My blood is boiling. | Wedding Planner REACTS to The Financial Diet
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 24 май 2021
- www.wolferandco.com/yt/174/ch...
⬆️ Download ⬆️ Your ULTIMATE Wedding Planning Checklist
My blood is boiling. | Wedding Planner REACTS to The Financial Diet
Find Original TFD video here:
• 5 Shocking Financial T...
See Honeyfund here:
theweddinghacker.com/honeyfund
A real life wedding planner. For $29 a month. LET'S GOOOOO.
Join The Master Plan TODAY! Sign up for any length of time, for as long as you need it HERE:
www.themasterplanwed.com
Just Engaged?? Start HERE!
• Just Engaged? Start HERE!
Find us on PINTEREST
/ jwcoordination
ALL THE RESOURCES 🙌🏼
Need a FREE Planning Timeline? Find it HERE:
www.jwcoordination.com/timeline
Want a Wedding Planner without the Price Tag? Join The Master Plan HERE:
www.jwcoordination.com/the-ma...
Need some Real Life Advice in Real Time? Join my monthly calls HERE:
www.jwcoordination.com/club
Want support from Fellow Couples? Join my Facebook Group HERE:
/ theweddinghacker
My Amazon Storefront - Wedding Registry MUST-HAVES
www.amazon.com/shop/jamiewolfer
Lifestyle channel is probs more fun. Find me acting a fool HERE:
/ @thejamiewolfer
L E T ' S B E S O C I A L | media links below
W E D D I N G P L A N N I N G I N S T A G R A M:
/ wolferandco
W E D D I N G P L A N N I N G T W I T T E R:
/ jwcoordination
W E D D I N G P L A N N I N G F A C E B O O K:
/ jwcoordination
P E R S O N A L I N S T A G R A M:
/ thejamiewolfer
B U S I N E S S + W E D D I N G P L A N N I N G
I N Q U I R I E S:
hello@wolferandco.com
![DRAGON BALL: Sparking! ZERO - Fused Warriors Trailer [BUDOKAI TENKAICHI Series]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/84p4Lvyfyes/mqdefault.jpg)
![Kehlani - Next 2 U [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/MpI7ekFG8A0/mqdefault.jpg)
I will say that I am a bridesmaid in a friends wedding this summer and have spent over $1,000 to participate as a bridesmaid in all her wedding-related events. While there was technically an option to say no to these things, I think it should be mentioned that there is an immense social cost to doing so. In my case it would likely be the end of the friendship. I just think there is more nuance to the “just say no” argument
I agree on the "no one is forcing you" aspect... some stuff is just expected that's the whole reason why it's difficult to not do
Yup. If the bridal party is small too, the cost burden and work to plan is greater also. I ended up planning a combo virtual and in person shower and that ended up being pretty pricey with shipping and doubling up on stuff. I don't think I will be in another bridal party unless my sister gets married so all told it's fine, but the little things add up. We didn't plan a bachelorette party because of covid and divergent friend groups so at least there was no spending on that.
Agreed. I think both of these ladies sort of ignored the emotional and social aspect of weddings. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to spend your money on a big fancy wedding, just like there’s nothing wrong with wanting to skip the wedding altogether. The problems arise when there is societal, social, familial, or internalized pressure to do a particular thing. Nobody wants to be the bummer friend that says no, but friends should be understanding when others can’t/don’t want to participate in the ways they want them to.
Throw covid into the mix and you end up spending more out of guilt
I'm sorry, but if saying 'no' would have costed you your friendship, it would make me question whether that friendship was worth having to begin with. If I was getting married, and one of my bridesmaids kindly explained that they can't afford the expense of the dress or participating in the pre-wedding events, I would have been understanding. If I had the money, maybe I'd offer to pay her way. Or if I couldn't, I'd be understanding and not hold it against her. I'd offer for her to help in other ways that wouldn't cost her anything. Like, maybe a night where we get together to make DIY centerpieces or something.
Lol, I keep hearing "if your wedding doesn't have alcohol it's not worth going to". I'm like okay well good I don't want you here if you were only coming for alcohol.
Right?! I like to have a drink at an event but I would never consider NOT going to a wedding because I couldn’t drink...
As a wedding photographer... I would honestly cry if I showed up thinking it was a family event, only to find out it was a wedding. - Not only would we not be prepared with the necessary equipment for a wedding, but also our contracts, fees, and wedding prep would be out the window! Oh wow... I couldn't even imagine. :( I like to meet with clients at least 2 times before their weddings to go through shot lists, vision boards and have an engagement session. Please keep honest and open communication with ALL of your vendors! And also, value their work... a lot goes into running a business behind the scenes!
I know im commenting a year later lol but I think certain vendors it wouldn't make sense to lie epically me specifically I have specific shots I want I couldn't do this if I lied but at the same time I'm not planning on telling where I'm getting my cake that it's a wedding cake because they will mark it up and I don't get the argument of well its to make sure its perfect... I always try my best with my Job and so should they same goes to hair and makeup if you are looking for a more simple look (I'm not so I won't be lying to them lol)
Obviously wedding photographer is an exception but if you just want a basic cake and won't die if it isn't 100% perfect then no, "open and honest communication with all of your vendors" is simply an easy way to throw money out the window.
TBH I think a lot of the things she says that gets your blood boiling are jokes, or are indeed directed at the upper echelon of people who dislike anything that doesn't feel luxurious. I know of plenty of brides who would rather raise their budget than lower their expectations, but also plenty who have gone the ultra budget route and essentially eloped. I don't think she was speaking to every bride.
I think her audience is mainly people who have money who find alot of their self worth in making smart financial decisions. She isn't talking to kids getting married, she's talking to entrepreneurs who like to feel good because "I'd never spend that much on a wedding" lol. There actually are youtubers whose audiences are the rich people. So you make a great point. 👍
I can only say that the Chelsea audience are not for the ultra rich audience or financial people healthy people but all people it’s crazy your assumptions are wrong coz RUclips is a big platform of all kinds of people so don’t get too cocky about it😂
I definitely felt pressure when I was asked to be a bridesmaid to spend a lot more money than I was able to budget for: it made me feel ashamed and I avoided messaging the bride and maid of honour, but it didn't matter because when I said that I couldn't commit to the hens weekend tour until I was given an estimation of the costs, I was dropped and replaced. Clear communication wasn't going to save from someone who expected top dollar from her bridal party.
I applaud you though for sticking up for yourself. It’s so important to be considerate of your wedding party.
As a photographer I charge more for a wedding than a commercial or more casual event because it takes SO much more time, effort, and attention to detail for a wedding than it does for a regular event. For a lot of the weddings we shoot, if there isn’t a day of coordinator or wedding planner, we’re there to guide the couple through the day. I come to a wedding with about twice as much equipment than for other events, because I know how I have to light them, etc.
And if I fuck up at a wedding? Somebody is going to have MY HEAD. Miss the kiss during the ceremony, or the bride coming down the aisle? NOT an OPTION. There is no room for error on a wedding day.
So in addition to making sure a couple feels comfortable being photographed, running the day and helping things stay on schedule if there isn’t a day of coordinator, all while making as close to ZERO mistakes as possible - yeah, that’s why a wedding costs more than a birthday or Christmas party.
Louder for Chelsea in the back please.
1) There is nothing stopping you from explaining to people that weddings cost more because of concrete costs like there is more equipment involved. I would suggest actually spelling out things like, I bring more lights to capture xyz.
2) So, after reading this, I can safely assume that you will lower your price if I say that I *do* have a wedding coordinator there on the day?
Absolutely. Weddings are a lot more intense and the amount of going through pictures to pick the best one, editing, and other after the event work I do is MUCH higher for a wedding because weddings are more intense. One hour at a wedding would result in so many more individual moments (and therefore pictures) than say an hour long family photoshoot.
@@a.j.4644 1. Most prospective clients value my work enough that they aren't trying to haggle with me on my price, so I don't have to spell out why I cost what I do.
2. No, I'm not going to lower my price if you have a day of coordinator, because that's only one element out of many that makes a wedding more expensive. Here's another example: most birthdays or anniversary parties are only a few hours. Most of my weddings end up being 12-14 hour days, and I end up with a lot more photos to edit because of it. I also end up doing a lot of pre-production with the couple before the wedding, so I have to charge for that time, too.
That's why I had no interest in doing wedding photography. Way too stressful! My hat is of to wedding togs! 😉
I'm a professional dancer and have done wedding entertainment. I HATE it when people tell me it's a "family party" instead of saying wedding because I will pick different music and choreography to suit a wedding versus a birthday party. My pricing is the same either way (I charge by how long I'm performing), so the only thing they get out of trying to mislead me is an entertainment set that isn't really meant for a wedding crowd. :P
true like you have to know the vibe, environment and type of event you're gonna be peforming so you can make your preparations accurate and appropriate for the event. 💓
Yes! I’ve heard “ Never tell the florist it’s a wedding!” We charge per piece and time to consult, design, run back and forth to find the most perfect flowers and set up the scene. It doesn’t matter the occasion
but if you charge the same then she's not even talking about you
@@ipsilonia And yet I still get to deal with the fallout of people getting bad advice about lying to their vendors.
I'm glad you don't Jack up your prices for weddings. Unfortunately, so many vendors do, and in some cases, that's just messed up. Not in all cases, but definitely in some!
Eh, Chelsea's a bit sarcastic and I know people don't like her tone, but she made many valid points.
