Story 1 NTA. That lost comment sounds like a cheater. OP don't feel bad for that awful woman. She didn't give two shits about your mom, you, or her partner at the time. Don't give two shits about her shitty self pitty feelings.
Yeah that's what I thought. Someone who breaks up a home and then tries to force parenthood on a child where it isn't wanted has already shown they aren't a good parent. Though I also agree that the rejection had more to it than OP's story.
@@TJDious yes, I agree as well. Seems the social worker based it on something else and they just decided to blame Ops honesty. Because how they already showed, are very selfish and blame everyone else for their outcomes.
Bruh, I almost choked on my skittles when OP said that the home wrecker was religious. So, her religion says it’s cool to sleep with married men? Ok, Jan. 😂😂
@@Simths7505 No, I'm saying being "religious" doesn't necessarily mean being Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu or any other recognized religion. You could be atheist and be "religious" about it. You could even make up your own 'religion" for that matter.
Story #1 If stepmom is religious/Christian, you can go for the jugular and remind her that God took David's first child with Bathsheba for their adultery (and Uriah's death) and he was a man after His own heart. Allow her to put the pieces together about her infertility.
Bruh. THIS. 💯. That is how you go at the person that was with a married person and claims to be religious. Yes, Christians aren't perfect but that doesn't mean go something like be a married person and dare to expect everyone to just be fine with it.
Story #1 NTA. All OP did was answer an interviewer's questions honestly. All of OP's hatred for his sperm donor and step-mistress is deserved and justified. I hope those two never see OP again after he turns 18, and I hope they never have other children.
@@jimdob6528considering dear ol' Dad cheated, it's pretty likely that itch is gonna come back, and then the cycle continues. Why put another kid in that mess?
The adoption was likely scuppered by the knowledge that there was no extended family support available. OP didn't mention the wife's, but if neither of them had family, well.
Story 1. Nta oh I think it's so funny that she's so religious and believes that Op's mom is cursing her from the grave but she's not too religious to cheat on her boyfriend with his married best friend. Oh the hypocrisy
OP2: That commenter going on about housewives/husbands dont do real work. Must be nice to have gotten to sit around wothout worrying about money when you got laid off. Ass.
Oh, yeah. He's a miracle worker too. He cleans house, pays bills, runs errands, grocery shops, does laundry, sets appointments, and cooks dinner in two hours a day.
RE: MIL doesn't work My wife worked full time before our children were born, and when we had number 2, she decided to stay home in their formative years so as not to have Day Care raise them. When they were starting school, she said to me, "FINALLY, I can go back to work." then she added, "Do you wanna' know WHY Mothers work? Because it's less work, that's why."
Story 1: NTA, something tells me parents tried to push that they can provide a loving home and OP would be an involved big brother, bet the interviewer caught them in a lie not to mention finding out about the affair which means they could worry about the home not being stable in case the father cheats again. Still, if you get fucked over just by someone telling the truth, you probably deserve it.
The way the interviewer responded I'm betting the dad and stepmom tried to pass OP off as stepmom's bio kid. When OP corrected the mistake and the whole truth came out .... well, you know what they say about karma.
First story I'm going with NTA. I don't think OP did/said anything wrong. I'm betting the adoption worker looked into if something should happen to the "parents" would there be support for the child. Op said dad was disowned by his family and OP is walking as soon as he can.
Considering how badly the wife wanted a kid, they might looked unhinged to them throw in op who will leave and a family that wants nothing to do with the dad and the situation is not suitable.
The way I see it, any kid with a decent upbringing was told to never lie to the authorities. Social workers fit under that criteria. I also agree with some of the commenters who said that they likely got rejected for reasons besides what OP told them.
The father with the 9 year old daughter needs to integrate her properly into the family, not spend time away as a twosome, or she will never experience a 'whole family' scene.
I've had a brief fling contact me after 15 years. I can honestly tell you it's a total shock. I'm not saying the father is doing the right thing but cut the guy some slack. His whole reality just got turned upside down and it sounds like he's doing all he can, to be the best dad to all of his children. She said, he never gets angry. I bet he's going like a duck on a pond, trying to keep calm on top, but his legs (his mind) are going a million miles an hour under the surface, just trying to make everyone happy 😢
@@Whykickamoocow so that excuses him abandoning his child? He’s an adult, he can get therapy and figure his crap out. THEN he can get family therapy and figure out how to be an active and attentive father to ALL his children, not just one. If I was OP would I start telling the boys to tell their father what they’re saying to her, maybe make it sink in that he’s wrong and needs to pull his head out of his @$$. It’s ok to be shocked. But you deal with the legal stuff, then get therapy to navigate what you feel and what to do next.
Dog at the wedding story? I just can’t with people who don’t have a spine with these ridiculous requests they get on their wedding day. Tell her no, and if she can’t deal with it, she can stay home! Jesus, people.
For freaking real. I don't even know what kind of mind would even demand something like this, when it's a want and not a need. Selfish, entitled, and probably not a good friend in reality.
I adore my dogs, they go most places with me. I am considered to be besotted with them. When my neice got married my friend house and dog sat for me, although it was a small wedding and the reception was at my Uncle's house. I did take him to 1 wedding- at the bride and groom's request and only when we went to pick up people to fetch them home. That's what you do on formal occasions. Maybe Bridezillas are the reactive side to people like OP being bullied by their "friends".
I love animals and kids and I don’t want either at my wedding ceremony. I remember being a ch8ld and sitting through the ceremony. It was boring. Now, the reception would be different. I would allow kids there and have all kinds of fun things- at least 1 bouncy castle, tables with (cheap) Legos, a sweets table, a fun little photo booth, maybe a table with paper, crayons, and colored pencils (and line the walls with paper in case they decide to redecorate the walls), fun stuff both kids AND adults will enjoy. And if the venue would allow it, I would love to have well mannered, well behaved dogs attend the reception, too. Kids in cute outfits playing with dogs in photos sounds great to me! But if the venue doesn’t allow dogs or someone has an allergy to them or I know the dog will be very poorly behaved, then the answer would be no.
The commenter said cheating isn't indicative of whether or not someone is a good parent lol. I guess ruining your (or your partner's) entire family's lives for fun is something good parents do.
Exactly. It's a form of emotional abuse, since it hurts the innocent spouse emotionally when they find out. It can also turn into physical abuse if the cheater hurts them physically by giving them an STI they contracted from their partner(s).
Story one: NTA, since OP is planning on moving out and going no contact with his father and stepmother once he turns 18. And since his father was disowned by his other family and friends. If something were to happen to his dad and step mother, their adopted child may end up back in foster care if they don’t have anyone for them to go to. So it was actually a good idea that the social worker denied the adoption.
Story 2. The DIL can get out. She’s disrespectful to OP because she keeps the home clean, manages the household paperwork, cares for the pets, cooks, and volunteers? Yeesh. If she’s like that to her MIL I’d hate to see what she feels free to say to a stranger
S2, he's getting to be father of the year with daughter at his sons expense. He can't be that good of a father if he doesn't know how to parent all the children
Story #2: NTA!! Beth and my son would have gotten snapped on!! You don't pull up in my house and start talking shit! You can get Caroline Ingalls or Medea! Choose wisely!
1. I get it OP is hurt, but he needs therapy to recover from the traumatic experience. It sounds like it is the stepmom that wants the child, the dad is just going along and is a cheater. How long until he dumps her and the kid.
Story 2: DIL IS jealous. OP did her job: she was a SAHM who raised her children. Having a "lighter load" as a housewife without young children to care for doesn't make her lazy. She fills that time with other endeavors such as self-care and volunteering while still keeping up with the house, paperwork, cooking, etc. She has EARNED the ability to do so after years of hard work and does not deserve to be talked down like she does/has done nothing.
Being a housewife with no kids is easier than the majority of full time jobs. My thing is as long as the couple can afford it and both agree to it then anyone else just needs to learn to deal with it and move on. Obviously this arrangement works well for OP and her husband so their DIL needs to mind her business on this subject.
Yeah, after the kids are grown, SAHP’s semi-retire to house spouses/home makers. It’s kind of like a promotion of sorts. You get more free time to do things you find meaningful (volunteering, for example) while still having “tasks” you do regularly or even daily (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, setting up appointments, etc.) and you have no change in your “pay” (your home and all that). And when the working partner retires, you can do all those things together or divide them up based on who can do what best, then both can enjoy their retirement. It’s like a regular job, you just don’t get paid in money and your work is for the benefit of your family, not a boss or company.
Story 2. Nta it shows how unhappy and insecure the daughter-in-law really is to put another woman down for her choice to raise a family and take care of her home and not chase the corporate ladder
Yep, and OP's old enough to have an adult son who's married. Far as the DIL should be concerned, OP isn't "unemployed" or a "housewife," she's *retired.*
And to the commenter that stated he’d give his left nut to be a stay-at-home husband (since he’d done it in the past and it was the easiest job he ever had), he should check if he even has any nuts after that comment.
