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@@CitizenSoldier thank you, i dont suffer depression, but i thank you. We look to learn from the Past. So that we can better ourselves in the present. To make a better future that may never exist for those yet to come. Exist
Depression isn't all smiles and faking it. It's the 3 am mornings where you're tearing yourself apart. It's the silent tears inside because if you let the dams loose you will sob until you pass out. It's wanting to do something but not having the energy. Anxiety isn't all OCD and worry. It's the mornings waking up feeling even more tired because it does not cease during sleep. It's wondering if you did something wrong constantly. Fearing failure. Wanting to do something but fearing the failure and risk of something going wrong. PTSD isn't just flashbacks and horror. It's nightmares, its constant reminders of something that never was, its fear when something you know to be bad experiences comes along with a good experience. Its feeling affection where before affection came like a briar rose. Whether one or combined, end the stigma. It's not "oh it will get better over time just suck it up." or "its nothing its just in your head." end the stigma. Reach out. Always say "I love you" to those you care about. Because one day they may give in to their demons and end it. #RaiseAwareness #EndtheStigma #Depression #PTSDcomplex #Anxiety
I feel most of what you said It's a battle of faith either In yourself friends love ones Or God You find a reason for hope or you die constantly battling After the last two years of it Theirs days o I am so tired of the Lost isolation depression Lonelyness and anxiety I admit I wondered many times If it be easy to give up But so far I keep fighting for hope And faith and I pray it will get better Cause honestly people like me on this spot Are living in their own hell And wondering if it will ever end
You just explained everything about PTSD that I couldn't! It's not something I can understand. It especially aggravates me when someone says it'll be okay because I know that in my heart but it wasn't ok when I developed PTSD! So by someone telling me it's gonna be okay just confuses me! Makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong by having these panic attacks! They come on with no rhyme or reason! My body begins to tremble, my hands begin to shake! n my heart starts to race! My teeth clench, fear controls me! And that's when I know I'm at the point of no return! For a while anyways. So I fold up into myself in a ball with my arms wrapped around me so tight as they will keep me safe! That's when I turn my headphones on n blare my music! As if to drown out the irrational thoughts In My head! And in time it works! .. But in my heart I know it will come back..those feelings ..dark scary irrational feelings..it's a daily fight! I feel like I'm treading on water but I'm getting tired from trying to keep myself afloat ! It really kills me when my husband thinks I'm "over reacting" LOL! DO PPL REALLY THINK I DO THIS CUZ IT'S FUN? Who in their right mind would want to live this way?! I haven't found that magic pill that helps ! I don't believe there is one that would 😟😥 I've struggled with this for 20 years now! It's a day-to-day life. I try to keep being as optimistic as I can. The slightest things anger me! And I really think that's what triggers it the most! And I start to think am I just too much for people to bear? Wouldn't life be so much easier on my family if I just took myself out? Because watching me suffer is killing them!! It's a no win game! And I'm just about ready to throw in the dice!
I'm 53. Its not a phase. It's a daily struggle to get through each day, but it's doable if you keep looking up to the light. Hang in there everyone! You can and will get over every obstacle in your life.
Especially if you Bern by your self for twenty years and you haven't had a date for twenty years I'm supposed to have someone living with me ,I want a husband no freind
"You say its just a phase, I’ll be okay, What you can’t feel, must not be real…" This is the reason why so many young people commit suicide, it is looked down on and not taken seriously. We need to make a change!
So true…anytime I tried getting help or my school counselor/teachers wanted me to get help my parent(s) would reply “It’s just a phase. She’s just attention seeking”. I age a dark past that started at a young age and my mental health majorly kicked in by age 13 or 16. I self harmed, attempted suicide, etc. To this day, I’ve been through every form of abuse, hate who I am because of it all, lost the only person I could confide in back in 2011 (tried dying with them), and to this day I wear all the scars, my insides are destroyed, my brain took so much trauma that I live with TBI, PCS, and MCI, and more. It’s a living nightmare and there needs to be more awareness and help and resources available. It’s a daily battle that never ends.
Thanks animers! And its an honor to be compared to skillet and Breaking Benjamin! We love those bands and definitely take some influence from their music.
This song we used for a mates funeral 2 weeks ago we lost him to suicide from being bullied he loved you guys honestly your music is amazing keep it up yeah
Wow Leslie thank you for sharing this. We are honored to have our song be apart of something like that but at the same time deeply saddened for your loss. Best wishes from all the guys here in Citizen Soldier
RUclips recommended me your song "Would anyone care" and now i cant stop listening to your songs You guys really have done some amazing work, reminds me a lot of Skillet. Hope you guys can make it that huge as well You got one loyal fan here
"You dont know what its like to watch the world outside while your buried alive" God I love this bad I will cheer yall on even after yall go viral!! Love you guys😚
You know, i see symbolism in the fact that song is sung by a gir but with male vocals. Like showing that mental illness is genderless and can affect both males and females, and you can relate to this song whether you are girls or boy
Ive struggled with major ADHD and anxiety for most of my life. Finding your band recently has been one of the best things to happen to me, your music is great, your messages are inspired, and you guys actually interact with your fans. I feel like crying every time I hear a song by you guys cause it hits so close to home. As a highly personal note: I've tried telling my parents about how your songs really resonate with me, and how they've made me realize that I'm not alone. Problem is, they don't get it. My folks hear the words "I heard this song-" and immediately think I'm childish for thinking a song could really mean something for me. They say "oh you'll look back and think 'lol how silly i was for putting so much love and faith into a song or a band'" But I really don't think I will ever stop loving you guys. Please keep doing what you're doing, and know that, even in some small way, you are saving people. You're definitely helping to save me
You and me are so alike. I went through this exact situation and got the same result. Be who you want to be, believe in what you choose to believe in, and never let others tell you otherwise. I stayed true to this and eventually those around me understood that I wasn't just seeking pity, I was seeking help and they gave me the help I needed. Stay strong and stay true to yourself.
You can not imagine what impact you have on me with this song. It's been years and I keep coming back. Sometimes this song is literally all I have to calm myself down
Where have you been my whole life....you are the voice of all the silent suffers .....broken, sinking, losing, then your music puts a voice to the suffering making it even more real....but relatable therefore making us not have to suffer alone. 🖤 thank you.
This was the first ever song I ever heard from these guys that made me instantly fall in love with them. This song saved my life through the darkest point where I almost took my life. 🧡 this song will always and forever hold a special place in my heart.
Music like this is the reason why I listen to rock songs, I've never seen/heard something like this in the pop music. I love the meanings behind those songs. It was the best accident that I clicked on your music. I love your music, thank you for every song you gave us😍👍🏻
Sorry to hear that Steven. We as a band understand what mental illness can do to someones life. Glad we could shed some light on a topic that gets swept under the rug way to often.
You know a song is good when you start crying. When I was in my last years of elementary school (6th grade, about 3 years ago) I suffered really bad depression due to kids bulling me. Even after my mom talked to the principal, it barely made a difference. I started neglecting myself, at first saying I was garbage, then saying I should just die. It got to the point were I was crying myself to sleep every night and actually planning a date to kill myself. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of enduring the pain. Just recently have I told people, and the silly thing is, they think I'm over exaggerating. It really ticks me off, too, that all the kids in my 9th grade class joke about suicide. More people need to see this song and realize we aren't craving attention, we are craving help. Mental illness is really and no to be joked about. Keep producing your music guys, this could help so much people overcome their mental illnesses. It help me with mine :D
"no one knows what's inside of me" the people WHO have suffered THE most tend to smile the most, Because they don't want other's to think that they are not okay or else they might became a laughingstock of there society after all in some places the people who choose to self harm end up being labeled as attention seekers.
true, i only know because i do that, hide my pain and suffering behind a wall of smiles and laphter and jokes. they say carbon monoxide is the silent killer, it doesnt come close to what tears people like me apart, are you the same??
I do this because I want to spread just a bit happiness around me and help others with the little minimum I can give them. That is helping me to survive my days
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was in 8th grade and to a certain extent it was a relief to finally be able to figure out what caused my panic attacks. I went to therapy for a year and it ended up being less than helpful just from a bad environment and her not really knowing how to handle the sexual abuse I'd never admitted to. I'll admit I'm not perfectly fine by any means, but I'm learning how to handle things better than I did. Music like this helps a lot when I'm in a bad head space and I really want to thank you guys for the effort you put into trying to help people.
This song has done something for me that I have not been able to do in 30 years. This song puts into words how it feels when my bipolar is raging and people always ask what it's like. I can now send them this song and they can hear what I feel.
i'm surprised that it took be this long to finally discover this song and i absolutely love it, i'm still dealing with my ptsd due toa traumatic childhood for over a decade now and i still feel like i haven't gotten any better at dealing with it, still being haunted by terrible nightmares, still at my worst days feeling like no one is giving a shit about me, no one around me understands me but listening to this band still keeps me awake despite all the darkness around me.
I love this song and I wish that your music was around when I was in my teens and struggling so hard against my undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I have been lucky that enen in my worst times I have never been suicidal, but unfortunately one of my older brothers lost his battle against his own bipolar back in 2007. Thank you so much for making this song that shares such an important message.
I know this song came out forever ago but I’ve been recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This song and video helped open up a dialogue between my family and I. You gave words to the incomprehensible. Thank you.
I was diagnosed with MDD back in '09 when I was 16 and a lot of Citizen's songs have helped me understand a lot long before I've overcame my depression~ Now I wanna keep this sort as 'tis 4am atm and I should be sleepin' But, uh - I developed pretty bad anxiety issues around 2015? I'm not entirely sure~ But uhh - 4 yrs ago is hardly "forever ago" - I'm just sorry to hear ya been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but I'm glad this helped ya open up a dialogue with yer family~
Thank you guys for making this! I personally suffer from social anxiety and have been for as long as I can remember. It makes me so happy seeing artists making songs about these mental disorders that commonly get overlooked. Keep up the good work and know you have a new fan!
I love you guys so much. I've been listening for a little over a year and just started sharing your music with my daughter. Myself 31 and my daughter 13 both suffer from depression and often send songs to each other as a way of reminding each other that we understand the pain and aren't alone. I sent her this to let her know that myself and others fight this every day as a way to show that she's never alone, no matter how alone she feels. We have a playlist for when were feeling alone, and need to be left alone to just cry it out. All the songs are ones we sent to each other. They may be dark songs about being alone but when you listen you know someone else gets it, and sometimes listening to that reminds you that you're not alone. Our favorites are Buried Alive, If these Scars Could Speak, Weight of the World, Never Good Enough, and Hope it Haunts You. You guys really understand and are amazing. When I found yall in RUclips suggestions it clicked. Like being a teenager listening to Staind Break the Cycle, which changed my life, it was one of those OH MY GAWD THEY GET IT! moment mixed with hearing real rock and roll again. God I missed this kinda music. Thank you for making music and lyrics that capture this feeling, there aren't many doing that efficiently anymore. Side note as a Spoonie suffering from chronic pain and invisible illnesses, this is very applicable as well. Yall ROCK. THANK YOU!
This song makes me cry..i try to put a smile on my face everyday..and no one knows what's inside of me..lots of things happened in my life but i'm still here and keep going. And this song is helping me. Thank you ❤ you are my new favorite band and i can't stop listen to your songs.
