Table News: Too Much Butter
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- Опубликовано: 10 янв 2023
- Wisconsin has issues with butter, and Louisiana has issues with...corn?
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Приколы
I love New York's response to the Governments saying murder is still illegal.
I mean, what are you gonna do? Outlaw gardening?
He sounds like a mafioso
@@eldorados_lost_searcher Don't go giving the government ideas!
In NYs defense, he never said anything about murder! At worst he was disposing of a body.
@@curiousKuro16 That just happened to be dead.
We never specified how it died
"Murder is illegal"
"Gardening aint"
Finders keepers, and i found the body
Minnesota mood.
@@aubrey_animations9880I like how you motherfucking think 🤪🤣
ruclips.net/video/vVfRf24LXcg/видео.htmlsi=MMAUgDV6y7Iv3tEg
“Quick, Texas, grab your toast!”
My favorite line ever
I ould not breathe for a solid minute after hearing that
My God that took me way too long to figure out 😭 I’m tired, and it’s been a long few weeks…
@@CarbonatedCondensation this week is going by so slow & I’m so tired as well
@@Iamnothere-CH. absolutely… Monday felt like Friday, and it’s only now Thursday
A good second best is
“The butter is gone”
“Divorce!”
My dad overheard the line about rats flying if you kick 'em hard enough and started wheezing because that's exactly what he'd say. You got a new fan today lol.
I laughed way to hard at that one. It was also the first thing I thought of.
The lack of confidence they have in Florida hurts me.
The entire Florida Man meme wasn’t even a thing until the late 90s when a bunch of damn Yankees flooded our state and began acting the fool.
Before them we had the swamp people down in the Everglades. Let’s just say those folks didn’t make the news very often.
Why? Because they were fucking weirdos. Nobody wanted to be around them.
Then we started draining the swamps to build McMansions and next thing you know “Florida Man” stories began popping up everywhere.
Coincidence?
Are you a Floridian?
Why the fuck would they have confidence in Florida?/genq
Dude bears are no joke. Barehanded non of them can win and they know it. It's not down talking it's reality-checking.
Especially considering Florida's experience in dealing with gators, among other things. ;)
Government: *Rings Cowbell* ROUND 15! GIVE IT UP FOR ROUND 15!
Unpaid interns: We've been here for 4 days, I haven't slept in 3 days, nor eaten in 2, can we take a break?
Government: I'm sorry interns, but we can't move on until Kevin wins the game. He's like the 2020 New York Jets, he won't take the hint.
Unpaid intern: *Shoves face in hands and screams*
Slave, it's pronounced slave
This is definitely what happened.
@@edgar1344 I saw your reply and started dying of laughter! Lol 🤣
We’re doing it like the colonists! WE DON’T LEAVE UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED.
“you couldnt even take a rat, b. deadass.” is the most new york sentence new york has ever new yorked
New York speaking truth, usually.
New Yorkers are pretty blunt in general.
Time for my weekly update on how the USA is going
Up in flames. . .
Lol
Burning
F-ed
Psycho!
"There is no such thing as too much butter"- Any Midwestern
Unless it’s margarine in Wisconsin, then it’s illegal to sell it at retail unless it’s been graded, I don’t know I don’t make our laws.
And that's why we're all going to die at 40!
@@NAcHO-wx5vg I mean, we _are_ the dairy state. Gotta have high standards
I joke that Texas is sometimes a southern state, sometimes a midwestern state, sometimes a southwestern state, and sometimes it’s own thing.
In this case it’s a midwestern state.
To be fair, this philosophy is also fully embraced by every traditional Southern cook.
As a french, I just want to state a fact: there's no such thing as too much butter.
That sounds like some a French would say.
Depends on the context
Too much butter in cookin , no you could just eat the jug and be fine, the love just might hurt ya when it leaves.
In the rivers and on the streets..., May-be just depends on how contaminated you're willin to have your butter.
I agree with danny. I don’t want my butter touching the street. That’s gross
Too much butter is the right amount of butter
Come to the Netherlands than.
These little skits always make me happy until I realize that they were reflecting real life
I like how now he gives a little opening skit before the title card now
The fact that they read like surrealist performance art, but are in fact only light satire is a truly horrifying thing.
For those wondering about the river fire thing the Cuyahoga in Ohio caught in fire on at least 13 separate occasions from 1868-1969 and maybe a reason why EPA is a thing
There's something so chaotically wholesome about my birth state LA and the state that I was raised in teaming up to give Florida a run for its money when it comes to firewater...
