1. Emotionally troubled drama queens 0:37 2. People in need of saving 1:37 3. People who want to help you 2:34 4. Emotionally unavailable and hot & cold partners 3:11 5. Manipulators, controllers and abusers 4:31
@@nanamuskuri6630OOooOOf fell you 😅 Don't be so harsh, if you were a narcissist you wouldn't even care for the consequences you have in others. It's nice to check but don't destroy yourself and your confidence in the process :)
I'm genuinely curious as to how you managed that. Did you just become more vulnerable and open to others about your emotions? I can't help but feel like that would attract narcissists as well who would use that to their advantage.
This makes a lot of sense. I noticed a relationship pattern of attracting narcissistic men. Or men who were manipulative so I stopped dating to heal an figure out why. I realized I lacked having firm boundaries. Once I started to establish and stick to them. It became repellent. It honestly felt odd for me at first, but I took an HR approach to it. Being direct and tactfu. Some tried to push my boundaries, but when I stood my ground, they scattered like roaches in daylight.
Hey, just need to say thanks,your comment was like my heart being spoken out loud . Boundaries are non existent in my world and I know that's where my issues are rooted. Wegotdis
I used to attract people that would either abuse/manipulate me and chase after people that had little interest in me. (i have a disorganized attachment style.) But recently I've found myself attracting really good people. I think what helped the most was setting boundaries and knowing my worth. Be confident in yourself!
@ShinjiInui91 Oh I've been there. Used to be sociable when I was younger (because I was forced to, I'm socially introverted) Quite a handful of times where things seems to be going well for me, then all of a sudden I'm like the next big Hollywood Celebrity with everyone chasing me all over the place. When everything flips then only like 2-3 people help me hold my ground and we roll. Through that, I just cut off so many people from my life entirely, and reverted back to my lone wolf self.
Same but Im slowly getting out of it and I met people who age very similiar to me so we can create a balance because I know I can also share with them just like they can share with me.
Each category describes me. I have a hard time saying no, which I tend to people please others and prioritize their needs above my own. I want to be in a relationship, but at the same time.. I don’t think I’ll ever be in a committed relationship, unless I truly heal from all of the pain, trauma, and hurt that I’ve endured in my childhood, adolescent years, and young adulthood on the verge to adulthood.
I’m sorry, it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time. But please do focus on yourself before you do get in a relationship not for the sake of the other person, but for yourself because you deserve it. The old saying of you have to love yourself before you can love another, it’s true. Also, like you, I sometimes struggle with being honest or asserting my boundaries because I don’t want to ‘cause trouble’ or ‘be mean’, but you just have to do it anyways. This is because no matter what, YOU come first before all else. Not in the sense that you become self-centered, but if someone or something is not benefitting you, you recognize your worth and you recognize that you are not ever required to partake in *anything* thats not benefitting you. If you don’t like ___, you don’t have to. If ___ makes you uncomfortable, that’s just how it is and the other person can either respect that or leave (and if they leave, then they aren’t for you and that’s ok, and most of the time it’s to your benefit in the long run). Obviously putting your needs first and healing is easier said than done, but anything can be done if you commit to it. And you should, because you’re worth it. Sorry, I know this is kind of unsolicited, but just my two cents.
I have all of them somehow, #3 being my current partner.. sadly a lot of other people I know tend to fall into all of these other categories and it's made me a lot more jaded and unwell since I haven't taken a break between my day job and constantly trying to help other people, ofc a few of my close friends are genuinely very loving and supportive of me Tldr, even if you want to help others it's always best to take time to yourself once in a while to heal, even if it means saying no sometimes. Sorry for my yappathon, and thank you for reading this far lol, great video as always^^
@strawberrich777 yea.. stinks when family thinks you can't trust your own self they have to take matters in their own hands.. I try so hard, I got so far. But at the end it really doesn't matter 😞
There are no set patterns! Everything and everyone is so unpredictable, and that makes things so frightening, confusing and mega challenging! I still value your advice and opinions, for they are very valid as always! I just wanted to input my opinion and perspective! Thanks Amanda & Psych2Go! Take care!
At the end, it depends how you perceive the way you live. This video will help people that have trouble in recognizing toxic situations due to complex/buried trauma they have.
Just wanted to say psychology helped me in my life to move forward to understand my emotions and understand others. Since I tend to ask a lot of “why why” It just answers me a lot of these questions.
Unless they feel so bad about themselves that they cut you out of their life thinking they're doing you a favor by not dragging you down Been there, it's very hurtful
I pull in self centered people. I am empathetic and engaged in their lives. Those started with my parents, and I’ve been this way since toddlerhood. I’ve learned, starting with dad then mom, to prioritize myself when I need to. All these close people have flipped out when I do that - so I’ve lost my parents, husband, my best friend, and now my son is heading that way. I would really like to have a partner who cares about me and want to help me. Some of my self centered friends are like that - and I truly appreciate them.
