I had to have a long, late night discussion with my wife about this. Nothing happened, but she had guy friends at work that she would have conversations with outside of work. I had to explain to her that I wasn't paranoid and that I trust her, but also that the heart is deceitful and we're all capable of sin (not to mention the lust factor built into primarily men). I respectfully asked her if she would set boundaries that she could be loving toward them professionally, but that she wouldn't have private moments with them where intimacy could be built. I told her she could expect the same out of me. At the beginning of the conversation, she didn't seem to be on board, but by the end, she understood that I was trying to approach the situation with wisdom and love. Don't be afraid to have the hard conversations, even if the world would call you "insecure."
Why not agree to be friends as a couple? Of course even when friends as couples there can be affairs (if one wants that will go that route they will) but if you are together as friends there is going to be a lot less chance of infidelity.
They would not be do rare if people would have already been practicing control when they were single. The problem is many people have already been so lax with their sexual morals when they were single so when they get married the idea of control is a whole new thing.
I work in an office where I’m the only guy around most of the the time but once work ends I’m going home to my wife I ain’t going out for drinks or texting them for non work related things. Boundaries y’all 💯
@@RyanREAX That can be - if people want to not be faithful they will. The only way to control that is to follow her everywhere she goes and have her wear a Chasity belt or something but who wants to live like that. We already are living in a society with enough surveillance (government and corporate).
You CAN be friend with the opposite gender. But being best friend's with the opposite gender is NOT what I'd recommend, because there will be hidden meanings and underlying feelings when a man spend most of his time with a girl alone, just bonding as best friends.
I completely agree! Becoming best friends is unwise, at that point if you're both single you should get married. If you're already married to someone other than your "best friend" of the opposite sex then something should change, and some boundaries need to be made.
1,000%. Intimacy is no joke. Once you're in close quarters with a women, by yourself, I don't care who you are nor what religion you claim to be a part of, that's a recipe for disaster. Maybe not right away, but over time you risk developing feelings for this woman and once that happens? What then?
I think if one can’t love their sisters with all purity, that’s a major problem with having friends of the opposite gender. For me, I have friendships with my sisters who I truly love and actively lead toward Christ. I think being able to have both guy and girl friends is a major plus and allows you to gather perspectives from fellow brothers and sisters. That’s in the Christian context though, definitely a whole different thing for relationships not founded on Christ.
Can you clarify what exactly you mean by "friendship?" Do you differentiate between being friendly and being friends in the way that most people understand that term? In other words, friendly is sitting and speaking to a women at work, during lunch. That's friendly. But say you’re married and you call your wife and she’s golfing with her Christian friend Phil, a friend she met at work, would you be okay with that? Let’s say that you even met the guy and he seemed nice, do you think it’s appropriate for your wife to be out and about with some guy the same way she would be with a girl friend of hers? Because that's what friends do, right? Or am I missing something here?
So refreshing to hear this. This was how me and my husband entered marriage with no opposite gender friends and boy we caught some heat for it. But here we are 14 years later going strong.
@MyriamBernard13 we are friendly with the opposite gender. We also lead groups. We just don't hang out by ourselves seperately with those individuals or have private conversations with them.
@colemansinacottage7701 hanging out alone with someone, I can see how that can be a slippery slope for sure. Like I said, you gotta do what's best for you and yours while honouring God! I respect it nonetheless
Ruslan, I agree with you when you said that people live their Christian life like they are walking on eggshells is because some preachers have inserted those believes for decades. Living a christian life should be about improving yourself everyday with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I think this applies mostly to people who are of this world. As a Christian, you aren’t supposed to take your friend up on the offer to fornicate/commit adultery. In fact, Jesus says you shouldn’t even be fantasizing these scenarios with any woman. Brothers and sisters do not let anyone corrupt your mission to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
I think the point is that males and females cannot be in friendships that are completely devoid of romantic tension even on a subconscious level. Not necessarily fornication
@@HerveyShmervy I appreciate you making additional supporting points to my initial statement. As followers of Christ we should be able to have self control
Why put yourself in the circumstances to have to exercise your self control? Aren’t we to avoid the “near occasion of sin”? Sure you COULD do it, it doesn’t mean it’s wise.
@albinosh4dow i looked it up to see where exactly that is in the bible but all i got was that its just some catholic advice stuff. It is not wrong to be in a den of lions if your heart is for God. Im fact God can be glorified through that.
Great point on avoiding such relationships even if aiming to be platonic. I once attended a new church, day one a pretty female's batting her eyelashes at me, inviting me over to Bible study after the service. Caught off gaurd, I had to check myself and respectfully decline. The Holy Spirit was practically shouting: avoid! It's good to remember Joseph literally fled.. and Paul uses that same language; It might sound legalistic to some, yet, it's what the Bible teaches.
She wasn't planning on being platonic, chief. Both parties are required to agree on that for it to work; that doesn't even sound like the _start_ of a friendship lol. There was no foundation whatsoever to support showing up at some pretty stranger's "bible study" in order to just be "platonic". A proper, actually pure foundation is required too. You were 100% pulled away from a setup that was doomed from the start.
@legendo1328 Yeah but if men and women can indeed be friends, what is the issue with inviting him over for a Bible study? If some dude invited me to his Bible study out of the blue I wouldn’t assume he’s trying to be weird (as a man myself). Is it because of the natural attraction between man and woman? You’re making Ruslan’s point.
@@albinosh4dow ...Like I explained, the scenario he described makes it very clear she wasn't just aiming for simple bible study. That is the issue. No one is pretending that there isn't naturally a potential for attraction between men and women. Which is obviously why you need to be careful when it comes to situations like that and why I said a _proper foundation_ is needed. I have friends that I have known so long I consider them sisters, and am disgusted by the idea of romantic relations with them almost as if they were my actual blood. If you literally are unable to hang around any similarly-aged female WITHOUT some level of attraction or without being open to the possibility of a romance, I truly believe something is wrong with the way you see the opposite sex and that you need a reset. Imagine a scenario where you need to take a trip to the grocery store with your wife's sister, or your brother's wife for example: you really can't be alone with your sister-in-law without temptation or being afraid of someone slipping up and crossing a line? What? And I'd say you should be just as cautious of a dude asking you "out of the blue" to a bible study like that. You have no idea what he has going on inside. Use your feelers.
Yeah. It sounds like a sexy date disguised as 'good Christian activities.' Lol A more appropriate option might be a coffee date in a public place. I don't know how to articulate it exactly, but I agree this is not a good foundation for a platonic relationship. A one-on-one Bible study just sounds so intimate and vulnerable. I wouldn't want to do it even with a same sex person I had just met.
The no platonic friend thing has always kind of ticked me off, (and I mean the general idea of it as the standard, not peoples personal boundaries,) because I do have girl friends that I have no interest in romantically, and I can't imagine I'm the only guy that does, I guess it feels like guys like me get the the raw end of the stick 🤷♂
Same here brother. Plenty of female friends that I never looked at romantically or even sexually. Guys like us are a rare breed though. Opposite sex friendships aren’t impossible, they’re just really hard. It’s an exception to the rule. That’s something that I’ve come to terms with over the years.