Yeah it's none of DILs business how op and her have decided to live their lives. But to be fair, chores really are not that exhausting for two older person. No laundry for every day, no dishes for every day. Paperwork? Yeah that's not everyday work either. House stays cleanier. It's extremely light work when there is no kids anymore. She's active person, not lazy. Dogs, volunteers. But claiming her housework now is tiring is.. a lie tbh. ...but in today's world any woman (or man) who'd set up their life like that, fully financially dependable on their spouse is idiot. Be sahm/sahd when kids are small? Sure. But when they go school, you go work.
99% of the time "house husband's" claim its easy bc their wives still do a bunch of chores. "House wives" usually give their husband the privilege of doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING at home which allows them to become slobs!! I knows this from experience. My husband is a wonderful provider and I'm grateful for that, but I now stay at home and he has NO RESPONSIBILITIES at the house bc I've taken it all on. I fix things, clean up his mess, make him breakfast, lunch and dinner when he's home and pick up after his extra messes that he's no longer aware he creates. Women don't usually make it harder, but men do bc they don't think like we do
99% of the time I find women get the fuck in the way and make what im doing difficult for fun or some shit. Sounds like a YOU problem honey. Majority of dads I know do more than their wives do.
Exactly how much you want to bet that last commenter in story 2 didn’t have the usual chore split of a stay at home spouse and was just spouting nonsense
@@StefenBruhand how many is that? Because every family I know, the mum comes home from work and cooks dinner, does the dishes and laundry. And dad has a beer and maybe walks the dog
@@emilybarclay8831 again, sounds like a YOU problem. All the women I know actively go out of their way to make their men's life harder. Stays at home doing fuckall. Actually that's not true. They spend their mans money
Story 4, while some folks intentionally have dogs in their weddings, typically the bride and grooms dogs, but (less often) sometimes their guests dogs too, its not the norm to bring random dogs to a wedding as a guest unless its a service dog. Period. What a weirdo to be demanding that.
I love my cat and my mom's dog but I certainly would not take them to weddings unless the bride and groom ask for a good reason. You do not do the pet a favor by dragging them somewhere they cannot be off their leash, cannot get pets from everyone, and have to stay away from the food.
Story 1. What op said about herself was NOT the problem. The disowned from the family did. When you look for fosters, you look if they have a supportsystem as family disowned them they mis the much wanted supportsystem. If they cannot say i have x,y,z friends that helps us in case of an imergency. They can not adopt.
Story 1: NTA. Crap people always make for crap parents. OP more than likely saved a poor child's life.. also... The AP is "religious" yet she committed adultery. I am not religious and I know that's a big no no in the bible.😂😂😂
With the third story, you're not in the wrong here, but oh, boy, you and your husband are really in a loose loose situation. He is so desperate by trying to make his life with the daughter. He had no idea even existed. But he's mentally emotionally agglecking the two children that he had before he even Found out about the daughter. This is also one of those situations where you may need to get your boys into Counseling asap Period really? The girl you're boys, and you and your husband need to get into counseling together because less we real here. There's a lot of unresolved emotional issues and I would not be surprised if your husband and his daughter were becoming so emotionally connected that they almost felt like without each other. They can't survive. Lastly your husband is thinking with his emotion not with his logic Period he needs to be spending time with his daughter separately. Your son's separately your son's separately and all three of them together Period. Lastly, you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him. Look, you're doing the very thing to your sons. That your ex needs your daughter period and you need to ask him if you want to go for full custody. Because let's be Real I only believe that his ex only agreed Is real here I only believe that his x only agreed to 50-50 Because she still wants to have some control over his daughter ann over him as well
Story 1: Why bring another child into a home that may be broken up due to infidelity? If OP’s dad cheated once, he can do it again😒 Story 2: I thought that views like the DIL’s died out a long time ago. It’s not OP’s fault that the DIL doesn’t have a partner who can enable her to be a housewife😒 Story 3: Talk to your husband about the whole family going into family counseling. He says this won’t last forever, but in the meantime he’s harming his other children. By the time he gets around to his sons, it may be too late🙁 Story 4: Lisa loves her dog. I get it. However, this is not her wedding and she can’t demand that her dog be on the guest list😠 Story 5: It is fraud. Please do not do this. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Tell the school about this so that they can keep an eye out for her, in case she does something behind your back🤨
Last story. My sister used to work in a school and her boss went to parents houses to make sure kids were allowed to go to school there. She did the background check of the students to see of they were residents of the district. If there were any red flags her boss would investigate. There was a major city next to the district and parents would try to get their kids in. Several kids were expelled each year when they were found out. It's actually sad that kids who lived in poor districts can't get the quality of a rich district but that is how getting an education in my state works. She died in 2006 from cancer.
Its not because they’re poor, it’s because they don’t live in the district. If they can’t afford to live in the district that’s the parents challenge but saying they don’t get an education they prefere simply because of being poor is false
@@dcg590no it's not. If the parents are poor and can't afford to move into a better school district the child goes to a worse school, don't get as good of an education, likely don't get as good a job, and stay poor. Saying the parents just need to move to a better area is the same as saying homeless people just need to get a house.
After hearing all these Reddit stories, I've been thinking. Where did everything go wrong? Where now grown? Adults complain about how this and that isn't fair.
Nobody is teaching their children they aren't shit anymore. Might be gods gift to the parent but they're just a pain in the ass for everyone else. We aren't "raising children". That's a stupid way to think of it and I think that's most people's golden fuck up. They should view it as raising future adults. Functioning members of society. They don't do that. They pander to their kids and don't give them any humility or humble them in anyway.
Story 5, dont get yourself in legal trouble for someone else wanting ty cheat the system. It often doesn't end well. Is their attending the school worth risking criminal charges and possibly effecting your employment and financial stability? No. Its not.
Story 1: if marriage laws aren't important, why is it so necessary to go through all these hoops? A marriage is a legal contract, if someone cheats, that's not *usually* in said marriage vow, it is husband and wife not husband- wife and side piece 🙄 so you broke the law, and you should suffer, severely, or don't get married Story 2: ibwas diagnosed with neurological problems when i was 27 which meant i went through my ENTIRE shool life with no help, cause noone gave a fuck in the 90s. I cant help but think that ASD is overdiagnosed - like every 2nd kid has a learning disorder because they're easily distracted 😂 cmon seriously,they're kids, kids will happily stand infront of the tv as if people can see through them, why, because they dont have the cognitive ability to understand different- unless we as a parent teach them better 🤷♀️ i have an 11 year old, the poor kid has a mother who has non ASD neurological disorder, so she has a low quality of growth because sometimes i struggle with cognitive and reasoning myself- im now 35. She got doagnosed with ASD at 3 ffs, 3! most of her abilities havent formed yet, she had ALOT of learning to do, yet some cereal box paediatrician told me she has ASD because she lined up plastic animals around the edge of a table in groups (coes with cows- pigs with pigs ect) and they all faced the centre of the table 🤨 children learn from their surroundings, and if youre a bad parent, yourbkids will learn bad habits, i did my best, and i got my daughter unfairly diagnosed... excuse her for having a different personality from you or your kid 😡 just because we're different doesnt mean you can lable us 😡 i think its HIGHLY offensive to those who actually are autistic for those who may assume i dont think its a real disorder 🤷♀️ it is, but as someone who has been diagnosed with something other than ASD, i think im well within my rights to have an opinion on my and my childs life
With the fourth story, you're not in the wrong way, and you have a legitimate and to some degree. Legal reason for why you don't want the dog. At your wedding. Let's be real here Your friend has major attachment issues to the dog. And if sheen leaves that dog at home for a few hours, it would make the dog and her mind saying what she's abandoning it in the mental and emotional sense period. My advice is simple distance yourself from the friend give her the choice on whether or not she wants to come to the wedding, but let it be known that the dog cannot come period you are not in the wrong key, but get ready, she's not gonna let this go, and you may end up losing a friend.
And inform the venue security so they can stop friend and pooch because I bet she’ll try to bring him regardless as whether she says she’ll come or not. She likely wants to use her dog to be the center of attention or if she gets to bring her dog, others would want to, and she wants to push OP to change venues to somewhere pet friendly
That “one child doesn’t change our minds” is 100% wrong. Foster care will always refuse to place a child in a home where even just one of the children already there disagrees with it. The kid is already traumatized by whatever led to them being in state care, living with hostility isn’t going to be good for them. Maybe privatized foster care would allow it, they always have incredibly high abuse rates so I doubt privatized foster care systems care where they place a child.
No, while the OP's feelings are valid, she needs to be more reasonable. As an adult, we should be able to assess the situation from an external perspective, noting that the husband and long lost daughter are going through a lot. Yes, the issue she has is serious, risking the future relationship her kids have with their Dad, grand parents and new sister. The paternal family are playing catch up, but also coddling a clearly damaged young girl, whose own mother probably didnt love her. The answer to the OP is to be an adult and "don't make this into a thing". instead, the GROWN UPS should get together alone and put together a plan which ensures the emotional stability of all parties; kids and parents. OP is stirring up trouble due to her oversensitivity, making this issue a fight rather than an obsticle to overcome together. 10:56
Story #1: caveat, as long as the parents are of the same ethnicity as the child they want to adopt. Otherwise, a lot of roadblocks thrown up/enormous amounts of money spent to get that adoption over the goal line. Source: I worked for a state CPS agency for 14+ years (admin) and saw my brother go through the adoption process with his Puerto Rican wife and my now Black niece.
