I sit here shooting blanks Out at emptiness Ain't nothing I really want to kill Maybe time, I guess I sit and spin the world on its flip side And I listen backwards for meaning 'Cause I'm a stickman I live with one dimension dead Trying not to think too many moves ahead I draw from memory The stillest kind of life Slide after slide Mental pain's the sharpest knife Project what's done for everyone to see To me it's just a reversal And I'm a stickman In frames that go one by one If I sped it up, you'd see I'm on the run From some monster off-screen Killing sons Lonely makes me blue Envy turns me green Hate might paint me red If I load my magazine But not just now when it's easy to stay clean When no one sees where you're bleeding And I'm a stickman Stickman
@@milarose5155know I’m late to answer it. But Elliott Smith is always worth remembering. Either/Or had come out. I’d heard Rose Parade, Say Yes and Alemeda on a local radio show. I was blown away by the lyrics particularly on Rose Parade. It was undeniably brilliant. I imagined him being a college kid closer to my age (I was 17, just graduated High School) in a sweater tho. It was at an all ages club, in an old firehouse converted into a venue, and there were maybe 20, 30 people sitting cross legged, watching Quasi. I got close to the stage, and sat down. Quasi was really good. Towards the end of their set, a rough, older (I was 17 at the time) homeless smelling dude came in, and sat directly upfront beside me. Figured he was a homeless guy who’d wandered in. It was shocking when Quasi ended, and introduced the rough guy sitting next to me as Elliott. Not at all the sweater wearing college guy his music seemed to imply, on the surface anyways. Showers on tour are tough, as I’d later find out for myself🤷🏻♂️. There’s a valid argument to be made that no footage really captured what he did live. I’ve seen it all, but it’s not QUITE all picked up by the cameras. The songs seemed to come out of thin air. Picking up quiet urgency, then disappearing again. It was like watching someone two feet from you perform magic, but not tricks. Like actually, shocking magic. No one spoke while he played. You could hear a pin drop. It made him very uncomfortable. “Uh. Are you guys okay?” *wild clapping peppered with “yes,” and “it’s amazing” and “st ides heaven”* “Hmmm. Okay. I usually play bars. You guys are very quiet.” He was talented in the way that it made myself, and the most talented people I knew think “FUCK. Why do we even try.” That’s not an easy feat. Most importantly; he was a lovely, generous, friendly, and hilarious guy. He played a short game of basketball with a few people who stayed to talk. He was really good. But he still cheated with absolute impunity, smiling huge while he did it. I saw him again several times. Including the yo yo a go go set he did. But it was never quite the same as seeing him with maybe twenty five other absolutely mesmerized people, sitting criss cross apple sauce in an old firehouse.❤️
I only feel solemn regret towards the fact that we missed out on Elliotts magnum opus. From a Basement... would have been a double album that would have been the first record in years where he had total control over the whole thing; unlike the last 2. The fact that his family decided to leave a number of songs off the final release because of the negative lyrical content(as with this song) is pretty fucked... Ahh what it could have been
It’s crazy - they released True Love and that’s as dark as they come really. There’s a good albums worth of songs from the last three records he did that haven’t been released. That’s UMG. So far they’ve released maybe like two from each records session. Pretty pitiful.
Such a great song. To me, it's obviously about songwriting and how he views them as slides, two dimensional representations of his past and memories. He feels trapped in being defined by these snap shots of his life experience that are his songs.
I had never considered how "if I load my magazine" is actually part of the next line, "but not just now / when it's easy to stay clean"...now, the metaphor suddenly shines out like a pitch-black diamond. Truly a fucking genius
he was one of a kind. But this kind of art is so horrific for he suffered so much. My heart breaks for him every day. I wish he could have gotten the kind of help he was open to. What a waste.
@@lexremillard2549 This could be my undying cynicism, but I sometimes wonder if Elliott was beyond reach. I mean, it's not a classic of case of, oh he got strung out, then spiraled down. This is someone who was demanding reasons to live from his friends and talking about suicide from a very young age...but I don't know. Either way, the art is very heavy, but its somehow like he shares a little of my weight when he sings about it
@@mywhychromosome oh he was out of reach and that's the saddest part. The world is lucky he existed at all for the time he was here. he did so ,much and left an indelible mark on us all.
