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This is NOT gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is basically what the mom did with the girl who bit her sister but instead of asking if she wants to cuddle she should have told her to apologize and made her sit off the bed for 2 minutes. Gentle parenting is just that, parenting in a gentle way. But its not letting your kids do whatever the hell they want
@@Justmeandyouandmyedits By explaining that actions have consequences, of course. And, of course, making sure the consequences were unpleasant. Not hurtful, just unpleasant. My mom lectured me because she knew I hated not getting alone time to have fun.
Part of gentle parenting is sticking to what you say. The best way I get my daughter to clean up is I tell her normally “clean up the things you don’t want me to throw away” because it took one time for her to learn that I will throw away whatever is left out.
My mom used to do this to me and now I keep things I want to keep but deliberately throw things I know are useless. Although it did kinda develop a hoarder mentality, my dad balanced it out by throwing things that need to be thrown away
@lazitazi5645 That's why the toys or whatever should go in a timeout for a while. That way the child knows they will have the toys after the punishment has ended. Otherwise it doesn't really work properly, why would a child behave, if there's a threat of losing the items forever. It's somewhat same with spanking. If I made something I knew would earn me a spanking, I always did much more wrong deliberately, because I knew I would be punished by spanking anyway. If I'm spanked anyway, why not do something to really earn it? I behaved like an angel for those adults who didn't spank me, because I respected them and didn't want to disappoint them.
Throwing out things important to your child doesn't seem like gentle parenting. Just seems mean and a good way to teach her not to respect other people's property.
If there’s play doh on the floor she doesn’t pick up. I’m throwing it out. I don’t scream at her, I tell her very nicely. This is the rules. She listens. I’ve actually only had to tell her about 2-3 times.
back in my day this was called "spoiling your kids". Gentle parenting just means not being an abusive parent, so i'm really confused, are people so pro-abuse that the only gentle parenting they can imagine is spoiling your kids? Like, you either hit them and yell at them or you spoil them? No in-between? Cause that's a messed up ideal
The mom giving the donut back to the kid is actually not gentle parenting. What the teacher was doing was gentle parenting. Calmly taking the donut back and explaining why.
This is Exactly it right here. This whole gentle parenting also comes from some parents not putting their phones down and disciplining their children. Instead of consequences they get video recorded..... Okaaayyy sure.... 🤨😒🙄
Yesssss 👏🏼 thats right, the teacher was actually doing the gentle parenting. She was gentle and was coaching him why we do not act that way and still get rewarded. I feel like most of these videos aren't *actual gentle parenting
My mom’s ex-best friend had a child I year or three ago. The child was literally was never told no. The first time I saw him get told no, he cried, screamed, pulled and bit his mother and made her bleed. I know he is only a child, but it tells a lot about their parenting and his attitude in the future. Like they even let him walk bare foot when he had an open injury because they couldn’t say no to him, guess what happened? They went to the doctor because he got an infection.
my friends little brother is A BRAT. I love him..but he’s a brat. He has literally never been told no. My friend has to split whatever they get with him, their mum will say ‘__ give half of this to your brother’ She lets him do whatever he wants.
When my oldest brother was a baby he would bite people all the time. Nothing my mom did seemed to discourage him, until one day she bit him after he bit his buddy. The matter was resolved very quickly after that.
@@Demonetization_Symbol you know, though discipline in the law is not abuse you know if the governors had kids they probably disciplined their kids too discipline is it supposed to make your kid steady and not act up if you discipline your kid, they won’t do all those things like the Sephora 10-year-olds just like discipline is supposed to keep the kid in order not thinking they get whatever they want it is not abuse 😅
I gently parent, I think. I have a 3 year old son. If he does something questionable, like yelling in a restaurant or whatever, he gets a single warning to discontinue or he will be placed in a naughty spot. If he does obviously incorrect behavior (like the biting or pouring the chips out) he is immediately placed in a naughty spot for 3 minutes without any attention, then reminded why he was placed there, required to say sorry, and cuddles so he knows I'm not mad and he can choose happy behavior next time. If he's not listening, like with the cookie, I phrase it with consequences "pick up the cookie now or I will have to take the garbage truck away until you do" or "if the TV is distracting you from listening to me, I will turn it off". And that's usually pretty successful on its own, but if it isn't, I DO THE CONSEQUENCE. That's the most important part of discipline. I don't have to yell. I don't have to raise my blood pressure. I don't often have to say things more than once. My child is not afraid of me.
Yea some people forget when they say things like "when are you going to think of having kids" like its a puppy adoption.Human beings are so emotionally complex and raising them requires so much love+care- pushy parents/ partners can just force you to do that is wild
Problem is, you gotta find a good middle ground between those two. And that's a HARD SKILL that not everyone has. I don't blame you for not even wanting to try 😭
I watched those vids where they show toddlers reacting and playing with objects, and the ones with neglected parents were cautiously playing with toys and looking at the adults in the room while the ones with good ones were happily playing. It was so fascinating and so heartbreaking
Or the third option Nice and respectful = nice and respectful kids But don’t have kids if you don’t want too (not ironic) we are already too many on this planet 😭
@@leyrose8862 kids are horrible. they scream, they cry, they run, they're loud. WHY DO PEOPLE WANT KIDS?! sure its cute to have a baby but they cry so they grow and grow until they're in their teens and when they're in their teens IT GETS WORSE and then they grow up and then you dont have kids anymore😁
I worked at a Daycare where the word “no” wasn’t allowed, and we were to tell the kids “let’s make better choices, u upset ur friend. Let’s make better decisions”. I have two kids at home…best believe I used REAL parenting at home. The word “no” is absolutely necessary.
@@fashiharz8584 It's not. There's a chart in the lobby of alternatives to things like "get off the table." We're not even allowed to ask if they need help. We can only offer it passively. We can't tell them to clean up their messes, either. We can only encourage them to help us do it. Can't tell them that we don't want to be touched at the moment. Can't say "don't pull my hair, that hurts." My classroom ran so much more smoothly when we could set hard boundaries and tell them why. Kids NEED boundaries, and they need to learn that consent is not negotiable.
@@ingloriousMachina Boundaries are necessary for kids ,if not with their parents,it's must with stranger you may tolerate your kids but others WONT ,I always surprised when kids are super rude and misbehave with outsiders and even with their parents are not around, my kid make mess and loud sometimes but never outside home or in the daycare
@@fashiharz8584 No, I worked at a lot of daycares and stopped because they were either mildly abusive and were all catty Cathy! The children ALWAYS acted more like adults at ALL the daycares I worked, than the actual workers. I honestly couldn't believe it. I watch this one lady scream and yell at her mom who was the head person of the daycare. It made me realize how much I will NOT send my child to daycare. Only ignorant parents or parents who hate their children are the type who takes their kids to daycare. Oh, and they were allowed to eat whatever they wanted, however much they wanted. Then cried when the kids ran amuck. Oh, and we weren't allowed to play with them either! I tried to push this little girl on the swing and I was bitched at for interacting with them. Though they all got upset at me when I was trying to cheer this kid up and say to calm down, don't cry. They told me that that kind of language was UNACCEPTABLE! But screaming and yelling at each other is perfectly a ok! I remember one time two girls there got into so much they woke up the children during naptime and one had a mental breakdown. This was on my first week on the job. I quit soon after when I got another daycare job. I worked at quite a few because I loved working with kids but I couldn't handle the girls! The "adults" who acted more like children than the children! It's utterly disgusting and disturbing how they behave.
I used to think gentle parenting was just *not* smacking your kids in the face if they do something wrong. I feel like it is that but also telling your kids WHY what they’re doing is wrong and teaching them to behave well or putting them in timeout or taking things away if necessary. I’m a teen and don’t have kids so I don’t know 🤷
Exactly! It's a part of parenting but you must also be firm and discipline once the kid shows bad attitudes. Balance the parenting with firmness, discipline and gentle. Don't overdo it with either parts and you'll be fine.
My mom does gentle parenting when nobody is being bad 💀 but if me and my brother acting like little demons then omg… that parenting will happen for 10 seconds and then we are screwed
Gentle parenting is a good thing. It was how I was raised and I became an extremely empathetic and respectful child because that’s how my parents treated me. Please don’t mistake gentle parenting for PERMISSIVE parenting. My parents loved me too much to let me get away with behavior that was detrimental, but I felt listened to and safe and I respected them. I had friends who were raised by abusive parents, permissive parents, and everything inbetween. Every child is different but there is a middle road to walk between being a tyrant and being a pushover. You can be FIRM and KIND.
It worked for YOU. You have a point in terms of the middle line between being gentle and being permissive. Because it clearly doesn't work for every child.
@@alithedon4996 I disagree because every kid deserves basic empathy and respect. That’s what my parents did for me. They didn’t scream at me, go out of their way to invade my privacy, they were empathetic towards my feelings but made sure I respected other people’s feelings, and overall they were FIRM but KIND. To me that’s just what gentle parenting is; seeing a child as a person with feelings that needs guidance.
11:32 as a person who were working in book shop, i can tell that there is many books with misleading covers (bad decisions on cover image, bad summary at the back of the book etc).
A friend of mine gentle parents here child. That child is an absolute nightmare. Constant public meltdowns over everything, jumping on things and breaking stuff, very picky eating. It clearly isn't working.
Sorry, but have you told her that she should try being more authoritative..? Because like you said, her parenting style clearly isn’t working. If you haven’t already please tell her to make sure she changes her parenting style. Sometimes gentle parenting is okay, but other times like you said where the kid has meltdowns in public for no reason, that’s the time where she needs to be more authoritative. And she needs to tell the kid when they don’t want what they’re given to eat what they’re given. I’m not even a parent but I can tell what she’s doing is terrible..she’s allowing the kid to be a brat.
I hate how the teacher was so nice too, and the fact she woke up early and she bought food with that whole class just for that kid to be ungrateful like I feel so bad for her for no reason- 😭
That kid is crazy for being ungrateful about the donuts because when teachers bring treats like that to school it's fun for everybody because we get to eat something in a classroom even though we have a rule about eating in class
@glitterboxx19 I think its because he doesn't like glazed donuts so he would be the only one not enjoying it. Even so my mom taught me to say "no thank you" if I don't want something.
