Hah. So true. Was married, have kids, tried the Military, climbed the corporate ladder and created a great career...never went away. So here I am. Finally dealing with it and WAY happier.
@Kate Wolf FWIW: My ex wife and I are great friends, actually. She's my greatest advocate and had even went with me on several consultations. She even helped me locate a great doc for my HRT.
@Kate Wolf this is a really good point. It's on all members of society to make society fairer for all. I wouldn't criticise the original commentator for not doing this (if she never) but more a comment/reminder to anyone else in that position. I may know someone who was lucky enough to have done this a few times..
The younger generation is blessed , because you have access to all information via internet to identify and solve your problem. Many years ago , hardly you got information and many of us could not identify what is going-on , even did believe that their feeling is a single personal case in the whole world.
So true. I was assigned male at birth 40 years ago, and the boys I grew up with literally called me a girl. I wish I could have seen past the insult to the truth behind that statement.
... in a way that's true. In another way ... with gender criticals and trans medicalists ... being there too (and I promise, you will encounter them) and causing a huge amount of harm, ... it's not just a blessing.
I'm 56. My girls are grown. On my 3rd marraige. I told my husband two years ago I am non binary and he has been very supportive. Told him this Monday I'm ready for top surgery and we can't wait.
OHhh thats awesome! Glad you have the support and if you are a CA or FL resident let me know as I write all gender eval letters for surgeries completely for free to support community.
My dysphoria seemingly came out of nowhere about six months ago and was mixed up with a few other things, mismanaged steroid use causing a massive hormone imbalance, accepting and opening up about being bisexual, three month long manic episode and an ADHD diagnosis. The whole mix made it very difficult to parse through everything and figure out if the dysphoria is an independent phenomena, or a remnant of something else. I keep getting these sort of memories where I feel like I can recognize what was really going on in certain situations that keep re-enforcing the identity confusion. I am getting a referral to a psychologist today to help get things sorted and figure out how to move forward.
I found you when I searched “ftm after 40?” and I feel so much less alone after watching your videos and reading comments from other people. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I found out I wasn’t a boy and I’ve just kind of ignored it, been ashamed of it, rationalized it away, or…well. Mostly ignored it. But it does keep coming back and I often feel like it’s “too late” because I’m almost 40 and I’ve got these big ol’ hips and don’t think I’d ever pass like these younger people who are all over the internet doing their thing. I’ve got doubts and hang-ups and I was tempted to keep running, but I’ve been talking to a specialist instead. Finally. She’s helping me sift through 35 years’ worth of feelings and coping. Anyway, I’m glad to have found your videos (binge watching tomorrow, btw) and I’m even more glad that there are others out there like me.
I tried for 17 years to outrun my gender dysphoria and am now ready to accept it. I've been socially transitioned for 6 months now and loving it. I'm currently waiting for an appointment with the gender clinic and can't wait to begin the rest of my life finally being the woman i have always been ❤❤❤
I explained away my masculine feelings for the longest time by saying it's because I'm a butch lesbian. But the dysphoric feelings just keep coming back.
ur not dying inside. you growing, that's a beautiful thing,. self realization and actualization is complicated, especially considering social things. being ur self is everything though. it sets u free. that's a good thing
Emotional things are everything in my humble opinion. They come from the "mind" not the physical brain. One of my phd's is in business administration with a focus on leadership. Look up level 5 and empowerment. I supervised 300 programmers, programmer myself, and str8 white American males were few. I support the differences that life presents us. I'm a str8 white male, but father of an mtf, pan daughter, uncle of of an ftm. I give them support. I took local classes on this and am in several support groups. So your biology and gender don't match, so what. If you want to have cross dressing or srs, then good for you. I love your videos. Dr. Bill
I've been trying to outrun it for about a decade. The day I finally took a step back and said "This is who I am and that's okay" was the best day of my life. I'm not sure I've ever felt happiness before then. Just set up an appointment to hopefully get on HRT. I'm nervous, but excited. Not sure I've ever felt those two in conjunction with each other before.
as i’ve written in my letter to my mother about this “Why would I WANT this? I’ve tried everything i could think of to put it behind me. but divorces, drop-outs and stagnation exist no matter what because under all of the effort is a hope for a life my soul is not interested in. I want to let my soul control my biology, not the other way around. “
I relate. I am caught between continuing to live this way and I don't want to do that. I don't know I can. Or alienating much of my family. People I love and respect. It seems the only good solution is move a 1000 miles away and start over. I don't have the resources for that though. I think personally I would transition but I don't know I have the strength to pay the social cost. I'm in a bad way right now.
@@raintalon6138 mate you don't even know how much I can relate to every word you wrote right there! I'm not gonna sit and give a long essay so early in the morning but just know you're not alone in how you feel there...I know it's not great knowing that others are suffering but its nice to be able to relate to somebody and I really felt every word of it. 💙💔💚
@@territhetankedupterrapin6592 I recently came out I posted my story on reddit. I'll just copy and paste it here. It is as if 1000 tons were lifted off my back. A few weeks ago I found myself in a especially deep pit of despair, depression, and anxiety. Out of sheer desperation I needed to tell someone, anyone. So I spoke with my mother. I explained I haven't felt comfortable about my masculine features since puberty. Which was a surprise to her, not just because I hid it well but because I didn't have too many. Lol Regardless, I told her how I felt, what I was thinking and how I was planning to proceed. She was supportive. Although she had some misconceptions about what transgenderism was. Mainly a lack of understanding about gender dysphoria. She is an intelligent and educated individual. So she did what any intelligent person would and went to work reading and learning. More than doing so as a curious person she did so as a supportive mother. She helped me to come out to my 2 sisters. My younger one is exceptionally supportive. She has tought me how to do makeup, got me clothes, asked me how I wish to be referred, offered to take me to get my eyebrows done, offered suggestions with hair styles and so much more. There was still one hurtle, one more thing to overcome. My dad, my dad was always critical of the LGBTQ+ community. That is the primary reason I hid this aspect of myself for 10-12 years. I'm 23 now. Looking back it should have been obvious. A few signs, at least the ones they could have noticed. Me never talking pride in complements about my masculine features, only ever begrudgingly cutting my hair, always trying to avoid photos. There was ofcourse more, so much more. Not being comfortable changing around other boys. Not just in middle and high school but as young as 5. Asking, when I was very young, what I would have been named had I been born a girl. Being more interested in social activities as opposed to toys. Playing make believe for example. Still, theses can all mean nothing alone. They all add up though. There was so much more. Had an expert been involved they would have connected the dots. Something I must admit I am bitter about. Bitter at the fact things could have been easier for me. Bitter at the fact I could have been happier. I know it's no good to be resentful. I am dealing with it one step at a time. Back to my dad. My sister and I conspired to get my dad to come over to my place without tipping him off about anything. She had him pick her up from work. She then wanted to stop at a place near me. They had a sale. Then she asked to come visit. It was her plan. Looking at it, it seems a little much. Still, it worked. They came in, we caught up, my sister gave us the room. Then we talked. I told him more or less what I told my mom. I had run that conversation through my mind probably 100 times. I did imagine the worse. I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't cry, I thought I would have. I'm still not entirely comfortable showing my emotions around him. In time perhaps I will be. When I initially told my mom I wept like a child. My dad told me nothing would effect his love for me. He told me he understood why I didn't speak up before. He told me he was sorry I felt I couldn't share with him. He didn't have too many questions, just what you might expect. He had 1 question that I must admit caught me off guard. He ask if I still would go to the range with him. I laughed and told him yes. We had drifted apart in the past year. Something I hope to one day repair. It'll be a process, for both of us. He'll have to learn he isn't losing a son, but instead gaining his daughter for the first time. I'll have to learn to trust and to be less tight lipped. My cage was constructed with my own thoughts and fears. Something my family is helping me break out of. I'm still starting this journey but I hope this gives hope and and inspiration to someone. Sometimes we just need is a nudge in the right direction. That is something I wish I had earlier. All we need is strive to be is a little more empathetic and a little more courageous. That is sometime I take to heart.
I only just discovered that I've been suffering from severe trauma stemming from gender dysphoria for over 20 years (I'm 34) and hadn't even realized it. It was like background noise in my life, but I've long felt like something was "off." Coming to that realization was easily the most profound and emotional experience of my entire life. Excited to finally find myself again and trying not to succumb to doubt.
That reminds me of something a transperson once said: "It's not pleasant, you go through all sorts of interesting changes, it cost me my spouse that I love dearly, but it was so important to me that it had to happen that I'm pleased that I did it. It's the best thing that I've ever done in my life."
First I'd like to say thank you because the older trans folks are underserved in the media and social discussions. I tried to outrun dysphoria for 60 years and gave up. But the funny thing is that I never realized I had dysphoria until I really started my self introspection at nearly 60. Prior to that I never put a name to my issues and just thought that was normal for me. That's how deep in denial I was, and being born in 1957, no one ever talked about this stuff, and I had no words to describe it even if I wanted to. But now I realize the dysphoria influenced so many of my adult decisions, for instance, getting married and 19 and having a kid at 20. Looking back that was a horrible decision, but unconsciously it made me feel like the man everyone expects, a father and husband. So I was cured without even knowing I had dysphoria. OK, no I wasn't, it came back worse and harder to handle as I aged until I finally gave up and sought assistance and started transitioning at 60. Now coming up on 63, I have lost family members; friends; neighbors; colleagues but as you said I have gained so much. I will never go back, and to live authentically and without hiding took away so much anxiety, I can now live up to my potential and be happy! The self loathing is over and it allows me the opportunity of developing true relationships built on emotionally acuity I had buried for most of my life.
Thank you for such candid response! I am so so happy you decided to live your life. It is never ever ever too late! So sorry you lost your family and friends. Your story is something I hear all the time and it breaks my heart. Also, I have a video scheduled come up in a few months about age group 28 and up and how to cope with things. I do understand that age makes a huge difference.
The self loathing without question can ruin your life. A lifetime of therapy and meditation only kept my head above water. Just in a continued state of coping.
I 'TOTALLY' relate to what you said here doc! I have fought, fought aaaaaand FOUGHT all my nearly 53 years, thinking I was perverted or something, even became close to alcoholic for some years just to numb the pain. Then I decided a month or so ago that enough was enough and spoke with my GP who was so understanding and got me referred for the waiting list! I will no longer doubt myself or look back. The sooner I am on hormones and get my surgeries the better! Accepting myself was an IMMENSE RELIEF! And I've already come out to everyone who the majority have shown an amazing level of support 🙂💜
Thank You. This really hit home with me. I am 73 and have struggled my lifetime coping with my secret. Just before I listened to this podcast I was once again journaling to help me cope. I wrote in my journal that I have spent my life in a “ busy aloneness.” Just as Dr. Z has so thoroughly described in spending your life trying to outrun the truth. As one of Cher’s song titles, If I Could Turn Back Time, I would certainly take a different path.
I too was married for a decade, with a daughter born from the union and two step children I raised as my own. I recently have gotten divorced and really have been struggling with my mental health. I thought i was just having a midlife crisis...and then I was diagnosed with autism, CPTSD and an eating disorder. I have hit rock bottom but, i have discovered I'm trans and things are finally slowly getting better. Thank you for all you do for the community.
@@DRZPHD Because of my isolation, I probably would have remained on the fence indefinitely had it not been for the compassion and acceptance you and a handful of other friendly faces consistently display in your work. Thank you for taking the time to do what you do, it's helping me out immensely and I look forward to your next upload 🥲
I tried for years and my feelings never wavered. I've always know I was female. I finally met with a therapist and started HRT. Stared dressing at work as a woman and two years late had gender surgery. I've never been happier.
