The Infantilization of Disabled People
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- Опубликовано: 14 дек 2022
- A source of particular frustration in my life. And yes I am serious about doing a video on the fetishization of disabled people at some point. I just need to be in a headspace where looking into those communities isn't going to make me want to bash my head into a wall repeatedly.
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I can never understand the mental gymnastics it takes to correlate 'a person literally sitting down' with 'this person is completely devoid of intelligence.'
Probably the fact that in a lot of places these people can't go to school, or at least couldn't back when the older generations who generally think this were in school
This is something I get a lot I’m 18 but I look like I’m 13 and am always mistaken as that age I look so young for 18 and short it’s not that I’m a dwarf i really don’t know why I age up so slowly like when I was 10 I looked like I was 6 people always talk to me like I’m stupid and it’s even more annoying cuz I’d happily talk to you about nuclear engineering but your here asking where my parents are I really feel bad for the guy in the video hang in there buddy but I must admit it’s funny sometimes hearing how dumb people sound when they talk to children
@trico Olaz Do you happen to have a connective tissue condition (if you are comfortable sharing)? We often seem to age more slowly, as our skin is not very skilled in doing what skin is supposed to do, including wrinkling. The damage to our tendons and joints, and the resulting chronic pain don't show on the outside...
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 no I don’t have chronic pain maybe what I have is more genetic my parents looked youngish in photos of them but I’m not sure and I don’t think I have wrinkles I don’t have like any body hair eather except on my head and a little bit on my arms
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023I didn't know those two things could be correlated, but I also have a connective tissue disorder and look young for my age
One time, I was training a new employee at work who was Deaf. She read lips and I was talking to her just fine, but when she left, another one of my older coworkers literally burst into tears. When I asked what was wrong, they went on about how hard it must be and how bad they felt for her.
I'm neurodivergent and I had no words. This didn't feel just like empathy, it felt like pity and treating this woman like a child for being different.
Fellow neurodivergent here. That was inappropriate of your hearing colleague. And it definitely was not empathy = putting oneself into another's proverbial shoes. I get the impression that the woman who cried did not actually observe the deaf employee but instead imagined how she herself would feel if she suddenly lost her hearing. That would be centering herself, which is the _opposite_ of empathy.
@@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023 that is… a really awesome distinction to make. Thank you for leaving this comment.
I'm on the spectrum as well. The idea that people treat those who are physically impaired like they are not equal is appalling to me.
Heck, when I was a kid, I always hated the way adults would bend down to talk to me, and I remember being scolded when I glared at someone who asked me "are you sure?"
I hated that question so much and honestly still do.
People who are disabled, and/or neurodivergent are still people. People who are younger than you are still people. Please talk to them like they are people.
I'm also neurodivergent, and to me I hate when others babyish people just because their disabled; it makes me sick.
Our elders have a strong tendecy to put themselfes in the shoes of someone who you'll probably never gonna wear unless you're gonna experience deaf. This is the same thing as going up to a black person and start whining about how horrible it must be to be opressed...
I think this also plays into why so many types of nuerodiversity and mental disability diagnoses are so targeted towards such young age groups.
When I was first trying to research whether I had autism or not, I swear to everything it was like screaming instructions to a snail. Every search result, even when I specified “Autism signs in teens or adults”, was geared towards diagnosing such a comically young age group, seriously having an age cap of like 3 years old, and was very obviously for nuerotypical readers who knew little to nothing about autism. For so long, I literally had to rely on (relatively) obscure and underground content creators who would occasionally give out sources for diagnosing at an older age, because 16 year old me was getting zero help from “5 Signs your 6 Month old baby could be Autistic.”
Also, symptoms are often described the way they appear to others (i.e. neurotypical parents), not the person who is affected - which is not particularly helpful if you're trying to diagnose yourself. I've learned more about autism from r/autism than anywhere else.
Where have you found some reliable info? I’ve recently been trying to figure out if I have Autism or not and am a few months away from eighteen. Thank you in advance
That's so comically useless 😭 it's like "10 signs your sperm might be autistic"
@@BlindStarLily the person above u said r\autisim is a good place.
When I went to psychiatrist to get my dyscalculia diagnosed, they always acted as if it was a crazy idea because I wasn't a child. One even told me that since I was an adult it wasn't necessary because it wasn't a bother
Ah, yes, dyscalculia is only a problem for math lessons. No issue in my everyday life. Taxes? What are those?
So I still aren't officially diagnosed even though a psychiatrisy told me she was sure I have it.
*looks up a specific issue I experience with my adhd and/or my autism to find advice*
The articles: how to manage your CHILD, advice for PARENTS of CHILDREN with adhd, how to raise a child with ADHD
Markiplier is literally the only reason that I stopped feeling shame and hiding my adhd because it's considered a children's disorder. I had to see Markiplier casually talk about being an adult who has adhd to its okay.
This is beyond ableism on the part of many people. It is a total disconnect from the reality that many chronic diseases, disorders, and illnesses have no cures, last into adulthood, and at best can only be managed properly. The fact people don't fing think this through shows a total lack of critical thinking and common sense.
Wait Really? Damn that's cool.
@@georgemeyers7172 check out his Stim Toy review video for more info
Jerma is also another creator who has ADHD! IIRC he also has chronic pain? But seriously don’t quote me on that.
@@radarcore2125 I would love to see Jerma and Markiplier do a collab one day lol
I appreciate that "May I pet your dog?" is a valid question to ask in so many countries.
yes i do ask that question a lot, i like petting dogs
I mean, they bring their dogs for a reason don't they?
@@DarthFhenix55 they bring their dog for exercise. Some dogs are not good with other people, so they bite
@@elokin300 That's really sad, some people have really cute dogs.
@@DarthFhenix55most service dogs can't be pet by anyone but their owners while on duty.
I was 17 and having a silent meltdown in school (due to not understanding some content of the class), rocking a bit but overall quiet, and the teacher asked if I needed to go to the office. It was very embarrassing bc everyone in the classroom heard and I just shook my head and continued rocking, starting to stim by tapping my pencil, and she asked if I was sure bc I was acting like a child having a temper tantrum. And I just ??? I didn’t respond and the bell went like ten minutes later in silence with no more questions asked. I was honestly baffled and almost sent me into another meltdown about the way I was acting and people might have perceived me.
Anyways, the next day I had her class, I asked her about it.
And. She responded, if you don’t want to be treated like a child, don’t act like one. I changed classes.
And another incident. My 30 year old older brother is also ASD, and in Australia we have NDIS, which basically assesses our disability and calculates how much support money we get from the government. Every year we have to do a review of this plan and the reviewer always changes, it is never the same person. At the beginning of this year, my brother got a horrible reviewer.
She talked down to him, saying he was ‘a big boy’ and ‘capable of getting around’ so she cut a lot of his funding bc of similar bullshit. It was just really horrible. Like he’s a 30 yo man yes but he is DISABLED. My mum was really upset about her behaviour too. She lodged a complaint and his review got redone. He had just accepted the whole thing as what was happening, he didn’t try to fight it or actually say anything cause she just talked over him like he was a child.
My mum is amazing, she handles all of me and my siblings NDIS stuff bc if we had to do it we wouldn’t get much funding bc of similar people like that review lady.
Edit: also I am female and only got diagnosed in my last year of high school. 😑😑😑
All of my brothers got diagnosed before the age of ten.
Whyyyyyy
Okay both these are indescribably frustrating.
1. Your stimming was literally perfectly normal. Like to any non-ableist person you probably just looked a bit antsy for the bell to ring. I’d love to kick that teacher in the head ‘cause really wtf-
2. That woman sounds frustratingly similar to one of my disability workers. She always talks down to me, hasn’t replied to my emails since September and once refered to my passion, my career goal and the one thing I consider myself highly talented at, writing, a, “Nice hobby.” I would also like to kick that evaluator woman in the head because honestly. People like this don’t deserve to work at all, much less with the disabled. And seriously, calling a thirty year old man a, “Big boy,” is both creepy and just plain disgusting.
Horrible treatment from the teacher.
Sorry about what happened to you and your brother. That was not right for those people to treat you both like that. Even when it's well meaning, it still hurts. I had occasions when I was treated like a child when I was in high school too, sometimes because some regular ed students (I was in special ed) were trying to be nice, but they talked to me like I was 6-years-old. I'm 35 now, and I wasn't diagnosed as Autistic until I was 33! It's more common for Autistic girls and women to be undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because we tend to not show as much if any stereotyped characteristics as boys and men do.
I also don't like the mindset of treating any teenager or adult, regardless if they're disabled or neurodiverse, as a child because something about them makes them seem like a child in their eyes. It's not something we should have to prove.
I'm also female and wasn't diagnosed with adhd untill my second to last year of highscool, but one of my cousins (who is male) was diagnosed way younger. And .y uncle was diagnosed as a (youn)child
Got something similar in the UK, its called benefits when the government gives you around £100 every month but will claw ot back if you start owning money or it doesn't get spent in time. As a disabled person myself I get benefits but also knowing that the British government would cut it again they did it before want to own a bit of pocket money though art commissions. But if it's over 100 the government would take the Benefits away but yet winning money or getting it as a gift is completely fine. Yet a lot of lazy people (chafs) that reproduce like rabbits also get on benefits too
Damn I feel you there, mate. Am able-bodied, but autistic, and being treated like a child is a constant experience. I'm pushing thirty. Yes, I may be flapping my hands, running around with an excited smile on my face when somebody mentions my hyperfixation and occasionally enjoying hiding under a table. I am also an adult. Who happens to have a fairly sucessful career, relationships, and living on my own (not that any of those things are needed to be an adult). I would like it very much if people could stop explaining basic shit to me all the time and pre-supposing I am unable to make choices by myself, and that if I make unconventional one, it's because I obviously don't understand how the world works. Sorry, I'll stop ranting. But this hit a nerve 😅
Mood
I don’t know why, but the sitting under tables thing struck a chord with me. I like the floor and corners, but sitting on or under a table sounds strangely pleasant to me rn
oh god the explaining basic shit, i have a carer who feels the need to constantly point out the most obvious things and i cannot stand it. like i dont need it explained to me that now that i have my food i need to eat it, or that my bedroom is cold (because i put my AC on because i want it to be cold) or listing off what groceries were put in the fridge after i had been looking at them in plain sight. like PLEASE i am aware of my surroundings and dont need them pointed out to me all the time. ffs
@@seekerstheshy3842 Ngl that sounds like something I would awkwardly do if I weren't sure how else to make conversation or act in their role. Not that it excuses them or anything, they're theoretically the trained professional in the room, but I wonder if you've tried gently telling them they don't need to do that & that even if it isn't meant patronizingly you still find it awkward & irritating?
