How Our Foster Care Respite Weekend Went!
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- There is always a need for ❤LOVING❤, 💪SUPPORTIVE💪, and 🕒PATIENT🕒 foster parents who will ⚖ADVOCATE⚖ for the kids placed in their home. We hope that by us sharing our journey as a foster family, that it inspires others to learn more. Contact your county, foster care agency or visit www.adoptuskids.org to learn more.
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Be The Village
P.O. Box 348
Maineville, OH 45039
As a fellow foster mom of 11 years, I was so relieved that you gave the girls a chance to EARN money while with you. It's a common pitfall for respite providers to lavish kids with treats and fun things to do, then they go back to "normal" life with foster parents and it's really hard on the foster parents. It's also extremely common for kids of any age to complain about their case worker and foster parents with a respite provider. You did a wonderful job listening, validating and following through appropriately. Their entire childhood is so abnormal and chaotic already, it's super important to provide consistency and normalcy as much as possible.
@@lauslora6511 It’s not that they shouldn’t have a treat day, it’s that if they get extra treats every time there’s respite, it creates the idea that “everybody else in the world is super nice but my foster family isn’t.”
Like when kids come back from grandma’s all hyped on sugar and whining because they’re tired and got their own way all weekend. It’s better to keep some semblance of a normal routine then to spoil; It serves children better in the long run.
Besides, in this scenario, I think they did do some special things while the respite kids were there. So there *were*treats. But it’s also good to reinforce a good work ethic;satisfaction in a job well done.
What a good idea on the foster mom’s part to send money along with them (for an older kid). It almost like a little ice breaker because you can learn a little bit about them while they pick out their snacks. ☺️
Very true! It was a great gesture.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to walk the fine line of wholeheartedly believing teens you just met while also keeping in perspective that they are...teenagers. I’m sure a new family can be like a version of “complain to dad about mom.” Sometimes kids just need an outlet to vent. But on the other hand, foster kids can be so, so vulnerable. It seems like you’re doing a great job of finding that balance.
That’s a really great way to put it!
I had a teen stay with me for respite a couple weekends ago and the things that she told me definitely brought out the mama bear! I had to keep reminding myself, like you did, that there's two sides to every story. After she left, I spoke to the agency worker and confirmed that everything I was told was correct and was why the agency recommended respite care for the weekend. We ended the conversation with me telling the agency worker that if DHS is looking to change placements that I would like to offer a place in my home.
Love hearing this
I think it’s amazing that you gave them some type of chore to earn money. I feel like it would be nice if someone would randomly gift me something that I want, it would also be a bit awkward about it.
So at least maybe they felt like “I got this thing, and I worked for it “
Yup yup 👍
Just wanna say that taking some kiddos who are into Anime to a Cat Cafe is a perfect idea! That's so wonderful that you were open and listened to them talk about their interests!
😆 I was such a nerdy teen who was obsessed with anime. Back when it wasn't as cool, but so great you let them tell you all about it!
yeah, as an autistic with very niche interests (rn my obsessions are entomology and cults lol) it makes me really happy to hear how her and john seem genuinely interested in what the kids in their care enjoy, regardless of whether its something theyre familiar with. ive been told a lot that my interests are weird or boring and although im not typically bothered, it used to hurt me a lot as a kid!
I’m in Adult Foster Care, and I also go away for respite every weekend…it gives me a break from being home, and my “parents “ also get a break from me 😁
What’s “Adult Foster care”?
I can just feel the love you all have for fostering kids. It's refreshing to see that there is still people who have this passion.
By listening to them you let them know they are heard. You gave them affirmation. By sharing the situation with their caseworker you gave her an invaluable tool, that they need just a little bit extra something to feel heard/safe/ an affirmation that they are worthy of care/love. Being in foster care is extremely trying because regardless of age there is so much they don't understand on why they are there. You did great explaining the situation Whitney. They needed a voice and you gave them yours.
You did a great job explaining. I live y'all's passion for fostering
You did a great job of explaining your experience. I’ve been learning a lot lately about validating these kiddo’s feelings and that telling them they shouldn’t feel a certain way is not always the best course of action. As always your family is very inspiring. ❤️
How fun that you visited the kitty cafe with them! And I'm so glad that they felt comfortable opening up to you. That's so important. Teens, in general, can have a tough time trusting adults. Foster care situations must make that harder in some ways, I would imagine. Glad the experience was so positive.
Accurately stated ❤️
Your room looks great. I really love the dark walls with the light furnishings.
Thank you for sharing your experience with respite care. ❤️
Appreciate that!
