I found 8:51-9:28 particularly helpful! That method has helped me realize when I was being distorted and unfair. Like you said, it doesn't take away the hurt emotion but helps you to respond in a more appropriate way.
I absolutely love hearing you discuss different interactions and situations. It really helps me evaluate myself and my actions as well as the behaviors of others in ways that I haven't thought of before. Life is not always easy, but understanding triggers and alternative ways of handling situations can help prevent the reoccurring conflict or emotional outbursts that happen when we don't give ourselves the time and space to internally process everything. Thank you!
Can you please react about Angela and Michael. I'm really interested in your view on Angela's DV against Michael that happened this week. Also on TLC showing people this to everyone without a warning.
I'm sure he will, and when I was watching it my second thought was "Dr. Honda is going to have a lot to say about this!" (After my first thought of "she should be arrested! I can't believe she keeps getting away with abuse publicly and on national television!")
@@TheSmpsnsG85 I completely agree with you. I was also shocked that no one from production tried to stop Angela and her friend. They just watched and recorded while she was destroying his property. I've never been in a DV relationship and it triggered me. I can't imagine someone that did. She should get fired and they should put a warning before and after these scenes. If they agree going to show them.
I could sense that he has been frustrated with Angela's behaviour in last couple of reactions he did. I want to see him react further but it's probably not as fun for him now.
Spoilers!!! It would be great if going forward we (the deserving listeners) could write comments like these in a more vague way... I (and others) prefer watching the episodes a few days after they come out without spoilers.
I wouldn’t even want to know how many times you’ve had to say ‘it’s really important to let the person know that you’re walking away from a conflict but you plan to come back to it’ for it to even begin percolating in my mind, it’s a lot😂
I don't even really understand how they are expecting this relationship to go? I mean what is their vision? Their plan? He doesn't want to live in the USA, she doesn't want to live there, he wants kids with other women, she doesn't want to see or know or engage with these other women at all, she doesn't want anything to do with the kids, but she does want him to spent 99% of his time with her??? Like how is any of that actually possible? Like even if they both wanted all of those things...how would that work?
He already got denied for trying to come to the us on a miltary visa and was denied. i don't think he is going to be able to come. not to mention the divorce!
These. ladies in this program are very violent and get physical with their men. Wondering why they are not in jail. This is domestic violence. TLC has normalized aggression; pathetic. People like these should never invited to the program.
You're so endearing, Dr. Honda, coveting the Nigerian outfits while wearing the quintessential American male garb: a t-shirt with a sports team logo. I'm with you, sir, "Why DON'T we dress like that?"
She has no self-respect. That's why she's embarrassing herself on international TV. She thinks everyone is oo-ing and aah-ing over this age gap relationship. She's desperate to not be alone. She's pathetic.
If he didn't suck so much at singing then he wouldn't need a k1 visa. If ysman was actually good he'd have people calling to sign him but that's not happening
He can also be thinking that this woman is abusive and he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. Also, when she went back apologizing, would it have been interpreted as being self aware or classic abuser behavior if she were a man? If this had been the other way around, the narrative would be totally different.
I think the reason Usman seems accommodating with Lisa and Kim is because marrying them is a lower stakes choice for him than it is for the women, since he can marry a potentially infinite number of other women and they only get him.
I think the 3rd option may be true for Usman. There is a point in a relationship where no matter how much love there may is there is also the realization that both would just have to give up too much for the relationship to work, too much to still be able to be true to oneself and happy. And once that point is reached, the realization and decision made, it may be best to detach oneself to some extend and just "act" matter of factly...also for the other person. He may see now that going through with marriages as he wants them would hurt her too much, while he is caught up in his culture too much to give that up, and so he makes the best decision for both of them
I like your point about giving up too much to be true to oneself. I'm single and as I've dated through the years I've brought the following awareness along for the ride: all relationships, work, friendships, parent/child and romantic require negotiation simply because humans are so varied. So I'm aware of the kinds of things that are negotiable for me, maybe changing a hairstyle, or swearing less, or staying in a bit more or being more sociable etc. But I'm also aware of core issues within myself that I will not change or negotiate: I''m a Spiritual person and want someone compatible with that, I'm a vegan and want someone whose eating style is compatible, I have a great sense of humor and want to share and enjoy that together, I need an active and joyful sexual connection etc. So it seems that polygamy is not compatible with someone seeking monogamy. I say just let that relationship go, the attempt to work around that will be a constant source of pain and struggle. Move on to someone who shares your core beliefs.
