mum and me feel awful for her staying so mum went home for the next night and then the bombshell dropped. My surgery had not been successful in removing the abscess and I was slated for a second surgery. I had a massive meltdown. The first surgery had been traumatic because the breathing tube had to go in whilst I was conscious and I was terrified. I was absolutely positive I’d die on the table. My blood pressure went up to 200/whatever that number was. I tried not to wake everyone on the ward but the night was awful. I couldn’t sleep. I asked for help and the doctor couldn’t/wouldn’t give me anything to calm me down. Mum came back at 8am and the nurses were all relieved to see her. I had my second surgery - just as traumatic though they secured my airway via my nose (which had been the surgery that had set me off hating hospitals). I was relieved when I woke up from it but I had fully settled myself that I was going to die. Thankfully that surgery got the second, hidden, abscess and I was allowed to go home 48 hours later. 2 months on, I still have issues stemming from my stay and the antibiotics. I had nightmares for a good few weeks after. My sleep patterns are screwed, I’m still scared to sleep at night but my increased blood pressure meds are making it so my bp is now much, much lower so I’ve got to watch that it doesn’t go too low. I felt bad that I ‘played the autism card’ when I should clearly have been able to cope since I was nearly 49. No one else got to have loved ones there all the time. So yes, I feel bad that I did. But likewise I clearly needed the support. I spent my nights worrying about my poor mum. It took me away from melting down over my own situation. It really helped having her there. So my point is that OP isn’t wrong in using the system to benefit herself. She has a diagnosis and should utilise it. Her family are ignorant and it seems like they’re of the ‘standards must be maintained’ set that dictated my childhood and the majority of my adulthood.
My autistic child is the one who loves roller coasters in our family. And yes, we applied and got the DAS pass for our upcoming Disney trip. Technically you don’t skip the line, just wait outside of the line with the pass. I have also heard that the lightening lane is still a long wait since it’s not just ADA people using it but everyone who wants to pay to “skip the line”. So having a child with sensory issues I’m still a bit worried about it.
Hi! If you’ve already been to Disney then I hope you had a wonderful time! I have not been in ages but I remember that disability passes don’t wait in the lightning lane from what I remember (which could be wrong cuz it was years ago and it could’ve changed) they give you a reservation time to come back at least that’s what it was for my dad who has a bad knee if I remember correctly and they didn’t change the system
@@ninar9664 - Disney changed a few things recently and DAS goes through lightning lane in Disney World. Disneyland is a bit different as many rides don’t have lightening lanes at all and in there you go through the exit I believe (but you can also now reserve your time on the app which is amazing, no more paper tickets!). We had a great time and being able to wait outside of the line made all the difference.
As a person with (diagnosed) ADHD bad enough i almost needed special classes in school, it is no reason to be able to skip a line or get special treatment in terms of real world things. In a school setting, maybe but in most scenarios its nothing special really. And i genuinely hate it when people just say they have adhd or add or austism just to make me think their worse than me or other. I had an ex who said she had adhd and add at the same time... adhd is just add but with hyperactivity. If you have adhd yes you have add but you dont have both, you have adhd
18:20 that is a young boomer. Can’t imagine living with that chick when she’s 70. Probably still complains about: “When i was 10 gay rights didn’t exist, and recognition of neurodiversity didn’t exist, now back in my day, life was hard, so im gonna make your life hard”. What a wonderful world we live in, 28 yo boomers in the house
"BOOMER"? Why are you doing the same thing, by insulting another group of people, using the derogatory term, "Boomer", which is hypocritical, and immature, on your part.
I know this is a pretty straightforward react video, but as someone with (adult diagnosed) ADHD, this really made me reflect. I feel like in the past, I've been one of those "pick mes" - "oh I can access accommodations, but look at how not-disabled I am - I can push through without them!" Yuck. I struggle with self-identifying as someone with a disability, and the more I engage with content from disabled people, the more I find myself asking why that is. All this to say, thank you! I have some soul searching to do!
There is so much internalized ableism in the ADHD community. We are constantly told that if we just tried harder or cared more. I took me years to get my wife to stop thinking our ADHD daughter was using her diagnosis as an excuse for not completing tasks. So those of us with ADHD are so often told not to use it as an excuse and we internalize that messaging. I also have an autistic son. His diagnosis is taken far more seriously than my daughter’s diagnosis. I have to push so much harder to get my daughter’s school to give her accommodations and have them follow through then my son. While they both struggle, at this point it seems to me at least that society is much more accepting of autism than ADHD. Neither are accepted enough, but autism seems closer to that point than ADHD. So I think it’s understandable that so many people would be upset when someone else with ADHD gets accommodations that they were denied. It almost like they want all ADHD people to struggle in the same ways they have struggled. It’s not the right reaction, but it’s an understandable one.
It's so weird listening to this. I went to high school in the late 80s and early 90s and it was completely different. I was only diagnosed a few weeks back at 46, so don't know if there was anything in place, but nothing I can remember being in place for ND pupils. Bullying was very common, though I feel a lot of it was centred at me, and looking back I think a lot of it came from my undiagnosed autism For those in the UK (18 and over I think) there is something called the access card and it is accepted in a lot of places, including theme parks. It is awarded in line with your needs eg, trouble waiting in lines, needing someone with you, etc it costs £15 for 3 years, but you do have to supply a lot of information to obtain it. It also helps with allowing you to board a plane separately. Euro Disney also recognise it for their disability help, i.e. a separate line for attractions, and areas
infantilizing is so gross. i always just wanna pumch them but of course i wont. im at a transitional living program for neurodivergent and im one of the lower support needs people there but almost all the people on staff talks to me like that. its so frustrating to deal with it every day.
After my ADHD diagnosis, I was given the opportunity to take extra time on exams. I felt so guilty. I felt I didn’t “really” need it. Not any more than anyone else. I almost declined the accommodation. Thankfully I took it, and having extra time and a low sensory environment has done wonders for my mental health during exam seasons. I no longer have to have the anxiety of entering an exam and losing precious time trying to settle in and focus, or getting distracted for periods of time during the exam. Just because I had “good” grades beforehand, didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling to get them, and paying the price in other ways. Little things can make a huge difference.
I agree with you with the waiting in line one. I got diagnosed with adhd just this year and it made me realize just how much effort I put into doing certain things that neurotypical people dont use as much effort in, if something even if its a lil was able to help me I would be so happy it made my life easier:)
8:00 i am constantly told by my friends that i've gotten too loud without noticing, especially when i'm excited. it's super embarrassing and honestly just makes me want to die. especially when they say it in an embarrassed, slightly patronizing way...
Many amusement parks have a line accommodation service with reservations, so basically if you have adhd or autism or another disablility you are given a comparable wait time and reservation, you just don't have to wait in line. So it's not actually holidng anybody up
I don't know if this is related but I have autism and wear headphones in class, it took me ages to stop feeling guilty for wearing them when no one else was, it took me ages to realise I wasn't "being dramatic" and that it was something I actually needed to work properly in class
❤THANK YOU DEARLY ❤ It's so therapeutic to have you bring the humanity in. These terrible hiveminded, binarized takes on Reddit can get me gloomy. It helps a lot to keep Reddit's age/gender demographics in mind (heavily white, young, and male) - my loves, please don't ask a large subreddit how you should feel unless you specifically want to hear from that demographic!
gosh the second one is... frustrating. I am late diagnosed audhd (at 30) and I struggled through so many things because I just had to, and it left me exhausted and without any enjoyment from the situation. I had to weigh the pros of doing something fun vs the struggle of getting through it and recovering from it. 99% of the time I could stand in line, because I've experienced them as the calmest places in amusement parks, but I also stop going on rides much earlier because the lines were so exhausting. Accomodations are there to be taken advantage of so Idk why ppl get so up in arms when people use them. Also, not all ADHD people have the same struggles, so one person claiming they would never skip the line is just.. okay good for you then?
Crazy how accepting that people are these days with regards to mental health. When I was at school 20 years ago, I would have been called a certain R word repeatedly.
Wow people's reactions to the girl with ADD was one of the main reasons I never asked for extra time for exams etc in school or college. I didnt want people reacting like that because I've seen it so many times first hand. I was dealing with a severe mental illness but I felt like I didnt "deserve" the extra accommodation and that I should just suck it up like everyone else. Queue me at an exam spending the first half an hour calming myself from a panic attack so I started the exam later than everyone else. If anyone in a similar situation has experienced this please ask for the extra time. You deserve it, other people dont have to put uo with half the bs we do, that's why we need extra accommodations like this. Dint regret it like I do
Really excited to hear your thoughts on both! The second one especially. The majority of the comments are so angry!! Perhaps if she had phrased it better, people would be more understanding. I don’t think the word ‘benefit’ went down very well.
Hope you had a lovely week and thank you for sticking with me! 💛
If you missed the last AITA…
Hid my Daughter's Autism Diagnosis for YEARS | r/AITA ruclips.net/video/hqzpiGhJGVo/видео.html
And if you want to watch some lovely (and also maybe gross?) Actually Autistic TikToks: ruclips.net/video/I_usLViKHUo/видео.html
Okay, here's my take;
1. I agree that OP was not the asshole & that bully was probably unaccustomed to being caught & held accountable for her bad behavior
2. I'm gonna get a little devisive here with the ADHD girl cause so often people see THAT a thing might be wrong without understanding WHY a thing might be wrong. I feel, as always, this is a failure of our education in teaching us proper critical thinking skills.
Imho, it's not that the girl wanted to access the special accommodations as much as it was that that particular accommodation existed in the first place. (This is on the theme park; it exists & that's the policy maker's prerogative.)
As an AuDHD myself, I am all for special accommodations where the task being undertaken has a higher socially mandatory expectation, i.e., is difficult if not impossible to opt out of. People have to work, pay taxes, pay bills, learn skills, visit the doctors office, etc. These things really aren't optional & having accommodations to make them easier to access has the potential to make things easier for everyone, not just disabled people. I'm talking about systemic problems that are making it exponentially difficult for society to function with any kind of cohesion or stability.
I do not think this extends to waiting in line for a ride at a theme park; an entirely optional activity where everyone knows what to expect. Now, that's not to say these types of accommodations *shouldn't* exist, but I don't think they should apply to those of us who are able bodied & have a reasonable ability to self regulate. I know this is gonna be a hot take, but for those of us who are capable of presenting in a by & large "relatable" way to allistc people, we shouldn't be seeing ourselves as in-capable, or rather, *more deserving* of good things than our NT counterparts. It does & will breed nothing but resentment & contempt. And to me, it is more infantalising & dis-abalist than any individual trying to invalidate me.
I do in Most cases feel it is & should be up to the individual as to what kinds of accommodations they need, when & where they are wanting & capable of doing so. But I also feel it is incumbent upon the individual to weigh the circumstance & importance of the accommodations they seek, as well as be kept in check by their peers when their expectations are or have the potential to be damaging to those around them. Most of us have great potential for empathy, often because we receive so little of it ourselves. And I don't know this girls situation, but I didn't get the impression she was considering how cutting in front of everyone, if she had the ability to wait in line, would make those other park-goers feel.
Idk, it's a real grey area...
However, I do wish her parents had posited their opinions better. I very much feel that most of us ND's are quite reasonable, but we do need better explanations than, "that doesn't apply to you," & "that's just the way things are"... we really need to put more emphasis on critical thought. Also she is still very young & I can't say I wouldn't have wanted to take advantage of such accommodations had I been in her shoes, soooo
Again, grey
Youre super ableist lady. You seem to relish in that I suffer pain.