Yeah people just aren't getting her sense of humor unfortunately. The boot on Grandma's neck and cash bar causing a divorce were obviously jokes like good grief
I have never been one to tell people to "just chill' or that they "can't take a joke" but seriously it is fascinating how seriously these jokes have been taken not just by the creator here but also all the commenters... I mean they are clearly not meant literally and it is funny.
Guess it depends on your humor but still the wedding industry should also be able to laugh at itself. Yes, there are many healthy medium examples but it is an industry that can also get rather over the top and dramatized. So it's nice to not take it so seriously.
Ps. I watched their conversation and loved the input and civility from both. Would not have minded if that conversation were a couple hours even. And when talking about any subject, it is nice to have guests from that world who can elaborate on all the details and tips as well as the dirt and the drama.
It wasn’t even that snarky either. There a couple comments that are really over the top obviously meant to be jokey. But this lady is overreacting to and misconstruing everything she says
Totally. The channel is for people who are financially conscious. No one is being shamed for spending. The information is ideal for the audience.
She was a hypocrite the whole way through. Why watch someone like that when they are so "sarcastic" you can never take anything they say seriously?
I do agree that people have their own agency to spend what they want to spend but I think there is definitely a real pressure to go big for your big day and get that extra thing you only will use once. It’s subtle, but it’s there which I think is what she’s talking about at the beginning of the video
I think that pressure comes from family and friends moreso than vendors
@@TheOldiie I do agree that it tends to come more from family but I still see it in marketing as well
Also, vendors can be very frustrating to work with when it comes to being upfront with their costs. I remember trying to figure out venues to visit and they flat out wouldn’t tell me how much per head until after I tour. And it wasn’t just a one off venue almost everyone was like this! I had to put my foot down and be very firm with multiple venues that I don’t want to waste their and my time looking at their venue if it’s completely out of budget. What they hope to do is get you to fall in love with their place and go outside of what you were comfortable spending. Not to mention if you do finally get them to give you a price over the phone, when I got there there would always be something they didn’t include that jacks up the price even further. “Oh you want chairs? And napkins? That will be an extra XXX per head.”
@@SuperYoshi29 I definitely agree. I wish places were more upfront on their websites about cost. It also makes it really hard to compare between vendors because they all offer different things. Sometimes it can’t be helped but it’s definitely frustrating
@@TheOldiie Exactly-and that’s where the problem lies. Your relationship with your vendors likely ends after the event; your relationship with your family and friends (and their options) lives on
She must have met some of the pushy southern wedding planners I have known, There are a few down here I cringe at working with as a vendor. They crank up the southern charm and can be as subtle as a battering ram . I have also met a few caterers down here that insist that if you do not serve the x y and z at the wedding that people will talk about the wedding and not in a good way. I can handle them because I grew up in the south but it is a process to say the least, The main thing I would tell brides is if anyone in the industry gets too pushy fire them. Just plain and simple find someone else to work with. Don't let vendors or family members hijack what you want and can afford,
I think wedding is really big industry and if you don't know anything about it your chances to find really good services are low. As a photographer I saw some awful wedding photos, there were pure pain but costs were high! My friend can use only my photos from wedding which I took in spare minute when they were already tired, cause professional ones came out awful( It was that bad that she dreamed of redoing photoshoot
I couldn’t IMAGINE lying to my DJ saying it’s a birthday party vs a wedding. I guess I would just tell him on the day of how to pronounce everybody’s name , The different songs for the ceremony and ceremony exit , cocktail hour, grand entrance, garter toss , bouquet toss. It’s not the same & that’s why the cost is different.
THISSS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
YES!! The DJ is probably the most important vendor at a wedding, besides catering maybe.
Not to mention handling music selections for all the different age groups with grace
I think this is also extremely dependant on location, here in México having a cash bar would be considered extremely tasteless (like just down right rude), and events last hours here most weddings go well into 1 or 2am, and that just changes the expenses a lot. On the other hand most of whats considered for a bridal party in US, just doesn't exist here.
As someone currently planning their wedding, the people who try to convince me that I NEED to spend more in order for my big day to be special are always family and friends. Every vendor and industry professional has been very respectful of our tight budget.
Same here! Lol
Exactly!
Some vendors wouldn't even talk to me because of our budget/head count. While they don't push you to pay more, they basically force you. They either won't work with you or make you pay a minimum. Not to mention, the wedding tax is definitely real. It's insane. That being said, I still disagree with Chelsea. Idk what she wants, don't have a wedding then. There are also better ways to save money than what she's suggesting. When all was said and done, we paid $30k for everything including the wedding minus a few things that family covered. It is a lot of money to do a wedding right and we did the bare minimum.
@@RachelScalfani I think it really depends on what you consider "bare minimum". Ours was about 6k including my dress, because we had a church wedding and just used their parish hall for a reception. Also helps we only invited 60 people.
The venue minimums definitely make it hard, though. I originally looked at other venues for the reception and many of them required 10k minimums because they were really targeted toward 150+ people weddings. That has less to do with being "pushy" imo and moreso just being honest about what size events are actually worth their time and effort.
@@Shadeadder You aren’t including all costs, I’m talking EVERYTHING cost $30k. By bare minimum I mean a normal wedding by modern standards. We only have 39 people coming to ours. The actual cost of the wedding was $15k that includes ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception with plated dinner and dancing. Venue alone was $8k minimum but then with tax and service fees cost $11k.
Also, the venues that cater to bigger parties have a WAY higher minimum. Most of them had a minimum of $15-20k just for food. We went with Wedgewood since they are an all-inclusive package as in they provide basically everything with the booking.
I have to agree with Chelsea, I was having a very small wedding of 16 ppl catering for a sit down dinner vs the same event labeled wedding was drastically different. There was absolutely nothing different for the services that would have been provided. I ended up eloping in Rome, came back, threw the same party I wanted for my wedding as an anniversary a year later it was strange that it was drastically cheaper. I think what perhaps was implied but she did not say is that there’s a ton of societal pressure, while ppl do have choices, they often succumb to the pressure.
You’re not accounting for the extra stress and hassle associated with a wedding. You may have been chill, but a *lot* of people basically take all their stress about the social pressures out on their vendors. Extra calls, extra hand holding, last minute issues because guests do weird things, etc. So vendors just build in extra money for the extra work. (And if you tell them it isn’t a wedding and then they turn up and it is a wedding, you now have really cranky and annoyed vendors on your day.)
@@TrappedinSLC I understand that, as a hairstylist I’ve done many weddings, I’ve worked as a vendor many times. But to see an itemized list of the precise same services be SIGNIFICANTLY less $$$ because the word wedding is not attached is eye opening. I’d rather there be an itemized line that says wedding fee. I deal with the public daily, no 2 ppl are the same, I do extensions upwards of $1400, the price varies based on their needs, not their personality… I can’t charge them for aggravation. The wedding industry does exploit ppls emotions but, that’s a choice ppl make for themselves. Either way I had the most amazing trip in Italy for 10 days, paid less $$ than I would have for a dinner party of 12. Got to see Rome, Florence, and Venice. I made the best decision for me and I don’t regret it one iota.
@@teeshante Maybe you SHOULD be charging some customers more, though? Like, if they genuinely cause you a larger than normal amount of work or stress for no good reason, then you may not be paying yourself enough? We tend to undervalue our efforts, especially when it’s emotional/mental effort. So it may not be that wedding costs are too high but rather that other costs aren’t properly paying for what’s being put into the job?
@@TrappedinSLC Well my primary work is strand by strand extensions and various hairstyles. When I do on site work for occasions, photo shoots, b-days, weddings everything is set by my going rate, travel fee (up to 50 miles), plus 20/hr for every hour I’m on site.
I had my wedding dress preserved but because of the style they preserved it under the prom dress cost (I didn’t know people preserved prom dresses). It was significantly cheaper. They may have been willing to do that because they were really good friends with part of my wedding party but they might have also done it because they’re just nice people in general. I agree with it should be a separate line item charge if you’re going to charge extra for a (the word) wedding.
I think this could have been more productive to target this message towards fellow professionals in the wedding planning industry than towards individual consumers. In the real world, there are obviously high-pressure sales wedding planners who take advantage of a pivotal, *emotional* moment in a lot of people's lives. I don't see the harm in reminding people to have their guard up 🤷🏾♀️
100% Agree
In some counties the health department requires that food on a buffet be thrown away after it’s been sitting out a certain amount of time. This is not the venues or couples fault. It’s to prevent anyone from getting sick.
That makes sense.
Our country club said two hours. But I don’t know why they could pack it up and put in the refrigerator to take home. Another venue in the same area did that for us. Different suburb though.
I would actually love to see you on an episode of “the financial confessions” podcast that she hosts. Chelsea was definitely a bit harsh in this video but I think if you two were able to sit down and have an hour long conversation about it then it would be super informative and helpful to the viewers of both channels! I’ve watched TFD for a while and find a lot of their stuff well done but anything wedding related tends to “misstep” as you put it. I think you would bring a really healthy balance and tons of real world experience to a conversation with Chelsea.
YES
"a bit harsh" or snarky, condescending and outright wrong?
You’ll be glad to know TFD just posted exactly that!
@@clem719 just watched it! Such a great conversation, so happy to see the hatchet buried!
