Things Mothers Yell While Giving Birth (Doctor Stories r/AskReddit)

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  • Опубликовано: 2 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 7 тыс.

  • @difficultabroad2665
    @difficultabroad2665 5 лет назад +7581

    lady: *giving birth*
    lady: *aight, imma head out.*

    • @agnieszkaandrysiak
      @agnieszkaandrysiak 5 лет назад +218

      lady: i think the baby is coming
      husband: *ah shit, here we go again.*

    • @itssnotsobad
      @itssnotsobad 5 лет назад +123

      Baby in the womb: ight imma head out

    • @rileymccartney9179
      @rileymccartney9179 5 лет назад +8

      sadlyflavored 😂😂😂💀

    • @Megan-iq4yq
      @Megan-iq4yq 5 лет назад +3

      YASSS

    • @envoxity9544
      @envoxity9544 5 лет назад +15

      Lady: takes test
      Lady: tells husband
      Husband: nooooo

  • @majjaroni
    @majjaroni 5 лет назад +12245

    “DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE” - I have never laughed harder

    • @lejacque4003
      @lejacque4003 5 лет назад +103

      Lol read your comment just when i saw that part

    • @cupidcrush
      @cupidcrush 5 лет назад +57

      TBH SAME

    • @leviathanpretzel
      @leviathanpretzel 5 лет назад +77

      my friend sprained his knee and is getting surgery for it soon and i wish he asked for stupid help for me to react to in that way...

    • @thatonemutekid7319
      @thatonemutekid7319 5 лет назад +12

      No help me

    • @SarahSueXo
      @SarahSueXo 5 лет назад +2

      💀!!!!!

  • @_herais_1741
    @_herais_1741 5 лет назад +9346

    “What the heck? are you guys weaving a friendship bracelet down there?!”
    *wheezes*

    • @timbits4dayz
      @timbits4dayz 5 лет назад +106

      That was the best

    • @TheBetterJana
      @TheBetterJana 5 лет назад +71

      i was in the room with my mum while watching and looked like a maniac trying to contain my laughter 🤣👀

    • @brookec.218
      @brookec.218 5 лет назад +14

      Kiyoko McKay lol

    • @huyup123456
      @huyup123456 5 лет назад +34

      I BIT MY BABY DADDY'S TESTICLES OFF AND SPIT THEM AT THE DOCTORS!

    • @deathbestowed4312
      @deathbestowed4312 5 лет назад +32

      @@huyup123456 are you high?

  • @flameepidemic4839
    @flameepidemic4839 3 года назад +2163

    The one where the daughter said “you wouldn’t understand mom” mightve been adopted so that one makes sense like i could say that to my mom since she never gave birth lol

    • @alanvoresque2483
      @alanvoresque2483 3 года назад +136

      Nop I think its force of habit *YOU DONT GET IT MOM! NO ONE UNDERRSTANDSS ME!!!*

    • @brittanyhernandez4778
      @brittanyhernandez4778 3 года назад +67

      I feel like if they were adopted they would've mentioned that in the post.

    • @avatarkristy7962
      @avatarkristy7962 3 года назад +10

      I guess we never know

    • @Camila-df6yt
      @Camila-df6yt 3 года назад +20

      I thought she has said that because she were a c section 🤔

    • @spadonking
      @spadonking 3 года назад +1

      This comment is the dumbest thing I've ever read

  • @duchi882
    @duchi882 5 лет назад +9274

    *Fact of the Day:*
    Babies do not shoot out across the room to be caught like a football

    • @justsomeone6966
      @justsomeone6966 5 лет назад +520

      *he's caught the baby he runs across the room to the mother and TOUCHDOWN he's delivered the baby to the mother 15 points*

    • @ston3ac3
      @ston3ac3 5 лет назад +89

      Tired of seeing fake facts like this get a hobby.

    • @DandDgamer
      @DandDgamer 5 лет назад +92

      This story made me smile. Really cute to think of such an earnest dorky new dad

    • @chopper7887
      @chopper7887 5 лет назад +21

      Touchdown

    • @wintershock
      @wintershock 5 лет назад +26

      StoneAce_ 9449425 but it’s true, babies don’t shoot across the room.

  • @loulousmashXD
    @loulousmashXD 4 года назад +3090

    When I was delivering my baby boy I screamed "April fools! I'm not pregnant!"
    His head was out... And it was October...
    I was high on the gas and air, don't judge! 😅

    • @animationpigeon4378
      @animationpigeon4378 4 года назад +118

      I'm surprised I wasn't born on April 1st

    • @m.e3491
      @m.e3491 4 года назад +45

      @@animationpigeon4378 my grandma was OwO

    • @pondererofpointlessdreams5029
      @pondererofpointlessdreams5029 4 года назад +60

      @@m.e3491 your grandma is a joke

    • @m.e3491
      @m.e3491 4 года назад +39

      @@pondererofpointlessdreams5029 lmao ya that's what my grandad thought XD

    • @amychoulat834
      @amychoulat834 4 года назад +4

      Gas is no joke

  • @Mary-yh1vt
    @Mary-yh1vt 5 лет назад +4543

    When I was born my cord was wrapped around my neck, I came out purple. My dad yelled "It's an alien!" He almost immediately asked if I had a tail. He was 27.

    • @lemoncos4773
      @lemoncos4773 5 лет назад +353

      Mary that same thing happened to me! Expect I came out red, and everyone was like “ITS A TOMATO.” Cause I looked like a bright red tomato. By the time they got it off, i was blue 😂

    • @Miller-og8ke
      @Miller-og8ke 5 лет назад +72

      Same but it was worse for me because I was a micro premi

    • @TheGhostiestHatRack
      @TheGhostiestHatRack 5 лет назад +26

      same but i was blue

    • @jalialmao129
      @jalialmao129 5 лет назад +43

      PaleRose because she’s and you’re making a big deal out of something that’s not even that big of a deal

    • @elijahelkins9628
      @elijahelkins9628 5 лет назад +3

      Mary lmao I also had my cord around my neck when I was born
      We lucky

  • @callumtait4793
    @callumtait4793 4 года назад +1537

    My dad recited poetry to me while my mom was giving birth, hoping that I would grow up to be a poetry lover like him. It did not work. I now have an irrational hatred of poetry.

    • @noomre9105
      @noomre9105 3 года назад +101

      all hatred of poetry is rational.