Over the past four to five years, I've been diagnosed with a colorful array of mental disorders. All of them stem from my trauma around being abused for all 20 years of my life, though what truly shattered me was the harassment, abuse, and threats I've received from people I once considered my friends, and their friends. I've been diagnosed with General and Social Anxiety, PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and another kind of personality disorder, though its been left unspecified. I was still in high school when I snapped, attempting suicide multiple times, and even ended up screaming back to one of those who was (and still is, to this day) putting me through the abuse that brought me to that point. I'm currently in therapy to try to get better, but there's still more that I'm looking to get assessed for. I can't say that I'm in a much better position now then I was then, I'm still unable to leave my house for the most part, even my headmates are too anxious to be in a large group of unfamiliar people. This song captures how it feels, in all honesty... There are so many days that I feel like I'm being buried under the weight of my issues, because I can hardly, if ever, open up to anyone about them besides the small number of people that I trust the most... This song helps me feel like I'm not so alone.
@@CitizenSoldier I try to be strong, but sometimes I feel as though I am failing, haha. Thank you very much, it means a lot. Much love to you guys too.
I am reading all the comments and actually crying over the stories that has happened. I am also the one that struggles, they said a while ago that I have a depression, but the things that are happening to me are not only that and I am waiting to get diagnosed and therapy because now life is very hard living from day to day. I wanted to disappear from here but fortunately I managed to get help and I'm still here now. Please keep up the great work and spreading awarness because it is the most important that people get help in time 💙🖤
I can relate to so many songs from Citizen Soldier. I have PTSD and it's the hardest battle I've ever fought. I'm still fighting my PTSD and sometimes I wonder whether or not it will go away. Whenever someone mentions something that triggers my PTSD, I freeze. I suddenly want to run or fight or do something! I hate when it happens. I can't even stand to look at some pictures because it triggers me. It's hard to act fine day after day when I am breaking down inside. No one knows how I truly feel and whenever I am really struggling, this music always makes me feel better. Thank you so much Citizen Soldier.
Wow this song describes me, my new fav song I have depression and anxiety and its not fun having it. I try to kill myself but the fear of being found alive stops me from doing it. This song helps me a lot, keep it up guys. Love love love this song, I found my new fav band
I would love to see y'all in concert. I can connect to just about every song yall play. Great work, and keep them coming. I am a disabled Navy vet, I struggle with problems everyday, from mental to physical, and from inside and outside sources. Some people think because you are different you are broken or wrong. THEY ARE WRONG, we are all different, and we are all perfect just the way we are meant to be. Life takes a heavy toll on us, it is our job to pick up the pieces and overcome this. Just remember someone out there loves you and cares for you.
Timmy Anderson first of all, thank you for your service. Second, thank you for your beautiful words. This is brilliantly said and what we want our music to be about: overcoming. Much love to you friend 🖤🤘🏻
God, it felt good to listen to some Citizen Soldier after the day I've had today. I've cried so much my head hurts like hell. Also, I listened to some of your songs to let myself go a little. To cry it all out. It really helps. Thank you for making this kind of songs that reaches out not just to me, but to others as well. I've started to really listen to your songs these past months, and I gotta say, you just keep on delivering awesome content! I really love alot of them! Especially "I'm not okay", "Would anyone care" and "If I surrender". Those three songs really help me when I wanna not live anymore. Thank you so much! ❤ Wish you could come to where I live and play your music here. That would be really awesome! And I'd love to talk to you in person as well. I don't usually like talking to people since I'm very shy and have social anxiety, but it would just be so cool to talk to you! 😁 Especially about how I'm feeling. Haven't been feeling so good the last 6 years or so... Anyway I'll stop rambling. Love your music! Rock on and keep being awesome! 🤘
This hits home 😢 nobody knows the real me just what I show them while I'm shattered inside but still helping others with lesser problems than me at the moment. Fighting the darkness inside me with every beat of my heart beaten, scared, and broken but still beating heart!
I have PTSD, depression, social anxiety and ADD. I've tried commiting suicide by overdose twice but I'm still here. God has a plan for me despite my endless pain and loneliness. I just wish I had the faith in myself that God does.
I feel very identified with this song: When I was 13 I suffered a severe depression for two years due to school harassment (bullying) and my father's indifference. After a long emotional struggle and the great help of my mother and my best friend I got out of there. Today I am 21 and that pain have made me stronger. Thank you for creating this song and I hope to have a CD of you soon and see you on stage. Thanks from Spain! PD: Sorry about my english, I am learning!
Glad you are doing better Hugo! Your story not only connects with our 2 songs we've released but a 3rd that will be on our upcoming EP called "Soldier" be sure to check it out in a couple weeks!
I found you guys just listening to music and I liked it instantly, your songs speak to me on a level I thought no one understood so I'm glad I found you guys, keep up the good work. My disorder is that I have ADHD, social anxiety, OCD and PTSD I've lived for 15 years and sometimes I've questioned why I'm actually living because I'm treated like I'm nonexistent by almost everyone I've grown up with. I've lost many friends because of stupid things and at one point I actually did die while I was alone and no one was around...but next thing I know I'm awake sitting in a puddle of blood, thats when a female friend found me and tried to help me recover but I never will, hopefully someone will read all of this, and if you do know that you are cared about by lots of people, sometimes some are scared to admit it more than others and that everyone is special and beautiful in your own unique way.
Thank you so much Zander Gottlin and we're glad you found us! We hope you're doing well and seeking any help you may need. Music is a great healing tool but its no replacement for actual therapy. Trust us more then 1 of our members goes to therapy and we're not ashamed to admit that.
@@CitizenSoldier I am currently getting that help. It's also good to know that people aren't afraid to ask for help, cause for awhile I was because I have no one to really trust. But I knew I had to do something so I did.
@@Shadowblade-it5bt That is amazing to hear! Be sure to share that with others who you know are struggling. If we create a dialog it will help solve the problem for us and others
I’ve suffered from schizoaffective disorder most of my life. For those of you who don’t know what it is, t’s like a cross between bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Very difficult to live with. I’ve had 3 suicide attempts I’ve been hospitalized many times and even put in a psych ward for 2 weeks when I had a mental breakdown with my psychosis. My journey to mental wellness may never end. But I do know one thing - I will never give up. I won’t surrender to my inner demons. I will rise above it all like a Phoenix from the ashes. God bless you for making these songs. They have really helped me get through my darkest hours. Thank you for making your songs to help others feel less alone. ❤️🩹
Growing up with Anxiety that I didn't notice it was tearing apart my life in ways that I didn't realize. Depression found a way to creep into my life as well and has been trying to kill me ever since. Getting through a day is difficult for so many reasons, some that I wouldn't be able to share with even family. A lot of people, if they could see what goes on in my head they would be horrified. They might even be scared of me. It's thanks to bands like Citizen Soldier, who help me know that I am not alone and help me know that I can prevail. Thanks, Citizen Soldier. I honestly wouldn't have made it this far without people like you.
I'm sitting hear and reading the description while listening to the song, and I've finally felt at home. I always thought that I was the only one who was feeling like I was at the time, but now I know that's not true. Even the doctor who told my family I had OCD (at the age of 3, no less) thought it would go away as I got older. It never went away. It's still there, plain as day. Maybe more internalize and intrusive thoughts, but still there. It sucks living through it, and having to deal with the panic and fear and utter loathing feelings you have for yourself day in and day out. The fight's not over, though. Don't give up until the war's won.
It's been 5 years sinsce I first heard this song and it still evokes emotion in me like very few songs can. As someone whose struggled with these kind of thoughts since 2017 and had my feelings invalidated since then, this hits me way too hard.
I've never had goose bumps that last for 3 minutes 57 seconds, until now. I'm really proud how well you've tackled the stigma, it means alot to everyone going through what the lyrics describe.. I really hope you guys get more attention and fame, while you wait for that day, just keep remembering your music is helping people to stay alive, I hope you know that, If not I want you to recognize that. - Listening to this song is like having therapy.
I suffer from PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, Borderline PD, 4 other personality disorders… I remember coming out of my room some days, trying to make an effort and my mother always going “look who decided to join us”. NOTHING is more soul crushing and motivation breaking than when your efforts to succeed are being punished. My mother would always tell me it was just a phase, I’d get over it, and I was doing it for attention. I lived with that for 20 years before I finally got the help I desperately needed. An ex even tried to tell me I CHOSE to live the way I do… I eventually forced my mother to sit down and listen to this song. It hurts me seeing so many people crying for help, and their pleas falling on deaf ears because ‘it’s just a phase’, ‘it’s just for attention’… Mental Health is a serious issue, and it’s frustrating to see people dealing with it tossed aside because no one wants to educate themselves.
Lost my dad to suicide Dec 19th 2021 and some days I feel like I can't live in a world without him and want to be with him. You guys saved my life. Thank you
This is so much more relevant after what happened recently. Keep a close watch on your near and dear ones. His death impressed the reality of depression on me. And now my favorite singer is no more...