This sort of attitude towards people with disabilities not being allowed accommodations is part of why I might never know conclusively if I'm ASD or schizoid personality disorder. Aka, the autism that's been so tarred by serial killers that it's not allowed to be called autism. (Not entirely joking there, ScPD is basically just autism with hypo-sensitivity to your need for attachment and often activated by abuse and neglect)
I agree with pretty much all you said. In the second case, the parents say she should not use the "line cutting". But it's very hard for parents to understand the extent of the condition & it's very hard to convey everything you perceive as an ADHDer. Especially as everything will seem completely normal to you, At that young age, even with a diagnosis, you will be relatively clueless, i imagine.
I did get a little tingle when you said, a couple of times, "what is the point of getting a diagnosis, if not to get accommodations?" I think that's probably true in her case & quite a few others. But for a lot of adults, they would just be seeking self-knowledge & understanding. They've probably fallen into careers/lifestyles which don't cause burnout, meltdowns & shutdowns. Hopefully & probably, after painful trail & error. I think it's still okay for those people to get a diagnosis & i think you probably think that too.
Schools are worst now when was at high
school teachers let students attack people with
that's metal campus and now the same school
now 10 years or SO later let males students S,A
female students in and out of school, the school
are aware even had a meet with them to do
with them attacking me and my assistance dog
and they said there students can do what they
like, school even stop thr police being involed by
saying they will deal with it internally
When I hear "the type of ADHD" that the parent's are talking about, I imagine they mean 'the type where other people know that we have a disabled child'.
Yeah, I was immediately reminded of how much my ex was protesting when I got our son a pair of crutches. He became an ex because I could see that the boy needed a wheelchair, and the ex would have thrown a tantrum if we had still been in his house when we got the chair.
Good riddance!
Exactly this.
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 It's horrible when people refuse others accomodations, especially family members. As a person who needs crutches and will pobably need a wheelchair in the future but has neiother because of my family and shitty doctors it means a lot to see a parent recognise their child's struggles and put in an effort to support them.
YES you put it so clearly. It's ridiculous that this othering was lost on the responders, especially the one making the point about how women already have a rough time getting diagnosed.
Like yes, it is difficult that our struggles are ignored due to not fitting the stereotype of the disability. Now how in the next breath, did they ignore the "wrong kind of ADHD" notion from the OP's parents that plays into exactly this issue, and insist that actually if we have to work extra hard for our equal recognition, we should appeal to the lacking awareness of ADHD representation, and make sure not to visibly use accomodations too much?
Like no, we work through the stereotyping for our right to access accomodations that help us. OP using the line option for people with ADHD isn't going to oversaturate the privilege, it's going to use it for what's intended. OP isn't just one of a huge mass of people with masked ADHD just waiting to take advantage, even if everyone in town with ADHD showed up on the same day to use it, the line will still be shorter than the standard line, and serve its purpose.
hahah
same with autism
i sometimes feel invalid because i feel like i'm not "disabled enough"
i suppose that's what ableism does.
I'm an AuDHDer who loves amusement park rides. Also the comments on the second AITA post feel to me like people projecting their own internalized ableism onto OP. I can't speak for others but if I had to guess based on my experience with internalized ableism, I sometimes feel like I'm asking for too much when requesting accommodations. As part of that I can feel frustrated when someone I PERCEIVE as not needing them (but like how would I even know what their needs are?) asks for accommodations. Also being a people pleaser I sometimes project that onto others. I'll think, "Well, I have forgone accommodations to keep the allistics happy, so why should THEY get to ask for accommodations?"
Yes! I think this is a super wise comment.
Glad you said this!! I was internally screaming "INTERNALIZED ABLEISM" the entire time I was hearing the comments
This is something that I struggle with. I went through a medical battle in my infancy and now experience a fair deal of medical issues regularly. When anyone complains about health issues I immediately start minimizing their suffering in my head. I attack them viciously. I don't let those feelings out because I know they're wrong and I hate having them. People hurt and just because their pain isn't worse or their suffering isn't greater than someone else's doesn't mean it's invalid.
For me the desire I have for others to suffer is rooted in feeling alone for so long. Because I don't want to be alone part of me wants others to suffer as I have so that I won't be alone and so that I can have mutually beneficial relationships instead of just being the mature level headed and temperate voice in people's heads. I don't want to be a saint, I don't want to be admired, I don't want to be an inspiration. I had to be strong, so that's all I know now. I'm tired of being strong, but I can't be weak, so it's either strong or dead.
I acknowledge that these feelings are unkind and I don't want others to go through pain just because I had to, but it'd be nice if I didn't have to be around happy people so much.
I have a lot of issues, sorry if I started rambling. Just give people the benefit of the doubt or try to see beyond their words. We're all in pain and suffering in some way, even if it doesn't appear so.
@@Anonymous-zk7yk Thank you for sharing your perspective-I relate to this very heavily, and it's been extra hard to accept that over time. If it helps, how I see it, it takes a certain (read: healthy) amount of "weakness" (read: vulnerability in openness/transparency) to be able to admit that. Sure, it takes some strength, but that's definitely not the entire equation there.
@@TheCloverAffiliate12 Sorry, I just realized the part about being strong wasn't clear at all. I failed to word properly.
I had to be strong because of everything I've gone through (medical issues, abuse, etc.). I smashed myself into pieces in order to make others more comfortable around me and hide everything I was going through because I knew it was too much for others to handle.
Gosh I hope the OP of the amusement park post sees this and feels validated and supported. I felt so bad for them and can only imagine how the RSD is hitting them after that. Their parents should be ashamed.
Yeah I was just thinking this. When people post reaction videos to subreddits, do they also reply on the subreddit with a link to their video? Especially in a case like this where there is potentially life advice that could benefit the OP.
I commented to her on one of their other posts with the link! Hopefully she sees it >
@@vanessarl8I hope op ended up seeing this vid. I couldn’t believe the amount of people saying they were TA and needed to stand in the reg line. (Esp when you’re still waiting in line. The accommodation just means you don’t have to *stand* there)
@@WaffleSalad Totally! And yeah I hope so too bc she didn't reply, but hopefully at least she saw the message! Either way I think op noticed other ppl supporting and will be ok I'm sure :)
I don't know if this amusement park is the same, but my experience is that we were given a buzzer and still had to wait our turn, just not in the line, so it was easier to manage. Perhaps this would change the parents minds, but also the OP should take every accommodation available to them because life is hard and making I easier is good.
Love how reddit has ruined the soul of one insecure girl and many more that probably clicked on the reddit and were like nah i dont wanna pursue a adhd diagnosis, society will just pitchfork you. Truly fuckin amazing
The stigma around me is why I haven't tried to get a diagnosis for anything. I know I'm not "normal", I'm just afraid of getting gaslit.
Just seeing how much trouble my (female) ADHD friends have gone through and not even gotten a diagnosis, I’m f-ing not even bothering. Would I even get help? Only if I want to spend the rest of my life depending on controlled substances.
It pissed me off so much to read those responses
@scathach2815 but even without a diagnosis you'll still be gaslit, maybe even more depending on the situation. It's basically one big "damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't" hell for many of us unfortunately.
@@scathach2815 I got the idea I might have ADHD at age 30. I started persuing a diagnosis. Not necessarily for others to know, but for my own peace of mind. After a year of waiting, I finally got a place at a clinic and got my diagnosis at age 31. That was about 4 month ago. I feel so much more secure about myself.
I prefer the stigma of ADHD over the stigma of being lazy and unorganized because of lacking willpower.
Still, it's up to you to decide what you prefer. I just wanted to offer a different point of view to this subject.
The discussion about the amusement park was interesting, because technically there isn't even a discussion possible. The company has decided for themselves that people with ADHD can skip line, so they just can. An amusement park is it's own world and not the same as "society" or a country, it's a commercial company. Also, people can't just get a diagnosis "willy nilly", so the amount of people with ADHD/ASD and thus using this fast pass will possibly be limited anyway.
I also feel that most people are so unhappy in their own lives (or have leftover childhood traumas), that they can't even grant disabled people a bit of help, how sad. Because they feel or felt miserable in their life, everybody needs to be miserable now...
yeah, and that does progress. You can try to make people's lives better, but if you are 40 and miserable you will just outdo any progress by making your kids suffer as well. How often i hear this sentiment, either explicit or implicitly. My mother uses this argument like "OH DON'T WE ALL HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM" well stfu. This is the best example i can give about how people's expectations are messed up. It literally reads also for adhd. She adhd, case closed. There is no debate. if i could get a penny for every miserable soul i would be a fucking millionaire.
Totally agree. At the end of the day it was a decision the park company made! Other opinions are pointless. I’d say skip the line! If I had a formal diagnosis I would too and feel guilt free.
@@FeyPax Speaking as someone with a rather major physical disability, i say when it comes to special lines? More the merrier. Nothing lonelier than being the only person in a line, so its nice to meet new people there and have someone to talk with while waiting. Doing otherwise would be literal gatekeeping.
@@misha5670I love and appreciate your perspective on this
@@misha5670 I'm Autistic and lines make my skin crawl. While it's slightly better since covid people will practically stand on my heals refuse to back off and move closer if I try to move away It's all deeply violating feeling. I'd rather hang with you you seem nice.
I completely agree with your take on the amusement park accommodations. Anyone with a diagnosis deserves to consider using the accommodations available. People being open about accepting accommodations will only educate the population about the wide variety of people who have invisible disabilities and can benefit from accommodations. The Reddit commenters are out of control, so aggressive.
Glad it's not just me! I completely agree. We should normalise accepting help.
I feel so sorry for this poor girl.
Sounds like their parents don't actually believe their child is disabled. I feel like it's too common among neurotypical people to think that ADHD isn't a "real" disability.
Also, what about the fast lane for those who can afford to pay extra, nobody is complaining about that I suppose because money.
Pssh I'd use them if I couldn't wait. I know my threshold for amusement park rides. Anything longer than 1 hour and I start to get uncomfortable IF I don't have something to distract me. At the 2 hour mark I start to lose it. Each person's different.
I was just at a comic con, and I had the ADA pass. The number of possibly mentally disabled and even visibly physically disabled people who were in the normal line because they probably simply didn’t know about the accommodations was sad. My mom, who was with me, like made it her job to tell people about the ADA pass, as well as letting other disabled people without a pass go ahead of us.
the reddit adhd community is soooo ableist. they give me that "aspie supremacy" vibe. for them its assimilation over accommodations
YESS this is exactly how I feel about it too ❤
The Reddit autism community has its problems too. I am autistic but not disabled and people were telling me I am disabled because I’m autistic. Autism is not inherently a disability, and it’s valid to be disabled and autistic, but not everyone is. Those people acted like they knew me.
@@lumay5940 yeah no i agree. i dont think the reddit autism community is free of criticism. also just curious, what do you feel autism is if not a disability? it is classified as a developmental disability so i'm very curious
I mostly steer clear of r/adhd, but r/adhdwomen is a fairly lovely, welcoming place that disavows r/adhd. They are happy to offer tips and advice, or just a place to scream into the void about finally finding your glasses after three days chilling with your milk in the fridge.
@@strawabriautism is classified as a disablility I believe under the ADA but maybe they don’t feel like disability fits them which is valid
The second AITA post…those responses are just filled with…cruelty. So much venom even from those who replied to someone just asking for info. I wonder if her being a 17 year old girl influenced the harshness of those replies.
Seriously enraging.
Bit late to the party, but I normally can feel ok after reading such cruel responses by just reminding myself that many (not all) people suck. But that line “you’re an embarrassment to the adhd community” or whatever? That is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard in a while. I cannot rid myself of that rage 🤬
Also for the amusement park question - I think the OP's parents are terrified of being looked at as having a disabled child by the members of the "normal" queue. Internalized ableism towards their own family!
