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I think good comparison is therapy is like going to cooking lessons. You're there to learn how to cook better, it's not the teachers job to make you a meal, and how well you cook outside of lessons depends how much you practice outside of class, you also can't blame the teacher for your bad cooking if you won't use the right equipment, or the right ingredients. The problem is a lot of people think going to therapy is like going to a restaurant and you can just order good mental health.
yeah but has anyone noticed, to use this metaphor, that literally almost not a single person who goes to these "cooking classes" ends up being able to cook outside of "the tailored setting"? it may be a sound metaphor, but its not helping the case
Acceptance. That's what helped me the most. Accept the good and the more bad parts of me. Not trying to fix myself, ironically helped me be more comfortable in my own skin. Accepting who I am and the outcomes of the situation's I'm in, but still realistic enough to try to improve, grow and aim for outcomes I do prefer.
I had a therapist tell me at our second session that I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I was there for depression treatment. We didn’t have a third session.
The phrase "pull oneself up by one's bootstraps" is supposed to describe something impossible, because it's physically impossible to actually pull yourself up by something that by definition is close to the ground.
Go to another therapist. Good therapist can do wonders. When you don’t agree with therapist, tell the therapist right away. There maybe a misundersranding. You are suppose to tell it right away if you are not going to do something. That will roll things faster.
I hugely love existential philosophy and late 19th century/early 20th century german philosophy like Heidegger and Spengler. I feel happyness is NOT a valid Goal in life and its more like finding a good reason to continue living despite the world being a terrible place. I once stated the lesson of german philosophy is: You cannot be happy, there is no reason for you to be happy, nobody cares if you are happy, it does not matter for you to be happy.. And if you understand all that and still find a reason to continue living, then you will get truely happy😅
I started therapy several months ago not to get a quick fix but a long and gradual healing to my complex trauma in order to experience joy, confidence, a sense of agency, self love and peace of mind in my adult life. Of course pain and hardship is part of life and cannot be fully avoided but I need the daily emptiness, the misery, the self sabotage to stop. If i have kids someday I need to know that Im doing a good job and not just throwing my trauma onto them. Therapy is neither quick nor does it make you perfect or untouchable to painful emotions. It simply equips you with the ability to handle lifes' challenges much better if you submit to the process.
I’ve watched probably a million videos in my lifetime and I never say this, but this video was seriously life changing. I could go into a whole story of what I’ve been through with therapy but I am so grateful I found this today.
I don't expect therapy to fix me. I expect to find out what it's like to have someone offer me genuine understanding, compassion and cooperation. As well as learn how to build meaningful, fulfilling relationships with people who are capable of that going forward.
As a fellow psychologist who is new in the field this video cannot be more helpful! I am primarily a jungian oriented clinician and I have had many thoughts and feelings about it how to reconcile these differing modalities in my practice. It has been quite the struggle in providing clients relief but also long term insight and more lasting change.
I’m so glad! Always love to hear from Jungians. If you want more on this topic I have a video somewhere on psychodynamic therapy where I believe I went into my reasons for shifting modalities in greater depth :)
I never knew resistance was this profound. I like to spend a lot of my spare time listening to music. When I listen to music, I generally like sad, slower, love song-type music. What I am realizing now is that I have been accidentally getting rid of my resistance when I do so. Listening to sad music like that plunged me into my own darkness, sank me beneath my murky waves, and gave me clarity. I knew I had problems. I knew I was not perfect yesterday, and won't be tomorrow. And at times, that hurt. I used music to solve all of my problems and didn't ever really know why. Your videos always provide me with insight. I appreciate you making this content. You are truly an inspiration to me. I hope one day to gain my doctorate in this field as well. Thank you.
I been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for about a year now. I had my permit for a couple years prior. This video really resonated with me. So much of my job is explaining all of this to my clients. One thing I noticed that wasn’t completely touched on in this video is a client developing attachment and being co-dependent on a therapist. Many people have severe trauma and fears of abandonment because they grew up around a very invaliding environment. Often times a therapist is the first person that ever provided space for an actual positive connection in their lives. This results in the client not wanting to lose that connection, so they become resistant to change, or they may even sabotage progress in order to keep the therapeutic relationship going. It’s very hard as a clinician to manage this, despite setting so many boundaries.
This right here. Therapy does not address the underlying variables of your society that create mental dysfunction. Truer words have rarely been spoken.
Love that quote. One of my favorite quotes is about growth requiring us to move past our fears. Anais Nin - 'And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'
I tried therapy, aside from having someone who was able to make me feel seen and heard, which was great but could only go so far when you're paying out of pocket for them to 'care' about you, ultimately, I concluded that only I would be able to dig myself out of whatever hole that I felt I was in. This was further compounded when my therapist started telling me about Jungian modalities, which I was already well versed in because of my natural interests in the subject matter. At that point I realized that what I was truly looking for was intimate friendships and relationships. I also understood that I was the only person that could choose to roll up my sleeves and ''do the work'' of healing my emotional body. 6 years later and I feel I'm leagues ahead from where I started, in a much better place & I wouldn't trade any of that pain even if I could. We need more people like you that share the less than palatable truth, so thanks for everything you share Ana, it's helping a lot of people out there.
Also, that share their wins, it's great to hear that light can be at the end of the tunnel 🖤 Way to much validation and reassurance in the direction of perpetuating bad mentalities, explanatory principles of victimhood, it doesn't get better type stuff...
"seeking a quick fix will only augment your distress" As someone who is in addiction recovery, I've felt the biting reality of this statement throughout my life.
@@Ragnar452still resistance in many ways. Almost unconscious resistance that you are human being, this is life, and there’s no escaping it. There’s also physiological aspects that affect your mind, like candida overgrowth!
@@Ragnar452ll mental ilnesses is the dysregulation of the nervous system. Depression is ur bodys nervous system shutting u down coz u ve reached ur treshhold for talking any more stress. Anxiety is ur internal flight response as u cant be with intensity of emotion inside of u. Its not about resustance its about not having a window of tolerance to take in the stresses what come with life as u ve reached ur capacity due to previous stressors that havent been processed and integrated due to emotional immaturity of this society
The way that I have been viewing it lately is this: my approach to therapy is no longer to "fix" myself. I used to be quite hard on myself and be unforgiving of my mistakes and flaws. I didn't realize I was aiming for "perfection" because of my deep shame around feeling defective and needing to earn being good enough, being loved. Therapy isn't about control. It's about giving myself permission and grace to live the human experience. That means not always having the right answer, sometimes making mistakes. But it also means, not fixating, it means living more authentically, more freely. Knowing and trust that I am the type of person that learns, that values growth and integrity, and above else, someone who truly wants to care for me and enjoy my life.
Easily one of the most important things a person needs to understand for any recovery. I recall telling my psychiatrist when I was a young adult that there is essentially nothing that he could do for me, as ultimately how I feel and the way I perceive life can only be changed by me. Therapy is only a tool to help one change their mindset and behavior. This does not lessen its importance!
Thanks for addressing this issue of wanting a "quick fix" from therapy, which is a way of misunderstanding what therapy is for that is causing so much unnecessary suffering among many people today.
That’s like going to a mechanic and the mechanic saying well don’t expect me to be able to fix your car . Now grated for this example it’s also not the mechanic fault if you do donuts or crash your car . I feel like both parties are to blame. And the therapy is to transition people need to feel like others care for them to change because if not then what’s the point. Being empathetic and understanding to ones short comings can teach them in spite of their failures and problems they are more then that and they deserve grace . And that is where real healing begins.
during the last couple of days, I've been having the urge to start therapy because I wanted a quick fix October 2024 upd: i read your comments and started. it is going great, finally found the perfect therapist for me. took me trying like 7 times
@ericsierra-franco7802 Had one patient who was quick fixed. She had postpartum trauma, with extreme guilt, shame with not bonding with baby. Told me all the symptoms, and they were a good fit with dissociation and tonic immobility. Next session, self report measures normal and she said she had recovered. One more follow up session and she was good to go. Seems that negativecore belief that she had was cleared with psycheducation. Wish they were all like that ( retired NHS psychotherapist).