"Tell me why anyone would pretend, And choose a life they would want to end" I feel like this part of the song is simultaneously shaming those who say depressed people are "faking it for attention/clout" as well as calling out those fake depressed/suicidal folk who *actually* fake it
grew up with alcoholic parents, who mentally abused me, yelled, called me every name in the book. for me that was like a normal day and never affected me during the time when I finally left home after 17, it all came back and left me with depression, anxiety, trust issues and PTSD
Written August 23rd, 2020 I'm tired. And it goes past the physical. The emotional - and dare I say: spiritual - impact of dealing with the past four months, eight months, last year, twelve years and twenty-nine years of life has taken a huge toll on my psyche. Over the years, friends came and went. People who have said they'll always be there for me went AWOL. The support structure I tried and tried and tried to build for myself was always just out of reach. And so, I grew up and have always felt alone. Prolonged loneliness, perpetrated over the course of a person's life has many lasting effects; and I'm sure those affect every one of us out there in different ways. I'm not here to bore you with study information. I'm here because I want a revolution. I'm here to tell you MY story. I'm here to listen to yours, too. Otherwise, my story would have ended in darkness, years ago. For almost a third of a century, I retreated within as a defense/coping mechanism. I was ten years old when my father got ill. Strokes changed him. He was never himself again after; even to the point he didn't recognize his own family. For three years, from 10-13 years old, I watched him deteriorate - multiple cerebral aneurysms that burst and bled in both hemispheres of his brain. Craniotomies. Eventual systemic cancer... We 'celebrated' my father's final birthday alive watching the nurses pump liters of fluid out of his lungs days before he passed. He wasn't always around when he was healthy, either. Alcohol has a way of poisoning the best-intention-ed life, that way. I don't have many positive memories of childhood. A few, but, as Poe put it so eloquently in his poem, Alone: ...-I could not bring My passions from a common spring- From the same source I have not taken My sorrow - I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone- And all I lov'd - I lov'd alone- ... My father's passing at such a young age was terrible, in and of itself; but it was the isolated childhood without an emotional or mental outlet that would eventually lead me down a dark path in life. The positive experiences I've had have been spectacular. And I know I've been blessed through being alone most of my life. I'm willing to listen, being open to the possibility that I may well be wrong. I don't judge, because I don't want to be judged. I'm extremely wise and insanely empathic; but I have also been cursed - or so I feel at times - by that same source: the isolation. For it is not often in community when we fail - it is in the times of life when we feel we're alone. When there's no one watching. When it seems those closest to you are too busy to care... And then, the voices creep in. You begin to believe the lie that no one cares, or worse: that no one could possibly. That you're a burden. You're unwanted, unworthy, unloved. You spiral. These voices are tormentors: thieves of joy, bringers of shame, self-doubt and confusion. I spiralled down, down....down; yet, I often put on a smile for the world NOT to see. Irony at it's finest. Again, there were positives that came from this; but the retreating within, tempered by isolation, fostered an environment where demons manifest. I don't know if they are true demons, as in army-of-Satan, fallen angels stuff...they could just be what we all struggle with: I'm my own worst critic. I'm too hard on myself at times. I overreact. I overthink. I obsess to the point I don't eat, can't sleep. The voices must be on steroids, and PCP, and on shrooms or something - 'cause they be wiggin' out, yo! How about being around other people? I could be in a crowded room and feel utterly alone because there's no one I know or am comfortable with present. THEN, there's the empathy. I AM emotional - so powerfully empathic that I get tears just looking in someone's eyes from a photograph long enough to see beneath the smile-that-doesn't-touch-their-eyes, to the truth within. I see into souls, there's just no other way to put it adequately. Have you ever heard: "I feel like I can tell you anything/everything"? How about: "How did you guess that?!" Or my favorite: "How are you able to see exactly what I'm struggling with!?" If you're tortured, I can tell - let's just leave it at that. I wish I could turn this off, at times. Yes, I retreated within. I became numb. All the while, a tempest raged inside with no release. I spiraled down to the point I no longer felt anything, except when I would act out. When I was arrested for shoplifting I swore I would change; but I did it more over the years. Lying? I suppose I became very good at it. Lied to myself plenty over the years. Whenever I am asked a question that even implies emotion, my first impulse is often to lie. However, I think if you asked any of my true friends they would tell you I'm one of the most honest people they know...because I hate it. I hate being lied to. What a hypocrite! Right? It took me 29 years to become a whole man, to accept even the darkest parts of my life's story. I'm no longer scared to be me. I'm scarred, but the wounds have now healed. Finally, I understand the purpose to my pain. My mission/calling in life - my heartfelt desire is to help others get OUT of the isolation. To be a peace bringer, where others have not known peace. A bridge builder to the lost and 'losers;' the lonely and loners; and the hurt and hurtful. I'm sick of the bullshit lies we tell ourselves and one another. And I'm tired of losing friends and loved ones to suicide. People deserve hope. They deserve close-knitted friendships where they can share hope, pain, victories and struggles. They deserve a better coping mechanism than turtle mode. When you're isolated, without an outlet or source of encouragement; and the voices press-in and press you down, smaller and smaller, you crave peace. You become desperate to silence the voices; yet are unable to hear much of anything else. My story isn't PG-13. It's not even R-rated. And I won't share 100% of it in this medium. I prefer changing lives in-person, or at least over the phone. Ode to Poe Self-written If I can't leave this scarred and broken world A better place for all - young and old, Or leave my mark upon a heart that's never felt bold; If my life isn't spent by final breath, And I drag behind all the regret, Only to return to my beginning as I end; If I never witness light where once was dark, Or give up what I have, for broken or lost; Yet have found freedom, I've missed the mark. Reader, I hope I've made you think. If you struggle with isolation, know that I see you and you are NOT alone - or at least you don't have to be. "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves." - John Connor, pretty much every Terminator movie ever. It's time to pick up the pen of your life and write a new ending. It's time to reach out for help, love and acceptance. It's time to end the cycle, before the cycle ends you. For others not struggling - I have a question for you: who do you have in your life who is quiet? Who do you know that sits alone constantly? Sure, maybe they value their solitude; but have you asked if they would like company? Have you extended friendship to the lonely? Or have you written them off? What would it take for you to stop being too busy to accept an invitation to hang out with someone who's asked 3, 4, 5 times? Trust me...for some, that may be their last attempt at human connectivity. These questions/thoughts are not meant to shame anyone; but please - let them open your eyes and your heart. Let's take off the masks and stop lying to ourselves. Let's change the world for the better - and may it begin in us. Father God, please bless the reader of my story - whether they feel free, or enslaved within their mind. You are close to the brokenhearted, Your Word says. But please send those hearts You've mended to those people. Here I am, God. Send me. Amen. If you need support during these unprecedented times we find ourselves in - know my door is always open to listen to your story; and to understand, love and accept you. But if you come at me, bring authenticity. Bring truth. There's too many hurting people out there.
I'm the singer! Thanks Jared! I really appreciate that. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I'm excited for the challenge! Glad you love the music. Any ideas for what we should write about in 2020? We want our music to represent your journey and would love your ideas :)
Tbh. Write more about mental health. Its one of the biggest struggles in this world sadly. Not only that my favorite song ever from you guys is weight of the world. An amazing vocals with the acoustic guitar. I would it be awesome if you did more acoustic songs. I have big love and respect for you guys. Definitely gonna keep listening to you y'all.
Thank u so much for this... My depression, anxiety and I'm sure other things are going on... And they are so strong and I want to be happy and I have a hard time staying happy... So thank u so much I know I'm not the only one it is just now hard to explain this anymore and actually listen to songs really help because it has the words I can't say and this band had made songs that explains what is going on my head and feels so thank u so much...
All those songs are so meaningful, you sing about topics that people don't talk or can't because of stigma, as OCD sufferer my whole life ( and I'm 21 yet) I can say that it's terrible struggle, keep going, I care💚💜
This sums up what its like to live with ptsd, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. All are things ive been diagnosed with last year. Things got so bad I almost tried to ended it all again. Alot of people think when you have any of these your just slowed. Songs like this that shows its hell, im grateful for. It helps people see with our sufdering themself. Thank you for all of your songs.
i’m so very sorry i have just found you guys but am happy as hell you are making music about things no one talks about i suffer through crippling depression ptsd and anxiety and it sucks feeling no one understands you , you guys are the truth , thank you and keep making these gems!!!
This song speaks to me on so many levels. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and it can intensify stress, depression and feelings of alienation. A few months ago, my wife separated from me. Now I'm in debt, losing the house, single again and have lost visitation with my daughter except for odd weekends. This collapse of my family unit, loss of seeing my daughter every morning, loss of my wife's love and loss of my home is killing me. The past few months, I attempted suicide about 5 or 6 times. Every day is pure pain, misery, hopelessness and worry about the future. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my daughter growing up without her dad. My brother is struggling with depression and my dad is elderly with worsening health. I didn't want to possibly end them as well by ending myself. Nobody knows what you are going through unless they walk around in your shoes. It's so easy to judge and dismiss, but it takes heart and intelligence to understand someone. It's going to take a long time for me to heal from this divorce and help my little girl through it. No matter what your problems are, hope has to shine through in the end. Thank you, Citizen Soldier for bringing forth hope and striking against the stigma of mental illness and disability.
Thanks, I'm doing way better now. This post was from 2 years ago and I've completely rebuilt my life after divorce. Got a new home, girlfriend and weekends with my daughter are awesome. Perseverance through mental health and life challenges pays off in the end. Citizen Soldier has the songs to bring inspiration when all hope is lost. @@kennethmccormick902
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. Tried to take my life 6 yrs ago, recently on June 26th I lost my dad who i looked up to alot and since losing him ive been lost and my depression is hitting me harder then before. I love this band and this song, they have helped me alot since finding them
Love helping you through the day. Thanks Chris! Any ideas for what we should write about in 2020? We want our music to represent your journey and would love your ideas :)
I can't believe I just discovered this AMAZING band just this year. Still, I'm sure my quarantine and life improved when I discovered the Citizen Soldier. Thank you guys for everything. Kisses from Brazil
I have been dealing with ADHD and Dyslexia for what feels like all my life and it's difficult not to hate myself for things I can't control. I hate myself for forgetting someone's name 2 seconds after they tell me, I hate myself for forgetting to write in my planner that I have homework to do, I hate myself for forgetting to do said homework as a result of that. It also comes with feelings of inadequacy. Dyslexia slows down my reading and I feel like I'm not enough when I'm reading the same thing as someone and they finish and I'm still struggling to understand the first three words. People say that ADHD is overdiagnosed because the only things associated with it are Hyperactivity and lack of focus when it is so much more than that. ADHD is having to keep everything in sight so you don't forget it, it is 19 different alarms going off throughout the day to help you function like a normal human being. It is hyper-focusing on the wrong thing and suddenly you're missing 3 to 6 hours of your life. It is being too afraid to interact with people out of fear of being annoying. It is being told you're not trying hard enough when you're doing everything you can but it's never enough. ADHD is so much more than people think it is because it isn't taken seriously enough for people to do the research. Both ADHD and Dyslexia are on the Autism spectrum for a reason because they have very real, very harmful effects on life. It has been proven that having ADHD or Dyslexia increases the risk of having depression and anxiety as they share symptoms. I can't count how many times I've cried to myself in my room for not being "good enough", for being a "failure" and that's had some very serious effects on my emotional health. I would give anything to be rid of my disorders. I have a severe hatred for myself because of them. Dyslexia is just as bad. I have a hard time understanding things that are written. I misspell words constantly. The only reason none of this is misspelled is that I have Grammarly. Sometimes I don't understand the way something is written.
You guys have 3 amazing songs, giving amazing messages with each. When you guys are among the biggest names in rock music, I'll be happy to be able to say I've been here since the beginning. Now, I'll share my story. I'm currently 19 years old and graduated from high school. Let's rewind the clock 6 years. I'm 13, tail end of 7th grade. One day I just started feeling down. I'd had down days before so I didn't worry about it. Until about a month later, when I was still feeling down, and it was only getting worse. I worried about it a bit after that. Then 7th grade ended. During the summer, I had no motivation to do anything. When 8th grade rolled around, there occurred a series of events that would send me into places so dark I never even knew they existed. I noticed that I was out of energy at all times, never had motivation to do anything, and just couldn't find a way to get happy. I couldn't bring myself to smile. I closed myself off even to my closest friends. I felt alone. I started making friends with the wrong type of people. People who I know now, looking back, were exploiting the weakness I was feeling. After months of spiralling further and further down, my grades dropping, and me destroying the majority of any friendships I had, I had had enough. I just wanted to end it all. I was too afraid of bugging people to ask for help, and I didn't talk to anyone for days before, to make sure I left no hints. I was alone in my room, no one else was home. I had a bottle of pills. Right before I took them, a friend of mine walked into my room. This friend was someone who I had wronged so so horribly mere weeks before. He never came to my house, but this day he decided to. He talked me down, told me he'd forgiven me for the things I'd done the second after I'd done them. He saved my life that day...for the time being at least. Months later, I was right back where I had been. Ready to end it. What stopped me this time is something special. Music. I had put on a random playlist on RUclips. I didn't even look at what it was. I just wanted some sound so that no one would hear me. A song started playing. I didn't know it at the time but the song's name was Buried Beneath, and it was by a band named RED. I stopped what I was doing to listen to the song. By the end, I'd talked myself out of it. Here's something fun: I didn't know what the song was until I heard it 3 years later. My dad left my family without a second thought. The day he did, I went to my room, turned the lights off and went to RUclips. I went to a suggested video. "RED - Watch You Crawl." The song was amazing, but what came next was even moreso. I clicked on one of the suggested videos. "RED - Buried Beneath." RED is my favorite band. So, that's my story. I've learned how to keep my depression under control, most of the time. Yeah, it still leaks through sometimes. When my ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months back was a good example. I was out of commission for a month, but other than that, I've grown to live with it as much as I can. Now, I'm able to use my experiences to help others who suffer as well
I spoke of depression there. I also have social anxiety, so sometimes I struggle to talk to even people I know. It literally took everything I had in me to tell a girl I was friends with that I have deeper feelings for her. I've had to learn to deal with it better since I've gotten a job though
This song deeply explains how I feel with my agoraphobia... I listen to it all the time. I remember when I first found this song I cried every time I listened to it. It's SO beautiful.