I sincerely want to congratulate you for or spelling out everything that I have been going through all my life😥. I am still at a very early stage in my own transitions but it is very nice to hear kind words that explains how I have been feeling all my life.🌹👍
so ur gay or trans, that's how things go. look forward and make decisions for ur self and those u care about. it is the best we can do. str8 dad, father of mtf. dr. bill
@@lynch702000 my hat is off for you in celebration of the facts that you acknowledge your daughter. I think this world would be better if there was a lot more parents that's could find it in Their Hearts to support there kids no matter what.👍
That was me, telling myself I didn't have gender dysphoria but like you've said in your other videos, it manifested in really bad social anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. And isolation.
honestly, this was very helpful, i cant thank you enough for your words. personally, im a trans guy who suffers from OCD based intrusive thoughts, and for a long while, they've turned their attention towards my identity, telling me im "not really male", "actually a woman", or "secretly (insert identity here)", and it's so, so tiring. i have no problem with questioning identities or whatever, or "backtracking" if an identity isn't for me, but the thought of not being a man, of having to live the rest of my life as a "girl" makes me feel so hopeless and suicidal and i don't know what to do to make the thoughts stop. im constantly running, as you said, and it drains me in a way i cannot possible articulate. i truly feel like, in my hearts of hearts, i am a gay trans male. it makes me happy and hopeful, it feels RIGHT, like a weight is being lifted off my body, but i can never really seem to shake off the paranoia of "what if im wrong." sorry to turn this into a bit of a ramble/vent, but i really need to get this off my chest. thanks again for your advice and videos, miss, i hope your day is going a bit better than mine.
Dude! I struggle with this as well and I don't even have OCD! Constantly second guessing myself and worrying. I have hypochondria so I worry I am just imagining I have this disorder. The way I managed to come to terms with the anxiety/worry is to tell myself "Maybe I will make a mistake in the future, but for now I'm just going to embrace the uncertainty and continue with my plan.". So it's like I've decided this is what I will do, and "maybe it'll be ok maybe it'll not". There's a really good video on OCD where you use this embracing of uncertainty to damped the OCD thoughts. Hope this helps and you've found relief since you posted this!
I wrote the comment below before coming to the end of Dr. Z's video. How did it affect my life? I realize now what is my authentic self. Still far from passable and I have serious doubts about ever getting there - being much older does not help. But, with acceptance of myself as trans I now know what it is to live connected, liking myself, knowing I am a special human being.
OMG, I am 42 now and I can strongly corroborate 100% what Dr. Z says here. The gender dysphoria is ALWAYS there, and the extent in which one can repress is the extent in which can distract oneself from it, which is no easy task whatsoever; it's full-time job. The urge to alleviate the dysphoria has been there since the age of 5, but no thanks to my parents and society, I was shamed into denying it and indeed, much of my life revolved around sustaining that denial. The turning point was when I developed enough emotional maturity to at least accept that maybe I could just experiment with baby steps and see what happens. Eventually, the mounting evidence is overwhelming and because I took baby steps, the shame and fear is much more manageable without immediately eliciting a flight or fight response and I finally could ~accept~ that one singular fear that I've spent my entire life repressing. Never underestimate the power and pervasiveness of denial. I'm sure much of this remains unintelligible for some because a precondition of acceptance is a sufficiently developed self-awareness, and self-awareness is something many people fear because it implies facing one's repressed memories and fears. We talk a lot about how space or the deep sea is humankind's final frontier; another frontier that earns this title are our rich and vast psyches. Denial can be beneficial as a temporary coping mechanism, but as a lifetime strategy, it's incredibly self-damaging.
OMG this was sooooo me for the longest time. I was running because i was always told it was wrong so i tried to dive deeper into everything and people pleasing activities. I did all the things a "typical woman" was supposed to do. Have kids, get married, be so prim and proper and I always felt so fake! It took a friend I made a few years ago to ask me one day "who are you?" I responded to him with my usual, at the time catch phrase of "I am ME." He said "No, who are you really?" And I couldn't answer it. I thought about it for a long time and realized I haven't been me for a long long time. Since i was 19 (I'm now 37) I decided to say screw it to everyone and finally for once put ME first and start Testosterone. My first day was Dec 24 2022 and I have officially been 6 months on T and the happiest version of me I have ever been! I feel like I got to pick up at 19 and live the way I was supposed to live still all the while being my authentic self. My friends are so happy for me and have noticed the confidence boost and happiness levels have definitely gone way up. No more driving myself insane by putting everything else first and 100% of me into everything BUT ME.
I have just seen this. I was military, happily married with two children but when the second one was born it bit me on the A**e. that was 30 years ago, I thought I was alone, what was this weird compunction and feelings, The internet didn't exit, I was driven to cross dressing, taking my wife's pills, Then I went to the doctors and announced "I want to be a woman" huge waste of time back then, back on the self medication. I did the family, military route and it still got me. I was obsessed, reading the internet, pushing boundaries, adopting a female nickname, throwing out all the male stuff. Three years ago I had heart problems and decided I was going to change my medical details, new name, new gender but I had to keep it a secret. I had anaphylaxis triple bypass and the cardiac nurse said I had probably been stressed all my life. I took the plunge, I told the military as I was a reservist. They issued new details, new uniform and embraced the change. My wife and family were furious, I was banned from my own sons wedding and in seeing their children. I was allowed if I wore a suit and cropped my hair. I went. I have now done everything driving licence, tax, pension nearly the lot and I feel the happiest I have ever felt. I won the race but wife, son and daughter are very unhappy spectators. We are all still together, its been a long race and I think they are catching up, very, very slowly. But did I win, I feel like the winner but GD beat me all the same so I lost the race but I won the race too. Go figure. People aren't as hostile as you think. I am a 67 overweight female with a deep voice, but I get hugs from my friends and they call me brave, I tell them I'm not, I'm a coward, I did nothing for 30 years. When I get called sir by recruits, I correct them and when they look so crestfallen I tell them, don't worry, I made the same mistake for years. Im living the life I always should have done, I am confident and proud, even though I'm often clocked. Im living my authentic life.
I tried to hide till my 36's but I felt too tired to deal with dysphoria. Then I started lasers, feminine clothes and hormones, and got better. I'm 37 now and things came easier for me. 🎉
I was living in denial for a long time, thinking I just had depression and anxiety from C-PTSD. Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm trans, and those warning signs I had as a kid DIDN'T go away. They've just been a back round program still running that I couldn't hear, but my subconscious could. Now that I've brought it into the conscious mind it has crippled me. I've been just laying in bed thinking for days because I don't have a path to transition right not. I don't have a car or health insurance so I just have to wait until I figure out those two things.
Thank you for this. Made me cry. I had tried to outrun this for all the reasons you listed until I finally accepted this. I have now been transitioning for 1 year and I feel so right in my skin both physically and more importantly emotionally. Of course, the people dropping away part has also happened and the acceptance part also.
I started taking testosterone on a low-dose 2 months ago and it has been seriously good life changing I have been really really realizing like how all the signs of gender dysphoria were there when I was a child and I repress them all of these little indicators have been present throughout my whole life and it really does feel so fantastic and liberating to begin this journey I almost want to cry and thank you so much for your videos Dr Z this is been so helpful and grounding for me during this transitional time when I do not yet have access to a gender affirming therapy thank you so much
Transition saved my life. It's true, you cannot outrun dysphoria, but surrendering to what dysphoria means and accepting yourself is the best gift you can give yourself
I had to hold back tears watching this as it summed up the last 30 years of my life, everything just rang so true with me, I've been running away for so long. Eventually I couldn't take anymore and 8 months ago I decided to stop running away and start embracing who I actually am, I finally felt confident enough to come out to everyone, friends, family, colleagues and I've never felt better in myself than I do today. I still have a long road ahead but happier travels along this road as I simply could not carry on down the path I was walking along. Very insightful vid, thank you so much.
Totally agree dr z I have stopped running and since February this year have been living as a female called CARA ALL my family have noticed I am much happier and less depressed I am looking forward to the journey ahead
@@DRZPHD can you have a dysphoria about body hair and being bald I hate my body hair I shave it off and wish I wasn't bald I wish I had a full head of hair
You are so right! I tried it all, joined the army, got married twice have children. Worked hard, worked myself into a breakdown, in the end I came out at 55 two and a half years ago, now living as a woman and haven’t looked back, hormones are slowly changing my body and features and I love it.
Yes I have tried to escape dysphoria for most of my life by over compensating with hyper masculinity like sports. I am so tired of fighting it. Thank you. I love my inner woman.
So true! My gender dysphoria has been like a never-ending siren that has sounded at top volume all my life since I was a little kid. These feelings & thoughts are with me 24/7. It's the very first thought in my head when I wake up in the morning. It's with me piggy-backing on every...single...thought...and...feeling throughout my day & finally at the end of the day it's the last thought in my head as I nod off to sleep. And sleep brings no respite because then I dream of it! I'm very appreciative of channels like this one that address the real, life-altering pressures known so well by we the members of the trans community and especially those pressures unique to those of us transitioning later in life. Thanks to Dr. Z & others who bring their channels to the fore so that after decades of waiting to be acknowledged we finally have numerous, wonderful and even life-saving resources from which to draw and benefit without fear of ridicule or harm.
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your pain. The never-ending siren is a painful but ohhh such a true description of dysphoria, what I often call background noise that never goes away.
I am so glad I found your channel. I have was running away from my dysphoria my whole life up till a couple of years ago. After going to a therapist I finally realized this is how God made me. I have now accepted this great part of me.
I tried to out run it for so long. I was married (twice) and did everything I could think of to convince myself that I could beat it. As of now, I've been on HRT for 4 months. I finally feel as peace with myself. It did cost me though. It cost me my marriage, most of my family, and most of my "friends." I've still got the love and support of my kids and have found many new friend who love and accept me for who I really am.
One year and a half ago.. I looked this video, I didn’t wanted to believe… till I almost took my life…. Was hard to hear but she was right… today… I have change my gender legally, and have one year in hormones, have transitioning socially, and I am super happy, I lost friendship… and love… but finally I am I.
I've been binge watching your videos and things that you've said have clicked with me. I realize how I've always felt disconnected with my assigned gender but tried to ignore it either thinking 'it's a phase' because I'm only 18. I find myself constantly thinking what if I woke up in a male body then I instantly stop myself. I didn't even want to admit that I had dysphoria or any sort of feeling of discomfort even though I know that I do. I wanted to ignore it as I'm so scared of having to come out and because I know exactly what will happen if I decide to socially transition. It's like this internal struggle that's been going on since I was like 10 but I just pushed it all to the back of my head. I've tried so hard to ignore it but I know that I can't anymore. I don't fully know if I am non-binary or trans yet. I just know that I don't identify with my birth gender. I know I've got a long way to go but I'm glad that I'm starting to accept myself, even of it's just a little.
Thanks for sharing and I hope you take your time to explore your gender vs rushing into medical transition. I say this because you are only 18 and because you are not sure where you fall on the gender spectrum. Many aspects go into our gender identity such as, sexuality, gender roles, our relationship to it, etc., so take your time. Better be certain especially since testosterone has irreversible changes. Wish you the best!
As a born male I now believe that I should have been a woman, I personally hate living as a guy, I feel much happier and joyful when I’m in my feminine mindset, now If only my outside matched my inside all would be much much better, being in my mid 40’s and going through this really sucks, I tried to bury it many times but it comes back with a vengeance, I can totally relate to what you said in this video, I very much wish I could have know who I truly am much earlier, however with where I’m from and my childhood upbringing it would have been shut down Immediately anyway so perhaps now is a better time for me, sorry for the long comment, I’m very glad to have found your RUclips channel Dr. Z it’s extremely helpful, thank you for the wonderful job you’re doing.
