The Monorail: $999 All-In-One Windows PC from 1996!
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- It may look like industrial equipment, but the Monorail PC was sold as a low-cost Windows 95 PC for first time computer buyers in the mid 90s! Probably the first desktop with an integrated color LCD monitor, too.
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#LGR #Retro #Computers
"Late 90's dial-up wank bank" is a sentence that needs to be used more often.
There needs to be a disk image made available... for research!
@@WoodStoveEnthusiast yes for research haha
Porn back then was so pixelated because of low speed dial up modems that you could barely see anything anyway. I get down on my knees and thank God every day for HD porn.
You young'un's don't even know what it's like to fap to porn at 320x240.
Would still be fascinating to see how much 18+ content online has changed over the 20 years that have passed.
Monitors in 2019: 90% screen-to-body ratio.
Monitors in 1996: 90% body-to-screen ratio.
Laptop resolution in 2011: 1366x768
Laptop resolution in 2019: 1366x768
@@seraphinax6449 It's funny looking back at some of these old 90's PCs and knowing that some these machines were considered elegant designs while now in the late 2010's we think of these as ugly beige boxes... well some of us
@@loganscomputerco.2599 Surely there were some timeless classics from the 80's and 90's that actually look more elegant than some of the modern-day machines.
SeraphinaX true but I was mainly referring to the beige box machines of the late nineties
@@CrazyTechReviews And some beige boxes were included in what I consider "timeless classics"
I'm pretty sure that "adult entertainment" wasn't blurred, it really looked like that in the 90's!
Still downloading
I would say that the end of 80's fashion. Leisure Suite Larry 1 comes into mind.
The pussy house and teen flashers are two of the links I saw
As a kid I always wanted to try “buffering”..... I heard it was sexy .. lol
Gotta make some sacrifices here and there to fit all your important documents on a single floppy disk.
After discovering the previous owner's "collection", I would've disinfected the keyboard right away, lol.
From what I’ve seen Clint (LGR) is pretty meticulous about cleaning, disinfecting and dusting out his machines so don’t worry lol
FIRST THING ON MY MIND
I'd pour a gallon of rubbing alcohol on the keyboard
2019 this was ...
@@haijehiemstra2883 this was what?
Hearing the windows 95 start up chime always brings a smile to my face :)
Same here. I learn on how to use computers around when MSDOS 2.0 came out.
First time I’ve ever heard it lol, seems familiar yet very retro-beepy, if you get what I’m saying, I love hearing xp’s startup sound
Culture.
I love that sound too
I bet they spent a ton of money coming up with that too. Focus groups, sound design etc. _”We want to invoke excitement, power, ease-of-use, the future, possibility, and yet familiarity! And this all needs to be in a sub-10 second sound clip”_ 😂
That "internet" thing sounds dope, I should get in on that.
63 million users and climbing!
The previous owner got off on that too ;)
@@suborbitalprocess 😆🤣
It's just one of those modern gags. The internet will vanish into obscurity again. Just give it some time.
It'll never catch on. People will be bored of it by 2004.
Good to know the original owner figured out what the internet is for
the Internet is for porn right?
@@benn454 For porn, porn, porn!
I have to admit I found my fair share of stuff on local BBS systems. Not a problem in SF, but I suppose it would have been more difficult in more conservative areas.
I knew a guy who bought a computer pretty early (late 70s, early 80s) but didnt get on the internet until nearly a decade later because he thought you needed a special computer to do it.
@@arthas640 well that would be late 80s, early 90ies then. still pretty early for home internet access. Didn't get a modem until 1998 or 1999.
"I heard the hard drive's awfully loud"
"It's runs as softly as a cloud!"
"Were you sent here by THE DEVIL?!"
"Oh no dear sir, we're on the level."
"Is there a chance the jacks could bend?"
"Not on your life, my Hellwyck friend."
"But the LCD has a line and seems broken"
"Sorry consumers, our price point has spoken."