@@alexismyers6053 Sorry. Writing, "my Black foster niece" didn't read right, which is why I wrote it the other way. I only emphasized her ethnicity because I wanted to point out that a lot of agencies would rather not have mixed couples do adoptions of children from another race if possible. They would rather have a sameness when it comes to adoptions.
Last story: I knew do many kids in my high school they did this, I don’t think schools have swat teams checking and people aren’t paying attention that much 😂
Story 4: I dont understand how this whole conversation doesn’t just end after “the venue doesn’t allow animals”. Like if Op’s “friend” argues after that then shes a huge a**hole. NTA Op, your wedding, your choice.
OP told the truth, and one bad interview only ruins the whole adoption in movies & TV shows. Several bad interviews, signs of unstablity (total lack of both family & friend networks), and other issues do. In some areas, going straight to adoption, or adoption only, is harder if you don't foster first. OP is NTA.
... What is that commenter even talking about? No one was arguing that being a stay at home wife was harder than having a career. It doesn't matter which one is harder, it doesn't give DIL the right to throw jabs at OP
Housewife does volunteer work which depending on how many hours she undertakes can easily add up to part time or full-time hours. She is also saving her household a lot of money by doing home cooked meals.
The correct term is Domestic Engineer. Years ago when men were at the height of the little woman movement, they did a study to find out just how much work and how it would be classified for employment purposes. And the agreed term is Domestic Engineer. When my ex and I sat down to do our insurance the level of his insurance was 80k. Mine was over 300k because of cooking and cleaning and child care. It does have a definable value.
I wouldn’t give a child to a couple who cheats and breaks up homes. The stress of that happening to the new baby isn’t worth placing a new child into a home like that. Be mad if you want.
Dad making up for lost time with previously unknown Daughter-OP, this needs to stop ASAP, or he will firmly establish the family dynamic that SHE deserves everything from him, and both she and the boys will feel jealous when the other kid/s are getting anything. Yank the rug out from under him- you take the boys to your parents house and tell hubby: this is destroying the boys, so we are going to my parent's house and give you time to work our your issues. I'm not going to let them feel cheated and become jealous, because you won't spend time with them. I'm going to get them used to you not being in their lives, because that is EXACTLY where you're headed. Screw you! YOU need to ascertain your priorities and determine how much you like living without us.
Story 2, i nearly chocked on my coffee thanks to the last commenter Wedding story. Dogs do go to wedding if they are service dogs or emotional support digs, But i agree, people have gotten too dog crazy in recent years
Actually, emotional support animals only have housing protections. They do not have public access rights. Only service dogs that are task trained to aid their disabled handler can be in non pet friendly places because their training classifies them as medical equipment
If it's not parents who want to bring their precious angels to a child-free wedding, it's pet parents. Sigh. People are so dang entitled. And venues can shut down a wedding when they spot a dog running around. Good luck with that.
The last commenter on the first story is wild. It’s always crazy to me when people think “oh you were a bad dad to your first kid but you could have been great with another!” Uhm no having a baby doesn’t make you a better person, having a second change offered doesn’t mean you do better. Why risk a child with a family that has already failed in parenting instead of giving that child to a home that is succeeding in raising happy, healthy, well adjusted kids, or a couple who has done the work to prove they will put everything into their children.
Last Story: Yes, it’s technically fraud but I understand why the mother asked. I had so many friends that didn’t live in my school district that used family members’ or family friends’ addresses. It wasn’t even an amazing school, it was just in a slightly better area and had academic after school programs. But that alone was enough for parents to risk it. They know that their children won’t be neglected by the school system while still living within their means. Totally understandable. In my opinion, NAH. She’s not a bad mom for wanting better for her kids and OP isn’t a bad person for saying they aren’t comfortable with lying.
My dogs will attend my wedding, but it will be held in my private backyard or a venue that specifically allows dogs .... For every other wedding: either I need to stay home (no sitter available) or find a sitter
Being a stay at home wife is a full time job, if you don't have a rich husband or vice versa stay at home husband. What is this bull about two hours?!? If you have children you get up, make your husband and children breakfast, depending on their age make them lunch, drive them to school, come home clean dishes, do the laundry, take care of the animals, make lunch for yourself, vacuum, dust take the trash out, put laundry away, do the grocery shopping which for some is every day, pick up kids, change them into their play clothes, do homework have them go out and play while you cook, have them all eat, clean up the dishes and messes around the house your kids and husband made out the kids to bed then start all over again the next day.. my mom was staying at home and she worked her fingers to the bone so anyone that thinks it's not as hard as a job can put it where the sun don't shine. We've had dishwashers but don't use them. There are many conveniences in today's world but not all people have them or use them.
S1: NTA… you were asked questions and you simply answered them, and their history with you shows that these are not the type of people to put children first. the last comment acting like you should have lied to help the woman who aided in blowing up your home life with seemingly no remorse is ludicrous. there were probably other red flags too beyond just your interview but the fact your dad has no other family or friend support probably says a lot too. sometimes karma really does give people what they deserve.
As someone who doesn't want to have children and you has no intrest in being a homemaker...it is work. And even if this dil thinks otherwise, just stfo, it's none of her business how others live their lives.
Let's see a SAHM cooks ( cooks gets paid) balance the account for the household (accountants/auditors gets paid) looks after the children (nannies/babysitters gets paid) wash/fold/ or even iron/press the clothes, mend what needs to inc stitching etc.. (laundromat workers gets paid).. clean the bathroom/bedroom, living room etc (maids/housekeepers gets paid) BUT How about we take the kids out of the equation and someone is doing all that (minus the kids) They aren't tired coz, they what.... can automatically do it all within 20 mins?! I was a housewife and then a SAHM and now I'm a Business owner, and I'd still say that, it is wayyy friggin easier than being a full time housewife/SAHM Mind you, I had to do 95% of all chores and house works when I was a housewife/SAHM , 3 kids
Story 1 - Wow, the last commenter blaming OP is an absolute idiot. "Cheating is not indicative of how good of parent's they are going to be." Actually Karen, that's EXACTLY what it means. I've never met a cheater who was willing to DESTROY their entire family for sexual gratification who wasn't a terrible person. You dont get to tell OP how long he feels resenment towards his father, who CHEATED on his dying mother. I love how people do evil stuff, and they love to preach that everyone needs to forgive them.
The 4th story, Lisa seems very self involved. I am guessing she's one of those dog lovers who thinks of their dog as a person, a human being. OP says that the venue doesn't allow pets and there may be people attending who are allergic or feel uncomfortable around dogs. It's like Lisa doesn't care about any of that because her dog is her family, I get it, my cats are my family too and I love them to death but I wouldn't take them to a wedding or any event. And if Lisa refuses to come because she can't bring her dog then, yeah, that's on her and she is a terrible friend. I hope OP and her partner have a lovely wedding and live happily ever after. OP is NTA.
Story 1: NTA. Op was asked a question and answered it. Also, a lot of people who “religious” are hypocrites. Very few have true faith when you think about it. Op didn’t prevent them from having a kid. The social workers did. Story 2: NTA. It’s not about jealousy really. Beth looks down on op for being a housewife. But op has a son problem because I know this had to have been a conversation more than once. If Beth feels like she can disrespect her MIL in her own home, then it’s because her husband isn’t stopping her. Story 3: NTA. He’s been doing this to the point where his sons are actively saying things about it. It will get to the point where they will act out if it continues to go on, no matter how “temporary” husband says it will be. He needs to be forced to face this. And by that, make him go up to them and look them in the eyes to see how it hurts them every time he stops doing the things that he would with them. He needs to learn balance. Story 4: NTA. I love dogs. But my dog can’t be everywhere just because I want him to. Friend needs to suck it up or kick rocks. Story 5: NAH. I get why Leah wanted to send her kids to that school even if her kids are doing well where they’re at. And this was my situation when I was a teen. I also get op just trying to help Jane and her kid by having them move in. And not wanting nosey neighbors to start snooping around and get them all in trouble.
