That is seriously one of the best movies ever made. Easily the best martial arts movie ever made! It’s the only martial arts movie that gets me feeling the feels.. nice reference homie
That writing piece really hit home. For 10 years I talked about writing a book and then I finally wrote a book. It was the hardest thing I ever did and when I was done I didn’t feel accomplishment I felt relief. I know now I don’t want to be a writer, I want to be a teacher who uses writing as one of his tools. Thanks Mark sharing this important information!
Wow, good on you for writing that book and having the emotional maturity to come to that conclusion. I feel in a similar boat. Growing up I got a lot of praise for my writing, particularly creative writing. It became a big part of my identity. As a teenager I used to go to sleep telling myself that if I didn't write a world-changing book my life would have been a total failure. WOW, that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. The fact is though, I never wrote in my spare time for enjoyment- I just couldn't bring myself to. A think this was partly due to extreme amounts of pressure, and also partly due to the fact that I just didn't find it enjoyable. I became a nurse so that I would be able to have a stable job and pursue writing on the side. I have been a nurse for almost a decade and still haven't written one substantial piece of creative writing. I do know that I do have a natural knack for words and knowing how to put them together to sound snappy, but I'm not sure that's enough. The past few years, but in particular very recently I have been grappling with the fact that it's likely that I will never be a writer- in part because all evidence would suggest it's simply something I don't actually want to do. It's been incredibly painful, largely because of the letting go of the lifelong identity/delusion I had created. It automatically changes a lot of my world view, and even though I actually think it makes it better, it's still painful. I know that I have to go through this because I can't live until I'm 50 thinking this way (I'm 32) and putting my life on hold and creating an opportunity cost that stops me from pursuing other more realistic and pleasurable goals. Also, I found an old copy of a story that I wrote when I was 14 and was massively praised for by my teachers. You know what? It wasn't that good. Even for a kid. Perhaps I could have pursued writing further and got better, but it was a wake-up call that made me realise how the identity of 'writer' I had stamped myself with at a young age was not based in reality.
I feel like social media has made us hallow, approval seeking consumers. We are shown snapshots of perfectly curated fake lives we can never achieve because they don’t exist. I personally have always hated the feeling things like Instagram gave me. I focus on my own little world, being better than me yesterday and spending time with people who I care about. I don’t want anything most of the time I spend thinking about how lucky I am to be safe in my home, not worrying about my next meal etc. It really hurts to see people chasing money and material things… I wish I could wake them up to the fact you mentioned.
There's the danger of giving up on something too soon because we're not confident or competent at it yet. How could you get joy from any activity without perseverance or some level of grit? It took me three years to love the industry I work in. Fully agree with giving a job, relationship, or hobby up if after some amount of time you realize you don't like it.
Abhi Narayan Depends. For some people getting a degree aligns with their passions, interests and future goals. For others it holds very little significance in that respect and merely serves as an accomplishment to reward the ego so it can feel important and validated by society.
@@ceeIoc what if u don't know what u want in life and u r just figuring things out. How do I choose what I want in Life? I want to sacrifice my freedom and spend time on something that will be meaningful,what is that something
@@pid1866 Social acceptance is a part of it , when u don't know what exactly u want u just stick with what normal people do (getting a degree in this case)
I maintain the belief that identity issues are a major cause of depression. Such as if a parent dies I feel the grief comes not only from missing them but from missing who you were when they were alive. And, as you say, people hang onto bad relationships because it's their identity, also a mid life crisis is all about questioning who you are. Identity is such an important thing so no wonder we do things we hate in search of it, really interesting video. Thanks.
We can also end up hating the things we love. By which I mean that we can do them for the right reasons but hate them for the wrong reasons. Its possible, for example, to love writing. And end up hating it because we have unreasonable expectations . We might expect it to be easier than it is, which causes self-loathing when it turns out less than perfect. Or we dream about overnight success - which never comes. The core motivation might be the right one. But other erroneous motivations get mixed up with it.
I love being a music producer/musician: thinking of melodies in my mind, arranging the chords, figuring out which kick drum sounds good with the track, mixing the instruments, etc. Music is my favorite form of expression. What I DID dislike in my life (I say "dislike" as a substitute for "hate") was being in the military. I always say to people, "Joining the Air Force was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Getting out of the Air Force was, also, one of the best decisions I've made in my life." It was something I initially did out of financial necessity, and while I'll always be grateful for the close friends, "regular-tier" friends, acquaintances, and experiences that the military brought me, I feel so much better about life since I've separated. Mark, thanks for being my unofficial therapist for several years now, and thanks for the video!
"You are in for the benefits not for the thing itself" reminds me of "Enjoy the journey not the destination". The 'harsh love' advices you give are great.
The concept of liking the idea of something instead of the thing itself even extends to romantic relationships. A lot of people are in a relationship because they like the idea of being in one rather than like the person they're in a relationship with. And before you know it, you're too afraid to be single, because you've completely forgotten your identity, as in who "you" are without a partner.
