✨ We’ve got a MEGA favour to ask… ✨ If you haven’t already, like 👍 & subscribe 💚 and don’t forget to hit the bell 🔔 so you never miss a new episode of Begin Again! 💬 Plus, drop a comment below with your favourite takeaways from Alain, we’d love to hear your thoughts!
Huge softs for when Davina was talking about end of life decisions around spending time with mum and how to not die with regrets - the healing of forgiveness is sometimes found in forgiving ourselves for not being able to forgive someone. The best I have managed to find in myself over some things is that I am accepting and would not prevent or deny that someone else - or God/Universe/Life etc can maybe forgive the person that I cannot - and accept that I have tried and not found that I can forgive them - so I forgive myself for being the human I am around that particular wounding.
Hearing that Alain himself has had a divorce must feel very comforting / reassuring to a lot of us. We’re all human, and relationships are complicated.
I think people put a lot of weight on longevity in relationships, but sometimes they just run their course, and no one has done anything particularly wrong. Just the nature of them more often than not
@Morale_Booster true. the quality of a relationship shouldn't be judged by its length. And the idea that everyone needs to find a single person to spend all of their life with is absurd.
Oh my God!! Thank you, thank you thank you for not editing out when Davina totally forgot what she was saying! That is such a relatable thing that is normal and natural and we need to see more of that. Her guest was so helpful in doing a little rewind to help her mind jump backward to it.
That was really profound and I thought it was a mistake in the editing at first. The way the media presents life through polished figurines has done so much damage.
My son wouldn't let me use his phone to remember a song and I lost it and I was so fucked up for hours trying to remember it and I loved this part of the show because yes let me try to find the scribbled notes in my mind under the pile of other notes and things...like absolutely loved that part the most out of this while inspiring video. ❤
As a menopausal woman with brain fog 99% of my day, I really related to you Davina when Alain just let you carry on until your train of thought got back on track. I'm so glad you left that bit in. Anyway Alain is incredible and I loved your joy in talking to him. Thanks ❤
Guuurlfriend bully your doc into some HRT (noooo it doesn't cause cancer but it does prevent heart attacks and bone loss) I felt like I had dementia, now I'm ok again
I finally found peace about my non-relationship to my mother, when I learned to see her for her. Until then, I had only ever seen her from my perspective, as her daughter, and judged her inadequacies as my mother. But once I saw the person she was, outside of motherhood, I noticed, that she didn‘t have a single friend in the world. She simply lacked the emotional capacity for friendship, and that is the most pitiful existence imaginable to me. Once pity had replaced rage, I could let go of the grudge I was holding on to. Maybe this can help someone out there. It definitely helped me.
Thanks for confirming that perspective on viewing the mother in understanding and acceptance. I also felt the same as a son, she couldn’t be the loving caring mother I wished to have and needed during a time in my life. Accepting, changed my view to her as a mother and instead displayed a little girl inside, vulnerable and hurt. Resentment no longer poisons my mind and I have found a new kind of peace amidst my own sorrows and shortcomings.
Those challenges can be troubling. My mother passed before we reconciled and what I’ve come to learn is there is only so many aspects of life we can control. Be in love with her throughout your day, allow that love be what you rest in, this love will diminish the confusion about your relationship. The energetic of love heals in spite of the stories we hold onto.❤
Davina looks absolutely stunning! I've spent 10 years looking for 'the one', 'working on myself', constantly worried that something is wrong with me, what a waste of time! Let life carry you instead of trying to figure it out. Just live, each day, the best you can💖
Yesss! That's where my life took me in the last few months, too. Since I was 18 to 24, everything I've done was with the thought of "improving myself". In the words of Allan Watts, rephrased with a new twist - if the one who 'needs' the improving is the one doing the improving, what kind of circus is that? It's nonsense. Chasing your own tail. I am becoming more and more aware of the absolute buffoonery that is the idea of "figuring things out" that I so proudly stood behind in the past. Life is not meant to be "figured out"! It's not a puzzle to be solved! It's meant to be experienced. It's a living, breathing thing and we're right in the thick of it, every moment. There is nothing else! And it's so liberating. What a drag, trying to always "stay on top of it" is! It's infinitely complex indeed. The best we can do is let ourselves be, and enjoy the show 😂
I'm one of the lucky ones who is naturally mentally very strong and stable. Never any anxiety or depression. From an early age I didn't need external validation to derive my self worth. Recently lost my love of my life, literally, after 39 years being together. Fitness was always a big part of our lives and Mandy was cycling 300km per week right up to 2 months before she passed away from pancreatic cancer. Her passing gift to me was telling me that she had had a wonderful life and wouldn't have changed any of it. Keep up the good work Davina. Spread the love.
I am sorry for your loss. I personally lost my partner after 12 years together. I have a history of Pancreas issues, too. Please keep going like a continuum.
That is so absolutely beautiful and wonderful and I am so happy when I meet couples like you who love love and love life to the fullest ... It is nothing to be ashamed of that you had a healthy happy life that you spread and your wife obviously did so too. You could say you got an oscar or you went to the moon but what you guys created together is such an achievement and a success beyond those things. That kind of love is like starlight in the eternal dark that shines forever bright. It truly touches others to see and meet with healthy hearts like yours. I am so glad 😊
I absolutely adore this guy. There is hardly a single thing he says that I don’t completely agree with, and I have listened to many of his podcasts and talks. I can’t understand why he isn’t massive. By massive I mean actually being taught in schools. Imagine if children had just an hour of School of Life in the curriculum: basic yet often overlooked concepts that prepare them to face life with greater resilience. And it is not just for kids, adults would benefit as well. His ideas deserve to be mainstream, a systemic approach to life in modern society.