@@armandvega2752 It is difficult, but not impossible. I think this all lies in the definition of friend. If a prerequisite to being friends is alone time together, and keeping up with one another constantly, no boundaries, and a ton of frequent communication, etc. Then I'd agree with Ruslan. However I don't believe throwing yourself into a compromising situation is necessity in friendship with the opposite sex (mind you, friendship is not defined like this biblically). Hold yourself accountable to others for it just as you ought to with any friendship or endeavor of life, sin multiplies and thrives in secrecy. If as a male your buddy leads you to sin in the form of drunkenness because he decides to bring home a few drinks when you're visiting, and it tempts you as a (hypothetical) former alcoholic, it's kind of similar to being tempted by the sexual tension that tends to influence us humans, in the sense that both can be contained with boundaries and accountability. We aren't so quick to cut fellow men who may influence us to sin from our life completely as we are women. Generally the best course of action is to set up some boundaries and spend less time with this male friend. Why not the same with men and women who are friends? Frequency can affect a lot, so can secrecy. We should set boundaries and have accountability with mature believers for friendship with unbelievers who may influence us, and friendships in general. We must also remember that even brothers and sisters in Christ can fool around and influence each other to sin if we aren't careful. Linking back to the topic; I think we must also acknowledge that as a guy, friendship with a female is different than it is with our guy friends. Likewise with the ladies and their female friends. I think one of the biggest problems is that we desire secrecy, and feel entitled to do whatever we want to and feel unburdened and free in our relationships with the people around us. The same can be applied to someone who isn't willing to take steps on distancing from an addiction for the sake of this feeling of freedom and comfort. Instead of sacrificing our faulty view of freedom for the true freedom found in setting godly boundaries out of a love for your friend, and more importantly God Himself. These are my thoughts on it at least, thank you to anyone who took the time to read all that, and God bless you in your journey with Him my brethren!
I agree. I don't need to argue about it constantly cause I'm certain of what I know and feel. Jesus knows my heart too. I've settled with this: everyone's relationship is unique, everyone's walk with God is personal, and A LOT of weak people can NOT be friends with the opposite gender, but doesn't mean everyone. Let them set up their boundaries and you do yours the way it makes sense to you. :)
Disagreeing with a man's intentions for a female friend as a female doesn't hold up, sorry. To what purpose does a guy that has your number while you have a boyfriend hold?
@@justchilling704 I'm saying chasing sanctification or not, it's similar as to withholding sex during marriage which Paul advised against. If we were sanctified why would we need to do that?
I have had a couple of platonic guy friends. I looked at them like brothers. We even fought like siblings. I have also crossed the line; not physically but emotionally. There has to be boundaries. I have also had rumors swirl in all the circumstances in the workplace with completely professional relationships. I have more awareness and not alone with men in any context except my husband and son. When meeting with my pastors, it has always been in a public space within the church.
There’s a difference between being an acquaintance or “friendly” with the opposite gender and being true friends. In my opinion, you can’t have a close friendship with the opposite gender unless they’re family. When you’re genuinely close friends, that will end in an emotional affair at the least. Probably a full grown affair eventually. My husband and I both have people we’re friendly with, but we don’t make them close friends. That’s just asking for problems. People always say “well, I have a platonic close friend and that’s all it ever is.” Maybe so. But eventually, even if it takes years, something inappropriate will happen. I suppose miracles and exceptions are possible, but that’s the exception, not the rule and I wouldn’t risk my husband over it.
But as members in the body of Christ, we are family. Trying to not be friends that way with anyone but an intimate partner sounds so lonely. As if getting married meets all your intimate friendship needs- well, it doesn't. The Bible is clear that our emotional needs are to be met through a variety of relationships- older women teaching younger women, for example. If young people are taught to love and respect their opposite sex peers and not lust after them, or compete with them, it would go along way toward affecting how they regard each other later in life.
@@FireflowerDancer maybe so. But some things are human nature. And while the idea that “we’re all families in Christ” sounds lovely, in practice that would be a very dangerous way to genuinely think of strangers. Lots of people claim religion, but that doesn’t mean they’re good people or follow that religion. They’re strangers. The concept of us all being family to me means we’re united in Christ like a family is united, but that’s not your literal family. There’re lots of different needs for friends and intimacy and I think it’s important, but you don’t need it from an opposite sex person when you’re married. Any sort of intimacy will lead to problems. Even only emotional intimacy.
@@babymama406 We are in agreement that there is temptation in close relationships of the opposite sex and to be careful to gaurd against it. But I did not say that weird thing you're implying about everyone automatically being family. I don't see it that way, that would be dangerous and cult like. However, I do believe that 'church' is more than a meeting place to experience some sort of metaphorical or theoretical sense of togetherness. You should work to get to know the people in your fellowship and demonstrate love to them, or else you are the one advocating for an assumed, or theoretical, relationship. And it will be based on a shallow, appearance-based agreement in belief and lifestyle, rather than an actual tried and tested one.
Shun from the very appearance of evil. You may not be sinning by having a female friend. But the appearance may not be in your best interest. Best believe men WILL play the bench cause even benched players get rings.
I think platonic, Christian friendship between women and men is possible but it is a case of "weaker brother/sister" described in 1 Corinthians 8, just applied to friendship. Reading the comments of some brothers, it's clear some of them have no romantic feeling for their female friends (I understand, I'm a woman and have had platonic friendships with men). I think there are men&women who are just stronger/more disciplined in this area. People who simply see friends of the opposite sex as PEOPLE AND NOT S3X OBJECTS. They are people who aren't tempted in that way, but for those "weaker brothers&sisters" who may feel tempted over time it may be best to stick to male only/female only friendships.
I totally agree. It's a weakness issue and for mature believers, it's possible to have safe relationships through the process of sanctification. Too many people see church as just a weekly program, a place to impress people, or a place that will serve your personal interests. No wonder opposite sex relationships are a problem, when you have that kind of mentality.
I understand not having a multitude of opposite sex friends, but to only stick to one gender because you assume everyone wants you in an inappropriate way is childish. The Christian community is getting more and more fragile.
@@muppetonmedsFirst of all, why would your husband be out with anyone on a weekly basis? That doesn't sound like an adult. And no he wouldn't be out hanging with a woman alone. That wasn't the discussion, I suggest you actually watch the video.
Not just childish, but it also shows how over-sexualized even Christians are nowadays. Jesus had close relationships with women he wasn’t married to publicly.
No you just don’t get it. It’s about putting boundaries in place to avoid sin. Jesus said if a man even looks at a woman with lust he commits adultery with her in his heart. Stop sin at its source. So why would I unwisely put myself in a situation be with a woman alone? We don’t assume everyone wants us but it’s about avoiding mistakes.
I have a male friend who was a best friend platonically. He was like a brother. Thing is, as we have gotten in romantic relationships with others, we have stepped back from being the closest confidants. And if we connect, I connect with his fiance, and in person would be double date. Those boundaries are now in place and the dynamics change, but it's ok. And good for what God has for individually.
The minimizing of repentance is VERY DANGEROUS! You don't have to live life walking on eggshells but one MUST repent of ALL SIN if you truly desire to LIVE for Christ and see heaven! Rev 3:2-3, 19, and others! Let those with ears to hear, hear!!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@RuslanKD I truly respect your Kingdom labor, and I believe you reach MANY who are considering or young in the Christian faith. This video could very easily lead people like that to think they can sin and not have to repent beyond when they accepted Christ (assuming they repented then). It just would have been appropriate to add to your point that we all sin, "but we should repent when we do sin with the goal of turning from it." Prov 27:17
@@CCD_106 i mean he did mention it tho, there’s a part he pointed out that you should set boundaries and change friend groups if you have to. But l do get what you mean if someone can look at what he said at face value they can be easily misled.
Men and women can be 100% platonic as well as one man and one woman stranded on an island together can stick to cordial handshakes Obviously there is context to this all but the root of the issue is people have no boundaries and different definitions of “friends”.
It's interesting seeing how many are defending friendships between men & women. If friendship is in the confines of fellowship among a congregation, prayer groups etc, sure. If meeting one on one, especially if either is married, why? Jesus said if you look on a woman with lust you've committed adultery with her in your heart. Why risk that? You may cause them to stumble or you might be tempted to. It seems like adding an unnecessary stumbling block, and unwise. Even if there is no risk, it looks bad, people could get the wrong impression, seeing you out at dinner or coffee like a date?
We are so entitled to our 'freedom' that we ignore godly boundaries in order to do whatever we want, and feel comfortable. Secrecy and alone time are not necessary to call someone your friend. True freedom and biblical love are found with godly boundaries.