Ugh y’all are so good with y’all’s placements. I’m sure those girls really appreciated being with y’all for the weekend. If you have HBO max you should show Darcy kiki’s delivery service! It is an anime style movie about a young witch and her cat
It's also on Netflix :)
@@VanessaCheerleader not in the US unfortunately
Aw it made me happy seeing how excited John and the kids were with the things you did to the Master bedroom. It looks beautiful
I think we are probably around the same age but you are such an inspiration. You are exactly where I want to be in the next couple of years.
❤️
The message about listening to your kids rings true with bio children as well. There’s been times my own children have said another kid said something or a teacher said something my kids took it the wrong way and it’s so hard to not get upset before getting all sides to the story.
I’m glad you all had a great weekend! The kitty cafe looks like something my kids would enjoy and were in OH so I would love to take them!
Remember when the caseworker dropped off Miss A and you said the day after that the caseworker was talking badly about Miss A and talking down to her? You also said she was sad and even voiced frustration about the caseworker... Knowing what you know now, would you as a mandated reporter, handle that differently? Are you allowed to report a social worker?
I don’t think mandated reporting covers things like being a bit snarky. Seems to me it’s only for potential abuse. Still curious to hear what she has to say though.
I don’t know if it was ‘talking badly’ as much as it was just a lack of empathy and sympathy from the case worker, who was probably over worked and hardened from her experiences. Saying that “you just have to provide for their basic needs” would not be a cause for reporting them. If they had been bullying Ms. A saying mean things it would have been different.
Good question, I don’t think it would be a reporting situation but I would have handled it more directly with the caseworker away from the child. In short, I’d be more prepared if presented with a similar situation.
@@piquantes So right. We all have bad days- (as a mom I know I have been snarky at times And of course I apologize) it is more something to address if it happens again or with her one on one, IMO.
You all are such a God send for these kids, whose lives you REALLY touch in a big way, if only for a day or two. Trust and believe they will never forget your kindness!! I'm not going to get into how I know that, but I do😉💞 It is a tremendous joy to be a part of this Village and to see and hear all of the awesomeness going on in the interest of these children whose lives have been "tossed about". You all are SO awesome & I'm happy you are showing Darcy & Sawyer how to make a huge difference❣❣❣❣
You did a great job explaining. Kids need that feeling of being able to be heard so they know they have a voice. It sounds like you did an excellent job at being that open heart and ear for them. ❤
Loved the video :D The snake plant on your dresser, that you said you were giving it a lot of light but its not doing well, its a shade plant so giving it sun will probably kill it!
🤦🏻♀️
Thanks for sharing in an awesomely respectful way part of these girls journey. Also I’m doing that greenery on the wall thing. Like oooooo
That reminds me... I need to put links to the stuff!!
And thank you, we balance a lot of lines... sharing enough to explain the situation but maintaining respect for the kids and families and their experiences.
Omggggg I’ve never heard of a kitty cafe before! My daughter and I are obsessed with cats but other family members are allergic. This would be the most amazing outing for her!!!!!
I can see how it could be exhausting making sure they have a fun and welcoming weekend while also listening to them and juggling all the information and evaluating your role as a respite parent in the situation. The part about taking a step back from your mamma bear instict is such good insight on how to be intentional with the position you're in. Thank you so much for taking the time to explain it all!
Thank you ❤️
You're really doing a great job at explaining things without sharing too detailed information! I love how much thought goes into every placement (respite or otherwise) and it's super interesting and important to hear the thought process you have when prepping everything and how you handle certain situations. I've been following since miss A first came and this channel is opening up important discussions and educating on the reality of being a foster parent and I love seeing it grow❤️
Omg the bedroom makeover looks SOOOO GOOD!
Your room looks beautiful! Great job! ....I love that you took the girls to the kitty cafe. Animals are so therapeutic and you took the time to figure out a way to let them feel that. You are such a great mama bear
These girls sound like amazing young ladies!!! Oh I wish they could be placed with you.
They are in a loving and stable placement, no need to disrupt :)
An easy idea to really make things fancy in your room- you can find really cheap, cute tissue covers on Amazon. I bought a set of 3 white ones and it makes everything so clean and fresh looking!
We def need those! I told john we need to look for them.