I feel the same and liked him for many years. He is such a unique gem in today's world and has such much to teach about love and life. But in the west, philosophy is not big. It's not imbedded in the culture. Maybe that's why we are so lost 🙂
Literally watched a RUclips short about heartbreak he was interviewed in cured all my doubts and hurt over losing that partner. Bought school of life and is so helpful in multiple aspects
Ah I love that! Once it was a sunny day and the little girl next door wanted to play more ..but I had to go to work...and she was like no! Why? It's a sunny day let's keep playing ..and I was like ...fuck it! And it felt fantastic. She was just living in the moment and she was right...it was worth more to have that sunny day playing with a little kid being happy than whatever they could have paid me to go in to work. ❤❤❤
Alain de Botton, a rock star of Philosophy 27 years ago and today. Watching his work grow over the years has been my fortune. I dedicated my entire adult life to become insightful about myself - the good, the not so good and everything in between. Finding a partner who is as insightful is impossible.
Snap. I used to be a hospital so iol worker and have done a lot of study, therapy and self reflection too… We are specialised ‘Outlanders’ but maybe the solution is to find someone who has done some work and had useful skills and abilities in other areas that you lack? Thats what I did… If they are truly on the path, trustworthy, intelligent and compatible then the bit of patience needed sometimes/often is well worth it… May you find your hearts desire!
….”finding a partner who is as insightful”…..is so profoundly vaulted and arrogant as to be wildly funny because it reads as being honest.Unless I’m wrong and then nice one.
I am so fortunate my father made the decision to break the cycle with me. As I've grown older, we have had a lot of deep discussions about his childhood, his difficulty with my grandfather and the abuse he heaped on the kids, about expectations, and I can't overstate how much strength it gives me. Overcoming our childhood traumas and making sure we don't pass them on or hurt others because of it is so powerful.
❤ not even half way through and I’ve laughed, cried and seen Davina is not just talking the talk, she’s walking the walk of giving the gift of her vulnerability … it’s beautiful … thank you
I think it is important to note that you can be alone without being lonely. We enter the healthiest relationships when we have learned or evolved to be comfortable and happy in our own company. Then you aren't looking for someone to complete you, or to fix you, but rather to accompany you. When you meet the right person, you reflect the best in each other, as you want the best for each other, and you accept and love each other as you are, and as you are becoming.
I totally agree, being on your own is so easy once you get used to it. The challenges show up when you’re living with someone else! There’s the upside and the downside of both situations.
Whilst I agree that talking about difficulties is important, there are ppl who trauma dump and leave you feeling depressed and hopeless. A friend is someone who can talk about things and find hope and humour in it. These are rare
VERY RARE, just do all work towards learning self knowledge be awareness and have trust in becoming the person you want by befriending, accept and loving your self. It's only possible if you are willing to reflect without blaming others although if something traumatic has happend and been done to you? Then you are victim and to not feel or don't want to stay or act like a victim anymore educate by lot's of reading, practice journalling, exercise to become a survivor and this is really a freeing state to be in🌟♥
14:50 an addict that is stuck in victim mode is almost impossible to treat because of feeling unable to believe they can help themselves. They’ve lost power! So true of being addicted to certain behaviours too.
I’m 17 minutes in and relate so much. Listen to every word of wisdom he says and really think about it because it’s so important to understand. I felt so low 2 years ago and now at nearly 64 have begun to unravel and see me, the universe and all about me so differently.
What a wonderful interview to stumble across, just when i needed it most. After a year of grieving a breakup, where my fiance discarded me, 4 wks before our wedding day, i am starting to see that I can learn from this and grow and become happy in myself. Thank you both for this encouragement and hope. 🙏
The idea that you need to die happily and be glad of the life you lived is just another thing your are burdening yourself with. Live and die as you will.
I loved the “I’ve lot my train of thought” part. Having a conversation- any conversation- is not seamless. It’s tricky. Our minds are busy. There’s dynamics at play. So loved the authenticity.
Davina-I’m grateful to you for how you are. Forgetting what you were going to say made me-and likely millions of others- feel less alone and that it’s ok for this to happen. I isolate myself out of embarrassment for doing that regularly and I loved the way you (and Alain) handled it. Much appreciated.
You can spend lots of time, listening to these affirming messages. But it’s still up to you to let go of resentment, judgment, fear, ect. To accept that life is beautiful and it’s love. In all of its complexity.
Alain's most recent book called "A Therapeutic Journey" is fantastic! It's available on the page, and there are audio versions as well. I've listened to it MANY times over, and I highly recommend it.
I have tried therapy with several therapist and haven’t had luck. Sadly the last one I had didn’t have any feedback but rather just kept saying hmm every time I would say something then when I stopped talking she stayed silent. I really needed help with trying to figure out why it is difficult for me to make friends when I’m genuinely a good person and fun to be around. Instead now I decided to walk alone with God and listen to podcasts like this for help with understanding my history and learning from it but moving forward with that knowledge. It is difficult at times because I deeply want friendship and closeness.
Hey! So this is a common tactic used in counselling, when she stays silent she’s probably trying to encourage you to talk a little longer about things maybe you’re hesitating to share. That being said it’s clear this format doesn’t work for you, perhaps you could try a different therapy modality like CBT, Psychodynamic therapy. This guy talking I believe is a Psychotherapist so if he resonates with you maybe look into psychotherapy? It can be really difficult journey figuring out what’s right for you. Best of luck 🌸
@kmalcolmmmthank you so much for your feedback. Sadly there was not much communication on her part and every time she was going to bring in worksheets for me she would forget them. There are some people that are in the wrong line of work unfortunately. Blessings to you.
