consumerism is making us lonely
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- the downsides of consumerism just keep growing & growing. I'm currently on a mission to find joy outside of consumerism, but first, let's explore WHY & how community is the solution! For 10% off your first month of therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp▸▸▸ betterhelp.com...
Join over 4 million people who’ve met with a therapist on
BetterHelp and started living a healthier, happier life.
"You cannot do all the good that the world needs,
but the world needs all the good that you can do." ©
"Do your best & advocate for the rest"
=============================================
⇨ FIND ME AROUND THE INTERNET:
I N S T A G R A M » Shelbizleee (bit.ly/3zNR0DT)
T I K T O K » Shelbizleee (vm.tiktok.com/...)
D I S C O R D » ( / discord )
T W I T T E R » Shelbizleee ( / shelbizleee )
P I N T E R E S T » ( / ecoshelbizleee )
MY ORG IN AUSTIN - www.instagram....
MY PERIOD UNDERWEAR BRAND - www.instagram....
△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△
⇨ COMPANIES I LOVE
--▸ Get a FREE consultation with SunPower (the solar panels I have!) bit.ly/SunPowe...
--▸ Get 15% off a Compostable Pela Phone Case with code "Shelbi"
shrsl.com/45mki
--▸ Period Underwear - I no longer recommend Thinx. Instead check out / kayanessofficial
--▸ Get $10 OFF Who Gives A Crap toilet paper with code "SHELBI10"
tidd.ly/3SZhBsn
--▸ Get 10% OFF your Tushy Bidet with code "SHELBI10" hellotushy.pxf.io/ZnzAX
--▸ Get 10% OFF your Zero Waste Swaps at Earth Hero with code "SHELBI"
tidd.ly/2UsOgfI
--▸ Get $10 OFF Discarded Produce at Imperfect Produce
imprfct.us/v/Sh...
--▸ Plant Trees while you search with Ecosia - IT'S FREE!
ecosia.co/shelbi
ALL other discount codes are here ▸▸▸ www.shelbizlee...
*some links above are affiliate links, this means I earn a small commission if you use them!
△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△▽△
What I'm Wearing
Necklace - tidd.ly/920ce764
Top - bit.ly/thredUPa...
Make Up - • zero waste make up rou...
Learn More:
www.shelbizlee...
For business inquiries:
shelbizleee@gmail.com
New way to be less socially anxious unlocked: think to myself “this is what the billionaires want”
Here I am returning a drill kit that I bought because I need to put some shelves on. But then realized I didn’t needed to buy a drill that I’m not going to use every week and I can just ask if even my landlord has one that I can borrow for the few things I’m going to use it.
Large companies are making record profits and their employees are on food stamps. Make it make sense.
Externalization is fun, isn’t it?
Yeah, so you better stop going to Starbucks and Mcdonald's 😅
@@ionelafessler5564 Done.
Greed 💯
@@summer-xt1gg so youre gonna focus on yourself and keep your blinders on willingly, while you own nothing and are exploited by the bourgeoisie. Thats a great idea, why should anything improve when we could just let things get worse.
This is such a mood. I had a baby last spring and it was like my neighbors came out of the woodwork. They were saying I didn't know you were even pregnant and such. And its true, I never talk to them. Some of my neighbors wanted to be more involved in my life after that and would stop by when I was outside with the baby to check in, bring over a little outfit, and chat for awhile and it made my husband super uncomfortable. He was like we don't know these people, it's not safe, you shouldn't accept stuff from them. And like yeah we don't, but we can get to know them. I want to get my park volunteer badge this spring so I can tote the baby in her wagon and clean up the parks with her. Hoping to create a greater sense of community, because I like that feeling too.
Girl same! All of my neighbors became more friendly and super willing to help out now that I'm pregnant. I think it's super sweet. They've dropped off lots of things for us. There are definitely still good people out there for sure!I hate that it's now seen as "weird" for people to be friendly. 😭
I think that’s the reason most communities are built by women / caregivers (are still mostly women)… they don’t profit as much from individualism as men. They suffer from it. (Let’s smash patriarchy AND capitalism! ;) )
I am 100% like your husband in those scenarios, while my partner is the opposite. If we were dogs, he's the golden retriever, I'm the livestock guardian dog. I think having both in a relationship means one partner can be the "be careful" person and one can be the "how do you know you don't like it if you don't try it" person.
@@FoxInTheStudio I 100% agree! I think there's a big fixation nowadays on finding someone who is the most compatible with you. Like answers questions the same way you do, likes the same things you do. And while common ground is important, so is our differences. My husband and I are very different people, but that's the beauty of loving someone. You get a whole new perspective on life, you try things you wouldn't, you encourage each other out of your comfort zones, you get to find joy in hobbies you wouldn't have other wise been exposed to, it brings balance to life. Ugh I know barf, so cheesy, but I love, love.
I think the person who commented about wanting more individualism from their mother wants *autonomy* not *individualism*
This is actually a very important distinction. There are some people who confuse autonomy with individualism. They aren't the same thing.
@@360shadowmoonCould you please share the difference? I want to understand better
@@corbinortiz5010My personal take.