The issue is health insurance first of all more than anything, then not everything works for everyone it's not a cure it's to facilitate healing but mostly what's wrong with therapy is the therapist, people are joining fields to which they have not natural talent or even pain of their own to relate and therefore taking a superior complex over the patient that and looking for an easy paycheck
I really respect this message and believe it’s needed within our society. This is something that has affected me personally. I’ve had integrative therapy from 2020 to 2022 and it really helped me to address my deep rooted childhood wounds and work on my self image. I never addressed a part the abuse I experienced, and issues rooted in this kept coming back. I had all the CBT skills to manage my negative thoughts and behaviours, interpersonal skills and better self esteem. But I knew that deep down childhood abuse was still affecting my current life; how I trust how I relate, how I allow myself to enjoy things, create boundaries. I had to work up some courage but I’m back in therapy now and excited even though this is a dark and scary process, as I already feel the deep emotional changes. There is no light without darkness.
Oof I’m really not feeling that definition of suffering. As someone who’s had to deal with extreme chronic pain for years, I can tell you that there have been countless times where my pain is so strong that there’s no way to see it as anything other than suffering. It’s like.. sometimes stuff is too rough for you to just headspace your way out of. I understand where you’re coming from for sure as far as avoidable suffering tho. Just at a certain point it’s like pure fight or flight and it’s difficult to even exist
I’m working with a hypnotherapist right now and we just have this conversation similar to this. She is trying to get me to love all parts of me including my “shadow side” instead of expecting her to get rid of it.
i'm only afraid of panic attacks when I'm in the middle of one. i didnt panic my way into this unless the panic was already there. i mean it, ive survived every panic attack ive had and have no concern about them until I'm in one because no amount of mindfulness or self-compassion will stop the attack.
@@vivvy_0 I can understand why you might say that. But I think of it more as accepting things beyond our control in order to reduce our own suffering -- that's not to imply complacency, or not seeking justice.
CPTSD sufferer here! I have healed enough where I am not traumatized 97%+ of the time! And I have healed enough where I can have more happy thoughts and more cohesive relationships!
Thank you! I really didn't like how this video was titled and you're one of the few that actually mentioned therapy actually being helpful bc of suffering mentally and emotionally for so long. I felt like everyone else only mentioned therapy helping them to notice patterns or things you could easily debate doing self work alone without therapy.
@@cianajames55 Medication helped loads! But there was positive thinking (LMAO), and like 30% of it was therapy! Warning though; it took me 30 years! And finally, I did shadow work.
Thank you for talking about this! I've struggled with OCD and no therapist has ever been able to help me. Only my own actions and doing exposure therapy ALONE has helped me. Recently, a friend belittled my experience saying "well she was just a bad therapist then", suggesting I should go see someone else and get help to fix it, and inadvertently, that my judgement was insufficient. I don't like to think I require people's validation, but it just hurt hearing my best friend dismiss my past and experience, all because she goes to couples therapy with her new husband.
I think the worst thing about having OCD which is not present in most other disorders is that we are acutely aware of what we are doing, and that it is obsessive'/compulsive behavior. That is a torture on to its own, like twisting the knife metaphorically speaking. May I share two very simple techniques with you that I find immensely useful for when you are not able to settle your minds overthinking at the end of a busy day/week and cant unwind?
To touch on how misunderstood it is.. It is unfortunate that OCD has become a common replacement for orderly/tidy/particular... it has downplayed just impactful it can be, and how much it can impact a persons productivity. I find that as a result many people do not have a proper understanding of what it really is. Actually, when I was diagnosed about 8 years ago my initial reaction was.. "But I can't have OCD? don't end up not being able to leave the house because I have to make sure the door is locked 20 times.. (maybe twice at most) Or wash my hands repeatedly over and over till they bleed, or have OTT germ fears etc. She actually had to clarify to me that those constant, cyclical thoughts inside my head denigrating myself constantly, or overthinking 'x' worry equally.. were also OCD.
@PoseidonDiver , yes there are so many more "types" of OCD than I would have thought. Mine is a contamination ocd. So in my mind, everything I do is actually rational and I don't view it as a compulsion possessing me. It's more like, I wish I could learn to not care. Like everyone else walks around blissfully ignorant, and I wish I could be ignorant too 😂
It seems that a large percentage of the world's population has accepted they will never feel good, and so have decided that the immediate solution is to bring others down to their level. I guess they have sort of found a solution to their mental health issues.
I really have just been telling my therapist that I'm doing badly in the same ways biweekly for a whole year with little change or direction going forward. If i was paying for this, i wouldn't do it. It doesn't even feel like a service. Idk what I'm supposed to do.
I understand the explanation of why "patient" was changed into "client" but I still don't like it personally. I grew up in an environment where mental illness was treated as something you are expected to just get over, and therapy was a silly pastime for rich suckers. Part of me getting over that prejudice and seeking help was to accept the medical background and knowledge involved in the process, and learning to view myself as a patient and not a some dumbass who fails at life. To put it differently, a client (to me) is someone who wants and benefits from a service, but can also do without it, while a patient is someone for whom that service is a vital NEED. I get this mindset is probably stemming from my upbringing but I can't be the only person that struggled with feelings of shame related to therapy itself due to prejudice.
Therapy is not fixing…therapy is a process to be with yourself, to be yourself and to become yourself…therapist is just being there with you in the process, not to fix you…the psyche has her own timing and process…Jung says psyche is a self regulatory system…
As someone who has struggled with panic disorder, even without the “resistance” you can still have symptoms debilitating enough to lose a job even if you aren’t panicking about the symptoms. And since most psychological, diagnosable disorders become disorders when they interfere with daily life, the panic attacks alone are enough to do that, even without any resistance making it worse. So there’s still a giant, life-altering problem with someone prone to panic attacks even if they “accept” that they are going to have panic attacks occasionally.
Panic attacks come from resistance in the first place, the more you expose urself to panic the more you get use to it and ironically the more your u get use to it the more you stop caring about them Wich makes you stop having them. The panic about panic makes you panic haha, it's a paradox Wich is why people stay stuck for so long. Gotta retrain your subconscious by inducing panic everyday
@@frcomet5009 If all panic attacks happen because of the fear that came after previous panic attacks, what causes the first few panic attacks before the vicious cycle starts?
@@joeldoesdesign so alot of times those panic attacks come from two different sources, #1 you have a lot of anxiety that was already built into your every day personality but you were so disconnected from your own emotions and avoiding them that you didn't realize it and it got worse over time or #2 an event that happens that your mind is not use to. Similar to how if you throw a penguin who's habitat has been ice parks his whole life randomly and suddenly into the desert without any preparation or practice.
This hit me hard today. I just quit my internship to becoming a therapist because of problems outlined in this video. I started to get a glimpse into way therapy actually is about (journeying into the underworld with the client) and I felt overwhelmed and not up to the task. I’m not sure if I’m running away from my own fear and self actualization, or if I’m truly learning more about myself and don’t want to have a job that is so emotionally taxing. I haven’t even mastered the quests in my own underworld. Taking others through their own seems hypocritical.
Agreed. However, I'd like to add a few words about CBT because it seems to me that its efficacy has been somewhat under attack in recent years. I'm not sure how CBT is applied in the U.S., but from where I live, there is a more integrative approach that incorporates much of Stoicism and considers acceptance and a deeper understanding of one's fundamental psychological needs, which may have been violated in one's biography, as essential components of the therapeutic process. In addition, behavioral therapy does not reject psychodynamic therapy at all, it actually has become more popular to mix therapy models and methods to help clients. I think both CBT and psychdynamic therapy are profound and quite philosophical in their own unique ways. I completely agree with you though that it is more important to teach clients to develop a realistic attitude and to help them develop a new approach to living with their individual problems. If that's the case, and the relationship between therapist and patient is based on honesty and openness to the process without expecting complete healing, then the model itself becomes secondary, imo.
Thank you, Ana! I loved when you said that when we experience hard times in our life we are exploring and getting to know our personal Underworld and darkness and the subconscious ❤
@@AnaPsychology Hi Ana, is there a video where you explain why you stopped practicing and why you don’t plan to resume ? Just curious. I scrolled back about a year.