Same. Neurodivergent here. Peeps do that to me *and* assume I'm just being emotional.
As an able-bodied person I'm ashamed to say that I have done these things. I'll do better in the future.
Yes, yes we need more of this person (Aggressively pointing)
More people need to be able to realize that what they’ve done in the past is bad so they can do better in the future. I’m not sure what types of disabilities you’ve encountered, but here are some possible ideas from the perspective of someone who’s blind.
1. If you are addressing a blind person who isn’t looking at you, first try to get their attention through saying hello directly toward them. If that doesn’t get their attention, maybe they’re wearing headphones or think you’re talking to someone else, try again while adding descriptors like, “Long hair,” or, “With the sweater.” Try to not say, “You with the cane,” or, “You with the service dog.” Lastly, if you have to resort to this, gently tap their shoulder while saying, “Excuse me.” Don’t get too close to them. I know I don’t like strangers up in my business. Don’t worry about the descriptors either. I’m blind and know partly what I look like and what I wear each day. It won’t be hard.
2. Simulate eye contact. Note, this doesn’t effect all blind people. Personally, I hate simulating eye contact and normally have my head pointed toward somebody’s chin or hairline instead of their eyes. But if you’re speaking to a blind stranger, simulate eye contact. Look them in the face and speak directly to them. It’s just respectful to do it. If you know the blind person well enough and they don’t seem to care about eye contact simulation, then don’t worry about it.
3. Never ever ever not in a million years ask, “What’s wrong with your eyes?” This question is infuriating and should have been left on the kindergarten playground where it belongs. While it’s fine to start a conversation with blindness if you’re curious, don’t be so tactless as this. Try saying, “I’m kind of curious about it. If you don’t mind, could I ask you a few things about being blind?” This is so much more enjoyable to hear. I’ve had many classmates ask me things such as this and those conversations have all been absolutely delightful.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, touch the cane or ask to touch the cane. The blind person will give you express permission when they think you’re allowed to. Certainly never grab the cane without permission. I once had somebody grab my cane, then when I jerked it away and told them a firm, “No don’t touch that,” they grabbed it again because they thought I needed guiding. Just don’t.
5. Do not do the grab. The grab has happened so many times to me that it makes me feel like my skull cap is going to blow off from all the built up anger in my head. Do not grab any part of a blind person unless they are in direct danger. If they appear about to bump into something, don’t do it. That’s what the cane is for. The grab covers many parts of the blind body, but most often includes shoulder, arm, wrist, hand, cane, waist or any bag they’re carrying. If a blind person needs you to guide them, they will ask you first.
God, it feels like I just wrote the script for a training video-
One content creator I can’t suggest enough is the channel Planes, Trains and Canes. It’s a series of documentaries about a blind woman named Mona. She travels all around the world as a blind person and rates the accessibility of different countries and cities. She’s gone to England, Japan, Turkey, gone to different US states. She has a series of short videos about the dos and don’ts of interacting with the blind.
Thank you for deciding to make a change in your behavior and I’m sorry for the long read.
@@BlindStarLily That was really informative, thank you so much for taking the time to educate everyone on this matter and raising awareness.
I sincerely hope people learn to be more considerate and respectful around you and other disabled people. Thank you again for your comment!
@@BlindStarLilyAs a fellow blind person, 100% this!
@@BlindStarLily have a fellow blind person definitely agree with most of this the grab is so irritating look if you want to help guide someone you can ask and sometimes they won't know if there's someone around to ask I have had that happen and if you ask it's fine I'll even go as far as to say I don't mind if you ask to touch my cane cuz usually that's because they want to guide without touching me and if they're guiding me that's fine I won't need it anyway
I would like to add a few things that I don't think wouldn't necessarily mentioned in this comment however
Princeton you mentioned not to grab someone even if it looked like they were about to walk into something and I think that there's a larger piece to that which is don't assume somebody doesn't know where they're going or is lost just because they look like they are again it's okay to ask but don't assume
For instance if I'm trailing my hand along a wall it doesn't mean that I'm lost and looking for the numbers it could just mean I'm waiting for the numbers to show up so I know when to turn and sometimes I may not have the exact placement on the wall memorized and I'm just trying to find it to make sure it's there not because I'm lost and looking for it completely new
And if a blind person tells you they know where they're doing please just accept that don't ask any follow-up questions the are you sure that Victor mentioned is really degrading don't do that ever
If you truly don't believe we know where we're going at least try to have some tact maybe just ask if you can walk with us or whatever in order to keep a conversation going cuz that's fun and you can have the benefit of making sure we get safe without having to make us feel like you don't trust us
Oh and when you're interacting with somebody blind say not IRL but online for having sex do not ask how blind people are able to type at least not without as blind star Lily mentioned some kind of I'm curious could you please explain how kind of introduction because usually what we get is if you're blind how are you able to type and just that phrasing is the most condescending thing and it will trigger an anger response unless we're in a very good mood
It's okay to be curious it is not okay to be condescending
I too have made the mistake of doing the same thing. Unknowingly, but I still did it. I work in a grocery store and will often be approached by customers with questions. On occasion, I will be approached by deaf customers and get slightly frustrated because I don't immediately realize that they are deaf, so when we fail to communicate, I end up assuming they are just being difficult customers. I try to avoid making the same mistake whenever possible.
I gotta say, working in a grocery store is an eye-opening experience. We're always told as kids that the world is a very diverse place, but that never really sunk in until I started actively interacting with people on a daily basis. That includes learning and adapting myself to social situations involving a variety of different people, something I was never good as growing up because I grew up with the same general people and classmates in my life with no changes.
God. “Are you sure.” Hate hate hate this line except in the most remote of situations with people close to me. Got it thrown at me while I was in the middle of an overstimulation meltdown and just desperately wanted them to leave so I could breathe. Made me panic that they weren’t going to go away and that made my anxiety worse.
I’m sorry to hear about all of this.
“Are you sure” is one of the things that I sometimes hate and sometimes love, because if I’m overstimulated and need to get myself out of the situation and calm down, then it’s the kind of thing that would be extremely agitating for me. But I also tend to be the type of person that goes unnoticed and so I feel uncared for, so on the rare occasion someone were to 1) notice that I am in fact not okay and am frozen in place, and 2) show enough genuine care and concern for me to make sure there’s nothing more they could do to help, that would just make my whole week. Only thing though is people don’t tend to see me enough to notice when I’m in an overstimulation shutdown, or they do notice that something isn’t quite right but they don’t know what to do about it so they just ignore it.
Sorry haha, as with many others in this comments section I clearly have a lot to say in the area of people not knowing how to deal with people that are disabled or different
If I had a nickel for everytime this exact thing happened to me, I'd drown in the nickels
So I am disabled, but in this story the disability I was assumed to have isn't my norm. So I don't live alone, but I was going to be home alone for a while because my mom was on vacation with her partner. And I caught a bad case of strep while she was gone and fully lost my voice. No big deal, I texted my mom and had her make an appointment for me since I obviously couldn't call to do it myself. Then I texted my girlfriend asking if she could come with me because I couldn't talk. I wound up seeing a doctor at that practice who I hadn't met before, and she was talking exclusively to my girlfriend. She asked if we met because she usually interprets for me and she was like "No? Normally she talks, but she lost her voice" and only then did this woman start treating me like a grown adult and addressing me. But when she assumed I was normally nonverbal I was basically a prop. It was gross.
i occasionally become nonverbal because of my severe fatigue and movement disorder, and it is absolutely terrifying how people treat you when you can't communicate clearly. you stop becoming a person they speak to, and instead become a person they speak about to other people while you're *right there* trying to communicate to them through other means. this has resulted in some very severe and traumatizing events in which my body autonomy and medical consent has been violated. and as much as it scares me when it happens, at least when i recover i gain my ability to speak again and can retroactively defend myself and try to communicate how not okay that was. i am ever more terrified now for all the disabled people--whether physical, cognitive, psychological, or due to age/deterioration--who can't verbally communicate most of the time, or who speak with a slur/accent/pace that others regard as not saying anything valuable at all.
@@58209 It was really scary. One of my biggest fears is losing my ability to communicate effectively, because while I've always struggled with so many physical things, I've always been good with words and making my feelings and opinions known. I have an autoimmune condition that can impact the brain, and one of the ways that can manifest is aphasia, or forgetting the word for things. I can't imagine how difficult it is for people who are normally non-verbal or have difficulty speaking.
@@EveryDayALittleDeath i cant do much but wish you the best of luck so that well, THAT doesnt happen to you
Ew yikes
as someone who is semiverble I GET IT
I really resonate with the whole "if I fail, I fail, but at least give me the freedom to do so." I have autism, and am very sensitive to loud or chaotic noises, so sometimes I put my hands over my ears and face down on a desk, especially when I was in school, and especially for the final period of the day, which was most often math. During the warmup, I've had people do the entire warmup for me, because I looked so "helpless" with me face down before class, even when I wanted to do the warm up, and told them in no uncertain terms. They just wouldn't let me, which is infuriating, because I wanted the practice on, like, polynomials or something. People have too much of a savior complex when it comes to disabled people.
Edit: oh and also, since I don't really have anywhere else to rant about it, this same person, on the rare occasions she did let me do the warmup, would be like "oh no, let me solve it," if I got it even slightly wrong. God, still grinds my gears.
8:35 to quote a post I saw on tumblr a long time ago, yeah 20 minutes on Google doesn't compare to a PHD, but also no doctor's single one-hour lecture on any specific condition can compare to a disabled patient's lifetime spent living with it.
This kinda stuff confuses the hell out of me. For example I was volunteering at a nature park in Northern Ireland and I was cleaning a place up. A bunch of kids walked into the bit were I was working including a mother wheeled in her child who had cerebral palsy. I told all the kids facts about red squirrels and other species as well as what the park was doing. But I spoke to them all like adults just with a bit more enthusiasm in my voice.
But the mother of the disabled kid was so surprised that I even acknowledged her kid let alone tried to speak to her.