Cold reality. But not everyone's willing to face & accept it. Some of us want to look/feel sophisticated in our relationships. Like "He's my best friend not my boyfriend." Yeah right 😂
I generally agree that having a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender is dangerous ground. It is a strange issue for me because my best friend is a woman. Now we were friends before either of us were married. My wife and her became close friends. Her husband and I became close friends. Her and her now husband were in my wedding and me and my wife were in their wedding. I do understand this is not the norm but it can happen.
I get that. I think we get to a point where we're so secure in Christ and our faith that we aren't intimidated or afraid of the things the general public are.
It's great to point out that you sin. That there can be a struggle. Thank you brother. Too many folks want to not share our sins and that does not do much for people like me still struggling DAILY with addiction etc
Having had a lot of girls I've been just cool with over the years, I think it's doable for the same reason i can hang out with my literal sister/ cousin and not be scheming. I will say it can be challenging though cuz just because you're thinking pg don't mean the other person not thinking nc17
😂 facts. Ruslan is 100% here! I’m not saying it can’t happen… but it’s rare. For example, I have a FEW female friends, where, because I’m happily married and they are happily married, and we know each other’s families, it probably wouldn’t be weird to grab a coffee or lunch once in a blue moon. But, my wife and her husband are gonna know about it, and that mess is gonna be in public and traceable. But mostly, I don’t try to meet up with my female friends unless they got a lead on a freelance gig. 😂 I think any situation always gotta be super public… because even if there is no risk of something happening on my part, ya boy is gonna make sure there is enough evidence to prevent a “me too” situation.
I have always felt this way as well and I don't have female friends either. Tried testing myself to see if I could just be friends with one...took like two sentences before we had put our minds in a challenging spot.
The term "ho", meant for either man or woman is a harsh term. I understand the desire to capture the behavior, but we should be careful that we don't slip into being carless with our language.
@mac9683 it's a legit point. We should be seasoning our speech with salt. H* and sm*sh sounds like the world, not the Holy Spirit. We all slip up sometimes, but "taking every thought captive," avoiding even the appearance of sin is still the standard. God help us to live more as a reflection of Christ who modeled holiness and less like the world. 🙏 - Especially if we teach, as we'll be held to a higher standard.
@@Adam_A_ChristianI think using a word like ho to describe some actually doing that action doesn’t mean your words aren’t seasoned with salt. God in the Old Testament called Israel a whore and that is a much harsher term
The real question is why would someone want to be platonic friends with the opposite sex? If marriage isn't on the table then what do I get from having a female friend?
I think some people have had friends that they knew from childhood, or that they know from college, work ect. We meet people randomly through life. Unless you are intentionally avoiding the opposite gender friendships do happen.
@@hannahhannah5742 You're not understanding the point I'm making. In general, an average man would be a better platonic friend to another man than most women could be. So if a platonic relationship is what I'm looking for why would I seek out friendship with a woman when a man would do a better job at fulfilling that role? If you as a woman wanted a platonic friend to eat brunch with, walk around the mall with and watch the bachelor with do you think it would be easier to find a man or a woman that's willing to do that stuff with you? This conversation we're having right now is just another example as to why I don't want platonic female friends, they tend to get easily offended, hostile and vitriolic over the slightest thing. All I said is that there's no point in having platonic friends of the opposite sex and you'd think I killed someone based on the reaction. Why do you care so much if men don't want to be platonic friends with you???
Hey Ruslan! Peace of Christ to you brother! Love your content FR FR. in terms of once saved, always saved is a little confusing to me. Hebrews 6:4-7 explains what happens to people that truly accepted Jesus and lived through many amazing spiritual things but then rejected Christ.
this a weird take lol as a woman with 4 male best friends, all platonic, they’ve NEVER tried anything with me and there is a such thing as having pure, intentional opposite sex relationships 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 please ruslan not every man has those motives..
You got to be safe. Intimate time with an opposite sex especially one who you think is pretty can be dangerous. For instance, if a guy who is new to the faith and has come from the world of sex partying,and extc. Then it is wise not to hang out with the opposite sex.
I think probably for "traditional" mindsets, the answer is in general "no", because they'd be too fixated on gender roles, that's the primary thing they see. It seems that men aren't really interested in anything women have to offer other than physical, so why bother having them near? For individuals who can step outside of thinking in gendered terms, whether it's righteous or not, mixed sex friendships can have more authentic friendships without false pretenses.
I have several guy friends and have been single for years (literally not in a relationship with anyone) and I’m not ugly (it’s not unusual for someone to find me attractive) but I’ve never had any of them ask me out so…
I see it like this, if you are single and longing to meet someone and you try to have platonic friendship with the opposite gender then its probably not a good idea and you may have trouble. If you not single and try that can still be an issue so i see it like this as shallow or superficial ot may sound but if you go that route then befriend someone who you already can see and tell you have no attraction to and could ever think that way about them, which pretty much a lot of females do ????? Though my bad experiences doing that even when i tell her from the beginning and even keep reiterating my intentions and motives so she wouldn't be caught off guard and surprised later when i been already showing it. So its like how can a woman act like you were being not honest with your friendship when you bluntly and blatantly told her you wasn't looking for a friend or to just be friends. She knew that cause she kept accepting flowers and cards and letters and stuff and letting you flirt with her and show affection and it was for awhile until now. So either way as a guy you may be in a lose lose though i have been told you gotta be friends first but then its like setting yourself up one way or another whether thats a good thing or a bad thing is the question and the problem.
The difference between “acquaintifriends” and then friend friends and couple friends “Acqaintifriends” the people you chill with at work but probably would never hang out or talk to outside it
Two of my closest friends are women and I never seriously considered being in a relationship with them, mainly because neither of them are believers but also because they're my friends and I wish to keep them that way. I always envisioned them being at my wedding as guests and not as the bride. As an example of how platonic our relationship is, I went on holiday with them for 10 days and we stayed in one room (none of this was intentional btw, my other guy friend cancelled last minute and we didn't realise how small the air bnb was gonna be)
bro if you a straight male this sounds incredibly unwise. clearly you ain't married or dating at that time. everything is permissible but not beneficial
don't let strangers on the internet tell you what you know. all relationships are unique, and your walk with God is yours and personal. They're not wrong that it can be unwise A LOT of the time but to say 100% of the time is unwise and naive
If you die in your sins, you died in your sins. Nowhere in scripture have i seen God forgiving our future sins without repentance. If that were the case, what's the point of asking for forgiveness? I generally agree with the rest of your takes (looking at the overall picture and not hyper focused on when you slipped up)
This is why I’m ok dying alone because your not gonna gotta get rid of your friend to me that means you don’t choose me and if you spinet and say is the other person, I don’t trust you’re gaslighting me now and you still don’t trust me I could never be with someone who could imagine me and have doubts of me being faithful to them
There is practically no situation where there is a need for me, as a man, to hang out with a girl (just the two of us) if I am not hoping for something more than friendship? Guys and girls cannot be friends in this tight sense because one if not both of them always has an ulterior motive. If it isn't there at the beginning it's bound to happen soon down that road. That is why if you're already in a relationship then it is of utmost importance that you place boundaries on friends of the opposite sex and how much you can do with them. Otherwise, you are laying the foundation for jeopardy of your relationship.
Seriously the only guy friends I have are my girlfriend’s husbands, and these guys are friends with my husband 😂 brothers and sisters in Christ, sharing life together. This is the way.
Maybe I’m old school, but the idea of having any other girl friends other than my wife is very strange to me. I never had girls as “friends” growing up. If I was friendly with them, it was because I was trying to date them.
This is the conventional view in a sex-obsessed society, yes. Opposite sex people are just interesting because the potential mating act happening. In that view, there wouldn't be much room for friendships between cousins or siblings, I suppose.
I should have clarified that I’m not talking about cousins or family members, obviously that’s different. I’m speaking of non-relative members of the opposite sex and having a one-on-one relationship with no strings attached. That is a very odd concept to me.