S1 Judgement: NTA Reason: He was honest. -- Honestly, I disagree with the ESH. It wasn't Op that prevented them from getting a baby, it was likely something that their SW saw either in Dad's wife, or in dad himself that they were already iffy about, and Op was the final nail in the coffin. To me, it sounds that the SW suspected something beneath the facade that OP's dad and the AP was presenting, and Op confirmed their suspicions. When the SW asked OP about his involvement, I'm sure that Dad and AP said: "OP is always willing to help! He's gonna be such a great big brother!" and when OP said: "I'm leaving in two years and have no intention of helping my father or his wife with any child she bears or adopts." -- I'm sure that they were shocked but I'm also sure that it confirmed a lot of things for them. OP's father ruined his son's home because he couldn't keep it in his pants, and OP had no interest in keeping in contact with them or with the child that they might adopt due to irreconcilable differences. This speaks volumes to a social worker. The home that Dad and AP tried to sell is one of love and peace, but OP ripped the band aid off and showed it for what it really is: chaotic and dysfunctional. No SW worth their salt, if they gave an actual hoot about the kid, would place them in an environment like that! -- OP was asked questions, and he answered them honestly. My spiteful ass would have said: "If she's this upset, then maybe she should have thought about her future before shacking it up with a married man. Though I can't fully blame her. Hindsight is 20/20, don't you think? Maybe, in her next life, she'll think twice!" ____________________________________________________ S2 Judgement: NTA Reason: Beth was incredibly rude and was warned that if she made another comment similar, she would be removed. -- She is a homemaker. Beth is rude and uninformed. -- She took care of children, does chores around the house, and all of the menial tasks that her husband shouldn't have to do because he is working (unless she asks for help, or he offers). I would tell my son: "I do not appreciate the way that she spoke to me, and I will not tolerate it in my own home. Perhaps it was too presumptuous of me to assume that the man who I bore and raised, would at least give me credit where credit is due. *Sigh* Such is life I suppose." ____________________________________________________ S3 Judgement: NTA Reason: He is actively neglecting his sons' emotional needs and wants. He's literally shoved his sons' to the backseat. -- OP, do not apologize for taking him to task. This man is seriously dropping the ball with his sons in order to give his all to his daughter. This isn't fair for your sons, and he needs to know that! -- "What about our sons? You are neglecting their emotional needs; you are dropping the ball when it comes to our sons and giving to all to your daughter! I understand that she won't be like this for long, and that you are making up for lost time, but you are actively hurting our sons! LO 1 broke down last weekend because you do everything with their sister and you don't do anything with him or his brother anymore! Our son is CRYING for you, and you don't care! If you did, you'd do more for them! you are neglecting your children's emotional needs and overcompensating with DD! Please, explain to me how this is fair, and how our sons won't come to resent their sister because of the actions YOU chose to take." -- I agree with the first and third comments. He needs to be caring a healthy amount of time out for both of his children and right now, he's taking from one to give to the other. The longer this goes on, the more resentment builds and breeds. By the time these boys are eighteen, if nothing is done, they will hate their father and loathe their sister when it really isn't her fault. ____________________________________________________ S4 Judgement: NTA Reason: You gave a valid reason, the venue said no. -- What is inconsiderate is trying to shoehorn your dog into a gathering that is not puppy friendly. If he was a service dog, then I am sure that accommodations could be made but it sounds like he's just a regular dog. So, the answer is no. If this is the hill that she wants to die on, then let her. ____________________________________________________ S5 Judgement: NTA Reason: I had an IEP growing up. -- James is autistic, likely has an IEP, and his needs are being severely neglected due to underfunding and/or budget cuts. This is something that is not his fault (on both fronts) and should be addressed before he becomes a bit too difficult to manage. I applaud OP for taking that initiative, and for being there for her nibling. -- While it is unfair that Leah's children have to remain in the school, if she wants to get her kids into a better district, then she and her husband need to move! Take up a few extra shifts, or a second job! Leah sounds jealous and while that's understandable, what's unreasonable is expecting your sibling to commit fraud just so your child as a better opportunity.
YTA for attacking your husband for trying to be there for his daughter. You absolutely should say something in a respectful manner. There is always going to be a change though because he literally has to find a balance. A calm & respectful & open conversation is required without judgement & empathy for the fact he is clearly struggling and hasn't found a good solution.
found out you have a daughter... and wife cut him some slack? but it is not the wife he needs to ask that of. it is his sons. it is ok to want to do things with others. but you can't rob "PETER" to pay Paul. he needs to find his middle ground. have him ask his daughter how he can make her happy without harming the younger sons.
Story 1 - NTA I think the SW took into account that amount of anger and resentment OP had about the cheating and marrying the AP so long after the fact more than what specifically was said. It showed that neither parent did what they should have to help OP heal. It probably doesn't look good that they have no extended family network, with dad being disowned by everyone. Plus, "the man who leaves his wife to marry you merely creates a job opening". Maybe the SW doesn't want to place a child into another potential broken home. Story 2 - NTA OP has the right to not be continually attacked, especially in her own home. DIL needs to get over herself. OP needs to have a stern talk with her son too, to allow his wife to treat his mother like that. Story 3 - NTA OP's husband is overcompensating for losing time with his daughter. If he's not careful, he'll have three kids who all think he abandoned them, instead of just the one, and his younger two will greatly resent their half sister. He needs to work on blending the family, not try to replace time he cannot get back. Story 4 - NTA FFS, I hate people like OP's friend. The day is to celebrate OP's wedding, at a venue that doesn't allow dogs. It's not about the friend and her inability to go without her pet. If I were OP, the instant she said she won't come without her dog, I'd say "I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you" and repeat that every time she tried to guilt me to change my mind. Story 5 - NTA Life isn't fair, and it isn't right to ask OP to commit fraud. Like that one commenter said, I can see her doing it anyway, without OP's knowledge.
Last story, if your kids have good grades alot of schools will let them attend. In my county they even have buses pick up gets from different school zones. Look into that.
S2: NTA. Your DIL sounds like a disrespectful AH and and your son really should be talking to his wife about her attitude, not being mad at you that you’re no longer willing to take his wife’s abuse anymore.
With the first story, you're not in the wrong here. However, you do need to prepare yourself. Because this is a man this won't retaliate with you with no problem whatsoever period think about it, hes all you got, and he will basically throw you out the moment you turn 18 period so get ready, cause hes gonna make sure to make your life a living hell since you couldn't accept his new world.
Kinda say yta for the schooling story as my mom did that for us (used our great great grandmas address with her permission until she moved closer to the district) because shocker family wants to make sure family can have good schooling for their kids and literally no school is gonna go out of their way to investigate if the address is really yours they just drop the kid off there and leave and pick ‘em up there if they ride the bus in the morning. Double yta is she intends to drive them there and just use her address so they can go there imo Edit I live in a small town so maybe they’d why they didn’t check but idk the farthest they went with my siblings and I was ask “what’s your address” we said our grandmas and they ended it there
Story 3 here's the future for OPs husband one day and soon the boys will say we hate daddy and sister because they feel abandoned and will blame her so hope he's ready for that.
Story 1 NTA. That lost comment sounds like a cheater. OP don't feel bad for that awful woman. She didn't give two shits about your mom, you, or her partner at the time. Don't give two shits about her shitty self pitty feelings.
Yeah that's what I thought. Someone who breaks up a home and then tries to force parenthood on a child where it isn't wanted has already shown they aren't a good parent. Though I also agree that the rejection had more to it than OP's story.
@@TJDious yes, I agree as well. Seems the social worker based it on something else and they just decided to blame Ops honesty. Because how they already showed, are very selfish and blame everyone else for their outcomes.
Bruh, I almost choked on my skittles when OP said that the home wrecker was religious. So, her religion says it’s cool to sleep with married men? Ok, Jan. 😂😂
@@momo382844 lmbo, right!? Like wth.
@@momo382844 Sanctimonious finger wavers like that aren't "religious." They wear religion as a mask to justify inexcusable behavior.
"cheating isn't abuse"
Oh yes it is. When did emotional and mental abuse not count as abuse anymore???
Agree and only cheaters are fine with cheating
You can never say that a mistress is religious in the same sentence.
😂😂😂😂😂 She is one of those religious hypocrites that even Jesus hated yet we know Jesus loves everyone.
There are all sorts of religions, so I don't think your statement is true.
@@eywine.7762 so you’re saying you can break up home ,sleep with a married man or woman and be religious wow
@@Simths7505 No, I'm saying being "religious" doesn't necessarily mean being Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu or any other recognized religion. You could be atheist and be "religious" about it. You could even make up your own 'religion" for that matter.
That’s true I’ll sorry I didn’t look at that way (sorry)
Story #1
If stepmom is religious/Christian, you can go for the jugular and remind her that God took David's first child with Bathsheba for their adultery (and Uriah's death) and he was a man after His own heart. Allow her to put the pieces together about her infertility.
Bruh. THIS. 💯. That is how you go at the person that was with a married person and claims to be religious. Yes, Christians aren't perfect but that doesn't mean go something like be a married person and dare to expect everyone to just be fine with it.
Thou Shalt not commit adultery. Is one of the 10 commandments! (If she is christian but I don't know what religion is ok with adultery)
Mean, just mean. 😮😊
Story #1
NTA. All OP did was answer an interviewer's questions honestly. All of OP's hatred for his sperm donor and step-mistress is deserved and justified. I hope those two never see OP again after he turns 18, and I hope they never have other children.
Soooo screw the poor children who need to be adopted?
@@jimdob6528what makes you think to cheaters would give a proper home to a child
@@jimdob6528considering dear ol' Dad cheated, it's pretty likely that itch is gonna come back, and then the cycle continues. Why put another kid in that mess?
@@jimdob6528an already chaotic childs life doesn't need to continue once Dad cheats again and leaves.
The adoption was likely scuppered by the knowledge that there was no extended family support available. OP didn't mention the wife's, but if neither of them had family, well.
Story 1. Nta oh I think it's so funny that she's so religious and believes that Op's mom is cursing her from the grave but she's not too religious to cheat on her boyfriend with his married best friend.