Happy Friday! I know exactly what Respite is. My foster parents have done it as well as other foster parents done it for me. It's like a night/weekend/week sleepover. Glad you all had a wonderful weekend. Enjoy your 3-day weekend... Happy Valentine's Day ❤❤❤❤
Love, love, love the decor on a budget makeover for the bedroom!!! It’s literally exactly what I want for my room! Thanks for the great inspiration! Also, I love how open you all are towards children and their situations. As someone who struggled with mental illness as a teen and was ignored by most “trusted” adults around me....it’s very nice to see. I also work in a mandated reporter field as an adult and I always try to listen. I usually have an idea of when to speak up and when not to, but to help the person that I am listening to, I always empathize and then ask permission. I say things like,” That’s so awful, I couldn’t imagine being in that situation. I’m glad you stayed strong! Is that something you would like me to bring up to (so and so)? “ I just kind of feel like it validates, let’s them be heard and gives them some control in how it’s handled and how to fight for themselves.
I think you did an awesome job explaining. Sometimes it’s really hard to know what to report and what not to report. As a BSA Leader we are also mandatory reporters. Sometimes just sharing your view helps others see where they can improve. I know I’m a better person because of conversations just like this. Your passion and compassion shows!
❤️❤️❤️
Our town just got a kitty cafe and IM SO EXCITED 😻
I literally had that frame from Target in my hands a couple of hours ago and then was like, TEN DOLLARS?! And I made myself put it back down.
#regrets
Bahahah! No flippin way!
My problem is always..."I'm not gonna buy this, I can make this!".....and then I don't make it. lol.
I was so excited to see that you had posted a new video. My husband and I find your channel to be so inspiring. Best wishes from some Norwegian foster parents ❤
I just want to say that you seem just amazing! Same to your husband and children too. I just can’t put into words how wonderful I think you are, especially to these children!! You definitely go above and beyond to prepare, be welcoming, open and loving. Among many other attributes! At the same time being wonderful parents and teaching your children such beautiful life lessons! I know very little about foster care and learning a lot from you! Thank you and may God continue to bless you and your family!
lovely!! Simple can be the best, and you have a real lovely style... your whole house is homey yet stylish.
I LOVE that you truly CARE! I love that! You guys are AMAZING!
Thanks for keeping us updated!
I LOVE how real y’all are! I plan to do respite care someday once I find a good place to move into. Thank you for sharing your family journey with us ❤️✌🏾✨
You did a great job giving that room a little makeover! It truly looks very nice and I love how it looks neat and comfortable. The colors are nice too- it seems like it is a nice calming space.
Bedroom looks good. U did a great job of explaining everything. Here n Memphis we r expected snow. It’s bad all over. There was a 65 car pile up due to ice on the Texas highway. Several transport trucks. 65 went to the hospital & 6 died. It’s extremely cold here. Glad the girls enjoyed being at your house. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
The plant on the dresser has several names including snake plant & mother in law's tongue. It's a low light plant & needs to dry out between watering & don't leave it in standing water. Hope the info helps.
Yep - a pot with a drainage hole and a tray beneath it would be better.
It does!
How do you handle vacations when you have foster kids? Like, we live in Florida and take our daughter to Disney every other year, and then Nebraska to visit family on the non Disney years. What are the rules for bringing fosters with you?
Aw, the kitty cafe was such a great idea! What cool girls, wish them all the best for the future :)
It must great to have some experience of teens after caring for miss A so long now that you get other foster teens.
Sawyer is getting so big!!
Yes he is!
Aww they both sound really sweet, sounds like a fun weekend! Cat cafe! 😍
Inspiring as always. Thank you for sharing your experiences. After settling in our post-military life we will be starting the foster entry process. Hearing multiple foster parents stories provides an insight no program guide can convey.
Thank you for sharing your experience! When I heard that dog bark for a minute I thought it was ours. It's around 5:00 in the morning when I was watching this video and I'm thinking what is our dog barking at this early? LOL!
Yes! He was outside for a bit and was barking
... wait... you pay them to exercise their cats?! This was invented by a mastermind for sure! 🤣😻
The money goes towards feeding and vet bills Remember the cats all have to be nuttered before adoption.
Hahaha! So true
I’m with John on the cat cafe-I am seriously, life threateningly allergic to cats, but I would pay to go to a dog cafe!
At 4:00 omg her dance 😩❤️ she’s a little hip hopper it looks like, my heart melted lol
As a former foster kid, future foster parent i really enjoy your shows, thank you from new york💙
Thanks for watching!
I've been looking 4ward 2 this video, so happy it went well🙃
Thank you!
The leaves make it seem kind of ancient Greek style. So pretty! X
Glad everything went well for you all. You did a wonderful job. Hav a good nite🌛
Glad the weekend went well!
You guys are so great 😍🥰 Sending love and blessings from Johanne, Norway
I’m really glad to hear that the respite weekend went well. Very happy that the girls had an outing to a place of special interest to them. Validating kids, especially kids in the system, is so important! I think their foster parent was very supportive of their feelings in sending them with adequate pocket money, to help them feel more secure and less vulnerable. Good job all around!
