I sometimes feel overwhelmed with having a child with autism. The screaming, meltdowns, self harm, I can't communicate with him. I break down sometimes because it's hard. Nobody in my family has a special needs child so I feel isolated because they aren't really they're for me. I will never give up on my son, he has speech/ occupational therapy and ABA. I just wish it could get easier already, it's a hard thing to deal with.
remmy cat kitty yes I feel the same way my son is 4 with autism, in school something is triggering my child and the school only tells me that he has bad behavior today. I can’t go in observe him in class. We have to have another eip meeting. I’m stressed and overwhelmed not sure what else to do
smelly cat I feel the exact same way with my 2.5 year old. I’m a stay at home mom and I also have a 7 month old, I feel so overwhelmed and I find myself breaking down.
Lovely video content! Sorry for butting in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you tried - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (should be on google have a look)? It is a good exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent without the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my m8 got amazing results with it.
Excellent Video clip! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Sure I saw it on Google)? It is a great exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my cousin finally got astronomical success with it.
I feel your pain so deeply. My child is now 22 and it's never gotten easier, the behaviour has gotten worse with time. I wish I had never had her, she's killed my life. My husband bailed 20 years ago, I have no family who cares, but I have ONE friend who has been there for me for all of this. I hope you have the strength physically and mentally to see this thru, because it will break you.
I am the mother of a 28 year old child with autism. I was the first familly member to have a special needs child. Do not give up on your child because we experienced the screaming, meltdowns, and the lack of communication. From my experience, I had to become my child's teacher and it was hard. She became the center of my universe. If I talked on the phone, it was limited, usually 5 minutes before she had a meltdown. So my circle of family and friends knew to speak quickly because I couldn't talk on the phone. But as much as possible, I treated her as a neurotypical child. Once it was clear she could understand some words, I held accountable for her behavior. For example, the screaming was allowed in her room but not around others in the house. If she tantrumed in the store, I warned her we would leave if she continued. If she continued, we left everything in the cart and went home. And the ride home involved me calmly telling her that she can not fall down in the store or scream in the store. Once she attempted to hit me and I got down on her level and gave her eye contact and told her she can not hit "No Hitting" and she lowered her hand. One night the meltdown went on for so long, I sat on the floor in the family room and wrote a social story about a little girl looking for the magic word box. Try and remain calm because they are sensitive to mood changes. Even today if I raise my voice, my daughter will come out of her room and ask "You okay?" Fast forward, she graduated from high school, went to prom with a date (of course I was sitting in the parking lot of the venue), and played cymbals in the marching band. She is still not conversational. But she responses to two choices ( do you want chicken or beef for dinner) and she understands First -Then ( first church, then your Iphone). When I see her with odd behavior like walking with her hands balled up in fists, I whisper to her "Open your hands. Look around others are walking with their hands down." Communication isn't always verbal. My daughter would stand in from of a specific cabinet when she wanted a snack. Last week her work program had a cookout. I asked her what did they eat and she actually talked! She said, "Baked Beans, sweet potatoes (I think she meant potato salad but I didn't correct her because I wasn't present at the cookout), chips". Then I asked her was there any meat. She responded, "hot dogs, hamburgers". She has never done that before. So I keep an expectation that she will continue to improve her communication and social skills. Of course, this does not happen the first time, the tenth time, etc. It takes a lot of repetition but the behaviors can get better over time. It will take a lot of patience, catch the child being "good" and use praise Excellent, Great Job, etc., and correct not-so-good behavior immediately by offering a better choice. You can not wait until later to address unwanted behaviors. By the way, once my daughter turned 8, I went back to school to become a spec ed teacher which I did for 17 years before retiring. I wish you all well!
Thanks Mate it is helpfull! Well articulated practical advice for broad application for various individual needs.. For all the care givers out there, take courage and be kind to your self as you discover what works for your child.
its so hard dealing with my child with autism im struggling to deal with day to day basics I don't know what to do anymore and not having help makes it worse I just want my son to grow up and be okay and not struggle as much I feel like im. not doing any good for him
Want to be a better parent? Want to Raise Brilliant Kids? well, trust me, nothing worth fighting for if it wasn't for your children. Teach your kids to read in early age in a very efficient scientific way using a guaranteed exclusive program. You won't loose anything. For more information watch those typical instructions and don't forget to share with your loved ones: ruclips.net/video/YN8lUKyBLBQ/видео.html ruclips.net/video/RR3reaJHV_8/видео.html ruclips.net/video/w9Lj1KQtvPU/видео.html Good luck
It’s definitely very hard my son is 5 . He was non verbal up until 3 y.o and his behaviors started right before he turned 4. It’s very hard when you want them to succeed and do well especially in school . I’m definitely lost and not sure what’s to do next
After 36 years teaching children with autism I agree with this content until it skips over the most important part of behavior management…understanding why a child is misbehaving. Rewarding/punishing/ignoring the wrong thing only helps short term but only invites kids to create new ways of satisfying their needs/unresolved problems.
Right. Treating the cause and function of a behavior is way more functional than simply trying to train away behaviors without understanding em. If you don’t treat the cause, the child complying is often a result of fear or trauma and not actual progress. The feelings that fueled the undesirable behavior are still there and may even get worse when behavioral intervention is limiting their ability to engage in a behavior that on some level is allowing the person to express their distress. If you modify a behavior without addressing the causes that feeling is going to need another outlet eventually and the new coping strategy or behavior from the autistic person who has lost the ability to behave how they instinctively want to may be even worse.
Disney Store Catalog which no longer exists. Disney Princess ballet Dolls, nightgowns, Lunch/Dinner at the mall. Pjs, Swimsuits, beach towels with balls, T-shirt’s. & last item Disney Princess Tent. Was finished just a month before my 9th birthday. It’s was the best birthday present I gave my mom!. Short sleeve Ariel nightgown. Cover ups. This was from October 03-June 16th 04. Please don’t lose hope on this milestone.