It reminds me of asking for acommodations for my autism at my previous job. The boss denied my request for a meeting about it that I could prepare for, and said she has an autistic relative, and that I don't have "the type of autism" that he does, and therefore I don't need to be making any disability accommodation requests at work. After that I was pressured by the boss essentially to "appear less different" "blend in more" "try to fit in and socialize more" etc and I realized they were embarassed by how I was different from other workers. My job performance was highly valued but this other stuff broke me. I finally buckled under the stress of masking and had a meltdown at work two days in a row and quit of embarassment.
the ableismmmm. It's like if you have ADHD, that's not enough (you don't have autism); if you are autistic OH BUT YOU'RE NOT *THAT* TYPE OF AUTISTIC. IT'S NEVER ENOUGH FOR THOSE PEOPLEEE I wanna punch a pillow😡
I did sit down with one boss and got the “Everyone’s a little ADHD” line.
Now I know better. I think they need a pamphlet to go with your diagnosis on “Disabilities and Your Rights” that covers the law. Where I am the law says you are entitled to any reasonable accommodation. This includes a very detailed description and examples in case an employer doesn’t agree what is reasonable. As an example, an employer renovating their office with wheelchair ramps and lifts is reasonable. So asking for a sensory friendly workspace or a wiggle chair shouldn’t require an argument and dragging HR into the mix.
@@coffeegonewrongoh my god i hate when people go "everyones this" or "everyones a little that", it just downplays everything!!
because of people who go "oh everyone experiences that and has adhd!" even from my own family it downplayed my struggles AND MY TRAUMAS. its so gross i hate when people do this, idk how to explain it but its kinda like a weird version of erasure ig. idfk its weird and its so harmful to us, esp when were already stigmatized, or when its super hard to get a diagnosis from some people like myself
Wow, even in my Right to be Fired AKA Right to Work state, that's a clear case for discrimination. Ofc, businesses often lean heavily on the fact that workers don't know their rights. And HR exists specifically to cover the asses of the bosses - HR is _not_ your friend!
@@lemonmeat That reminds me of my mother dismissing ADHD as parents letting their kids drink caffeinated sodas. Not sure how she explained away my brother's textbook case of ADHD given we weren't allowed to drink caffeinated sodas. Well no, I know how she handled that - she just point blank denied it and forced his teachers to accommodate him and his excess energy/inability to sit still.
Granted, I do think that having him sit at the back of the classroom so he could get up and move around without disturbing or distracting the other students was probably the best solution (and he continued to get straight As). But it was borne out of my mother point blank refusing to believe ADHD was real and being offended at the teacher suggesting that something might be "wrong" with him (my mother's words, not the teacher's).
Most amusement parks that have a "disability friendly queue," don't actually let you skip ahead of other people that got there first. It's more like a quiet spot away from the main line while you wait your turn. Sort of like at a deli or whatever, where you take a number so you don't necessarily have to stand in the line, you go when your number is called. If there were 43 people ahead of you in the line and you check in to the sensory/disability accessible queue, you'll still be number 44, you'll just be number 44 away from the rest of the people.
Whereas the fastpass/skip the line passes that you get for a higher fee are far more "entitled," because it's basically, "I'm rich, so I deserve to jump ahead of the line and all you filthy peons have to wait, hahaha!" whereas the disability accessible line is literally just, "I'll wait my turn, just not in the line, surrounded by people, so I don't get sensory overload and I can have something to do while I wait."
I hate this "Oh but you could do it before" thing. Its like they don't get that the reason they could do it before was because they were masking which is exhausting.
And it's an AMUSEMENT park, for Pete's sake! Why should she have to experience so much of it as if it were work that she has to pay to do?
So many of the YTA answers reeked of "You freak, you should be thankful that you are let in at all!"
Even from the people who had ADHD or autism themselves. It felt like there was a lot of internalised ablism going on.
@@jamesfennell4224 , exactly!
I'd be like, yeah I could do it, but I felt like crud on a stick the whole time. Who wants to be overloaded up to your eyeballs while you're there to have fun.
I get very frustrated to the point of tears when I don't understand something (I'm also autistic)
So if someone was making fun of me in class. And I didn't know what was going on. I'd 100% have gotten frustrated.
Also, this girl is, what was it.. 14? You don't have proper emotional regulation at that age, even as an alliatic person.
Autistic people have an even harder time with emotional regulation. I definitely don't think the girl was in the wrong.
I can get mad and upset. And then without even realizing it I've shouted in frustration. And I'm a whole ass adult (28) so if I were only 14..
Like, obviously don't billy back. That's never the right thing to do. But always defend yourself.
Honestly, shouting in frustration is incredibly mild compared to the sorts of ways 14-16 year old undiagnosed autistic me dealt with people causing me frustration and I only avoided getting in trouble because I was a good student
@@miglek9613 it's also mild for me... If I'm alone I'll throw (soft) things.. smash my pillows into the floor.. and sometimes other things that aren't.. probably that great.. when I'm very frustrated, or very angry or upset.
So yeah, I think a quick shout is literally the least of their problems. Shouting is like.. the warning that it's time to find a quiet spot to calm down. Else it get worse
And I definitely wasn't a "good student" as someone who had undiagnosed ASD, ADHD and 3 learning disabilities.. school didn't go well for me
I’m not autistic but I also can’t read tone or body language very well, but I’m so awkward I just smile silently if I don’t understand it 😅 I think it’s cooler if you dont accept bullshit and stand up for yourself
@@TadanoCandy that's the things about Autism though.. we also don't have the best emotional regulation. Not that we don't try. But as a child, when your emotional regulation already isn't fully developed.
Then add the fact that it's worse due to asd emotional regulation issues. It's not always a choice. I don't choose to get angry. I don't choose to have intense, extreme bursts of anger. It just happens, because that's how our brains are wired. As we get older we can learn to.. mask it, tamp it down. Wait until we're alone.
But, there's only so much a kid can do.
It's not about "being cool" it's a full body reaction that happens weather you want it to or not.
Even now, when an outburst is... Let's say controllable. My heart rate goes up. I have a watch, and it tracks my heart rate suddenly going up. My muscles contract, in an urge to expel the anger, like it's energy. It can look like "throwing a fit" aka having a meltdown. Or it can look like having a shutdown.
It can look like harming yourself. It can be intense self soothing behaviors.
I’m also not a big fan of tone policing people who are responding to bullying. She was mot excessive nor mean she just emotionally reacted to a situation that was stressing her
At first, I asked myself, "Would I utilize an ADHD-specific line if supermarkets offered it?" My immediate response was, "Absolutely not. I can handle the standard process. I don't feel privileged." But then I pondered how frequently I've chosen to shop at pricier, smaller stores instead of supermarkets, merely to avoid the discomfort of queues and the overall shopping experience.
I recalled the ease of shopping at 24/7 supermarkets during my nocturnal periods, when I'd do my grocery shopping between 2:00-4:00 am. Even now, while medicated, I have more control over my ADHD and understand that the emotions I experience while waiting in line aren't universal; they don't represent the typical customer's feelings.
So, in reality, eight times out of ten, I've found myself subconsciously circumventing these situations. And this happened even without parental influences urging me to do so. Upon reflection, it appears I was managing my discomfort by not putting myself in those situations to begin with.
This marks another significant milestone in my journey of self-discovery, underscoring how much there is still to learn and understand about myself. It feels like I've spent my entire life conditioned to identify my emotions and behaviors within certain predefined labels, rarely pausing to question their accuracy or validity.
I wonder how many individuals remain undiagnosed because they are even more deeply entrenched in the denial of their internal struggles than I am?
I really miss the stores that were open past midnight. That was my favorite time to shop…so calm, so quiet, so much easier to put some space between me and other people in the store.
I have ADHD too and I also shop at smaller boutique type stores and tend to go late in the night when they're more busy. Is this an adhd thing?
Thank you for sharing this ❤
I keep bumping into some internalized ableism when I least expect it when AITA are presented & that's why I benefit so much from pausing, processing, and listening to the experiences of others.
What a bizarre and complicated thing, this humanity thing is.
Hope all reading this are well 🌻
I admit most of my previous experience with AITA was stuff that AskAubry posted on Twitter and was usually pretty sexist and/or someone wanting to know if their romantic partner emotionally manipulating/gaslighting/abusing them was okay.
But I'm not on Reddit, so... Well, I'm not on Twitter either anymore. lol
The comments on that theme park post are WILD! I feel so upset for that girl, they were so unbelievably hostile.
I'd be so upset if I'd received those comments. Especially at such a sensitive age.
@@imautisticnowwhat ADHD is NOT A PHYSICAL DISABILITY. She is capable of waiting on line with everybody else, and should do so.
@@wmdkitty You don't know her personal experiences; if waiting in line gives her extreme anxiety or irritability, for instance.
@@wmdkittynot everyone who has a disability is visibly disabled, even the "physical" ones. This reaks of ableism.
@@wmdkitty wait until you learn that the brain is a part of the body
The park story was extremely frustrating the majority of the comments being extremely ableist and proud of it, disabilities are not sickness just because someone is on a wheelchair they're not pitiful we all deserve to be treated as persons that just like everyone else has struggles and that's why is important regulations that can guarantee accomodations because we deserve the same opportunities
Just because a disability isn’t easily visible doesn’t mean it’s not valid and real. Thanks for being so supportive of the girl with ADHD. I can’t believe all the terrible comments she got :( I hope she’s doing okay
Like... sort of an example. I'm legally blind because my optic nerves didn't develop completely. There are some people who think I'm not blind enough because I don't have a cane or a parking pass.
It's not 'expected' The park *offers* it for those who need it. If she feels like she needs it, then she should use it. Doesnt matter if other adhders can wait in line or figured out a way to deal. If she cant, then she has every right to do so BECAUSE THE PARK OFFERED IT. Going to a theme park is a vacation and if a separate line for disabilities helps make disabled peoples day better, why not take advantage if it... Especially there are other lines in life that arent accomidating
I agree. Sometimes you don’t realize how bad an experience really was until you have permission to change it.
My partner gave me earplugs for Christmas as permission to wear them when household noise was too much to handle. Now i know it wasn’t my kids exhausting me, just the volume they produce. This lets me enjoy my time more and doesn’t take away from anyone else’s experience.
But she doesn't NEED it, she's just impatient.
@@wmdkitty First off: you don't know that. Masking doesn't mean you're totally fine with whatever it is you're masking from/with. Alternatively there could also be a limit to the masking. I'm totally fine waiting a line (depending on noise level) for an hour and a half maybe two hours. Anything passed that and it gets really hard even with the things I have on me to help. It has nothing to do with being impatient. It has everything to do with being overstimmed by that point.
Secondly: she never said she *would* use it. She just posed a question to her parents who then blew up over it and then got half the internet mad at her because 'if we can wait, so can you' which is absolutely dumb. Your experience is not hers. Inattentives (which is what she sounds like she is) struggle too. Just because they're not bouncing off the walls, doesn't mean their brains aren't screaming at them.
If there's accommodations for ADHD, she has every right to use them simply because she has the *only* thing she needs to use it: a diagnosis.
@@wmdkitty i (autistic) technically don’t NEED headphones or earplugs in public. i could just not wear them, and i’d look fine to everyone else while slowly chipping away at my sanity and my soul and my Act Like A Normal Person battery more than is necessary. i don’t NEED it, i’m just uncomfortable. but i wear the headphones anyway, because i’m not a martyr and i’m allowed to make the world slightly more comfortable for myself when it’s already hostile to my entire person.
adhd is a disability. waiting in line for people with adhd can be actually literally painful. this girl is allowed to make accommodations for herself. this is in line with many other accommodations given to people with adhd. she’s completely in the right.