There are a lot of missing factors to be able to pass judgement on the child. I actually find the teacher’s behavior also childish. For one, we aren’t given the age of these children, huge factor on what can be expected from them. We don’t know how his home life/parents/environment normally is. Also has a huge impact on behavior. We have no idea what happened that morning for the child to react in such a way. I also cringe at such a reaction and would have had to use every ounce of self control to not lose it, and to instead simply get down to my child’s level and ask him what’s going on. Once I get an answer, I will show him how to communicate he doesn’t want a donut next time. A simple “I don’t want any, thank you” is more than enough + picking up the donut from the floor. Depending on age an apology should also be issued, but if they’re younger I would ask how we can rectify the situation and see what they come up with first (an apology, putting the donut back, giving a hug as a form of apology, etc). Children until a certain age (6-7) are mostly egotistical, they learn to be empathic by you being so with others and with them (brain maturity also helps). They have moments of sharing and being empathic on their own, which we of course would encourage by being like this too and thanking them. But the lack of it is pretty normal, as long as you show them what they CAN do, they will slowly change and slowly put themselves in somebody else’s shoes. The teacher thinking she deserves a medal and a thank you from every child in her class is childish and stupid. Madam, you chose to be kind to your class, nobody asked you for the damn donuts. My issue is the way the child refused the donut, he could have just said “no, thank you”. That’s the only issue here, the way he refused it. That’s what the mother and potentially the teacher, has to correct. Nobody owes anything to anybody for the choice the other person made. Because then, it’s an obligation. You did this “good deed”, expecting the children to sing your praises, when you didn’t get that you went to social media to demonize one child who wasn’t enthusiastic about your efforts. And look, I understand. I too at times wish my child (recently turned 4) would appreciate all the work I do for him and his sibling. But I then realize he’s too young to always be able to realize what I’m doing. At times he comes to me and hugs me effusively while thanking me about something I did, and other times I’m busting myself and he’s whining because he’s tired/hungry/grumpy/in pain, etc. For him to learn gratitude, empathy and many other desirable qualities, I have to model them, his father, extended family, friends, strangers on the street, older children in the park, etc. Yes, while young they will need reminding at times, you will have to intervene, remind them how to manage their feelings, how to appropriately respond to certain situations. As they get older you would expect more from them. You have to reinforce certain boundaries. Like the one of how to politely decline a gift or offering. It’s okey to decline, but there’s no need to be rude about it. I should also clarify that I don’t think the mother handled it well either. Let the child correct the mistake by taking the donut off the floor and try again saying “I don’t want it” in a polite manner. If the child is older he could also apologize by explaining why they reacted that way and then saying sorry. There’s many ways it can be mended. Just guide them through it.
I don't think Gentle parenting is something that will ruin children, I think it's a matter of how well people understand it and know how to use it. I'm a childhood education major and we learn a lot about parenting as it relates to teaching. I would say gentle parenting when done correctly is a form of authoritative parenting. That means you have high expectations for your kids, but you are also warm and emotionally there, and allow your kids to have choice when appropriate. It also means you explain why rules are the way they are, which is KEY for children to behave well, instead of "because I said so". Good gentle parents I've seen discipline their kids but don't punish when unnecessary, give their kids some choice, and avoid aggressive forms of discipline such as yelling or hitting. They speak firmly and don't back down when kids are disrespectful and don't yell. It takes a lot of self control, but also teaching your kids how to self regulate. The majority of parents don't teach their kids how to deal with anger, sadness, how to aask for what they need, etc. If you just focus on the discipline aspect of course gentle parenting won't work with your kids. It doesn't mean you tolerate disrespect from your kids and when their aggressive you tell them to stop without feeding into the same energy. I think the issue is that people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting, which is a whole other category of parenting. Permissive parenting is when the parent is warm and emotionally there, yet allow their kids to do whatever they want. That is not gentle parenting. You can be gentle without being harsh. If you place your best bet on yelling, I would say it’s just as useless as what was shown in this video. Yes the child will stop but 9/10 chance they’ll do the same thing again, I’ve seen that with my own eyes. The child will do it again because they don’t understand as well what they did wrong, it’s a response out of fear not respect or actual growth. Good gentle parenting does take longer, but the child is much less likely to repeat the same thing. In my opinion, I think the mom with the girl who bit the baby’s foot was MOSTLY correct. She set the boundary as she stopped her daughter but also tended to her child’s need with that hug. It wasn’t a reward it was a redirection for the child to put their emotions instead of the aggressive behavior. She did not match the child’s energy but instead explained to her why it was wrong in a way she could understand at 3 years old. Now it’s more likely the child might advocate for the affection she needs and go to her mother instead of biting or yelling. Sure she could have punished, but it may have or may not have been needed. How was the hug a reward if she rebuked the child’s behavior? What would have been permissive was if she justified her daughter’s actions, instead she showed the child how to react to her frustration differently. Although I can’t tell that for sure based of a short video. The permissive parenting, for example, in this video was the mom who tolerated her son’s behavior in class. The teacher handled that very well as kids need boundaries like that. The teacher was kind but firm and did not reward bad behavior. Social media's misinformation is the issue. Not the parenting style.
@LieutenantOzarAnThaceDoneDirty exactly that's what I'm saying. People are not Educated enough. They depend on social media, full of misinformation. My childhood education classes have been key to understanding how gentle parenting should work.
@@admar6934 no but I've spent years working with them. I also learn a lot of things that experience on it's own can't teach. Basic child development and psychology.
My husband's niece is a victim of gentle and permissive parenting. She doesn't listen. Does what she wants. She's been told repeatedly to NOT PICK UP this fat dog her grandma (my MIL has) and to stop "messing with him" (she will poke his eyes, pull his ears, laugh about it, throw him across the room), but she doesn't, and one day the dog had enough and bit her. Little wench ran off and cried, and they tried to catch the dog and beat him for it. I protected the dog and everyone got mad. I told them, "you wanna beat him, you gotta beat me first. My husband won't like that and I WILL press charges. Try me. Try me. She was told repeatedly to not do that to him, but she kept on. Brat had it coming." And when she's told to stop something, they seem to think saying please 80 times, that she will listen with the 81st please. She's six and can't read and there is nothing wrong with this kid (no autism, nothing). She's just a coddled brat
I actually have a gentle parent, they don't do this at all, they're nice and gentle but they also taught me when enough is enough, I'm thankful I had a mix of a normal and gentle parent
You have a proper Gentle/Authoritative/Responsive Parent. The problem is that people who Permissive Parent have taken the term and turned it into something it's not (aka letting your child walk all over you and others, neglecting them, and not teaching them right from wrong). Proper Gentle Parenting just outlines that you choose to discipline instead of punishing (hitting, yelling, etc.) it requires a lot of emotional control and restraint and lots of thought about how different forms of discipline might work vs. only threatening and hitting and making your child afraid of you. Sounds like you had good parents.
My nieces would put their finger,near their puppy’s mouth,my moms like don’t do that,you’re going to get bit,and what do you know they get bit,and start crying,my moms like your fine,grow some skin,like what do they expect,you can’t put your finger,near their mouth,and expect for him not to bite,they are dramatic,when it comes to stuff like that,they get it from their moms side
I was traumatized by my parents and raised my kids comparatively “gentle” which to husband and I only meant that we didn’t abuse them. But this not disciplining your kids is madness. There’s a time to be gentle and understanding and there’s also a time to make sure they know what authority means and how to instill respect into them. These parents are gonna set these kids up for a hard life.
I think the problem is that many parents don't seem to understand what counts as abuse. They also don't understand what neglect is and how it's a form of abuse.
There is a difference between abuse and last resort spanking. A proper spank should be like a band-aid being pulled off and should fade away after a few minutes. It is more of the embarrassment of your butt cheek being exposed to your parent like a baby getting a diaper change. (At least I did) It is humiliating to them, so they learn to avoid doing negative behavior again.
@@sassy-savvy your parents/you spank their/your kids on the naked butt cheek? I feel like that's so weird and uncomfortable. I do not agree with that at all. I was spanked as a child (personally against spanking now) but it was all over the pants and causing embarrassment but mostly a little bit of pain to "put me in my place"
Im not sure about the "effectiveness" of "gentle parenting," but in the educational field we've been doing pretty alright with conscious discipline. It relies heavily on communication from both sides, as well as using choices and assertiveness. You also learn a lot about the brain, and how emotions/actions depend on what states of the brain are in use. It also helps you understand how to keep yourself in check too; it creates lots of learning moments for the kiddos, and even parents or friends. I'd definitely recommend looking into it 👍
I was the first born kid within my parents and all their friends. I’m 3 years older than the next one. When I got to about 8, I was now the babysitter and I’m not talking 1-2 kids, I’m talking 5,6-9 kids. They were all cousins and they were WILD. They really didn’t care when someone yelled because most of the time I was getting screamed at because I “should’ve been watching them!”. That’s how things went for YEARS and more and more kids were added to my roster. I was a good kid. I was always the one nervous that we would get in trouble. Now, as an adult, I feel like I’m always being blamed for everything and I can never do anything right or good. So yelling and screaming does work but it can also backfire and make someone feel like it’s never enough.
Honey that’s abuse, it’s called parentification. You should not have been expected to provide childcare and be responsible for that many kids when you were still a child yourself.
@@snakesonaframe2668 now that I’m older I know that at the time our parents were drinking and doing drugs. When I look at pics from then they are all so skinny. It really has affected me. In any and all situations, if I make even the slightest mistake, I panic and think the worst possible scenario. Like at work, I made a typo the other day and all they said to me is “you just need to pay attention” but I’m thinking “OMG! They’re going to fire me!” I’ve tried talking to my parents and expressing my feelings but I get “oh poor Alison!”. My mom and I were fighting one day and I told her that “there have been times I thought about ODing just so I wasn’t here to do with this 💩!” Her response to me was “go buy some h3roin and k|ll uourself!” She totally denies it now but she said it. They don’t give me the respect and privacy I deserve as an adult. I’ve had 2 fiancés pass away and I don’t think they ever take that into consideration. I met a guy 11 years ago who for the first time in my life I thought “if I want someone like him in my life I’ve got to get my life together.” I fell hard for him. He fell hard for me. We have been through SO much. Off and on and things are great and then we fight. He’s been my best friend, my safe space, my Prince Charming, my hero, my universe. Things have been rough for the last couple months between us. He had breast and testicular cancer. After losing my 2 fiancés I now have a crippling fear of losing him. He’s had medical problems all his life due to Klinefelters Syndrome. When I told my parents that he had cancer, my mom’s response was “he’s a hypochondriac”. I have no one to talk to because he was the person I always talked to. So now I’m lost and lonely and don’t have anyone. The only things I feel I get any love from is my cats. It just seems like I’m not meant to be happy in this life. It sucks
@@oeil_sauvage--Parole_auPeuple thank you. It sucks that I don’t have anyone in my life that does. I’m a good person with a HUGE heart that seems to get broken time and time again. I’ve been holding onto a string of hope for 15+ years now that something would change and I would be happy but anytime something good starts happening for me, at the last moment it all falls apart so I’ve learned not to be excited for anything.
Yelling only works to an extent. My friend would yell at his boys all the time and they still would act up. We lived together for a brief time and in that time my friend gave me permission to correct his kids when he was away and they were out of line. I was an auntie to them. I never yelled, just firmly asserted authority and they found out that I was not going to yell and get upset. Literally just walk in the room and slightly raise my voice to let them know that I wasn't going to put up with their bullshit. I took the stance of "I don't care who started it/made the mess/broke the thing, you BOTH are going to clean it up/knock it off. Sometimes just me coming in the room stopped the crap. My friend was amazed that they gave me such respect without me losing my cool. Gentle parenting is okay, but it starts with kids respecting the adult authority because the adult acted like one and placed firm boundaries.
As a parent of 1 with the trauma of a 90s kid, I definitely try to be a better parent while also not being a doormat. If I have to raise myvoice, i absolutely will and I also make sure my kid knows there are consequences for every action, it's up to him to determine if they will be good or bad with his actions.
Same. 90kid here too. I dont know if I can label my parenting style.. I can get angry but I also explain anger is a normal emotion, they can also be angry with me, everyone can be angry, its normal. I think consequences are good, like the teacher taking that dounut, it was a consequense matching the situation. Just imagine when they get older, they will meet people that gets angry, they will face consequenses for their actions, and I believe that they will handle that better if they know the situations.