This is also important when you have elderly people. My father has dementia and I hate it, when my mother talks ABOUT him, when he is right there and the doctor / nurse etc talks to my mother and ignores my father. He has lost a lot of his memories, but he is still IN THE MOMENT! He knows, that he forgets the things that are said, but he still feels isolated.
Becaus of that I always try to adress the demented patient, even if the information is actually important for the caretaker.
I’m able bodied but I can kind of relate to the touching of others mobility aids with out permission. I wear glasses, and there have been people who I’ve been talking to, who out of nowhere, have grabbed them off my face and said “your glasses look dirty, let me clean them.” It’s such a pain to say “Hey, I didn’t give you permission to do that. You can’t just grab people’s glasses of their face.” And then non top of all of that, I’ve had a person get mad at me for getting upset due to them “just trying to help!”
A very gentle reminder that if you are visually impaired and are using those glasses for visual impairments, you are not able bodied! Regardless of how small the impairment is.
@@radarcore2125 That makes sense- I wear glasses because I have an astigmatism in my right eye
I still don't get why would they do that?? I thought it was common sense not to get into people's personal space and grab their stuff without asking, ANY of their stuff, let alone disability aids.
That's just a whole other level of disrespect.
It was really windy one day and I was pushing my walker slowly. Some old guy was like "do you need help" and despite me saying no he still grabbed it and pulled it way too fast for me. It didn't matter how many times I said I didn't need help he ignored me. I don't know how I managed to stay upright but it hurt my hips so bad
I half wish I'd fallen so he could have learned. I should not have to be thinking this.
Definitely should've fallen. Maybe seal the deal by moaning and groaning. He needs to learn his manners and that good intentions sometimes pave the road to hell.
i really appreciate that you also include treating children with respect in regards to infantalization. it's not something that comes up much when i see it discussed, but there is definitely an element of ageism and people feeling justified in treating children like objects just because they're young.
i would also like to see the disability justice community extend more attention toward disabled people who have severe, permanent cognitive or communication disabilities that make them, even as adults, struggle with being treated like literal infants. just because someone has a severe mental disability that makes them have issues with judgement and interpersonal safety, or who requires full time care from family or from a group home, doesn't mean they don't also deserve respect and to be treated like an individual. the abuse and humiliation and disrespect they deal with is abominable, but people, even other otherwise cognitively able disabled people, don't seen to care because that group is perceived as r-slurred. it creates this hierarchy within the disability justice community of those who are allowed to defend themselves because they're "intelligent" or "well spoken", and those who are forgotten because they can't communicate clearly or are denied access to social spaces.
i have a disability that makes me sometimes unable to speak or move at all, and it's absolutely terrifying how people treat you when you can't speak for yourself. everything from degrading humiliation to traumatizing body autonomy violations. when i recover enough to speak and move again, i can retroactively address it (not that people listen to me even when i do communicate fluently). but my experiences have made me much more worried about everyone who doesn't have the privilege of being able to communicate at all (or communicate in a way their audiences pay attention to).
I have Asperger’s and my biggest pet hate is when people talk down to me or address me like a child. This happens a lot during doctors appointments.
I like the term, “Pet hate,” over, “Pet peeve.” I think I’m going to start using it.
Here with you m8. I’ve had the same thing happen to me before and, as far as is currently diagnosed, I’m only physically disabled
Honestly I'm grateful doctors never talked down to me ( autism with borderline asburgers) , the biggest comment I've ever got was a nurse talking me she's on the spectrum too
infantilization as a person with a disability is so annoying and it feels even worse when the neurotypical person starts being ableist or gaslights while also infantilizing you because it makes it harder to speak up for yourself and actually be heard and have the neuro actually stop what they are doing or leave you alone. And when you stand up for yourself your the one that comes off like the asshole not the neuro who wasn't listening- that's at least how it feels when it happens to me
i echo your feelings on being gaslit and treated like the villain when you try to speak up for yourself and set boundaries.
Sounds like my family. Not understanding that if I struggle with some things and get frustrated over it, it's because of my disabilities and the awarness that able bodies can do this without thinking about it, and then they come with THAT SMILE, this f* condescending smile and start telling me how I get frustrated too easily (note: I'm the most chill person in my family, but they always act as if I'm the worst because of my meltdowns) and "show me" how it's done as if I don't already know but physically CAN'T do it as easily as them
There's an wing at my local hospital just for seniors with advanced violent dementia and such. An woman in her 80's when blind recently, full mind, fully able body. Her family abandoned her there, saying she would need 24/7 care - because she's blind now. She does everything for herself, no help from nurses needed at all, she hates it there, but her family refuses to take her back. Social services wouldn't do anything to help her get out of there.
In school I was always treated by my classmates like I’m five. Like that one significantly younger cousin in your family that you have to sometimes acknowledge to give the illusion of being included. In middle school, in a basket ball game, I was never passed the ball. Then suddenly they would remember I exist and they would pause the game, hand me the ball and let me throw it once, and clap as if it got in the hoop. I knew it didn. For context, I’m severely visually impaired, at this point almost blind. It just felt so degrading. And just in general, I was never spoken to like an equal, in high school people my own age, would talk to me like I’m a child. I would listen to them talking to each other and wish they would talk to me like that. I had this one friend once who would just ramble at me about everything, her relationships, what she did that one time, what happened in the dorms. It was so refreshing. It told me that this person saw me as just another friend and not that weird disabled kid who they have to just placate while they were forced to spend time with me
I have a learning disability and accommodations through my university. I remember my first semester here, I had a professor ask me if I knew how to use the testing center to get a separate testing location and extended time. After telling him that I did know how to use it, he then explained it to me step-by-step, and even repeating himself a couple of times to make sure I "got it." Luckily, I was able to report him to my University's Disabilities Services and get out of his class because he was also just straight-up refusing to give me half of my accommodations... Although, I guess this situation was better then my 8th grade math teachers who didn't believe me, my parents, or my resource teacher, and thought that I didn't have a learning disability.
I didn't realize that stopping to give you instructions and refusing not to was an ableism thing but that makes so much sense that it would be; whenever I experienced that it was from someone who did other things that were obviously ableist. I knew it previously as frustrating, boring, condescending, pushy, and as a test of my patience, but I didn't immediately connect all that to ableism.
@@Joy-zz8wz Yeah, that's totally relatable! It took me a bit to label it as ablism myself, even though I knew it was very condescending.
One time there was a new woman that came in our house to take care my sick and disabled mom (who is also in a wheelchair), and she was treating my mom like a toddler, and when she had to add lotion on my mom's legs would lift them up and my mom would tell to stop cause it was hurting her and the woman said "aw it's okay🥺" and was even kinda tickling her. She never came back since my mom (understandably) complained to my dad and the company about this.
That's so creepy, wow.
@@Joy-zz8wz yeah, and the worst thing is that i can even picture how it was
What the absolute fuck was wrong with that woman??? What was going on in her head for her to go "aw it's okay" in response to the person she's *supposed to be taking care of* telling her to stop doing something because it's hurting them???
I'm autistic and when I was younger, a lot of people(and I do mean a lot of people)infantilized me. Both peers and teachers. I had classmates in middle school who would baby talk to me, insist on helping me during class when I didn't need it, call me by pet names, and try to push their friendship on me. I had teachers in middle school who would treat me like I was incompetent, ask other kids to help me even when I didn't need help, and would encourage those kids or tell me I shouldn't be bothered by it because "they're trying to be nice". It destroyed my confidence and made me the most self-conscious, nervous, and insecure kid imaginable, but it was never seen as a problem by the school staff because I wasn't being shoved into a wall and called the r-word.
Schools are a rough place for any and all disabled kids. If my experience was any indication, the average teacher doesn't know enough about disability to know that infantilization is a problem.
There's a book called Out Of My Mind that I read when I was younger about a disabled girl who couldn't speak and was always treated like a baby, and that book is what made me realize that this is a thing that happens. And now I have a condition nobody knows what it is and being not taken seriously
i hope more people realize youre a functioning human being that deserves respect
i love that book!! she was the smartest kid in her class but was treated the complete opposite..
I read that book. It was great.
! read that book for class, it was a fantastic learning experience for me
i read it as part of class, and it was a great read. changed a part of me, and anyone reading this comment should read it too
My mother was blind her whole life and it was frustrating to have people ignore her. Everyone always acted so surprised to find she had a two year college degree and was gainfully employed.
When redirected conversations like you described happened my mom usually had me go grab her a coffee, then try not to laugh as the speaker would awkwardly stop talking, then watch unsure what to do as she used her cane proficiently to navigate to me.
One of my favorite stories my mom told was when she decked a well meaning but misinformed stranger who grabbed her cane to “help” her onto the wrong bus then tried to bodily pick her up the bus steps during her normal cummute back in the 80s. The bus driver and reporting officer backed her up completely as she was well known in the area and the offender had to explain how he got a shiner from an old blind woman for the next couple weeks. 😂
I don't know if this counts as infantilization or if it is directly due to me being autistic, but I am the only person in my family who is treated this way and it annoys me so much. This also happened again recently (as in yesterday) so I am kinda upset about it currently.
So, my step-dad has a tendency to narrate what I am "feeling" and "thinking" for some reason. Also, side note, I have a three year old brother who I have never seen get this treatment before. I don't know if I am just so anti social that I am not there when it happens or if I am literally the only one in my family treated this way. On another side note, I am the eldest of all of my siblings.
So, example number one. We were having a tacos for dinner. So, after making my burrito and doing to next logical step of eating it, my step dad says "they are like 'I finished making this burrito, now I am going to eat it.'" I swear to all that is holy, the reason this example grinds my gears so much is that that is such a normal action and shouldn't have to get narrated.
Yesterday was even more annoying, mainly because he was very off. I am currently sick with what is likely strep throat. I came down stairs to see if I could discreetly show my mom the rash that had formed on my arm. I didn't want my step dad to see because I don't have the same level of trust in him. So, I decide to go downstairs and my parents are there with a family friend. I try to play it cool and hope I can get my mom away from the others discreetly. She does show my throat to my step dad which does upset me. So, I peak around the corner to see if I can get my mom just as she asks what she stepped on and my step dad suggested it was cat puke (it wasn't). So I am peaking around to corner to get my mom, and my step dad says, "they are like 'ew cat puke.'" No, I am like "how do I get my mom away from everyone else without alerting you because I don't want to trust you with my physical health when I have the option of the woman I have lived with my whole life.
So yeah, bit of a rant. Maybe bit of a vent. I just rely find this annoying and I swear I have never seen my siblings treated this way.