"The keyboards crusty and well worn"
"It comes with HALF A GIG of PORN!"
Monoraaaaaiiiiil!
Monoraaaaaiiiiil!
Monoraaaaaiiiiil!
Did you uhm... archive that wank bank too?
ASKING FOR A FRIEND
For science!!!! Lol
What are you, in-SAIYAN?!
Mono----D'OH!!!
Ah. I see you are a man of culture as well
Monado?
Beat me to it by 8 months. Curses! Oh well...
Main street's still all cracked and broken!
Sorry Marge, the mob has spoken!
"....over 63 million people are linked by computer to the internet"
This is still technically correct. Which is, of course, the best kind.
At least
Haha! "Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct! Which is the best kind of correct."
'How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back' Man, I love me some Futurama. Some say too much... but I just switch to watching on my phone and put some earbuds in.
I had to look up current statistics after seeing that. Apparently now there are around 4.5 billion internet users.
@@PixelatedH2O which is over 63 million.
Monorail Moe even sounds like a Simpsons character
He sounds a lot like Tom Kenny.(Spongebob)
WHAT I SAY?! MONORAIL!!! WHATS ITS CALLED?! MONORAIL!!!
Mono meaning one, and rail meaning rail!
Cool
Sounds like Matthew Broderick
It looks like one of those touch screen cash register computers.
CamdenBloke Given Monorail’s obsession with outsourcing, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where the metal case originally came from.
11:35 Never knew that there's an actual purpose for the mouse trail function; I always thought it as a fancy gimmick only :D
Except you can't touch anything on screen
@@pistool1
Yep, it was intended for use on DSTN LCDs, from what I heard from someone else.
@@pistool1
The mouse trail function's primary design is for slower GPUs that have a hard time keeping up with screen updating. That said, it is a feature that is pretty much deprecated nowadays since drawing the mouse cursor and updating it requires very little.
That goddamn smeary monitor is like the dreams you have when you're running a high fever.
That's how old laptops were.
11:20 Well, I never expected THAT to be in an LGR video!
*"Late 90's Dial-up Wank Bank!"*
Yeah Nario, that was pretty funny huh! LOL :-)
Complete with STN screen blur
What is that ?
"Cost-optimized inferiority" is my new favorite phrase. It describes so many things so perfectly nowadays. xD
Cost-optimized inferiority - ah, my favourite kind of inferiority.
That screen makes everygame look like it's running in drunk mode
Even games that utilize Motion Blur.
Do it Clint!!
And today games want to take up GPU cores applying motion blur.
I'm impressed that they partnered with fedex to determine the size of the machine not to spend too much on shipping and the amount of logistics that went into making the thing, clearly a cash grab built at cost but impressive.
More time spent choosing a box size than actually designing a good system
Late 90s porn: Helping teenagers through puberty one KB rendered at a time.
That old wives tale about going blind from looking at porn was a lot more accurate back in the days when you were squinting at a picture that took half an hour to load...
it's crazy how we went from 63 million to 4.57 billion internet users in the span of 30-so years. thank you mo for reminding me how far we done come.
It's amazing how you could find TONS of stuff on Google back then, but can now hardly find squat on there in 2021.
Oh how far........ backwards Google has gone.
Personally...I think Social Media, ridiculously extreme tracking and ADS have totally ruined most of the greatness of the web these days.
@@brucewrigleysgumchewz4667 i mean all of the "tracking" is 100% optional and you can just get an ad blocker
More on the internet than drivers
@@brucewrigleysgumchewz4667💯💯💯
@@brucewrigleysgumchewz4667 Gert off me lawn!
looks like the old owner took the rail part of monorail a little too seriously
this joke is under appreciated
@underground leaks 101 what....
How to not reset a computer 101
@underground leaks 101 *visibly confused*
He enabled "sticky keys".
I was waiting for the Simpsons monorail joke and was not disappointed.
I literally was going to comment the same exact thing...LOL great minds think alike!