"Many people dedicate their lives to actualizing a concept of what they should be like, rather than actualizing themselves. This difference between self-actualizing and self-image actualizing is very important. Most people only live for their image." - Bruce Lee
"The real courage is that courage to be willing to not know who you are. To be willing to not know what the f*ck you want to do. That takes a lot of courage." Felt this.
Boxing was definitely my surfing. I loved being seen as a bruiser and the respect I got from others for being a skilled fighter but getting punched in the head all the time while trying to complete a demanding grad school program helped me realize I needed to put my focus elsewhere. I couldn't fully throw myself into my training and so I ended up feeling inadequate despite putting so much time into it. New video format is great btw!
In this regard, I believe the secret sauce is found when you discover you love the *doing* more than the *being* !! Love the format. Look forward to more! Thx, Mark.
You know what I’m gonna do ? Translate every single word of yours into French (because I am) and post the text next to my computer. And won’t forget to give my source. Thank you Debra ❤
Usually I don't have the patience for RUclips videos, but since I usually relate so well to what Mark's got to say, I had no problem taking the few mins for this one. Thanks for always making me think and re-evaluate Mark. I enjoy being able to relate to you. It's great to have someone who isn't afraid to say it like it is, makes us feel like we're not the only ones who think a certain way and at the same time reinforces that it's ok to accept our basic, humanity - 'flaws' and all.
All of this is so true, I just realized it myself recently. I think it’s hard to let go, too, bc you don’t want to give up on something that is hard before you were able to get better (too early). For example, I wanted to be a teacher, which is known to be hard in the beginning, but then I was able to determine that it felt harder to me than it normally would for new teachers bc I didn’t really want to do it. Stressful aspects of the job are more stressful if you’re in it for the wrong reasons. Great video, you touched on some feelings that I definitely felt when I was in that position.
It's really difficult to be able to tell.. when it's hard and something to push through or when you need to stop because it's not for you. Also not to stop because of anxiety and taking the first exit.
Right now what I want to let go is this sense of I have to be a provider, I am stressing myself out since I recently was laid off. I never realized how much of myself I invested in this role. Thank you for the food for thought with this video.
This happened to me with mountain biking! I love hiking, so I thought I would love taking a bike over the same kinds of trails...but after getting a mountain bike, I now take it on paved trails more often than not. I thought I would love the adrenaline rush + being out in nature. But in practice, I get annoyed with having to constantly pay attention to the technical things, my brain having to make a million small decisions a minute, having to lean one way, then the next, heart pounding out of my chest as I go downhill with a drop-off to the river next to me, trying to avoid falling... I realized I really liked the idea of mountain biking through the woods, but in practice I like hiking much better. With hiking, you can look at nature but let your mind wander. With mountain biking, I'm sure you can eventually get to that point, but it takes a LOT of technical skill and willingness to fall a lot and potentially get injured first.
I once told my 4 boys as they were starting to think about what they wanted to be or do...” Find something you like so much much that you would do it for free and then get paid for it”. Now easier said than done but I found that when they needed the volunteering credits for graduating that it was an opportunity for them to do things they would of never thought of doing. As 2 of them that live close by did a drive by to wish me Happy Mother’s Day and the other two facetimed me with the grandkids, I think they are doing what they love and are happy even in these tough time. I know I am. Love your newsletters Mark and, I love youtube 😉
Hedonic adaption is probably the most groundbreaking idea I’ve ever come into contact with. Being happy and thankful for what you have vs desire for those things others have… I have been making music every day for as long as I can remember and I never show it to anyone. Very rarely I may show it to someone I care about but I feel like marketing my music violates the sanctity of art for the sake of art.
You are the real deal mark, like seriously, basic ideas when presented properly become so meaningful, i too like the idea of becoming a writer... your first book ( the subtle art...) changed a lot in me...
Well, this was an "aha" moment. I've been wrestling with making a decision and this shed some damn great light on why I was having trouble doing so! Thanks, Mark. Enjoying the Monday newsletters and now enjoying the channel. Keep Telling It Like It Is.
I think it's like you said, that discomfort of not being something and instead just not knowing who you are. I think that is confusing and exhausting. I think, I've tried going into a variety of things and have come out mostly feeling 'I GUESS i like it'. And although on one hand I agree that maybe it's not important to be anything, I also sometimes wonder if I'll ever feel connected to an interest at all. I think, life is like that for me currently. Which is ok. I think, that maybe it's not so bad to not know and I'm just sort of embracing it as this perpetual hunt for something fun to do. At least, i feel way less exhausted thinking that way.
This happened to me with snowboarding. I actually sat down mid-slope one year and thought to myself "why do I keep doing this? I don't like it," unhooked my board, walked down the rest of the slope, and never snowboarded again :)
So good! You're my favorite philosopher lately, Mark--in these weird times more than ever. Nobody seems to get to the heart of a matter quite the way you do. I'm grateful for your voice and your willingness to say what needs to be heard. During this time I'm trying to sift through all the "noise" in my life and get at what I really want and what I want to be directing my energy and attention toward, and your work has helped me a lot in that pursuit.