    • @bearvillebear1468
      @bearvillebear1468 3 года назад +21

      Keep strong. Dont forget that despite the evil in this world, God is full of justice, mercy and love.
      Justice said we broke His perfect law - causing the world's previous perfection to be destroyed - and therefore we deserve Hell (like a punishment in any legal system but this is eternal as His perfect law is eternal too). Don't think you fit in that category? Ever done one of these?: lying, stealing - regardless of how small the object EVER, hating others - which is murder in God's perfect law, lusting (plus God sees our entire thought life). Justice says "the soul that sins shall die".
      BUT, mercy said "I dont want to give them what they deserve. I don't want them to be cut off from Me. I love them despite all they have done/will do against Me. I want to give My children another chance. I want them to come home and live in My love again".
      And love said "Jesus, God's Son, came down as a Man, our representative, suffering every temptation, pain and struggle we have ever faced, yet without sin. He took all our sins (past/present/ even future) to the cross and then crucified EVERY ONE on our behalf. Justice was paid on the cross so that we can be free from Hell's punishment, experience Gods mercy of forgiveness of sin and live in His love. If we turn from the sins we have committed and repent (turn away from our sin and pursue the opposite direction of love through Christ) He will, overtime, recreate us back into that previously perfect image through The Holy Spirit which Jesus sends to all who accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior of their life.
      He is in Heaven right now preparing a place for us so that He can take His faithful, believing children home with Him when He returns. He will ressurrect us from death when He returns, giving mercy to those who accept His love, instruction and teachings in their life, and give justice to those who refuse it.
      He doesn't want ANY of us to go to Hell and die for continuing in evil and rejecting His way to life, thats why He died FOR us. He wants us to be His and begin to follow His life of love and service through Him (not ourselves as it's impossible without depending on His power and instruction). So long as we keep our hearts near to Christ through His strength, strive to obey His will of perfect love revealed in the Bible, and ask Him to help us in the midst of (very certain) pitfalls and struggles, we will, in time, win the victory over sin, pain and DEATH through Christ. Even if you are willing to be made willing, pray for Jesus to come in and He will.
      NOTE: You are NEVER too sinful or messed up that God cannot turn your life around through Jesus. EVER.
      Xx if you have any questions let me know!

    • @callumtait4793
      @callumtait4793 3 года назад +153

      @@bearvillebear1468 okay look I'm a Christian too but that was a little much bro. Like I understand and stuff but there's a time and a place. Different people with different religions are on this app and some of them might have religious trauma or be triggered by that stuff. Even if your intentions are good, you're not going to convert someone in a RUclips comment section.

    • @somebodyputsomethinginmydr1051
      @somebodyputsomethinginmydr1051 3 года назад +17

      It worked for me. Cause of that comment I am now a Hardcore Christian!

    • @shnarky9707
      @shnarky9707 3 года назад +9

      @@somebodyputsomethinginmydr1051 Kap

  • @valential586
    @valential586 4 года назад +3211

    “The tumor was a healthy baby girl.”
    I can’t stop laughing for some reason-

    • @_docaid
      @_docaid 4 года назад +22

      Did she keep the baby though ..

    • @mvki6935
      @mvki6935 4 года назад +5

      Damn it's been 3 months
      You okay?)

    • @__-mo3zt
      @__-mo3zt 4 года назад +3

      I was the 666th like uh is this a sign

    • @coral8164
      @coral8164 4 года назад +3

      Omg 666

    • @soup8451
      @soup8451 3 года назад +4

      Reminds me of Black Jack

  • @withmyhonesty
    @withmyhonesty 5 лет назад +2803

    sister: **gives birth**
    mom: itll be ok
    sister: *YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS FEELS*

    • @mxyflower7834
      @mxyflower7834 5 лет назад +315

      mom:
      *i'm your mom you little bi-*

    • @nycodary
      @nycodary 5 лет назад +129

      Well, it depends. My mom wouldn't know cause she had c section twice so she never got the experience the pains of natural childbirth.

    • @withmyhonesty
      @withmyhonesty 5 лет назад +21

      oh, well i was born premature, so if i got c section my mother would've died. my mom then explained she got c section for none of her other babies, as her 1st born (my big half-brother) was born when she was 16, and her 2nd born (my big sister) was born when she was 24, and her 3rd was born when she was 28 and me when she was 28. (im youngest). i dont know if shes ever gotten c section

    • @ellaneill2927
      @ellaneill2927 5 лет назад +16

      Nicoleta Daria Rosu Well, c-sections hut really badly as well. Thank your mom next time you see her.

    • @TheMattc999
      @TheMattc999 5 лет назад +8

      Ella Neill I'm sure they do, but doubtfully anywhere near as bad as natural child birth with no pain meds. That actually even hurt me. My girl squeezed my hand so hard I had to get pins in my 4th metacarpal. Everything was done and I asked her Dr if he would take a look at my hand right quick (it was already swollen and my pinky was sticking out at a couple different odd angles). I was in x-ray about half an hour later and in surgery a few hours after that. In all fairness I managed not to make a sound as she was squeezing away. I got back from surgery, went back to see my girl and our new little girl and the first thing she said to me was "Ok, I guess we're even now.".....

  • @mothersuperior2673
    @mothersuperior2673 5 лет назад +11015

    *Casually attempts to leave hospital while giving birth*

    • @lordpreminger
      @lordpreminger 5 лет назад +147

      Elle The Animator that would be me

    • @tigerlilly9809
      @tigerlilly9809 5 лет назад +205

      I also said, nope, that's enough. I'm not doing this today.

    • @alexs.5171
      @alexs.5171 5 лет назад +39

      Elle The Animator I thought that only happens one that one episode of Mom.
      Nope, guess not. XD

    • @abbydawn2027
      @abbydawn2027 5 лет назад +129

      It’s fight or flight and she chose flight

    • @puffel8145
      @puffel8145 5 лет назад +140

      she used the reverse card, pushed the baby back in and left.

  • @nxghtmaremsp
    @nxghtmaremsp 3 года назад +328

    "I've never seen it before in my life"
    I'm crying

  • @kirstenandersen1430
    @kirstenandersen1430 5 лет назад +2317

    My dad was pulled over for speeding while try to get my mom to the hospital when she went into labor with me. She yelled at dad not to pull over but he said he had to. To cop came up to the door, took one look at my mom and just told them to go. When they got to the hospital, a nurse ran up to them and told them that they already had everything ready. Turns out she was that cop's wife and he had called ahead of time to warn her that there was a pregnant lady heading her way.

    • @kimanhoanthi117
      @kimanhoanthi117 5 лет назад +226

      Zero FKSGVN 😂 that is so cute for some reason

    • @decoygale131
      @decoygale131 5 лет назад +176

      wholesome

    • @bitchmood2100
      @bitchmood2100 5 лет назад +135

      Awww that's so kind

    • @naritruwireve1381
      @naritruwireve1381 5 лет назад +77

      That. Is. So. Wholesome!

    • @kam1968
      @kam1968 5 лет назад +70

      How did the cop know they were going to his wife's hospital tho-
      The only thing I can think of is that it was pretty close or something

  • @cb-ig5pn
    @cb-ig5pn 4 года назад +1034

    “OH MY GOD SHE DOESNT HAVE A FACE” lmaooo im done

  • @alexaltego
    @alexaltego 4 года назад +855

    *“That’s not mine, never seen it in my life”* lmao

    • @serenidyscott343
      @serenidyscott343 4 года назад +12

      Kinda true there tho! She *hasn't* seen it before in her life

    • @ducky8148
      @ducky8148 4 года назад +11

      *put that mf in the lost and found*

    • @skyshale
      @skyshale 4 года назад +3

      *Take it to the lost and found*

  • @miliyawhite4354
    @miliyawhite4354 4 года назад +845

    When my mom had give birth to me , she griped my dad's hand so hard that it bleeds . So when my mom is giving birth to my sister , he had learnt his lesson and stand three meters away from her , shouting, 'COM'ON HONEY , YOU CAN DO IT! JUST NNNNNNNNGGGGG! DO IT AS IF YOUR POOPING! NNNNNGGGGGG '
    The people beside him were like staring at him , as if they were questioning wheather he is the one giving birth or my mom is , since he was screaming louder than my mom and the lady who is beside her who is also giving birth🤣🤣🤣

    • @sarcasm_incarnate_3263
      @sarcasm_incarnate_3263 3 года назад +19

      Hahahahaha

    • @aquariette6769
      @aquariette6769 3 года назад +62

      I laughed infront of my brother and now we won't stop laughing.. .IT'S CONTAGIOUS

    • @miliyawhite4354
      @miliyawhite4354 3 года назад +46

      @@aquariette6769 yeah its pretty funny when i first heard it...my mom still hold grudge to my dad in this present day🤣🤣🤣

    • @sleeppyy3221
      @sleeppyy3221 3 года назад +35

      BAHAHAHA THE “NNNNNNGGG” AND THE FACT THAT HE WAS THE LOUDEST IS HILARIOUS

    • @danajamanley9451
      @danajamanley9451 3 года назад +8

      I diedddd😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @annag1740
    @annag1740 4 года назад +2052

    "Doing this awkward jig, wanting to be helpful but not really knowing how to be helpful"
    This is me everyday. All the time.