Sir thank you for what you said in the beginning! It’s impossible to repent from sin. It’s a lie from hell and people are not focused on the blood atonement. Jesus plus nothing= salvation. Not Jesus plus we have to do (works)= salvation. It’s not a license to sin but mixing spiritual growth with salvation isn’t salvation.
@@RuslanKDBro respectfully, that’s a take too reminiscent of Islam imo. The Bible is pretty clear that men and women should be friends, we supposed to believe Mary and the other female disciples weren’t genuine friends with John, Peter, etc? I get your concerns but I disagree on this brotha 😂
@@justchilling704maybe we have different definitions of friendship. I don’t think Mary was calling up Peter or John just to hang out. They hung out in a group context but it doesn’t seem like in that culture men and women hung out alone. I can see Peter and John going fishing together I don’t see Mary and some other man doing that in that culture.
@@123ajayi Man tbh I don’t hang out with anyone alone for the just part. Friendships aren’t defined by alone time. You making it sound unnecessarily romantic like you Ben guy friends don’t frame it like that 🤣
Salvation versus being friends with the opposite Sex is 2 different subjects that should not blend. Having a guy friend is not a sin 4 a female. It is dangerous or stupid behavior or naive. But salvation is typified by the fact that you have to be awake in order to be saved. You cannot be sleeping and be saved so the scriptures highlight to B alert B sober minded for in the time when you think not Christ will come, and you can miss your salvation if you're not sober minded, if you're indulging in fleshly behavior and that is the purpose of rentance in the life of a Christian... unchecked sin leads to greater indulgences which lead to a departure of the faith
It sounds like he's saying "I can't do it, so I don't expect anybody to be able to do it". Also I think he's conflating willingness to smash and intent to smash. There are plenty of people in my life I would smash, because they are sexually appealing, but that's not to say I'm secretly plotting to smash. I would make no effort whatsoever in that regard, even though I find them sexually appealing. Also, it raises a good point, why are cousins exempt? He didn't give a good reason for that besides "they're family" which means little coz there are plenty of people who would smash cousins raw even.
Yes, in some cultures it is accepted to marry cousins so obviously cousins can be attracted and if we use his logic I guess only brother and sister can be trusted with each other.
I respectfully disagree with you with a narrow set of rules 1) my wife (of 47 years) is absolute my Best Friend 2) Never ever never met with them in private if absolutely necessary my wife accompanied me.! Some of these women were not Christian and unmarried. Would not even consider meaning even the Christian ladies without Deb present.!
I don’t see what the point in being friends with the opposite gender is anyway. A lot of the time these friendships hinge on the male yearning for the female, the female enjoying the attention with no strings attached, and one or two similar interests/hobbies. It’s a really unhealthy dynamic and little to no real substance
Oh how very sad is that? Do you believe all men lack self control in that way? I think not. That’s why Paul said men who have that uncontrollable desire should get married, but there are men who don’t only think about sex. What a lie has been told about men. Mean and women both need self control period. We are called to take all of our thoughts captive.
Men and women can be friends. It think it’s obvious no men and women should be going out alone. But fellowship in group setting I think is normal and fine
Plenty of people have very normal platonic relationships with the opposite. Not everyone is secretly lusting after their friends. I think it’s pretty immature to paint these friendships with a broad brush.
You can. But you should minimize those relationships out of respect for your significant other. I have female friends that legit stopped talking to me once they got a man. I respect it.
Wait? So you don’t believe in repenting? 😅 that’s a weird take? You should always repent to God when you have sinned against him no matter how small you think it is, does it remove your salvation if you don’t? No but it will drastically impact the quality of your relationship with the Lord and how useful you are for Him
yea, just have to disagree with this. especially with friendships you had prior to the relationship (anything after, by all means they are OUR friend) Not saying its not a fact, but its not the truth for all. sorry to those that experience that.
Im not saying its not possible for it to not be nothing wrong cause it depends on the person and especially the type a female is. But if a woman says she has and should be able to have and you better not have a problem with her having a bunch of guy friends then you're in trouble believe me! Im not saying she cant but best believe a good few of those guy friends would smash her if she gives that chance and you know what some those guy friends she probably wants too!
I honestly think it truly depends on the guy's maturity and his struggles with lust. Men that I consider a good friend in my life right now are attracted to the opposite of what I look like. We also joke about being siblings in Christ. These are men who I trust have my back if there are any sus guys trying to get at me, who I can call if I need a handy man or a taller person to put something up for me. I have there back against any manipulative women who might be trying to seduce or financially bankrupt them or if they need advice on what they should do to woo a girl they like. As well as being the go to person if they or I need someone of the opposite sex to evangelize to a coworker or family member.
You can lose your salvation. Read the Bible and repent from teaching once saved always saved nonsense doctrine. What is the point of living holy if I could just repent once and say God is in my heart and then just go back to living sinful? This makes no sense.
Ain’t no platonic friends, I have tried that crap a dozen times and it always ended up in feelings and sin and vice versa. Never seen anybody pull off the platonic friend crap….
I think what it comes down to is having friends who are single. When you're married you should be able to trust another married person to be around your spouse. Regardless of if it's your husband or wife.
Did you interview only those with opposite gender attractions to start with? Don't you think plenty of gay man are able to have non sexual relationships with women, and gay women with men? What a silly, myopic view to claim that some sort of attraction beyond friendship is always lurking.
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Maybe you're not really interested in women
I had to have a long, late night discussion with my wife about this. Nothing happened, but she had guy friends at work that she would have conversations with outside of work. I had to explain to her that I wasn't paranoid and that I trust her, but also that the heart is deceitful and we're all capable of sin (not to mention the lust factor built into primarily men). I respectfully asked her if she would set boundaries that she could be loving toward them professionally, but that she wouldn't have private moments with them where intimacy could be built. I told her she could expect the same out of me. At the beginning of the conversation, she didn't seem to be on board, but by the end, she understood that I was trying to approach the situation with wisdom and love. Don't be afraid to have the hard conversations, even if the world would call you "insecure."
💯
Why not agree to be friends as a couple? Of course even when friends as couples there can be affairs (if one wants that will go that route they will) but if you are together as friends there is going to be a lot less chance of infidelity.
Agreed, platonic "friends" are truly rare and is why boundaries are very important.
They would not be do rare if people would have already been practicing control when they were single. The problem is many people have already been so lax with their sexual morals when they were single so when they get married the idea of control is a whole new thing.
I work in an office where I’m the only guy around most of the the time but once work ends I’m going home to my wife I ain’t going out for drinks or texting them for non work related things. Boundaries y’all 💯
I always try to email with my boss cc’d with the lady coworkers
And while you are at the office shes with tyrone
@@RyanREAX That can be - if people want to not be faithful they will. The only way to control that is to follow her everywhere she goes and have her wear a Chasity belt or something but who wants to live like that. We already are living in a society with enough surveillance (government and corporate).
You CAN be friend with the opposite gender. But being best friend's with the opposite gender is NOT what I'd recommend, because there will be hidden meanings and underlying feelings when a man spend most of his time with a girl alone, just bonding as best friends.
I completely agree! Becoming best friends is unwise, at that point if you're both single you should get married. If you're already married to someone other than your "best friend" of the opposite sex then something should change, and some boundaries need to be made.
1,000%. Intimacy is no joke. Once you're in close quarters with a women, by yourself, I don't care who you are nor what religion you claim to be a part of, that's a recipe for disaster. Maybe not right away, but over time you risk developing feelings for this woman and once that happens? What then?
Yea you CAN..but just cause you can, doesn't make it a good idea
Tell me you ain’t married without……
Yeah I agree with this
💯 For real. I was very naive. But definitely make boundaries now. Rock on Ruslan🙏
I think if one can’t love their sisters with all purity, that’s a major problem with having friends of the opposite gender. For me, I have friendships with my sisters who I truly love and actively lead toward Christ. I think being able to have both guy and girl friends is a major plus and allows you to gather perspectives from fellow brothers and sisters. That’s in the Christian context though, definitely a whole different thing for relationships not founded on Christ.