Autonomy means the ability to exercise choices and set boundaries for yourself by yourself
Individuality is creating an identity and choices outside the community you're in.
I didn't realize this until I was post-partum. I realized "the village" that's supposed to support women doesn't exist but the wealthy can buy it. You can purchase cleaning staff, a night nurse, a support doula, a nanny, someone to cook part time....all these things that would really help with a new baby or pregnancy or healing that before were just in the village, or in your actual community, now you can only have if you buy them. The same with death support in the community during a mourning period or a funeral.
I feel you! My mom passed before I had children. My mother-in-law lives across the country and does not visit much. I felt very isolated!
Yes! I feel this. I didn’t realize how much of an island I was until I was postpartum. I spent the last year building up a support system & getting connected with my community to prepare for a second pregnancy and child. It’s been a cool experience.
That’s the reason why I now try to be the village. My second one was… difficult and because of Covid we were pretty alone in this time. Now I try to offer what I can - strawberry plants for the neighbors, babysitting for my brother-in-law, go for groceries for elderly people. We’re totally brainwashed into thinking we would bother them with our kindness but actually what can go wrong but getting a „no, thanks“?
Yuuuuup.
I do believe “villages” exist, but they’re so hard to find. I feel incredibly privileged to be a part of a small parish (neighbourhood) church. Honestly probably close to 50% of the congregation would identify as agnostic/atheist, but we’re just a community of people who strive to support each other and our neighbourhood as much as possible, much like the first Christian churches in the Bible did.
I wish that this was more common though, and existed in more secular spaces as well. Even though we don’t have any expectations for what people believe in terms of religion/spirituality, I still have a lot of neighbours who are weary of being a part of a church, and I really understand that
Shelby, this message is SO important. Thank you for making this video. As a librarian, I love to promote public libraries as incredible spaces for FREE community-growing. Truly one of the last free spaces in our world today. There are no expectations when you come into the library- you can just BE. Anyone can just BE. And libraries are actively the opposite of consumer culture! You’re not only there to borrow resources, but join others doing the same thing. Get library cards, everyone! Libraries are essential to community and they need your support more than ever.
It is embarrassing to think about how as a kid I could ask a neighbour for ingredients- and they could ask my family too but now as an adult I don't even dare to ask my neighbours for anything!
Why not?
@@ei_majpeople don't wanna be bothered. That's why I don't text anyone
Same, last I remember as 22 I was frying potato chips and the gas cylinder was empty mid way, I just knocked at my neighbour's house and asked the aunty to help fix the new one to the stove burner. She did that for me and asked some if she can get it done than me struggling with it as I just came back from the night shift. ❤ Miss those simple times, I don't remember after that when we moved I ever did that.
- COMMUNITY HALL/STORAGE: we could have a set of things owned by our community that people don't regularly need but they do occasionally so anyone could just go use it if they wanted to as long as they donated a little (according to their incomes) towards building the community group which would then go towards buying those things + people could also donate it.
- eg. hostels might have a shared 1/2+ irons (amount that's enough to be shared without it being fought on/be waited on) that gets passed around to people that need it than everyone owning it. And having a place for a community like community hall + storage to store these things or whatever could help people socialize.
🔹Instead of just asking your neighbours all the timr because they could be out even if they're friendly. (Ofcourse this should be allowed too as long as people return things asap).
Why?
In the Netherlands we have a saying 'It's better to have a good neighbor than a friend who lives far away'. To me this is quintessential to our culture. My neighbor was an older lady and her husband passed away. Most nice days she was sitting outside in frond of her house with her book and a glass of wine. Often I would join her after work, having good conversations and a good laugh. Many neighbors would join and we would sit together outside till the sun set, everyone would bring out some food and simply have a good time (sometimes a dance party). We shared a garden, a nice piece of land and all the houses are build around it (hofje). This immediately creates the opportunity for community and is a desired way of living in the cities here. But you still need people who are willing to open up to others like she did, she brought everyone together.
This is how it's supposed to be if you aks me, living next to people from different ages and walks of live. Sharing wisdom and helping each other.
As a French who has lived in the Netherlands for a few months (in Groningen) I have to say that Dutch people were absolutely lovely and that it made me realize that I did not want to live in France in the future because of the people's mindset (let's not generalize but many are so individualistic and disrespectful.) People in the Netherlands were much more welcoming and cheerful it was a real pleasure to go out because even if I was not going to exchange words with people many were just polite and smiling to you when you encountered them in the streets. It was absolutely lovely and I keep warm memories of my exchange semester in the Netherlands.
Outkast said it best; "Lend me some suga, I am your neighbor, ahh!"
Wow!! You are absolutely right!! Why does EVERYONE on the block need a ladder, a drill, a suitecase, etc. Each neighborhood should have a shed with these types of things. You grab it and put it back when finished. (not sure how you keep it from getting stolen from someone on your block though). I moved to Mexico last summer. I instantly met all of my neighbors; there's no not meeting them. You walk to the stores and/or the bus stop, so you are seeing everyone out and about. Since they do allow stores IN the neighborhoods here, they are the little family-owned ones and you actually get to know each other, unlike when you're the 200th customer the Walmart clerk has seen that day.