Have started counseling last 4 months and electrolysis and still have this war going on in my head. But after 30 years I am continuing because something has to give and I 'm getting old enough that I almost feel like it's a race against time to maybe have several years of peace and feeling complete.🙏
Thank you I have been dealing with dysphoria for my whole life. It's just something that I have always known, but my partner has never experienced it. When I tried to explain what it was to him, he told me that it would go away, that it would effectively disappear over time if I learned to accept myself for who I am- that I could outrun it. I knew it wasn't true, but I hadn't done any research on it, and this video has just made me feel validated in ways I have never felt before. I cried when through this video. Not only because I wanted but I needed someone who understood what I was going through to tell me the truth. Thank you.
I been marked gender dysphoria,,,cis,, no srink know what I am I know a female,,my mom gave me female hormones in her womb by taking medication is what we found out..yes when I was with my wife I did not think about gender dysphoria. But after we broke up I went back being a woman ❤
It took me a long time to come to the realization that telling myself "I can be a man if I just find the right woman to be with." was not helping become the happy person I want to be. I have been fortunate to have been in relationships with several very wonderful women, but none of those relationships worked because I wasn't the "true me" and my mind kept telling me something was wrong with the relationship. My mind was right, I just mistook that the problem was "I was not with the right woman", when in reality the problem was "I wasn't the right me". I was also with the wrong gender of partner, but the bigger issue was being the wrong gender in the relationship. Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right." I think a similar principle can be applied there, "Your mind knows if something is right or wrong with yourself, it's whether or not you are willing to lie to yourself or acknowledge the truth about yourself that is more important to your own personal happiness."
I am only 17, but I know the feeling of trying to outrun dysphoria. I did it for two years because I was afraid of letting down my parents, my entire family and friends. I am not afraid anymore, and this summer, when I turn 18 I will finally start transitioning like I have (consciously) dreamed for 3-4 years now. It is SCARY, but I feel like it's the only thing I can do. It's obviously not a "fix-it-all", but I have dealt with my depression (that lasted years) and now in quarantine I find myself more depressed each and every day AGAIN, because I am so much alone. I also notice that my dysphoria is more and more present, because I am not trying to outrun it by keeping myself busy. I know I am very young so I am glad I caught on this so early. I thank the internet for all the resources that helped me realize who I am. It is a double edged sword though, since now I find myself doubting, "is this really what I am supposed to do, will this actually make me feel better or is it just something that I have found comfort in during my hardest years with depression and/or is it just something that I have exposed myself to too much and thus want to do it?" My both parents quite firmly denying nearly all possibility I could be right about this doesn't help. They listen, but they deny and most often act as if I didn't exist as me, even though they know how I feel. But I have decided, "f*ck them" and do what I feel best. And that is going to a gender clinic this summer when I turn 18 and see what happens. The fact that I just want to be a girl so bad and I would be so disappointed if I didn't get my diagnosis is a pretty reassuring thing for me. As you read earlier and then noticed, I find myself with the same doubts that you talked about in this video. So, it's nice to hear I am not alone. It just feels like everyone's pushing me into the wrong "place" right now and I can't bear it, I feel like I need to get away from everybody I know and just start living authentically. I love my family and parents, but life just feels so bad. Thank you for reading and thank you for this video!
well yeah honestly alot of times for me its about "if I wasn't overweight and if my penis weren't so small, maybe id feel more secure as a man" but then there's totally euphoria in stuff like wearing dresses or nail polish and having a long hair and how I stare at mirror and sometimes hate how manly I might look and recently started noticing how much shaving moustache helps, but then again I would believe that for at least myself id want to be 100% woman physically and all but I'm also type of person who fears pain so much that I hardly ever go to dentist and not without them putting me to sleep and giving me relaxants and even surgery of gallbladder stones were pretty much forced on me because of how much more pain it started to be having them and even then recovering from those wounds just makes me more afraid of doing surgery because it hurts so much to try recover from stuff like that, tho maybe my possible undiagnosed adhd and who knows what else mentally might be causing all that phobia. Atleast I'm getting adhd diagnosed atm so maybe I could get some sense into my brain and not live in irrational fears and stuff, and maybe that would help me start working on this whole transition thing too with better clarity, at least I'm doing what I can to learn online as much as I can to prepare.
Thank you for helping so many of us. I've been married for 24 years and have 4 children. My floodgate opened about 2 months ago. It has been really tough. I relate 100% to this video.
I constantly do that every single waking moment of every single day.... yesterday I bought 16 dresses 2 shirts a blouse 6 pair of nylons and 6 pair of heels and then got home and felt so guilty, I was underdressed bra panties garter hose slip blouse woman jeans 3" mary Jane heels no makeup or wig went shopping, I felt such horrible guilt. Put everything in my hiding spot, said I can't do this..... this morning took shower, slipped into panties garter hose slip under my men's clothes
I’m 18. I’ve been genuinely thinking lately that if I just push down my crippling severe dysphoria and focus on hobbies and work and staying busy all the time then my dysphoria would be less of a problem. My parents are also really pushing me to try to outrun dysphoria by overworking myself. I accepted that I have dysphoria a few years ago and am currently trying very hard to start my transition. I am struggling financially so we’ll see how that goes but I have hope, I’m not gonna try to outrun this. Thank you so much for making this video, I feel like I dodged a bullet.
Out ran it for 52 years, using every tactic you mentioned. But when she finally caught up with me, I couldn’t shake her. Right now it seems to working by giving her to grow along side of the man I am. Since transitioning is a slow progress, it’s been easy for me to live both. Although she may totally take over in end, as of now I’ve found harmony within myself. I’ve always been a happy person. But with her I’m experiencing actual joy.
WOW! This video so accurately described my over 65 years of trying to outrun my feelings of being a fraud -- that I was not who I presented myself as. I was (and am) so afraid of losing those I love that time over time when my "issue" reared up, I felt it was better to bottle it up, run away, and lose myself. And now, I'm still scared but taking baby steps to understand. I'm drying my tears now, pulling my self up, preparing to take a baby step.
I really Like your view on this subject I am in my late 60s I have felt this way since grade school and yes you throw yourself into so many things to try and prove to yourself you are something You're not. I have put myself in so many situations That could have been dangerous just trying to prove to myself that I'm a man. I have been to the alter so many times asking God to forgive me of my sins and to straighten out my mind. went on the police force, went into the army hoping they would straighten me out got married had a child which I love dearly but still got divorced and now I am in the later years of my life alone for the most part Retired and yes, I threw myself into my work and going to school to learn many different things. I have burned many of the things I have collected over the years or as some call it purged. It only comes back stronger. I wish I could find someone to talk to that was a professional in this subject to give me some guidance I am sure you have heard this all before. There were other issues I had when I was younger but back then you dare not breathe a word about it. and I will not go into that. Thank you for listening. God Bless. I Do Not hold God responsible for the rough times in my life. I should have died three times already, but he has seen me through, and God is not a female. He is Male. That I will always Believe. Thank you.
DR Z you have honestly saved my life. I am so happy and blessed to have found your content. I'm 24 years old and have been questioning my gender for the past 2 months and now. When I look back, there are signs I wanted to explore my femininity more but was never able to. I'm so excited but anxious as well, but I have such a burning part of me that just HAS to explore this side of me or I will be outrunning gender dysphoria for years and I can't let that happen! I just so badly want to give you a hug!!
Another thoughtful and helpful video, Dr. Z. Thank you. I had a feeling of foreboding when I saw the thumbnail for this, but clicked on it because I knew I have to hear it. It's so true, you cannot outrun gender dysphoria, just as you can't outrun yourself. Who you are is deep inside you, and it's not a title or degree or a part of your life you can distance yourself from. And that is why it affects every part of your life, which you describe so well. Your description of dysphoria as a symptom of disorder is also so helpful. I know that we're supposed to be getting away from that word and I understand that caution, there's a stigma. But what you said about dysphoria, about it telling us that the body is literally not in order, makes so much sense. You are a wonderful guide.
Thank you and I am glad you did click on it. It is one of the most passionate videos I made because I sincerely feel that everyone has a right to be themselves.
@@DRZPHD Yes, I sense your passion in this video and I hope it rubs off on everyone who needs to be themselves, but are somehow suppressing their feelings and can't find a way. I myself got a little "triggered" when I saw the video but sometimes you need to feel a little uncomfortable to find that way out. And BTW, your passion comes through in all of your videos!
Thank you for making a video on this. I have been running from my gender dysphoria for 12 years now. I became consciously aware of my dysphoria when I was in 11th grade of high school. I cut my hair short, started wearing masculine clothing, and stopped shaving. I came out to my mom when I was in 12th grade but I was still extremely confused. I didn't use the words transgender, I didn't really have any education on LGBTQ+, I just wanted told my mom I wanted to be male. And I remember her face looking just as confused as I felt. I grew up in a Christian household and was raised that way, so it also felt like I was doing something wrong. Like I was bad in some way for feeling these things, so the guilt was also hard to bear. I never came out to my dad, and I don't know if my mom ever said anything. Nothing really moved forward from that point and for my first two years of college I was extremely depressed and still confused. After a while I stopped thinking about my dysphoria so much. I believe as a way to mentally cope I just tried to convince myself that I didn't actually want to be male I just didn't know how to accept myself. I tried to convince myself of that for a long time. But even so I never had my hair long again, I still shopped in the men's sections for clothing, and it still made me happy when people couldn't tell my gender or called me male. But I lived as a "girl" for my whole college life. Only this year, 12 years later, have I had the courage to re-examine myself. My friend came out to me as being bisexual, and I also found out that Lil Nas x was openly gay. As silly as it may sound those things gave me courage. I had started to have dreams of my future from the beginning of the year and in those dreams I was always male. I realized that this is actually me. I am tired of trying to run away from who I am or convincing myself that it is not me. I actually came out to my mom again just 2 weeks ago. She was very supportive and told me to be who I needed to be. I also came out to my best friend. Today I'm going to call my dad and tell him too. I'm tired of running away and I just want to be me. Thank you again.
Omg those dreams are always the best, when I dreamed of being a boy it was like a precious experience I could keep close to my heart. I also started dreaming now that I am a trans man, ever since I started hormones. It's fantastic like my brain is processing this and working with it
I am 25 years old and I had 7 relationships with very little time in between and everytime i got with someone new, they and the troubles in the relationship were the mainfokus of my life. Seeing your video I think gender dysphoria might have been the reason I always found it so hard to be alone. I tried to transition when I was 22 but back then it was just too much to handle and I changed my strategy to studying sociology and just "deconstructing" gender, but I finally came to realize that this is just not working and trying it again now and even though I am facing the painful feelings of GD now I start to feel more in peace when I am alone and I am a little scared on whats gonna come with the steps I am taking, but then again I finally feel, like I can make and that all of this is going to be worth it! Thank you so much for your videos, Dr. Z! You are just amazing and everything I never understood about myself falls into place through the resources you provide. Really, just thank you!
Dr. Z you are the voice of reason I so desperately needed. Having a professional tell me what I already know (but can ignore) is so unbelievably life changing
Hello I've been living with gender dysphoria for many many years. I'm at older 54 I believe. I started watching your videos and I find them very informative. I too have tried to outrun it. Protein clothes changing my identity trying to run from the feelings I had just a strong strong feeling of being a female. But living in today's society is very difficult. Anyway I have made a choice in my life to finally transition. I'm beginning the process the long process. Scared nervous all the above. But I think the person that emerges on the other side will be very triumphant and she will be the vision but I have for her. I could go on and on I suppose but I won't. I think I need to watch more of your videos thank you for your content sincerely Amanda
Been listening to your videos and just saw this one. OMG , this is exactly how I felt all my life. Now , as I’m older , the feeling and desire to be female is stronger and stronger than ever. Just can’t avoid it any longer. In private, when I live as female , I’m so much happier. In private outside areas when I dress in female clothes from underwear to an outfit, I’m so much happy and feel comfortable and normal. I understanding that female is who I am and who I want to be.