Be Fr bro😂
Tell me you’re not married without telling me you’re not married 😂
That's facts brotha 💯 atleast outside of marriage... idk how I feel about it in marriage. Good points overall 👏
@@MikaeIe90well is that a bad thing?
Can you clarify what exactly you mean by "friendship?" Do you differentiate between being friendly and being friends in the way that most people understand that term? In other words, friendly is sitting and speaking to a women at work, during lunch. That's friendly. But say you’re married and you call your wife and she’s golfing with her Christian friend Phil, a friend she met at work, would you be okay with that? Let’s say that you even met the guy and he seemed nice, do you think it’s appropriate for your wife to be out and about with some guy the same way she would be with a girl friend of hers? Because that's what friends do, right? Or am I missing something here?
So refreshing to hear this. This was how me and my husband entered marriage with no opposite gender friends and boy we caught some heat for it. But here we are 14 years later going strong.
Same with my long term bf and I we had so many people bothering us over that. Imposing their beliefs unto us…
to each their own, I guess! going on 25 years with plenty of friends haha and we lead the marriage counselling at church
@MyriamBernard13 we are friendly with the opposite gender. We also lead groups. We just don't hang out by ourselves seperately with those individuals or have private conversations with them.
@colemansinacottage7701 hanging out alone with someone, I can see how that can be a slippery slope for sure. Like I said, you gotta do what's best for you and yours while honouring God! I respect it nonetheless
Ruslan, I agree with you when you said that people live their Christian life like they are walking on eggshells is because some preachers have inserted those believes for decades. Living a christian life should be about improving yourself everyday with the help of the Holy Spirit.
I think this applies mostly to people who are of this world. As a Christian, you aren’t supposed to take your friend up on the offer to fornicate/commit adultery. In fact, Jesus says you shouldn’t even be fantasizing these scenarios with any woman. Brothers and sisters do not let anyone corrupt your mission to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
I think the point is that males and females cannot be in friendships that are completely devoid of romantic tension even on a subconscious level. Not necessarily fornication
@@HerveyShmervy I appreciate you making additional supporting points to my initial statement. As followers of Christ we should be able to have self control
Why put yourself in the circumstances to have to exercise your self control? Aren’t we to avoid the “near occasion of sin”? Sure you COULD do it, it doesn’t mean it’s wise.
@albinosh4dow i looked it up to see where exactly that is in the bible but all i got was that its just some catholic advice stuff. It is not wrong to be in a den of lions if your heart is for God. Im fact God can be glorified through that.
Jesus said flee from every appearance of evil, he didn't say flee when evil is in front of you.
Great point on avoiding such relationships even if aiming to be platonic. I once attended a new church, day one a pretty female's batting her eyelashes at me, inviting me over to Bible study after the service. Caught off gaurd, I had to check myself and respectfully decline. The Holy Spirit was practically shouting: avoid! It's good to remember Joseph literally fled.. and Paul uses that same language; It might sound legalistic to some, yet, it's what the Bible teaches.
She wasn't planning on being platonic, chief. Both parties are required to agree on that for it to work; that doesn't even sound like the _start_ of a friendship lol.
There was no foundation whatsoever to support showing up at some pretty stranger's "bible study" in order to just be "platonic". A proper, actually pure foundation is required too. You were 100% pulled away from a setup that was doomed from the start.
@legendo1328 Yeah but if men and women can indeed be friends, what is the issue with inviting him over for a Bible study? If some dude invited me to his Bible study out of the blue I wouldn’t assume he’s trying to be weird (as a man myself). Is it because of the natural attraction between man and woman? You’re making Ruslan’s point.
@@albinosh4dow ...Like I explained, the scenario he described makes it very clear she wasn't just aiming for simple bible study. That is the issue. No one is pretending that there isn't naturally a potential for attraction between men and women. Which is obviously why you need to be careful when it comes to situations like that and why I said a _proper foundation_ is needed.
I have friends that I have known so long I consider them sisters, and am disgusted by the idea of romantic relations with them almost as if they were my actual blood. If you literally are unable to hang around any similarly-aged female WITHOUT some level of attraction or without being open to the possibility of a romance, I truly believe something is wrong with the way you see the opposite sex and that you need a reset.
Imagine a scenario where you need to take a trip to the grocery store with your wife's sister, or your brother's wife for example: you really can't be alone with your sister-in-law without temptation or being afraid of someone slipping up and crossing a line? What?
And I'd say you should be just as cautious of a dude asking you "out of the blue" to a bible study like that. You have no idea what he has going on inside. Use your feelers.
Yeah. It sounds like a sexy date disguised as 'good Christian activities.' Lol A more appropriate option might be a coffee date in a public place. I don't know how to articulate it exactly, but I agree this is not a good foundation for a platonic relationship. A one-on-one Bible study just sounds so intimate and vulnerable. I wouldn't want to do it even with a same sex person I had just met.
@@FireflowerDancer Yup exactly.
The no platonic friend thing has always kind of ticked me off, (and I mean the general idea of it as the standard, not peoples personal boundaries,) because I do have girl friends that I have no interest in romantically, and I can't imagine I'm the only guy that does, I guess it feels like guys like me get the the raw end of the stick 🤷♂
That's what I'm saying brother
Same here brother. Plenty of female friends that I never looked at romantically or even sexually. Guys like us are a rare breed though. Opposite sex friendships aren’t impossible, they’re just really hard. It’s an exception to the rule. That’s something that I’ve come to terms with over the years.
@@armandvega2752 It is difficult, but not impossible. I think this all lies in the definition of friend. If a prerequisite to being friends is alone time together, and keeping up with one another constantly, no boundaries, and a ton of frequent communication, etc. Then I'd agree with Ruslan. However I don't believe throwing yourself into a compromising situation is necessity in friendship with the opposite sex (mind you, friendship is not defined like this biblically). Hold yourself accountable to others for it just as you ought to with any friendship or endeavor of life, sin multiplies and thrives in secrecy. If as a male your buddy leads you to sin in the form of drunkenness because he decides to bring home a few drinks when you're visiting, and it tempts you as a (hypothetical) former alcoholic, it's kind of similar to being tempted by the sexual tension that tends to influence us humans, in the sense that both can be contained with boundaries and accountability. We aren't so quick to cut fellow men who may influence us to sin from our life completely as we are women. Generally the best course of action is to set up some boundaries and spend less time with this male friend. Why not the same with men and women who are friends? Frequency can affect a lot, so can secrecy. We should set boundaries and have accountability with mature believers for friendship with unbelievers who may influence us, and friendships in general. We must also remember that even brothers and sisters in Christ can fool around and influence each other to sin if we aren't careful.
Linking back to the topic; I think we must also acknowledge that as a guy, friendship with a female is different than it is with our guy friends. Likewise with the ladies and their female friends.
I think one of the biggest problems is that we desire secrecy, and feel entitled to do whatever we want to and feel unburdened and free in our relationships with the people around us. The same can be applied to someone who isn't willing to take steps on distancing from an addiction for the sake of this feeling of freedom and comfort. Instead of sacrificing our faulty view of freedom for the true freedom found in setting godly boundaries out of a love for your friend, and more importantly God Himself.
These are my thoughts on it at least, thank you to anyone who took the time to read all that, and God bless you in your journey with Him my brethren!
@armandvega2752 If I'm not making money or gaining knowledge why communicate with alot women knowing how weak our flesh can get
I agree. I don't need to argue about it constantly cause I'm certain of what I know and feel. Jesus knows my heart too. I've settled with this: everyone's relationship is unique, everyone's walk with God is personal, and A LOT of weak people can NOT be friends with the opposite gender, but doesn't mean everyone. Let them set up their boundaries and you do yours the way it makes sense to you. :)
Every time a person sin, they should repent of that sin. I don't think that's up for debate.