There's a song about that River.
Goddammit Cleveland, making us look bad again.
@@DonRavioli92 yep
Hey, look, Cleveland is also the best thing going for Ohio rn 🤣
Ben’s really been improving at getting the states to say things at the exact same time.
Caitlin from Ask a motition moves to the east coast. New York legalizes human composting. Coincidence? I think not!
I was just thinking the same!
Hm... Interesting :D
i love how the bigger regions (south, midwest, bigger as in state size) team up and screw around with eachother, all of the insults directed at eachother are usually in good fun.
As an Iowan. That marriage proposal better have a ring. Made of butter with fat corn kernel for a rock.
Hands up if you saw the "snese" in the subtitles.
Snese?
1:29
@@thatguyfromcanada1 thank you
@@thatguyfromcanada1 thank you, that's hilarious
✋🤚
Why do I feel like NJ will be somehow on the same page with NY regarding composting and murder 😂
Well, they are the garden state
And also previous run by the Mob.
They’re like cousins, or siblings with rivalry. I feel like every New Yorker has family in NJ, and everyone in NJ has family in NY.
It's been over fifty years since the Cuyahoga River caught fire, come on. :D
So 2011 had Norway have not enough butter, and now we've got America with too much butter. Butter Crisis Part 2: Butterlanche.
As someone from Chicago, please don’t ever compare us to some cheesehead’s
Aw geeze, we got a fibber talking smack again. You're just jealous our state has topography.
Even the most depressed Wisconsinite can wake up in the morning remembering that even though we have won the Super Bowl several times, non of them led to a song and dance number called The Super Bowl Shuffle
* cheesehead/ cheeseheads
@@victoriaderfus4751, watching Sweetness shuffle & sing = ! (2nd only to watching him run & score!)
As someone from Milwaukee, the feeling's mutual buddy.
There really ain’t such thing as too much butter… or at least that’s what my mom would say. Meat, butter, and potatoes.
You're missing dessert.
@@hopelessromantic3786 Potatoes are dual purpose - both the dessert and the main course.
Florida could take grizzly, then take it to Disney so he could meet Baloo and Winnie the Pooh.
Shout out to Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician here on YT) for already having a video on human composting!
So, it seems finding "corn" in the woods seems to be an international trend. Here, in the UK, it seemed almost easy to stumble upon someone's stash during the 90s!!
I’m so confused by this. Who was leaving all these p🌽rn mags in the woods?? Why?? How was this an international phenomenon?? I don’t understand-
@@arche2460 it’s a stash, dude, it’s so they weren’t in your house, no one knew they were yours, and you could pick them up at a later date
@@arche2460 Kids like making tree houses when they are 8-Dead. As one grows older, what one finds interesting and worth hiding in said tree house(s) also changes.
I also submit hollowed out tree stumps, weather-proof (tarp covered) lockbox (broken lock ofc) covered in foliage (season pending), and good old cardboard box under a tarp on a piece of wood covered in tree branches.
These tips and tricks that one can pick up while growing up can also help hide the bodies when/if required. I also submit Lyme as a good tool if the wildlife in your neck of the woods isnt as staunch a supporter of recycling as it is in mine.
And considering there was a time when you could buy cheapo rubber/silicon gloves without anyone batting an eye, I do not doubt the psychopaths are having a field day.
The Gov can finally speak, the corn has got the juice and they're gardening in January in New York. Damn but I love the Table. Good show Ben!
That Texas Toast joke was a good one. I do not know how I did not see it coming
Yeah um, I was about to say, "How could an self-respecting dairy state of the midwest have too much butter?" Butter on thee ground because of a flaming factory would do it.
Yup Iowan here, we got fried butter on a stick.
@@shawnlylebond8873 Have you tried our cheese curds though? Breaded and fried nuggets of cheese.
@@bthsr7113 you had me at cheese.
@@shawnlylebond8873 Culvers is a good baseline, though there is better. A&W has some good ones sometimes, but there's been some high variation in my experience.
Some of the best I had were at a quiet sports bar in the off season. Right next to the Green Bay Packers' stadium.
@@bthsr7113 but that would require me going to Wisconsin.
This is the only source for "news" that doesn't activate my anxiety disorder. Thanks for that.
"Why would you have a law to protect kids from corn?"