@@wmdkitty 👀 ew, just say you're a toxic ableistic AH and go. YTA in this situation. 🤡
Amusement park: adds accomodation for disabled people
Disabled person: “ooh maybe that could help me”
Other people: “no that’s not for you, stop being entitled”
the line one upsets me deeply as someone with ADHD.... my whole life, waiting in lines have always set me off and made me really irritable and all around ruin my experience at amusement parks, so if there's an accomodation to make that better? fuck yeah we should have it
Same it’s half the reason I don’t go.
No we shouldn't. We aren't special, dude. Lines make me almost homicidal, but I don't deserve to go before someone who's been waiting. I have Add, mdd, and gad. Im 30.
@@maryssalynnemedley8871 ok then don't take the special line if you don't feel that you need to. you just don't get to say what other people with disability can and can't do 🤷🏼
@@itsyaboidenise fair enough, it just does seem as though a lot of people use it at unnecessary times nowadays. Maybe I'm just jaded; so I apologize for being offensive.
@@maryssalynnemedley8871 having a disability or disorder DOES makes us special and companies have it in their interest to want to make their parks more friendly to people with disabilities so families with adhd family members won't be discouraged to go due to it being too hard on the family member with disability and special needs. You having a problem with that is a YOU problem and you're most likely just making your own life so much harder and stressful on yourself and susceptible to BURN OUT by not taking accommodations when they are offered.
"Just ignore them and they'll go away," is standard advice that I got from a lot of adults. Also the worst advice because in the real world it doesn't work. Not if you're their chosen target. No response just means that you'll take it when they pick on you so it's safe for them to keep on doing it until you finally crack and end up being the one in trouble.
That's true in my experience too, unfortunately.
Yeah, “don’t let them see that it bothers you and they’ll get bored and go away” or “don’t let it get to you” was what I was always told. My answer was “ How do I not let it get to me?” If I got a reply other than “you just do” I don’t remember what it was, and it certainly wasn’t helpful if I did.
@@julieforeI had the exact same from my parents! So when I finally cried, it was MY fault the bullies taunted me?
I have EDS and my brother has ADHD. As 90s kids, we never thought we were "disabled enough" for the fast track line at amusement parks, and were made to blame ourselves when we'd melt down later in the day.
Now we use the fast track line and have an amazing time! I love going to parks knowing I won't be in serious pain by dinnertime, my brother and I won't melt down on our friends and family, and that I'll be a functional human the next day!
OP is right, there's hardly anyone there so we're not 'stealing' seats from anyone else. Other fast-track guests and employees have never made us feel bad or defensive for having the pass. Even the regular queue people very rarely give us dirty looks. Almost like many people in the 2020s realize invisible disabilities are a thing. :-D
Also our nearest park has a system where fast-trackers have to wait 45 minutes between rides. This discourages abuse of the pass. We don't get to ride way more than everyone else. These forced breaks between rides also help us pace ourselves and practice self-care throughout the day.
This made me think of an example of something that happened to me at a theme park long before I knew I had autism. It was a long line on a hot day. I hadn't noticed I needed something to drink until we'd been in line for about 1/2 hour. I saw someone selling lemonades to people in the line so I left my friend to hold our place and walked over to try to get one from the vendor. I got the entitled lecture then, he wasn't serving my part of the line and I just needed to wait my turn. I returned to my friend. About 10 minutes later. My ears started ringing. A minute after that my field of vision started narrowing. I asked my friend to lead me out of line and to a bench. By the time we got out of the line I was vomitting and could not see at all. She got me to the bench and my head down just in time to prevent me from fully passing out. I ended up spending pretty much the rest of the day at the park sitting in the shade drinking water. If they offer the accomondations to neuro-divergent people for a reason. People should go ahead and use it. You probably never think of all the ways that you could be disadvantaged or harmed in this situation. My autism probably contributed both to my not realizing I how dehydrated I was and not being able to convince the vendor to let me buy a drink in time to prevent this. I'm really appalled that so many people who themselves are neuro-divergent piled on in telliing this person not to.
"the people who actually deserve" jesus christ, tell me you dont believe your kid has a diagnosis without telling me you dont believe your kid has the diagnosis
I bump into similar attitudes in the ADHD community as well, and I think it really adds to the attitude from society at large that these invisible disabilities aren't real and don't need to be accommodated. I think it can be internalized ableism, blindness to privilege (ie: not understanding that there could be folks with greater levels of struggle/ higher support needs--a lot of times I hear it from people who were diagnosed as children long ago and received treatment/support in developing coping skills early on (like that user who spoke about her parents teaching her to wait) who don't seem to realize that others who went undiagnosed or didn't get the same levels of support might still be working to develop certain skills. I think that unfortunately, a lot of these people would also balk at the idea of work accommodations as well. It's a real bummer.
I would say there is not one ADHD community(not even on one website, because of language differences) and it's mostly people who don't engage that much with the topic, or an ADHD community, that have the most negative additutes and the most internalised ableism.
It seems to be mostly a lack of education and contact to different experiences, because there are a lot of people who were diagnosed as a child and who never had to learn about ADHD and found a community because of it, but just see it as what kept them from being accepted as a child.
That doesn't keep those people from wanting to share their view and their experiences, but they're usually heavily colored by their neurotypical environment and they don't seem to be aware of this bias.
"that these invisible disabilities arent real and dont need to be accommodated" i think one of the things that fuels this is people who go "everyone has these things you arent adhd!" or "everyone has adhd!!" downplays are real hard struggles and traumas and messy symptoms that affect our lives, so because people downplay adhd as a "oh everyone has this" its pretty gross and just hurts us.
Yeah and also it’s different for everyone so for one person it might be more difficult than it might be for another person
@@lemonmeatexactly! Not everyone has adhd! Neurotypicals can get distracted sometimes but that doesn’t mean everyone had adhd. I think it comes down to a not understanding what adhd is and just seeing it as hyperactive, distracted “little white boys” as Megan put it
There is a group of people who got diagnosed as a kid who are some of the most irritating people. Not all of them, of course, but some of those guys who were privileged enough to have parents who were able to teach them skills treat other people like crap if they don't have their stuff together. Sorry, dude, but some of us didn't even realize we had a freaking disability as kids, and now we gotta try and figure this out on our own. All of those people can bite me.
I'm autistic and very patient about things like lines, traffic, etc. My husband with adhd otoh will often forego things entirely rather than wait in a long line because he finds the wait so intolerable and frustrating. Like you said, only individuals know what they do/don't need.
I will ABSO-LUTE-LY skip a ride because of the line 😂
🧠 '..immediately no. Immediately no.'
😂 I also find rides with less lines/wait or quicker turnover & just hit those multiple times
True it’s different for everyone. That one person said they would give up their place to autistic people but like maybe an ADHDer might need it more than an autistic person
I usually skip the parks all together because the noises are a little difficult like piercing screaming from rollercoasters or even just hearing everyones conversation or sighs is a bit much but when my family would take me when I was younger on the off chance I did want to ride something I would 100% give up on the ride if there were like 10+ people in line
It honestly makes me so angry how many people with ADHD responded to the OP.
A) the accommodations listed ADHD specifically. OBVIOUSLY they are then acknowledging that people with ADHD may need this accommodation.
B) I’m genuinely sorry- like, in the most sincere way- how entrenched your internalized ableism is. I absolutely feel for you in the messages you’ve been given by society, and I ALSO feel guilty and/or ashamed sometimes when I’ve been offered an accommodation that I genuinely feel like I need! The thing is that you need to be able to recognize that emotion and deal with it in some way other than taking it out on someone who DOES use that accommodation.
C) Almost all the people that I’m close to have experience with neurodivergence, mental illness, and/or trauma in some form. It obviously doesn’t always work out like this, but I believe that this is bc the people I’ve encountered with these experiences tend to be incredibly kind, accommodating, and understanding because they KNOW what it’s like to experience difficulty. I will genuinely never understand how someone who has been hurt and understands how bad it feels would wish that on other people. Never mind how that person could directly or indirectly CAUSE that same kind of hurt in return. Completely baffles me….
I've only now started getting passes and tickets for accommodations for autism and using my cane. And that was because I didn't know I needed them. I didn't know this was something meant for my utility. Especially because my allistic family and able bodied family didn't use it. I'm only now truly learning I've been unknowingly disadvantaging myself.
I was going to say something similar. I had a friend who didn’t realise these kinds of accommodations were available and after having them they mentioned how much easier it was to manage the parks. It’s also a case of you can use those accommodations and if you need to go and sit somewhere for half an hour afterwards to calm down then you can without feeling like you should have been in line for the next thing.
I wonder if I should get a cane for amusement parks. Does it help physical endurance and getting tired?
Sometimes I wonder if these are new. It actually sad that there are these accommodations, but we may never know they are there?
If they are not advertised, how do we access them?
@@fightingfaerie It probably depends on exactly what bothers you when you get tired. One thing to remember is that you'll be putting pressure on your hand and wrist as you lean on the cane - so muscles that aren't used to constant use will get tired faster.
Ppl probably think I'm faking cuz I switch which hand I use my cane in somewhat frequently. Ofc the reason for this is because I was born with hip dysplasia and as a result I've developed bad knees (from bad habits while walking, like turning my feet to take pressure off my hips). I also broke one of my ankles 5 years ago and it still aches regularly. I first started using a cane about 10 years ago. The first time, I borrowed my mother's cane while we were at the state fair. I was hurting and limping so bad, she offered it to me without my asking. I was surprised at how much it helped and bought one for myself shortly after.
But I'm not actually technically disabled, at least not officially. So as far as accommodations? It depends on whether they require you to provide proof of disability or if they're willing to take your word for it. There's a bus driver in town that always demands to see my partner's Social Security Disability card for the reduced fare whenever he rides the bus. Literally no other bus driver asks. They just mark him down as reduced fare in the counter and keep moving. I still have my student ID, so I ride for free (despite not having attended classes in about 5 years lol).
@@sweetdream242424163Ohh, that's a really good point! Being able to step back and breathe, accounting for that, disabled people really get to see about the same amount of rides as all the other people there, huh? That makes complete sense why the fast pass would be an accomodation
I was in the YTA camp even after the ADHD story but after hearing your perspective I think me and a lot of other people saying “I have ADHD too you can wait it line YTA” might just have hella internalized ableism.
Those types of “you’re just looking for special treatment get over yourself” responses we hear from everyone around us all our lives so it’s easy to think maybe you’re actually the one in the wrong and really are just being a “sensitive sally”.
It really warmed my heart to know that your opinion changed. I'm someone who often has one of the saddest/hardest life stories in the room, but I'm always very careful not to judge the suffering of others. Just because they haven't had it as hard, or don't have to suffer like me doesn't mean their struggle isn't real. It may seem small to me, but it's MAJOR to them with their life and experience. It's a mentality like 'I suffered a lot, and I really wish people didn't have to suffer too, even with something small'.
Of course, there's absolutely a time where you go "you know, this is part of life and sometimes we have to suck it up", but I hope that your threshold for that has been recalibrated a bit
Well I would argue "I have adhd and have therefore developed coping mechanisms for waiting" bring something to do or find a way to distract yourself. Talk to the person in line ahead of you? Behind you? Learn how to knit? Bring a book? Dude bring a fidget spinner or similar device that's what they're for. (I get it it's a park I don't know what items or bags are allowed). I mean I know lines suck but they're gonna kind of... be there. Humans gotta queue.