I came from the future to say, your wish has been granted
The wedding tax is very real when it comes to the cake. I worked at a bakery and watched as people paid a mark up of 300-500.00 for a wedding cake. You could feed the same amount of guests for the same cake starting at 200.00. (I know this because someone ordered a similar cake for a 50th Birthday Cake) People often cut tiered cakes incorrectly which does not allow for the proper yield as sheet cakes. So there are multiple errors that happen when it comes to the cake, alone.
In my experience, it’s family and guests-not wedding vendors-who pressure couples to bust their budget. Guests like Chelsea, who think anything but an open bar is tacky. It also bothers me to talk down to people for spending on things that they enjoy.
If your priority is to have a beautiful wedding, then that is fine! Advocating financial responsibility is great, but you don’t have to live like a monk to be financially responsible.
I wonder what she'd think of a dry wedding. Some religious couples or couples where one or both have been overcoming alcohol addiction/misuse have them.
I've had it on both sides of planning my wedding. A venue wanted us to keep pushing our budget up (talked us all the way up to 1000 more than we wanted to spend- we didn't book obviously) and then a family member was saying "I want fillet mignon" but was also saying "Spending x amount of dollars on dinner is wasteful and silly."
@@josephinenelan4204 In that case the couple are not passing off the cost to the guests, so she'd probably be fine with it. That's the issue with cash bar. The financial burden is being passed on to the guests.
Good observation
I started this video having never seen a video by Chelsea, and I was really surprised by how fired up you were about some of the more tame stuff at the beginning. But then I kept watching, and I realized, ohhhh... Yeah, you must have already watched this and that's why you started it mad. Because yeah... yikes.
I'm planning my wedding right now, and we have been completely comfortable the entire time spending only what we could afford, not spending anything on things we don't care about, all while having open, honest conversations with our vendors.
News flash, you don't have to trick or haggle with your photographer. If her normal package price includes more photos, more hours, and more coverage than what you want, many photographers are willing to offer a smaller package for the ceremony only, or some variation. They aren't snakes. If their package breaks down to 200 per hour, then that means they cost 200 an hour! If you don't want to pay for 6 hours, ask if you can hire them for 2. But don't lie to them about why they are there or what you want from them. That's gross.
The used car salesman analogy was spot on! My father sells cars, and he knows dealerships that try to cheat people, but that doesn't mean my dad is willing to do the same. You have to go to someone who values being a good human being above making a few extra bucks.
I think I read somewhere that it’s actually illegal to lie to your vendors. Like your contract could be broken if they don’t tell you it’s a wedding. Would love to know if anyone else has heard that.
ya I think it is considered a breach of contract at that point, they then can cancel or not show up to your event.
If it is for a photographer then definitely. There is a different preparation that goes into shooting a wedding rather than a simple event.
If you go and get your hair and makeup done at a salon, I don't think they really need to know what event you would be attending after that. Same for the vendor that will sell flowers, the bouquet etc.
@@liviaclaire Even a makeup artist might apply makeup differently for a wedding so that it shows up better in photos, lasts longer, etc. I just don’t think it’s right to lie to people providing a service. Like Jamie said, if you can’t afford their price, find someone else. Trying to trick someone into charging less is no better than the places who charge more for wedding services in my opinion. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
@@juliaroe3499 I think we will have to agree to disagree. If I don't ask for any extras then a makeup artist should create the look asked and does not need to know what I am going to do after I leave the salon. Almost all of them gauge the price as soon as they hear the client is a bride and try to sell different extras, spa treatments and what not. It has happened multiple times to family and friends of mine.
@@liviaclaire the key there is extras. Tell them how much you can pay and that is your budget and you can't go over. If there's someone you want to work with they will respect that and/or you have booked a service that's too expensive.
I have a service based business and some people can afford my rates and some people can't I'm not going to shame anyone for not being able to afford to pay me but I'm also not going to lower my price so that they can have my services and I'm underpaid.
I’ve been watching The Financial Diet for years and usually love their content. Although Chelsea made a lot of great points in the video, her attitude the whole video was very cringe. I don’t think shaming people is the way to get your point across when it comes to something like this. And maybe it wasn’t intentional, but she acted very much “me and my friends are better than you” in this video. It made me so sad. So happy you addressed it and love the way you did so.
Also, lying to your vendors? Just...no. Bad advice. I cringed SO HARD when she said that
so true. I was really surprised too because of her stance on Dave Ramsey and how he shames people
I'm surprised at your comments, because I too have been watching The Financial Diet for years and Chelsea has always come across as "looking down her nose". I think it's unconscious for her, because she's very middle to upper-middle class and will often let comments like that slip. The advice itself is usually very good though.
@@novalinnhe hmm now that I think about it you're right...maybe I never caught it because it was toward things I didn't really care about so it didn't bother me as much?
She has this harsh truth/pragmatism that is very direct. This approach is incompatible with weddings since they are inherently an emotional affair with family/culture/community often involved. So financial advice for an individual doesn't translate well to an event that affects many other people.
I did see her video about her own small destination wedding and it was rather self-congratulatory. It's kind of like how some feminists look down on homemaking, in situation when it's really the woman's choice. Maybe her circle/upbringing was more rigid (from her stories this is likely) so she's a bit defensive of her decision?
I particularly liked this video of Chelsea's. Weddings are expensive. I appreciated a healthy perspective that they don't need to be. People can feel forced simply due to the market place (without it being anyone's fault).
And yes I do agree that she is in a total different social/economic class than I. I simply know I liked this advice.
As a hair dresser that was in the industry for ten years and did a lot of weddings. I would not recommend lying to your vendors, not only can they then decided to not perform the service agreed upon and leave but possibly still keep your money. As a current bride and having worked in the industry you should pick the things that matter to you as a couple most and go from there.
P.S. love your videos Jamie they have helped so much!!
You realise after your wedding that you definitely need to book bridal hair because you want your hair dresser to have the time to make your hair perfect
You would be surprised what I have seen in the years I was in the industry! So cringe worthy
“Get your boot off of grandmas neck!” IM DYING 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I thought it was funny, clearly just a hyperbolic joke.
"Who's forcing you?" I do think it's important to acknowledge that lots of people lose sight of budget control and the level of importance their event actually have for other people. Lot's of couples turn into bridezillas/groomzillas, and there IS a social pressure that isn't easy to shake off, for many. And the wedding tax dues happen in a lot of unwarranted situations - chair rental, for instance. I felt you were a bit defensive, Jamie, which is understandable, and that Chelsea was condescending, which also makes sense considering her views...
On specific topics:
1) And regarding the thousand dollar for centerpieces - isn't that the total amount for them? Was thata piece??? I'd honestly like to know
2) Wasn't the thing about the cash "bar x divorce" a joke? I do think that, if you can't afford an open bar, beer and wine should be the choice, though... guests are already spending to attend.
3) finding the non-abusive vendors which respect your money can be complicated in a lot of situations; are there any tips on how to find them?
Yes I was thinking people are not forced but there is definitely social pressure. Just bc she doesn't pressure doesn't mean there aren't plenty of ppl who do- bc its a business.
@@kalpic11 Right. Like there are vendors here mostly claiming that they would never charge more for a wedding than another event, but they don't for a moment mention that there are totally vendors that *do*. Full stop. Like, spend some energy acknowledging and decrying that crap in your industry.
Yes, there are many reasons why it might not work out well to be less than honest with a vendor, but that honesty and up-front information flow both ways.
I mean of course she’s going to be defensive especially when she knows that she’s a luxury.
Well the thousand dollar centerpieces aren't that unusual, the numbers Chelsea is pulling are for the most part correct. Idk how Jamie doesn't know this. Ours cost like around $800 and were super simple and only for 5 tables. Flowers are crazy expensive especially if you want them for a wedding (wedding tax). However, idk what Chelsea wants people to do instead? The only thing that I can think of is DIYing them using fake flowers but it looks tacky up close like that. At that point, just don't have floral centerpieces then.
Do we have a registry, yes. Do we expect people to to buy us a gift because they are coming to our wedding, no. We haven't even gotten married yet and the most special gift we have/will have received is the blanket my fiance's grandmother made and wrapped (in wedding paper for this exact occasion) before she passed 7 years ago.
Re: centerpieces; I think she was implying that the TOTAL cost of ALL of the centerpieces at a wedding was an average of $1000, which would seem sort of on par with what you were saying about $65-$100 PER centerpiece. I think it could have been worded a bit better in the original video.
Agreed. Definitely didn't think she meant $1000/table.
I understood it as Jamie was saying $65-$100 total for centerpieces compared to what Chelsea was saying $1000 total for centerpieces.
@@danielleray4636 I see. The reason I assumed she meant per piece is that I think I vaguely recall her giving that estimate as an example in a previous video. $65 total for all of your centerpieces seems incredibly inexpensive to me, assuming you’re getting them done professionally, but I suppose it depends on the market in the area.
@@danielleray4636 there is no way a total for centerpieces is $65-100
$65-100 is pretty standard. Look to the websites of professional florists in a few different cities who give price ranges and you’ll see.
I do think some of this is taking Chelsea's words a little too deeply to heart. A lot of the most outrageous statements to me were clearly jokes/pithy over exaggerations.
As someone from Long Island, where as a guest or bridal party member you are expected to spend a lot to participate, I understand her frustrations and judgments. Where I'm from, you generally are expected to give a cash gift that at least covers your plate. But I don't get to decide how much the couple spends, so if I roll up to a wedding that is expecting a 200 dollar gift to cover my plate, on top of whatever I gifted at the bridal shower, but they don't have an open bar....I'm going to be giving them the side eye.