Thank you CS for being one of many people who are trying to get the word out there that mental illness is FOR REAL. You guys, I feel, are one of the good people out there. Thank you for being that good voice people need to hear.
I've been listening to all the songs on this channel for the past half hour or so and I swear, all the messages you give in each one of your songs made me cry so much! Thank you. When art becomes a way to heal the pain, to communicate with others and to connect people around the world, it just makes all sense. It's like belonging to one huge global community. Much love from Italy
I'm borderline, for 7 years I've been in treatment but sometimes I fall and can't stand up again, having suicidal thoughts is very hard... After several times trying to end your life, we need something or someone who help us... Thanks for this song, it touches my heart every time I hear it... You are amazing, my next tattoo will say "I will live to tell my story"
I've got depression my mom says it's from feeding off emotions but it's not I've had some things happen to me that not even my closest friend knows. I tend to keep everything bottled up inside which I know isn't the best thing to do. I have tried two or three times to end my life and I have almost succeeded but I always stop myself because in the end I made a promise to one of my friends who unfortunately committed suicide that I would keep my head up. That's what stops me every time.
Thanks for sharing some of your story with us totally rwby fan. Talking about these things isnt the easiest thing to do but it shows others we are not alone
I really, really get what you're going through. I've experienced the exact same thing. I tell people about my problems though, but I guess I tell the wrong people. Now, I don't talk about it at all. Its scary how easy it is to put on a smile. :(
I struggle every day to live and I hate when people say get over it. I have a husband and a daughter who is my world, but it's still hard right now. This song is helping me survive.
I've suffered depression seems all my life. Heavily medicated as a kid, but those meds just made me feel more hopeless. Honestly I feel I'm one of the lucky ones who suffer this nasty illness. I can go long stretches and be fine, happy and feel good. Then something somehow triggers the depression and I'm drowning in my own thoughts. Feeling buried alive is a perfect analogy. Thank you for shining your light into this darkness that is mental illness.
I struggle with ADHD, i always had trouble in school, not getting good enough grades, no friends, getting picked on cause ill be doing something else like picking the skin around my nails, biting my tougne off in my own world, soon this year of january my grandmother passed and i soon got diagnosed with depression, losing all hope, while at the same time looking for it. Please, for everybody out there, keep fighting, ive been close to ending it all, dont be like me, seek help, ive been on medication for three months amd been slowly feeling like myself again ❤👌
Citizen Soldier Official Of course! I cant wait tmfor the full album every song by you guys is amazing!! And thank you for taking time oyt of your day to reply to me 😀
I think it’s great that this song shows at the end that it isn’t just depression that has depressive symptoms that schizophrenia,depression,PTSD,manic anxiety,and ADHD all can have depressive symptoms
I suffer from depression, anxiety and some trauma, I've tried to kill myself many times..I've gone through abuse a lot and still kinda do. This song reminds me of myself a lot, it's scary to be going through everything though, including being bullied. this song and my boyfriend has helped me out a lot. i'm glad i got to have a second chance though after od. life is hard but i'm happy to be alive to enjoy the little moments...including the moments that scare me the most. thank you for creating this song and inspiring people and making beautiful songs full of emotion and meaning
Wow, I love this song. I'm super glad I found it, because it helped me fight more with my depression which I have for ten years. Now it's almost four months from starting with antidepresive pills since when I was nine years old. At sixth class it get worst so since that I tried to commit suicide sixteen times with everyday routin of self harming. After eight years I stoped with self harming, which was the biggest succest. And now, I'm super proud for being where I am now. For being stronger than before thanks to my friends, family and dreams. Month or two months ago I started with regular visits of psychiatrist and psychologist for better continouing. I know it's hard, but all you need to do is believe in your dreams and your self. Be strong, fight and don't give up. Don't forget that you are loved and your life matter. Trust me, you will be one day proud on how you did amazingly and bravely. I'm sorry if it's confused, but I hope you will understand what I wanted to write :D
I've been dealing with high functioning depression for years. Most of the time I can do what I need to do. I want to talk about no one wants to listen to me. This song says how I feel. I am buried alive. Barley able to breathe underneath all this hidden emotional pain. I am screaming but hears or wants to hears. So I make everyone happy but me.
I really really wish i would have found this band sooner than a few months ago😭 It's like y'all are a voice in my head that can project what my mind is like, exactly to the last darkest eery little corner through music, which the only other band that can do that is Twenty Øne Piløts. But you make it so much more in such a unique way it's.... Just so blunt. And that's what makes you guys so unique. And it hits so much harder. I just- i really can't put into words how much you mean to me. This band really drives my heart into the dirt in the best way possible. If my dad doesn't forget my birthday again next month I'm going to ask to order y'alls album. Everytime y'all upload it makes my heart beat ×3 faster because i know it's going to be beautiful like it always is. Y'all have and still are helping me through so much and i love you guys and really hope that one day i can have the honor of seeing the band live and maybe even meeting all of you. Sorry I'm ranting- just my point is.. Thank you. Thank you so much and people may think I'm exaggerating but i really don't care. Thank you for saving me and thank you for giving me a voice.
Finally a band that doesn't sugarcoat mental illness or glorify it. Thank you for making songs like this and bringing awareness to the struggles some people deal with on a daily basis. Much love
Aaaaa I just love this song. I swear I relate to so much of your music. I just feel like it has this beautiful balance of showing those real, raw emotions and pain, while also adding hope to the song as well. Example, in "Pretend My Pain Away," the line: "I won't apologize for who I am No, not for one more day" And again, on Would Anyone Care: "If you're dying inside Sick of being alive Let me in, let me share in your pain From my lungs through the dark Spoken straight from the heart Let me give you a reason to stay." Love this, thank you guys so much.
Stream/Download 👉 citizensoldier.band/buriedalive
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Please SHARE it with someone that needs to hear it.
Très lourd comme son
Thanks!
@@CitizenSoldier thank you, i dont suffer depression, but i thank you.
We look to learn from the Past.
So that we can better ourselves in the present.
To make a better future that may never exist for those yet to come.
Exist
@ethan medina Sorry to hear that ethan. Hope all is well now. This life has so much to offer you.
Me know I Ido come to could /m b y
Depression isn't all smiles and faking it. It's the 3 am mornings where you're tearing yourself apart. It's the silent tears inside because if you let the dams loose you will sob until you pass out. It's wanting to do something but not having the energy. Anxiety isn't all OCD and worry. It's the mornings waking up feeling even more tired because it does not cease during sleep. It's wondering if you did something wrong constantly. Fearing failure. Wanting to do something but fearing the failure and risk of something going wrong. PTSD isn't just flashbacks and horror. It's nightmares, its constant reminders of something that never was, its fear when something you know to be bad experiences comes along with a good experience. Its feeling affection where before affection came like a briar rose. Whether one or combined, end the stigma. It's not "oh it will get better over time just suck it up." or "its nothing its just in your head." end the stigma. Reach out. Always say "I love you" to those you care about. Because one day they may give in to their demons and end it. #RaiseAwareness #EndtheStigma #Depression #PTSDcomplex #Anxiety
CelticLion beautifully said. Thank you for your message and for making the world a better place 🖤🤘🏻
Very well said and explained. Good to see that you gave your time to write such a beautiful comment.
I feel most of what you said
It's a battle of faith either
In yourself friends love ones
Or God
You find a reason for hope or you die constantly battling
After the last two years of it
Theirs days o
I am so tired of the
Lost isolation depression
Lonelyness and anxiety
I admit I wondered many times
If it be easy to give up
But so far I keep fighting for hope
And faith and I pray it will get better
Cause honestly people like me on this spot
Are living in their own hell
And wondering if it will ever end
God bless you for putting it so well.💓👍
You just explained everything about PTSD that I couldn't! It's not something I can understand. It especially aggravates me when someone says it'll be okay because I know that in my heart but it wasn't ok when I developed PTSD! So by someone telling me it's gonna be okay just confuses me! Makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong by having these panic attacks! They come on with no rhyme or reason! My body begins to tremble, my hands begin to shake! n my heart starts to race! My teeth clench, fear controls me! And that's when I know I'm at the point of no return! For a while anyways. So I fold up into myself in a ball with my arms wrapped around me so tight as they will keep me safe! That's when I turn my headphones on n blare my music! As if to drown out the irrational thoughts In My head! And in time it works! .. But in my heart I know it will come back..those feelings ..dark scary irrational feelings..it's a daily fight! I feel like I'm treading on water but I'm getting tired from trying to keep myself afloat ! It really kills me when my husband thinks I'm "over reacting" LOL! DO PPL REALLY THINK I DO THIS CUZ IT'S FUN? Who in their right mind would want to live this way?! I haven't found that magic pill that helps ! I don't believe there is one that would 😟😥 I've struggled with this for 20 years now! It's a day-to-day life. I try to keep being as optimistic as I can. The slightest things anger me! And I really think that's what triggers it the most! And I start to think am I just too much for people to bear? Wouldn't life be so much easier on my family if I just took myself out? Because watching me suffer is killing them!! It's a no win game! And I'm just about ready to throw in the dice!
I'm 53. Its not a phase. It's a daily struggle to get through each day, but it's doable if you keep looking up to the light. Hang in there everyone! You can and will get over every obstacle in your life.
No for me it's black browns and little whites
Especially if you Bern by your self for twenty years and you haven't had a date for twenty years I'm supposed to have someone living with me ,I want a husband no freind
And the only way I can find dates was misty rivers now I'll never find anybody thanks awful world
Idk if you're reading this any financial advise you could maybe give this 15 year old?
❤❤❤ keep igniting that fire, keep fighting the good fight,..
Ok who the hell disliked this glorious and serious work of art
Glad you really like the video and song Logan!
Citizen Soldier Official no problem guys I'm just glad to see a small group like yourselves make beautiful music
Hopefully we don't stay small forever and can continue to do so for many years.
Citizen Soldier Official I'm just glad to be here since the beginning
Glad to have you! Be sure to follow, like, subscribe, etc. to stay in touch. You can find all that at www.citizensoldierofficial.com
"You say its just a phase, I’ll be okay,
What you can’t feel, must not be real…" This is the reason why so many young people commit suicide, it is looked down on and not taken seriously. We need to make a change!