But still if you can have an accommodation you really should still take it. I think it's actually really cool that the park offers accommodations(I know parks are SUPPOSED to but since when does that matter?), and do wish it was more normalized.
@@funlover163 When it comes to theme parks, you're not allowed to have much of anything. If you're in line for a ride, most you'll *probably* have is your phone, if you haven't given it to someone else so that it doesn't accidentally fly off in the ride. Many fidget spinners alert metal detectors and are easy to lose on rides (unless your pockets zip or button), and if your things are with someone else, well, you won't have it. Some rides will have lockers just before the ride so you can shove everything in there just before you get on, but many parks make you store everything before you even queue, so it's a toss-up.
Talking to strangers kind of only works for people who are willing to speak to strangers and for strangers who are willing to talk back. Unfortunately, the way theme parks operate make queues hellish because of the distinct Lack of distractions you're allowed to have on you. So the typical coping mechanisms are very limited or are impractical! Especially if you're already hot, tired, agitated, overstimulated and so on - which makes the accommodation much more appealing in that respect.
I'm autistic but not ADHD, so I tend to skip lines because I have a very limited battery. If the queue is very long and I'm stuck next to a lot of roaring and bumping and perfumes and screaming for a long time, I usually have to leave before I can even get on. Knowing good coping mechanisms is very helpful! Unfortunately theme-parks are tailor-made to strip 80% of them from you at any given time.
@@funlover163 i mean at least for me the largest issue with lines sis I can “feel” everyones body heat if that makes sense and I can usually hear every little like gulp or sigh which gets frustrating and its just hard to block that out granted I dont go to amusement parks anyway because not being able to block out small sounds is hellish in crowded areas and the screaming on rollercoasters feels piercing but I could see someone not wanting to let that stop them and the accommodations being useful for that im pretty happy being a coat rack/camera man and just bring headphones at amusement parks with friends so i havent had to think much about accommodations
On the second story: maybe it's the people getting mad at someone over something harmless who need to grow up 🤔 for real though the whole "youre not disabled enough" gatekeeping mindset doesnt help anybody, and not using accommodations doesnt make you "tougher" or whatever
Yes, I've noticed that too many people tell others to "grow up" over super trivial things. It certainly wouldn't make a difference to me what disabilities people have or not at the preferential line.
@@juli5945 I mean, when we went to Cedar Point, they would set up booths to put a stamp on the back of ppl's hands that would give them access to the fast lane during a specific time period. As you can probably guess, they ran through the number of ppl allowed to use the fast lane per hour pretty fast (I've no idea what the allowed number was). The couple days we went there, we always ended up with either a 9-10 pm or 10-11 pm stamp on the back of our hands.
So not everyone going through the fast lane is disabled to begin with. I think there were also passes ppl could buy for an insane amount of money that would let them use the fast lane as well? I've no idea how much, only that Dad point blank refused to even consider it. Plus, we were at Cedar Point almost 20 years ago, so who knows what the current policies/prices are now.
And really, it would only be a "problem" if they were abusing that ability to skip the line by going through it multiple times a day. Even then, I'm not sure it would really be that big of a deal.
@@juli5945yeah, and then they're the ones acting immature over it so they're basically being hypocrites with the audacity to tell others to "grow up" - like, they prioritize "growing up" over insignificant benign traits/accommodations/preferences, but they can't even see that their very attitudes towards those things is what's **actually** immature, not the other person they're immaturely judging.
Society is so backwards Istg.
I remember the supposed zero tolerance for bullying at schools. It was a nightmare and a complete lie. It sucks as it has followed me into the workplace. Whenever I try to raise the issue with my manager, Apprentice Team and HR they say I am overreacting due to their ableist beliefs. I am sick of being infantised by everyone. I am desperately trying to find a new job, but I feel so broken that now I have job interviews I don't know if I will be able to cope with them.
Skipping the line at an amusement park doesn't literally mean skipping the queue. you just wait in a different area and go on whenever you "joined" the queue if that makes sense. That's what i've understood from others explaining it
Regardless though, if you are entitled to something, take it. it's not hurting anyone. we need to stop gatekeeping accomodations.
i have just completed 1 year at my current job. I LOVE my job. it suits me perfectly. just over a year ago I was applying for jobs, getting interviews and not getting the jobs. why? because being autistic interviews are difficult. After 2 month I caved and started asking for accomodations for interviews. I had been too proud before and thought "I don't need accomodations, I can figure this out"
I had my first accomodated interview and then i got the job. I am so grateful that i asked for accomodations to make the interview accessible to me because i now have a job i love. Ask for accomodations, make your life easier
That shouldn't be an accommodation though. There are apps that let you join a virtual queue and you get to enter at a specified time or when your number is called (one of them used to be called Lineapple). _Everyone_ would benefit from not having to stand in a line doing nothing.
@@TheOnyomiMaster thats a great idea but very few places have that currently, so using the accommodations that are there is perfectly fine
That thing she said about schools saying they have a zero tolerance policy for bullying but then doing nothing is so true. The teachers and kids at my school just completely ignore everything that happens.
I had a violent realization just now about that absolute atrocities public school did to me in early hs years before i was taken out and put into a private school for learning disabilities.
I was being bullied in school for being different. This one girl really made a point to degrade me by telling me i was worthless, ugly, etc- i told teachers multiple times but they never intervened. She then made up a story that i told her i had "a list" and was going to bring a gun to school. The teachers pulled me into a room w cops no warning and Told Me that I Made Those Statements. I told them no i didn't and they repeatedly tried to gaslight me into saying i did because my bully said so. The cops took me into the back of their car and took me in for questioning. My parents were not alerted by the school until i was in custody. The police didn't find that i had made any such statements. After that the school said i must spend all hours in study hall and do piles of paperwork instead of being in onthe class. All i knew at the time was my parents were really upset, i didnt understand. They explained to the cops there were also no guns in our house and i had no access to any. After my parents found out all this and that i would be isolated to Study hall as punishment with no interactions with anyone else- they pulled meout of public school. The school filed truancy several times bc my parents didnt take me back.
I then remember my parents taking me to court. They were trying very hard to remind me to be still and pay attention. I remember the eyes of the judge, they were surprisingly soft compared to the glare my ex-principle was giving me. Was sent to a detention school bc of the truancy, but the teachers theyre right away recognized "youre not supported to be here". I was always polite and well behaved, which is not the behavior you see at detention schools- kids go there when theyre kick out of school for bad behavior. All around from the judge, my parents, and the detention school teacher they were able to tell that no i was not a threat.
I only learned years later my parents got a payout for what that principal did to single me out and punish me.
If standing in the regular line is distressing, a person with ADHD should 100% use the disability line. Every person with ADHD or autism etc may need different things. It is up to the individual to know if they need the accomodation that's definitely true. People are calling her TA because this individual placed herself in the "doesn't need the accomodation" category when she admitted that she can stand in the regular line just fine. Maybe she phrased it badly. It sounded as though her desire to use the disabled line is more about a payment from the universe because of other, unrelated difficulties she's experienced. But even if she doesn't typically need the accomodation, maybe at certain points of the day, like if its too hot, or shes getting hungry, she might need the accomodation, and she can use it for those times? People should have been nicer, cause she's only 14. She can learn to check her motivations against her own ethical beliefs and then decide.
I get what you’re saying but she didn’t say that, she said that her parents said that but she did say “I don’t get why I shouldn’t get to use my diagnosis for things to benefit me when it also brings so many disadvantages” she did word the post weirdly but I think what she meant by that is she has difficulty waiting due to her adhd and she believes the disability line would benefit her
there's so much internalized ableism in people with adhd because our experiences are constantly invalidated by NT folx; I feel like anyone saying that someone shouldn't get accommodations they need to examine their own biases and why they think other people should suffer just because they don't meet some invisible criteria for being "disabled enough"
Sheesh the comments on the second were so savage, she was only thinking about it. Calm down Reddit.
I knowww!! I really hope it doesn't stop her from considering other accommodations in the future.
Argh the responses they had to the ADHD girl are so upsetting. And the 'psychologist' husband has made me furious! It's not about learning coping skills or not. One can learn coping skills and be perfectly resourceful enough to find ways around things, doesn't mean they shouldn't take advantage of accommodations. It's an opportunity for her to not use up a spoon (spoon theory) and so make life a bit easier for someone with ADHD.
A lot of those posters saying that she was wrong to want to use the accommodations, seem to have internalised ableist attitudes and are so use to having to 'work hard' and 'make do' and 'power through. Uff that makes me soo mad. I think you are spot on, it's so concerning that now she may feel not able to take up accommodations going forward, when that's what they are there for, and just struggle thinking that's how life is supposed to be :(
When I was at primary school, people would say, “You’re weird!” to me all the time. Looking back, I can see that might have been an attempt at bullying, but my complete obliviousness to social cues - or the fact I just kind of like being weird - made me smile, thank them, and carry on with my day. Their words were water off a duck’s back to me.
Almost two decades later I’m still totally undiagnosed, but I understand a lot more about neurodivergence and how differently divergent brains can see the world, and its shone a new light on my own past experiences.
Having ADHD, and having grown up in a family big on amusement parks, I heartily concur that an ADHD friendly accomodation is a good idea. An ADHD friendly line option can save a person spoons that would otherwise limit their use of the park.
Lines for rides are unusual both because of how long they can get, and because people are excitedly awaiting an experience. Visiting an amusement park is also exhausting, starting with tension over navigating the parking lot and entrance gates. So at any moment, you can run into parkgoers that are cranky as all get out, especially adults who have been navigating the park with kids. People get hot, tired, and hungry from all the walking, and frustrated over a million little things - from the price of tickets & merch to unexpected rules and ride closures.
Under the best of circumstances, navigating a ride queue involves a combination of boredom and concentration. You have to constantly monitor how quickly the libe is moving, and that everyone in your party is keeping up. Even in heavily themed Disney queues where there are interesting details, there won’t be enough to make it an engaging experience. You have to keep an eye on the people behind you so that you don’t accidentally bump into them, and so that they don’t invade your personal space. And if it’s a really cramped line with just chain or rope dividers, you have to avoid bumping into people on either side. As someone with particularly nad proprioception who regularly risks accidentally bumping into people or hitting them woth my bags and whatnot, this aspect of waiting in line is partivularly difficult.
Then there are the sensory inputs. You mjght have to deal with smoking/vaping, or people making a lot of noise. And because childrrn often have trouble waiting, you’re likely to see/hear kids hsving melt-downs, or getting in trouble for not standing still and quiet. Parents who are also tired are more likely to handle this poorly, and this can bring up a lot of bad menories as a fidgety former child.
I think people are dismissing the difficulties placed in ADHD people’s ways because they’ve learned to cope tbeir way through it, and that they aren’t accounting for the toll this takes on them in so many ways, or that they can’t automatically tell when another ADHD person has less ability to do something than they do.
I have ADHD with severe time blindness. I will wait in ride lines all day. Is the line moving? Yes. Is there dopamine at the end of it? Yes. have I been in line for 2 hours? I dunno, there's gonna be dopamine
same with waiting for my food in restaurants.
I was just thinking about this earlier, that people are mean to us ND folk, but the minute we assert ourselves and stand up for ourselves, we are outed to be the bad guy, and are the one who gets punished, while the other people get to walk scot free. I find that very relatable.
Happy Sunday, much appreciated.
The line situation was surprising to me. I have ADHD and can relate to it being difficult to stand in line. I do agree that it's good to learn coping mechanisms along the way, but I see no harm in using the pass. Many places do not offer these accommodations with people with ADHD so it's important to learn coping mechanisms, but why not take advantage of an accommodation when you can? It was created for individuals with ADHD, and I feel her parents assumed that because she had innattentive ADHD, it wasn't meant for her. Seeing as that wasn't specified, I think it was awful of them to force that view on her.
