I understand completely what Alia is feeling about this. However, as I grow older, I've realized that at times, embracing a "sexy" appearance, dressing up, and expressing that feminine energy can feel empowering and liberating. It almost gives me a sense of breaking free from others' opinions and allows me to make peace with my female body. When I do that, it's solely for myself and not for society. But I also believe it's something women should question themselves by asking, "Am I doing this because I want to, or because society expects me to?" And it's also directly related to how I feel that day, as sometimes a pair of baggy pants makes me feel sexy and confident.
It's interesting that Alia says she isn't victim blaming but is still very much using victim blaming language by saying what could happen if a woman wears a short skirt outside. The reality is that women get attacked no matter what they wear, whether it's a skirt or a bag over their head. The problem is not us, it is not the victims. Imagine this, your friend who is a woman gets harassed and attacked by a man on the subway. She happens to be wearing a skirt. Are you going to look your friend in the face and say to her that she shouldn't have worn that skirt? If your answer is "yes", you are also part of the problem. Again, women who fall victim to these kinds of attacks are never at fault. The people who hate women are the ones at fault and I will forever remain on that hill. This conversation needs to be less about women's actions and more about the people (men) who make being a woman dangerous. There can be space for these conversations, but there needs to be a major shift in who we are TRULY blaming.
I tried really hard to over-explain how what you just mentioned is NOT at ALL what I am trying to say. Several times I mentioned that in no way do I agree with that ridiculous logic we've seen men use in courtrooms time and time again to justify assault. No matter what happens to a woman, the only person to blame is the person who assaulted or hurt her, PERIOD. In the specific scenario we were talking about, I was simply trying to highlight that we live in a messed-up world and however much we wish it was different, it isn't so we should always protect ourselves because putting ourselves in dangerous situations never solves anything. I totally agree with you on where the root of the problem is, there is no debate there.
What she is saying is a women who is wearing a short skirt is more likely to get attacked than a women who is wearing something more “covered up” FOR EXAMPLE. it’s the plain and simple truth, not victim blaming. Nobody is saying wearing a short skirt is wrong or worse than wearing something more modest. It’s just the REALITY of the world we live in. Don’t blame other woman. This is the predators fault. What’s so conversial abt that?
@@whatsthejuicepod But there's been studies proving that this correlation is notautomatically true. Plenty of women have been SAed even though they weren't wearing revealing clothes. Some countries still have a SA issue even though it is mandatory to cover yourself. Even your justification has the "asking for it" undertones, even if your are not trying to see it through your eyes but the eyes of the aggressor. Personnally I agree with some parts of the video, but sometimes I just get very strong pick me vibes, and tbh it is not the first time I had this feeling from Alia. Here is a very famous essay on the subject core.ac.uk/download/pdf/217202091.pdf
Hey guys, I think women dress "sexy" because they want to. Because they like the way they look, because they like their clothes and that's it. Not everything a woman does has to be to be some sort of a statement. A good way to show feminism in a case of women choosing a sexier outfit is letting it be socially acceptable, not calling them sluts and just letting women be women and exist in any form they might please. I don't think everything a woman does has to be a big FU to the patriarchy. Same with vulgar female rappers. They're rapping about being sexy and sex because they like it. Why does it have to have a bigger meaning? Feminism is letting them do whatever they wanna do, I don't think it has to go into deep questioning why they're doing it. I feel like being a feminist is in a way like being pro choice, letting people do what people wanna do and supporting them through it.
Said no woman ever 😂 women Dre’s s like that to be seen 😂 not cU “it’s cozy” cuz AC be blasting everywhere in the USA not just down south and it’s not even comfortable to be 80% naked 😂 something is always too short, too thin, or exposed or a bout to be exposed. And then have the nerve to call it “fashion” 😂😂😂
I really loved Yoni bringing up racial stereotypes and the reality of what it means to be a black man in our country. You guys should do an episode on this topic and it can be so eye opening to a lot of people who have the privilege of not having to think about their race in their day to day. Only if comfortable of course, I know race is a very heavy topic for some people but I really think it would be so beneficial.
Okay, but isn't your first mistake saying that showing your cleavage means taking the power away from women because they will be sexualized and then men will think less of them? Maybe that's what we should do! Keep showing our cleavage if we want so that one day it becomes normal and people don't think less of a woman or a business woman or a grocery lady because she is showing her cleavage?
I feel that Alia, despite saying that she doesn't judge women for wearing the clothes they want, at the same time she judges when she says that she doesn't understand when women want to choose to wear these clothes. Well, maybe it's because they want to? Of course we have to be careful about the clothes we wear and the places we go, but that wouldn't be necessary if men could behave. So it's not women who should change, but men - and I know you will say you agree with this, but your speeches say something else
Unfortunately we live in a world where both men and women are morally evil. Men shouldn't behave themselves only but women should too. Lots of ladies can act like harlots. It's tiring and sad to hear ladies blame men.
I acknowledge that the topic is controversial, and individuals have the right to express their opinions. In my experience with the first episode, it appeared that Alia conveyed a perspective that could be interpreted as harboring resentment towards women who choose to dress “sexy”. I believe that a feminist woman shouldn't criticize another woman's choice of clothing, as it seems more appropriate to address potential self-esteem issues on a personal level rather than framing them as societal problems.
I sincerely wish for your healing over time and can see that there are more ways to progress and that many paths can lead to the same place - a place where woman are equal to men and seen for more than their bodies but their minds and them as a whole.
What resentment could a woman have towards other women who choose to dress "sexy"? Resentment for what? I would love to hear about the ways in which the things we talked about in this episode will lead to progress in equality?
Hey Alia, Thank You for this episode. This was such an insight into you as a person and also as a thinker. I know this is sensitive to you as it should be, talking about feminism publicly is now such a polarizing conversation now, and that's why I want to leave you a message deeper than oh I liked what you said. You put your views passionately but also as comprehensively as you could and I completely resonate with the points you made. The internal conditioning that women do into what is expected out of them in terms of looks, clothes, grooming, to be considered an "attractive woman" is so external but at the same time has been a discourse since time immemorial that we have made that the norm and we need to think and introspect that critically to make our own opinions and choices which you have clearly done and not gone by the utopian ideas promoted everywhere. Yoni, bless your heart, you are a good man but you my friend are the exception not the norm in how you view women, and how boys/men in general across the world do, yet it was nice listening to you comprehending Alia's views. Great episode Guys, will be relistening it again.