Absolutely Mr. Cold!
So true…anytime I tried getting help or my school counselor/teachers wanted me to get help my parent(s) would reply “It’s just a phase. She’s just attention seeking”. I age a dark past that started at a young age and my mental health majorly kicked in by age 13 or 16. I self harmed, attempted suicide, etc. To this day, I’ve been through every form of abuse, hate who I am because of it all, lost the only person I could confide in back in 2011 (tried dying with them), and to this day I wear all the scars, my insides are destroyed, my brain took so much trauma that I live with TBI, PCS, and MCI, and more. It’s a living nightmare and there needs to be more awareness and help and resources available. It’s a daily battle that never ends.
you really good guys !! idk why but u remained me of skillet and breaking benjamin ; can't wait until you go big
Thanks animers! And its an honor to be compared to skillet and Breaking Benjamin! We love those bands and definitely take some influence from their music.
animers The violin at the beginning of the song feels inspired from Skillet.
Yes Skillet is definitely an inspiration of ours.
ya skillet and Citizen Soldier Official are awesome
Abhisek Dash It feels exactly like the one from "Awake And Alive" only in a different octave and a little altered.
This song we used for a mates funeral 2 weeks ago we lost him to suicide from being bullied he loved you guys honestly your music is amazing keep it up yeah
Wow Leslie thank you for sharing this. We are honored to have our song be apart of something like that but at the same time deeply saddened for your loss. Best wishes from all the guys here in Citizen Soldier
Thanks guys means alot keep producing the songs your amazing
Thank you. we have more new music in the works
Citizen Soldier Official when will u be bringing new music out :)
We are currently in the writing process and hope to hit the studio early 2018
Favourite Line:
To watch the world outside while your buried alive
Fleisch Frosch glad you liked it friend 🖤
RUclips recommended me your song "Would anyone care" and now i cant stop listening to your songs
You guys really have done some amazing work, reminds me a lot of Skillet. Hope you guys can make it that huge as well
You got one loyal fan here
"You dont know what its like to watch the world outside while your buried alive" God I love this bad I will cheer yall on even after yall go viral!! Love you guys😚
Thank you so much! Hope you like our newer music as well! This is our oldest song actually but a good one we think!
You know, i see symbolism in the fact that song is sung by a gir but with male vocals. Like showing that mental illness is genderless and can affect both males and females, and you can relate to this song whether you are girls or boy
Absolutely! Great catch!
It can also affect people of any age
Amen to that, bro!👍🏽. What a gorgeous voice of such conviction!
Thank you for using your talents to bring awareness to a serious issue. Wish more people would. Keep on rockin' out and stuff!
Thanks Katherine! We will!
Ive struggled with major ADHD and anxiety for most of my life. Finding your band recently has been one of the best things to happen to me, your music is great, your messages are inspired, and you guys actually interact with your fans. I feel like crying every time I hear a song by you guys cause it hits so close to home. As a highly personal note: I've tried telling my parents about how your songs really resonate with me, and how they've made me realize that I'm not alone. Problem is, they don't get it. My folks hear the words "I heard this song-" and immediately think I'm childish for thinking a song could really mean something for me. They say "oh you'll look back and think 'lol how silly i was for putting so much love and faith into a song or a band'" But I really don't think I will ever stop loving you guys. Please keep doing what you're doing, and know that, even in some small way, you are saving people. You're definitely helping to save me
Thanks for sharing this 🖤 We hear you and appreciate you
You and me are so alike. I went through this exact situation and got the same result. Be who you want to be, believe in what you choose to believe in, and never let others tell you otherwise. I stayed true to this and eventually those around me understood that I wasn't just seeking pity, I was seeking help and they gave me the help I needed. Stay strong and stay true to yourself.
You can not imagine what impact you have on me with this song. It's been years and I keep coming back. Sometimes this song is literally all I have to calm myself down
Where have you been my whole life....you are the voice of all the silent suffers .....broken, sinking, losing, then your music puts a voice to the suffering making it even more real....but relatable therefore making us not have to suffer alone. 🖤 thank you.
Of course. Stay strong friend 🖤🙏🏻
This was the first ever song I ever heard from these guys that made me instantly fall in love with them. This song saved my life through the darkest point where I almost took my life. 🧡 this song will always and forever hold a special place in my heart.
Music like this is the reason why I listen to rock songs, I've never seen/heard something like this in the pop music. I love the meanings behind those songs. It was the best accident that I clicked on your music. I love your music, thank you for every song you gave us😍👍🏻
Much love 🖤
i struggle with ptsd anxiety panic attacks and major depression and it just got worse after losing my parent almost a year ago
Sorry to hear that Steven. We as a band understand what mental illness can do to someones life. Glad we could shed some light on a topic that gets swept under the rug way to often.
I'm sorry for your lose :(
You know a song is good when you start crying.
When I was in my last years of elementary school (6th grade, about 3 years ago) I suffered really bad depression due to kids bulling me. Even after my mom talked to the principal, it barely made a difference. I started neglecting myself, at first saying I was garbage, then saying I should just die. It got to the point were I was crying myself to sleep every night and actually planning a date to kill myself. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of enduring the pain. Just recently have I told people, and the silly thing is, they think I'm over exaggerating. It really ticks me off, too, that all the kids in my 9th grade class joke about suicide. More people need to see this song and realize we aren't craving attention, we are craving help. Mental illness is really and no to be joked about.
Keep producing your music guys, this could help so much people overcome their mental illnesses. It help me with mine :D
So glad you felt the song. Much love to you
@@CitizenSoldier Same here
im sorry to hear tht bro, stay strong
"no one knows what's inside of me"
the people WHO have suffered THE most tend to smile the most,
Because they don't want other's to think that they are not okay or else they might became a laughingstock of there society after all in some places the people who choose to self harm end up being labeled as attention seekers.
true, i only know because i do that, hide my pain and suffering behind a wall of smiles and laphter and jokes. they say carbon monoxide is the silent killer, it doesnt come close to what tears people like me apart, are you the same??
I do this because I want to spread just a bit happiness around me and help others with the little minimum I can give them. That is helping me to survive my days
And you just called me out....
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was in 8th grade and to a certain extent it was a relief to finally be able to figure out what caused my panic attacks. I went to therapy for a year and it ended up being less than helpful just from a bad environment and her not really knowing how to handle the sexual abuse I'd never admitted to. I'll admit I'm not perfectly fine by any means, but I'm learning how to handle things better than I did. Music like this helps a lot when I'm in a bad head space and I really want to thank you guys for the effort you put into trying to help people.
You are so welcome. You have been through so much. So excited to share future music with you.
This song has done something for me that I have not been able to do in 30 years. This song puts into words how it feels when my bipolar is raging and people always ask what it's like. I can now send them this song and they can hear what I feel.
That makes us so incredibly happy to hear. Thanks for giving it a chance. Much love to you 🖤
i'm surprised that it took be this long to finally discover this song and i absolutely love it, i'm still dealing with my ptsd due toa traumatic childhood for over a decade now and i still feel like i haven't gotten any better at dealing with it, still being haunted by terrible nightmares, still at my worst days feeling like no one is giving a shit about me, no one around me understands me but listening to this band still keeps me awake despite all the darkness around me.
Lost my idol yesterday :( Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) looks like he was suffering from depression too :( #ripchester
We are also saddened by the loss of Chester :(
He'll always be remembered ❤️
I love this song and I wish that your music was around when I was in my teens and struggling so hard against my undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I have been lucky that enen in my worst times I have never been suicidal, but unfortunately one of my older brothers lost his battle against his own bipolar back in 2007. Thank you so much for making this song that shares such an important message.
Sorry to hear about your older brother. Thanks for your kind words 👊 New music is coming out next month.
I know this song came out forever ago but I’ve been recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This song and video helped open up a dialogue between my family and I. You gave words to the incomprehensible. Thank you.
I was diagnosed with MDD back in '09 when I was 16 and a lot of Citizen's songs have helped me understand a lot long before I've overcame my depression~ Now I wanna keep this sort as 'tis 4am atm and I should be sleepin'
But, uh - I developed pretty bad anxiety issues around 2015? I'm not entirely sure~
But uhh - 4 yrs ago is hardly "forever ago" - I'm just sorry to hear ya been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but I'm glad this helped ya open up a dialogue with yer family~
THIS BAND IS SO UNDERRATED
Thank you guys for making this!
I personally suffer from social anxiety and have been for as long as I can remember. It makes me so happy seeing artists making songs about these mental disorders that commonly get overlooked. Keep up the good work and know you have a new fan!
You are not alone friend. Much love to you, you can do this
I love you guys so much. I've been listening for a little over a year and just started sharing your music with my daughter. Myself 31 and my daughter 13 both suffer from depression and often send songs to each other as a way of reminding each other that we understand the pain and aren't alone. I sent her this to let her know that myself and others fight this every day as a way to show that she's never alone, no matter how alone she feels. We have a playlist for when were feeling alone, and need to be left alone to just cry it out. All the songs are ones we sent to each other. They may be dark songs about being alone but when you listen you know someone else gets it, and sometimes listening to that reminds you that you're not alone. Our favorites are Buried Alive, If these Scars Could Speak, Weight of the World, Never Good Enough, and Hope it Haunts You. You guys really understand and are amazing. When I found yall in RUclips suggestions it clicked. Like being a teenager listening to Staind Break the Cycle, which changed my life, it was one of those OH MY GAWD THEY GET IT! moment mixed with hearing real rock and roll again. God I missed this kinda music. Thank you for making music and lyrics that capture this feeling, there aren't many doing that efficiently anymore. Side note as a Spoonie suffering from chronic pain and invisible illnesses, this is very applicable as well. Yall ROCK. THANK YOU!
This song makes me cry..i try to put a smile on my face everyday..and no one knows what's inside of me..lots of things happened in my life but i'm still here and keep going. And this song is helping me. Thank you ❤ you are my new favorite band and i can't stop listen to your songs.
We're glad the music is helping and that we're your new favorite! Shoot us a message on Facebook if you need a friend
Over the past four to five years, I've been diagnosed with a colorful array of mental disorders. All of them stem from my trauma around being abused for all 20 years of my life, though what truly shattered me was the harassment, abuse, and threats I've received from people I once considered my friends, and their friends. I've been diagnosed with General and Social Anxiety, PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and another kind of personality disorder, though its been left unspecified. I was still in high school when I snapped, attempting suicide multiple times, and even ended up screaming back to one of those who was (and still is, to this day) putting me through the abuse that brought me to that point. I'm currently in therapy to try to get better, but there's still more that I'm looking to get assessed for. I can't say that I'm in a much better position now then I was then, I'm still unable to leave my house for the most part, even my headmates are too anxious to be in a large group of unfamiliar people. This song captures how it feels, in all honesty... There are so many days that I feel like I'm being buried under the weight of my issues, because I can hardly, if ever, open up to anyone about them besides the small number of people that I trust the most... This song helps me feel like I'm not so alone.
Wow. You have been through so much. You are so incredibly strong for surviving all that. Our hats are off to you. Glad the song helps. Much love
@@CitizenSoldier I try to be strong, but sometimes I feel as though I am failing, haha. Thank you very much, it means a lot. Much love to you guys too.