My mom’s a gentle parenter. Though, she still engraved respect for her and others into me, and that I can’t get everything I want. You can be a gentle parent, but you have to have boundaries. Like not throwing things at your parents.
Yes. This is what I do for my son. That's proper Gentle Parenting. A lot of what he shows in the video is actually Permissive parenting (neglecting, not teaching boundaries, letting kids walk all over others and you, etc.) and that's what's messing kids up. This isn't gentle parenting
I don't like yelling , got yelled at as a kid often , now I have bad anxiety with it , even if the yelling isn't at me , I panic , and my mind goes straight to thinking imma be hurt
at work I had a dude ask me to tell his daughter to stop running around because he knew she wouldn't listen to him.... think about that, his daughter will listen to a complete stranger but not her own dad. Also I just told her To stop running around because it's dangerous and she stopped. also I hate seeing comments of people saying this is why they hate kids... it's the parents you should be hating, those kids are just not getting taught properly.
Yes I love that you said this because it's the parents fault the kids act that way because they get away with it.its not the kids fault they were taught like that.. I love kids and want some even tho it's hard work and yes I'm going to be a gentle parent but not letting them disrespect me and others..
At least that girl still knows to respect strangers and has somewhat of an idea of societal authority. Imagine if she thought of everyone like her dad and what if he got pissy that a stranger told his daughter to stop. It would be an endless cycle of "Karens".
Yup, it’s the parents/carers/main adults in their life. Thank you for pointing that out. It’s almost never the child’s fault. I actually have a friend who has told me several times to tell her children to stop doing something because they listen better to others than to her. And to be fair, children test the boundaries more with their parents because we’re their parents, they want and need to know where the limits are. So you, as a parent, should put the necessary boundaries and keep them. Respectfully, but firmly. I know my child is more emotional and open with me because I’m their safe space, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any consequences at times. You can scream for a cookie, but if I said no, because we will eat dinner in a minute, then that’s that. I understand it’s disappointing and hard to wait for dinner when you’re really hungry, but a cookie won’t satiate your hunger. Come help put the table. Yeah? Great. No? Very well, then you can wait at the table or over there playing with your toys. I’m finishing dinner so we can eat. Done. While I acknowledge this, I don’t agree with throwing your responsibility as a parent to a friend/stranger or whoever else. Your child should listen to you. It might be harder or you’ll face more pushback than your colleague at work, but it’s your job, not theirs!
This isn't gentle, this is letting your kids be brats and do whatever they want. Parents still need to have rules and boundaries for their children and enforce them in appropriate times, but they shouldn't have to use violence or abusive methods to enforce those rules. These permissive parents think they're being gentle when they don't set rules and boundaries but in reality they just don't want to discipline their crotch goblins. Rewarding your kids for misbehavior isn't gentle parenting-it's letting your kids walk all over you. Yelling is appropriate in certain situations, when your kid doesn't listen but parents shouldn't make a habit of it either.
Omg i Just woke up and saw a notification i immediately stoped doing everything grabbed my chocolate tea and sat down now im spending all day watching your videos 😂❤
The donut story. Im a fussy eater (autism) and my parents would try to provide options for me but didnt expect it of others or allow me to expect to be provided options by others. In situations like that as a lid i just didnt eat the option and it didnt take from the fun of being at a friends house etc. i was fussy and knew it was me being the fussy one from a young age.
Yeah I had the same issue but I learned at an early age that if I didn’t like something I would just say no thank you and go without, not expect something special
Forcing picky eaters to eat something they don't like actually makes things worse as they grow older. Your parents sounded good at providing options and hopefully subtly encouraging you to try new things. I think being a picky eater just means you know what you like. It sucks going to a restaurant and wasting money to try some weird special that tastes awful, it's better to stick with your classics. If you like the way they make your favorites, then you can get the confidence to experiment with other items on the menu.
@@schuylergeery-zink1923 didn't work for me, i would choose hunger stomach pains and shakes everytime over my body wanting to gag over something as stupid as a cooked mushroom lmao
Idk what kind of parenting style I had as a kid, all I know is that if I spilt all them chips on the floor in front of my mom like that. I would have to clean it up myself then get the belt for messing up carpet afterwards 😭
That's definitely reactive parenting Your mom was mad (understandably) but instead of making you clean it up and giving you a punishment fitting the behaviour like washing the dishs, making the table etc. she hit you saying to herself that hitting you was "just discipline"
That’s a dysregulated parent that punishes a child for a simple mess that they can clean. The natural consequence to a child doing that is having to clean it. My son (4 year old) spilled soap all over the floor just as we were going to sit down for dinner. I was tired and could have easily gone into a tirade of “why the hell were you playing with the bubble machine, you made a mess” etc and raise my voice or yell. Instead I just said that that’s why I asked him to stop using this (in a calm voice) and to ask for a cloth from his father so he can clean it up. He cleaned it up in a minute and then we continued with dinner. Big deal. It was an accident, he wanted to hang it on something that *I* knew wouldn’t hold, but he didn’t know. I realized too late what he was going to do, so it fell and spilled all the bubble soap (honestly part of it is our fault for not taking it from him earlier, looking back you always realize where you could have done better). My mother would have most likely yelled at me or gotten pretty upset. I choose not to, because if I get like this each time there is a small mess, an accident, a “misbehavior”, my son will slowly stop trusting me and start hiding his messes/mistakes. My brother and I started hiding whatever we knew would make our mom mad because we hated how angry she got, how she would yell and become scary. This is detrimental in a lot of senses. I care deeply for my mom, but this way of just blowing up to your kids like a literal kid is not parenting, it’s giving yourself permission to treat someone subpar just because they’re your children. My son comes to me when he breaks something or makes a mess, because he knows we can work on it together. We learn from mistakes. Now, when his baby brother makes a mess, he helps him, sometimes comments how he shouldn’t touch that and then helps with the situation. Those moments give me strength to keep on being firm but gentle. Boundaries are essential, you just don’t have to be an asshole about it.
that's wild. my mom would've only yelled at me if i spilled juice or something on carpet and even then, only if she had told me not to have it or have it there. and even more so if i didn't start cleaning it immediately. even then, she wouldn't hit me for that. an my parents are immigrants and they disciplined us. are you sure that wasn't abuse you grew up in?
10:12 the way satan would possessed my body and i would hysterically scream like a mad woman causing chaos in the restaurant is the only way i can get myself to calm the F out from throwing a fistful to the both mother and the her spoiled brat.
This is unacceptable behavior. Why are the parents nowadays allowing this? They will never learn consequences for bad behavior and grow up still not apologizing and expecting a reward. I was raised to respect EVERYONE and my belongings as we'll as others too. I raised my twin girls this way, and now one has a PhD and the other one is a kindergarten teacher AND has brought her childhood toys and books in to share. But if a student is disrespectful or violent, NO consequences at school or home....it escalates to more bad behavior. Respect and appreciation is what starts at home!
I’m really pissed off, the mum who let their 2 and a half year old bite her LITERAL 8 WEEK OLD SISTER really pissed me off. She’s going to make her think it’s okay to do that.
Permissive parenting is letting ur kids doing whatever they want, and showing little to no parental authority. Gentle parenting on the other hand is just, treating your kids like human beans, instead of authoritarian, uninvolved, or like I had said permissive. Theres a theory about “the main 4 parenting types” and authoritative is ideal, but authoritarian parenting is more common in black, hispanic, or asian households. When some people from these households hear the word “gentle parenting” they assume “oh, gentle parenting those parents don’t care about their kids” when inaccurately calling “gentle parenting” permissive parenting. From personal experience, I am African american “corpal punishment” or whoppings, or spankings, or beat downs is very common in my community, and can be very harmful since it is used as the ONLY form of punishment and discipline, and does not work longterm wise. You should not have to put your hands on your child, or anyone of that matter to get them to listen to you.
I’m stunned by that mum who let her 2 and a half year old bite her 8 week old sister.. Wtaf. That’s NOT okay. All she did was go ‘Florence you bit your 8 week old sister here’s a reward’.. Dude and she even had the NERVE to put ‘I shouldn’t have yelled’ yes you should have. She should have been more authoritative. Omg Florence is definitely going to do that when she’s older..
from what I’ve heard, when a kid bites their sibling, the parent gives them a bite back (not too hard obviously), just to let them know that it hurts (it actually works a lot)
@@Tast-1934. >”abusive” You are really muddying that word and just throwing it around all willy-nilly. It’s why we have videos like this to begin with where people threw around that word so much that now others are afraid to do any sort of parenting for being called such - where people care more about how they are seen rather than doing any sort of methods that work. Going straight to considering that “abusive” is over the line as you are basically considering their parent an abuser for that one thing while knowing nothing else about their parenting methods. That’s a slope we shouldn’t be willing to go down so easily, throwing that word around so carelessly. Like with raising one’s voice or tone … the amount of people that act like someone raising their voice a bit to be real stern to enforce discipline is somehow equated to them yelling extremely loud at their kid and calling it “abusive” is a slap in the face to all those who endured some seriously traumatic angry yelling constantly from parents. It’s nowhere near being the same. There are big differences, and it all can’t just be lumped as one thing without factoring the context and the way things are done. It’s safe to say the mother didn’t bite hard to leave an imprint, bring blood to the surface, bruise, or do any harm to outright traumatize them. Just a quick and gentle “pinch” essentially (one that isn’t anywhere near the same level as a bite that the child gave someone else) that is done carefully in a way to show them “you don’t like it when someone does this to you when you don’t want it done, do you?” They’re not outright grabbing a part of their body and gnawing down to prove a point. Come on. There’s a balance. Kids have to learn and understand that actions have consequences, and sometimes with situations like this, it’s okay to gently show instead of telling (because let’s be real, trying to tell a child/toddler anything goes in one ear and out the other). It’s like when you tell a child to stay away from the stove top because it’s hot. If you have ever raised a toddler/small child … you will know exactly what I am talking about. You’re trying to cook and constantly having to run back and forth to keep them away. They’re going through their curiosity phase. All they see is something mom/dad is standing near and using, so they want to use it, too, to see what it does. However, with kids being kids at that age, they don’t understand consequences fully by just telling them about it … and will sometimes outright touch it when mom/dad isn’t looking and will immediately regret it. Of course the parent is going to soothe them and help take care of the burn, but one should also make sure the kid understands that their actions have consequences when they are told to not do something because it’s dangerous and yet they continue to do it. It’s a lesson that will carry with them. An unfortunate one that no parent wants to have happen, but a lesson nonetheless. What would be abusive would be if the parent was trying to tell them the stove is hot, grabbed their hand, and forced them to touch it to “teach them a lesson” about said consequences. It would be abusive if the parent one day randomly decided to bite their child as they are minding their own business, do it hard enough to where they sense pain, and then try to tell them “THAT IS HOW THAT FEELS, so don’t bite people, okay?” Neither of those instances are teaching a lesson. Both would be having the child more fearful of their parent - something you don’t want to instill in that way - as opposed to understanding consequences in an effective manner.
@@cassyzinkartandwallart7736 So your saying that you rather have your child bite your new born baby and doing nothing about it like that parent did or Teach your kid that it hurts cuz I was raised that experience is the best teacher than people ignoring wrong things kids do
Screaming does work if you stayed the past hour silent. But if you screamed a few minutes ago, kids get desensatized & then you need to scream like a freak. So it's always better to balance things out and scream as rare as possible. Just saying to anyone who thinks that it's something that always works.
