Reevaluating Your Decision About Transition?
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Doubting your decision about transition and wondering if you made the right choice? Decision regrets? Gender therapist shares how to know you are on the right track.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation
As a child, I had memories of being a girl until family and society told me this was not the case. I repressed my identity for four decades, although I did explore in privacy. A little over three years ago, my feelings of my true gender identity could no longer be repressed and I started medical transition. I chose this route because I wanted to see if hormones were right for me. It took time, on hormones, to determine if they were for me; and they were. I still have doubts, but they are associated with how my transition is seen by my family and society. Thank you for the video! It was helpful, as always.
Wendy thank you for sharing. So important not to collude fears of how others might respond to us with what affirming steps are as they are not the same. Something I should have mentioned in hindsight.
i remember a social theory i read about in college called "the looking glass self" which believed that we see ourselves based on how other see us. in short, "society" is a powerful force in our development. i never believed this theory when i heard it but now it seems to have some merit. nonetheless, i applaud your decision to transition in mid life. i am too old personally (74) but love Dr. Z's videos a lot.
Wow, four decades is a long time to repress who you are. Glad you were able to break away and be you.
I'm beginning social transition (ftm) currently. I cut my hair and started binding. It makes me feel much better but I get so much anxiety about telling anyone so I haven't been able to try pronouns. Also I have been really stressed because I know for a fact my family won't accept me, I could lost my job..., I can lose my partner. I don't know how or who I can open up to.
Hi and I am so sorry to hear but glad you opened up on here. Sounds like you are doing your own little affirming steps. Fear of family and loved ones reacting will breed anxiety and I am sorry. Fear is often about our worries that we "wont be able to handle it." I wish you well.
Wow I feel you. 53, cut hair, binded in public and frequently addressed as sir in public. Cannot come out at home though already started at work. Still using fem pronouns myself. Being such a "tomboy" for decades makes this process easier than for others. Yet being so old makes it so difficult.
Heyyyy! How is it going?😊
I really deeply appreciate you taking the time to share these videos . I’m a mother whose daughter feels male . It took so long for us to figure this out because I think she was afraid to tell us . She’s 16 now and finally told me out right that she thinks she’s transgender. Your videos are so very helpful and eye opening for me . My heart broke and I began to cry when I watched your video about what gender dysphoria feels like because suddenly I got it . I realized what my child must have been feeling all these years and all her struggles with anxiety and so on just began to make sense … kind of .. lol. I realize you’re not a child psychologist so I do keep that in mind but still …. You seem to be so good at what you do and all you say makes so much sense and is so informative to those of us who don’t know what it’s like to be transgender. This information is invaluable and made me realize the guidance my daughter ( son) needs at this time in his life . I may share these with him and ask if he would like to have a counselor in real life as well to help him navigate all that goes along with discovering oneself when it comes to this .we’ve been seeing counselor after counselor anyway for anxiety and depression. I now wonder if he needs a counselor to help him figure this out to .( I’m working on using the proper pronouns and have decided to use the one he feels like atm). I just want my child to be happy again . So thank you for these videos .
Thank you for being a supportive and open parent. While I don’t work with kids, I do think it’s important in supporting them to safely explore their gender via clothing, name, pronounce, etc.,. Most parents are afraid exploring will lead to “brainwashing” but I think we are forgetting how smart and insightful kids are.
Affirming steps can be small things too. Like in my case, I recently started straightening my jaw length hair 2x a week, (Loving It BTW!), and wearing earrings daily... things that aren't necessarily extreme feminine, but for me they feel really good. I've ditched the "men's 3in1 wash" products for more neutral, moisturizing Aloe Body Wash.
Now, I'm beginning to appreciate my appearance more than I ever did as a "macho man." I'm in no rush to fully transition, taking it one small step at a time. I do believe I will one day, just no time soon. Thanks for what you do for us Dr. Z!
Great points. Small steps can be really just about anything. As long as they make you feel happy and affirmed.
Yes, one advice I’ve heard is to check in with yourself! It’s okay to try things out and see if it feels right or wrong. Things I’ve done recently is test using he/him pronouns alongside they/them (which I’ve used for a couple years). My partner is now referring to me in that way and it feels really good! I also recently got a referral to see an endo to start HRT. After doing a lot of research, I’ve decided that low dose T is the best option for me, where I can still check in with myself and stop before things change in ways I’m not comfortable with. We talk a lot of about dysphoria as it relates to being trans but oftentimes gender euphoria via trying things out it is equally important!
Thank you for sharing and bringing up important points as well!
Your channel is so precious!! 🌻
Thank you!! 😊
I had several mornings in which even half asleep my first thought was "i'm male". I guess that's the inner voice. Also it makes me so happy when i think about top surgery and just imagining myself in a male body feels so good.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m 37, and it is only as of last week that I’ve been able to safely, and confidently explore my gender identity. I’ve hated having a male body since I was 12 years old. When puberty first hit, I frequently used my father’s razor to shave my legs, underarms, forearms and chest. Then my mother found out, and made me stop shaving. Having body hair made me miserable, and once I reached adulthood, I resumed shaving those areas to feel less disgust with my body.