I think you assume too much. There is no indication that she has inattentive adhd, or that her parents assumed as such. You try to justify something, but there isn't a justification, not for her parents and for society. Honestly a disgrace.
@@mauritsbol4806 Based on her description of her diagnosis, that is what I inferred. Regardless of what she has, she has a right to take advantage of something that is offered to her. You're right, there is no justification for this because there is nothing that needs to be justified. The choice is there, and it's up to each individual who can use it to decide whether or not they will. Your harsh demeanor tells me that you have issues with people wanting assistance despite not having a visible illness. It is never a disgrace to offer something that can make the lives of others easier. If you don't like it then don't use it 🤷🏿♀️ Life is hard enough as it is, and gatekeeping a mental illness while trying to decide who deserves help and who doesn't based on a SINGLE POST is not the flex you think it is. The only disgrace to this society are those who share your views. It's not that serious, take a breather.
When I was being diagnosed with cancer, I had that objection to ask for further consultations because I felt like my cancer wasn't serious enough to take resources away from sicker patients. This "accommodations" aita story reminded me of that time. Asking for help, adjustments is difficult enough. When they're there, offered, and you feel like using them would be a relief, go for it.
When there is a public discussion about ADHD, there often is a faction of people who either think someone else with ADHD is making them look bad and is "bad representation", or they act like they need to speak for people with ADHD and their diagnosis is some kind of badge of authority.
The thing a lot of those people seem have in common, is that they're not part of an ADHD community and aren't educated much beyond their own experience.
There is even a weird parallel to transmedicalists, like you only have "real ADHD", if you have an official diagnosis and that self diagnose is almost(to some people not even almost) proof that you can't have ADHD.
I have never heard of a park that lets you skip the line because of ADHD, but if they allow it, use the system in place for you. Easy evaluation.
I think for the second story I’d like to point out a little detail, she mentions she masks her adhd symptoms in the beginning. I wonder whether she really hasn’t been able to express her actual needs when it comes to something like lines because she has been told to mask those needs, maybe not outright but by her parents reaction possibly unintentionally. I can see myself in a similar boat.
It is kind of unusual for someone to know info about a specific parks disability policy unless they probably needed some sort of accommodation. This is just speculation on my part though.
I think as neurodivergent people, some of us have internalized ableism that makes it so that we promote masking and accommodating to other people because of our experiences I think we have deep fear of somehow bothering people with just being ourselves.
This is interesting. I live in the US where the amusement parks have disability passes that allow you to go to the first of the line for each ride. Before I identified as a disabled or autistic adult myself, I would volunteer to be the adult chaperone (required) to take my autistic child relative on the rides. The rest of the family children got to join the line with us. I felt gleeful that I'd found a hack to get to the front of the line simply by babysitting because i LOVE rides as much as the kids! Now I've had a diagnosis and gone farther on my own journey of brain injury and autism. I could get one of those disabled tickets for myself now if I wanted to and I won't feel like I've been deceptive or had to find a "real" disabled person to go with.
had a wheelchair bound friend and we always went to front of line! RIP Floyd
18:35 this point exactly!!! I’m a 32-year-old woman who was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8, and while it’s important to learn some distress tolerance just like….to be functional in life, people without a given neurodiversity don’t understand that, like, no, it’s not the same as every five-year-old who needs to learn patience. It can be exponentially worse for someone with ADHD, and while coping strategies should absolutely be taught and practiced, forcing someone to just…make up their own way to deal with things without giving them any kind of help with that is more cruel than people seemed to understand at ALL back in the late 90s (when I was diagnosed). I’m sorry that it happened to the person responding here, bc I at least got diagnosed early on and had that advantage, but this was also well before the days of IEPs. There are SO MANY potential negative issues that co-occur with ADHD, and while most of them are at least partially related to brain chemistry & neuropathways, etc, a LOT of them are also caused or heavily influenced by a lack of knowledge, understanding, or accommodations. Anxiety, depression, feelings of failure/low self-esteem, addiction, lower likelihood of attending/completing higher education, potential difficulty maintaining employment, burnout, meltdowns, EDs, longterm relationship difficulties- all of these things are potential risks that come with any neurodivergence that is not recognized and helped appropriately.
It makes me so happy to see the services that are offered to people today, which should include things like the coping skills the responder & I mentioned. Then you can practice those skills “in the field” and in semi-controlled situations- for instance, practicing with one line for every two that you skip, or whatever. That is how things should be, not by forcing someone to “just do it” when it may be exponentially harder for them than another. And offering someone carte blanche with accommodations is probably also less helpful, and definitely less helpful in terms of growing and learning to help with what you can.
Trust me, I have plenty of anger and frustration the more I learn about ADHD and possible accommodations even now. As a child, I became very tied to the rules, and a big part of that was bc instead of teaching me strategies, I was just told like, “this is going to be harder for you than for most people, but that just means you need to be very careful and try even harder.” Not exactly helpful advice, as I can now see that it’s a bit like telling someone with weak eyesight, “well, other people will always be able to see farther than you, but that just means it’ll be harder for you and you need to try really hard.” And then expecting that person to figure out if squinting helps, or if they need to move closer, or ask to be moved to the front of the class, instead of just telling them that there are glasses and contacts and lasik, and suggesting the aforementioned strategies if they still need help.
So yeah, I get angry sometimes, but anger is a secondary emotion. In this case, the anger I feel is coming from a deep sadness that we didn’t know more about ADHD and how to help when I was young- and that’s okay! I can mourn the experiences that were more difficult for me than they needed to be, and be angry that I didn’t have all the options people today have, and still be SO HAPPY to see the progress that the world is making. Just bc we struggled doesn’t mean everyone should have to when we now know better
I am also a girl with adhd and hearing that accommodations can help from someone who doesn’t downplay the disability part feels freeing, thank you for this. I remember that I went to six flags and I straight up had a breakdown because it was too hot and there was too many people in line and it was loud and I keep telling myself I don’t need accommodations but in reality I can benefit from it
That second one, wow! I’m glad that there were at least a few saying NTA, but for a while it felt like all of them were the other (wrong) side. I hope OP finds this video and sees how you approached it from the start.
With the last one, when it comes to suffering and asking for accommodations, it's nobody's call but the individual's to how much suffering they will tolerate. It doesn't matter if someone else suffered more or 'worse', because everyone's experience is different. For those of us who have had it really hard, it's hard to look at someone who hasn't struggled as much get help and have an easier time, but their struggle is just as valid and serious to them. I have a mindset of "I had it bad.... let's see how I can make sure other people don't."
As an adult someone made a sarcastic remark to me. It took me two years of thinking about it to realize it was sarcasm and the speaker meant the opposite of what he said. I wish I'd had a diagnosis as a child. I definitely could have used it.
If you mean the opposite of what you say, it's irony not sarcasm.
Sarcasm is like an encrypted message, usually badly encrypted, so the recipient can feel smart for "getting it" and is more likely to agree with the message, because they feel flattered.
High level sarcasm is confusing on purpose and you're not supposed to get it, if you don't have the necessary informations to "decrypt" it.
Irony could be seen as a lower form of sarcasm, because the encryption is just the negative of a message.
@@pixelmotte Sarcasm often involves saying the opposite of what you mean. Someone who hates broccoli might say "Oh yes, you know how much I *looove* broccoli" or "Mmm, broccoli, *my favorite*" in a sarcastic tone to point out how much they dislike it - these would both be sarcastic but not ironic.
Finding out the owner of the world's largest broccoli farm hates broccoli would be ironic - it's the opposite of what one would most likely expect, so it's opposite in a different way.
@@shockthetoast "Sarcasm often involves saying the opposite" = sarcasm often involves irony.
That doesn't mean, that irony is sarcasm, just that it can be involved in sarcasm.
That's like saying coffe often involves "white liquid", when replying to someone clarifying, that the white liquid is milk, not coffe.
@@pixelmotte I did not mean that sarcasm does not include irony. I was responding to your statement: "If you mean the opposite of what you say, it's irony not sarcasm." In fact, all dictionary definitions I can find include either "irony" or "opposite" in their definition of sarcasm.
@@shockthetoast Sarcasm can contain irony, but it doesn't have to.
If irony is part of a sarcastic statement, it's still irony.
If you use irony in sarcasm, it's usually an indicator, to point at what you mean.
Btw. your examples of sarcasm are flawed.
Your first statement is actually irony, not sarcasm, because the person actually hates broccoli, but the second can be sarcasm, because broccoli might not be their least favorite food.
Sarcasm would be a statement like "oh why can't I have broccoli everyday, I love it so much", which does involve irony in the second half of the statement.
If you cut off the second half, it's just sarcasm without irony.
It's taken me about 3 years to get the courage to ask for a seat on the bus. I'm 54 (but probably look younger?) and have scoliosis of the spine which makes standing uncomfortable but even in spite of that I've been afraid to ask because a) initiating a request, and b) invisible disability.
I think the first OP was so brave to stand up for herself like that. As an autistic person myself, I would be so scared to do or say anything at all if I was in her situation
My sister had to use the disabled queue at a theme park we went to because of a leg injury that had her in a wheelchair. It wasn’t even skipping the line for us, they just gave us a time to return as if we would have waited in the regular queue. We just didn’t have to stand in the line where her wheelchair would have been un-maneuverable
I learned about my diagnosis early in life and was raised to always stand up for myself and defend myself from bullies. I was and still am a "shouty autistic person " 😂
I have ADHD and for the longest time I had it in my head subconsciously that fun is supposed to be overwhelming and bring me to the edge of a meltdown.
I was diagnosed early despite being inattentive, I've had medication since I was young, but only ever for school, so I was never actually medicated for any outings and "fun" activities. Turns out taking meds and earplugs make amusement parks a much more positive experience.
I still catch myself being disappointed at the scale of something fun when I'm not completely drained by it, but I manage to remind myself that fun isn't supposed to be painful.
It’s crazy because the other lines aren’t even super fast sometimes, like, at Disney for example, they don’t just shuffle you to the front of the line- you still wait the same 130 minutes, but you don’t have to wait *in* line. My dad has a bum knee and this helped our experience at Disney because after 2 hours of just standing his knee was swollen and gross. Disability accommodations are important and you’re allowed to use them.
My dad has a bad knee too and that’s what I remember last time we went(which was years ago) that they just gave us a time to come back and we didn’t have to wait in line and make his knee hurt
Waiting for 130 minutes in a line? I'm surprised anyone is okay with waiting in a line for that long, even neurotypical people. I have ADHD and if I knew I had to wait for over two hours for a single ride... I'd just skip the entire "amusement" park and go do something more active and amusing... Like homework.
a major confusion during my life, people telling me that i need to stand up for myself but then complaining when I did (usually in cases where they thought I was doing something they thought I did wrong on purpose when I wasn't)
the irony in your tutor saying that bs about how "it's just 6 of one and half a dozen of the other," when she could easily have counted to confirm that, no, actually, it's just 1 of one and half a dozen (give or take) of the other. what a horrible comparison and fantastic way for that person to highlight the flaw and unfairness in her own logic
Two things:
1. When those parents said "the kind of ADHD", I think they may have been thinking of one of the three subtypes I've heard used for ADHD: Hyperactive, Inattentive, or Combined. I'm guessing they were talking about strictly Hyperactive, while OP may have been diagnosed with Inattentive. That's my speculation, but that's _NOT_ reflective of my opinion, which leads me to...