DAMN. Omg, seriously, my instincts literally brought me to watch this video. I was curious if I was going to fit into any of the topics, and for my surprise... I PERFECTLY FIT IN THE FIRST ONE. Fr, it feels like all the friends I get end up throwing their dramas on me (except for my best friend, who almost doesn't talk about his problems with me, ironically. I actually wish he'd open up to me more. But he's an exception.), it's almost like that's a rule for being my friend!!! All of them open up to me, tell me about their problems... Okay, it's not like that's totally a bad thing. I like to help my friends and make them feel safe, and even give 'em advice! Seriously, I love to help! But sometimes, it's just too much for me... Sometimes, people even seem to forget that I have my own issues as well. And just to be clear, not all times they do that for selfishness. It's just that it looks like they've already stablished me as their "confort person". On the one hand I feel awesome for having such a role, but on the other it's exhausting for me, since sometimes it feels like they want to talk about their emotional dramas 24/7, and I don't even have the time to deal with my own dramas. That happens exactly because of my behavior towards friends (and even people that I'm still getting to know), just like it's said in the video. Let's say I'm a very... Conforting (?) person. Not like "mother-friend personality", no, I'm far away from that. Actually, I'm very playful, I make a lot of jokes (but never jokes about people, I just play with things that don't cause disconfort), I always do my best to bring a relaxed and casual energy to the conversation, so the person doesn't have to feel intimidated or shy (I even connected with a lot of shy people, thanks to that). I can say that I have kind of a "talent" in making people confortable with me, in general. This capability of mine came probably because I was bullied a lot in my childhood and first teen years (in different ways, depending of the period). So I do know PRETTY DAMN WELL how it sucks to feel unconfortable around people, and constantly intimidated and unsafe. Plus, I lived a lot of this without having the courage to open up about it with anyone. That's why I have such ease at bringing safety to people. It's a thing I'm really proud about me, actually. But it caused me some trouble with some toxic friends (not all of them though, but some. Even my non-toxic friends have this tendency of opening up a lot with me). I had specially a terrible one, a girl of my age who would always talk about her dramas like it's the end of the world (spoiler: it wasn't), over-criticizing her parents (they were toxic, but she exaggerated a lot), and having a lot of questionable attitudes in her relationships, but always trying to make it looks like the guys were the ones to blame in the situations (spoiler: it was never the guys's fault. She is the toxic one). I tried to give her advice, help her at improving her relationships (At start, I took it easy with her, always tried to understand her side... But after some time, I was a bit more direct about her wrong behaviors). Problem is: She didn't give an f about MY problems, when I tried to open up. She was basically a narcissist, or at least got some PRETTY STRONG narcissistic traits. Thank God I got rid of this friendship. Anyways, sorry for the big comment, but I really needed to open up, and this video helped me a lot in seeing patterns in my relationships. Loved it as always! I really love this channel
I feel you, used to hang out with that kind too, when it comes to your feelings they just dismissed them and call you crazy 😂 The worst feeling is that I really thought they're real friends bc we're hanging out like 5+ years but yeah I never feel emotionally supported😢 I raised my bar now, only choose to be with mature and realistically positive people, I have to, in the end you're the average of 5 people around you right? So I have to choose wisely 😂❤ Hope you do too😊
I wonder if your best friend has the same problem that I have, and is being an Empath. I know when people are having more problems than they could handle, so I never talked about my problems to my best friends (which tended to be females too), because I knew that I would be a nuisance, and also because I knew that they couldn't help me even if they tried; so I always told them the superficial problem, like feeling ugly or not attractive to women in general. With years, I learned to open myself and everyone wanted to help me instantly. I regret that decision, now I only feel guilty about that because they can't fix my problems, and every time I talk about them, I see the pain and frustration hidden. But don't worry, I'm a peculiar case that I haven't found anything similar. You see, people tend to do all sort of things to be appreciated by others and feel that their existence matters. I do not. I don't love myself, but I know my value. I'm way more egotistical. I just want to see people suffer less. The way other suffers, then learn, struggle to get courage and finally fight, just to lose and stand up again... Everyone does it differently, and all of them are so beautiful. I just want to help them a little, just a notch. But life teach me that you can't help anyone, they can only help themselves. Now I just want to be forgotten, but not all the things that I did that made their lives better. Being loved sucks a lot. So don't worry, I doubt your friend is as sick as me, but he may be an Empath.
@@Shinom4ever my bff being an empath makes sense, he sure is an empathetic person, but I believe it goes further than that. I'm not gonna say his name of course, to keep his privacy, but I'll tell you what I think about his behavior: I think that, beyond him being an empath, he also does have what I personally call a "villain complex". It may sound weird but i'll explain... By the time i've been friends with him, I noticed a pattern in his behavior: he's always very afraid of becoming "the villain" in any situation, and sometimes he is way too focused in explaining himself when the other person is talking about something that have him involved. For example: Once, I opened up with him about my insecurities. I told him that I was feeling kinda left out, and not as important as a best friend is supposed to be. I won't go deep on why I was feeling like that because that's not the focus here, but anyways... I was insecure, and very afraid of not being THAT relevant for him, yk? So... All I needed to hear was "oh Fernanda, don't say that! You are so important to me, you're my best friend!". You know? Something like that. I wasn't trying to point fingers on him or make him feel guilty for me feeling like that. No man, I just needed validation and I was expressing that to him... but I guess he felt like I was blaming him about what I was saying, and started desperately defending himself (not in an aggressive way, just to be clear. More like an anxious way), saying that his life has been changing a lot since he started college, etc... he basically explained about stuff that were making him busy. Thing is, I didn't need him to explain all that... I know he's been busy, his routine sometimes is very rushed... but that wasn't the point at all! Again: I wasn't blaming him! I was just telling him that I was feeling kinda left out and also feeling that I was missing my "important spot" in his life, and I was afraid of that. But he didn't understand that I was just asking for validation! And let me just add: I DON'T think his unawareness of this is because he's insensitive or smth like that. It's just that he's own insecurities spoke louder at the moment, and he felt the desperate need to "inocentize" himself, because he's so afraid of being the bad guy. But I already know he's not "the bad guy", and he doesn't need to be so afraid of commiting slips or mistakes sometimes. All I wanted is to make him understand that! I love him, and I'll never see him as a villain, because I UNDERSTAND HIM! But sometimes it seems like he doesn't believe that I can understand his issues... so he NEVER opens up about serious stuff. Oh this makes me CRAZY!!! Of course, I can't force him. But he should open up more to me! I'm his best friend (I hope so at least), and it's painful, because I sort of know what's going on in his head (just like you just read in my comment rn), but I can't help him if he doesn't give me the chance to listen and help! And I think he also does that because of that villain complex... I guess he kind of thinks he "doesn't deserve help"...? Oh man, I don't know! Anyways, sorry for the giant text talking about my anxious stuff, but I couldn't help... and also, you're awesome okay, man? Try to love yourself as well... I know I'm just a random person but I wish the best for you.