@@CertainExposures I touch on it in this video: ruclips.net/video/l9QQ-1Fm4Lk/видео.htmlsi=VslYc1gCymswism7 The short version is that my desire to be a full-time author got to a point where it could no longer be repressed. I haven’t felt ready to make a formal video explaining it yet.
This video was awesome!. End of sentence. You did an absolutely incredible job explaining such complex concepts! I can’t even find the words to express how enlightening your video was! I’m 47 years old, I’ve experienced a fair amount of trauma in my life (mostly in my childhood) coupled with an extensive amount of therapy. Your video has helped me see therapy and wellness all in a whole new light! I especially love the way you describe the therapeutic relationship/alliance. I only wish I could find someone like you to be my therapist. Nonetheless, I’m so grateful to have found your channel! There’s an endless amount of “therapy” I can do practice just through all of your content. My deepest thanks to you for all the work that must go into creating your content and for freely sharing your knowledge, and insight, and healing with the world. Many Thanks. Namaste 🙏🏼
I went to therapy a few years back and always expected to myself to do the work. I didn't though that some people just want a quick fix and the therapist just be there to do all the work, unreal to me.
Thank you so much for this Video! Most of the patients doesn‘t realize that they have to work on themselves to change something while beein in therapy (and in general). And at this point I really appreciate the patience of a lot of therapist out there and empathy they got with their patients 😊.
I literally had this conversation with my therapist today. This is such a great video, it helped me dive into and process more deeply the conversation we had.
A major recent three year study of 8,300 people in the UK has just shown that Nature-based social prescribing was far more effective for dealing with mental health challenges than CBT and medication without the guilt inducing aspect of CBT and the nasty side effects of many medications. People that did landcare, hiking, community gardening and outdoor recreation worked much better for a wide range of culturally diverse particpants in the project.
You might like reading about Zen Buddhism, ACT or DBT books that touch on radical acceptance, stoicism… On the more woo-woo side, there are some which I found helpful for acceptance but were also a little weird (lol) like The Untethered Soul and The Power of Now. Also, Man’s Search for Meaning (I’ll be making a video on that one soon on my Book & Hearth channel).
This is true, I have done the full CBT homework package. I still gotta remind myself to eat breakfast and brush my teeth. At most therapists can act as an echo chamber to reflect our own thoughts and feelings. At worst they are enablers for our worst habits and instincts.
a very good clear concise video with common sense in it. therapy in the NHS did a lot of damage to me and they wrote me off as a no no with part and whole error; part of you is I see as bad so all of you is bad - that is RET which i learnt in the 80's. that is the meaning and interpretation i took of the experience. The therapist i saw was sitting on my left hand side hanging over her chair and i found that very disconcerting. years later i saw her through the glass doors of a theraputic commmunity and i flipped out lost the plot and came off the rails for 20 years. I have never had good mirroring or a solid social network where i feel safe to be myself. it may help people in their early 20's 30's not at my age my crutch is soul therapy flower essences and occassionally essential oils part of mother nature. i can now have compassion for who i was and for the emotional distress i experienced through every part of my life now without any reaction. i would like to have been able to speak up for myself for every experience and incident that through me off balance but unfortuneatly i didn't have what it takes at that time. there is point in blaming myself it just anchors it and makes me feel less than
I have had therapy for two years on going , I did learn I have c.p.t.s.d , opening up for the first time after many years was very difficult for me , I buried my past although I was effected in my life which made me different to most regulated people , my healing is still a work in progress ,
The last therapist I went to I wanted to really dig because I felt more stable and ready, and she said she was specialized in "short therapy", so quick fixes lol. I still decided to keep going because she said we could still do a few months and it's so hard to find a therapist who isn't full around here. It went well for a bit and then she sent everyone an e-mail saying she was moving away like the next week and didn't give the name of any colleague to contact. It's the third time I've tried therapy and the first time it was kinda helping, so that's great. I'm doing better on my own but I still feel I could benefit from therapy, it's just discouraging
I went for 15 years, it helped me a lot when I really needed it at the beginning. But long term it didn't resolve my PTSD. In the end it's just an emotional scar that slightly improves with time and patience. But I've accepted I may never recover, instead just manage my symptoms instead.
I so get this .I had a break down it didn't change who I was during the sessions I had with the physiotherapist it just made me understand myself .so many people put themselves up as therapists and think they can completely change who you are . You're never fixed from what gets you to thst dark place you just learn how to function as the damaged person that you are . I cant be fixed. .
Using the mind to "fix" the mind is akin to attempt to levitate by pulling on one's shoestrings.......connect your feet to ground and make art.....any kind.....something will come to meet you, to welcome you.....
This really does not make sense to me. How can you not want to resist things that cause you pain? How can you not want to fight your condition that keeps you from functioning the way you used to and want to? What is the answer here? Just accept your condition and everything will be fine? I can see some situations in which that might help a little, but making that her whole point about how we see therapy the wrong way seems even less helpful than resisting.
Maybe if the expectation hadn’t been planted into the cultural zeitgeist, no one would go to therapy hoping to be “fixed”. Maybe if the notion of a person being “broken” was less pervasive the world would be a better place. At least the profession is finally attempting to do some cleanup.
I'm not sure but I think it was Carl Rogers that initially made the case that "client" should be used instead of "patient". His original intent was to avoid the negative connotation of it (suggesting your patients/clients are sick and/or have something necessarily wrong with them). That being said, I also don't think that "client" is a good word to replace "patient", but I do agree with the reason why it was initially suggested.
That would make sense. It's frustrating because in trying not to mistreat or stigmatize people with chronic illnesses, especially psychological ones, we over-corrected on some accounts and so patients have suffered for it.
The book you mentioned looks a lot like "Shadow Work". I wanted to do "Shadow Work" a long time ago, and didn't find a good book about it. Thanks for sharing!
Okay so... I just discovered my new favourite youtube channel. You are amazing, i subbed to both channels, keep up the work! The only bad thing is that you're making me add too many new books on my wish list
Yeah it wasnt until I started watching videos on therapy and self soothing that it started to make sense and started making progress. Because when I tried therapy it was a lot harder to properly open up, it mightve helped once I was more self aware but overall I didnt absolutely need it to finally feel like Im whole again. I still do think everyone should try it at least once though, some might need better guidance or maybe encouragement if you happen to get a good enough therapist.
I do have a question, though, if most disorders are disorders of resistance: isn't that kind of patient-blaming? Like "oh, you're giving yourself Borderline Personality Disorder because you can't handle the pain of abandonment, just learn to suck it up."? Like, what's preventing this view of disorders from becoming just "it's your fault"? I'd really like to know
It to me about...10 or so years to get over fairly severe OCD thoughts. One day, I realised that I hadn't thought about them for awhile. I have a flare up from time to time but I now know they're just thoughts and it's up to me as to what I do and don't focus on. We have millions of thoughts flow through our head on a weekly basis and they're not all going to be winners. Edit: Oh, and wasn't that the reason why Schema Therapy was invented? because CBT was a shorter-term fix but didn't address the maladaptive survival modes we develop as children?
I don't even see therapy as a viable option for someone in my position, other facfors include autism that can outright make therapy just pointless as its further made me feel alienated.
Yup, the biggest thing I got out of therapy was the realization that therapy wasn’t going to help me and that I needed to take my life into my own hands. So, I supposed in a round about way it fulfilled its function, but I have conflicting thoughts lol
@@ArtisticMysticSoul Yea, I paid my therapist to go to sessions and for her to tell me "you need to have more confidence in yourself" and "you need to put yourself out there more" like no shit I knew that already that's why I came here for help. Long story short we stopped after 2nd or 3rd session.
Interesting! I didn't really know people went to therapy expecting the therapist to fix them, I feel like I've always thought it has been the effort the patient puts in. When I first started therapy for depression I didn't do much outside of it, but still noticed decent benefits. I do think that once I started journaling, other mental/physical health exercises, and cutting addictions/avoidance I noticed the most substantial benefits. But even for the first 3 years without that, it was helpful and led me to put in a lot more work for the last 2.5 years which have seemed very transformational.