I wish the teachers and resource officers at the schools could and would learn this, my son told me at age 8 (now 12) the teachers would not listen to him or TEACH these skills he could not do or master, they disciplined him and got suspended do to being so frustrated with the teachers and students.
I work as a paraprofessional for a SPED class and, coming from an ABA background, I'm extremely disturbed at these teachers' lack of training. Every day I have to listen to screaming and way too much punishment. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and your son's poor experience. Stand your ground at the IEP meetings and call them out for their shitty behavior!
Your problems sound very identifiable to my own. A traditional school setting is NOT favorable towards kids with these needs, and after watching this, I realize, how unequipped public schools actually are. And they are fully aware of this...so why do they continue to falsify an understanding about it. Money. Schools rely heavenly on the funding, and the financial support from our government is quite significant as it relates to children with special needs, when NOT all special needs are the same. So even if they don’t have the necessary programs in place they can still insist on an academic setting for your child. Which does nothing but create more stress for the caregiver and the child. A setting that is not prepared to accommodate children with behavioral challenges that come with their disability. The schools want to pick and choose at which disability to teach and tolerate, when the behavioral, emotional and cognitive challenges are sum of a WHOLE. Parents can’t pick and choose. Schools would need to either change anyway, or create other opportunities for learning challenged kids, this is a different ERA, right? I mean colleges have evening classes, online classes, they have found ways to each the various masses of people who want to extend their education. So why can’t our tax dollars provide resources that would extend to or establish behavioral programs along with academic for special needs children. Every state should be able to so, a billions dollars worth of funding has been placed in support of autism. No excuse for the schools now.
Latrisha Blakey Some of the programs out there are about discipline For your child to be suspended from school is probably an indication for me that he was bored and wasn't Educationally engaged as his Level I find it that the parents always feel guilty when your child is suspended but there's a lot more behind the scenes I agree to discuss it with your IeP meetings and ask educational questions while you're in the meeting don't take things personally because it's not your fault just put it back at the educators As to the causes why these causes occurred was there supervision what you child was actually doing at the time prior to the meltdown things like that then when you go home you can bring out your Emotions that you need to deal with just remember of all things you're doing a good job and it's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong I hope this helps you a little bit good luck but most of all have a lot of fun with your child and family by the way I think it's disgusting that he was suspended as an 8 year old that's really sad and heartbreaking
It’s so frustrating going to IEP meetings and having his home room teacher compare discipline skills she uses with her child that’s not on the spectrum. What I’ve noticed over the years especially teenage years my son was often suspended it was like they didn’t want to deal with his triggers which I’ve explained during IEP meetings my son his high functioning so he’s able to verbalize what’s going on in the classroom he was in a classroom where they would have volunteer or trainees that would sit in. A lot of these kids have Down syndrome or are non verbal my son said the teachers would sometimes scream at the kids what got me so upset enough that I yanked my son out of school was when a teacher told a student in the classroom that LD /Learning Disability stood for Local Dummies. It’s frustrating when my son was in grade school the IEP meetings was great and the teachers seemed to have a better understanding of Autism as soon as he went to jr and high school it felt like I wasn’t being listened to they wanted a perfect child when a lot of these kids need certain accommodations in order to learn.
Thank you for your presentation. My 4 yr old grandson is newly diagnosed. These tips and tools were just what I was looking for to help me be a better Nanna. Now I just need to find some good books as well on the subject.
@@jaiknow hello, I did find some on Amazon and ordered the ones I thought might help us, help him with managing his anger/frustration. He's learning to take a deep breath and go find a quiet place to calm down. He recently saw me having a bad day and said it's okay Nana, just take a deep breff. Lol We have good days and bad days. I've also found a play list on Spotify that is soft piano music for babys and he loves that. It even helps him drift off to sleep and sleep through the night. Good luck and God bless you. Please let me know if things that help you too!
Hello, Thank you for the video! My girlfriend and I are having trouble with our 7 year old Autistic daughter. She doesn't want to learn anything. She just wants to play games all day and be loud and screaming happy on her great days and screaming and crying on her bad days. She has an IEP and a therapist but it doesn't seem to be helping all that much. My girlfriend is constantly tired and she is taking online courses herself while juggling our 7 year old, and 11 year old. Are there any things we can do to help calm her down and make it easier and more fun for to learn? Any help at this point is much appreciated
I appreciate this however you’re using a very monotone voice and it’s quite rushed and plain, I have HFA and I’m finding this difficult to follow; I’m trying to help HFA children, anyone have any other links to behavioural issues and how to overcome, sorry for the feedback but again I appreciate it and I’m sure others will benefit from this, thank you for posting!!
I'm a Behavioral Tech (ABA therapist) working with autistic children can be very challenging and being a or the parent for an autistic child is even harder. One of the big things that has helped me in my therapy is to ignore problem behaviors and always stay calm. Something parents do (sometimes) is to respond to distress in an unproductive way, by jumping when their children yell or act out. It's a very natural reaction because you love and care for your child and don't want them to struggle, however when you don't require and provide effective, efficient and respectful communication from your child he or she learns that you respond to tantrums, yelling, hitting and unsafe or unproductive behavior. This dude in the video knows his stuff, when he talks about problem behaviors getting worst before they get better, he's right. But overtime, when your child wants something, so long as consequences for functional communication are consistent (a consequence of "asking" for something is getting that item) you should see results. Also if your child acts in a way that is distressing it's important to keep your emotions out of it. One of my clients kicked their sister the other day. Their mom took away their tablet and wanted to cancel their fun lunch activity she had planned, because she wanted the consequence for her child's behavior to be proportional to the distress that she felt as a reaction to her child's tantrum. This is normal and she's actually a really good mother, but when you bring down the hammer it only incites your child to further frustration and if you give attention to problem behaviors that frustration will manifest in more of the same behaviors. I told her not to cancel her lunch activity and the child immediately responded positively and accepted the loss of their tablet as a consequence of their poor behavior. Also NEVER yell at your child. I don't say this because your child never deserves to be yelled at, children often do. But when you yell at your child (especially if you do it a lot) your child learns to only respond to the tone of your voice and not the content of your words.