I did a PhD on rural facility decline, and this is exactly why small stores matter so much 🥰✨
Yes
when I lived in my homeland, 20 years ago we used to buy some stuff like working tools, ladders etc for the whole block (by splitting the costs) and keeping it in an closed utility room, andthe neighboors had keys from it. no questions asked, because you never know if you might use a tool in the future and your part was so small, so you could profit from a tool as much as you wanted. repairings were taken care of by the person who broke it, or in case of the tools "service age", again by cost splitting. my friend's family had another splitting, where different families had different things and they could share (e.g. pieces of furniture like big dissassemebling table or spare set of chairs, specific drills or tools etc)
The nordics do it to some extent at least, in my country you just ask your family,friends and neighbours off course you dont ask for everything because then you become a nuiance.
@@weird-guy agree with you. I think there should be a line in asking, so people will not just use each other and profit on each other, while not taking care on themselves.
I first heard of this concept in The Story of Stuff when I read that book in 2017. That our first solution to any problem is buying something and never can i ask a neighbor or community member for help.
Giving time and service to help is the best. I like "Sunday service" where you go to each other,s house to help finish a project/task. It's always fun, esp. the garden ones
@@vdruskas Yeah! Even tho I learned about this in 2017, I'm embarrassed to say it didn't really sink in until last year when I started volunteering.
This makes me cry. Technology/consumerism has replaced so many things we would otherwise rely on community for.
I was raised pretty isolated as an only child, so it’s hard to reach out without a structure for connecting.
I feel for you my friend❤😊
On a different note, it is common in Latin America (not sure where else) for people to have a family home, where the grandparents are there and the young married couple with their kid. Americans have been raised with the mentality that they are too good to share in this capacity.
The american ideal is so wild to me. I lived with my mom and my sister with my grandparents and it was the most wonderful way to grow up. When my ma was busy working my grandparents helped to take care of us, and now that they’re older we helped take care of them. We keep each other company instead of each living alone. We reduce our impact on the environment by having just one set of things instead of three. While it definitely can grind your gears to have three set of adults each wanting things their own way, I wouldn’t swap that time with them for anything in the world.
I’ve been talking about this very thing for a while lately - where did this bs narrative come from, that your kids are losers if they’re not out of the house by age 18? Of course, we need to create as many new (isolated) households as possible to sell more crap to.
Theres this weird natrative that "tiny homes" will solve all of these crisis but it always rubbed me the wrong way for the exact reasons you said. Every tiny home needs its own oven, its own yard care tools, its own heating and cooling unit. What is so wrong with apartments where walls and washers can be shared? Ive heard people say "well, i want my own property with my own garden." No community garden? I just dont think the answer is shoving people into tiny little shoe boxes.
One thing I want to add is that people didn't just start getting more consumerist after WWII because they had more money, it was an ACTUAL CONCENTRATED EFFORT by the US government to promote consumerism so that the economy would grow. I have a whole 567 page book that I'm borrowing from a friend called A Consumer's Republic: The Politics of Mass Consumption in Postwar America by Lizabeth Cohen that talks about this. (Have I read it? Erm, I've read some.)
Similar story with cars replacing transit, though in that case car companies VERY INTENTIONALLY made transit go out of business, and lobbied the government to build highways instead of train lines.
So when Shelbi says it's almost like consumerism was intentional. Yeah. It 100% was.
So I live in Florida and master plan communities are becoming really popular here. My parents neighborhood for instance has an elementary and middle school, a Montessori daycare, a gym, several pools, lots of walking trails, and all sorts of different types of homes. Townhomes, single family, villas, and apartments. They are also in the process of building in the community a small shopping center with a coffee shop, doggy daycare, dentist, smoothie place, sushi, brewery, and a bigger gym. They also recently built a sporting complex as well! My parents will be able to walk or bike to get groceries and coffee. Several communities in our area are moving to this type of community model.
You don’t happen to live in “The Villages” do you??
Unless all of that is free It's just like every other community and you have a village if you can pay for it.
@@brittany16950 nope! It’s down a little south of Tampa! The shops are still being built.
@@GeorgeGlass298 the pools and gym are included in the HOA fee, but the rest are regular shops. They aren’t free.
@@caitdesch Tampa is so good, I enjoy my weekly trips there all because of how close and accessible everything is (in certain areas) !!
What you were saying about how there's so many things that we all don't need to own individually because we only need them occasionally reminded me of how important the idea of the library economy is. It's great to be able to ask neighbors for something, but in the world we live in it would probably far more practical and scalable to have an organized system for sharing these sorts of items. I would love it if you looked more into the Library Economy idea and maybe did a video about it some day.
Yes! I wants to use some power tools, but I don’t really need to use them past this one small home improvement project.
as someone whose content is all about making the most ethical choice, you should really look into the problems of betterhelp as a company. they have been called out for incredibly unethical practices by multiple youtubers, and they’re funded by the israeli government. you shouldn’t be promoting a business like that on a platform that’s trying to do more good than harm.
...and Kroger
@@respondstonancyDid she mention Kroger at all in the video?