Regardless of people's ability to 'do the homework' every interaction changes you. Rather than looking to blame someone and in this case shifting blame from the therapist to the client, how about we all learn that our interactions with others have an 'effect' including 'affect'.
I don’t know you, but most people I know that advocate about therapy don’t expect it will fix themselves, but that it will fix others. Sometimes it looks like that the only reason they go to therapy (or at least they say) is as a tool to convince you that you should go too, as if saying “because, if I make that effort, you should make it too, so I won’t be the only one trying to do something about it”, or in other words, they are saying that you are a problem to be fixed regardless of their own that they think they have (if it comes to be the case). It sounds like the problems they output are somewhat less of a problem because the remaining of the people surrounding them are continuously pouring a bigger problem out there, for not going to therapy. They basically are playing victims all the time.
Therapy is not a cure, nor a fix, but it can potentially build lasting practices and insights. Which is bidirectional in that it depends on the therapist and the patient to build last bridges. Like diabetes, treatment can help if you’re willing to put in the work, but no amount of treatment and medication will fix a bad diet, or sedentary lifestyle, for instance.
I'm a firm believer in nature therapy. I think being in nature away from modern society can go a long way towards healing individuals. Leave the phones and electronics behind and take a hike. Take a hike from your troubles!
Unfortunately a lot of us live in an urban environment, but I agree if you are lucky to live where you have access to the natural world it’s so good for mental health
15:38 This was my ex. He ended up physically assaulting me and I had to leave him permanently and go no contact. I have Borderline/Emotionally Unstable Personality disorder, autism and unresolved trauma. I take all therapy very seriously.
I'm glad you mentioned the idea that we expect modern medicine to be able to prescribe a solution for every problem. Although the reason we expect this is because that's what modern medicine purports to do. But anyone who's ever been to a doctor for eczema, TMJ, depression, or any of a few dozen other commonplace disorders knows that sometimes doctors don't know anywhere near as much as they think they do. Ultimately they just end up distracting you with useless treatments well the problem slowly resolves itself on its own. Or doesn't.
Very good video, thank you. Psychotherapy is about to change a lot with all the last discoveries that have been made in neurophysiology. Our understanding about our nervous system and how our wounds / trauma are stored in our physiology has already a huge impact on how we support people's healing journey. I would suggest the book "The body keeps the score" from Bessel van der Kolk to learn more about the subject. In universities, they are still teaching mostly cognitive approaches and it's very sad because the experts in trauma are already using other approaches like IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Compassionate Inquiry, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, attachment based therapies and so on.
Thanks for this video. This is very important to keep in mind, imo. In particular, even though in CBT you can work around the assumption that "life has to to be easy and effortless," it is important to draw that distinction between pain (nerve firing) and suffering (the meaning given to pain), and that the second one may be optional. BTW, have you looked into Bruce Ecker research about memory reconsolidation and Tori Olds videos about transformational change? I would love your opinion on that.
My roomate keeps wanting to back out of therapy. I think its because he's waiting to find a therpist that will wave a wand and make his pain evaporate. Pain is the only opportunity to practice good mental health strategies though.
This video made the difference between mental health and the lack of mental illness very clear and I think it is a hugely important distinction. The attitude of "curing mental illness" is often sending the message that your emotions are bad, which they are not inherently. Your emotions are just trying to tell you something, so you need to get curious with the emotion, why is it here? Try not to resist it, or get angry that it is here. This will undoubtedly improve your emotional maturity and mental health. That's why I like IFS. It teaches you how to be an adult to your sometimes childish but sometimes valid emotions. Most of the time my emotions are valid, and they are bringing valid complaints that I need to address. Less often they are overreacting with problems or fears that I don't find necessary, so I will politely tell them that "everything is fine, i got this" and the emotion will subside if they think my answers are adequate. May sound kind of wacky to talk like this to your emotions but they are basically separate parts of you that are trying to give you direction in life, so why not? Your emotions are not you, but they are an integral part of your human experience. Great video it really got my mind going! Everyone should try IFS!!!
Thank you, I really appreciated this video💖And yes, I'm in a lot of pain but I have no money for theraphy, so I can't be a client for sure (but I am a potential patient). Also sometimes I think that society or other people pathologize us for just being human and living. Like we are expected to constantly have our life together, no matter the circumstances or what happened to us, to not be to upset or too sad and to always follow some norms, order and expectations. But that wouldn't be fully living, probably, or just a somehow fake and superficial version of life. However it is difficult to balance the messiness that comes from realness, and the order that living in a society with other people requires..
About 9 hours left to get the Mental Health Bundle! Learn about the 70+ courses and ebooks included in the bundle (including my own, The Connection Course) here: www.thementalhealthbundle.com/?sa=sa015969818347f4622da6b3334d0a356f9d6dd54e
the goal of therapy is to bill you
Time and processing... can't therapy help with the processing?
Does piece of mind come with the bundle?
I get you’re trying to get your bag, but this seems antithetical to the presumed Intent.
It could be seen as unethical.
The wall shelf behind her looks like the one i saw in the cottage house of william wordsworth writer of the poem the ancient mariner in uk.
I think good comparison is therapy is like going to cooking lessons. You're there to learn how to cook better, it's not the teachers job to make you a meal, and how well you cook outside of lessons depends how much you practice outside of class, you also can't blame the teacher for your bad cooking if you won't use the right equipment, or the right ingredients.
The problem is a lot of people think going to therapy is like going to a restaurant and you can just order good mental health.
I like Personal Trainer for the emotions, because its hard work and needs constant effort... like gym
Wow…I wish any of my therapists had explained this to me (the irony) 😅
Wow I love this!
yeah but has anyone noticed, to use this metaphor, that literally almost not a single person who goes to these "cooking classes" ends up being able to cook outside of "the tailored setting"? it may be a sound metaphor, but its not helping the case
@Okgeneric I learnt how to "cook" outside of "cooking lessons," so I don't know what not clicking for others, however I had a good teacher
I don't expect to have anything fixed, I just want to wake up, not regretting the fact I woke up.
guilt is terrible.
@@longevity-u1zYes but OP is describing shame and depression 😇
Please keep it up , I go to therapy and it’s worth it . If it helps you disregard anyone’s input
And you want therapy to fix that...
What is ‘waking up’?
Acceptance. That's what helped me the most. Accept the good and the more bad parts of me. Not trying to fix myself, ironically helped me be more comfortable in my own skin. Accepting who I am and the outcomes of the situation's I'm in, but still realistic enough to try to improve, grow and aim for outcomes I do prefer.
i'm glad that helped you! i think i'll try to assume the same mindset as you
Really like how you put that
I believe there is no good or bad person, but a person's morality shifts when they are under pressure.
Fewer and fewer people consider balance these days, it seems. I agree with you.
Can you Accept what you can Not Accept?
I had a therapist tell me at our second session that I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I was there for depression treatment. We didn’t have a third session.
She just wanted to get rid of you; to give room for a customer that pays more
The phrase "pull oneself up by one's bootstraps" is supposed to describe something impossible, because it's physically impossible to actually pull yourself up by something that by definition is close to the ground.
Did you pay for the second?
Not paying would have cheered you up.
Go to another therapist. Good therapist can do wonders.
When you don’t agree with therapist, tell the therapist right away. There maybe a misundersranding. You are suppose to tell it right away if you are not going to do something. That will roll things faster.
Sometimes suffering and going through the motions is the only way. It's just a cloudy season, sunnier days will come soon
🎯
I hugely love existential philosophy and late 19th century/early 20th century german philosophy like Heidegger and Spengler.
I feel happyness is NOT a valid Goal in life and its more like finding a good reason to continue living despite the world being a terrible place.
I once stated the lesson of german philosophy is:
You cannot be happy, there is no reason for you to be happy, nobody cares if you are happy, it does not matter for you to be happy..
And if you understand all that and still find a reason to continue living, then you will get truely happy😅
You're saying this, as coming from your experience with a mental illness, or just from reading various philosophy books?