I also hate the sound of my voice, specifically how deep and monotone it currently is. I still feel l like I can’t properly vocalize my emotions because I have such a monotone, deep voice. I used to watch the movie, Clueless, wishing I looked and sounded like the character Dionne.
Compounding my feelings about my body was my inability to explore my gender socially. Growing up, I was not allowed to pursue any interests or behaviors my parents considered feminine (“gay”). I was chastised (and subjected to homophobic slurs) for how I sat, the kind of music that I liked, the way I spoke, how I wanted to dress. I was subjected to so much cis and heteronormativity that I second guessed/doubted every feeling I had about myself.
Now that I have language to describe my feelings (gender dysphoria), I have developed an understanding of myself that I never had as a child, or most of my adult life. I’ve now bought a small wardrobe of women’s clothes, and wear them in the evening while my spouse is asleep. Though my dresses are cute, and my leggings cozy, I believe that my bra is the most comforting of all my women’s clothes. Having the shape of breast appear visible under my dresses makes me feel that others would see me how I see myself.
For now, I dress in secret, and use the name I call myself (not my birth name) to help me feel like my true self. It is unlikely that I’ll ever get to transition though, as doing so would most likely lead my wife to divorce me. For now, I feel affirmed enough with the small step I have taken by dressing up at night, though I still dream of a social transition, and hrt.
Thank you for sharing all of these wonderful videos. Your content has truly helped me on my journey 💜
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best on your journey to your true self.
Here we have Trillium Health. Has an extensive program to help people transition and to sort out their feelings. I go to a separate mental health. I was changing doctors and really did not know my new doctor we had a long discussion about transitioning. You have to remember if you do HRT. It is about nine years of puberty. Because of my age and other surgeries and my families past history of medical problems not that I don’t want to transition it’s just at age 62 Do the math I’ll be 71. I do have a medical background of sorts. I Took a complete history A family medical background. You see there are hereditary problems on both sides they could complicate the issue of Transitioning. It’s a big step in your life huge. When it comes to your friends your loved ones it’s never gonna be the right time to tell them. So just tell them I did. By the way the cost is covered Under major medical. To check out your coverage I did there are certain requirements you have to meet. With me it’s about a $3000 deductible. That’s just for bottom surgery all other surgery is considered to be plastic surgery if your breast don’t develop accordingly insurance will pay for Top surgery her moans are considered medicine so the cover that. I currently get Totestorone pellets subcutaneously. The pellets are placed under the skin. You must have a series of blood tests to determine hormone levels. Too much to Tosterone can cause cancer of the prostrate.I am sure FTM it can cause some kind of similar problem with cancer. The doctor told me there’s a very high chance Of having cancer if my blood level was too high. Hormones are nothing to fool around with. Used correctly they could be a lifesaver. I do recommend next time you see a doctor have them do a hormones test. Now as far as estrogen I’ve talk to the horses mouth Women. They tell me when they’re having their cycle that estrogen rage is on. It can cause Extreme emotional distress. To quite possibly suicidal tendencies this is why you must be careful. My doctor did not want me to go through and emotional breakdown at my age or older. Besides she said that my behavior is more my behavior was more non-by Ineri in nature in other words I’m a non-conformist male or a female. I also have Attention deficit disorder and OCD. To the mix. I guess my point is yeah if you have he diagnosed condition mentally and emotionally. You should tread lightly and make sure the transition is for you. Make sure you are not easily influenced by social media. I know it all sounds like a holiday but it is not. I shelved my transitioning doesn’t mean they can’t come off the shelf. It just means I’m taking a lot more time thinking about it. I advise people to think of it earlier in life you have to give that puberty A fighting chance. Extensive research is the best way to go and to be informed. You only have one body. Oh yeah you have to remember most of the requirements you have to at least dress and act as a woman in all stages and aspects. First and then start hormones. Light Dose of estrogen or not. Also I have been advised you must have at least one letter from a mental health professional before you can start hormones. You have to have at least two supporting letters from either psychiatrist or from psychologist in order to have the surgery. Most places that specialize in transitioning will help you with. Pain meds name change etc. etc. Good luck I have listen to a RUclips channel by Jackie Ribbit she really knows The inns and outs.She also transitioned in her 50s she is very lovely please check her out. Just too add about the placement of hormones Subcutaneously under the skin the pellets are time release. Each pill it is 37 mg. According to blood study levels will determine how many pallets you get placed under the skin. Up to 10 pallets the last for about 5 to 6 months it have to be placed at least twice a year. You have to remember that this is an elected procedure it needs to be approved buy your medical Insurance provider first. Your doctor could do that for you. This is a good idea. A lot of medical insurance companies or a pain in the ass. The procedure is about I think about six or $700 cash there are other ways like gel. Pills they just came out they are expensive. The gel is the cheapest. But it has to be reapplied frequently and the pills have to be taken every day at a certain time I do believe. All the pallets need is to be placed no fuss no muss. Estrogen according to my research is much the same way. There I would still l would elect pellets.