Unless this is some sort of special situation, I do think that these sort of things need to be kept in mind. If you have a cash bar, but also a wedding where no one is expecting a large cash gift, I don't think that's the same.
That doesn't mean the couple are evil and trying to steal my money! And it doesn't mean I don't have a choice! But I do think you're underselling the cultural and social implications of these decisions. Ultimately, I think it's fair to ask couples to keep in mind how much their wedding will cost others and try to minimize that. It's YOUR special day, not your cousin's or friend's. So maybe she shouldn't be made to feel like she has to shell out a large amount of money to be included.
Well yeah because she’s become biased against Chelsea based off of first impressions… they both make valid points
The thing with weddings is that they are highly emotionally loaded and people tend to loosen their budget and regret it later. Especially women have been dreaming about the proposal and the dress, etc. "Budget" is a real buzzkill word.
Then there's the emotional pressure by going to other weddings and wanting to belong after you managed to find the right person. And the pressure of people that HAVE to be invited.
Attending a wedding should not cost more than the gift/donation and travelling to it. Extra clothes if you don't already have something. If somebody can do more, great, but the expectation pressure is real. Couples would to better in addressing it.
And yes, caterers have to throw uneaten food away because of hygiene regulations. The joke was crude, but the waste is real.
NO, it is NOT as simple as "just find another vendor". ONLY in the wedding industry do the vendors make it super difficult for the clients who want to simply find the price of any SINGLE item or even a service they would like to ask for. It is made extremely difficult to contact each and every vendor by adding extra step by only emailing them or writing requests on website contact forms and wait for hours for them to respond, where you cannot directly browse through and easily select from the services they provide from the prices mentioned on the website BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE MENTIONED. Everything is very concealed starting from the cake to the dress. And yes, they would make the same cake for birthday and the wedding but mention DIFFERENT prices, even if it's the smallest size they offer.
nothing is concealed just to make your life more difficult, the reason theres no "set price"you can just browse through is because MOST if not all wedding components are incredibly customizable. If I were a florist I could say one centerpiece was $75 but a bride could want ONLY babys breath or a whole tropical botanical piece. And those are NOT the same thing. Same thing with a DJ. Most vendors regardless of if its an event or not will want a initial consult. Plus, they're a business and I guarantee they aren't just sitting at their email all day waiting for someone to request pricing.
I agree! Venue websites should be more forthcoming about prices. They want you to fall in love with the place then find out it’s too expensive. Such as saying online you can hire your own caterers then you later find out it’s except for Fri and Saturdays you have to use their chef. And then trying to get prices for that. I hate that so many venues won’t allow you to hire your own caterer. And self-catering is almost impossible to find in a venue.
I disagree. I'm big about budget and if you have to lie to a vendor to get something within your budget then they aren't right for you. I usually compare prices and what comes with it. Then pick what's best for what I want and in my budget. I'll even move money around if I really love someone's work.
The thing with the open bar really ticked me off. I'm single, so I'm not planning a wedding (I still enjoy watching wedding planning videos, though), but I would like to get married one day and I would like to have a nice wedding, but I don't plan on having any alcohol there at all because the smell triggers my asthma and I'd like to avoid asthma attacks on my wedding day. That doesn't mean that the wedding won't be worth it, and it doesn't mean that it won't be fun. It really annoys me when people say or imply that weddings need free booze in order to be good.
My husband and I didn't have alcohol at our wedding at all, partly due to my husband's cultural background, and partly because we wanted to save money for other things
I was browsing on Reddit the other day and came across an unpopular opinion or a guy was saying that if there isn't an open bar then you might as well not have a wedding. I don't know why it pissed me off so much but it did. So it was really annoying seeing that same opinion in this video. People don't have to cater to alcoholics in order to have a wedding that's worthwhile, and a lot of people don't even drink alcohol.
Me too. I've always found it odd how much people rely on it for celebrations.
Pretty sure it was a joke
Yes, isn't that basically saying you can't enjoy the company of others, without being intoxicated?
I love how she spent the first half of the video shaming people for what they spend on weddings and then shamed them for choosing the economical bar option lol. Literally because it personally affected her and made her feel put out at a wedding.
I personally didn't find anything offensive about the original vid. A lot of the points that Jamie gasps over are Chelsey being sarcastic/joking. Jamie ends up coming off a bit defensive. Which makes sense considering her investment in the industry and overall different attitude towards weddings in general.
Did you even watch the video?
@@jacobbennett4074 Yeah. What about my comment do you take umbrage with?
Maybe it was sarcasm, but she did a poor job delivering it. Bc i didn’t know it was sarcastic...
I watched the vid and did not think of it as sarcastic. I felt like she really did believe her words to be true. How can you say she was joking?
Chelsea has a very dark and dry sense of humor that I think regular viewers of her channel get. But seeing it from the outside, I can understand how it isn't taken well. She doesn't actually think that people are shaking down family and that a cash bar caused a divorce, but she's displaying hyperbolic humor to show the ridiculousness of the things people stress over.
You did a great job of respectfully disagreeing and speaking up when you felt she was being rude or mean. Proud of u
So honestly I’ve never been a huge fan of the financial diet, maybe the first 5 or 10 videos but I found a lot of her advice was for people who live in big cities, are in middle or upper middle class, and was quite out of touch with the majority of the country; the whole cash bar comment and what kind of bar to have is a perfect example of this. And this video feels no different it’s very judgy and feels like someone who doesn’t understand why you pay a professional their proper wage such as a photographer or DJ. Yes you could do these things yourself but you didn’t and that’s why you pay someone with the experience and expertise to do it well.
As a statistician, thanks for ripping apart that poll result :) Never take a statistic at face value!
I agree. And always be careful of surveys conducted by magazines and websites because their readership is often just a very narrow section of the population. It would be like Vogue or Tatler claiming the average woman spends £10,000 a year on clothes based on a survey of their readers!
Instead of taking this video as offensive and going with the fairly weak argument that "not everyone" does XYZ, you could've been more genuine about how the process is for the DIYers. I'm willing to bet your services, your connections, your experience could actually act as a "shield" for newbies. You spoke about the wedding tax, she's really just getting into the weeds on the same topic. That's the perk of having someone experienced like yourself guide us through it! I'm sure you have your preferred for vendors, you work within a budget, etc. I don't see how her complaints have anything to do with a wedding planner, if anything it provides more motivation to find someone to guide you through it.
Yeah this video just comes off super defensive and unhelpful to anyone watching.
I think you missed the point, sweetie
@@dalisiaduarte1433 I see the point, she's playing black vs white when the truth lies in the middle. Little regressive but hey, that's our specialty as "progressive" women in the west ;)
I was really shocked by the comment about open bars. Here in the Uk a cash bar is the standard practice and we have managed to successfully hold weddings that have lasted in happy marriages.
I am in the UK and I agree. I have never been to a wedding with an open bar. I have been to a few weddings where the couple gave everyone one or two free drinks and then you paid if you wanted more. I can't even begin to imagine what the cost of an open bar would be given one drink can cost a few quid easily.
My son told me about going to a wedding with a cash bar and having to leave to go to an atm! Not fun. I say either don’t serve, just have champagne and beer or go open bar so that guests don’t have a rude surprise
"No gifts cause we have a taste" just sounds mean. My fiancé and I are planning and paying for our wedding on our own. We don't expect money or gifts from anyone, but if they love us and want to gift us later, we have no taste? Her attitude is just rude.
Yeah I took that a bit personally because my boyfriend and I don’t live together. I just graduated grad school and working on moving up in the company. We don’t have money to buy all the appliances needed but we understand that costs of attending our wedding out of state is a lot. We don’t expect gifts but even if it’s for Christmas it’s greatly appreciated.
@@danielawoltenholme444 I totally feel you. My fiancé and I graduated like 2 years ago, so we didn’t have much saved up either. We don’t expect gifts, but even a little helps. Wishing you and your boyfriend the best. And I hope your wedding will turn out amazing!
@@danielawoltenholme444 She has her own issues, don't let her make you feel bad for not having a lot of money. I've never felt bad about buying a gift for someone I love. In fact, helping a couple get set-up is the best feeling for me when doing wedding gifts...and Congratulations on your engagement and graduation!!
It was such a rude comment. My fiancé and I are getting married next saturday and we added a little poem in our language to the invitation. It said something along the lines that we already have a complete household and that we are excited to have them as a guest on our big day, but if they still want to make a gift we would love a "little piggy" aka some money for our honeymoon. There is no need to shame people for wanting gifts, as long as their are not excessive.
@@carinapusteblume9039 Congratulation! I bet your wedding will turn out wonderful next Saturday. And yes, absolutely, after spending tons of money into the wedding, a honeymoon fund would be so great. I really want to have that too, but my fiance' and I are both too shy to ask for it. We just feel like we will make people uncomfortable by doing so. We will accept what people gift us and if not, it's all good as well.
I think a photographer would know if you hire them for 6-8 hours that they’re not gonna be at a birthday party.... that’s terrible advice
I think the main one I’ve heard of people doing this for is cakes. But either way it’s still shady to not tell your vendors it’s for a wedding.
@@juliaroe3499 I actually got a discount on out cupcakes because it was for a wedding!