I was doing it all did military got married worked longer and played on PlayStation till early hours of the morning going to work like a zombie then rinse and repeat. Till I stuck my middle finger up at the world when Covid came and I’m the happiest I have ever been and my suicide thoughts have finally gone x
I am totally there I’m 60 been married twice had kids and lost everything I’ve spent 3 months in the hospital it finally came out I had to accept it. Now I’m just now picking up the pieces of my life.
I quit running at 40 !! I did a full hitch in the Marines. I did the guns, reloading , Chef school , diesel mechanics , marriage , drugs , the nudie bars.. guess what ?! The " MAN UP " act doesn't work !! Amazing enough i became happy after a year after therapy ( '03 ) PRE HRT. and it never left after 20 years !! Started HRT in 11/04 , ffs with Dr.Suporn in '09 and srs in '10 . Met my partner in ' 03 and 20 years later still together....A real Transexual love story !! ,
I'm 23 and ive done this. Because I was scared of the consequences. And I got a panic disorder from it. I am finally starting to accept that this is the way i have to go to be comfort able with myself.
When i turned 50 i said i don't give a sh*t anymore about what people thing in general. Exactly one month later i was ready and crawled out of my egg.. having struggled ever since i remember. Now i know what i was struggling with. And now im waiting to get called in at the local psych to get send to Oslo University Hospital.. finally.. i feel so reliefed and powerful ! Thanks for your video's its so supporting to all of us, no matter what phase you are in!
I wish I could get through to my mother and family, they don’t buy what I’m saying. “They wish I wouldn’t bother with it, they think it’s a personal choice that’s not naccesary!
I have been running away from gender dysphoria most of my life. I didn't even know what I was running away from. I just knew it was there, and I couldn't escape. I did decide to liberate myself about two and a half years ago. I lost some people but I gained so many friends, I am happier, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I recently found that special someone that fully accepts me. In retrospect, this was the best decision I ever made. Thank you for the wonderful video!
Thank you or sharing Wendy! You demonstrate how loosing some people we can always regain new, stronger, authentic relationships and I am so happy you found your tribe!
Thank you Dr Z for an excellent topic once again. Ive stopped running finally. Its really not worth the unnecessary pain. Im putting on my high heals to walk side by side with dysphoria and not out run it. I can not be afraid any longer.
I fought gender dysphoria since I was about twelve years old. I'm now a 34 year old trans woman. I wish I would have started years ago. All my suffering is over now.
Hearing all this for the first time actually put into words is very empowering. I am slowly realizing I now have the tools to dig myself out of this substance abuse hole I put myself into - and I am so happy to do it. Thank you Dr. Z!
This is exactly how I felt until I did something about it, I wish I had had the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate this when I was younger so maybe I could have transitioned in my early teens instead of when I turned 50. Thank you Dr Z!
I was tired of being not true to myself. I thought I had a cross dressing fetish for ages. Turns out it was more than that. I would say I'm more non-binary than trans, but that I am much more comfortable presenting as a woman. Socially I'm still scared presenting as a woman, but I find I have a lot less tension and I'm generally happier accepting that I am better, truer as a woman.
Ah, yeah, avoidance can make things so difficult. I’m an 18 year old transgender man, and ever since puberty I’ve tried to bury myself and my dysphoria through playing video games from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. It was just so much more comfortable to play in an alternate world where I could present how I wanted and avoid the brutal reality of puberty’s changes. I’m going to be calling a counselor this week to get started on the path to medical transition. Nervous, but I’m also incredibly excited and can’t wait. It’s time to pick myself up and move forward :)
Dear Dr Z, All your videos are SO helpful and inspiring. I always wondered if this feeling was a trap or a demon. I have been wearing female attire and dreaming of being female for at least 35 years. I’m glad finally in my life I can get a true understanding of this issue and read about so many others feeling really close to what I’ve been expiriencing all these years, playing guy when I’ve really identified with femininity and females. Trying to be the Mans man was and is so phoney to me and I’ve struggled to play that game . I must say , being a male got me a lot farther in life then if I transitioned 30 years ago. I might be living on the street or have been murdered. That’s the haunting reality of my taking so long to “submit”to my feminine being. Thank you again for All the presentations. You are a PRO Robyn
Thank you so much! And I am so glad you find my content helpful. Also, you bring up an important point I like to point out to my clients and that is: you may hate your biological sex but for many, it got them where you are at and kept you alive!!!
I have been trying to outrun it for years. Rebuilt houses, drove race cars very successful and very few mechanical challengers I can’t figure out, but my gender dysphoria..... I am on the cusp of giving in and dressing as a woman to find out how it makes me feel. Thanks for sharing
You made me cry, I tried to outrun it my whole life, I dealed with it with crossdressing and at my 28 y/o I'm having my final words with this fight, I'm not a weirdo. To me I can't see a life waiting because it creates me pain, I can't see myself at 60 years old but I can imagine myself the next 15 years and what I see is happiness If I make the right choice.
Once again dr. Z you are spot-on I remember going to the gender therapist and saying to her please if there's any inclination at this is just a fantasy a fetish some crazy dream to please let me know after weeks of therapy before I left one day she said it's not a fantasy it's not a fetish it's not some crazy dream or crazy fantasy she said it's who you are I told her all I ever wanted in life was to get married to my best friend have children build a house live a good life she told me one day in therapy that I like the idea of all that and she felt it was simply to hide Who I Really Am that was the first time I had the realization that I was transgender so many things you said in this hit home for me I am trying to understand but this fear has such a strong Hold On Me it won't seem to let me push forward
@@DRZPHD well see let me go because I couldn't take that next step to start hormones and transition, she took me a far as she could until I am ready to move forward
you are 100% correct on this topic. i attempted to out run dysphoria for most my life, and lived with chronic depression,anxiety an bitterness. spent many yrs trying different medications and treatment for the depression and nothing ever worked. it wasnt until i broke down in my doctors office and admitted to her that i have gender dysphoria did life change for me. i received referrals and began HRT,almost instantly all that depression,anxiety and sadness was lifted and now i am almost a year on HRT and working on my surgery letters. I have nvr felt more happy or alive and your videos have help me alot along the way,so thank very,very much. sincerely,Stephanie.
Thank you for sharing and I am so happy where you at on your path. IF you are in CA or FL, keep in mind I do all surgical evals and write ups for free to support the community.
@@DRZPHD thank you,i actually live in Oregon but my insurance has covered almost everything. the concern i have rn is having the letter approved for facial feminizing surgery because they have to deem it a necessary procedure.
I had my struggle since I was a preschooler. My parents thought I would grow out of it. LOL! I am not going to fight who I am anymore if I loose family and/or friends I guess they weren't in for the long run anyway. I've got to be me.
I've been trying to outrun dysphoria for years. Always putting it off, telling me this is just a phase, making myself dissociated and trying to be extra feminin to battle what I'm feeling. Most times it's only in the back of my mind, like a nagging feeling, but ignorable. But some days it just floods my brain. It floods every thought I have and my entire mood. It stops me right in my tracks and I just break down. But yet, I still try to outrun it. It's easier than letting my partner and parents down. It's easier to ignore those feelings, but I know one day I'll break. I just hope that when I do I finally develop a backbone just transition.
I wonder why when I listen to you I come away with a sense of feeling confident about what I am and feeling masculine and like how a woman supports a man with her power and it feels like something I always chased ...but I can’t achieve this in relation to my family or others who know what I am ...I am more comfortable around those who don’t know my status even if the few who know are okay with it more or less. It’s nice to not feel weird or wrong - even better to feel an inner stability and like I’ve got my mojo going on. Thanks Doc for what you do !!!
I had repressed memories of childhood abuse and a medical trauma and recently realised I have PTSD from both of them. So for me the self-doubts have the extra layer as to whether this is actually me, or whether it's a result of what was done to me.
A typical behavior is to try and be a stereotypical macho man. Fireman, Policeman, Military man to overcome our feelings. I lived that way for forty years before I accepted it. I lost everything I had and for twenty years I feared acting on my feelings because of that fear. What Dr. Z. Is saying is true. The ones in your life who truly love you will always love you. Those who don’t will fall off but you will quickly find many more who will accept you and love you for who you truly are. Don’t wait. Don’t put off your happiness any longer. ❤️🥰 m. xoxoxoxo
So bloody true, stopped running away and sat down with my GP. Tried repeatadly to be so called NORMAL, nup nada no way, pushed it down, boarding school, Military, failed relationships, high achiever all for naught. Now i look back and shake my head at my utter stupidity of not facing my self. So if your listening to this Drs advice, talk to your GP, get a referral to a Clinic and follow your heart. It ain't easy, takes time but the outcome is one balanced human being. Tumeke wahine toa. UBIQUE
Thank you for sharing and glad to hear you decided to stop running. Sometimes we need to face the fact that running is not making us anymore happier or complete.
Hah. So true. Was married, have kids, tried the Military, climbed the corporate ladder and created a great career...never went away. So here I am. Finally dealing with it and WAY happier.
OHhh wow woman! You did it all! Thanks for sharing as you showcase it never does goes away Gad you are happier!
@Kate Wolf FWIW: My ex wife and I are great friends, actually. She's my greatest advocate and had even went with me on several consultations. She even helped me locate a great doc for my HRT.
@Kate Wolf I always helped, wherever I could, even though I was never in a position of authority or management (Professional computer geek, here).
u r lucky
@Kate Wolf this is a really good point. It's on all members of society to make society fairer for all. I wouldn't criticise the original commentator for not doing this (if she never) but more a comment/reminder to anyone else in that position.
I may know someone who was lucky enough to have done this a few times..
The younger generation is blessed , because you have access to all information via internet to identify and solve your problem.
Many years ago , hardly you got information and many of us could not identify what is going-on , even did believe that their feeling is a single personal case in the whole world.
That’s very true!
So true. I was assigned male at birth 40 years ago, and the boys I grew up with literally called me a girl. I wish I could have seen past the insult to the truth behind that statement.
is it a blessing or curse? so many depend on the net for things. no telling what is real. dr. bill
... in a way that's true.
In another way ... with gender criticals and trans medicalists ... being there too (and I promise, you will encounter them) and causing a huge amount of harm, ... it's not just a blessing.
Yes right, I'm 90s kid and there was nothing at all, no internet, no stories, nothing. Now it's time to face it.
I'm 56. My girls are grown. On my 3rd marraige. I told my husband two years ago I am non binary and he has been very supportive.
Told him this Monday I'm ready for top surgery and we can't wait.
OHhh thats awesome! Glad you have the support and if you are a CA or FL resident let me know as I write all gender eval letters for surgeries completely for free to support community.
Congratz for you!
@@DRZPHD that's so nice of you 🩷
My dysphoria seemingly came out of nowhere about six months ago and was mixed up with a few other things, mismanaged steroid use causing a massive hormone imbalance, accepting and opening up about being bisexual, three month long manic episode and an ADHD diagnosis. The whole mix made it very difficult to parse through everything and figure out if the dysphoria is an independent phenomena, or a remnant of something else. I keep getting these sort of memories where I feel like I can recognize what was really going on in certain situations that keep re-enforcing the identity confusion. I am getting a referral to a psychologist today to help get things sorted and figure out how to move forward.
I found you when I searched “ftm after 40?” and I feel so much less alone after watching your videos and reading comments from other people. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I found out I wasn’t a boy and I’ve just kind of ignored it, been ashamed of it, rationalized it away, or…well. Mostly ignored it. But it does keep coming back and I often feel like it’s “too late” because I’m almost 40 and I’ve got these big ol’ hips and don’t think I’d ever pass like these younger people who are all over the internet doing their thing. I’ve got doubts and hang-ups and I was tempted to keep running, but I’ve been talking to a specialist instead. Finally. She’s helping me sift through 35 years’ worth of feelings and coping. Anyway, I’m glad to have found your videos (binge watching tomorrow, btw) and I’m even more glad that there are others out there like me.