Picking on the Jews how original
Thank you! I was looking for this comment. Completely agree
I love the direction this channel is taking! really mirrors my own philosophical journey over the last couple years, and you were a big part of getting me on this path.
Another good branch off topic for this video would be how mental health plays a role in consumerism and climate change with phrases like 'retail therapy' and 'eating your emotions' where we prioritize buying things or suppressing feelings with buying things rather than addressing our feelings or getting actual therapy.
Marx talks about capitalism causing alienation from work, from self, from others and from nature.
It creates distrust where everyone has less trust from each other which I think has been exacerbated by social media. Other things that can be detrimental to the environment also contribute to the disconnect. Urban sprawl and car dependency means everyone is driving everywhere individually in their individual cars. Less chance of spontaneously running into an acquaintance on a bus or a walk. Urban sprawl and car dependency and federally mandated single house zoning and parking limits makes it that the most common places around people are strip malls and fast food joints. So places to buy from. Other than the fact a lot of these places have drive thrus, most folks go to those places to go in and out...they aren't third spaces. Then the increase in secularism decreased interest in the church and other religious places as well contributes to the decline in third places. No local pubs like in europe or affordable/free communit centers or just a town square with small mom & pop shop store fronts. No just mass urban sprawl and car dependency plus capitalism/hyper consumerism plus the extreme individualism "pull yourself up from the boot strap mentality" combines together to make an extreme polarized, isolated, alienated society. Where distrust is rampant, everyone is lonely and the environment is heavily commodified.
Lack of community I believe is also why we are seeing the rise of trends like the Stanley Cups. People want to belong. If I have this thing, I belong to the group. Even if you never actually interact with these people in your day-to-day life.
Yes indeed 😊
One thing I really appreciate about our local library is we have a tool checkout. They have hammers, shovels, power tools etc. It saved us from having to buy so many things because we can just check it out and then bring it back. Now in our new home our neighbor is so friendly he just let's us take any tools we need out of his garage when we need it. We do any maintenance on his property that needs done since he is older. It's a lovely thing having good neighbors.
I describe individualism in a much simpler way, it's just looking out for number one, for yourself and perhaps even your immediate family, at the expense of your neighborhood, city, state, country, and world. It's all about what benefits you.
let's goo class analysisi!! I love the lens of environmentalism through community and class intersection. It's so much more richer. Love the direction
I remember when I was a kid my whole street helped each other. My mom would send me to the neighbors with a little cup for sugar, my dad cut grass for the elderly neighbors, and we had a long blackout in the middle of the summer at one point. Everyone's food was going bad but one neighbor had a generator. This man went door to door and told everyone to come bring their food. He cooked enough to feed everyone on our street and stored the rest for the next day to cook for everyone again. He turned a scary situation into a block party and everyone loved it.
LOVE this video. Community has been a huge focus for me as well in recent years. I've just been through a really hard time with a lot of loss, and I don't know where I would have been without my community. Now that I'm doing better, I'm trying to focus on giving back to the people who kept me afloat. As a mental health professional, this is something I also try to help my clients cultivate. But also as a mental health professional, I'd encourage you to look into BetterHelp's practices such as selling consumer health information and the way they treat the therapists working for them. This isn't a slight against you, I just don't think it's common knowledge that this company is... sketchy at best and is more a tech company than an actual mental health service. Regardless, I love the video and love your content. 🖤
How can I connect with my community? I don't know how to make friends. The best way to start in my mind is my church, but again, don't know how to make friends
I was thinking the same. I mean it’s good for people that need quick help with a professional at their site but at the same time one has to reveal some sensitive information to use the service
This is such a small part of community but I remember growing up and I had different friends who all had different things at their houses which would bring us all together. One friend had the gaming system, one friend was closest to the park, one friends mom made the best after school snacks, I was the sleepover house and that truly created a rotating community and a small way of sharing resources 20 years ago. The breakdown of that, that everyone owns a “insert item here” means you don’t need to share and therefore you don’t need to go to your friends/community to share things.
When I was younger I used to live on a Native American reservation and it truly felt like a community all the time. If you need help or accommodations people will try their best to get what you neeed, When you’re forgotten about and left to fend for yourselves by the government that caused you to be in such a position…you start to care about your community and people in it more. Once we moved and I was not around the reservation more I truly saw and felt disconnected from the people around me. I was used to knowing everyone I lived around. It was a very different and difficult thing to deal with I felt so lonely even when I did make friends I still felt lonely. I’m 25 now and want to go back to my reservation I miss the connections I had and felt. I just can’t seem to get those same connections and feelings they just don’t feel the same to me. It call feels surface level connection and still individualistic and not a deep community connection that I miss deeply
Love to see the community engagement! I also struggle with anxiety in social situations and your dedication is inspiring!
Thank you so much!! I grew A LOT last year pushing myself and I learned a lot. I would say it was worth it & I believe in you!!! ❤️
Thank you!! I am taking one step at a time and am already enjoying having more community time and relationships even if it is hard sometimes!@@Shelbizleee
I absolutely agree with everything you said. Like another commenter, when I had kids I realised just how much I needed my community. We're not meant to raise children all on our own while your partner is at work 12 hours a day. We used to live in multi-generational households with neighbours close by, but now all of that has been taken from us
On my street, most of the homes are empty. They're vacation homes/ investments. They are giant new homes filled with everything you could need. Never really see people there. It's wild.