This moment is really normal in most relationships - committed or non committed. Kim doesn't want anyone lest Usman to be "upset" or disappointed in her, but at the same time she's struggling with the reality of the truely wide cultural gap - which BTW doesn't need to be so wide given there are lots and lots of mixed couples out there, many from super different cultures that - after some thoughtful negotiation and time - have all made it work.
If a person in the relationship holds their culture near and dear it will be a reason for conflict. Such as his mom not being ok with her, he could say “I get that mom, but this is who I plan to marry” vs “well we’ll just add more wives”
USMAN DON´T WANT TO NEGOTIATE LESS TO RENOUNCE TO HIS PRIVILEGES AS MUSLIM MAN OF HAVING SEVERAL WIVES. HE DON´T CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS ONLY ABOUT HIS FUTURE DREAMS.
I think the other thing Usman might be doing that you didn't mention is manipulating. He has gotten to know Kim better and realizes that he can say things that will scare her into submitting to what he wants and that will give him the "upper hand" in the relationship. The clip at the end of the video where he seems so flippant about ending things really made me think that he was trying to manipulate her into backing down and begging him to be with her. It didn't come across as honest intentions in my opinion. They are both playing games
Why would anyone blame another person for being naive esp when they were lied to? I remember a lot of the fans were heavily against Yve when she was dealing with Mohamed, even after he admitted that he lied and didn't bother to explain anything to her. And now that it's clear that he was using her, the fan reaction is "well, she shoulda known better." Sometimes I think people use "it's their culture" to explain away bad behavior that would be called out if both partners were born in the same country, especially when it comes to American women dating Muslim men in the 90 Day franchise.
I agree with you re. Mohammed- Yve should not be blamed for his manipulation of her. But I struggle to see how it applies to Usman and Kim. To me, it seems most likely that they've both always had relatively good intentions and have just had a really unfortunate culture clash caused by each of their self-delusion. I could be reading it wrong though.
I just thought that, I don't know, just total speculation, that the fact that his wives don't get along and don't live together might be bad for his image. Because thinking about a patriarchal society where you have many wives, it should be expected that the man manages everything in a way that there is harmony between them and that a small community is formed that raises the children together. And this harmony brings prestige to the man. Kim can also play an important role in this being the first wife and the eldest one... there may be more that she doesn't know...
My favorite bumper sticker says "Don't believe everything you think". Love it!
I found 8:51-9:28 particularly helpful! That method has helped me realize when I was being distorted and unfair. Like you said, it doesn't take away the hurt emotion but helps you to respond in a more appropriate way.
I absolutely love hearing you discuss different interactions and situations. It really helps me evaluate myself and my actions as well as the behaviors of others in ways that I haven't thought of before. Life is not always easy, but understanding triggers and alternative ways of handling situations can help prevent the reoccurring conflict or emotional outbursts that happen when we don't give ourselves the time and space to internally process everything. Thank you!
Dr Kirk, I really enjoy your perspective on relationships and communication. I often ask myself WWDKD… What would Dr Kirk do? Thanks 😊
Me too! Love that - WWDKD 😊
Me too!
They should put thay on a T-shirt! Or on a bumper sticker!
Or what would Dr Honda say
I think he should have an app where we could look up alternate ways to say what want to say
Can you please react about Angela and Michael. I'm really interested in your view on Angela's DV against Michael that happened this week. Also on TLC showing people this to everyone without a warning.
I'm sure he will, and when I was watching it my second thought was "Dr. Honda is going to have a lot to say about this!" (After my first thought of "she should be arrested! I can't believe she keeps getting away with abuse publicly and on national television!")
@@TheSmpsnsG85 I completely agree with you. I was also shocked that no one from production tried to stop Angela and her friend. They just watched and recorded while she was destroying his property. I've never been in a DV relationship and it triggered me. I can't imagine someone that did. She should get fired and they should put a warning before and after these scenes. If they agree going to show them.
I don’t want him to react to that and I don’t think he will. He says he has sympathy fatigue
I could sense that he has been frustrated with Angela's behaviour in last couple of reactions he did. I want to see him react further but it's probably not as fun for him now.