Yeah, this is it exactly. My partner has quite a deep, loud voice. He's a high school teacher, but he never yells at the kids when they're acting up, just speaks firmly. Why? Because he knows that he has to save the yelling for really serious or dangerous situations. Recently he was on yard duty when a fistfight broke out between a couple of the boys. He was the second teacher on the scene - the first teacher had put himself between the two boys to try and stop the fight, but they were ignoring him and just kept pushing past him to get to each other. My partner then arrived and shouted at them to break it up and get away from each other. They were so startled at hearing him raise his voice that they actually stopped fighting and turned to look at him, and he was able to keep their attention on him and control the situation. If you yell at your kids all the time, they just become desensitised to it - and then you have no way of escalating, to let them know that something is _really_ serious. So don't yell to express your day-to-day frustrations with them. Save it for when there's active danger - ie, somebody could get hurt, or somebody has been hurt - and they're much more likely to pay attention and respond the way you want them to in an emergency.
6:45 A story from when I was in 5th grade makes me think how spoiled these children are. I was 11 years old and we were in "maker" class and it was the day to test our MDF mixer (a super cheap and weak type of wood) They mixed milk, 2 eggs, sugar and flour in my group's pot. When the teacher left, I tasted the mixture and it tasted acceptable. The others in the group tasted it more and more until there was a big fight for the pot, the mixture spread all over my arm because I put my hand in the whole pot, a boy went to pick up the mixture with a spoon and I licked it before he could take it out of the pot, anyway, everyone ended up dirty like that mix and the next day I felt sick.
I have no issues with my kids, while doing gentle parenting with discipline and the most importantly I make an example of myself... When I shout or answer not that politely ( everyone can have a bad day) I always say I am sorry and talk about the reasons of my behavior openly. When I ask my son about anything, and he dont listen for the second time, the third one always I end up cutting a play time and wait for him to talk with me. He is 3 years old, I dont have any issues in supermarkets. If I say that we dont buy something he wants, he just gently place it back on the shelves. But I always buy it if I promised him something before. Because believe me, they remember our promises. When you say you will do that, and you are not doing it later, they will think of you as a person who talk and dont act upon it. So they will do exactly the same. Secret of gentle parenting is being truthful. If you say that you will cut the play or take one of their toys if he will not listen. You do it... if you say you will not buy any sweets today, you don't... Even if the ask you a hundred of times. If you say you will buy them something next time.... You better do that. Discipline is important. Being sincere and keeping your promises teach them to listen to you and to know the consequences of theor actions if they misbehave
My step dad (Stareotypical step-dad all the way) would always shout at me like i just blew someones head off (I was like 5 btw) Then would leave me in my room for a few minutes, then he'd come in, sit next to me and apologise for shouting or smth like that, then would give me a hug, and would take me to my sister to apologise. AND YET HE *NEVER* ACTED THAT WAY TO MY LITTLE SISTER. LIKE.
Same.. I had a step dad for most of my life and my mom and him had a kid, he treats his daughter like she’s worth, but not me 💀 (we dont live with him anymore)
I can tell who's the scapegoat and who's the golden child... It's usually the step kid getting treated as emotional punching bag and like they just k1lled the cat when they accidentally knock over the milk.
I remember in kindergarten when my teacher threw a surprise party in the theme of the kids book elephant and piggy because we finished all the books and she was proud of us, she got ice cream, balloons, fruit snacks, plates and even set up the desks to wrap around the classroom. I absolutely LOVED that teacher and never once did I have a thought “oh I don’t like chocolate , I only like birthday cake “ because I was grateful, everyone was! I didn’t like the chocolate but still ate it anyway because I was 5 and needed sugar to survive. Little did I know I would become lactose intolerant 9 years later 😂 even then, if a kid is lactose intolerant, that should be brought up at the beginning of the year or even politely said by the kid if the teacher does decide to get the class things that maybe that kid can’t eat. This kid that the lady was talking about in the video was very much able to eat it, heck I would’ve taken the doughnut from him and ate it 😂
every time I watch your videos I forget you only have 300k subs, it feels like you're a super famous person with a huge fanbase. Your videos are awesome 😋
I am totally against violence, especially on kids, but the job of a parent is to show how life and society works. My child hated to hear me telling her that whatever she did, there was a consequence. Happy or not, it always depends on the choice she made. You break something because you were mad? Let’s open your piggy and replace it. You hurt someone? Then you take care of the person until she’s fine (believe me, it only happened once!). No need to spank, deprive, yell, but also no need to give a hug when a kid bites, especially a newborn. My system was far from being perfect, and I didn’t stick with it all the time, but that was the road i was trying really hard to follow. It worked with my child.
@@Tast-1934. No, not at all. We live in a intergenerational house today. I have to say that she was an easy child, and there was way more good consequences than bad ones. In fact, I always tried to insist more on the good things she was doing than on the bad ones.
@@CodMemories I totally agree with you! Unfortunately, kids don’t come with instructions booklets, and what works with one doesn’t work with the siblings. I only had one child, so it was easier! In fact, we were not planning to have just one, but life decided otherwise.
I know this may not be believed, but i was gentle parented due to my anxiety disorder, and my brother has permissive parenting til he was around 8. He became a hellspawn after that, and no amount of discipline helped. So many parents dont understand the difference, and it makes so many more hellspawns.
I literally remember times I tried to "gentle parent" and my kid literally smirked at the fact that she basically got away with being a brat. I'm not doing that crap anymore lmao.
As a nanny I can confidently say that most of the parents that “gentle parent” most likely do not behind closed doors but the ones that do are the bane of my existence! Like PLEASE punish your kids, just take away the iPad or put them in timeout!
That’s not gentle parenting. Gentle parenting works very well but it is NOT letting your kid get away with everything they want and praising them for it.
When she said come here Denver, CO and ohhh my BBL I ordered on Temu … I logged out and called the funeral home to let them know… I’mmmmmm Deadddddddd 😂😂😂
![Eminem - The Death of Slim Shady [Album Trailer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/X0HIrS6kUYI/mqdefault.jpg)
Rafael better show up here with that money since hes using my email to pay for his bills
Hii! First, layze I love ur videos ur so funny and in my opinion the best RUclipsr
Hii
I love you Layze!!!!!!!
Lol
11 secs ago@@strawberrypepper
This is NOT gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is basically what the mom did with the girl who bit her sister but instead of asking if she wants to cuddle she should have told her to apologize and made her sit off the bed for 2 minutes. Gentle parenting is just that, parenting in a gentle way. But its not letting your kids do whatever the hell they want
Thank you, yes. I was raised with gentle parenting and I’m very grateful. These videos show PERMISSIVE parenting.
Thank you! I practiced gentle parenting and I have a polite and well-mannered son who will graduate HS next year.
Yes! I came to say this!
@@TiktokBurnedMyCrops exactly. I'm ready to just start making videos explaining the difference smh
Yess, this.
"Im not scared of the cat biting you, Im scared of u biting the cat" LMFAO😭
I had a cat a few years ago and that's legit how I felt when any relative with a child visited us💀
LMAO
Literally was scared of cats until they grew on me 😭
@@highsourjamapple9141 same-
@@IBringDramamamamiait doesn't even have to be a relative
My parents use gentle parenting and I can CONFIRM that is NOT gentle parenting
same
Came here to say exactly this.
may i ask how they do it?
@@Justmeandyouandmyedits By explaining that actions have consequences, of course. And, of course, making sure the consequences were unpleasant. Not hurtful, just unpleasant. My mom lectured me because she knew I hated not getting alone time to have fun.
@@randomthoughts6680 ah thanks for explaining
Part of gentle parenting is sticking to what you say. The best way I get my daughter to clean up is I tell her normally “clean up the things you don’t want me to throw away” because it took one time for her to learn that I will throw away whatever is left out.
My mom used to do this to me and now I keep things I want to keep but deliberately throw things I know are useless. Although it did kinda develop a hoarder mentality, my dad balanced it out by throwing things that need to be thrown away
@lazitazi5645 That's why the toys or whatever should go in a timeout for a while. That way the child knows they will have the toys after the punishment has ended. Otherwise it doesn't really work properly, why would a child behave, if there's a threat of losing the items forever. It's somewhat same with spanking. If I made something I knew would earn me a spanking, I always did much more wrong deliberately, because I knew I would be punished by spanking anyway. If I'm spanked anyway, why not do something to really earn it? I behaved like an angel for those adults who didn't spank me, because I respected them and didn't want to disappoint them.
Throwing out things important to your child doesn't seem like gentle parenting. Just seems mean and a good way to teach her not to respect other people's property.
If there’s play doh on the floor she doesn’t pick up. I’m throwing it out. I don’t scream at her, I tell her very nicely. This is the rules. She listens. I’ve actually only had to tell her about 2-3 times.
Gentle parenting does not involve being permissive or enabling bad behaviour. That's just called bad parenting.
So trueee
This new definition does
Let's go with neglectful parenting... Or dismissive parenting 🤷♀️ enabling it's a bit like helicopter parenting.
Not me being 14
back in my day this was called "spoiling your kids". Gentle parenting just means not being an abusive parent, so i'm really confused, are people so pro-abuse that the only gentle parenting they can imagine is spoiling your kids? Like, you either hit them and yell at them or you spoil them? No in-between? Cause that's a messed up ideal
The mom giving the donut back to the kid is actually not gentle parenting. What the teacher was doing was gentle parenting. Calmly taking the donut back and explaining why.
This is Exactly it right here.
This whole gentle parenting also comes from some parents not putting their phones down and disciplining their children. Instead of consequences they get video recorded..... Okaaayyy sure.... 🤨😒🙄
It's not even hers to touch.
Yesssss 👏🏼 thats right, the teacher was actually doing the gentle parenting. She was gentle and was coaching him why we do not act that way and still get rewarded. I feel like most of these videos aren't *actual gentle parenting
You don’t explain why. He doesn’t like that doughnut so say ok and put it back in the box. If he wants it he’ll ask.
Ironically the actual gentle parenting was the teacher
My mom’s ex-best friend had a child I year or three ago. The child was literally was never told no. The first time I saw him get told no, he cried, screamed, pulled and bit his mother and made her bleed. I know he is only a child, but it tells a lot about their parenting and his attitude in the future. Like they even let him walk bare foot when he had an open injury because they couldn’t say no to him, guess what happened? They went to the doctor because he got an infection.
my friends little brother is A BRAT.
I love him..but he’s a brat. He has literally never been told no.
My friend has to split whatever they get with him, their mum will say ‘__ give half of this to your brother’
She lets him do whatever he wants.
When my oldest brother was a baby he would bite people all the time. Nothing my mom did seemed to discourage him, until one day she bit him after he bit his buddy. The matter was resolved very quickly after that.
The problem is that some parents are using the name "gentle parenting" to skip disciplining their child in any way altogether 😂
Fr
Discipline is abuse.