@@ee-hd2is yeah get like a video about personal space, have them watch that video every time they touch people without asking first. And then have them practice asking. So if you see you're autistic child interacting inappropriately with another group of children, go over get a eye level watch the video and practice with the other child. And obviously that's a really terrific thing to practice as a family so send that video to every member of your family anytime there's inappropriate or excessive hugging or touching you play that video and react with appropriate etiquette. And as a family you have an advantage because you can all use the same language when you do that reenactment as well. And that language can be as simple as, "stop, no touching. Show me." I hope this is helpful, thanks.
I feel overwhelmed with my special needs daughter when she gets upset or angry and I have tried everything to calm her down even to have a breeze or ask her what is making her upset her communication is not that well I have tried to use a tablet to have her tell me why she’s mad or upset I don’t know if it has to do with the change of the bus
I'm an ABA therapist. I feel your pain it can be very hard when your child struggles to communicate and, as a result, lashes out. The important thing to do in those situations is to: 1.) remain calm. (this is challenging at times especially when your child is violent towards herself and others, but it's so important. You need to set a tone for proper communication and getting emotional does not help, unfortunately. that include's monitoring the tone of your voice as well, I don't mean to be rude, but many parents I've worked with have had a difficult time controlling their voice. Please, for your own benefit, never yell at your child) 2.) ensure that you, your child and your family are safe in tense moments. (so if your child throws things, clear the room of ammunition. Anything she throws is confiscated and any potentially harmful things should be wrestled from your child's control. it helps to prep for tantrums by keeping harmful or valuable things out of reach before the tantrum occurs. Confiscation of ammunition, especially if those items are valued, also helps to communicate that her behavior at that time is only serving to limit her enjoyment.) 3.) give your child a path to normalcy. - if your child has trouble communicating, have pictures that she can give you to better communicate her needs (pictures on the tablet work as well, provided she knows how to use it) when shes first learning to use a tablet it's important that she communicates with it. so if she wants to go outside, even if you know she wants to go out, she should tell you though the tablet or a picture or verbally, every time, regardless of her reaction. - if she has an inappropriate reaction to proper communication there should be a consequence. so if she throws a tantrum because she cant go outside without telling you first, then she doesn't get to go outside, but you should have a contingency plan. - So, if your child loves bubbles. OK, you can't go out, but we can play bubbles in the living room, but not before you clean up the mess you made as a result of your tantrum. Oh, you hit a family member, OK, your tablet is confiscated for tonight or a couple of hours, until you can calmly communicate that you want it, but, in the meantime, we can bake muffins in the kitchen, or whatever. - that being said, I personally think it's helpful to have both positive and negative consequences in tense situations because the negative prevents undesired reactions from happening in the future, but the positive consequences keep things from getting out of hand and redirects her attention to another desired activity. It doesn't always work tho and that's when you've got to ignore your child's undesired behavior. 4.) attention block. when your child exhibits undesired behavior do NOT make eye contact, don't speak unless to say, "show me" and point to the tablet/picture or "tell me" if she's verbal and point to your mouth; all without eye contact. reasoning with your child when she's distressed only serves to garner more of the same behavior because you're giving your child attention. It's hard to do at first, but in time you'll be glad you did, because it tells your child that her poor behavior is beneath you notice and that proper behavior garners your attention and praise. 5. praise your child for doing the extraordinary mundane things correctly. this can be the hardest thing to do, in a way, because for most it's just strange to praise your child for sitting at a table or holding your hand or asking for a toy, but it's so important. It's the type of love your child craves and needs, even if she doesn't know it. I know its a lot and it sounds so easy on paper, but I hope it helps. If it doesn't don't be afraid to try something else, there are no wrong answers here, but please give it time. These things never happen overnight. Stay strong. Peace, love and happiness to you and yours.
Autistics are Not problem people who need to be "managed" Most of the accusations against autistic people such as there anger are coming from the greater rage of society against the marginalized. For example I have autism and have received death threats from 'normal' people and have been the victim of verbal violence from people whom I never wronged
@@quimninja Sorry about my tone (I was thinking of autistics being scapegoated for gun violence when in fact neurotypical are more violent and we mentally ill are more often the victims-so whose behavior really needs to be managed!?) I think Adult Autistics like me who are part of organizations like ASAN and NCIL should be providing the care for younger autistics, not Autism Speaks and other groups dominated by neurotypical folks. Also government agencies that are for the disabled should be ran by the disabled just as programs for other minorities and women are ran by those respective minorities. But if Neurotypicals want to help us autistic adults to train younger autistics that is fine
While i agree that current systems in place are poor, we as parents to two non verbal ASD kids with an incredible array of challenges, get no help what so ever in the U.K and while i would welcome advice from somebody that has similar life experiences to help guide us and them through this incredibly chaotic and damaging time, i don't believe putting non qualified people in places of responsibility because they may have similar clinical diagnosis is a good idea.ie.you arnt an expert because you experience it. Equal opportunity is great..Equal outcome is a recipe for disaster.