Spoilers!!! It would be great if going forward we (the deserving listeners) could write comments like these in a more vague way... I (and others) prefer watching the episodes a few days after they come out without spoilers.
I love when the title keeps me guessing lmao like what do you mean, let’s find out 😂
Lol true - "Not right milk." So incorrect milk? Immoral milk? Left milk?
I wouldn’t even want to know how many times you’ve had to say ‘it’s really important to let the person know that you’re walking away from a conflict but you plan to come back to it’ for it to even begin percolating in my mind, it’s a lot😂
I don't even really understand how they are expecting this relationship to go? I mean what is their vision? Their plan? He doesn't want to live in the USA, she doesn't want to live there, he wants kids with other women, she doesn't want to see or know or engage with these other women at all, she doesn't want anything to do with the kids, but she does want him to spent 99% of his time with her??? Like how is any of that actually possible? Like even if they both wanted all of those things...how would that work?
He already got denied for trying to come to the us on a miltary visa and was denied. i don't think he is going to be able to come. not to mention the divorce!
It won’t work but Kim can’t let go.
These. ladies in this program are very violent and get physical with their men. Wondering why they are not in jail. This is domestic violence. TLC has normalized aggression; pathetic. People like these should never invited to the program.
Amen! Angela, little Eddy and Kim need to go they're all predators and abusive in many ways
Damn post office losing packages. I’ll resend and track this time. Lol
❤
You're so endearing, Dr. Honda, coveting the Nigerian outfits while wearing the quintessential American male garb: a t-shirt with a sports team logo. I'm with you, sir, "Why DON'T we dress like that?"
I think Kim should've paid attention to his other relationships. Kim isn't his type , neither was Lisa. He is trying to build a career.
She has no self-respect. That's why she's embarrassing herself on international TV. She thinks everyone is oo-ing and aah-ing over this age gap relationship. She's desperate to not be alone.
She's pathetic.
If he didn't suck so much at singing then he wouldn't need a k1 visa. If ysman was actually good he'd have people calling to sign him but that's not happening
I'm early as he'll. I was looking for the Angela and Michael reaction
me too!
I can’t wait for that!
Same but I figured it triggers him so he may be holding off
I’m sure it’s coming. 😂
Ikr ? Can’t wait to see his reaction when she went to Nigeria to harass Micheal
He can also be thinking that this woman is abusive and he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. Also, when she went back apologizing, would it have been interpreted as being self aware or classic abuser behavior if she were a man? If this had been the other way around, the narrative would be totally different.
I'll pay for dry cleaning was hilarious doctor 😂😂
Please do chantel and Pedro.
He should never talk to her when there is something she can throw on him is present.
Dr. Honda! Speaking of gifts haha did you ever receive a Beatles t-shirt with llamas? Just curious. Sent it and I thought you would like it 😊
I think the reason Usman seems accommodating with Lisa and Kim is because marrying them is a lower stakes choice for him than it is for the women, since he can marry a potentially infinite number of other women and they only get him.
Islamically, you can only marry up to 4 wives. That’s it. Certainly not infinite.
Oops, I should have watched to the end before commenting.
I think the 3rd option may be true for Usman. There is a point in a relationship where no matter how much love there may is there is also the realization that both would just have to give up too much for the relationship to work, too much to still be able to be true to oneself and happy. And once that point is reached, the realization and decision made, it may be best to detach oneself to some extend and just "act" matter of factly...also for the other person. He may see now that going through with marriages as he wants them would hurt her too much, while he is caught up in his culture too much to give that up, and so he makes the best decision for both of them
I like your point about giving up too much to be true to oneself. I'm single and as I've dated through the years I've brought the following awareness along for the ride: all relationships, work, friendships, parent/child and romantic require negotiation simply because humans are so varied. So I'm aware of the kinds of things that are negotiable for me, maybe changing a hairstyle, or swearing less, or staying in a bit more or being more sociable etc. But I'm also aware of core issues within myself that I will not change or negotiate: I''m a Spiritual person and want someone compatible with that, I'm a vegan and want someone whose eating style is compatible, I have a great sense of humor and want to share and enjoy that together, I need an active and joyful sexual connection etc. So it seems that polygamy is not compatible with someone seeking monogamy. I say just let that relationship go, the attempt to work around that will be a constant source of pain and struggle. Move on to someone who shares your core beliefs.