Thank you for sharing and glad to hear the content is helpful.
I tried for 17 years to outrun my gender dysphoria and am now ready to accept it. I've been socially transitioned for 6 months now and loving it. I'm currently waiting for an appointment with the gender clinic and can't wait to begin the rest of my life finally being the woman i have always been ❤❤❤
So happy for you! Its great that social transition affirmed your gender identity as it should.
so ur gender doesn't match ur biology or orientation. set the load of bricks down and move forward. u r who u r.
I explained away my masculine feelings for the longest time by saying it's because I'm a butch lesbian. But the dysphoric feelings just keep coming back.
Ahh thats sadly another avoidance maneuver.
I wept when i listened to you. I cant pretend anymore. There must be another way. I am dying inside, perhaps i can begin this journey. Thank you.
So sorry to hear of your pain. Hang in there.
I believe in you. I want nothing more than for you to wake up happy. You took the first step. The rest will follow.
ur not dying inside. you growing, that's a beautiful thing,. self realization and actualization is complicated, especially considering social things. being ur self is everything though. it sets u free. that's a good thing
think of when u were a kid and ur bones were growing. emotional things are far more difficult
Emotional things are everything in my humble opinion. They come from the "mind" not the physical brain. One of my phd's is in business administration with a focus on leadership. Look up level 5 and empowerment. I supervised 300 programmers, programmer myself, and str8 white American males were few. I support the differences that life presents us. I'm a str8 white male, but father of an mtf, pan daughter, uncle of of an ftm. I give them support. I took local classes on this and am in several support groups. So your biology and gender don't match, so what. If you want to have cross dressing or srs, then good for you. I love your videos. Dr. Bill
I've been trying to outrun it for about a decade. The day I finally took a step back and said "This is who I am and that's okay" was the best day of my life. I'm not sure I've ever felt happiness before then. Just set up an appointment to hopefully get on HRT. I'm nervous, but excited. Not sure I've ever felt those two in conjunction with each other before.
Wish you all the best.
Run as fast as you can. As far as you can. Turn around and there you are.
My mind keeps promising such joy if I can go through with it.
I needed this.
as i’ve written in my letter to my mother about this “Why would I WANT this? I’ve tried everything i could think of to put it behind me. but divorces, drop-outs and stagnation exist no matter what because under all of the effort is a hope for a life my soul is not interested in. I want to let my soul control my biology, not the other way around. “
I’m young but I feel exactly like this. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t so I may as well stay safe and keep it inside. (NB or FtM)
I am sorry you feel this way. Notice how keeping it inside is also not safe as it will psychologically cause stress leading to a lot of other issues.
I relate. I am caught between continuing to live this way and I don't want to do that. I don't know I can. Or alienating much of my family. People I love and respect. It seems the only good solution is move a 1000 miles away and start over. I don't have the resources for that though. I think personally I would transition but I don't know I have the strength to pay the social cost. I'm in a bad way right now.
@@raintalon6138 mate you don't even know how much I can relate to every word you wrote right there! I'm not gonna sit and give a long essay so early in the morning but just know you're not alone in how you feel there...I know it's not great knowing that others are suffering but its nice to be able to relate to somebody and I really felt every word of it. 💙💔💚
@@territhetankedupterrapin6592 I recently came out I posted my story on reddit. I'll just copy and paste it here.
It is as if 1000 tons were lifted off my back.
A few weeks ago I found myself in a especially deep pit of despair, depression, and anxiety. Out of sheer desperation I needed to tell someone, anyone. So I spoke with my mother. I explained I haven't felt comfortable about my masculine features since puberty. Which was a surprise to her, not just because I hid it well but because I didn't have too many. Lol Regardless, I told her how I felt, what I was thinking and how I was planning to proceed. She was supportive. Although she had some misconceptions about what transgenderism was. Mainly a lack of understanding about gender dysphoria. She is an intelligent and educated individual. So she did what any intelligent person would and went to work reading and learning. More than doing so as a curious person she did so as a supportive mother.
She helped me to come out to my 2 sisters. My younger one is exceptionally supportive. She has tought me how to do makeup, got me clothes, asked me how I wish to be referred, offered to take me to get my eyebrows done, offered suggestions with hair styles and so much more. There was still one hurtle, one more thing to overcome. My dad, my dad was always critical of the LGBTQ+ community. That is the primary reason I hid this aspect of myself for 10-12 years.
I'm 23 now. Looking back it should have been obvious. A few signs, at least the ones they could have noticed. Me never talking pride in complements about my masculine features, only ever begrudgingly cutting my hair, always trying to avoid photos. There was ofcourse more, so much more. Not being comfortable changing around other boys. Not just in middle and high school but as young as 5. Asking, when I was very young, what I would have been named had I been born a girl. Being more interested in social activities as opposed to toys. Playing make believe for example. Still, theses can all mean nothing alone. They all add up though. There was so much more. Had an expert been involved they would have connected the dots. Something I must admit I am bitter about. Bitter at the fact things could have been easier for me. Bitter at the fact I could have been happier. I know it's no good to be resentful. I am dealing with it one step at a time.
Back to my dad. My sister and I conspired to get my dad to come over to my place without tipping him off about anything. She had him pick her up from work. She then wanted to stop at a place near me. They had a sale. Then she asked to come visit. It was her plan. Looking at it, it seems a little much. Still, it worked. They came in, we caught up, my sister gave us the room. Then we talked. I told him more or less what I told my mom. I had run that conversation through my mind probably 100 times. I did imagine the worse. I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't cry, I thought I would have. I'm still not entirely comfortable showing my emotions around him. In time perhaps I will be. When I initially told my mom I wept like a child. My dad told me nothing would effect his love for me. He told me he understood why I didn't speak up before. He told me he was sorry I felt I couldn't share with him. He didn't have too many questions, just what you might expect. He had 1 question that I must admit caught me off guard. He ask if I still would go to the range with him. I laughed and told him yes. We had drifted apart in the past year. Something I hope to one day repair. It'll be a process, for both of us. He'll have to learn he isn't losing a son, but instead gaining his daughter for the first time. I'll have to learn to trust and to be less tight lipped.
My cage was constructed with my own thoughts and fears. Something my family is helping me break out of. I'm still starting this journey but I hope this gives hope and and inspiration to someone. Sometimes we just need is a nudge in the right direction. That is something I wish I had earlier. All we need is strive to be is a little more empathetic and a little more courageous. That is sometime I take to heart.
Jeffrey Smith omg twins
I only just discovered that I've been suffering from severe trauma stemming from gender dysphoria for over 20 years (I'm 34) and hadn't even realized it. It was like background noise in my life, but I've long felt like something was "off." Coming to that realization was easily the most profound and emotional experience of my entire life. Excited to finally find myself again and trying not to succumb to doubt.
I am excited for you and for your future.
That reminds me of something a transperson once said:
"It's not pleasant, you go through all sorts of interesting changes, it cost me my spouse that I love dearly, but it was so important to me that it had to happen that I'm pleased that I did it.
It's the best thing that I've ever done in my life."
Yes, its often is for many.
First I'd like to say thank you because the older trans folks are underserved in the media and social discussions. I tried to outrun dysphoria for 60 years and gave up. But the funny thing is that I never realized I had dysphoria until I really started my self introspection at nearly 60. Prior to that I never put a name to my issues and just thought that was normal for me. That's how deep in denial I was, and being born in 1957, no one ever talked about this stuff, and I had no words to describe it even if I wanted to. But now I realize the dysphoria influenced so many of my adult decisions, for instance, getting married and 19 and having a kid at 20. Looking back that was a horrible decision, but unconsciously it made me feel like the man everyone expects, a father and husband. So I was cured without even knowing I had dysphoria. OK, no I wasn't, it came back worse and harder to handle as I aged until I finally gave up and sought assistance and started transitioning at 60. Now coming up on 63, I have lost family members; friends; neighbors; colleagues but as you said I have gained so much. I will never go back, and to live authentically and without hiding took away so much anxiety, I can now live up to my potential and be happy! The self loathing is over and it allows me the opportunity of developing true relationships built on emotionally acuity I had buried for most of my life.
Thank you for such candid response! I am so so happy you decided to live your life. It is never ever ever too late! So sorry you lost your family and friends. Your story is something I hear all the time and it breaks my heart. Also, I have a video scheduled come up in a few months about age group 28 and up and how to cope with things. I do understand that age makes a huge difference.
The self loathing without question can ruin your life. A lifetime of therapy and meditation only kept my head above water. Just in a continued state of coping.
I 'TOTALLY' relate to what you said here doc! I have fought, fought aaaaaand FOUGHT all my nearly 53 years, thinking I was perverted or something, even became close to alcoholic for some years just to numb the pain. Then I decided a month or so ago that enough was enough and spoke with my GP who was so understanding and got me referred for the waiting list! I will no longer doubt myself or look back. The sooner I am on hormones and get my surgeries the better! Accepting myself was an IMMENSE RELIEF! And I've already come out to everyone who the majority have shown an amazing level of support 🙂💜
So glad to hear you decided to stop running.
Thank You. This really hit home with me. I am 73 and have struggled my lifetime coping with my secret. Just before I listened to this podcast I was once again journaling to help me cope. I wrote in my journal that I have spent my life in a “ busy aloneness.” Just as Dr. Z has so thoroughly described in spending your life trying to outrun the truth. As one of Cher’s song titles, If I Could Turn Back Time, I would certainly take a different path.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I too was married for a decade, with a daughter born from the union and two step children I raised as my own. I recently have gotten divorced and really have been struggling with my mental health. I thought i was just having a midlife crisis...and then I was diagnosed with autism, CPTSD and an eating disorder. I have hit rock bottom but, i have discovered I'm trans and things are finally slowly getting better. Thank you for all you do for the community.
Glad to hear you finally put a finger on the pulse and I wish you all the best.
@@DRZPHD Because of my isolation, I probably would have remained on the fence indefinitely had it not been for the compassion and acceptance you and a handful of other friendly faces consistently display in your work. Thank you for taking the time to do what you do, it's helping me out immensely and I look forward to your next upload 🥲
I love you , one of the most eloquent Gender therapist
Thank you so much!
@@DRZPHD I just love you , you speak common sense I watch you when I feel discouraged or fighting my gender dysphoric feelings
This made me cry out loud in my car- I wasn’t expecting it to hit so close to home.
I am so sorry.
unrelated and random but i really like your name
@@wt8257 Oh thank you! I’m going to be changing it to Keelan actually, but I think my last name is pretty neat ^_^
@@lemonythicket1406 yo nice! good luck 👌
@@wt8257 Thank you!!
I tried for years and my feelings never wavered. I've always know I was female. I finally met with a therapist and started HRT. Stared dressing at work as a woman and two years late had gender surgery. I've never been happier.
I sincerely want to congratulate you for or spelling out everything that I have been going through all my life😥. I am still at a very early stage in my own transitions but it is very nice to hear kind words that explains how I have been feeling all my life.🌹👍
So sorry to hear about your pain.
@@DRZPHD I feel like a baby just starting out now I do not know what to expect but I am smiling more often.
so ur gay or trans, that's how things go. look forward and make decisions for ur self and those u care about. it is the best we can do. str8 dad, father of mtf. dr. bill
@@lynch702000 my hat is off for you in celebration of the facts that you acknowledge your daughter. I think this world would be better if there was a lot more parents that's could find it in Their Hearts to support there kids no matter what.👍
i forget if i asked this question already. ocd, tunnel vision. r u pre or post op? i'm seeking answers for my kids.