@@juliaroe3499 Yes! And we still know! Because it usually looks like a wedding cake 😂😂 There are reasons, some cake designers may charge a little more for wedding cakes. Cake Tasting, Delivery (often longer distances to cover = less time for other cakes that day!!!), structure of a multi tier cake to insure safe delivery, an avarage of maybe 20 emails getting written and send back and forth to nail down the design (that's usually not necassary for birthday cakes), bigger cakes = more work = higher price, multiple flavours, plus some other things. I'd never per se calculate a wedding cake higher then a birthday cake, Just because it is for a wedding. I look at the overall time needed and the complexity. Tastings and Delivery etc. will always be added to the actual price of the cake. I think that is the fairest way of doing things.
If any of my guests were like Chelsea they would be uninvited. If she's that butt-hurt to pay for a plane ticket to travel to a loved ones wedding then just don't go. Save your money and stay home. Sorry but that ain't it sis, i'd rather listen to someone who gives financial advise professionally without their 10 cents worth of opinion
We did a destination wedding and omg did I get so much backlash from my own sisters and two of my closest friends about how I couldn’t possibly expect people to take vacation for my wedding and spend money to travel (it was 7h car drive from where we all live). I was so annoyed cause in my head I’m like you’re invited but don’t have to come if you don’t want. 🤷🏼♀️ not expecting anything but I wanted to get married in Tuscany and if that with 10 people or 50 I don’t care.
Wow, I’m sorry. That’s definitely about them not you. I live across the country of a good friend who lives in Seattle. I flew to her wedding…because I really wanted to. A wedding will probably always be far away for a few guests and that’s pretty normal.
That’s also so out of touch to say that if you can’t afford to go to a once in a lifetime moment with a person you care about, you don’t have to. What if I really wanted to but I really am just tight with money? If clearly you don’t care if a person comes or not, why even invite them?
We have to let people know they can say no. We're forcing no one's hand.
@@cvsarahjane I get what you’re saying! But the way sis was talking made it sound like they do have the money but don’t think it’s worth spending to make it to your special day and from that point of view I would rather them not come if they don’t think we are worth their money spent. I would love all my guests to come and understand that some people may not be able to afford the travel etc but if they could let me know that they are financially having trouble we can help to make a way for them to come (give them money or shout their plane tix). But if they have money and don’t want to spend it to come then that’s fine, I would rather they stay home 🤷🏽♀️ just don’t want people coming begrudgingly, would rather people who want to come and celebrate with us and it’s not a burden for them. That’s all I meant ☺️
I saw Chelsea's video when it dropped, and I remember thinking "Oh, Jamie's got some news for her!"
The open bar comments… wow. There are lots of reasons to not want an open bar, including non-financial reasons. Maybe you have people you love that you know tend to over drink and aren’t comfortable paying for an endless supply of alcohol. Maybe you have a decent amount of guests who don’t really drink and you still pay per person, plus sometimes additional insurance. The people you invite are getting food and dancing etc. and should ultimately want to be there because they love you. They shouldn’t be there just for free drinks if that’s the couples choice that fits them.
I hadn’t even thought about the fact that people might have a lot of guests that don’t partake. An excellent point!
@@dylanainge2324 I was actually just discussing this with a friend and she made a good point I didn’t even think of. Open bar doesn’t mean free because you should still be tipping the bartenders and when there’s an open bar they get stiffed a lot because people don’t think about it.
I watched the original video, I don’t think that’s what she(Chelsea) actually meant. The clip didn’t include her whole commentary. I believe that she actually meant that the couple mentioned, fought over having a full bar versus a cash bar, and because that it is so stigmatized to over spend in that category, their fight escalated, or continued throughout their marriage, and now that they are getting a divorce. I think she was advocating that more people should have cash bars at weddings because it is such a costly part of the day, and that we shouldn’t belittle or judge couples for making that decision. Because at the end of the day it’s a financial decision not necessarily a ‘style’ choice or aesthetic decision. -That was my take away from the original video.
Me and my boyfriend don't drink alot and my family has alot of people who are alcoholics and some who are trying to recover. Plus his immediate family doesn't drink at all. So were not doing a bar in general. Were going to have normal drinks plus a few other fun drinks but, no alcohol. Its going to save so much money that we can use for a honeymoon or other areas of the wedding. So just because we aren't having a open bar doesn't mean we're cheap. But I really hope it meas we won't get a divorce 🤞🏼🤞🏼🙏🏻🙏🏻🙄🙄
@@dylanainge2324 1/3 of our guest list was under 21 or non-drinkers, so we had mocktails (2 types - one cold and one hot because December in the northeast) and 2 wines for the people that wanted it plus a hot chocolate bar after dessert. We were able to provide all the beverages and the caterers provided people to pour them and we brought back home 70% of the wine bottles even when we only bought enough for half the guests based on the calculators we were given.
A couple of reactions:
1) The people who are “making us” buy things we don’t really need or want for our wedding are our parents... and they are paying for a lot of it so 🤷🏻♀️ (although I will say that if you want to have a quality vendor, you can easily feel the pressure to spend more than you wanted to because of just what things cost.)
2) $1000 for all the centerpieces for a wedding here in the Midwest is absolutely what I was quoted as a mid range option.
3) We are doing beer and wine and I got worried about whether that was enough and both of our families said that was plenty-and they are more prone to spending than we are (see above).
I used to watch Chelsea and some of her stuff is good, and I agree that the expectations and pressures are too many for this event, but this was off base.
Lmao the fact your parents are paying for the wedding is hilarious you’re speaking from a place of privilege I think the TFD channel is geared towards people on a tighter budget
You keep saying "but not every couple can afford xyz" so don't spend it, but I think what Financial Diet is saying is people really should be financially healthier for their MARRIAGE and save up for a flipping PARTY as an afterthought or have a small wedding like she did.
I don't think she is that off base though. I worked with a girl that was constantly asking her parents for money to help her be a bridesmaid: the dress, the shoes, the hair appt, the bachelorette party vacation weekend where they were expected to cover the bride and her MOH who was unemployed at the time, chipping in for the shower, shower gift, wedding gift, all the things. We tried talking sense into her but she just kept saying she felt obligated and it would just look bad if she didn't go along with it.
Also let's talk about wedding registries. People are totally being ridiculous with their registries anymore when the vast majority of them just want to upgrade their perfectly usable household items and let's be honest, these days most people shack up and accumulate more than enough before they even get engaged.
Yeah, totally agree. Wedding gifts are great if you're just starting out or moving out of your parents' house and you need basic household items, but since people are getting married later in life and oftentimes joining two separate, established households, that's not really the case anymore. Most couples these days probably aren't in desperate need of wedding gifts to furnish their otherwise empty house.
I've seen weirrrrd shit on registries that no one ever needs, lol.
That isn't the right way to use "anymore"
Wedding planners forget they’re in a money making industry at the end of the day. Yes it’s so sweet for everything to be perfect, but at the end of the day vendors and wedding planners aren’t the ones going on honeymoon already in massive amounts of debt. Romanticizing the spending of money for one day is so toxic.
@@coffeebean3627 I’m very curious what kind of stuff??
@@coffeebean3627 Eh. Registry doesn’t mean you’ll get it. I know some people who registered for weird stuff just to give their friends and family a laugh when they were looking at the registry. Plus a lot of stores give you a big discount on anything left on the registry after the wedding, so they’ll put stuff on that THEY intend to buy, after the wedding, with the discount. 🤷♀️
You don’t have to have a wedding if you don’t want to! You don’t have to spend the money on a party if you don’t want to! But I spent the money because I wanted to. I wanted to party with my friends and family. I will have those memories forever and it wasn’t a waste of money.
Yes, a dollar is a dollar, but they bring different values. (Like memories, parties, fun times)
She’s contradicting herself. She literally is shitting on spending money for a wedding, but then assumes people can afford buying gifts for themselves and having open bars. And she’s being really hecking snotty about it
I so appreciate you in this video, your stance of never shaming people makes me so happy.
So, both Jamie and TFD are channels I subscribe to and enjoy. However…Chelsea’s video was too broad and incredibly condescending.
I worked at a large affordable bridal atelier for years and now work at an event venue that also hosts weddings. I also got married in January.
My parents paid for our wedding, but I did the VAST majority of the planning. To stay within their budget I did a lot of research and recon, and yeah, it took a ton of effort. But it saved them their hard-earned money when they gave my husband and me the gift of a lovely party. The thing is, literally everything has a price. Sometimes you pay for stuff in money. Sometimes you pay for it in time and effort, like I did. Neither is objectively wrong!
Also, the venue where I work has the same hourly pricing for weekend events and weddings. There are different hourly length requirements based on if the event is a wedding or not, but the hourly rate is the same. There’s also more features included with a wedding rental, and more time is generally required for an event like a wedding.
All this to say, there are ways around spending tons and tons of money you don’t want to or can’t afford to spend that don’t involve cutting everything you want or lying to your vendors (thereby breaching your contract).
Also, it’s important to remember that EVERY industry in a late-stage capitalist society has predatory vendors. It’s NOT exclusive to the wedding industry. Also, yes, there are societal pressures around weddings for those getting married and in wedding parties, but people who really, truly love you will be understanding.
Unfortunately, the environmentally friendly option might not be financially feasible. I asked our caterer about reusable plates and silverware to reduce waste, and was informed that we would be charged an extra $2 per plate to use real plates instead of plastic. 😔 I know they have to pay someone to wash the dishes, which is likely where the extra cost comes from, but we just don't have that extra money in the budget.
That's the same thing that is happening to us. I didn't mind renting the plates and cutlery, but it was a per item charge to insure nothing gets broken and for them to wash everything and we just didn't have that in the budget.