Hey! Just had a few thoughts about the dressing discussion and wanted to share. First, I want to clarify that I absolutely see where Alia is coming from, but I think there’s a little more context to consider! Women have been societally pressured to hate their bodies if they don’t fit the “ideal” standards of what a woman’s body should be (something that is, as Alia mentioned, constantly changing). Dressing in ways that show one’s body as opposed to covering it up can be a way to show that you love your body exactly as it is, even though it might not be “perfect.” It can be a way to break through the self-hatred and feeling like you need to hide, and for many people can be a big step towards actually loving yourself! Another interesting thing to consider is that historically, even though men “like to see” the so-called “sexual” aspects of a woman’s body, men have wanted them to be covered up in public. Think of how scandalous showing an ankle or a collarbone used to be! Women were supposed to stay hidden for their men. Because of this, many women really want to subvert those historical patriarchal expectations. Anger at being told to hide their body because it “belongs” to a man can make showing more skin feel like a powerful expression of freedom to some. Also, thanks for clarifying the story from last week! I felt like there had to be something I wasn’t fully understanding 😬
I believe if your reaction to another woman wearing a “sexy” outfit is that she’s wearing it for men, then it’s a personal projection of your own insecurities. I admit I will sometimes have that immediate thought but catch myself. That can’t be claimed as a “societal issue.” Also, just because you don’t feel empowered or good when you wear “revealing clothing” doesn’t mean that doesn’t exist for other women. If you have a narrow view of women and what womanhood is/can be or don’t have the privilege of being friends with different types of women it makes sense one may hold this view.
I would love to hear more about what womanhood is or entails and would like to say that I have plenty of friends or women in my life that have differing opinions on this. When it comes to personal projection of my own insecurities (not sure if you mean you think I am jealous because I too wish I could show more of my this or that, but I am too insecure - which is not the case) but trust me when I say I could also wear more "sexy" outfits but putting together a chic or more fashion forward outfits to me is more interesting.
I just wanted to say that i totally agreed with you on everything you said in your other episodes especially the one about Halloween. I feel like we live in a very trendy generation and the trends even go as far as being opinions and when you don't follow the trend of an opinion you get criticisim. It's like people don't even voice their true opinions they just voice what is popular on social media or whatever the mass is thinking so they don't feel bad for having a different opinion. People don't stop and take time to THINK for their own, they will often follow whatever the popular opinion is. I love social media but that is one thing that freaks me out about it, the power it has on peoples thoughts. So thank you for saying your true thoughts, for thinking things through and voicing them. I think a lot of people think the same as you but are just afraid of contradicting the trendy thoughts around feminism even if they don't always make sense.
I love that you guys decided to post this. Personally i did kind of disagree with some things alia said in past episodes but now that she clarified her views and dove deeper into them, i get where her way of thinking comes from. But what really made me see where she stands in this topic wasn’t necessarily what she said but how she said it and the fact that she cares so deeply about it and does not in any way want to make anyone feel attacked as well as express her opinion right, yk? Idk you guys are my favorite people to listen to on the internet and i love that you care about the important stuff and are willing to take your time to talk about it.
Alia, girl, this is without a doubt one of the best episodes to date! I dont think you should be afraid to speak on this topic at all. Even if I don't 100% agree with your opinion, I really respect and appreciate your perspective ❤
props to alia for taking a stand. there's no denying that showing off most of your skin calls attention to yourself as opposed to wearing a tshirt and baggy sweats, especially if youre the only one doing so. no victim blaming ever, but also we do what we can to keep ourselves safe and survive. we live in a broken world and its as simple as that.
Your podcast has really made me think. I initially thought, oh it's just another misogynistic couple claiming to have unpopular "feminist" opinions. Then I realized how this episode represents how our internal biases can be so oblivious to us even after being educated on the history of women and our patriarchal society (which you know lots about). Also the cycle of thinking that lots of women get lost in, "Do I like this because men have created this expectation of me? Do I act this way because men have told me to? What can I do as a woman to not perpetuate the patriarchy, while also being myself?" Alia, you had lots of questions about why we, as woman, choose to do certain things. I compliment your curiosity and courage to put it out in the internet. First, the cleavage, actually, woman's body in general. It's simple, just don't look. We have control over our actions. Saying you can't help but look is just an excuse, because you can actively choose not to, you just don't. You said it's "biology" for men to sexualize woman, which does a disservice to them. Men aren't born sex-hungry, they are raised in society that tells them they are entitled to woman's body by the media or other men (making podcasts lol), which means they are still able to change their thinking and actions. Second, like you said, woman's bodies have been policed for centuries. You are so right about that, yet you contradict yourself by judging women who choose to wear sexy Halloween costumes or show their cleavage. You said "it doesn't help woman's case for fighting against social norms", so woman can't wear sexy clothing because it feeds into male validation (their idea of sexy and sexual desires), but woman also can't wear conservative clothing because it also feeds into male validation (conforming). So what do we wear? The answer is, whatever we want. Whatever is comfortable for us (believe it or not, some girls are comfortable wearing a short tight dress, while some girls are comfortable in sweats, both are very respectable). I understand you may be going through your own journey of what you feel comfortable wearing, so know you can wear ANYTHING! There is no real reason why we choose to wear certain things, we just LIKE it. Associating all woman's decision back to men, makes it seem like we are conforming or we don't think for ourselves, like we aren't our own people (by saying woman wear revealing clothes to impress men). Instead of thinking, " she's wearing that short dress because of men", maybe think "she's wearing that short dress because she wants to, it makes her feel good. Why? It just does." There is no great philosophical answer to why woman do things, we just do. Next, the apartment situation. We live in a society where men are very dangerous to woman, which you are aware of, "there's constant danger for us". There are lots of things we have to do for our safety that men don't have to do. But should we always live in fear? Always in survival mode? Like I said before, it's not a simple answer. Its not "I live in the world as it is, not as it should be". Why? That thinking can restrict people, impede their autonomy. It can also come off as doing the "right" thing, but you can do everything "right" and still be harmed. You could wear a short skirt and walk outside a night and be harmed, but you can also wear sweatpants and walk outside in the day and be harmed. You could take all the precautions and still be harmed. Like Yoni said, "we all have different brains, we all have different experiences" (yet fails to see). A person may think "I shouldn't invite this man into my apartment", another may think "I want to invite this man into my apartment". You may see the red flags, while others don't. It is not productive to blame the actions of victims before being harmed (they probably already blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs), we need to focus on the actions of the perpetrator (who always had the intention of hurting the victim).