That was me, telling myself I didn't have gender dysphoria but like you've said in your other videos, it manifested in really bad social anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. And isolation.
honestly, this was very helpful, i cant thank you enough for your words. personally, im a trans guy who suffers from OCD based intrusive thoughts, and for a long while, they've turned their attention towards my identity, telling me im "not really male", "actually a woman", or "secretly (insert identity here)", and it's so, so tiring. i have no problem with questioning identities or whatever, or "backtracking" if an identity isn't for me, but the thought of not being a man, of having to live the rest of my life as a "girl" makes me feel so hopeless and suicidal and i don't know what to do to make the thoughts stop. im constantly running, as you said, and it drains me in a way i cannot possible articulate. i truly feel like, in my hearts of hearts, i am a gay trans male. it makes me happy and hopeful, it feels RIGHT, like a weight is being lifted off my body, but i can never really seem to shake off the paranoia of "what if im wrong." sorry to turn this into a bit of a ramble/vent, but i really need to get this off my chest. thanks again for your advice and videos, miss, i hope your day is going a bit better than mine.
Thank you for sharing! Those obsessive thoughts can defiantly spiral out of control if you struggle with OCD. Sorry to hear that!
Dude! I struggle with this as well and I don't even have OCD! Constantly second guessing myself and worrying. I have hypochondria so I worry I am just imagining I have this disorder.
The way I managed to come to terms with the anxiety/worry is to tell myself "Maybe I will make a mistake in the future, but for now I'm just going to embrace the uncertainty and continue with my plan.". So it's like I've decided this is what I will do, and "maybe it'll be ok maybe it'll not". There's a really good video on OCD where you use this embracing of uncertainty to damped the OCD thoughts. Hope this helps and you've found relief since you posted this!
I wrote the comment below before coming to the end of Dr. Z's video. How did it affect my life? I realize now what is my authentic self. Still far from passable and I have serious doubts about ever getting there - being much older does not help. But, with acceptance of myself as trans I now know what it is to live connected, liking myself, knowing I am a special human being.
Thank you for sharing.
OMG, I am 42 now and I can strongly corroborate 100% what Dr. Z says here. The gender dysphoria is ALWAYS there, and the extent in which one can repress is the extent in which can distract oneself from it, which is no easy task whatsoever; it's full-time job. The urge to alleviate the dysphoria has been there since the age of 5, but no thanks to my parents and society, I was shamed into denying it and indeed, much of my life revolved around sustaining that denial.
The turning point was when I developed enough emotional maturity to at least accept that maybe I could just experiment with baby steps and see what happens. Eventually, the mounting evidence is overwhelming and because I took baby steps, the shame and fear is much more manageable without immediately eliciting a flight or fight response and I finally could ~accept~ that one singular fear that I've spent my entire life repressing.
Never underestimate the power and pervasiveness of denial. I'm sure much of this remains unintelligible for some because a precondition of acceptance is a sufficiently developed self-awareness, and self-awareness is something many people fear because it implies facing one's repressed memories and fears. We talk a lot about how space or the deep sea is humankind's final frontier; another frontier that earns this title are our rich and vast psyches.
Denial can be beneficial as a temporary coping mechanism, but as a lifetime strategy, it's incredibly self-damaging.
Thank you for sharing. Denial sadly, is beast in of itself.
OMG this was sooooo me for the longest time. I was running because i was always told it was wrong so i tried to dive deeper into everything and people pleasing activities. I did all the things a "typical woman" was supposed to do. Have kids, get married, be so prim and proper and I always felt so fake! It took a friend I made a few years ago to ask me one day "who are you?" I responded to him with my usual, at the time catch phrase of "I am ME." He said "No, who are you really?" And I couldn't answer it. I thought about it for a long time and realized I haven't been me for a long long time. Since i was 19 (I'm now 37) I decided to say screw it to everyone and finally for once put ME first and start Testosterone. My first day was Dec 24 2022 and I have officially been 6 months on T and the happiest version of me I have ever been! I feel like I got to pick up at 19 and live the way I was supposed to live still all the while being my authentic self. My friends are so happy for me and have noticed the confidence boost and happiness levels have definitely gone way up. No more driving myself insane by putting everything else first and 100% of me into everything BUT ME.
Thank you for sharing.
I have just seen this. I was military, happily married with two children but when the second one was born it bit me on the A**e. that was 30 years ago, I thought I was alone, what was this weird compunction and feelings, The internet didn't exit, I was driven to cross dressing, taking my wife's pills, Then I went to the doctors and announced "I want to be a woman" huge waste of time back then, back on the self medication. I did the family, military route and it still got me. I was obsessed, reading the internet, pushing boundaries, adopting a female nickname, throwing out all the male stuff. Three years ago I had heart problems and decided I was going to change my medical details, new name, new gender but I had to keep it a secret. I had anaphylaxis triple bypass and the cardiac nurse said I had probably been stressed all my life. I took the plunge, I told the military as I was a reservist. They issued new details, new uniform and embraced the change. My wife and family were furious, I was banned from my own sons wedding and in seeing their children. I was allowed if I wore a suit and cropped my hair. I went. I have now done everything driving licence, tax, pension nearly the lot and I feel the happiest I have ever felt. I won the race but wife, son and daughter are very unhappy spectators. We are all still together, its been a long race and I think they are catching up, very, very slowly. But did I win, I feel like the winner but GD beat me all the same so I lost the race but I won the race too. Go figure. People aren't as hostile as you think. I am a 67 overweight female with a deep voice, but I get hugs from my friends and they call me brave, I tell them I'm not, I'm a coward, I did nothing for 30 years. When I get called sir by recruits, I correct them and when they look so crestfallen I tell them, don't worry, I made the same mistake for years. Im living the life I always should have done, I am confident and proud, even though I'm often clocked. Im living my authentic life.
Thank you for sharing.
I tried to hide till my 36's but I felt too tired to deal with dysphoria. Then I started lasers, feminine clothes and hormones, and got better. I'm 37 now and things came easier for me. 🎉
I was living in denial for a long time, thinking I just had depression and anxiety from C-PTSD. Now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm trans, and those warning signs I had as a kid DIDN'T go away. They've just been a back round program still running that I couldn't hear, but my subconscious could. Now that I've brought it into the conscious mind it has crippled me. I've been just laying in bed thinking for days because I don't have a path to transition right not. I don't have a car or health insurance so I just have to wait until I figure out those two things.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Thank you for this. Made me cry. I had tried to outrun this for all the reasons you listed until I finally accepted this. I have now been transitioning for 1 year and I feel so right in my skin both physically and more importantly emotionally. Of course, the people dropping away part has also happened and the acceptance part also.
😀👍
So glad to hear you have decided to transition and to pull out of the race!
I started taking testosterone on a low-dose 2 months ago and it has been seriously good life changing I have been really really realizing like how all the signs of gender dysphoria were there when I was a child and I repress them all of these little indicators have been present throughout my whole life and it really does feel so fantastic and liberating to begin this journey I almost want to cry and thank you so much for your videos Dr Z this is been so helpful and grounding for me during this transitional time when I do not yet have access to a gender affirming therapy thank you so much
So glad to hear your decision to start T has made things better! Glad the content is also helpful 🤗
Transition saved my life. It's true, you cannot outrun dysphoria, but surrendering to what dysphoria means and accepting yourself is the best gift you can give yourself
Thank you for sharing. It absolutely does save life.
I had to hold back tears watching this as it summed up the last 30 years of my life, everything just rang so true with me, I've been running away for so long.
Eventually I couldn't take anymore and 8 months ago I decided to stop running away and start embracing who I actually am, I finally felt confident enough to come out to everyone, friends, family, colleagues and I've never felt better in myself than I do today.
I still have a long road ahead but happier travels along this road as I simply could not carry on down the path I was walking along.
Very insightful vid, thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing and so glad to hear you dropped out of the rat race and doing well!
Totally agree dr z I have stopped running and since February this year have been living as a female called CARA ALL my family have noticed I am much happier and less depressed I am looking forward to the journey ahead
Congratulation! SO glad to hear you are out of the rat race!
@@DRZPHD can you have a dysphoria about body hair and being bald I hate my body hair I shave it off and wish I wasn't bald I wish I had a full head of hair
You are so right! I tried it all, joined the army, got married twice have children. Worked hard, worked myself into a breakdown, in the end I came out at 55 two and a half years ago, now living as a woman and haven’t looked back, hormones are slowly changing my body and features and I love it.
So glad you are on the right track.
Yes I have tried to escape dysphoria for most of my life by over compensating with hyper masculinity like sports. I am so tired of fighting it. Thank you. I love my inner woman.
So true! My gender dysphoria has been like a never-ending siren that has sounded at top volume all my life since I was a little kid. These feelings & thoughts are with me 24/7. It's the very first thought in my head when I wake up in the morning. It's with me piggy-backing on every...single...thought...and...feeling throughout my day & finally at the end of the day it's the last thought in my head as I nod off to sleep. And sleep brings no respite because then I dream of it! I'm very appreciative of channels like this one that address the real, life-altering pressures known so well by we the members of the trans community and especially those pressures unique to those of us transitioning later in life. Thanks to Dr. Z & others who bring their channels to the fore so that after decades of waiting to be acknowledged we finally have numerous, wonderful and even life-saving resources from which to draw and benefit without fear of ridicule or harm.
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your pain. The never-ending siren is a painful but ohhh such a true description of dysphoria, what I often call background noise that never goes away.
I am so glad I found your channel. I have was running away from my dysphoria my whole life up till a couple of years ago. After going to a therapist I finally realized this is how God made me. I have now accepted this great part of me.
So glad to hear!
Acceptance, Acceptance, Acceptance, Acceptance! The first and main step! Your life can be better!
Yes I agree with that.
I tried to out run it for so long. I was married (twice) and did everything I could think of to convince myself that I could beat it. As of now, I've been on HRT for 4 months. I finally feel as peace with myself. It did cost me though. It cost me my marriage, most of my family, and most of my "friends." I've still got the love and support of my kids and have found many new friend who love and accept me for who I really am.
Thank you for sharing and I am so glad to hear you have support in your life.
One year and a half ago.. I looked this video, I didn’t wanted to believe… till I almost took my life…. Was hard to hear but she was right… today… I have change my gender legally, and have one year in hormones, have transitioning socially, and I am super happy, I lost friendship… and love… but finally I am I.
Hi and thanks for sharing. Sometimes its very hard to hear about things that are relevant to us. Glad to hear you are doing well.
I've been binge watching your videos and things that you've said have clicked with me. I realize how I've always felt disconnected with my assigned gender but tried to ignore it either thinking 'it's a phase' because I'm only 18. I find myself constantly thinking what if I woke up in a male body then I instantly stop myself. I didn't even want to admit that I had dysphoria or any sort of feeling of discomfort even though I know that I do. I wanted to ignore it as I'm so scared of having to come out and because I know exactly what will happen if I decide to socially transition. It's like this internal struggle that's been going on since I was like 10 but I just pushed it all to the back of my head. I've tried so hard to ignore it but I know that I can't anymore.
I don't fully know if I am non-binary or trans yet. I just know that I don't identify with my birth gender. I know I've got a long way to go but I'm glad that I'm starting to accept myself, even of it's just a little.
Thanks for sharing and I hope you take your time to explore your gender vs rushing into medical transition. I say this because you are only 18 and because you are not sure where you fall on the gender spectrum. Many aspects go into our gender identity such as, sexuality, gender roles, our relationship to it, etc., so take your time. Better be certain especially since testosterone has irreversible changes. Wish you the best!
As a born male I now believe that I should have been a woman, I personally hate living as a guy, I feel much happier and joyful when I’m in my feminine mindset, now If only my outside matched my inside all would be much much better, being in my mid 40’s and going through this really sucks, I tried to bury it many times but it comes back with a vengeance, I can totally relate to what you said in this video, I very much wish I could have know who I truly am much earlier, however with where I’m from and my childhood upbringing it would have been shut down Immediately anyway so perhaps now is a better time for me, sorry for the long comment, I’m very glad to have found your RUclips channel Dr. Z it’s extremely helpful, thank you for the wonderful job you’re doing.