Rescuer syndrome is my situation. I was pushed into this role and am kept in this role due to poverty. I do not intend to help others once I get out of this. I spent most of my life helping people and it left me worse off. All my future relationships must be mutually benefical and not dependent on me giving.
Hmm, can we say no. 1 (emotionally troubled drama queens) and no. 2 (people in need of saving) can also fall under no. 5 (manipulators, controllers and abusers)?
As someone who attracts no one I can confidently say this video has helped me discover my lack of existence and know the problem behind my loneliness. I shall now endeavor to create a tangible self to link to this physical plane of existence. Thank you!
@@Psych2go probably the ones about coming out among other lgbtqia+ and attraction ones, I’ve never been good at talking to people about that kind of thing so that’s helped a lot ❤️
I know I sound like the hot at cold tipe at times, though that's due to a collection of neurological things. That's why I stick to being 100% honest and forward when asked question by those I care about.
I am in middle school and I always attract the kids with divorced parents 💀 doesn’t even matter the age, I was volunteering at this vacation bible school as a leader, and I made friends with this 3rd grader, and at the end of the week I learned that his parents were divorced, like, that’s my 6th one it’s like I’m collecting them 😭😭😭
Mine is more like people with a troubled home life and dynamics with their family and are kinda LGBTQ+ which is funny and kinda scary how eerily similar they are to me. Maybe because I can't stand idle gossip and want deep conversations and hanging our with them over movies and cartoons and games and sharing stories and deep intimate topics... is my criteria for friends..
@@Shapoufiiie LITERALLY. IDK HOW I FIT IN EVERY SINGLE FRIEND GROUP OR CLIQUE I KNOW BUT IF SOME OF MY FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF OTHER GROUPS TRY TO HANG OUT IN OTHER GROUPS THEY DONT FIT AT ALL 💀
Love this type of video, with your voice, and the cute little characters. Good quality video! Really enjoyed it and very helpful! I have an avoidant attachment style and my ex had an anxious attachment style, and I only just learned that those two apparently attract each other, but, well, DONT typically work out, as I learned the hard way.
I think I WAS the superhero type but I feel like I am not one anymore. What bothers me is 'why I am not like that now?' No one betrayed me. I didn't feel like others seeing me as a pushover. The only thing happened was I ended my school years and entered to university. My new friends are also good and supportive, but I feel a distance between me and they. And I feel that they can be judgmental (so do I). So I only want to be a superhero for only my old friends. That thought make me feel guilty but I can't help it. I think I will talk about this matter with a friend who listen to my drama.
I get the drama queens! It’s a bloody nightmare. They seem phenomenal fun at first then it spirals out of control. Constant texts, ringing me up, whinging on and on. I set boundaries but they don’t care. Just told my best friend of 8+ years to kick rocks. I am not attached to my phone, I can barely find it most of the time 😂. The friendship was on its last leg but what did it for me was her coming into my husband’s hospital room angry with me for not answering my phone or texts for the day! He had suffered two TIA’s! I was a bit preoccupied and concerned. She was very controlling as well. No thank you. I’ve a life to live and I only do positivity. I’m done with this “friend” rubbish. I’ll stick to close acquaintances who are positive and will go the cinema with me, thanks every so much. At 53, I’m just fine with a good book or telly programme! And my brilliant hubby!
Okay, now good news. Im also type number 2,omggg!Actually, I was working on myself a lot these last years:opening up, being okay with being vulnerable and Just ignoring negative minded people. It helped me to have supportive teachers, some bosses would always understand me and my problems, haha. So many workers and waiters would give me some discounts or be so friendly with me! Its so sute of them Actually😭✨💖I truly appreciate their little acts of kindness
Yeah getting rid of abusers and manipulators when they keep showing up at your doorstep is hard, especially when you struggle to say no. No wonder a lot of people in my life are unhappy with me now that I am starting to set boundaries and choose for myself.
Спасибо что помогаете лучше понять себя. Всегда немного стеснялась того, что все близкие мне люди постоянно предлагают свою помощь. А получается что и в этом есть хорошее.....