    • @jamietehslytherin9558
      @jamietehslytherin9558 4 года назад +12

      Same tho 😂

    • @v4mpb3rry
      @v4mpb3rry 4 года назад +5

      ME TOO 😂

    • @liyawilson4633
      @liyawilson4633 4 года назад +3

      YES

    • @sophiaredwood5825
      @sophiaredwood5825 4 года назад +3

      Felt this 😂

    • @eileensnow6153
      @eileensnow6153 3 года назад +11

      “Like this?” (Does everything wrong) “Oops...”
      (Sigh) “Thanks, Eileen, but we’ll take it from here...can someone grab me a broom, please?”
      “I can grab-“
      “No, no, it’s okay, I got it, no worries...”
      They know I mean well. :/

  • @ellasedits_
    @ellasedits_ 5 лет назад +3829

    woman: **giving birth** wait no
    woman: *violently pressing escape key*

  • @alrightyaphrodite4997
    @alrightyaphrodite4997 4 года назад +2933

    “i gave birth to my nephew”
    _wait a second there pal_

    • @kyla2776
      @kyla2776 4 года назад +282

      Its called surrogacy

    • @babyyoda7697
      @babyyoda7697 4 года назад +83

      Exactly what I thought 😂

    • @environ_mental0192
      @environ_mental0192 4 года назад +173

      She was the surrogate for her sister

    • @No-tv4ln
      @No-tv4ln 4 года назад +40

      Wait, thats illegal!

    • @asinine8143
      @asinine8143 4 года назад +217

      I love my siblings and all, but i aint pushing out any of their kids.

  • @threeRcar
    @threeRcar 3 года назад +1473

    “Oh frick me this hurts!”
    “That’s how we got in this mess damnit!”

    • @w3irdcor3buddy52
      @w3irdcor3buddy52 3 года назад +83

      Imagine remembering back when your mom gave birth to you, and that’s the first thing you hear in your life

    • @lilcinnamonroll9577
      @lilcinnamonroll9577 3 года назад +23

      I was your 70th like, apologies.

    • @Feral_cockroach121
      @Feral_cockroach121 3 года назад +19

      @@lilcinnamonroll9577 Apologies accepted.

    • @Kazolois
      @Kazolois 3 года назад +2

      @@w3irdcor3buddy52 LMAOOO😭😭😭

  • @Shrew-22O1
    @Shrew-22O1 5 лет назад +483

    *”Take it to lost and found”* 😂😂

    • @St0n3r_St3v3
      @St0n3r_St3v3 5 лет назад +4

      69 likes=nice

    • @cutiemary
      @cutiemary 5 лет назад +3

      I'm not gonna like this comment cuz
      69
      Nice

    • @atinywoolvr
      @atinywoolvr 5 лет назад

      I read this as it was said

  • @dcalc0mania
    @dcalc0mania 5 лет назад +4219

    imagine you're in the middle of surgery and you hear the doctor go "whoops"

    • @nome7764
      @nome7764 4 года назад +57

      @@cigarttae3387 😂

    • @taarryynnn
      @taarryynnn 4 года назад +100

      OH HECKKK NAHHH MANNN I would honestly throw the closest thing at him or her and scream "WHOOPS"

    • @ineedapencil3657
      @ineedapencil3657 4 года назад +75

      StrongPowerTY well my heart would go “whoops” down to my ass

    • @stopfanwarbeagoodhumanbeki9226
      @stopfanwarbeagoodhumanbeki9226 4 года назад +26

      Terrifying

    • @itzzhoshiuwu7449
      @itzzhoshiuwu7449 4 года назад +36

      **confused screaming in dead**

  • @sageseeker9197
    @sageseeker9197 5 лет назад +1594

    Apparently my parents got pulled over by a cop on the way to the hospital when my mom was in labor.
    She was like "Look you let us go or you're gonna deliver this baby."
    He let them get the hospital where I was then born.

  • @lilithtester1149
    @lilithtester1149 4 года назад +165

    I'm watching this video to prepare for the pain when I'm older. This actually made me feel worse, from the ways the women reacted. Like, "Are you guys weaving a friendship bracelet down there?" Even if I dont get stitches, I'm scared.

    • @alanvoresque2483
      @alanvoresque2483 3 года назад +23

      This is late but honey you always have the option to go on anesthesia (unless you are allergic- then- something else) and wake up when the whole thing is over.

    • @JariDawnchild
      @JariDawnchild 3 года назад +11

      This is a year or so late but it's not as scary as it sounds. Not everyone tears, and I've been told most women don't feel it when they're stitched up. I can't speak too much regarding personal experience with vaginal birth, as my daughter was a c-section, but I do have stories from other women in my family.
      Most of us tend to laugh at shit like this because after the fact, it IS funny, but if you're looking for genuine advice and prep, a video like this isn't where you should be looking. ❤
      I will say, though, as far as pain goes, I had no pain tolerance before labor. After a 17hr labor and being forced to walk up and down the hospital hallway with a fresh abdominal incision (sometimes while holding my infant, yes I made sure the nurse didn't wander too far), my pain tolerance may as well be a brick wall.
      All of this shit sounds scary, but every female who birthed your ancestors did the same thing. You've got every single female in your bloodline that came before you with you, because ultimately you came from them, and we're all made of our ancestors.
      If you've decided not to give birth, that's ok. ❤

    • @vveeboo_
      @vveeboo_ 3 года назад +4

      Im a boy but hope i can help, in my religion we have to cut the skin on the end of our ***** so we can be healthy and religion thing of course, I was always scared when I hear it, but it's actually not bad, it doesn't hurt

    • @thisismylovehandle
      @thisismylovehandle 3 года назад +1

      It's a "clean" pain. Not the pain of injury or some bad illness. It hurts but you're ok. Not scary just intense.