Hi from Australia I've just finished last pod and I was so happy to see new one. I'm decluttering my wardrobe and with new pod on, it's gonna be good 😁
i know where you are coming from Alia, but there’s actually a study that proves what kind of clothes women wear did not matter in regards to sexual assault. i was actually sexually assaulted when i was wearing long sleeves and just a freaking long jeans. Yes it was at night, on the street besides a river but i don’t think the clothes that i was wearing specifically relates to the cause. but i really loved how real you were in this topic!
I totally agree that there is no correlation between the two - ABSOLUTELY. In this episode we just discussed these two ideas, but didn't at all mean to imply one as the cause of the other.
Agreed with your opinions 100% Alia, appreciate you sharing your thoughts and opinions, absolutely love the way you express your ideas and point of view - that takes a lot of courage. Appreciate you and Yoni having this type of conversation specially when everyone seems to be filtering what they say based on what they expect that people want to hear. You guys are so real and pleasant to hear, props to Yoni for being so supportive and caring. Keep up the good work and quality content! ❤️
Tell this to Alia though♥ Well said! and love that you are standing up for yourself. I can't imagine how hard & scary it is to put yourself and your opinions out there but you did it in such a good way & I admire you for that! Hope you both have a nice day☀
as i’ve watched your videos for years and i’m an avid feminist i was nervous this would change my opinion for the worst, but it didnt. i love that you questioned feminism deeply and i completely agree that our entire understanding of sexiness and what we like to wear has been shaped by men. i think the emphasis needs to be on teaching men that no matter what someone is wearing it doesn’t change the fact we should respect them. i’m sure you agree with that, but i’m not sure we will ever get there if women are seen as not progressing feminism for wearing revealing clothes. not that you were saying that exactly, but i think we need to teach men showing skin or body doesn’t give them a right to anything. whilst i agree with you mostly, some of what of what you were saying implied women have to deal with the issues men have created, but in my mind men should have to deal with it- women should be able to do what they want. but i guess you’re whole point is that they can’t…. love you guys and your content
True feminism is being able to ask questions and push back to create conversation. People who claim that they are feminists and censor any and all critical conversation need to reconsider their title. Women will have all sorts of life experience and we must take that into account! I also took Women's Studies classes in university and I was the class villain because I was the ONLY woman defending the men who asked questions in class! They were there to learn about the woman POV and everyone loved to crap on them. It wasn't right! I appreciate that Alia challenges the conversation and I am right here with you!
19:00 I am not sure if you read this, but to contribute to that question “who decides what is sexy”, It goes back to our reproductive instincts, the same as animals its in men’s nature subconsciously perceive curvy women as healthy and fertile.. The interpretations of the small Venus figurines from 20 000 years ago are good source for this topic because at least for me that’s when this all started haha. Also there is a question to ask, who really benefits from the whole feminism movement. Being totally equal will never work because that would mean to suppress the masculine and feminine in both and as a woman I like to be treated like one, the same as my boyfriend likes and needs to be a man around me. I like how critical you both are good job 👌❤
I really appreciate they did a “clarifying” episode because of some misunderstandings. I get Alia’s point of view more now. I also think it’s a very controversial subject by itself, we are so immersed in the patriarchal/misogynistic culture that sometimes we don’t even realise ourselves that something we don’t consider to be sexist now, in 10 years maybe it might be it. However it’s very important to talk about feminism, women’s rights, equality... I think you did a great job guys ❤
Also real feminism constituted with ladies not being able to work, not voting.. now a days its ridiculously twisted 😅 kind of unfortunate imo.. but hey to each there own!
So I would like to say that for the first time I have heard these details publicly, these moments are truly terrifying, and what is worse than that is that these moments are daily. I agree with Alia in everything she said 🫶🏼✨
I am Japanese but in Japan, the idea of male chauvinism or the idea that females have to take care of the home still exists to this day sadly. English is not my first language and maybe I may be different from you in many ways like country or culture, but I am so into your podcast and love listening to your topics you choose. I actually sympathized with Alia's thoughts in the Halloween episode. And for this episode too. I feel the same way as Alia when I am outside. I wish I could change my look into a man when I go outside.😂 For me, I have wished many times that I had been born a boy. Because to my eyes, I could see that men have a bit more freedom to do or act anything compared to women and they don't have to be so scared. Personally, this is only for me but, I get the feeling that it is hard to live as a woman. I got to know you guys talk about your thoughts to us choosing the words so kindly and carefully. I am sorry with my bad English. Thank you so much for sharing and talking as always.
Oh what you said Alia... Some days ago I was sitting in the bus stop surrounded by 3 men they came kind of aggressively invading literally my personal space.. I usually not even make eye contact but I looked one of them directly just to make sure that ok calm down I'm sitting here want my peace.. Not giving him smile but trying to show that I am not afraid.. Even though I was.... 😕
Hey guys! I was going back and forward with the episodes trying to catch up on the comments and I always feel represented by Alia's comments, even on this topic. I try by all means to protect myself and all the women that I can (friends, family, coworkers, even strangers) being completely aware and conscient about my surroundings and prevent these possible scenarios at all costs. From my perspective, as a woman in Argentina that has a huge movement of empowered women fighting for their rights and to stay alive in a context full of violent men (and even women) behind her, our solution lately has been fighting back all the bullshit that came towards us. So in that matter I came to understand also this other kind of thinking in which we get angry at everyone. And this is totally valid, don't get me wrong, cause this is a fucked up reality and even I take that road sometimes. But I think in here, they're missing the point of the history. Being a communicator is always going to be tricky and will have a lot of negativity involved, but I'm glad to have you guys as an example on how to be realistic and kind in this whole wild world that the internet is. Sending you lots of love! Ps: Sorry for the long message, I hope it helped haha
Very interesting conversation! Like most things, I believe there is a gray area. I think a woman can dress how she wants and feel liberated that she’s embracing her body but there’s also a point where context cues should be taken into account. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to wear deep cleavage clothing like in a corporate environment.
