Something that needs to be known: Being transgender does not mean transitioning. Quite a few detransitioners regret bottom surgery because they had felt pressured to go all the way through. You don't have to go all the way. Many trans people do not undergo bottom surgery because they have no genital dysphoria. But they still take hormones. Same goes for top surgery and even the way you express your gender. You don't have to pick all or nothing. You should only do the things that you really want. You should only take hormones if you feel body dysphoria. You should only have bottom surgery if you feel genital dysphoria. You can be transgender without dysphoria but the more important question is whether to transition.
Thanks for that. One thing I’ve known before I knew what being trans was that I wanted top surgery. I remember being 11, and telling my mom that I wanted to get a mastectomy. She thought I was joking. I was not. But I don’t really feel dysphoria towards my genitalia. I think top surgery and hrt is the only thing I need.
I am a white straight male raised in a religious family. That is why questioning my gender came as such a surprise to me. I did for about... a year and a half. I almost did it, too. At least, I almost decided to go on hormones, and live life as a male in public, and a woman in private (or something) My now ex-wife was only half supportive. She wanted me to follow my true self, but every time I brought it up she kind of... you know. Wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Finally she issued an ultimatum, and for my family I decided to stay as a male. Theeeeen she dumped me. I don't know if dumping is the proper term for leaving a husband, but she did. She said it was unrelated, but I mean during the divorce proceedings, the fact that I have gender dysphoria was an argument to take my son away. In US court that should not even be a consideration, but you know - conservatives. The dust finally settled and I was able to take a good look at myself, and I realized that I was happy as a man, as long as I could express myself the way I wanted to, and not have to worry about masculine gender roles or expectations. And I have learned to express myself through other means. There are still things that I do still long for of course, but I don't feel crippled by them. The point is, my journey is mine, and mine alone. And - it is not even over yet. If I wake up one day and decide to make a change, I will. I also feel like everyone should question their own role in life as well, and make a decision, not based on societal expectations, but on what you want. Because now, even though I have decided to remain a man, I have been taught more love, compassion, and shown that I can truly express myself however I want. Anyway, you are my favorite trans youtuber - because you focus more on being your authentic self more than anything, and I like that. Thank you for all that you do.
Hi!!! I know this is 2 years late but wanted to say I’m so sorry for what you went through! I had a terrible custody battle myself, but can’t imagine how worse it would have been with my gender issues being used against me. This is something I worry about now as a dad still sharing custody. May I ask how your case turned out with regard to your kids/custody? ✌🏻💚
5:55 is the absolute best piece of advice. It took me a long time to realize the difference between what actually feels right for ME and what feels right for society.
My problem is the "rightness" flip-flops. Some days I absolutely MUST be a woman. "Must must MUST! This is me! I want to live!". Whereas other days it feels burdensome and excessive and I don't care about gender at all, or am content to stick with the simple, familiar default. At least for a while. Or when occupied with one of the 99% things we do in life which don't require having a gender: Mowing the yard, doing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, ironing the laundry, cooking the meals, etc. It is difficult to assess what feels right when every stake we claim is so diametrically opposed in the zero-sum game of the gender binary. What's right can also feel equally wrong, depending upon the circumstances. :/ Do you ever find yourself wanting to switch into guy-mode when in a threatening environment? Maybe lower the voice an octave? Take a more defensive standing posture? It's awfully hard to reconcile those ancestral defense mechanisms whenever they kick in... and the triggers are everywhere.
Yes, this is a very relatable experience. This is excellent internal work to recognize how you are feeling and being honest with yourself about how it changes and flows. I found that an overall more female presentation was best for me, but over time I have dropped some of the female behaviors that felt forced or inauthentic. I have worked to build friendships that accept my fluid and nonconforming gender expression. I hope you will have courage to express yourself authentically and find good people to enjoy it with.
@@KimPassable Thank you. Agreed, I need to work harder on making more authentic connections and perhaps not be so judgy of myself. I keep a tight lid on my appearance whenever people expect me to be a man, which is only undermining my happiness. But even then, only to a point, because I like to say "gender is a conversation". As in, what I put out there fuels the social feedback loop which in turn nourishes my well-being. So, how can I say I am truly happy if I am alienating others with my presentation, when I also depend upon them for my happiness and success (and sometimes employment!)? This is why my desire to pass is so enormous. Or at least "blend very well". It is the difference between, "I know what you are, but you're doing it well, and I like you" vs. "girllllllll... why are you doing this to yourself? I thought all of this was supposed to be about making life easier, about freedom, not about making it harder than it already is." I was hoping the pink on-ramp to womanhood would have been like shooshing down a water slide at a theme park. Instead, it's been more like tiptoeing through a minefield in 6" heels... and I've already set off a few. Incredibly humbling and painful, but necessary. Life is meant to be lived.
This is exactly how I feel! I want to explore this part of myself that I keep pushing down, but i’m scared that once i do know the answer i’ll feel like even more crap everyday not being able to express my gender identity. But I’m going to try to face it anyways now, i’ve put it off for too long. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m now going to go to JC Pennys and try on some fem clothes 😊
I’m 70 years old, been this way my whole life and is ok. However, no matter where you are on your trans path every day is new and different. Stay safe and enjoy. Peace, Charlene
I'm 29 and I always knew how I felt from a young age but I didn't have the vocabulary for it growing up in the rural deep south. At age 12 I found out that the word "transgender" existed and immediately identified with it. I thought it meant I was a freak and my teenage years were spent riddled with dysphoria, internalized transphobia, and suicidal ideation. I eventually learned that I wasn't an abhorrent sexual deviant that it's perfectly normal to be transgender. I became proud of who I am and now I'm a decade into transition and I haven't attempted suicide once since accepting myself as a woman. ❤
I hope you can make some people feel normal and not like freaks. You seem to be a great content creator Ashley! And you are genuinely making people's lives better!
Thank you for approaching this subject from a more spiritual perspective. I'm a 59 year old biolgical male I just started taking testosterone blockers and estrogen three months ago. I started HRT for my mental health not to transition. I have had low level depression for my whole life. So far the improvements in my mental health have been amazing. I still don't know if I'm transgender or non binary. I only know that I can't go back to feeling the way I did so I guess we'll just have to see were this journey takes me.
hi ashley ...i have to strugling with my gender for i guess about an year and i actually think i m a trans ... i even tried my sisters dress when there was no one around at my home and it felt great ...it made me happy ...i have been thinking about experimenting different stuff but i cant do as i live with my family and i cant come out ...it really sucks ... and the thought of me being a girl makes me sad as i look at my current situation
That's tough babe. If it's any solace, you are not alone. A lot of young trans folks are in similar situations.What I always say to youths that call me on the lifeline is this: find the little things that can validate your existence. No one needs to know it except you. Make a safe space for yourself. Wheter it's drawing, journaling, it wearing something you know secretly validates you. Second: it's not a Sprint to transition. It's a lifelong marathon. You will not be with your parents forever and if you are not safe being openly trans at home, know you will have that chance to eventually grow out of home. Find allies, friends, build a network of support for yourself. And if you ever are feeling in the pits call the trans lifeline. You don't need to feel like you're ending your life to talk to them. I've used it myself a few times. 💕
@@sometimesawful i know its bad and i fell guilty everytime i try to dressup ...so these days i have stopped dressing up........i know i can never be a girl in real life ..it will just stay in my head
@@amolpatel7325 You do not need to be extreme. Go slow. Life is fast but change is slow. Just be you, small things, baby steps. Learn about who you are and how you want to express yourself.