    • @juliefarrell6688
      @juliefarrell6688 3 года назад +1

      @@JariDawnchild my mom told me she had tears from giving birth as in insult

  • @mileycyrus201198
    @mileycyrus201198 4 года назад +1819

    "don't help the cripple" I hate myself for laughing

    • @detectivesnickers6176
      @detectivesnickers6176 4 года назад +33

      Don't hate yourself, they were helping prevent cancer

    • @ninjaofspy
      @ninjaofspy 4 года назад +23

      I have a friend who we call "the cripple" bc of course he uses a wheelchair and I instantly thought of him in this kind of situation and couldn't help laughing

    • @slasherking747
      @slasherking747 4 года назад +4

      That is why Bonnie Swanson is on the thumbnail

    • @fallenangeldraco3778
      @fallenangeldraco3778 4 года назад +2

      I don't hate myself for having to stop the video to laugh at that

    • @fallenangeldraco3778
      @fallenangeldraco3778 4 года назад +5

      I can imagine her hearing the old man ask the dad to but him cigarettes and her immediate reaction being "no, we are NOT doing that"

  • @thanatos204
    @thanatos204 5 лет назад +5207

    "whoops" is not something you want to hear the surgeon say.

    • @candiedpeach1280
      @candiedpeach1280 5 лет назад +271

      If a surgeon, hair cutter person, or a tattoo artist says “whoops 😬” then you know you’re in trouble

    • @huyup123456
      @huyup123456 5 лет назад +15

      I DID A CUM ENEMA JUST NOW!

    • @flame1949
      @flame1949 5 лет назад +55

      ElectricBoba シ I would be like, “WHATDIDYOUJUSTDOTOME”

    • @lilymcclure2410
      @lilymcclure2410 5 лет назад +27

      @@candiedpeach1280 or a construction worker.

    • @candiedpeach1280
      @candiedpeach1280 5 лет назад +3

      Lily McClure definitely 😂

  • @gwyn3219
    @gwyn3219 5 лет назад +1636

    normal people: "she's 4 feet 11 inches"
    tExT tO sPeEcH: *"she's 4 minutes and 11 seconds"*

    • @ochelcatt5767
      @ochelcatt5767 5 лет назад +5

      Actually the quote and apostrophe are commonly used as time as well as measurement. For example, my car times calls, sand they are used during the timing. It’s just a simpler way of measuring time without having to write it all out.

    • @itzjustice8175
      @itzjustice8175 5 лет назад

      G.G Marie it’s a he

    • @223antemerediem2
      @223antemerediem2 5 лет назад +2

      420 lieks

    • @gwyn3219
      @gwyn3219 5 лет назад

      @@ochelcatt5767 oh okay, just found it funny

    • @gwyn3219
      @gwyn3219 5 лет назад

      @@itzjustice8175 oops

  • @y.o.u.r.l.o.c.a.l.o.m.n.i34
    @y.o.u.r.l.o.c.a.l.o.m.n.i34 3 года назад +100

    I can imagine the little girl growing up and saying to her friends that the first thing that came out my mums mouth when she was in labour with me was "I think is a tumour"

    • @alanvoresque2483
      @alanvoresque2483 3 года назад +6

      I think "HOLY HELL THATS A BIG DONG" Is worse. That kid is going to know of his exceptional dong from others. Mortifyyinggg

    • @kellytaylor1282
      @kellytaylor1282 3 года назад

      Then she says, its not a tumor, in Arnold Swarzaneggar's voice

  • @pamplemoussebleu8422
    @pamplemoussebleu8422 5 лет назад +965

    "I don't wanna do this, I'm going the frick home."
    I laughed so hard at this omg

    • @OvSpP
      @OvSpP 4 года назад +19

      The baby: Damnit mom, we were this close.

    • @nicholemiles8847
      @nicholemiles8847 4 года назад +1

      I did to.

    • @spoof9318
      @spoof9318 4 года назад +1

      Meh too but almost suffocated because I accidentally stopped air from comping out my nose and mouth. I’m an idiot. I could accidentally commit die and not even know

  • @caleighhorn4456
    @caleighhorn4456 5 лет назад +2941

    I actually have a friend who is an African American ginger. He is dark, freckles, and RED hair.

    • @pixiebubbles2628
      @pixiebubbles2628 5 лет назад +133

      Maybe that was your friend's birth story?

    • @fridamoreno4224
      @fridamoreno4224 5 лет назад +282

      Damn. One in a million. I'd like to see that guy 🙌

    • @annag1740
      @annag1740 5 лет назад +232

      When I heard this I thought "Ron Weasley's and Dean Thomas's baby."
      I need help I'm sorry...

    • @kiarva
      @kiarva 5 лет назад +20

      @@annag1740 lmfaoo

    • @damenwhelan3236
      @damenwhelan3236 5 лет назад +69

      @@annag1740
      Atleast someone remembers Dean isn't white.

  • @katsukibakugo3913
    @katsukibakugo3913 4 года назад +3252

    12:55 "I gave birth to my nephew."
    Everyone: *Wait a second.*

    • @kaitlynbooth9954
      @kaitlynbooth9954 4 года назад +612

      I was thinking maybe she was a surrogate for her sister?

    • @liamweaver2944
      @liamweaver2944 4 года назад +243

      My thoughts exactly LMAO. Although, Void Dark’s comment makes sense, I wish she had specified what she meant.

    • @Bulls_Aye
      @Bulls_Aye 4 года назад +179

      Yeah i was a bit confused. Maybe she carried for her sibling.

    • @jamietehslytherin9558
      @jamietehslytherin9558 4 года назад +62

      Katsuki w-what are you doing h-here

    • @linglingsviolin3454
      @linglingsviolin3454 4 года назад +35

      *Hollup*

  • @thaisacattoor1636
    @thaisacattoor1636 3 года назад +513

    Okay so my mom literally was so calm during my brith, it was a C section
    mom: how's it going there, this hurts like shit
    Doctor: wait you're hurting?
    Mom: yep

    • @planweepy
      @planweepy 3 года назад +38

      Damn, I've heard stories about it hurting so much people would actually scream and it'd be heard throughout the building, so impressive she was able to stay calm.

    • @emberlight931
      @emberlight931 3 года назад +5

      This is too funny!😂

    • @randomheadful7190
      @randomheadful7190 3 года назад +6

      I didn’t scream at all during my two kids’ labors. But I did sing and that was much more annoying.

    • @Elunatrix
      @Elunatrix 3 года назад +1

      Nice Small Might pfp

    • @Phoenix__Void
      @Phoenix__Void 3 года назад +1

      @@Elunatrix you mean Small Might?

  • @v06261
    @v06261 5 лет назад +4633

    My dad missed my birth completely because he was across the street getting ice cream

    • @meltingmarshmallows6431
      @meltingmarshmallows6431 5 лет назад +583

      Valery Nicolle Lemus Sandoval mine was getting milk, he still is

    • @lex4992
      @lex4992 5 лет назад +68

      Ann’s Adventure really same

    • @texasrepublic2332
      @texasrepublic2332 5 лет назад +54

      Oof

    • @rushingwater2.0
      @rushingwater2.0 5 лет назад +308

      My dad almost missed my brothers birth because he was on deployment. He and this other guy had to fly a helicopter back to land so my dad could witness the birth of his fourth child. Funny thing is that the other guy had to go to a funeral.