2. Alright, Meg, ya got me with the title. Pulled the internalized ableism right out on the floor to be called out. Here I was thinking that this person was going to tell a story of how they skipped the line without asking anyone and got punished for it, thinking they weren't in the wrong. Not only did I not even realize that I was filling in the details of a very harmful stereotype, but I also didn't realize that I was thinking they should "wait in line like everyone else has to". Completely didn't even think about a line for special accommodations that might very well be inclusive of ADHD, much less that the person would've gone out of their way to make sure it was allowed. I've been working on my internalized ableism, but I guess I still have some work to do.
So like I saw another comment say, I hope OP sees this video. Moreover, I hope they see this comment apologizing for the judgment they received from internalized ableism-my own included.
Like other people have said, not only NTA, but N/A. Literally, the amusement park has chosen to allow that accommodation for you. You have the right to accept. The opinions of others literally don't apply here-and, yes, that includes your parents'-because your choice doesn't involve them.
In the words of my psychologist: “if you have a diagnosis, and the law allows you to, it’s because there’s a reason. You don’t have to feel guilty about using the help you need”
It took me LONG to feel comfortable enough to use the priority line despite having the legal right. I felt guilty from that same line of thought of “my Tourette’s isn’t bad enough for this”. Which meant “I’m not being harshly judged from those around me because my tics tend to be more subtle from the outside, therefore, I don’t need accommodation and it’s unfair of me to use it”. Then one day I realized that wait: waiting in line makes me anxious (I do have adhd btw, and anxiety disorder), being anxious increase my tics, which includes tics that aren’t as noticeable for others (been many times told “I thought you were stretching”) but that causes me intense pain and harm (there’s some that affect my breathing, being a tic with the breathing itself or any other region attached to the respiratory system, I sometimes can “squeeze” (for a lack of better word, maybe “push back”) my own throat, I do neck movements that’s caused me to constantly have neck pain everyday and it worsens significantly when I’m subjected to an experience that increases my tics, i sometimes close my eyes real tight, to the point it hurts… There’s just so many little things people don’t usually notice). It took me way too long to realize that me getting faster through a line isn’t unfair to who can’t because they weren’t hurting themselves like I was, what was unfair was me having to have extreme neck pain from it, and that’s the reason why I do get to use the priority line.
Still, I still feel the need to re-explain to some family members again and again why me using those lines isn’t “taking advantage if it”, it’s adapting in a world in which I suffered additionally from anyone else.
Standing up for yourself is good and should not be discouraged. I got bullied as a kid and when I tried to stand up for myself (i.e. hit back -- how subtle do you expect a 10-year-old to be?), I was the one who got into trouble, not the bullies. The result was that I ended up internalizing the message that I was worthless, and it took half a lifetime to unlearn that. All because of a bunch of teachers and parents who couldn't be bothered to take the abuse seriously.
Very late to this video, but my parents actually always told me to 'hit back', because they wisely knew that this is the only thing that bullies understand.
Unfortunately, this kind of made things worse for me, because I wasn't the kind of child who could 'hit back' (didn't have an aggressive bone in my body)...but because I didn't want to disappoint my wonderful caring parents, I started pretending that I HAD hit back. So this made me feel even more isolated, because I couldn't tell my parents the truth about not being able to respond 'properly' to all the bullying incidents.
My parents eventually removed me for the last 6 months of Primary School anyway, so I was lucky that at least they took it seriously, even though the school didn't.
I found your channel just a couple days ago, and I've been enjoying listening to you talk while I'm doing stuff like playing video games. I'm autistic and ADHD along with other things, and in Norway, where I live, if you're disabled you can get a "companion card" which basically allows you to (some places) bring a companion either for free or cheaper entry, and in certain theme parks, give you fast access pass.
I grew up going to a theme park called Tusenfryd, which I believe is the biggest in Norway, once a year most years, and while I've always loved it, it's definitely an overstimulating and tiring experience. We'd always go in the middle of summer when the weather was nice, which means that the park is packed, and it's really hot and I don't deal with the heat very well. I don't have a lot of memories of when I was younger, but if I think back to the theme park without the fast access, most of the memories I do have aren't really happy me doing rides and enjoying myself, it's flooded with me being overstimulated, tired, warm and anxious.
A couple of years ago I did get the companion card, and went to the theme park with my cousin as my companion, and it was a completely different experience to what I had been used to. While it was unusual and I felt really awkward using it, it eliminated a lot of the anxiety I had, less time in queues meant more time to chill out and calm down and make sure I don't end up having a meltdown or getting massively overstimulated. It allowed me to take the time I needed to do rides, instead of having to rush to different rides non stop to make sure I could fit in what I wanted to do. It allowed me to actually enjoy the park more than I had previously, because so much of the fear, anxiety, people, uncertainty around wait times, time spent queueing where my body builds up that anxiety and frustration and overwhelm because you can't sit down in a calm spot and wait in silence and peace, was reduced.
I also want to mention that the companion card has helped me in a lot of other ways too, allowing me to get out and about and do things I can't do on my own. For example; I love concerts, but I can't attend them on my own. It allows me to bring a trusted person, usually my sister, without it being a massive hit financially for her or me, because we tend to split the cost of the one ticket we have to buy. I can't do things like concerts or museums or events on my own, and it would suck having to miss out on these things that I enjoy if these accommodations weren't a thing.
I'm really glad there were some supportive reddit comments near the end, I was starting to get really really angry. Internalized ableism prevented me from accessing accommodations when I was in uni. I ended up dropping out and years later I am still reeling from the consequences of that, still trying to pick myself back up. Imagine where I'd be if I had just sought the support I needed when I needed it. I have experienced these negative attitudes from people in my life as well, which only reinforced my own internalized ableism. Things had to get really really rough for me to see beyond it. No one should be made to feel like they're too inconsequential to accommodate. We should be making the world a more accepting place for everyone and meet people where they're at.
as someone who has been denied accommodations on the basis that i don’t “look disabled” your compassion when talking about the theme park situation made me cry. I dropped out of school because nobody would give me the help I needed and I began to feel like I shouldn’t need help and I simply wasn’t trying enough. I am so grateful to you and the videos you make, i truly feel like I am beginning to heal and be kinder to myself
20:25 "You need to just learn to cope and not ask for accommodations!" said the person who lives in a world built specifically to accommodate them.
The amusement park story really shows how much people want themselves to suffer to be disabled enough when the point is to deal with it better.
As someone with adhd in a country where adhd it's not seen as an disability yet, what you said really touched my heart and reaffirmed myself. My therapist tell me I don't have to be ashamed to ask for accomodations or stuff like that, but I always feel guilty like "I'm not that bad to use that". I bought an noise cancelling headphone and it's helping me a lot with my sensory issues, but many people don't understand why I have to use it or say I'm just exaggerating, when I was in school a teacher even said that it was disrespectful and unnecessary. Thank you so much for this video and your words ❤
The disability pass at Disney just allows you to not have to physically wait in line. My cousin is autistic with high needs (unfortunately a reason my symptoms were looked over/dismissed until now) and he was given a disability pass. You can have 2 other people in that pass with you and it is amazing. You can’t wait in another line while waiting for a certain ride but you can walk around, find somewhere less overwhelming, sit down, etc until it is your turn in line. I am not in a rush to go back to Disney (my cousin loved it though), the insane crowds were a big thing for me, but that was really beneficial for us.
Honestly, when you're dealing with a bully, it always feels like there is no right answer. No magic bullet that allows you to get the upper hand. If you call them out or shout at them they just say, "I was just joking! Take a chill pill." and keep laughing at you. If you respond positively and act like you're not picking up on the insult, the think, "Wow. What an idiot. They don't understand I'm making fun of them." and keep laughing at you. If you just ignore them, they keep trying and trying to get a reaction out of you until finally you loose it with them and the KEEP. LAUGHING. AT. YOU.
oh my GOD those negative responses, especially from people with adhd! holy crap that's so awful, especially to be dumping on someone so young. i'm especially frustrated at the one that was like 'you JUST got diagnosed and now you want special treatment' like literally yes??? THAT'S THE POINT. you spend so much of your life with so much being a struggle, the whole point of getting a diagnosis is to make life easier. you should be able to get as many accommodations as you want as soon as you're diagnosed jfc.
you made SO many good points here, especially the concern that she's going to internalise this idea (and it's so much worse now it's not just her parents, it's all these people with authoritative adhd experience!) i kind of hope she reacted the way i might've done seeing this if it was something i really wanted to do, i think it would've made me angry and pushed me to do it haha.
also just. they're minimising the issue. theme parks are SUCH an overwhelming experience. for me, with diagnosed adhd and self diagnosed autism, i've always really loved them, especially rollercoasters, the adrenaline and sensory experience is next level for me. (i also have a big nostalgia attachment since i was obsessed with theme parks as a child.) but even though i love them, there's a lot about them that's really difficult! the waiting can be unbearable, especially around all those people and noises, but just in general at a theme park there's a lot going on. even if you're really enjoying yourself, that overstimulation can be difficult, especially in public (especially if you're NEWLY DIAGNOSED and used to masking!). you could love everything about the day, maybe waiting isn't even that hard for you, and it still be a very stressful experience overall, and i think regardless it'll exhaust you afterward. so to me it doesn't matter how you go waiting in queues, if accessibility options are available to you, you might as well take them. not only, like you said, to teach yourself that you deserve them (LOVED that!), but just to give yourself a nicer experience overall. we live in a world that makes even the best things hard for us, we should be allowed to do things that make them GOOD.
and i will never ever understand the 'i suffered, you should too' or 'it's not that bad because you know how to handle it' mentality. it's SO gross. i cannot imagine, being in my 30s, telling a teenager they should suffer because presumably they've already been suffering. apply that logic to any other situation and you wouldn't say it. it's like they just want to live in a society full of trauma and never improve anything. it's like 'my life is hell so i don't want anyone else to enjoy theirs' but how do you not see that that would just make everyone worse to each other? i've been through hell too and i've never wanted LITERALLY EVERYTHING TO BE WORSE. god.
This 2nd scenario is so interesting. Its something I'm struggling with now, knowing whether to ask for accommodations or not and in what situations. I think because I lived 37 years oblivious to the fact I have autism and survived I feel like I shouldn't suddenly be asking for anything now. But the reality is my anxiety has gradually been getting more severe, my ability to do things has been reducing and actually there's many situations in the past where I would have really benefited from accommodations but struggled on thinking I just had to learn how to cope. This has led to me being in the situation I'm in now. I don't think I'm quite at the stage of asking for specific accommodations yet but my last trip (to London 😱) I chose to wear the sunflower lanyard when travelling and I do believe it really helped.
"Im not stupid, youre just learning" is a phrase going around i think is an applicable one in so many of these situations. Like im not weaponising my diagnosis, you just dont understand what personal experience is
I used to work in a theme park with this kind of accommodation. It doesn’t really work out as ‘skipping the line’ - you still need to wait the full queue time before you can use an accessible entrance again, you just don’t have to do it in the queue. I think they originally came to be mostly for people who are unable to stand for a long time or need easy access to a bathroom, but access needs go much beyond that and the parks are quite rightly evolving with this in mind.
The system isn’t perfect, I know some parks are having an issue at the moment where there are more people using the accessible entrance than the main queue which means wait times are long for everyone again. But when everything goes to plan, these accommodations are there for a reason and anyone who needs them should make good use of them.