This is the second time she poured a drink on him.
This moment is really normal in most relationships - committed or non committed. Kim doesn't want anyone lest Usman to be "upset" or disappointed in her, but at the same time she's struggling with the reality of the truely wide cultural gap - which BTW doesn't need to be so wide given there are lots and lots of mixed couples out there, many from super different cultures that - after some thoughtful negotiation and time - have all made it work.
Sorry but I really don't understand this comment. What do you mean by "Kim doesn't want anyone lest Usman to be upset"?
@@AlicePDaly in my understanding, anyone wouldn't want the person they love to be upset with them.
@@AlicePDaly What Eleanor said. It's basically the same as saying "Kim doesn't want anyone to be upset or disappointed in her, especially Usman"
If a person in the relationship holds their culture near and dear it will be a reason for conflict. Such as his mom not being ok with her, he could say “I get that mom, but this is who I plan to marry” vs “well we’ll just add more wives”
USMAN DON´T WANT TO NEGOTIATE LESS TO RENOUNCE TO HIS PRIVILEGES AS MUSLIM MAN OF HAVING SEVERAL WIVES. HE DON´T CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS ONLY ABOUT HIS FUTURE DREAMS.
I think the other thing Usman might be doing that you didn't mention is manipulating. He has gotten to know Kim better and realizes that he can say things that will scare her into submitting to what he wants and that will give him the "upper hand" in the relationship. The clip at the end of the video where he seems so flippant about ending things really made me think that he was trying to manipulate her into backing down and begging him to be with her. It didn't come across as honest intentions in my opinion. They are both playing games
He probably picked up on the way she'll say one thing then do the exact opposite of what she said.... she's very easy to manipulate imo
Yup, this triggers me.
"In her mind" 😆
Why would anyone blame another person for being naive esp when they were lied to? I remember a lot of the fans were heavily against Yve when she was dealing with Mohamed, even after he admitted that he lied and didn't bother to explain anything to her.
And now that it's clear that he was using her, the fan reaction is "well, she shoulda known better."
Sometimes I think people use "it's their culture" to explain away bad behavior that would be called out if both partners were born in the same country, especially when it comes to American women dating Muslim men in the 90 Day franchise.
I agree with you re. Mohammed- Yve should not be blamed for his manipulation of her. But I struggle to see how it applies to Usman and Kim. To me, it seems most likely that they've both always had relatively good intentions and have just had a really unfortunate culture clash caused by each of their self-delusion. I could be reading it wrong though.
I agree. Victim-blaming is not okay.
@@Haligonian Usman is using her for a green card.
please do Caesar Mack from 90 day
2nd!! Please
yes please!
Wait did he find the mini figures?!?!
Yes, Nigerian mens’ clothes are beautiful including his Hausa costumes
I just thought that, I don't know, just total speculation, that the fact that his wives don't get along and don't live together might be bad for his image. Because thinking about a patriarchal society where you have many wives, it should be expected that the man manages everything in a way that there is harmony between them and that a small community is formed that raises the children together. And this harmony brings prestige to the man. Kim can also play an important role in this being the first wife and the eldest one... there may be more that she doesn't know...
Kim's ex husband used to cheat on her constantly and would come home and make her feel "like a fool" for thinking he was cheating on her.
🙄 girl just leave.
Different Luke’s. 🤣🤣🤣
Yes, our limbic system takes over. But no excuse.
Wait so did you find the package?! Where was it? What happened?? Did you get back to the girl?
He forgot
I don’t think you have memory issues, I just think you have a lot going on in your life, you’re busy, there’s only so much room!
Well that's life. Only.individual choices and needs at the expense of others matters because that's life.🤷🏾♂️
Forget Kim and Usman Dr. K. They are a scripted couple. Please please post new videos. Thanks!
This would be easier if Kim was even slightly attractive.
What a gross comment. You're on the wrong channel to be so nasty and judgemental
Is love a luxury only for the attractive?
@@fp1912 yea. People completely lose hope because of comments like that.
You're in the wrong place. We treat people with grace and kindness over here. Maybe try TMZ's channel?
@@eleanor1105 it should at least be somewhat similar. Not grossly different.