Not sure there’s a metaphor there, just talking about killing himself via gun. But the next line I read two ways. The first reads like this: “But now just now when it’s easy to stay clean,” as in at the moment he’s able to stay clean, but the temptation of killing himself arises when he’s really struggling to stay clean. The other: “but not just now, when it’s easy to stay clean.” This is the more counterintuitive reading, because it means he’s struggling to stay clean at the moment, but the real urge to kill himself comes when he’s sober and “when no one sees where you’re bleeding.” In other words, people can see you’re struggling when you’re strung out, but when you’re sober, your pain isn’t as obvious, yet that’s when the pain is most poignant, and so that’s when he might kill himself. And if you read about his death, some say he was doing well and was sober up to his death. That’s helps full theories about his gf murdering him, which still is possible. But from this reading of the lyrics, it would make sense that he killed himself when he seemed to be doing well. He only seemed like he was doing well, and nobody could see where he was bleeding, until in his last act he showed them. But that would be reading into things a lot, particularly when the other reading could be the one he meant. I also want to point out that the line about loading magazines seems connected to the prior line too. So fully, it reads as “Hate might paint me red, if I load my magazine. But not just now when it’s easy to stay clean; when no one sees where you’re bleeding.” If I load my magazine isn’t a full sentence by itself, it implies it’s connected to the previous line. And read together, it can be understood as he might kill himself and paint himself red with blood as an act of self-hate. These are all just possible interpretations.
@@seanmatthewking The other possible interpretation is that it's easy to stay clean precisely because nobody sees where he's bleeding. In other words, he's not actually clean. It's easy to stay clean [in the eyes of those around you] when they can't see where you're bleeding [and therefore don't realise that you're not really clean at all]." This is how I instinctively interpreted it. May have something to do with my heroin use. But who knows which way it was really intended.
im in the same boat as you man. wishing i could have had time with my grandma now that im older. i would've loved to talk to her about elliott. hope everything's good with you, it's tough, but i hope things are beginning to work out, much love
I might have to agree with you there. I cannot decide if I like this one or the other one. They both have their advantages. This one may edge out the others because of the extra line.
it's not on FABOTH bc his family didn't like all the suicide references even tho that album already has some :/ btw there's another version that's beautiful as well in its own way, check it out it might make it to ur top 10!
After I told a friend about the Vic Chesnutt show I'd seen the night before (September 1996) he told me about Sparklehorse (Mark Linkous). A little while after that Mark and Vic became friends and did some recording together. Their suicides were a little over three months apart (Vic 12/25/09 and Mark 3/06/10).
I believe they did know eachother or knew of eachother. They even dated the same girl (Mary Lou Lord). From what ive heard (idk if its true) but Elliott wasnt the biggest fan or Kurt.
Wish I could write lyrics like this.
Elliott is a legend and truly deserves a spot in the rock and roll hall of fame. What a talent.
Elliott is too special for those suits
I sit here shooting blanks
Out at emptiness
Ain't nothing I really want to kill
Maybe time, I guess
I sit and spin the world on its flip side
And I listen backwards for meaning
'Cause I'm a stickman
I live with one dimension dead
Trying not to think too many moves ahead
I draw from memory
The stillest kind of life
Slide after slide
Mental pain's the sharpest knife
Project what's done for everyone to see
To me it's just a reversal
And I'm a stickman
In frames that go one by one
If I sped it up, you'd see I'm on the run
From some monster off-screen
Killing sons
Lonely makes me blue
Envy turns me green
Hate might paint me red
If I load my magazine
But not just now when it's easy to stay clean
When no one sees where you're bleeding
And I'm a stickman
Stickman
loathe not load
@@datstankadankyou may be right but "load" makes more sense.
One of his best. A real jewel.
For real. I will never understand why this stuff isn’t released.
Song always helps me whenever I'm feeling down. So much love for this man I've never met.
Thank you Elliott for the continued smiles in the worst of times ❤
This has become my favorite song from him. The lyrics are insane. He left behind so much music.
