Irrational Worry VS Rational Worry
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- If you struggle with anxiety and compulsions and you have difficulty being certain whether a thought is rational and reasonable or irrational and unreasonable, then hopefully this video will finally end the debate.
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You are so incredibly helpful, I love your videos. It's so nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles and that there are ways to help myself get better.
yes Kate me too
I feel like i'm overreacting all the time. For instance, let's say I meet my friends: everything goes fine, but then I go home and just overreact and overthink. I feel like nobody likes me anymore, like I said too much or not enough. And the thing is that nothing really happened to make me feel that way, but I can't help it! I don't get panic attacks, it's mainly just this feeling that one single little mistake that I make, is going to screw up everything in my life. Like my life's falling apart even when it's not..
how are u doing today?
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
this is mind blowing. i LOVE how your logic works.. I feel like it just resonates with me so much more than other teachers who teach based on ACT, mindfulness, acceptance based stuff. Its very straight forward and easy to understand.. I think my recovery is back on track for watching this, thanks!
I love you bro, you are helping so many people gain so much insight into a different understanding of how we interact and show up in the world... I have been opening myself up and letting the anxiety run it's course, welcoming it and I've been letting go of labeling thoughts as "intrusive". No more fighting, just accepting and doing what matters to me... thank you!
Amen dude, this guy lays it out sooo well. Thanks Mark for your insights. You totally rock!
Hey man, I just want to thank you. I've been watching your videos and I am just sitting here astonished. I am not compulsive but I am obsessive. You have been describing what has been going on in my head. I always knew something was wrong, but since I didn't compulsive behaviours, I never thought about associating it with OCD. This is the first time in my life that I feel like someone understands- you understand.
Hasan Rizvi That's great the videos helped you get a bit more understanding of what's going on!
i dont understand how this is a solution, when your whole life approach becomes uncertain, what's good or bad, what you like and what you are not, so you wont give answers to anything? let everything open? and how is this going to work, thinking something and dont answer it back and let it be? stay there accept thoughts and not answer them. So every time you face a problem you dont try to solve it? everything must have an answer
No, not everything needs an
I understand what the original comment is trying to say. How are we supposed to stand for anything & be individualistic if we're not supposed to interact with thoughts in our head? That's not human. To be human involves debates within ourselves in order to lead a productive life. Now, when it becomes pathological, perhaps it's time for an intervention. The billion dollar question is, how are we supposed to know when the line is crossed? The answer is that there is no answer. Mental health is all subjective.
You look and sound a lot like Matt Taibi. And that’s a compliment
This helped a lot. Thank you
You're welcome!
Brilliant! I wish I had seen this video on may 10 of 2015
look up acceptance and commitment therapy that is exactly what this is good stuff here
Mark the rational worry vs irrational worry for me is regarding recovery. Im trying to accept thoughts and get on with life, but im wondering if im using erp as a compulsion and acceptance as a compulsion. I read one of the articles on your page from a guy called kamran. He said that he was using acceptance as a compulsion even though he thought he was doing things properly. This makes me wonder if im doing what he was doing before. I dont mean to be annoying and i hope you dont get upset at me. But how should i address this uncertainty about doing the recovery properly so i will get better?. This is really causing a lot of stress. Should i just live with the uncertainty as to whether im doing the recovery right or not? Thanks and i hope youre not upset or annoyed
@@Stesmith-xg4ry posting repeatedly on the same uncertainty isn't going to make me see it as less of a compulsion. Chasing certainty and checking for reassurance about a fear will naturally create a lot of stress. This channel is not for practicing compulsions. If you're finding it difficult to give more time and energy to things you want to be doing, then it could be useful to work with a skilled professional.
Any irrational thoughts about an illness and or conditions anyone
Danielle Morales Sure, I struggled with lots of thoughts and compulsions about illness and getting diseases or spreading diseases. Everything in this video applies to thoughts about those topics or any topics.
Hi Mark, Im just a little confused on judging my thoughts... how do I know which thought to act on if i shouldnt judge it ? I know that, this question is what the video is about, but for example sometimes i get home and I am exhausted and I might want to go to bed with out brushing my teeth or washing my face or something health related... but then I talk myself into doing it because its important to me. And then sometimes I get the urge to drink or smoke and I talk myself out of it which is important to me as well that I dont become addicted in unhealthy habits. If i didnt listen/ react to these thoughts Id have bad hygiene and bad habits.. So what is your relationship with your thoughts now? Thanks!!
+ptpt6 That's where I find values useful. Aligning my actions with my values helps me be proactive with my health. And it's not that different from what you described. But I definitely found that I would run into problems if I had to talk myself into doing healthy things or talk myself out of doing unhealthy things. I could always come up with an argument to rationalize the unhealthy thing. And waiting for a thought so I can react to it puts those thoughts and feelings in charge of my life. And when they were in charge of my life, they didn't do a very good job of running it. So now, if I had the urge to do something unhealthy, that urge could be there and that's fine, it doesn't change the healthy things I'm going to do. I wouldn't sit and think about it and try to talk myself out of it because it's just not something I value so I'm not going to do it anyway.
So my relationship with my thoughts now is much more proactive than reactive. Does that make sense?
+Mark Freeman Thanks for the response Mark! the part about the values really helps. I can dismiss the thought about the cigarettes. and I can listen to the thought that says even though I'm exhausted I can wash my make up off and floss and do healthy things before
I sleep. However for me this goes back to choosing which thoughts I act on.. and I guess what I'm asking you is do you choose between your thoughts? like if a thought pops up and its a good idea do you go with it? It's a little embarrassing that I'm not fully understanding your exact point. lol but I want to !! I know you're right. I just need more help to personally understand so I can apply this to my life !
+ptpt6 There's a quote from Ernest Hemingway that I really like and I think it helps explain my approach to these situations. He said: "If you believe your critics when they say you're right, you have to believe them when they say you're wrong."