I don't know what's going on in your stepdad's head, but assuming your emotions when he could've asked you (as well as talking ABOUT you instead of TO you while you're in the room) is not ok, and absolutely seems like infantilization. This is how I'd talk about a dog or a toddler who can't speak yet.
Do you think he'd listen if you brought this up with him, if you haven't already?
Oh my god, I’m not even there and this is infuriating me. Your stepdad sounds like how my little sister acted when she was like nine years old. You have every right to be upset by this because your stepdad is actually acting like a child. The burrito one made me actually grit my teeth because like-
Okay so I don’t know the type of situation you’re in because I don’t know you as a person. Feel free to take this suggestion or leave it. Your stepdad sounds a lot like mine, so maybe something like this won’t work. In any case, what if you tried narrating him at one point? Do you think that would show him why he’s acting like a little b? Just some food for thought. Feel free to leave this suggestion here and not touch it, I would probably do the same thing were I in your place.
@@corvus_da yeah, I should probably bring this up to him at some point
Wow! That's atrocious! Tbh you must have the patience of a saint to have not started retaliating yet. I probably would've had at least one screaming match with him at this point if I had to deal with all that.
Bruh that’s worse than infantilisation, he’s talking as if you were a pet! I mean, if he did that stuff with everyone, then I could understand, but specifically you?? And not even your three year old brother?? That seems fishy as all heck…
I know this kind of behavior as an Autistic man. People thinking that I can't speak for myself, thinking that I am like 2 years old mentally, thinking that I don't deserve to be respected or listened to. That I can't be trusted with anything. Touching me without my permission and laughing about me with the others.
This is why I ended up becoming very cautious to who I give this information.
Same. Adult autistic woman, and I try so hard to only tell it people who I either completely trust or know are autistic too. My family is always so confused on how I hide it so much, but really, given both my experiences and stories like yours I think hiding it is the better idea even if its terribly exhausting
@@Hyzentley I am very sorry for your experiences. I also have to say that, rarely, I meet people who are very progressive and nice and don't behave this way at all towards me when I give them this information. Not every other human is evil, you just, have to find the right ones.
Finding those is another story onto itself, of course.
Same
People infantilize me even before they find out I'm autistic. Just the other day, someone online thought I was a kid, when in reality I'm the same age they said they were.
I just worry about being infantilized for expressing my interest in things people consider childish. Especially Disney, I have seen a lot of buzz recently around people hating "Disney Adults" and that just implies that adult Disney fandom isn't valid and as an adult Disney fan that bugs me. And makes me wonder if I'm some kind of horrible person for idk being a fan of a handful of really good animated films? Because I like going to the theme parks and seeing the creativity put into engineering the rides?
@@naomistarlight6178 i never saw the term disney adults as bad, i guess i just never got the actual meaning
@@naomistarlight6178 For the sake of clarification hating disney adults can also be not liking disney as a company and simply hating the fans or being made uncomfortable by proxy, this is due to disney as a company covering up a lot of crimes on minors as to maintain their reputation, their mistreatment of their staff [i.e the reason they stopped doing 2D animation was due to unionization, suited employees couldn't bring their own underpants until recently], what disney has done in the past as well as constant censorship of LGBT+ themes that've thankfully gotten mildly lax in the past few years.
I won't deny there are some stupid fucks who assume liking disney means you're childish, but as stated, they are indeed stupid fucks.
@@naomistarlight6178 Hey, I know this isn't entirely related, but since you mentioned liking the engineering and creativity of Disney rides and going to the theme parks and just liking Disney in general, I have a youtuber I'd like to suggest! He's a Minecraft youtuber named GoodTimesWithScar and he's a big disney fan, even creating "Scarland" on the hermitcraft server this season (Disneyland but renamed lol). He references Disney a lot and will talk about the rides on stream! No one puts him down for this because they know it's just how he is.
Same but with me I'm süïçïdål. The moment they find out, they usually start to baby talk me, bombard me with reasons to live, call me selfish, or just ignore me. It's a shit life.
In the beginning when you were asking those questions it just immediately reminded me of all the times I've been on crutches (I have a muscle disorder that has caused me to be on crutches more times than I can count) and it reminded me of some of the LOVELY things people have said and done here's a short list:
-taken and played with my crutches while I was sitting down
-Called me "ugly and a cripple" (thankfully I had a good response "your already the first how about I help you with the second part")
-Had my crutches purposely kicked out from under me
-Had my crutches taken while I was WALKING
-Multiple people baby-talked me
-People asking my mother what happened when I was right there (I'm a teenager, not a toddler)
-People constantly treating me like I can't do anything despite the fact I've used crutches for years!
I have so many more stories and blood-boiling experiences but that's just a couple. In conclusion, stop treating me and other disabled people like babies unless they are babies.
i am terribly sorry but if i ever found you alone with your crutches id probably ask you directly if you needed help with anything, i am sorry i would not have known you have used the crutches for years but i also dont want anything bad to happen
@@NoppyOwO You're not really listening. We live with our disabilities 24/7, we generally know what we're capable of, and you probably won't be the first OR last person to offer help when it's not obvious they need it, like if you just see someone out and "alone", as if they're supposed to always have a caretaker with them. That's the infantilization that's being discussed here. You wouldn't go up to anyone else just out on their own and ask if they need help when they're not in need of it, so don't do it to us. We're not made of glass. The entire point is that we just want to be treated like everyone else, not like we're stupid, helpless or like a child. That means NOT bothering someone going about their business just because they have a mobility aid. I don't understand why you'd acknowledge that OP is used to getting around like that but then go on to act like they're helpless and if you don't go help them something "bad" will happen. That's literally infantilizing. Treat us like you do abled adults, not like some alien species.
lmao people ask like disabled people are babies when they've been handling such bullshit behavior for years along side their own disabilities, I'm surprised more of them haven't kicked asses but I suppose that's simply due to knowing better
I can recall one time I had this happen to me.
It happened on my last year of highschool (I was 17), the teacher couldn't work (I don't remember why tho) and we went through two or three substitute teachers during that period.
Now, I have autism and all the teachers knew that, so I'm pretty sure they told the substitute teachers too.
The first one we had came in the classroom, introduced herself and immediately approached me and started talking to me in a baby voice as if I was a toddler and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Mind you, in my country we're used to greet each other with kisses, even strangers, but it still felt uncomfortable.
I just sat there, awkwardly as she left to her desk and exchanged looks with the classmate I was sitting with. We both laughed uncomfortably at the situation.
The teacher kept coming back to my desk and kept talking to me in that voice, constantly asking if I needed help with anything...
Lucky for me, she was only in our classroom for one day and the next teacher treated me like she would treat any other student.
But srsly, it was awkward as hell.
As a disabled person who uses a wheelchair in public I've had this happen, in fact I've written an essay on how it affects the perception of disabled people in general.
I just started the video so forgive me if I'm about to restate something you already do state, but I feel it has a significant amount to do with not only what I call the on/off principle, being that people may think an ablebodied person is completely physically fine and a disabled person always has the worst variant of what they have, but the conflation of physical impairments and mental impairments as well. People may see a wheelchair and assume they've got something developmentally wrong when that's not the case. The only thing I have mentally wrong with me is anxiety, adhd, and depression. I've seen signs of potential high functioning autism in recent years, but nothing beyond that. I'm a mentally completely functional adult.
half my family would treat you like an actual five year old and the world is smaller than it seems so if that ever happens i am sorry in advance for their behaviour
also i like your profile pic
@@NoppyOwO it's no worries. I've become numb to it. The pity, the coddling, the babying, its practically all noise to me at this point.
No amount of autism is "high functioning" BTW
@@fenixmeaney6170 not officially, yes. I just mean that if I am (which I can't and won't say on an official capacity that I am because it's only a theory I have about myself) I'm on the higher functioning end of the spectrum.
@@daammobandito7961 so am I, and I barely function. "High functioning" just means you're more convenient for ableists to gaslight about not helping. "Low functioning" means ableists want you dead.
I've gone nonverbal in the past, and because I can usually talk, apparently that's not something I'm allowed to do.
I used to have so many meltdowns, but because I did well academically, I just had an "attitude problem."
"High functioning" is not a good thing. If you find out you're autistic, that's great. I hope your special interests give you a lifetime of fulfillment. And that's also why I hope you never be ableist to yourself.
About strangers coming to you and asking if you need help. There really is a lot of cultural context in this situation. I am from Russia, and yes, I am one of those strangers that come to and ask disabled (and simply old) people if they need any help. But I do this not because I see them as weaker beings, nor do I try to play a good samaritan. I do this because Russia is *terrible* for disabled folks, especially the smaller cities. More often than not, the underground crosswalks (or whatever they are called) are inaccessable, as well as toilets, elevators etc. Same goes to blind folks, who often have troubles navigating, and to old people whom I often see just.. frozen in place, bewildered and confused (an obvious sign that they forgot where they are). So it's my natural compulsion to help them, and again, not because I see them as weak, but because I understand how badly the the enviroment is equipped for them, so more often than not, they actually *do* need help.
Oh this. I like this. Kudos to you for acknowledging your country’s inaccessibility and being a tiny part of making it better. As a blind person, thank you
Okay now this makes sense thank you
I think the big difference I see is, your asking and as a person in a wheelchair I don't mind people asking. Its those that assume and do things for you or those who ask while proceeding to do the doing before you answer that are the issue. In many ways its also how your asked... 'Do you need assistance' or 'can I get you anything' is worlds better than 'oh honey let me help' or just suddenly getting grabbed.
Yeah, in my third world country is the same
@@BlindStarLily sorry if this offends you in any way, but may i ask what apps or in what way do you read and write? I have heard of blind people using internet, i'm just curious in how do you guys do it.
This just sounds awful to have to deal with, honestly. I’m sorry that people do this crap. Heck, as a daycare worker, some of the things you described are things I wouldn’t even do to an _actual_ child! It’s seen as disrespectful and out of turn to pick up and move a toddler without their permission, so what makes people think it’s okay to do this to an adult?? Sorry, I’m just really baffled… I’m able-bodied so of course I can’t fully understand what it’s like to deal with this, but I can only imagine how humiliating it must be…
I also feel infantilization leads to disabled people not being taught the skills they need as adults because non-disabled people think that disabled are incapable of learning or understanding. I can remember reading about a deaf person, who because of their disability didn't receive any kind of sex education and ended up getting HIV because they didn't know about protection.