I’ll admit that I don’t care for the presentation of the content in this video but the content itself is, as always, balanced, honest, and true, thus I can accept the style of presentation. I do love the funny edits (like the quick book plug), those were great because they were self aware. I’m always excited to see how you and your career grows! It’s honestly inspiring
Good to see you, Mark! I've gone around and around with this for a lifetime. Hated corporate work so quit. Now I'm a web designer and...... it's ok. I actually love the design part and even writing the content but it's the client part that I hate. Yet I need them to get paid. Sigh. I love dogs but can't really make money at that... I don't want to exploit them, train them (other than good house manners), show them. I just want to love them! Oh well, it's Monday back to work!
This thought exercise (identifying what I liked the idea/identity of it vs. actually wanting the reality of the thing itself) was how I ultimately concluded that I did not actually want to become a parent.
this is a good video! in my case it was my family...the crazy amount of family and cultural pressure forced me to do stuff i didnt like - and i grew up thinking, anything worth doing will feel miserable - and if you feel miserable, thats what you should be doing! can you believe that? i've felt this way into my late 20s. i was so controlled i did not know how to trust myself when i finally became independent. but its never too late to change and realize that you don't have live life continuously miserable! everyone has some sort of gift and theres a million ways to give it back, whether thats changing a career or not (if you cant) one topic that would be nice for mark to cover is for people that are creative but get overwhelmed with all they have to do - because that can be a genuine problem for people for example that have a hard time writing a book. the war of art i believe discuss that issue.
I always appreciate the clarity you bring, Mark. It's why I loved your books. I was always thinking as I was reading, "damn, this guy really gets it.". Anyways...thanks.
There are also several things related to the thing we would like to do not specifically that. Like you might like to go to the beach and even float on waves but not necessarily surfing. You might like to write, a journal, a diary, even a blog with small articles. But u might not like the idea to write a whole book. Things are not always so specific.
This is actually mind-blowing to me what you said in this video. I've been thinking about stuff for about two by now. It feels like you're reading my mind. P.S. It's also so relatable to what i've experienced. I wanted to have the identity of being a programmer, but I never enjoyed the process of sitting and writing code. Still, I entered a university to study IT... dropped out after a year of studying.
I feel like this really spoke to what I've been going through trying to find myself during this time and giving up things I use to try and force myself to do. I thought I enjoyed being a poet but it was the end result I liked and not necessarily the process of writing. Now I've freed up time to find dance videos to workout to and that has made me happier than I imagined, plus I don't have to force it as I actually want to do it. It's a liberating feeling!
Great vid! Short and sweet, and a message that was important enough to deserve a video. No BS, no ads or sponsorship within the video. Enjoyable to listen to. Subscribed
The last part of the video really hit me. I'm 24, a sociology student. I enjoy learning what I do for the thing itself, but it's not a profitable or a prestigious major now, is it? When people ask me what I want to do, I *still* have no fucking idea. What I *do* know for sure is that I'm gonna be fine and happy with pretty much any job as long as I'm around people that don't suck too much. Like, I know I'm smart and capable enough to get a job after university, but does it have to be my one true calling? I say no, I can imagine being happy doing many jobs, starting a family etc. But I feel guilty for it because you HAVE TO KNOW YOUR TRUE PASSION MAAAN YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF MAAAN. Thank you for this, Mark. Your work has helped me more than I can say in a RUclips comment.
Love the new style of your video. Please keep making more. This is actually exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you! You've been an inspiration to me for the past 5 years.
I found Mark by accident. I read his books and follow him in RUclips. Thank you @MarkManson for making complex concepts a lot more approachable and fun !! I enjoy a lot your material and helps me become a better person and have fun learning about myself and others. Keep up the great Job! My best wishes to you and your followers in 2022!!
Thank you Mark. Am at the point in my short life of figuring this out in my head but I couldn’t put it in words. It is creepily timely that I got your Monday emails this week with this video. Couldn’t explain it myself, but this video was freaking spot on.
Mark, your book The Subtle Art brought Me here. And also I am a loyal reader on your blog. I love the authenticity you put in your message and that is so revealing for me. Keep up the amazing work! Although sometimes is scary only not knowing gives us a starting point to open up to the infinite possibilities of life. Word! ✊✊
Most things suck while you are learning a particular activity/skill because you are focused on where you want to be and what you want to get out of it. But if you appreciate the subtle things, then that makes the activity a lot more fulfilling and then when you finally nail something, that is when you start to feel pretty damn awesome and hit those next level zen vibes. It just depends if you have the time and energy to put into a particular task.
So much truth. I have been very fortunate to have had a career doing something I love. I feel badly for people who work just for money or for prestige, or whatever.