The healthy things I need to do don't change based on my thoughts. If a thought popped up to brush my teeth, that's nice. But if a thought didn't pop up to brush my teeth, I still need to brush them. So relying on my thoughts to think of the best thing to do isn't something I've found useful. It also limits me to what I can think of. But maybe the best thing to do isn't something I even know about.
So I find it helps to treat all thoughts as the same and instead of waiting for a thought to be there about something healthy, I identify all of the healthy things I want to do and do them, regardless of what's in my head.
+Mark Freeman That explains so much!! I can't thank you enough for your time & help! As much as I'd love to keep this conversation going & get more answers I know you must be very busy so I will continue to watch your videos and appreciate all your efforts to helping people!! The world needs more healers like you! keep on keeping on! Much love!!!
I was thinking the other day about the helpfulness and importance of visualizations.
I would like to visualize good outcomes for my health and my career, since science suggests its effectiveness.
IF there are ocd elements intruding the visualization, thusturning good outcomes into bad ones,
is it right to end the visualization or to ignore the intruding part and carry on focusing on the good part?
It's a fantastic video by the way. You are proving wrong the common assumption in Psychology that people who themselves are or were affected by a mental disease should not be practicing.
1Kilili I don't know anything about visualizing "good" outcomes and "bad" outcomes. It sounds like you might be getting into lots of judging what's going on in your head. I don't find it useful to judge a thought as "OCD". Personally, I treat everything in my head as stuff in my head.
1Kilili Thanks! I didn't know that was a common assumption. I think people should only work with others who are taking care of their health. It's just like working with a personal trainer to improve physical fitness---I'd prefer to get trained in the gym by somebody that knows how to do the exercises better than I do.
I agree. Having been there gives you a lot of sharpness in handling the topic.
I think what is meant maybe is that you are not to pursue a profession in the field of psychology out of a sense of craving for personal mental health.
And you beat OCD, so it doesn't apply :)
Is it the same technique with actual real events that have happened in reality? Pointless judging, analysing etc...
Yes, because the pointless judging and analysing is happening now, in the present. And it's not happening around the real event, it's happening around some stuff in our heads.
@@everybodyhasabrain I see so what your saying is its not happening round the event itself? It's more the stuff in our heads about the event such as label's, judgments etc.. That is the issue.
@@hifi8844 Yes. Unless you are a time traveler. Then you can go back to the event and do compulsions at the event. If you really want to do that.
@@everybodyhasabrain haha thanks Mark.
@@hifi8844 Have a great start to the week!
Mark I feel like I'm constantly trying to "connect the dots" and find why I'm suffering. This leads to getting stuck in ruminating for hours, googling or seeking reassurance from others. If I cant connect dots my mind makes up worst case scenarios or outcomes.
you might find it helpful to see those compulsions as leading to the obsession, rather than that need to connect the dots leading to the reassurance seeking. The more you check and the more you seek reassurance, there more you encourage your brain to worry about connecting the dots. Choosing to engage in the compulsions is choosing to worry about the obsession. Your brain wants to help you get the feeling of relief that would come with connecting the dots, so it'll keep making you feel like you haven't connected the dots so you can keep doing the compulsions. Cut the compulsions and show your brain you don't need to connect the dots and it'll stop thinking about it.
I love this. So true.
Mark Freeman you are right, reassurance-seeking and labeling will only validate the obsessions and sometimes the compulsions can become obsessions as well. It happened to me with note-making compulsions that eventually became the main obsession. The way to recover from ocd is to drop all the judgements and embrace uncertainty.
Same!
@@syria5796 That's a very unhelpful approach to this stuff. It'll just encourage the brain to throw up lots of real stuff to practice compulsions around
this is mind blowing. i LOVE how your logic works.. I feel like it just resonates with me so much more than other teachers who teach based on ACT, mindfulness, acceptance based stuff. Its very straight forward and easy to understand.. I think my recovery is back on track for watching this, thanks!
Thanks. Enjoy the steps ahead!
Good vid. The OCD struggle really does comes from fighting the thoughts instead of accepting them and simply observing them without judgment. Hard thing to do but only way to recover from it.
Definitely. It's tough but it's just like physical fitness--the more you push into the practice of acceptance, the bigger the results.
Easier said than done
Very good point...I suffer from Alcohol abuse coupled with severe digestion related panic ...Gut Brain axis is messed up...
Accepting the flow is tough but I am FED UP of suffering..whatever happens, happens..I will just observe it...and Accept it 🙏🏻..too much suffering has happened due to this..cant travel anywhere..cant do anything..
I have a fear that I did something bad when I was about 7/8 years old. The fear only started about 8 months ago but I think of it everyday. Sometimes I can win sometimes it gets the better of me. But I try to cope by simply asking myself "if I feel bad now why didn't I then"? I also treat these stupid thoughts by treating them like this...... I'm standing on a platform at a train station and I'm all good, then suddenly a train arrives which is my stupid thought. I stand there and the door opens and I just smile to myself and say I'm not getting on this train. The doors close and the train (bad thought) drives away.
This may sound stupid but it helps me 👍.
Also thanks for the videos Mark 👍
your analogy is not stupid at all. actually i find it really inspiring! Will definitely use it!
@@Ma-tu2jd nice one thank you for the reply....I'm actually managing much better now it still enters my head but I just use my same process and it slowly goes away....thanks for the help... excellent excellent videos.
God bless and stay safe 🙏
@@waynesaunders1151 happy to hear that. God bless u
:)
Wayne Saundes that's not stupid, that's GENIUS! I'm gonna use it starting right now! Thanks 💗
In my support group, I get asked that sometimes..."How do I know if my worries are reasonable or ocd?". I tell them when in doubt it's probably ocd. I guess I should tell them it doesn't matter. Trying to decide is just a form of reassurance, is a way of quelling your anxiety, and is feeding your ocd.
Especially as OCD gets more severe, there won't be any doubt about the fear. Waiting until we can identify something as "OCD" often means they've been engaging in compulsions for awhile so I find it more useful to keep the focus on actions instead of thoughts.