Holy shit your voice bro!!! seriously cant wait to more
Thanks Thomas!
Why did it take RUclips this long to suggest me this... Exactly what I needed... Just perfect
So glad you found what you were looking for!
I am reading all the comments and actually crying over the stories that has happened. I am also the one that struggles, they said a while ago that I have a depression, but the things that are happening to me are not only that and I am waiting to get diagnosed and therapy because now life is very hard living from day to day. I wanted to disappear from here but fortunately I managed to get help and I'm still here now. Please keep up the great work and spreading awarness because it is the most important that people get help in time 💙🖤
We are determined to keep talking about these difficult issues. Much love to you, you're not alone
I can relate to so many songs from Citizen Soldier. I have PTSD and it's the hardest battle I've ever fought. I'm still fighting my PTSD and sometimes I wonder whether or not it will go away. Whenever someone mentions something that triggers my PTSD, I freeze. I suddenly want to run or fight or do something! I hate when it happens. I can't even stand to look at some pictures because it triggers me. It's hard to act fine day after day when I am breaking down inside. No one knows how I truly feel and whenever I am really struggling, this music always makes me feel better. Thank you so much Citizen Soldier.
Wow this song describes me, my new fav song
I have depression and anxiety and its not fun having it. I try to kill myself but the fear of being found alive stops me from doing it. This song helps me a lot, keep it up guys. Love love love this song, I found my new fav band
Stay strong Kit Kat Nocturne
2 years old comment..... Hope you all well now ❤️
Keep on fighting 👊💪💯
Same here
Same here
I would love to see y'all in concert. I can connect to just about every song yall play. Great work, and keep them coming. I am a disabled Navy vet, I struggle with problems everyday, from mental to physical, and from inside and outside sources. Some people think because you are different you are broken or wrong. THEY ARE WRONG, we are all different, and we are all perfect just the way we are meant to be. Life takes a heavy toll on us, it is our job to pick up the pieces and overcome this. Just remember someone out there loves you and cares for you.
Timmy Anderson first of all, thank you for your service. Second, thank you for your beautiful words. This is brilliantly said and what we want our music to be about: overcoming. Much love to you friend 🖤🤘🏻
God, it felt good to listen to some Citizen Soldier after the day I've had today. I've cried so much my head hurts like hell.
Also, I listened to some of your songs to let myself go a little. To cry it all out. It really helps. Thank you for making this kind of songs that reaches out not just to me, but to others as well.
I've started to really listen to your songs these past months, and I gotta say, you just keep on delivering awesome content! I really love alot of them! Especially "I'm not okay", "Would anyone care" and "If I surrender". Those three songs really help me when I wanna not live anymore. Thank you so much! ❤
Wish you could come to where I live and play your music here. That would be really awesome! And I'd love to talk to you in person as well. I don't usually like talking to people since I'm very shy and have social anxiety, but it would just be so cool to talk to you! 😁 Especially about how I'm feeling. Haven't been feeling so good the last 6 years or so...
Anyway I'll stop rambling. Love your music! Rock on and keep being awesome! 🤘
This hits home 😢 nobody knows the real me just what I show them while I'm shattered inside but still helping others with lesser problems than me at the moment. Fighting the darkness inside me with every beat of my heart beaten, scared, and broken but still beating heart!
I have PTSD, depression, social anxiety and ADD. I've tried commiting suicide by overdose twice but I'm still here. God has a plan for me despite my endless pain and loneliness. I just wish I had the faith in myself that God does.
We hear you Christopher 🖤 Stay strong friend
Praying for you Christopher 🙏💘 Please keep me in yours also my friend!
Your lyrics speak when I lose my voice because of the pain I feel inside.
I feel very identified with this song: When I was 13 I suffered a severe depression for two years due to school harassment (bullying) and my father's indifference.
After a long emotional struggle and the great help of my mother and my best friend I got out of there.
Today I am 21 and that pain have made me stronger.
Thank you for creating this song and I hope to have a CD of you soon and see you on stage.
Thanks from Spain!
PD: Sorry about my english, I am learning!
Glad you are doing better Hugo! Your story not only connects with our 2 songs we've released but a 3rd that will be on our upcoming EP called "Soldier" be sure to check it out in a couple weeks!
You sound like me..I'm in usa
I found you guys just listening to music and I liked it instantly, your songs speak to me on a level I thought no one understood so I'm glad I found you guys, keep up the good work.
My disorder is that I have ADHD, social anxiety, OCD and PTSD I've lived for 15 years and sometimes I've questioned why I'm actually living because I'm treated like I'm nonexistent by almost everyone I've grown up with. I've lost many friends because of stupid things and at one point I actually did die while I was alone and no one was around...but next thing I know I'm awake sitting in a puddle of blood, thats when a female friend found me and tried to help me recover but I never will, hopefully someone will read all of this, and if you do know that you are cared about by lots of people, sometimes some are scared to admit it more than others and that everyone is special and beautiful in your own unique way.
Thank you so much Zander Gottlin and we're glad you found us! We hope you're doing well and seeking any help you may need. Music is a great healing tool but its no replacement for actual therapy. Trust us more then 1 of our members goes to therapy and we're not ashamed to admit that.
@@CitizenSoldier I am currently getting that help. It's also good to know that people aren't afraid to ask for help, cause for awhile I was because I have no one to really trust. But I knew I had to do something so I did.
@@Shadowblade-it5bt That is amazing to hear! Be sure to share that with others who you know are struggling. If we create a dialog it will help solve the problem for us and others
@@CitizenSoldier I will do that, it was at least good to share my struggles with others who at least know what it's like to struggle
@@Shadowblade-it5bt Absolutely my friend! Follow us on social media and shoot us a message whenever you like
I’ve suffered from schizoaffective disorder most of my life. For those of you who don’t know what it is, t’s like a cross between bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Very difficult to live with. I’ve had 3 suicide attempts I’ve been hospitalized many times and even put in a psych ward for 2 weeks when I had a mental breakdown with my psychosis. My journey to mental wellness may never end. But I do know one thing - I will never give up. I won’t surrender to my inner demons. I will rise above it all like a Phoenix from the ashes. God bless you for making these songs. They have really helped me get through my darkest hours. Thank you for making your songs to help others feel less alone. ❤️🩹
Growing up with Anxiety that I didn't notice it was tearing apart my life in ways that I didn't realize. Depression found a way to creep into my life as well and has been trying to kill me ever since. Getting through a day is difficult for so many reasons, some that I wouldn't be able to share with even family. A lot of people, if they could see what goes on in my head they would be horrified. They might even be scared of me.
It's thanks to bands like Citizen Soldier, who help me know that I am not alone and help me know that I can prevail. Thanks, Citizen Soldier. I honestly wouldn't have made it this far without people like you.
Thanks for the kind words Teo. We know exactly how you feel. It's so hard to explain, but we're not alone. Stay strong! 👊
@@CitizenSoldier You too, Citizen Soldier. You too.
I'm sitting hear and reading the description while listening to the song, and I've finally felt at home. I always thought that I was the only one who was feeling like I was at the time, but now I know that's not true. Even the doctor who told my family I had OCD (at the age of 3, no less) thought it would go away as I got older. It never went away. It's still there, plain as day. Maybe more internalize and intrusive thoughts, but still there. It sucks living through it, and having to deal with the panic and fear and utter loathing feelings you have for yourself day in and day out. The fight's not over, though. Don't give up until the war's won.
As someone with their fair share of issues, this song really strikes a chord with me, and I love it for that.
So glad you feel it. Much love
Major clinical depression, PTSD and generalized anxiety here! Thank you for explaining the true hell of what I go through every day ❤
I have anxiety and depression myself and you guys really send a strong message with this song amazing work guys you rock👍🤘
glad you like the music! Thanks for listening!
Citizen Soldier it’s a pleasure to listen to
@@king_leviathan1440 Always good to hear
It's been 5 years sinsce I first heard this song and it still evokes emotion in me like very few songs can. As someone whose struggled with these kind of thoughts since 2017 and had my feelings invalidated since then, this hits me way too hard.
I've never had goose bumps that last for 3 minutes 57 seconds, until now. I'm really proud how well you've tackled the stigma, it means alot to everyone going through what the lyrics describe.. I really hope you guys get more attention and fame, while you wait for that day, just keep remembering your music is helping people to stay alive, I hope you know that, If not I want you to recognize that. - Listening to this song is like having therapy.
Thanks Craig! Comments like these mean the world to us!
"Don't you dare pretend you know what it's like to watch the world outside while you're buried alive" is exactly it
I suffer from PTSD, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, Borderline PD, 4 other personality disorders… I remember coming out of my room some days, trying to make an effort and my mother always going “look who decided to join us”. NOTHING is more soul crushing and motivation breaking than when your efforts to succeed are being punished.
My mother would always tell me it was just a phase, I’d get over it, and I was doing it for attention. I lived with that for 20 years before I finally got the help I desperately needed. An ex even tried to tell me I CHOSE to live the way I do… I eventually forced my mother to sit down and listen to this song. It hurts me seeing so many people crying for help, and their pleas falling on deaf ears because ‘it’s just a phase’, ‘it’s just for attention’… Mental Health is a serious issue, and it’s frustrating to see people dealing with it tossed aside because no one wants to educate themselves.
Lost my dad to suicide Dec 19th 2021 and some days I feel like I can't live in a world without him and want to be with him. You guys saved my life. Thank you
This is so much more relevant after what happened recently. Keep a close watch on your near and dear ones. His death impressed the reality of depression on me. And now my favorite singer is no more...
Agreed. We had no idea how relevant our music was going to become with the loss of Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington.
"Tell me why anyone would pretend, And choose a life they would want to end"
I feel like this part of the song is simultaneously shaming those who say depressed people are "faking it for attention/clout" as well as calling out those fake depressed/suicidal folk who *actually* fake it
I loved the song. Now this MV became a masterpiece for me. So many emotions in it... well done, Citizen Soldier. You got another piece of my heart :)
Izaya Orihara-Heiwajima that means the world to us. Thank you for supporting us. Much love to you 🖤
grew up with alcoholic parents, who mentally abused me, yelled, called me every name in the book.
for me that was like a normal day and never affected me during the time
when I finally left home after 17, it all came back and left me with depression, anxiety, trust issues and PTSD
Awesome band!!!!
You're amazing guys!!!!
Excellent song!!!!
Axel Dreyar appreciate you friend! Much love 🖤🤘🏻
Written August 23rd, 2020
I'm tired. And it goes past the physical. The emotional - and dare I say: spiritual - impact of dealing with the past four months, eight months, last year, twelve years and twenty-nine years of life has taken a huge toll on my psyche. Over the years, friends came and went. People who have said they'll always be there for me went AWOL. The support structure I tried and tried and tried to build for myself was always just out of reach. And so, I grew up and have always felt alone.
Prolonged loneliness, perpetrated over the course of a person's life has many lasting effects; and I'm sure those affect every one of us out there in different ways. I'm not here to bore you with study information. I'm here because I want a revolution. I'm here to tell you MY story. I'm here to listen to yours, too. Otherwise, my story would have ended in darkness, years ago.