This reminds me Alan Watts. But the thing about this idea is if you're not careful about it, you'll end up homeless! Because after adopting this idea you develop the expectation of always chasing after excitements, and no need to push yourself. I mean your job is never going to be the most enjoyable thing to do, is it? So it's stupid to have the expectation of having a job that's going to be very relaxing and super fun all the time. So I think not hating the job is enough.. and loving "the type of person it makes you" is important, but you should not prioritize it over the enjoyment, because you can't even build the identity if you don't enjoy doing the actual thing at all.
It's not about enjoying yourself all the time, it's about finding something where you find pleasure in the process. Just because you are not doing something to achieve a goal doesn't mean you won't achieve anything, it means you are gonna enjoy yourself on your way getting there.
I've read a bunch of your articles now, and I'm a payment away from reading the 'Rise of Fundamentalism' article. I enjoy the newsletter, (albeit not as much as I've loved the books), but this video did work for me. Good stuff. If there's more content like this I'll have to give it a look.
I am a big fan of yours Mark ever since i read your subtle i started following you to your social media account and I am started addicted to your words. Thanks and stay safe!
Well said! I have motorcycling friends that do exactly this. Garage Queen motorcycles only ridden on sunny Saturdays, but chatter endlessly about being a "biker"
Hey Mark, just finished listening to the Sacred Art of not giving a fuck and it's blown me away brother, THANK YOU!!! This book is such a gift you've given us Mark, just Thank you brother for being you man, you've definitely had a very positive impact in my life. Top 3 book I've ever read/listened to. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!
I am not sure how well this applies when one is in a situation merely to survive or to meet basic needs. I think a lot of people may be facing that in their lives right now with quarantine /work/ living situations
I really like this video. It feels like we are there and you're the cool uncle/cousin coaching us. I benefited a lot from your books, articles, and the courses. Thank you for doing what you do. I look forward to more of these just as much as the MFMs.
This is so helpful, I’ve always felt that if I committed to something there was pressure to “see it through”, which just resulted in unhappiness. I think this video will help a lot of people. Also I LOOOVE the font/logo at the beginning how do I get that on my videos ??!
Thanks for existing mark. U re like Mr miyagi to me. I can't put into words how much I appreciate u passing on ur wisdom and insights. I wish u good health and long life. X
this example of surfing hit home hard for me. i absolutely loved the idea of being called a surfer , but hated the experience and the waiting for the rights waves. there are many other things i enjoy more than surfing
![How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/MF7RzKFMuT4/mqdefault.jpg)
![How to Get What You Want By Letting Go [The Backwards Law]](/img/tr.png)
If life was the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon my dude Mark would be Master Li Mu Bai no doubt...stay cool bro...
That is seriously one of the best movies ever made. Easily the best martial arts movie ever made! It’s the only martial arts movie that gets me feeling the feels.. nice reference homie
@@IAmMarkManson shalaana15@gmail.com Bona Bona hin qoma ftesnt pranom Hangouts ti mu syni hin thirrem folim me kamer Hangouts adresn hin
"You're in it simply for the benefits and not for the thing itself, but life is all about doing something for the thing itself". Man, that hit me hard
Me too
YEEESSS😭😭😭 Law Schoool😭😭😭
This reminds me of his story about wanting to be a pro musician.
That writing piece really hit home. For 10 years I talked about writing a book and then I finally wrote a book. It was the hardest thing I ever did and when I was done I didn’t feel accomplishment I felt relief. I know now I don’t want to be a writer, I want to be a teacher who uses writing as one of his tools. Thanks Mark sharing this important information!
Wow, good on you for writing that book and having the emotional maturity to come to that conclusion.
I feel in a similar boat. Growing up I got a lot of praise for my writing, particularly creative writing. It became a big part of my identity. As a teenager I used to go to sleep telling myself that if I didn't write a world-changing book my life would have been a total failure. WOW, that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. The fact is though, I never wrote in my spare time for enjoyment- I just couldn't bring myself to. A think this was partly due to extreme amounts of pressure, and also partly due to the fact that I just didn't find it enjoyable. I became a nurse so that I would be able to have a stable job and pursue writing on the side. I have been a nurse for almost a decade and still haven't written one substantial piece of creative writing. I do know that I do have a natural knack for words and knowing how to put them together to sound snappy, but I'm not sure that's enough. The past few years, but in particular very recently I have been grappling with the fact that it's likely that I will never be a writer- in part because all evidence would suggest it's simply something I don't actually want to do. It's been incredibly painful, largely because of the letting go of the lifelong identity/delusion I had created. It automatically changes a lot of my world view, and even though I actually think it makes it better, it's still painful. I know that I have to go through this because I can't live until I'm 50 thinking this way (I'm 32) and putting my life on hold and creating an opportunity cost that stops me from pursuing other more realistic and pleasurable goals.