Nothing makes me angrier than knowing I'm being infantilized. I asked one of my coworkers to stop talking to me like I was a baby when she was giving me instructions, and she tried gaslighting me by asking "Don't you want my help?"
I do, but not if she treats me like I'm 28 years younger than I actually am. I think my anger issues regarding this have been projected onto children in general, and that's why I dislike them so intensely. It's wrong but I'm trying to work around it.
I have only done this ONCE... That I can remember. I was talking to my therapist about how I didn't like how people treated me like a 6-year-old because I have autism and I hated they treated me differently than the people around me. He then proved that it is sometimes easier to do by telling me he has depression, when I asked him if there was anything I could do to help... I proved his point. I miss that therapist.
being autistic is hard :(
So asking him if you could help was initializing him?
I'm 27 and autistic and in the area I live if you have a disability, autism included, you can apply for a disabled card for the ferries and if you show your card to the person selling ferry tickets you can get 50% off the ticket price. One time, when I showed my disabled card to a LITERAL TEENAGER selling ferry tickets. She crouched down (I'm short) called me "honey" or "sweety" talked to me in a baby voice and talked to me really slowly describing exactly where I needed to go (mind you I've been on ferries my entire life so I knew what I was doing) I honestly never got so close to punching someone. Like GIRL! I've been traveling on ferries since before your parents even THOUGHT of having you! I know what I'm doing.
I had a similar case once I was on a bus where I was asked for my ticket. I showed that guy my disability card and everything was fine BUT then the guy started to explain to me how bus driving works and that I had to push this little putton so he knows I want to get out at the next stop and bla ble blo (to be fair was just a fiew years older than me and I later found out he just started working as a bus driver so it kinda makes sence that he may didn't knew how to act in a situation like this yet).
Because I like sitting very close to the front we started talking a bit and I told him that he shouldn't worry too much about me and that I am able to ask for help if I need some.
Still see him every now and then whenever I drive to school or back home and he's actually a chill dude.
Once in middle school when I told another kid my age that I was in a smaller class, she immediately began to speak very slowly to me as if I couldn't even understand English, like, we went from having a completely normal conversation to her talking slowly, even her friends looked confused.
As someone with deals with Autism, it's either be treated like a kid who doesn't know anything or an adult who has no problems and needs to 'suck it up'. Pick your poison.
Just yesterday I was really overstimulated after failing my driving test for the third time, (Parallel Parking) and me and my dad were driving back home. I really should have had my dad take over sooner so I could take a break because I kept making driving mistakes. I pulled over where it was safe and had a complete meltdown because I felt worthless and upset, and my dad told me to 'stop being a baby'. He treats me with more respect than most people do but I really wish he'd take my autism and anxiety into account more.
Oh God, the "Are you sure?" is literally a weekly occurrence for me, if not daily. And if I talk to able-bodied people about this problem, the reactions usually range from "Nah, that can't be REALLY happening!" to "Oh my gosh, I never noticed!".
I have an invisible disability, a chronic illness so I can’t walk much for events and I often have to use a stroller sort of thing for large events, and this is exactly what I’m worried about. I hate my stroller because of this. I only got my chronic illness about six months ago, so I’m still adjusting. I’m a minor, and when I went trick or treating I would leave the stroller at the end of the walk, to avoid awkward questions. I could barely talk with my friends, and I can’t push myself in the stroller. I don’t need it to walk, but I need it for lots of walking so I don’t go into a relapse- trick or treating, the ren fair, ect.
I did crouch down a lot of times, but the elderly people were hearing-impaired and I did not know how to communicate in another way :(
Ooh, I got this. Usually when it comes to the deaf and hearing impared, it’s better to lower the pitch of your voice rather than raise the volume. Try speaking from your chest rather than your head. Hope this helps :)
To add as a HoH person, in my experience people speaking clearly and using the occasional hand gestures helps a lot. Also avoid talking in a direction away from the person
Lowering the pitch depends on the type of hearing loss. I have hearing loss in both extremes so people with low voices are actually harder for me to hear
tl;dr in short, ask the individual wheelchair user what they prefer in that moment.
IMO, as another wheelchair user, the crouching issue is one of personal preference.
if someone is standing right next to me, i dislike that they are way above me and i have to crane my neck to see them (which is sometimes physically impossible between fatigue and pain). i also dislike when standing people talk to me when they're behind me. personally, i'd prefer that standing people be several steps away so their heads are in my natural line of sight, and if not possible, then sitting/crouching is preferable to me over looming out of my vision, where i can't tell if they're talking to me or someone else.
@@58209 oh good so I'm not a terrible person for kind of thinking that the crouching at wheelchair users didn't make sense since I sort of thought that that would be a good idea because it would mean that they were on the same level and sighted people could have their oh so precious eye contact
@@lahlybird895 i realize the last line of your comment is probably directed at sighted people who give you crap about not performing unnecessary sighted mannerisms, so i don't want to invalidate that frustration. i just want to remind you that visual context in verbal communication for sighted wheelchair users, like with standing sighted people is about way more than eye contact. (me personally, i hate eye contact. it interferes with my ability to process the conversation. but i still need visual context for other reasons.)
- nonverbal body language helps us understand when we're being spoken to, especially when people so often speak around us like we're not even in the room.
- simply being able to hear better while our ears are a meter below everyone else's mouths, and closer to distracting background noise on the floor and tables.
- wheelchair users are just as likely to be deaf or hard of hearing
- we, like you, are generally scrutinized to adhere to unnecessary social mannerisms, even when they directly conflict with our disabilities (pain, neck mobility, neurodivergence). we may feel like we *have* to make eye contact because of negative reinforcement, and may not feel safe in casting that aside when speaking to a new person.
so again, asking the individual at that time is usually the best course of action.
I have cerebral palsy and the one constant in my childhood, teen years, and even present-day adulthood was an onslaught of patronization from both adults and people my own age. Even the visual juxtaposition of seeing able-bodied kids hanging out with each other and whatever group of physically handicapped or behaviorally challenged kids I was in class with as a child subtly fucked with my self esteem, creating a long lasting internalized resistance towards making any sort of meaningful friendships because I was afraid/ashamed of being seen as ‘different’’.
This is what really gets to me sometimes especially when people talk about me while Im right there instead of just asking me as you mentioned. Ive also had older relatives try to give me rules like "dont go out in the yard at night" which would be pretty fair if I was like 14 but I am 24 and am the only adult there that they will occasionally get this bossy and overly protective of. I just want to be treated like Im at least somewhat capable and able to make my own decisions.
Able-bodied teen but has autism, anxiety, and OCD. Watching these make me glad I'm almost completely isolated from everyone not related to me.
as someone who's looking into going to medical school and knows multiple students and graduates, doctors don't know shit about a lot of more common disabilities and even common mental illnesses, let alone rare genetic disabilities or any cluster of personality disorders. hell, i'm currently facing issues trying to get autism diagnosed and a cluster b disorder. apparently, a gp knows more about my symptoms than i do, just send me to a bloody psychiatrist
Ugh I hate when the system has gatekeepers who know less about autism than we do because we have it and tend to research our own conditions online.
the fact that there are so many comments show that this is a major, major issue
I, as an asperger, cannot stand when a neurotypical person tells me two specific things: "You are acting like a child" and "it's so easy!"
As many autistic people, I had to learn how to behave in a certain way to act like a "normal person"🙄. So I had to learn to sugarcoat what I say, to look in the eye someone when I am talking to them, i heard so many times that i was strange and obsessed, but I also had to keep my emotions in check, to stay always calm.
And that unfortunatly leads me to bottle things up too much and explode in a really bad way when I am too stressed for things that some people could see as stupid, like when my schedule is broken, but for me are not! And since i worked so much to get where I am and put myself through so much self doubt while doing so, hearing someone call me a child makes me even more upset.
And so when people tell me that something is "easy", like "why are you so dumb, it's easy", when I just need a bit more time to process some things, to learn them well. For example when I was learning to drive. My instructor was driving me nuts with this "it's so easy" while telling me to look in so many directions together. And in the end i switched instructors and now i have been driving for three years
Ah yes the "it's so easy" or "you aren't even trying" like we can just go "welp I'm gonna start focusing on things" just like we are kids putting off school work...
@@deethwarrior yeah. I just need to do the things in a certain order so i can keep it under control
I mean the “it’s so easy” is mean spirited but in my experience if someone says you’re acting like a child, you are likely causing literal distress and inconvenience to them. If you want to be treated ‘like a normal person’ and not infantilized, normal people are judged when they don’t abide to social norms and make life harder for people around them. There are people technically neurotypical who are bad at social skills. No one thinks it’s wrong to call them ‘creeps’ or ‘assholes’. Now I would suppose if they found it easy to be more socially acceptable they wouldn’t choose to be socially ostracized. But yeah? Those are your two options. Be treated like a disabled person, or treated like a normal person with no social skills.
It's about finding patience people. People who are used to rushing stuff aren't good for neurotypical people.
@@caleviwin my mother :(
You do not know HOW MUCH this messed me up to this day. I’m autistic and have a very “child like” demeanor since I never saw the sense of growing out of playing pretend and wearing midevil clothing and all. And for my entire life most people have seen me as a baby or less then (I remember people not letting me know information about a gun cause I would hurt myself of course) freak I still feel shocked when people I precived as older then me are younger then me. In fact given when I was born I am older then a lot of people in my classes. This has messed with my self confidence and especially my ability to feel safe in myself. Since I come across as “younger” then I have interlized that I am infact weaker then others (doesn’t help with the fact that I am physically weaker then most) and I must depend on others to protect me and I must make them feel good (moderatoring their emotions and all) so that I feel safe. It’s messed up and I’m trying really hard to remind myself how bloody emotional maturite I am and even when I age regress (that happens A lot as well which ain’t helpful) I can still handle a lot and have handled a lot and I deserve peers who respect me as I work on self confidence and all and learning bondires. But yeah, adults please stop not taking me seriously also stop calling me “so mature for my age” it’s not a good thing I’m tramitized. Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk
This is the EXACT thing I needed to watch today. I was invited to a Christmas event in my school's disability unit (I have autism and ADHD among other stuff) and the principal came in dressed up playing the role of Santa. Obviously we had one or two very far on the spectrum who were absolutely ready to believe he was Santa Claus. But most of us were just cringed out while he talked about elves and reindeer. Clearly missing the fact that most of us were 15-19 in age demographic.