My cousin bought cheap plates and real cutlery from goodwill and family washed it themselves after the wedding. Her and her husband are zero waste and frugal
@@silencio1234 That's a great idea!
The one that got me was the price haggling vendors- I totally agree with you Jamie that vendors charge certain prices for a reason. Our wedding photographer was amazing but was a pretty penny. BUT I knew planning our wedding that photography was a priority for me. Could I have booked a cheaper photographer? Absolutely. Is the quality always going to be the same? Absolutely not. I can't imagine going back in time and trying to price haggle. People know their worth and we should respect that! Unfortunately we don't all have the same means but that's why there are multitudes of options.
I negotiated the rate with my wedding photographer and videographer. We know the vidgrapher (family) and they suggested hiring the photographer that they usually partner with for weddings. So what I did was omitting several services that I feel we didnt need to cut down the cost (photo booth, same day edit, big canvas print, and projector presentation during reception). This was in Indonesia so things are probably different where everybody else is from. I feel that negotiating is fine, but if the vendor doesnt want to, the client should stop wasting (more) time and find someone else.
I thought Chelsea was out of line, thinly veiled contempt and judgment. I'm Irish and here open bars are not the done thing at all and wine is included in dinner. And there is not just one type or size of wedding! Really disappointing that TFD took the opportunity to belittle a big chunk of their audience.
PERHAPS, judging people you've never met on the internet for receiving gifts dosn't exactly qualify as taste.
RIGHT! She’s talking about how couples shouldn’t communicate with vendors because they are poor and vendors would rob them of their money, but then flips around and says screw poor couples, if they can’t afford to do everything themselves and literally pay their bridal party to show up, then they are horrible and selfish people. Absolutely asinine.
I think there’s some “read between the lines” and nuance needed in addition to Chelsea’s video and this helped provide that. Well done!!
Chelsea has become increasingly condescending, self righteous and mean spirited over time. Instead of just providing thoughtful critique on the various topics she discusses, she tries to be "funny" with cutting sarcasm and mockery. I almost feel like she's developed a superiority complex...
So glad you did a response Jaimie. you've already addressed everything she critiques on your channel and provide creative ways to save money! Good for you for sticking up for your industry.
Oh my goodness you put my thoughts into words!
All I can come up with is: Chelsea basic, she has no flair
Reminds me of Dr Todd Grande
I’m getting major bitter vibes who hates weddings that much they condemn the industry but then reinforce traditional values that you should have a open bar 🤔🤔🤔
She married (she talk about her tall ass man)
How.... is she saying “cash bars cause divorce” and “you should give a stipend to your bridal party” but at the same time saying “don’t give money to the wicked wedding industry!!” Pick a side, girl!
Exactly. It honestly just sounds like she's shaming people for not spending money the way SHE thinks that people should spend money for their wedding.
This. In a nutshell.
What she's truly saying is Weddings are tacky and wasteful unless you throw a classy small event (which is what she did).
What she's saying is don't make your guests and bridal party spend a lot of money just to attend your event. Be conscious of what your guests will have to spend just to get to the wedding.
@@aubreydeangelo lol in my country a “normal” wedding would be with around 200-300 guests
As someone who manages hospitality venues, lying to vendors is a baaaad idea. Venues charge more for weddings because we hire more staff! Who work longer hours for weddings; because there is more to set up, decorate, and clean up at the end. Weddings often use more glassware, crockery, cutlery
And stakes are higher. People are so invested in weddings running perfectly, so you need more people on hand to offer a higher level of service.
Lying is bad idea. And good luck getting the best out of a venue and it’s staff if you lie to them and stiff them. Also, if you’ve signed a contract, it could possibly constitute fraud, or a breach of contract.
The mean is 30k, but more interestingly, the median is 17k
Very interesting observation!
You took two seconds to do research...would've been nice if TFD had done the same.
Either that or 14k, depending on which article you look at
@@26Bluegb to be fair, it took me a lot of digging to find the median number. But I find it to be a more useful number in the context of wedding prices. And it wasnt so much so that she wouldn't have been able to find it
@@26Bluegb I'm sure she did but it didn't fit her narrative
My problem with her gifts tangent is that while there are people that do, most do NOT expect every single person to bring a gift. The shaming of people receiving gifts didn't sit right to me. Most people aren't expecting Aunt Muriel from England to bring them a present. She's right - guest's presence is a gift. Which is exactly why more often than not nobody has this demanding expectation of getting a present.
I'm speechless - being shamed for wanting my dream wedding is beyond comprehension. The lack of respect for others is truly distasteful.
THIS is the reason I watch you! You are honest, open, and understanding. You provide support to us brides to be. Thank you for being the amazing woman you are and sharing yourself with us. ❤️
As an avid watcher of both channels, I'm here for the _drama_ 😂
At my wedding, an open bar with liquor, beer, and wine is nonnegotiable. It's going to be a Spanish and Polish wedding, and in the Polish culture not having an open bar is taboo. My entire life, I went to multiple weddings and we never had alcohol because I came from a conservative Spanish Christian family. I think the bride and groom have to have honest conversations with family and friends, and this whole overspending problem would not happen as often as it does. I think a lot of it has to do with culture and upbringing. I know Indian weddings are not a joke, they go all out and it is all about having an enormous celebration, parents and/or the bride and groom go into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt in the major metro cities in the United States. Also in the Indian culture getting divorced is extremely frowned upon. So, I think as long as you have a supportive family that is willing to respect your financial decisions to keep it modest it shouldn't be a problem.
I agree that a service might be different for a wedding, so you shouldn't lie to vendors, the price should be higher BUUUUUT not the extreme that wedding planners go.
Different price and INSANELY more expensive are 2 completely different things.
I used to work at a beauty shop and the bridal makeup was a bit more expensive, but some make-up artists almost double the price, which is ridiculous.
TFD was 100% right to call this out, but unfortunately she wasn't clear enough.
I've even heard "don't tell people you need a wedding dress, say its a bridesmaid dress" so they don't take advantage if you. I feel like the OP has good intentions in her wedding planning and yes, has to make a living. And knows many small business wedding planners. that doesn't mean the industry doesn't have exploitative ppl
I think the mark up depends in part on how much they really want the wedding business. Weddings are often way higher stress for the vendors so some just don’t really want to do them, but it’s weird to not offer it at all, so they deliberately set the prices high so it discourages most people and the ones that go for it anyway are paying enough to help balance out the stress?
I normally enjoy most of TFD's content, but I agree that Chelsea crossed a line with this wedding costs video of hers. It was frankly disrespectful at times. I think she was going for sass and sarcasm, but it really did come across the wrong way at moments during the video. Thank you for providing great commentary on her video, Jamie! A job well done!
It definitely feels like she was going for a light-hearted tone but it just came out really trashy and judgy.
Same!! I feel like ppl have been saying they like the sass but she definitely went Into rude territory here
@@mkg2124 She is judgy
So here’s an interesting thing, I’m having an anniversary reception in a month, and when I was getting quotes from photographers I was very clear and said that it’s a delayed wedding reception, we won’t need a portrait session or the extra time for ceremony photos. But there will still probably be more photos than your average family reunion/birthday party etc.
I had some people who still quoted me as if it was a full wedding day, some people who quoted as if it was a birthday party, and some who were somewhere in between. I ended up going with one of the ones who quoted as if it were a birthday party, but mostly because I felt like they had the best understanding of what I wanted and if that was the price they would do what I wanted for, great.
In the uk it is completely the norm to have a cash bar. I have never actually been to a wedding with an open bar. I know my cousins wedding which is coming up will have one but that is a gift from my dad who is her godfather and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to do that for my wedding because that is just how he is (he has done it for my 18th and 21st birthdays) but he is such an anomaly in that in the uk no other wedding I have been to has had an open bar and I’m sure you could find stats to back that up if you looked!
I'm in the UK too and I've been to some weddings where a parent or another relative puts a certain amount money behind bar so that everyone gets their first drink free but cash bars are absolutely the norm.
Yup, I agree most people will either buy the first drink ( which is what we are doing) Or put bottles of wine on the tables -Which will be drunk usually by 60% of the tables and then if your on a non wine drinking table a cousin or uni mate (usually) of the couple will appear and ask if your going to drink that so some people get lots of drinks and everyone else gets water. Never seen an open bar at a wedding in the UK.
@@cal7237 yeh that way as well! Apart from my dad who likes to go over the top on everything I’ve never heard of anyone paying for all drinks all night!!
Same with Canada! Alcohol is WAY more expensive here, plus the drinking culture in Eastern Canada is similar to the UK - it's just not responsible to have an open bar. Plus it's wasteful. There are always so many half-consumed drinks after an open-bar function.
"Don't spend money on frivolous things" but also "pay for all guests at your wedding to get as drunk as the possibly want on whatever they want"....sure jan
I used to watch TFD years ago, but videos like this are why I stopped. I think that skewing information and painting things to be so black and white is a bad way to look at anything. I just hope her being so negative doesn’t make anyone feel bad about their wedding choices.
Watching her video kind of pained me. She filled it with so much shame that I just found it… distasteful. If you don’t have that much money, sure. Smaller wedding. But no one needs to shame another person. We’re not formally engaged yet, but already have some thoughts(well, a lot of thoughts) about what our wedding will look like as well as a long term plan to how we will afford it. But more people aren’t bonkers five year planning everything types of people. And that fine! It’s just how I am! Whether you plan a $500 wedding or a $500,000 wedding or you plan it in a week or a decade, do what makes you happy. But don’t tell anyone else to do things the way you do.