@@Aevilbeast Me too! Lol, "Monorail!" In Troy McClures voice of course🤣🤣🤣
I call it "Lanley's Law" - as any online discussion involving the word "monorail" progresses, the probability of it degenerating into a string of Simpsons references approaches 1.
Same here!
For me the moment I heard monorail all I could hear in my head was 'Monorail monorail monorail..'
I remember this as my first "real" computer. We got it so me and my dad could play Half-Life.
At... 5fps.
Good times :D
your Dad sounds like a real cool dude
HL didnt come out until late 98
@@patrik_x86 Yes we got the PC 2 years after it came out because it was cheap
Like your first boyfriend and first car, you never forget your first computer. This would have been a hell of a pc cause everything is there inside it. cdroms were super pricey on their own in 1996
5 F P S
"We want a name without computer buzzwords!"
~a couple years later:~
*Monorail E-Solutions*
For some strange reason this is one of my favourite episodes of LGR. There's just something about it that is charming and enjoyable!
Was waiting for the Simpsons reference; was not disappointed.
I was relieved when it finally happened.
I was disappointed he didn’t say to stand clear of the doors when using the cd tray.
That was the first thing I though of.
Same here.
I was singing the song before i clicked
"Lately the Internet is on the tip of everyone's tongue"
People /really/ needed to stop licking the Internet.
*pulls WiFi card out of mouth* Don't tell me what to do
Hmmmmmm
Better disinfect that screen.
ya, you don't know where it's been.
WOW. It hurts to look at the display in the video, can’t imagine trying to use this thing in person for more than 5 minutes.
This hard drive will self-destruct in five seconds, good luck Jim.
Mr. new vegas: NCR officials at Camp McCarran were relieved when technical difficulties with its monorail line to the New Vegas Strip proved easy to fix.
That's a pretty random reference
ah, i see you are a man of culture as well.
Makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
That and the Simpsons are the first things that come to mind when I hear Monorail
Ah hell I now wanna play through fallout new vegas
Please make an LGR t-shirt that says "It Amuses Me, So I Approve"
Looks like a POS. (Point of Sale terminal)
Also looks like the more common POS
@@DumbArse I was trynna be nice to it 😅
No u
i thought the same thing
The POS system that we use where I work (AXPOS), really is mostly aptly named.... it is a POS........ It's a Windows 10 based system running on 25+ years old hardware (20+ old cash registers tied to the old main-frame.) You can imagine the problems!! :-D
It was cheap.... so it'll do, it the corporate thinking here... ;-)
I subbed to LGR around the time of sims 3 launch. I still remember when youtube denied LGR for partnership or something, but look at how this channel grew wow... big congratz!
We have an iMac at home
iMac at home:
"a" power cable? WHAT? Can we talk about how beefy and nicely braided that cable looks?
Seriously, where did you get that cable? I want one for my 1084s monitor!
Got it on Amazon!
twitter.com/lazygamereviews/status/1193334460625948673
@@LGR I had to double take when I saw that I was like why does this computer need a 30 amp power cable
Looks like something for a clothes iron
The screen makes my brain hurt just watching the video...
Yes great!
Jesus, I had one of these in 1997. I was laughed at even then.
@@billhicks8 A local bank in Atlanta had a dozen of these in the lobby for creating new accounts. It was an early online bank.
@@torquemada1971
That's awesome, I mean it's a great attempt for a company trying to strike out on their own. I'm impressed with the general quality of the software and sturdiness of the build. I imagine the costs of sorting out the screen for the consumer were the final nail for them though.
Moe sounds like Matthew Broderick
DID SOMEONE SAY MONORAIL?
♫♪ monorail monorail monorail monorail ♫♪
Mono - d'oh!
I burst out laughing when you said it was once a wank bank
He tweeted about it... Good lord that's a lot of porn. He said that like 60% of the drive is full of porn.