    • @urgae9125
      @urgae9125 5 лет назад +102

      He had his priorities

  • @Cmrang99
    @Cmrang99 5 лет назад +1601

    The lady who made the post about giving birth to her nephew edited her reddit comment to include this,
    “*edit apparently there is some confusion how a person can give birth to a baby that is not theirs. My sister had had miscarriages again and again and one seriously threatened her health. She had viable eggs but the dr advised her against trying to get pregnant again. They were discussing adoption (as we had been adopted when we were young) and while it was a very viable option there are a lot of hoops to jump through. (especially since her husband didn't have any living family and we had cut ties from both of our parents and a majority of our family). We joked that I should get pregnant and give her the baby and a lightbulb went on. They asked if the dr could harvest viable eggs and fertilize them if I would be willing to carry a baby for them. Fast forward about a year later and they had eggs ready to and I went in and got pregnant with her baby. The dr that implanted the eggs was there when my nephew was born as well. It was a pretty normal pregnancy in all aspects with the difference being I had no genetic link to the baby.”

    • @crpineo
      @crpineo 5 лет назад +194

      Now I'm just trying to come up with all the ways they could mess with the kid's head once he's old enough to understand just how weird it can sound

    • @penguin-tc1cx
      @penguin-tc1cx 5 лет назад +41

      ohh okay thanks for clearing it up

    • @zoep5391
      @zoep5391 5 лет назад +84

      Surrogate. Simple as that. My mother had my brother and I IVF

    • @rand0mn33ss
      @rand0mn33ss 5 лет назад +3

      Thanks, lol.

    • @emwrsk
      @emwrsk 5 лет назад +4

      Ohhh. Thank you

  • @armani-chan4053
    @armani-chan4053 4 года назад +2732

    Apparently when my mum gave birth to me she screamed: "I'M BEING ABDUCTED BY LLAMAS!"
    I think she'd taken extra drugs.

    • @moonbean657
      @moonbean657 4 года назад +158

      I read this comment
      I lost it

    • @nataliereese3826
      @nataliereese3826 4 года назад +162

      This is a horrible comment to read in the middle of the night while people are trying to sleep, but it had me dying

    • @lucyicanel
      @lucyicanel 3 года назад +49

      Oh my god that's amazing.

    • @glassypunstm7080
      @glassypunstm7080 3 года назад +21

      ahahahaa

    • @niuginiannative5517
      @niuginiannative5517 3 года назад +13

      LMAO

  • @Ashaliyeva
    @Ashaliyeva 3 года назад +89

    When my younger niece was born, her head was misshapen, and the docs had a little monitor attached to her scalp. And as soon as my eldest niece saw her, she whispered to her dad, “Daddy, it looks like an alien.”
    Also, when my older sister (whose 16 years older than I am) watched our mom give birth to me, she said that was the best birth control ever, lol!

    • @randomheadful7190
      @randomheadful7190 3 года назад +6

      My son’s wife just gave birth to their first child. My son’s reaction to his daughter’s cone head was absolute terror. I tried to calm him down and tell him that was totally normal but he was so afraid her head would stay that way. A few weeks later, her head rounded out and he felt better but admits he didn’t believe me that her head wouldn’t stay that way. 😂

  • @friendlypolytheist1201
    @friendlypolytheist1201 5 лет назад +326

    When my mom was in labor my memere felt like she might faint. She pulled a nurse aside and told her. The nurse screams “We’re Losing the Mother!” everyone rushes to my mom. “Not that Mother the Mother’s Mother!!”
    .
    .
    This story has been passed down forever in family gatherings.

  • @renee5484
    @renee5484 5 лет назад +491

    9:51 "That's not mine, I've never seen it before in my life" I laughed so hard I was scared I was going to knock the computer off my lap!

  • @vibeyvibevibes
    @vibeyvibevibes 5 лет назад +2621

    Woman: *stomach gradually gets bigger over 9 months*
    Also woman: *water breaks and goes into labor having contractions*
    Paramedic: boi you preggo I can see the head
    Woman: hell naw that’s a tumor

    • @fere1969
      @fere1969 5 лет назад +26

      lmao I love your name and profile pic hahah xD

    • @monlightgacha2096
      @monlightgacha2096 5 лет назад +5

      How do u put writing in bold?? Plz tell meh😂😭😣

    • @Starpentine
      @Starpentine 5 лет назад +8

      Moønliģht Gacha
      I’ll tell you :D you put a * and another one at the end of the whole sentence.
      *then you can write like this* :3

    • @Iamadumbteenboy
      @Iamadumbteenboy 5 лет назад +2

      *Uh oh*

    • @kitcat9038
      @kitcat9038 5 лет назад +10

      Well I mean, children are like cancer.

  • @raydar2877
    @raydar2877 3 года назад +175

    The sister: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME, MOM
    The entire hospital: Do you are have stupid?

  • @kirstenhopson4496
    @kirstenhopson4496 4 года назад +272

    “DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE” I can’t breathe

  • @ocatatodapotato2497
    @ocatatodapotato2497 4 года назад +320

    From what my mom says, when I was born the nurse had to yell into the hallway 'Tell the doctor to put on roller skates or he ain't gonna make it'.

  • @CoRLex-jh5vx
    @CoRLex-jh5vx 5 лет назад +363

    My mum gave birth while World's Strongest Man was on the tv. My dad had to turn it off became he couldn't tell who was screaming and was getting a headache trying to figure it out.

  • @voiryangel
    @voiryangel 3 года назад +59

    i can’t get over the “I’m Lady Darth Vader” “can you feel my tonsils?” LOL

  • @estherana1724
    @estherana1724 5 лет назад +339

    “The delivery nurse for my son’s birth was about four minutes and eleven seconds.”
    👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  • @humblebumbblebee
    @humblebumbblebee 5 лет назад +4315

    "Fortunately when I gave birth to my nephew..."
    _hold on a minute_

    • @xrubypandax9326
      @xrubypandax9326 5 лет назад +395

      I'm glad I'm not the only one confused here

    • @doreenz3790
      @doreenz3790 5 лет назад +512

      she's a surrogate.

    • @Lavenderfrostt
      @Lavenderfrostt 5 лет назад +51

      @@doreenz3790 ok but where does it say that?

    • @freshavocado7807
      @freshavocado7807 5 лет назад +133

      The Male Gardevoir Yeah that’s most likely when a person gives birth to their own nephew dumbass they are making a inference and a smart one at that so please sit your ass down

    • @DinosaurNick
      @DinosaurNick 5 лет назад +42

      @@Lavenderfrostt I guess it's implied.

  • @Str6wbie
    @Str6wbie 5 лет назад +729

    "That's not mine. I've never seen it before in my life. Take it to the lost and found."
    Why does that sound like something I'd say after giving birth?

    • @needledbugs
      @needledbugs 4 года назад +12

      Princess that’s fucked up

    • @lily-annbarrett5580
      @lily-annbarrett5580 4 года назад +1

      {Honey} 😂😂😭

    • @BlueViolet13
      @BlueViolet13 4 года назад +1

      I laughed so hard and long when I heard that.

    • @Str6wbie
      @Str6wbie 4 года назад +5

      @@needledbugs Dude, Its not actually what I'd say, it's a joke because I'm stupid.

    • @needledbugs
      @needledbugs 4 года назад +2

      Princess yea ik lol

  • @bbbbbunni3834
    @bbbbbunni3834 4 года назад +264

    "the delivery nurse for my son's birth was about *four minutes and eleven seconds* "
    ah yes, i am five minutes and 3 seconds

    • @Seraphyl333
      @Seraphyl333 3 года назад +9

      *WHEEZE* hello I'm 6 minutes

    • @squarity6057
      @squarity6057 3 года назад +4

      me: *what the frick is the passage of time*

    • @Rose-cx9iz
      @Rose-cx9iz 3 года назад +2

      Hello I'm 5 minutes and 1 second!