Oh yeah they give shots also for Estrogen and totestorne. Now good luck
Love the video. I think I was taking those little affirming steps even before I realised I was trans. Such as regular visits to the nail salon and getting my legs, arms and underarms waxed, then progressing to laser hair removal. Someone asked me at the time why I was getting the laser hair removal on my legs and I couldn't explain it, except to say that it felt right. Then later when I realised I was trans suddenly lots of things in my life started to make more sense to me.
That’s a great point how we can do affirming steps without fully knowing where we are going.
In order for me to see if any step would be affirming, I like to pretend that I'm in an empty world. For example, in an empty world as a MTF person, would I dress like a girl? Honestly, I probably wouldn't (not very practical). But for sure, I'd work out at the empty gyms to develop a womanly figure. So, perhaps I'm just dissatisfied with my body more than anything else. My face, thankfully, is already feminine. And shaving isn't difficult. I'd also try to dress more androgynous.
Thanks for sharing.
I do the same thing. I think if I was on a desert island alone how would I feel. For me I know that having a male body would be what would feel right and that if I didn’t then I would experience exactly the same dysphoria as I do now. In fact the decision would be easier because the only thing that ever gives me doubts is that I know I don’t fit in well to male social norms any more than I did into female ones.
Those close to me (except my birth family) accept me completely for who I am, but I’m not sure if I would be accepted socially as ‘one of the guys’. Part of that is that I am too ‘gentle and sensitive’ and like some things that are not very masculine, and part is that I am autistic so it’s hard for me to work out what is the right thing to do and what things I was socialised to do will get me read as feminine. I am transitioning quite late in life so I have lived more life in a female role than a male one.
I am also severely disabled so my situation is not really typical either. I have been on testosterone for a couple of years but I’m not sure my health will ever be good enough to be allowed surgery so I fear I will have to live forever between genders, not fully either thing and never happy in my own body. It’s hard and feels hopeless.
I’m sorry, I got off topic. what I meant to say to you is that I don’t think Thinking of clothes in an apocalyptic scenario is nessisarily helpful. For example, you say dressing like a girl would not be practical but practical clothes like trousers and t-shirts can still be feminine, but yes, you dress for the situation you are in so maybe think of if you lived the exact same life you have now but everyone you mixed with were robots who wouldn’t notice or care what you look like..? Take reality and practicality out of it for a moment and imagine how you would want to be in body, dress, behaviour, etc. Yes, practicality and reality matters but sometimes pretending you live in a fantasy world where they don’t for the moment can make it easier to see how you really feel.
@@gabeangel8104 No worries. I like long comments.
And I like that hypothetical world you brought up, of imagining myself in a world of robots that just don't care. In that case, I'd probably dress up like a girl, and be myself.
For every year that goes by, the more I know I ought to transition haha
As for your situation, T has probably made you more masculine than you think. And while I'm not aware of how exactly you're disabled, I believe a man can always shine no matter their situation. Especially in the male body I'm currently in, no matter how weak I've felt, I've known my words and mind can stand in its place, when necessary.
But in that world ask yourself also, would you want a male or female body? Neverminded the clothing. For me, it's always been more about disliking the hairy, muscular body I have than about the clothing. Clothes are just an accessory, a strip of cloth, and have no gender value outside of society. That said, crossdressing does make me feel better about myself.
Hi, I found this really useful as a reminder of everything I have done along the way to my transition. Having decided that I had to explore in order to understand my confusion, I took many, many tiny affirming steps and gradually built up a firm conviction that: 1) I am trans; 2) that the world mostly didn't give a damn about me be trans and 3) that everything would be ok! It is now 2 years since I transitioned socially and I am happier than ever. Some surgeries next :-).
Thank you for sharing.
I agree that nobody gives a damn, except for transphobic individuals which is rather worrying
Hey Dr. Z! I've asked some of the people closest to me to start using male pronouns because I feel it will be affirming for me, but with the pandemic going on, it's very rare that I'm able to interact with them so I can experience it and get that data that I need. Being able to express myself in the comments on your videos, and with other transgender individuals online has been a wonderful help. Thank you for all that you do.
That’s a great step and that’s ok if things will be delayed. You can always do other affirming things such as clothing.
This is one of your best videos Dr. Z.
I'm plagued with self-doubt and fear. What I'm doing now is imagining what my body might feel like with the changes I desire. I close my eyes and imagine. I imagine what it might feel like to feel and look different and I try to pay close attention to my mind to see if it feels good or not. I'm enjoying the process of self-discovery. It feels like the greatest adventure of my life.
Thank you!!
Glad to hear it was helpful.