As someone that just starting planning their wedding and adjusting budgets thte cash bar comments brought back so many insecurities about not being able to have the 'perfect wedding' without a huge budget
We are having a cash bar, do whatever makes you happy that’s in your budget.
I went to the hairdresser and makeup artist and said I was going into anniversary with my bf, there will be romantic walk in the city, dinner and dances well into the night. They did it for 1/3 of the price of wedding price. And I was not lying I had a date. After that date I said I'm going to do some simmilar activity in a month and want exactly the same stuff. That time it was my wedding and I paid 1/3 the price again. They did spectacular job, looked wonderful in photos and did not need to overpay. Then we went into restaurant and said it was a family gathering. We agreed on times people come and get out, food and other services. We did stick to the contract and did not ask for anything we did not agree before I showed up with wedding dress. Paid 2/3 of the price restaurant would've charged if it was a wedding to start. So yeah, do not buy stuff if you do not want to pay. I needed a dinner for my guest and not overpriced wedding event, so I paid for the dinner :)
I’m glad it worked out for you, but there are many vendors that really shouldn’t be deceived. Like photographers, DJ’s, and careers. Many of these people are small business or freelancers and If you don’t want to pay what they think they are worth it’s best to simply go with someone else
The last wedding I went to basically was planned in a week, but everyone who came participated in the wedding planning. Making the gift bags, decorating the cake, decorating the reception hall. Some people made food. And none of us gave a gift. It was a great wedding, and I know the couple didn't feel obligated to spend a lot of money. They knew how to make it memorable and special for them and their friends and family. People need to take accountability if they get tempted by all of the bells and whistles and have buyer's remorse when the bill comes due. No one places a gun to anyone's head to spend money they know they can't spend. They chose to spend the money and then after the fact claimed the wedding INDUSTRY made them do it.
On a second note. I follow TFD, but I have just noticed how they have become more cynical and unnecessarily critical to feed into a narrative of "the system is manipulating you into wasting money, it just was never your fault if you are bad with money." While at the same time if you are good with money like being on the richer end of the pay scale then you are obligated to not pay attention to price tags or services or else you are stingy and are seeking to exploit the labor of people who make less than you.
I get it. They see their main audience as people who consider themselves poor and are heavily critical of people they regard as rich. But just telling people what they want to hear does not always provide the complete picture when it comes to understanding finances or even how the world works.
Jamie didn't come into this fighting, but she sure did leave that way. Damn Chelsea, dont shame people for wanting to spend money in whatever way works for them. My dress was $99 with free alterations, we got a discount on our photographer, I made DIY flowers from coffee filters and foax greenery, and our DJ was just okay and got what we paid for. We splurged on the venue because that was important to us and also came with catering and the cake. My wedding was absolutely fantastic and was well within what we could afford. A wedding is a luxury and its so much more than a big fancy party.
Well said Jamie. As a wedding product maker i appreciate your raw response, unfiltered truth and just a commonse sense approach of analytics. Last year was tough for our industry. Us small business owners were just holding on for dear life to keep our company alive. Yet we still had to pay our personal bills. No one is asking for a handout. If our product cost more this year....its because we under priced our items in the past. For instance most of our products are customized in the USA where our labor cost more, I never paid myself because I was reinvesting the $ back into the business. But we were told to close our doors for months. Not everyone received a government loan. 2020 our balance sheets wouldve made a profit. We survived through cutting household and business expenses to the bone, in combination with hardcore business grit, and a willingness to adapt in a moments notice. But some small businesses werent so lucky.... And that breaks my heart. Regardless of where you live, I hope people grow to understand... our world is smaller than we think...and to fix all this pandemic drama we need to find common ground and work together. God Bless yall.
I have to imagine that my $5000 wedding (including rings!) must be bringing that average down, offsetting some of those $200k weddings! I'm from Massachusetts and I've literally never been to a traditional wedding that wasn't cash bar. I pretty much thought only really rich people did that! I know our super small, largely DIY wedding isn't the right thing for everyone but I'm proud of how nice it was for what we could afford. Ironically we didn't have a cash bar because someone at the caterers missed that but we had a very small group and had several bottles of sparkling wine and cider and cases of soda and lemonade and everyone was happy.
Jeez... I follow FD but that was hard to watch. She really really got on a high horse there.
I listened to it the other day, and she's always very obvious about her dislike for things she doesn't agree with, so I was over it. I love Graham Stephan's channel, but anyone could tell she hated every minute of talking to him.
I agree. If Chelsea keeps up this attitude, i'm unsubscribing from TFD... It was way too judgemental for my liking.
she has a very immature buzzfeed journalist type of attitude.
@@leilaniz5909 like a woke millennial😅
I had to unsubscribe. It went from financial advice to just crap talking. The video that did it for me was smack talking tumeric lol
100% agree with you! I chose to spend a lot on certain aspects of my wedding and skimp on others, but at NO point did I feel pressured by a vendor. Thanks to you, I also have a wonderful coordinator who brings be back down to Earth. :)
I guess what really irks me is this idea that weddings and other purchases viewed as traditionally "feminine" are illogical wastes of money, but gender neutral or traditionally "masculine" purchases like golf clubs, cars, lavish vacations, etc. get the whole "their money, their business" treatment. Both are true and while there are always ways to save money, but if you're not putting yourself or others in a financial bind, DO YOU!
its just judgmental people like Chelsea, pay no mind girl cuz I'm shelling out lots of money on my wedding with pride and joy! why can't girls have our dream in peace?, we only get one shot at it too!
Ooooooh two of my faves ladies and I look to both for a lot of advice. Let’s do this!
I have followed TFD for years. I saw Chelsea's video on the week I had to reschedule my wedding due to COVID and have to admit that I was hurt. It was the tone. While she put several points across that were valid, for the most part it just felt like she implied that people who want to get married and have a wedding are just vapid piranhas out to get their family's money while just doing stuff without meaning just to impress the rest of the world. It felt awful and sad particularly because I was pained to have to postpone all the hard work and planning for about a year. Thankfully, my wedding is 3 days away. Thank you Jamie! For your advise has been golden in the past years. I am so grateful to have found your channel!
Hope the wedding went well ! Sorry you felt that way, I'm glad people like Jamie are there to uplift you !
Ooohhh my two faves, titans up against one another. I am watching in anticipation
Edit: i actually did skip that video and thank god I skipped it wow that was shitty of Chelsea. She didn't consider culture, geography, or even the thousands/millions of couples who had to cancel or reduce their weddings. Damn, she gets it right sometimes, but that was 😬 big yikes.
You tackled that video immaculately and with class and grace. Great job Jamie!!
I skipped that video also, and am glad for the same reasons.
Lol, I thought the same - not Chelsea and Jamie fighting!!
I usually watch all her videos but I didn’t even bother watching the wedding one. I knew how she feels about weddings and I didn’t feel like it provided anything of value. I don’t feel anyone should feel obligated to have extravagant wedding but if people want to they shouldn’t be shamed for it
Seeing a lot of tone policing in this video and in the comments section, I just want to point out that tone and content are two different things. Women are disproportionately policed for their tone, and I'm sad to see that happening here.
Content is a different issue, and I 100% agree with most of the critiques there - every couple's financial situation and family traditions are different. Not everyone can afford an open bar, and not all families would prefer no wedding at all over having a cash bar. It seems irresponsible to suggest that you have to do an open bar in order to throw a wedding. And on the flip side, we need to stop shaming people (particularly women) for their financial choices.
Isn't she tone-policing the financial diet as well if that's the case? It seems like her issues weren't as much with what points Chelsea made as much as how she made them.
Classy. Intelligent. Empathetic. Balanced. Realistic. Love you and your channel!
PLEASE DO NOT LIE TO YOUR VENDORS!!! As a former photographer who has half a decade's worth of experience, I can attest that the time, product, preparation, equipment, and consulting necessary for a wedding is completely different from a family photoshoot, family reunion, and even a regular formal event!! There is a good reason for the price difference. If you don't trust us as professionals and lack respect for our craft, expertise, and time, please hire someone else! Don't try and trick me and cheat me out of money that supports my family!
WOW .. you called it. That open bar/divorce comment, along with her body language, was so redundant of the message of her video why weddings are too expensive. Than what's your message? Spend money for an open bar or prepare for divorce, and don't forget to walk to a wedding to avoid hurting the earth. You handled your opinions respectfully.
She seems very privileged in how she approaches gifts. Where I’m from gifts are basically how a young couple gets started and most of them keep this stuff for life!
Let’s not forget that almost EVERY social event someone hosts and spends money on, people tend to bring a gift of some sort as a thank you for the meal/hosting etc - e.g. at birthday parties you typically get people birthday presents, or at dinner parties maybe some wine or dessert!
At the part about the wedding tax and how you should basically LIE to your wedding vendors, she lost all credibility (at least in regards to anything wedding related). How can you expect people to do their jobs if you mislead them?
I got married at 21 while still in college. Every gift was thankfully received!
100%
It's not your guests responsibility to outfit your house. If you don't have dishes, that's on you.
Yeah, but weddings cost way more than the total value of gifts received. If someone needs housewares so desperately, then they shouldn't waste the money on a wedding
As a photograppher, I would be livid if the event I showed up to was a wedding and I was told it was just a birthday party -_- Ugh, there is so much I need to know before the day of
Chelsea's SMUG attitude in this video is gross lol. Here shaming comments were ridiculous. I'm glad Jamie addressed them.