Oh the hypocrisy
Yeah. This is the sort of person who's "religious" only to make flimsy excuses for how nothing is their fault.
IKR!! When I heard that I was like where was this religious fear when she was fucking her boyfriends married best friend 😂😂
Bruh. I almost choked on my skittles when I heard that! 🤣🤣
@@brigidtheirishshe is religious so she must be a good person because she goes to a building to pray one day of the week
@@clarabp2613I know you're being sarcastic, but even so people can be "religious" without belonging to any recognized religion. Just a thought.
OP2: That commenter going on about housewives/husbands dont do real work. Must be nice to have gotten to sit around wothout worrying about money when you got laid off. Ass.
Oh, yeah. He's a miracle worker too. He cleans house, pays bills, runs errands, grocery shops, does laundry, sets appointments, and cooks dinner in two hours a day.
@@bethanyanne2185it can be done, if you live in a really small house by yourself. 😂
RE: MIL doesn't work
My wife worked full time before our children were born, and when we had number 2, she decided to stay home in their formative years so as not to have Day Care raise them.
When they were starting school, she said to me, "FINALLY, I can go back to work." then she added, "Do you wanna' know WHY Mothers work? Because it's less work, that's why."
Story 1: NTA, something tells me parents tried to push that they can provide a loving home and OP would be an involved big brother, bet the interviewer caught them in a lie not to mention finding out about the affair which means they could worry about the home not being stable in case the father cheats again. Still, if you get fucked over just by someone telling the truth, you probably deserve it.
The way the interviewer responded I'm betting the dad and stepmom tried to pass OP off as stepmom's bio kid. When OP corrected the mistake and the whole truth came out .... well, you know what they say about karma.
As the saying goes, if something can be destroyed by the truth, it probably should be.
First story I'm going with NTA. I don't think OP did/said anything wrong. I'm betting the adoption worker looked into if something should happen to the "parents" would there be support for the child. Op said dad was disowned by his family and OP is walking as soon as he can.
Considering how badly the wife wanted a kid, they might looked unhinged to them throw in op who will leave and a family that wants nothing to do with the dad and the situation is not suitable.
The way I see it, any kid with a decent upbringing was told to never lie to the authorities. Social workers fit under that criteria. I also agree with some of the commenters who said that they likely got rejected for reasons besides what OP told them.
The father with the 9 year old daughter needs to integrate her properly into the family, not spend time away as a twosome, or she will never experience a 'whole family' scene.
Funny how often people try to make up for abandon time with 1 child by abandoning the other children.
@@paulinadeboer3604and thinking that they’re too young to notice but they aren’t dumb.
@@lorilancaster5917 exactly
I've had a brief fling contact me after 15 years. I can honestly tell you it's a total shock. I'm not saying the father is doing the right thing but cut the guy some slack. His whole reality just got turned upside down and it sounds like he's doing all he can, to be the best dad to all of his children. She said, he never gets angry. I bet he's going like a duck on a pond, trying to keep calm on top, but his legs (his mind) are going a million miles an hour under the surface, just trying to make everyone happy 😢
@@Whykickamoocow so that excuses him abandoning his child? He’s an adult, he can get therapy and figure his crap out. THEN he can get family therapy and figure out how to be an active and attentive father to ALL his children, not just one. If I was OP would I start telling the boys to tell their father what they’re saying to her, maybe make it sink in that he’s wrong and needs to pull his head out of his @$$. It’s ok to be shocked. But you deal with the legal stuff, then get therapy to navigate what you feel and what to do next.
Dog at the wedding story? I just can’t with people who don’t have a spine with these ridiculous requests they get on their wedding day. Tell her no, and if she can’t deal with it, she can stay home! Jesus, people.
For freaking real. I don't even know what kind of mind would even demand something like this, when it's a want and not a need. Selfish, entitled, and probably not a good friend in reality.
I adore my dogs, they go most places with me. I am considered to be besotted with them. When my neice got married my friend house and dog sat for me, although it was a small wedding and the reception was at my Uncle's house. I did take him to 1 wedding- at the bride and groom's request and only when we went to pick up people to fetch them home. That's what you do on formal occasions. Maybe Bridezillas are the reactive side to people like OP being bullied by their "friends".
Why isn't the dog a bridesmaid?
I love animals and kids and I don’t want either at my wedding ceremony. I remember being a ch8ld and sitting through the ceremony. It was boring. Now, the reception would be different. I would allow kids there and have all kinds of fun things- at least 1 bouncy castle, tables with (cheap) Legos, a sweets table, a fun little photo booth, maybe a table with paper, crayons, and colored pencils (and line the walls with paper in case they decide to redecorate the walls), fun stuff both kids AND adults will enjoy. And if the venue would allow it, I would love to have well mannered, well behaved dogs attend the reception, too. Kids in cute outfits playing with dogs in photos sounds great to me! But if the venue doesn’t allow dogs or someone has an allergy to them or I know the dog will be very poorly behaved, then the answer would be no.
Story 1: OP is not the A-hole. Dad and new wife are huge A-holes.
The commenter said cheating isn't indicative of whether or not someone is a good parent lol.
I guess ruining your (or your partner's) entire family's lives for fun is something good parents do.
I have a high suspicion that the commenter is a cheater...IDK why.😂
Nta - how isnt cheating abuse?
Exactly. It's a form of emotional abuse, since it hurts the innocent spouse emotionally when they find out. It can also turn into physical abuse if the cheater hurts them physically by giving them an STI they contracted from their partner(s).
It is abuse. I read somewhere that 85% if people who are cheated on get PTSD from the betrayal. That can take decades to recover from.
Only cheaters say that it's not abuse
That commenter must be the president of Adulterers & Cheaters United.
The ESH in story is disgusting 🤮, probably another cheater… Seriously trying to imply that OP should’ve lied to please those home wreckers 😂
Story one: NTA, since OP is planning on moving out and going no contact with his father and stepmother once he turns 18. And since his father was disowned by his other family and friends. If something were to happen to his dad and step mother, their adopted child may end up back in foster care if they don’t have anyone for them to go to. So it was actually a good idea that the social worker denied the adoption.
Step mom probably showed some red flags on her own. If an applicant acts too needy that’s a red flag
Story 2. The DIL can get out. She’s disrespectful to OP because she keeps the home clean, manages the household paperwork, cares for the pets, cooks, and volunteers? Yeesh. If she’s like that to her MIL I’d hate to see what she feels free to say to a stranger
S2, he's getting to be father of the year with daughter at his sons expense. He can't be that good of a father if he doesn't know how to parent all the children
Story #2: NTA!! Beth and my son would have gotten snapped on!! You don't pull up in my house and start talking shit! You can get Caroline Ingalls or Medea! Choose wisely!
Ikr. It just shows what a low-class hypocritical feminist she really is
1. I get it OP is hurt, but he needs therapy to recover from the traumatic experience. It sounds like it is the stepmom that wants the child, the dad is just going along and is a cheater. How long until he dumps her and the kid.
Lol story 1: cheating absolutely IS abuse. So..
Story 2: DIL IS jealous. OP did her job: she was a SAHM who raised her children. Having a "lighter load" as a housewife without young children to care for doesn't make her lazy. She fills that time with other endeavors such as self-care and volunteering while still keeping up with the house, paperwork, cooking, etc. She has EARNED the ability to do so after years of hard work and does not deserve to be talked down like she does/has done nothing.
I hope the commenter loses his left nut.
Being a housewife with no kids is easier than the majority of full time jobs. My thing is as long as the couple can afford it and both agree to it then anyone else just needs to learn to deal with it and move on. Obviously this arrangement works well for OP and her husband so their DIL needs to mind her business on this subject.
Yeah the last comment mist the word voluntair. Nah
I don’t think DIL is jealous but is a negative stereotypical SJW and wants to use OP as some sort of soundboard for why she has her beliefs
Yeah, after the kids are grown, SAHP’s semi-retire to house spouses/home makers. It’s kind of like a promotion of sorts. You get more free time to do things you find meaningful (volunteering, for example) while still having “tasks” you do regularly or even daily (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, setting up appointments, etc.) and you have no change in your “pay” (your home and all that). And when the working partner retires, you can do all those things together or divide them up based on who can do what best, then both can enjoy their retirement. It’s like a regular job, you just don’t get paid in money and your work is for the benefit of your family, not a boss or company.
Story 2. Nta it shows how unhappy and insecure the daughter-in-law really is to put another woman down for her choice to raise a family and take care of her home and not chase the corporate ladder
Yep, and OP's old enough to have an adult son who's married. Far as the DIL should be concerned, OP isn't "unemployed" or a "housewife," she's *retired.*
@@brigidtheirishAnd she doesn't even just lounge around all day. She actually mentioned volunteering, so she works, but without pay.
@@akl2k7 Which is a fantastic use of one's time, I might add.
And to the commenter that stated he’d give his left nut to be a stay-at-home husband (since he’d done it in the past and it was the easiest job he ever had), he should check if he even has any nuts after that comment.
Yeah it's none of DILs business how op and her have decided to live their lives. But to be fair, chores really are not that exhausting for two older person. No laundry for every day, no dishes for every day. Paperwork? Yeah that's not everyday work either. House stays cleanier. It's extremely light work when there is no kids anymore.
