My boyfriend lied to me about having children and being a father
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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Story: My boyfriend lied to me about having children and being a father
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rest of this post:So I honestly did not notice anything amiss when we did spend time together.
I found out because one of his sons had an emergency at school. I was with my boyfriend when the school notified him. We had been together for nearly a year and were talking about getting a flat together. I don't know how that would have worked out because he shares custody with his ex-wife. My boyfriend said he planned to tell me once we had moved in together. Despite knowing that I don't want to be a mother in any capacity or live with children he said he knew I would love his children and enjoy spending time with them when they stayed with us.
Our relationship is over. I'm angry at him for lying to me for the last 10 months. I'm angry at my brother because he introduced the two of us and my brother knows I don't want children and that his friend was a father. I'm angry at myself for not noticing what was going on.
I'm here because I'm also mourning the loss of a relationship that I thought was going well.
He is an idiot who wasted your time. Why do people 🤔 think they can bait and switch up a whole situation he came with a lot of baggage that you did not sign up for, and he's a LIAR. Good riddance and do happy you didn't find out after you moved in together. He definitely that he was going to trap you.
Id send a Bill to Brother & Ex for any expenses she used to visit him or go on dates. Get any gifts from him back and tell Brother he is on thin ice with you for a long while.
What a AH.. Mourn that relationship and except it was all based on a lie.. Then move on and find a guy who isn't a huge liar.. BTW: your brother is a douche bag..
You both sound immature.
@@Frybaby2017How is she immature? Her ex-boyfriend and her brother knew her feelings about kids but thought it ok to actively deceive her. If anything she did the most mature thing by leaving that situation behind.
Her brother is a problem, he doesn't respect her life choices.
Brother?
@@peachypet808Her brother set her up with him
Men protecting crappy men has to stop
Pathetic! Why do some people get into relationships thinking they are going to change the other person. If he or she says x,y, or z either accept it, or go away and let them find someone who can.
Way too many people are delusional enough to believe they could change someone into their "ideal person". In reality, that's all it is, an idea of what you want them to be. It's like being with someone who smokes, but thinking if you tell them to quit, they'll immediately go cold turkey. No, either they'll tell you off, maybe try to taper down & quit in time, or just lie to you until you figure it out. If you knew coming in you don't like something about the other person, but think they'll change "if they really love you", why pursue the relationship? Regardless of what they do/don't do, if they don't want to change, no one else can force them. It's better to move on & try to find someone who you can better connect with. Hopefully, everyone involved can figure out their lives & find where they need to be, but I'd definitely be skeptical of the brother from then on.
If you don't want this and he disrespect you from the day one this is not the type of man you want to be with
You guys are super sensitive in this case she said she doesn't want kids she never said she hated kids!!!! Intentionally hit that he had two kids from her and created a cover story to keep the lie up for a year. This is not normal
Lying from the start is not the way to do things. You were up front about not wanting anything to do with kids.
He lied, not saying anything about his kids and kept that very very information from you. He has no right to complain for breaking up.
Hello snow he was literally waiting until you were stuck in the apartment with him when it would’ve cost you a lot to move and change and you’re already on the lease?
Run and run far
No relatonship based on a lie can go well. He's a creep.
There are other men out there. A lot of them are nice and honest.
If you have to say you’re a “nice guy”, you’re not actually a nice guy. The fact that you have to say it says it all.
@@UwUlilbby666are you an idiot? They weren't talking about themselves? Dumbass
Lmao liar
And childless. 🙃
Deal breaker. Serious disrespect.
Break up with him
She did.
No she didn’t, she was cheating and is now in jail for fraud
@@MaouVallkurwhich video did you watch? Because it sure wasn't this one 😂
I think you responded to the wrong video by accident @@MaouVallkur
How much do you hate your children that you hide their very existence from your partner and what a scumbag to lie to your partner about being a father
1 reason there is evil step moms.
@@amberaseltine3012she doesn't even want to be a mom, let alone a stepmom. Op's brother & ex are giant ahs.
And this people is why you run a full scale background check on people if you're going to consider being in a serious relationship, even if you're introduced through a family member, *especially* if you are introduced through a family member.
I tell folks with kids who are interested in me that i wont work out cause i'm a villian origin story waiting to happen if i'm a factor in that kid's life. It's a brutal rejection but it paints a picture to the parent how much i am not going to tolerate a child
I say this with nothing but curiosity- why? The kids likely are only there at most 50% of the time, and being a step parent doesn't mean you have to have any involvement in their lives. My dad's wives have always been just friendly adults in my life
@@MistressBella1533shortest possible answer: I come from abuse and think I'd end up perpetuating it. My parents told me i was essentially why they haf to stay in a loveless, hateful marriage cause they couldnt take care of me without the other.... I hate kids with a fire-y passion so I'm getting sterilized. If the other parent dies then thr kid becomes my problem. I like to live and adult life and live adult things out in public spaces of my home: (think legal substances, weapons, p0rnography.) 50% of the time is too much time for a child hating shrew like me.