I always found it weird how I was suddenly a loser at 19 because I lived with my parents. I had to work had to keep in touch with friends. It's so hard to not become isolated. You can't even find a date without an app these days.
Thank you for talking about how you feel like no one likes you. I feel that way as well! I love your channel, but I do hope you will find better sponsorships in the future as I have not heard many positive things about that certain company....
I hear you. My understanding when taking on this partnership is that many of the concerns from years ago have been corrected & I was given specifics & metrics. But I’ve seen the response from people here and will terminate any further work with them. I have no interest in working with brands you guys dislike & don’t trust. Appreciate the understanding ❤️
This is not the first of your video I’ve seen but this is definitely one of the most impactful ones!! This video made me rethink a lot about my lifestyle. I get the general idea of how consumerism makes us lonely but when you pointed out the specifics I had many “oh crap” moments. THANK YOU SO LUCH FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO! Please make more so I can think about my life while eating breakfast!
“You cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good that you can do.” Something to live by
I have been feeling very disconnected from those around me and this video made me feel validated and seen. I care about the way I move about the world and how that effects those around me. Thank you for making this video, I have learned a lot.
More videos like this please!! I'd love to hear your experience with individualistic thought patterns and actions to help break them, if you're willing to share.
Hi Shelby! Just wanted to let you know that Better Help has recently been in some hot water. Every company has some scandal at some point but if they are doing the things they are accused of I don’t believe your principles would align with theirs. I understand how the company could still help people who don’t have access to better options but I don’t believe their means justify the end. This was pretty vague because I don’t want to tell you you are right or wrong by partnering with them, I just believe you should research the company if you haven’t already. I hope this didn’t sound mean. 7:37
How do I like this video a billion times?! This is all such good information I need on repeat in my brain. I always fall into the trap “if I’m thrifting it’s not really consumerism.” But you’re right what I’m really looking for is community. thanks for this video!!
Shelby, as a subscriber since 2019 and future mental health counselor I am SO EXCITED for this new era. Human connection, a sense of belonging, communities, third spaces, families- all crucial for resilience and human development. We must not let it all slip for profit. I am here for this journey, keep going sis.
I love everything about this!! It definitely called me out in a lot of ways-i am quite individualistic. But I hope to be better in the next few years.
First time caller long time listener, I am going through a similar process of reflection this year too. I am so excited for more consumerism content!!!!
First off, LOVE LOVE LOVE the bangs! So cute!
Secondly it is so refreshing to hear someone point out societal flaws that have made me feel like an outcast for so long. As sad as it is, it’s nice to know that other people are lonely too. I feel so isolated all of the time, but struggle to find a community that I fit into. It makes so much sense why it is so tough to meet people and know the people in my community. Our societal norms and “ideal” lifestyles don’t make it easy. Consumerism invites in jealousy, envy, and competition with the very people that we should be able to rely on… our neighbors. Living on the west coast, I especially feel that cost of living makes it near impossible to have the time to connect with community. We work our 40+ hour work weeks and try to maintain households individually, and it feels like there is very little time or energy to get to know, and spend time interacting with community. It’s sad, I hope to see things change in my lifetime. I’m tired of seeing my gen z peers exhausted, anxious, and isolated as they try to make ends meet. Thank you for bringing this message to light. I hope more people can hear this and feel inspired that having community isn’t a lost cause. We all need to reconnect.
I heard somewhere that the perfect consumer(from a business standpoint) is one who is atomized. And this is so true.
This means you have to buy everything, pay for every good and service and you often don’t do a lot of shopping in bulk so you end up paying more in the long run.
At the end of last year we adopted a dog. It is our first (after a childhood dog many moons ago) and in the beginning it was quite challenging because she was quite young, and although we did a lot of research we still underestimated the impact of her coming into our lives. That’s when I realised a community helps so much. We’re Belgian and live in a city, so social connections with people you don’t already know can be a bit challenging. 😅
During the walks in these past 4 months I’ve talked to sooooo many people, more than in the 5 years I lived in this city. And this is how I noticed how much loneliness and need for connection there actually is. A girl literally asking me if she could pet my dog because she was having a really bad day and she needed a pick-me-up, an older lady practically ‘cornering’ me in the dog food aisle to talk about her cats,.. In the beginning I sometimes felt overstimulated, still being a bit nervous myself about the full responsibility over my dog during the walk + all the talking 😂 but now I find it so fun that people come over and talk about their furry friends, ask about her, wanting to pet her, wanting to give her a treat if I take her along for a coffee break,.. I feel more at home in my city now that I ‘know’ more people, and when I see so many people smile when they look at my dog. It’s fun to see she can bright up someone’s day, even for a second. ❤
It’s been a real struggle to build a community where I live in San Francisco, the wealth inequality and it being home to the tech world can be real barriers.