She's active person, not lazy. Dogs, volunteers.
But claiming her housework now is tiring is.. a lie tbh.
...but in today's world any woman (or man) who'd set up their life like that, fully financially dependable on their spouse is idiot. Be sahm/sahd when kids are small? Sure. But when they go school, you go work.
99% of the time "house husband's" claim its easy bc their wives still do a bunch of chores. "House wives" usually give their husband the privilege of doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING at home which allows them to become slobs!! I knows this from experience. My husband is a wonderful provider and I'm grateful for that, but I now stay at home and he has NO RESPONSIBILITIES at the house bc I've taken it all on. I fix things, clean up his mess, make him breakfast, lunch and dinner when he's home and pick up after his extra messes that he's no longer aware he creates. Women don't usually make it harder, but men do bc they don't think like we do
99% of the time I find women get the fuck in the way and make what im doing difficult for fun or some shit. Sounds like a YOU problem honey. Majority of dads I know do more than their wives do.
Exactly how much you want to bet that last commenter in story 2 didn’t have the usual chore split of a stay at home spouse and was just spouting nonsense
@@StefenBruhand how many is that? Because every family I know, the mum comes home from work and cooks dinner, does the dishes and laundry. And dad has a beer and maybe walks the dog
@@emilybarclay8831 again, sounds like a YOU problem. All the women I know actively go out of their way to make their men's life harder. Stays at home doing fuckall. Actually that's not true. They spend their mans money
Story 4, while some folks intentionally have dogs in their weddings, typically the bride and grooms dogs, but (less often) sometimes their guests dogs too, its not the norm to bring random dogs to a wedding as a guest unless its a service dog. Period. What a weirdo to be demanding that.
I love my cat and my mom's dog but I certainly would not take them to weddings unless the bride and groom ask for a good reason. You do not do the pet a favor by dragging them somewhere they cannot be off their leash, cannot get pets from everyone, and have to stay away from the food.
Story 1. What op said about herself was NOT the problem. The disowned from the family did. When you look for fosters, you look if they have a supportsystem as family disowned them they mis the much wanted supportsystem. If they cannot say i have x,y,z friends that helps us in case of an imergency. They can not adopt.
Story 1: NTA.
Crap people always make for crap parents. OP more than likely saved a poor child's life.. also... The AP is "religious" yet she committed adultery. I am not religious and I know that's a big no no in the bible.😂😂😂
OP4: Ah a pet moron. Flush her. Someone who can't leave a dog alone for a day is an irresponsible pet owner.
Right? Does this woman not work? I know work at home jobs are a thing, but most jobs aren't that way.
Bro did that one comment really say cheating has no indication of being a bad parent lol
With the third story, you're not in the wrong here, but oh, boy, you and your husband are really in a loose loose situation. He is so desperate by trying to make his life with the daughter. He had no idea even existed. But he's mentally emotionally agglecking the two children that he had before he even Found out about the daughter. This is also one of those situations where you may need to get your boys into Counseling asap Period really? The girl you're boys, and you and your husband need to get into counseling together because less we real here. There's a lot of unresolved emotional issues and I would not be surprised if your husband and his daughter were becoming so emotionally connected that they almost felt like without each other. They can't survive. Lastly your husband is thinking with his emotion not with his logic Period he needs to be spending time with his daughter separately. Your son's separately your son's separately and all three of them together Period. Lastly, you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him. Look, you're doing the very thing to your sons. That your ex needs your daughter period and you need to ask him if you want to go for full custody. Because let's be Real I only believe that his ex only agreed Is real here I only believe that his x only agreed to 50-50 Because she still wants to have some control over his daughter ann over him as well
Story 1: Why bring another child into a home that may be broken up due to infidelity? If OP’s dad cheated once, he can do it again😒
Story 2: I thought that views like the DIL’s died out a long time ago. It’s not OP’s fault that the DIL doesn’t have a partner who can enable her to be a housewife😒
Story 3: Talk to your husband about the whole family going into family counseling. He says this won’t last forever, but in the meantime he’s harming his other children. By the time he gets around to his sons, it may be too late🙁
Story 4: Lisa loves her dog. I get it. However, this is not her wedding and she can’t demand that her dog be on the guest list😠
Story 5: It is fraud. Please do not do this. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Tell the school about this so that they can keep an eye out for her, in case she does something behind your back🤨
Last story. My sister used to work in a school and her boss went to parents houses to make sure kids were allowed to go to school there. She did the background check of the students to see of they were residents of the district. If there were any red flags her boss would investigate. There was a major city next to the district and parents would try to get their kids in. Several kids were expelled each year when they were found out. It's actually sad that kids who lived in poor districts can't get the quality of a rich district but that is how getting an education in my state works. She died in 2006 from cancer.
Its not because they’re poor, it’s because they don’t live in the district. If they can’t afford to live in the district that’s the parents challenge but saying they don’t get an education they prefere simply because of being poor is false
@@dcg590no it's not. If the parents are poor and can't afford to move into a better school district the child goes to a worse school, don't get as good of an education, likely don't get as good a job, and stay poor. Saying the parents just need to move to a better area is the same as saying homeless people just need to get a house.
@@dcg590it’s because they’re poor, America punishes people for being poor
She spent her career making sure poor kids couldn’t attend a good school district then died of cancer? I guess karma is real 😂😂
Depends on the jurisdiction. In my home of New York adultery is a misdemeanor
Yay I’ve been waiting all day for the xo stories upload :)
OP is right to be both worried and annoyed. He's making up for lost time with his daughter by creating lost time and hurt for his sons.
She's not religious. She's a hypocrite
After hearing all these Reddit stories, I've been thinking. Where did everything go wrong? Where now grown? Adults complain about how this and that isn't fair.
Nobody is teaching their children they aren't shit anymore. Might be gods gift to the parent but they're just a pain in the ass for everyone else. We aren't "raising children". That's a stupid way to think of it and I think that's most people's golden fuck up. They should view it as raising future adults. Functioning members of society. They don't do that. They pander to their kids and don't give them any humility or humble them in anyway.
@@StefenBruh facts
Story 5, dont get yourself in legal trouble for someone else wanting ty cheat the system. It often doesn't end well. Is their attending the school worth risking criminal charges and possibly effecting your employment and financial stability? No. Its not.
I definitely recommend she lets the schools know because I’m sure she’ll still try this even without OPs consent
Story 1: There are only very limited circumstances where telling the truth is wrong. This was not one of those circumstances
Story 1: if marriage laws aren't important, why is it so necessary to go through all these hoops? A marriage is a legal contract, if someone cheats, that's not *usually* in said marriage vow, it is husband and wife not husband- wife and side piece 🙄 so you broke the law, and you should suffer, severely, or don't get married
Story 2: ibwas diagnosed with neurological problems when i was 27 which meant i went through my ENTIRE shool life with no help, cause noone gave a fuck in the 90s. I cant help but think that ASD is overdiagnosed - like every 2nd kid has a learning disorder because they're easily distracted 😂 cmon seriously,they're kids, kids will happily stand infront of the tv as if people can see through them, why, because they dont have the cognitive ability to understand different- unless we as a parent teach them better 🤷♀️ i have an 11 year old, the poor kid has a mother who has non ASD neurological disorder, so she has a low quality of growth because sometimes i struggle with cognitive and reasoning myself- im now 35. She got doagnosed with ASD at 3 ffs, 3! most of her abilities havent formed yet, she had ALOT of learning to do, yet some cereal box paediatrician told me she has ASD because she lined up plastic animals around the edge of a table in groups (coes with cows- pigs with pigs ect) and they all faced the centre of the table 🤨 children learn from their surroundings, and if youre a bad parent, yourbkids will learn bad habits, i did my best, and i got my daughter unfairly diagnosed... excuse her for having a different personality from you or your kid 😡 just because we're different doesnt mean you can lable us 😡 i think its HIGHLY offensive to those who actually are autistic for those who may assume i dont think its a real disorder 🤷♀️ it is, but as someone who has been diagnosed with something other than ASD, i think im well within my rights to have an opinion on my and my childs life
With the fourth story, you're not in the wrong way, and you have a legitimate and to some degree. Legal reason for why you don't want the dog. At your wedding. Let's be real here Your friend has major attachment issues to the dog. And if sheen leaves that dog at home for a few hours, it would make the dog and her mind saying what she's abandoning it in the mental and emotional sense period. My advice is simple distance yourself from the friend give her the choice on whether or not she wants to come to the wedding, but let it be known that the dog cannot come period you are not in the wrong key, but get ready, she's not gonna let this go, and you may end up losing a friend.
And inform the venue security so they can stop friend and pooch because I bet she’ll try to bring him regardless as whether she says she’ll come or not.
She likely wants to use her dog to be the center of attention or if she gets to bring her dog, others would want to, and she wants to push OP to change venues to somewhere pet friendly
Good afternoon everyone
Thanks again XOS
That “one child doesn’t change our minds” is 100% wrong. Foster care will always refuse to place a child in a home where even just one of the children already there disagrees with it.
The kid is already traumatized by whatever led to them being in state care, living with hostility isn’t going to be good for them.