    • @kaveh_the_autismist
      @kaveh_the_autismist 3 года назад +1

      hello 5 minutes and 9 seconds

    • @bhoomikaa369
      @bhoomikaa369 3 года назад +1

      Hello 5 minutes and 5 seconds

  • @OPJuiceBox
    @OPJuiceBox 5 лет назад +512

    Lady: *giving birth*
    Lady: lol nvm *attempts to get off the table*

    • @bigred8730
      @bigred8730 5 лет назад +22

      Probably my mom XD I was the unexpected 11th child she had when she was 44 😂 she was probably like "Nope. I'm done."

    • @voidfloof
      @voidfloof 5 лет назад +1

      300th like

    • @azai8449
      @azai8449 5 лет назад +12

      @@bigred8730 w-wait 11th?

    • @eros1702
      @eros1702 5 лет назад +2

      Lamo pretty much

    • @clara.p
      @clara.p 5 лет назад +6

      @@bigred8730 holy shite eleven kidS
      EVEN MY EX AINT HAVE THAT MANY SIBLINGS

  • @TinyRatLad
    @TinyRatLad 5 лет назад +1540

    "Frick me!"
    "That's how we got into this mess, damnit!"
    That was what got me lmao
    Edit: 1.5k likes. That's a new one.

    • @TinyRatLad
      @TinyRatLad 5 лет назад +5

      @Chicken Strips I can assure you, I'm definitely not 9

    • @o0Scarrow0o
      @o0Scarrow0o 5 лет назад +1

      "OH MY GOD SHE DOSENT HAVE A FACE"is what got me

  • @koieria2794
    @koieria2794 5 лет назад +1737

    lady *giving birth*: *screaming in pain*
    also lady: *y'all i wanna rib*

    • @joshuasantiago5634
      @joshuasantiago5634 5 лет назад +18

      💀💀👌

    • @imlost8999
      @imlost8999 4 года назад +39

      My mom after I was born was like "I'm hungry" and everyone bust out laughing, then she said "What? You took how many pounds out of me and didn't let me eat last night, what else do expect?" (she had a C-section) lmao

    • @pancon9947
      @pancon9947 4 года назад +9

      I swear this will be my sister when she has a kid. She loves ribs and babies so this will definitely be her

    • @tiurfnogard9384
      @tiurfnogard9384 4 года назад +1

      Lady: *Come on the nurses and doctors will never know*
      Nurses and Doctors: *Am I a joke to you*

  • @itsdenkibish1562
    @itsdenkibish1562 3 года назад +135

    * Me in 10-15 years time screaming an entire vine compilation * FR!K YA CHICKEN STRIPS

  • @erenyeager5115
    @erenyeager5115 5 лет назад +1487

    my sister was very dark when mom gave birth to her and she was like "WHY IS SHE A CHOCOLATE CHIP???" and then when i was born(im very pale) "WHY IS SHE NOT A CHOCOLATE CHIP??? I DONT LIKE VANILLA!!!" my dad and the doctors laughed.

    • @eunjinjung8399
      @eunjinjung8399 5 лет назад +66

      This now makes me wonder what my parents did...when I was born...👀👀👀👀

    • @marz_8212
      @marz_8212 5 лет назад +16

      I love your pfp we stan yoonji

    • @felixxie
      @felixxie 5 лет назад +7

      XD

    • @luco663
      @luco663 5 лет назад +5

      Lol im wheezing!!!

    • @juanteejones9269
      @juanteejones9269 5 лет назад +3

      Kawaii Frenzy stop lying it’s not even amusing

  • @abbienormals1669
    @abbienormals1669 4 года назад +415

    "He was embarrassed to learn that babies do not shoot out across the room to be caught like a football"
    Some do. First thing the doctor said when my mom gave birth to me: "Caught her!"

    • @tygermccoy8213
      @tygermccoy8213 4 года назад +18

      My son shot out too. Doctor thankfully caught him.

    • @hedgehoglover9481
      @hedgehoglover9481 4 года назад +14

      Lol that actually happens? Like not super fast like a football throw I know, but I want that to happen to me.

    • @May-zn3my
      @May-zn3my 4 года назад +5

      LMAO

    • @hadilayyad6147
      @hadilayyad6147 4 года назад +10

      Hedgehog Lover to some extent yes, some babies are born so quick doctors don’t have time to put on gloves lol the power of strong contractions.

    • @phoenixrose3976
      @phoenixrose3976 4 года назад +2

      My first shoot out mean while I was yellin f*ck you at him and the nurse

  • @izukutbh
    @izukutbh 5 лет назад +1063

    The ad before this:
    *WANT FREE BIRTH CONTROL?*

  • @Devils_Datura
    @Devils_Datura 4 года назад +125

    " *DON'T HELP THE CRIPPLE* !!!!!!!" i'm sorry but i'm DYING

  • @queerqueeen97
    @queerqueeen97 5 лет назад +1454

    My sister gave birth to a little girl and screamed: “THIS IS WORSE THAN FISTING”

  • @crapsmalloy7273
    @crapsmalloy7273 4 года назад +1285

    DOCTOR: "This is odd."
    MOTHER: "What is it?"
    DOCTOR: "Your baby is black, but it has red hair."
    MOTHER: "What does that mean?"
    ME: "It means bad news for the Kingdom of Hyrule."

    • @zoey__bliss
      @zoey__bliss 4 года назад +9

      Craps Malloy omg 😂

    • @alastorhazbin4484
      @alastorhazbin4484 4 года назад +36

      And that kids is how ganon was born

    • @soapaku9356
      @soapaku9356 4 года назад +9

      This sent me-

    • @phyaru
      @phyaru 4 года назад +5

      Oh god, I thought that

    •  4 года назад +11

      Im cackling

  • @ainsleyb110
    @ainsleyb110 4 года назад +751

    When my mom was pregnant with me everything thought I was going to be a boy(they didn’t know from the doctors what gender I was). So when my mom gave birth to me my dad said “Oh my god he doesn’t have a penis”.

    • @rayart3507
      @rayart3507 3 года назад +44

      🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @mccamokat
      @mccamokat 3 года назад +72

      Bro,my older sister had the "it's a boy!" Ballons bought......she was born a girl.....

  • @astroveee3821
    @astroveee3821 4 года назад +80

    ive heard the story multiple times from multiple family members, and apparently when my mom was in labor, my dad ran into the hallway of the hosiptal and yelled "I DONT CARE IF ITS THE FUCKING EASTER BUNNY, SOMEBODY HELP MY WIFE" and thats hilarious to me

  • @Sophie-sk5ob
    @Sophie-sk5ob 4 года назад +821

    Was getting stitches down there and told the doctor he “could’ve bought me dinner first” 🤦🏻‍♀️ was high on gas and air at the time, doctor had to stop to compose himself 😂

  • @nidia6738
    @nidia6738 5 лет назад +167

    “DON’T HELP THE CRIPPLE!” story got me 😂 😂

  • @fifebielby4147
    @fifebielby4147 5 лет назад +443

    Baby: comes out face downwards
    Father: omg it doesn't have a face

  • @deniedcarton4947
    @deniedcarton4947 3 года назад +50

    During the birth of my daughter I looked at my mom and said “mommy I can’t do this” and my husband was so confused and horrified because of the placenta 😂 my dad was the one who helped my through it since he distracted me from the pain so I could push since my epidural wore off mid push

  • @veev9007
    @veev9007 5 лет назад +461

    The nurse who was changing my diapers, taking care of me, and was there when I was being born, was my dad's Ex-girlfriend...