@@tyttuut so about 600 Mb of porn
Downloaded by a 33.6K dial-up modem
Viewed on a crappy 10" LCD
Wow we've made progress
@@suborbitalprocess some people just THAT kind of horny horny.
@@suborbitalprocess Hey, it worked through.
@@_baniraaisu6711 @johntrevy1 I'm not dissing the guy, you work with the tools you have. Just marvelling how far we've come from that
So uhhh, for the sake of preservation will the "collection" be uploaded to archive.org?
Asking for a friend.
for archiving purposes of course
Content matter aside, I'm sure a lot of those vids are long-gone to time. It would be in humanity's best interest to archive them!!
Put them on Wankipedia
@@novafawks to add: when you manually search for 90's stuff on mainstream sites, 90% of the time the archives are incomplete.
theres a subreddit that i know that has 90's and older: *r/oldschoolcoolNSFW*
I am honestly curious to look through that wank bank.
That mid 90's pornography belongs in a museum!
Literally, same thought. XD
Or r/oldschoolcoolNSFW
So do you!
Throw him over the side!
It belongs on my SSD.
"Monorail...monorail...monorail!!!" - The Simpsons
Mono................DOH
Damn I've lived in Marietta my whole life. You learn some interesting shit every day. Thanks for the video
You've got to upload that porn to the Internet Archive
It's for historical preservation of course
Agree indeed!
Joking aside, porn is probably the one piece of media with the most content lost over the years. So from a preservation standpoint, those videos are actually a great find as i doubt anyone else bothered to save them.
@@jimhjortsberg2990 That's why i save the can-be-deleted ones. Amateur or vintage.
Exactly, it deserves to be saved! I was only semi-joking about it being for historical preservation, it's scary how much and how quickly adult content vanishes
@@anew742 Regretity, copyright etc.
Damn, the LCD blur in that adult entertainment was really noticeable.
I blame passive matrix BSD.
Monorail Simpsons episode: 1993
Monorail company founded: 1995
That's probably not a coincidence.
You know what else isn't a coincidence? Monorail Mo is a blatant rip-off of Manic Mailman.
I knew that Simpsons clip would find its way into this somewhere. Was not disappointed.
First time I heard Clint say 'monorail' that song popped into my head.
Monorail-Quake single map.
Simpsons did it again.
Putting this video playing along MJD's version makes me learn a lot more about this boxy all-in-one compy, making it such a treat that you both covered the same thing
Collab soon?
In '96 they said: "Thou shalt removie my cyberspacie historie."
Mono- D'oh!
Beat me to it :)
You win this round 🧐
"i call the big one Bitey!"
@@DeadPollo Batman's a scientist?
This is more of a Shelbyville kind of thing...
11:13 BE THANKFUL that the mouse was missing. Imagine coming across "that" with your hand on that mouse. Ugh...
"Late 90's dialup wank bank" is possibly the best thing I've ever heard.
xdlol i heard "Wank" from a friend when i was 10 oh man that takes me back
this actually reminds me alot of my second computer, i was 10 or 11 and got a computer just a couple years older than this one and the previous owner manually deleted most of his files but when i was playing around with the computer I found a bunch of porn from the previous owner. I was a bit divided on that since on one side i got porn back when porn sites regularly filled your computer with viruses, making porn surfing a dangerous hobby for someone who isnt tech savvy, but on the other hand the porn was the weird kinky kind (mostly fairly fit guys with obese women 2-3 times their size)
@@arthas640 LOL
Vapourwave collab group name tbh
I just love this channel. It's amazing how far we've come in such a short time.
I just spat my food out! Bloody love your video's Clint.. "Late 90's dial-up wank bank" Haaa!
1996: All in one computer for $999
2019: $999 for a computer stand from Apple
there is a connection
Doesn't Apple also sell an iMac for $999?
Apple doesn't make computers.
@@Mr.Morden You're right, they make idiot bait.
We’ve gone backwards!