It’s such a shame too because it’s so walkable and the public transit is amazing!! But when every single one of my neighbors have installed gates in front of their porches and anti theft devices in their garage doors, it’s hard to talk to people when you’re afraid of them.
Last year, I had a battery problem with my car, and I couldn't start it. I asked for a neighbour if they could boost my car. I was so anxious to ask for help and I almost begged to be helped because at first they didn't wanted to. A few days after, I made some cookies as a gift to thank them for helping me, because their help made such a big difference regarding that problem. When I gave them the cookies, they seemed happy, but I never heard anything from them after that.
people feel ashamed not only to ask for help, but also give help and get a gratitude for that. I had a story on asking my college co-student to share the lecture notes with me, as I was sick and missed important information. it is not common for my profession to share, as lawyers see each other as competitors. I invited her for a drink or coffee as a way to say thank you, and she rejected, and later accused me of stalking her, although I asked only once...
Message from a qualified therapist - before starting therapy look up the NICE guidelines for the mental health difficulty you feel you’re struggling with - counselling (which is what most people offer by default) will not work for PTSD or social anxiety for example. Both are only recommended to be treated by CBT with 90 minute sessions.
Also, a good therapist will push you to do uncomfortable things and will work collaboratively to help this feel manageable. They may also say things that are hard to hear - but you also need to make sure you get on with them too!
One of things that has done wonders for me is volunteering to create a community garden in the new town that I had just settled into. I’m an introvert and socially awkward but becoming more connected with my neighbours has been a worthwhile investment. When you show up for people, people show up for you.
This is so I’m point! I have been focusing a lot more on community the last couple years too and it has completely changed my life and my mental health for the better! The feeling of having people you know and can trust near by or that you helped your community is so fulfilling and freeing!
I needed to hear this and really appreciate your perspective. I also have social anxiety (and general anxiety) and I've moved around a lot which has made me feel isolated and even more anxious. I've been in my current location for 1.5 years and have been feeling like I need a sense of community. I'd love to hear more tips and thoughts on this topic!
Usually I don´t comment on videos but this was so inspiring and I am so grateful that you talked about all these things and stressed how important community really is. You put my random thoughts into words that make so much sense. I live in Germany and just moved from a big city into a pretty small village only a few months ago and my sense of community has improved so much already. Of course in my hometown I had friends and my coworkers but now every time I visit this big city I’m realising how disconnected I was and felt from pretty much everything around me. Moving was the best decision I could have possibly made and I really hope that someday people will understand how destructive individualism actually is and how much better all of our lives would be if we just started working together.
Thank you so much for this very special and needed video!
I recently bought a house in my hometown and this is the first time in my life I've felt the benefits of a community. People who go to our church offered to come over and help me when I hurt my back. A family member who lives nearby installed a generator for us so we're ready next time there's a storm. My neighbors call us for help with things sometimes, and we can call them. And I've felt inspired to get involved with food security and native plant gardening to contribute to my town. It's a huge shift from past years in my life where I didn't know my neighbors. The emptiness I felt before I was always trying to fill with shopping/food/tv, etc., but it turns out, it was a hole that only community could fill.
I agree with this video wholeheartedly. I have been talking to my friends for years about starting an intentional community.
I was also shocked to see how isolated people live in the US when I moved here.
Community > consumption
Early gang 🩷✨️ Happy valentine's day Shelby!!!
Edit: You're inspiring me to get in touch with my community 🙌🏾
I’ve always prided myself in being someone who was never lonely, but after moving away to a new city, looking for a job and with no friends, the loneliness started to sink in. I knew that the workplace often provides us with people to talk to, commute, well a structure! And income to buy things we might want/need. I didn’t have that at the moment, so I took it upon myself to try and volunteer. I found a cool place that rents objects, cookware, yard tools, etc. From people to anyone who needs it. That’s where a lot of societal issues meet : people who don’t have space for an outside vacuum can borrow one, people who want to make ice cream with their kids can rent one, people who don’t have money to buy a good quality drill for a few days can have it and give it back later. I know those places won’t solve the world’s problems but I’m really glad it exists. I finally feel good in a place where I don’t have to be productive and put a mask on, and yet I feel useful :) and I get to talk to funny individuals haha
One way to encourage shared resources in your community is to see if your local library has a "library of things"! If your library doesn't have one, ask if they're interested in starting one. Some libraries will have things like cake pans, water test kits, power tools, lawn games, etc. Objects that we don't need to buy and store as individuals.
This method of sharing and borrowing is a bit more structured, but it's a good way to lower the barrier to entry for anyone who is intimidated by the idea of shifting away from individualism :)
As someone who as a kid grew up in a very community driven country ( Morocco) I grew up watching the switch between living in community and individualism raising. When my mom was growing up they were 14 under the same roof, we are currently 2, same for my dad who grew up in a big family and who even rented a part of their family house to a women that wasn’t from his family. A lot of people like my grandparents really struggled mentally to adjust to this shift and do still feel wayyyyy happier when we are having a family dinner, I remember as a kid I used to play in the street with the neighbors kids and used to go to their house, be babysitted by them, if we needed a grocery we would use our neighbors and wouldn’t go to the grocery shop, we would give them my books once I finish my academic year so that their kids can use them for when they get my age . My mom still knows the names of her childhood neighbors, their jobs, their family dramas and still goes to their weddings and funerals but now I don’t even know my next door neighbors/
It is honestly so sad to watch this shift because it just makes us miserable and to forget that we tend to fall into consumerism and internet addictions
Fun fact when my mom was a kid people didn’t have baking ovens at home cause they had collective ones in their neighborhood so they would prepare their bread and then take them there to be coocked.