@@jshir17 at the moment there seems to ve a lack of understanding on what exactly it means to be ASD within the bodies that control assistance.speak to a doctor and its a disorder...one which manifests in many different ways??! Doesn't make any sense to me, more likely its just a different type of human .possibly an evolutionary push for greater intelligence which comes with varying degrees and epigenetic predesposition for certain co morbidities...like greater chance of heart disease the more learning difficulties they have (yes that is a thing). Im thinking along the lines of NAT bought into a world meant for NT is gonna have profound effects on health and mental wellbeing. Sensitivities to certain toxins etc. Ie:96% ASD are mthfr. So dont process folic acid quite as well as NT people...but we still put thay garbage in the flour!
Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else wants to uncover how to discipline toddlers try Loctavan Teaching Toddler Strategy (just google it ) ? Ive heard some interesting things about it and my buddy got cool results with it.
First of all, as a Developmental therapist for 20 years using evidenced based developmental social pragmatic approach such as DIR/Floortime which is supported by 25+ years of evidenced based Developmental affect Neuroscience on how the infant/toddler and older brain of the child in Dyadic relationship with primary caregivers develops (i.e., anatomical research and neuroimaging, see for example,. Allen Schore), it is first and foremost entirely wrong to characterize each and every child's Individual processing differences as "Problem behaviors" The latter, "well proven" is (what majority of parents do not realize ) is NOT based upon Developmental Affect Neuroscience but rather a business surface efficient "managerial superficial approach" which robotically changes surface behaviors and fails entirely to address underlying core subcortical anxiety hyervigilant or hypoactive based challenges. It does immensely more harm or at the very least delimits what each and every child is capable of with respect to Functional-Emotional Relational milestone advance and integration. Despite, the 50+ years so called evidence and appeal on the surface ABA is mostly if not entirely and unequivocally a fraud. Neuroscience, psychoanalysis, infant child mental and emotional health and the field of autism treatment specifically has advanced (but the politics, lobbyists superbly continue to manage the deception/fraud) has advanced from a "behavioral based theory, to cognitive behavioral, to (since 1994) an Affect regulation (or Emotional Regulation) understanding. Research separately but related, Interpersonal Neurobioogy
Simply, "Behaviors" are just the symbolic manifestation of what is occurring beneath the surface. It is implicit procedural memory and not declarative memory that we want. The latter focuses on the child's "new and improved reinforced surface based behavioral responses", whereas, the former, e.g., biopsychosocial integration, is a focus integral in nuanced back and forth deepening dyadic affect reciprocal attachment, attunement and more complex two-way emotional problem solving with expanded ideation, social pragmatic language development AROUND the child's natural affect in relationship engagement/interaction with others.
@@peepaw4ever983 By engaging each other and especially our children with empathy, understanding and compassion. Behaviors defined as "good/bad, appropriate vs inappropriate are just surface band-aids and entirely without science, bankrupt and meaningless labels. By placing a child, for example, on schedules of reinforcement with the goal to decrease so-called, "Inappropriate behaviors" and replace them with what we deem "appropriate behaviors and new tasks" is not only less than human, it brilliantly fails to accord with fundamental of attributing meaning and validity to what our children are actually expressing, actually feeling, experiencing, All behaviors are the external or symbolic manifestation of what is happening beneath the surface or state regulation (i.e., is the child or older internally feeling safe with others and environment or is s/he in an adaptive (NOT INAPPROPRIATE) sympathetic state of defense, fight/flight or worse parasympathetic withdrawl/shutdown, disssociation. This is NOT speculative this is the fundmental bedrock and understanding of our mammalian evolution! It is about forming Relationships with our child; our child (or older) needs to be felt, needs to be heard (that is, beneath the words or external or symbolic manifestation that our physiological state adapt)! We need to go to where our child is. Cultivate the conditions of felt (interoceptive safety). It is not in our words (talking above the child's level ad nauseam) but in the emotional prosody, inflection of our voice, our affective (emotional) tone. It is about deepening affect reciprocal attachment and attunement to where our child is. Going to his/her world; udnersatnding how visual-facial, auditory-prosodic, tactile-gestural and otehr sensory processsing is being functionally expressed and adapted. It is NOT about this which is nothing less than antiquated barbaric non-science presenting as science under the long shelved Skinenrian Learning Theory and ABC map. Basically, it is teaching children how to become further intimidated, repress their feeling and emotions and conform lest they be ignored. It is a form of abuse and lifetime of encouraging various hyperviigilant and PTSD states! The psychosocial and biological basis of affect shifted in the mid 1990's to an emphasis on understanding emotional engagement. It is not about the BS of the management of "learned behaviors" but rather the moment to moment nuances of emotions/relationships that cultivate the healthy autonomous foundations of self with others and neuronally wires a healthy mind-brain-body. Look up Developmental Affective Neuroscience. This includes emotional foundations of real science, for example, Infant and Childhood Mental Health, Polyvagal Theory and Interpersonal Neurobiology.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed with having a child with autism. The screaming, meltdowns, self harm, I can't communicate with him. I break down sometimes because it's hard. Nobody in my family has a special needs child so I feel isolated because they aren't really they're for me. I will never give up on my son, he has speech/ occupational therapy and ABA. I just wish it could get easier already, it's a hard thing to deal with.
remmy cat kitty yes I feel the same way my son is 4 with autism, in school something is triggering my child and the school only tells me that he has bad behavior today. I can’t go in observe him in class. We have to have another eip meeting. I’m stressed and overwhelmed not sure what else to do
smelly cat I feel the exact same way with my 2.5 year old. I’m a stay at home mom and I also have a 7 month old, I feel so overwhelmed and I find myself breaking down.
Lovely video content! Sorry for butting in, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you tried - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (should be on google have a look)? It is a good exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent without the headache. Ive heard some interesting things about it and my m8 got amazing results with it.
Excellent Video clip! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (Sure I saw it on Google)? It is a great exclusive guide for becoming an excellent parent without the normal expense. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my cousin finally got astronomical success with it.