@@Demonetization_Symbol you know, though discipline in the law is not abuse you know if the governors had kids they probably disciplined their kids too discipline is it supposed to make your kid steady and not act up if you discipline your kid, they won’t do all those things like the Sephora 10-year-olds just like discipline is supposed to keep the kid in order not thinking they get whatever they want it is not abuse 😅
Discipline is most definitely NOT abuse
@@Jessicad9304 if they hit the child or overreact than that “discipline” is abuse
i suddenly dont want kids (i never did)
dam u already watched the whole thing in 23 seconds
@@flowersarepretty534 yep
Same
Same
Sameee
I gently parent, I think. I have a 3 year old son. If he does something questionable, like yelling in a restaurant or whatever, he gets a single warning to discontinue or he will be placed in a naughty spot. If he does obviously incorrect behavior (like the biting or pouring the chips out) he is immediately placed in a naughty spot for 3 minutes without any attention, then reminded why he was placed there, required to say sorry, and cuddles so he knows I'm not mad and he can choose happy behavior next time.
If he's not listening, like with the cookie, I phrase it with consequences "pick up the cookie now or I will have to take the garbage truck away until you do" or "if the TV is distracting you from listening to me, I will turn it off". And that's usually pretty successful on its own, but if it isn't, I DO THE CONSEQUENCE. That's the most important part of discipline.
I don't have to yell. I don't have to raise my blood pressure. I don't often have to say things more than once. My child is not afraid of me.
4:06 “no.” -hits baby-
“Waaaaaaa”
Kids are so complicated.
Too kind=evil kid
Too mean= trauma mentally ill kid
IM NOT HAVING KIDS.
Yea some people forget when they say things like "when are you going to think of having kids" like its a puppy adoption.Human beings are so emotionally complex and raising them requires so much love+care- pushy parents/ partners can just force you to do that is wild
Problem is, you gotta find a good middle ground between those two. And that's a HARD SKILL that not everyone has. I don't blame you for not even wanting to try 😭
I watched those vids where they show toddlers reacting and playing with objects, and the ones with neglected parents were cautiously playing with toys and looking at the adults in the room while the ones with good ones were happily playing. It was so fascinating and so heartbreaking
Or the third option
Nice and respectful = nice and respectful kids
But don’t have kids if you don’t want too (not ironic) we are already too many on this planet 😭
@@leyrose8862 kids are horrible. they scream, they cry, they run, they're loud. WHY DO PEOPLE WANT KIDS?! sure its cute to have a baby but they cry so they grow and grow until they're in their teens and when they're in their teens IT GETS WORSE and then they grow up and then you dont have kids anymore😁
I worked at a Daycare where the word “no” wasn’t allowed, and we were to tell the kids “let’s make better choices, u upset ur friend. Let’s make better decisions”. I have two kids at home…best believe I used REAL parenting at home. The word “no” is absolutely necessary.
Wtf?!! Can't say the word no?! I really hope this is fake. 😢
After u say no do u explain it. At least the daycare they know what they did wrong an why an how to solve it
@@fashiharz8584
It's not. There's a chart in the lobby of alternatives to things like "get off the table." We're not even allowed to ask if they need help. We can only offer it passively. We can't tell them to clean up their messes, either. We can only encourage them to help us do it. Can't tell them that we don't want to be touched at the moment. Can't say "don't pull my hair, that hurts."
My classroom ran so much more smoothly when we could set hard boundaries and tell them why. Kids NEED boundaries, and they need to learn that consent is not negotiable.
@@ingloriousMachina Boundaries are necessary for kids ,if not with their parents,it's must with stranger you may tolerate your kids but others WONT ,I always surprised when kids are super rude and misbehave with outsiders and even with their parents are not around, my kid make mess and loud sometimes but never outside home or in the daycare
@@fashiharz8584 No, I worked at a lot of daycares and stopped because they were either mildly abusive and were all catty Cathy! The children ALWAYS acted more like adults at ALL the daycares I worked, than the actual workers. I honestly couldn't believe it. I watch this one lady scream and yell at her mom who was the head person of the daycare. It made me realize how much I will NOT send my child to daycare. Only ignorant parents or parents who hate their children are the type who takes their kids to daycare. Oh, and they were allowed to eat whatever they wanted, however much they wanted. Then cried when the kids ran amuck. Oh, and we weren't allowed to play with them either! I tried to push this little girl on the swing and I was bitched at for interacting with them. Though they all got upset at me when I was trying to cheer this kid up and say to calm down, don't cry. They told me that that kind of language was UNACCEPTABLE! But screaming and yelling at each other is perfectly a ok! I remember one time two girls there got into so much they woke up the children during naptime and one had a mental breakdown. This was on my first week on the job. I quit soon after when I got another daycare job. I worked at quite a few because I loved working with kids but I couldn't handle the girls! The "adults" who acted more like children than the children! It's utterly disgusting and disturbing how they behave.
That ending when the kid just dropped all those chips…. Thats just..something else
3:25 "make a good choice please" THIS GIRL REILLY THINKS A TODDLER KNOWS RIGHT FROM WRONG
If you yell at your kids too often, they will start to ignore it. So a good combination of being reasonable and yelling is a good idea.
exactly! Yelling shouldnt be done too lightly.
👏Well said, well said.
And spanking
Don't be like, oh you heartless being, because i am a child myself.
Biting his baby sister is the very first thing Caillou did in the books. We're raising a generation of Caillous!
OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Oh god please no!!!!
Has god forsaken is to the satanic lord caillou 😭
HELP💀💀
We are all doomed.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
*OWW my BBL that I ordered from Temu* 10:58 this absolutely killed me 😂
😂😂
10:04 "i know your trying to poop"🤣-Layze
"I don't think theo gives a fuck"
Got me dead😭
FRRR
Dunk rafael.
being gentle is *a PART* of parenting. NOT its own separate category for parenting.
even while being gentle, you can still have discipline.
Yessir
I used to think gentle parenting was just *not* smacking your kids in the face if they do something wrong. I feel like it is that but also telling your kids WHY what they’re doing is wrong and teaching them to behave well or putting them in timeout or taking things away if necessary. I’m a teen and don’t have kids so I don’t know 🤷
Exactly! It's a part of parenting but you must also be firm and discipline once the kid shows bad attitudes. Balance the parenting with firmness, discipline and gentle. Don't overdo it with either parts and you'll be fine.
Perfectly said
THIS
13:43 NOW GO PICKUP THAT GODDAMN COOKIE! had my ass flying across the living room 💀💀💀💀💀💀 (yes i have a fucking pc in the living room)
OMG YOU HSVE A PC IN YOUR LIVING ROOM! WHAT A LOSER😂😂😐
I have too😂😂😂
My mom does gentle parenting when nobody is being bad 💀 but if me and my brother acting like little demons then omg… that parenting will happen for 10 seconds and then we are screwed
Bro the kid begging for McDonald’s scared me 💀 edit: guys I’m officially famous now.
FR😭
😂frrrrr@@G4Y.TH3R14N
😅
dude you got 1k likes stfu
When was it
Gentle parenting is a good thing. It was how I was raised and I became an extremely empathetic and respectful child because that’s how my parents treated me.
Please don’t mistake gentle parenting for PERMISSIVE parenting. My parents loved me too much to let me get away with behavior that was detrimental, but I felt listened to and safe and I respected them. I had friends who were raised by abusive parents, permissive parents, and everything inbetween.
Every child is different but there is a middle road to walk between being a tyrant and being a pushover. You can be FIRM and KIND.
It worked for YOU. You have a point in terms of the middle line between being gentle and being permissive. Because it clearly doesn't work for every child.
@@alithedon4996 I disagree because every kid deserves basic empathy and respect. That’s what my parents did for me. They didn’t scream at me, go out of their way to invade my privacy, they were empathetic towards my feelings but made sure I respected other people’s feelings, and overall they were FIRM but KIND. To me that’s just what gentle parenting is; seeing a child as a person with feelings that needs guidance.
Fr and when your parents are upset or disappointed with you, you KNOW you've done something
Same here. I knew the rules and how to "fly right". I also absolutely knew that I was loved and suffered much less than many of my friends.
exactly
11:32 as a person who were working in book shop, i can tell that there is many books with misleading covers (bad decisions on cover image, bad summary at the back of the book etc).
A friend of mine gentle parents here child. That child is an absolute nightmare. Constant public meltdowns over everything, jumping on things and breaking stuff, very picky eating. It clearly isn't working.
Gentle parenting is fine and actually good, but there HAS to be discipline, otherwise the child will do whatever they want
Gentle parenting is fine and actually good, but there HAS to be discipline, otherwise the child will do whatever they want
Sorry, but have you told her that she should try being more authoritative..?
Because like you said, her parenting style clearly isn’t working.
If you haven’t already please tell her to make sure she changes her parenting style. Sometimes gentle parenting is okay, but other times like you said where the kid has meltdowns in public for no reason, that’s the time where she needs to be more authoritative. And she needs to tell the kid when they don’t want what they’re given to eat what they’re given. I’m not even a parent but I can tell what she’s doing is terrible..she’s allowing the kid to be a brat.
I hate how the teacher was so nice too, and the fact she woke up early and she bought food with that whole class just for that kid to be ungrateful like I feel so bad for her for no reason- 😭
No, there is a reason you feel bad. It's because you have empathy.
Yeah, and you know that kid is bossing his mom around at home
That kid is crazy for being ungrateful about the donuts because when teachers bring treats like that to school it's fun for everybody because we get to eat something in a classroom even though we have a rule about eating in class
@glitterboxx19 I think its because he doesn't like glazed donuts so he would be the only one not enjoying it.
Even so my mom taught me to say "no thank you" if I don't want something.
There are a lot of missing factors to be able to pass judgement on the child. I actually find the teacher’s behavior also childish.
For one, we aren’t given the age of these children, huge factor on what can be expected from them.
We don’t know how his home life/parents/environment normally is. Also has a huge impact on behavior.
We have no idea what happened that morning for the child to react in such a way.
I also cringe at such a reaction and would have had to use every ounce of self control to not lose it, and to instead simply get down to my child’s level and ask him what’s going on. Once I get an answer, I will show him how to communicate he doesn’t want a donut next time. A simple “I don’t want any, thank you” is more than enough + picking up the donut from the floor. Depending on age an apology should also be issued, but if they’re younger I would ask how we can rectify the situation and see what they come up with first (an apology, putting the donut back, giving a hug as a form of apology, etc).
Children until a certain age (6-7) are mostly egotistical, they learn to be empathic by you being so with others and with them (brain maturity also helps). They have moments of sharing and being empathic on their own, which we of course would encourage by being like this too and thanking them. But the lack of it is pretty normal, as long as you show them what they CAN do, they will slowly change and slowly put themselves in somebody else’s shoes.
The teacher thinking she deserves a medal and a thank you from every child in her class is childish and stupid. Madam, you chose to be kind to your class, nobody asked you for the damn donuts. My issue is the way the child refused the donut, he could have just said “no, thank you”. That’s the only issue here, the way he refused it. That’s what the mother and potentially the teacher, has to correct. Nobody owes anything to anybody for the choice the other person made. Because then, it’s an obligation. You did this “good deed”, expecting the children to sing your praises, when you didn’t get that you went to social media to demonize one child who wasn’t enthusiastic about your efforts. And look, I understand. I too at times wish my child (recently turned 4) would appreciate all the work I do for him and his sibling. But I then realize he’s too young to always be able to realize what I’m doing. At times he comes to me and hugs me effusively while thanking me about something I did, and other times I’m busting myself and he’s whining because he’s tired/hungry/grumpy/in pain, etc. For him to learn gratitude, empathy and many other desirable qualities, I have to model them, his father, extended family, friends, strangers on the street, older children in the park, etc. Yes, while young they will need reminding at times, you will have to intervene, remind them how to manage their feelings, how to appropriately respond to certain situations. As they get older you would expect more from them. You have to reinforce certain boundaries. Like the one of how to politely decline a gift or offering. It’s okey to decline, but there’s no need to be rude about it.