I'm having irrational thoughts right now :(
Chocolate1White hi i hope you’re doing okay.
When you talk you sound so sure that things are going to be okay, and thats so comforting, life can be so full of worry, thanks for sharing.
Great video 👍. I’m 14 years old and I was dealing with some intense fears, this really helped.
I’m very anxious a lot, and i realized
So i think ALL MY THOUGHTS
ARE DIRECTED TOWARDS ME
AND THINK THE WORST POSSIBLE THING
Thank you so much for everything you do for the community Mark. You've helped me so much it's ridiculous. My OCD has always tried to ruin aspects of my life that were otherwise going very well. It's a self defeating behavior that's for sure. Thank you again and you're pulling a lot of people out of a really dark place. ❤️
This helped me so much! I’ve been bouncing around between whether this one thing was something or the other and coming up with evidence for and against either one. Whenever I convinced myself it was one thing, I’d feel relieved temporarily but then I’d start to doubt myself about that answer. I’d take everything and break it down and see where it fits and what this thing means. Thank you for this video, it definitely helped.
Meerkat M. You're welcome!
True. Labeling a thought really isn't important. I think where it becomes complexing is the feelings that come with a thought and, our reactions which are hopefully not a ritual. Sometimes I do think I'm crazy (labeling) so I do get the point. It's just not as easy to handle the anxiety and worry that goes along with that thought and maladaptive behavior.
Found this actually pretty funny yet so accurate. Thanks for the videos!
Wow Mark ! Your approach to things seems so much more simple (yet hard to practise as we’re going to be facing anxiety more directly. Like you’ve said it many times that trying to get rid of the feelings is the problem ! Your approach always seemed quite daring yet holistic to me. It also prevents one from developing a false identity based on a dualistic thinking that always desires one while being averse to the other !
Keep up posting :) Your videos helped me a lot
***** Thanks. I'm glad you're finding them useful!
Thank you for your videos. Eckhart Tolle had similar feelings from a young age.
But what if labeling thoughts help me reduce anxiety. For example, if I have the thought "If I have a panic attack I might die" that thought causes me extreme distress. But if I challenge it and come to the conclusion that panic won't kill me, now I have less anxiety. Aren't our thoughts (as well as behavior) the main cause of our mental distress? How do I reduce the anxiety if my thoughts are so incredibly catastrophic?
Kr. M. Compulsions work. They absolutely will reduce anxiety (temporarily). Just like engaging in any addiction relieves the symptoms of withdrawal (temporarily). But compulsions aren't solving the problem--they are the problem. The approach I talk about on this channel is all about learning how to have emotions. As Thich Nhat Hanh says: "When you learn how to suffer, you suffer much less."
Just as if somebody avoids sweating, eventually everything will make him sweat. If you avoid anxiety, eventually everything will make you anxious. Engaging in compulsions to get rid of anxiety will just bring more and more of it into your life.
eventually you will REALISE ocd harm is just a bully. The fear is DREAD !!! sit with it and it always passes???? doesn't it;))))))) mine does. ive had hocd since 18, now 41. millions of times that dread has passed. I laugh at it now. trick me once, trick me twice;))))))
Fascinating
😁🙌
The bible says not to worry or fear. You can change your mind on worries and fear. If I'm worried about getting sick, then I'm not putting my faith in God. If I give the thought to God, eventually the thought will go away. Accepting the thought as a thought and then giving it to God and walking away. The bible says to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ. So yes I may have a thought about having sex with another woman(besides my wife), however I don't stop and think about the thought. Instead I simply dismiss it and be on my way. That's the goal of OCD, you have have a thought or urge to keep checking to make sure the oven is off even after you have checked it 3 times, however instead you simply go about your business. I can't tell you how many OCD traits this has defeated. Your mind and body wants so bad to seek reassurance, however leave that to God. Check the oven once, and locks once, then go to bed.
That some good advice.
i relate to your vids a lot because I also have ocd. There are some times that I really struggle to escape a thought, and I'm in a revolving thought hamster wheel prison and I can't let it go and I struggle to stop that repetition. Your vids help me get out of my own head and see what's really happening and catch myself being irrational. Thank you Mark. Living with ocd is really hard sometimes because you're basically fighting against yourself. Man it's hard being this crazy lmao
Mark, THANK YOU. You have changed my life. have been dealing with Obsessive thoughts and compulsions since I was a little girl, mostly having to do with insecurity and trust, and I am looking at everything so much differently now. I was constantly rationalizing with my obsessive thoughts and fears, CONSTANTLY....But now, things are different. It's REALLY hard work, but not acting on my compulsions instead of trying to change the thoughts in my head is MUCH MUCH easier :) Love the channel, I could cry I'm so happy. Thank You!
Thanks so much for the message, Dena. I'm glad the videos have been helpful. Keep up the great hard work!
That video says it all - all the labeling, analyzing, checking etc. are the things that got us into the rabbit hole of OCD. The best thing to do is to totally not care about "figuring out the truth" about a matter, because this is just an unwinnable fight.
Thank you again, Mark :) we need more videos, updated videos! I can´t thank you enough for the time you spend talking with us
😁🙇🏻♂️
You took the words right out of my mouth!
ShalomAlechim Keep sharing those words!
You too, *****!
Thanks to both of you for your work . Your videos are very helpful .
I feel so understood, thank you Mark
😁🙌
Constantly amazed by how helpful these techniques are and how well explained they are. The hard part indeed is to apply the acceptance and new behaviors to just observe the thoughts and not engage in them. Gonna keep improving day by day. Thank you SO MUCH for these videos!
:) Keep taking those steps!
This is genuinely life saving! I didn’t realise I could have such a calm and chilled life or day to day schedule. It really is incredible thankyou so much
Enjoy putting these skills into practice!
This works with whatever your ocd is about, it doesn’t have to be what his is, everyone’s ocd theme are different or can be different everyday!! Point blank is it doesn’t matter!!
So true!