Hiii Ashley! I’m pretty early in my transition. I’m doing what feels right to me, I’m 22 and I’m not rushing. I feel like there is pressure to transition as early as possible but you need to trust yourself first. I’m learning to trust the process and to keep feeling good as a woman
I heard of transgender ocd for the first time the other day and it just threw me for a loop. Sounds a lot like i dealt with to some extent with all the research i did and nights staying up worrying if i wasn't. I know I'm trans and i feel comfortable identifying as such, but there's still all this confusion and doubt. Overall when i try things an think about being transmasculine it feels good.
I cried when you said pretending to be masculine, I've been trying to play the roll of masculine my entire life , feeling like something is wrong with me because I'm attracted to women but I feel like one myself, it's sad that at my age I'm only starting my transition ❤🎉 I thank you for your courage to help people like myself who struggle with pretending to be someone your not for a bunch of people who could care less anyway . Thank you again , I love your videos babes XOXO ❤❤ P.S. Stay tuned for my major transformation over the next 2 years hope to have your support and the support of our community .
Hello nice video 👌🏻 and helps a lot . Im 41 guy and im lost in my brain...but im out 3 times as a "women" in nigth club. Great moment. But im still lost. Thank you by your vidéos and sorry my bad "english" . 😘😘💃
I’m working with a gender affirming therapist, but I’m moving glacially slow in my transition. I’m out to my parents and they are accepting. Out to a step bro and a friend who are supportive. I’ve been in public a few times as a trans femme, but it made me more dysphoric to see that I’m not passing. I’ve spoken to my GP about HRT but I’m afraid to start. Seems like every step forward I take, I recoil two steps back and I spend months trying to deny that being femme is part of me. Thank you for this video.
I really really love your energy in this video. I'm just about 8 months on hormones (estrogen and progesterone and spironolactone) and Its been awesome discovering your channel in the past year or so when I was really weighing some heavy decisions and struggling everyday constantly, reaching that tipping point of 'yeah, I've pretty much known this was the path I need to take since like mid high school, so why haven't I jumped in yet?' Well, at 29 years old now I feel like I have my whole life and a good amount of youth left to explore myself fully and push myself and my femininity. Starting transitioning has saved my life. There was a video you did where you mentioned your experience at a festival and the molly didn't pop until after and you were cuddling with yr partner and the question came up, "well, how did that make you feel?" in regards to being addressed as she/her and as a person who has experienced the powerful therapeutic effects of the very occasional molly experience that video made me fall in love with your channel and I still watch it from time to time and get SUPER emotional every time I re-watch it. Thank you, Ashley. P.s. I use your videos to help me explain things to my parents/fam, who are generally very progressive and accepting, deal with and understand my trans-ness. You rock.
Hey! 2months in to my transition, I'm a bit of a late bloomer at 35. Ive always known, but I engaged in avoidance and lots of self destructive behaviors. I'm so glad I'm taking this journey now, but I still deal with the regret and repercussions of not doing it sooner. Heavily leaning towards HRT, and definitely want top surgery, not so sure about bottom surgery. Still trying to figure myself out and how I want to interact with the world. Theres so much work to be done, I was just so depressed and toxic for so long that I developed unfavorable character flaws. Im doing what I can and working with a therapist to figure all this out. Its exhausting and emotionally draining. Anyways, thanks for the videos!
Hiiiiiii! I hope you're having a great day! I was watching another video and the woman said "set your GPS to joy" - I love this! That's what I'm trying to do. Excited to start taking action now! Thanks a lot for this video; as all of them!
Yes! It was the small actions that helped me realise that I am 100% trans: being a woman was comfortable and real and so right. And also yes; it took me 44 years to conclude that I not only want to transition, but I need to do it. 5 months on HRT and I don't think I've ever been as consitantly happy. Thank you for the video!
I just (almost) came to terms with being nonbinary. Your words are so comforting. What feels right. Most advice on the internet don't go into stuff like this and to the point.
I have had these feeling since i was about 6 to 8 but for years i hid how i felt and would "Borrow" clothing from my older sister or liberate her old clothing that was being donated and hid it in my closet i even did the masculine thing and was in boy scout from 1st grade until i was 21 and was a scout master and an eagle scout but when i meet my now wife i was honest with her and how i liked to feel like a women at times and she supported me saying if you every want to transition she would be there 13 years later i am starting to be more true to my self and realized i am more gender fluid at time sometimes i want to be in boy mode but other times i want to be in girl mode and thats fine and every one i have told this supports me but uts nice to have people like you posting videos like this to help people who are confused.
It's been a very slow 4 years but I've been inching more and more towards my comfort zone. Started with revitalizing alot of my childhood goals and gunning for a career I wanted instead of the one being pushed on me, then finding supportive friends I felt comfortable around, started paying attention to my outward expression a bit more via hairstyling, fashion, and jewelry, all these were babysteps to boost my self-esteem but ever since opening up to my aunt and sister about it a few months ago it's felt like I've been making wider strides recently. I might not be on Hrt yet but that confidence is building hopefully into a full on sprint.
I love the fact trans people exist. They challenge gender norms and gender identity 'rules' and they really prove just be yourself is the most right choice
Ashley I think the comparison to "moving to Berlin" is damn brilliant. You tried it out. You felt comfortable in that space. So you moved there. My GOD I cannot believe how simple you've made this. Thank you so much from an egg who has been incubating for like 20 years. -Cathy
Somehow the fact that your answer to this question was so concise and simple just _clicked_ something in my brain. I tried to come out to my mom a couple of days ago about all of these confusing feelings I was discovering I have, and I just couldn't come up with any solid reasons because my life and my experience with my gender identity doesn't sound like that of other trans people, which made this experience all the more distressing to me. The fact I haven't had crippling dysphoria since the age of three and I don't despise everything about my body made my mom skeptical, and ultimately we're just pretending nothing happened. (funny coincidence: I'm not very masculine looking for an AMAB person and only hate the masculine parts about myself, how funny is that) She said that I should do whatever makes me comfortable, then in the same breath told me there was no sense in coming out to my dad and I shouldn't present as a girl at home. I was probably in deep denial for most of my life because my dad (along with the rest of society) only really seemed to accept me when I did masculine things, so I often felt obligated to do so, feeling like "if I do XYZ thing then I'll finally feel like a boy," which caused a lot of insecurity during elementary and middle school. I was always kind of jealous of my female peers because they got to wear pretty clothes, but the fact that society told me that "boys dress this way and girls dress that way" led to me trying actively to force myself to be more boyish. These feeling were so deep seated that when my little brother wore tutus as a preschooler, I somehow felt targeted and got angry at him because he was inadvertently showing me that gender presentation ISN'T fixed, and I wasn't ready for that because I _had_ to be a boy. In the eighth grade a couple of things coincided: I started growing my hair out, and I met a group of incredibly kind and inclusive (and also _super_ gay) friends. I found that growing my hair out, painting my nails, and wearing less traditionally masculine clothing made me far less insecure and unhappy, and my newfound LGBTQ+ friend group supported me as I explored my gender identity (albeit at an agonizingly slow pace). I still thought of myself as "the cis/het one" of the friend group, but I think deep down the egg was finally beginning to crack. Just a month or two ago, I watched a video of "five signs that you're trans," or something of the like, and I found myself identifying with some of them a little _too_ much, sending me spiraling into questioning my gender identity. For maybe a week I described myself as non-binary (and still do to people that aren't my close friends), but I realized quickly that label just didn't quite fit. I decided to try wearing makeup, and the feeling when I looked in the mirror couldn't be described as anything other than gender euphoria. I actually _loved_ the way I looked?! It just felt right, I finally felt comfortable and confident in my own skin. I came to the conclusion that I would much rather present as a girl, which kinda gave me a mini existential crisis that led to my aforementioned mess of a coming-out to my mom. Having seen this video, it was immensely helpful, and I really hope the sentiment will help me in figuring myself out and helping everyone else understand, thank you so much!
