The 20 minute extended cut of this episode is on my Patreon! If you're interested, here's the link: www.patreon.com/thoraya Your support on there will help me make episodes like this more often!
That's why I try not to be selfish and fuck around with people like those jerks that because they're having a bad day they throw a tantrum on everyone around them, just don't, they probably are having a bad day too, and everyone has problems, the least you can do is to not become another problem for someone else
@@Chuso_SkeverYes! It’s very easy to make someone’s day or even life much worse. It’s not always easy to bring your focus out of wherever you are and onto your impact, but when we keep it in mind we can do much better
"Nearly everybody is wearing a facade, some are just wearing it to a greater degree... Being vulnerable is what we're fearful of." Agreed and thank you. I am working on this.
I've worked on it so much that imma give you a cheatsheet for a later lesson: don't feel foolish for being vulnerable. The awkward moments that come afterwards CAN be TMI. but likely it's because you've shown a side of yourself that others are uncomfortable to show. Respect others boundaries and enforce yours. Do that and remember you're going about it "weird". You're choosing connection over rejection. Which most can't relate to. Rejection feels better momentarily. But you're working on Generational curses and all that. The black sheep is different, she's unique, and for that she's ostracized, admired, and hated. Show them how it's done. It sucks but it's awesome
Heard so many “brother”cases! It really puts light on men’s mental health issues that aren’t spoken about. We gotta put a stand to prioritizing/seeking help before it’s too late. Life is so much more precious than most people know.
People live with so much burden on their shoulders. I wish they all heal and live a peaceful life and see beauty in the world. You are doing a great job doing videos likes this, it’s healing
I knew people had a lot of baggage when I saw a post that said "a 100 million dollarsor a time machine you can only use to fix one mistake in life" and not everyone said money. Like people have such lifelong regrets that no amount of money would make it okay. Like fuck that's dark
Yeah I'd have liked to hear more from someone like that and less from some bitter old broads about why marriage is bad actually because that's a super relevant and underappreciated topic zzzzzzzzzzzz
@@bearclaus2676 I once heard Brene Brown (Power of Vulnerability) elaborate that the wall that we put-up to keep pain at a distance also keeps pleasure at a distance. Not saying it's easy, but you have to feel it to heal it. The alternative is numbness, which I suppose is fine in the short-term, as a self-protection mechanism but... coping mechanisms are supposed to help us get through a particular experience; they're not intended to become a way of life. If you're struggling with this, please consider seeking-out someone to talk to, be it a trusted friend, close family member, or even a counselor. There's no greater feeling than the fresh, new life that you begin to wake up to. To feel again... Best wishes to you!
Something that i have always wanted to say was to a cat. She was my boyfriends cat, but i loved her like my own. She passed away in January. i grew up with no pets, and getting to have a bond with her before she passed was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish i would have told or communicated to her in some way how much of an impact she had on my life. I miss her and think about her everyday
I'm so excited, she's here! She's here! I have longed for you come. You took me in like family and showed me I'm number one. Thank you dear human for accepting me, whiskers, tail and claws. And know that you're my human too, one of the best I ever saw. I'll always cherish the pets and purs and all our fun and play. But the most I miss is my human's heart who loves me still today. Despite the fact my meows are gone and my fur no longer touched Please know dear human that I, your cat still love you very much.
To all those people who mentioned their sibling: Thank you for that reminder. My brother and i have never been super close. I had to leave home at the age of 20, had to learn to stand on my own feet, make my own decisions, be mature and independent. He stood at home until he was almost 30, never left the town we grew up and he wasnt eager to explore the world. Early 2020 he was diagnosed with chronical myeloic leukemia and althouh the pill therapy works very well right now, there is this constant fear in the back of my mind that he might be gone some day. Our relationship still isn't super close but thanks to the video i had the urge to send him a short "I thought of you and i love you"-message.
Be proactive with that. Dont just leave it with a text message. You could bring joy and happieness to him that might bring his heart and body strength to continue fighting.
@dieypslackiert I'm just going to second cinderellie's comment. Feeling like we have no hope left and no one to turn to is why people give up on this mortal coil. What have you got to lose as adults if you try to build a bridge to him? You will never know unless you try and he may well not be in the mindset to, so if you have (as far as I see it) two options. You can leave it as it is and always have it in the back of your mind that you COULD have tried more but it's too late, or... go and see him, give him a call, send him a LETTER, even. I have no siblings to reach out to, so I admit I don't speak from experience, just opinion and forethought. Good luck!! You sound like you're a solid person and can do this if you want to.
Some or many don't, but I did. Almost 2 years ago. A major incident in late February 2022. I got my 2nd chance, maybe 3rd chance. Due to another major incident earlier in July 2012, and then, when I thought I was living the better life afterwards, until I got confronted again in early 2022 and realized I wasn't. 3rd times a charm they say. Hence, after this 3rd time ... I really feel like I am living.
That's really heart-breaking how many people are losing loved-ones to drugs particularly fentanyl. I'm not from the US but I know it's "coming over" here too and it's scary. I watch Soft White Underbelly videos and 80% of people there are fentanyl addicts. The inequalities in the US boggle the mind, really.
Also a fan of SWU. I learned so much about different people’s struggles beginning with lack of a stable and loving family. Most often it’s hopeless. Here I learn what can connect us, what small things I can do.❤❤
I swear, we never stop being children trying to make sense of ourselves, our world and how we fit into it. Watching others being vulnerable is just SO beautiful! This is whats around us. We are all starving for true blue kindness, love and understanding. Thoraya, thank you for putting your talents into this. Its so important we have footage of what we really are out here, not the content made with an agenda. Thank you, beautiful! ♥️
I kinda envy everyone who has found their group of people where they can also hang out with each and everyone individually. I never found that and think it's incredibly important. The girl can truly be happy about having her friends.
Same, but as I get older I become less bothered by it. I find hobbies like sewing or crafting are more beneficial then being around people who may or may not love and care for me.
im crying right now because everything that the two kind women said spoke to me but specifically at around 9:52. Leave. That was something ive needed to hear so badly.