Well not married so just break up find someone who won't lie to you
She did.
@@daniellemitchell3118 good for her
@@daniellemitchell3118 good for her that's a missed up thing to lie about
Both your brother and him are the aholes. They both lied to you, and they both knew. You did the right thing leaving. If he lied about having kids what else has he lied about?
Dump. No alignment. He's lying
Another men when believes that he can trained a woman as per his needs😢
Respect this woman's life choices she doesn't want children or anything to do with them. Others should stop trying to foist their choices on her, the boyfriend is dishonest not a good trait. I have kids my choice but I know plenty people who don't have kids by choice.
Would this be called baby trapping OP? Cause it's just as vile!
No. Baby trapping is specifically creating a child to keep someone....this is just bieng a lier...
@@misscheesecake7282 seems worse than just lying.
I feel like it borders on baby trapping as he wasn't planning to tell her about the kids until they moved in together, which she would likely be paying rent for and probably not able to move out immediately, but it's not quite baby trapping because he didn't get her pregnant nor did he make her like adopt the kids
Still is horrible because he knew for a full year and then tried to get her to move in before telling her
@@Gillystoolsasmr my thoughts exactly. Poking holes in the condom or signing a 1-2 year lease is still forcing one into a commitment they did not agree to.
@@Maninawigno it's not bringing a baby into this is something way worse 😂 not only are you responsible for the child till it's 18 it changes your whole live the child will be there until you RIP. It's still wrong to do something like this but not the same not even close.
One thing OP said is making this story less credible - said she was sterilized. Now, could be true, however I have worked with surgeons and anesthesiologists for 30 years and not one of those doctors would do a tubal ligation just for sterilization on a healthy young woman (unless post partum) when the man can have a simple vasectomy.
She might have had endometriosis or something similar, that made it easier to go through the process. And it is still possible to get your tubes tied even without a condition, it's just much more of a hassle to do so. Doctors refuse to believe women won't regret the choice unfortunately
Ya run for the hills
Lied about having AND being a father…..isn’t that the same thing or am I trippin? Or does he mean father as in like active in their life?💀🤷🏾♂️😭
That can be mentally a fifferent thing. A man (and a woman too) can have children, but it doesn't mean you are able to be a proper father (deadbeat fathers). You can also be a father to a child that isn't biologically yours. Being a father can be a biological and/or a mental state...
This comment section sucks as does her ex.
The links to the full video are not matching the short. Fyi
For this channel, if there’s only a paragraph or so more, the rest of the story gets posted in the comments (sometimes it’s not there and I’m pretty sure that’s only happened to me when I get there early so maybe you were early maybe you missed it 🤷♂️)
I don't blame OP for not contributing to the world and being honest about not raising someone else's kids or her own.
If people thought about this and stopped pressuring others to pop out kids, we would have more wanted kids.
This has nothing to do with your partner not respecting you.
I think he loved you and hoped that his kids would grow on you.
I personally love kids so I don’t someone who hates kids as much as OP does, but the boyfriend was a fucking basket case for locking the door to his sons’ room and lying about their existence
Imagine saying "I don't want kids" is the same as "I hate kids"
I don't hate kids, and i will treat them well and make sure they are happy and safe around me. I never want to be a mother, it's my choice not to want to be one. Nothing to do with hate. It's my preference, my choice.
My favorite phrase other than "you must gate children" is "wait till your hormones kick in". Never kicked in and I don't think that hormones can overwrite decades of conscious choice.
She didn't say she hated kids she said she didn't want to raise any 😂 the responsibility, cost, time, and sacrifices to raise kids is a lot some people don't want to do it. That like harassing people on why aren't they a doctor or firefighter
Oh I like kids when I'm just babysitting them for a day, but I NEVER want to have kids of my own. That's a 24/7 responsibility for the next 18 years minimum, potentially much, much longer. The op was clearly of a similar mindset of being ok with other people having kids, but not wanting them herself. And this guy was having a long term romantic relationship with her and trying to get her to sign a lease with him without telling her about the kids they have in the apartment.
Wow! Is all I have to say, holy fuck does everybody in this story need some help!
She needs help with what? 🤔🤔
Getting over the betrayal of her brother and boyfriend. Poor thing what a waste of her time
😅 is there someone who works with kids people who are genuinely honest about their stance on kids aren't a problem for me it's the parents who said you don't really.... I'm genuinely confused how in your perception she did anything wrong...