I’ve had severe ocd/pure ocd for YEARS!!! It’s gradually gotten worse to where I was anxious scared all the time...I came across you false memory video a few days ago and started with your advice then and have watched several of your videos since and have started the techniques of just letting it be....I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in just a few days!!!! I believe between your techniques and prayer I’m having a faster recovery than I should! Thank you for sharing your life and your experience! You are saving many lives and helping people to feel less alone! Thank you good sir!
You're welcome. Enjoy exploring these skills! It really is possible to overcome these challenges by just learning new skills to handle the stuff in our heads.
So everyone has thoughts... It's just how we define them. Thoughts of etc. does not mean anything unless we make it that. Wow.
what i struggle with here is: you say what we can control are our actions and we need to learn to move forward in life through action rather than reacting to what going on in our head. but that feels to me like I have to live two separate lives at the very same time. When I actually want to progress in life but my thoughts (which I believe wholeheartedly) hold me back I am meant to still move forward in the very opposite direction to what my brain is telling me (into the unknown). SO how can i learn to do this on a consistent level and what if some of the things my brain are telling me / warning me about are actually true? Sorry for the long winded message.... (my brain told me to apologise lol) thanks! (my brain told me to do that too lol, well actually the whole thing lol)
"Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so."
Amazing !
I have this question.
Yesterday i went to recycle some bottles with a friend . we carried them in big plastic bags. While carrying them i thought 1-2 had fell along the way. Now i am not certain did that happen and i don't have any way to prove it . This thought is driving me crazy. I dont care but i cant stop thinking about it . please help
Trying to be certain and prove it was the compulsion. If you engage in compulsions to be certain, it's only natural your brain gives you more uncertainty. Wanting to be uncertain about this can be a useful way to get over it.
hmmm so i just embrace the uncertainty and continue my life :)
oke
Thank you so much dude
First off, your videos are very insightful and puts a lot into perspective that we can’t make our minds do what we want, it only exacerbates the problem. But I’m amazed at how often my brain gets caught up in checking to see if I’m bothered or not by my obsessions, how the “bad cloud” makes me feel because I keep labeling and judging, getting caught in the irrational/rational thinking and I tend to resort back to my coping strategy which is trying to reassure myself, I tend to repeat my thoughts a lot and it’s like if I don’t I panic. What is there to panic about brain? It doesn’t like not knowing what’s next?!?! I’ve tried to have the ‘So what’ attitude, But it tends to backfire because of all the thoughts spinning off one another. I’m in therapy and my therapist asked me if it’d be helpful for me to write down the obsession or thoughts bothering me and then rip up the paper afterward but I said it’d be too much for me to handle since I can’t even stand to have the thoughts running through my head much less seeing it on paper. Lol I’m finding that watching your videos take me through a quick phase course of What NOT to do and how to reframe your mind to just Let it be. Acceptance is huge, I am working toward that. And I should focus on how I’m spending my time, do I want to be wasting it on petty insignificant thoughts or do I want it spent on my values. It sounds so easy, but then actually carrying it out in real time is much harder. But I enjoy your videos, I learn a lot from your approach... I know intolerance to uncertainty is something I realize is my problem. I try to tell myself Bring it on Uncertainty... whenever I find myself feeling incapable of dealing with the anxiety... it does raise up my anxiety at first but it does get me to kind of get alerted that it’s just my brain trying to get me certain about things and it’s ok not to answer my brain at this time. It’s ok not knowing what is certain and what is not. But I still am having a hard time getting myself to distance myself from myself and the bad clouds that keep popping up. I still spend so much time on what to tell myself in each instance...and I have the hardest time just stepping back and noticing this pattern, like you’ve said in your other videos ....and what I need to do during that moment, darn hamster wheel...and brain wanting certainty knows how to get me every time .... hamsters 🐹 do make me happy though. 😊
Enjoy welcoming those uncertainty hamsters!
Yet another video of you generalizing people's problems. What if the problem is that our habit, rituals, compulsions (whether mental or physical) are preventing us from achieving our goals and doing what we want to do? So we need to try to solve the problem right? But you're telling people to do the opposite of that! You're claiming that trying to solve our problems is the problem, and you're telling people to act without thinking - to act mindlessly and brainlessly. How is that helpful?! If we never used our mind, then how do we know whether to jump off a bridge, building, or cliff; or whether to run over a person or drive toward a car; or whether to touch a hot stove or not? And what if some persuades to do things that are not beneficial for us? Should we just listen to them without thinking and contemplating on what we should do? These analogies make much more sense than your nonsensical, red-herring "clouds" analogy.
Also, you claim that we can control our actions, but how can we control them if we don't use our minds?! We need to contemplate and think things through before we can implement an action - unless you like to be a careless, rash, mindless idiot, which you want people to be! Anyone with a brain knows that the first step to solving any problem is TO RECOGNIZE THAT THERE IS ONE! (try to identify the problem).
Furthermore, you make so many contradictions and discrepancies, it's unbelievable! First, you claim that trying to get better and solving our problems IS the problem, but yet you tell people to seek help, which means trying to better ourselves and solving our problems! Second, you say to stop labeling and judging our problems, but here you are labeling and judging our ability to think, reason, and solve problems, by claiming that they are the problems?! And finally, you say we can't control our actions, but isn't trying to solve our problems an action?! So why can't we try to solve our problems through thinking, analyzing, and contemplating?! You are just so full of misinformation and propaganda.
And one last note, trying to get better doesn't mean "having more good evidence than bad evidence" - which you claim about CBT - it means that we have a counter argument for each negative/limiting belief, so that we can undermine those negative beliefs and prevent it from controlling us.