I have heard advice like this for decades, and fooled myself into thinking, "Yeah, it feels right, but I'm also happy as a guy." I didn't realize that eventually, I would go down a long, multi-year spiral where, having experienced presenting as male and as female, my joy during my male time was dying and my desire to be in feminine mode was all I wanted. Sometimes your "feelings" are really your _self-limiting beliefs._ Finally I got off my ass, quit my self-limiting bad habits and started my transition. I can't tell you how happy I am to say I haven't presented male in 4 years, I'm socializing and doing my day to day in my natural mode. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but to tell anyone: 1 - You have to try, you have to dress, you have to go out in "the other way," and then, you have to be very cognizant of how you feel when you are NOT that way. Are you feeling depressed when you're not dressed? Are you avoiding more and more aspects of your masculine life? Are you losing friends? Do you hate your shoes? Just really be honest, _don't avoid your feelings with booze or drugs,_ and be brave. The life you want will make itself be known, if you open your heart to your own feelings.
OMG. Thank you so much. Your videos are so honest and helpful and simple. You're amazing, with how clearly you can put all these things. Thank you, thank you.
I came to the realization that I'm trans mtf in June, 2021. I came out to my Primery Dr., my brother and his fiancee, my closest friends and my 2 aunts (my dad died in '96, mom in '06, so that wasn't an issue, though I'll always wonder if it would've been an issue). I let my dad's sis know on what would've been his 82nd b'day; so, yeah . . . During the whole coming out period, I approached my then job (I got laid off 02/25/2022) and was welcomed with relative open arms. It didn't help that I self-concussed 2 weeks after my realization and was put on disability ~1 month later. It was during my time off that I decided on my new first and middle-names. When I was ready to come back, I approached HR (and the CEO/Namesake) with my chosen name and said "This is how I wish to be addressed." Everyone was relatively cool with the situation, and, a few understandable missteps aside, I was good. Now, I have to adjust to finding a job and dealing with other issues that I won't bore you with here . . .
I am happy being trans but when I went on HRT I wanted everything at once and at first I was disappointed but had to learn that it takes time and to experience and enjoy my blossoming womanhood ❤❤
Hi I am at the beginning of my transition / still questioning and your videos have been a huge affirming resource for me. This is the kind of literature we need
How did you sort between initial anxieties or discern between second guessing with "what feels right" especially when working through potentially internalized transphobia, or checking if it's conditioning from toxic masculinity (or just other responses conditioned from past trauma) vs. something more authentic? Really appreciate your videos and the connections you make between deeper self cultivation and analyzing what's happening to make practical steps. It's an incredibly distinctive approach and voice that's much needed in the ecosystem of other folks people look to for experience and perspective. Thanks Ashley.
I asked my therapist what I would look like as the other gender. He told me to try out FaceApp. (He didn't explicitly mention FaceApp but that's the most popular genderbender app.)
I got a breast plate and felt so completely happy with having breasts yet I still have hard time accepting or committing to being trans. I’m wanting to get on HRT but some things hold me up from going for it. I think the best point you made was not to worry about rushing the decision because it’s honestly not a simple one , at least it’s not for me.
I've just about always known that I was a girl born in the wrong body. I hid it for most of my life. When I was a kid, I experimented with midriff-baring crop tops. There was also a lot of time spent with my two older female cousins, and I knew something was up with me. I also had this human anatomy book and read the hell out of the section on the female anatomy. Upon reading that book and then looking at myself, I knew something was wrong with my body, especially when I was in 6th grade and going through sex ed. Scoping out girls, dating girls, seeing my female cousins and half-sister grow up--it all made me feel cheated that they all came out the good sex at birth and I didn't. Two years ago, I came out as trans. First to myself and some Fallout RUclipsrs who had beef with a certain Fallout-playing, neckbearded, Scotch-drinking, cigar-chomping, fat, beard pill-hawking CLASSY GENTLEMAN™. Then I came out to a couple nurse practitioners, my mom, and my primary physician. I asked Dr. H about going on HRT and she referred me to some specialists because this stuff was outside her expertise (she's a GP). One of those specialists was a gender therapist whom I've been seeing since. They (said therapist is nonbinary) have been VERY helpful to me. They referred me to a trans-supportive endocrinologist. I was supposed to see that endo last March but COVID delayed my consultation to July. When I did see her, it was over telehealth. Dr. M ordered blood work and prescribed me estradiol and spironolactone; I've been on the hormones for 8 months now. I'm also in the process of having my name and gender marker legally changed. If I had known about puberty blockers and hormone therapy as an adolescent in the late '90s and early 2000s, I'd have gone on them a long time ago and avoided the hell of a male puberty.
This video gave me a different perspective on my gender. I know what I got out of it wasn't the message entirely, but it still helped a lot. thank you.
I'm watching this on a train and almost get teary-eyed. Your compassion shines through and I feel accepted. I'm questioning my gender identity, I thought maybe I'm a trans woman but then again I don't feel like fulfilling the social role of a woman feels right to me. Not that it's really necessary. But maybe I'm nonbinary, lately I'm asking myself though if that is 'enough' or if I'm selling myself short because I fear the ramifications that identitying as a transwoman has. Acting work, performance work, worrying about being passable. I don't wanna chicken out of being a transwoman but I also don't want to pretend being a woman solves my problems. I want to be feminine and seen as such but I also sometimes like to be seen as masculine. I did drag too and it helped me connect to my feminine side more and be seductive and sensual but at the same time I saw it as what I do and not who I am. Jiggly Caliente / Bianca Castro said she loved getting in drag but dreaded getting out of it. She wanted to stay femme. Because she is a woman. But I don't feel that way, I needed to get out of drag after a long night. - I think I want to just be accepted the way I am. Thank you for creating a space for people to openly contemplate, you really are helping a lot. ❤
if do not do it who is going to do someone , you have to to do in the right way since the start ,and you the true about it .thanks so much ,Sayonara ,Kawaii.
@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you for the reply. Just in case you see this comment as well, I just wanted to say that I recently discovered your channel and am really glad I did. I've learned a lot, and this is a bit random but you also have an extremely calming effect in my opinion, which is extra nice when gender has you feeling a little '?????????'. Thank you for those things and I'm looking forward to watching more of the many videos on your channel that I haven't seen yet
I think I really needed this. When I’m faced with some ailment or thing that’s distressing me I tend to try and understand exactly just what it is that is happening to me. I’ve found that with this that’s not really possible, and it’s led to me way overthinking everything. I just don’t know how I’m gonna go about trying to experiment. I’m in my mid-teens, and don’t really have a way to buy stuff without going through my parents. I honestly don’t know what would happen if I turned out to be trans and they found out. I don’t like this
Different approaches. That can be highly specific. 1. keep trying things, there is an infinite way of experiencing and expressing yourself. If you're not finding satisfaction or correct feelings in doing obvious things try non-obvious things. look internally and ask yourself questions like how am I perceiving myself? How am I judging myself? How am I allowing myself to be? How am I not allowing myself to be? Meditation and mindfullness practices are key in helping us be more attuned to nuances in our pysche.