Agree 1000%!
This was a super helpful video. Thank you for sharing this experience!!
Is there a story to go with the mt Adam's pillow?
Was wondering the same too. One of mine and my boyfriend's favorite places to go!
Yes! It’s where john proposed ❤️
Is this the neighborhood in Ohio or the mountain in NH?
Whitney, your bedroom is fab! Love the textures and fibers with that color scheme. Please please please consider a couple philodendrons for those sconces. They really are one of the easiest to care for, and certain varieties crawl and creep like the artificial stuff you have there (which I do think might actually be artificial philodendron). They can survive without a ton of direct sun, indirect is best. And so glad you had fun with the weekend girls, I used to provide respite for a home with space for up to 8 teen girls so I know how vital the shorter term assistance is as well. (They actually squeezed a hot tub into their master bedroom office space for their version of making sure they had space to decompress!)
Great tip! I’ll have to look into that ❤️
Listen to them- absolutely... believe them?? How about “take them seriously” because as you said what they said was from their perspective but wasn’t the whole story.
you seem like such a good foster parent like i don't know much about foster care (well, besides what i learn from your channel :) ) but you really seem to go above and beyond
it looks awesome!! i wish i had you as a mom :,( i love watching your videos they make me super excited and i adore how you treat your kids with respect.
I love lamp. You two are awesome!
🤣
I love Kitty Brew Cat Cafe! So much fun
I have refreshed my subscription page multiple times a day waiting for this video! I’m really glad that it went well for y’all! The master bedroom refresh also turned out great!
Sorry to keep you waiting!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity no apology necessary! I was just so excited!
The master bedroom looks awesome!
you did a great job explaining, don't worry :)
I’m glad it went well. ❤️
The room looks really good.
LOVE your room!!
I love your room, so cute.
I love your shirts! My daughter loves shirts with cut outs and I sew but I have not found many patterns I like with cut outs, but I get great ideas for her from your wonderful shirts. I know this is totally off topic, but thank you.
Lol! Got that on Meijer clearance.
There is also another training related to mental health the training is QPR.
Your exposing was good! Glad the weekend went good. Well now maybe they will call for older kiddos for you to foster again.
Ha! My boyfriend and I love KittyBrew! It was great before we had our house to get our kitty fix! 💕🥰
Being a mandated reporter is definitely a difficult responsibility to manage. I always ask how bruises and cuts happen when I see them on my kindergartners, (which is often) most of the time it’s from normal stuff like falling while running/playing a game, but occasionally I’ll get a “I don’t know how that happened”. I get so conflicted like “do I report this? It could be nothing, and I don’t want to make a big deal out of an innocent bruise. But what if it is from getting abused, if it is and I don’t report it than I’m failing both the kid and as a mandated reporter.” It’s a back and forth
If you are reporting someone over a small cut or bruise you are power drunk. Hell I'm 40 and dont know where every bruise comes from.
@@whoasked9938 I’ve never reported anyone but I’d rather be safe then sorry
you guys are AMAZING!
Well shucks, thanks!
are you taking that other 30 day notice placement?
Keep watching....
@@BeTheVillageCommunity when will you get another kid ❤️ i hope you be able to adopt them if that’s what you like
@@kellsliving3220 They prefer to support reunification rather than adoption :) So the goal is always to not have the choice to adopt.
@@SparkleJiggs but in one comment she did say she was going to adopt maybe i am wrong
@@kellsliving3220 She is open to adoption but always hope that that doesn’t become the option for the kids that come through their home. They would be able to support more kids and families by staying as a foster home vs adopting.
💛’s of gold! 💞😇👍🙃🙏💕
I love your channel and as we get ready to foster focused on teens it has been amazing...
I just felt like I wanted to pop in here and comment that I felt unsettled by how you framed the issue your placements have with whoever they're having it with.
Shit happens and teens don't get believed or get these lines that there are two sides to every story.
That's true but the teen side of the story always gets discounted. Just because something is the only option or they are just going to have to deal with it doesn't make it okay. And adults who get asked about they're nonsense behaviors know they can get away with framing the teenager as dramatic or a liar.
I try to talk to you any adults I can who grew up in the system and this is a reoccurring thing I get told that just eats away at your sense of worth and your own self trustworthiness. Caseworkers or foster parents who are not acting up to par combined with not being believed by other adults they try to be open with.
I also volunteer with teens and see adults treat them badly because they know they can get away with it.
Not even always to the level where you'd call it abuse or neglect or anything like that but just aggressive disrespect. And this is public behavior from people who choose to work with teenagers some of them volunteers.