@@OrangeMicMusic both
@@OrangeMicMusic both
I started therapy several months ago not to get a quick fix but a long and gradual healing to my complex trauma in order to experience joy, confidence, a sense of agency, self love and peace of mind in my adult life. Of course pain and hardship is part of life and cannot be fully avoided but I need the daily emptiness, the misery, the self sabotage to stop. If i have kids someday I need to know that Im doing a good job and not just throwing my trauma onto them. Therapy is neither quick nor does it make you perfect or untouchable to painful emotions. It simply equips you with the ability to handle lifes' challenges much better if you submit to the process.
Hope you found a good practionner
@@masterculturedunkerque7918 i did! Shes an EMDR specialist so shes trauma informed. Its been very productive :) thanks!
@@misslayer999 thank you 😊 i needed to hear this
With that approach and attitude I can guarantee you will get to where you need to go. Just keep being authentic and kind to yourself no matter what.
I’ve watched probably a million videos in my lifetime and I never say this, but this video was seriously life changing. I could go into a whole story of what I’ve been through with therapy but I am so grateful I found this today.
I don't normally watch these kinds of channels but I've found several of her videos helpful
I don't expect therapy to fix me. I expect to find out what it's like to have someone offer me genuine understanding, compassion and cooperation. As well as learn how to build meaningful, fulfilling relationships with people who are capable of that going forward.
I don't wanna go lol but I need that help...maybe I should go...afraid though bc I can never find a good therapist.
and most cant even help with that..
You will receive genuine compassion and connection until your credit card declines 💳
So you expect therapy to fix you..
@@pyramidion5911 that is an interesting take. Care to elaborate?
Therapy provided me with the knowleddge and tools to address the challenges I was facing
As a fellow psychologist who is new in the field this video cannot be more helpful! I am primarily a jungian oriented clinician and I have had many thoughts and feelings about it how to reconcile these differing modalities in my practice. It has been quite the struggle in providing clients relief but also long term insight and more lasting change.
I’m so glad! Always love to hear from Jungians. If you want more on this topic I have a video somewhere on psychodynamic therapy where I believe I went into my reasons for shifting modalities in greater depth :)
The more Jungians and Jung aware therapists the better!
In my career, I never helped anyone. I helped them to help themselves ( retired NHS psychotherapist).
Very humble. A little too humble.
You did contribute to "help" at least, which is helping them in the first place
Even though you helped people either way hahaha
What if patients still can't help themselves after therapy despite having tried to implement the strategies that therapists gave them?
what does that even mean
I never knew resistance was this profound. I like to spend a lot of my spare time listening to music. When I listen to music, I generally like sad, slower, love song-type music. What I am realizing now is that I have been accidentally getting rid of my resistance when I do so. Listening to sad music like that plunged me into my own darkness, sank me beneath my murky waves, and gave me clarity. I knew I had problems. I knew I was not perfect yesterday, and won't be tomorrow. And at times, that hurt. I used music to solve all of my problems and didn't ever really know why. Your videos always provide me with insight. I appreciate you making this content. You are truly an inspiration to me. I hope one day to gain my doctorate in this field as well. Thank you.
I been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for about a year now. I had my permit for a couple years prior. This video really resonated with me. So much of my job is explaining all of this to my clients.
One thing I noticed that wasn’t completely touched on in this video is a client developing attachment and being co-dependent on a therapist. Many people have severe trauma and fears of abandonment because they grew up around a very invaliding environment. Often times a therapist is the first person that ever provided space for an actual positive connection in their lives. This results in the client not wanting to lose that connection, so they become resistant to change, or they may even sabotage progress in order to keep the therapeutic relationship going. It’s very hard as a clinician to manage this, despite setting so many boundaries.
Thank you
Wow I can see that
"It's not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - Krishnamurti
This right here. Therapy does not address the underlying variables of your society that create mental dysfunction. Truer words have rarely been spoken.
wow this is a beautiful quote, and very timely. thank you for this
sounds like bs
THIS.
Love that quote.
One of my favorite quotes is about growth requiring us to move past our fears.
Anais Nin - 'And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'
I tried therapy, aside from having someone who was able to make me feel seen and heard, which was great but could only go so far when you're paying out of pocket for them to 'care' about you, ultimately, I concluded that only I would be able to dig myself out of whatever hole that I felt I was in.
This was further compounded when my therapist started telling me about Jungian modalities, which I was already well versed in because of my natural interests in the subject matter.
At that point I realized that what I was truly looking for was intimate friendships and relationships.
I also understood that I was the only person that could choose to roll up my sleeves and ''do the work'' of healing my emotional body.
6 years later and I feel I'm leagues ahead from where I started, in a much better place & I wouldn't trade any of that pain even if I could.
We need more people like you that share the less than palatable truth, so thanks for everything you share Ana, it's helping a lot of people out there.
Also, that share their wins, it's great to hear that light can be at the end of the tunnel 🖤
Way to much validation and reassurance in the direction of perpetuating bad mentalities, explanatory principles of victimhood, it doesn't get better type stuff...
"seeking a quick fix will only augment your distress" As someone who is in addiction recovery, I've felt the biting reality of this statement throughout my life.
I truly wish I can find a therapist in my country that is educated and cares about their field as you do.
I really envy your clients.
12:14 “most disorders are disorders of resistance, not of pain”…Dr. Ana just read my anxiety to filth 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
My BPD, OCD, and anxiety have entered the chat
What about depression, anger issues, etc.
That's on the kyriarchy. People are a byproduct of their environment.
@@Ragnar452still resistance in many ways. Almost unconscious resistance that you are human being, this is life, and there’s no escaping it. There’s also physiological aspects that affect your mind, like candida overgrowth!
@@Ragnar452ll mental ilnesses is the dysregulation of the nervous system. Depression is ur bodys nervous system shutting u down coz u ve reached ur treshhold for talking any more stress. Anxiety is ur internal flight response as u cant be with intensity of emotion inside of u. Its not about resustance its about not having a window of tolerance to take in the stresses what come with life as u ve reached ur capacity due to previous stressors that havent been processed and integrated due to emotional immaturity of this society
The way that I have been viewing it lately is this: my approach to therapy is no longer to "fix" myself. I used to be quite hard on myself and be unforgiving of my mistakes and flaws. I didn't realize I was aiming for "perfection" because of my deep shame around feeling defective and needing to earn being good enough, being loved.
Therapy isn't about control. It's about giving myself permission and grace to live the human experience. That means not always having the right answer, sometimes making mistakes. But it also means, not fixating, it means living more authentically, more freely. Knowing and trust that I am the type of person that learns, that values growth and integrity, and above else, someone who truly wants to care for me and enjoy my life.
Well put 🖤
Easily one of the most important things a person needs to understand for any recovery.
I recall telling my psychiatrist when I was a young adult that there is essentially nothing that he could do for me, as ultimately how I feel and the way I perceive life can only be changed by me.
Therapy is only a tool to help one change their mindset and behavior. This does not lessen its importance!
Thanks for addressing this issue of wanting a "quick fix" from therapy, which is a way of misunderstanding what therapy is for that is causing so much unnecessary suffering among many people today.
That’s like going to a mechanic and the mechanic saying well don’t expect me to be able to fix your car . Now grated for this example it’s also not the mechanic fault if you do donuts or crash your car . I feel like both parties are to blame. And the therapy is to transition people need to feel like others care for them to change because if not then what’s the point. Being empathetic and understanding to ones short comings can teach them in spite of their failures and problems they are more then that and they deserve grace . And that is where real healing begins.
during the last couple of days, I've been having the urge to start therapy because I wanted a quick fix
October 2024 upd: i read your comments and started. it is going great, finally found the perfect therapist for me. took me trying like 7 times
Might be even more worthwhile without seeking a quick fix! At least that’s how it was for me
@@AnaPsychology was seeking short term fixing, got longterm help, it works
Therapy can be very beneficial but there are no quick fixes.
@ericsierra-franco7802 Had one patient who was quick fixed. She had postpartum trauma, with extreme guilt, shame with not bonding with baby. Told me all the symptoms, and they were a good fit with dissociation and tonic immobility. Next session, self report measures normal and she said she had recovered. One more follow up session and she was good to go. Seems that negativecore belief that she had was cleared with psycheducation. Wish they were all like that ( retired NHS psychotherapist).