@kmalcolmmm Psychotherapy in it's purest form is seeing a therapist quite a few times a week, now Psychdynamic therapy has replaced it mainly as it doesn't involve such intense and frequent sessions. Finding the right therapist takes a few tries at least for many of us. I had one of the silent ones and it wasn't good, keep trying I say. Being 'fun to be around' could be an opinion we hold of ourselves but we only find that out by how others react in our company. Friendship is like the layers on an onion, people reveal themselves slowly in healthy relationships, too much too soon feels out of sync and odd, you can't be someone's closest friend with instant intimacy it takes time to build trust and connection.
If you want feedback go to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Read books by Jeffrey Young. Every other line of thetapy is just a rented ear to let you talk. Wasted money because they cannot offer you anything , no strategies, no guidance. Go CBT Jeffrey Young and you will see the difference.
I had a similar experience- for years the therapist pretty much said nothing. I’d avoid the psychodynamic modality (they tend to say nothing) and edge toward CBT or much better still ACT. For me the reason turned out to be neurodivergence- finding that out was way more potent than ten years of therapy!!!!
I've been listening to this episod 5 times in the past 2 days and each time there's a new topic that hits me. The last one was the emotional safety part, and how it's necessary for one to really be oneself. My mom was that reactive person Alain is describing, and I would add that often for these people the same action could be completely benign or neutral one day and then cause an explosion another day (depending on how they feel in that moment), which is so confusing for children who depend on them.
I'm literally crying over the acceptance of uniqueness that’s happening here in this video. Such a beautiful message-not only through the words you’re saying, but through your very being. Such a relief! Thank you for this conversation ✨🫁🍀
Alain De Botton was the genius who spoke the words I needed to hear. He started my personal development journey of leaving behind a difficult childhood, tragic marriage and into contentment and calm. Thank you.
Love listening to Alain. Little/big gems...“regret is a sign of imagination”, “wisdom is the light of the sun, love is the warmth of the sun” … and how we can gift our vulnerability/wierdness/deep dark secrets to others.
I have no fear of death, or having regrets and I have done little other than work and raise 4 children. Those of us in lower socioeconomic bracket don't have the luxury of dreams, we are in full time survival mode treadmill and I can't wait to get off, it will be a blessing. But I am still happy, see the beauty in everything and enjoy each day above ground.
Dear Davina. As a brand new subscriber, I cannot get enough of your show’s content because it is all about people opening up about their personal “Begin Again” moment. That’s what makes your podcast so remarkable and powerful. I have listened to about half a dozen so far and not heard any guest preaching, or giving advice… everyone has spoken from the heart, using “I” statements throughout, describing their own lived experience … until now. I look forward to the next time you interview Mr de Botton, when you will encourage him to talk about himself. PS. I’m not saying it wasn’t a great conversation, but it seems wildly out of keeping with the rest of the Begin Again material.
At some, level, envy is also a great indicator of stuff you are interested in and want to do. I spent I spent my whole life ignoring my own desires and now I find it hard to know what I want and what I enjoy. If examined, envy can become a clue to explore and find out more about yourself.
I love her… “I’ve lost my train of thought…” Here is to menopausal brain :) And I love the fact that she thanked him for his patience. Great interview/chat.
Davina is divine. She epitomises the divine feminine. Elegant, soft yet confident, warm and strong. Like a fine wine, she continues to get better with age ❤x
Thank you SOOOO very much for this chat! I was so there... Not feeling like going on/pointless/perimenapausal, and I actually paused the podcast half way through, had a vent and a laugh with my best friend, and then listened to the rest. I feel so much better, the mood indeed passed and I'm so grateful to both of you❤
Could relate to Davina's brain fog, losing train of thought and subsequent gratitude to Alains patience. Appreciate you leaving that in. Many wouldn't. Keep it real. 🙏
I have changed to saying "I am wistfully envious" because that registers the lack but smiles on the choice to not feel bad - I've enjoyed your conversation .. thank you both ❤🙏
This is a VERY valuable video - I travelled an exact same path as Anna and have felt the peace within my 2nd marriage for the last 20 years. ( I’m now 81} Like she said, there was a lot to unravel.
As a 23yo I had my encounter with the abyss. A monster I always knew was there but never faced directly so far. The scariest part of it was realising that what broke me was actually just hovering above it. My bottom was just past the threshold of the abyss, and yet I couldn't see the rock bottom of it.
Alain and his work about love always gets me. That contrast between devotedly yearning for love but also running away from it because fearing of being vulnerable. I am a cheerful single, lucky enough to not experience one that keeps me looking for new replacement. I question that many times, if I so love ‘love’ why it’s so attractive yet scary for me.
When I hit autistic burnout and my life spiralled, I had to give up my nursing career too. I was given therapy on the NHS and he was amazing. Trouble is NHS has limited resources and although he did manage to extend how long my therapy was, we couldn't continue forever. I made an excellent start with him but now can not go to him privately because he was my therapist via the NHS so ive shyed away from therapy since because I dont want to go through all that same stuff we worked through again. I dont want to risk retangling all the stuff about my narcissist mum and all the other stuff we worked on. He was able to understand I dont fit the neurotypical standards. However I have embarked recently on self learning and healing and am making amazing progress but it definitely would have been easier had I been able to keep that particular therapist.
I’ve watched and listened to Alain on many podcasts , talks etc.. he is one of my favs to listen to…. But this is probably my favourite…. well done Davina.. 👏 this is epic podcasting… some new and golden takeaways.. from both of you…❤
You guys are amazing, got to rewind at the end to watch the hug, cz I was listening!!😂❤ Alain your words and your sense of clarity are always so appeasing and anchoring!!❤❤
Had a difficult few days with confronting myself a 56yr old menopausal adhd diagnosed single woman, at this point in life it's almost natural to look back at your life and think what a f#up but realising we're all in this together middle aged, old and young we will all go through the same kind of self depracating behaviour. Thank you Davina and Alain for sharing your insights and life lessons to your audience 🙏❤️
Davina, Bless you for being who you are a soul unmatched. Alain~ best of everything to you for sharing these deep truths and bringing them to light~ to us. Humbly we thank you.