I totally agree that compulsions interfere with achieving our goals! I have many videos on cutting out compulsions. It's so useful to cut out compulsions and learn how to accept the stuff in your head, make choices that lead to you being healthy and happy, and achieve your goals in life. All the best as you continue on your way to achieving yours.
i totally agree i think its something really unmotivating to just accept the thougts inside your head, think of it as a baby with ocd he doesnt have life goals or nothing and if theres nobody to guide him and clear up things for him and give him comfort and assurance about thing which leads to him appreciating stuff and people in his head, hes just gonna do what others command him to without choosing. Its like you know high school and all when somebody changes from a group to another and changes and shifts his likes and things. There is no one you. There is the you you choose to be and that is where this guys logic kinda breaks, i mean its useful, but the world only works ok when you let things happen through some kind of filter which comes from what you learn, what you aspire to be. You groom your character, believe it or not and that means letting go of old feelings and most of all having a new attitude towards stuff not being passive and finding a calm. I have pretty bad ocd moments sometimes but how do you get over them, by directing yourself to what and who you love, even if that ocd has to do with them, you dont let it cripple you, you hold on to the things you like and try and become the thing you feel comfortable being. Its not about life goals, its about the atritude you take towards things and how you alter your beliefs and become someone who can chillout and hey have a hand on your emotions. you have to direct them or else you dont see people as people and start losing them youve got to.
Its About facing our fears, ppl with ocd always want to be sure About everything 24/7, learning to sit with your fear is a must to get your life back!
We just cant be sure About everything all the time, learning to cope with ocd thoughts is to experiance them and dont do the compulsions.If we dont we Will live in fear always.....easier said then done, I know trust me
So glad it's not just me that couldn't see the point of going through a process of reaction,rational,irrational etc ...
I didn't want to spend time filling a sheet in-I didn't believe what I was doing or see the point.
You hit the nail on the head-it's more time consuming n spirals.
It may work for some I'm sure,not for me.
You speak so much sense to me.
Kerryann Hartley Thanks! I hope you're finding tools that are working for you!
certainly am Mark, most things you say really click with me, feels great to unlock a different mind-set that works so well for me...
I honestly can't thank you enough.
It's a shame those who are perhaps in a position that are supposed to help, don't come around to your way of thinking...square peg n round hole... they need to think outside their boxes.
I knew I wasn't daft x
Thank you so much, your videos are really helping me.
I'm glad you're finding them useful, Liz!
Thank you. Watching your videos have been helping me with the OCD I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Keep up the good work, you're helping the hopeless and that is the greatest gift you could give a complete stranger.
+Humaniti Tyson You're welcome! I'm glad the videos are helpful.
i am starting act based therapy for my ocd. seems same strategy.
Lately my fear is not being able to sleep or getting too little sleep. Which I do but I can't shake this fear. Lately when I close my eyes Its like I can see my eyelid with my eyes closed and im fearful this might keep me awake.. I know it's totally stupid and funny but it's a fear I have. Would your techniques help with this?
Those are compulsions like any other. The thing I always encourage people to look at with sleep, however, are the compulsions we engage in during the day. We get to spend all day training our brains. At night, when we want to go to sleep, we just have the brain that we've been training all day. So I'd look more at the morning than the evening as a place to make changes.
@Sunday I've had this for 4 years.. It has gotten better. It has helped a lot just giving it to God and leaning on him and also accepting my negative thoughts .. and also I say to myself that's it's okay if I don't sleep.. when I have an I don't care attitude it's when It doesn't bother me. I also try to confront my fears 😉 I hope you get better
Dont worry about sleep thats the first step it will just come when your body gets really tired. Its impossible to not sleep. Exercise is also good
great videos. looking to retrain my brain and TO DEAL with my ocd
One of my favorite videos!
Thank you so much. You really helped me today. I've had ocd my whole life. I recently started erp and am so afraid of contamination but today you helped me. I make mental health videos as well to support my psychology passion and help others struggling. I just wanted you to know you did that for me today. Thank you.
Happy to be part of the adventure. Enjoy cutting out those compulsions, Brian!
I have this fear of getting cancer and then I say like if I don't touch this three times I'll get cancer ant tips on helping me with that
There are a bunch of different things that are helpful with overcoming something like this: 1) It's important to cut out the compulsions. And not just with this uncertainty. There's always other things we're doing as a reaction to uncertainty. Some of the other things might not seem so important, but if we can't cut out checking and controling around things that don't bother us, it's tough to do it around things that do bother us. 2) Cutting out compulsions can be intense so it can really help to work with a therapist that's experienced with helping people recover. 3) It's ok to have fears! Something that really helped me was learning to have feelings. Emotions and thoughts are things I experience. I don't have to react to them.
Damn bro, never thought of it that way!
The cloud example makes so much sense.
This content here is invaluable ! Thank you
You're welcome!
lol what
You sir are a very special person, thank you x
Jack Toy Thanks, Jack!
what if the fear is off some real event that we or someone else did. How to accept a mistake that happened and can happen again when its a wrong thing to do according to morals. This makes anxiety worse cause its not illusion.
+wend. Imanuil That doesn't change anything. I think everybody with OCD can give rational reasons and personal experiences that provide evidence that the compulsions are necessary. I didn't think any of my anxieties were illusions. They were all based on real events and possibilities. You might want to check out my latest video: ruclips.net/video/3ZSkHPqRjjs/видео.html It touches on this topic.
thank u so much, I'll check it out. . Its like an urge to control the environment to make sure that its ethical and good. I wish i can just let go, and live my life with its good and bad events.
thank u mark, its really complicated but your videos really works.
Thank you for all your videos.. It really helps me to understand how our brain works and what we can do to lead a healthy life..
Enjoy turning these concepts into action!
@@everybodyhasabrain .. Yup.. I am still on the way.. Trying everyday to be present, to focus on things which I value and cut all compulsion... Can you make a video on how to overcome when people bully us or criticise us.. Like I get demotivated by others and bullied sometimes and since I am sensitive, I generally stay silent and dont argue nor say anything to others.. But the hurtful words of others just keep replaying in my head over and over again...we know we don't have any control over people's mouth.. They can say whatever they want..But how can i make myself such that i dont get affected by them...
This feels so true.
It is very real.