The first guys story made me audibly gasp and start to tear up. Parents aren’t supposed to use and bully their kids. Children should feel loved. I feel you man.
Man the brother ones hit so hard. I wish I could have told my brother so many many things. I lost my brother due to drugs as well, he was ten years older than me so he was my hero, when I grew up I realized his demons. At the advice of his parole officer and our family therapist and psychiatrist we needed to cut him off, no enabling and letting it traumatize us, they said he had to hit rock bottom (which in my opinion he was already at) we did cut him off. He died less than a month later. I wish I would have never stopped being there for him, I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for all the things he went through and I loved him no matter what! RIP brother.
I'd never agree with cutting my brother or any family off for this exact reason. It's hard seeing them struggle but it's better to be there & be able to try to save their life than to find out you cut them off and they passed away. 😢
This one is a hard one. Watched my Mom go through life with my sister in addiction. She never cut her off. My sister died in addiction. It drained life out of my Mom. Even in the end, my Mom would have traded places with my sister, giving up her life so my sister could live. I heard her praying. Too bad love isn't all we need to save those we love from addiction . . . . .
I loved the 2 sisters. If the effort outweighs the pleasure - it’s time to move on. Timeless ⏳advice. Reminds me for some reason of the words of Anais Nin: “Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”
Me too. The sisters were so sweet :) That anxiety analogy of yours though s giving me nightmarish images lol.. And I've been very very anxious for periods in my life. But I tend to not see people rather than cling on to them when I feel like that, I think. Must say one friend really stuck it out with me a few years ago when I really had a bad streak. She spent hours on the phone with me every day so I would be distracted from my mind. A very beautiful thing.
@@fuzzylogics139I love that you had a friend who was there for you during your difficult times. She sounds like an amazing person. You should do something nice for her - get her flowers or something - just to show your appreciation. We all need people like that in our lives.
There was a trend here, most young people talking about regrets in relationship buildup and progression while most of the elderly ones regretting inactions and words unsaid due to the loss of a person that was part of their family. I'm now aged in-between these two groups. Watching my folks grow old; I'm scared for the future, but this video helps me remember to say "I love you" to them every once in a while.
I pretty much tell people what I think. I'm an open book. I am grateful for this strength because once I followed my Dad from a community gathering to a cliff top above a beautiful ocean view, and expressed to him how grateful I was to have him as my dad, what a good man and father he was to me and how he showed me how to appreciate. 4 months later he was gone. I was 23. That was 40 yrs ago. I still get comfort in knowing he knew his life made a difference.
This video is so heartbreaking because the most important phrases that we forget saying during life are: “I am sorry” and “I love you”. It is so dumb as those are very simple words that we just decide to keep for ourselves and regret it later.
For me, it's that final "I love you" that got stuck in my throat when I was leaving my grandpa the last time I saw him in that hospital bed, when I was 18. I'm 24 now and that still hasn't let me go. I've been crying for like half an hour now thinking about it. I haven't even watched the video yet. I'm not sure I can right now. I might some other time. Y'all take care ❤
I really appreciate what the sisters said about marriage and how they also acknowledged that it is different for our generation than it was for theirs. Some people rush into relationships and want to be with someone so bad but can’t decide on what to wear. They were awesome! 😂
i wish i had said yes, to 3 men who liked me. my example of love was denial, struggle, combat, passive aggression, and strings attached. i wish i could have been myself, instead of what i had learned to be.
I'd thank my father for protecting me from my mother as much as he could, and for believing in me and supporting me as an artist from the time I was ten months old, buying me art supplies and bringing me to New Mexico to paint in Georgia O'Keefe's desert! I didn't realize how much he did for me, and how big a part he was of me as an artist today.
What a queen, imagine getting everyone ready for a wedding, showing up, and everything, and then saying "I don't." When they ask if you take the other person as your husband/wife, what an absolute chaos nova. That should be an SNL sketch
Might be unrelated but this video just really has me thinking about how I should just be open to talk about how I really feel. To be willing to let go. To be open to love or show love. To put actual effort into things, stop giving up and being afraid of failure. I think I'm heading to the right direction but sometimes I lose focus and end up in a loop. I think its about time that I get out of it. Thank you for making this video.
"If the effort outweights the pleasure, it's time to move on" - is a GREAT piece of advice, I think it could apply to many other things other than relationships, such as jobs. Overall I loved what the sisters said, and the fact that they asked Thoraya for her opinion on marriage too, it was super sweet.
@@monk3110 Partnerships take both people working at them, though. When one person is being a bum and not putting in any effort, all the effort is left for the other person to bear. At that point, it's futile to keep trying to hold the relationship together.
@@-._.-KRiS-._.- Your point about effort is valid, but it's clearly not about 'if the effort outweighs the pleasure, it's time to move on'. That's why divorce rates are at an all time high and relationships are failing. This is just hedonism. It should be about both putting effort in, and not just about 'pleasure' being outweighed by effort. Imagine if parents took this attitude with their kids.
i had that with my relationship where i would only feel good with him when i was doing the things he liked to do that he knew i wasn't such a big fan of. it's like there was a tenseness in the air if i tried to engage him with my hobbies and interests. and i tried really really hard... it ended up just eating away at me
@@nolongerjuicyboiz4413 Personally I think pleasure is much more than just the immediate reward. It's the satisfaction and purpose of dedication, the comfort of mutual trust and vulnerability and the knowledge that one is loved and can love. All the effort which is unpleasant in the moment ultimately leads to those, and if it doesn't, then the effort truly outweights the reward. I believe you need to be aware enough to decide whether your effort is leading somewhere, and have the patience to continue when the feedback isn't there instantly.
Truly my most looked-forward-to uploads are from you. This episode reinforces the importance of (a healthy) self-awareness. We're going to die one day, buddy. Take your risks. Do the right thing. Give yourself the same love you would to someone you're in love with. Choose compassion.
