JASON Just look at me I'm a world-class traveler Each Friday night Travel travel travel From her house to his house First take the 104 With my computer I am just a little kid Not a commuter And each Sunday night Mother comes to get me And I hear them fight Everybody's yelling about the bar mitzvah It's not a wrestling match Why are they sweating? It's not a funeral What's so upsetting? It's a celebration Where I get presents But everybody's yelling And everybody's ruining it It's a celebration Where I get richer But everybody's yelling And everybody's ruining it Everybody's ruining it Why, oh, why? What have I done that they'd ruin my bar mitzvah? MARVIN, TRINA, JASON, AND MENDEL What have we done that we'd ruin your bar mitzvah? TRINA I want the Applebaums They're lovely, and they like me MARVIN They're boring She just likes the way you dress MENDEL Well, who wouldn't? TRINA Have the Applebaums MARVIN Screw the Applebaums JASON Please don't do this! MARVIN Saul's a jerk TRINA Have them MARVIN Nix them! MENDEL Long live the Applebaums! Arguing takes work JASON I hate this! MARVIN Blame her! It is all a waste TRINA You're gonna blame me? You have paintings of dicks! Don't talk to me about taste JASON Stop! I don't want a bar mitzvah! Okay? I don't want a bar mitzvah! MARVIN AND TRINA What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah? What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah? How do you think we How do you think we How do you think we feel about that? MENDEL Jason I am agitato grande Jason, I am muy disgutante And muy disappointe And muy nauseatus And me mitzraim Hotzionoo Dayenu Everyone hates his parents Don't be ashamed You'll grow up You'll come through You'll have kids And they'll hate you too Oh, everyone hates his parents But, I confess You grow up You get old You hate less JASON But I don't want it Nothing that gives them pleasure I'll do I don't want a bar mitzvah Stupid bar mitzvah Any bar mitzvah With you MENDEL Everyone hates his parents That's in the Torah It's what history shows In fact, God said to Moses: "Moses, everyone hates his parents That's how it is!" And God knew Because God hated His MARVIN You are gonna kill your mother Don't feel guilty, kill your mother Rather than humiliate her Killing your mother Is the merciful thing to do TRINA Jason, darling, don't get nervous I'm right here, and at your service Look, I'm calm and self-deluded Grateful, 'cause I hope You'll do what I pray you'll do MARVIN Go ahead and kill your mother TRINA Not with guns, but kill your mother MARVIN Rather than humiliate her TRINA Killing your mother Is the merciful thing to do MENDEL (spoken) Oh my god (sung) Everyone hates his parents Now, I see why! But in time They'll cool out And you'll think They were only fooling It's a strange thing about parents Push turns to shove What was hate Becomes more or less love MARVIN AND TRINA Jason, please see a psychiatrist MENDEL I’m a psychiatrist! Get lost! Everyone hates his parents This too shall pass You'll grow up JASON I'll come through I'll have kids MENDEL And they'll hate you too MENDEL AND JASON Oh, Everyone hates his parents MENDEL But kid I guess You'll grow up JASON I'll grow up MENDEL You'll get old JASON I'll get old MENDEL AND JASON And hate less JASON Flip me! MENDEL You got it! JASON Whoo! JASON AND MENDEL And hate less
JASON
Just look at me
I'm a world-class traveler
Each Friday night
Travel travel travel
From her house to his house
First take the 104
With my computer
I am just a little kid
Not a commuter
And each Sunday night
Mother comes to get me
And I hear them fight
Everybody's yelling about the bar mitzvah
It's not a wrestling match
Why are they sweating?
It's not a funeral
What's so upsetting?
It's a celebration
Where I get presents
But everybody's yelling
And everybody's ruining it
It's a celebration
Where I get richer
But everybody's yelling
And everybody's ruining it
Everybody's ruining it
Why, oh, why?
What have I done that they'd ruin my bar mitzvah?
MARVIN, TRINA, JASON, AND MENDEL
What have we done that we'd ruin your bar mitzvah?
TRINA
I want the Applebaums
They're lovely, and they like me
MARVIN
They're boring
She just likes the way you dress
MENDEL
Well, who wouldn't?
TRINA
Have the Applebaums
MARVIN
Screw the Applebaums
JASON
Please don't do this!
MARVIN
Saul's a jerk
TRINA
Have them
MARVIN
Nix them!
MENDEL
Long live the Applebaums!
Arguing takes work
JASON
I hate this!
MARVIN
Blame her!
It is all a waste
TRINA
You're gonna blame me?
You have paintings of dicks!
Don't talk to me about taste
JASON
Stop! I don't want a bar mitzvah!
Okay? I don't want a bar mitzvah!
MARVIN AND TRINA
What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah?
What do you mean you don't want a bar mitzvah?
How do you think we
How do you think we
How do you think we feel about that?
MENDEL
Jason
I am agitato grande
Jason, I am muy disgutante
And muy disappointe
And muy nauseatus
And me mitzraim
Hotzionoo
Dayenu
Everyone hates his parents
Don't be ashamed
You'll grow up
You'll come through
You'll have kids
And they'll hate you too
Oh, everyone hates his parents
But, I confess
You grow up
You get old
You hate less
JASON
But I don't want it
Nothing that gives them pleasure I'll do
I don't want a bar mitzvah
Stupid bar mitzvah
Any bar mitzvah
With you
MENDEL
Everyone hates his parents
That's in the Torah
It's what history shows
In fact, God said to Moses:
"Moses, everyone hates his parents
That's how it is!"
And God knew
Because God hated His
MARVIN
You are gonna kill your mother
Don't feel guilty, kill your mother
Rather than humiliate her
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do
TRINA
Jason, darling, don't get nervous
I'm right here, and at your service
Look, I'm calm and self-deluded
Grateful, 'cause I hope
You'll do what I pray you'll do
MARVIN
Go ahead and kill your mother
TRINA
Not with guns, but kill your mother
MARVIN
Rather than humiliate her
TRINA
Killing your mother
Is the merciful thing to do
MENDEL (spoken)
Oh my god
(sung)
Everyone hates his parents
Now, I see why!
But in time
They'll cool out
And you'll think
They were only fooling
It's a strange thing about parents
Push turns to shove
What was hate
Becomes more or less love
MARVIN AND TRINA
Jason, please see a psychiatrist
MENDEL
I’m a psychiatrist! Get lost!
Everyone hates his parents
This too shall pass
You'll grow up
JASON
I'll come through
I'll have kids
MENDEL
And they'll hate you too
MENDEL AND JASON
Oh, Everyone hates his parents
MENDEL
But kid I guess
You'll grow up
JASON
I'll grow up
MENDEL
You'll get old
JASON
I'll get old
MENDEL AND JASON
And hate less
JASON
Flip me!
MENDEL
You got it!
JASON
Whoo!
JASON AND MENDEL
And hate less
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