We are all individuals and equally valuable and have many talents...I appreciate your willingness to be open, honest and sincere about your beliefs❤ please don't let a threat of someone unfollowing you determine how you express you...support means listening to another viewpoint and respecting that person even though our view is different ❤❤❤
feminism aims for women to participate in social life, to be active in the business world, not to be seen as a fertile animal. I think it is very disturbing to associate this with nudity. the things we are fighting for are different. it felt good to hear someone expressing my thoughts freely.
Yoni, please tell Alia that we love and support her! This was such a good episode. The point that Alia made about wanting to dress sexy because of internalized misogyny really “clicked” for me. I want to live in a world where woman can walk around freely without having to worry about anything, but I think it’s also important to remember that we don’t live in that world yet. I agree with Alia, the most important thing we can do is teach our children to be better. Side note: I also agree so much about your opinions on marriage! It’s so nice to hear about people that don’t agree with the traditional side of marriage (proposals, weddings, etc.). I think it’s rooted in SO much sexism.
I also was thinking about what defines “sexy”? For women it’s wearing less clothing (showing off their boobs, legs, or butt). What is it for men? Men wearing less clothing isn’t necessarily “sexy”. It’s normal to see men with their shirts off in the summer time with short shorts. However, women can’t do this because our bodies are so sexualized. I mean, women feel like they need to cover up when breast feeding, which is only necessary because society sexualizes breasts.
Hey Alia, I’m sorry that you’re getting some hate in the comments about your feminist opinions… that’s mean and isn’t right to do… people can agree to disagree but there’s no need to be hateful or mean! But, I agree with everything you’re saying and hope you know that your ideologies are valid. It’s just hard nowadays to have any controversial opinions about feminism because people are so feminist to the point where they believe “all men are trash” “all men are shit” and I feel like we are just going backwards. We are not progressing as a society by thinking that way. We are acting as poorly as the men did back in the day when they were treating women terribly! So why are we choosing to do the same?! I feel like that’s something really important to think about. If we want to progress as women we shouldn’t hate men and deem them in such a negative light. If not no progress is being made. We’re just repeating the past. We can fight for women’s rights without hating ALL men and still be feminists. Anyways I really appreciate your guys courage to do a topic about this knowing it could be very controversial! Love you guys and keep speaking your truth ❤❤ have been listening to you guys for a year know and love all your pods. Alia and Yoni keep doing you ✨✨you’re great!
Totally agree with Alia and that scenario of the man that didn’t want to leave. Yes the man should’ve left but at the same time, women were all blessed with great intuition and that friend felt it but still put herself in that situation. Also I believe feeling “sexy” comes from the idea from society that “sex sells” and showing more skin and your curves shows people that you’re desirable. Just like those ads where men are falling at this woman’s feet and having that privilege
Totally agree with Alia, that's exactly what I think about "sexy" women dressing. First of all why do women put makeup? That's stupid, just let's be how we are...let's start with that. I've been saying the same all my life, I dress like Alia and I'm 55, I hate to show my body to everybody, showing our bodies is definetely a learned behavior...I'm sorry, I'm a specialist in media I'm a publicist but I speak spanish and I don't exactly know how to explain this, I'd love to be there with you talking about this!!! I'm passionate of this matter. ❤❤❤❤ It's like Alia and I were sisters, or mother and daughter haha, so strange how exactly the same with think.
What about women who live in societies and are part of religions where they are completely covered up? I know both of you claimed to not be experts or researchers in this area, but a simple search can show that a lot of women who are sexually assaulted are covered up (e.g. wearing hijabs) and are assaulted by someone they know. I understand the point of being aware of the world we live in and taking steps of protecting ourselves, but doing some research and learning about lived experiences is helpful in these situations.
thanks for this episode. i agree with you 100% on everything you said and i get the fear of expressing opinions on this topic (cancel culture is crazy) i dont know since when feminism has become the idea that no one can question a woman’s choices. you were right about putting this into word as “being delusional and live as if everything is how it should be” this is real world and EVERYONE is responsible of their own safety. you cant recklessly do something and just hope for the best when in the end you can end up getting harmed seriously! you have to have common sense, you have to think what can happen next. tables turn so quickly when the scene involves a guy and without doubt the woman is right in every step she took just because she is a woman?? this is just a ridiculous approach. also, it is so internalized that we think we do many things just for ourselves but in reality we are just serving the male gaze. there is a difference between “taking a look” and “staring” i, as a woman, take a good look when other women have nice bodies. simply cause its aesthetically pleasing (just like art) its inevitable. you cant expect to wear things that will catch attention and be invisible. also please be honest with yourself. you want the attention, you want people to look, but just the “right” people with the “right mindset”. hate to break the news to you but the world is full of horrible, sick people with mental issues. you HAVE to take some responsibility over the situations that you can control.
Alia, I love you I truly do. But as a black women this episode was peak white feminism. I really need you to tap into hood feminism ( a book) and learn more perspective of black and brown women feminism. I think it would help you expand your thoughts a bit more. Bell hooks, Angela Davis and etc. BC this is a very white women take on feminism. I appreciate the input but I think you should do some reading and educating then make a part two to this video! Again no hate but as a black women I really felt like you were missing the mark and needed a more diverse perspective in this episode from a women of color. Love the podcast! Keep talking, keep having these conversation because you will learn more from us and we will learn more for you!
There is so much intersectionality within feminism and it's so important to acknowledge how much one's experience might be different because of various reasons like you named, however I never feel comfortable talking from anyone else perspective than my own. I will definitely look into your recs but since this episode specifically talked about 2 issues (sexy clothing=women empowerment?, and not putting ourselves in dangerous situations), I would love to hear how intersectionality plays a role in these particular scenarios. Thank you again for your comment 💗
What I don’t get are women who show it all & make bank 💰 on Only Fans & call it women empowerment🤦♀️ WTF! And some IG accounts are full on porn. Not a prude at all… I get what Alia is talking about!!!
Deep pod guys 🤍 I think everyone has different opinions when it comes to this topic I would say I agree with the point that you got be aware of your surroundings and we live in a fucked up world with fucked up people so that’s primarily why.
I understand completely what Alia is feeling about this. However, as I grow older, I've realized that at times, embracing a "sexy" appearance, dressing up, and expressing that feminine energy can feel empowering and liberating. It almost gives me a sense of breaking free from others' opinions and allows me to make peace with my female body. When I do that, it's solely for myself and not for society. But I also believe it's something women should question themselves by asking, "Am I doing this because I want to, or because society expects me to?" And it's also directly related to how I feel that day, as sometimes a pair of baggy pants makes me feel sexy and confident.