Many years after we broke up, my first big love and I were living in the same city. We were both married. Out of the blue, her sister texted me and told me she was in the hospital with cancer and was expected to pass soon. I went to see her. Her husband and family were there. Her family and I talked as if the thirty-two intervening years had never happened. All she could say to me was "hi." Shortly after she fell into a coma, and against all my feelings, I left out of respect for her husband. All the way home, I wanted to turn around and go back. She passed alone during a "changing of the guard." Was it better to respect her husband, or to be there for her? I feel as if I betrayed her when she needed me most. I wish I could ask her for forgiveness.
I wish I had told my school best friend Angus that I am sorry I wasn’t mature enough or strong enough to be the friend he needed. He was most likely autistic and no one knew. Our friend couldn’t cope with his behaviour and I took upon my self to tell him that we couldn’t be friends. No-one has heard from him since. That was 20 years ago.
on that last perspective of your favorite meal I think its like someone who likes eating eggs kind of thing you can fry them, boil, poach, sunny side up, etc I think the purpose is to find your favorite meal and learn how to make it in many ways with different spices in order to keep the meal flavorful so that it doesn't become bland to the taste and it transfers well into relationships where you gotta continue to learn about each other and every once in awhile mix it up to keep the relationship interesting. many people think marriage is the finish line but really its the starting line. my favorite quote has always been "Don't stop dating your partner".
I'd tell my stepdad how much he meant to me. How much I appreciated all he did for me and especially for my mom. He provided us with a great life and busted his butt to do so. We weren't as close as we should have been. Now that I've lost him and become a parent there is so much I'd like to say.
"I LOVE YOU." The dude who said "I wasn't brave enough or mature enough to just go ahead and take the risk of saying it". Hit me like a blow. "Showing people what you really, really are...and how you're vulnerable..." Ive got to call my brother right now.
The problem with the meal metaphor is that people change and evolve. I think that's the biggest hurdle of relationships is some people change in the relationship while the other stays stagnant, or someone changes for the worst. But I do agree with the waiting until 35 idea, or at least wait 7 years of dating before getting married.
i wish i seen and had one more conversation with my Pop before he died. I missed the chance cause of my anxiety in seeing him in such a weak state. and it makes me really upset that i let it win.
Thoraya, You are my favorite person that I have never met in-person. You are genuinely the REAL deal. The best of humanity. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world.
This episode was especially impactful to me. Things unsaid have such a theme throughout humans. What's holding us back has so much in common! I think sometimes the fear of not saying things is due to being misunderstood and what the outcome could be.
I hope you do find, or maybe since this video have found, that special partner in life. For me it's been 41 years so far. Got lucky but knew we were going to be perfect together.
The girl at 7:00 has such a beautiful soul, true smile and warming character. Don't need to know people well to see who is a good person. Thank you Thoraya for your videos. They have been helping me in difficult times a lot lately. I truly admire what you do.
I wish I had told my grandfather I loved him. He was the first person to show he realised and cared for my mental state, but at that point he was already in his last months of life. Gramps was a tough guy with a soft heart, and he always knew how to make his closed ones feel cherished. He passed away when I was fourteen and I believe it took me close to ten years to actually feel like he wasn't alive anymore. I knew, but couldn't feel. Weird stuff. I should've paid more attention to his words and gestures and realised he meant "chill now, things get better", but I didn't, and I don't remember telling him how I loved him for making me feel cherished. I hope to be as great of a man as him, one day. Quite probably, my hero
I miss my brother. Loved him dearly, we all did. I never did anythIng that I needed to ask forgiveness for. But I wish I had visited more often. His wife didnT seem to like us much, so we stayed away. He loved her, and that was good enough for us. I just couldn't bear watching him mistreated verbally when i loved him so much.
I so agree with those women 7:11 onward about not getting married. I married because I didn't want to back out of getting married so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. He never cared about me. He wanted to get married to have someone to control. Divorcing finally.
I wish I've told more often to my grandma how much she meant to me. I've never met my other grandparents, they all died before I was born, so I always had only one grandma and when she died I was 18. I still feel envious of those who are my age or older and still have all their grandparents alive😔
My husband had two disasterous relantionships when he was young because although the young women were nice, the ex-boyfriends of the women reentered the picture, one threatning to beat up my small statured peaceful husband. They were both named "Phil". When we met many years later, he asked if I had anyone in my past named Phil. I was laughing when one of the sisters said, "do not marry anyone named Phillip". What is it about that name?
I havent finish the video but I felt the need to come here and say, first guy, I am so sorry for your loss, you are a good person and its not your fault. You loved your brother and I bet he loved you too. I hope one day you both can be reunited and be surrounded by love and the peace you should have felt at home but never had. I hope life treats you better and you heal, sending you love.
Thank you for this video. Literally from 50 seconds of footage, I stopped and messaged all of the people closest to me and told them I was thinking about them. You’ve totally made not only my day but their days too. What a lovely chain reaction you just caused with your work! 🙏
Damn. Those first few really got me. A special friend of mine, who was like a baby sister to me just passed away about a month ago. She overdosed on fentanyl. I spend so much time hoping she knew how loved and important she was. I write journal to her on a regular basis. She was obsessed with writing. Sweetest most interesting kid ever.
I aspire to be like the gent at 4:10 Vulnerability can help kindle the creation of so many special relationships, though it still frightens me at times. Something I’m working on.
Omg! Finally someone ask her back! Every video i watched from Thoraya I always wondered what her answer would be! Pls if someone in the future asks you back dont cut it out :) i love your videos but hearing your answer would make them even better! in my opinion
Rage and grief consume me. My soul is raped. All 44 years of my life, so far, have just been suffering. I can no longer bear the suffering. My rage is red-hot-white. May all those whom I loathe, suffer for all eternity, for what they've done to me. I WILL NO LONGER HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED. I WILL ROAR!!!
everyone has a story to share. the way you connect with people is continuously so refreshing, Thoraya. it doesn't matter where you are, the topic of discussion or who you speak with - I am in awe, every time. thank you for this channel, for this source of love 😌❤
4:50 that man has the wisdom and maturity that can only be achieved through age and hardship. He has a great way of speaking and phenomenal choice of words.