❤🙏🙏🙏
"He left behind so much music." so true, so true ;((
I was fortunate enough to be a rabid 17 year old fan when either/or came out, and saw him live in a tiny youth club in ‘96. I miss him too.
Patrick Chole what was the show like? i bet it was so magical
This song has the chaotic style of the songs on From a Basement on a Hill.
@@milarose5155know I’m late to answer it. But Elliott Smith is always worth remembering.
Either/Or had come out. I’d heard Rose Parade, Say Yes and Alemeda on a local radio show. I was blown away by the lyrics particularly on Rose Parade. It was undeniably brilliant.
I imagined him being a college kid closer to my age (I was 17, just graduated High School) in a sweater tho.
It was at an all ages club, in an old firehouse converted into a venue, and there were maybe 20, 30 people sitting cross legged, watching Quasi.
I got close to the stage, and sat down. Quasi was really good. Towards the end of their set, a rough, older (I was 17 at the time) homeless smelling dude came in, and sat directly upfront beside me. Figured he was a homeless guy who’d wandered in.
It was shocking when Quasi ended, and introduced the rough guy sitting next to me as Elliott. Not at all the sweater wearing college guy his music seemed to imply, on the surface anyways. Showers on tour are tough, as I’d later find out for myself🤷🏻♂️.
There’s a valid argument to be made that no footage really captured what he did live. I’ve seen it all, but it’s not QUITE all picked up by the cameras. The songs seemed to come out of thin air. Picking up quiet urgency, then disappearing again. It was like watching someone two feet from you perform magic, but not tricks. Like actually, shocking magic. No one spoke while he played. You could hear a pin drop. It made him very uncomfortable. “Uh. Are you guys okay?”
*wild clapping peppered with “yes,” and “it’s amazing” and “st ides heaven”*
“Hmmm. Okay. I usually play bars. You guys are very quiet.”
He was talented in the way that it made myself, and the most talented people I knew think “FUCK. Why do we even try.” That’s not an easy feat.
Most importantly; he was a lovely, generous, friendly, and hilarious guy. He played a short game of basketball with a few people who stayed to talk. He was really good.
But he still cheated with absolute impunity, smiling huge while he did it.
I saw him again several times. Including the yo yo a go go set he did. But it was never quite the same as seeing him with maybe twenty five other absolutely mesmerized people, sitting criss cross apple sauce in an old firehouse.❤️
15 years ago to the day, here I am.
I only feel solemn regret towards the fact that we missed out on Elliotts magnum opus. From a Basement... would have been a double album that would have been the first record in years where he had total control over the whole thing; unlike the last 2. The fact that his family decided to leave a number of songs off the final release because of the negative lyrical content(as with this song) is pretty fucked... Ahh what it could have been
Were they (I'm guessing his mom and half-sister) not bothered by the "negative lyrical content" from his other records?
It’s crazy - they released True Love and that’s as dark as they come really. There’s a good albums worth of songs from the last three records he did that haven’t been released. That’s UMG. So far they’ve released maybe like two from each records session. Pretty pitiful.
i mean... how.. how can he be so talented. it's just something else man.
Always keep coming back to this again and again... THANK YOU.
Such a great song. To me, it's obviously about songwriting and how he views them as slides, two dimensional representations of his past and memories. He feels trapped in being defined by these snap shots of his life experience that are his songs.
I had never considered how "if I load my magazine" is actually part of the next line, "but not just now / when it's easy to stay clean"...now, the metaphor suddenly shines out like a pitch-black diamond. Truly a fucking genius
he was one of a kind. But this kind of art is so horrific for he suffered so much. My heart breaks for him every day. I wish he could have gotten the kind of help he was open to. What a waste.
@@lexremillard2549 This could be my undying cynicism, but I sometimes wonder if Elliott was beyond reach. I mean, it's not a classic of case of, oh he got strung out, then spiraled down. This is someone who was demanding reasons to live from his friends and talking about suicide from a very young age...but I don't know. Either way, the art is very heavy, but its somehow like he shares a little of my weight when he sings about it
@@mywhychromosome oh he was out of reach and that's the saddest part. The world is lucky he existed at all for the time he was here. he did so ,much and left an indelible mark on us all.