I should also clarify that I don’t think the mother handled it well either. Let the child correct the mistake by taking the donut off the floor and try again saying “I don’t want it” in a polite manner. If the child is older he could also apologize by explaining why they reacted that way and then saying sorry. There’s many ways it can be mended. Just guide them through it.
I don't think Gentle parenting is something that will ruin children, I think it's a matter of how well people understand it and know how to use it. I'm a childhood education major and we learn a lot about parenting as it relates to teaching. I would say gentle parenting when done correctly is a form of authoritative parenting. That means you have high expectations for your kids, but you are also warm and emotionally there, and allow your kids to have choice when appropriate. It also means you explain why rules are the way they are, which is KEY for children to behave well, instead of "because I said so". Good gentle parents I've seen discipline their kids but don't punish when unnecessary, give their kids some choice, and avoid aggressive forms of discipline such as yelling or hitting. They speak firmly and don't back down when kids are disrespectful and don't yell. It takes a lot of self control, but also teaching your kids how to self regulate. The majority of parents don't teach their kids how to deal with anger, sadness, how to aask for what they need, etc. If you just focus on the discipline aspect of course gentle parenting won't work with your kids. It doesn't mean you tolerate disrespect from your kids and when their aggressive you tell them to stop without feeding into the same energy.
I think the issue is that people confuse gentle parenting with permissive parenting, which is a whole other category of parenting. Permissive parenting is when the parent is warm and emotionally there, yet allow their kids to do whatever they want. That is not gentle parenting. You can be gentle without being harsh. If you place your best bet on yelling, I would say it’s just as useless as what was shown in this video. Yes the child will stop but 9/10 chance they’ll do the same thing again, I’ve seen that with my own eyes. The child will do it again because they don’t understand as well what they did wrong, it’s a response out of fear not respect or actual growth. Good gentle parenting does take longer, but the child is much less likely to repeat the same thing. In my opinion, I think the mom with the girl who bit the baby’s foot was MOSTLY correct. She set the boundary as she stopped her daughter but also tended to her child’s need with that hug. It wasn’t a reward it was a redirection for the child to put their emotions instead of the aggressive behavior. She did not match the child’s energy but instead explained to her why it was wrong in a way she could understand at 3 years old. Now it’s more likely the child might advocate for the affection she needs and go to her mother instead of biting or yelling. Sure she could have punished, but it may have or may not have been needed. How was the hug a reward if she rebuked the child’s behavior? What would have been permissive was if she justified her daughter’s actions, instead she showed the child how to react to her frustration differently. Although I can’t tell that for sure based of a short video. The permissive parenting, for example, in this video was the mom who tolerated her son’s behavior in class. The teacher handled that very well as kids need boundaries like that. The teacher was kind but firm and did not reward bad behavior.
Social media's misinformation is the issue. Not the parenting style.
@LieutenantOzarAnThaceDoneDirty exactly that's what I'm saying. People are not Educated enough. They depend on social media, full of misinformation. My childhood education classes have been key to understanding how gentle parenting should work.
Do you got kids
As a nanny, 100% agree!
@@admar6934don't have to when I was raised by gentle parents and know how it's supposed to work
@@admar6934 no but I've spent years working with them. I also learn a lot of things that experience on it's own can't teach. Basic child development and psychology.
Dunkin donuts is out here forcing people to be skinny 😂😂 You're so funny. Thank you
12:55 help L in the back😭😭
"Owww my BBL that i ordered from temuuu.."
😂🤣😂
😂😂
10:57! 😂
5:32
My husband's niece is a victim of gentle and permissive parenting. She doesn't listen. Does what she wants. She's been told repeatedly to NOT PICK UP this fat dog her grandma (my MIL has) and to stop "messing with him" (she will poke his eyes, pull his ears, laugh about it, throw him across the room), but she doesn't, and one day the dog had enough and bit her. Little wench ran off and cried, and they tried to catch the dog and beat him for it. I protected the dog and everyone got mad. I told them, "you wanna beat him, you gotta beat me first. My husband won't like that and I WILL press charges. Try me. Try me. She was told repeatedly to not do that to him, but she kept on. Brat had it coming."
And when she's told to stop something, they seem to think saying please 80 times, that she will listen with the 81st please.
She's six and can't read and there is nothing wrong with this kid (no autism, nothing). She's just a coddled brat
11:52 did anyone notice the panda has human teeth?
Yeah
Yeah
I got a food panda ad bro
I actually have a gentle parent, they don't do this at all, they're nice and gentle but they also taught me when enough is enough, I'm thankful I had a mix of a normal and gentle parent
Me too friend
Facts, I'm glad my mom raised me right
You have a proper Gentle/Authoritative/Responsive Parent. The problem is that people who Permissive Parent have taken the term and turned it into something it's not (aka letting your child walk all over you and others, neglecting them, and not teaching them right from wrong). Proper Gentle Parenting just outlines that you choose to discipline instead of punishing (hitting, yelling, etc.) it requires a lot of emotional control and restraint and lots of thought about how different forms of discipline might work vs. only threatening and hitting and making your child afraid of you. Sounds like you had good parents.
@@knottyseedling I did have a good _parent,_ other one was good and bad in their own ways, I don't want to talk about it too much on here.
@@ShadowisAlive oh, yes, I see you said parent in your first comment now. My apologies
when me or my siblings would bite my mom, she would bite us back. it actually worked really well.
Yep! As kids if we whined and screamed to our dad, he would do it back 😅 we learned pretty quickly 😂
LMFAO fair. That's what I was thinking when the girl bit her sibling😭
My grandma used to do that 😂😂😂
My ex MIL did this when my ex was biting the other kids at his daycare. She said he never did it again 😂
That's how my mom broke me from the biting stage. She bit me back just hard enough to hurt but not so hard it left a mark. I never did it again.
15:06 as a 14 year old this was my exact thought
Same 😭
Fr
Same😭
5:30 yes🥰
Kid: the cat bit me!
Mom: it did?
Kid: yeah!
Mom: good.
Kid: 👁👄👁
😂╭╮╱╱╭━━━━┳╮╱╱╱🤣
😂┃┃╱╱┃╭╮╭╮┃┃╱╱╱🤣
😂┃┃╱╱┃╭━━╮┃┃╱╱╱🤣
😂┃┃╱╭┫┃┃┃┃┃┃╱╭╮🤣
😂┃╰━╯┃╰━━╯┃╰━╯┃🤣
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Lol this is me with my little siblings
@@anna-qz5hn Lol! that’s me with my little cousin
My nieces would put their finger,near their puppy’s mouth,my moms like don’t do that,you’re going to get bit,and what do you know they get bit,and start crying,my moms like your fine,grow some skin,like what do they expect,you can’t put your finger,near their mouth,and expect for him not to bite,they are dramatic,when it comes to stuff like that,they get it from their moms side
I was traumatized by my parents and raised my kids comparatively “gentle” which to husband and I only meant that we didn’t abuse them. But this not disciplining your kids is madness. There’s a time to be gentle and understanding and there’s also a time to make sure they know what authority means and how to instill respect into them. These parents are gonna set these kids up for a hard life.
I think the problem is that many parents don't seem to understand what counts as abuse. They also don't understand what neglect is and how it's a form of abuse.
@@potatoking2217 and those are the ways I was abused. Verbally, emotionally, and with neglect. I agree, that’s a huge problem.
There is a difference between abuse and last resort spanking. A proper spank should be like a band-aid being pulled off and should fade away after a few minutes. It is more of the embarrassment of your butt cheek being exposed to your parent like a baby getting a diaper change. (At least I did) It is humiliating to them, so they learn to avoid doing negative behavior again.
@@sassy-savvylet’s no real tho parents will spank you over spilling juice on accident
@@sassy-savvy your parents/you spank their/your kids on the naked butt cheek? I feel like that's so weird and uncomfortable. I do not agree with that at all. I was spanked as a child (personally against spanking now) but it was all over the pants and causing embarrassment but mostly a little bit of pain to "put me in my place"
Im not sure about the "effectiveness" of "gentle parenting," but in the educational field we've been doing pretty alright with conscious discipline. It relies heavily on communication from both sides, as well as using choices and assertiveness. You also learn a lot about the brain, and how emotions/actions depend on what states of the brain are in use. It also helps you understand how to keep yourself in check too; it creates lots of learning moments for the kiddos, and even parents or friends. I'd definitely recommend looking into it 👍
13:20 if I have to ask more then once for a child to stop in teasing my voice at them but I won’t give them a ass whooping depending on the situation
The kid that dropped the chips intentionally made my blood boil
Same!!
I wanted my flip flop.
Ikr ! This lil goblin would have cleaned my carpet QUICKLY lol
@@melancolielupine2023 and he shall be renamed Goblin from now on 😂😈
Me too he would pick each chip immediately
I was the first born kid within my parents and all their friends. I’m 3 years older than the next one. When I got to about 8, I was now the babysitter and I’m not talking 1-2 kids, I’m talking 5,6-9 kids. They were all cousins and they were WILD. They really didn’t care when someone yelled because most of the time I was getting screamed at because I “should’ve been watching them!”. That’s how things went for YEARS and more and more kids were added to my roster. I was a good kid. I was always the one nervous that we would get in trouble. Now, as an adult, I feel like I’m always being blamed for everything and I can never do anything right or good. So yelling and screaming does work but it can also backfire and make someone feel like it’s never enough.
Honey that’s abuse, it’s called parentification. You should not have been expected to provide childcare and be responsible for that many kids when you were still a child yourself.
I feel for you.
@@snakesonaframe2668 now that I’m older I know that at the time our parents were drinking and doing drugs. When I look at pics from then they are all so skinny. It really has affected me. In any and all situations, if I make even the slightest mistake, I panic and think the worst possible scenario. Like at work, I made a typo the other day and all they said to me is “you just need to pay attention” but I’m thinking “OMG! They’re going to fire me!” I’ve tried talking to my parents and expressing my feelings but I get “oh poor Alison!”. My mom and I were fighting one day and I told her that “there have been times I thought about ODing just so I wasn’t here to do with this 💩!” Her response to me was “go buy some h3roin and k|ll uourself!” She totally denies it now but she said it. They don’t give me the respect and privacy I deserve as an adult. I’ve had 2 fiancés pass away and I don’t think they ever take that into consideration. I met a guy 11 years ago who for the first time in my life I thought “if I want someone like him in my life I’ve got to get my life together.” I fell hard for him. He fell hard for me. We have been through SO much. Off and on and things are great and then we fight. He’s been my best friend, my safe space, my Prince Charming, my hero, my universe. Things have been rough for the last couple months between us. He had breast and testicular cancer. After losing my 2 fiancés I now have a crippling fear of losing him. He’s had medical problems all his life due to Klinefelters Syndrome. When I told my parents that he had cancer, my mom’s response was “he’s a hypochondriac”. I have no one to talk to because he was the person I always talked to. So now I’m lost and lonely and don’t have anyone. The only things I feel I get any love from is my cats. It just seems like I’m not meant to be happy in this life. It sucks
@@oeil_sauvage--Parole_auPeuple thank you. It sucks that I don’t have anyone in my life that does. I’m a good person with a HUGE heart that seems to get broken time and time again. I’ve been holding onto a string of hope for 15+ years now that something would change and I would be happy but anytime something good starts happening for me, at the last moment it all falls apart so I’ve learned not to be excited for anything.