Yep 💯 I have no idea what he’s talking about.
Christian hoe energy… that’s freaking hilarious. I’m stealing that one. Love the content Rus, keep going.
Sounds like an oxymoron.
If this about the world - agreed and couldn’t agree more
Truly born again believers especially those who are chasing sanctification - disagree
Disagreeing with a man's intentions for a female friend as a female doesn't hold up, sorry. To what purpose does a guy that has your number while you have a boyfriend hold?
@@memorandum740You’re not making sense.
@@justchilling704 I'm saying chasing sanctification or not, it's similar as to withholding sex during marriage which Paul advised against. If we were sanctified why would we need to do that?
@@memorandum740 Do what have contacts of friends in our phones?
@@justchilling704 still kinda cap, y'all would have to agree to delete contacts ig if it gets to that point.
I have had a couple of platonic guy friends. I looked at them like brothers. We even fought like siblings. I have also crossed the line; not physically but emotionally. There has to be boundaries. I have also had rumors swirl in all the circumstances in the workplace with completely professional relationships. I have more awareness and not alone with men in any context except my husband and son. When meeting with my pastors, it has always been in a public space within the church.
WWWWOOOO my reformed brothers getting some love out here with the Paul Washer quote! Love it!
As a man, I think I can be friends with someone of the opposite gender... if i don't find them attractive lol.
There’s a difference between being an acquaintance or “friendly” with the opposite gender and being true friends. In my opinion, you can’t have a close friendship with the opposite gender unless they’re family. When you’re genuinely close friends, that will end in an emotional affair at the least. Probably a full grown affair eventually. My husband and I both have people we’re friendly with, but we don’t make them close friends. That’s just asking for problems. People always say “well, I have a platonic close friend and that’s all it ever is.” Maybe so. But eventually, even if it takes years, something inappropriate will happen. I suppose miracles and exceptions are possible, but that’s the exception, not the rule and I wouldn’t risk my husband over it.
But as members in the body of Christ, we are family. Trying to not be friends that way with anyone but an intimate partner sounds so lonely. As if getting married meets all your intimate friendship needs- well, it doesn't. The Bible is clear that our emotional needs are to be met through a variety of relationships- older women teaching younger women, for example. If young people are taught to love and respect their opposite sex peers and not lust after them, or compete with them, it would go along way toward affecting how they regard each other later in life.
@@FireflowerDancer maybe so. But some things are human nature. And while the idea that “we’re all families in Christ” sounds lovely, in practice that would be a very dangerous way to genuinely think of strangers. Lots of people claim religion, but that doesn’t mean they’re good people or follow that religion. They’re strangers. The concept of us all being family to me means we’re united in Christ like a family is united, but that’s not your literal family. There’re lots of different needs for friends and intimacy and I think it’s important, but you don’t need it from an opposite sex person when you’re married. Any sort of intimacy will lead to problems. Even only emotional intimacy.
@@babymama406 We are in agreement that there is temptation in close relationships of the opposite sex and to be careful to gaurd against it. But I did not say that weird thing you're implying about everyone automatically being family. I don't see it that way, that would be dangerous and cult like. However, I do believe that 'church' is more than a meeting place to experience some sort of metaphorical or theoretical sense of togetherness. You should work to get to know the people in your fellowship and demonstrate love to them, or else you are the one advocating for an assumed, or theoretical, relationship. And it will be based on a shallow, appearance-based agreement in belief and lifestyle, rather than an actual tried and tested one.
Shun from the very appearance of evil. You may not be sinning by having a female friend. But the appearance may not be in your best interest. Best believe men WILL play the bench cause even benched players get rings.
My dude said “Christian Ho Energy” 💀😂🤦🏾♂️
I think platonic, Christian friendship between women and men is possible but it is a case of "weaker brother/sister" described in 1 Corinthians 8, just applied to friendship. Reading the comments of some brothers, it's clear some of them have no romantic feeling for their female friends (I understand, I'm a woman and have had platonic friendships with men). I think there are men&women who are just stronger/more disciplined in this area. People who simply see friends of the opposite sex as PEOPLE AND NOT S3X OBJECTS. They are people who aren't tempted in that way, but for those "weaker brothers&sisters" who may feel tempted over time it may be best to stick to male only/female only friendships.
I totally agree. It's a weakness issue and for mature believers, it's possible to have safe relationships through the process of sanctification. Too many people see church as just a weekly program, a place to impress people, or a place that will serve your personal interests. No wonder opposite sex relationships are a problem, when you have that kind of mentality.
I understand not having a multitude of opposite sex friends, but to only stick to one gender because you assume everyone wants you in an inappropriate way is childish. The Christian community is getting more and more fragile.
Did I say that? Or just point out the obvious that 99% of your “male friends” probably want to smash 🫠
@@muppetonmedsFirst of all, why would your husband be out with anyone on a weekly basis? That doesn't sound like an adult. And no he wouldn't be out hanging with a woman alone. That wasn't the discussion, I suggest you actually watch the video.
Not just childish, but it also shows how over-sexualized even Christians are nowadays. Jesus had close relationships with women he wasn’t married to publicly.
@@AdoraGirlInMomentum Ok just asking your comment didn't go into too much detail so I just wondered.
No you just don’t get it. It’s about putting boundaries in place to avoid sin. Jesus said if a man even looks at a woman with lust he commits adultery with her in his heart. Stop sin at its source. So why would I unwisely put myself in a situation be with a woman alone? We don’t assume everyone wants us but it’s about avoiding mistakes.
Facts i can never be friends with a women 😂
If there are no references of the Corinthians losing their salvation, I know I don't have to worry x)
Just to be sure you're fully informed of what happens to backsliders, read the book of Jude.
I have a male friend who was a best friend platonically. He was like a brother. Thing is, as we have gotten in romantic relationships with others, we have stepped back from being the closest confidants. And if we connect, I connect with his fiance, and in person would be double date. Those boundaries are now in place and the dynamics change, but it's ok. And good for what God has for individually.
The minimizing of repentance is VERY DANGEROUS! You don't have to live life walking on eggshells but one MUST repent of ALL SIN if you truly desire to LIVE for Christ and see heaven! Rev 3:2-3, 19, and others! Let those with ears to hear, hear!!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Minimizing? Why strawman that. I repeatedly said wage war on your sins. But if/when you sin, you aren’t going to hell.
@RuslanKD I truly respect your Kingdom labor, and I believe you reach MANY who are considering or young in the Christian faith. This video could very easily lead people like that to think they can sin and not have to repent beyond when they accepted Christ (assuming they repented then). It just would have been appropriate to add to your point that we all sin, "but we should repent when we do sin with the goal of turning from it." Prov 27:17
@@RuslanKD 2:11
Maybe you didn't mean it that way but its surę does sounds like it.
@@CCD_106 i mean he did mention it tho, there’s a part he pointed out that you should set boundaries and change friend groups if you have to. But l do get what you mean if someone can look at what he said at face value they can be easily misled.
Men and women can be 100% platonic as well as one man and one woman stranded on an island together can stick to cordial handshakes
Obviously there is context to this all but the root of the issue is people have no boundaries and different definitions of “friends”.
It's interesting seeing how many are defending friendships between men & women. If friendship is in the confines of fellowship among a congregation, prayer groups etc, sure. If meeting one on one, especially if either is married, why? Jesus said if you look on a woman with lust you've committed adultery with her in your heart. Why risk that? You may cause them to stumble or you might be tempted to. It seems like adding an unnecessary stumbling block, and unwise. Even if there is no risk, it looks bad, people could get the wrong impression, seeing you out at dinner or coffee like a date?
We are so entitled to our 'freedom' that we ignore godly boundaries in order to do whatever we want, and feel comfortable. Secrecy and alone time are not necessary to call someone your friend. True freedom and biblical love are found with godly boundaries.