Not sure there’s a metaphor there, just talking about killing himself via gun. But the next line I read two ways.
The first reads like this: “But now just now when it’s easy to stay clean,” as in at the moment he’s able to stay clean, but the temptation of killing himself arises when he’s really struggling to stay clean.
The other: “but not just now, when it’s easy to stay clean.” This is the more counterintuitive reading, because it means he’s struggling to stay clean at the moment, but the real urge to kill himself comes when he’s sober and “when no one sees where you’re bleeding.” In other words, people can see you’re struggling when you’re strung out, but when you’re sober, your pain isn’t as obvious, yet that’s when the pain is most poignant, and so that’s when he might kill himself.
And if you read about his death, some say he was doing well and was sober up to his death. That’s helps full theories about his gf murdering him, which still is possible. But from this reading of the lyrics, it would make sense that he killed himself when he seemed to be doing well. He only seemed like he was doing well, and nobody could see where he was bleeding, until in his last act he showed them.
But that would be reading into things a lot, particularly when the other reading could be the one he meant.
I also want to point out that the line about loading magazines seems connected to the prior line too.
So fully, it reads as “Hate might paint me red, if I load my magazine. But not just now when it’s easy to stay clean; when no one sees where you’re bleeding.”
If I load my magazine isn’t a full sentence by itself, it implies it’s connected to the previous line. And read together, it can be understood as he might kill himself and paint himself red with blood as an act of self-hate.
These are all just possible interpretations.
@@seanmatthewking
The other possible interpretation is that it's easy to stay clean precisely because nobody sees where he's bleeding.
In other words, he's not actually clean. It's easy to stay clean [in the eyes of those around you] when they can't see where you're bleeding [and therefore don't realise that you're not really clean at all]."
This is how I instinctively interpreted it. May have something to do with my heroin use. But who knows which way it was really intended.
This is such an amazing song.
how many lives has this man saved?
Gus Wallach, mine!
I'm one
yep
mine too
me too
Love this song, haven't heard this recording before. Thanks
Wish I’d found him before my grandmother passed. She would have loved him
im in the same boat as you man. wishing i could have had time with my grandma now that im older. i would've loved to talk to her about elliott. hope everything's good with you, it's tough, but i hope things are beginning to work out, much love
@@okumay thanks man, I really appreciate that! Hope all is well for you, too
@@scroogemccuck985 thanks, have a nice day/night/whatever it is
favorite ES song
I might have to agree with you there. I cannot decide if I like this one or the other one. They both have their advantages. This one may edge out the others because of the extra line.
@@lucassmith4524 what's the "other one"??
@@mywhychromosome I’m guessing this: ruclips.net/video/L4Sqr4sTPFY/видео.html
Love u Elliott
Still finding Beauties from this amazing underrated talent of the ages..I have a signed CD I cherish. 🤫
OMG, his talent was immeasurable!
oh my GOD
Sending LOve
The guy was gifted. He figured out the formula that the Beatles used for their latter work.
If this version was mastered properly it would be in the top 10 maybe top 5 of his songs for me. Don't get why it wouldn't be on the album
it's not on FABOTH bc his family didn't like all the suicide references even tho that album already has some :/ btw there's another version that's beautiful as well in its own way, check it out it might make it to ur top 10!
I'm wondering "what if Kurt Cobain would have met Elliott Smith?". I think he would love Elliott's songs and maybe they would have worked together.
After I told a friend about the Vic Chesnutt show I'd seen the night before (September 1996) he told me about Sparklehorse (Mark Linkous). A little while after that Mark and Vic became friends and did some recording together. Their suicides were a little over three months apart (Vic 12/25/09 and Mark 3/06/10).
I think they both owned the same acoustic guitar on seperate occasions
I believe they did know eachother or knew of eachother. They even dated the same girl (Mary Lou Lord). From what ive heard (idk if its true) but Elliott wasnt the biggest fan or Kurt.
Sounds a bit like Son of Sam at some points.