“Half a GB of porn on the hard drive”
I’d throw that keyboard into a trash barrel and light a fire.
Nice crusty keys for more gripping typing action. Perfect for your mid nineties lewd mud sessions.
@@o03aTmE0o *c r u s t y .*
My thoughts exactly. God knows what happened to the mouse.
that's nothing some White vinegar, and denatured alcohol can't take care of. 😉
Commodorefan64 Half a gig in 90s downloadable videos is Several WEEKS of porn. That keyboard probably formed several layers of crust by now. :/
Touching that keyboard after finding the goldmine of 90s "Material", Hope you washed your hands
COS Can't Drive should have shined a black light on it
Just be thinkful he didn't get the mouse with it. Yuck.
Monorail.... Monorail.... Monorail.... MONORAIL!
Mono... D'OH!'
LGR: Time to power on the Monorail.
RUclips: (commercial)
Me: DAMMIT!
Railing us with ads fs.
11:40 THAT'S what mouse trails are for!?! I just enabled it as a kid cuz I thought it looked cool. :^)
hey at least we now still have that novelty even in modern systems
Watching you play anything on this hurts my eyes, but mostly my soul.
Monorail Mo looks like someone at the board meeting asked NameLab: "So what's the mascot?" And NameLab was like, mascot??? "Uh, well you see..." *madly scribbles stick figure on the box* "why its the lovely Monorail Mo!"
I like how they turned into a business decision company after making a series of bad decisions.
This is a company that outsourced it's own name, offering to make decisions for other companies... it even looks like their mascot was outsourced to a kindergarten class.
I spent the whole first half of the video thinking about that Simpson's song... and you didn't disappoint!
I can only think about Simpsons jokes with a name like Monorail.
I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map.
*_Internet, eh?_*
Is there a chance the track will bend?
Not on your life, my Hindu friend…
That porn isn't actually pixelated by Clint, its just how it was back in the day..
1996: $999 for an all-in-one PC
2019: $999 for a computer stand
Sad, but true.
But this is no ordinary computer stand: it's iStand :D
Inflation
One of my boyfriends had one of those machines, he was always playing with that thing until I got sucked into the retro gaming world, I started with NES emulators then I moved on to DOS, sure some games sucked but still watching LGR made me realize retro gaming still worth it, and let me tell you it's a very cool spot to stay, I just love retro computers it's my thing they are my life, AVGN too is my favorite youtuber ever...
@Roo Smith Do you not realize how much $999 is in 2019? ;P
Ok, Mo's voice sounds so familiar. Anyone know what else that voice is from?
In many regions of the world (most notably Europe) those "warranty void if removed" stickers mean absolutely nothing. You are guaranteed two years warranty. Any other contract or other legal bullshit the company throws at you is not actually a legal document.
🎶 monorail 🎶 Monorail🎵 *MONORAIL* 🎶
A coincidence the guys name is Moe?
I think not!
7:45 Dude, you voided the warranty?!? What will you do if something breaks? What if you get a virus?
Simple! Just call tech support from some shady popup
I'm sure its got plenty of viruses, considering it's practically got a brothel on the hard-drive.
I feel like the “Mono” part of the name fits with it being an _all-in-one_ computer. I could also see the name evoking how it was intended to be a very streamlined process for first-time computer owners, as it implies a kind of speed, efficiency, and linearity.
That's... A lot more credit than I'd give them but you have a point
And "rail" has to do with having to ship it back and forth to the company so they can upgrade it for you
0:46 Did any read Pentium Clone Chip made by AMD. 25 years later AMD is killing Intel
Did he actually watch the included '90s dial-up Wank Bank'? Damn
The porn must be saved if nothing else. Nostalgia at its finest lol.
See how the pornstars have faired over the past 20 years. Going from teen to mature.
I was thinking same thing,,, That is a hidden treasure trove he found.
@@SD-tj5dh alot of suicides and drug overdoses.
So many porn addicted losers.