Just finished listening to the whole ep. and ahh, I love you guys. This episode was just so real.
It's interesting that Alia says she isn't victim blaming but is still very much using victim blaming language by saying what could happen if a woman wears a short skirt outside. The reality is that women get attacked no matter what they wear, whether it's a skirt or a bag over their head. The problem is not us, it is not the victims. Imagine this, your friend who is a woman gets harassed and attacked by a man on the subway. She happens to be wearing a skirt. Are you going to look your friend in the face and say to her that she shouldn't have worn that skirt? If your answer is "yes", you are also part of the problem. Again, women who fall victim to these kinds of attacks are never at fault. The people who hate women are the ones at fault and I will forever remain on that hill. This conversation needs to be less about women's actions and more about the people (men) who make being a woman dangerous. There can be space for these conversations, but there needs to be a major shift in who we are TRULY blaming.
exaclyyyyy
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I tried really hard to over-explain how what you just mentioned is NOT at ALL what I am trying to say. Several times I mentioned that in no way do I agree with that ridiculous logic we've seen men use in courtrooms time and time again to justify assault. No matter what happens to a woman, the only person to blame is the person who assaulted or hurt her, PERIOD. In the specific scenario we were talking about, I was simply trying to highlight that we live in a messed-up world and however much we wish it was different, it isn't so we should always protect ourselves because putting ourselves in dangerous situations never solves anything. I totally agree with you on where the root of the problem is, there is no debate there.
What she is saying is a women who is wearing a short skirt is more likely to get attacked than a women who is wearing something more “covered up” FOR EXAMPLE. it’s the plain and simple truth, not victim blaming. Nobody is saying wearing a short skirt is wrong or worse than wearing something more modest. It’s just the REALITY of the world we live in. Don’t blame other woman. This is the predators fault. What’s so conversial abt that?
@@whatsthejuicepod But there's been studies proving that this correlation is notautomatically true. Plenty of women have been SAed even though they weren't wearing revealing clothes. Some countries still have a SA issue even though it is mandatory to cover yourself. Even your justification has the "asking for it" undertones, even if your are not trying to see it through your eyes but the eyes of the aggressor. Personnally I agree with some parts of the video, but sometimes I just get very strong pick me vibes, and tbh it is not the first time I had this feeling from Alia. Here is a very famous essay on the subject core.ac.uk/download/pdf/217202091.pdf
Hey guys,
I think women dress "sexy" because they want to. Because they like the way they look, because they like their clothes and that's it. Not everything a woman does has to be to be some sort of a statement. A good way to show feminism in a case of women choosing a sexier outfit is letting it be socially acceptable, not calling them sluts and just letting women be women and exist in any form they might please. I don't think everything a woman does has to be a big FU to the patriarchy.
Same with vulgar female rappers. They're rapping about being sexy and sex because they like it. Why does it have to have a bigger meaning? Feminism is letting them do whatever they wanna do, I don't think it has to go into deep questioning why they're doing it.
I feel like being a feminist is in a way like being pro choice, letting people do what people wanna do and supporting them through it.
Totally agree with you!
Said no woman ever 😂 women Dre’s s like that to be seen 😂 not cU “it’s cozy” cuz AC be blasting everywhere in the USA not just down south and it’s not even comfortable to be 80% naked 😂 something is always too short, too thin, or exposed or a bout to be exposed.
And then have the nerve to call it “fashion” 😂😂😂
I really loved Yoni bringing up racial stereotypes and the reality of what it means to be a black man in our country. You guys should do an episode on this topic and it can be so eye opening to a lot of people who have the privilege of not having to think about their race in their day to day. Only if comfortable of course, I know race is a very heavy topic for some people but I really think it would be so beneficial.
Okay, but isn't your first mistake saying that showing your cleavage means taking the power away from women because they will be sexualized and then men will think less of them? Maybe that's what we should do! Keep showing our cleavage if we want so that one day it becomes normal and people don't think less of a woman or a business woman or a grocery lady because she is showing her cleavage?
I feel that Alia, despite saying that she doesn't judge women for wearing the clothes they want, at the same time she judges when she says that she doesn't understand when women want to choose to wear these clothes. Well, maybe it's because they want to? Of course we have to be careful about the clothes we wear and the places we go, but that wouldn't be necessary if men could behave. So it's not women who should change, but men - and I know you will say you agree with this, but your speeches say something else
Unfortunately we live in a world where both men and women are morally evil. Men shouldn't behave themselves only but women should too. Lots of ladies can act like harlots.
It's tiring and sad to hear ladies blame men.
I acknowledge that the topic is controversial, and individuals have the right to express their opinions. In my experience with the first episode, it appeared that Alia conveyed a perspective that could be interpreted as harboring resentment towards women who choose to dress “sexy”. I believe that a feminist woman shouldn't criticize another woman's choice of clothing, as it seems more appropriate to address potential self-esteem issues on a personal level rather than framing them as societal problems.
I sincerely wish for your healing over time and can see that there are more ways to progress and that many paths can lead to the same place - a place where woman are equal to men and seen for more than their bodies but their minds and them as a whole.
What resentment could a woman have towards other women who choose to dress "sexy"? Resentment for what? I would love to hear about the ways in which the things we talked about in this episode will lead to progress in equality?
Hey Alia, Thank You for this episode. This was such an insight into you as a person and also as a thinker. I know this is sensitive to you as it should be, talking about feminism publicly is now such a polarizing conversation now, and that's why I want to leave you a message deeper than oh I liked what you said. You put your views passionately but also as comprehensively as you could and I completely resonate with the points you made. The internal conditioning that women do into what is expected out of them in terms of looks, clothes, grooming, to be considered an "attractive woman" is so external but at the same time has been a discourse since time immemorial that we have made that the norm and we need to think and introspect that critically to make our own opinions and choices which you have clearly done and not gone by the utopian ideas promoted everywhere. Yoni, bless your heart, you are a good man but you my friend are the exception not the norm in how you view women, and how boys/men in general across the world do, yet it was nice listening to you comprehending Alia's views. Great episode Guys, will be relistening it again.
Hey! Just had a few thoughts about the dressing discussion and wanted to share. First, I want to clarify that I absolutely see where Alia is coming from, but I think there’s a little more context to consider!