  • @boopscosplays8515
    @boopscosplays8515 4 года назад +499

    When i was born my aunt was getting married, my grandmothers boss's funeral was happening and my dad was late 🤣😂

  • @denikehi4579
    @denikehi4579 5 лет назад +489

    My mom told me that when i was about to be born and she had to keep pushing my dad hold her hand and said to her: "She went in easier than coming out, isn't she?" and mom literally crying from pain just said "please don't make me laugh now"

    • @Hairy_Spiderrzz
      @Hairy_Spiderrzz 4 года назад +4

      deni kehi 🤣🤣🤣

    • @davute9546
      @davute9546 4 года назад +5

      Wauw😂😂

    • @StevenGreene070
      @StevenGreene070 4 года назад +1

      Oh my god xD

    • @ham3749
      @ham3749 4 года назад +2

      Lol! I made a comment to the doctor after I delivered my daughter that I didnt realize you made the same noises having the baby, as you do making the baby haha!

  • @lottielonelyy2428
    @lottielonelyy2428 4 года назад +97

    When I was born, a few days later my grandad came to see me and said “ew send her back” he was joking but the doctors thought he was serious

  • @heraclessaint-vil4382
    @heraclessaint-vil4382 5 лет назад +736

    *DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE*
    *top 10 hitler lines*

  • @kimwilson3182
    @kimwilson3182 4 года назад +464

    “The delivery nurse for my sons birth was about 4 minutes 11 seconds” 😂😂

  • @zlnd7780
    @zlnd7780 5 лет назад +528

    "The delivery nurse for my son's birth was about four minutes and eleven seconds." Reddit voice has me dying. 🤣🤣

    • @urgae9125
      @urgae9125 5 лет назад +4

      Text to Speech.
      And I was so disappointed

  • @Meowkie212
    @Meowkie212 3 года назад +49

    I started crying with laughter at “p**** eater” and didn’t stop til the end

  • @roblox_myths6223
    @roblox_myths6223 5 лет назад +490

    Text: No.
    Nobody:
    Absolutely nobody:
    Robot voice: “Number.”

    • @courtjester5169
      @courtjester5169 5 лет назад +6

      No. Means number...

    • @allieowensby8809
      @allieowensby8809 5 лет назад +6

      I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who noticed.

    • @ochelcatt5767
      @ochelcatt5767 5 лет назад +1

      It’s because it had a period after it and No. is the abbreviation for number. Meh.

    • @roblox_myths6223
      @roblox_myths6223 5 лет назад +6

      My dudes I know that No. can stand for number. I was just saying it because that’s not the no that was being used in the situation

    • @huyup123456
      @huyup123456 5 лет назад +1

      MY COUSINS AND I RAN A TRAIN WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST!

  • @awildboop
    @awildboop 5 лет назад +144

    Text: The delivery nurse for my son's birth was about 4'11".
    TTS Robot: The delivery nurse for my son's birth was about 4 minutes 11 seconds.

  • @jamietehslytherin9558
    @jamietehslytherin9558 4 года назад +242

    " DON'T HELP THE CRIPPLE "
    my friend's mom did that 😂

  • @strange4202
    @strange4202 3 года назад +43

    "Don't help the cripple!" I know how she feels. But I feel the poor guy deserves an explanation 🙃.

  • @yukikora962
    @yukikora962 5 лет назад +583

    *KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE?! THE BABY! NOT YET!!!!*
    **wheezing intensifies**

    • @bigred8730
      @bigred8730 5 лет назад +10

      *(Insert harsh, sarcastic laugh here)*

    • @memelorduwup6537
      @memelorduwup6537 5 лет назад +1

      Bethany
      *HaHaHahAHaAaaaaa*

    • @idalia799
      @idalia799 4 года назад +1

      I had to scroll way too much to get to this comment. I am crying from laughter.

  • @randomperson5233
    @randomperson5233 4 года назад +184

    When my mom was giving birth to my older brother (her first child) she shouted "WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?!?!? IS IT A FRICKING DINOSAUR?!?!"

    • @moonbean657
      @moonbean657 4 года назад +6

      Lmao

    • @linwood891
      @linwood891 4 года назад +1

      Omg why am I laughing the house down

  • @atlaskanik
    @atlaskanik 5 лет назад +826

    Doctor: *Literally cuts open an artery*
    Also the Doctor: Oops

    • @Rooibostea5959
      @Rooibostea5959 4 года назад +6

      Itz Husko124 lol all residents are licensed doctors

  • @frozenfusion6072
    @frozenfusion6072 3 года назад +9

    “Don’t help the cripple” reminds me of something my girlfriend said when sleep talking one time. She said “Don’t give eggs to the homeless.” Did a double take and asked her if that was what she said. Said yes and I had a little chuckle while telling her I wouldn’t give any eggs to the homeless. She then made a cute sleepy noise of approval. Love that girl to pieces. ❤️

  • @rorapinny
    @rorapinny 4 года назад +248

    "DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE!!!"
    lmfao

  • @EinManU
    @EinManU 4 года назад +827

    Mom: "Ok i dont like this"
    Mom: *Stands up*
    Mom: "Aight imma head out"

    • @miyukixxnikki7959
      @miyukixxnikki7959 4 года назад +10

      😂

    • @victoriakinny9210
      @victoriakinny9210 4 года назад +9

      When i was a nurse's assistant I literally had a woman that did this. She stood all the way up on the table and started slapping the hands of everyone trying to help get her down. Right until the next contraction. We ended up having to tie her to the bed when she tried to stab her husband for "doing this to me"

    • @-.bella.-
      @-.bella.- 4 года назад +2

      That is like a mom getting an abortion without an abortion.

    • @midnightartist43
      @midnightartist43 4 года назад

      Victoria Kinny Jesus-

  • @adamriddle9945
    @adamriddle9945 5 лет назад +534

    For both of her child births, my wife would give one mighty last push, and scream "I AM A VIKING WOMAN" at the top of her lungs. I still break out in random laughter from it.
    She's Spanish.

    • @Poffean
      @Poffean 5 лет назад +19

      How are your kids and wife doing now?

    • @adamriddle9945
      @adamriddle9945 5 лет назад +68

      @@Poffean they're just living their Spanish/American/Viking life.

    • @somerandomasshole4561
      @somerandomasshole4561 5 лет назад +4

      @@adamriddle9945 Lmao are you part Scandinavian?

    • @adamriddle9945
      @adamriddle9945 5 лет назад +19

      @@somerandomasshole4561 nope. Not at all. Scottish, an Elizabeth Warren amount of Native American, and a little bit of English I believe.

