How to Start Showing Up For Yourself.
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- EP 66 - For You: How to Start Showing Up for Yourself
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to www.betterhelp... to get 10% off your first month.
This episode is for you, dawgs! Jess and Caroline set the stage with an Uber debacle and a few linguistic complaints and then move straight into this week’s theme: showing up for yourself. They dive deep into codependence, how we abandon ourselves, and how to generate real connection.
Plus, it wouldn’t be an episode about self without some inner child work! Learn how to quit feeling so bad all the time by simply getting to know yourself and how you function in different scenarios. Your baby self will thank you for listening to these magic bullet ideas.
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends
Jess, it's a linguistic pattern in English that words like project, address, record, present, etc. take stress on the first syllable in noun form, second syllable as a verb
lindsay you're an angel
Wow never thought of this but it's tru 😮
Only halfway through. Remember, resentment has to do with expectations. We must give without expecting ANY single effing thing in return.
Also said this way:
Expectations are resentments in the making.
JESS IN THAT STRAWBERRY SWEATER *screaming*
The segment about discovering what's underneath the anxiety was amazing. Tapping into the authentic feeling as opposed to intellectualizing it away was so enlightening. Sharing your discovery process finally made it click. Thank you both! 🤗❤
Thank you! I'd say It's my favorite episode in the whole series. So much kind wisdom
so glad you liked this one
Aaaaaa Jess knows IFS
Ladies - I'm 45 so yes of a different generation. However watching you two and absorbing your perspectives and insights and humor reiterates that wisdom does not come with age. Only age comes with age. I love your show. I really appreciate how much you've both made an impact on my life.
Oh and along with pandemic mispronunciations, I despise when folks say okay, as (ng-kay).
(one a diff. podcast) Also cracked up with the Tom Hiddleston reference. At least he's hot as hell Caroline. And Jess your doppelganger is on the tip of my tongue. When I figure it out, I'll DM you. You have one. I've seen her. She's in film of an older era and she's either spanish or algerian something like that. I'll keep you posted.
When we combine the love for linguistics and Carolines love for Bella Italia we get Linguinistics. That's a valid segment name.
🇮🇹🍝
you're hired
This reminded me that I need a new video of Caroline in Italy.
Here I am listening to this podcast at work, then Jess says "Its really weird how you can become aware you're participating in this pattern thats not serving you and then still not break the pattern for years and years and years, even if you're doing all the things, doing all the work and letting yourself feel & blah blah [...] All of a sudden it starts to click". Now I am crying lol.
❤
wish we could give you a hug to get you through this one. understanding and that revelation of "click" is what it's all about. you're doing a great job
I would reccommend getting No Bad Parts as an audio book. There are lots of practical exercises / meditations in it that actually work much better when you listen to them.
wow ok great recommendation, i want to try this. i have a friend who's an IFS therapist and it sounds extremely interesting
7:03 I think the English rule is to put the accent on the first or second depending on if it’s the noun or verb. So first syllable is the noun and second is the verb. Think REcord/reCORD; SHAMpoo/shamPOO; ADdress/adDRESS; etc.
Love yalls show and just had to add my unverified two cents on that chat lol
Honestly I use them interchangeably.
Yes you're right! I was looking for this comment! My favorite is "I'm conTENT; I'm producing CONtent"
The sweater!!!
I very much like this episode!
You are in tune and I love your perspectives on all the mental health topics, so thank you!
Great podcast!! Woop woop. Loved it
I wonder what country it is that frowns upon complaining. Fascinating!
same, she didnt say!
Me too! Most cultures I know love to complain about something trivial 😅 maybe she means it's frowned upon to be open and vulnerable about your feelings?
You could retitle the podcast, "Something I've been Realizing in Therapy Recently".
Haa I grew up in Canada and French is mine and a lot of people here's second language so saying 'croissant' how you did is how I and a lot of others here say it because that's how it's pronounced--in French, because it is, French oui! literally can't say things I learned in French any other way because it sounds totally incorrect to me and like i'm putting on an American accent, that's the part that feels wrong to me, why would I put an American accent on this French word type thing? I think that happens to a lot of multilingual people. Totally understand why people thing it's pretentious though and it definitely can be.
But also... canadian french is not real french. Real french as in rEaL fReNcH you know...
but that “cwoisson” thing Caroline is talking about is actually not how you properly pronounce croissant in French…
23:00 magic wand and sliver bullet = one awesome blender
Yesssss I need this!!!!
Nothing to show for the morning except a huge Uber charge 😂😂 you poor thing!
Jess, did you get your sweater from Wearshe?
Is “magic bullet” not a vibrator? lol I know there’s a “NutriBullet” blender, but I think MB’s a vibe…
hahah if it's not, it should be...