Davina, giving a person the gift of patience is just so special ❤ it IS like a really good poo. Subscribed. Also ... a sombre episode of LLF was on telly in my patient's room yesterday. He shared his experience of being a WWII boy sent 'white slave trade' style to Australia & how hideous his life was. I listened to an 85yo man who's still wary of old men. He was so much happier today. I love how we can heal each other across time & space.
He fundamentally shift my experience of loneliness - serious, when I think of the concept of loneliness, he is my frame of reference. Its been many years & its still an anchor.
Eerily this video came on as an auto play video following a completely unrelated video I had in the background whilst desperately trying to catch up with my work at midnight… I have been feel so low the last couple of weeks, almost frightening. I know work is hectic but it’s never affected me this profoundly. I think because my life outside work is less than desirable. I’ve had some really dark thoughts that has shaken my core. The fact that this came on by chance on auto play , something I didn’t switch on . Very strange! but very relevant and helpful “we’re all stupid” is what I’m taking to work tomorrow when I’m saturated with self doubt, anxiety and toilet cries 😃
Hi, Please hold on to hope.. if you can, go for a walk in nature. Watch something on tv, video, netflix that makes you laugh..it might help fight the negative thoughts. I wish you health,happiness and love in abundance. Take care of you ;) xx
13:34 - It’s amazing that you left that in. And I’ve appreciated even more how you thanked him for his patience. You’re lovely. And for all the interviews I’ve watched of Alain, he’s really impatient when people take too long elaborating a really “deep” question - or what they believe it is but honestly, but mostly you feel they are really just amazed by their own train of thought really. So yes, he was really patient here, congrats to you both! ❤ That was a really endearing moment.
A lovely, helpful, compassionate and wise conversation. Thank you so much, both of you. Being someone who was lied to, used, betrayed and backstabbed by a partner for a decade, I have embraced detaching and going to neutral. Forgiveness does not feature. He did me very dirty and has avoided apologizing. So, my only recourse is a cut-off. I forgive myself for experiencing all of this.
✨ We’ve got a MEGA favour to ask… ✨
If you haven’t already, like 👍 & subscribe 💚 and don’t forget to hit the bell 🔔 so you never miss a new episode of Begin Again!
💬 Plus, drop a comment below with your favourite takeaways from Alain, we’d love to hear your thoughts!
Huge softs for when Davina was talking about end of life decisions around spending time with mum and how to not die with regrets - the healing of forgiveness is sometimes found in forgiving ourselves for not being able to forgive someone. The best I have managed to find in myself over some things is that I am accepting and would not prevent or deny that someone else - or God/Universe/Life etc can maybe forgive the person that I cannot - and accept that I have tried and not found that I can forgive them - so I forgive myself for being the human I am around that particular wounding.
@BigSisterJulia3
Thank you so much. It was a life lesson for me, the whole converstion. I can't thank you both enough.
😊
1:12:38 🫂
favorite quote of the day, “fuck it is a very important philosophical proposition.”
And that would be Davina, I hazard a guess? As common as muck.
" that was like doing the best poo ever" lol
100% Totally agree. I say "F*ck it!" quite a bit. :-)
The exact art and subtle science of not giving a fuck
“Laughter is the thing that fills the gap between hope and reality.“
Hearing that Alain himself has had a divorce must feel very comforting / reassuring to a lot of us. We’re all human, and relationships are complicated.
what time he's talking about that?
After 28.50
I think people put a lot of weight on longevity in relationships, but sometimes they just run their course, and no one has done anything particularly wrong. Just the nature of them more often than not
@Morale_Booster true. the quality of a relationship shouldn't be judged by its length. And the idea that everyone needs to find a single person to spend all of their life with is absurd.
@Morale_BoosterNicely put. So true.
“Two people who have been in Hell? That’s a fantastic basis for a friendship” 😂
Sometimes it's a wonderful thing to say to a friend "give me the honour of being able to sit with you in the mud"
… But not for a romantic relationship, I take it?
Oh my God!! Thank you, thank you thank you for not editing out when Davina totally forgot what she was saying! That is such a relatable thing that is normal and natural and we need to see more of that. Her guest was so helpful in doing a little rewind to help her mind jump backward to it.
Best poo ever 😊
That was really profound and I thought it was a mistake in the editing at first. The way the media presents life through polished figurines has done so much damage.
Loved it, too! I got the inspiration to go on with my work on the human natural quality, dialogue, no editing, trusting all of it, as it is. LIFE 🎉
My son wouldn't let me use his phone to remember a song and I lost it and I was so fucked up for hours trying to remember it and I loved this part of the show because yes let me try to find the scribbled notes in my mind under the pile of other notes and things...like absolutely loved that part the most out of this while inspiring video. ❤
As a menopausal woman with brain fog 99% of my day, I really related to you Davina when Alain just let you carry on until your train of thought got back on track. I'm so glad you left that bit in. Anyway Alain is incredible and I loved your joy in talking to him. Thanks ❤
Guuurlfriend bully your doc into some HRT (noooo it doesn't cause cancer but it does prevent heart attacks and bone loss) I felt like I had dementia, now I'm ok again
I finally found peace about my non-relationship to my mother, when I learned to see her for her. Until then, I had only ever seen her from my perspective, as her daughter, and judged her inadequacies as my mother. But once I saw the person she was, outside of motherhood, I noticed, that she didn‘t have a single friend in the world. She simply lacked the emotional capacity for friendship, and that is the most pitiful existence imaginable to me. Once pity had replaced rage, I could let go of the grudge I was holding on to. Maybe this can help someone out there. It definitely helped me.
beautiful development for you ~ and nice verbalised, thank you
I wish I could share this with my daughter. For some reason she ignores me, barely communicates with me. I wish she would tell me why
Thanks for confirming that perspective on viewing the mother in understanding and acceptance. I also felt the same as a son, she couldn’t be the loving caring mother I wished to have and needed during a time in my life. Accepting, changed my view to her as a mother and instead displayed a little girl inside, vulnerable and hurt. Resentment no longer poisons my mind and I have found a new kind of peace amidst my own sorrows and shortcomings.