The second one is so reminicent of why I was so hesitant to ask for a closed caption screen at the theater for the first time. I have lots of good memories of theaters and I love to see movies on the big screen, but they are a sensory nightmare for me. And for the longest time it was just understood that accomodations at theaters were ONLY for the people who are deaf of "physically" hard of hearing.... not people with sensory issues that make sound painful or make it impossible to understand the dialogue under the background sounds. I finally one day asked and they were cool with getting me one. While they were setting it up I was falling over myself explaining why I needed it since I obviously could hear just fine at that point and the employee said kept reassuring me that it was completely valid and that anyone could use one if they wanted or needed. I still felt so guilty, what if they didn't have enough, what if an actual deaf person needed one and I had the last one? But I tell you what, it was the best feeling, sitting in the theater wearing earplugs that softened the loud sounds enough that I could hear them without pain, and having CC for the dialogue. I hadn't been able to enjoy a movie in years. If was after that I decided to try to advocate for more accommodations.
On the line skip one, I don't think I'd personally use that option.. unless I needed to. I think I'd say to wait in line until it's obvious it's a problem for you, and then take the option to use the adhd accommodations. I don't think I'd condemn someone for not doing that, but from what I know about myself, I would end up feeling guilty if I didn't at least try. Maybe that's a personal failing on my part.
There probably is something to be said about learning coping mechanisms... Accommodations are good, but unfortunately not always available, and it's probably good to try to learn how to live without them if you can. But also, it's an amusement park, I think it's very wrong to ruin your trip for some sense of boot-strappy independence. I've been on more than enough vacations that ended up being physical and mental torture for me because I didn't have parents that understood or cared, and nobody should have to do that. If you think it's important to learn coping mechanisms, I'd say leave that for when you're not going somewhere to have fun.
People love to pretend ADHD isn't a real disability because it's "not as bad", as in it doesn't often present itself outwardly so it's easy for others to ignore it
I feel the amusement park girl. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASS until I was 40 (I’m now 49). I’ve never had any accomodations made for anything. In my family you get on with it, standards must be maintained even if you’re dying. I’ve only used my diagnosis once and that was recently.
I was admitted to hospital with a severe infection and abscess after getting my wisdom tooth out. I’ve never had any real dental work, I don’t even have a filling! So that was huge. I took all the precautions and managed quite well with the difficult extraction. I did it because I didn’t want to go under anaesthetic in a hospital. I didn’t want to be in a hospital. My only other experience had been terrible and I struggled with an overnight stay so much - too hot, too many people, having to share a bathroom when I have issues with ‘needing’ to go endlessly (stress related).
So it have it all go to pot and be admitted for who knew how long was seriously distressing. So I told them my diagnosis and insisted that I needed my mum to stay with me. They tolerated it for the most part and outwardly I managed though my blood pressure being through the roof despite my regular meds to control it would say I wasn’t doing great. One night head nurse was horrible and made both mum and me feel awful for her staying so mum went home for the next night and then the bombshell dropped.
My surgery had not been successful in removing the abscess and I was slated for a second surgery. I had a massive meltdown. The first surgery had been traumatic because the breathing tube had to go in whilst I was conscious and I was terrified. I was absolutely positive I’d die on the table. My blood pressure went up to 200/whatever that number was. I tried not to wake everyone on the ward but the night was awful. I couldn’t sleep. I asked for help and the doctor couldn’t/wouldn’t give me anything to calm me down.
Mum came back at 8am and the nurses were all relieved to see her. I had my second surgery - just as traumatic though they secured my airway via my nose (which had been the surgery that had set me off hating hospitals). I was relieved when I woke up from it but I had fully settled myself that I was going to die. Thankfully that surgery got the second, hidden, abscess and I was allowed to go home 48 hours later.
2 months on, I still have issues stemming from my stay and the antibiotics. I had nightmares for a good few weeks after. My sleep patterns are screwed, I’m still scared to sleep at night but my increased blood pressure meds are making it so my bp is now much, much lower so I’ve got to watch that it doesn’t go too low.
I felt bad that I ‘played the autism card’ when I should clearly have been able to cope since I was nearly 49. No one else got to have loved ones there all the time. So yes, I feel bad that I did. But likewise I clearly needed the support. I spent my nights worrying about my poor mum. It took me away from melting down over my own situation. It really helped having her there.
So my point is that OP isn’t wrong in using the system to benefit herself. She has a diagnosis and should utilise it. Her family are ignorant and it seems like they’re of the ‘standards must be maintained’ set that dictated my childhood and the majority of my adulthood.
My autistic child is the one who loves roller coasters in our family. And yes, we applied and got the DAS pass for our upcoming Disney trip. Technically you don’t skip the line, just wait outside of the line with the pass. I have also heard that the lightening lane is still a long wait since it’s not just ADA people using it but everyone who wants to pay to “skip the line”. So having a child with sensory issues I’m still a bit worried about it.
Hi! If you’ve already been to Disney then I hope you had a wonderful time! I have not been in ages but I remember that disability passes don’t wait in the lightning lane from what I remember (which could be wrong cuz it was years ago and it could’ve changed) they give you a reservation time to come back at least that’s what it was for my dad who has a bad knee if I remember correctly and they didn’t change the system
@@ninar9664 - Disney changed a few things recently and DAS goes through lightning lane in Disney World. Disneyland is a bit different as many rides don’t have lightening lanes at all and in there you go through the exit I believe (but you can also now reserve your time on the app which is amazing, no more paper tickets!). We had a great time and being able to wait outside of the line made all the difference.
@@NL4915 oh ok thank you for explaining and I’m glad you still enjoyed your trip
As a person with (diagnosed) ADHD bad enough i almost needed special classes in school, it is no reason to be able to skip a line or get special treatment in terms of real world things. In a school setting, maybe but in most scenarios its nothing special really. And i genuinely hate it when people just say they have adhd or add or austism just to make me think their worse than me or other. I had an ex who said she had adhd and add at the same time... adhd is just add but with hyperactivity. If you have adhd yes you have add but you dont have both, you have adhd
18:20 that is a young boomer. Can’t imagine living with that chick when she’s 70. Probably still complains about: “When i was 10 gay rights didn’t exist, and recognition of neurodiversity didn’t exist, now back in my day, life was hard, so im gonna make your life hard”. What a wonderful world we live in, 28 yo boomers in the house
"BOOMER"? Why are you doing the same thing, by insulting another group of people, using the derogatory term, "Boomer", which is hypocritical, and immature, on your part.
@@judylandry302 she said it herself. "i am probably boomer" - yes. yes you are.
I know this is a pretty straightforward react video, but as someone with (adult diagnosed) ADHD, this really made me reflect.
I feel like in the past, I've been one of those "pick mes" - "oh I can access accommodations, but look at how not-disabled I am - I can push through without them!"
Yuck.
I struggle with self-identifying as someone with a disability, and the more I engage with content from disabled people, the more I find myself asking why that is.
All this to say, thank you! I have some soul searching to do!
There is so much internalized ableism in the ADHD community. We are constantly told that if we just tried harder or cared more. I took me years to get my wife to stop thinking our ADHD daughter was using her diagnosis as an excuse for not completing tasks. So those of us with ADHD are so often told not to use it as an excuse and we internalize that messaging.
I also have an autistic son. His diagnosis is taken far more seriously than my daughter’s diagnosis. I have to push so much harder to get my daughter’s school to give her accommodations and have them follow through then my son.
While they both struggle, at this point it seems to me at least that society is much more accepting of autism than ADHD. Neither are accepted enough, but autism seems closer to that point than ADHD.
So I think it’s understandable that so many people would be upset when someone else with ADHD gets accommodations that they were denied. It almost like they want all ADHD people to struggle in the same ways they have struggled. It’s not the right reaction, but it’s an understandable one.
It's so weird listening to this. I went to high school in the late 80s and early 90s and it was completely different. I was only diagnosed a few weeks back at 46, so don't know if there was anything in place, but nothing I can remember being in place for ND pupils. Bullying was very common, though I feel a lot of it was centred at me, and looking back I think a lot of it came from my undiagnosed autism
For those in the UK (18 and over I think) there is something called the access card and it is accepted in a lot of places, including theme parks. It is awarded in line with your needs eg, trouble waiting in lines, needing someone with you, etc it costs £15 for 3 years, but you do have to supply a lot of information to obtain it. It also helps with allowing you to board a plane separately. Euro Disney also recognise it for their disability help, i.e. a separate line for attractions, and areas
infantilizing is so gross. i always just wanna pumch them but of course i wont. im at a transitional living program for neurodivergent and im one of the lower support needs people there but almost all the people on staff talks to me like that. its so frustrating to deal with it every day.
I have only been to a few amusement parks, but that pass would really encourage me to go. I feel so overwhelmed in lines.
After my ADHD diagnosis, I was given the opportunity to take extra time on exams. I felt so guilty. I felt I didn’t “really” need it. Not any more than anyone else. I almost declined the accommodation. Thankfully I took it, and having extra time and a low sensory environment has done wonders for my mental health during exam seasons. I no longer have to have the anxiety of entering an exam and losing precious time trying to settle in and focus, or getting distracted for periods of time during the exam. Just because I had “good” grades beforehand, didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling to get them, and paying the price in other ways. Little things can make a huge difference.
I agree with you with the waiting in line one. I got diagnosed with adhd just this year and it made me realize just how much effort I put into doing certain things that neurotypical people dont use as much effort in, if something even if its a lil was able to help me I would be so happy it made my life easier:)
8:00 i am constantly told by my friends that i've gotten too loud without noticing, especially when i'm excited. it's super embarrassing and honestly just makes me want to die. especially when they say it in an embarrassed, slightly patronizing way...
Many amusement parks have a line accommodation service with reservations, so basically if you have adhd or autism or another disablility you are given a comparable wait time and reservation, you just don't have to wait in line. So it's not actually holidng anybody up
I don't know if this is related but I have autism and wear headphones in class, it took me ages to stop feeling guilty for wearing them when no one else was, it took me ages to realise I wasn't "being dramatic" and that it was something I actually needed to work properly in class
❤THANK YOU DEARLY ❤ It's so therapeutic to have you bring the humanity in.
These terrible hiveminded, binarized takes on Reddit can get me gloomy. It helps a lot to keep Reddit's age/gender demographics in mind (heavily white, young, and male) - my loves, please don't ask a large subreddit how you should feel unless you specifically want to hear from that demographic!
I'm autistic and i actually like waiting in lines, its the ultimate excuse to wear my headphones and do absolutely nothing.
17:04 Roller coasters are a good stim, but spiny rides and drop rides can go straight to hell.
gosh the second one is... frustrating. I am late diagnosed audhd (at 30) and I struggled through so many things because I just had to, and it left me exhausted and without any enjoyment from the situation. I had to weigh the pros of doing something fun vs the struggle of getting through it and recovering from it. 99% of the time I could stand in line, because I've experienced them as the calmest places in amusement parks, but I also stop going on rides much earlier because the lines were so exhausting. Accomodations are there to be taken advantage of so Idk why ppl get so up in arms when people use them. Also, not all ADHD people have the same struggles, so one person claiming they would never skip the line is just.. okay good for you then?
Crazy how accepting that people are these days with regards to mental health. When I was at school 20 years ago, I would have been called a certain R word repeatedly.
Wow people's reactions to the girl with ADD was one of the main reasons I never asked for extra time for exams etc in school or college. I didnt want people reacting like that because I've seen it so many times first hand. I was dealing with a severe mental illness but I felt like I didnt "deserve" the extra accommodation and that I should just suck it up like everyone else. Queue me at an exam spending the first half an hour calming myself from a panic attack so I started the exam later than everyone else. If anyone in a similar situation has experienced this please ask for the extra time. You deserve it, other people dont have to put uo with half the bs we do, that's why we need extra accommodations like this. Dint regret it like I do