These videos show us that we're really not that different at all. We're all human, and we're all going through the ups and downs of life. Stay strong, live on. 💛
Thoraya you’re literally my favorite content creator, your videos fill me with such love and hope! Truly something I look forward to watching, thank you so much for making these with such patience and love! 🦋🌸
The night before my mom and my niece were killed, I was speaking to mom on the phone. I’d been in California for a year, and I was missing my mom and little niece very much. Mom was raising my niece since my sister was off in her own little world of men and drugs. I talked to my niece who was 11 briefly and told her I was coming home soon, and I was looking forward to seeing her then. She said she missed me too, and then ran off to play…I had every intention of telling her I loved her. I remember thinking I was gonna have mom put her back on the phone so I could say it. It was really nagging me…to tell her that. The next morning my mother was taking her to a dr appointment when they were hit head on. The man in the other vehicle fell asleep, his foot became heavy on the gas, and he plowed into mom going 80mph in a curve of the road where the speed limit was 35. I never got to say I love you, my sweet sweet baby niece. The man suffered two broken ribs, and we suffered two broken hearts…
I’m so sorry. This is truly heartbreaking, and with all of my heart, I hope you’re okay now and that your lovely mom and your beautiful nice are waiting for you and having a peaceful time.
The grief and loss is enough. Please don't let yourself regret. Your precious niece went happily off to play knowing her auntie loved her, because you told her you missed her, were looking forward to seeing her and were coming back soon. Love is in all those statements. Even though you didn't say it explicitly, you said it w/ everything else you said and she felt it. I'm positive. As for the man. It was a terrible accident and you can be sure he regrets falling asleep all the time. He is also living w/ the terrible emotional anguish of knowing he took part in killing 2 people, and one a little girl. Even though it was a tragic accident, that weighs so much heavier on a soul than some broken bones. That can drive some people crazy or into drug or alchohol abused. He might even wish he was the one who died sometimes, esp. knowing a child was involved. What a terrible thing all around.
Apologizing to my parents for being a total asshole was the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders ive ever experienced. I definitely live freely because of this.
I just want to express how much I appreciate and enjoy your insightful videos Thoraya..you are such a kind and caring person.. you are truly beautiful and your questions bring out the honesty that can surprise the person whom is speaking.. you have a very special talent for allowing people to express their deepest feelings.. if I could see you, I would love to give you a big hug for being you!❤
Coming to terms with either assisted living or another consequence. @ 45 the realization is a hard pill to swallow. Especially for an introvert that's been trying to be independent 😢
The 20 minute extended cut of this episode is on my Patreon! If you're interested, here's the link: www.patreon.com/thoraya Your support on there will help me make episodes like this more often!
..don't take advice on marriage, by whom married more than once..!
Isn’t it funny…we all think we’re the only ones who feel a certain way…but we’re all walking around with the same worries and regrets and concerns
yup
That's why I try not to be selfish and fuck around with people like those jerks that because they're having a bad day they throw a tantrum on everyone around them, just don't, they probably are having a bad day too, and everyone has problems, the least you can do is to not become another problem for someone else
@@Chuso_SkeverYes! It’s very easy to make someone’s day or even life much worse. It’s not always easy to bring your focus out of wherever you are and onto your impact, but when we keep it in mind we can do much better
@chusoskever2649 what you're describing is projection. Hurt people, hurt people. Sadly.
@@Chuso_Skever some people need a taste of their own medicine.
"Nearly everybody is wearing a facade, some are just wearing it to a greater degree... Being vulnerable is what we're fearful of." Agreed and thank you. I am working on this.
I wish you that you can throw it away one day and be yourself. Cheers :)
I've worked on it so much that imma give you a cheatsheet for a later lesson: don't feel foolish for being vulnerable. The awkward moments that come afterwards CAN be TMI. but likely it's because you've shown a side of yourself that others are uncomfortable to show. Respect others boundaries and enforce yours.
Do that and remember you're going about it "weird". You're choosing connection over rejection. Which most can't relate to. Rejection feels better momentarily. But you're working on Generational curses and all that. The black sheep is different, she's unique, and for that she's ostracized, admired, and hated. Show them how it's done. It sucks but it's awesome
We're all working on this. Our "heart" is so tender and vulnerable and we are so hesitant to tell someone that we love them.
me too
Heard so many “brother”cases! It really puts light on men’s mental health issues that aren’t spoken about. We gotta put a stand to prioritizing/seeking help before it’s too late. Life is so much more precious than most people know.
No room for that, world is too busy inpowering women and trashing men.
I’ve also heard a lot of “dad” cases
@@randomyoutubecommenter2863yeah thats true, my mom for example never said "i love you" to her dad and she regrets it.
THIS POINT! ⬆️👏👏💯💯💯
I was thinking the exact same thing
People live with so much burden on their shoulders. I wish they all heal and live a peaceful life and see beauty in the world. You are doing a great job doing videos likes this, it’s healing
I knew people had a lot of baggage when I saw a post that said "a 100 million dollarsor a time machine you can only use to fix one mistake in life" and not everyone said money. Like people have such lifelong regrets that no amount of money would make it okay. Like fuck that's dark
@@theobnoxiouslycharming1747 I'd need quite a few of those time machines sadly.
The first guy☹️ My heart goes to you please don’t blame yourself as it’s your parents manipulated you to do that. Much love ❤
Facts! Thats a REAL hard life
Yeah I'd have liked to hear more from someone like that and less from some bitter old broads about why marriage is bad actually because that's a super relevant and underappreciated topic zzzzzzzzzzzz
At least he can cry. It relinquishes the suffering.
Im numb in comparison.
@@bearclaus2676 I once heard Brene Brown (Power of Vulnerability) elaborate that the wall that we put-up to keep pain at a distance also keeps pleasure at a distance. Not saying it's easy, but you have to feel it to heal it. The alternative is numbness, which I suppose is fine in the short-term, as a self-protection mechanism but... coping mechanisms are supposed to help us get through a particular experience; they're not intended to become a way of life. If you're struggling with this, please consider seeking-out someone to talk to, be it a trusted friend, close family member, or even a counselor. There's no greater feeling than the fresh, new life that you begin to wake up to. To feel again...