This rant was personal😭😭😭🤣❤
Cold reality. But not everyone's willing to face & accept it. Some of us want to look/feel sophisticated in our relationships. Like "He's my best friend not my boyfriend." Yeah right 😂
I generally agree that having a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender is dangerous ground. It is a strange issue for me because my best friend is a woman. Now we were friends before either of us were married. My wife and her became close friends. Her husband and I became close friends. Her and her now husband were in my wedding and me and my wife were in their wedding. I do understand this is not the norm but it can happen.
Yikes
I get that. I think we get to a point where we're so secure in Christ and our faith that we aren't intimidated or afraid of the things the general public are.
Good Topic 👍🏽🔥
It's great to point out that you sin. That there can be a struggle. Thank you brother. Too many folks want to not share our sins and that does not do much for people like me still struggling DAILY with addiction etc
Having had a lot of girls I've been just cool with over the years, I think it's doable for the same reason i can hang out with my literal sister/ cousin and not be scheming. I will say it can be challenging though cuz just because you're thinking pg don't mean the other person not thinking nc17
😂 facts. Ruslan is 100% here! I’m not saying it can’t happen… but it’s rare.
For example, I have a FEW female friends, where, because I’m happily married and they are happily married, and we know each other’s families, it probably wouldn’t be weird to grab a coffee or lunch once in a blue moon. But, my wife and her husband are gonna know about it, and that mess is gonna be in public and traceable.
But mostly, I don’t try to meet up with my female friends unless they got a lead on a freelance gig. 😂
I think any situation always gotta be super public… because even if there is no risk of something happening on my part, ya boy is gonna make sure there is enough evidence to prevent a “me too” situation.
I like how open you are with your past, such an inspiration Rus
I have always felt this way as well and I don't have female friends either. Tried testing myself to see if I could just be friends with one...took like two sentences before we had put our minds in a challenging spot.
2:04 that’s somewhat of a works based mentality. “Start over again” / counting tallies of days that were done right. Sounds like works.
Very common mentality with Romani people, unfortunately.
The term "ho", meant for either man or woman is a harsh term. I understand the desire to capture the behavior, but we should be careful that we don't slip into being carless with our language.
Yes. It’s absolutely intended to be harsh. 100%
@mac9683 it's a legit point. We should be seasoning our speech with salt. H* and sm*sh sounds like the world, not the Holy Spirit. We all slip up sometimes, but "taking every thought captive," avoiding even the appearance of sin is still the standard. God help us to live more as a reflection of Christ who modeled holiness and less like the world. 🙏
- Especially if we teach, as we'll be held to a higher standard.
@@Adam_A_ChristianI think using a word like ho to describe some actually doing that action doesn’t mean your words aren’t seasoned with salt. God in the Old Testament called Israel a whore and that is a much harsher term
As a single guy the last thing I'm ever thinking about is being platonic friends with a woman!
The real question is why would someone want to be platonic friends with the opposite sex? If marriage isn't on the table then what do I get from having a female friend?
Oof, that's a painful dig to half of the worlds population.
I think some people have had friends that they knew from childhood, or that they know from college, work ect. We meet people randomly through life. Unless you are intentionally avoiding the opposite gender friendships do happen.
@@hannahhannah5742 Thank you for proving my point lol
@@Nick-ij5nt if you only worry about what you can get from a friendship then it's a wonder you have any friends at all
@@hannahhannah5742 You're not understanding the point I'm making. In general, an average man would be a better platonic friend to another man than most women could be. So if a platonic relationship is what I'm looking for why would I seek out friendship with a woman when a man would do a better job at fulfilling that role?
If you as a woman wanted a platonic friend to eat brunch with, walk around the mall with and watch the bachelor with do you think it would be easier to find a man or a woman that's willing to do that stuff with you?
This conversation we're having right now is just another example as to why I don't want platonic female friends, they tend to get easily offended, hostile and vitriolic over the slightest thing. All I said is that there's no point in having platonic friends of the opposite sex and you'd think I killed someone based on the reaction. Why do you care so much if men don't want to be platonic friends with you???
And she said I'm just a friend, and she said I'm just a friend...
Hey Ruslan! Peace of Christ to you brother! Love your content FR FR. in terms of once saved, always saved is a little confusing to me. Hebrews 6:4-7 explains what happens to people that truly accepted Jesus and lived through many amazing spiritual things but then rejected Christ.
I think that you can't be best friends with anyone but your spouse. If you are you are ignoring your spouse more than you ought to.
this a weird take lol as a woman with 4 male best friends, all platonic, they’ve NEVER tried anything with me and there is a such thing as having pure, intentional opposite sex relationships 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 please ruslan not every man has those motives..
Lol call them right now and ask them if they wanna Netflix and chill. 😂😂😂
You got to be safe. Intimate time with an opposite sex especially one who you think is pretty can be dangerous. For instance, if a guy who is new to the faith and has come from the world of sex partying,and extc. Then it is wise not to hang out with the opposite sex.
This is good - boundaries are everything
I think probably for "traditional" mindsets, the answer is in general "no", because they'd be too fixated on gender roles, that's the primary thing they see.
It seems that men aren't really interested in anything women have to offer other than physical, so why bother having them near?
For individuals who can step outside of thinking in gendered terms, whether it's righteous or not, mixed sex friendships can have more authentic friendships without false pretenses.
I completely agree. It's a set up, and the devil sits back waiting too.
I have several guy friends and have been single for years (literally not in a relationship with anyone) and I’m not ugly (it’s not unusual for someone to find me attractive) but I’ve never had any of them ask me out so…
I see it like this, if you are single and longing to meet someone and you try to have platonic friendship with the opposite gender then its probably not a good idea and you may have trouble. If you not single and try that can still be an issue so i see it like this as shallow or superficial ot may sound but if you go that route then befriend someone who you already can see and tell you have no attraction to and could ever think that way about them, which pretty much a lot of females do ?????
Though my bad experiences doing that even when i tell her from the beginning and even keep reiterating my intentions and motives so she wouldn't be caught off guard and surprised later when i been already showing it. So its like how can a woman act like you were being not honest with your friendship when you bluntly and blatantly told her you wasn't looking for a friend or to just be friends. She knew that cause she kept accepting flowers and cards and letters and stuff and letting you flirt with her and show affection and it was for awhile until now. So either way as a guy you may be in a lose lose though i have been told you gotta be friends first but then its like setting yourself up one way or another whether thats a good thing or a bad thing is the question and the problem.
I don’t want you revealing our secrets. But only because I’m single.
7:23 bruh sound like Kawhi😂
The difference between “acquaintifriends” and then friend friends and couple friends
“Acqaintifriends” the people you chill with at work but probably would never hang out or talk to outside it
Always moving the goal post so that you're never in the wrong
I havé plenty of female platonic friends, but yeah I’ve had a few that ended up not very platonically.
Two of my closest friends are women and I never seriously considered being in a relationship with them, mainly because neither of them are believers but also because they're my friends and I wish to keep them that way. I always envisioned them being at my wedding as guests and not as the bride. As an example of how platonic our relationship is, I went on holiday with them for 10 days and we stayed in one room (none of this was intentional btw, my other guy friend cancelled last minute and we didn't realise how small the air bnb was gonna be)
bro if you a straight male this sounds incredibly unwise. clearly you ain't married or dating at that time. everything is permissible but not beneficial
The wedding will be the last time they are your friends.
This is the way
🧢
don't let strangers on the internet tell you what you know. all relationships are unique, and your walk with God is yours and personal. They're not wrong that it can be unwise A LOT of the time but to say 100% of the time is unwise and naive
If you die in your sins, you died in your sins. Nowhere in scripture have i seen God forgiving our future sins without repentance. If that were the case, what's the point of asking for forgiveness?