P’ndemic is from across the pond
Linguistics ❤
Along the lines of kwahsahnt and p’ndemic, for me, is mature said “ma-tooor” instead of “ma-chur”. It feels so pretentious
totally. this is very p'ndemic energy
So I always thought that the influencers (because I only saw this with influencers) saying "panini" instead of "pandemic" was because they didn't want the algorithm to come for them and lump their content in with pandemic content
this. it was a censorship thing
wow so interesting, makes sense to me??
I remember them doing that. Also “the jab”, and other nicknames
Ohhhhh and plan-demic too
I'm gonna need to listen to this about 10 more times, thanks for all the advice lately for the over-thinkers and people pleasers 🧡
Y'all both look beautiful, SO CUTE and semi-coordinated 🩷🍓
Women, (I know you hate “ladies”🙃), this pod just gets deeper and richer all the time. I’m very happy for both of you as you navigate your own journeys, you seem to be learning and growing so much.
What I’ve learned about my own anxiety is that it can be an indicator about things going on either in your body or your subconscious mind. I agree that it’s not sth to get rid of or “cure”, it’s more like an alarm system for your body-mind.
Also, yes, if it pisses you off, then it probably is the future. 😆
Your friendship is cute :). I also like how honest you both are. I know it may come with some flack from others but we need more of this in society. I haven't finished listening yet but enjoying the topic and learning from it as a 36 year old woman. I'm older but I agree it's a process. I think it continues to evolve and change as we and our lives change. A topic I'd be curious about is how you both decided on your career paths. I've done so many different jobs and I have no idea which direction to go in now as I want to settle down and have a bit more stability in life.
thanks for such encouraging and kind words ❤i think the career path topic could be a great one for the pod! i have had many and know that feeling of "i have no idea which direction to go". FWIW, do not panic. these things ebb and flow and if you're ever going to make a change for yourself, that "i have no idea" period HAS to come first. so you're on a great path, IMO!
@@Not4EveryonePod you're welcome! I think it's not easy to put yourself out there like you both have so just want to share it's so welcomed and hope you both continue but anyway thanks appreciate the perspective and looking forward to hearing your takes on this if you guys end up discussing it on the pod :)
15 years on, my son is still furious at his geography teacher. He pronounced Côte d'Ivoire "Co-tay Dee-vor-ay. I told him his teacher was incorrect and pronounced it as it should be. He calls that teacher a wanker to this day .
that makes me cringe so bad haaa dear god
That is painful to even read.
k correct use of "wanker"
Yayy another pod from our dudettes, Ill listen to you talk about the pndemic all day ❤
See, I could not have kept my mouth shut in the face (or ear) of hearing "p'ndemic" ... No. At the very least, I'd have to say, "What?" Like when my husband says "Woovfs" rather than WOLVVVVVVVVVVVVES. :)
WOOOVFS! omg this is my dad! we had a dog "wolfie" and to this day, my dad says "woofie". sir, NO, this is objectively wrong??
😂🤣😂@@Not4EveryonePod
Ooo. This is the free therapy session I NEEDED. Love you guys and I always look forward to new episodes!
I really needed this episode today. Thank you, ladies ♥
Caroline... what about getting to "the end" and being pissed because you feel DUPED, NOT because you gave everything and they're ungrateful, 😢 and disrespected you so you screamed " how could you do that to me, after everything?" It's not expecting the selflessly given love BACK. IT'S FEELING LIKE YOU JUST GOT PLAYED!
What happened? This happens, especially with teens. You made it either/or, 2 dimensional, without considering other possibilities. You clearly were not that person by saying that. Your mom must be a great woman.
I have felt many things about this. I realize now that 1) I should have made them work for what I gave them so they can be proud of what they have and have accomplished, and 2) I should have made them take the consequences of whatever they chose... instead of stepping in and saving them and them always expecting it. I should have known: you teach people how to treat you. Aah, hindsight... That action became expected, and i obliged. It is HARSH out there.
I have regrets and NO play book for raising little ones. Actually, I have many regrets over the years, but it is not simple so don't stereotype. You may be a mother someday. What if you do it or feel it someday? I don't think I stereotypically screamed at them, but I probably felt it given how they were raised. I can tell you that they expected from me without giving. Just so you know, I was a single mom and got full legal and physical custody.