Best wishes to you!
@@bearclaus2676Sorry/congrats? What a bizarre competition you’re trying to win
Something that i have always wanted to say was to a cat. She was my boyfriends cat, but i loved her like my own. She passed away in January. i grew up with no pets, and getting to have a bond with her before she passed was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish i would have told or communicated to her in some way how much of an impact she had on my life. I miss her and think about her everyday
I'm so excited, she's here! She's here! I have longed for you come.
You took me in like family and showed me I'm number one.
Thank you dear human for accepting me, whiskers, tail and claws.
And know that you're my human too, one of the best I ever saw.
I'll always cherish the pets and purs and all our fun and play.
But the most I miss is my human's heart who loves me still today.
Despite the fact my meows are gone and my fur no longer touched
Please know dear human that I, your cat still love you very much.
To all those people who mentioned their sibling: Thank you for that reminder.
My brother and i have never been super close. I had to leave home at the age of 20, had to learn to stand on my own feet, make my own decisions, be mature and independent. He stood at home until he was almost 30, never left the town we grew up and he wasnt eager to explore the world. Early 2020 he was diagnosed with chronical myeloic leukemia and althouh the pill therapy works very well right now, there is this constant fear in the back of my mind that he might be gone some day. Our relationship still isn't super close but thanks to the video i had the urge to send him a short "I thought of you and i love you"-message.
Be proactive with that. Dont just leave it with a text message. You could bring joy and happieness to him that might bring his heart and body strength to continue fighting.
@@cinderellie8 Good comment! You never know how much you can actually impact upon someone until you try.
@dieypslackiert I'm just going to second cinderellie's comment. Feeling like we have no hope left and no one to turn to is why people give up on this mortal coil. What have you got to lose as adults if you try to build a bridge to him? You will never know unless you try and he may well not be in the mindset to, so if you have (as far as I see it) two options. You can leave it as it is and always have it in the back of your mind that you COULD have tried more but it's too late, or... go and see him, give him a call, send him a LETTER, even. I have no siblings to reach out to, so I admit I don't speak from experience, just opinion and forethought. Good luck!! You sound like you're a solid person and can do this if you want to.
I wish you the strength to have more contact with your brother
"if the effort outweighs the pleasure, it's time to move on"
damn
So true
I think one of the hardest moments in life is realizing that sometimes you don't get second chances. Maybe that is also a point when you start living.
Some or many don't, but I did. Almost 2 years ago. A major incident in late February 2022.
I got my 2nd chance, maybe 3rd chance. Due to another major incident earlier in July 2012, and then, when I thought I was living the better life afterwards, until I got confronted again in early 2022 and realized I wasn't.
3rd times a charm they say. Hence, after this 3rd time ... I really feel like I am living.
You’re right, the hardest part is when you realize sometimes it is too late to start again.
“When did you stop loving me” is the saddest question in existence. Omgg 😔
he looked heartbroken.
That's really heart-breaking how many people are losing loved-ones to drugs particularly fentanyl. I'm not from the US but I know it's "coming over" here too and it's scary. I watch Soft White Underbelly videos and 80% of people there are fentanyl addicts. The inequalities in the US boggle the mind, really.
I also watch SWU, and I am struck by how many are affected by fentanyl. It’s a horrible drug. I pray we can get a handle on it somehow.
Same here guys, swu is the best👏👏
Also a fan of SWU. I learned so much about different people’s struggles beginning with lack of a stable and loving family. Most often it’s hopeless. Here I learn what can connect us, what small things I can do.❤❤
I live in Canada and it's everywhere here too. We lose hundreds of people to it every year where I live in particular.
People who die from Fentanyl know how lethal it is. They care so little for their own life.
I swear, we never stop being children trying to make sense of ourselves, our world and how we fit into it. Watching others being vulnerable is just SO beautiful! This is whats around us. We are all starving for true blue kindness, love and understanding. Thoraya, thank you for putting your talents into this. Its so important we have footage of what we really are out here, not the content made with an agenda. Thank you, beautiful! ♥️
Beautiful perspective, thank you
I hope Thoraya reads this!
I kinda envy everyone who has found their group of people where they can also hang out with each and everyone individually.
I never found that and think it's incredibly important. The girl can truly be happy about having her friends.
Same.
Same right here
Same, but as I get older I become less bothered by it. I find hobbies like sewing or crafting are more beneficial then being around people who may or may not love and care for me.
I very much appreciate this channel. Hearing people spill their hearts out, even briefly, is always interesting to me.
The two sisters were amazing, turning it on Thoraya and everything
im crying right now because everything that the two kind women said spoke to me but specifically at around 9:52. Leave. That was something ive needed to hear so badly.
The first guys story made me audibly gasp and start to tear up. Parents aren’t supposed to use and bully their kids. Children should feel loved. I feel you man.
Man the brother ones hit so hard. I wish I could have told my brother so many many things. I lost my brother due to drugs as well, he was ten years older than me so he was my hero, when I grew up I realized his demons. At the advice of his parole officer and our family therapist and psychiatrist we needed to cut him off, no enabling and letting it traumatize us, they said he had to hit rock bottom (which in my opinion he was already at) we did cut him off. He died less than a month later. I wish I would have never stopped being there for him, I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for all the things he went through and I loved him no matter what! RIP brother.
Sending you love ❤ my brothers struggling and sometimes I get frustrated and your comment brought so much love to my heart. Thank you for sharing.
I'd never agree with cutting my brother or any family off for this exact reason. It's hard seeing them struggle but it's better to be there & be able to try to save their life than to find out you cut them off and they passed away. 😢
@@hippychick420 in my experience, family can be really persuading when it comes to encouraging to cut people off. I love that we aren’t though♥️
This one is a hard one. Watched my Mom go through life with my sister in addiction. She never cut her off. My sister died in addiction. It drained life out of my Mom. Even in the end, my Mom would have traded places with my sister, giving up her life so my sister could live. I heard her praying. Too bad love isn't all we need to save those we love from addiction . . . . .