Our parents are people.
Those challenges can be troubling. My mother passed before we reconciled and what I’ve come to learn is there is only so many aspects of life we can control. Be in love with her throughout your day, allow that love be what you rest in, this love will diminish the confusion about your relationship. The energetic of love heals in spite of the stories we hold onto.❤
Davina looks absolutely stunning! I've spent 10 years looking for 'the one', 'working on myself', constantly worried that something is wrong with me, what a waste of time! Let life carry you instead of trying to figure it out. Just live, each day, the best you can💖
she does, makes me want to get a bright trouser suit
Don’t chase. Be happy in your life now and you will ATTRACT. ❤
It's so true, get passionate about something and people will be attracted to you 10x more
@TungaroPlau Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To me she is stunning, to you she isn't❤
Yesss! That's where my life took me in the last few months, too. Since I was 18 to 24, everything I've done was with the thought of "improving myself". In the words of Allan Watts, rephrased with a new twist - if the one who 'needs' the improving is the one doing the improving, what kind of circus is that? It's nonsense. Chasing your own tail.
I am becoming more and more aware of the absolute buffoonery that is the idea of "figuring things out" that I so proudly stood behind in the past. Life is not meant to be "figured out"! It's not a puzzle to be solved! It's meant to be experienced. It's a living, breathing thing and we're right in the thick of it, every moment. There is nothing else! And it's so liberating. What a drag, trying to always "stay on top of it" is! It's infinitely complex indeed. The best we can do is let ourselves be, and enjoy the show 😂
I'm one of the lucky ones who is naturally mentally very strong and stable. Never any anxiety or depression. From an early age I didn't need external validation to derive my self worth. Recently lost my love of my life, literally, after 39 years being together. Fitness was always a big part of our lives and Mandy was cycling 300km per week right up to 2 months before she passed away from pancreatic cancer. Her passing gift to me was telling me that she had had a wonderful life and wouldn't have changed any of it. Keep up the good work Davina. Spread the love.
never any anxiety? like never?
@Circe-wz3kglook it's completely possible, I never had any anxiety before I became Bipolar, everyone is wired differently
@lilypond5158did a particular event trigger your bipolar ?
I am sorry for your loss. I personally lost my partner after 12 years together. I have a history of Pancreas issues, too.
Please keep going like a continuum.
That is so absolutely beautiful and wonderful and I am so happy when I meet couples like you who love love and love life to the fullest ... It is nothing to be ashamed of that you had a healthy happy life that you spread and your wife obviously did so too. You could say you got an oscar or you went to the moon but what you guys created together is such an achievement and a success beyond those things. That kind of love is like starlight in the eternal dark that shines forever bright. It truly touches others to see and meet with healthy hearts like yours. I am so glad 😊
I absolutely adore this guy.
There is hardly a single thing he says that I don’t completely agree with, and I have listened to many of his podcasts and talks.
I can’t understand why he isn’t massive. By massive I mean actually being taught in schools. Imagine if children had just an hour of School of Life in the curriculum: basic yet often overlooked concepts that prepare them to face life with greater resilience.
And it is not just for kids, adults would benefit as well. His ideas deserve to be mainstream, a systemic approach to life in modern society.
I feel the same and liked him for many years. He is such a unique gem in today's world and has such much to teach about love and life. But in the west, philosophy is not big. It's not imbedded in the culture. Maybe that's why we are so lost 🙂
Alain is brilliant. A life-saver. He has taught me so much and enriched the world immeasurably. What a great human being. 🎉❤
Literally watched a RUclips short about heartbreak he was interviewed in cured all my doubts and hurt over losing that partner. Bought school of life and is so helpful in multiple aspects
“Laughter is the thing that fills the gap between hope and reality”
I once said "fuck it" to my boss and walked out of my job. No regrets. Ten years ago. A point of growth and self respect I realise now!
Ah I love that! Once it was a sunny day and the little girl next door wanted to play more ..but I had to go to work...and she was like no! Why? It's a sunny day let's keep playing ..and I was like ...fuck it! And it felt fantastic. She was just living in the moment and she was right...it was worth more to have that sunny day playing with a little kid being happy than whatever they could have paid me to go in to work. ❤❤❤
Alain de Botton, a rock star of Philosophy 27 years ago and today. Watching his work grow over the years has been my fortune. I dedicated my entire adult life to become insightful about myself - the good, the not so good and everything in between. Finding a partner who is as insightful is impossible.
Snap. I used to be a hospital so iol worker and have done a lot of study, therapy and self reflection too…
We are specialised ‘Outlanders’ but maybe the solution is to find someone who has done some work and had useful skills and abilities in other areas that you lack? Thats what I did…
If they are truly on the path, trustworthy, intelligent and compatible then the bit of patience needed sometimes/often is well worth it…
May you find your hearts desire!
People self develop at different times so to find someone who’s equal to you is unlikely, but does it really MATTER?
Should you find someone that interests you, perhaps you could give them a slight and gentle nudge towards the path of self-knowledge?
Is it necessary?
….”finding a partner who is as insightful”…..is so profoundly vaulted and arrogant as to be wildly funny because it reads as being honest.Unless I’m wrong and then nice one.