@@alisonpettit1185
I can relate... it is as if some of us seem doomed. It sucks...
I was about to gentle parent bc my family’s harsh asf and now this video put it all into perspective for me Ty for saving my soon to be Harvard grad
14:18
Late adoption anyone?
Yelling only works to an extent. My friend would yell at his boys all the time and they still would act up. We lived together for a brief time and in that time my friend gave me permission to correct his kids when he was away and they were out of line. I was an auntie to them. I never yelled, just firmly asserted authority and they found out that I was not going to yell and get upset. Literally just walk in the room and slightly raise my voice to let them know that I wasn't going to put up with their bullshit. I took the stance of "I don't care who started it/made the mess/broke the thing, you BOTH are going to clean it up/knock it off. Sometimes just me coming in the room stopped the crap. My friend was amazed that they gave me such respect without me losing my cool. Gentle parenting is okay, but it starts with kids respecting the adult authority because the adult acted like one and placed firm boundaries.
13:28 i think she wants him to pick up the cookie
@@I_need_Some_Luvare u slow?
@@I_need_Some_Luvit was satire?
Wait really???? 😮
I've been in a mental hospital and I couldn't check what you've posted, I finally came back. You make me feel so much better.❤
I hope you’re ok ❤
@@piggletimpact tysm ♥️
I absolutely love the startings of your videos
As a parent of 1 with the trauma of a 90s kid, I definitely try to be a better parent while also not being a doormat.
If I have to raise myvoice, i absolutely will and I also make sure my kid knows there are consequences for every action, it's up to him to determine if they will be good or bad with his actions.
Same. 90kid here too.
I dont know if I can label my parenting style.. I can get angry but I also explain anger is a normal emotion, they can also be angry with me, everyone can be angry, its normal.
I think consequences are good, like the teacher taking that dounut, it was a consequense matching the situation.
Just imagine when they get older, they will meet people that gets angry, they will face consequenses for their actions, and I believe that they will handle that better if they know the situations.
THIS. Yes, SAME!
My mom’s a gentle parenter. Though, she still engraved respect for her and others into me, and that I can’t get everything I want. You can be a gentle parent, but you have to have boundaries. Like not throwing things at your parents.
Yes. This is what I do for my son. That's proper Gentle Parenting. A lot of what he shows in the video is actually Permissive parenting (neglecting, not teaching boundaries, letting kids walk all over others and you, etc.) and that's what's messing kids up. This isn't gentle parenting
I don't like yelling , got yelled at as a kid often , now I have bad anxiety with it , even if the yelling isn't at me , I panic , and my mind goes straight to thinking imma be hurt
OMFG THANK YOU!!!! Best thing I’ve seen on RUclips for ages!!
at work I had a dude ask me to tell his daughter to stop running around because he knew she wouldn't listen to him.... think about that, his daughter will listen to a complete stranger but not her own dad. Also I just told her To stop running around because it's dangerous and she stopped.
also I hate seeing comments of people saying this is why they hate kids... it's the parents you should be hating, those kids are just not getting taught properly.
Yes I love that you said this because it's the parents fault the kids act that way because they get away with it.its not the kids fault they were taught like that.. I love kids and want some even tho it's hard work and yes I'm going to be a gentle parent but not letting them disrespect me and others..
At least that girl still knows to respect strangers and has somewhat of an idea of societal authority. Imagine if she thought of everyone like her dad and what if he got pissy that a stranger told his daughter to stop. It would be an endless cycle of "Karens".
Ok ur going use that when there a teen , then adults well they had bad parents so it's not the woman that punch in the face it's her parent's
Honestly kids are just like that sometimes and that doesn’t always reflect on the parent. They act different when not at home.
Yup, it’s the parents/carers/main adults in their life. Thank you for pointing that out. It’s almost never the child’s fault.
I actually have a friend who has told me several times to tell her children to stop doing something because they listen better to others than to her. And to be fair, children test the boundaries more with their parents because we’re their parents, they want and need to know where the limits are. So you, as a parent, should put the necessary boundaries and keep them. Respectfully, but firmly. I know my child is more emotional and open with me because I’m their safe space, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any consequences at times. You can scream for a cookie, but if I said no, because we will eat dinner in a minute, then that’s that. I understand it’s disappointing and hard to wait for dinner when you’re really hungry, but a cookie won’t satiate your hunger. Come help put the table. Yeah? Great. No? Very well, then you can wait at the table or over there playing with your toys. I’m finishing dinner so we can eat.
Done.
While I acknowledge this, I don’t agree with throwing your responsibility as a parent to a friend/stranger or whoever else. Your child should listen to you. It might be harder or you’ll face more pushback than your colleague at work, but it’s your job, not theirs!
This isn't gentle, this is letting your kids be brats and do whatever they want. Parents still need to have rules and boundaries for their children and enforce them in appropriate times, but they shouldn't have to use violence or abusive methods to enforce those rules. These permissive parents think they're being gentle when they don't set rules and boundaries but in reality they just don't want to discipline their crotch goblins. Rewarding your kids for misbehavior isn't gentle parenting-it's letting your kids walk all over you. Yelling is appropriate in certain situations, when your kid doesn't listen but parents shouldn't make a habit of it either.
Omg i Just woke up and saw a notification i immediately stoped doing everything grabbed my chocolate tea and sat down now im spending all day watching your videos 😂❤
12:25 this is what my mom did with me as a baby when i used to bite my crib (since i was 6 months old it took a few months for me to learn but 😭)
The donut story. Im a fussy eater (autism) and my parents would try to provide options for me but didnt expect it of others or allow me to expect to be provided options by others. In situations like that as a lid i just didnt eat the option and it didnt take from the fun of being at a friends house etc. i was fussy and knew it was me being the fussy one from a young age.
Me too. I ate what I could. There's a photo of me at a birthday party with 2 slices of kiwi on my plate lol
Yeah I had the same issue but I learned at an early age that if I didn’t like something I would just say no thank you and go without, not expect something special
Forcing picky eaters to eat something they don't like actually makes things worse as they grow older. Your parents sounded good at providing options and hopefully subtly encouraging you to try new things. I think being a picky eater just means you know what you like. It sucks going to a restaurant and wasting money to try some weird special that tastes awful, it's better to stick with your classics. If you like the way they make your favorites, then you can get the confidence to experiment with other items on the menu.
Kids DO open up to more options if they’re actually hungry tho 😂
@@schuylergeery-zink1923 didn't work for me, i would choose hunger stomach pains and shakes everytime over my body wanting to gag over something as stupid as a cooked mushroom lmao
Idk what kind of parenting style I had as a kid, all I know is that if I spilt all them chips on the floor in front of my mom like that. I would have to clean it up myself then get the belt for messing up carpet afterwards 😭
That's definitely reactive parenting
Your mom was mad (understandably) but instead of making you clean it up and giving you a punishment fitting the behaviour like washing the dishs, making the table etc. she hit you saying to herself that hitting you was "just discipline"
That’s a dysregulated parent that punishes a child for a simple mess that they can clean. The natural consequence to a child doing that is having to clean it. My son (4 year old) spilled soap all over the floor just as we were going to sit down for dinner. I was tired and could have easily gone into a tirade of “why the hell were you playing with the bubble machine, you made a mess” etc and raise my voice or yell. Instead I just said that that’s why I asked him to stop using this (in a calm voice) and to ask for a cloth from his father so he can clean it up. He cleaned it up in a minute and then we continued with dinner. Big deal. It was an accident, he wanted to hang it on something that *I* knew wouldn’t hold, but he didn’t know. I realized too late what he was going to do, so it fell and spilled all the bubble soap (honestly part of it is our fault for not taking it from him earlier, looking back you always realize where you could have done better). My mother would have most likely yelled at me or gotten pretty upset. I choose not to, because if I get like this each time there is a small mess, an accident, a “misbehavior”, my son will slowly stop trusting me and start hiding his messes/mistakes. My brother and I started hiding whatever we knew would make our mom mad because we hated how angry she got, how she would yell and become scary. This is detrimental in a lot of senses. I care deeply for my mom, but this way of just blowing up to your kids like a literal kid is not parenting, it’s giving yourself permission to treat someone subpar just because they’re your children. My son comes to me when he breaks something or makes a mess, because he knows we can work on it together. We learn from mistakes. Now, when his baby brother makes a mess, he helps him, sometimes comments how he shouldn’t touch that and then helps with the situation. Those moments give me strength to keep on being firm but gentle. Boundaries are essential, you just don’t have to be an asshole about it.
that's wild. my mom would've only yelled at me if i spilled juice or something on carpet and even then, only if she had told me not to have it or have it there. and even more so if i didn't start cleaning it immediately. even then, she wouldn't hit me for that. an my parents are immigrants and they disciplined us. are you sure that wasn't abuse you grew up in?
10:12 the way satan would possessed my body and i would hysterically scream like a mad woman causing chaos in the restaurant is the only way i can get myself to calm the F out from throwing a fistful to the both mother and the her spoiled brat.
8:04 my petty self would eat that donut in front of him and (if i had extras) give the other children an extra donut.
“What in the fatphobia is this”😭😭😭 8:58
This is unacceptable behavior. Why are the parents nowadays allowing this? They will never learn consequences for bad behavior and grow up still not apologizing and expecting a reward. I was raised to respect EVERYONE and my belongings as we'll as others too. I raised my twin girls this way, and now one has a PhD and the other one is a kindergarten teacher AND has brought her childhood toys and books in to share. But if a student is disrespectful or violent, NO consequences at school or home....it escalates to more bad behavior. Respect and appreciation is what starts at home!
As a parent nowadays, I could never. This must be those middle upper class parents doing this crap. Ain't no way I would ever let my kid act this way.
This is not a new thing.
Well some kid will be bad even with spanking an ass kicking. Just ask most ppl in jail if there parents spanked them lol. There need be middle ground
Becauseboomers and gen-x'ers raised millennials on new age parenting.
I’m really pissed off, the mum who let their 2 and a half year old bite her LITERAL 8 WEEK OLD SISTER really pissed me off. She’s going to make her think it’s okay to do that.
Permissive parenting is letting ur kids doing whatever they want, and showing little to no parental authority. Gentle parenting on the other hand is just, treating your kids like human beans, instead of authoritarian, uninvolved, or like I had said permissive.
Theres a theory about “the main 4 parenting types”
and authoritative is ideal, but authoritarian parenting is more common in black, hispanic, or asian households. When some people from these households hear the word “gentle parenting” they assume “oh, gentle parenting those parents don’t care about their kids”
when inaccurately calling “gentle parenting” permissive parenting.
From personal experience, I am African american
“corpal punishment” or whoppings, or spankings, or beat downs is very common in my community, and can be very harmful since it is used as the ONLY form of punishment and discipline, and does not work longterm wise. You should not have to put your hands on your child, or anyone of that matter to get them to listen to you.
I’m stunned by that mum who let her 2 and a half year old bite her 8 week old sister..
Wtaf. That’s NOT okay. All she did was go ‘Florence you bit your 8 week old sister here’s a reward’..