This has helped me so much
Some therapists think it’s good practice to try to differentiate between OCD worries and rational worries. Personally, I think it's easier to differentiate between obsessional worries and rational worries on an intellectual level than on an emotional level, or in somebody else rather than in your own self. And you’re probably right: it often serves to fuel OCD. Instead, at the beginning of my day, I decide how it is going to be filled and I act accordingly without undue delay, which allows me to gain momentum. Then, if I want to watch videos about OCD or do some research about it, I reserve a set amount of time when I’m free. In this manner, my whole life is not engulfed in trying to understand OCD, and I feel more in control of my life. Like you say, it’s a matter of not letting a question become a problem, OCD analysis become another obsession.
Is there any correlation between high IQ and OCD? It seems the smartest people I know struggle the most with mental health. Not just OCD but all forms. I often think I'd be better off dumb.
+lilbromarky1 There's no correlation with developing a mental illness. But I would say that believing you're smart can be a barrier to recovery. If a person really likes thinking and thinks they're good at thinking and thinks they can think their way out of it, I would expect them to only dig the hole deeper. When it came to recovery, one of the smartest things I ever did was to stop listening to myself.
I WOULD try to give reasons why my ocd compulsions are stupid, but the obsessions are EXTREMELY irrational and I KNOW that they aren’t actually real, but it for some reason it still happens and effects my mental process
For example, if I walk through a door way, and this happens often, the obsession of having a favorited game or series become “bad” in a specific way, as in the same game and way every time. Then, the only one way to over come it, is to strangle my self by refusing to breath, try to utter a phrase, and wait until I’ve, “done it right”, without anyone interrupting me. If there’s people around me, it becomes an actual, living hell.
Oddly enough, if I don’t, my mind actually partially takes up the mentality that it’s happened, until I redo the ritual and temporarily banish it. If I still refuse to, I can’t think for the rest of the way.
If the compulsion is asking me to “sacrifice” a body part, I have to karate chop it once, to try to get off, or else it’ll be sore and “tainted” for the rest of the day.
The soreness actually occurs
I hear you, Mark, but what if the thought automatically affects your actions and gets in the way of you doing what you want to do? That's how I feel. I feel like I have to get rid of my cloud in order to enjoy life and focus on other things. I'm sure it is within my control to an extent but 90% of my compulsions feel automatic.
Hello Mark, I have severe OCD thoughts, how can I talk to you about it? please help me!!! I cannot study, I am always worried, I vae no life rather than my OCD thoughts!!
Thank you for the lesson. Very helpful 😁
I had nightmare two years ago and somehow my brain developed a terrifying thought that had almost no connection to my dream and I started fighting it.It was a literal nightmare to even accept it because otherwise I thought that if I intentionally visualized was gonna happen.Rn its a lot better but I am still recovering.
I get it, but how do I get rid of those fears then..?
Wimsem - Tekenen & Knutselen I found it helpful to recognize that trying to get rid of them is the compulsion. They're just wallpaper. I can let the wallpaper be there.
Mark Freeman im trying to understand but I dont. How do you get rid of ocd if you dont get rid of the fear..
Wimsem - Tekenen & Knutselen Think of it like an addiction. What you're asking is like somebody saying: "how do you get rid of the withdrawal feelings if you don't do more drugs?" Learning how to have that experience without running from it is the way out. As long as you try to run from the experience, you end up trapped in the addiction
Mark Freeman Ok, I kind of get it. But what does 'not running away from it' mean? Not doing the compulsions and feeling the fear until it passes?
Thank you always! But I have regret, guilt of lost years, time, opportunities and no matter how hard I work I can't really achieve that, and the impact of all those years is permanent which I've lost unknowingly because of lack of skills in mental health. The consequences of that is I've to face in future, still I'm worried and feel I wish I've started earlier, I wish I know these skills exist, how to compensate all those years, and accept the consequences I still have to face in future to the some extent? How do you look at this situation. I am working according to my values, doing meditation etc, but this is bothering me really hard.
Are you talking about your skill with playing the cello? And you want to know about how to make up for lost years of not playing the cello? Or are you thinking of a different skill, like bonsai or flower arrangement? Or perhaps isn't a particular style of dance you regret not learning? Or maybe it's that you didn't start practicing tattoo inking skills sooner? I suppose I could keep on listing out skills, but we could also just go and give our time and energy to things we can actually grow right now...
That's very interesting way to look at it. Thank you!
But I have performed poor in my studies consistently because of mental health and other stuff in life, but I was so good at studies before all this started, but there is that record of marks and years which is very poor and when I have to find a job there will be people to ask me about all that and I'm answerable to them, my family can understand me, support me but what about others, my expectations for me was very high and now I'm at rock bottom trying to get out of downward spiral, I can't change that record but I want to make up that.
@@sakshi34241 But you have a chance now to cut out these compulsions. Or you can keep spending time on them like this. It will be more useful to start growing the things you want to see in the world
@everybodyhasabrain yeah, Now I have chance. You are right I can give my energy and focus towards things I wanted to grow. I have that choice now. Like you said "Don't spend too much time pulling weeds that you forget to grow any flowers" I was carrying those dead weeds with all the time, I've learned my lesson and now I can move without carrying them around. Thanks it was really nice of you. It feels so light now😅😄 It's always helpful🙏
Thank you sir, thanking you again, for those valuable tips. Please do keep contributing helpful videos like this to the world. God bless. :) :)
In other words: stop thinking :)
DreamWizard9 Sounds like a plan!
*****
Or should we instead of "stop thinking" be "stop labelling"?
It's an interesting thought. But I'm into Vipassana these days and that is all about labeling! I'm getting more and more confused...
DreamWizard9 Another way to look at it that I've found helpful is to focus on what I'm starting. So experiencing something isn't just about not judging it and trying NOT to do all sorts of things, it becomes all about starting to do things, like actively practicing acceptance and actively doing things that help me be healthy and happy. So I don't have to spend all of my time trying not do something, it's just something I'm not doing because I'm doing other things.