I am so fortunate my father made the decision to break the cycle with me. As I've grown older, we have had a lot of deep discussions about his childhood, his difficulty with my grandfather and the abuse he heaped on the kids, about expectations, and I can't overstate how much strength it gives me. Overcoming our childhood traumas and making sure we don't pass them on or hurt others because of it is so powerful.
45 yr old guy here. Very impressed with this chat. Well done both of you.
“Fuck it” is a very important philosophical proposition.
❤ not even half way through and I’ve laughed, cried and seen Davina is not just talking the talk, she’s walking the walk of giving the gift of her vulnerability … it’s beautiful … thank you
GIVE THE GIFT OF VULNERABILITY, such a key takeaway 💚
"Laughter is the thing that fills the gap between the hope and reality" 🤯🤯 what a statement😳 and it's a good one! 🤩
Spot on!
I think it is important to note that you can be alone without being lonely. We enter the healthiest relationships when we have learned or evolved to be comfortable and happy in our own company. Then you aren't looking for someone to complete you, or to fix you, but rather to accompany you. When you meet the right person, you reflect the best in each other, as you want the best for each other, and you accept and love each other as you are, and as you are becoming.
I agree with you. As long as you can find someone on the same page and at the same stage of development.
@JGalegriathey said it's an optimal state to find someone, not that it's a guarantee 😅
So true!
I totally agree, being on your own is so easy once you get used to it. The challenges show up when you’re living with someone else! There’s the upside and the downside of both situations.
When I see Alain I just click. Thanks Davina for having him! Excellent choice
Whilst I agree that talking about difficulties is important, there are ppl who trauma dump and leave you feeling depressed and hopeless. A friend is someone who can talk about things and find hope and humour in it. These are rare
VERY RARE, just do all work towards learning self knowledge be awareness and have trust in becoming the person you want by befriending, accept and loving your self. It's only possible if you are willing to reflect without blaming others although if something traumatic has happend and been done to you? Then you are victim and to not feel or don't want to stay or act like a victim anymore educate by lot's of reading, practice journalling, exercise to become a survivor and this is really a freeing state to be in🌟♥
14:50 an addict that is stuck in victim mode is almost impossible to treat because of feeling unable to believe they can help themselves. They’ve lost power! So true of being addicted to certain behaviours too.
Definitely, i think lack of power is the dilemma of an addict whether the disease is in remission or active.
I’m 17 minutes in and relate so much. Listen to every word of wisdom he says and really think about it because it’s so important to understand. I felt so low 2 years ago and now at nearly 64 have begun to unravel and see me, the universe and all about me so differently.
This is SO important, thank you for sharing your story 💚💚
What a wonderful interview to stumble across, just when i needed it most. After a year of grieving a breakup, where my fiance discarded me, 4 wks before our wedding day, i am starting to see that I can learn from this and grow and become happy in myself. Thank you both for this encouragement and hope. 🙏
Better off without him I’d guess if he could do such a thing so close to your nuptials.
@suenorwood-evans9724 yes sue...but ive gotta say, it nearly killed me. I cried everyday for a year. But, I think I'm starting to heal now 🙏
would you prefer him to marry you and then divorce you?
@Circe-wz3kg are these my choices? Discard or divorce?
@angel-y5z6fI think you understood my point
The idea that you need to die happily and be glad of the life you lived is just another thing your are burdening yourself with. Live and die as you will.
Excellent, thank you 💕 xxx
i absolutely adore Alan De Button he just lets my heart breathe
I loved the “I’ve lot my train of thought” part. Having a conversation- any conversation- is not seamless. It’s tricky. Our minds are busy. There’s dynamics at play. So loved the authenticity.
Is there a video of how to celebrate being unnattached and absolutely loving it! Being single is GREAT!!
Richness of his vocabulary is just madness omg✨
Davina-I’m grateful to you for how you are. Forgetting what you were going to say made me-and likely millions of others- feel less alone and that it’s ok for this to happen. I isolate myself out of embarrassment for doing that regularly and I loved the way you (and Alain) handled it. Much appreciated.
I do this SO much in my every day life and I always can’t understand how people on podcasts dont also have any mind blanks! This was sooo reassuring
I’d love to have Alain unpack my life and heal me..
if you want to check out more from Alain, his website 'The School of Life' can be found here: www.theschooloflife.com 💚
You can spend lots of time, listening to these affirming messages.
But it’s still up to you to let go of resentment, judgment, fear, ect. To accept that life is beautiful and it’s love. In all of its complexity.
Alain's most recent book called "A Therapeutic Journey" is fantastic! It's available on the page, and there are audio versions as well. I've listened to it MANY times over, and I highly recommend it.
He can't heal you. At the very end, as they say at the end. You have to choose your thoughts every dawn
The hug at the end was the sweetest. I think Davina hugged Alain for all of us.
I have tried therapy with several therapist and haven’t had luck. Sadly the last one I had didn’t have any feedback but rather just kept saying hmm every time I would say something then when I stopped talking she stayed silent. I really needed help with trying to figure out why it is difficult for me to make friends when I’m genuinely a good person and fun to be around. Instead now I decided to walk alone with God and listen to podcasts like this for help with understanding my history and learning from it but moving forward with that knowledge. It is difficult at times because I deeply want friendship and closeness.
Hey! So this is a common tactic used in counselling, when she stays silent she’s probably trying to encourage you to talk a little longer about things maybe you’re hesitating to share. That being said it’s clear this format doesn’t work for you, perhaps you could try a different therapy modality like CBT, Psychodynamic therapy. This guy talking I believe is a Psychotherapist so if he resonates with you maybe look into psychotherapy? It can be really difficult journey figuring out what’s right for you. Best of luck 🌸
@kmalcolmmmthank you so much for your feedback. Sadly there was not much communication on her part and every time she was going to bring in worksheets for me she would forget them. There are some people that are in the wrong line of work unfortunately. Blessings to you.