Also, I found an old copy of a story that I wrote when I was 14 and was massively praised for by my teachers. You know what? It wasn't that good. Even for a kid. Perhaps I could have pursued writing further and got better, but it was a wake-up call that made me realise how the identity of 'writer' I had stamped myself with at a young age was not based in reality.
I feel like social media has made us hallow, approval seeking consumers. We are shown snapshots of perfectly curated fake lives we can never achieve because they don’t exist.
I personally have always hated the feeling things like Instagram gave me. I focus on my own little world, being better than me yesterday and spending time with people who I care about. I don’t want anything most of the time I spend thinking about how lucky I am to be safe in my home, not worrying about my next meal etc.
It really hurts to see people chasing money and material things… I wish I could wake them up to the fact you mentioned.
There's the danger of giving up on something too soon because we're not confident or competent at it yet. How could you get joy from any activity without perseverance or some level of grit? It took me three years to love the industry I work in. Fully agree with giving a job, relationship, or hobby up if after some amount of time you realize you don't like it.
"All I can do is show up today, and do my best."
We do things to meet the desires of the ego. To be accepted by society. To fill the void of feeling incomplete.
Like getting a degree?
Abhi Narayan Depends. For some people getting a degree aligns with their passions, interests and future goals. For others it holds very little significance in that respect and merely serves as an accomplishment to reward the ego so it can feel important and validated by society.
@@ceeIoc what if u don't know what u want in life and u r just figuring things out. How do I choose what I want in Life? I want to sacrifice my freedom and spend time on something that will be meaningful,what is that something
@@pid1866 Social acceptance is a part of it , when u don't know what exactly u want u just stick with what normal people do (getting a degree in this case)
I maintain the belief that identity issues are a major cause of depression. Such as if a parent dies I feel the grief comes not only from missing them but from missing who you were when they were alive. And, as you say, people hang onto bad relationships because it's their identity, also a mid life crisis is all about questioning who you are.
Identity is such an important thing so no wonder we do things we hate in search of it, really interesting video. Thanks.
Your book the subtle art.. destroyed "me". 1 year ago .. now I rebuild myself on more good values. Thank you! I am grateful.
you know what? I consider you as a mentor of me even though I've never met you.
online mentor
Me too ☺️
👊
Me too
@@IAmMarkManson even quotes the best mentor. Yoda you are 😂
We can also end up hating the things we love. By which I mean that we can do them for the right reasons but hate them for the wrong reasons. Its possible, for example, to love writing. And end up hating it because we have unreasonable expectations . We might expect it to be easier than it is, which causes self-loathing when it turns out less than perfect. Or we dream about overnight success - which never comes. The core motivation might be the right one. But other erroneous motivations get mixed up with it.
I love being a music producer/musician: thinking of melodies in my mind, arranging the chords, figuring out which kick drum sounds good with the track, mixing the instruments, etc. Music is my favorite form of expression. What I DID dislike in my life (I say "dislike" as a substitute for "hate") was being in the military. I always say to people, "Joining the Air Force was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Getting out of the Air Force was, also, one of the best decisions I've made in my life." It was something I initially did out of financial necessity, and while I'll always be grateful for the close friends, "regular-tier" friends, acquaintances, and experiences that the military brought me, I feel so much better about life since I've separated.
Mark, thanks for being my unofficial therapist for several years now, and thanks for the video!
"You are in for the benefits not for the thing itself" reminds me of "Enjoy the journey not the destination". The 'harsh love' advices you give are great.
The concept of liking the idea of something instead of the thing itself even extends to romantic relationships. A lot of people are in a relationship because they like the idea of being in one rather than like the person they're in a relationship with. And before you know it, you're too afraid to be single, because you've completely forgotten your identity, as in who "you" are without a partner.
"Many people dedicate their lives to actualizing a concept of what they should be like, rather than actualizing themselves. This difference between self-actualizing and self-image actualizing is very important. Most people only live for their image." - Bruce Lee
"The real courage is that courage to be willing to not know who you are. To be willing to not know what the f*ck you want to do. That takes a lot of courage."
Felt this.
These lines were the most relatable..👌
Totally in the middle of it at 47. Marriage gone, job gone, still proudly alive but don't know what I really want. I'll keep living and searching.
@@gianz73 how is your life man
Boxing was definitely my surfing. I loved being seen as a bruiser and the respect I got from others for being a skilled fighter but getting punched in the head all the time while trying to complete a demanding grad school program helped me realize I needed to put my focus elsewhere. I couldn't fully throw myself into my training and so I ended up feeling inadequate despite putting so much time into it.
New video format is great btw!
Wow, I really really like this format
Me too
And me too
+1
+1
In this regard, I believe the secret sauce is found when you discover you love the *doing* more than the *being* !!
Love the format. Look forward to more! Thx, Mark.
Hey nicely put...