It honestly felt like she was implying that people who don't have an open bar deserve misfortune for their marriage or something. It was pretty gross.
Chelsea was definitely sassy and aired her opinions in this one no doubt. I do think our perceptions have a lot to do with our personalities and who we are naturally attracted to though. For example, I thought some of what she said was pointed but I’m okay with it and I felt I could see past it and wasn’t bothered by it. On the other hand, this is the first video I’ve seen on this channel and the “yeah okay” look she kept making was off putting to me. Also being perpetually offended by things Chelsea didn’t even say (when there were some actually valid things that might have been offensive) I didn’t vibe with. Different strokes for different folks 🤷♀️
What she said involving the open bar, and her implying that you should lie to the people you are working with, were honestly disgusting to me.
I watched the original video, I don’t think that’s what she(Chelsea) actually meant. The clip didn’t include her whole commentary. I believe that she actually meant that the couple mentioned, fought over having a full bar versus a cash bar, and because that it is so stigmatized to over spend in that category, their fight escalated, or continued throughout their marriage, and now that they are getting a divorce. I think she was advocating that more people should have cash bars at weddings because it is such a costly part of the day, and that we shouldn’t belittle or judge couples for making that decision. Because at the end of the day it’s a financial decision not necessarily a ‘style’ choice or aesthetic decision. -That was my take away from the original video.
@@diamend5 I watched the original and none of what you just said was mentioned.
@@beckygamble2992 "And while an open bar is generally the best way to thank your guests for coming to your wedding, remember that in some places, open bars can come with extra cost- you might be required to take out extra insurance, or have a number of cabs on retainer for the night. And if they're not required it is still a responsible idea. And let me tell you right here, If you're having a wedding, and where you opt to save money is by having a cash bar where your guests are required to pay for their drinks, which happened at one wedding I went to, and I'm not saying this is why, but that couple is now divorced, you honestly shouldn't be having a wedding and that's just my take.... But I think it's a great exercise to really take the time to weigh the costs of each one of these deceisions and truly decide, line by line, what is and isn't worth the money."
Idk I took it that she was explaining that the couple mentioned fought over wedding/financial decisions and that's a bad way to start your marriage.
@@diamend5 I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar and honestly I think the idea is relatively new but I find it insulting. People are spending money on plane tickets hotels Uber’s new outfits and a present to celebrate you the least you can do is give them a free drink. If you can’t afford that wait and save.
@@ratherbenapping10 Agreed.
I used to watch the financial diet but I found her overly dramatic and negative about the way she says things. I feel like that’s the case here, a lot of what she says makes sense but it’s said in such an overly negative way and the introduction is so dramatic about how the wedding industry if after our money that is puts me off every good point she makes.
People talk about “the wedding industry” like it’s some faceless money making machine, they forget that what it is in reality is mostly small businesses trying to make a living. There are definitely big businesses like hotels that charge more than they need to, but like Jamie said, you don’t have to support them.
As a fan of both channels, you handled this really gracefully, Jamie. Props to you.
I feel like Chelsea has this option because she did such a non traditional wedding.
So... I used to work in the wedding industry. I did alterations on wedding gowns and I can confirm what Chelsea said about pricing. I remember when I first started at that job I asked my coworkers: "why are we charging so much? It's too much." I was literally told that we keep our prices for brides high because it makes them feel like they're getting better service and more specific attention for their big day. I was told "brides WANT to pay more." So... I charged more. Also, in this video she brings up the point of how couples are not forced to spend more than their budget allows and I can say that when I got married I did not feel that this was true. What I really wanted for my wedding was a beautiful venue (expensive), but my family and I wanted to cook and bring our own food so I could save on something that was less important to me. Not a single venue I found allowed outside food. So it was either do a backyard wedding and have my stupid pot luck, or get married in a nice venue and pay exorbitant prices for a caterer. In the end I chose the catering route but I was not happy about it. I was pretty upset that I wasn't allowed to bring my own food into places that didn't even have their own kitchen. Sorry, but I agree with Chelsea.
They don’t allow outside food usually because it’s a food safety issue. They don’t want to risk being considered responsible if someone gets sick eating food you made.
@@TrappedinSLC but whynot just have me sign a waiver for that
@@darkexcalibur87 You can’t waive all rights often, and a waiver still means a court case. Usually brought by someone like an insurance company. So it’s a big hassle.
Plus the bad press/word of mouth risk, since ppl might not specify that they didn’t do the catering when complaining about it.
Something else to note, as someone is planning a wedding; Chelsea is a new yorker, so she has a higher cost of living perspective than we do in Texas.
I was also thinking that she was likely referring to city weddings when talking about cabs, and honestly, I think Chelsea's video is being a little misinterpreted. She's basically saying that you don't need to go with stereotypes and don't feel pressured to do so. Additionally, different places have different stereotypes, perhaps she just drawing from her experience
@@akreeger7742 THANK YOU, you get it.
@@akreeger7742 I agree! Still think her vid was super condescending and judgmental, though. As a regular viewer fo her channel, I was disappointed.
While I agree with you as a general rule, Jamie, you're underselling the pressure involved in gift giving at certain events. I don't know your client base, but in my family and surrounding families where I'm from, the pressure to give money or gifts during specific events is real and people will speak ill of you if you don't do it. Having that out is a godsend. I've absolutely spent money I did not have on weddings or Christmas, or birthdays because I felt shame at the idea of spending less or nothing at all. I'm currently a student. I don't work so I can focus and get done a little quicker and I still spend hundreds on my immediate family, their Significant others, my significant other and some for her family. It's just what's done and that pressure is so real. Weddings and graduations are the same. If I can't afford a gift, I also feel I just can't afford to go. I'd rather send cash and not go than show up without something from their registry. The weddings that said no gifts or to donate to a charity gave me so much relief.
I am very focused on having a sustainable wedding, and flying is very harmful to the planet (definitely more so than driving). As such I am paying for carbon offsets and we have cut our guest list down. I also am working with our florist to use native, non-dyed plants without floral foam, and we are doing non disposable items through catering (all linen and ceramic or glass) as well as local ingredients. We also are thrifting a lot of supplies, from materials for bachelorette and engagement parties to our centerpieces.
I was on board so much with Jamie today. Especially that jab by FD about no gifts=taste. My best friend just got married. She had a tight budget. Bought her dress second hand, paid $120 for alterations. I paid more for my MoH dress than she did for her bridal gown because I bought it brand new, but I told her when she balked at the price, that it was fine. She also had a childhood friend do her photos for cheap, but her friend wanted to be a part of the wedding anyway and my friend's photos taste was not extravagant at all (Personally not mine. I would have shelled out the money for a photographer with wedding experience). My friend and her new husband are young, just starting out and we (guests and family) loved giving them support with gifts that we could afford to help them out with their new home. We're talking maybe up to $60 a gift from each guest/family. And that's definitely the high amount. Where did the survey get those insane numbers? When everyone pitches in what they can, the new couple can start out with some things that are of pretty good quality instead of just buying the cheapest plastic junk they see. Jeezh. FD just came across as rude. Seeing Jamie react to this made me so happy for some reason.
I was a follower of TFD for a LONG time, and that video was the final straw that made me unsubscribe from them. A lot of the recent videos they've posted are harsh, better-than-you content. I felt super judged and uncomfortable watching her video BEFORE you posted your reaction, but your video made my feelings seem justified and heard. AND you tackled it with grace and level-headedness. Thank you Jamie for your consistently great videos!
Handled like the true Pro you are. She just seems like a judgemental wedding hater. She can keep her opinions. We love you Jaime!
Yeah, this was not Chelsea's finest moment. I am guessing where she lives/her social circle may influence her thinking about much a wedding typically costs, but even so, Jamie is right, no one is forcing them to do anything. Also no one is forcing the guests. Definitely be honest with vendors. As a photographer I will bring different things with me, wear different clothes, and be more prepared. And the price difference is because weddings are very intense and I end up with more photos which mean more time editing pictures. If a business charges more for a good or service ONLY because it's a wedding and it doesn't cost them more time or money because it's a wedding than that is certainly wrong, even if it's a mom and pop kind of place. But like Jamie said, I don't think that happens as much as that report makes you think.
Jamie thank you for making this video! Funnily enough I found both your channel and The Financial Diet around two years ago when I was engaged and planning my own wedding. I love both of these channels and have learned so much from both of you. But this video from TFD was honestly kind of upsetting to watch. It sadly felt more like a rant with a side of shame rather than an informative video. I agree that certain areas within the wedding industry can be ridiculously expensive, but the same goes for almost any other industry. Especially if the goal is just to follow whats trendy or to try to impress people. No one should be judging or shaming a couple for how they choose to celebrate and share this happy day! I highly recommend your channel to anyone involved in the wedding planning process. You do such a great job coming up with actual helpful resources and ideas that are applicable to a wide array of people and budgets. Some big things that saved me lots of money were the following: Pair down your guest list, don’t be afraid to DIY, get quotes from multiple vendors instead of going with the first one! Your other tip about not being afraid to spend money on something that is important to you was so important for me to hear. You convinced me to actually hire a wedding photographer and I’m so grateful of that!!! The whole day went by SO QUICKLY! I was so excited to marry my Fiancé that I weirdly didn’t notice or pay much mind to many details and I didn’t really have the time or focus to “take it all in”. It is a huge blessing to now have beautiful pictures of that whole day and of our family and friends all together