Women have been societally pressured to hate their bodies if they don’t fit the “ideal” standards of what a woman’s body should be (something that is, as Alia mentioned, constantly changing). Dressing in ways that show one’s body as opposed to covering it up can be a way to show that you love your body exactly as it is, even though it might not be “perfect.” It can be a way to break through the self-hatred and feeling like you need to hide, and for many people can be a big step towards actually loving yourself!
Another interesting thing to consider is that historically, even though men “like to see” the so-called “sexual” aspects of a woman’s body, men have wanted them to be covered up in public. Think of how scandalous showing an ankle or a collarbone used to be! Women were supposed to stay hidden for their men. Because of this, many women really want to subvert those historical patriarchal expectations. Anger at being told to hide their body because it “belongs” to a man can make showing more skin feel like a powerful expression of freedom to some.
Also, thanks for clarifying the story from last week! I felt like there had to be something I wasn’t fully understanding 😬
I believe if your reaction to another woman wearing a “sexy” outfit is that she’s wearing it for men, then it’s a personal projection of your own insecurities. I admit I will sometimes have that immediate thought but catch myself. That can’t be claimed as a “societal issue.” Also, just because you don’t feel empowered or good when you wear “revealing clothing” doesn’t mean that doesn’t exist for other women. If you have a narrow view of women and what womanhood is/can be or don’t have the privilege of being friends with different types of women it makes sense one may hold this view.
I would love to hear more about what womanhood is or entails and would like to say that I have plenty of friends or women in my life that have differing opinions on this. When it comes to personal projection of my own insecurities (not sure if you mean you think I am jealous because I too wish I could show more of my this or that, but I am too insecure - which is not the case) but trust me when I say I could also wear more "sexy" outfits but putting together a chic or more fashion forward outfits to me is more interesting.
@@whatsthejuicepodthat’s good for you and I have the same exact thought when my ass is near busting out my jeans.
Alia lowkey giving hater vibes sometimes. It's sometimes some shade being thrown at other women who dress differently than her
I just wanted to say that i totally agreed with you on everything you said in your other episodes especially the one about Halloween. I feel like we live in a very trendy generation and the trends even go as far as being opinions and when you don't follow the trend of an opinion you get criticisim. It's like people don't even voice their true opinions they just voice what is popular on social media or whatever the mass is thinking so they don't feel bad for having a different opinion. People don't stop and take time to THINK for their own, they will often follow whatever the popular opinion is. I love social media but that is one thing that freaks me out about it, the power it has on peoples thoughts. So thank you for saying your true thoughts, for thinking things through and voicing them. I think a lot of people think the same as you but are just afraid of contradicting the trendy thoughts around feminism even if they don't always make sense.
I really like your point I hadn't even thought about the trend of opinions and that kind of group think mentality.
I love that you guys decided to post this. Personally i did kind of disagree with some things alia said in past episodes but now that she clarified her views and dove deeper into them, i get where her way of thinking comes from. But what really made me see where she stands in this topic wasn’t necessarily what she said but how she said it and the fact that she cares so deeply about it and does not in any way want to make anyone feel attacked as well as express her opinion right, yk?
Idk you guys are my favorite people to listen to on the internet and i love that you care about the important stuff and are willing to take your time to talk about it.
Alia, girl, this is without a doubt one of the best episodes to date! I dont think you should be afraid to speak on this topic at all. Even if I don't 100% agree with your opinion, I really respect and appreciate your perspective ❤
props to alia for taking a stand. there's no denying that showing off most of your skin calls attention to yourself as opposed to wearing a tshirt and baggy sweats, especially if youre the only one doing so. no victim blaming ever, but also we do what we can to keep ourselves safe and survive. we live in a broken world and its as simple as that.
Your podcast has really made me think. I initially thought, oh it's just another misogynistic couple claiming to have unpopular "feminist" opinions. Then I realized how this episode represents how our internal biases can be so oblivious to us even after being educated on the history of women and our patriarchal society (which you know lots about). Also the cycle of thinking that lots of women get lost in, "Do I like this because men have created this expectation of me? Do I act this way because men have told me to? What can I do as a woman to not perpetuate the patriarchy, while also being myself?" Alia, you had lots of questions about why we, as woman, choose to do certain things. I compliment your curiosity and courage to put it out in the internet. First, the cleavage, actually, woman's body in general. It's simple, just don't look. We have control over our actions. Saying you can't help but look is just an excuse, because you can actively choose not to, you just don't. You said it's "biology" for men to sexualize woman, which does a disservice to them. Men aren't born sex-hungry, they are raised in society that tells them they are entitled to woman's body by the media or other men (making podcasts lol), which means they are still able to change their thinking and actions. Second, like you said, woman's bodies have been policed for centuries. You are so right about that, yet you contradict yourself by judging women who choose to wear sexy Halloween costumes or show their cleavage. You said "it doesn't help woman's case for fighting against social norms", so woman can't wear sexy clothing because it feeds into male validation (their idea of sexy and sexual desires), but woman also can't wear conservative clothing because it also feeds into male validation (conforming). So what do we wear? The answer is, whatever we want. Whatever is comfortable for us (believe it or not, some girls are comfortable wearing a short tight dress, while some girls are comfortable in sweats, both are very respectable). I understand you may be going through your own journey of what you feel comfortable wearing, so know you can wear ANYTHING! There is no real reason why we choose to wear certain things, we just LIKE it. Associating all woman's decision back to men, makes it seem like we are conforming or we don't think for ourselves, like we aren't our own people (by saying woman wear revealing clothes to impress men). Instead of thinking, " she's wearing that short dress because of men", maybe think "she's wearing that short dress because she wants to, it makes her feel good. Why? It just does." There is no great philosophical answer to why woman do things, we just do.
Next, the apartment situation. We live in a society where men are very dangerous to woman, which you are aware of, "there's constant danger for us". There are lots of things we have to do for our safety that men don't have to do. But should we always live in fear? Always in survival mode? Like I said before, it's not a simple answer. Its not "I live in the world as it is, not as it should be". Why? That thinking can restrict people, impede their autonomy. It can also come off as doing the "right" thing, but you can do everything "right" and still be harmed. You could wear a short skirt and walk outside a night and be harmed, but you can also wear sweatpants and walk outside in the day and be harmed. You could take all the precautions and still be harmed. Like Yoni said, "we all have different brains, we all have different experiences" (yet fails to see). A person may think "I shouldn't invite this man into my apartment", another may think "I want to invite this man into my apartment". You may see the red flags, while others don't. It is not productive to blame the actions of victims before being harmed (they probably already blame themselves for not seeing the warning signs), we need to focus on the actions of the perpetrator (who always had the intention of hurting the victim).