...I love your videos! you've definitely hit the right note for me, bottom line is do what ever you think is right for YOU, as I follow the yogic culture the teachings is to listen to your body so that's what I obey, nowadays there's way too much missinformation on the Internet result: confusion! Best wishes 👌🧸
I have alot of anxiety and I suffer from Autogynephilia. I've hade these thoughts since I was a kid. Quite reccently I came out and now I live genderfluid but i'm not sure if I should start transition? I'm going back and forth.
Take it in VERY small steps and see how it feels. Dont need to dive into the deep end and the idea of the deep end can stop you from wanting to ever go there.
For me, it hit me when I realized that I was totally comfortable in a mini skirt, lol. Seriously though, I was in a long term relationship with a woman, and even though I did everything possible to hide it while we were together, she still picked up on it. That is when I realized that it wasn't just something in my head. A person I really cared about caught on to it, even though I never told her about it and tried to be everything I thought I was supposed to be.
So, not sure if I mentioned before, but started my transitioning around the time of the pandemic, when we were all locked down and had nothing else to do. So I started youtubing alot about transgender stuff. Finally got brave and asked my dr's about HRT, and they are getting me set up. I've been doing video counselling sessions every other week. So, I have kinda stepped out of my comfort zone, just talking about it to other people outside of my 'circle of influence'. I have younger brothers and sisters, and they are supportive, and the wife, not quite so much. For now, I think I consider myself transgender/genderfluid/nb. In time, I would like to get brave enough and go out on a date as female.. (they/them/themself)..
Hi. My name is Larry, but on the inside it's Larika. I'm 43 now and I just couldn't hide it anymore. I'm coming out the closet as Transgender. I told some of my family, friends, and some siblings. I just started to go to my job with my nails done. I show pictures on my phone dressed as a woman to coworkers. So Far so good. I want to start hrt. I was thinking about ordering it online, but I don't know. What do you think?
I've decided to own my gender dysphoria and be more public about it. No more hiding..I must admit, it kind of feels right to be a cis man, yet there is this preoccupation with gender that I can't shake, which feels alien but keeps pulling me on
I am trans. I feel better when I express as a woman, I was born a man. I am sixteen months on HRT. I am doing laser hair removal and considering FFS and a hair transplant. I think about GRS and how wonderful that could be, but know how hard it can be to go through it. But, when I look at myself I see a man. No one treats me like a woman. I believe nearly everyone I meet sees me as a man no matter how I present. Because of my body type, I have serious doubts about passing no matter what steps I take. I am not young. I always wanted to be a girl from a young age. I am asking myself how am I that really? Do I naturally behave feminine or am I a fake? Obviously, I did not always feel this way because I started to transition. I have no regret about that. It just seems becoming a woman, even a trans woman, is so impossible for me. Why am I wasting my time? I know people will say passing does not matter, live your truth. But, I think a large part of what we are is how people see us. Sure, we have some control over that, but not complete control - there is biology that we can never change. Most of us are not beautiful trans women with RUclips channels. Please do not get me wrong. Not everyone is me. Each person has to come to terms on their own with what to do once they accept they are trans. Earlier in my life before my transition, I cross dressed and went through this kind of thing after realizing I was trans and it seemed so impossible to transition. Years later I could not ignore it anymore. I stared to transition. I hope the hopelessness I feel now too will pass and I can get on with my transition.
@@Carmelious I started my journey as a cross dresser and soon discovered it was more than just clothes. I used to wear a corset then with pads. My body has gone through changes because of the HRT. I have breast development and some minor changes with my butt, hips, and thighs. I am hoping for more of that, but do not expect much. Honestly, my inability to pass has more to do with my being six feet tall with broad shoulders. Nothing to do about that. Keeping my weight down helps a lot. I am identifying more feminine all the time and that is nice. I am getting somewhere, it just may not be ideal for me. I have to find a way to live with it! Thanks for the comment. ❤
I feel like the ultimate lady inside always have. Well since my mid 20s But i cant physically transition but love my feelings i have love my clothes i get to wear. Would i be able to say I'm Quinn a lady as apposed to quinn the guy i was assinged at birth
Wearing makeup or a dress doesn’t make you a woman. That is basically wearing woman face and is disrespectful to biological real women. You will never truly live as a woman because it is impossible. Live a lie if you wish, but quit trying to fool people; it’s really dishonest and disingenuous. Want to be accepted by others? Learn to love and accept yourself first. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I hope everyone reading this gets the help you need, and that you have a healthy and happy life.
Aaaaaand this shows how you miss the point of cis women pointing out, and it's the truth like it or not, that NOT all women are "feminine presenting", whatever that means, 🙄 or that all women wear dresses and obsess over make up. < THAT IS *fundamentally* sexist and misogynistic vocabulary! You're attempting to redefine "woman" and in doing so are using all the cliches and stereotypes of sexist males! So, it's rather dishonest to then act surprised when some women react honestly to that by being defensive and angry. It's because you're doing to cis women what patriarchy ALREADY oppressed them FROM BIRTH with, AND THEN you're expecting those same harmed women to ignore your sexist language and just accept you. That's beyond unrealistic.
Where did I say all women are "feminine presenting"? It is patently obvious that they are not. Did you even watch the video? Honestly there needs to be less division and more inclusivity in the ranks of LGBTQ+ and really humanity. We are all flawed humans just trying to do the best we can in our lives. With that I wish you a happy new year.
Something that needs to be known: Being transgender does not mean transitioning. Quite a few detransitioners regret bottom surgery because they had felt pressured to go all the way through. You don't have to go all the way. Many trans people do not undergo bottom surgery because they have no genital dysphoria. But they still take hormones. Same goes for top surgery and even the way you express your gender. You don't have to pick all or nothing. You should only do the things that you really want. You should only take hormones if you feel body dysphoria. You should only have bottom surgery if you feel genital dysphoria. You can be transgender without dysphoria but the more important question is whether to transition.
Good advice!
Thanks for that. One thing I’ve known before I knew what being trans was that I wanted top surgery. I remember being 11, and telling my mom that I wanted to get a mastectomy. She thought I was joking. I was not. But I don’t really feel dysphoria towards my genitalia. I think top surgery and hrt is the only thing I need.
I am a white straight male raised in a religious family. That is why questioning my gender came as such a surprise to me. I did for about... a year and a half. I almost did it, too. At least, I almost decided to go on hormones, and live life as a male in public, and a woman in private (or something)
My now ex-wife was only half supportive. She wanted me to follow my true self, but every time I brought it up she kind of... you know. Wanted to pretend it didn't happen. Finally she issued an ultimatum, and for my family I decided to stay as a male.
Theeeeen she dumped me. I don't know if dumping is the proper term for leaving a husband, but she did. She said it was unrelated, but I mean during the divorce proceedings, the fact that I have gender dysphoria was an argument to take my son away. In US court that should not even be a consideration, but you know - conservatives.
The dust finally settled and I was able to take a good look at myself, and I realized that I was happy as a man, as long as I could express myself the way I wanted to, and not have to worry about masculine gender roles or expectations. And I have learned to express myself through other means. There are still things that I do still long for of course, but I don't feel crippled by them.
The point is, my journey is mine, and mine alone. And - it is not even over yet. If I wake up one day and decide to make a change, I will. I also feel like everyone should question their own role in life as well, and make a decision, not based on societal expectations, but on what you want. Because now, even though I have decided to remain a man, I have been taught more love, compassion, and shown that I can truly express myself however I want.