I feel your pain so deeply. My child is now 22 and it's never gotten easier, the behaviour has gotten worse with time. I wish I had never had her, she's killed my life. My husband bailed 20 years ago, I have no family who cares, but I have ONE friend who has been there for me for all of this. I hope you have the strength physically and mentally to see this thru, because it will break you.
excellent video in important aspect of managing a problem child, very clear and crisp presentation, very useful for lay person also.thank you
I am the mother of a 28 year old child with autism. I was the first familly member to have a special needs child. Do not give up on your child because we experienced the screaming, meltdowns, and the lack of communication. From my experience, I had to become my child's teacher and it was hard. She became the center of my universe. If I talked on the phone, it was limited, usually 5 minutes before she had a meltdown. So my circle of family and friends knew to speak quickly because I couldn't talk on the phone. But as much as possible, I treated her as a neurotypical child.
Once it was clear she could understand some words, I held accountable for her behavior. For example, the screaming was allowed in her room but not around others in the house. If she tantrumed in the store, I warned her we would leave if she continued. If she continued, we left everything in the cart and went home. And the ride home involved me calmly telling her that she can not fall down in the store or scream in the store. Once she attempted to hit me and I got down on her level and gave her eye contact and told her she can not hit "No Hitting" and she lowered her hand. One night the meltdown went on for so long, I sat on the floor in the family room and wrote a social story about a little girl looking for the magic word box. Try and remain calm because they are sensitive to mood changes. Even today if I raise my voice, my daughter will come out of her room and ask "You okay?"
Fast forward, she graduated from high school, went to prom with a date (of course I was sitting in the parking lot of the venue), and played cymbals in the marching band. She is still not conversational. But she responses to two choices ( do you want chicken or beef for dinner) and she understands First -Then ( first church, then your Iphone). When I see her with odd behavior like walking with her hands balled up in fists, I whisper to her "Open your hands. Look around others are walking with their hands down." Communication isn't always verbal. My daughter would stand in from of a specific cabinet when she wanted a snack.
Last week her work program had a cookout. I asked her what did they eat and she actually talked! She said, "Baked Beans, sweet potatoes (I think she meant potato salad but I didn't correct her because I wasn't present at the cookout), chips". Then I asked her was there any meat. She responded, "hot dogs, hamburgers". She has never done that before. So I keep an expectation that she will continue to improve her communication and social skills.
Of course, this does not happen the first time, the tenth time, etc. It takes a lot of repetition but the behaviors can get better over time. It will take a lot of patience, catch the child being "good" and use praise Excellent, Great Job, etc., and correct not-so-good behavior immediately by offering a better choice. You can not wait until later to address unwanted behaviors. By the way, once my daughter turned 8, I went back to school to become a spec ed teacher which I did for 17 years before retiring. I wish you all well!
Thanks Mate it is helpfull! Well articulated practical advice for broad application for various individual needs..
For all the care givers out there, take courage and be kind to your self as you discover what works for your child.
Thank you so much for this video. 🙏🙏 student here, really really appreciate it🙏🙏
its so hard dealing with my child with autism im struggling to deal with day to day basics I don't know what to do anymore and not having help makes it worse I just want my son to grow up and be okay and not struggle as much I feel like im. not doing any good for him
Want to be a better parent? Want to Raise Brilliant Kids? well, trust me, nothing worth fighting for if it wasn't for your children. Teach your kids to read in early age in a very efficient scientific way using a guaranteed exclusive program. You won't loose anything. For more information watch those typical instructions and don't forget to share with your loved ones:
ruclips.net/video/YN8lUKyBLBQ/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/RR3reaJHV_8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/w9Lj1KQtvPU/видео.html
Good luck
It’s definitely very hard my son is 5 . He was non verbal up until 3 y.o and his behaviors started right before he turned 4. It’s very hard when you want them to succeed and do well especially in school . I’m definitely lost and not sure what’s to do next
thanks for sharing this pure gold.
After 36 years teaching children with autism I agree with this content until it skips over the most important part of behavior management…understanding why a child is misbehaving. Rewarding/punishing/ignoring the wrong thing only helps short term but only invites kids to create new ways of satisfying their needs/unresolved problems.
Right. Treating the cause and function of a behavior is way more functional than simply trying to train away behaviors without understanding em. If you don’t treat the cause, the child complying is often a result of fear or trauma and not actual progress. The feelings that fueled the undesirable behavior are still there and may even get worse when behavioral intervention is limiting their ability to engage in a behavior that on some level is allowing the person to express their distress.
If you modify a behavior without addressing the causes that feeling is going to need another outlet eventually and the new coping strategy or behavior from the autistic person who has lost the ability to behave how they instinctively want to may be even worse.
Great video. Do know where I can find resources for the right kind of consequences? Instead of punishment.
Thank you for putting this up.
Disney Store Catalog which no longer exists. Disney Princess ballet Dolls, nightgowns, Lunch/Dinner at the mall. Pjs, Swimsuits, beach towels with balls, T-shirt’s. & last item Disney Princess Tent. Was finished just a month before my 9th birthday. It’s was the best birthday present I gave my mom!. Short sleeve Ariel nightgown. Cover ups. This was from October 03-June 16th 04. Please don’t lose hope on this milestone.
I wish the teachers and resource officers at the schools could and would learn this, my son told me at age 8 (now 12) the teachers would not listen to him or TEACH these skills he could not do or master, they disciplined him and got suspended do to being so frustrated with the teachers and students.
I work as a paraprofessional for a SPED class and, coming from an ABA background, I'm extremely disturbed at these teachers' lack of training. Every day I have to listen to screaming and way too much punishment. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and your son's poor experience. Stand your ground at the IEP meetings and call them out for their shitty behavior!