Hi from Australia
I've just finished last pod and I was so happy to see new one.
I'm decluttering my wardrobe and with new pod on, it's gonna be good 😁
i know where you are coming from Alia, but there’s actually a study that proves what kind of clothes women wear did not matter in regards to sexual assault. i was actually sexually assaulted when i was wearing long sleeves and just a freaking long jeans. Yes it was at night, on the street besides a river but i don’t think the clothes that i was wearing specifically relates to the cause. but i really loved how real you were in this topic!
I totally agree that there is no correlation between the two - ABSOLUTELY. In this episode we just discussed these two ideas, but didn't at all mean to imply one as the cause of the other.
Agreed with your opinions 100% Alia, appreciate you sharing your thoughts and opinions, absolutely love the way you express your ideas and point of view - that takes a lot of courage. Appreciate you and Yoni having this type of conversation specially when everyone seems to be filtering what they say based on what they expect that people want to hear. You guys are so real and pleasant to hear, props to Yoni for being so supportive and caring. Keep up the good work and quality content! ❤️
Tell this to Alia though♥ Well said! and love that you are standing up for yourself. I can't imagine how hard & scary it is to put yourself and your opinions out there but you did it in such a good way & I admire you for that! Hope you both have a nice day☀
as i’ve watched your videos for years and i’m an avid feminist i was nervous this would change my opinion for the worst, but it didnt. i love that you questioned feminism deeply and i completely agree that our entire understanding of sexiness and what we like to wear has been shaped by men. i think the emphasis needs to be on teaching men that no matter what someone is wearing it doesn’t change the fact we should respect them. i’m sure you agree with that, but i’m not sure we will ever get there if women are seen as not progressing feminism for wearing revealing clothes. not that you were saying that exactly, but i think we need to teach men showing skin or body doesn’t give them a right to anything. whilst i agree with you mostly, some of what of what you were saying implied women have to deal with the issues men have created, but in my mind men should have to deal with it- women should be able to do what they want. but i guess you’re whole point is that they can’t…. love you guys and your content
True feminism is being able to ask questions and push back to create conversation. People who claim that they are feminists and censor any and all critical conversation need to reconsider their title. Women will have all sorts of life experience and we must take that into account! I also took Women's Studies classes in university and I was the class villain because I was the ONLY woman defending the men who asked questions in class! They were there to learn about the woman POV and everyone loved to crap on them. It wasn't right! I appreciate that Alia challenges the conversation and I am right here with you!
I will also say that society is hyper-sexualized and we def need to tone it back lol I am tired
19:00 I am not sure if you read this, but to contribute to that question “who decides what is sexy”, It goes back to our reproductive instincts, the same as animals its in men’s nature subconsciously perceive curvy women as healthy and fertile.. The interpretations of the small Venus figurines from 20 000 years ago are good source for this topic because at least for me that’s when this all started haha. Also there is a question to ask, who really benefits from the whole feminism movement. Being totally equal will never work because that would mean to suppress the masculine and feminine in both and as a woman I like to be treated like one, the same as my boyfriend likes and needs to be a man around me. I like how critical you both are good job 👌❤
I really appreciate they did a “clarifying” episode because of some misunderstandings. I get Alia’s point of view more now. I also think it’s a very controversial subject by itself, we are so immersed in the patriarchal/misogynistic culture that sometimes we don’t even realise ourselves that something we don’t consider to be sexist now, in 10 years maybe it might be it. However it’s very important to talk about feminism, women’s rights, equality... I think you did a great job guys ❤
Also real feminism constituted with ladies not being able to work, not voting.. now a days its ridiculously twisted 😅 kind of unfortunate imo.. but hey to each there own!
So I would like to say that for the first time I have heard these details publicly, these moments are truly terrifying, and what is worse than that is that these moments are daily. I agree with Alia in everything she said 🫶🏼✨
I am Japanese but in Japan, the idea of male chauvinism or the idea that females have to take care of the home still exists to this day sadly. English is not my first language and maybe I may be different from you in many ways like country or culture, but I am so into your podcast and love listening to your topics you choose.
I actually sympathized with Alia's thoughts in the Halloween episode. And for this episode too.
I feel the same way as Alia when I am outside.
I wish I could change my look into a man when I go outside.😂
For me, I have wished many times that I had been born a boy.
Because to my eyes, I could see that men have a bit more freedom to do or act anything compared to women and they don't have to be so scared.
Personally, this is only for me but, I get the feeling that it is hard to live as a woman.
I got to know you guys talk about your thoughts to us choosing the words so kindly and carefully.
I am sorry with my bad English.
Thank you so much for sharing and talking as always.
Oh what you said Alia... Some days ago I was sitting in the bus stop surrounded by 3 men they came kind of aggressively invading literally my personal space.. I usually not even make eye contact but I looked one of them directly just to make sure that ok calm down I'm sitting here want my peace.. Not giving him smile but trying to show that I am not afraid.. Even though I was.... 😕
Love the episode, 100% agree with ur opinion about this, its such a difficult topic to talk about and not get misunderstood, you are so transparent ❤
Hey guys!
I was going back and forward with the episodes trying to catch up on the comments and I always feel represented by Alia's comments, even on this topic.
I try by all means to protect myself and all the women that I can (friends, family, coworkers, even strangers) being completely aware and conscient about my surroundings and prevent these possible scenarios at all costs.
From my perspective, as a woman in Argentina that has a huge movement of empowered women fighting for their rights and to stay alive in a context full of violent men (and even women) behind her, our solution lately has been fighting back all the bullshit that came towards us. So in that matter I came to understand also this other kind of thinking in which we get angry at everyone. And this is totally valid, don't get me wrong, cause this is a fucked up reality and even I take that road sometimes.
But I think in here, they're missing the point of the history.
Being a communicator is always going to be tricky and will have a lot of negativity involved, but I'm glad to have you guys as an example on how to be realistic and kind in this whole wild world that the internet is.
Sending you lots of love!
Ps: Sorry for the long message, I hope it helped haha
Very interesting conversation! Like most things, I believe there is a gray area. I think a woman can dress how she wants and feel liberated that she’s embracing her body but there’s also a point where context cues should be taken into account. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to wear deep cleavage clothing like in a corporate environment.