You know what I’m gonna do ? Translate every single word of yours into French (because I am) and post the text next to my computer. And won’t forget to give my source. Thank you Debra ❤
Usually I don't have the patience for RUclips videos, but since I usually relate so well to what Mark's got to say, I had no problem taking the few mins for this one. Thanks for always making me think and re-evaluate Mark. I enjoy being able to relate to you. It's great to have someone who isn't afraid to say it like it is, makes us feel like we're not the only ones who think a certain way and at the same time reinforces that it's ok to accept our basic, humanity - 'flaws' and all.
If “life is all about doing something for the thing itself” then 99% of people are failing to live properly.
All of this is so true, I just realized it myself recently. I think it’s hard to let go, too, bc you don’t want to give up on something that is hard before you were able to get better (too early). For example, I wanted to be a teacher, which is known to be hard in the beginning, but then I was able to determine that it felt harder to me than it normally would for new teachers bc I didn’t really want to do it. Stressful aspects of the job are more stressful if you’re in it for the wrong reasons. Great video, you touched on some feelings that I definitely felt when I was in that position.
It's really difficult to be able to tell.. when it's hard and something to push through or when you need to stop because it's not for you. Also not to stop because of anxiety and taking the first exit.
Right now what I want to let go is this sense of I have to be a provider, I am stressing myself out since I recently was laid off. I never realized how much of myself I invested in this role. Thank you for the food for thought with this video.
This happened to me with mountain biking! I love hiking, so I thought I would love taking a bike over the same kinds of trails...but after getting a mountain bike, I now take it on paved trails more often than not.
I thought I would love the adrenaline rush + being out in nature. But in practice, I get annoyed with having to constantly pay attention to the technical things, my brain having to make a million small decisions a minute, having to lean one way, then the next, heart pounding out of my chest as I go downhill with a drop-off to the river next to me, trying to avoid falling... I realized I really liked the idea of mountain biking through the woods, but in practice I like hiking much better.
With hiking, you can look at nature but let your mind wander. With mountain biking, I'm sure you can eventually get to that point, but it takes a LOT of technical skill and willingness to fall a lot and potentially get injured first.
I once told my 4 boys as they were starting to think about what they wanted to be or do...” Find something you like so much much that you would do it for free and then get paid for it”. Now easier said than done but I found that when they needed the volunteering credits for graduating that it was an opportunity for them to do things they would of never thought of doing. As 2 of them that live close by did a drive by to wish me Happy Mother’s Day and the other two facetimed me with the grandkids, I think they are doing what they love and are happy even in these tough time. I know I am. Love your newsletters Mark and, I love youtube 😉
Hedonic adaption is probably the most groundbreaking idea I’ve ever come into contact with. Being happy and thankful for what you have vs desire for those things others have…
I have been making music every day for as long as I can remember and I never show it to anyone. Very rarely I may show it to someone I care about but I feel like marketing my music violates the sanctity of art for the sake of art.
Yep hit me with every word. I hate my work but I'm also afraid to start over.
You are the real deal mark, like seriously, basic ideas when presented properly become so meaningful, i too like the idea of becoming a writer... your first book ( the subtle art...) changed a lot in me...
Well, this was an "aha" moment. I've been wrestling with making a decision and this shed some damn great light on why I was having trouble doing so! Thanks, Mark. Enjoying the Monday newsletters and now enjoying the channel. Keep Telling It Like It Is.
Thanks man, you are putting words to feelings and emotions that many can't grasp the slightest (including myself).
The power of getting a good videographer and editing team that makes this video interactive. Good for you for finding such team mark
This man is full of wisdom
I think it's like you said, that discomfort of not being something and instead just not knowing who you are. I think that is confusing and exhausting.
I think, I've tried going into a variety of things and have come out mostly feeling 'I GUESS i like it'. And although on one hand I agree that maybe it's not important to be anything, I also sometimes wonder if I'll ever feel connected to an interest at all.
I think, life is like that for me currently. Which is ok. I think, that maybe it's not so bad to not know and I'm just sort of embracing it as this perpetual hunt for something fun to do.
At least, i feel way less exhausted thinking that way.
This happened to me with snowboarding. I actually sat down mid-slope one year and thought to myself "why do I keep doing this? I don't like it," unhooked my board, walked down the rest of the slope, and never snowboarded again :)
Nicely done! That's the most valuable lesson you got from snowboarding, so it worked!
Indeed snowboarding sucks
So good! You're my favorite philosopher lately, Mark--in these weird times more than ever. Nobody seems to get to the heart of a matter quite the way you do. I'm grateful for your voice and your willingness to say what needs to be heard. During this time I'm trying to sift through all the "noise" in my life and get at what I really want and what I want to be directing my energy and attention toward, and your work has helped me a lot in that pursuit.