@@spordel, thats a good perspective
The issue is health insurance first of all more than anything, then not everything works for everyone
it's not a cure it's to facilitate healing but mostly what's wrong with therapy is the therapist, people are joining fields to which they have not natural talent or even pain of their own to relate and therefore taking a superior complex over the patient that and looking for an easy paycheck
I really respect this message and believe it’s needed within our society. This is something that has affected me personally. I’ve had integrative therapy from 2020 to 2022 and it really helped me to address my deep rooted childhood wounds and work on my self image. I never addressed a part the abuse I experienced, and issues rooted in this kept coming back. I had all the CBT skills to manage my negative thoughts and behaviours, interpersonal skills and better self esteem. But I knew that deep down childhood abuse was still affecting my current life; how I trust how I relate, how I allow myself to enjoy things, create boundaries. I had to work up some courage but I’m back in therapy now and excited even though this is a dark and scary process, as I already feel the deep emotional changes. There is no light without darkness.
Oof I’m really not feeling that definition of suffering. As someone who’s had to deal with extreme chronic pain for years, I can tell you that there have been countless times where my pain is so strong that there’s no way to see it as anything other than suffering. It’s like.. sometimes stuff is too rough for you to just headspace your way out of. I understand where you’re coming from for sure as far as avoidable suffering tho. Just at a certain point it’s like pure fight or flight and it’s difficult to even exist
I’m working with a hypnotherapist right now and we just have this conversation similar to this. She is trying to get me to love all parts of me including my “shadow side” instead of expecting her to get rid of it.
any therapist or really person who brings up the concept of your "shadow side" run. dont walk. run. you will thank me later
@@OkgenericWhy?
@@Okgeneric I'm also curious as to why it's an issue.
@@Okgeneric why?
@@GealDanGeol I post a god damn essay and people still asking me why. Ffs
i'm only afraid of panic attacks when I'm in the middle of one. i didnt panic my way into this unless the panic was already there.
i mean it, ive survived every panic attack ive had and have no concern about them until I'm in one because no amount of mindfulness or self-compassion will stop the attack.
I love this. Reminds me a lot of radical acceptance. The problem is not your symptoms but how you relate to them.
sounds like nonsense and blaming vicitms
@@vivvy_0 I can understand why you might say that. But I think of it more as accepting things beyond our control in order to reduce our own suffering -- that's not to imply complacency, or not seeking justice.
I just want to be comfortable with myself and let go of past mistakes and getting touched as a kid. I think therapy can do that.
Inside your heart there is warmth. That is the indomitable human spirit. Hold on to that and you will feel clarity.
CPTSD sufferer here! I have healed enough where I am not traumatized 97%+ of the time! And I have healed enough where I can have more happy thoughts and more cohesive relationships!
What was your method?
Thank you! I really didn't like how this video was titled and you're one of the few that actually mentioned therapy actually being helpful bc of suffering mentally and emotionally for so long. I felt like everyone else only mentioned therapy helping them to notice patterns or things you could easily debate doing self work alone without therapy.
@@cianajames55 Medication helped loads! But there was positive thinking (LMAO), and like 30% of it was therapy! Warning though; it took me 30 years! And finally, I did shadow work.
Avoid partial OBE CPTSD and Clairempathy.
Thank you for talking about this! I've struggled with OCD and no therapist has ever been able to help me. Only my own actions and doing exposure therapy ALONE has helped me.
Recently, a friend belittled my experience saying "well she was just a bad therapist then", suggesting I should go see someone else and get help to fix it, and inadvertently, that my judgement was insufficient. I don't like to think I require people's validation, but it just hurt hearing my best friend dismiss my past and experience, all because she goes to couples therapy with her new husband.
I think the worst thing about having OCD which is not present in most other disorders is that we are acutely aware of what we are doing, and that it is obsessive'/compulsive behavior. That is a torture on to its own, like twisting the knife metaphorically speaking.
May I share two very simple techniques with you that I find immensely useful for when you are not able to settle your minds overthinking at the end of a busy day/week and cant unwind?
To touch on how misunderstood it is.. It is unfortunate that OCD has become a common replacement for orderly/tidy/particular... it has downplayed just impactful it can be, and how much it can impact a persons productivity. I find that as a result many people do not have a proper understanding of what it really is.
Actually, when I was diagnosed about 8 years ago my initial reaction was.. "But I can't have OCD? don't end up not being able to leave the house because I have to make sure the door is locked 20 times.. (maybe twice at most) Or wash my hands repeatedly over and over till they bleed, or have OTT germ fears etc.
She actually had to clarify to me that those constant, cyclical thoughts inside my head denigrating myself constantly, or overthinking 'x' worry equally.. were also OCD.
@@PoseidonDiverDid you get prozac?
@PoseidonDiver , yes there are so many more "types" of OCD than I would have thought. Mine is a contamination ocd. So in my mind, everything I do is actually rational and I don't view it as a compulsion possessing me. It's more like, I wish I could learn to not care. Like everyone else walks around blissfully ignorant, and I wish I could be ignorant too 😂
@@PoseidonDiver please do share. I don't have OCD but might find it useful. Thank you in advance
It seems that a large percentage of the world's population has accepted they will never feel good, and so have decided that the immediate solution is to bring others down to their level. I guess they have sort of found a solution to their mental health issues.
I really have just been telling my therapist that I'm doing badly in the same ways biweekly for a whole year with little change or direction going forward.
If i was paying for this, i wouldn't do it. It doesn't even feel like a service. Idk what I'm supposed to do.
I understand the explanation of why "patient" was changed into "client" but I still don't like it personally.
I grew up in an environment where mental illness was treated as something you are expected to just get over, and therapy was a silly pastime for rich suckers. Part of me getting over that prejudice and seeking help was to accept the medical background and knowledge involved in the process, and learning to view myself as a patient and not a some dumbass who fails at life.
To put it differently, a client (to me) is someone who wants and benefits from a service, but can also do without it, while a patient is someone for whom that service is a vital NEED.
I get this mindset is probably stemming from my upbringing but I can't be the only person that struggled with feelings of shame related to therapy itself due to prejudice.
Therapy is not fixing…therapy is a process to be with yourself, to be yourself and to become yourself…therapist is just being there with you in the process, not to fix you…the psyche has her own timing and process…Jung says psyche is a self regulatory system…
If theapy doesn't fix you in any way it needs to be called something else.
As someone who has struggled with panic disorder, even without the “resistance” you can still have symptoms debilitating enough to lose a job even if you aren’t panicking about the symptoms. And since most psychological, diagnosable disorders become disorders when they interfere with daily life, the panic attacks alone are enough to do that, even without any resistance making it worse. So there’s still a giant, life-altering problem with someone prone to panic attacks even if they “accept” that they are going to have panic attacks occasionally.
Panic attacks come from resistance in the first place, the more you expose urself to panic the more you get use to it and ironically the more your u get use to it the more you stop caring about them Wich makes you stop having them. The panic about panic makes you panic haha, it's a paradox Wich is why people stay stuck for so long. Gotta retrain your subconscious by inducing panic everyday
@@frcomet5009 If all panic attacks happen because of the fear that came after previous panic attacks, what causes the first few panic attacks before the vicious cycle starts?
@@joeldoesdesign so alot of times those panic attacks come from two different sources, #1 you have a lot of anxiety that was already built into your every day personality but you were so disconnected from your own emotions and avoiding them that you didn't realize it and it got worse over time or #2 an event that happens that your mind is not use to. Similar to how if you throw a penguin who's habitat has been ice parks his whole life randomly and suddenly into the desert without any preparation or practice.
This hit me hard today. I just quit my internship to becoming a therapist because of problems outlined in this video. I started to get a glimpse into way therapy actually is about (journeying into the underworld with the client) and I felt overwhelmed and not up to the task. I’m not sure if I’m running away from my own fear and self actualization, or if I’m truly learning more about myself and don’t want to have a job that is so emotionally taxing. I haven’t even mastered the quests in my own underworld. Taking others through their own seems hypocritical.