Dude and she even had the NERVE to put ‘I shouldn’t have yelled’ yes you should have. She should have been more authoritative. Omg Florence is definitely going to do that when she’s older..
i love your videos, they always make my day. thanks for all the effort you put in your videos!! keep up
from what I’ve heard, when a kid bites their sibling, the parent gives them a bite back (not too hard obviously), just to let them know that it hurts (it actually works a lot)
Yeah, this one time I bit my brothers toe and my mom bit me back, didn't do it again though
@@Thewatchfulreviewer1don't you think that's abusive?
@@Tast-1934. >”abusive”
You are really muddying that word and just throwing it around all willy-nilly. It’s why we have videos like this to begin with where people threw around that word so much that now others are afraid to do any sort of parenting for being called such - where people care more about how they are seen rather than doing any sort of methods that work. Going straight to considering that “abusive” is over the line as you are basically considering their parent an abuser for that one thing while knowing nothing else about their parenting methods. That’s a slope we shouldn’t be willing to go down so easily, throwing that word around so carelessly.
Like with raising one’s voice or tone … the amount of people that act like someone raising their voice a bit to be real stern to enforce discipline is somehow equated to them yelling extremely loud at their kid and calling it “abusive” is a slap in the face to all those who endured some seriously traumatic angry yelling constantly from parents. It’s nowhere near being the same.
There are big differences, and it all can’t just be lumped as one thing without factoring the context and the way things are done.
It’s safe to say the mother didn’t bite hard to leave an imprint, bring blood to the surface, bruise, or do any harm to outright traumatize them. Just a quick and gentle “pinch” essentially (one that isn’t anywhere near the same level as a bite that the child gave someone else) that is done carefully in a way to show them “you don’t like it when someone does this to you when you don’t want it done, do you?”
They’re not outright grabbing a part of their body and gnawing down to prove a point. Come on.
There’s a balance. Kids have to learn and understand that actions have consequences, and sometimes with situations like this, it’s okay to gently show instead of telling (because let’s be real, trying to tell a child/toddler anything goes in one ear and out the other).
It’s like when you tell a child to stay away from the stove top because it’s hot. If you have ever raised a toddler/small child … you will know exactly what I am talking about.
You’re trying to cook and constantly having to run back and forth to keep them away. They’re going through their curiosity phase. All they see is something mom/dad is standing near and using, so they want to use it, too, to see what it does. However, with kids being kids at that age, they don’t understand consequences fully by just telling them about it … and will sometimes outright touch it when mom/dad isn’t looking and will immediately regret it. Of course the parent is going to soothe them and help take care of the burn, but one should also make sure the kid understands that their actions have consequences when they are told to not do something because it’s dangerous and yet they continue to do it.
It’s a lesson that will carry with them. An unfortunate one that no parent wants to have happen, but a lesson nonetheless.
What would be abusive would be if the parent was trying to tell them the stove is hot, grabbed their hand, and forced them to touch it to “teach them a lesson” about said consequences.
It would be abusive if the parent one day randomly decided to bite their child as they are minding their own business, do it hard enough to where they sense pain, and then try to tell them “THAT IS HOW THAT FEELS, so don’t bite people, okay?”
Neither of those instances are teaching a lesson. Both would be having the child more fearful of their parent - something you don’t want to instill in that way - as opposed to understanding consequences in an effective manner.
@@TwoBsbiting a child is abusive I don’t give a crap about thoughts
@@cassyzinkartandwallart7736 So your saying that you rather have your child bite your new born baby and doing nothing about it like that parent did or Teach your kid that it hurts cuz I was raised that experience is the best teacher than people ignoring wrong things kids do
Screaming does work if you stayed the past hour silent. But if you screamed a few minutes ago, kids get desensatized & then you need to scream like a freak. So it's always better to balance things out and scream as rare as possible. Just saying to anyone who thinks that it's something that always works.
Yeah, this is it exactly.
My partner has quite a deep, loud voice. He's a high school teacher, but he never yells at the kids when they're acting up, just speaks firmly.
Why? Because he knows that he has to save the yelling for really serious or dangerous situations.
Recently he was on yard duty when a fistfight broke out between a couple of the boys.
He was the second teacher on the scene - the first teacher had put himself between the two boys to try and stop the fight, but they were ignoring him and just kept pushing past him to get to each other.
My partner then arrived and shouted at them to break it up and get away from each other.
They were so startled at hearing him raise his voice that they actually stopped fighting and turned to look at him, and he was able to keep their attention on him and control the situation.
If you yell at your kids all the time, they just become desensitised to it - and then you have no way of escalating, to let them know that something is _really_ serious.
So don't yell to express your day-to-day frustrations with them. Save it for when there's active danger - ie, somebody could get hurt, or somebody has been hurt - and they're much more likely to pay attention and respond the way you want them to in an emergency.
6:45 A story from when I was in 5th grade makes me think how spoiled these children are. I was 11 years old and we were in "maker" class and it was the day to test our MDF mixer (a super cheap and weak type of wood) They mixed milk, 2 eggs, sugar and flour in my group's pot. When the teacher left, I tasted the mixture and it tasted acceptable. The others in the group tasted it more and more until there was a big fight for the pot, the mixture spread all over my arm because I put my hand in the whole pot, a boy went to pick up the mixture with a spoon and I licked it before he could take it out of the pot, anyway, everyone ended up dirty like that mix and the next day I felt sick.
I have no issues with my kids, while doing gentle parenting with discipline and the most importantly I make an example of myself... When I shout or answer not that politely ( everyone can have a bad day) I always say I am sorry and talk about the reasons of my behavior openly.
When I ask my son about anything, and he dont listen for the second time, the third one always I end up cutting a play time and wait for him to talk with me.
He is 3 years old, I dont have any issues in supermarkets. If I say that we dont buy something he wants, he just gently place it back on the shelves.
But I always buy it if I promised him something before. Because believe me, they remember our promises. When you say you will do that, and you are not doing it later, they will think of you as a person who talk and dont act upon it. So they will do exactly the same.
Secret of gentle parenting is being truthful. If you say that you will cut the play or take one of their toys if he will not listen. You do it... if you say you will not buy any sweets today, you don't... Even if the ask you a hundred of times. If you say you will buy them something next time.... You better do that. Discipline is important.
Being sincere and keeping your promises teach them to listen to you and to know the consequences of theor actions if they misbehave
My step dad (Stareotypical step-dad all the way) would always shout at me like i just blew someones head off (I was like 5 btw) Then would leave me in my room for a few minutes, then he'd come in, sit next to me and apologise for shouting or smth like that, then would give me a hug, and would take me to my sister to apologise. AND YET HE *NEVER* ACTED THAT WAY TO MY LITTLE SISTER. LIKE.
Same.. I had a step dad for most of my life and my mom and him had a kid, he treats his daughter like she’s worth, but not me 💀 (we dont live with him anymore)
I can tell who's the scapegoat and who's the golden child... It's usually the step kid getting treated as emotional punching bag and like they just k1lled the cat when they accidentally knock over the milk.
@@InaraLxxwell makes since ur not his kid. But he should be a ass to u.
WAKE UP GUYS LAYZE UPLOADED
Sorry woke up now only....I am 3 hr late😅
1:49 nah that’s crazy💀
Dude stop the cuddle part I am dying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 you never fail to make us laugh and you have to get billions of subscribers 😂😂😂❤
Yeah.. this right here is the reason I have no hope for parents these days. Society is doomed.
Fr
Yes. This and the iPad addiction = recipe for disaster and entitlement I swear
I remember in kindergarten when my teacher threw a surprise party in the theme of the kids book elephant and piggy because we finished all the books and she was proud of us, she got ice cream, balloons, fruit snacks, plates and even set up the desks to wrap around the classroom. I absolutely LOVED that teacher and never once did I have a thought “oh I don’t like chocolate , I only like birthday cake “ because I was grateful, everyone was! I didn’t like the chocolate but still ate it anyway because I was 5 and needed sugar to survive. Little did I know I would become lactose intolerant 9 years later 😂 even then, if a kid is lactose intolerant, that should be brought up at the beginning of the year or even politely said by the kid if the teacher does decide to get the class things that maybe that kid can’t eat. This kid that the lady was talking about in the video was very much able to eat it, heck I would’ve taken the doughnut from him and ate it 😂
every time I watch your videos I forget you only have 300k subs, it feels like you're a super famous person with a huge fanbase. Your videos are awesome 😋
5:11 Maybe offer her a snack instead? 🤷♀️ 😂 Just kidding...that kid needs some discipline.
I am totally against violence, especially on kids, but the job of a parent is to show how life and society works. My child hated to hear me telling her that whatever she did, there was a consequence. Happy or not, it always depends on the choice she made. You break something because you were mad? Let’s open your piggy and replace it. You hurt someone? Then you take care of the person until she’s fine (believe me, it only happened once!). No need to spank, deprive, yell, but also no need to give a hug when a kid bites, especially a newborn. My system was far from being perfect, and I didn’t stick with it all the time, but that was the road i was trying really hard to follow. It worked with my child.
nah a spank and yelling works miracles
Does she resent you?
That’s great but each child is different
@@Tast-1934. No, not at all. We live in a intergenerational house today. I have to say that she was an easy child, and there was way more good consequences than bad ones. In fact, I always tried to insist more on the good things she was doing than on the bad ones.
@@CodMemories I totally agree with you! Unfortunately, kids don’t come with instructions booklets, and what works with one doesn’t work with the siblings. I only had one child, so it was easier! In fact, we were not planning to have just one, but life decided otherwise.
I've been so sick lately and watching your videos is giving me comfort
same!
Me too
I hope you all feel better soon ❤
Feel you
Same
11:34 you just made me re-think my whole life-
9:33 family shops are usually cheaper than dunkin where i live. Also who tips for donuts lol
I know this may not be believed, but i was gentle parented due to my anxiety disorder, and my brother has permissive parenting til he was around 8. He became a hellspawn after that, and no amount of discipline helped. So many parents dont understand the difference, and it makes so many more hellspawns.
7:16 you respond by saying “that’s ok you won’t get one then” and move one and hold your ground! I was born in 1980, today’s kids could never!
I literally remember times I tried to "gentle parent" and my kid literally smirked at the fact that she basically got away with being a brat. I'm not doing that crap anymore lmao.
here before you hit 500k!! love u 💕
As a nanny I can confidently say that most of the parents that “gentle parent” most likely do not behind closed doors but the ones that do are the bane of my existence! Like PLEASE punish your kids, just take away the iPad or put them in timeout!
That’s not gentle parenting. Gentle parenting works very well but it is NOT letting your kid get away with everything they want and praising them for it.
When u baby sit and the kid doesn’t listen to u do u put them in timeout or take away their electronics?
my tummy hurts because of these tiktoks
Real 😭
🥶
I haven’t laughed this hard in so long you are hysterical 😂😂😂❤❤❤
When she said come here Denver, CO and ohhh my BBL I ordered on Temu … I logged out and called the funeral home to let them know… I’mmmmmm Deadddddddd 😂😂😂
I sent flowers.
4:01 is my reaction of this gentle parenting you’re showing me-
The need wigs def make a difference 👏👏 keep up the funny work
15:00, Exactly called me out 😭
I think gentle parenting its self isn't ruining gen alpha I think it's parents not understanding how to use it.
I don’t think Theo gives a f*ck 😂😂 I love you layze ❤️❤️❤️
The outro music is so good 😭
I love your videos ❤
Layze and his intros r jst the best.