The kind of person described in the "emotionally troubled drama queens" section fits me to a T. Luckily, i learned how to make boundaries... (This channel was one of the reasons why that happened tbh). My mom, on the other hand, is Rescuer Syndrome personified.
It’s always the first one that I tend to attract 😅 I’m generally quite easy going and like to listen to people. So, I think that’s a magnet for drama queens…
I think I’m the emotionally unavailable person, it describes my relationship with my ex. I regret being that person, because I really loved them. During the end I tried my hardest to change, but they already had enough.
If you keep believing what you believe, it will eventually manifest in your behavior and attitude. Be careful of what you do, build trust and be patience to yourself :>
Thank you for this video ❤ I just realized I was almost all of these at some time of my life but now I’m attracting ppl who just want the best for me while respecting my boundaries. It makes me realize that I’m healing ❤️🩹
number 4 is my partner and i 💀 and i wish i could do more to make it better, to her credit she is aware of this dynamic and knows it’s not good, and we’re working on it but i just can’t help feeling insecure on this sometimes still
Moving from People in Need of Saving to Emotionallly Available hot and Cold partners. Now I finally comes to People who want to help you 😊. Everything Defined my Phases and Personal Growth.
I'd say I attract a bit of all these kinds except the abusers one- depending on which circle I'm in- my university, my home, or my online friends who essentially make up my most intimate group of friends online and irl altogether. It's the persona you put on subconsciously, or rather the side of you that comes out automatically depending on the type of group of people.
I personally attract emotionally troubled people and those who need saving, I'm guessing this is because I'm an INFJ and they seek solace and peace in my company. I find this okay since I want to help them. Unfortunately though, I tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable and the hard to get types. I just wish I could fix the latter part of myself. I wish to be attracted that are attracted to me as well
Who else found Psych2Go one day and just cant stop watching their videos?
Me
Me
Me
me (im gon die alone fr)
Me
Bad people find you in peace, and leave you in pieces.
Good people find you in pieces, and leave you in peace.
But in the end people will always leave you.
Can’t good people find you in peace? Does being happy mean that you don’t have a chance of meeting kind of people?
Iam14andthisisdeep kind of shit
@@screm5514 Damn just let people have fun
@@screm5514never got that subreddit
Me waiting for the "attracts no one" section:
You're just like me fr fr
I can be your friend :D
@Jouro_chan Ayy a friend let's go
That means we just don't exist 👁👄👁
Yeah, exactly like me!
1. Emotionally troubled drama queens 0:37
2. People in need of saving 1:37
3. People who want to help you 2:34
4. Emotionally unavailable and hot & cold partners 3:11
5. Manipulators, controllers and abusers 4:31
TYSM xoxo ❤❤
thx
Shutup
Thanks
😢
In the past, I found that I attracted toxic people, but now I find that I am attracting people who want to help me! 😊
Happy for you! I recognised a change too, but I progressed from narcissistic manipulator to kind but avoidant 🙃 baby steps for me I guess
@@nanamuskuri6630 baby steps are still a progress! I'm proud of you! 🖤🖤
@@nanamuskuri6630OOooOOf fell you 😅 Don't be so harsh, if you were a narcissist you wouldn't even care for the consequences you have in others. It's nice to check but don't destroy yourself and your confidence in the process :)
Same! But they also open up their feelings and seek for advice, so at least I feel like I’m supporting them back❤️
I'm genuinely curious as to how you managed that. Did you just become more vulnerable and open to others about your emotions? I can't help but feel like that would attract narcissists as well who would use that to their advantage.
This makes a lot of sense. I noticed a relationship pattern of attracting narcissistic men. Or men who were manipulative so I stopped dating to heal an figure out why. I realized I lacked having firm boundaries. Once I started to establish and stick to them. It became repellent. It honestly felt odd for me at first, but I took an HR approach to it. Being direct and tactfu. Some tried to push my boundaries, but when I stood my ground, they scattered like roaches in daylight.
This post just inspired me. I know the boundaries is what I have to get better with.
Great job❤
Thanks for sharing and we hope that the video resonated and gave you some insights. That's a good strategy to keep toxic people at bay. :)
Hey, just need to say thanks,your comment was like my heart being spoken out loud . Boundaries are non existent in my world and I know that's where my issues are rooted. Wegotdis
Literally I'm addicted to these types of videos 💀
Hope this video helps you learn more about yourself and others!
@@Psych2go Well it does!!
Me to and I don't know why
I used to attract people that would either abuse/manipulate me and chase after people that had little interest in me. (i have a disorganized attachment style.)
But recently I've found myself attracting really good people. I think what helped the most was setting boundaries and knowing my worth. Be confident in yourself!
Me who attracts no-one:
Same here! 😔
Be glad.
They usually just want what you've got, and when it runs out, they tell you to cease living.
@@ShinjiInui91 that depends on if they are a good person to begin with.
@ShinjiInui91 Oh I've been there. Used to be sociable when I was younger (because I was forced to, I'm socially introverted) Quite a handful of times where things seems to be going well for me, then all of a sudden I'm like the next big Hollywood Celebrity with everyone chasing me all over the place. When everything flips then only like 2-3 people help me hold my ground and we roll.
Through that, I just cut off so many people from my life entirely, and reverted back to my lone wolf self.
Me, who's asexual:
This is so on point. I tend to befriend people who are emotionally needy, as I always like to be of service.
Just watchout to not burn youself out. I say for experiencie and It the worst and you can't help other as good as before
Wait you befriend people?