I’ll admit that I don’t care for the presentation of the content in this video but the content itself is, as always, balanced, honest, and true, thus I can accept the style of presentation. I do love the funny edits (like the quick book plug), those were great because they were self aware. I’m always excited to see how you and your career grows! It’s honestly inspiring
Mark is starting to look more and more like Harvey Specter from Suits
Forever grateful for you, Mark 🙏 Great to see you doing the vids
I am from Pakistan and you are a gem of a person you are a true teacher to me, an inspiration. 😍
Mark, you nailed something that so many people spend years in therapy searching for in a matter of 5 minutes! Thank you!!
Good to see you, Mark! I've gone around and around with this for a lifetime. Hated corporate work so quit. Now I'm a web designer and...... it's ok. I actually love the design part and even writing the content but it's the client part that I hate. Yet I need them to get paid. Sigh. I love dogs but can't really make money at that... I don't want to exploit them, train them (other than good house manners), show them. I just want to love them! Oh well, it's Monday back to work!
This thought exercise (identifying what I liked the idea/identity of it vs. actually wanting the reality of the thing itself) was how I ultimately concluded that I did not actually want to become a parent.
this is a good video! in my case it was my family...the crazy amount of family and cultural pressure forced me to do stuff i didnt like - and i grew up thinking, anything worth doing will feel miserable - and if you feel miserable, thats what you should be doing!
can you believe that? i've felt this way into my late 20s. i was so controlled i did not know how to trust myself when i finally became independent. but its never too late to change and realize that you don't have live life continuously miserable! everyone has some sort of gift and theres a million ways to give it back, whether thats changing a career or not (if you cant)
one topic that would be nice for mark to cover is for people that are creative but get overwhelmed with all they have to do - because that can be a genuine problem for people for example that have a hard time writing a book. the war of art i believe discuss that issue.
I always appreciate the clarity you bring, Mark. It's why I loved your books. I was always thinking as I was reading, "damn, this guy really gets it.". Anyways...thanks.
There are also several things related to the thing we would like to do not specifically that. Like you might like to go to the beach and even float on waves but not necessarily surfing. You might like to write, a journal, a diary, even a blog with small articles. But u might not like the idea to write a whole book. Things are not always so specific.
This is actually mind-blowing to me what you said in this video. I've been thinking about stuff for about two by now. It feels like you're reading my mind.
P.S. It's also so relatable to what i've experienced. I wanted to have the identity of being a programmer, but I never enjoyed the process of sitting and writing code. Still, I entered a university to study IT... dropped out after a year of studying.
I feel like this really spoke to what I've been going through trying to find myself during this time and giving up things I use to try and force myself to do. I thought I enjoyed being a poet but it was the end result I liked and not necessarily the process of writing. Now I've freed up time to find dance videos to workout to and that has made me happier than I imagined, plus I don't have to force it as I actually want to do it. It's a liberating feeling!
Great vid! Short and sweet, and a message that was important enough to deserve a video. No BS, no ads or sponsorship within the video. Enjoyable to listen to. Subscribed
Very nice article. I used to be one of those lawyers. Leaving the law was one of the best things I ever did.
This video was perfect. Not too short, not too long. Just perfect. Nailed the point. Love it. Keep doing these please!
The last part of the video really hit me.
I'm 24, a sociology student. I enjoy learning what I do for the thing itself, but it's not a profitable or a prestigious major now, is it? When people ask me what I want to do, I *still* have no fucking idea. What I *do* know for sure is that I'm gonna be fine and happy with pretty much any job as long as I'm around people that don't suck too much.
Like, I know I'm smart and capable enough to get a job after university, but does it have to be my one true calling? I say no, I can imagine being happy doing many jobs, starting a family etc. But I feel guilty for it because you HAVE TO KNOW YOUR TRUE PASSION MAAAN YOU GOTTA FIND YOURSELF MAAAN.
Thank you for this, Mark. Your work has helped me more than I can say in a RUclips comment.
This hit me hard like a 12-punch boxing combo and knocked me out of pointless thoughts. Thank you, Mark !!!
I swear I found this guy for a reason. opening my mind, taking this info into my own life thanks man.
Love the new style of your video. Please keep making more. This is actually exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you! You've been an inspiration to me for the past 5 years.
Working dead end jobs, overthinking all the time.......
This channel is what I needed
I found Mark by accident. I read his books and follow him in RUclips. Thank you @MarkManson for making complex concepts a lot more approachable and fun !! I enjoy a lot your material and helps me become a better person and have fun learning about myself and others.
Keep up the great Job! My best wishes to you and your followers in 2022!!
Thank you Mark. Am at the point in my short life of figuring this out in my head but I couldn’t put it in words. It is creepily timely that I got your Monday emails this week with this video. Couldn’t explain it myself, but this video was freaking spot on.
I'm at this point with my job right now. Need to let go of it because I know it's not what I want.
Just do it! You're never to old to try something new. Good luck!
You've got me thinking it's time to retire. I don't hate my job, but, I don't love it anymore. Letting go is hard, but, not impossible. Thanks.