A lot of families used to live all together like the grandparents from the father side will live with all their sons, the wives of the sons and their grandchildren in big houses with an open central area when they would wash the clothes, hang out .. ( it called traditional riads if you wanna look it up )
Thank you for this. I’m probably moving this year so I’ve been postponing getting involved in my community more until that happens, but this video is very inspiring (and I don’t say that lightly), especially as someone with major imposter syndrome and some social anxiety.
I spotted the flippy layers and face framing bangs immediately! 🤩😍 Gorgeous, as always. Ok. Back to watching the video. 🫶
I’m soooo excited for this kind of content. I feel like I’ve personally outgrown the ‘what I have in my ZW bag’ ‘10 things I don’t do anymore’ kind of content because I feel like there’s so much of the same videos/reels, and it felt like I too was stagnating a bit with being energised to be eco. In the beginning it was exciting to do different shopping, implementing other things, being very mindful of buying or recycling etc. But now that it has become a routine (which of course is great) I feel like I miss that challenge? This deeper thinking and broader feeling is much needed!!!! Keep it up!
P.s. you don’t have to apologise for a ‘weird’ voice. Ever. ❤
P.p.s. The bangs look bangin’!
P.p.p.s. Thank you for being an inspiration.
Say it! Keep spreading the message of community, no matter who tells you you are wrong.
I have mixed feelings on community, mostly because in my experience you get taken advantage of without reciprocation and it gets emotionally exhausting.
While I appreciate the message, it is worth knowing that a lot of people that we happen to move around, such as coworkers or neighbours, are not aligned to our belief system, therefore trying to connect with them will leave us feeling inadequate and judged. As a queer child free by choice feminist , this happens all the time to me. I go to events that I know people are of similar ideology and connect to people there, but I live in a conservative area and country, so to try to connect with my neighbours would be a suicide mission for my mental health. I already avoid family members because of how much they judge me for just existing as I see fit but not according to their standards.
Also, regarding sharing communal stuff, I have with my roommates and they wear down much faster that way. So, I don't think sharing is really the solution, rather buying one of something, good quality and use it until it wears down, then when you don't need it anymore you can give it away.
My great grandmother canned food with a group of friends, she was part of a quilting group and did a lot with her church. There really wasn’t any shopping.
"How many suitcases are on your block" really inspires me-- decentralized library mentality! I want to make my buy nothing group be as much about borrowing as permanent transfers. I'm about to move and cant wait to put this into practice in my new apartment.
Loneliness is making us consumers.
This is very true; thinking of all the times I’ve taken myself to target to give myself something relaxing to do, I’m sad and lonely
i've not seen anyone talk about the thing that in white families we are seen as failures if we're not out of the house by 18. I feel this so strongly in my country and have been saying this for years because as someone disabled it is incredibly hard for me to keep up with the hyper independence. I think its so so strange how we live like this when in other cultures it is perfectly normal to share a big house with your family and help each other out. we are so lonely in our 20s in our single apartments away from our families and for what
Were are you from? i´m white and from europe and in my country you are not seen as a failure if you live at home because is very common here, you are more of a failure if you don´t have a job and in some cases if don´t have a bf/gf.
Me being dominican finding it weird that you got surprised by a neighbour giving you their food, thats the whole point of them, in fact when someone new moves we say "if you need anything even a little salt talk to me"
Have you ever made a video or anything talking about an introvert finding community? As a fellow introvert I would appreciate it lol. Bc I desperately want community but also social anxiety 😅
I remember this feeling of community when I lived in a big walkable city in the dorms , we had 1 vacuumed for about 15 dorm rooms and I borrowed some comet off a girl on my floor to clean the nasty grout my roommate didn't clean because she thought it was supposed to be that way.. I remember that time fondly feeling like I had a community . I didn't realize how much I'd missed it until you brought that up. I hope one day to be able to buy up land and rent it out it to like minded people who want a place for children to run around and play and grow food. Until then I got to put myself out there and take care of my mental health
I went to NCSU in 2003 through 2006 and people were a lot more connected to each other back then versus today
This might be the best video you've ever made. Lots of food for thought.
Also, the bangs are amazing. They frame your face beautifully.
This might be the most important video on the internet. Thank you so much for the huge inspiration that you are, Shelbi!!! ❤❤❤
Next time my friends ask me why I want to get to know my neighbors I’m going to send them this
Off topic but I love your hair like thisssss
Hard to build a community when the people in the community have to constantly moving because rent goes up every year by 75% but pay doesn't.