@@a_1973_love_yourself I can 100% confirm plus it makes you hate yourself so much
Same but Im slowly getting out of it and I met people who age very similiar to me so we can create a balance because I know I can also share with them just like they can share with me.
The saiki k and todoroki artttttttttt🥺🥺🥺🥺
Yare Yare
Your voice is so soothing
Thanks for the compliment!
@@Psych2go w
I aspire to channel her voice/energy
Each category describes me. I have a hard time saying no, which I tend to people please others and prioritize their needs above my own. I want to be in a relationship, but at the same time.. I don’t think I’ll ever be in a committed relationship, unless I truly heal from all of the pain, trauma, and hurt that I’ve endured in my childhood, adolescent years, and young adulthood on the verge to adulthood.
I’m sorry, it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time. But please do focus on yourself before you do get in a relationship not for the sake of the other person, but for yourself because you deserve it. The old saying of you have to love yourself before you can love another, it’s true. Also, like you, I sometimes struggle with being honest or asserting my boundaries because I don’t want to ‘cause trouble’ or ‘be mean’, but you just have to do it anyways. This is because no matter what, YOU come first before all else. Not in the sense that you become self-centered, but if someone or something is not benefitting you, you recognize your worth and you recognize that you are not ever required to partake in *anything* thats not benefitting you. If you don’t like ___, you don’t have to. If ___ makes you uncomfortable, that’s just how it is and the other person can either respect that or leave (and if they leave, then they aren’t for you and that’s ok, and most of the time it’s to your benefit in the long run). Obviously putting your needs first and healing is easier said than done, but anything can be done if you commit to it. And you should, because you’re worth it. Sorry, I know this is kind of unsolicited, but just my two cents.
Here’s a hot take. This is better than attracting the types who are mentioned here. I PROMISE.
I have all of them somehow, #3 being my current partner.. sadly a lot of other people I know tend to fall into all of these other categories and it's made me a lot more jaded and unwell since I haven't taken a break between my day job and constantly trying to help other people, ofc a few of my close friends are genuinely very loving and supportive of me
Tldr, even if you want to help others it's always best to take time to yourself once in a while to heal, even if it means saying no sometimes. Sorry for my yappathon, and thank you for reading this far lol, great video as always^^
I feel soooo called out right now
I don't even know who my true self is... my family always influences my decision and what I do 😢
it's so hard to choose which one is relatable for you, isn't it?
@strawberrich777 yea.. stinks when family thinks you can't trust your own self they have to take matters in their own hands.. I try so hard, I got so far. But at the end it really doesn't matter 😞
There are no set patterns! Everything and everyone is so unpredictable, and that makes things so frightening, confusing and mega challenging!
I still value your advice and opinions, for they are very valid as always! I just wanted to input my opinion and perspective! Thanks Amanda & Psych2Go! Take care!
At the end, it depends how you perceive the way you live. This video will help people that have trouble in recognizing toxic situations due to complex/buried trauma they have.
Just wanted to say psychology helped me in my life to move forward to understand my emotions and understand others. Since I tend to ask a lot of “why why” It just answers me a lot of these questions.
We hope this video resonated. Did you relate to any of these points?
#2 is definitely relatable. It was a hard lesson for me to learn not to try to save everyone else.
We hope this video helps! How have you changed ever since the incident happened?
The whole "anxious attachment style"-part explained my last relationship thank you!
If you help someone in trouble, they will remember you when they are in trouble again
Unless they feel so bad about themselves that they cut you out of their life thinking they're doing you a favor by not dragging you down
Been there, it's very hurtful
When Psych2Go posts my day gets a whole lot better
Your comment made our day! Thanks for the love and support!
FRUITS BASKET! One of my favourite animé! 🤩
But the people you described here---> SPOT ON!
I lost my left headphone, and only had my right. Turned on the video with full volume and HOLY ASMR!!! 🥰
Wow cool rhyme.
I hate how she speaks.. it is condescending.
I LOVE THE FRUITS BASKET THUMBNAIL ❤️😂
I pull in self centered people.
I am empathetic and engaged in their lives.
Those started with my parents, and I’ve been this way since toddlerhood.
I’ve learned, starting with dad then mom, to prioritize myself when I need to. All these close people have flipped out when I do that - so I’ve lost my parents, husband, my best friend, and now my son is heading that way.
I would really like to have a partner who cares about me and want to help me. Some of my self centered friends are like that - and I truly appreciate them.
DAMN. Omg, seriously, my instincts literally brought me to watch this video. I was curious if I was going to fit into any of the topics, and for my surprise... I PERFECTLY FIT IN THE FIRST ONE.
Fr, it feels like all the friends I get end up throwing their dramas on me (except for my best friend, who almost doesn't talk about his problems with me, ironically. I actually wish he'd open up to me more. But he's an exception.), it's almost like that's a rule for being my friend!!! All of them open up to me, tell me about their problems... Okay, it's not like that's totally a bad thing. I like to help my friends and make them feel safe, and even give 'em advice! Seriously, I love to help! But sometimes, it's just too much for me... Sometimes, people even seem to forget that I have my own issues as well. And just to be clear, not all times they do that for selfishness. It's just that it looks like they've already stablished me as their "confort person". On the one hand I feel awesome for having such a role, but on the other it's exhausting for me, since sometimes it feels like they want to talk about their emotional dramas 24/7, and I don't even have the time to deal with my own dramas.