Do you do sessions
I do work with people on building mental health skills. There are more details here: www.markfreeman.ca/coaching/
I went roller skarting the other day and got a splinter from holding on to a fence when I was about to fall. I keep thinking someone might have placed a needle on that fence exactly where I held myself from and that I'm going to contract some type of disease. I looked around and didn't see anything but I keep thinking "what if there was a needle there, and I just didn't see it". And I feel so bad for going out roller skating, trying to get some exercise to ease my anxiety and stress. I keep thinking I should have just stayed home.
That's great you went roller skating! It sounds like you're doing a lot of unhelpful compulsions around the experience, though
Wow thank you Mark, this really does help and it is congruent to other similar self-help things i have seen in regards to our thoughts just being thoughts. I have a pretty noisy brain most of the time and now i see that not engaging in all the "connecting the dots" can really help. I guess it takes time. Thank you.
You're welcome!
Man this was super reassuring knowing that someone else thinks the way that I do.
I get anxiety by looking at the race of guy a girl is attracted to.
It’s pretty cloudy
If we're always looking at the sky, it's easy to find clouds.
Hi Mark, love your videos and so thankful that you're selfless enough to have struggled through OCD and yet want to help others get through the other side as well. I just have 2 questions. 1. You mentioned that ocd means you can create reasons and evidence to back up your fear, but surely if your fears are just thoughts then there isn't any real evidence for them? I'm hoping I've just sort of misunderstood you. Also, I often get caught up wanting to know which part of my obsessive thought is ocd, like i'll think 'is the whole scenario ocd? is it all false? maybe I said wrong but no one heard me or I said wrong but knew no one was there to hear/see'. I guess it's the wanting to know that's the obsession is it? and all needs to be let go?
Thanks, Megan! With your first question, I think the important thing to keep in mind is the word "create". People will create reasons and evidence. They'll spend hours searching online to find evidence or try to find something that disproves the evidence they're worried they might already have but aren't sure about. And if they can't find evidence to contradict the reasons they're thinking about, they might take that as evidence. And so on. Confirmation bias runs deep in many mental health challenges. As to your second question, I don't think it's useful to try to judge and discriminate between thoughts and say that some are OCD and others aren't. Instead, I also suggest people keep the focus on doing the things they value in life. Trying to label and judge thoughts is just another compulsion, just another attempt to get rid of uncertainty.
Mark, I had a quick question. You say that the things you can control are the things that you do each day to be happy and healthy. However, I've let my OCD convince me that I need to engage in a certain compulsive behavior in order to be happy and healthy. How can I get past this? Thank you so much.
It'll do that to you, mine does too. Mine says I need to break up with my boyfriend or admit I'm lesbian or bisexual even though I'm not, because it says I need to engage in this in order to be happy. Don't engage in the behaviors obviously, try and go about it with a "yeah whatever attitude" or if you can exaggerate the thoughts. That generally works for me sometimes.
I've read about 'real event' ocd where the obsession is true but just not as bad as the sufferer thinks. But this got me thinking, can the obsession be true and bad but still be classed as ocd just because they obsess and ruminate about it afterwards? Or do you think trying to answer this question is ocd in itself?
I've also been getting really upset watching your videos because I know they're so helpful and yet every time I try to read or hear about ocd and overcoming it, I end up analysing what's been said and meant and getting completely confused. Do you have any tips or advise on this? Or how I can help myself to overcome ocd without needing to know so much about it and ultimately get confused? Thanks so much in advance
Yes, OCD is in the reaction to thoughts or feelings. It doesn't matter how "bad" or "real" they are. They might be things you like. For instance, trying to find out everything about OCD might seem like a thing you want to do. But as you've seen, it just fuels more anxiety and uncertainty. One way around that is to work with somebody that's experienced with recovery and get them to give you a plan for cutting out compulsions. Then you accept whatever uncertainties pop into your head but you stick to the plan. This is similar to what happens when working with a personal fitness trainer. You can fumble around and try to figure out how to get in shape on your own, or you can just work with somebody that already knows how to get in shape. Often, the way we approach our mental or physical health is what's contributed to the problems with which we're struggling, so to get over those problems, I found it useful to remove my brain from the equation.
Thank you very much, this blog/ video made me think. I assume what your saying is stop giving any time to the thought, it's there and giving it time makes things worse. Regarding finding the answer to are my thoughts right, I think you're saying it's pointless trying to work this out. What will be will be.
Gillian Race I guess something like that;), it could have been explained a bit easier I guess
I want you to know what your doing is a blessing and I cant express how touching and life changing it is for suffers like me with ocd when a former sufferer who conquered ocd sheds light on how they gained back control of their thoughts. My main struggle is being certain about my thoughts . If I find a thought that I cant reason with or come up with a solution that I can believe or settle with I panic bad . Ive struggled with a thought on what if the world isnt real. Obviousally it is but my monkey brain couldnt be 100 percent certain or deal with what ifs. I think my compulsion is to try to reason with the thought but my mind is able to counteract with more farts as you called it to leave my monkey brain further down the rabbit hole of what ifs. My thoughts are totally crazy and bizzare but its so hard to deal with uncertainty. I am going to try to not react and I know this method works to not put emotion to the thought. I have successful done this but lately my mind is so convincing that its so hard to deal with the what ifs.
Thanks. All the best as you tackle this!
I'm not a rational person but I think you can use identifying what's rational and irrational if your going to make a big decision because if you make a big decision without thinking about it the decision could not get you what you want because you were influenced by a bias or mood.
That's why we use values and objective data. A person's "rational" thinking will still be biased by their beliefs and perceptions and lack of awareness.
But if you say that something is stuff in your head isn't that the same as saying that it's not real, in other words if you're making a distinction between the stuff in your head and the actions, the healthy things we do every day, you're still saying the stuff in your head is not real, which makes "stuff in your head" a label you use to differentiate that stuff from the healthy i.e. real stuff we do in the real world as opposed to things in our head. And when that helps to eliminate the anxiety which obsessions create, we don't see the obsessions as so real anymore, so in a way when we're dealing with these thoughts like that are we not still labeling them as not real? Perhaps it's not that harmful to label thoughts as not real then?
