How Do I Know My Spouse Has Really Changed? Bob Hamp, MFT | The Life-Saving Divorce

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR ABUSIVE OR ADDICTED PARTNER HAS TRULY CHANGED?
They might make all kinds of claims about having changed.
-They insist they've changed.
-They may be angry that you don't see them trying.
-They may be pressuring you to move back in.
-They say they'd die for you.
-Friends/family may pressure you, "Don't you see how much he/she has changed?"
But those are all signs they have NOT changed.
Today we talk with Bob Hamp, MFT, about the
-3 steps the abuser or addict must do to restore trust, and the
-3 steps the victim must do to see if the change is real.
This is the Video 2 of 3 Videos on Martial Abuse:
Video 1: The Dynamics of Abuse • Dynamics of Abuse, Bob...
Video 2: How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? • How Do I Know My Spous...
Video 3: My Spouse is Attending Church Now but Have They Really Changed? - • My Abusive/Addicted Sp...
Bob's key principle: Abuse and codependency are all about the mis-assignment of responsibility.
Bob Hamp recommends the poorly behaving spouse must do these three things:
1. They must take responsibility for their own choices. They must go into detail to identify all aspects of their destructive choices. They need to tell you what their choices cost you (and your children, if any).
2. They must show empathy to the pain, humiliation, financial peril, or other injury their choices caused.
3. They must repeat #1 and #2 publicly over time, because it's likely they have convinced onlookers that YOU are responsible and that THEY are the victim.
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE and the ABUSE CYCLE, read Chapter 5 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
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