I myself have developmental and intellectual disabilities to the point where I have the mind of a child. I can definitely be taken advantage of, and HAVE been manipulated, it’s really scary. I’m deemed in need of high support, I can’t get a job, I’m deemed non consenting, I don’t really have the capability to make choices for myself, I’m basically a kid. How I view the modern world is how a child would, I cant grasp super complicated subjects, i can’t cook, I can’t clean, on top of a whole other bunch of stuff that non disabled people take for granted, I like cartoons, I have meltdowns, I like Lego, toys, comic books, sweets, I still believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny (although nowadays watching cartoons are becoming less and less of a niesh I've noticed) I live with my mother who i'd be lost without, im asexual so i don't even WANT to partake in those types of acts with anyone. However mind you, little kids can get crushes too, their just different from adult or even teenage crushes, my first crush was a girl I knew on my street when I was 8, the reason I liked her was because we both liked Lego. It certainly wasn’t sexual or anything like that, it was just a crush I didn’t understand. Even now when I have a crush on someone it’s always in a very non sexual childlike way, I just wanna play with Lego and watch movies and be their for each other. I hate that autism to some people is just “special interest hehe quirky” when their exists autistic people who’s life are ACTUALLY negatively affected by it. Ive seen some kids learn something as a 12 year old but i cant even begin to comprehend it, My father abused me my entire life, he punched me and strangled me when he was angry, he alienated everyone in his family and even when I was diagnosed at age 12 he STILL didn’t even believe I had autism. Not to mention my Christian school would target me for bullying and targeted harassment because they knew I was too timid to tell giving me life long trauma, then had the gull to try and kick me out so they didn’t have to deal with me, which my father blamed me for, My mother eventually had the sense to throw my dad out of the house, which of course he blamed her for. He went on to start a brand new family to replace me. Yeah I had my nana who always cared and mom who did her best with her crappy circumstances so I at least had some resemblance of a support system.
Shout out to all the people at my school during my last couple years when I was graduating who tended to think that they knew where I was going more than I did and would even come up to me and take my arm or shoulder without asking to guide me there
Particularly this one lady who saw me get my lunch from the lunch line then decided to show me where the exit was despite the fact that I had not gotten my milk yet and then had the audacity to call me disrespectful when I politely informed her that I was not in fact done and that I knew where I was going thank you very much
Oh also that one guard who kept trying to help me by telling me where I was going including the brilliant line and you'll find the doors at the end of the hallway which I will note if a hallway I was already walking down a hallway that only had doors at the end by the way it wasn't a hallway with doors on either side oh and also I've been going to that school for at least 6 years
Earthly I'd rather have someone try to touch my cane I like Ben I could probably get back and smack them rather than somebody grabbing me by the shoulder or arm while I'm trying to hold food or something similar
Just because I'm blind does not mean I need your help to walk
Oh and for the people in the comment section also just because I'm blind does not mean I'm incapable of navigating the internet
God damn can people leave blind peeps alone?? 6 years for darn sake- I'm not blind myself but damn if I wouldn't know that most schools have to be disability friendly anyways, these are just peeps trying to feel like heroes and honestly a shame its still around ugh.
Seriously though, good luck out there chief, let none touch ya ❤
@@pipo2704 thanks my dude
I relateeeeee sooooooooo harddddddddddd. I'm blind myself and I have attended the same school for 6 years as well, and the amount of times this has happened to me is uncountable. More so the people that touch my cane without informing me cuz of course I'm going to see them as a fully blind person when they approach to do something they should not be doing just because oh but you were about to hit something with your cane. The point of the cane is to hit something so I don't hit it and if it hits something I know what to do it's none of your business touching my stuff
@@diegoanimations9504 personally I've never had that one happen at a school usually though I get that from my mother telling me to put my cane away when we are out in public because I could hit somebody's ankles with it
Yes Mom I might hit somebody foot with it that in fact is the entire point
I have been living with chronic pain and auto immune disease for decades, and until now I have been treated with scorn and dis belief when explaining why I can't do certain things. This year, because of my auto immune disease, I became legally blind, and now I'm treated like an infant who can't do anything. Then there are people who don't believe I am legally blind because I show there are still things I can see. For me it has been a sharp learning curve, figuring out what I can still do and what I can't do.
All throughout high school I was in and out of the counselors' offices because of my too many personal issues that lead to breakdowns.
At one point they asked me why I'm not very social and struggle to do certain things and I explained I'm autistic and the looks of pity they gave like they were saying "you poor baby" made me so uncomfortable.
They then asked me why my mom didn't tell them so they could put me in special ed and as much as I hate using the term "high functioning" because of its origins, that was the only way to explain to them that I'm not a kid incapable of comprehending any work given to me. I know they weren't being malicious but it still makes me mad. Studies on autism is readily accessible online so it bothers me that people still act like autistic adults are just children at heart with the body of an adult
Not disabled, but I used to have a special-ed teacher that was arrested for possession of CP. The scariest part, is that he always acted weird around the kids. There was this one girl that had cerebral palsy and whenever he was around her, he'd be way to godamn touchy.
Anyway, he can rot in hell.
I have ADD/ADHD and dysgraphia, and before I got diagnosed I had dealt with a teacher (4th grade) who would sing “For The First Time In Forever” from Frozen whenever I was able to turn work on time, she also would get the some of the class to join in and it obviously left with me trauma. And recently this year I’ve been failing math because 2022 has been a terrible year for my mental health, and a new diagnosis of POTS which has been affecting my grades, and my “gEnIuS” math teacher decided to “talk to me” (call me out) about it in front of the entire class (there’s like 20+ people in my class) even when he is the teacher to sit in on my accommodation meetings so he knows that it is something that I do not like. Luckily my mom is very much a “mama bear” when it comes to teachers/adults treating me differently because of my conditions/disabilities so she’s going to a principal about him and is asking me to contact my counselor to see if I can transfer out of his class
My mom's friend has cerebral palsy. She has uncontrolled movements of her head and she has difficulty control her voice, making her voice kinda creaky and sometimes she goes silent for a second because making sound is sometimes difficult for her. It is a very visible condition.... But that is pretty much extent of how much it actually causes her things in her life. She is a smart, well adjusted woman, who has gone schools and doesn't need help to do her day to day stuff. But you can be sure when she is interracting with cashiers, they are not talking to her directly but to her friends or even KIDS when SHE is making purchases, and some people seem to think there must be something wrong with her intellect because her voice is strange and heads moves about. =_=; Ok, when people do it first and when you say something and they correct themselves, fine. They haven't seen anyone like her before, they are confused and do not know what to do. Irritating, but alright, it happens. But if they keep doing that after instructed otherwise - GAWD DAMMIT it makes me mad.
Able-bodied/non-disabled people see disabled people as kids for many reasons----but I think a main one for mental disabilities or differences (like downs, autism, or intellectual disabilities of many kinds) is that these people (me included) tend to express emotions more vibrantly or in a less concealed manner (when not masking). And, most neurotypical adults are so used to squashing their own wants and needs (usually because of work and capitalism) so they put down anyone they see acting happier or different than them the same way they try to "educate" children about the "Real world".
Projection of abuse towards those who have not been as affected in the same way and assimilated.
Am neurodivergent & have mild phys disabilities. Had an assistant manager snap her fingers in my face telling me to “PAY ATTENTION.” She knew very well of my medical conditions. Damn girl treated me like a fucking dog then had the gall to try to get me fired deliberately making false claims abt me.
Oakwyrm, your comment about how you know your disability better than the doctor who just looked it up five minutes before your appointment reminded me of a cartoon I saw at mt primary care doctor's office--it depicted a patient talking to his doctor, and the caption below said, "Look, doc, I know you went to school to learn about hundreds of diseases. But I only have to know about the one that I have, so which one of us is going to know more about it?"
I can also attest that yes, if you're on disability in the US, you cannot have more than a certain amount of money in your bank accounts or earn more than a certain amount from working, because once you go above those limits you're considered to be self-sufficient and no longer in need of monthly disability payments. I also know that if two people are married and are both on disability, the partner getting less from disability will be severely restricted in how much they get in disability payments because the government assumes that two people can live off of only one person's income--meaning in essence that if you're disabled, you can effectively forget ever getting above the poverty line unless you marry into money or win the lottery, and how often do either of those happen?
I have been having a very similar frustration so this was rather cathartic. I really hate it the most from doctors. Strangers I don't care so much about, but doctors get under my skin when they treat me like I don't know anything about my own disabilities.
I will say the most spectacular interaction with a stranger was when a woman just started praying over me in public, full on chanting 'our father art in heaven' style. That was.... quite a time.
My first “real” job was at Target. There was a video about helping customers with different disabilities that taught us to crouch down to little people and wheelchair users. We could get a black mark for not following the video, but thankfully I wasn’t there long enough to worry about it.
These videos are made by people who aren't disabled and yes, largely as a whole community, we find this super rude. It's often seen as very dramatic to tell us we are short or we're in our chair. You're drawing extra attention to us rather than discreetly adjusting your stance.
As someone who is 6’4 and likes eye contact I get a little less tall cuase it is uncomfortable for both parties when I’m always looking down and your looking up and the thought that is pretty demeaning just never crossed my mind thanks for making me think about that
I'm autistic and currently 16 years old. I get that I'm still a kid so I can sort of excuse some of the things you mentioned but even now this is an issue for me. Sometimes (usually when my parents are working) my younger brother ends up being the one to offer the support I need. I often feel guilty about that but that in itself is a different problem entirely and one that I have to work through myself. I can take care of myself well enough but there are situations where I do need assistance. It always rubbed me up the wrong way when people would talk to my brother about me or speak to me in a very slow and patronising way. Sort of how you would speak to someone who doesn't speak your language, it's really embarrassing. Like yes I need assistance with things and yes I may find it hard to get my words out from time to time but I can understand you perfectly well. Like I know I'm not an adult yet but I'm certainly not five. Honestly the absolute worst time people do this, especially for a teenager like me, is infront of my friends or kids from school. Part of me can't wait to grow up and be out of school but the other part of me is scared and frustrated because even when I do grow up I already know that I probably won't be taken seriously.
BTW thanks for your video's they can really help in reaffirming that I'm not alone in this and as selfish as it is I'm glad I'm not the only one. Like I would rather we not have to face these problems at all but if we must then I'd rather not be alone and without anyone to relate to.