We are all individuals and equally valuable and have many talents...I appreciate your willingness to be open, honest and sincere about your beliefs❤ please don't let a threat of someone unfollowing you determine how you express you...support means listening to another viewpoint and respecting that person even though our view is different ❤❤❤
feminism aims for women to participate in social life, to be active in the business world, not to be seen as a fertile animal. I think it is very disturbing to associate this with nudity. the things we are fighting for are different. it felt good to hear someone expressing my thoughts freely.
Yoni, please tell Alia that we love and support her! This was such a good episode. The point that Alia made about wanting to dress sexy because of internalized misogyny really “clicked” for me. I want to live in a world where woman can walk around freely without having to worry about anything, but I think it’s also important to remember that we don’t live in that world yet. I agree with Alia, the most important thing we can do is teach our children to be better.
Side note: I also agree so much about your opinions on marriage! It’s so nice to hear about people that don’t agree with the traditional side of marriage (proposals, weddings, etc.). I think it’s rooted in SO much sexism.
I also was thinking about what defines “sexy”? For women it’s wearing less clothing (showing off their boobs, legs, or butt). What is it for men? Men wearing less clothing isn’t necessarily “sexy”. It’s normal to see men with their shirts off in the summer time with short shorts. However, women can’t do this because our bodies are so sexualized. I mean, women feel like they need to cover up when breast feeding, which is only necessary because society sexualizes breasts.
Power to you, Alia !! I admire your bravery
Hey Alia, I’m sorry that you’re getting some hate in the comments about your feminist opinions… that’s mean and isn’t right to do… people can agree to disagree but there’s no need to be hateful or mean! But, I agree with everything you’re saying and hope you know that your ideologies are valid. It’s just hard nowadays to have any controversial opinions about feminism because people are so feminist to the point where they believe “all men are trash” “all men are shit” and I feel like we are just going backwards. We are not progressing as a society by thinking that way. We are acting as poorly as the men did back in the day when they were treating women terribly! So why are we choosing to do the same?! I feel like that’s something really important to think about. If we want to progress as women we shouldn’t hate men and deem them in such a negative light. If not no progress is being made. We’re just repeating the past. We can fight for women’s rights without hating ALL men and still be feminists. Anyways I really appreciate your guys courage to do a topic about this knowing it could be very controversial! Love you guys and keep speaking your truth ❤❤ have been listening to you guys for a year know and love all your pods. Alia and Yoni keep doing you ✨✨you’re great!
Totally agree with Alia and that scenario of the man that didn’t want to leave. Yes the man should’ve left but at the same time, women were all blessed with great intuition and that friend felt it but still put herself in that situation. Also I believe feeling “sexy” comes from the idea from society that “sex sells” and showing more skin and your curves shows people that you’re desirable. Just like those ads where men are falling at this woman’s feet and having that privilege
Totally agree with Alia, that's exactly what I think about "sexy" women dressing. First of all why do women put makeup? That's stupid, just let's be how we are...let's start with that. I've been saying the same all my life, I dress like Alia and I'm 55, I hate to show my body to everybody, showing our bodies is definetely a learned behavior...I'm sorry, I'm a specialist in media I'm a publicist but I speak spanish and I don't exactly know how to explain this, I'd love to be there with you talking about this!!! I'm passionate of this matter. ❤❤❤❤ It's like Alia and I were sisters, or mother and daughter haha, so strange how exactly the same with think.
Greatest speech
What about women who live in societies and are part of religions where they are completely covered up? I know both of you claimed to not be experts or researchers in this area, but a simple search can show that a lot of women who are sexually assaulted are covered up (e.g. wearing hijabs) and are assaulted by someone they know. I understand the point of being aware of the world we live in and taking steps of protecting ourselves, but doing some research and learning about lived experiences is helpful in these situations.
I love this EP
Please read Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall
thanks for this episode. i agree with you 100% on everything you said and i get the fear of expressing opinions on this topic (cancel culture is crazy) i dont know since when feminism has become the idea that no one can question a woman’s choices. you were right about putting this into word as “being delusional and live as if everything is how it should be” this is real world and EVERYONE is responsible of their own safety. you cant recklessly do something and just hope for the best when in the end you can end up getting harmed seriously! you have to have common sense, you have to think what can happen next. tables turn so quickly when the scene involves a guy and without doubt the woman is right in every step she took just because she is a woman?? this is just a ridiculous approach. also, it is so internalized that we think we do many things just for ourselves but in reality we are just serving the male gaze. there is a difference between “taking a look” and “staring” i, as a woman, take a good look when other women have nice bodies. simply cause its aesthetically pleasing (just like art) its inevitable. you cant expect to wear things that will catch attention and be invisible. also please be honest with yourself. you want the attention, you want people to look, but just the “right” people with the “right mindset”. hate to break the news to you but the world is full of horrible, sick people with mental issues. you HAVE to take some responsibility over the situations that you can control.
Alia, I love you I truly do. But as a black women this episode was peak white feminism. I really need you to tap into hood feminism ( a book) and learn more perspective of black and brown women feminism. I think it would help you expand your thoughts a bit more. Bell hooks, Angela Davis and etc. BC this is a very white women take on feminism. I appreciate the input but I think you should do some reading and educating then make a part two to this video! Again no hate but as a black women I really felt like you were missing the mark and needed a more diverse perspective in this episode from a women of color. Love the podcast! Keep talking, keep having these conversation because you will learn more from us and we will learn more for you!
There is so much intersectionality within feminism and it's so important to acknowledge how much one's experience might be different because of various reasons like you named, however I never feel comfortable talking from anyone else perspective than my own. I will definitely look into your recs but since this episode specifically talked about 2 issues (sexy clothing=women empowerment?, and not putting ourselves in dangerous situations), I would love to hear how intersectionality plays a role in these particular scenarios. Thank you again for your comment 💗
i thought this was a great convo i just hate when guys are apart of it we think men have or deal with nothing.
What I don’t get are women who show it all & make bank 💰 on Only Fans & call it women empowerment🤦♀️ WTF! And some IG accounts are full on porn. Not a prude at all… I get what Alia is talking about!!!
Deep pod guys 🤍 I think everyone has different opinions when it comes to this topic I would say I agree with the point that you got be aware of your surroundings and we live in a fucked up world with fucked up people so that’s primarily why.