This is why I can't sleep at night. I think things like this
this is so pure. all i could think was "california, no kid's giving identifying information on corn websites. they're just subtracting 18 from the current date"
@@lauraknight5973 they make you put in your lousiana id
@Lucas Benitez louisiana is like that parent who successfully stops their kids from sneaking around because they did the same shit as a kid and knows all the tricks
Thank you for reminding me I’ll be turning 18 this year Ben I was trying to forget
Really? Why?
Probably a good time to know Finnish college is free to anyone pursuing a major they view as beneficial, regardless of nationality.
"Yeah, but gardening ain't."
I love that so much. Next time someone tells me murder is illegal, I'm responding with this. (It's all jokes!)
I'm honestly surprised no one has asked what human composting is.
*EDIT*
Ok this is to stave off any more comments to go & check out Caitlin Doughty's channel Ask A Mortician.
A: I am *fully* aware of what human decomposition it is, & how it works.
B: I'm a member of the Order of the Good Death. & I have been following Caitlin Doughty's Ask A Mortician channel for years now.
C: I've been following the concept of human composting ever since it was first submitted in Washington. & I was over joyed that it has passed legislation. In Washington, California & now in New York. & I hope that it will be legal here in Australia before I die.
My original comment was about my surprise that no one had asked what it was? Not everyone is aware of the concept of human composting & what it entails. So I was surprised that there weren't more questions about it.
It's legal in Washington too lol
I know what a human is. I know what composting is. I can put two and two together
Watch Ask a Mortician on here, she will teach ya
@@chibiprussia5574 Good, when I die I can have my grandkids make me part of their gardens
@@syndigriner-owens4351 Seconded, Caitlin is a great source for most anything death- & funeral-related!
with the mentions of bears and dropping things out of planes, i was almost anticipating a cocaine bear reference since the movies coming out soon
Iowa's line with the butter is what I would say amazing along with Illinois and Wisconsin not liking to be compared with each other, perfection
Thanks, Ben. I can always count on you for things I suddenly have to Google right now.
I think this might be the best scripted skit yet! Of course it's hilarious, but the timing on this one is so tight and well edited! And all the references! I particularly love the butter marriage! The perfect mid-week pick me up!
You're still making the days worth getting through, Ben. Thank you.
As a New Yorker that know exactly how long it takes to dig a 6'x3'x6' hole by hand in the dark...
I approve of our new law.
Ok. But does no one remember Utah's phone "corn" filter??? Why didn't he enter the conversation with Louisiana?!
I live for these!!!
Love when get the Wisconsin accent going. Takes me back to my childhood there! Thanks for including the outtakes too!
As someone born in 2005, I can confirm I will be 18 in July.
What the hell are taxes, how do I pay them, and, alternatively, how do I avoid paying them?
Taxes are a bit of money set aside for a theoretically functioning government. To pay them, provide information about your Social Security Number to your employer, and they will withdraw some income for your taxes. To avoid paying them, donate about 2 billion dollars worth of shares to a charity run in your name, spend 95% of the money on investments and spend the remaining 5% on what your charity is designated for, as long as it improves the value of your investments of the 95% from your charity.
For example, if you want to invest in lowering homelessness, you invest the 95% in stocks for residential manufacturing and then spend the 5% building them. You can even ask for free community labor. The increased revenue from buying products from companies you have stock in will raise your net wealth tax free.
The government knows how much money they want from you. They won’t tell you because companies corrupted politicians so they wouldn’t tell you. You can go to one of those companies and have them ask you questions based on your lifestyle and they’ll let you know how much you owe.
Ah, I see schools have stopped teaching economics, too... pxicepickxv gave a bit of info about taxes, but it's a bit mistaken. It's easier to figure between state and federal taxes, @30% of your income goes to them.
It's probably worth noting that those companies are required by law to have a free version of their software that you can use if your financial situation is sufficiently simple. (Though, you may still have to pay to also generate and file your state tax return.)
That said, sufficiently simple is very narrowly defined. Like, if you get paid for jury duty, you have to report it on a form that none of the companies include in the free version.
He misspelled the title in the video 😂
Reminds me of the 2011 Norwegian butter crisis. (Look it up its crazy and has changed butter production and storage for last 10 years in Norway.)
So I look it up, and yeah it's crazy. Especially the reaction of the neighbours, free butter in frontier towns of Sweden to entice norwegian consumers, butter smugglers and a danish emergency appeal to give butter to Norwegians. Wtf? XD
@@krankarvolund7771 " YOU THERE WHATS IN THE TRUCK!?"
"Not butter"
I think New York was my favorite in this one. Next time I wanna see him gardening.