I generally agree with the rest of your takes (looking at the overall picture and not hyper focused on when you slipped up)
This is why I’m ok dying alone because your not gonna gotta get rid of your friend to me that means you don’t choose me and if you spinet and say is the other person, I don’t trust you’re gaslighting me now and you still don’t trust me I could never be with someone who could imagine me and have doubts of me being faithful to them
There is practically no situation where there is a need for me, as a man, to hang out with a girl (just the two of us) if I am not hoping for something more than friendship? Guys and girls cannot be friends in this tight sense because one if not both of them always has an ulterior motive. If it isn't there at the beginning it's bound to happen soon down that road. That is why if you're already in a relationship then it is of utmost importance that you place boundaries on friends of the opposite sex and how much you can do with them. Otherwise, you are laying the foundation for jeopardy of your relationship.
"He wanna smash." The bluntness 💀💀💀💀
Same for women friends being friends with your man…
Seriously the only guy friends I have are my girlfriend’s husbands, and these guys are friends with my husband 😂 brothers and sisters in Christ, sharing life together. This is the way.
Maybe I’m old school, but the idea of having any other girl friends other than my wife is very strange to me. I never had girls as “friends” growing up. If I was friendly with them, it was because I was trying to date them.
This is the conventional view in a sex-obsessed society, yes. Opposite sex people are just interesting because the potential mating act happening. In that view, there wouldn't be much room for friendships between cousins or siblings, I suppose.
I should have clarified that I’m not talking about cousins or family members, obviously that’s different. I’m speaking of non-relative members of the opposite sex and having a one-on-one relationship with no strings attached. That is a very odd concept to me.
Sir thank you for what you said in the beginning! It’s impossible to repent from sin. It’s a lie from hell and people are not focused on the blood atonement. Jesus plus nothing= salvation. Not Jesus plus we have to do (works)= salvation. It’s not a license to sin but mixing spiritual growth with salvation isn’t salvation.
For the record I have learned a lot from Paul Washer.
I dont get your stance. Do you or do you not believe opposite sex friendships are recommended for Christians?
I don’t recommend or practice it 😂
@@RuslanKDBro respectfully, that’s a take too reminiscent of Islam imo. The Bible is pretty clear that men and women should be friends, we supposed to believe Mary and the other female disciples weren’t genuine friends with John, Peter, etc? I get your concerns but I disagree on this brotha 😂
@@justchilling704maybe we have different definitions of friendship. I don’t think Mary was calling up Peter or John just to hang out. They hung out in a group context but it doesn’t seem like in that culture men and women hung out alone. I can see Peter and John going fishing together I don’t see Mary and some other man doing that in that culture.
@@123ajayi Man tbh I don’t hang out with anyone alone for the just part. Friendships aren’t defined by alone time. You making it sound unnecessarily romantic like you Ben guy friends don’t frame it like that 🤣
Salvation versus being friends with the opposite Sex is 2 different subjects that should not blend. Having a guy friend is not a sin 4 a female. It is dangerous or stupid behavior or naive. But salvation is typified by the fact that you have to be awake in order to be saved. You cannot be sleeping and be saved so the scriptures highlight to B alert B sober minded for in the time when you think not Christ will come, and you can miss your salvation if you're not sober minded, if you're indulging in fleshly behavior and that is the purpose of rentance in the life of a Christian... unchecked sin leads to greater indulgences which lead to a departure of the faith
It sounds like he's saying "I can't do it, so I don't expect anybody to be able to do it". Also I think he's conflating willingness to smash and intent to smash. There are plenty of people in my life I would smash, because they are sexually appealing, but that's not to say I'm secretly plotting to smash. I would make no effort whatsoever in that regard, even though I find them sexually appealing.
Also, it raises a good point, why are cousins exempt? He didn't give a good reason for that besides "they're family" which means little coz there are plenty of people who would smash cousins raw even.
Yes, in some cultures it is accepted to marry cousins so obviously cousins can be attracted and if we use his logic I guess only brother and sister can be trusted with each other.
Matt 24:13 isn't about the end of life...its about the end of the judgement on Isreal ....salvation in the sense of OT use
🎯 🎯 🎯
I respectfully disagree with you with a narrow set of rules
1) my wife (of 47 years) is absolute my Best Friend
2) Never ever never met with them in private if absolutely necessary my wife accompanied me.! Some of these women were not Christian and unmarried. Would not even consider meaning even the Christian ladies without Deb present.!
I don’t see what the point in being friends with the opposite gender is anyway. A lot of the time these friendships hinge on the male yearning for the female, the female enjoying the attention with no strings attached, and one or two similar interests/hobbies. It’s a really unhealthy dynamic and little to no real substance
Oh how very sad is that? Do you believe all men lack self control in that way? I think not. That’s why Paul said men who have that uncontrollable desire should get married, but there are men who don’t only think about sex. What a lie has been told about men. Mean and women both need self control period. We are called to take all of our thoughts captive.
Men and women can be friends. It think it’s obvious no men and women should be going out alone. But fellowship in group setting I think is normal and fine
Plenty of people have very normal platonic relationships with the opposite. Not everyone is secretly lusting after their friends. I think it’s pretty immature to paint these friendships with a broad brush.
You can. But you should minimize those relationships out of respect for your significant other. I have female friends that legit stopped talking to me once they got a man. I respect it.
Wait? So you don’t believe in repenting? 😅 that’s a weird take? You should always repent to God when you have sinned against him no matter how small you think it is, does it remove your salvation if you don’t? No but it will drastically impact the quality of your relationship with the Lord and how useful you are for Him
You gonna make a lot of men mad with this one
I'll be so surprised by any man who gets mad at this, as a man who knows himself and know other men I agree with Ruslan 100%. he's speaking facts. 😄
yea, just have to disagree with this. especially with friendships you had prior to the relationship (anything after, by all means they are OUR friend) Not saying its not a fact, but its not the truth for all. sorry to those that experience that.
Wasn't there a prominent pastor (was it Chandler) who outted himself recently for basically having an 'emotional affair'?
You don’t believe we need to be in constant repentance?
I think what you ment to say is guys and hot girls cant be friends
Correct 😂
Also depends what we mean by friends
Im not saying its not possible for it to not be nothing wrong cause it depends on the person and especially the type a female is. But if a woman says she has and should be able to have and you better not have a problem with her having a bunch of guy friends then you're in trouble believe me! Im not saying she cant but best believe a good few of those guy friends would smash her if she gives that chance and you know what some those guy friends she probably wants too!
I honestly think it truly depends on the guy's maturity and his struggles with lust. Men that I consider a good friend in my life right now are attracted to the opposite of what I look like. We also joke about being siblings in Christ. These are men who I trust have my back if there are any sus guys trying to get at me, who I can call if I need a handy man or a taller person to put something up for me. I have there back against any manipulative women who might be trying to seduce or financially bankrupt them or if they need advice on what they should do to woo a girl they like. As well as being the go to person if they or I need someone of the opposite sex to evangelize to a coworker or family member.
You can lose your salvation. Read the Bible and repent from teaching once saved always saved nonsense doctrine. What is the point of living holy if I could just repent once and say God is in my heart and then just go back to living sinful? This makes no sense.
❤ Paul Washer
Ain’t no platonic friends, I have tried that crap a dozen times and it always ended up in feelings and sin and vice versa. Never seen anybody pull off the platonic friend crap….
I think what it comes down to is having friends who are single. When you're married you should be able to trust another married person to be around your spouse. Regardless of if it's your husband or wife.
Disagree
Did you interview only those with opposite gender attractions to start with? Don't you think plenty of gay man are able to have non sexual relationships with women, and gay women with men?
What a silly, myopic view to claim that some sort of attraction beyond friendship is always lurking.
Well, considering this is a Christian channel and video… no one is considering “being gay” because it isn’t allowed in the first place.
@@HlGHENERGY so non Christians are not people?
The thumbnail very clearly made the claim in the pejorative.
@@HlGHENERGYwell there are Christians with same sex attraction. I wonder how the “no friends of the opposite gender” rule works in that situation