@@elizabethmendez4133 My condolences
I loved the 2 sisters. If the effort outweighs the pleasure - it’s time to move on. Timeless ⏳advice.
Reminds me for some reason of the words of Anais Nin:
“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”
Yes they were the absolute best! Also love that that wisdom was followed by "don't marry a philip" 😂
Me too. The sisters were so sweet :)
That anxiety analogy of yours though s giving me nightmarish images lol.. And I've been very very anxious for periods in my life. But I tend to not see people rather than cling on to them when I feel like that, I think. Must say one friend really stuck it out with me a few years ago when I really had a bad streak. She spent hours on the phone with me every day so I would be distracted from my mind. A very beautiful thing.
@@fuzzylogics139I love that you had a friend who was there for you during your difficult times. She sounds like an amazing person. You should do something nice for her - get her flowers or something - just to show your appreciation. We all need people like that in our lives.
You are right. She is a special person for sure,@@nopenope9118 I told her I truly appreciated that. And likewise I do things for her as well :)
They have shitty advice. Life isn't just for personal pleasure. They're just 2 bitter sisters that feed it to each other. No benefit of marriage?
There was a trend here, most young people talking about regrets in relationship buildup and progression while most of the elderly ones regretting inactions and words unsaid due to the loss of a person that was part of their family.
I'm now aged in-between these two groups. Watching my folks grow old; I'm scared for the future, but this video helps me remember to say "I love you" to them every once in a while.
I pretty much tell people what I think. I'm an open book. I am grateful for this strength because once I followed my Dad from a community gathering to a cliff top above a beautiful ocean view, and expressed to him how grateful I was to have him as my dad, what a good man and father he was to me and how he showed me how to appreciate. 4 months later he was gone. I was 23. That was 40 yrs ago. I still get comfort in knowing he knew his life made a difference.
👏👏
Just be careful with abusive people. To be an open book to the wrong person comes at a very high cost. Take care ❤
@@stilianifakidaraki3724my issue exactly, bot necessarily abusive, just toxic people that have used me over and over again
A lot of sibling regrets, very interesting 🧐
la familia lo es todo
I thought so too, very interesting.
This video is so heartbreaking because the most important phrases that we forget saying during life are: “I am sorry” and “I love you”.
It is so dumb as those are very simple words that we just decide to keep for ourselves and regret it later.
For me, it's that final "I love you" that got stuck in my throat when I was leaving my grandpa the last time I saw him in that hospital bed, when I was 18. I'm 24 now and that still hasn't let me go. I've been crying for like half an hour now thinking about it. I haven't even watched the video yet. I'm not sure I can right now. I might some other time. Y'all take care ❤
I really appreciate what the sisters said about marriage and how they also acknowledged that it is different for our generation than it was for theirs. Some people rush into relationships and want to be with someone so bad but can’t decide on what to wear. They were awesome! 😂
I love the 2 sisters at the end! Such wisdom, such jolly and carefree personalities... they've seen it all! ❤️❤️
Yeah my thoughts exactly! ❤
Why, because they're old and they hate the men they married? I wonder what those men would have to say about them if they got some screen time.
5:27 the innocence of love 🥹
The sisters at the end, they give off such a calm, wise energy ❤
i wish i had said yes, to 3 men who liked me. my example of love was denial, struggle, combat, passive aggression, and strings attached. i wish i could have been myself, instead of what i had learned to be.
I'd thank my father for protecting me from my mother as much as he could, and for believing in me and supporting me as an artist from the time I was ten months old, buying me art supplies and bringing me to New Mexico to paint in Georgia O'Keefe's desert! I didn't realize how much he did for me, and how big a part he was of me as an artist today.
Oh, man, the two women made me smile. You can really feel the strong bond between them! They are both so positive and nice :)
The ending was unexpected but beautiful! The whole video was beautifully emotional.
Thank you for that!
What a queen, imagine getting everyone ready for a wedding, showing up, and everything, and then saying "I don't." When they ask if you take the other person as your husband/wife, what an absolute chaos nova. That should be an SNL sketch
Sometimes I wish that is what I would have done in my first marriage.
Might be unrelated but this video just really has me thinking about how I should just be open to talk about how I really feel. To be willing to let go. To be open to love or show love. To put actual effort into things, stop giving up and being afraid of failure. I think I'm heading to the right direction but sometimes I lose focus and end up in a loop. I think its about time that I get out of it. Thank you for making this video.
That's fine I'll cry before work
The guy at 4:10 was the coolest dude! He had so many great insights and he just seems like a great person in how he moves through life!
Agreed! He is really cool and full of wisdom I'm sure he's had a pretty colourful life!
"If the effort outweights the pleasure, it's time to move on" - is a GREAT piece of advice, I think it could apply to many other things other than relationships, such as jobs. Overall I loved what the sisters said, and the fact that they asked Thoraya for her opinion on marriage too, it was super sweet.
I don’t like it. No limit. All good things are hard
@@monk3110 Partnerships take both people working at them, though. When one person is being a bum and not putting in any effort, all the effort is left for the other person to bear. At that point, it's futile to keep trying to hold the relationship together.
@@-._.-KRiS-._.- Your point about effort is valid, but it's clearly not about 'if the effort outweighs the pleasure, it's time to move on'. That's why divorce rates are at an all time high and relationships are failing. This is just hedonism. It should be about both putting effort in, and not just about 'pleasure' being outweighed by effort. Imagine if parents took this attitude with their kids.
i had that with my relationship where i would only feel good with him when i was doing the things he liked to do that he knew i wasn't such a big fan of. it's like there was a tenseness in the air if i tried to engage him with my hobbies and interests. and i tried really really hard... it ended up just eating away at me
@@nolongerjuicyboiz4413 Personally I think pleasure is much more than just the immediate reward. It's the satisfaction and purpose of dedication, the comfort of mutual trust and vulnerability and the knowledge that one is loved and can love. All the effort which is unpleasant in the moment ultimately leads to those, and if it doesn't, then the effort truly outweights the reward. I believe you need to be aware enough to decide whether your effort is leading somewhere, and have the patience to continue when the feedback isn't there instantly.