I love how you nail NY every time.
Love to see Iowa popping in from time to time! :D
As a Newyorker i would appreciate an Upstate Ny sorta like how there is Texas and Austin, but the other way around
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These keep getting better and better! Very few things make me actually laugh but these always do. Thank you for always putting out great content!
You’re telling me Utah and Washington aren’t in this sketch?
Too busy celebrating getting into the playoffs
@@darthmaul216 And we and Michigan didn’t make fun of WI for still using a packers mug
I was half expecting Indiana to chime in talking about the lady driving on the canal downtown a few weeks ago
Just your typical northeast gardening😂😂
I'm enjoying these new cold opens!
"The butter is gone"
"Divorce."
Why does NY call Florida, “B?”
its to mean "bub" or "bud"
Been on your channel since last night and if I ever visit your country am checking out Florida. He's been just great. Love the Table News.
"That's a weird way to purpose, but I do" that honestly made my fucking day hearing that, and it made my uncle look up what happened, so that was fun too
0:35 Time for round 2. 😂 That speaker of the house got kicked to the curb.
Ayyyyy Ohio!!
"I say we just go back to the days of mysteriously air-dropping magazines into the woods behind residential areas." Never did figure out *why* that was a thing... but young me got so many magazines that way...
NY legalized human composting??? Huzzah!!!!! Best news all week.
Always good to see michigan
“I’ll watch it”
Got me wheezing XD
I can confirm that people born in 2005 are turning 18 this year. I am one of those people.
Good job.
same
The West Coast wanted to make it, but all the roads are flooded.
gov "ive been busy" that gave me a good laugh
I love that you mentioned limewire
Iowa finally getting some love
This reminded me that I haven't had dinner yet, so now I'm going to go eat toast on butter before it's too late! Great video as always!! :D
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its CRAZY how we ALL grew up with the gift of forest porn
We... did? That was a real thing?
Eh?
So....I don't know if that was actually a thing, but it would explain a small part of the woods I lived next to growing up..
Never happened in my neck of the woods.
"They can if you kick em hard enough" sent me to the moon 😂 like those rats
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Thanks for my weekly news! Time to go back into my library
Those river fires were up north, the river with the same name as our state is at the southern end and has never been on fire.*
*Probably.
Georgia is drinking like there’s no tomorrow
My favorite part is FL's hand motions during 'do you require an assistant?'
me and Florida said that simultaneously
I love that they all somehow rallied together about getting toast to use all the butter for
I’m turning 18 this year that’s right
Do you know what limewire is?
@@fairycat23 No but i just looked it up
Perfect as always
@@KnowingBetter1 Wait ppl actually fall for this
Iowa accepting the proposal makes too much sense
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I got to say I'm happy for the table news to return but I hope you enjoy doing your shows that got some much-needed rest
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2:20 I mean if the magazines are made out of the right paper it wouldn't be that bad. Though it brings new meaning to "dirty magazines".
On the Patreon page, you mentioned New England Gardening, but not a single New England state was here.
New York is not in New England, it’s in the mid-Atlantic, alongside West and East Philly, anyone from either region will tell you the same.
Your content just keeps getting funnier
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I like the haircut. Also, can confirm the age math. My child born in 06 is so close to getting her license (must be 16.5 to get) which means 17 isn’t too far away either…
As someone who is from Wisconsin: yes. Just yes.
Also I literally have a sign on my wall that says “Gardening: because murder is wrong”
that ganster times vibes created by "gardenin"
Congratulations New York! New green burial options ftw!!!
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Finally Wisconsin got in one! Represent!
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1:41 this quote aged well
Ohio is painfully on point
Down to the exact Buckeye necklace that every rural Ohioan child has had at some point in their life.
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Once again, you impress. As a Floridian, I must say I love your depiction of us as a state. Spot on. Thanks for the entertainment Ben.
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"Just light the canal on fire"
OOF
As a 2005 baby myself I can’t wait to turn 18
3:27 this is why New York is my favorite. No questions asked.
Michigan being totally fine with the National championships dig from Ohio is spot on, especially since the Coyahoga River has caught fire ***13*** times.
Plus the Vernors ❤️ love it.
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I need to go die in New York, I’d love to be composted
Great video.
I love how for years now this channel has been the personification of 'you cant make this up' i love your humor.
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So now we have corn for... "something adult".
I watch a captain sparkles video the other day and he discuss a serious topic by saying "yes yes, but in Spanish and reverse."
I'm both sad and amuse at the same time.