Why Enabling A Child Is More About You Than Them
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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It takes more time and effort to actually help someone than enable their inappropriate behavior time and time again.
In a nutshell, lying for, making excuses for, enabling, spoiled and overall favoritism by mom for my brother has ended up with the following:
1) He quit several colleges.
2) He quit his job 16 years ago.
3) He has not worked since quitting and gets defensive if him getting a job is brought up.
4) He owes my mom thousands of dollars for a car she bought him over a decade ago, repairs to that car, electronics she's bought him, toiletries, food and whatever else she has bought him that she has kept a secret.
5) He has several anger issues and thinks that hitting females is manly 9n some way. Yet, he has ever had a fight with a man. Go figure.
6) My mom is so embarrassed by him and has no control that she takes her anger out one me for the pettiest of situations. We do not get along because of this and I have no respect for her. I actually am happy when my brother disrespect her now because I see her true colors.
7) Every chance I get now, I tell anyone who will listen about my mom's "secret" that she thinks nobody knows about. I got tied of being blamed for telling, when I actually did not, when I would tell her that neighbors or family inquired about his job status. She would go off on me and yell "It's your fault....you told". So now I definitely tell. If you're going to accuse me and make it about me, instead of taking responsibility for enabling his behavior, which lead to this, yes, I'm telling every chance I get.
Awesome. Nearly the exact same situation for 20yrs for my 37yr old brother! My mom enables him to no end. He won’t work because he doesn’t need to. Mommy fix everything. 🥰🫃🏻
Hang in there. You are favored by God for your kindness and patience.
Found your comment and although it’s been years, I completely understand your situation. I have lived this life and now loss my sibling to an overdose, then 4 mths later loss my mother and now left to take care of my mother’s estate that is basically pure debt…why because of my mother’s enabling and my brother’s addiction and manipulation of the situation. If I have learned anything, I refuse to ever leave debt for my children. I so regret not asking the difficult questions.
@@4NaturesStoryI lived this and now am the one left to clean up the whole mess- extensive debt- a home that won’t sell- beyond frustrating. If I can give any advice, I would report the financial abuse to the police. IMO it’s elder abuse.
@@ALenen-r1t she just had a stoke scare at only 69, so he’s not going anywhere now. Useless his whole life and now has a purpose. He’s not going anywhere and will certainly remain fully unemployed.
Parent have to think...what will happen when I'm gone? How does my child survive without them helping themselves?
My mother in laws says when she dies she won’t have to deal with it it won’t be her problem anymore. Basically the person I’m married to will probably go in deep depression when that time comes and I’m not gonna stick around. He hasn’t worked over 7 years
This is a very common problem. How are there not more comments? Lol.
Comment section was closed. They just opened them
Not more comments because there is an abundance of parents enabling children in 2024.
@@vesperbrandenburg😮
My parents pay my rent in an apartment because they don't like living with me. They just hate me so I'm trying this new thing where I don't talk to them or when they are present. When I talk to them they hate everything I say, or my facial expressions or voice (I'm autistic and can't help it) and when I talk when they are present they obsess about me. They're probably still going to obsess about me and put me down but I'll ignore it. Other people think I'm beautiful and have a beautiful voice but they think the opposite. Other people love that I have a good memory but my parents hate it because they don't want me to remember the bad things they said. Other people love that I'm a good listener and ask a lot of questions but my parents hate it because they don't want to answer. I only ask a question once and get called demanding. Yet my parents and family ask me a question multiple times until they get an answer. And I'm never mean to anyone else. It's not worth losing friends.
@@vesperbrandenburg yes a societal norm makes it seem normal and ok when it’s not
I know a friend who has a child with a man like this and his parents house him in their basement, somehow he has a new girlfriend. He works for the family business and so does his sister and it is nuts how they spoke of him by Jimmy not James and he is 37yrs old and has two children from two different woman that basically Grandma cares for most of the time. What kind of person chooses a guy like this to date is another question I've asked?
They marry these wimps pansies because the inheritance from his parents.
I think more awareness needs to be done about what happens when you spoil and enable your kids. I have Googled this personally because I know someone who spoils their 12 year old child and they allow them to spend $75 on an arcade claw machine and not even win one CANDY BAR. A candy bar everyone. You can literally buy 75 bags of candy at the dollar store for $75. I couldn’t believe it. The spending is ridiculous. I talk about it with other people and we all agree it will not turn out well. Unfortunately, we would get chewed out if we even thought about telling them how to parent their kid. So there is no doing any of that.
But anyway I’ve googled this topic and not much comes up about it surprisingly. So I appreciate this video.
There are great books on boundaries. Lookup Allison Bottke on RUclips. She has an amazing story and has written many books about her relationship with her son. Hope this helps.
Spoiling isn’t related to the amount of money spent or even how. It’s the attitude surrounding it. If the child was whining and complaining to get more and more money, that is spoiling and enabling if it’s 75 cents to get A candy bar or $75 and they don’t even get a candy bar. If a parent who has $75 to let a child waste, hands them $75 and says spend it on whatever you want, that’s not spoiling or enabling. If the parent is giving $75 to claw machines when they can’t pay their rent on time that’s not an issue of the child at all. That’s 100% the parents being spoiled and foolish.
@@SRose-vp6ewTotally agree. Money spent has nothing to do with it, there’s nothing wrong with parents distributing wealth to their children. The problem comes from how they get it and why. If they get rewards for bad behavior, that’s what spoiling a child is.
Wow. Wealth is wasted on some people.
Waste is wealth to some people. Think green🌱
It's not just the wealthy. My mom is on a fixed income and enables my brother like this is just normal behavior. He's in his 40s with no college degree, no job for 16 years and anger issues. I posted the longer version on this thread. But it's sad because all these parents are doing is creating burdens for others because when the spoiled, enabled child can't take care of themselves, they become a problem for others.
@@SuperDemodiva Good point! 💚
@@moonsyoungestsun6550 Your point is well taken. TBH, my snarky comment was probably motivated by envy at some level. LOL another saying of my dad's is: Youth is wasted on the young."
This is my husband enabling his drug addict son.
I want to watch the whole episode where is this?
Where is he now???
My 32 old adult child sister is exactly like him, and they share the same facial expressions, sickening.
Gheorghe? 😂😂😂😂 That must be a pain everytime when someone tries to spell that
He’s a Romanian, a country at the border with Ukraine.
But he still mooches off his parents it’s his mothers fault
Where is he now 2022 ?
If only my daughter could meet a guy like this.
Hahahahahahahaha
Lazy parents why did you bother
If you raise your children like this you failed hard
So it happens to all kinds of people
whatever happened to the belt?
I want my mans gma to go on here
😢
Half a milli views and just 12 comments?!?!
Because they’re only now allowing comments for his stuff. This isn’t to say the son was properly treating his parents. He wasn’t. However, the delay in comments was probably because Dr. Phil knows he goes out of his way to treat his guests in an ill manner. He doesn’t realize (or maybe it’s care) you can help people without being rude to them.
We are all too speechless to leave a comment
first comment on a 4 year old video lmao
This are not children...Dr Phil might be the problem
😂
😂