I know there are lots of good people in the world but I think there is an idea that people who go into some of these roles with children and youth are especially good and always have the best intentions...but I have seen a lot of adults who are simply on a power trip and recognized the opportunity to have a captive population of youth they can push around to feel like they matter.
I came away from your video feeling like a subtle message you were sending is teenagers lie or they overblow things. That hasn't been my experience generally and when I do get a kid who is doing a lot of lying it's usually to distract from something worse.
I’m sorry my message wasn’t clearer. As I stated, it’s really difficult to share experiences like this clearly while also maintaining confidentiality. My intention was not to discount or invalidate teens and their experiences.
@@BeTheVillageCommunity Thank you for responding and thank you for everything you've been doing. I don't want to invalidate your experience.
I don't think you needed to provide more information. The key point was nothing triggered your mandated reporter status.
You told us that. Then told us in vague terms that something had gone down and that when you talked to the case worker you felt way better.
The vibe of like you know how it is to be a teen are and there are always 2 sides from that point gave me the impression that you don't believe those girls and would probably give them/other kids that impression if they watch this video.
It's reasonable to not be able to do anything more than check in with people if the situation doesn't trigger a mandatory report.
It's common for adults to be like you know how teens are. *Shrug and sigh*
And it's totally reasonable to want to be soothed by the idea the kids are blowing things out of proportion and their traumas and hurts and mistreatments are just 'their experience that needs validated' ESPECIALLY when it doesn't cross any lines that let you do anything about it.
Despite these things we know the system is a mess, and we know the cognitive dissonance that comes with repeatedly not being believed greatly impacts ones ability to function and their sense of who they are. Even promoting dishonest behavior because there is no purpose to the truth when you are routinely not believed.
My comment wasn't about their story which I don't know at all, it was about your presentation of how you read the situation.
I'm sorry my comment wasn't more clear I wasn't expecting it to get read. I wouldn't even bother with most people but you have consistently worked so hard to do the best you can and frame situations in the most thoughtful way. I promise I'm not a hater, I just hate the status quo of how most people treat children and especially teens.
The work you have been doing is amazing.
The bedroom is beautiful. What is AnnaMae? I think we all pretty much lost interest in this Super Bowl. LOL Glad you had a good weekend with the girls.
Anime-animated show
You’re awesome 👏
We just our first 3 foster kids this week. And they are a teenagers.
That's awesome to hear!
loving the hair! the subtle blonde underneath is giving me major narcissa malfoy vibes
Yes! It seems more blonde when it’s pulled up but def subtle when it’s down.
Don't forget to add the kitty cafe link in your description x
Yes! Sorry I forgot all the links but I’ll share in a day!
How is Miss A doing? Miss her seeing her around
She has an insta for sharing her hair styles that she did on her and others. Still respects her privacy with no face pictures, and I like being able to keep up with her even through random hair pictures 💕
Been watching your videos on and off.
I am very interested in the books that you said you were going to post a few weeks ago but haven't been able to find them (even went and looked through many old videos and didn't see any that had any book recommendations).
I actually didn’t release it yet, fell behind but working on it today!
john's looking great!
Yes he is! But back of my mans 😉
@@BeTheVillageCommunity hahaha 🤣
Shout out to Be the Village for what they do for all foster kids out their, especially me. On Thursday, my family agency gave us a Free Chick-Fil-A meal in a way to say thank you. You guys are awesome! ❤❤❤❤
Hello
My face when I hear "anime": 🤩
Anime's the best (I'm biased on that)
And now we are more educated on it!! Lol, still learning.
@@BeTheVillageCommunity that's good
If you ever have any questions regarding anime feel free to ask me 😁
@@BeTheVillageCommunity you should look into studio ghibli films! they’re all on hbo max and there’s quite a few family friendly ones that would be great for any age! they're fantastic as an intro to anime.
I think you have given the plant to much light and water. They actually wants t be miss treated I think it will be better where it is now and don’t give it a lot of water just a few drops ever second week or once a month. Here in Sweden its called a mother in law tongue plant (svärmors tunga) because of the sharpness of the leaves and that your mother in laws gives you one if they don’t think you would make a good “housewife”.
Love it. What is the wall paint color? Oh, I do not miss Ohio winter weather.
I honestly don’t know off the top of my head... it’s a Sherwin Williams color though
New here and thinking crosly was a child not the dog and wondering why hes peeing in plants 🤣🤣
BAHAHA!!! I should have clarified... lol
Kitty lounge link? Sorry if I missed it in another place where you posted.
💜
You should check out this channel: ruclips.net/video/ansF8xMzlqo/видео.html
He is a bit weird but very helpful with the guinea pigs.