Your problems sound very identifiable to my own. A traditional school setting is NOT favorable towards kids with these needs, and after watching this, I realize, how unequipped public schools actually are. And they are fully aware of this...so why do they continue to falsify an understanding about it. Money. Schools rely heavenly on the funding, and the financial support from our government is quite significant as it relates to children with special needs, when NOT all special needs are the same. So even if they don’t have the necessary programs in place they can still insist on an academic setting for your child. Which does nothing but create more stress for the caregiver and the child. A setting that is not prepared to accommodate children with behavioral challenges that come with their disability. The schools want to pick and choose at which disability to teach and tolerate, when the behavioral, emotional and cognitive challenges are sum of a WHOLE. Parents can’t pick and choose. Schools would need to either change anyway, or create other opportunities for learning challenged kids, this is a different ERA, right? I mean colleges have evening classes, online classes, they have found ways to each the various masses of people who want to extend their education. So why can’t our tax dollars provide resources that would extend to or establish behavioral programs along with academic for special needs children. Every state should be able to so, a billions dollars worth of funding has been placed in support of autism. No excuse for the schools now.
Latrisha Blakey Some of the programs out there are about discipline
For your child to be suspended from school is probably an indication for me that he was bored and wasn't
Educationally engaged as his
Level
I find it that the parents always feel guilty when your child is suspended but there's a lot more behind the scenes I agree to discuss it with your IeP meetings and ask educational questions while you're in the meeting don't take things personally because it's not your fault just put it back at the educators
As to the causes why these causes occurred was there supervision what you child was actually doing at the time prior to the meltdown things like that then when you go home you can bring out your
Emotions that you need to deal with just remember of all things you're doing a good job and it's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong I hope this helps you a little bit good luck but most of all have a lot of fun with your child and family by the way I think it's disgusting that he was suspended as an 8 year old that's really sad and heartbreaking
It’s so frustrating going to IEP meetings and having his home room teacher compare discipline skills she uses with her child that’s not on the spectrum. What I’ve noticed over the years especially teenage years my son was often suspended it was like they didn’t want to deal with his triggers which I’ve explained during IEP meetings my son his high functioning so he’s able to verbalize what’s going on in the classroom he was in a classroom where they would have volunteer or trainees that would sit in.
A lot of these kids have Down syndrome or are non verbal my son said the teachers would sometimes scream at the kids what got me so upset enough that I yanked my son out of school was when a teacher told a student in the classroom that LD /Learning Disability stood for Local Dummies. It’s frustrating when my son was in grade school the IEP meetings was great and the teachers seemed to have a better understanding of Autism as soon as he went to jr and high school it felt like I wasn’t being listened to they wanted a perfect child when a lot of these kids need certain accommodations in order to learn.
Thank you for your presentation. My 4 yr old grandson is newly diagnosed. These tips and tools were just what I was looking for to help me be a better Nanna. Now I just need to find some good books as well on the subject.
Hi Cathy I'm also a grandma to a four yr old newly diagnosed. Did you find any good books? I feel I have so much to learn.
@@jaiknow hello, I did find some on Amazon and ordered the ones I thought might help us, help him with managing his anger/frustration. He's learning to take a deep breath and go find a quiet place to calm down. He recently saw me having a bad day and said it's okay Nana, just take a deep breff. Lol We have good days and bad days. I've also found a play list on Spotify that is soft piano music for babys and he loves that. It even helps him drift off to sleep and sleep through the night. Good luck and God bless you. Please let me know if things that help you too!
@@jaiknow I tried to reply and my message was cleared out. I'll try again later.
Hi Cathy, how's your day going with you?
Thank you so much
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Hello, Thank you for the video! My girlfriend and I are having trouble with our 7 year old Autistic daughter. She doesn't want to learn anything. She just wants to play games all day and be loud and screaming happy on her great days and screaming and crying on her bad days. She has an IEP and a therapist but it doesn't seem to be helping all that much. My girlfriend is constantly tired and she is taking online courses herself while juggling our 7 year old, and 11 year old. Are there any things we can do to help calm her down and make it easier and more fun for to learn? Any help at this point is much appreciated
Excellent one....
I appreciate this however you’re using a very monotone voice and it’s quite rushed and plain, I have HFA and I’m finding this difficult to follow; I’m trying to help HFA children, anyone have any other links to behavioural issues and how to overcome, sorry for the feedback but again I appreciate it and I’m sure others will benefit from this, thank you for posting!!
Here's some good tips from a neurodiversity website: www.thinkingautismguide.com/2016/08/when-autistic-children-are-aggressive.html
I'm a Behavioral Tech (ABA therapist) working with autistic children can be very challenging and being a or the parent for an autistic child is even harder. One of the big things that has helped me in my therapy is to ignore problem behaviors and always stay calm. Something parents do (sometimes) is to respond to distress in an unproductive way, by jumping when their children yell or act out. It's a very natural reaction because you love and care for your child and don't want them to struggle, however when you don't require and provide effective, efficient and respectful communication from your child he or she learns that you respond to tantrums, yelling, hitting and unsafe or unproductive behavior. This dude in the video knows his stuff, when he talks about problem behaviors getting worst before they get better, he's right. But overtime, when your child wants something, so long as consequences for functional communication are consistent (a consequence of "asking" for something is getting that item) you should see results.
Also if your child acts in a way that is distressing it's important to keep your emotions out of it. One of my clients kicked their sister the other day. Their mom took away their tablet and wanted to cancel their fun lunch activity she had planned, because she wanted the consequence for her child's behavior to be proportional to the distress that she felt as a reaction to her child's tantrum. This is normal and she's actually a really good mother, but when you bring down the hammer it only incites your child to further frustration and if you give attention to problem behaviors that frustration will manifest in more of the same behaviors. I told her not to cancel her lunch activity and the child immediately responded positively and accepted the loss of their tablet as a consequence of their poor behavior.