Anyway, you are my favorite trans youtuber - because you focus more on being your authentic self more than anything, and I like that. Thank you for all that you do.
Wow what a story thank you for sharing. Yes it's a lot to go through and I am so flattered you enjoy my talks!
Hi!!! I know this is 2 years late but wanted to say I’m so sorry for what you went through! I had a terrible custody battle myself, but can’t imagine how worse it would have been with my gender issues being used against me. This is something I worry about now as a dad still sharing custody. May I ask how your case turned out with regard to your kids/custody? ✌🏻💚
5:55 is the absolute best piece of advice.
It took me a long time to realize the difference between what actually feels right for ME and what feels right for society.
That is KEY! I'm so glad you realized it!
My problem is the "rightness" flip-flops. Some days I absolutely MUST be a woman. "Must must MUST! This is me! I want to live!". Whereas other days it feels burdensome and excessive and I don't care about gender at all, or am content to stick with the simple, familiar default. At least for a while. Or when occupied with one of the 99% things we do in life which don't require having a gender: Mowing the yard, doing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, ironing the laundry, cooking the meals, etc.
It is difficult to assess what feels right when every stake we claim is so diametrically opposed in the zero-sum game of the gender binary. What's right can also feel equally wrong, depending upon the circumstances. :/
Do you ever find yourself wanting to switch into guy-mode when in a threatening environment? Maybe lower the voice an octave? Take a more defensive standing posture? It's awfully hard to reconcile those ancestral defense mechanisms whenever they kick in... and the triggers are everywhere.
Yes, this is a very relatable experience. This is excellent internal work to recognize how you are feeling and being honest with yourself about how it changes and flows. I found that an overall more female presentation was best for me, but over time I have dropped some of the female behaviors that felt forced or inauthentic. I have worked to build friendships that accept my fluid and nonconforming gender expression. I hope you will have courage to express yourself authentically and find good people to enjoy it with.
@@KimPassable Thank you. Agreed, I need to work harder on making more authentic connections and perhaps not be so judgy of myself. I keep a tight lid on my appearance whenever people expect me to be a man, which is only undermining my happiness. But even then, only to a point, because I like to say "gender is a conversation". As in, what I put out there fuels the social feedback loop which in turn nourishes my well-being. So, how can I say I am truly happy if I am alienating others with my presentation, when I also depend upon them for my happiness and success (and sometimes employment!)?
This is why my desire to pass is so enormous. Or at least "blend very well". It is the difference between, "I know what you are, but you're doing it well, and I like you" vs. "girllllllll... why are you doing this to yourself? I thought all of this was supposed to be about making life easier, about freedom, not about making it harder than it already is."
I was hoping the pink on-ramp to womanhood would have been like shooshing down a water slide at a theme park. Instead, it's been more like tiptoeing through a minefield in 6" heels... and I've already set off a few. Incredibly humbling and painful, but necessary. Life is meant to be lived.
Wow! Thanks for the thoughtfulness. I don't try to blend in but sometimes I do not care how I go out. I'm in sweatpants outdoors today
This is exactly how I feel! I want to explore this part of myself that I keep pushing down, but i’m scared that once i do know the answer i’ll feel like even more crap everyday not being able to express my gender identity. But I’m going to try to face it anyways now, i’ve put it off for too long.
Tomorrow is my day off and I’m now going to go to JC Pennys and try on some fem clothes 😊
Bruhh same
I’m 70 years old, been this way my whole life and is ok. However, no matter where you are on your trans path every day is new and different. Stay safe and enjoy. Peace, Charlene
I know since my youth. I move to full time at 54, but I always expressed my feminity in some way. Hormones came months later.
@Sacha Barbie Toi aussi il semblerait.
I'm 29 and I always knew how I felt from a young age but I didn't have the vocabulary for it growing up in the rural deep south. At age 12 I found out that the word "transgender" existed and immediately identified with it. I thought it meant I was a freak and my teenage years were spent riddled with dysphoria, internalized transphobia, and suicidal ideation. I eventually learned that I wasn't an abhorrent sexual deviant that it's perfectly normal to be transgender. I became proud of who I am and now I'm a decade into transition and I haven't attempted suicide once since accepting myself as a woman. ❤
I hope you can make some people feel normal and not like freaks. You seem to be a great content creator Ashley! And you are genuinely making people's lives better!
Thank you live! Yeah I went through that phase if feeling like a freak for quite a while!
Thank you for approaching this subject from a more spiritual perspective. I'm a 59 year old biolgical male I just started taking testosterone blockers and estrogen three months ago. I started HRT for my mental health not to transition. I have had low level depression for my whole life. So far the improvements in my mental health have been amazing. I still don't know if I'm transgender or non binary. I only know that I can't go back to feeling the way I did so I guess we'll just have to see were this journey takes me.
hi ashley ...i have to strugling with my gender for i guess about an year and i actually think i m a trans ... i even tried my sisters dress when there was no one around at my home and it felt great ...it made me happy ...i have been thinking about experimenting different stuff but i cant do as i live with my family and i cant come out ...it really sucks ... and the thought of me being a girl makes me sad as i look at my current situation
That's tough babe. If it's any solace, you are not alone. A lot of young trans folks are in similar situations.What I always say to youths that call me on the lifeline is this: find the little things that can validate your existence. No one needs to know it except you. Make a safe space for yourself. Wheter it's drawing, journaling, it wearing something you know secretly validates you. Second: it's not a Sprint to transition. It's a lifelong marathon. You will not be with your parents forever and if you are not safe being openly trans at home, know you will have that chance to eventually grow out of home. Find allies, friends, build a network of support for yourself. And if you ever are feeling in the pits call the trans lifeline. You don't need to feel like you're ending your life to talk to them. I've used it myself a few times. 💕
@@sometimesawful i know its bad and i fell guilty everytime i try to dressup ...so these days i have stopped dressing up........i know i can never be a girl in real life ..it will just stay in my head
@@amolpatel7325 You do not need to be extreme. Go slow. Life is fast but change is slow. Just be you, small things, baby steps. Learn about who you are and how you want to express yourself.
I always think the best thing is to just go as slowly as you can. The journey is the best part.
PS - Ashley, you're good.
Thank you!
Hiii Ashley! I’m pretty early in my transition. I’m doing what feels right to me, I’m 22 and I’m not rushing. I feel like there is pressure to transition as early as possible but you need to trust yourself first. I’m learning to trust the process and to keep feeling good as a woman
That's the best way! Great to hear it. 🙏🏻❤️
That’s the way to do it. 🙏🏽💕
I heard of transgender ocd for the first time the other day and it just threw me for a loop. Sounds a lot like i dealt with to some extent with all the research i did and nights staying up worrying if i wasn't. I know I'm trans and i feel comfortable identifying as such, but there's still all this confusion and doubt. Overall when i try things an think about being transmasculine it feels good.
I cried when you said pretending to be masculine, I've been trying to play the roll of masculine my entire life , feeling like something is wrong with me because I'm attracted to women but I feel like one myself, it's sad that at my age I'm only starting my transition ❤🎉 I thank you for your courage to help people like myself who struggle with pretending to be someone your not for a bunch of people who could care less anyway .
Thank you again , I love your videos babes XOXO ❤❤
P.S.
Stay tuned for my major transformation over the next 2 years hope to have your support and the support of our community .
Hello nice video 👌🏻 and helps a lot .