@@nickcobb865 i think you're in denial and posting anti-porn comments because you failed No Nut November yesterday
I guess it's been true all along: The internet is for porn
@Chris Goody type the internet is for ____ song in RUclips and you will find a cool song lol
Porn has been responsible for driving tech since the 70's.
@@Jghost11 thank you for getting the reference 😁
FOR PORN!
Why you think the net was made? Porn, porn, porn.
hey, you should really archive that um... "Late 90's dial-up wank bank" for you know, posterity.
Yeah I'm sure other people would appreciate it!
@@ethanking4954 LOL XD
Unfortunately I dont think it will happen because of copyright reasons
This thing looks like a industrial control panel. I love it
My WORD this thing is loud as hell! Even for mid 90's PC standards
First 7 minutes felt like a Tech Tales. I miss Tech Tales now.
Same man. Same
*Apu* : Is there a chance the steel case could bend?
*LGR* : Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
😂
You just know that somewhere there's a programmer smuggly satisfied with that rewind function
That power cable looks like it could charge a tesla
He did a dedicated LGR video on that cable.
0:19 Damn that windows startup sound hit me really hard. Ahh the memories...
I hope you sanitized that keyboard and mouse. To download that much porn on a 33.6k modem. That's dedication...
Could you maybe upload that uh.. "late 90s adult footage" you found... Asking for a friend
Ok, you gotta throw an archive up of the porn finds when they happen.
*NPC* line? Quite an amusing name for a product line by 2019 standards.
Man I love the sound of this thing turning on! Really brings me back lol.
I was calling it my "shame folder", but I think I'll go with Wank Bank from now on. Rolls off the tongue much better.
I would hide this folder in program files under Microsoft
@@EvilishDem0nic8732WhatItDo normies and usually smart people tend to overlook said folder. Because logically the ms folder is stereotyped as "system files in order for the pc to run or somwhere along those lines"
I used to hide mine in folders of games. Usually a folder or two deeper and set it to hidden.
and 90% of the time that folder will be behind the c drive and program files.
I would hide mine insde the Cursors folder or in some random games' folder.
Yes so great!
shame folder is more accurate
Mono means one
and Rail means Rail.
Everyone wants one.
Mono means single, not one!
and that completes our 1 week course
Are you saying that everyone wants to get railed?
I call the big one "Bitey"
I think it might be more of a Shelbyville idea...
one thing i miss about old PCs is that "BEEP" on startup ))
My all-in-one Gateway from 4 or 5 years ago beeps in exactly the same way.
I like it too but it used to scare me at times.
I miss that and the RAM count. Why don't modern PCs do this anymore?
@@OmegaWolf747 a lot of them still do, they are just installed in cases that don't have any sort of speaker. And the RAM count runs in a "fast" mode or you'd be there all week scanning through 16 GB of RAM every time you switched it on.
I remember an old 1990's Dell tower my parents had that made all sorts of racket when started lol. Thing sounded like little elves running around inside pressing buttons.
Those old LCDs always get me... Motion clarity? Whats that? lol
So they went from having a unique product to being a mid priced me too product. Not a recipe for success.
The looks remind me of those terminals restaurant staff often use.
"Mono means one, and rail means rail!"
AWM you didn't see the Simpsons episode. Classic Conan episode that can't be beat. Tisk tisk.
@@CorysCat r/woooosh
"... and that concludes our extensive three week video."
@@squareeyes9540 "And that concludes our intensive three-week course"
Why would there be a 3 week video?
Are you from Ogdenville?
"Were you sent here by the devil?"
"No good sir, I'm on the level."
Number2 came here for Simpsons Monorail references. Was not disappointed.
Is there a chance the rail could bend?
@@seanwieland9763 me too.
@@RikoJAmado Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
That porn should be preserved!
Give us an image of that system's drive. For research purposes, of course.
0:19
CHANGE DA WORLD
MY FINAL MESSAGE
GOODB YE