Keep up the good work!
+Ljubica Knežević Thanks! I find that it's useful to see the stuff in my head as real stuff in my head. I would say all the stuff in a person's head is real stuff in their head. For example, if somebody is struggling with addiction and they're experience the urge to engage in a compulsion, the urge is very real. And the reasons they think of to engage in the compulsion are very real. Their belief that the compulsion will bring relief (temporarily) is also very real. The realness doesn't change the healthy actions they can take. And trying to convince themselves that the urge isn't real can cause a lot of stress because the urge is very real.
Or with OCD or anxiety disorders, a common issue involves people feeling that they need to go the washroom before some important event, like a meeting or a public speech. But when they go to the toilet, only to discover they don't actually need to use the toilet. The feeling that they needed to use the toilet was totally real. It was a real feeling. But to get over that, they'll have to experience that very real feeling and, instead of reacting to it by going to the toilet, simply carry on with the meeting or giving the speech.
The problem I sometimes see people getting into with labelling thoughts as "not real" is that they eventually encounter a situation that feels different and feels "real" and it quickly turns into relapse.
Omg I'm so glad I found this channel
omg the cloud analogy really relates to me so much. I am glad I just let my intrusive thoughts just pass now, my life feels a lot more liberated once I started to just let them be.
FinnGetsTherapy That's great you're just letting them float on by now!
Hi mark what’s the difference between the two mental health books you’ve written? I would like to buy one but I’m not sure which one
They're just different titles for different countries. I'd buy whichever is easiest to access. Send over any questions as you're doing the exercises. Thank you!
Keep up the good work. Your videos are helping me a lot, I have been struggling with this exactly the whole day. Thank you, seriously.
Thanks! I'm glad they're helping.
Our relationship to that stuff in our head.
I rewatched this yesterday (and then again just now) and I think it gave me a sort of "Aha" or click in thinking about my anxieties with my eating disorder. I want to be able to "see" that I am not fat, or what other people see as true. In fact the other day I started thinking "Okay, I don't even care if it is a lie, but if I could be under that same delusion as them apparently it'd be okay." Which uh...No, aha. But in any case, so the idea is "I will never be thin enough" and actually in my mind, no matter how much I lose, I won't be, I won't be able to see it, so it felt a bit freeing. Yeah, I can't. So in trying to worry about if it is rational or irrational doesn't really get anywhere. I "know" it is apparently irrational (I don't think so, but I know others think so...as it makes sense to me, but at once...yeah) So like you said, it is still a "real thing in my head" but rather than focusing and judging on trying to change it, going forward and trying to find what I want despite it. Often times people I know might try to argue the point, and by now I usually try to stop them or cut them off before it gets in to a compulsive reassurance thing where the ED/OCD just gets more reassurance saying why it is right. Basically I tell them, "It's like trying to convince Satan to follow God." It's not going to happen, that is why it is rather than trying to convince "it", going forward...Now I just need to figure out the "other" things beyond the ED/OCD anxiety I'd like to pursue in life. Kind of a blank void when I try to think about it, as for about 10 years of my life, it's pretty much "only" been that....Any advice on that?
KrayolaBlue91 Arriving at the realization that I can't know and can't answer the questions I was wrestling with was really useful. But like you said, when you spend years only trying to answer those questions, when you stop trying to answer them, what do you do?!
This is where articulating values that you can translate into daily actions come in handy. That's helped me with accepting whatever question pops into my head and then bringing my focus to DOING something I care about. And that question, feeling, thought, urge, or whatever, might still be there in my head while I do that healthy thing I care about, and that's fine. It'll move on when it moves on.
In the past, fear was the fuel for all of my actions. Everything I did was a reaction to the stuff in my head. The engine of my life depended on fear. Switching to values is like swapping the fuel in that engine. But just like with changing fuel types in a car, you'll also change parts of the engine. You'll go to different places to fuel up. You'll travel through life differently. Be open to the changes that will come with changing the engine driving your life.
One of the big benefits of this process is having so much time and energy to do the things you've always wanted to do. When we spend all of our time trying to control the future and what others thinking, it sucks up so much of our life. It can also make us very unhappy because we're constantly thinking of terrible things that can happen (or that might have already happened). Switching from fear to values has been tremendously beneficial not only for getting over mental illness challenges, but also for being able to do the things I care about, and do so much more of them. I can put my energy into creating the things I want to create now, in work, personal relationships, and health.
Enjoy switching the fuel in your life!
Mark Freeman great you did, for sure! but I guess some cases are more difficult then others, I have ocd for Pff 24 years now, fear of contermination on the street, If I step in dog shit I am fine, If step in yellow sticky stuff I cant regonize I think it could be some kind of poisson, I know chance it is is small, but still I think It could be bad stuff, so I do compulsions like Cleaning a lot:(, I get cbt erp soon, started myself allready and face some fear(thoughts), now hoping I Will survive Haha, did you got contermination ocd? Any thoughts? Thx, and thx for all your work, it means a lot for a lot of ppl!
Hi. Do you know anything about religious OCD by any chance? Thank you
Yes.
But surely many of our thoughts have real logic behind them, for example knowing that if I were to step out in front of a car on the road I would be injured? Our fears and concerns in many cases may not be real but not concerning ourselves at all with if our fears are rational or not, seems to me crazy? This makes absolutely no sense, your basically saying don't think.
A values based approach would be to look for the best way to cross the road, considering the context in which we find ourselves. That's the choice we're always making
I made this comment 4 years ago. I was wrong, I have since come to understand that no matter what the content of my thoughts are, they are not reliable. Literally any thought can become an obsession, you have to separate entirely from the mind and be the observer. Anything I think can be doubted and become problematic, it took me many years of struggling but I think I get it now. 😮