Im 41 guy and im lost in my brain...but im out 3 times as a "women" in nigth club. Great moment. But im still lost.
Thank you by your vidéos and sorry my bad "english" . 😘😘💃
It's okay! You can do it!
😊😘
thank you so much for this! I am in the 5th stage of discovering whether I'm trans. these videos are so helpful.
yay! im glad it helped
After 12 years, transition was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I’m working with a gender affirming therapist, but I’m moving glacially slow in my transition. I’m out to my parents and they are accepting. Out to a step bro and a friend who are supportive. I’ve been in public a few times as a trans femme, but it made me more dysphoric to see that I’m not passing. I’ve spoken to my GP about HRT but I’m afraid to start. Seems like every step forward I take, I recoil two steps back and I spend months trying to deny that being femme is part of me. Thank you for this video.
I really really love your energy in this video. I'm just about 8 months on hormones (estrogen and progesterone and spironolactone) and Its been awesome discovering your channel in the past year or so when I was really weighing some heavy decisions and struggling everyday constantly, reaching that tipping point of 'yeah, I've pretty much known this was the path I need to take since like mid high school, so why haven't I jumped in yet?' Well, at 29 years old now I feel like I have my whole life and a good amount of youth left to explore myself fully and push myself and my femininity. Starting transitioning has saved my life.
There was a video you did where you mentioned your experience at a festival and the molly didn't pop until after and you were cuddling with yr partner and the question came up, "well, how did that make you feel?" in regards to being addressed as she/her and as a person who has experienced the powerful therapeutic effects of the very occasional molly experience that video made me fall in love with your channel and I still watch it from time to time and get SUPER emotional every time I re-watch it.
Thank you, Ashley.
P.s. I use your videos to help me explain things to my parents/fam, who are generally very progressive and accepting, deal with and understand my trans-ness. You rock.
Hey! 2months in to my transition, I'm a bit of a late bloomer at 35. Ive always known, but I engaged in avoidance and lots of self destructive behaviors. I'm so glad I'm taking this journey now, but I still deal with the regret and repercussions of not doing it sooner. Heavily leaning towards HRT, and definitely want top surgery, not so sure about bottom surgery. Still trying to figure myself out and how I want to interact with the world. Theres so much work to be done, I was just so depressed and toxic for so long that I developed unfavorable character flaws. Im doing what I can and working with a therapist to figure all this out. Its exhausting and emotionally draining. Anyways, thanks for the videos!
I wish there were more channels which dealt with the "deep spiritual inner work"!
Good to see you again, Ms. Adamson. :)
Hiiiiiii! I hope you're having a great day!
I was watching another video and the woman said "set your GPS to joy" - I love this! That's what I'm trying to do. Excited to start taking action now!
Thanks a lot for this video; as all of them!
Love that!
Yes! It was the small actions that helped me realise that I am 100% trans: being a woman was comfortable and real and so right. And also yes; it took me 44 years to conclude that I not only want to transition, but I need to do it.
5 months on HRT and I don't think I've ever been as consitantly happy.
Thank you for the video!
Because most them had fear of it I gald for u Ashley that how u moved on because u feel it and our heart
I just (almost) came to terms with being nonbinary. Your words are so comforting. What feels right. Most advice on the internet don't go into stuff like this and to the point.
Thank you!
I have had these feeling since i was about 6 to 8 but for years i hid how i felt and would "Borrow" clothing from my older sister or liberate her old clothing that was being donated and hid it in my closet i even did the masculine thing and was in boy scout from 1st grade until i was 21 and was a scout master and an eagle scout but when i meet my now wife i was honest with her and how i liked to feel like a women at times and she supported me saying if you every want to transition she would be there 13 years later i am starting to be more true to my self and realized i am more gender fluid at time sometimes i want to be in boy mode but other times i want to be in girl mode and thats fine and every one i have told this supports me but uts nice to have people like you posting videos like this to help people who are confused.
It's been a very slow 4 years but I've been inching more and more towards my comfort zone. Started with revitalizing alot of my childhood goals and gunning for a career I wanted instead of the one being pushed on me, then finding supportive friends I felt comfortable around, started paying attention to my outward expression a bit more via hairstyling, fashion, and jewelry, all these were babysteps to boost my self-esteem but ever since opening up to my aunt and sister about it a few months ago it's felt like I've been making wider strides recently. I might not be on Hrt yet but that confidence is building hopefully into a full on sprint.
I love the fact trans people exist. They challenge gender norms and gender identity 'rules' and they really prove just be yourself is the most right choice
Great to see Ashley your stunning as always love you Ashley your awesome and beautiful the way you are
Ashley I think the comparison to "moving to Berlin" is damn brilliant. You tried it out. You felt comfortable in that space. So you moved there. My GOD I cannot believe how simple you've made this. Thank you so much from an egg who has been incubating for like 20 years. -Cathy
Somehow the fact that your answer to this question was so concise and simple just _clicked_ something in my brain.
I tried to come out to my mom a couple of days ago about all of these confusing feelings I was discovering I have, and I just couldn't come up with any solid reasons because my life and my experience with my gender identity doesn't sound like that of other trans people, which made this experience all the more distressing to me. The fact I haven't had crippling dysphoria since the age of three and I don't despise everything about my body made my mom skeptical, and ultimately we're just pretending nothing happened. (funny coincidence: I'm not very masculine looking for an AMAB person and only hate the masculine parts about myself, how funny is that) She said that I should do whatever makes me comfortable, then in the same breath told me there was no sense in coming out to my dad and I shouldn't present as a girl at home.
I was probably in deep denial for most of my life because my dad (along with the rest of society) only really seemed to accept me when I did masculine things, so I often felt obligated to do so, feeling like "if I do XYZ thing then I'll finally feel like a boy," which caused a lot of insecurity during elementary and middle school. I was always kind of jealous of my female peers because they got to wear pretty clothes, but the fact that society told me that "boys dress this way and girls dress that way" led to me trying actively to force myself to be more boyish. These feeling were so deep seated that when my little brother wore tutus as a preschooler, I somehow felt targeted and got angry at him because he was inadvertently showing me that gender presentation ISN'T fixed, and I wasn't ready for that because I _had_ to be a boy.
In the eighth grade a couple of things coincided: I started growing my hair out, and I met a group of incredibly kind and inclusive (and also _super_ gay) friends. I found that growing my hair out, painting my nails, and wearing less traditionally masculine clothing made me far less insecure and unhappy, and my newfound LGBTQ+ friend group supported me as I explored my gender identity (albeit at an agonizingly slow pace). I still thought of myself as "the cis/het one" of the friend group, but I think deep down the egg was finally beginning to crack.
Just a month or two ago, I watched a video of "five signs that you're trans," or something of the like, and I found myself identifying with some of them a little _too_ much, sending me spiraling into questioning my gender identity. For maybe a week I described myself as non-binary (and still do to people that aren't my close friends), but I realized quickly that label just didn't quite fit. I decided to try wearing makeup, and the feeling when I looked in the mirror couldn't be described as anything other than gender euphoria. I actually _loved_ the way I looked?! It just felt right, I finally felt comfortable and confident in my own skin. I came to the conclusion that I would much rather present as a girl, which kinda gave me a mini existential crisis that led to my aforementioned mess of a coming-out to my mom. Having seen this video, it was immensely helpful, and I really hope the sentiment will help me in figuring myself out and helping everyone else understand, thank you so much!
Hi. I’m Phyllis I’ve been transitioning for3 years now. I’m 66 years old. Thanks for your help.