That happens exactly because of my behavior towards friends (and even people that I'm still getting to know), just like it's said in the video. Let's say I'm a very... Conforting (?) person. Not like "mother-friend personality", no, I'm far away from that. Actually, I'm very playful, I make a lot of jokes (but never jokes about people, I just play with things that don't cause disconfort), I always do my best to bring a relaxed and casual energy to the conversation, so the person doesn't have to feel intimidated or shy (I even connected with a lot of shy people, thanks to that). I can say that I have kind of a "talent" in making people confortable with me, in general.
This capability of mine came probably because I was bullied a lot in my childhood and first teen years (in different ways, depending of the period). So I do know PRETTY DAMN WELL how it sucks to feel unconfortable around people, and constantly intimidated and unsafe. Plus, I lived a lot of this without having the courage to open up about it with anyone. That's why I have such ease at bringing safety to people. It's a thing I'm really proud about me, actually. But it caused me some trouble with some toxic friends (not all of them though, but some. Even my non-toxic friends have this tendency of opening up a lot with me). I had specially a terrible one, a girl of my age who would always talk about her dramas like it's the end of the world (spoiler: it wasn't), over-criticizing her parents (they were toxic, but she exaggerated a lot), and having a lot of questionable attitudes in her relationships, but always trying to make it looks like the guys were the ones to blame in the situations (spoiler: it was never the guys's fault. She is the toxic one). I tried to give her advice, help her at improving her relationships (At start, I took it easy with her, always tried to understand her side... But after some time, I was a bit more direct about her wrong behaviors).
Problem is: She didn't give an f about MY problems, when I tried to open up. She was basically a narcissist, or at least got some PRETTY STRONG narcissistic traits. Thank God I got rid of this friendship.
Anyways, sorry for the big comment, but I really needed to open up, and this video helped me a lot in seeing patterns in my relationships. Loved it as always! I really love this channel
Felt like u're like me when it comes to opening up and writing comments 😊
I feel you, used to hang out with that kind too, when it comes to your feelings they just dismissed them and call you crazy 😂
The worst feeling is that I really thought they're real friends bc we're hanging out like 5+ years but yeah I never feel emotionally supported😢
I raised my bar now, only choose to be with mature and realistically positive people, I have to, in the end you're the average of 5 people around you right? So I have to choose wisely 😂❤ Hope you do too😊
I wonder if your best friend has the same problem that I have, and is being an Empath. I know when people are having more problems than they could handle, so I never talked about my problems to my best friends (which tended to be females too), because I knew that I would be a nuisance, and also because I knew that they couldn't help me even if they tried; so I always told them the superficial problem, like feeling ugly or not attractive to women in general.
With years, I learned to open myself and everyone wanted to help me instantly. I regret that decision, now I only feel guilty about that because they can't fix my problems, and every time I talk about them, I see the pain and frustration hidden. But don't worry, I'm a peculiar case that I haven't found anything similar. You see, people tend to do all sort of things to be appreciated by others and feel that their existence matters. I do not. I don't love myself, but I know my value. I'm way more egotistical. I just want to see people suffer less. The way other suffers, then learn, struggle to get courage and finally fight, just to lose and stand up again... Everyone does it differently, and all of them are so beautiful. I just want to help them a little, just a notch. But life teach me that you can't help anyone, they can only help themselves. Now I just want to be forgotten, but not all the things that I did that made their lives better. Being loved sucks a lot.
So don't worry, I doubt your friend is as sick as me, but he may be an Empath.
@@Shinom4ever my bff being an empath makes sense, he sure is an empathetic person, but I believe it goes further than that. I'm not gonna say his name of course, to keep his privacy, but I'll tell you what I think about his behavior:
I think that, beyond him being an empath, he also does have what I personally call a "villain complex". It may sound weird but i'll explain...
By the time i've been friends with him, I noticed a pattern in his behavior: he's always very afraid of becoming "the villain" in any situation, and sometimes he is way too focused in explaining himself when the other person is talking about something that have him involved. For example: Once, I opened up with him about my insecurities. I told him that I was feeling kinda left out, and not as important as a best friend is supposed to be.
I won't go deep on why I was feeling like that because that's not the focus here, but anyways... I was insecure, and very afraid of not being THAT relevant for him, yk? So... All I needed to hear was "oh Fernanda, don't say that! You are so important to me, you're my best friend!". You know? Something like that. I wasn't trying to point fingers on him or make him feel guilty for me feeling like that. No man, I just needed validation and I was expressing that to him... but I guess he felt like I was blaming him about what I was saying, and started desperately defending himself (not in an aggressive way, just to be clear. More like an anxious way), saying that his life has been changing a lot since he started college, etc... he basically explained about stuff that were making him busy.
Thing is, I didn't need him to explain all that... I know he's been busy, his routine sometimes is very rushed... but that wasn't the point at all! Again: I wasn't blaming him! I was just telling him that I was feeling kinda left out and also feeling that I was missing my "important spot" in his life, and I was afraid of that. But he didn't understand that I was just asking for validation! And let me just add: I DON'T think his unawareness of this is because he's insensitive or smth like that. It's just that he's own insecurities spoke louder at the moment, and he felt the desperate need to "inocentize" himself, because he's so afraid of being the bad guy.