@@larissagomes451if you get out of a relationship like that you need help that’s some extreme manipulation.
@@ashleyburbank3129 she's talking about the, pardon the inserted joke, "emotional damage" that was caused by this. Op will need help healing. The ex needs help not being a manipulative little shi
2nd comment remember me!
You're both kinda suck, but him more so
And how does she suck? Elaborate
@@abeeromesele4331 basically she doesn't want kids, which is a sign of selfishness, but he's the bigger asshole
Nta I don't blame OP for leaving. However I would think about making it work it sounds like the relationship was going well and I know he hide a huge thing and that's a helluva a red flag. I truly think he just felt a connection and didn't want to lose it. Just give it some thought OP if you really liked the dude give it a chance and set hard boundaries with him the kids and the ex to make sure you're not in a mother role and more of a aunt or big sister role if that would work for you. Personally it worked for me and my dad.And his girlfriend when I was a kid. She never overstepped and we did things together, but it was clear we weren't step anything. More like roommates sure we were nice to each other, but she had no responsibility towards me dad didn't even blame her when I cut myself bad when she was the only one home. She took me to the e.R but that's what anyone would do, but my dad understood it was his fault not hers and that she didn't sign up to babysit me or stop me from being stupid. But again this is just my thoughts on the situation and I would only do this if I truly cared for a person cuz like I said that's a huge red flag but I don't think he did it out of malice or to entrap you. Guys tend to fall for a girl fast and hard like within minutes and it can be devastating for them to lose that especially if it hits like that. That's why I think he tried to cover it up the fear of loss can make us do some stupid shit and then it gets away from us. BTW I am by no means trying to justify him just explain how I think he's thinking. Anyway good luck
Even putting aside how OP may or may not feel about even being around kids. He started the relationship with description. Continued it for months. Only came clean when he was forced to and then admitted that he was only going to tell her after it was going to cost her even more money to move again and get out of the lease. And let's not forget his kids, taking them or sending back to their mom's house when ever was convinent for him to keep up his cherate of good dad with a busy schedule. What makes you think someone like that is trustworthy or worth having any kind of relationship with? I'm seriously asking because I would be packed and out the door by sun rise.
@tobiasnivalis2655 That's not where I was going with but clearly that's what you thought. And you're looking into it a lot more I never said to take him back but with the info at hand. It doesn't appear that he's been shipping them away as is convenient. I agree it does sound like he was waiting to trap her with them however you have to understand this is a one sided story and as such we dont know the entiresituation most people always paint themselves in a good light and the offender in a bad light. In my experience situations such as these are rarely black and white and some parts of the story get embellishments and half truths. I wasn't trying to justify him in any way shape or form I said so several times. I was just merely offering a alternative. And this isn't a impossible thing to work around all I was doing is suggesting is if op really liked the dude to try. But I also advised on clear and strict boundaries if op decided to return. Most of the best relationships are built on lies not saying it's right or that op should accept that but hey you never know. And you talk about ops feelings towards children as if that's the only set of feelings that matters in this equation. That's awfully short sighted and hypocritical
Between my spouse and I, we have his, hers, and ours. While you did not meet my little when I first started to date you, you knew he existed. I love my kids, but if a person doesn't want kids, respect it. If they change their mind, that's on them, and if they decide too late, that is also on them. But actively lying about having kids, absolutely not. If you can't acknowledge your children and lie about literal people you are responsible for raising, I don't care how perfect I thought you were you ain't it.
It's not a red flag just because a woman doesn't want someone with kids and in turn they get used for the only thing they're good for some pussy
@@SetCraft-pm9vkIts's vile you are even suggesting changing OP's relationship boundaiers. This seems like sick scheme her brother did with the ex to trap her with being a mother, at least a step mother.
I find women who do not want children and don't even want to live with or around children utterly incomprehensible. However, there is a very simple rule when it comes to dating and marriage. If someone tells you something about themselves that you don't want to believe, believe them anyway. Not only did he refuse to believe that she was one of these voluntarily childless women who are frankly selfish and will most likely end up bitter, old maids who die alone in nursing homes, but he lied to her. That makes him worse than her. And that's saying a lot.
She's selfish to who???
@@justwalkingby3882because she's not a walking incubator who will unconditionally love any kid who comes their way.
@@kitsumekat not love but who the fuck hates kids so much they won’t help a child in need or feel bad for child abuse? Is there actually people like this?
@@oceanjade8684 yes.
@@kitsumekat that’s not a good person. Not wanting kids is understandable but undeniably hating something innocent such as a child is crazy to me.
That man can prioritize!