Thanks again
Bye
Great video! I've been infantalized all my life for my autism, especially by so-called experts. They still treat me like a mentally challenged child, and I'm 33. Sometimes my disability is instead completely ignored because I "look normal" which is equally infuriating, because then they also treat me like crap when I'm inevitably incapable of living up to their standards of "normal" for example taking their words too literally, being burned out very quickly, or showing my inability to fully take care of myself. I know autism is not always considered a disability but for me and my personal case, it is. I'm in need of extra care and unable to have a job due to how quickly I burn out from sensory overload. This isn't immediately visible on me, but shows clearly once you get to know me. I get that this must be very different when your disability is much more visible.
Can relate to that because I have autism as well.
In my case, I sometimes have a feeling that some people either don't understand or quickly forgett that I am unable to do things others can do without any problems. Yes, I am a very smart person and I have learned to live with my daily problems as well as how to interact with people when I need to. HOWEVER, this doesn't mean that my disability just poofs out of existence and if I am asking someone to bind my shoes then I am not asking because I am lazy or something, I am asking because I litterally don't understand how to tie a bow.
And on the other hand you have the people who just see my disability, not realizing that when I am not asking for help, it is because I don't need help. I mean, we may be disabled by definition but that doesn't mean we are little children who need to be around babysitters all the time.
I mean, if they're unsure how they should treat us then why aren't they just asking? Why can't they just be like "yo is there anything I should know? Can you tell me something about you and how we can work together in a way you feel comfortable with?" Instead of just "assuming things"? Because I don't think it's too hard to just talk with a person who lived 20 years with asd about something as simple as that!
Sorry for that little rant here but I REALLY needed to get that off of my chest here and your comment was so relatable that it triggered something in me...
I had a friend in high school who had autism and got some accommodations from the school so her teachers all knew. We had two classes together and in both of them the teachers were always super combative with her for no reason. They would hover over her when she was trying to work and treat her like she was having a meltdown if she told them to give her space. We had a project where we all brought a dish to class and the Spanish teacher tried to make her eat something she was ALLERGIC TO because she thought my friend was just "being difficult." In our film class we did a project together and the teacher would constantly, aggressively ask her if she working even though she was doing the most work out of everyone in our class. She literally led our group and we had the best project out of everyone and she was still treated like a ticking time bomb.
I was diagnosed with autism shortly before turning 18, and although most of the doctors were fine, there was one older woman who gave me the dreaded “describe what’s happening in this picture book” test and the “act out a story with these objects” test. She even acknowledged that it was a little juvenile for someone my age, and yet she still talked to me like I was a child. I summed it up to just being a force of habit, but I still get so irritated thinking about her high overly cheery tone and stupid questions. No I don’t know why the cartoon cat put the fish in the pelicans mouth stop asking me to analyze a comic with three panels
We used to have this girl at the elementary school I worked at who was a wheelchair user. (Not using her name because privacy and such) We had to tell students to not push / touch her wheelchair without permission and I was surprised because I thought that was something parents taught there children.
Shouldnt it be clear to everyone you shouldnt touch or fuck around with what would classify as thair legs, stripping away control of thair mobility. Its horrible. Why cant people educate thair children to respect others
As someone with 3 learning disabilities who has gone through a college prep high school, and then University, nothing is more annoying than talking with people who think they know how my brain works better than me. I've literally had a teacher tell me that I just need to train myself to read faster/skim, despite me stating that I can't go any faster (severe dyslexia and ADHD make it so I actually have to read like 95% of a text or I'll forget whatever I read instantly. I can jump around a text but I can't skim). I already trained myself to be able to read subtitles, and got myself to read about 200 words per minute, and it's stayed like that for 10 years by this point (impressive since by the time I reached that speed, I had only been literate for 5 years after a late start). And don't get me started on the number of people who would suggest that I sit down and muscle through a task I need to do.
Also, it never made sense to me to squat down to talk to someone in a wheelchair. They are sitting. You don't really squat down to talk with someone sitting in a chair or on a bench, do you? You might pull up a chair yourself, but I don't think that's the same (if I'm wrong, please correct me). I try to treat people with aids for disabilities the same way I would want to be treated in regards to my glasses (don't touch them or me unless I give you permission or it's an emergency, and I'll ask for help if I need it). Even when I was a tutor for kids, I only squatted down for like the early elementary school kids. Once they were about 7-8, I would either stand or sit in a chair. Kids actually like that because they see it as a sign of respect and you taking them seriously.
And for adults... my best friend is a good 10 inches shorter than me. It is because of our friendship that I know that if someone were to try the squat thing on her, she would cut them with no remorse.
For me I'm very tall and sometimes squat to talk to people who are average heighted, as a joke. If someone's doing that with no self awareness of how ridiculous they're being, they are the joke.
There have been times where people will treat me like a regular person until I mention that I'm autistic. They start acting more cautious about what they do or what they say, or they change their tone to a lighter, more "parental" tone (don't know what else to call it). I then have to tell these people that they can treat me as they did before they knew. It was fine then, why would it suddenly be different after bringing it up
As an American I would probably have asked "you good?" If I saw anyone standing or sitting on the sidewalk because non vehicular travel is outside the norm so if they said "yeah just waiting for a ride" I'd just continue on my way
I'm able-bodied so obviously my experiences will be very different, but I've noticed some similar things after getting my autism diagnosis. People I've know for years have suddenly started treating me like a child, people talk really slowly and over-pronounce certain words, and if my mum's there they just talk to her about me like I can't hear them. It's infuriating and so illogical.
I’ve had many doctors go from talking to me like an adult to only talking to my mum about what going to happen TO ME
Like every time my mum mentions it her self not me and I hate it as eg
It felt less like I was a patient having a blood test but Im my mums pet that’s have an a blood test while the lady ends up only saying “your doing well sweetheart”
I’ve had stuff happen in school where my horribly ableist ex English had to change schedule (it was so hard not to be visibly excited) talk about me to the new great English teacher about a meter away from me in a way where it felt like she was prepping her for the 15yearold that she won’t help at all I have more against this stupid teacher
She told my mum that she would send me work then didn’t send the correct work and didn’t help me then talked to me about how my assignment could be improved she didn’t do that for anyone else
I've had to deal with this for my entire life, because of both my autism and my scoliosis. Thanks for making this video.
I have autism and one of my pet peeves is people treating me like a child or doing anything to me that I can do myself. It’s even more annoying when they get mad at me for negatively reacting and claim they “were just trying to help”. It’s not helping me when you assume I can’t do something for myself, even more so when that person is aware I have a disability. If you see someone with a disability that you can get struggling, just ask if they need any help and if they say no, JUST LEAVE THEM BE
I'm a queer neurodivergent person and this assumption that a child is less likely to be LGBTQ reaches into the way people interact with me, a queer, neurodivergent adult. Every aspect of my identity has been treated by my mother as yet another manifestation of my neurodivergence to be pathologized instead of a normal variation of human identity. I don't know if she has an overwhelming need to control the narrative of my life, but the first time I felt included and embrace by a family that wasn't related to me by blood, and felt like an equal for the first time was the most powerful experience of my life. I'm tired of trying to prove to the world that I am just as complex and multifaceted as any other adult human being.
Ok as an autistic person who has been infanlized by MANY people in my life it has messed up my self esteem as well as made me believe I am weaker then others and so I need someone to always “protect” me. Anyway another reason you shouldn’t infanlize anyone with disabilities
I agree.
As a fellow autistic person, I understand your situation. I grew up with “special services,” which was fine in elementary and middle school, but come high school, I was developed enough to do schoolwork on my own. Yet, because of my autism, they still stuck me in the special needs room, and the teachers in the room were infantilizing to an infuriating degree.
@@jacobcoleman8250 I not only know how you feel. but staff can also be as Bad.
I once told them it was offensive for the way they talk to Autistic people.
and instead of being sympathetic. they had an attitude. and assure that this is they should be treated.
I agree. it IS infuriating.
I feel you man. I have epilepsy, so my mom protected me and wouldn't let me learn how to take care of myself. When she died, my sisters and my dad moved out of the house and told me to take care of it. Not knowing how to take care of it gave me too much stress and depression which made my seizures go crazy. Finally, my brain couldn't handle it any longer, so I fainted which led me to having a seizure that lasted for 3 days. After that I moved out.
@@kittycatmeowmeow963 Good for you to move out and live out on your own.
there are video rumors about how selfish single mothers are. plus my family is kinda cruel to me too.
they convince me that I can't do anything in life.
and yet. these evil systems take so many rights from people and lie about taking care of others.
I am an Autistic person, and my goal is to move to New York, yet my mother still wants me to stay under her roof. I have faith that I can take care of myself
I believe in you! I'm also autistic and making a big move can be a really good thing. Especially to cut ties with toxic people.
When I was first diagnosed with Autism my family started to treat me differently. Because of that I started to hide. I don't tell anyone I'm autistic because I don't want them to treat me differently.
Sometimes I feel really lucky to have the family I have, because I learned really young that I shouldn't mess with mobility aids. I'm also autistic and it gets really, really exhausting having to always act like I'm at 100%. But I didn't realize till college that I can just. Occasionally not talk if I feel like I can't. I have a cocktail of compounding issues but that day I was just really not feeling it and my boundaries changed as a result and my friends understood that. I felt like I couldn't talk and I needed my noise cancelling headphones more than usual, so I just. Didn't talk and wore my headphones. I probably would have been okay -or dissociated, idk what happens because I never remember, love ADHD- but it was much more comfortable to not talk and have my headphones on. My friends still included me, and when I felt better I was able to be at 100%.
I feel like I rambled. But like, learning that I can do things to make myself more comfortable was such an amazing feeling. And it let me get to 100%. Taking comforting actions before you physically need them is just The Good Shit
Edit: ALSO. PERSONAL SPACE is very much a thing for me, and it fluctuates? Like, sometimes I can't have anybody near me and other times I'm perfectly comfy in an incredibly packed subway.