Truly my most looked-forward-to uploads are from you.
This episode reinforces the importance of (a healthy) self-awareness. We're going to die one day, buddy. Take your risks. Do the right thing. Give yourself the same love you would to someone you're in love with. Choose compassion.
Many of us carry more regret/pain/insecurity than others can ever imagine. Always try to be kind. Thanks for the reminder,Thoraya❤
"if the effort outweighs the pleasure, it's time to move on"
Damn, everyday people are wiser than I thought.
So many beautiful souls out there! We are all one!
There really is!
Many years after we broke up, my first big love and I were living in the same city. We were both married. Out of the blue, her sister texted me and told me she was in the hospital with cancer and was expected to pass soon. I went to see her. Her husband and family were there. Her family and I talked as if the thirty-two intervening years had never happened. All she could say to me was "hi." Shortly after she fell into a coma, and against all my feelings, I left out of respect for her husband. All the way home, I wanted to turn around and go back. She passed alone during a "changing of the guard." Was it better to respect her husband, or to be there for her? I feel as if I betrayed her when she needed me most. I wish I could ask her for forgiveness.
I wish I had told my school best friend Angus that I am sorry I wasn’t mature enough or strong enough to be the friend he needed. He was most likely autistic and no one knew. Our friend couldn’t cope with his behaviour and I took upon my self to tell him that we couldn’t be friends. No-one has heard from him since. That was 20 years ago.
just wanted to say thank you for what you do, you help a lot of people Thoraya 💗
Yess thank you so much Thoraya ❤❤. Sending hugs to anyone who may need one.
on that last perspective of your favorite meal I think its like someone who likes eating eggs kind of thing you can fry them, boil, poach, sunny side up, etc I think the purpose is to find your favorite meal and learn how to make it in many ways with different spices in order to keep the meal flavorful so that it doesn't become bland to the taste and it transfers well into relationships where you gotta continue to learn about each other and every once in awhile mix it up to keep the relationship interesting. many people think marriage is the finish line but really its the starting line. my favorite quote has always been "Don't stop dating your partner".
This is such good advice, it needs a pin.
I'd tell my stepdad how much he meant to me. How much I appreciated all he did for me and especially for my mom. He provided us with a great life and busted his butt to do so. We weren't as close as we should have been. Now that I've lost him and become a parent there is so much I'd like to say.
You can still tell him... He listens & guides you 💛💫🌟
@@love-light369 Exactly.
My condolences
The 2 sisters at the end were the best part of the video, loved their story and life lessons.
"I LOVE YOU."
The dude who said "I wasn't brave enough or mature enough to just go ahead and take the risk of saying it".
Hit me like a blow.
"Showing people what you really, really are...and how you're vulnerable..."
Ive got to call my brother right now.
The two sisters are such a vibe.
The problem with the meal metaphor is that people change and evolve. I think that's the biggest hurdle of relationships is some people change in the relationship while the other stays stagnant, or someone changes for the worst. But I do agree with the waiting until 35 idea, or at least wait 7 years of dating before getting married.
I would say no and stick to my boundaries and not be afraid to stand my ground and not get guilted into doing things.
People are so beautiful.
I love these videos they make me feel like I’m not alone
i wish i seen and had one more conversation with my Pop before he died. I missed the chance cause of my anxiety in seeing him in such a weak state. and it makes me really upset that i let it win.
Thoraya, You are my favorite person that I have never met in-person. You are genuinely the REAL deal. The best of humanity. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world.
Love from Turkey, I have been following you for 3 years and you really helped me thank you
This episode was especially impactful to me. Things unsaid have such a theme throughout humans. What's holding us back has so much in common! I think sometimes the fear of not saying things is due to being misunderstood and what the outcome could be.
Sending so much love to the first guy🫶🏾🫂. That must be hard. But i'm sure he knows it was never your intention. Sending love and healing💗💗
I hope you do find, or maybe since this video have found, that special partner in life. For me it's been 41 years so far. Got lucky but knew we were going to be perfect together.
To apologize and to forgive are such gifts 🙏
The girl at 7:00 has such a beautiful soul, true smile and warming character. Don't need to know people well to see who is a good person. Thank you Thoraya for your videos. They have been helping me in difficult times a lot lately. I truly admire what you do.
watching you makes me cry. your voice, look, and kindness all remind me of my mother. you're a great person. thank you
Another session:
What is one thing you said that you wish you could take back?
Those zoomed frames on faces is so touching, to see the expressions of someone whos digging deep in their heavy thoughts.
I wish I had told my grandfather I loved him. He was the first person to show he realised and cared for my mental state, but at that point he was already in his last months of life. Gramps was a tough guy with a soft heart, and he always knew how to make his closed ones feel cherished. He passed away when I was fourteen and I believe it took me close to ten years to actually feel like he wasn't alive anymore. I knew, but couldn't feel. Weird stuff. I should've paid more attention to his words and gestures and realised he meant "chill now, things get better", but I didn't, and I don't remember telling him how I loved him for making me feel cherished. I hope to be as great of a man as him, one day. Quite probably, my hero
"If the effort outweighs the pleasure, it's time to move on..." is such a real WORD
I like the two sisters at the end a lot. They look as if they're at the right place in their life, they seem content 💕
I miss my brother. Loved him dearly, we all did. I never did anythIng that I needed to ask forgiveness for. But I wish I had visited more often. His wife didnT seem to like us much, so we stayed away. He loved her, and that was good enough for us. I just couldn't bear watching him mistreated verbally when i loved him so much.
‘Biggest thing I’ve learned from marriage? To not do it again’ had me cracking up haha
I so agree with those women 7:11 onward about not getting married. I married because I didn't want to back out of getting married so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. He never cared about me. He wanted to get married to have someone to control. Divorcing finally.