But I already know he's not "the bad guy", and he doesn't need to be so afraid of commiting slips or mistakes sometimes. All I wanted is to make him understand that! I love him, and I'll never see him as a villain, because I UNDERSTAND HIM! But sometimes it seems like he doesn't believe that I can understand his issues... so he NEVER opens up about serious stuff. Oh this makes me CRAZY!!!
Of course, I can't force him. But he should open up more to me! I'm his best friend (I hope so at least), and it's painful, because I sort of know what's going on in his head (just like you just read in my comment rn), but I can't help him if he doesn't give me the chance to listen and help! And I think he also does that because of that villain complex... I guess he kind of thinks he "doesn't deserve help"...? Oh man, I don't know!
Anyways, sorry for the giant text talking about my anxious stuff, but I couldn't help... and also, you're awesome okay, man? Try to love yourself as well... I know I'm just a random person but I wish the best for you.
Thank you guys. Your vids really boot up my healing process. Truly informative
Rescuer syndrome is my situation. I was pushed into this role and am kept in this role due to poverty.
I do not intend to help others once I get out of this.
I spent most of my life helping people and it left me worse off. All my future relationships must be mutually benefical and not dependent on me giving.
K.
Be careful that it doesn't go Narcissist.
For me it's nerdy and specific people, and that's okay! 😊
🤔
...sounds like me.
lol same😅
Most of my friends that I get close too tell a lot of their problems to me and i still remember each and every one of their problems.
What if I attract nobody?
I'd like to know too
...
They will come.
if you attract nobody then you are the attracted person in one or more of these situations
Then maybe you are nobody
These are the kind of videos that people should watch and learn ❤️
Hmm, can we say no. 1 (emotionally troubled drama queens) and no. 2 (people in need of saving) can also fall under no. 5 (manipulators, controllers and abusers)?
As someone who attracts no one I can confidently say this video has helped me discover my lack of existence and know the problem behind my loneliness. I shall now endeavor to create a tangible self to link to this physical plane of existence.
Thank you!
these are for sure the best psychology videos
Congratulations on reaching an incredible milestone of 5,000 followers!
Thank you for making this video! It actually helped me❤
Thank you for helping so much! When i feel like I have no idea what to do, there’s one of your videos on it ❤
Happy to help! What's your fave topic so far?
@@Psych2go probably the ones about coming out among other lgbtqia+ and attraction ones, I’ve never been good at talking to people about that kind of thing so that’s helped a lot ❤️
Yup, this video just accurately defined my dating life or what was supposed to be it🤧
I know I sound like the hot at cold tipe at times, though that's due to a collection of neurological things. That's why I stick to being 100% honest and forward when asked question by those I care about.
That's a good thing!
I do hope people are more honest,
honesty = respect to me😊
This is one video I didn’t think I needed! It put things into perspective for me☀️
I am in middle school and I always attract the kids with divorced parents 💀 doesn’t even matter the age, I was volunteering at this vacation bible school as a leader, and I made friends with this 3rd grader, and at the end of the week I learned that his parents were divorced, like, that’s my 6th one it’s like I’m collecting them 😭😭😭
^lol, been there
Mine is more like people with a troubled home life and dynamics with their family and are kinda LGBTQ+ which is funny and kinda scary how eerily similar they are to me.
Maybe because I can't stand idle gossip and want deep conversations and hanging our with them over movies and cartoons and games and sharing stories and deep intimate topics... is my criteria for friends..
@@Shapoufiiie LITERALLY. IDK HOW I FIT IN EVERY SINGLE FRIEND GROUP OR CLIQUE I KNOW BUT IF SOME OF MY FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF OTHER GROUPS TRY TO HANG OUT IN OTHER GROUPS THEY DONT FIT AT ALL 💀
You guys attract people?
Yeee sometimes ❤
I was just thinking the same thing. What if we attract no one.
Fr never heard of it
Love this type of video, with your voice, and the cute little characters. Good quality video!
Really enjoyed it and very helpful! I have an avoidant attachment style and my ex had an anxious attachment style, and I only just learned that those two apparently attract each other, but, well, DONT typically work out, as I learned the hard way.
Amanda, you have a beautiful voice! We're so blessed to have you narrate in this channel😀🤙
You don’t attract what you want. Instead, you attract WHAT YOUR ARE✨
I think I WAS the superhero type but I feel like I am not one anymore. What bothers me is 'why I am not like that now?' No one betrayed me. I didn't feel like others seeing me as a pushover. The only thing happened was I ended my school years and entered to university. My new friends are also good and supportive, but I feel a distance between me and they. And I feel that they can be judgmental (so do I). So I only want to be a superhero for only my old friends. That thought make me feel guilty but I can't help it. I think I will talk about this matter with a friend who listen to my drama.