I think this is a very intelligent approach to deciding how you feel about transition, without committing your body to medical options.To me, social transition does not mean you have to go out and show yourself in places you would not have gone to previously. It is just whatever your day to day looked like before but, with some adjustments. They should feel like good adjustments to you regardless of anyone else's opinion.
I read about so many that struggle with starting and stopping hormones as they work through their feelings. To me that sounds like a very painful physical experience and has to be very confusing for the body to adapt to. Trying social transition first seems like it will help eliminate a lot of that confusion. I have read so many tales of grief and acts of desperation. I cry when I think of what the community has done to feel right with themselves and fit in with their social surroundings. I think a lot of people perceive social transition as though it is supposed to feel like socially being accepted as your target gender but, in my opinion, it is really about seeing how you feel about yourself regardless of societies reaction. If I walk a certain way, dress up, wear my hair the way I love, do my nails, etc., then how that makes me feel is all I need to know. There are always people that will judge us regardless of what we are doing. To me the hormones and surgeries are things that should only happen after being certain and when it is not detrimental to health.
Thanks for sharing. When it comes to social transition, its important to decide what it means to you. Ultimately, it is taking small steps to be more socially visible, whatever that means to you. Best to you.
Woah this opened my mind to how I can truly explore myself without thinking about what the rest of the world sees me as. I think I'm going to draw a mind map or a list to put in all the clues in. Merci!
Thats a brilliant idea!
This video was incredibly helpful. I'm still learning to listen to my inner voice and not my anxieties about what other people will think. Every step I've taken has felt so right!
Glad to hear.
Inner voices! I JUST agreed with my personal counselor yesterday- let go of labels and just BE! IN. NER. VOICE!
Exactly.
You’re the best. I wish I found you months ago. Now I watch your videos to hear what others would hear. I put myself back in my shoes when I was confused.
You are so welcome.
I am beginning my journey. I know for sure I am a female. My whole life I have known. I am aquiring All the knowledge to become me. I have watched a lot of Dr. Z and All the information I have needed to obtain everything possible. She has helped me see who you are on the inside is most important for stability of my mental health. I am becoming more open minded on the process. For me knowledge is a key 🗝️ component of the overall picture 🖼️.I am more open minded of what my will end up being! The real me is here Look out world 🌍 I HAVE ARRIVED
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best. And yes, who you are on the inside and accepting yourself is the key.
I took also a lot of years to know what i want, to find out who i am , struggled with a lot of fears . But now i know and waiting now on my turn on the waiting list for transitioning male to female. And it’s already a huge delighting for me that i have make this decision.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Many thanks for putting these videos together. I’m 45 & coming to terms with my inner girl, who is beating down the closet door & is wanting to escape and live life. I’m having to maintain the status quo, caring for my terminally ill wife... who does not support my CD lifestyle and definitely does not support any transition in the future. Once everything passes, and the closet door is removed, I am hopeful that I’ll be able to find an expert like yourself in my local area, to sit down with me and help me figure out who I really am. Figuring this all out by oneself is difficult at best, despite the fact that I’ve got “Trans Twitter” as my main source of support offering me advice and a helpful ear. Again thanks! Jodie
Jodie thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear of your situation.
I have been on an amazing journey , but it has not been easy. I have socially transitioned (99%) and have made many new friends who have been very supportive. After spending years in the community, cultivating friendships with cisgender men and women really helped me in my journey. There have been times, while undergoing incremental changes, when I was challenged in public with the wrong "pronouns" and "unwarranted comments", but I have been successful in navigating stressful situations pretty well by not over-reacting and remaining calm. That little voice in my head would say" if they only knew me, they would understand that I am lovely, respectful and kind to everyone". I really love being a woman. Once I found my rhythm, everything fell into place and I continue to grow as a person. I always try to strive to be the best version of myself. Transitioning is a big part of the process of being truly happy and fulfilled which is a lifelong adventure.
Thank you for sharing.
Wow I just watched your video for the first time and you nailed my problems on the head. I am that man who is afraid of never passing as female. The masochism you spoke of all of it. At 53 years old I want to seriously experience my hidden female side. Thank you so very much
Glad it was helpful.
Exactly how i feel i am doing this little by little and it feels so good to me i just started doing it every day thank you so much I wish you were my dr.💗
You're so welcome!
I agree that it is really important to focus on oneself and not see ourselves through other's lenses, and this is no small feast.
I can only say that my impression over many years is that people don't particularly like things to be shoved into their faces. They don't like affirming behaviour that is directed at them. Your advice to do things that make you and you mainly comfortable is therefore so relevant, thank you for this.
Glad it was helpful and I think we are daily saturated with other people projective views and opinions. Best to know oneself and to be content with inner Self vs chasing perceptions of how others see you.
@@DRZPHD Exactly, and some people have high gender expectations while others hold much more flexible attitudes. We cannot please everybody, and repeatedly poor attempts at fitting in are generally a waste.