I feel attacked but I needed to hear this . Thank you
Agreed. However, I'd like to add a few words about CBT because it seems to me that its efficacy has been somewhat under attack in recent years. I'm not sure how CBT is applied in the U.S., but from where I live, there is a more integrative approach that incorporates much of Stoicism and considers acceptance and a deeper understanding of one's fundamental psychological needs, which may have been violated in one's biography, as essential components of the therapeutic process. In addition, behavioral therapy does not reject psychodynamic therapy at all, it actually has become more popular to mix therapy models and methods to help clients. I think both CBT and psychdynamic therapy are profound and quite philosophical in their own unique ways.
I completely agree with you though that it is more important to teach clients to develop a realistic attitude and to help them develop a new approach to living with their individual problems. If that's the case, and the relationship between therapist and patient is based on honesty and openness to the process without expecting complete healing, then the model itself becomes secondary, imo.
Thank you, Ana! I loved when you said that when we experience hard times in our life we are exploring and getting to know our personal Underworld and darkness and the subconscious ❤
So glad that you quit the industry to explain how it actually works
I thought I was explaining it before too 😅 but yeah now I have absolutely nothing restricting my ability to share authentically
@@AnaPsychology Hi Ana, is there a video where you explain why you stopped practicing and why you don’t plan to resume ? Just curious. I scrolled back about a year.
@@CertainExposures I touch on it in this video: ruclips.net/video/l9QQ-1Fm4Lk/видео.htmlsi=VslYc1gCymswism7
The short version is that my desire to be a full-time author got to a point where it could no longer be repressed. I haven’t felt ready to make a formal video explaining it yet.
@@AnaPsychology thank you, I’ll give it a watch. Congratulations on putting yourself in a position to follow your dream that way.
I swear to god so many Videos on the same topic with so many people giving their opinions you gotta trust your gut
This video was awesome!. End of sentence. You did an absolutely incredible job explaining such complex concepts! I can’t even find the words to express how enlightening your video was! I’m 47 years old, I’ve experienced a fair amount of trauma in my life (mostly in my childhood) coupled with an extensive amount of therapy. Your video has helped me see therapy and wellness all in a whole new light! I especially love the way you describe the therapeutic relationship/alliance. I only wish I could find someone like you to be my therapist. Nonetheless, I’m so grateful to have found your channel! There’s an endless amount of “therapy” I can do practice just through all of your content. My deepest thanks to you for all the work that must go into creating your content and for freely sharing your knowledge, and insight, and healing with the world.
Many Thanks. Namaste 🙏🏼
I went to therapy a few years back and always expected to myself to do the work. I didn't though that some people just want a quick fix and the therapist just be there to do all the work, unreal to me.
Thank you so much for this Video! Most of the patients doesn‘t realize that they have to work on themselves to change something while beein in therapy (and in general). And at this point I really appreciate the patience of a lot of therapist out there and empathy they got with their patients 😊.
I literally had this conversation with my therapist today. This is such a great video, it helped me dive into and process more deeply the conversation we had.
A major recent three year study of 8,300 people in the UK has just shown that Nature-based social prescribing was far more effective for dealing with mental health challenges than CBT and medication without the guilt inducing aspect of CBT and the nasty side effects of many medications. People that did landcare, hiking, community gardening and outdoor recreation worked much better for a wide range of culturally diverse particpants in the project.
Natural is a "natural and obvious" healer.
I never thought about the resistance as the origin of the issue. That's so interesting! Thanks Anna!
Does anyone know where can I read more about this?
You might like reading about Zen Buddhism, ACT or DBT books that touch on radical acceptance, stoicism… On the more woo-woo side, there are some which I found helpful for acceptance but were also a little weird (lol) like The Untethered Soul and The Power of Now. Also, Man’s Search for Meaning (I’ll be making a video on that one soon on my Book & Hearth channel).
Thank you
I believe in treatment therapy and being my own therapist
And using everything I can to elevate my mental suffering
This is true, I have done the full CBT homework package. I still gotta remind myself to eat breakfast and brush my teeth.
At most therapists can act as an echo chamber to reflect our own thoughts and feelings.
At worst they are enablers for our worst habits and instincts.
This video needs to be required viewing, thanks for the insight
I agree. Went to nine different therapists over 20 years starting in my 20's. So, here I am a 75Y/o straight male virgin. Always a recluse.
It’s ok hope life continues to be good to you❤
I pray you meet the right person
It's too late for me😢
@@brendarudman8806 It's not too late for anybody in my belief.
@@brendarudman8806Not too late for you.🎉
a very good clear concise video with common sense in it. therapy in the NHS did a lot of damage to me and they wrote me off as a no no with part and whole error; part of you is I see as bad so all of you is bad - that is RET which i learnt in the 80's. that is the meaning and interpretation i took of the experience. The therapist i saw was sitting on my left hand side hanging over her chair and i found that very disconcerting. years later i saw her through the glass doors of a theraputic commmunity and i flipped out lost the plot and came off the rails for 20 years. I have never had good mirroring or a solid social network where i feel safe to be myself. it may help people in their early 20's 30's not at my age my crutch is soul therapy flower essences and occassionally essential oils part of mother nature. i can now have compassion for who i was and for the emotional distress i experienced through every part of my life now without any reaction. i would like to have been able to speak up for myself for every experience and incident that through me off balance but unfortuneatly i didn't have what it takes at that time. there is point in blaming myself it just anchors it and makes me feel less than
I have had therapy for two years on going , I did learn I have c.p.t.s.d , opening up for the first time after many years was very difficult for me , I buried my past although I was effected in my life which made me different to most regulated people , my healing is still a work in progress ,
9:40 ❤❤❤😊
12:49 yaahh!!
14:51 elements of the psyche
14:58 a therapist works on the abstract aspects of the mind
16:42 therapist-client relationship
The last therapist I went to I wanted to really dig because I felt more stable and ready, and she said she was specialized in "short therapy", so quick fixes lol. I still decided to keep going because she said we could still do a few months and it's so hard to find a therapist who isn't full around here. It went well for a bit and then she sent everyone an e-mail saying she was moving away like the next week and didn't give the name of any colleague to contact. It's the third time I've tried therapy and the first time it was kinda helping, so that's great.
I'm doing better on my own but I still feel I could benefit from therapy, it's just discouraging
Great video.
I'm definitely a Jungian. What he gave us is priceless.
Definitely the #1 person I’d invite to a dinner party
You should meet Dostoevsky
This makes so much sense you're a genius I swear ❤😊
This is such a good take.. I'd known it before, but maybe the way you put it made me realise some things
It is really nice to hear such a compact summary
Thank you. This has been a productive video and filled the gaps I had based on my experience.
I like the patient vs. client comparison.
I went for 15 years, it helped me a lot when I really needed it at the beginning.
But long term it didn't resolve my PTSD.
In the end it's just an emotional scar that slightly improves with time and patience.
But I've accepted I may never recover, instead just manage my symptoms instead.
I so get this .I had a break down it didn't change who I was during the sessions I had with the physiotherapist it just made me understand myself .so many people put themselves up as therapists and think they can completely change who you are .
You're never fixed from what gets you to thst dark place you just learn how to function as the damaged person that you are .
I cant be fixed. .
Using the mind to "fix" the mind is akin to attempt to levitate by pulling on one's shoestrings.......connect your feet to ground and make art.....any kind.....something will come to meet you, to welcome you.....
This really does not make sense to me. How can you not want to resist things that cause you pain?
How can you not want to fight your condition that keeps you from functioning the way you used to and want to?
What is the answer here? Just accept your condition and everything will be fine? I can see some situations in which that might help a little, but making that her whole point about how we see therapy the wrong way seems even less helpful than resisting.
Yup.
"Hi, I'm here to mow your lawn. There's your lawn mower. That'll be $300."
😂
Maybe if the expectation hadn’t been planted into the cultural zeitgeist, no one would go to therapy hoping to be “fixed”.
Maybe if the notion of a person being “broken” was less pervasive the world would be a better place.
At least the profession is finally attempting to do some cleanup.
I always hated the term client, as I was seeing it as inhumane. Thank you for pointing that out.