Okay here is a story, ( not about infantilisation )
There is a girl in my class who had a panic attack and was calling everyone names and I felt really bad because everyone was looking at her and I think it was making her very distressed. After that we had a break and went outside, and this one girl comes up to my friend is like “ wEllL ShE DoES haVe AHDH” I didn’t know who she was walking about until I realised she was talking about the girl who JUST HAD A PANICK ATTACK. And I was the what the frick girl I have adhd! I didn’t actually say that but I wish I did, instead I just kinda stranded there in disbelieve until she walked away.
god the amount of times, instead of letting me speak for myself, my carer will immediately inject her own opinion of how im feeling. e.g for ages she was telling professionals we saw that i had anxiety around crowds which would cause me to want to go home when we were out I DO NOT what actually was happing was i wanted to go home because my body is weak and standing upright hurts after a little while, I HAVE NO PROBLEM IN CROWDS (i really dont know where she even got this idea i always told her i was hurting and she never cared, it wouldn'tve been so bad if she ever just let me sit down like i wanted to (i need to sit down pretty frequently to not be in pain)). its behavior like this thats caused me to lose my voice in a lot of situations where i should've been the one talking
This reminds me of one thing
I'm tired of autistic people being treated like kids. Seriously people I know what to do and I don't need to be walked through the most basic stuff ever like a 1st grader.
Yeah I'm disabled in various ways (Autism, bad hearing loss, shoulders that very easily pop out) but there is one story where I royally fucked up in a way you described "touching someone's mobility aid without permission". It was a lesson learned. I saw a man trying to get on a subway train with a wheel chair. He seemed to be struggling and the train leaves really quickly so I wanted to help. He took great offense and told me to step off the train. At the exact same time he said that, I knew what I did wrong: I invaded his personal space. I will NEVER do that again unless I am asked for help. Commenters reading my comment should learn from my error. I wanna thank you for making this video. Excellent work!
Seeing this on my RUclips feed, my mind instantly went to Timmy from South Park. He's disabled; can't say much except his name, bound to a wheelchair. But the characters hardly treat him differently because of it. Hell, they barely refer to his disabilities, except in moments where he actively can't do something because of it, like putting goggles on his head. I believe there was one episode where Timmy was part of a band and people were upset because they were "exploiting" him, but Timmy was actively enjoying it.
Shout-out to my coworker from like a year ago who told my boss that I'm "not all there" and then proceeded to call me hot literally the next day. And shout-out to my boss that actually believed him and was also okay with him for asking me out even tho he was 31 and I was literally a teenager.
creep alert! Creep alert! 2 creeps and not just one, so sorry.
*Kirby's calling the police*
yayyyy...
This is hella relatable. Ppl infantalize me still tho I'm 36. Also have a rare disease, EDS, the ableism I get from doctors is sick
* bad connective tissue solidarity fist bump * from Finland
So I suffer with high functioning Asperger’s syndrome, and I HATE it when people treat me differently than others. There’s been so many times people treated me as a child and I’m 20! It does suck.
they treat you like a child?
with the amount of people that get treated like a child in this comment section im starting to think its bullshit the more and more i read it
why is it so normal?
worst part is i kinda do the same because if i see someone with mobility aids all by themselves i do have the urge to ask if they need help but atleast i ask them directly because they are not toddlers, they are people like me, im just worried something bad will happen to them that might make a temporal wheelchair into a longer one or a crutch into something worse
you get the idea, im sorry
@@NoppyOwO "im just worried something bad will happen to them that might make a temporal wheelchair into a longer one or a crutch into something worse"
How is that your responsibility? And why do you keep saying you respect us but then go on to say you'd do stuff that is blatantly disrespectful of us and assume we're all helpless and weak? You're acting like we'll break if a slight breeze touches us! Chill, seriously.
@@NoppyOwO The reason it's so normal is because people are assholes. People are assholes who look down on those of us who are different.
The same thing happened to me the other day I have Aspergers and I’m telling myself that the law is totally unfair to us and i really am furious on how people treat us and I really wish something can be done about Ableism because I fucking hate it! Everything this guy said on his video I have experienced all of this shit myself and I want to be an advocate for us so people will actually treat us how we should be treated
This reminds me of something my mom told me of a while ago. She ran into the mother of one of my old middle school friends and the mother asked her how I was doing since I became wheelchair bound just after middle school.
My mom: he's doing great actually! She's an English teacher now.
Friend's mom: Oh wow! A special needs school or something? How does she get to work?
My mom: Uhm no...She teaches pre-university education and she drives her car like any other person??
The friend's mom just stood there flabbergasted.
My students really don't care. Yeah sure, I've had a few instances where they entered my classroom for the first time and where like: Where's the teacher? But after one lesson they're used to it.
Am able bodied but I grew up bilingual so my language skills can lack at times, especially with spanish.
One time I was at some place and we were explained this very basic thing I actually understood the first time it got explained, and THEN I got called over, by myself mind you for a man to ask me in English "did you understand?"
Its petty but it annoyed me so much, and then comes other things with "where are you from?" "why do you sound like that?" *"when will you sound normal?"* and it grinds my gears. I go through this because of a fucking accent.
If I get so annoyed by this happening to me infrequently because of an ACCENT and language skills out of all things then I can't imagine how annoying it must be to be infantilized almost constantly because of a disability. Like Jesus Christ.
I- you shouldn’t really treat children like that either.. I know just how frustrating it is to be treat like a dumb pet
Back in Freshman Year, I was part of a community service agency, one of the things we were tasked to do, since it was November, was to go over and decorate town hall and make fake trees for the local festival. I am a wheelchair user, and my father was there to help, mind you the only reason he was, was because it'd take too long to get there with my electric wheelchair, and said chair is extremely hard and dangerous to get into a car trunk to get there quicker, as such we took my portable foldable wheelchair which could get in a turn. The problem with that is it has to get pushed to move, so that's why he was there. Anyway, once there I found that most activities other than helping my dad stack fake trees up were quite hard to do, and as such, my dad ended up doing most of the actual work. After a few minutes of sitting around, asking what I could do and nobody having an answer, I got bitter and started audibly complaining about it. (Which I know is kinda douchey to do, but, it happened, sorry.) A woman came up to me and knelt down as if I was a toddler and said "I know! You can sing Christmas carols!" In an obviously exaggerated high-tone voice meant to be pleasant, but it was instead grating (Note, my dad, was outside at the time.) I nervously laughed and tried to politely decline the offer, looking visibly uncomfortable. She then started trying to get me to sing/psyche me up by singing Jingle bell rock, swallowing my pride, I began nervously and quietly singing along in hopes she would just leave. She instead stopped and said, "See, isn't that better?" That line in particular was the straw that broke the camels back as I said coldly "That's kinda demeaning." She and several other women within earshot began laughing, assuming I said that as a joke or simply not taking my seriously. She said stuff after the fact but I think I blanked it our and wasn't paying attention. After she left, I immediately told my father to leave and said I was hungry (Note, he was still outside during all of this.) Noticing I was a bit pissed, he apprehensively pushed me back to the car. On the ride home, he asked what happened and I told him quietly and began sobbing. He pointed out that the woman probably meant nothing by it but I didn't care, and I rode back home, downtrodden, with Dad clearly wanting to say more, but holding back. As a kid, I never really paid much attention my disability. To me it was just one more talking point at doctor's appointment or another reason to exercise. I knew I was different, but it didn't bother me much. But here and even a little before then due to the fact that I had moved to a place not very accepting, either that I was just less naive about the way people treated me, it was a major blow to my self esteem. I wanted to share this story so hat people don't end up being like the woman, and be mindful that disabled people are not newborns, they are just like you, but with a few differences, that doesn't mean that you should shun them and not offer kinship. If that women had helped me decorate it would have been a great day. So, take the time to do that, to take ten minutes out of your day to show actual compassion for someone, you never know how much good it could deal back to you.
Wonderful video and I love hearing about your experiences as frustrating as many of them may be. I'm an abel bodied person and it boggles my mind that others can be so rude and disrespectful. It's not that hard to talk to someone that's sitting down. What the heck?? I literally don't get the mindset. Maybe it's because I went to highschool with a kid that used various walking aids to get around depending on what his pain was doing that day. He often talked with a similar frustration as you about things. He was a great friend.
About a year ago, I started needing to use a walker and rely on paratransit for rides. I’m so tired of people thinking I’m homeless while I’m waiting for the transport.
Reminds me of that one time we were doing a listening excercise in english class. There were 5 speakers complaining about the design and management of various public places and one of the speakers brought up the absence of an access for wheelchair users in a mall. What's the catch? Her very first words were "I'm complaining on behalf of my sister. She's disabled and uses a wheelchair" while every other speaker spoke for themselves. Like... Why couldn't the speaker be the disabled wheel chair user? It kinda rubbed me the wrong way
My sister is autistic. She gets support money from the government each month. She has to save money in a lock box she hides under a floorboard because if she has too much saved up in a bank account, the US government will cut her benefits. My sister cannot handle a regular job, as she can't handle interacting with strangers. The thought of riding a public bus sends her into fits. She needs that support money, and it is messed up she can't save for emergencies without getting it taken away.
If people treated me like a child bc of autism it just got worse when my tourettes really kicked in at 16 and my friends started thinking my tics were 'cute' and 'funny' (except every time I go out people think I'm high or something).
I had verbal tics because of an adverse reaction to a medication, and that got worse after a traumatic brain injury. I don't really have to deal with it now because I've been pretty much healing from that stuff since that happened to me, and it was years ago, but I get what you mean. :(
I had that happen once, we were at a Clutch concert and I was rocking, a guard got called over because someone thought I was suffering from a bad trip.
I’m autistic and I have Tourette’s syndrome. I cannot go fifteen seconds without twitching or barking or something. Whenever I go anywhere with an able bodied friend, people always talk to him about me instead of talking to me. Even when I answer anyway, they still keep addressing him. It’s really annoying, it’s like they think I can’t understand them or something.
I have always had the belief that a degree doesn’t always mean that a person is qualified, and your story honestly strengthened my reasoning. That kind of treatment, especially from someone who’s supposed to know what their doing, is gross.
Thank you for explaining cultural differences here! I’m in the southern US and we’re all about southern hospitality and making friends with strangers, and I’ve made lifelong friends from talking to randos that I find shared interests with.
I would never, EVER dream of just… assuming a disabled person is lost by just existing, especially in a place where it’s common to wait for pickups, in the suburbs.
If I saw a person in a wheelchair just chilling in a major city where the streets aren’t accessible, or it’s a high traffic area where there might be danger. It’s so easy to go “hey you good?” And if they say yes… leave. Mind your business lmao.
On a personal note, I have invisible disabilities so when I’m out with friends who are in wheelchairs or require mobility aids and someone is shitty, I get the ABSOLUTE privilege of being nasty to them and calling them out (if my friend consents to me doing things like that ahead of time).