This is really ringing true. I loved fitness, tried a channel and ending up feeling weird about it. So I let it go, now I’m pursuing something else 😊
Mark, your book The Subtle Art brought Me here. And also I am a loyal reader on your blog. I love the authenticity you put in your message and that is so revealing for me. Keep up the amazing work! Although sometimes is scary only not knowing gives us a starting point to open up to the infinite possibilities of life. Word! ✊✊
Most things suck while you are learning a particular activity/skill because you are focused on where you want to be and what you want to get out of it. But if you appreciate the subtle things, then that makes the activity a lot more fulfilling and then when you finally nail something, that is when you start to feel pretty damn awesome and hit those next level zen vibes.
It just depends if you have the time and energy to put into a particular task.
great new format Mark. looks ace
Had to watch twice. Saved for watching it again later. This is resonating with me big time!
So much truth. I have been very fortunate to have had a career doing something I love. I feel badly for people who work just for money or for prestige, or whatever.
this came at the right time for me....thanks, Bro. Something to chew and time to get rid of unnecessary load of junk we carry on with us...
You are great. Just realized why I did what I did for years...now I am free.
Words of wisdom Lloyd. Words of wisdom!
Excellent Mark! You blew my mind away! This is soooo true! I never realized before. Please keep up this videos, they are great.
This reminds me Alan Watts.
But the thing about this idea is if you're not careful about it, you'll end up homeless!
Because after adopting this idea you develop the expectation of always chasing after excitements, and no need to push yourself.
I mean your job is never going to be the most enjoyable thing to do, is it?
So it's stupid to have the expectation of having a job that's going to be very relaxing and super fun all the time.
So I think not hating the job is enough.. and loving "the type of person it makes you" is important, but you should not prioritize it over the enjoyment, because you can't even build the identity if you don't enjoy doing the actual thing at all.
It's not about enjoying yourself all the time, it's about finding something where you find pleasure in the process. Just because you are not doing something to achieve a goal doesn't mean you won't achieve anything, it means you are gonna enjoy yourself on your way getting there.
The essence of the spiritual path. Keep it simple, don't do what you hate, dont lie to yourself.
I've read a bunch of your articles now, and I'm a payment away from reading the 'Rise of Fundamentalism' article. I enjoy the newsletter, (albeit not as much as I've loved the books), but this video did work for me. Good stuff. If there's more content like this I'll have to give it a look.
Great format and graphics...hope to see more videos like this too
I am a big fan of yours Mark ever since i read your subtle i started following you to your social media account and I am started addicted to your words. Thanks and stay safe!
Keep making this kind of content mark! very straight to the point and real!
Yes!
Be yourself. Be happy. Enjoy life!
Well said! I have motorcycling friends that do exactly this. Garage Queen motorcycles only ridden on sunny Saturdays, but chatter endlessly about being a "biker"
Thank you Mark for this
Hey Mark, just finished listening to the Sacred Art of not giving a fuck and it's blown me away brother, THANK YOU!!! This book is such a gift you've given us Mark, just Thank you brother for being you man, you've definitely had a very positive impact in my life. Top 3 book I've ever read/listened to. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!
Thank you. I think we all need to hear that at some point :)
Sir You literally are an eye opener! I love your work, your books are damn reality checks💯 Keep it up Sir, It helps!!
Yes! I never really liked downhill skiing (and was bad at it), yet spent years and many private lessons trying to improve.
I am not sure how well this applies when one is in a situation merely to survive or to meet basic needs. I think a lot of people may be facing that in their lives right now with quarantine /work/ living situations
This was so accurate on so many levels 👏🏽👏🏽 I don’t like writing but I want to be an author. That’s why I have 3 half-written books.
I really like this video. It feels like we are there and you're the cool uncle/cousin coaching us. I benefited a lot from your books, articles, and the courses. Thank you for doing what you do. I look forward to more of these just as much as the MFMs.
MFMs?
Nice to see you on RUclips Mark! Please keep sharing awesome content!💗👏
You 've hit the spot Mark...been doing that sh*t for a looong time...
This is such a great video with such an important message
This video shows up when I really need it, thanks Mark
This is so helpful, I’ve always felt that if I committed to something there was pressure to “see it through”, which just resulted in unhappiness. I think this video will help a lot of people. Also I LOOOVE the font/logo at the beginning how do I get that on my videos ??!
Love this format Mark! Keen to see more like it.
Thanks for existing mark. U re like Mr miyagi to me.
I can't put into words how much I appreciate u passing on ur wisdom and insights.
I wish u good health and long life.
X
Comprei seu livro essa semana! Já estou na metade da leitura! Parabéns!
More videos like this please!
This is great advice. You rock Mark, keep it up!
Great video and a great point about doing something we hate be be someone we are not.
this example of surfing hit home hard for me. i absolutely loved the idea of being called a surfer , but hated the experience and the waiting for the rights waves. there are many other things i enjoy more than surfing
I've read all your books and I love this channel I'm glad to see it taking off! Congrats man