Of the countless videos, quizzes, articles, and documents I’ve read on this topic, this feels like the single best answer/video I’ve come across lol
I felt like I needed to hear this. I’ve really been conflicted recently.
hugz!
I have heard advice like this for decades, and fooled myself into thinking, "Yeah, it feels right, but I'm also happy as a guy." I didn't realize that eventually, I would go down a long, multi-year spiral where, having experienced presenting as male and as female, my joy during my male time was dying and my desire to be in feminine mode was all I wanted. Sometimes your "feelings" are really your _self-limiting beliefs._ Finally I got off my ass, quit my self-limiting bad habits and started my transition. I can't tell you how happy I am to say I haven't presented male in 4 years, I'm socializing and doing my day to day in my natural mode.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but to tell anyone: 1 - You have to try, you have to dress, you have to go out in "the other way," and then, you have to be very cognizant of how you feel when you are NOT that way. Are you feeling depressed when you're not dressed? Are you avoiding more and more aspects of your masculine life? Are you losing friends? Do you hate your shoes? Just really be honest, _don't avoid your feelings with booze or drugs,_ and be brave. The life you want will make itself be known, if you open your heart to your own feelings.
WONDERFUL!!
OMG. Thank you so much. Your videos are so honest and helpful and simple. You're amazing, with how clearly you can put all these things. Thank you, thank you.
Your are SO WELCOME! Thank you!!!!
@@AshleyxAdamson Keep making the videos, I'll stay tuned!
I came to the realization that I'm trans mtf in June, 2021. I came out to my Primery Dr., my brother and his fiancee, my closest friends and my 2 aunts (my dad died in '96, mom in '06, so that wasn't an issue, though I'll always wonder if it would've been an issue). I let my dad's sis know on what would've been his 82nd b'day; so, yeah . . .
During the whole coming out period, I approached my then job (I got laid off 02/25/2022) and was welcomed with relative open arms. It didn't help that I self-concussed 2 weeks after my realization and was put on disability ~1 month later. It was during my time off that I decided on my new first and middle-names. When I was ready to come back, I approached HR (and the CEO/Namesake) with my chosen name and said "This is how I wish to be addressed." Everyone was relatively cool with the situation, and, a few understandable missteps aside, I was good.
Now, I have to adjust to finding a job and dealing with other issues that I won't bore you with here . . .
I am happy being trans but when I went on HRT I wanted everything at once and at first I was disappointed but had to learn that it takes time and to experience and enjoy my blossoming womanhood ❤❤
Love this video - resonates with me deeply. Thanks for sharing Ashley 😄
Awesome video. I'm 1 yr 3 months on hrt. 😁 Thanks for the awesome content.
Hi I am at the beginning of my transition / still questioning and your videos have been a huge affirming resource for me. This is the kind of literature we need
How did you sort between initial anxieties or discern between second guessing with "what feels right" especially when working through potentially internalized transphobia, or checking if it's conditioning from toxic masculinity (or just other responses conditioned from past trauma) vs. something more authentic? Really appreciate your videos and the connections you make between deeper self cultivation and analyzing what's happening to make practical steps. It's an incredibly distinctive approach and voice that's much needed in the ecosystem of other folks people look to for experience and perspective. Thanks Ashley.
Thank you!
I asked my therapist what I would look like as the other gender. He told me to try out FaceApp. (He didn't explicitly mention FaceApp but that's the most popular genderbender app.)
I got a breast plate and felt so completely happy with having breasts yet I still have hard time accepting or committing to being trans. I’m wanting to get on HRT but some things hold me up from going for it. I think the best point you made was not to worry about rushing the decision because it’s honestly not a simple one , at least it’s not for me.
I've just about always known that I was a girl born in the wrong body. I hid it for most of my life. When I was a kid, I experimented with midriff-baring crop tops. There was also a lot of time spent with my two older female cousins, and I knew something was up with me. I also had this human anatomy book and read the hell out of the section on the female anatomy. Upon reading that book and then looking at myself, I knew something was wrong with my body, especially when I was in 6th grade and going through sex ed. Scoping out girls, dating girls, seeing my female cousins and half-sister grow up--it all made me feel cheated that they all came out the good sex at birth and I didn't. Two years ago, I came out as trans. First to myself and some Fallout RUclipsrs who had beef with a certain Fallout-playing, neckbearded, Scotch-drinking, cigar-chomping, fat, beard pill-hawking CLASSY GENTLEMAN™. Then I came out to a couple nurse practitioners, my mom, and my primary physician. I asked Dr. H about going on HRT and she referred me to some specialists because this stuff was outside her expertise (she's a GP). One of those specialists was a gender therapist whom I've been seeing since. They (said therapist is nonbinary) have been VERY helpful to me. They referred me to a trans-supportive endocrinologist. I was supposed to see that endo last March but COVID delayed my consultation to July. When I did see her, it was over telehealth. Dr. M ordered blood work and prescribed me estradiol and spironolactone; I've been on the hormones for 8 months now. I'm also in the process of having my name and gender marker legally changed. If I had known about puberty blockers and hormone therapy as an adolescent in the late '90s and early 2000s, I'd have gone on them a long time ago and avoided the hell of a male puberty.
This was the most beautiful video on youtube,thank you so much ashley,you helped me to try and find myself❤❤❤❤
Yeah Alexander!
Wow, that must the best advice I've ever heard.
Yay!
That good things to tell our to step out
This video gave me a different perspective on my gender. I know what I got out of it wasn't the message entirely, but it still helped a lot. thank you.
I'm watching this on a train and almost get teary-eyed. Your compassion shines through and I feel accepted. I'm questioning my gender identity, I thought maybe I'm a trans woman but then again I don't feel like fulfilling the social role of a woman feels right to me. Not that it's really necessary. But maybe I'm nonbinary, lately I'm asking myself though if that is 'enough' or if I'm selling myself short because I fear the ramifications that identitying as a transwoman has. Acting work, performance work, worrying about being passable. I don't wanna chicken out of being a transwoman but I also don't want to pretend being a woman solves my problems. I want to be feminine and seen as such but I also sometimes like to be seen as masculine. I did drag too and it helped me connect to my feminine side more and be seductive and sensual but at the same time I saw it as what I do and not who I am. Jiggly Caliente / Bianca Castro said she loved getting in drag but dreaded getting out of it. She wanted to stay femme. Because she is a woman. But I don't feel that way, I needed to get out of drag after a long night. - I think I want to just be accepted the way I am.
Thank you for creating a space for people to openly contemplate, you really are helping a lot. ❤
If i'm being honest this video brought up even more questions, but at least I know that I just need to slow down and not rush this. Thank you
just started hrt!!!! thank you so muchh for your help
if do not do it who is going to do someone , you have to to do in the right way since the start ,and you the true about it .thanks so much ,Sayonara ,Kawaii.
This video really helped me, a lot of your videos do. Thank you, Ashley ❤
Hello I am new to this I am just starting my transformation and I know I am older but like you say it feels right thanks
Kind of needed this, thank you so much
You're so welcome!