My gender psychologist feared that I was rushing my transition near the end of our first session together - I'd started my social transition before our first session. Being transgender explained everything about my life up to that point, so I had no doubt that I was transgender. My only niggling doubt was that I didn't have strong memories of my early childhood (before puberty) and relied mostly on my mother's memories of my early childhood.
Can you add subtitles? Thank you, you’re precious 💕
Ohhh shoot, yes will do.
Dr Z, please don't ever stop these videos. You've helped me so so much, and I can't thank you enough. I've been confused for so long and the anxiety has been eating my soul slowly, but the information and support you offer in your videos have made things a little easier. It's obvious, I was born in the wrong body. Knowing that hurts, but it also brings hope, because now I know what I can do about it. There's a way forward, and that's all I could ask for. Thank you!
Thank you so much and thank you for sharing. I doubt i'll stop anytime soon as I have a list of topics to discuss :)
Dr Z -- More good advice. Transitioning for many is best carried out in increments, and evaluating these increments to see if they are affirming your target gender, or are really not right for you. One example is shopping en femme. See if it is for you and it makes you feel good, or it's really not for you. Another example is growing breast as a direct result of HRT. Going out in a stuffed / padded bra ought test if this gives you uplift (pun intended). If you really feel good about it, then this is yet another affirming step. So the main message was start slow, and see how it pans out. Go full out, only if you are really sure of what you want.
Thanks for sharing.
Your videos help a lot of trans people; especially older ones.
Thank you. I try to be clear and relevant.
I’m taking it slow and expressing my feminine side and as well telling people my pronoun. I’m really happy so far and accepted my self as a transgender girl
Thanks for sharing.
I thought I didn’t want to go on hormone therapy bcuz everyone around me is hesitant of it so it makes me hesitant but in reality it’s what I genuinely want and I keep letting others views get in the way of that
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you again! this was another helpful video and it is again what i needed to hear at this moment. I love the part about listening to our inner voice. That might not be a new concept, but you're right - we have more "outer voices" crowding out our inner voice than ever before.
The inner voice is so so crucial to listen to. It’s the compass of the soul!
Back in thr past months, i was having a therapy session with a phsycologist and i asked him what if I am a trans and I am having all these anxiety and deep sadness. He asked me to go to a store and get a woman's clothe and try it. He asked me try to observe the feeling I will have when I look at in the mirror with the clothe on me. Next week, i went to thr session and told him that I did not try it. He asked me why and I answered as, I am a chubby and no matter what clothe I could get, It would not look pretry on me as I am hairy as well. Thats why I did not do it. And he told me that, 'believe me if you were a trans, you would make yourself a woman clothe even with your curtains' and the topic closed. For some time, tried to present myself as a nonbinary but no that does not feel right as well. Here I am still searching the same question's answer. Am i a transgender?
Hi and sorry to hear of your uncertainty. I have to say that many trans people don't try expressing themselves in famine clothing if they also have any kind of body image issues on top of body gender issues.
Thank you for your videos, I have a big wall ahead of me to climb over. My partner is brilliant and with your videos, I’m slowly breaking it down. It’s comforting to know that there are people like you who care and can give honest advice. Thanks again.
Glad to help and glad you got an amazing partner.
Just found your channel and I’m amazed at all the information you share with us so grateful for this 😊
You are so welcome!
Dear Dr. Z, I found your channel fairly recently and I’m so thankful for every video you’ve done so far! There are so many whos titles were just surprising eye openers because they suddenly made me go ‘“oh damn I feel that! That’s me!!” I just went to the local lgbtq centre today and I’ll be geting my first counseling soon, it was really terrifying finally doing it as I was afraid that the questions I had were stupid or that I’m not trans enough to get help but now I feel like a huge weight fell off my shoulders aswell as euphoria, I could have danced as if I was in a musical then and there that’s how happy I felt. I’m also calling for a gender therapy session tomorrow and that is the next exciting and terrifying step for me! Looking forward to more of your videos with very helpful topics!
Hi and thank you for commenting. I am glad to find the videos are helpful and glad to hear you are focusing on your personal Self discovery.
🧡 Its been very nice to make affirming changes in my life. Challenging too! Thanks you for your videos. Its nice to hear your insights. Also cheers to the comment section, its nice to hear a bit about the journey's that are being experienced out there.
Thank you for sharing and I think the comment section always adds valuable info.
Tons of love and thanks for all the efforts you put into all these valuable contents and beautiful guide to the right paths when there's not even light out there anymore at times.
Thank you. Glad it was helpful.
As a small step yesterday I bought some large masculine clothes and I feel sooo much better. Now I don’t understand I’m a masculine lesbian, if I’m just trying to hide my body because I don’t like it, if I’m non-binary or trans
Take your time and explore in a safe manner without jumping into any medical interventions.
Hi Dr. Z! I fall into the group that doesn't need to take baby steps to know I'm on the right path - I did a swan dive into the deep end. I know a few people that question at every step so I though I'd try playing devil's advocate with myself - every time I tried, I ended up laughing within a few seconds. I have no self doubt as to being trans.