Fantastic video. We have indeed created a world that has been robbed of ritual and awe.
I'm not sure but I think it was Carl Rogers that initially made the case that "client" should be used instead of "patient". His original intent was to avoid the negative connotation of it (suggesting your patients/clients are sick and/or have something necessarily wrong with them). That being said, I also don't think that "client" is a good word to replace "patient", but I do agree with the reason why it was initially suggested.
That would make sense. It's frustrating because in trying not to mistreat or stigmatize people with chronic illnesses, especially psychological ones, we over-corrected on some accounts and so patients have suffered for it.
The message in this video was very important!!!!!!
The book you mentioned looks a lot like "Shadow Work". I wanted to do "Shadow Work" a long time ago, and didn't find a good book about it. Thanks for sharing!
Okay so... I just discovered my new favourite youtube channel. You are amazing, i subbed to both channels, keep up the work! The only bad thing is that you're making me add too many new books on my wish list
Yeah it wasnt until I started watching videos on therapy and self soothing that it started to make sense and started making progress. Because when I tried therapy it was a lot harder to properly open up, it mightve helped once I was more self aware but overall I didnt absolutely need it to finally feel like Im whole again. I still do think everyone should try it at least once though, some might need better guidance or maybe encouragement if you happen to get a good enough therapist.
I do have a question, though, if most disorders are disorders of resistance: isn't that kind of patient-blaming? Like "oh, you're giving yourself Borderline Personality Disorder because you can't handle the pain of abandonment, just learn to suck it up."? Like, what's preventing this view of disorders from becoming just "it's your fault"? I'd really like to know
I just updated my emoji/emo quality control flow chart. So, thanks, Dr. Awesomeness.
This IS really good, and SO important to know. Thanks!!
It to me about...10 or so years to get over fairly severe OCD thoughts. One day, I realised that I hadn't thought about them for awhile. I have a flare up from time to time but I now know they're just thoughts and it's up to me as to what I do and don't focus on. We have millions of thoughts flow through our head on a weekly basis and they're not all going to be winners.
Edit: Oh, and wasn't that the reason why Schema Therapy was invented? because CBT was a shorter-term fix but didn't address the maladaptive survival modes we develop as children?
This is the best video you’ve ever made
I don't even see therapy as a viable option for someone in my position, other facfors include autism that can outright make therapy just pointless as its further made me feel alienated.
Well said.
Yup, the biggest thing I got out of therapy was the realization that therapy wasn’t going to help me and that I needed to take my life into my own hands. So, I supposed in a round about way it fulfilled its function, but I have conflicting thoughts lol
That is a perfect way to put it. Same here. Therapy is useless.
@@ArtisticMysticSoul Yea, I paid my therapist to go to sessions and for her to tell me "you need to have more confidence in yourself" and "you need to put yourself out there more" like no shit I knew that already that's why I came here for help.
Long story short we stopped after 2nd or 3rd session.
Interesting! I didn't really know people went to therapy expecting the therapist to fix them, I feel like I've always thought it has been the effort the patient puts in. When I first started therapy for depression I didn't do much outside of it, but still noticed decent benefits. I do think that once I started journaling, other mental/physical health exercises, and cutting addictions/avoidance I noticed the most substantial benefits. But even for the first 3 years without that, it was helpful and led me to put in a lot more work for the last 2.5 years which have seemed very transformational.
Regardless of people's ability to 'do the homework' every interaction changes you. Rather than looking to blame someone and in this case shifting blame from the therapist to the client, how about we all learn that our interactions with others have an 'effect' including 'affect'.
I don’t know you, but most people I know that advocate about therapy don’t expect it will fix themselves, but that it will fix others. Sometimes it looks like that the only reason they go to therapy (or at least they say) is as a tool to convince you that you should go too, as if saying “because, if I make that effort, you should make it too, so I won’t be the only one trying to do something about it”, or in other words, they are saying that you are a problem to be fixed regardless of their own that they think they have (if it comes to be the case). It sounds like the problems they output are somewhat less of a problem because the remaining of the people surrounding them are continuously pouring a bigger problem out there, for not going to therapy. They basically are playing victims all the time.
Therapy is not a cure, nor a fix, but it can potentially build lasting practices and insights. Which is bidirectional in that it depends on the therapist and the patient to build last bridges. Like diabetes, treatment can help if you’re willing to put in the work, but no amount of treatment and medication will fix a bad diet, or sedentary lifestyle, for instance.
I'm a firm believer in nature therapy. I think being in nature away from modern society can go a long way towards healing individuals. Leave the phones and electronics behind and take a hike. Take a hike from your troubles!
Unfortunately a lot of us live in an urban environment, but I agree if you are lucky to live where you have access to the natural world it’s so good for mental health
@@Hildred6 That is very true, a lot of people don't have access.
Karra, Donna Douglas and Heather O'Rourke agree with you.
15:38 This was my ex. He ended up physically assaulting me and I had to leave him permanently and go no contact. I have Borderline/Emotionally Unstable Personality disorder, autism and unresolved trauma. I take all therapy very seriously.
I'm glad you mentioned the idea that we expect modern medicine to be able to prescribe a solution for every problem. Although the reason we expect this is because that's what modern medicine purports to do. But anyone who's ever been to a doctor for eczema, TMJ, depression, or any of a few dozen other commonplace disorders knows that sometimes doctors don't know anywhere near as much as they think they do. Ultimately they just end up distracting you with useless treatments well the problem slowly resolves itself on its own. Or doesn't.
Very good video, thank you.
Psychotherapy is about to change a lot with all the last discoveries that have been made in neurophysiology. Our understanding about our nervous system and how our wounds / trauma are stored in our physiology has already a huge impact on how we support people's healing journey.
I would suggest the book "The body keeps the score" from Bessel van der Kolk to learn more about the subject.
In universities, they are still teaching mostly cognitive approaches and it's very sad because the experts in trauma are already using other approaches like IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Compassionate Inquiry, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, attachment based therapies and so on.
Thanks for this video. This is very important to keep in mind, imo. In particular, even though in CBT you can work around the assumption that "life has to to be easy and effortless," it is important to draw that distinction between pain (nerve firing) and suffering (the meaning given to pain), and that the second one may be optional. BTW, have you looked into Bruce Ecker research about memory reconsolidation and Tori Olds videos about transformational change? I would love your opinion on that.
My roomate keeps wanting to back out of therapy. I think its because he's waiting to find a therpist that will wave a wand and make his pain evaporate. Pain is the only opportunity to practice good mental health strategies though.
You've done a good job with this video. Thank you.
This video made the difference between mental health and the lack of mental illness very clear and I think it is a hugely important distinction. The attitude of "curing mental illness" is often sending the message that your emotions are bad, which they are not inherently.
Your emotions are just trying to tell you something, so you need to get curious with the emotion, why is it here? Try not to resist it, or get angry that it is here. This will undoubtedly improve your emotional maturity and mental health. That's why I like IFS. It teaches you how to be an adult to your sometimes childish but sometimes valid emotions.
Most of the time my emotions are valid, and they are bringing valid complaints that I need to address. Less often they are overreacting with problems or fears that I don't find necessary, so I will politely tell them that "everything is fine, i got this" and the emotion will subside if they think my answers are adequate.
May sound kind of wacky to talk like this to your emotions but they are basically separate parts of you that are trying to give you direction in life, so why not? Your emotions are not you, but they are an integral part of your human experience. Great video it really got my mind going!
Everyone should try IFS!!!
What does IFS stand for?
Internal Family Systems
@@yaknowamsayin thank you!
my emotions drive me insane sometimes so I can’t just do that it doesn’t help
Thank you, I really appreciated this video💖And yes, I'm in a lot of pain but I have no money for theraphy, so I can't be a client for sure (but I am a potential patient).
Also sometimes I think that society or other people pathologize us for just being human and living. Like we are expected to constantly have our life together, no matter the circumstances or what happened to us, to not be to upset or too sad and to always follow some norms, order and expectations. But that wouldn't be fully living, probably, or just a somehow fake and superficial version of life. However it is difficult to balance the messiness that comes from realness, and the order that living in a society with other people requires..
Beautifully spoken