Thank you for sharing.
Have started counseling last 4 months and electrolysis and still have this war going on in my head. But after 30 years I am continuing because something has to give and I 'm getting old enough that I almost feel like it's a race against time to maybe have several years of peace and feeling complete.🙏
When you've personally told yourself a lot of those excuses to outrun your dysphoria
And I'm still sitting here denying myself
Yes, years and years of doing it does make it hard to shed it.
Thank you
I have been dealing with dysphoria for my whole life. It's just something that I have always known, but my partner has never experienced it. When I tried to explain what it was to him, he told me that it would go away, that it would effectively disappear over time if I learned to accept myself for who I am- that I could outrun it. I knew it wasn't true, but I hadn't done any research on it, and this video has just made me feel validated in ways I have never felt before. I cried when through this video. Not only because I wanted but I needed someone who understood what I was going through to tell me the truth. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing.
I been marked gender dysphoria,,,cis,, no srink know what I am I know a female,,my mom gave me female hormones in her womb by taking medication is what we found out..yes when I was with my wife I did not think about gender dysphoria. But after we broke up I went back being a woman ❤
It took me a long time to come to the realization that telling myself "I can be a man if I just find the right woman to be with." was not helping become the happy person I want to be. I have been fortunate to have been in relationships with several very wonderful women, but none of those relationships worked because I wasn't the "true me" and my mind kept telling me something was wrong with the relationship. My mind was right, I just mistook that the problem was "I was not with the right woman", when in reality the problem was "I wasn't the right me". I was also with the wrong gender of partner, but the bigger issue was being the wrong gender in the relationship. Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right." I think a similar principle can be applied there, "Your mind knows if something is right or wrong with yourself, it's whether or not you are willing to lie to yourself or acknowledge the truth about yourself that is more important to your own personal happiness."
Thank you for sharing.
I am only 17, but I know the feeling of trying to outrun dysphoria. I did it for two years because I was afraid of letting down my parents, my entire family and friends. I am not afraid anymore, and this summer, when I turn 18 I will finally start transitioning like I have (consciously) dreamed for 3-4 years now. It is SCARY, but I feel like it's the only thing I can do.
It's obviously not a "fix-it-all", but I have dealt with my depression (that lasted years) and now in quarantine I find myself more depressed each and every day AGAIN, because I am so much alone. I also notice that my dysphoria is more and more present, because I am not trying to outrun it by keeping myself busy.
I know I am very young so I am glad I caught on this so early. I thank the internet for all the resources that helped me realize who I am. It is a double edged sword though, since now I find myself doubting, "is this really what I am supposed to do, will this actually make me feel better or is it just something that I have found comfort in during my hardest years with depression and/or is it just something that I have exposed myself to too much and thus want to do it?"
My both parents quite firmly denying nearly all possibility I could be right about this doesn't help. They listen, but they deny and most often act as if I didn't exist as me, even though they know how I feel. But I have decided, "f*ck them" and do what I feel best. And that is going to a gender clinic this summer when I turn 18 and see what happens. The fact that I just want to be a girl so bad and I would be so disappointed if I didn't get my diagnosis is a pretty reassuring thing for me.
As you read earlier and then noticed, I find myself with the same doubts that you talked about in this video. So, it's nice to hear I am not alone. It just feels like everyone's pushing me into the wrong "place" right now and I can't bear it, I feel like I need to get away from everybody I know and just start living authentically. I love my family and parents, but life just feels so bad.
Thank you for reading and thank you for this video!
Thank you for sharing and I hope everything will go well for you!
well yeah honestly alot of times for me its about "if I wasn't overweight and if my penis weren't so small, maybe id feel more secure as a man" but then there's totally euphoria in stuff like wearing dresses or nail polish and having a long hair and how I stare at mirror and sometimes hate how manly I might look and recently started noticing how much shaving moustache helps, but then again I would believe that for at least myself id want to be 100% woman physically and all but I'm also type of person who fears pain so much that I hardly ever go to dentist and not without them putting me to sleep and giving me relaxants and even surgery of gallbladder stones were pretty much forced on me because of how much more pain it started to be having them and even then recovering from those wounds just makes me more afraid of doing surgery because it hurts so much to try recover from stuff like that, tho maybe my possible undiagnosed adhd and who knows what else mentally might be causing all that phobia. Atleast I'm getting adhd diagnosed atm so maybe I could get some sense into my brain and not live in irrational fears and stuff, and maybe that would help me start working on this whole transition thing too with better clarity, at least I'm doing what I can to learn online as much as I can to prepare.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for helping so many of us. I've been married for 24 years and have 4 children. My floodgate opened about 2 months ago. It has been really tough. I relate 100% to this video.
You are so welcome!
"Thou kannst not run from that which kannst not be separated from thee"
?????
I constantly do that every single waking moment of every single day.... yesterday I bought 16 dresses 2 shirts a blouse 6 pair of nylons and 6 pair of heels and then got home and felt so guilty, I was underdressed bra panties garter hose slip blouse woman jeans 3" mary Jane heels no makeup or wig went shopping, I felt such horrible guilt. Put everything in my hiding spot, said I can't do this..... this morning took shower, slipped into panties garter hose slip under my men's clothes
Thanks for sharing.
I’m 18. I’ve been genuinely thinking lately that if I just push down my crippling severe dysphoria and focus on hobbies and work and staying busy all the time then my dysphoria would be less of a problem.
My parents are also really pushing me to try to outrun dysphoria by overworking myself.
I accepted that I have dysphoria a few years ago and am currently trying very hard to start my transition. I am struggling financially so we’ll see how that goes but I have hope, I’m not gonna try to outrun this. Thank you so much for making this video, I feel like I dodged a bullet.
Thanks for sharing.
Out ran it for 52 years, using every tactic you mentioned. But when she finally caught up with me, I couldn’t shake her. Right now it seems to working by giving her to grow along side of the man I am. Since transitioning is a slow progress, it’s been easy for me to live both. Although she may totally take over in end, as of now I’ve found harmony within myself. I’ve always been a happy person. But with her I’m experiencing actual joy.
Thank you for sharing
This was so helpful. A heartfelt 💕thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Hugs back at you.
WOW! This video so accurately described my over 65 years of trying to outrun my feelings of being a fraud -- that I was not who I presented myself as. I was (and am) so afraid of losing those I love that time over time when my "issue" reared up, I felt it was better to bottle it up, run away, and lose myself. And now, I'm still scared but taking baby steps to understand. I'm drying my tears now, pulling my self up, preparing to take a baby step.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Than you Dr Z. I’ve listened to this video many , many times and it has clearly help me out so much to understand myself and not live with guilt.
Glad to hear it has been helpful.
I really Like your view on this subject I am in my late 60s I have felt this way since grade school and yes you throw yourself into so many things to try and prove to yourself you are something You're not. I have put myself in so many situations That could have been dangerous just trying to prove to myself that I'm a man. I have been to the alter so many times asking God to forgive me of my sins and to straighten out my mind. went on the police force, went into the army hoping they would straighten me out got married had a child which I love dearly but still got divorced and now I am in the later years of my life alone for the most part Retired and yes, I threw myself into my work and going to school to learn many different things. I have burned many of the things I have collected over the years or as some call it purged. It only comes back stronger. I wish I could find someone to talk to that was a professional in this subject to give me some guidance I am sure you have heard this all before. There were other issues I had when I was younger but back then you dare not breathe a word about it. and I will not go into that. Thank you for listening. God Bless. I Do Not hold God responsible for the rough times in my life. I should have died three times already, but he has seen me through, and God is not a female. He is Male. That I will always Believe. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
DR Z you have honestly saved my life. I am so happy and blessed to have found your content. I'm 24 years old and have been questioning my gender for the past 2 months and now. When I look back, there are signs I wanted to explore my femininity more but was never able to. I'm so excited but anxious as well, but I have such a burning part of me that just HAS to explore this side of me or I will be outrunning gender dysphoria for years and I can't let that happen! I just so badly want to give you a hug!!
Aghhh huge huge hug to you 🤗 I am sure our lives meant to intersect and I am so glad it did.
DR Z your channel is an essential for the Transgender community. I thank you for your work and efforts helping people like me.
So glad to hear! My pleasure.
Another thoughtful and helpful video, Dr. Z. Thank you. I had a feeling of foreboding when I saw the thumbnail for this, but clicked on it because I knew I have to hear it. It's so true, you cannot outrun gender dysphoria, just as you can't outrun yourself. Who you are is deep inside you, and it's not a title or degree or a part of your life you can distance yourself from. And that is why it affects every part of your life, which you describe so well. Your description of dysphoria as a symptom of disorder is also so helpful. I know that we're supposed to be getting away from that word and I understand that caution, there's a stigma. But what you said about dysphoria, about it telling us that the body is literally not in order, makes so much sense. You are a wonderful guide.
Thank you and I am glad you did click on it. It is one of the most passionate videos I made because I sincerely feel that everyone has a right to be themselves.
@@DRZPHD Yes, I sense your passion in this video and I hope it rubs off on everyone who needs to be themselves, but are somehow suppressing their feelings and can't find a way. I myself got a little "triggered" when I saw the video but sometimes you need to feel a little uncomfortable to find that way out. And BTW, your passion comes through in all of your videos!
Thank you for making a video on this. I have been running from my gender dysphoria for 12 years now. I became consciously aware of my dysphoria when I was in 11th grade of high school. I cut my hair short, started wearing masculine clothing, and stopped shaving. I came out to my mom when I was in 12th grade but I was still extremely confused. I didn't use the words transgender, I didn't really have any education on LGBTQ+, I just wanted told my mom I wanted to be male. And I remember her face looking just as confused as I felt. I grew up in a Christian household and was raised that way, so it also felt like I was doing something wrong. Like I was bad in some way for feeling these things, so the guilt was also hard to bear. I never came out to my dad, and I don't know if my mom ever said anything. Nothing really moved forward from that point and for my first two years of college I was extremely depressed and still confused.
After a while I stopped thinking about my dysphoria so much. I believe as a way to mentally cope I just tried to convince myself that I didn't actually want to be male I just didn't know how to accept myself. I tried to convince myself of that for a long time. But even so I never had my hair long again, I still shopped in the men's sections for clothing, and it still made me happy when people couldn't tell my gender or called me male. But I lived as a "girl" for my whole college life.
Only this year, 12 years later, have I had the courage to re-examine myself. My friend came out to me as being bisexual, and I also found out that Lil Nas x was openly gay. As silly as it may sound those things gave me courage. I had started to have dreams of my future from the beginning of the year and in those dreams I was always male. I realized that this is actually me. I am tired of trying to run away from who I am or convincing myself that it is not me. I actually came out to my mom again just 2 weeks ago. She was very supportive and told me to be who I needed to be. I also came out to my best friend. Today I'm going to call my dad and tell him too. I'm tired of running away and I just want to be me.
Thank you again.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Omg those dreams are always the best, when I dreamed of being a boy it was like a precious experience I could keep close to my heart. I also started dreaming now that I am a trans man, ever since I started hormones. It's fantastic like my brain is processing this and working with it
I am 25 years old and I had 7 relationships with very little time in between and everytime i got with someone new, they and the troubles in the relationship were the mainfokus of my life. Seeing your video I think gender dysphoria might have been the reason I always found it so hard to be alone. I tried to transition when I was 22 but back then it was just too much to handle and I changed my strategy to studying sociology and just "deconstructing" gender, but I finally came to realize that this is just not working and trying it again now and even though I am facing the painful feelings of GD now I start to feel more in peace when I am alone and I am a little scared on whats gonna come with the steps I am taking, but then again I finally feel, like I can make and that all of this is going to be worth it! Thank you so much for your videos, Dr. Z! You are just amazing and everything I never understood about myself falls into place through the resources you provide. Really, just thank you!