Maybe privatized foster care would allow it, they always have incredibly high abuse rates so I doubt privatized foster care systems care where they place a child.
4: my god those entitled dog "parents", dogs are not appropriate for every event, store, social function
No, while the OP's feelings are valid, she needs to be more reasonable. As an adult, we should be able to assess the situation from an external perspective, noting that the husband and long lost daughter are going through a lot. Yes, the issue she has is serious, risking the future relationship her kids have with their Dad, grand parents and new sister. The paternal family are playing catch up, but also coddling a clearly damaged young girl, whose own mother probably didnt love her. The answer to the OP is to be an adult and "don't make this into a thing". instead, the GROWN UPS should get together alone and put together a plan which ensures the emotional stability of all parties; kids and parents. OP is stirring up trouble due to her oversensitivity, making this issue a fight rather than an obsticle to overcome together. 10:56
2nd story: Nta I guess in your sister-in-laws being a housewife means to laze around while leeching off of their husbands hard earned money.
Story #1: caveat, as long as the parents are of the same ethnicity as the child they want to adopt. Otherwise, a lot of roadblocks thrown up/enormous amounts of money spent to get that adoption over the goal line.
Source: I worked for a state CPS agency for 14+ years (admin) and saw my brother go through the adoption process with his Puerto Rican wife and my now Black niece.
Lol for a second I “my now black niece” meant she was a different ethnicity before but decided to be black.
@@alexismyers6053 Sorry. Writing, "my Black foster niece" didn't read right, which is why I wrote it the other way. I only emphasized her ethnicity because I wanted to point out that a lot of agencies would rather not have mixed couples do adoptions of children from another race if possible. They would rather have a sameness when it comes to adoptions.
Dog at wedding story: When did bringing pets at a wedding become a thing?
Thank you for the video
Last story: I knew do many kids in my high school they did this, I don’t think schools have swat teams checking and people aren’t paying attention that much 😂
Story 4: I dont understand how this whole conversation doesn’t just end after “the venue doesn’t allow animals”.
Like if Op’s “friend” argues after that then shes a huge a**hole.
NTA Op, your wedding, your choice.
The last comment on the first story 🤣🤣🤣 all he did was tell the truth
OP told the truth, and one bad interview only ruins the whole adoption in movies & TV shows. Several bad interviews, signs of unstablity (total lack of both family & friend networks), and other issues do. In some areas, going straight to adoption, or adoption only, is harder if you don't foster first. OP is NTA.
... What is that commenter even talking about? No one was arguing that being a stay at home wife was harder than having a career. It doesn't matter which one is harder, it doesn't give DIL the right to throw jabs at OP
Story 1: Those who think the dad and homewrecker should have gotten a baby... Who do you think would have been the forced babysitter?
Housewife/house husband work finish starts from 9 am to 11am?
Guarantee he did jack shite and his wife came home from work and did everything he didn't.
Housewife does volunteer work which depending on how many hours she undertakes can easily add up to part time or full-time hours. She is also saving her household a lot of money by doing home cooked meals.
The correct term is Domestic Engineer. Years ago when men were at the height of the little woman movement, they did a study to find out just how much work and how it would be classified for employment purposes. And the agreed term is Domestic Engineer. When my ex and I sat down to do our insurance the level of his insurance was 80k. Mine was over 300k because of cooking and cleaning and child care. It does have a definable value.
I wouldn’t give a child to a couple who cheats and breaks up homes. The stress of that happening to the new baby isn’t worth placing a new child into a home like that. Be mad if you want.
Dad making up for lost time with previously unknown Daughter-OP, this needs to stop ASAP, or he will firmly establish the family dynamic that SHE deserves everything from him, and both she and the boys will feel jealous when the other kid/s are getting anything.
Yank the rug out from under him- you take the boys to your parents house and tell hubby: this is destroying the boys, so we are going to my parent's house and give you time to work our your issues. I'm not going to let them feel cheated and become jealous, because you won't spend time with them. I'm going to get them used to you not being in their lives, because that is EXACTLY where you're headed. Screw you! YOU need to ascertain your priorities and determine how much you like living without us.
Story 2, i nearly chocked on my coffee thanks to the last commenter
Wedding story. Dogs do go to wedding if they are service dogs or emotional support digs, But i agree, people have gotten too dog crazy in recent years
Actually, emotional support animals only have housing protections. They do not have public access rights. Only service dogs that are task trained to aid their disabled handler can be in non pet friendly places because their training classifies them as medical equipment
If it's not parents who want to bring their precious angels to a child-free wedding, it's pet parents. Sigh. People are so dang entitled. And venues can shut down a wedding when they spot a dog running around. Good luck with that.
The last commenter on the first story is wild. It’s always crazy to me when people think “oh you were a bad dad to your first kid but you could have been great with another!” Uhm no having a baby doesn’t make you a better person, having a second change offered doesn’t mean you do better. Why risk a child with a family that has already failed in parenting instead of giving that child to a home that is succeeding in raising happy, healthy, well adjusted kids, or a couple who has done the work to prove they will put everything into their children.
Last Story: Yes, it’s technically fraud but I understand why the mother asked. I had so many friends that didn’t live in my school district that used family members’ or family friends’ addresses. It wasn’t even an amazing school, it was just in a slightly better area and had academic after school programs. But that alone was enough for parents to risk it. They know that their children won’t be neglected by the school system while still living within their means. Totally understandable. In my opinion, NAH. She’s not a bad mom for wanting better for her kids and OP isn’t a bad person for saying they aren’t comfortable with lying.
Yeah. That was my situation in high school because my aunt was in the zip code for the high school I went to.
My dogs will attend my wedding, but it will be held in my private backyard or a venue that specifically allows dogs ....
For every other wedding: either I need to stay home (no sitter available) or find a sitter
Absoloutely agree it would be odd if your issues with them caused the problem with the adoption.
About the ESH commenter to the first story, yes, cheating is a form of abuse!
Adult have NEVER ruined a wedding?😂😂😂😂
S4, tell your sister to move to your town if she wants her kids to go to a better school
Being a stay at home wife is a full time job, if you don't have a rich husband or vice versa stay at home husband. What is this bull about two hours?!? If you have children you get up, make your husband and children breakfast, depending on their age make them lunch, drive them to school, come home clean dishes, do the laundry, take care of the animals, make lunch for yourself, vacuum, dust take the trash out, put laundry away, do the grocery shopping which for some is every day, pick up kids, change them into their play clothes, do homework have them go out and play while you cook, have them all eat, clean up the dishes and messes around the house your kids and husband made out the kids to bed then start all over again the next day.. my mom was staying at home and she worked her fingers to the bone so anyone that thinks it's not as hard as a job can put it where the sun don't shine. We've had dishwashers but don't use them. There are many conveniences in today's world but not all people have them or use them.
Who brings their dog (pet) to a friend's wedding?
Story 2: "housewife/husband isn't as hard as a career job" oh so off you (as a previous commenter said) gobby cow!
S1: NTA… you were asked questions and you simply answered them, and their history with you shows that these are not the type of people to put children first. the last comment acting like you should have lied to help the woman who aided in blowing up your home life with seemingly no remorse is ludicrous. there were probably other red flags too beyond just your interview but the fact your dad has no other family or friend support probably says a lot too. sometimes karma really does give people what they deserve.
As someone who doesn't want to have children and you has no intrest in being a homemaker...it is work.
And even if this dil thinks otherwise, just stfo, it's none of her business how others live their lives.
Story 1- wait... she's religious but slept with a married man while cheating with said married man while dating his best friend?!😅😅😅
The dog one is just chefs kiss nuts
Let's see a SAHM cooks ( cooks gets paid) balance the account for the household (accountants/auditors gets paid) looks after the children (nannies/babysitters gets paid) wash/fold/ or even iron/press the clothes, mend what needs to inc stitching etc.. (laundromat workers gets paid).. clean the bathroom/bedroom, living room etc (maids/housekeepers gets paid)
BUT
How about we take the kids out of the equation and someone is doing all that (minus the kids)
They aren't tired coz, they what.... can automatically do it all within 20 mins?!
I was a housewife and then a SAHM and now I'm a Business owner, and I'd still say that, it is wayyy friggin easier than being a full time housewife/SAHM
Mind you, I had to do 95% of all chores and house works when I was a housewife/SAHM , 3 kids
Story 1 - Wow, the last commenter blaming OP is an absolute idiot. "Cheating is not indicative of how good of parent's they are going to be." Actually Karen, that's EXACTLY what it means. I've never met a cheater who was willing to DESTROY their entire family for sexual gratification who wasn't a terrible person. You dont get to tell OP how long he feels resenment towards his father, who CHEATED on his dying mother. I love how people do evil stuff, and they love to preach that everyone needs to forgive them.
The 4th story, Lisa seems very self involved. I am guessing she's one of those dog lovers who thinks of their dog as a person, a human being. OP says that the venue doesn't allow pets and there may be people attending who are allergic or feel uncomfortable around dogs. It's like Lisa doesn't care about any of that because her dog is her family, I get it, my cats are my family too and I love them to death but I wouldn't take them to a wedding or any event. And if Lisa refuses to come because she can't bring her dog then, yeah, that's on her and she is a terrible friend. I hope OP and her partner have a lovely wedding and live happily ever after. OP is NTA.