100%!! Been experiencing this so much 🥺
@17:56 I would just like to stop and interject with my 2 cents. I'm from California but live in Sydney Australia now. There aren't more houses/apartments being built, *at least not at the rate people need them. It's one factor in the housing/rental affordability crisis. Sometimes building more is a positive thing for people. Working class are being squeezed out of the first time home ownership market and/or finding a very hard time securing rental housing because the market is so competitive and landlords jack up their prices because of the lack of available rentals.
“You’re much more concerned with what you’re wearing than the person down the street” 😮🤯 that’s real
22:20 I also think though that if you ask someone for a lift, for example, they will think why don’t you just use an app for that. And they wonder what you will be able to do for them in return because they don’t need anything from you because they will just buy it. So it’s like we don’t really need each other anymore or maybe we do but we don’t want to admit it because we judge each other for needing each other and be suspicious that we won’t get anything back. Also, people are so connected to other people in different countries or parts of the country that they don’t need a community because they can just drive to places to see their people. But this affects poor people who don’t have a car or money to travel for example, and who want a community.
Also, I think people are more judgmental, and less accepting of people who are different than themselves. Or perhaps because people have come from all different places to live in one community (since we can all travel and move around more easily) people have less in common, and then instead choose to travel to visit people who are similar to themselves.
Additionally, the Internet and social media has made us lazy and lose our social skills.
This video really truly brought me to tears. I’m so excited to cultivate the world I wanna see and reach out to others. It feels so hopeless if you’re alone in your efforts.
I’ve been doing a lot of research into volunteer opportunities in my community all thanks to your influence
You’re my fav anti-influencer lol
i am glad people have been seeing this more and more. but it didn't start in 2020 it didn't start in 2010 it started before the 2000's if you want a clear date I want to say it started in the 1980's is when it really started to ramp up and neighbors started to act less neighborly. this has been going on for many years people putting wedges in-between people, its easier to control a group (or a country) of people if you are affecting there emotions. its hard to think when you are unhappy, angry, frustrated, confused and lonely. so you start acting weird and mean towards people and you don't even know their name or their life story and what they have been through. for the most part its for money and votes. I hope you are safe whoever reads this and I hope you have a wonderful day. 🖤
I have ONE recommendation: learn to know your neighbours (and others in your neighbourhood).
Girl, I know my neighbors. They are horrible people. There's no way I'm going to lend them my lawn mower because then I'd never see it again lol. People suck.
Shelbizzle dropping HEAT like a climate disaster 🫠😂
THANK YOU for talking about this!! I've started talking about the need for community with my close circles also, because we're all feeling the negative impacts of individualism, even where I live (not the US) and our culture is supposedly more inclined towards consideration of others.
This is one of the best examples of using your platform for good. Even more important being american, since your society is the global point of reference for many things, but it appears that hyper-consumerism is rapidly shredding the social contract.
This was such an interesting video Shelbi, but I’m going to have to admit I was distracted by your hair the whole time. You look AWESOME with the fringe and colour girl! ❤❤
My town has a tool library! Ive not used it yet, but i love that it exists!
This video topic/discussion gave me a lot to think about and reflect on! Thank you for making it :)
I’ve been living in Germany this past year and the difference in auto use affects so much. My host mom knows all of her neighbors, we can always find a grocery store within walking distance, public transport is decent and bikes are common. We hate Henry ford for the rise of the automobile and lobbying to make our country car-centric.
Yay top 85 and top 8 likes and comments. Love this channel. Best to you. Thanks for making this video. Happy Valentines Day.
This year I found a community like this and it is crazy how it changes everything! This past year I learned to take without shame and give without expectations. I have learned it’s ok to not get something and rely on others who do have it and vice versa! Individualism has created such closed off ways of living. Even with our friends and loved ones. It’s crazy.
My word is "barter". I want to focus more on trading on hand and available materials vs buying everything, even secondhand. I feel like bartering needs to be a bigger part of our goals for sustainability and a circular economy.
I cannot wait for more of your videos on this topic and its offshoots! Its been on the forefront of my mind for a while now too. Glad us millenials (and gen Z) are all arriving at this viewpoint together
I’m autistic so of course I still live with my parents after turning 18
I man yes. Ive started doing foodsharing recently and even though i only meet the people for half an hour mostly i feel a bunch less lonely
Your hair looks so cute this way! Also just wanted to say thanks for creating content that is realistic for people to apply to themselves, its helped me and my close friends/family so much
Love this!! I’ve been following for a long time and have gone through a similar mindset shift when thinking about sustainability. Can’t wait to see more.
I feel like talking to your neighbors is a skill younger generations are losing. I feel lucky I had it modeled for me. My late uncle ALWAYS spoke with his neighbors. It helped that he was outside a lot because he was doing yardwork or smoking. I feel like sitting outside your home on a porch and having eyes on the street is another thing we've lost. My uncle would fix kids bikes, take food to neighbors in need (even ones he had disagreements with), share plants, lend out tools etc. As a result even since he passed away I don't need to worry about my grandmother. My uncle made so many connections all the neighbors look in on her.
I've been watching your videos for years but I love the direction your channel has taken in the last year or so. The intersectionality of consumption, the environment, our mental health, and societal structures is so so important and has totally reframed by thinking about eco-friendly behaviors.