So glad to hear the content is helpful.
Dr. Z you are the voice of reason I so desperately needed. Having a professional tell me what I already know (but can ignore) is so unbelievably life changing
So glad you find it helpful!
Hello I've been living with gender dysphoria for many many years. I'm at older 54 I believe. I started watching your videos and I find them very informative. I too have tried to outrun it. Protein clothes changing my identity trying to run from the feelings I had just a strong strong feeling of being a female. But living in today's society is very difficult. Anyway I have made a choice in my life to finally transition. I'm beginning the process the long process. Scared nervous all the above. But I think the person that emerges on the other side will be very triumphant and she will be the vision but I have for her. I could go on and on I suppose but I won't. I think I need to watch more of your videos thank you for your content sincerely Amanda
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Been listening to your videos and just saw this one. OMG , this is exactly how I felt all my life. Now , as I’m older , the feeling and desire to be female is stronger and stronger than ever. Just can’t avoid it any longer. In private, when I live as female , I’m so much happier. In private outside areas when I dress in female clothes from underwear to an outfit, I’m so much happy and feel comfortable and normal. I understanding that female is who I am and who I want to be.
wishing you all the best!
I was doing it all did military got married worked longer and played on PlayStation till early hours of the morning going to work like a zombie then rinse and repeat. Till I stuck my middle finger up at the world when Covid came and I’m the happiest I have ever been and my suicide thoughts have finally gone x
So glad to hear you are doing much better.
I am totally there I’m 60 been married twice had kids and lost everything I’ve spent 3 months in the hospital it finally came out I had to accept it. Now I’m just now picking up the pieces of my life.
I am so sorry to hear and I wish you all the best.
Thank you, Dr. Z. Your words resonated with me. You truly understand. I am 36 and I feel like weeping, but no tears will come.
You are welcome and I am sorry to hear of your pain.
I quit running at 40 !! I did a full hitch in the Marines. I did the guns, reloading , Chef school , diesel mechanics , marriage , drugs , the nudie bars.. guess what ?! The " MAN UP " act doesn't work !! Amazing enough i became happy after a year after therapy ( '03 ) PRE HRT. and it never left after 20 years !! Started HRT in 11/04 , ffs with Dr.Suporn in '09 and srs in '10 . Met my partner in ' 03 and 20 years later still together....A real Transexual love story !! ,
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
I'm 23 and ive done this. Because I was scared of the consequences. And I got a panic disorder from it. I am finally starting to accept that this is the way i have to go to be comfort able with myself.
I wish you all the best.
When i turned 50 i said i don't give a sh*t anymore about what people thing in general. Exactly one month later i was ready and crawled out of my egg.. having struggled ever since i remember. Now i know what i was struggling with. And now im waiting to get called in at the local psych to get send to Oslo University Hospital.. finally.. i feel so reliefed and powerful ! Thanks for your video's its so supporting to all of us, no matter what phase you are in!
Thank you for sharing.
I was 26 years old soon I’ll be married I share all of the feelings your videos are very helpful but not considering the people who can not make it
Hi and thanks for sharing. Do you mean the videos do not address people who don't have resources to transition?
@@DRZPHD yes
I wish I could get through to my mother and family, they don’t buy what I’m saying. “They wish I wouldn’t bother with it, they think it’s a personal choice that’s not naccesary!
Thank you for sharing and while family members may say that, the truth is you still have to make decision necessary for your health.
I have been running away from gender dysphoria most of my life. I didn't even know what I was running away from. I just knew it was there, and I couldn't escape.
I did decide to liberate myself about two and a half years ago. I lost some people but I gained so many friends, I am happier, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I recently found that special someone that fully accepts me. In retrospect, this was the best decision I ever made.
Thank you for the wonderful video!
Thank you or sharing Wendy! You demonstrate how loosing some people we can always regain new, stronger, authentic relationships and I am so happy you found your tribe!
It’s been five years since I’ve transitioned. One thing I can say for sure. It’s a harder life but most important, a happier life.
Well said. Thank you.
Whewwww man.....this video touched my whole sole!!!! This hit the nail on the head for me so to speak.
I am glad it resonated.
Thank you Dr Z for an excellent topic once again. Ive stopped running finally. Its really not worth the unnecessary pain. Im putting on my high heals to walk side by side with dysphoria and not out run it. I can not be afraid any longer.
Thats awesome! Love the ideas of walking along side with it in high heels! You go girl! At some point, it becomes invisible beast.
I fought gender dysphoria since I was about twelve years old. I'm now a 34 year old trans woman. I wish I would have started years ago. All my suffering is over now.
Thank you for sharing and glad to hear it is over.
Hearing all this for the first time actually put into words is very empowering. I am slowly realizing I now have the tools to dig myself out of this substance abuse hole I put myself into - and I am so happy to do it. Thank you Dr. Z!
Most welcome.
This is exactly how I felt until I did something about it, I wish I had had the knowledge and vocabulary to articulate this when I was younger so maybe I could have transitioned in my early teens instead of when I turned 50. Thank you Dr Z!
Thank you for sharing and you are so not alone in this! Many wish they had a way to express how they felt early on.
I was tired of being not true to myself. I thought I had a cross dressing fetish for ages. Turns out it was more than that. I would say I'm more non-binary than trans, but that I am much more comfortable presenting as a woman. Socially I'm still scared presenting as a woman, but I find I have a lot less tension and I'm generally happier accepting that I am better, truer as a woman.
Thanks for sharing.
Ah, yeah, avoidance can make things so difficult. I’m an 18 year old transgender man, and ever since puberty I’ve tried to bury myself and my dysphoria through playing video games from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. It was just so much more comfortable to play in an alternate world where I could present how I wanted and avoid the brutal reality of puberty’s changes.
I’m going to be calling a counselor this week to get started on the path to medical transition. Nervous, but I’m also incredibly excited and can’t wait. It’s time to pick myself up and move forward :)
Thanks for sharing.
Dear Dr Z,
All your videos are SO helpful and inspiring. I always wondered if this feeling was a trap or a demon. I have been wearing female attire and dreaming of being female for at least 35 years. I’m glad finally in my life I can get a true understanding of this issue and read about so many others feeling really close to what I’ve been expiriencing all these years, playing guy when I’ve really identified with femininity and females. Trying to be the Mans man was and is so phoney to me and I’ve struggled to play that game . I must say , being a male got me a lot farther in life then if I transitioned 30 years ago. I might be living on the street or have been murdered. That’s the haunting reality of my taking so long to “submit”to my feminine being.
Thank you again for All the presentations. You are a PRO
Robyn
Thank you so much! And I am so glad you find my content helpful. Also, you bring up an important point I like to point out to my clients and that is: you may hate your biological sex but for many, it got them where you are at and kept you alive!!!
I have been trying to outrun it for years. Rebuilt houses, drove race cars very successful and very few mechanical challengers I can’t figure out, but my gender dysphoria..... I am on the cusp of giving in and dressing as a woman to find out how it makes me feel. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing and yes, its not something one can outrun in my view.
You made me cry, I tried to outrun it my whole life, I dealed with it with crossdressing and at my 28 y/o I'm having my final words with this fight, I'm not a weirdo. To me I can't see a life waiting because it creates me pain, I can't see myself at 60 years old but I can imagine myself the next 15 years and what I see is happiness If I make the right choice.
Sorry to hear of your pain. Dysphoria is a brutal beast.
Once again dr. Z you are spot-on I remember going to the gender therapist and saying to her please if there's any inclination at this is just a fantasy a fetish some crazy dream to please let me know after weeks of therapy before I left one day she said it's not a fantasy it's not a fetish it's not some crazy dream or crazy fantasy she said it's who you are I told her all I ever wanted in life was to get married to my best friend have children build a house live a good life she told me one day in therapy that I like the idea of all that and she felt it was simply to hide Who I Really Am that was the first time I had the realization that I was transgender so many things you said in this hit home for me I am trying to understand but this fear has such a strong Hold On Me it won't seem to let me push forward
Glad to hear you are working with a therapist who is supportive.
@@DRZPHD well see let me go because I couldn't take that next step to start hormones and transition, she took me a far as she could until I am ready to move forward
you are 100% correct on this topic. i attempted to out run dysphoria for most my life, and lived with chronic depression,anxiety an bitterness. spent many yrs trying different medications and treatment for the depression and nothing ever worked. it wasnt until i broke down in my doctors office and admitted to her that i have gender dysphoria did life change for me. i received referrals and began HRT,almost instantly all that depression,anxiety and sadness was lifted and now i am almost a year on HRT and working on my surgery letters. I have nvr felt more happy or alive and your videos have help me alot along the way,so thank very,very much.
sincerely,Stephanie.
Thank you for sharing and I am so happy where you at on your path. IF you are in CA or FL, keep in mind I do all surgical evals and write ups for free to support the community.
@@DRZPHD thank you,i actually live in Oregon but my insurance has covered almost everything. the concern i have rn is having the letter approved for facial feminizing surgery because they have to deem it a necessary procedure.
Started when I was 16 goy married at 38 divorced at 39 after wife found out I was having gender issues now I'm 48 with dysphoria loads happier
I had my struggle since I was a preschooler. My parents thought I would grow out of it. LOL! I am not going to fight who I am anymore if I loose family and/or friends I guess they weren't in for the long run anyway. I've got to be me.
I wish you all the best!
I've been trying to outrun dysphoria for years.
Always putting it off, telling me this is just a phase, making myself dissociated and trying to be extra feminin to battle what I'm feeling.
Most times it's only in the back of my mind, like a nagging feeling, but ignorable.
But some days it just floods my brain. It floods every thought I have and my entire mood. It stops me right in my tracks and I just break down.
But yet, I still try to outrun it. It's easier than letting my partner and parents down.
It's easier to ignore those feelings, but I know one day I'll break.
I just hope that when I do I finally develop a backbone just transition.
So sorry to hear of your pain.
This lady is a so right every video
Thanks!
I wonder why when I listen to you I come away with a sense of feeling confident about what I am and feeling masculine and like how a woman supports a man with her power and it feels like something I always chased ...but I can’t achieve this in relation to my family or others who know what I am ...I am more comfortable around those who don’t know my status even if the few who know are okay with it more or less.
It’s nice to not feel weird or wrong - even better to feel an inner stability and like I’ve got my mojo going on. Thanks Doc for what you do !!!
Glad to hear the content is helpful.
I had repressed memories of childhood abuse and a medical trauma and recently realised I have PTSD from both of them. So for me the self-doubts have the extra layer as to whether this is actually me, or whether it's a result of what was done to me.
Thank you for sharing and its hard to say. I do think it would be a good idea to work with professional in your area.
HAVE TAKEN KARATE WEIGHT LIFTING AND BEN MARRID 3 TIMES AND STILL TRANS
A typical behavior is to try and be a stereotypical macho man. Fireman, Policeman, Military man to overcome our feelings. I lived that way for forty years before I accepted it. I lost everything I had and for twenty years I feared acting on my feelings because of that fear. What Dr. Z. Is saying is true. The ones in your life who truly love you will always love you. Those who don’t will fall off but you will quickly find many more who will accept you and love you for who you truly are. Don’t wait. Don’t put off your happiness any longer. ❤️🥰 m. xoxoxoxo
Great advice!
So bloody true, stopped running away and sat down with my GP. Tried repeatadly to be so called NORMAL, nup nada no way, pushed it down, boarding school, Military, failed relationships, high achiever all for naught. Now i look back and shake my head at my utter stupidity of not facing my self. So if your listening to this Drs advice, talk to your GP, get a referral to a Clinic and follow your heart. It ain't easy, takes time but the outcome is one balanced human being. Tumeke wahine toa. UBIQUE
Thank you for sharing and glad to hear you decided to stop running. Sometimes we need to face the fact that running is not making us anymore happier or complete.