Story 1: NTA. Op was asked a question and answered it. Also, a lot of people who “religious” are hypocrites. Very few have true faith when you think about it. Op didn’t prevent them from having a kid. The social workers did.
Story 2: NTA. It’s not about jealousy really. Beth looks down on op for being a housewife. But op has a son problem because I know this had to have been a conversation more than once. If Beth feels like she can disrespect her MIL in her own home, then it’s because her husband isn’t stopping her.
Story 3: NTA. He’s been doing this to the point where his sons are actively saying things about it. It will get to the point where they will act out if it continues to go on, no matter how “temporary” husband says it will be. He needs to be forced to face this. And by that, make him go up to them and look them in the eyes to see how it hurts them every time he stops doing the things that he would with them. He needs to learn balance.
Story 4: NTA. I love dogs. But my dog can’t be everywhere just because I want him to. Friend needs to suck it up or kick rocks.
Story 5: NAH. I get why Leah wanted to send her kids to that school even if her kids are doing well where they’re at. And this was my situation when I was a teen. I also get op just trying to help Jane and her kid by having them move in. And not wanting nosey neighbors to start snooping around and get them all in trouble.
S3, op stop being a doormat, who the hell brings a dog to a wedding. No just No.
Hi XO
S1 Judgement: NTA
Reason: He was honest.
-- Honestly, I disagree with the ESH. It wasn't Op that prevented them from getting a baby, it was likely something that their SW saw either in Dad's wife, or in dad himself that they were already iffy about, and Op was the final nail in the coffin. To me, it sounds that the SW suspected something beneath the facade that OP's dad and the AP was presenting, and Op confirmed their suspicions. When the SW asked OP about his involvement, I'm sure that Dad and AP said: "OP is always willing to help! He's gonna be such a great big brother!" and when OP said: "I'm leaving in two years and have no intention of helping my father or his wife with any child she bears or adopts."
-- I'm sure that they were shocked but I'm also sure that it confirmed a lot of things for them. OP's father ruined his son's home because he couldn't keep it in his pants, and OP had no interest in keeping in contact with them or with the child that they might adopt due to irreconcilable differences. This speaks volumes to a social worker. The home that Dad and AP tried to sell is one of love and peace, but OP ripped the band aid off and showed it for what it really is: chaotic and dysfunctional. No SW worth their salt, if they gave an actual hoot about the kid, would place them in an environment like that!
-- OP was asked questions, and he answered them honestly. My spiteful ass would have said: "If she's this upset, then maybe she should have thought about her future before shacking it up with a married man. Though I can't fully blame her. Hindsight is 20/20, don't you think? Maybe, in her next life, she'll think twice!"
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S2 Judgement: NTA
Reason: Beth was incredibly rude and was warned that if she made another comment similar, she would be removed.
-- She is a homemaker. Beth is rude and uninformed.
-- She took care of children, does chores around the house, and all of the menial tasks that her husband shouldn't have to do because he is working (unless she asks for help, or he offers). I would tell my son: "I do not appreciate the way that she spoke to me, and I will not tolerate it in my own home. Perhaps it was too presumptuous of me to assume that the man who I bore and raised, would at least give me credit where credit is due. *Sigh* Such is life I suppose."
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S3 Judgement: NTA
Reason: He is actively neglecting his sons' emotional needs and wants. He's literally shoved his sons' to the backseat.
-- OP, do not apologize for taking him to task. This man is seriously dropping the ball with his sons in order to give his all to his daughter. This isn't fair for your sons, and he needs to know that!
-- "What about our sons? You are neglecting their emotional needs; you are dropping the ball when it comes to our sons and giving to all to your daughter! I understand that she won't be like this for long, and that you are making up for lost time, but you are actively hurting our sons! LO 1 broke down last weekend because you do everything with their sister and you don't do anything with him or his brother anymore! Our son is CRYING for you, and you don't care! If you did, you'd do more for them! you are neglecting your children's emotional needs and overcompensating with DD! Please, explain to me how this is fair, and how our sons won't come to resent their sister because of the actions YOU chose to take."
-- I agree with the first and third comments. He needs to be caring a healthy amount of time out for both of his children and right now, he's taking from one to give to the other. The longer this goes on, the more resentment builds and breeds. By the time these boys are eighteen, if nothing is done, they will hate their father and loathe their sister when it really isn't her fault.
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S4 Judgement: NTA
Reason: You gave a valid reason, the venue said no.
-- What is inconsiderate is trying to shoehorn your dog into a gathering that is not puppy friendly. If he was a service dog, then I am sure that accommodations could be made but it sounds like he's just a regular dog. So, the answer is no. If this is the hill that she wants to die on, then let her.
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S5 Judgement: NTA
Reason: I had an IEP growing up.
-- James is autistic, likely has an IEP, and his needs are being severely neglected due to underfunding and/or budget cuts. This is something that is not his fault (on both fronts) and should be addressed before he becomes a bit too difficult to manage. I applaud OP for taking that initiative, and for being there for her nibling.
-- While it is unfair that Leah's children have to remain in the school, if she wants to get her kids into a better district, then she and her husband need to move! Take up a few extra shifts, or a second job! Leah sounds jealous and while that's understandable, what's unreasonable is expecting your sibling to commit fraud just so your child as a better opportunity.
Last Story: Admission fraud? Um... Lori Loughlin much?
YTA for attacking your husband for trying to be there for his daughter. You absolutely should say something in a respectful manner. There is always going to be a change though because he literally has to find a balance. A calm & respectful & open conversation is required without judgement & empathy for the fact he is clearly struggling and hasn't found a good solution.
2nd; … a house wife isn’t a job. Your a glorified maid😂. Beth however SHOULDNT be insulted someone in thier house.
Story one. If ops dad wife is so religious why did she have an affair with a married man?
found out you have a daughter... and wife cut him some slack? but it is not the wife he needs to ask that of. it is his sons. it is ok to want to do things with others. but you can't rob "PETER" to pay Paul. he needs to find his middle ground. have him ask his daughter how he can make her happy without harming the younger sons.
Story 1 - NTA I think the SW took into account that amount of anger and resentment OP had about the cheating and marrying the AP so long after the fact more than what specifically was said. It showed that neither parent did what they should have to help OP heal. It probably doesn't look good that they have no extended family network, with dad being disowned by everyone. Plus, "the man who leaves his wife to marry you merely creates a job opening". Maybe the SW doesn't want to place a child into another potential broken home.
Story 2 - NTA OP has the right to not be continually attacked, especially in her own home. DIL needs to get over herself. OP needs to have a stern talk with her son too, to allow his wife to treat his mother like that.
Story 3 - NTA OP's husband is overcompensating for losing time with his daughter. If he's not careful, he'll have three kids who all think he abandoned them, instead of just the one, and his younger two will greatly resent their half sister. He needs to work on blending the family, not try to replace time he cannot get back.
Story 4 - NTA FFS, I hate people like OP's friend. The day is to celebrate OP's wedding, at a venue that doesn't allow dogs. It's not about the friend and her inability to go without her pet. If I were OP, the instant she said she won't come without her dog, I'd say "I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you" and repeat that every time she tried to guilt me to change my mind.
Story 5 - NTA Life isn't fair, and it isn't right to ask OP to commit fraud. Like that one commenter said, I can see her doing it anyway, without OP's knowledge.
Last story, if your kids have good grades alot of schools will let them attend. In my county they even have buses pick up gets from different school zones. Look into that.
Well, the OP said that this school was NOT taking any non-residents.
but maybe other will.@@nancyomalley6286
S2: NTA. Your DIL sounds like a disrespectful AH and and your son really should be talking to his wife about her attitude, not being mad at you that you’re no longer willing to take his wife’s abuse anymore.
Story 1:
The last commenter is a cheater! It’s quite evident by the way they lashed out at OP. Got a little too close under their skin I think.
Yup karma is real.
With the first story, you're not in the wrong here. However, you do need to prepare yourself. Because this is a man this won't retaliate with you with no problem whatsoever period think about it, hes all you got, and he will basically throw you out the moment you turn 18 period so get ready, cause hes gonna make sure to make your life a living hell since you couldn't accept his new world.
Did you miss where OP said he's already planning to nope out of there at 18?
Kinda say yta for the schooling story as my mom did that for us (used our great great grandmas address with her permission until she moved closer to the district) because shocker family wants to make sure family can have good schooling for their kids and literally no school is gonna go out of their way to investigate if the address is really yours they just drop the kid off there and leave and pick ‘em up there if they ride the bus in the morning. Double yta is she intends to drive them there and just use her address so they can go there imo
Edit I live in a small town so maybe they’d why they didn’t check but idk the farthest they went with my siblings and I was ask “what’s your address” we said our grandmas and they ended it there
Story 3 here's the future for OPs husband one day and soon the boys will say we hate daddy and sister because they feel abandoned and will blame her so hope he's ready for that.
First story last comment Is stupid .
It seems like the commenter haven't even read the story.