@kmalcolmmm Psychotherapy in it's purest form is seeing a therapist quite a few times a week, now Psychdynamic therapy has replaced it mainly as it doesn't involve such intense and frequent sessions. Finding the right therapist takes a few tries at least for many of us. I had one of the silent ones and it wasn't good, keep trying I say. Being 'fun to be around' could be an opinion we hold of ourselves but we only find that out by how others react in our company. Friendship is like the layers on an onion, people reveal themselves slowly in healthy relationships, too much too soon feels out of sync and odd, you can't be someone's closest friend with instant intimacy it takes time to build trust and connection.
If you want feedback go to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Read books by Jeffrey Young. Every other line of thetapy is just a rented ear to let you talk. Wasted money because they cannot offer you anything , no strategies, no guidance. Go CBT Jeffrey Young and you will see the difference.
I had a similar experience- for years the therapist pretty much said nothing. I’d avoid the psychodynamic modality (they tend to say nothing) and edge toward CBT or much better still ACT.
For me the reason turned out to be neurodivergence- finding that out was way more potent than ten years of therapy!!!!
I've been listening to this episod 5 times in the past 2 days and each time there's a new topic that hits me. The last one was the emotional safety part, and how it's necessary for one to really be oneself. My mom was that reactive person Alain is describing, and I would add that often for these people the same action could be completely benign or neutral one day and then cause an explosion another day (depending on how they feel in that moment), which is so confusing for children who depend on them.
I'm literally crying over the acceptance of uniqueness that’s happening here in this video. Such a beautiful message-not only through the words you’re saying, but through your very being.
Such a relief! Thank you for this conversation ✨🫁🍀
I don’t know why I haven’t watched Alain before. Amazing conversation, made me think deeply and got inspired. Thank you.
I love the moment Davina loses her train of thought. It's so relatable! Brilliant podcast!
One of the greatest minds of our time.
Alain De Botton was the genius who spoke the words I needed to hear. He started my personal development journey of leaving behind a difficult childhood, tragic marriage and into contentment and calm. Thank you.
There is national best friend day - on Valentine’s Day we all remember our friends as well in Estonia 🇪🇪:)
Despair will linger and go, but it will come back again and hopefully, go again 💚
Love listening to Alain. Little/big gems...“regret is a sign of imagination”, “wisdom is the light of the sun, love is the warmth of the sun” … and how we can gift our vulnerability/wierdness/deep dark secrets to others.
I have no fear of death, or having regrets and I have done little other than work and raise 4 children. Those of us in lower socioeconomic bracket don't have the luxury of dreams, we are in full time survival mode treadmill and I can't wait to get off, it will be a blessing. But I am still happy, see the beauty in everything and enjoy each day above ground.
Dear Davina. As a brand new subscriber, I cannot get enough of your show’s content because it is all about people opening up about their personal “Begin Again” moment. That’s what makes your podcast so remarkable and powerful. I have listened to about half a dozen so far and not heard any guest preaching, or giving advice… everyone has spoken from the heart, using “I” statements throughout, describing their own lived experience … until now. I look forward to the next time you interview Mr de Botton, when you will encourage him to talk about himself. PS. I’m not saying it wasn’t a great conversation, but it seems wildly out of keeping with the rest of the Begin Again material.
At some, level, envy is also a great indicator of stuff you are interested in and want to do.
I spent I spent my whole life ignoring my own desires and now I find it hard to know what I want and what I enjoy. If examined, envy can become a clue to explore and find out more about yourself.
Less than 8 minutes of this man talking and I know he has an immense life wisdom that outstrips countless of others' lives combined.
Lot to unpack here, but very worthwhile and insightful 🙏
I love her… “I’ve lost my train of thought…” Here is to menopausal brain :) And I love the fact that she thanked him for his patience. Great interview/chat.
This man is incredible!
He’s a Rock Star of Philosophy
"'Fuck it' is a very important philosophical proposition." 😊
FRIENDSHIP with chemistry is a good predictor of a COMPATIBLE coupling I feel
If only we'd had five minutes of Alain de Botton every morning as children, instead of the Lord's Prayer.
Profound on so many levels. This has been so timely for me that I will have to listen again! So rich is wise is human Thank you Alain and Davina
You want what your heart has been waiting for. You want to reclaim and capture, what your heart is beating for.
I am always comforted by hearing Alain. Thank you for this discussion.❣
Davina is divine. She epitomises the divine feminine. Elegant, soft yet confident, warm and strong. Like a fine wine, she continues to get better with age ❤x
I have been reading him since my adolescence. Absolutely love his way of putting things.
Im gonna watch this again...and take notes. Seriously. Wow.
Felt such a soothing energy listening to this
The most enlightening talk Ive heard in a while.
Yes
I keep going through regret very often
Thank you SOOOO very much for this chat! I was so there... Not feeling like going on/pointless/perimenapausal, and I actually paused the podcast half way through, had a vent and a laugh with my best friend, and then listened to the rest. I feel so much better, the mood indeed passed and I'm so grateful to both of you❤
14:30 She is sooooo natural and he is soo natural.. I love them both soo much. Ugh
Alain is the genius of our time
Could relate to Davina's brain fog, losing train of thought and subsequent gratitude to Alains patience. Appreciate you leaving that in. Many wouldn't. Keep it real. 🙏
And comparing it to the greatest poo 😂😂
I just love Davina she’s the sweetest person. This conversation was lovely ☺️
I have changed to saying "I am wistfully envious" because that registers the lack but smiles on the choice to not feel bad - I've enjoyed your conversation .. thank you both ❤🙏
Alain as wise as ever.