    • @somerandomasshole4561
      @somerandomasshole4561 5 лет назад +5

      @@adamriddle9945 Lmao an Elizabeth Warren amount of Native American 👌👌👌

  • @ponyosurlafalaise1186
    @ponyosurlafalaise1186 3 года назад +6

    My grandma told me that her mom delivered her little brother at their home, during night, and didn't make a SINGLE noise. She did everything she could not to wake her childrens.
    My definition of courage.

  • @undead.angel001
    @undead.angel001 5 лет назад +873

    "Why the frick does he look like a raptor"
    Yooo Im crying😂💀😭

    • @leaff123
      @leaff123 5 лет назад +15

      Pänïni_ XOX my dad asked why i looked like an alien lmaoo

    • @undead.angel001
      @undead.angel001 5 лет назад +3

      @@leaff123 Omg 😭😭😭😂💀 Im ded

  • @lexxziemae7740
    @lexxziemae7740 4 года назад +746

    "She was terrified the baby would be black with red hair"
    Me:damn what does that look like let me search it the google.

    • @sharonjohn7487
      @sharonjohn7487 4 года назад +50

      Me: Oh God, I hope he really didn't turn out black with red hair...

    • @eden-elysium
      @eden-elysium 4 года назад +62

      GANONDORF HAS ARRIVED

    • @pastychomper4939
      @pastychomper4939 4 года назад +21

      It would be awesome. The kid could get it shaved into a picture of Dennis the Menace. (UK version)

    • @done.welldone.3176
      @done.welldone.3176 4 года назад +25

      Oh its so cute ngl would date a chick like that

    • @rhombus673
      @rhombus673 4 года назад +19

      i believe that's actually quite common in africa...

  • @ThatGurlXD-ti6zr
    @ThatGurlXD-ti6zr 4 года назад +776

    My mom apparently yelled this while giving birth to me:
    _WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME! ?I HATE THIS! OW MY V*GINA! IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP!_

  • @pnkicecreem459
    @pnkicecreem459 3 года назад +58

    After my youngest brother was born, my dad said, and I quote, "ho Ho HO THATS A BIG BABY!"

  • @ShadowHawk24Real
    @ShadowHawk24Real 4 года назад +552

    "And both of my older brothers danced in jubilation."
    I'm just imagining two boys default dancing while the sister is crying and if that isn't funny, then I don't know what is.

  • @apteryx-and-angels317
    @apteryx-and-angels317 5 лет назад +136

    The day before my sister had her daughter she looked down at her stomach and said "you're evicted, young lady!!!"

  • @heavensdoorofficial4977
    @heavensdoorofficial4977 5 лет назад +288

    "Don't help the cripple!"
    Why is that what I would be like tho

  • @who.is.esperanca
    @who.is.esperanca 4 года назад +41

    "The nurse was 4 minutes 11 seconds tall"😂😂😂😂

  • @ozzuwazzoo4124
    @ozzuwazzoo4124 5 лет назад +376

    “DONT HELP THE CRIPPLE” that sentence nearly broke me
    Btw corn me up snake

  • @broke_af_games9661
    @broke_af_games9661 5 лет назад +647

    I was holding my wife's hand, she said in an angry and vile voice "I just want to break your f***ing fingers"
    The room laughed
    She said in the same voice, dead pan
    "I'm not f***ing kidding"
    I wriggled a couple fingers free.

  • @jetter2better
    @jetter2better 4 года назад +279

    When my mom was giving birth to by brother she screamed "GET THIS THING OUTTA ME" suprised af

    • @ifrog1359
      @ifrog1359 4 года назад +1

      I like this comment but its at 69 i don't wanna mess it up so here is this :p

    • @crackinmyknuckles626
      @crackinmyknuckles626 3 года назад +1

      Dude, your mom sounds awesome

    • @KelliHarper-gd4or
      @KelliHarper-gd4or 3 года назад +4

      I said that when my second son was being born without any pain medication or a epidural, now I am little over 6 months pregnant with my third son and I am getting a epidural! Lol

    • @msicat
      @msicat 3 года назад +1

      My mum fricking mooed like a cow because it would relax her muscles. Never spoke, just MOOED.

    • @KelliHarper-gd4or
      @KelliHarper-gd4or 3 года назад +3

      @@msicat That's awesome, she did way better than me. Women in labor and giving birth should do whatever they have to do to so they can cope with the pain and get through it, it is the most difficult and painful thing to do in a woman's life. Giving birth to my second without any pain medication or a epidural, besides screaming "get it out of me", I also was screaming my head off the whole time it sounded like bloody murder and I was being killed, I was screaming so bad that I scared a woman in labor a couple rooms over that she heard me and she was scared that was how her birth was going to go lol 😂 I couldn't help to scream, the worst pain I ever felt in my life and I still remember the pain! With my second son I wasn't able to get a epidural or pain medication because I got to the hosptial too late, 30 minutes less of being at the hosptial my second son was born. Now I am officially 6 1/2 months pregnant with my third son and I am going to try to get to the hospital as soon as I can to get a epidural, I can't handle all natural child birth. I had a epidural with my first son, so I know the difference between a pain medication/epidural birth and a all natural birth. 😁 Women are so very strong! 🙌🙏

  • @gachagreenbean5262
    @gachagreenbean5262 4 года назад +12

    I remember when my little brother was born I thought he was the most precious little angel I’ve ever seen and I was obsessed with him now fast forward 2 and a half years he punches me in the boobs bites my shins pulls my shirts down and spits in my hair and then acts like an angel for my parents... There’s another little angel coming in a week and I’m kinda stressed about it now

  • @chocolatesugar-lovage9678
    @chocolatesugar-lovage9678 4 года назад +1746

    As a female, I'm just here to laugh my ass off and dread the day *I'll* be the one pushing a baby outta there! X'D

    • @Maiyinlikesmusic
      @Maiyinlikesmusic 4 года назад +72

      if it's any solace, you don't remember how much it hurt, after a couple of weeks

    • @clairebear6896
      @clairebear6896 4 года назад +13

      same...

    • @Sp1llmyguts
      @Sp1llmyguts 4 года назад +25

      u could also get a c section

    • @banboo9509
      @banboo9509 4 года назад +63

      As a woman. Im afraid ._.

    • @Sophie-sk5ob
      @Sophie-sk5ob 4 года назад +52

      I’ve got two children (G-3yrs B-6mnths) and the pain is only temporary, it sounds weird but I loved giving birth, was the most exciting day ever 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 the pain felt totally worth it 👍🏻 and it was 🥰

  • @_levirice
    @_levirice 5 лет назад +388

    “ *the nurse for my sons delivery was 4 minutes and 11 seconds* ”

    • @leirawhitehart1236
      @leirawhitehart1236 5 лет назад +26

      That robot voice can sometimes be so much funnier than a real person.

    • @fishblanket12
      @fishblanket12 5 лет назад +11

      "What? Number."

    • @mutelamb
      @mutelamb 5 лет назад +9

      thats a young nurse

    • @aprilinaugust99
      @aprilinaugust99 4 года назад

      I read this comment when the video first started and I was so confused until that part came up. Shit had me wheezing.

  • @sallydegreeneartistministe1559
    @sallydegreeneartistministe1559 4 года назад +254

    When I was delivering my daughter I yelled some kind of unintelligible string of sounds in a demonic voice
    Apparently this is normal

  • @meghanconner3681
    @meghanconner3681 3 года назад +45

    My dad’s first words when I was born... “he’s a girl!”