The above is just a detour. What I want people who are questioning to understand is that gender [identity] is not the same thing as gender expression - you can hate makeup, frilly dresses, and heels and still be a girl. You can love hunting, fishing, and fast cars and still be a girl. Likewise, you can still like cooking, antiquing, and opera and still be a guy. Gender expression may be a factor in figuring yourself out but it is not a major factor - I think it's always better to look inward. When yo strip away all of the physical and are only left with your core sense of self - what are you?
Hi and thanks for commenting. You bring up excellent points and very spot on.
Thank you! These videos are so helpful!
Glad you like them!
This is just what the doctor ordered😋
incredible video and illuminating insight (as always) I needed this thank you so much !!!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for this video. It helps. 💜
Trusting your inner voice is hard.
I agree, especially since we been conditioned partially not to trust ourselves.
Hi Dr. Z, thank you for this video.
I started binding few weeks ago. When tried binder in the first time, I don't feel "right" or "not right", but the rush of anxiety. It came out later that I really need that binder, because I cannot even bear to took off that binder. After taking it off, I can only sit on my chair, staring at my computer, doing nothing for a few hours. But I still don't understand why does that anxiety appears and it make me doubt whether I want to bind.
Thanks for sharing. To begin with, binding can feel very uncomfortable and painful, and hence can induce anxiety. Try to see if you would prefer a sports bra as they are more comfortable and see how that feels.
DR Z PHD It did. Thank you 💜
I really enjoy watching your videos it's helped me tremendously with my struggle I want to be female
So glad to hear!
Hey Dr Z. thanks again for the vids. I'm finding that I'm naturally doing a lot of what you recommend and as I was listening to you, I painted my fingernails. lol. I have a major hang up with this, despite the fact I wear eye makeup, I swing a handbag a la Bette Davis and I'm on hormones. Anyway I wasn't ready all along with the nail polish and I'm going to try again. It made me feel terribly self conscious. Anyway I think I got this finally....maybe. Thanks again for being such a great Guru
So glad to hear the content is helpful!
Excellent advice, thanks so much!
You are so welcome!
Your videos are always helpful Dr. Z!
Glad you like them!
I'm late watching your video this week! Do you have any more advice, perhaps questions we can ask ourselves for looking inward? Personally, the steps I've taken feel SO GOOD and I can't see myself turning back. At the same time, I do sometimes wonder if I'm being swept up in some kind of fad. I do have "trans memories" that go far back, but as I'm sure you know, it's easy to reconstruct a narrative when you already know the end game. I'm pretty sure I'm trans, sure enough to take the journey with hormones, but people are impressionable 😅
Hi and thanks for sharing. Journaling also helps with looking inwards as well as discussing this with people close to you. Sounds like you are engaging in affirming steps already.
Dr. Z I was born male 68 years ago. I consider my Gender path to separate from my sexual orientation path but that is no concept that most people consider to be separate. I started to transition about 20 years ago but I feel uncomfortable wearing a dress as I do not have shoes that would look appropriate (I wear size 16 women's shoes) But I do not go into the public without some makeup on. I would like to augment my breast but have a strong concern about elective surgery. I do not get hung up on pronouns which gets very negative reactions from the trans community but I feel that although I will never win a beauty contest but I have to be me. Some people look and stare and I have heard not nice remarks about me which does gurt but I don't let it affect my outward appearance.
Thank you for sharing and I am glad to hear how resilient you are in your pursuit of Self.
You're amazing. Thanks for sharing
I haven't a clue why it happened. I've always known, at the start at a younger age, I didn't understand what was wrong with me. In the early 80's there was absolutely no one I could talk to about it. In high school I tried to play football, because macho tuff guys did that. I quit, I there wasn't no way I could be in the same locker room and showers with the other boys. It felt foreign and wrong. I felt unsafe and didn't fit in. I couldn't tell my parents, my step dad would try and beat it out of me, send me to church and have them pray it out of me. I hid it for decades. Miserable life, never found happiness, depressed and just out of place. Then suddenly about two and a half years ago, I about had a nervous breakdown. It just got to be too much. I rather die than go on living like this. I told my wife and kids. Naturally things just got worse. Honesty and forthcoming isn't always the right thing to do. I destroyed a family, and lost all respect from friends. Been on HRT for two years and even at 55, things are changing. Faster than expected. It's impossible to hide it. I'm getting body contouring surgery in a few months. The estrogen has taken years off my face. The highway patrol officer refused to believe I was the same individual on my driver's license. FFS is coming shortly, then more than likely the icing on the cake. Yes I'm still miserable and alone, but I'm extremely happy I'm alone with the person I was meant to be. My advice is, especially in today's environment, don't wait decades, you get one life, don't waste it like I have.
Thank you for sharing.
When i put on my bra and panties followed by a pretty dress wig and high heels i am ready for my right path.