Also NEVER yell at your child. I don't say this because your child never deserves to be yelled at, children often do. But when you yell at your child (especially if you do it a lot) your child learns to only respond to the tone of your voice and not the content of your words.
Hi, can you please please suggest how to reduce excessive hugging in autistic children??
@@ee-hd2is yeah get like a video about personal space, have them watch that video every time they touch people without asking first. And then have them practice asking. So if you see you're autistic child interacting inappropriately with another group of children, go over get a eye level watch the video and practice with the other child. And obviously that's a really terrific thing to practice as a family so send that video to every member of your family anytime there's inappropriate or excessive hugging or touching you play that video and react with appropriate etiquette. And as a family you have an advantage because you can all use the same language when you do that reenactment as well. And that language can be as simple as, "stop, no touching. Show me." I hope this is helpful, thanks.
But sometimes they refuse what you offer as a reward any solution
I find it helpful thank you
ABA is fantastic!
I feel overwhelmed with my special needs daughter when she gets upset or angry and I have tried everything to calm her down even to have a breeze or ask her what is making her upset her communication is not that well I have tried to use a tablet to have her tell me why she’s mad or upset I don’t know if it has to do with the change of the bus
I'm an ABA therapist. I feel your pain it can be very hard when your child struggles to communicate and, as a result, lashes out. The important thing to do in those situations is to:
1.) remain calm. (this is challenging at times especially when your child is violent towards herself and others, but it's so important. You need to set a tone for proper communication and getting emotional does not help, unfortunately. that include's monitoring the tone of your voice as well, I don't mean to be rude, but many parents I've worked with have had a difficult time controlling their voice. Please, for your own benefit, never yell at your child)
2.) ensure that you, your child and your family are safe in tense moments. (so if your child throws things, clear the room of ammunition. Anything she throws is confiscated and any potentially harmful things should be wrestled from your child's control. it helps to prep for tantrums by keeping harmful or valuable things out of reach before the tantrum occurs. Confiscation of ammunition, especially if those items are valued, also helps to communicate that her behavior at that time is only serving to limit her enjoyment.)
3.) give your child a path to normalcy.
- if your child has trouble communicating, have pictures that she can give you to better communicate her needs (pictures on the tablet work as well, provided she knows how to use it) when shes first learning to use a tablet it's important that she communicates with it. so if she wants to go outside, even if you know she wants to go out, she should tell you though the tablet or a picture or verbally, every time, regardless of her reaction.
- if she has an inappropriate reaction to proper communication there should be a consequence. so if she throws a tantrum because she cant go outside without telling you first, then she doesn't get to go outside, but you should have a contingency plan.
- So, if your child loves bubbles. OK, you can't go out, but we can play bubbles in the living room, but not before you clean up the mess you made as a result of your tantrum. Oh, you hit a family member, OK, your tablet is confiscated for tonight or a couple of hours, until you can calmly communicate that you want it, but, in the meantime, we can bake muffins in the kitchen, or whatever.
- that being said, I personally think it's helpful to have both positive and negative consequences in tense situations because the negative prevents undesired reactions from happening in the future, but the positive consequences keep things from getting out of hand and redirects her attention to another desired activity. It doesn't always work tho and that's when you've got to ignore your child's undesired behavior.
4.) attention block. when your child exhibits undesired behavior do NOT make eye contact, don't speak unless to say, "show me" and point to the tablet/picture or "tell me" if she's verbal and point to your mouth; all without eye contact. reasoning with your child when she's distressed only serves to garner more of the same behavior because you're giving your child attention. It's hard to do at first, but in time you'll be glad you did, because it tells your child that her poor behavior is beneath you notice and that proper behavior garners your attention and praise.
5. praise your child for doing the extraordinary mundane things correctly. this can be the hardest thing to do, in a way, because for most it's just strange to praise your child for sitting at a table or holding your hand or asking for a toy, but it's so important. It's the type of love your child craves and needs, even if she doesn't know it.
I know its a lot and it sounds so easy on paper, but I hope it helps. If it doesn't don't be afraid to try something else, there are no wrong answers here, but please give it time. These things never happen overnight. Stay strong. Peace, love and happiness to you and yours.
Thank you for sharing. I learned a lot from this video. Is there a way to print your slides so I can have them in my personal binder?Thank you
Hi Ana, how's your day going with you?
Autistics are Not problem people who need to be "managed"
Most of the accusations against autistic people such as there anger are coming from the greater rage of society against the marginalized.
For example I have autism and have received death threats from 'normal' people and have been the victim of verbal violence from people whom I never wronged
Behavioural problems are though, or are you suggesting that we don't make an attempt to help?
@@quimninja Sorry about my tone (I was thinking of autistics being scapegoated for gun violence when in fact neurotypical are more violent and we mentally ill are more often the victims-so whose behavior really needs to be managed!?) I think Adult Autistics like me who are part of organizations like ASAN and NCIL should be providing the care for younger autistics, not Autism Speaks and other groups dominated by neurotypical folks. Also government agencies that are for the disabled should be ran by the disabled just as programs for other minorities and women are ran by those respective minorities.
But if Neurotypicals want to help us autistic adults to train younger autistics that is fine
While i agree that current systems in place are poor, we as parents to two non verbal ASD kids with an incredible array of challenges, get no help what so ever in the U.K and while i would welcome advice from somebody that has similar life experiences to help guide us and them through this incredibly chaotic and damaging time, i don't believe putting non qualified people in places of responsibility because they may have similar clinical diagnosis is a good idea.ie.you arnt an expert because you experience it. Equal opportunity is great..Equal outcome is a recipe for disaster.