I believe respect is earned, but I think young teens and 20's "feel" themselves and don't care if they hurt you, so they easily will. You ALWAYS come back, because you love them... and they do too, eventually. They behave like this to the parent they can rely on and trust, not the other who may leave at the first sign of trouble. It's counter-intuitive to the trusted parent always there, but we take it "selflessly".😮
I wanted to give them what I didn't have, without knowing what that meant. Hey, they don't come with a manual. I didn't do it "selflessly" and then feel resentment because I got disrespected by the very kids that I gave it to in the first place. I'm sure that person was hurt, betrayed, and angry. Unfortunately, I think that stereotypical person hasn't thought through and doesn't know how to verbally express themselves. That stereotype should be stopped cold.
I'm getting off my soapbox now... you obviously pushed my button!! I want to help you, and regret opening the can of worms!
I think you're wonderful, btw!! I love your videos!
Beth Soll
Okay, catching up on this one a month later, so you'll probably never read this comment, but anyway, I've noticed that lately there's a fashion to pronounce "experiment" differently, where the short e in the second syllable now rhymes with "spear." It sounds so strange to me, but I hear it all the time lately.
Language topic....its people thinking they are better than everyone else...and the other thing is rolling of "R's"...always valued...❤ idea...for me at least, the whole idea of saying what YOU want all the time and thinking it is you being authentic could be ego, you overlaying your belief onto another person at that time, you making the choice about what they need/want to hear...Caroline you spoke about something similar I think in the people pleasers pod cast? For me it's the same, sometimes it is not for me to say or to be the teacher of the lesson, who made me the teacher of things, and was there even something to be taught? As in is my view/opinion needed? Who said my view is right? Who said is was needed and how can I presume asked for? Deep dive, this lesson for me, has been a hard one. Feeling non-athentic to self simply because you can't say what you think, because you believe it to be true, a. Doesn't make it true and b. Doesn't make it a required or needed comment and does not make it valuable to the receiver...and thinking this to be so is...ego? No? Love your chats, very thought provoking....even me writing this...like really needed? 🤦♀️
thank you both for... the both of you. i've been listening to this podcast pretty much every day and i dread the day i run out of episodes, so please never stop.
do y'all recommend any books on codependency? i think i need to do a caroline and borrow every single book out there for research
If it's true Jess's therapist says she's her favorite client as she's said many times before, I can't help but think that's super unprofessional and overall harmful.
Brilliant episode, loved this.
Jess link the sweater pls❤❤
The "new" pronunciation of pandemic just means that Americans decided to pronounce the words correctly and not to distort every word of foreign origin. It's so annoying when you hear surnames pronounced completely wrong, like Carl Jung (Yoong) pronounced as Young, it's awful. Pandemic should be pronounced as Caroline's friend pronounced it.
i am wounded, but i accept
I'm a Brit here ✋ I think theoretically we pronounce it the same as Americans, but because we generally put less emphasis on our vowels and squash our words, it sounds more like 'pendemic' when we actually say it.
Also quick google, like half of the English language the origin of the word is Greek- 'pan demos' (all people), and formed the English word 'Pandem-ic' in the 17th century. It's a long standing English word, no comparison to mispronouncing foreign surnames or food items, which is a separate frustration (I have a Polish name I get it)
My take on the question about wanting to express all the cringy trauma:
fact that most people truly do not want to be bothered and get sick of hearing the same stories over and over again is obvious in plain sight to anyone paying attention. It doesn't matter that the listener tells them it's ok if they can see you aren't there for it.
Just go trauma dump on random people willing to listen (on dating apps). And know that these people will walk away and never talk to you again.
Seriously. I've only done that for a few months now and I'm feeling much more rejuvenated and confident speaking to people in general. I find that if I space all the junk between different people I can get it all out and feel held and heard for a period of time then move on to a better fitting relationship feeling more free...
Just one crazy persons method.
Not for everyone.
i think people started saying panini as a way to cope, a way to talk what was happening but avoid acknowledging the severity of our depressing, scary global situation when talking casually about it; like 'lets address the situation without actually addressing the situation.'
it was also social media/ internet talk, people probably wanted to engage with others online/ with their audiences and avoid muted words like 'pandemic,' "panini" was the word to say.
also p'ndemic- never heard it, i hate it
Yes, there's copying the others to connect, and then, there's also wanting to act in a "proper" way and be home by 9, and I've seen people with both of these at the same time. It's like a bomb
Other words with annoying pronunciations that occur often in corporate-land: data, ecosystem and finance. Please discuss
ladies, you are my proverbial Roman Empire. i'm so happy you exist and that i do too simultaneously with you
When it's a noun, you say rebel; when it's a verb, you say rebel.
Jess - where did you get that sweater? It is so cute!
Every cute thing I wear is rented from nuuly! Not sponsored (yet)
@@Not4EveryonePod awesome thank you!
Congrats on the betterhelp spon dudes - you’re growing!
thank you my dear! it was a very happy milestone for the pod. it's really amazing to be growing with this group