I recently came out to my close friends as ftm. I asked them to call me by my preferred name and pronouns (he/him). I don't have a problem with my genitals and I'm still not quite sure I have a problem with my chest. All my closest friends are ftm so coming out to them was pretty easy, but I'm worried coming out to my dad, sister, brother, and other family excluding my mom will make things awkward. I'm also still in denial and feel like I'm not actually trans even though it feels better and it feels right. I feel like one day I'll just suddenly not feel like this anymore. I've been dealing with this for a bit and it's put me into a depression
Thanks for sharing.
I think for me the first affirming step would be to spend some time putting on makeup and wearing female clothing around the house. The problem is I have a panic attack whenever I start to do that because of all the trauma leading up to this point. What if I'm committing a sin? Am I causing my wife harm? Etc etc.
Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear of your conflicting feelings.
@@DRZPHD you are too kind!
4:11 The first time I tried female clothing it felt right, it was the first time I experience that sensation about myself, it felt good, correct. And the most shocking part was that I'd never experienced that before, it felt so overwhelming, but correct. I don't know if it makes any sense
Makes total sense. Thanks for sharing.
Dr Z. I have gender disforia I have been working with a life coach she has helped me to deal with deppression so I can deal with emotions and how I feel about myself I'd like to talk with you I like your videos
Thank you for sharing and for info on how to work with me please visit my website at www.drzphd.com
@@DRZPHD yc6ccccccbcxbbbtbxbbbtbxxxxtbubcticcccvvvvvtvvvvvtvvgttthank you for you comments I have been on hormones for over two years I struggle with the change then a voice inside reminds me how good it feels to feel good my thinking is better but I feel confused I'm trying I know it takes time I except who I am I've been doing this long enough I like myself it's the confusion
For me labels can be suffocating but I also want to find mine. Example of mixed signals is how [AFAB with visible facial hair] I like having a bit of facial hair on my chin but not my upper lip I also don`t like it all the time, I want flat chest but often I feel odd or fake with my binder and feel more ok with big t-shirt because it feels natural to not wear anything I even went outside with only t -shirt and if felt better than binder because I was free but the movement and the need to huch even more are the reason I wear binder, feel odd about my face now days too. I would love to use they /them irl but we don`t speak english so both she and he feel either odd/not right or I just ignore them because I am used to them . Fear of what will happed is present toespecially because I have significant dependency on approval from my parent and fear of rejection. There is the part that also don`t know will I have the courage to for example swim after to surgery or will I look ok with pear shape body and no breasts , There is also the lovely impostor syndrome that tells me I don`t have space in LGBTQ spaces irl because I am still questioniing a lot/ I am insecure
I agree, labels can be a problem yet at the same time we often do need language to define and describe our experiences.
I'm questioning my gender since quite a few months now and once a classmate told me that she thought I was a boy when she first saw me I felt so incredibly uncomfortable I also tried Introducing myself as male and it also felt wrong but I always habe that thought "what I'd I'm a boy" or "is that ok for a trans guy lIkE mE" even tho it feels so wrong and idk what to do. I'm insecure about my body looking kinda male even tho I'm afab but I still have these thoughts. I feel more comfy w presenting female and I don't really habe a problem w ppl calling me "young lady" n stuff but I can't let go of these thoughts even though they feel so wrong it's almost suffocating. I just want to be a girl..
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
ONE thing i can definitely reply to here, is in way of pronouns.. Theres so much argue all over, things like... I will or I wont call he or she with the pronoun they feel they need. But on the other hand, who COULD really argue about the halfway point of NO pronoun, like THEM, THEY, or when a checker says Have A Nice Day SIR, instead of something like Have a Nice Day! Meet em halfway AT LEAST, then there wont be any WARS... I myself cant stand the SIR, but at the same time my current inability to change my voice to a more comfortable sound, or some of my features i would want to change further, then will feel a LOT more confident in hearing OTHERS call me SHE.. and ya could always practice referring to YOURSELF as your own proper one ya want, in your own brain, or out loud in a mirror to yourself...
2:57 Right here is a major point AND is the biggest trouble i ever had, which eventually caused me to step BACK many years ago, and listen to myself. ALSO at 3:18 If i only wouldve had someone tell me THAT, or maybe they even did, but i didnt see at the time..
Thank you for sharing.
@@DRZPHDYW. I might also add that theres a LOT of learning i have needed along the way, but to hit on KEY AREAS like i blue marked up there, has the effect of not ONLY learning, but the effect of losing a heavy mental weight i had for a LOOONG time. i dont have an official gender therapist, but your videos are doing very well there, i can say. helps a TON!
Mmmmm. You ground me... Thank you soooo much...
You are welcome!
Today I had an appointment at the base hospital. When they referred to me by female pronouns and treated me like a female patient it was very affirming.
Thats so wonderful!
@@DRZPHD I am only 1 month into my medical transition. It was a big deal because according to military regulations I have to follow all male standards until my gender marker is changed. And they went out of their way to treat me as my true identity. The US Air Force makes you create a transition plan. Once the plan is complete you are allowed to change your gender marker and follow all the regulations of your true gender, not what was on your birth certificate.