I wish I've told more often to my grandma how much she meant to me. I've never met my other grandparents, they all died before I was born, so I always had only one grandma and when she died I was 18. I still feel envious of those who are my age or older and still have all their grandparents alive😔
This was probably one of my favorite episodes so far, very touching!
My husband had two disasterous relantionships when he was young because although the young women were nice, the ex-boyfriends of the women reentered the picture, one threatning to beat up my small statured peaceful husband. They were both named "Phil". When we met many years later, he asked if I had anyone in my past named Phil. I was laughing when one of the sisters said, "do not marry anyone named Phillip". What is it about that name?
What a wholesome conversation at the end. Generational bonding right there.
I havent finish the video but I felt the need to come here and say, first guy, I am so sorry for your loss, you are a good person and its not your fault. You loved your brother and I bet he loved you too. I hope one day you both can be reunited and be surrounded by love and the peace you should have felt at home but never had. I hope life treats you better and you heal, sending you love.
Thank you for your heart-full videos. They bring me solace, joy, and a glimpse of humanity.
Thank you for this video. Literally from 50 seconds of footage, I stopped and messaged all of the people closest to me and told them I was thinking about them. You’ve totally made not only my day but their days too. What a lovely chain reaction you just caused with your work! 🙏
damn the one where the guy js wanted to say goodbye to his friend broke my heart. he seems at peace.
The "i love you dad" hits ho hard. Its so hard to tell him you love him after all that, even if you can see hes hurting inside
Damn. Those first few really got me. A special friend of mine, who was like a baby sister to me just passed away about a month ago. She overdosed on fentanyl. I spend so much time hoping she knew how loved and important she was. I write journal to her on a regular basis. She was obsessed with writing. Sweetest most interesting kid ever.
I aspire to be like the gent at 4:10 Vulnerability can help kindle the creation of so many special relationships, though it still frightens me at times. Something I’m working on.
Omg! Finally someone ask her back! Every video i watched from Thoraya I always wondered what her answer would be! Pls if someone in the future asks you back dont cut it out :) i love your videos but hearing your answer would make them even better! in my opinion
Rage and grief consume me.
My soul is raped.
All 44 years of my life, so far,
have just been suffering.
I can no longer bear the suffering.
My rage is red-hot-white.
May all those whom I loathe,
suffer for all eternity,
for what they've done to me.
I WILL NO LONGER
HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED.
I WILL ROAR!!!
everyone has a story to share.
the way you connect with people is continuously so refreshing, Thoraya.
it doesn't matter where you are, the topic of discussion or who you speak with - I am in awe, every time.
thank you for this channel, for this source of love 😌❤
i could feel the first guy the second this video started, thanks for giving people a voice
4:50 that man has the wisdom and maturity that can only be achieved through age and hardship. He has a great way of speaking and phenomenal choice of words.
These videos show us that we're really not that different at all. We're all human, and we're all going through the ups and downs of life. Stay strong, live on. 💛
Love those two beautiful sisters
Thoraya you’re literally my favorite content creator, your videos fill me with such love and hope! Truly something I look forward to watching, thank you so much for making these with such patience and love! 🦋🌸
The night before my mom and my niece were killed, I was speaking to mom on the phone. I’d been in California for a year, and I was missing my mom and little niece very much. Mom was raising my niece since my sister was off in her own little world of men and drugs. I talked to my niece who was 11 briefly and told her I was coming home soon, and I was looking forward to seeing her then. She said she missed me too, and then ran off to play…I had every intention of telling her I loved her. I remember thinking I was gonna have mom put her back on the phone so I could say it. It was really nagging me…to tell her that. The next morning my mother was taking her to a dr appointment when they were hit head on. The man in the other vehicle fell asleep, his foot became heavy on the gas, and he plowed into mom going 80mph in a curve of the road where the speed limit was 35. I never got to say I love you, my sweet sweet baby niece. The man suffered two broken ribs, and we suffered two broken hearts…
(((hugs))) 💛 💫 🌟 She knows you love her, because she's with you often.
I’m so sorry. This is truly heartbreaking, and with all of my heart, I hope you’re okay now and that your lovely mom and your beautiful nice are waiting for you and having a peaceful time.
The grief and loss is enough. Please don't let yourself regret. Your precious niece went happily off to play knowing her auntie loved her, because you told her you missed her, were looking forward to seeing her and were coming back soon. Love is in all those statements. Even though you didn't say it explicitly, you said it w/ everything else you said and she felt it. I'm positive. As for the man. It was a terrible accident and you can be sure he regrets falling asleep all the time. He is also living w/ the terrible emotional anguish of knowing he took part in killing 2 people, and one a little girl. Even though it was a tragic accident, that weighs so much heavier on a soul than some broken bones. That can drive some people crazy or into drug or alchohol abused. He might even wish he was the one who died sometimes, esp. knowing a child was involved. What a terrible thing all around.
So sad. Sorry for your loss your loss
@@stelladoyle9401 Thank you. God bless you.
Its crazy how everyone you walk by everyday have had sadness, anger, broken hearts, depression, deep secrets and you will never know
2:35 -- I LOVE this woman!! We all have many people we should have said FU too!! Probably would have saved us all a lot of heartache. 💜
I couldn't imagine comparing an always changing person to a plate of food.
The sisters were what i needed to hear today. Thank you❤
Apologizing to my parents for being a total asshole was the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders ive ever experienced. I definitely live freely because of this.
I just want to express how much I appreciate and enjoy your insightful videos Thoraya..you are such a kind and caring person.. you are truly beautiful and your questions bring out the honesty that can surprise the person whom is speaking.. you have a very special talent for allowing people to express their deepest feelings.. if I could see you, I would love to give you a big hug for being you!❤
"You're the best mom ever" made me cry
Coming to terms with either assisted living or another consequence. @ 45 the realization is a hard pill to swallow. Especially for an introvert that's been trying to be independent 😢