@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you for the reply. Just in case you see this comment as well, I just wanted to say that I recently discovered your channel and am really glad I did. I've learned a lot, and this is a bit random but you also have an extremely calming effect in my opinion, which is extra nice when gender has you feeling a little '?????????'. Thank you for those things and I'm looking forward to watching more of the many videos on your channel that I haven't seen yet
How that you're very honest about this Thank you
I think I really needed this. When I’m faced with some ailment or thing that’s distressing me I tend to try and understand exactly just what it is that is happening to me. I’ve found that with this that’s not really possible, and it’s led to me way overthinking everything. I just don’t know how I’m gonna go about trying to experiment. I’m in my mid-teens, and don’t really have a way to buy stuff without going through my parents. I honestly don’t know what would happen if I turned out to be trans and they found out. I don’t like this
Do some research on local support groups in your area maybe you can make an excuse to go to? It's really important to have a group you can talk to
@@Raven_Fable unfortunately my town has a population of like 5,000 and is in the rural Midwest so there isn’t much nearby
What happens when nothing feels right?
Different approaches. That can be highly specific. 1. keep trying things, there is an infinite way of experiencing and expressing yourself. If you're not finding satisfaction or correct feelings in doing obvious things try non-obvious things. look internally and ask yourself questions like how am I perceiving myself? How am I judging myself? How am I allowing myself to be? How am I not allowing myself to be? Meditation and mindfullness practices are key in helping us be more attuned to nuances in our pysche.
@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you 💜
@Anti Trans Activist just based on your username, I'm gonna go ahead and say nah SMH
Very insightful, thank you!
Hi Ashley, I found out I was trans due to a book I read and the main character was pretty much me but in a book. The book was called girl haven btw.
...I love your videos! you've definitely hit the right note for me, bottom line is do what ever you think is right for YOU, as I follow the yogic culture the teachings is to listen to your body so that's what I obey, nowadays there's way too much missinformation on the Internet result: confusion! Best wishes 👌🧸
I have alot of anxiety and I suffer from Autogynephilia. I've hade these thoughts since I was a kid. Quite reccently I came out and now I live genderfluid but i'm not sure if I should start transition? I'm going back and forth.
Take it in VERY small steps and see how it feels. Dont need to dive into the deep end and the idea of the deep end can stop you from wanting to ever go there.
Another great video!
Glad you like them!
For me, it hit me when I realized that I was totally comfortable in a mini skirt, lol. Seriously though, I was in a long term relationship with a woman, and even though I did everything possible to hide it while we were together, she still picked up on it. That is when I realized that it wasn't just something in my head. A person I really cared about caught on to it, even though I never told her about it and tried to be everything I thought I was supposed to be.
thats beautiful!
Know myself completely in my comfort zone? Not even close 😂
I know, I just don’t think I can do it, go through with it you know
So, not sure if I mentioned before, but started my transitioning around the time of the pandemic, when we were all locked down and had nothing else to do. So I started youtubing alot about transgender stuff. Finally got brave and asked my dr's about HRT, and they are getting me set up. I've been doing video counselling sessions every other week. So, I have kinda stepped out of my comfort zone, just talking about it to other people outside of my 'circle of influence'. I have younger brothers and sisters, and they are supportive, and the wife, not quite so much. For now, I think I consider myself transgender/genderfluid/nb. In time, I would like to get brave enough and go out on a date as female.. (they/them/themself)..
Hi. My name is Larry, but on the inside it's Larika. I'm 43 now and I just couldn't hide it anymore. I'm coming out the closet as Transgender. I told some of my family, friends, and some siblings. I just started to go to my job with my nails done. I show pictures on my phone dressed as a woman to coworkers. So Far so good. I want to start hrt. I was thinking about ordering it online, but I don't know. What do you think?
I would go through a doctor if you can, that's the safest route. Hormones are powerful and if not measured properly can really fuck you up.
I've decided to own my gender dysphoria and be more public about it. No more hiding..I must admit, it kind of feels right to be a cis man, yet there is this preoccupation with gender that I can't shake, which feels alien but keeps pulling me on
I am trans. I feel better when I express as a woman, I was born a man. I am sixteen months on HRT. I am doing laser hair removal and considering FFS and a hair transplant. I think about GRS and how wonderful that could be, but know how hard it can be to go through it.
But, when I look at myself I see a man. No one treats me like a woman. I believe nearly everyone I meet sees me as a man no matter how I present. Because of my body type, I have serious doubts about passing no matter what steps I take. I am not young.
I always wanted to be a girl from a young age. I am asking myself how am I that really? Do I naturally behave feminine or am I a fake? Obviously, I did not always feel this way because I started to transition. I have no regret about that. It just seems becoming a woman, even a trans woman, is so impossible for me. Why am I wasting my time?
I know people will say passing does not matter, live your truth. But, I think a large part of what we are is how people see us. Sure, we have some control over that, but not complete control - there is biology that we can never change. Most of us are not beautiful trans women with RUclips channels.
Please do not get me wrong. Not everyone is me. Each person has to come to terms on their own with what to do once they accept they are trans.
Earlier in my life before my transition, I cross dressed and went through this kind of thing after realizing I was trans and it seemed so impossible to transition. Years later I could not ignore it anymore. I stared to transition. I hope the hopelessness I feel now too will pass and I can get on with my transition.
Not enough people talk about corsets. It works and might help you. I believe in having the body and mind you want no matter the gender.
@@Carmelious I started my journey as a cross dresser and soon discovered it was more than just clothes. I used to wear a corset then with pads. My body has gone through changes because of the HRT. I have breast development and some minor changes with my butt, hips, and thighs. I am hoping for more of that, but do not expect much.
Honestly, my inability to pass has more to do with my being six feet tall with broad shoulders. Nothing to do about that. Keeping my weight down helps a lot.
I am identifying more feminine all the time and that is nice. I am getting somewhere, it just may not be ideal for me. I have to find a way to live with it! Thanks for the comment. ❤
I definitely feel like I waited too long
I think thats true of all of us?
I feel like the ultimate lady inside always have. Well since my mid 20s
But i cant physically transition but love my feelings i have love my clothes i get to wear.
Would i be able to say I'm Quinn a lady as apposed to quinn the guy i was assinged at birth
Hey
Hi
Hi
Plz help me I am man
But in wrong body
😂 you will always be a man if you was born a man, men don’t have a cervix
I started using female aliases online and was extremely more happier. >_> (minus this yt account)
Nice! That's a sign maybe 😊
Only women have a cervix and I’ve just come out as a sis gender queer non binary alien from the andromeda galaxy
Wearing makeup or a dress doesn’t make you a woman. That is basically wearing woman face and is disrespectful to biological real women. You will never truly live as a woman because it is impossible. Live a lie if you wish, but quit trying to fool people; it’s really dishonest and disingenuous. Want to be accepted by others? Learn to love and accept yourself first. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I hope everyone reading this gets the help you need, and that you have a healthy and happy life.
Aaaaaand this shows how you miss the point of cis women pointing out, and it's the truth like it or not, that NOT all women are "feminine presenting", whatever that means, 🙄 or that all women wear dresses and obsess over make up. < THAT IS *fundamentally* sexist and misogynistic vocabulary! You're attempting to redefine "woman" and in doing so are using all the cliches and stereotypes of sexist males! So, it's rather dishonest to then act surprised when some women react honestly to that by being defensive and angry. It's because you're doing to cis women what patriarchy ALREADY oppressed them FROM BIRTH with, AND THEN you're expecting those same harmed women to ignore your sexist language and just accept you. That's beyond unrealistic.
Where did I say all women are "feminine presenting"? It is patently obvious that they are not. Did you even watch the video? Honestly there needs to be less division and more inclusivity in the ranks of LGBTQ+ and really humanity. We are all flawed humans just trying to do the best we can in our lives. With that I wish you a happy new year.
Please email me.