Wow! What a structure they have! Thank you so much for your service!
hi dr z! ty for this video - i have been living as an mtf trans woman for a year but i randomly became depressed what should i do? nothing feels affirming.
Hi and I am sorry to hear about occasional depression. I would recumbent seeking help of a professional to explore what depression may relate to.
Thanks so much for your videos and your wealth of knowledge about Gender dysphoria. I'm 57 and have been dressing up for 50 years. I have 2 children 25 and 23 . I have been told to go ahead and transition by multiple psychiatrist, psychologist and therapist.
I have fought and tried to stop forever.. I did take harmonies for about 4 months on my own, I absolutely loved the way I felt but I stopped because it was becomming obvious. The only thing I didn;t like was the loss of strength. Anyway my current therapist and I want me to start a new feminization regimen with hormones. I plan to just do that and not tell anyone what i'm doing and see if this will give me some satisfaction that I am taking this gender affirming step. but I still can't quite make myself go to the doctor and get started. What do you think.
Thanks for sharing.
Feels like there is a female entity trying to take over my consciousness. I have psychic visions that make me want to stop but the dysporia is so strong. Disgusted by body hair and feel a lot better when It's shaved. I have this feeling like oh sit I'm in big trouble, I'm going to regret this idk if it's fear or whether it's a sign that I shouldn't continue. So confused. Devil aims to confuse 😝
Thanks for sharing.
What about OCD people which "internal voice" is something that must not be trusted?
Hi. If one has a diagnosis of OCD and depending on the type, the intrusive thoughts can be challenging to separate from affirming ones. For that reason best to work with a therapist in your area to help clarify.
Just subscribe to the channel ppl she's got your back and sign up for her website it great and will definetly help you
Thank you ! Doc ! Keep up the great work
Hi I'm struggling at the minute sometimes I feel female and affirming when presenting as such but then I have the feeling I should be a guy it's on and off in phases but even when I'm in guy mode deep down I get depressed 😔 not sure what to do I'm waiting to see thr right people but it's a long wait
Wishing you all the best.
If you can ,is this possible to you to put on the subtitles please ? 🙏💜
Ohh yes I am so sorry. I keep forgetting.
@@DRZPHD Thanks 😊🙏
What about possible Medical hormonal transition without social transition? Everybody Is talking about starting social transition first, but some Cases IT might be also the way to wear unisex clothing but start Medical transition. In case somebody Is not really femme woman inside, but still woman.
Absolutely. Many in fact do start with HRT first prior to social. The distinction is some element of certainty in my opinion. Meaning, if you are very unsure of your identity, its safer to start with social to explore. However, those who are sure, HRT is often best as it helps decrease dysphoria. Thanks for sharing.
@@DRZPHD Thank you for clarification.
I'm pretty young I'm 30 years old and I first came out when I was 15 years old so I've had a lot of years to think this matter over, but then I'm also a lot older than most of The Transmen I know about who Transition and I still have a lot of Self Doubt. Maybe this is because I have High Functioning Autism, so I age slower developmentally?
Thanks for sharing!
I am 59 years old and I don't know if I am transgender or not. I started thinking that I might be just three years ago. I wear womens everyday ( I buy clothes that don't look too feminine, but I do wear a bra whenever I think I can get away with it.) I recently
started wearing women deodorant and a very mild smelling perfume. Although I don't know if I am transgender, if I could be a woman tomorrow, I would be one in a heart beat. There is one caveat, I don't want to look like a man with boobs. Why are there so many transgender women that still look men? I rather stay right where I am at if I had a woman's body, but a man's face. Can you help me with this?
Hi and thanks for sharing. Some people dont pass because passibility is not their goal. Others, struggle due to lack of resources.
@@DRZPHD is it possible to have FFS first?
So i have watched a bunch of your video's as I've only been questioning my gender for a little while now, but i have a question. When i told my closest friend and i had asked her to use female pronouns and she called me girl, something clicked in the back of my head. What could this be telling me? I will add it was weird at first, but it felt right.
Hard to say without knowing you more personally but I would say give yourself time and explore what those feelings are telling you. Thats the goal of social transition and asking people to use preferred pronouns is to see if it feels right.
What about trauma an sanity, mood issues, huge issue to heal, how would hormones effect this, years of fear of insanity how the hell do you heal that
Hi and thanks for commenting. If you think you are struggling with trauma, please see help of therapist in your areas to help you process issues related to trauma and to discuss if you are ready to start HRT.
Sorry Dr Z, my OCD kicked in ,that picture behind you is crooked
Sorry to hear. The good thing is that I no longer have that background on my current videos.
Dr. Z., Plz see mine of " ... 40 & up: Here's #1 Reason for Self Doubt ..." TY Kjiersten
Next time, maybe turn the white noise machine off before you start recording?😉
Sorry but with heat in LA the air conditioning is much needed 🤪
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