For almost a third of a century, I retreated within as a defense/coping mechanism. I was ten years old when my father got ill. Strokes changed him. He was never himself again after; even to the point he didn't recognize his own family. For three years, from 10-13 years old, I watched him deteriorate - multiple cerebral aneurysms that burst and bled in both hemispheres of his brain. Craniotomies. Eventual systemic cancer... We 'celebrated' my father's final birthday alive watching the nurses pump liters of fluid out of his lungs days before he passed. He wasn't always around when he was healthy, either. Alcohol has a way of poisoning the best-intention-ed life, that way.
I don't have many positive memories of childhood. A few, but, as Poe put it so eloquently in his poem, Alone:
...-I could not bring
My passions from a common spring-
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow - I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone-
And all I lov'd - I lov'd alone- ...
My father's passing at such a young age was terrible, in and of itself; but it was the isolated childhood without an emotional or mental outlet that would eventually lead me down a dark path in life.
The positive experiences I've had have been spectacular. And I know I've been blessed through being alone most of my life. I'm willing to listen, being open to the possibility that I may well be wrong. I don't judge, because I don't want to be judged. I'm extremely wise and insanely empathic; but I have also been cursed - or so I feel at times - by that same source: the isolation.
For it is not often in community when we fail - it is in the times of life when we feel we're alone. When there's no one watching. When it seems those closest to you are too busy to care... And then, the voices creep in.
You begin to believe the lie that no one cares, or worse: that no one could possibly. That you're a burden. You're unwanted, unworthy, unloved. You spiral. These voices are tormentors: thieves of joy, bringers of shame, self-doubt and confusion. I spiralled down, down....down; yet, I often put on a smile for the world NOT to see. Irony at it's finest.
Again, there were positives that came from this; but the retreating within, tempered by isolation, fostered an environment where demons manifest. I don't know if they are true demons, as in army-of-Satan, fallen angels stuff...they could just be what we all struggle with: I'm my own worst critic. I'm too hard on myself at times. I overreact. I overthink. I obsess to the point I don't eat, can't sleep. The voices must be on steroids, and PCP, and on shrooms or something - 'cause they be wiggin' out, yo!
How about being around other people? I could be in a crowded room and feel utterly alone because there's no one I know or am comfortable with present.
THEN, there's the empathy. I AM emotional - so powerfully empathic that I get tears just looking in someone's eyes from a photograph long enough to see beneath the smile-that-doesn't-touch-their-eyes, to the truth within. I see into souls, there's just no other way to put it adequately. Have you ever heard: "I feel like I can tell you anything/everything"? How about: "How did you guess that?!" Or my favorite: "How are you able to see exactly what I'm struggling with!?" If you're tortured, I can tell - let's just leave it at that. I wish I could turn this off, at times.
Yes, I retreated within. I became numb. All the while, a tempest raged inside with no release. I spiraled down to the point I no longer felt anything, except when I would act out. When I was arrested for shoplifting I swore I would change; but I did it more over the years. Lying? I suppose I became very good at it. Lied to myself plenty over the years. Whenever I am asked a question that even implies emotion, my first impulse is often to lie. However, I think if you asked any of my true friends they would tell you I'm one of the most honest people they know...because I hate it. I hate being lied to. What a hypocrite! Right?
It took me 29 years to become a whole man, to accept even the darkest parts of my life's story. I'm no longer scared to be me. I'm scarred, but the wounds have now healed. Finally, I understand the purpose to my pain. My mission/calling in life - my heartfelt desire is to help others get OUT of the isolation. To be a peace bringer, where others have not known peace. A bridge builder to the lost and 'losers;' the lonely and loners; and the hurt and hurtful. I'm sick of the bullshit lies we tell ourselves and one another. And I'm tired of losing friends and loved ones to suicide.
People deserve hope. They deserve close-knitted friendships where they can share hope, pain, victories and struggles. They deserve a better coping mechanism than turtle mode. When you're isolated, without an outlet or source of encouragement; and the voices press-in and press you down, smaller and smaller, you crave peace. You become desperate to silence the voices; yet are unable to hear much of anything else.
My story isn't PG-13. It's not even R-rated. And I won't share 100% of it in this medium. I prefer changing lives in-person, or at least over the phone.
Ode to Poe
Self-written
If I can't leave this scarred and broken world
A better place for all - young and old,
Or leave my mark upon a heart that's never felt bold;
If my life isn't spent by final breath,
And I drag behind all the regret,
Only to return to my beginning as I end;
If I never witness light where once was dark,
Or give up what I have, for broken or lost;
Yet have found freedom, I've missed the mark.
Reader, I hope I've made you think. If you struggle with isolation, know that I see you and you are NOT alone - or at least you don't have to be. "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves." - John Connor, pretty much every Terminator movie ever. It's time to pick up the pen of your life and write a new ending. It's time to reach out for help, love and acceptance. It's time to end the cycle, before the cycle ends you.
For others not struggling - I have a question for you: who do you have in your life who is quiet? Who do you know that sits alone constantly? Sure, maybe they value their solitude; but have you asked if they would like company? Have you extended friendship to the lonely? Or have you written them off? What would it take for you to stop being too busy to accept an invitation to hang out with someone who's asked 3, 4, 5 times? Trust me...for some, that may be their last attempt at human connectivity. These questions/thoughts are not meant to shame anyone; but please - let them open your eyes and your heart.
Let's take off the masks and stop lying to ourselves. Let's change the world for the better - and may it begin in us.
Father God, please bless the reader of my story - whether they feel free, or enslaved within their mind. You are close to the brokenhearted, Your Word says. But please send those hearts You've mended to those people. Here I am, God. Send me. Amen.
If you need support during these unprecedented times we find ourselves in - know my door is always open to listen to your story; and to understand, love and accept you. But if you come at me, bring authenticity. Bring truth.
There's too many hurting people out there.
Y'all are amazing. The lyrics are deep. As for the singer... tell him he's such an angel when he sings. Love your music guys. Keep it up.
I'm the singer! Thanks Jared! I really appreciate that. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I'm excited for the challenge! Glad you love the music. Any ideas for what we should write about in 2020? We want our music to represent your journey and would love your ideas :)
Tbh. Write more about mental health. Its one of the biggest struggles in this world sadly. Not only that my favorite song ever from you guys is weight of the world. An amazing vocals with the acoustic guitar. I would it be awesome if you did more acoustic songs. I have big love and respect for you guys. Definitely gonna keep listening to you y'all.
Thank u so much for this... My depression, anxiety and I'm sure other things are going on... And they are so strong and I want to be happy and I have a hard time staying happy... So thank u so much I know I'm not the only one it is just now hard to explain this anymore and actually listen to songs really help because it has the words I can't say and this band had made songs that explains what is going on my head and feels so thank u so much...
All those songs are so meaningful, you sing about topics that people don't talk or can't because of stigma, as OCD sufferer my whole life ( and I'm 21 yet) I can say that it's terrible struggle, keep going, I care💚💜
Appreciate you Tina 🖤 Stay strong. We're in this together
@@CitizenSoldier your words mean a lot for me, thank you 💚💜
This sums up what its like to live with ptsd, depression, anxiety, and paranoia. All are things ive been diagnosed with last year. Things got so bad I almost tried to ended it all again. Alot of people think when you have any of these your just slowed. Songs like this that shows its hell, im grateful for. It helps people see with our sufdering themself.
Thank you for all of your songs.
Glad you like it Silver Wolf we understand what its like to live a life like this as well.
thanks for everything!
thanks to you the world is a better place 🖤
Thank you so much for the support 🖤
i’m so very sorry i have just found you guys but am happy as hell you are making music about things no one talks about i suffer through crippling depression ptsd and anxiety and it sucks feeling no one understands you , you guys are the truth , thank you and keep making these gems!!!
This song speaks to me on so many levels. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and it can intensify stress, depression and feelings of alienation. A few months ago, my wife separated from me. Now I'm in debt, losing the house, single again and have lost visitation with my daughter except for odd weekends. This collapse of my family unit, loss of seeing my daughter every morning, loss of my wife's love and loss of my home is killing me. The past few months, I attempted suicide about 5 or 6 times. Every day is pure pain, misery, hopelessness and worry about the future. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my daughter growing up without her dad. My brother is struggling with depression and my dad is elderly with worsening health. I didn't want to possibly end them as well by ending myself. Nobody knows what you are going through unless they walk around in your shoes. It's so easy to judge and dismiss, but it takes heart and intelligence to understand someone. It's going to take a long time for me to heal from this divorce and help my little girl through it. No matter what your problems are, hope has to shine through in the end. Thank you, Citizen Soldier for bringing forth hope and striking against the stigma of mental illness and disability.
I really hope you're doing better..
Thanks, I'm doing way better now. This post was from 2 years ago and I've completely rebuilt my life after divorce. Got a new home, girlfriend and weekends with my daughter are awesome. Perseverance through mental health and life challenges pays off in the end. Citizen Soldier has the songs to bring inspiration when all hope is lost. @@kennethmccormick902
I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. Tried to take my life 6 yrs ago, recently on June 26th I lost my dad who i looked up to alot and since losing him ive been lost and my depression is hitting me harder then before. I love this band and this song, they have helped me alot since finding them
My new favorite song, you guys are great, listen to your music everyday, helps me get through the day, keep em coming with the great songs!!!!
Love helping you through the day. Thanks Chris! Any ideas for what we should write about in 2020? We want our music to represent your journey and would love your ideas :)
So far youve been spot on with everything, i wouldnt change a thing!!!
I can't believe I just discovered this AMAZING band just this year. Still, I'm sure my quarantine and life improved when I discovered the Citizen Soldier. Thank you guys for everything. Kisses from Brazil
I have been dealing with ADHD and Dyslexia for what feels like all my life and it's difficult not to hate myself for things I can't control. I hate myself for forgetting someone's name 2 seconds after they tell me, I hate myself for forgetting to write in my planner that I have homework to do, I hate myself for forgetting to do said homework as a result of that. It also comes with feelings of inadequacy. Dyslexia slows down my reading and I feel like I'm not enough when I'm reading the same thing as someone and they finish and I'm still struggling to understand the first three words. People say that ADHD is overdiagnosed because the only things associated with it are Hyperactivity and lack of focus when it is so much more than that. ADHD is having to keep everything in sight so you don't forget it, it is 19 different alarms going off throughout the day to help you function like a normal human being. It is hyper-focusing on the wrong thing and suddenly you're missing 3 to 6 hours of your life. It is being too afraid to interact with people out of fear of being annoying. It is being told you're not trying hard enough when you're doing everything you can but it's never enough. ADHD is so much more than people think it is because it isn't taken seriously enough for people to do the research. Both ADHD and Dyslexia are on the Autism spectrum for a reason because they have very real, very harmful effects on life. It has been proven that having ADHD or Dyslexia increases the risk of having depression and anxiety as they share symptoms. I can't count how many times I've cried to myself in my room for not being "good enough", for being a "failure" and that's had some very serious effects on my emotional health. I would give anything to be rid of my disorders. I have a severe hatred for myself because of them. Dyslexia is just as bad. I have a hard time understanding things that are written. I misspell words constantly. The only reason none of this is misspelled is that I have Grammarly. Sometimes I don't understand the way something is written.
"Tell me why anyone would pretend,
And choose a life they would want to end"
-------------------------------- no words.