Devina beautifully vulnerable and wonderfully lead.
Both of you Thank you so much
He just have the best voice ❤
This is a VERY valuable video - I travelled an exact same path as Anna and have felt the peace within my 2nd marriage for the last 20 years. ( I’m now 81} Like she said, there was a lot to unravel.
Friendship part made me choke and well up. That was beautiful.
I love how awkwardly loving was the hug in the end!
Thanks for your knowledge Alain de Botton!
Ive always loved Alain de Botton...but love and respect him even more now I know hes another Divorcee ❤ I know how hard that path is x
As a 23yo I had my encounter with the abyss. A monster I always knew was there but never faced directly so far. The scariest part of it was realising that what broke me was actually just hovering above it. My bottom was just past the threshold of the abyss, and yet I couldn't see the rock bottom of it.
I am from South Africa,this has been a wonderful chat. Thank you to both of you.❤
I've been looking for the one, in the end I did find it and that is ME! Nothing will come if you don't know and love yourself first.
This was a beautiful way to start the day. I LOVE Alain and this interview was so vulnerable and safe. Thank you x
Thank you so much both of you. A very, very well spent 73 minutes!
Alain and his work about love always gets me. That contrast between devotedly yearning for love but also running away from it because fearing of being vulnerable. I am a cheerful single, lucky enough to not experience one that keeps me looking for new replacement. I question that many times, if I so love ‘love’ why it’s so attractive yet scary for me.
Alain soothes me so much but this pillows are making me anxious. Lol😂
When I hit autistic burnout and my life spiralled, I had to give up my nursing career too. I was given therapy on the NHS and he was amazing. Trouble is NHS has limited resources and although he did manage to extend how long my therapy was, we couldn't continue forever. I made an excellent start with him but now can not go to him privately because he was my therapist via the NHS so ive shyed away from therapy since because I dont want to go through all that same stuff we worked through again. I dont want to risk retangling all the stuff about my narcissist mum and all the other stuff we worked on. He was able to understand I dont fit the neurotypical standards.
However I have embarked recently on self learning and healing and am making amazing progress but it definitely would have been easier had I been able to keep that particular therapist.
I’ve watched and listened to Alain on many podcasts , talks etc.. he is one of my favs to listen to…. But this is probably my favourite….
well done Davina.. 👏 this is epic podcasting… some new and golden takeaways.. from both of you…❤
You guys are amazing, got to rewind at the end to watch the hug, cz I was listening!!😂❤ Alain your words and your sense of clarity are always so appeasing and anchoring!!❤❤
15.48 - letting go of the victim mentallity - great question
Had a difficult few days with confronting myself a 56yr old menopausal adhd diagnosed single woman, at this point in life it's almost natural to look back at your life and think what a f#up but realising we're all in this together middle aged, old and young we will all go through the same kind of self depracating behaviour. Thank you Davina and Alain for sharing your insights and life lessons to your audience 🙏❤️
I see you! We’ll be just fine. X
Davina, Bless you for being who you are a soul unmatched. Alain~ best of everything to you for sharing these deep truths and bringing them to light~ to us. Humbly we thank you.
Really useful. Allen de Bottom always has things to say that are really helpful.
I've become a hugger myself. Brilliant 👏👏👏👏👏
Davina, giving a person the gift of patience is just so special ❤ it IS like a really good poo. Subscribed.
Also ... a sombre episode of LLF was on telly in my patient's room yesterday. He shared his experience of being a WWII boy sent 'white slave trade' style to Australia & how hideous his life was.
I listened to an 85yo man who's still wary of old men.
He was so much happier today.
I love how we can heal each other across time & space.
He fundamentally shift my experience of loneliness - serious, when I think of the concept of loneliness, he is my frame of reference. Its been many years & its still an anchor.
There is a dawn every day. Just get up and witness it.
Eerily this video came on as an auto play video following a completely unrelated video I had in the background whilst desperately trying to catch up with my work at midnight…
I have been feel so low the last couple of weeks, almost frightening. I know work is hectic but it’s never affected me this profoundly. I think because my life outside work is less than desirable. I’ve had some really dark thoughts that has shaken my core.
The fact that this came on by chance on auto play , something I didn’t switch on .
Very strange! but very relevant and helpful “we’re all stupid” is what I’m taking to work tomorrow when I’m saturated with self doubt, anxiety and toilet cries 😃
Hi, Please hold on to hope.. if you can, go for a walk in nature. Watch something on tv, video, netflix that makes you laugh..it might help fight the negative thoughts.
I wish you health,happiness and love in abundance. Take care of you ;) xx
Such an amazing intervew - you are both brilliant minds and lovely creatures! Thank you for your creativity and vulnerability!
This is great. We were all born to struggle. What saves me on a day to day level is my Imagination. This leads to creativity.
13:34 - It’s amazing that you left that in. And I’ve appreciated even more how you thanked him for his patience. You’re lovely. And for all the interviews I’ve watched of Alain, he’s really impatient when people take too long elaborating a really “deep” question - or what they believe it is but honestly, but mostly you feel they are really just amazed by their own train of thought really. So yes, he was really patient here, congrats to you both! ❤ That was a really endearing moment.
36:03 oh wow. Thank you Alain for articulating this fear in dating and how scary being vulnerable can be.
A lovely, helpful, compassionate and wise conversation. Thank you so much, both of you. Being someone who was lied to, used, betrayed and backstabbed by a partner for a decade, I have embraced detaching and going to neutral. Forgiveness does not feature. He did me very dirty and has avoided apologizing. So, my only recourse is a cut-off. I forgive myself for experiencing all of this.
Alain saying Fuck it 💖
Thank you Davina for being exactly you ❤ Love your energy and way of being genuinely you ❤