@@jshir17 at the moment there seems to ve a lack of understanding on what exactly it means to be ASD within the bodies that control assistance.speak to a doctor and its a disorder...one which manifests in many different ways??! Doesn't make any sense to me, more likely its just a different type of human .possibly an evolutionary push for greater intelligence which comes with varying degrees and epigenetic predesposition for certain co morbidities...like greater chance of heart disease the more learning difficulties they have (yes that is a thing). Im thinking along the lines of NAT bought into a world meant for NT is gonna have profound effects on health and mental wellbeing. Sensitivities to certain toxins etc. Ie:96% ASD are mthfr. So dont process folic acid quite as well as NT people...but we still put thay garbage in the flour!
The sound is very low cant concentrate or understand
AUTISM GET MISJUDGED SO DO ASPERGERS PEOPLE BUT JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE GETS ANXIOUS IT DOESNT MEAN THEY HAVE AUTISM DOES IT?
pamela bibby that’s very true
Very true!!!!
Maanswer pa 'ko ki ma'am maluyahon na maray
Maluyahon tabi ang audio ayoson nindo
This guy seems to be focused on younger kids what about the teenagers with rage and severe meltdowns
Draw your lines and stick to them or you will be walked over
all I can say is try a sensory vest zip front by www.autisticvest.com instantly calms adults or kids with special needs and it looks great too.
Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else wants to uncover how to discipline toddlers try Loctavan Teaching Toddler Strategy (just google it ) ? Ive heard some interesting things about it and my buddy got cool results with it.
This is so DESTRUCTIVE. I do not have the words for it!
Needs to be louder. I have a child with asd and adhd. I'm never going to be able to hear all this.
Wow
First of all, as a Developmental therapist for 20 years using evidenced based developmental social pragmatic approach such as DIR/Floortime which is supported by 25+ years of evidenced based Developmental affect Neuroscience on how the infant/toddler and older brain of the child in Dyadic relationship with primary caregivers develops (i.e., anatomical research and neuroimaging, see for example,. Allen Schore), it is first and foremost entirely wrong to characterize each and every child's Individual processing differences as "Problem behaviors" The latter, "well proven" is (what majority of parents do not realize ) is NOT based upon Developmental Affect Neuroscience but rather a business surface efficient "managerial superficial approach" which robotically changes surface behaviors and fails entirely to address underlying core subcortical anxiety hyervigilant or hypoactive based challenges. It does immensely more harm or at the very least delimits what each and every child is capable of with respect to Functional-Emotional Relational milestone advance and integration. Despite, the 50+ years so called evidence and appeal on the surface ABA is mostly if not entirely and unequivocally a fraud. Neuroscience, psychoanalysis, infant child mental and emotional health and the field of autism treatment specifically has advanced (but the politics, lobbyists superbly continue to manage the deception/fraud) has advanced from a "behavioral based theory, to cognitive behavioral, to (since 1994) an Affect regulation (or Emotional Regulation) understanding. Research separately but related, Interpersonal Neurobioogy
Simply, "Behaviors" are just the symbolic manifestation of what is occurring beneath the surface. It is implicit procedural memory and not declarative memory that we want. The latter focuses on the child's "new and improved reinforced surface based behavioral responses", whereas, the former, e.g., biopsychosocial integration, is a focus integral in nuanced back and forth deepening dyadic affect reciprocal attachment, attunement and more complex two-way emotional problem solving with expanded ideation, social pragmatic language development AROUND the child's natural affect in relationship engagement/interaction with others.
@@Neilgs so how do you achieve these deeper rooted results... is the approach entirely different...
@@peepaw4ever983 By engaging each other and especially our children with empathy, understanding and compassion. Behaviors defined as "good/bad, appropriate vs inappropriate are just surface band-aids and entirely without science, bankrupt and meaningless labels. By placing a child, for example, on schedules of reinforcement with the goal to decrease so-called, "Inappropriate behaviors" and replace them with what we deem "appropriate behaviors and new tasks" is not only less than human, it brilliantly fails to accord with fundamental of attributing meaning and validity to what our children are actually expressing, actually feeling, experiencing,
All behaviors are the external or symbolic manifestation of what is happening beneath the surface or state regulation (i.e., is the child or older internally feeling safe with others and environment or is s/he in an adaptive (NOT INAPPROPRIATE) sympathetic state of defense, fight/flight or worse parasympathetic withdrawl/shutdown, disssociation. This is NOT speculative this is the fundmental bedrock and understanding of our mammalian evolution! It is about forming Relationships with our child; our child (or older) needs to be felt, needs to be heard (that is, beneath the words or external or symbolic manifestation that our physiological state adapt)!
We need to go to where our child is. Cultivate the conditions of felt (interoceptive safety). It is not in our words (talking above the child's level ad nauseam) but in the emotional prosody, inflection of our voice, our affective (emotional) tone. It is about deepening affect reciprocal attachment and attunement to where our child is. Going to his/her world; udnersatnding how visual-facial, auditory-prosodic, tactile-gestural and otehr sensory processsing is being functionally expressed and adapted. It is NOT about this which is nothing less than antiquated barbaric non-science presenting as science under the long shelved Skinenrian Learning Theory and ABC map. Basically, it is teaching children how to become further intimidated, repress their feeling and emotions and conform lest they be ignored. It is a form of abuse and lifetime of encouraging various hyperviigilant and PTSD states!
The psychosocial and biological basis of affect shifted in the mid 1990's to an emphasis on understanding emotional engagement. It is not about the BS of the management of "learned behaviors" but rather the moment to moment nuances of emotions/relationships that cultivate the healthy autonomous foundations of self with others and neuronally wires a healthy mind-brain-body. Look up Developmental Affective Neuroscience. This includes emotional foundations of real science, for example, Infant and Childhood Mental Health, Polyvagal Theory and Interpersonal Neurobiology.
:/
Hoy kano paayos man
Kaya pa France? HAHAHA galit galit kana.
Thank you so much