You guys have 3 amazing songs, giving amazing messages with each. When you guys are among the biggest names in rock music, I'll be happy to be able to say I've been here since the beginning. Now, I'll share my story.
I'm currently 19 years old and graduated from high school. Let's rewind the clock 6 years. I'm 13, tail end of 7th grade. One day I just started feeling down. I'd had down days before so I didn't worry about it. Until about a month later, when I was still feeling down, and it was only getting worse. I worried about it a bit after that. Then 7th grade ended. During the summer, I had no motivation to do anything. When 8th grade rolled around, there occurred a series of events that would send me into places so dark I never even knew they existed. I noticed that I was out of energy at all times, never had motivation to do anything, and just couldn't find a way to get happy. I couldn't bring myself to smile. I closed myself off even to my closest friends. I felt alone. I started making friends with the wrong type of people. People who I know now, looking back, were exploiting the weakness I was feeling. After months of spiralling further and further down, my grades dropping, and me destroying the majority of any friendships I had, I had had enough. I just wanted to end it all. I was too afraid of bugging people to ask for help, and I didn't talk to anyone for days before, to make sure I left no hints. I was alone in my room, no one else was home. I had a bottle of pills. Right before I took them, a friend of mine walked into my room. This friend was someone who I had wronged so so horribly mere weeks before. He never came to my house, but this day he decided to. He talked me down, told me he'd forgiven me for the things I'd done the second after I'd done them. He saved my life that day...for the time being at least. Months later, I was right back where I had been. Ready to end it. What stopped me this time is something special. Music. I had put on a random playlist on RUclips. I didn't even look at what it was. I just wanted some sound so that no one would hear me. A song started playing. I didn't know it at the time but the song's name was Buried Beneath, and it was by a band named RED. I stopped what I was doing to listen to the song. By the end, I'd talked myself out of it. Here's something fun: I didn't know what the song was until I heard it 3 years later. My dad left my family without a second thought. The day he did, I went to my room, turned the lights off and went to RUclips. I went to a suggested video. "RED - Watch You Crawl." The song was amazing, but what came next was even moreso. I clicked on one of the suggested videos. "RED - Buried Beneath." RED is my favorite band.
So, that's my story. I've learned how to keep my depression under control, most of the time. Yeah, it still leaks through sometimes. When my ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months back was a good example. I was out of commission for a month, but other than that, I've grown to live with it as much as I can. Now, I'm able to use my experiences to help others who suffer as well
I spoke of depression there. I also have social anxiety, so sometimes I struggle to talk to even people I know. It literally took everything I had in me to tell a girl I was friends with that I have deeper feelings for her. I've had to learn to deal with it better since I've gotten a job though
Thank you Evil Toad for sharing your story with us! Continue to share it! You never know who youre going to save someday
This song deeply explains how I feel with my agoraphobia...
I listen to it all the time. I remember when I first found this song I cried every time I listened to it. It's SO beautiful.
Thank you so much! We're so glad this song is helping you cope
This really hits home...thanks for this.
ArcticFoxx Productions thank you for supporting us 🖤🤘🏻
Thank you CS for being one of many people who are trying to get the word out there that mental illness is FOR REAL. You guys, I feel, are one of the good people out there. Thank you for being that good voice people need to hear.
THat means a lot to us. Thank you. Much love to you
Wow this is absolutely amazing been struggling a lot lately this is what I needed to hear great job guys from Canada
Thank you so much Blair! Keep rocking and we hope all is well
I've been listening to all the songs on this channel for the past half hour or so and I swear, all the messages you give in each one of your songs made me cry so much! Thank you. When art becomes a way to heal the pain, to communicate with others and to connect people around the world, it just makes all sense. It's like belonging to one huge global community. Much love from Italy
That's the goal
@@CitizenSoldier I couldn't agree more! 🙏
Thank you for your work.
This is the best song I have heard ever. It has a meaningful message ........u guys are awesome ....... love you guys....... wanting more
Aparna Rajak Poddar that is so kind of you to say. We love you too! More is on the way 🖤🤘🏻
Sir, what is your favourite song?
Sir, what is your favourite song?
I'm borderline, for 7 years I've been in treatment but sometimes I fall and can't stand up again, having suicidal thoughts is very hard... After several times trying to end your life, we need something or someone who help us... Thanks for this song, it touches my heart every time I hear it... You are amazing, my next tattoo will say "I will live to tell my story"
I've got depression my mom says it's from feeding off emotions but it's not I've had some things happen to me that not even my closest friend knows. I tend to keep everything bottled up inside which I know isn't the best thing to do. I have tried two or three times to end my life and I have almost succeeded but I always stop myself because in the end I made a promise to one of my friends who unfortunately committed suicide that I would keep my head up. That's what stops me every time.
Thanks for sharing some of your story with us totally rwby fan. Talking about these things isnt the easiest thing to do but it shows others we are not alone
It's sad to come across these comments while scrolling and listening to this song.
I really, really get what you're going through. I've experienced the exact same thing. I tell people about my problems though, but I guess I tell the wrong people. Now, I don't talk about it at all. Its scary how easy it is to put on a smile. :(
Well this hit hard due to having depression and always hiding it from others and nobody realises that im struggling ...keep up the awesome work.
To the 7 shmucks who disliked this video: Are you haters sent by Post Malone and Taylor Swift?
Haha. It's all good David. Life is full of different people. That's the beauty of it.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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DinoRockChick 06 30*
@@CitizenSoldier wow ❤️❤️❤️
Cant stop fallin in love with your music...if words could shout how much your music saved me...God bless you guy...lots of love from Kenya
Thanks for listening Antony Kinyua!
This is really great work thanks citizen and keep up this song really gave me hope
So amazing to hear that. Thank you for supporting us friend 🖤
I struggle every day to live and I hate when people say get over it. I have a husband and a daughter who is my world, but it's still hard right now. This song is helping me survive.
So glad this song is helping you carry on. Keep fighting my friend
Amazing such a nice way of awareness u guys are amazing god bless you 😘😘😘!!!!! And u will go long !!!!!!
Thank you so much SHARIYAH SAIFI! Awareness for the uneducated is all we are trying to get out of this video
I've suffered depression seems all my life. Heavily medicated as a kid, but those meds just made me feel more hopeless. Honestly I feel I'm one of the lucky ones who suffer this nasty illness. I can go long stretches and be fine, happy and feel good. Then something somehow triggers the depression and I'm drowning in my own thoughts. Feeling buried alive is a perfect analogy. Thank you for shining your light into this darkness that is mental illness.
Found u on Montage Rock...
U guys rly deserve more views WTF! This is such HIGH Quality shit here....
Thank you so much! Best way to get us those views is to share us with your friends!
I was in a dark place years ago but artists like you who wrote songs about the pain helped me escape.
So glad we inspired something so amazing
I struggle with ADHD, i always had trouble in school, not getting good enough grades, no friends, getting picked on cause ill be doing something else like picking the skin around my nails, biting my tougne off in my own world, soon this year of january my grandmother passed and i soon got diagnosed with depression, losing all hope, while at the same time looking for it. Please, for everybody out there, keep fighting, ive been close to ending it all, dont be like me, seek help, ive been on medication for three months amd been slowly feeling like myself again ❤👌
Excuse the spelling errors
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Airamee!
Citizen Soldier Official Of course! I cant wait tmfor the full album every song by you guys is amazing!! And thank you for taking time oyt of your day to reply to me 😀
Absolutely! Our fans are why we continue to do this!
I think it’s great that this song shows at the end that it isn’t just depression that has depressive symptoms that schizophrenia,depression,PTSD,manic anxiety,and ADHD all can have depressive symptoms
I suffer from depression, anxiety and some trauma, I've tried to kill myself many times..I've gone through abuse a lot and still kinda do. This song reminds me of myself a lot, it's scary to be going through everything though, including being bullied. this song and my boyfriend has helped me out a lot. i'm glad i got to have a second chance though after od. life is hard but i'm happy to be alive to enjoy the little moments...including the moments that scare me the most. thank you for creating this song and inspiring people and making beautiful songs full of emotion and meaning
We need you here with us friend. Sending tons of love your way. Thanks for listening 🖤🤘🏻
I have to say this!
Their songs..... Some make me cry because it is something that I can connect to.
Wow, I love this song. I'm super glad I found it, because it helped me fight more with my depression which I have for ten years. Now it's almost four months from starting with antidepresive pills since when I was nine years old. At sixth class it get worst so since that I tried to commit suicide sixteen times with everyday routin of self harming. After eight years I stoped with self harming, which was the biggest succest. And now, I'm super proud for being where I am now. For being stronger than before thanks to my friends, family and dreams. Month or two months ago I started with regular visits of psychiatrist and psychologist for better continouing. I know it's hard, but all you need to do is believe in your dreams and your self. Be strong, fight and don't give up. Don't forget that you are loved and your life matter. Trust me, you will be one day proud on how you did amazingly and bravely. I'm sorry if it's confused, but I hope you will understand what I wanted to write :D
Thanks for sharing this Danny! 🖤
I've been dealing with high functioning depression for years. Most of the time I can do what I need to do. I want to talk about no one wants to listen to me. This song says how I feel. I am buried alive. Barley able to breathe underneath all this hidden emotional pain. I am screaming but hears or wants to hears. So I make everyone happy but me.
Thanks for sharing. Hope you're doing ok 🖤
I really really wish i would have found this band sooner than a few months ago😭
It's like y'all are a voice in my head that can project what my mind is like, exactly to the last darkest eery little corner through music, which the only other band that can do that is Twenty Øne Piløts. But you make it so much more in such a unique way it's.... Just so blunt. And that's what makes you guys so unique. And it hits so much harder. I just- i really can't put into words how much you mean to me. This band really drives my heart into the dirt in the best way possible. If my dad doesn't forget my birthday again next month I'm going to ask to order y'alls album. Everytime y'all upload it makes my heart beat ×3 faster because i know it's going to be beautiful like it always is. Y'all have and still are helping me through so much and i love you guys and really hope that one day i can have the honor of seeing the band live and maybe even meeting all of you. Sorry I'm ranting- just my point is.. Thank you. Thank you so much and people may think I'm exaggerating but i really don't care. Thank you for saving me and thank you for giving me a voice.
Never stop commenting
@@CitizenSoldier I'm 18 next year and plan see as many bands as i can! So i hope so!🤘😜
Finally a band that doesn't sugarcoat mental illness or glorify it. Thank you for making songs like this and bringing awareness to the struggles some people deal with on a daily basis. Much love
You guys are the best mixture of Evanescence, Breaking Benjamin and Linkin Park.
Thanks for introducing me to these guys, Dylan.
So glad you found us. Appreciate you and Dylan 🖤🙏🏻
Aaaaa I just love this song. I swear I relate to so much of your music. I just feel like it has this beautiful balance of showing those real, raw emotions and pain, while also adding hope to the song as well.
Example, in "Pretend My Pain Away," the line:
"I won't apologize for who I am
No, not for one more day"
And again, on Would Anyone Care:
"If you're dying inside
Sick of being alive
Let me in, let me share in your pain
From my lungs through the dark
Spoken straight from the heart
Let me give you a reason to stay."
Love this, thank you guys so much.