Thank you very much. I'll be careful in living life. ❤
I attract 1st and 2nd type of person :)
I get the drama queens! It’s a bloody nightmare. They seem phenomenal fun at first then it spirals out of control. Constant texts, ringing me up, whinging on and on. I set boundaries but they don’t care. Just told my best friend of 8+ years to kick rocks. I am not attached to my phone, I can barely find it most of the time 😂. The friendship was on its last leg but what did it for me was her coming into my husband’s hospital room angry with me for not answering my phone or texts for the day! He had suffered two TIA’s! I was a bit preoccupied and concerned. She was very controlling as well. No thank you. I’ve a life to live and I only do positivity. I’m done with this “friend” rubbish. I’ll stick to close acquaintances who are positive and will go the cinema with me, thanks every so much. At 53, I’m just fine with a good book or telly programme! And my brilliant hubby!
the skip and loafer reference 😭💗
Best voice ever❤
Okay, now good news. Im also type number 2,omggg!Actually, I was working on myself a lot these last years:opening up, being okay with being vulnerable and Just ignoring negative minded people. It helped me to have supportive teachers, some bosses would always understand me and my problems, haha. So many workers and waiters would give me some discounts or be so friendly with me! Its so sute of them Actually😭✨💖I truly appreciate their little acts of kindness
Oh, yeah, mmmmhhh, mosquitos😍
This is incredible
I saw Fruit Basket so I stay to watch, this is insightful though 😍
Omg i love the anime reference especially the Tohru-Kyo couple at the beginning 😍😍😍
Yeah getting rid of abusers and manipulators when they keep showing up at your doorstep is hard, especially when you struggle to say no. No wonder a lot of people in my life are unhappy with me now that I am starting to set boundaries and choose for myself.
within the first minuet, always love the content.
Thank you so much! This means a lot to us!
Спасибо что помогаете лучше понять себя. Всегда немного стеснялась того, что все близкие мне люди постоянно предлагают свою помощь. А получается что и в этом есть хорошее.....
Hearing how help is available and that breaking those cycles is possible feels so good. Hell yeah it's possible to gtfo!!
I love the Saiki K and MHA reference for emotionally unavailable and hot and cold people :) smart use
Bold of you to assume I can attract people, let alone a single fly.
The first and last one hit close to home
What if I don't attract anyone
Then you are lonely
@@IneedCoffe-ei5sknot precisely.
@@E4439Qv5 if you don’t attract any human on this planet you can be lonely
Then it means people think that there's nothing to gain from you
As the avoidant partner, that's exactly how it happened. Ended within a week
The kind of person described in the "emotionally troubled drama queens" section fits me to a T. Luckily, i learned how to make boundaries... (This channel was one of the reasons why that happened tbh). My mom, on the other hand, is Rescuer Syndrome personified.
omg fruitbasket and skipnloafer,my favssss
Oh my gosh skip and loafer 💙💙💛💛
It’s always the first one that I tend to attract 😅 I’m generally quite easy going and like to listen to people. So, I think that’s a magnet for drama queens…
I think I’m the emotionally unavailable person, it describes my relationship with my ex. I regret being that person, because I really loved them. During the end I tried my hardest to change, but they already had enough.
Yes: that is me. Now I do take care of my self. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to help people that need help to help themselves. 😅
If you keep believing what you believe, it will eventually manifest in your behavior and attitude.
Be careful of what you do, build trust and be patience to yourself :>
Wonderful video!
I love tohru and kyo smmm 😭😭❤❤
Yes, I deserve safe and stable love 🥰
I am outsider, always loner, always on the side social.
I’ve known all kinds of people in my life with hardly a notable pattern. This is gonna be a tough job to narrow down.
Omg Ccinee as the animator?? Nice!!
I’m usually surrounded by like minded people who r kind and supportive :))
i was waiting for "Absolutely unhinged" section
Ad ơi ra nhìu nhaa❤❤
The SuperMan picture on the thumbnail is awesome.
I mean yes. Is like what pictures we post like , etc
0:05 Nice to see a fruits basket reference:)
😅fork 75% of this hits the nail on the head for me
My inability to set boundaries (thanks rents) has led to me landing in the wrong company alot
We attract people who think they know who we are .
What if I repel people even though i'm being nice? It certainly feels that way 😑
Thanks a lot I feel good
I'm not attracting abusers. I just seem to make abusers out of the nicest people with ZERO history of abusive behavior...😢
You don't make Abusers. You simply bring their Abusive Nature to the surface. A Mirror/Spotlight.
This would explain a few things about me ngl.
Thank you for this video ❤ I just realized I was almost all of these at some time of my life but now I’m attracting ppl who just want the best for me while respecting my boundaries. It makes me realize that I’m healing ❤️🩹
number 4 is my partner and i 💀 and i wish i could do more to make it better, to her credit she is aware of this dynamic and knows it’s not good, and we’re working on it but i just can’t help feeling insecure on this sometimes still
the part 4th 😭😭 is so me omg omg
Omg when I saw todoroki when you said hot and cold I was dying 🤣
Moving from People in Need of Saving to Emotionallly Available hot and Cold partners. Now I finally comes to People who want to help you 😊. Everything Defined my Phases and Personal Growth.
In intro to psyc class, we learned that opposites actually dont attract. Similar ppl attract each other
I'd say I attract a bit of all these kinds except the abusers one- depending on which circle I'm in- my university, my home, or my online friends who essentially make up my most intimate group of friends online and irl altogether. It's the persona you put on subconsciously, or rather the side of you that comes out automatically depending on the type of group of people.
I always attract toxic people, so I must be weird or something is definitely wrong with me. Maybe I’m cursed.
We're _all_ cursed.
I personally attract emotionally troubled people and those who need saving, I'm guessing this is because I'm an INFJ and they seek solace and peace in my company. I find this okay since I want to help them. Unfortunately though, I tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable and the hard to get types. I just wish I could fix the latter part of myself. I wish to be attracted that are attracted to me as well